St. Patricks Day Parade!
Live from Ireland... or Some other Irish Place!
Sesame Street Fight
Sesame Street Fight Match
If 0¿0 wins, he is #1 Contender for the North American championship. If Donnie Daze wins, he is rewarded the #1
Contender spot for the World title. If Dane Matthews wins, he doesn't have to defend his title until Desperate
Measures. But in order for any of them to win, they must fight there way through the MEAN STREETS of Sesame
Street. How to get to Sesame Street??? THROUGH VIOLENCE!!.. or something.
Dane Matthews v. Donnie Daze v. "The Mysterious Birdman" 0¿0
North American Championship Match
Elton John Blow Up Doll Death Match
On each turnbuckle is a Elton John blow up doll, compliments of our friends at Spencers gifts. They start out
deflated, but then gradually increase in size as the match continues. When a big move is made, they are pumped
with air. Inside of them - flaming tacs. And what could be more deadly then an exploding homosexual blow up
doll?? Well, maybe Elton Johns music itself. Its Joey Malones chance to prove that he's not just a paper champion, as he defends against one of the biggest talents out there, Cyanide.
Joey Malone -c- vs. Cyanide
No 1 Contendership VIAGRA Style Match
Prime Time Soldiers vs. Sephiyra Reign & Why vs. the Spaz Event vs. Jeff King & a Mystery Partner
Pacific Title Match
Adam Wars -c- vs. Tod
Pink Slip on a Stick Match
*Loser Lose job, and we CAN have a double Pin! YAY!*
Christian Douglas vs. Chris Mezz
(The letters IWO appear in white text.)
(This time they stay.)
(A bolt of lightning hits the text, setting it into a blue blaze of fire. The scene then fades to black )
("Click, Click, Boom" by Saliva plays as we see the events of Wednesday Night Meltdown )
Shallow: Can't tell, but Evan is walking out of the ring!! It looks like he's given the ref job to Dane now that Dane's finally showed up!!! Evan has taken his spot down at ringside...Dane sees Malone holding LiGiL...Crow is getting to his feet, Dane grabs Crow, DOWNTOWN XPLOSION!!!
JT: CROW JUST GOT HIS ASS KICKED!!!
GP: Dane goes to the top, Malone STILL hasn't let go off the German Suplex bridge!! He doesn't know Dane's there...oh no, LOOKOUT!! FATES DESTINATION ON MALONE AND LIGIL!! DANE HAS TAKEN OUT EVERYONE!!!
Shallow: Dane just came out here and cleaned house!! Now look...HE'S PUTTING LIGIL ON TOP OF MALONE!! 1-2-3!! THAT'S THE FASTEST F'N COUNT I'VE EVER SEEN!!!
Meygon: Here is your winner...LiGiL!!!
(LiGiL celebrates as all three men remain out cold. Dane is heading back up the ramp. Evan is about to stand up when...)
GP: Wait a second...
JT: VP Ford has just come out!! He's telling Dane to get back in the ring!! Dane is arguing with him!! Ford pulls LiGiL's hand off of Malone's...now he's talking to Meygon...
Meygon: Ladies and Gentlemen, VP Ford has announced that this match will continue!!
(Fade to just a little later)
GP: All three men on the ground again!! Dane is on the inside counting the 10 count!! The three men all get to their feet about the same time...and all three ignore each other and go to the crowd for weapons!! All three
grab chairs...EVAN LEVINE OUT OF NOWHERE JUST SLUGGED LIGIL!! LIGIL SLUMPS DOWN!! LEVINE GRABS THE CHAIR AND DECKS MALONE!! AND CROW!!! WHAT THE HELL FOR?!?! WHY?!?!
Meygon: Ladies and Gentlemen, the special guest ref has ruled that this match has been a triple countout!!!
GP: WAITAMINUTE!! SOME REALLY BIG GUY JUST GRABBED LEVINE FROM BEHIND!! HE'S GOT THE PRESIDENT BY THE THROAT!!! HE PULLS HIM UP AND IS HOLDING HIM UP THERE!! THERE'S A GUY NEXT TO THAT GORILLA YELLING FOR SOMETHING...HE GETS A MIC...WHATS GOING ON?!!?
Man: Evan, you damn sure know who I am...now I want a few things done around here. First off, I want this match to be declared that all three men are WINNERS, not losers. They worked their f'n asses off, all three deserve it.
JT: EVAN HAS AGREED!!!
Meygon: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is declared a victory for all three men!!
Shallow: That's a new one!!
Man: Second...I want these three men to face each other again, this time once and for all. At the Pay Per View.
GP: Again Evan agrees!!? Waitaminute, who is this guy?!
JT: How much longer can Evan go without air?!
Man: And one last thing Evan...I want you to know that I'm here, watching your ass. One slip up and I'll make this fed mine again, and then you'll have HELL to pay!!
GP: THAT'S JAMIE KOSOY!! HE'S BACK!!! THE MAN THROWS DOWN EVAN AND HE AND JAMIE LEAVE!!
(Fade to Dane Matthews in the ring, as Syphon Fission returns.)
Syphon: Seeing as how the IWO is in a giving mood right now, and since Evan is not stupid enough to keep his star off the burner! I GET MY SHOT AT DESPERATE MEASURES AS WELL! SO DANE PREPARE TO BE DEATH PLUNGED TO HELL AND BACK!
(Dane turns and runs in the crowd. Syphon laughs and gives chase.)
Shallow: Syphon is in the match at Desperate Measures as well?
GP: THE MAIN EVENT FOR DESPERATE MEASURES IS ON THE BOOKS! SYPHON FISSION RETURNS! WE SAW MEN DESTROY THEMSELVES! AND JAMIE KOSOY RETURN SEE YOU ALL ON HOSTILE TAKEOVER!
(The music fades as the scene fades with Syphon chasing Dane through the crowd. In the black, we begin to see the Hostile Takeover logo zoom in. It explodes as Father's Eyes" by [minus] plays. We go to Irish Hills, Michigan. The fans go ballistic!)
GP: FANS WELCOME TO HOSTILE TAKEOVER!!!
JT: I LOVE MICHIGAN!!!
Nikki: As do I
GP: What a night of action we have for tonight! Christian Douglas vs. Chris Mezz fight for their jobs!
JT: Adam Wars and Schitzo Tod for the Pacific Title!
GP: No 1 Contendership VIAGRA Style Match, Prime Time Soldiers vs. Sephiyra Reign & Why vs. the
Spaz Event vs. Jeff King & a Mystery Partner who could be anyone!
JT: Joey Malone has to defend his North American Title against Cyanide in a Elton John Blow Up Doll Death Match.
Nikki: And live from Sesame Street the Mysterious Birdman, Donnie Daze, and the IWO World Champion Dane Matthews do battle on Sesame Street!
GP: And with the main event for Desperate
("Papercut" by Linkin Park blares as the fans go nuts. Syphon Fission comes out wearing his tan pair of extremely baggy bungee pants, and a real big gray sweatshirt with a hood and the number 15 stitched to the upper left portion. He walks his normal way to the ring.)
GP: YOU HEAR THOSE FANS!!!
JT: Big deal
(Syphon is now in the ring. He has a microphone in hand and begins to talk.)
Syphon: I just have one thing to say to my home state MICHIGAN KICKS NEW YORK'S ASS!
(Fans roar with approval.)
Syphon: Which bring me to a point. Dane Matthews our "great" World Champion has yet to defend the damn belt since he beat
(Syphon stops himself.)
Syphon: No beat doesn't sound right how about got lucky
(Again, he stops himself.)
Syphon: Aww to hell with politics DANE MATTHEWS AND HIS ASS BUDDIES STOLE MY TITLE!
(The fans pop. He lowers his hand, to quite the fans.)
Syphon: Now Dane has to then try to end my career and life. Well JUST LIKE ANYTHING ELSE IN HIS LIFE THE BASTARD FAILED AND I CAME BACK, MUCH TO THAT WHISKEY'S EATING JACKASS'S CHAGRIN!!!
(The fans agree. Don't you hear their yells?)
Syphon: And now with Dane Matthews thinking he escaped me again the real war begins. Because Dane where ever your tootie fruity ass is, you have to realize one major thing. That is that yeah my boy Joey Malone, some guy named after the bird equivalent to trailer park trash, Sabastian Crow, and some guy who can spell his name the same backwards and forwards. Other then Joey I think this group has a bunch of bumblefucks who need to be taught a very important lesson on why I should be and WILL BE IWO WORLD CHAMPION ONCE AGAIN!
(Just then, the IWO-Tron goes live to Sesame Street. Dane Matthews is there, wearing his usual attire. He smiles as the fans boo.)
Dane: Well lookie it's Syphon Faggot
Syphon: And look it's the Muffin Man!
(Dane kinda gets agitated.)
Dane: Hey dicksmoke just because your bitter and all you NEVER GET A SHOT AT MY TITLE! HAHA!
(Syphon just makes a mock laugh.)
Syphon: No sorry Muffin Man see I have a nice little dinner napkin right here that says I am going to Desperate Measures becoming a part of the World Title match and then promptly kicking your ass and taking my property back.
(Dane just laughs.)
Dane: Sorry Faggot doesn't work that way
Syphon: Does when Thomas Ford signs the damn thing! Now Dane ask yourself how to get to Sesame Street because in a matter of a few days I AM KICKING YOUR ASS BACK THERE AND THAT IS THE LAST WORD YOU ILLEGITAMENT BASTARD!
(The fans pop as the camera cuts to the backstage. Sephiya Reign is standing in the break room, sipping a cup of coffee. His TV title belt lays on a nearby chair. Suddenly, a voice yells out.)
Voice : Warning!
(Sephiya looks up.)
Reign : What the hell?
Voice : Freak it! I mean, no warning!
(Without warning - OK, it was a corny joke, so sue me; wait, no, don't! AWS Man (also known as Bill) runs into the camera's view. He is holding his hardcore, pretend flaming, fake barbed-wire Funnoodle, which is about as deadly as a soft-serve ice cream cone. He begins wailing away on Reign with it, which of course has absolutely no effect on the TV champ. Sephiya just looks at AWS Man (also known as Bill), obviously thinking something
along the lines of "O...K." The Insane One lays off on the "beating" and, completely ignoring the still-standing Reign, turns to Pen, who he holds in his other hand.)
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Hahafreakin'ha, Pen! We've laid out Sephiyararara, just like Blade freakin' said we should! Now we just need to kidnap the Magic Box With Tiny Moving People In It title! Ah, there it freakin' is!
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) cautiously approaches the title, as if it is an incredibly valuable gem, instead of the IWO's crappiest title. The Insane One slowly starts to reach for it, when Sephiya decides to act.)
Sephiya : OK, get the HELL away from my belt, you moron!
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) jerks up, gives a petrified scream, and bolts to the door. At the door, he pauses and turns around.)
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : (In a menacing voice) OK, Sephiryamaba, you freakin' win this round, but this isn't over! And I shall have that belt, or I'll cry like a cowardly little girl!
Sephiya : Um ... that's not too intimidating.
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) begins to sob and wail. It is very
Sephiya : OK, OK, I take it back! Just stop doing that and leave!
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : (Between sobs, yet still said very
menacingly) That's what I thought, soon-to-be-ex-Sephiyamica!
Sephiya : Even if you did manage to take my belt, it wouldn't change my
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Uh .. uh ... shut up! SOUTH CAROLINA
(The Insane One flees from the scene of the near crime as Reign just
goes back to sipping his coffee.)
Chris Mezz vs. Christian Douglas
Pink Slip On A Pole Match
GP: And it's time for the Pink Slip on a Pole match. Unfortunately, we
left the pole at home.
JT: We did?
GP: Yes. So now normal pinfall rules apply.
Nikki: So, Douglas and Mezz face each other under pinfall rules?
("Hail to the Chief" plays as Tom Ford comes out to a pop.)
Tom Ford: Well, since our staff left the pole at home, we're gonna do
this differently. Christian Douglas and Chris Mezz will be in tag team
action tonight. That is all.
JT: Oh, so who're the opponents?
(Mezz and Douglas come out to no response at all and gets into the
Suddenly, the infamous guitar riffs that go along with "The Doughboy
From Hell" plays as the crowd literally CLIMBS THE WALLS in a huge
Ring Announcer: Their opponents... first, currently residing in
Beefville: City of the Annoyed... weighing in at a slim, buffed, cut,
trimmed, and JACKED thirty-five and a half pounds... he is the
GP: DEAR GOD, NO. NOT THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY!
Nikki: The most dangerous man in all of wrestling has made his
(The music continues to soar as the BUDWISER FROG comes out to another
Ring Announcer: And his tag team partner... from some swamp in Florida,
weighing in at six and a half ounces... he is the BUDWISER FROG!
GP: I've seen everything.
Budwiser Frog: Bud.
Pillsbury Doughboy: Wis.
(The two jump Mezz and Douglas.)
GP: MY GOD! MEZZ AND DOUGLAS ARE BEING ASSAULTED HERE! DOUBLE IRISH
WHIP, FLYING DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!
JT: THE DOUGHBOY GRABS MEZZ AND WHIPS HIM INTO THE CORNER!
GP: The Budwiser Frog scales the ropes and gives the sign... yes, THERE
IT IS! THE FRIED FROG'S LEGS(Iconoclasm)!
Nikki: MEZZ IS OUT! NOW DOUGLAS RUSHES AT THE DOUGHBOY... THE DOUGHBOY
CATCHES HIM, THERE IT IS! FINAL GIGGLE! FINAL GIGGLE(Rock Bottom) IN
MIDDLE OF TH RING!
GP: My god, look at the look in the Doughboy's eyes! We can feel the
intensity! HE HOPS! HOP! HOP HOP! YES, THERE IT IS! THE CHOCOLATE
CHOCOLATE COOKIE DANCE(The Worm)! DOUGLAS ROLLS OUT OF THE RING!
JT: The Doughboy hits a Death Valley Driver on the recovering Chris
Mezz! Now he sends the Budwiser Frog up top! This could be it! Yes,
there it is! Frog splash by the Budwiser Frog! Cover... one... two...
*ding, ding, ding*
(The camera cuts to the fun and mysterious backstage. The parking lot,
to be exact. There doesn't appear to be anyone there ... but wait! What are
those voices coming from behind that car? Oh wait, you can't hear them.
You're just reading this over your computer. Silly me. OK, the voices are
coming from behind a car, and the camera moves to investigate. It finds none
other than supposed semi-mortal enemies, Tod and AWS Man (also known as
Bill)! The two appear to be discussing something. Let's listen in. Well, OK, you
might not want to, but you don't really have a choice, do you?! Nyah-hah!)
Tod : I thought Blade forbid you from talking to me.
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : He freakin' did, but we're only
semi-mortal enemies, so just this freakin' once probably won't matter. Besides,
it's not as if there are any cameras here revealing all our master plans to the
entire freakin' viewing world. Hahaha!
(Tod and the Insane One both start to laugh. After several seconds of
this, however, Tod glances over and spies a camera.)
Tod : Oh, you mean like that one?
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) looks over.)
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Oh, freakin' fiddlesticks. Shoo!
(The camera shoos as AWS Man (also known as Bill) and Tod go back to
disussing their possibly diabolical plans ... or more likely discussing
their favorite flavor Jell-O.)
(Scene cut to LiGiL's locker room.)
LiGiL: ...dammit, Christy, I'm bored.
Christy: Why don't you take a walk?
LiGiL: Yeah, sure...
(LiGiL leaves his locker room, and then we hear something to the effect
of "WHAT THE FUCK!?". Our camera races to where that came from. A note
on the wall is shown.)
LiGiL: Damn him!
(LiGiL races off as the camera focuses on the note: "Dear LiGiL, Sorry
to do this, but as you're reading this, I am dumping a whole metric ton
of cow shit in your car. Byeee! -Joey Malone")
(Scene cut to the parking lot, where a dump truck is shown, piloted by
Joey Malone: This is the way we dump shit, dump shit, dump shit...
(Malone pulls a lever as several thousand pounds of horse shit are
dumped into LiGiL's car...)
Joey Malone: This is the way we dump shit, all day long!
(Joey Malone drives off in the dump truck. LiGiL comes in about a
second too late.)
LiGiL: SHIT! I just got this thing DETAILED!
(Scene cut back to the announcers.)
JT: Man, Malone's stepping into a territory he's gonna wish he never
GP: You never know.
GP: You know... I hate this job... I think we deserve a break.
GP: We deserve rest!
GP: We deserve... Justice!
Nikki: What do you man? We only work a few days a week.
JT: Nikki, it's the principal of the thing...
GP: I think it's time for us to take a break. C'mon..
Nikki: What about the Pacific Title match?
GP: Eh, who cares? The Ebonics announce table an handle it.
(cut to ebonics announce table)
Announcer 1: wut r u sayin man? am i da bomb or wut?
Announcer 2: KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZXCOPS!
(cut back to regular announce table)
GP: Guys, I'm leaving. Whoever wants in, can come.
Nikki: Oh, alright...
(Parker, JT, and Nikki all get up an walk away. We cut to the ebonics
Announcer 1: where da funk r they going? r u sein wut im sein?
Announcer 2: AZZZIBOOYIMAMAMAMAMAMMAMAMAMA!
(We cut back to the regular announce table, no one is there. We then
cut to a random IWO executive's office.)
IWO Executive: What? We only have one backup announcer?! Well, I
suppose we can send him in... No... Not him.... I know we need commentators... But
this is just downright wrong... We can't have him in there! NO! NOOOOO!!!!!!
Ok, fine. We'll bring him in... Yes yes... Tell Margret I said hi. Okay,
(We cut back to the announce table, someone is walking down the ramp.
They are putting on the headgear. Oh, this is so exciting.)
Mystery Announcer: Okay, bring out the participants...
(Wait a second... I know that voice... Oh no... It's.. It's... It's-
Chè Clikoob: Yes, that's right. I'm the guy that's always reporting on
Joey Malone, Team CGI, and Mega Job. So what. I wouldn't be out here if I
wasn't getting a fat check out of it. That's right, get money for sitting here
and acting like a complete ass... While you people at home have to actually
work at something. Now, lets see. Ah, this next match. For the IWO Pacific
Title..Adam Wars, the champion, against Schitzo Tod, a nutcase. Quite frankly,
this match will probably be boring, and predictable. As all IWO Matches are.
(Paolo Conte's version of Happy Feet plays as Tod steps out of the
curtains receiving a small pop. I don't say huge, because most of the fans are
marks who only care for Phelen Kell, and they don't appreciate Tod's style of
wrestling. Now, Tod walks down the ramp, and steps into the ring.)
Chè Clikoob: This man is either just putting on an act of stupidity...
Or he's just plain stupid. Personally I don't think he should be
wrestling.... That just screws him up even worse then he already is.
(Ode to Adam Wars its as the man himself, Adam Wars, steps onto the
entryway.Adam Wars recieves mostly boo's... Bost those are the Mark's that
worship Donnie Daze booing. There is a few smart fans in the audience, they
like Adam Wars. Anyway, Wars, with his pacific title, struts down the ramp like
he is the best damn thing since vibrating love mugs.)
Chè Clikoob: Adam Wars, the champion. Not much to say about him. He
turned on his pal Donnie Daze in an effort to win a title, which he did. And he
never defended since. This should be an easy one for Wars, considering Tod
has been out for a while.
(Wars slides into the ring. He runs for Tod with the belt and takes him
down before the bell is rung.)
*DING DING DING*
Chè Clikoob: With that cheapshot Wars delievered to Tod, he has the
(Adam Wars starts working on Tod's left leg. Why? Because Wars probably
has some sick perversion with left legs... I don't know. But he gets Tod in
an ankle lock. He continues putting pressure on Tod, who is reaching for
the ropes. He gets to them, and Adam lets go. Tod climbs up the ropes, and
Wars runs at him, but Tod ducks, and sends him over the top-rope. Tod then
hops over the ropes ontop of Wars. Tod slowly brings Wars to his feet, then
brings him back into the ring. Tod begins punching away at the pacific
champion, he then sends him into the ropes, and delivers flying clothsline. Tod
stomps away at Wars' right arm, he lifts him up, an into the turnbuckle. Tod
then runs after Wars, who moves out of the way, so Tod hits the turnbuckle
and falls to the mat.)
Chè Clikoob: Well, this match has been (sarcastic tone) great (end
sarcastic tone) so far. What a (GP voice) whopper (end GP voice).
(Wras kicks Tod in the gut, and holds him down while he waves to the
crowd. Tod, then grabs War's arm, spins around, and flips him over. Tod then
assures that Wars is down by giving him a standing headbutt. Tod then climbs
the top-rope attempting his finisher the shooting star press. Wars rolls
out of the way, sending Tod into the mat. Wars gets up, and stands in shock
for a second, shakes his head, then starts stomping away on Tod. He backs off
for a second. Then continues stomping at Tod. The former World Tag CHampion
grabs hold of Adam Wars' foot, and brings him down, he climbs to the ropes,
and as Adam gets up Tod runs at him aking him down with a clothsline. Wars
gets up again, and Tod does the same thing. When wheres staggars to his feet
again, Tod grabs him and delivers the call from beyond. He gets Wars down for
the count. 1.. 2.. 3..)
Chè Clikoob: *yawn* New Pacific Champion.
(Tod gets handed the belts, but falls down. Wars trys to pick him ups,
then hands him over to the ref. Adam then slides over the ropes, and intot
he commentator's secction. He grabs a headset.)
Adam Wars: Get the EMT's down here!
Chè Clikoob: What the hell? What are you doing?
Adam Wars: That wasn't supposed to happen, he's hurt. We need somone
down here now!
(We get a close up of Tod, who is clutching most of the left side of
his body. Wars raises to his feet, and starts calling for ambulance help, as Tod all of a sudden rolls out of the ring. He points at Wars and laughs, as Wars is still frantically searching for EMT help. Tod heads into the back, as Wars turns back to Tod, who has disappeared.)
Adam Wars:OH NO! HE DISAPPEARED! This must be the work of my arch enemy Simon Seaman...
(Wars jumps out of the ring and heads to the back, because he's obviously saddened by the fact that he lost the belt. Fade out.)
(We come back, with the announce crew in the shot.)
GP: Fans, we've been told, that standing backstage with Kaysey Arrows
is none other than one of the IWO's new talents, and one of the men that
got into the wildcard match on Meltdown, Erik Blake.
Nikki: Thats right, lets go backstage now, and see whats going on
between those two.
(We cut to the backstage area, where Kaysey Arrows and Erik Blake seem
to have gotten in each others faces. Blake seems to be yelling about how
he has the right to say whatever he wants, whenever he wants, as Kaysey just
seems to be cracking a smile. A hand from off camera reaches up behind Blake,
and grabs his shoulder, but Blake jerks free and runs down the hallway.)
Kaysey: That dude is like..such a dork man..I swear!
Voice: Yea...he'll get his tonight.
Voice: I can't wait man.
(Kaysey laughs, as the camera cuts to black, and then back out to the
commentators sitting at ringside.)
GP: Fans, I really don't know why Erik Blake was even in the building
tonight, but it seems as if someone has a bullseye on Blake's head.
JT: Good, maybe someone will finally get rid of that over rated,
Nikki: This is really screwed up..who could it be?
(Twist of Cain by Danzig hits the PA, both Spaz and Steve Sullivan come
from the back.)
GP: Wait a second...here comes The Spaz Event...Oh none of us saw this
JT: Show Spaz some respect Parker! His brother died!
GP: I don't respect the same people you respect JT.
Spaz: Please, please. Show me some respect.
JT: Yeah Parker! Show him some respect!
Spaz: My feelings have been hurt in the last couple of weeks, which has
been the reason for our recent absensce. The IWO seems to have overlooked
the fact that one of their greatest wrestlers has been going through a
Sullivan: Yes we have.
Spaz: I said one Steve. You've never held a title!
Spaz: Anyway, the IWO recently announced part of its card for Desperate
Measures coming up in a couple of weeks. Now that's just fine and
dandy. Congrats to all those who got on the card.
Sullivan: But what really pisses us off is the fact that we weren't
Nikki: Buncha babies if ya ask me...
Spaz: Now we're not tryin to whine or anything, but the IWO has
completely snuffed us of our shots at the tag team titles all month. If some of
you may recall, we beat the total hell out of your so-called "champions"
right after they won the damn things. And after that, they've ducked
underneath the asses of the IWO to protect their title reign. Last week, I came
out here and man-handled Sam Potright, and what did I get out of it, absolutly
Sullivan: We're tired of being teased and it's about time that...hey,
ya know what. Why are we sitting here complaining for?
GP: Steve Sullivan just winked at Spaz! What do they have up their
Spaz: Potright, Gunnar, we could sit here and complain and moan all day
like little babies but....how about we lay this down for you.
Sullivan: Since we've been snuffed in a shitty match with shitty
competition this Friday, how about next week on Hostile Meltdown, The Spaz
Event and you guys fight...Non-Title of course because we wouldn't want ya to
wet your pants. And if we win, we get our shots at you all and your titles
at Desperate Measures.
Spaz: And not just our shots, but we choose the match. A Steel City
Street Match. If you're not familiar with that Mr. Extreme Potright, then
you'll soon find out. Hit our damn music!
JT: The Spaz Event have just challenged The Tag Team Champions for a
non-title bout at Meltdown! Wonder how Potright and Gunnar will take to
Nikki: That's a lot to digest in a period of time
JT: LIKE IT MATTERS WE HAVE A NUMBER ONE CONTENDERSHIP FOR THE TAG
TEAM TITLES MATCH!!! VIAGRA STYLE!!! THEIR MATCH MIGHT TURN INTO A TITLE
MATCH IF THEY WIN!!
GP: We have to do the usual paid sponser thing first
JT: Oh :^(
IWO World Tag Team No 1 Contendership VIAGRA Style Match
Prime Time Soldiers vs. Sephiyra Reign & Why vs. the
Spaz Event vs. Jeff King & a Mystery Partner
GP: Well, we're up to the Number One Contendership match for the IWO
Team Championships. We'll be seeing 4 teams in a VIAGRA style match!
Nikki: What is a VIAGRA style match, you ask?
JT: Nope, didn't ask.
Nikki: SHUT UP!
Nikki: GOOD! Now, a VIAGRA style match is basically an elimination
three teams will be eliminated, and one left!
GP: Good to hear that. Anyway, lets go to Meygon to start the match!
(Scene switches to Meygon holding a card with the match info. On it)
Meygon: The following match is a VIAGRA style match, and is scheduled
fall! Entering first THE PRIME TIME SOLDIERS!
("'Hellbound' by Eminem featuring D-12 hits as Scott Stone and Tyler
The Prime Time Soldiers, enter ringside to a good deal of heat.)
Meygon: Next, it is Sephiyra Reign and Why!
(Sephiyra Reign and Why enter ringside to a great deal of heat from the
Meygon: Next, it is The Spaz Event!
("Twist of Cain" by Danzig hits and Spaz and Steve Sullivan, The Spaz
enter ringside to a good deal of heat, and climb into the ring!)
Meygon: Finally, it is Jeff King and RYAN KING! THE SUICIDE KINGS!
("More Human Than Human" by White Zombie hits and Jeff King and Ryan
Suicide Kings, enter! The fans give a great amount of heat at Ryan
GP: Oh my .
JT: It's Ryan King! That's fantastic!
Nikki: This match will be great!
(Scott Stone and Jeff King are the two initial wrestlers in the ring,
one member from two teams may be in at a time! Scott Stone starts with
jabs at Jeff, and Ryan King grimices at seeing his partner getting
JT: Ryan King doesn't look so happy to me!
GP: Of course he isn't!
Nikki: His partner is getting beaten up in there!
JT: Oh! That's why!
(Scott Stone irish whips Jeff King into the ropes, and the grabs him on
way back! Headlock! Jeff King starts waving his arms, and Ryan King
ring, breaking the hold, just as Tyler Johnson forearms Ryan King after
does so, and Jeff King quickly grabs Scott Stones head! He DDTs him,
for the pin!)
(Count is broken up by Tyler Johnson and Ryan King starts to forearm
Johnson now! Tyler Johnson is sent into the ropes, and flips over! Ryan
follows, as does Spaz and Sephiyra!)
GP: This fight is starting to get a LITTLE out of hand now!
JT: Ah! The way I like it! OUT OF CONTROL!
Nikki: Your REALLY an idiot, JT!
JT: Shut up! I didn't get caught on fire by being near a flame jet!
Nikki: SHUT UP!
(JT and Nikki start bitchslapping each other, Nikki gaining the
Meanwhile, Tyler is tossed into the guardrail by Ryan King, who is
Sledgehammer blowed by Spaz! Then, Sephiyra lifts Tyler and scoop slams
onto the guardrail, and he falls over into the fans side, holding his
pain as Sephiyra starts to laugh! Meanwhile, Why takes a Steel Chair
the ref over the head with it so there would be no count out or
JT: Yeah! Why is using his head!
Nikki: Truly amazing.
JT: Are you guys being sarcastic?!
GP: Let's see
(JT turns away and starts to cry from the humilation. Meanwhile, Steve
Sullivan slugs Jeff King, and Irish whips him into the ropes! The fans
good deal of heat as he flapjacks Jeff, and somehow manages to do a mid
tiger driver into a pin! But the ref is knocked out, and he can't pin!
However, Why smashes the steel chair onto the skull of Sullivan and
out of the ring! Sullivan bleeds outside and Scott Stone grabs Why from
and side to back suplexes him! Jeff gets up slowly!)
JT: This is a great match and the battlezone is starting up in a very
Nikki: What do you mean?
JT: Well, BLOOD is being spilled! MUHAHAHAHA!
GP: That's a pretty pathetic evil laugh, JT
JT: DAMN YOU!
Nikki: Shut up, JT, before you make yourself look stupid wait, carry
JT: Ok ..WAIT!
(Meanwhile, the war rages on the outside as Ryan King is slugged hard
and lands on the ground, unconcious! Spaz grins, and takes out a table
bag! He unfolds the table, and sets up the table on the outside, and
opens the bag, and releases the contents onto the table: THOUSANDS OF
Spaz grins, and turns around , only to get a mouthful of fist! He spits
out of his bloodied mouth, and is DDTed by Ryan King! He then grins and
up a bloodied Spaz! He puts his head between his legs!)
JT: Dear lord
Nikki: He intends to put Spaz THROUGH THE TABLE!
GP: This is going to HURT!
JT: BLOOD! BLOOD! HAHAHAHA!
(JT starts to drool at the thought of blood.)
Nikki: Got issues again, JT?
JT: Yeah I MEAN NO!
(Ryan King grins and flips Spaz into the air! He then performs an
Edge through the table, impaling Spaz with the tasks, and causing him
into shock! Meanwhile, Jeff King starts to forearm Scott Stone into the
and Why spears Jeff King from behind , sending both men out of the
goes to get the chair, only to meet it via his face! Steve Sullivan
the chair against Whys' face, busting him open! The fans give big heat
JT: Cool! MORE BLOOD!
GP: This is horrible!
Nikki: I think I'm going to be sick!
JT: Quit whining!
GP: Why? Cause your too crazy to realize the sheer horror?
Nikki: QUIET YOU!
(The ref slowly gets up, after Steve tosses out the chair, and goes for
Ref: 1 2
Ref: 1 2 3!
(Bell Rings, and Why rolls out! The Ref then sees the Bedlam outside,
starts a count out for all the wrestlers!)
JT: This match is GREAT! 1 team eliminated and all others are bloodied!
GP: Can you talk of something BESIDES blood?
GP: Then you really are an idiot
Nikki: HE SAID YOU'RE AN IDIOT? GOT A PROBLEM?!
JT: Uh .no
(Ryan King headbutts Sephirya, and then attacks Scott Stone from
tosses him back into the ring as Jeff King climbs back in! Steve
climbs the turnbuckle and frog splashes off, covering Ryan King, who
out of it immediately!)
(The ref then notices that all the men are in the ring, and sees the
Spaz! He goes outside, and checks on him! Meanwhile, Ryan King grabs
Sullivan and full body slams him to the mat hard as Jeff King climbs
JT: What the hell are they doing?!
GP: They are going to beat the Spaz Event, that's what their doing!
Nikki: SHUT UP!
JT: I had planned to have them win and drink with them later
Nikki: Drink? What? Water?
Nikki: Your too much of a sissy to drink Alcohol!
JT: Al Coholic?! WHERE?!
Nikki: Not Hall of Famer Al Coholic, you idiot! A-L-C-O-H-O-L!
(Jeff King Moonsaults off the turnbuckle, and lands on Steve Sullivan!
for the pin, and while the EMTs come down to help up Spaz, the Ref goes
for the pinfall! The ref begins the count!)
Ref: 1 2
Ref: 1 2
Ref: 1 2
Ref: 1 2
Ref: 1 2 3!
(Bell Rings, and Steve Sullivan rolls out, only to be greeted by
Sephyira and Why!)
JT: 2 team left! 2 teams left!
GP: OH MY GAWD!
Nikki: Stop ripping off Jerry Styles!
GP: Awww .
Nikki: STOP NOW!
GP: All right
JT: I LIKE COOKIES!
Nikki: What the [BLEEP]?!
JT: WE SHOULD HAVE THE COOKIE MONSTER ON!
Nikki: From Sesame Street?!
JT: YEAH! COOKIE! COOKIE! COOKIE!
(Nikki smacks JT)
Nkki: You're an idiot!
(The Prime Time Soldiers face the Suicide Kings. Jeff and Ryan look at
other and double spear Scott Stone and Tyler Johnson! They start
them, but Ryan is pulled off Scott and Scott attacks Jeff from behind!)
GP: This is drawing to a close!
JT: This will be VERY painful for the kings!
Nikki: As long as the Soldiers don't act stupid, they'll win!
GP: Oh, we know how bright they are
(All three laugh)
(Tyler and Scott double team Jeff! They start clobbering him, but
this?! Ryan King climbs the turnbuckle and performs a missile dropkick
Tyler, knocking him backwards! Tyler stumbles back, and flips himself
the ring! Ryan follows and the ref looks at them, and then the two men,
and Jeff stare at each other through like holes! Then, Jeff low blows
JT: CHEAP SHOT!
GP: I thought you like that!
JT: I DO!
GP: Ok .
(Scott Stone then is DDTed by Jeff, and lands on the ground! Jeff then
Scott Stone in a Dragon Sleeper! He tries to fend it off, but soon
the ref begins the submission count!)
Ref: RING THE BELL!
(The Bell rings and Jeff has his arm raised!)
Meygon: Your winners and the Number One Contenders for the IWO World
Tag Team Championship THE SUICIDE KINGS!
(Jeff then slides out and helps Ryan take out Tyler on the outside, and
they run backstage as the carnage and blood is cleaned up!)
GP: What an amazing match!
JT: Will be remembered for decades! SUICIDE KINGS ARE THE NUMBER ONE
GP: Fans, once again, we have to go backstage, where Kaysey Arrows, has
evidentally caught up with the man that, well, scared the hell out of
Erik Blake earlier in the evening. Lets go backstage, with Kaysey Arrows.
(We cut backstage once again to see Kaysey Arrows sitting at a table,
inside of a locker room, with Ben Archer. Archer is wearing a black IWO logo
T-Shirt, and seems to be playing with a lighter.)
Kaysey: Thanks guys. Fans, as you can tell, I am in the locker room, of
former IWO Television Champion, and one of the up and coming stars here
in the IWO..Ben Archer.
Ben Archer: Yea..still trying to figure out why you came running in
here though. I mean..tonights my night off.
Kaysey: Yea, I know, but. There are rumors going around the backstage
area, and throughout the fans, that the hand that reached out for Erik
Blake's shoulder earlier tonight, was yours, and that you were planning on
taking a few cheap shots at Blake.
Ben Archer: I've got a few things to say about that. Look, yea, I hate
that scumbag, worse than any other wrestler in the IWO right now. I'll
admit, I wish I could get my hands on him right now...but he got lucky.
Kaysey: Are you saying it was you?(Starting to smile)
Archer: Yea K. It was me. I was gonna rip Erik Blake to peices
tonight...and make him realize exactly how pathetic he is. Everyone
here thinks he's so much better than I am, but who won that triple threat
match for the TV Title? Damn sure wasn't Blake.
Kaysey: Thats all I needed to know Ben, thanks for letting me get this
Archer: No problem man, glad I could clear things up for you.
(Fade back to the announce booth)
GP: This night has been wild and we still have two matches to go
JT: I must admit this has been good
Nikki: Stay tuned for more Takeover action!
(Cut to commercial break.)
(We come back from a commercial, to show a shot of the backstage area,
where paramedics seem to have swarmed around a man laying on the ground. As
the camera comes in close, we can tell that the man is Erik Blake. He's
laying outcold, with a t-shirt draped over his chest. As we get a full view of
the shirt...it becomes clear that the shirt is an old IML2 t-shirt. We then
cut back out to the announcers.)
GP: Doesn't that..seem a bit odd?
Nikki: What..the fact that Erik Blake couldn't keep away from Ben
GP: Well...yea...I guess...but..why the IML2 t-shirt?
Nikki: Because he was a big fan of the IML2?
JT: Yea..but they were never better than the IWO....why bring back
GP: Anyways, it's time for our next match
(A feed comes through to Greg.)
GP: We have to put that on hold. Sam Potright and Gunnar Smith have
just arrived here at the arena
ladies and gentlemen. I wonder if they are aware of the challenge laid
out by the Spaz Even...WAIT A SECOND! IT'S AN AMBUSH!!
JT: SPAZ AND SULLIVAN FROM BEHIND JUST TOOK OUT THE IWO TAG TEAM
CHAMPIONS!! Spaz gets a garbage can...OH NO! A MONSTER POWERBOMB ONTO THE GARBAGE CAN!
Nikki: Sullivan now with Gunnar and PILEDRIVER ONTO THE SAME GARBAGE
CAN! The Tag Champions have been laid out.
Spaz: Just a taste of things to come. You better accept fuckers...
GP: Can you believe this? The Spaz Event are making their death wish
Nikki: We still have a North American Title match guys
*ding, ding, ding*
Ring Announcer: The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is the
Elton John Blow Up Doll DEATH MATCH for the IWO North American
(Crowd pops, even though Elton John was mentioned.)
Ring Announcing: Introducing first... the challenger...
("Look To Your Orb For Your Warning" by Monster Magnet plays as
Cyanide, along with Supermodels Callista, Stephanie, and Lydia, comes out to a
nice, big pop. Various signs that say "THE PRICE IS WRONG, BITCH" are
Ring Announcer: ...first, he's formerly from Canterbury, New Zealand,
and he currently resides in Hollywood, California... he weighs in at
three hundred, fifteen and three quarter pounds... he's accompanied to
the ring this evening by the lovely supermodels, Callista, Stephanie,
and Lydia... he is the master of the Dark Side of the Moon among other
moves... he is a former IWO United States and Television champion... he
is the self-proclaimed "God of Wrestling" and whatnot... he is
(Cyanide climbs into the ring and gets another pop, he then climbs the
turnbuckle and motions for a mic. He is thrown one.)
Cyanide: Ladies and Gentlemen...Allow me to introduce myself, possibly
the most important thing you'll ever see in your lives...
(Cyanide jumps down from the turnbuckle and walks around the ring,
pointing to himself.)
Cyanide: I'm the greatest, I'm the most amazing, I'm a sensation...
(He stops in the ring.)
Cyanide: Tonight, I shall debut a new move...A move so dangerous that
it's never been performed here in America...A move so dangerous that it
nearly started a war in Japan.
(Cyanide points back at the entrance to the arena.)
Cyanide: Joey Malone...The Price Is Wrong, Bitch.
(Cyanide drops the mic, as he awaits his opponent.)
Ring Announcer: And his opponent...
("Shame" by BT kicks in as the lights go out, and once the opening
guitars get out of the way, the pyro explodes, and Joey Malone suddenly
appears out of nowhere, after the explosion. His girlfriend, Keri,
follows him out from the dressing room soon after. The crowd pops HUGE
for the IWO North American champion. He has a microphone.)
Joey Malone: Hey, Cyanide. I would just like to say that since you're
debuting a super evil finisher just for little `ol me, I think I'll
debut one on you, as well... no need for hype... I just hope you're
(Joey drops the mic and heads for me.)
Ring Announcer: ...from Phoenix, Arizona... he weighs in at two hundred
and fifty-two pounds... he's accompanied to the ring by the lovely Keri
Lindum... he is the master of the Everest Cataclysm among various other
moves, and is a former IWO Pacific and United States champion... he is
the current IWO North American champion... he is JOOOOEYYYYY
(Malone climbs into the ring as the ring technicians set up the Elton
John Blowup Dolls.)
*ding, ding, ding*
GP: Cyanide and Malone circle each other and they lock up... and
Cyanide easily forces the smaller Malone into the corner. There's an elbow
smash to Malone and an irish whip, but Malone slides to stop his momentum,
and there's a BIG jumping clothesline to Cyanide to knock him down!
JT: Cyanide's back up though, and he looks PISSED.
Nikki: Malone goes after Cyanide, but Cyanide with a punch in Malone's
stomach... and there's a snap vertical suplex by Cyanide!
JT: Not exactly a TRADEMARK or anything, but that just hurts.
GP: Cyanide picks up Malone again and sets him up... and there's an
EXPLODER SUPLEX right there on Malone!
Nikki: Damn, Cyanide's already breaking out those big moves.
JT: Cyanide picks up Malone again, and he sends Malone off the ropes...
and catches him with a belly-to-belly suplex! Nice move, and Cyanide
goes for the cover... one... two... no!
(The blowup dolls inflate a little bit.)
GP: Cyanide picks up Malone again and puts him in the corner! Right
hands, right hands, right hands! Malone is being beaten down in the
corner by the big man! The referee pulls Cyanide off of Malone, but
Cyanide's telling the ref that there's no DQ!
JT: Malone pulls himself back up and he pulls Cyanide into the corner!
Right hand, knife-hand chop, open hand chop, right hand... jesus,
Malone's pounding away at Cyanide! Malone with the irish whip, but
Cyanide reverses, Malone tries to hop over Cyanide, but Cyanide catches
him... running powerslam to Malone!
(The blowup dolls inflate.)
JT: Malone is a bit wobbily, as he struggles to get to his feet, and
Cyanide kicks Malone in the gut... he gets him up with a crucifix...
but Malone wiggles out! Cyanide was looking for the Cylock Powerbomb!
GP: Malone runs off the ropes and gets a STIFF front dropkick to
Cyanide's chest to knock him down!
JT: Cyanide rolls to his feet, though, as Malone kips up... only to get
knocked down with a clothesline by Cyanide!
Nikki: Cyanide picks up Malone again and he gets a double arm overhead
belly-to-belly suplex on Malone!
(The blowup dolls inflate.)
Nikki: Now Cyanide picks up Malone, again... and he puts him up on the
top rope... Cyanide grabs Malone up there... TOP ROPE EXPLODER SUPLEX!
MALONE MAY BE DEAD!
(The blow up dolls inflate...)
GP: Cyanide crawls over for the cover... one... two... thr- NO! MALONE
JT: How... the hell did he do that?!
GP: I dunno!
Nikki: Cyanide is saying "that's it"! Cyanide picks Malone up and he
puts him up in a Canadian backbreaker... no, RUNNING INVERTED
POWERSLAM! THAT'S WELCOME TO EARTH!
(The blow up dolls inflate, as Cyanide shows off his muscles.)
GP: Cyanide goes for the cover! One... two... FOOT ON THE ROPES!
JT: Okay, if this match is no DQ, has four corners of blowup dolls, and
a bunch of beautiful young women around ringside, wielding tasers...
why the hell should the pinfall stop for a foot on the ropes?
GP: I dunno!
JT: Cyanide picks up Malone and he sets him up for a reverse DDT, but
Malone leaps over Cyanide and gets him in a reverse DDT position of his
own! Malone grabs the arms and crosses them...
GP: STRAIGHTJACKET SUPLEX! ...DEAR GOD! THE ROLLING STRAIGHTJACKET
SUPLEXES BY MALONE! THAT'S THE MAD COW DISEASE!
(Only one of the blow-up dolls inflates this time.)
Nikki: MALONE HOLDS ON FOR THE THIRD! REFEREE IS THERE... ONE... TWO...
THR-NO! Cyanide kicked out at two and a half!
JT: Malone calls for the Jerkerolizer! He gets Cyanide up in the
fireman's carry, but Cyanide slips out... REVERSE DDT POSITION... A
NIGHTMARE IN BLUE(reverse Snowplow)! RIGHT ONTO A WEASEL THAT APPEARED
OUT OF NOWHERE! Cyanide floats over into the cover... one... two...
(The single blow-up doll inflates. Oh yeah, Malone's busted open, now.)
GP: Folks, I think the other three blow-up dolls are broken!
JT: What? DAMMIT!
Nikki: Cyanide is calling for a fire extinguisher from Lydia... and he
JT: Cyanide just sprayed down that one blow-up doll with it and it just
GP: Malone catches Cyanide from behind, though! How'd he get back up!?
Nikki: I dunno, but Malone's up and he spins Cyanide around... there's
a fireman's carry... INTO THE JERKEROLIZER(Fireman's Carry DDT into Twist
of Fate)! THE JERKEROLIZER ON CYANIDE! MALONE GOT HIM WITH IT! HE GOES
FOR THE COVER... ONE... TWO... THRE-NO! CYANIDE BARELY GOT THE SHOULDER
GP: Malone is to his feet... AND CALLISTA SHOCKS HIM WITH THE TASER!
JT: No disqualifications, as Cyanide hooks up Malone... THERE'S THE
CYLOCK POWERBOMB(Cruicifix jackknife powerbomb)! Cyanide is once again
showing off, as he goes into the cover! One... two... thre- NO! MY GOD,
HOW CLOSE WAS THAT?!
Nikki: Cyanide picks up Malone and puts him up on the top rope... but
wait! What's that! A chair just flew at Cyanide, and Cyanide caught
it... MALONE WITH ANOTHER STIFF FRONT DROPKICK OFF THE SECOND ROPE INTO
THE CHAIR WHICH SMACKS CYANIDE IN THE FOREHEAD!
GP: Keri! Keri Lindum threw the chair for Cyanide!
JT: Malone calls climbs back up to the top rope... Malone signals to
the crowd... THERE IT IS! BAD MOON RISING(top rope swandive headbutt) TO
CYANIDE! THAT'S THE MOVE THAT PUT DANE MATTHEWS AWAY LAST WEEK!
Nikki: Malone gets an arm on Cyanide! The referee counts... one...
two... thre-NO! CYANIDE BARELY MANAGED TO GET HIS SHOULDER UP!
GP: Wait! What's Stephanie doing?
JT: I dunno, but all of these ladies and ringside have become involved,
that's for sure!
Nikki: STEPHANIE JUST TIPPED OVER THE FROZEN BLOW UP DOLL! TACKS GO
EVERYWHERE, MY GOD!
GP: Nikki, you sound like me.
JT: Malone is back up, as is Cyanide! Malone with a right hand, Cyanide
with a right hand! They're just standing there and exchanging blows
now! Cyanide's winning this one! Right hand, right hand... right hand!
GP: Malone ducks the last one! He goes for the straightjacket suplex
again, but Cyanide powers out, an elbow to Malone!
Nikki: Cyanide hooks Malone up... ACK! GROIN CLAW... T2: TESTICULAR
TERMINATION! CYANIDE CAUGHT HIM WITH HIS SETUP FINISHER!
GP: Cyanide is signalling to the crowd! He's calling for the Dark Side
of the Moon! He's hooks Malone up for it, but Malone twists out of it
and hiptosses Cyanide into the ropes!
JT: I don't know how Malone did it, but he avoided the Dark Side of the
Nikki: Malone gets to his feet, but Cyanide catches him with a VICIOUS
lariat, and Malone just flew like Marty Jannetty with that one!
GP: I would like to point out, for the record, that Malone is bleeding
JT: Thank you, Captain obvious. CYANIDE BUSTED HIM OPEN ABOUT FIVE
GP: Oh, okay.
Nikki: Wait! Cyanide's calling for "The Price is Wrong, Bitch"! This
move is so dangerous that Mitsuharu Misawa wets his pants just thinking
JT: And of course, because this move's never been seen in American
Nikki: Cyanide's up top... HE LEAPS... BUT MALONE MOVES! MALONE MOVED
OUT OF THE WAY, AND CYANIDE LANDS IN THE TACKS!
GP: MALONE CALLS FOR THE CATACLYSM! He's looking for his primary
finisher! He kicks Cyanide in the gut... DOUBLE UNDERHOOK! AND MALONE
HITS A SORT-OF EVEREST CATACLYSM(double arm inverted Emerald Fusion)!
Cyanide was too big to take the full brunt of that move, but it was
enough to get him down with it! Malone gets an arm on Cyanide! One...
two... CYANIDE GOT HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES?!
JT: My god! There's not a soul on earth as lucky as Cyanide was right
Nikki: That move's been hailed as the most dangerous in the IWO, today,
and Cyanide managed to stay alive after that!
JT: Malone pulls Cyanide into the middle of the ring, now! Malone gets
a cover... one... two... thre-NO! Cyanide kicked out!
GP: Malone picks up Cyanide again, but Cyanide gets a low blow on
Malone! How is he still even moving?
JT: Cyanide's had time to recover, since Malone's exhausted and all.
Nikki: Cyanide sets up Malone for a powerbomb... he gets him up, but
Malone flips out of it and lands on his feet! Malone with a low blow of
his own! And now... what's he doing?!
JT: Malone is signalling for something... he grabs Cyanide into a
cross-arm thing... he gets Cyanide up into a Canadian backbreaker
rack... WHAT THE HELL!?
GP: MY GOD, MALONE HITS A SPINNING CROSSARM EVEREST CATACLYSM! RIGHT
INTO THE TACKS!
JT: I thought he only did that at pay-per-views! I guess this is a
special night! He doesn't even have a NAME for it, yet!
GP: Malone's tired and he just sort of lays on top of Cyanide! The
referee counts... one... two... three!!
*ding, ding, ding*
("Shame" by BT starts playing...)
Ring Announcer: The winner of this match... and STILL, IWO North
American champion.... JOOOEEEEEYYYY MAAAALLLLOOOOONNNNNEEEEE!!!!
(Fade back in. Malone is being helped out by Keri to his locker room.
Some of Malone's blood has ended up on Keri's dress, but she doesn't care.)
Joey Malone: I think I'm slipping, Keri...
(Malone sits down on a chair in his locker room, examining his wound.)
Keri Lindum: What do you mean?
Malone: Come on, you saw the same match as me... I shouldn't have
pulled my trump card out that soon... *sigh* I guess there's no surprises for
LiGiL or Crow...
(Malone lays back and taps into his dreamland. Keri has finally noticed
that there's blood on her dress.)
Keri: Silly Joey... you had to go and bleed all over me...
Malone: *snapping out of dreamland* Meesa sowwy. =(
Keri: It's okay...
(Before we can get into tend moments, we fade to the announcers.)
Nikki: I'm surprised she didn't bitchslap him.
GP: Eh. Don't worry about it.
Sesame Street Fight
0¿0 vs. Dane Matthews vs. Donnie Daze
If 0¿0 wins, he becomes number one contender for North American Title
If Dane wins, he does not have to defend his title until Desperate
Measures If Daze wins, he recieves a world title shot to be redeemed in the future.
GP: And... we're... wait for it, wait for it... BACK!
Nikki: That last match was one of the most insanely fucked up things
I've ever become a witness to.
JT: This will probably be more fucked up.
GP: Okay! Our cameras are standing by with special guest ring
announcer, Cookie Monster!
Cookie Monster: C IS FOR COOKIE, THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME... COOKIE
COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE...
JT: ...oh my god.
Cookie Monster: THE FOLLOWING COOKIFYING CONTEST IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE
COOKIE AND IT IS A SESAME STREET FIGHT. FIRST...
("Your Disease" by Saliva plays out of a boombox that one of the rap
puppets have brought. Donnie Daze jumps out of a building to a huge pop
from the puppets.)
Cookie Monster: ...HE'S FROM PORT SAINT COOKIE, FLORICOOKIE, WEIGHING
IN AT A SCRUMPCIOUS TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIVE POUNDS... HE IS THE MASTER
OF COOKIE AND CONFUSED AND HE'S THE CURRENT IWCOOKIE EXTREMELY
DELICIOUS CHAMPION... HE IS DONNIE "COOKIE MASTER" DAZE!!!
(Daze kinda gets annoyed, but no matter! He awaits his opponents.)
Cookie Monster: ...NEXT...
("Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear" by the Carpenters plays off of the
boombox as the Mysterious Birdman flies out of nowhere to a huge chorus
of boos. Birdman gets pelted by various articles of garbage as the
Birdman starts to get more and more annoyed until the Birdman grabs
Oscar the Grouch and Mystery Bird Drives him. The crowd stops throwing
stuff at the Birdman at this point.)
Cookie Monster: ...HE'S FROM COOKIELAND, AND HE WEIGHS IN AT A
COOKIETASTIC THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-THREE POUNDS... HE IS THE MASTER
OF THE MYSTERY COOKIE DRIVER AND HE'S A FORMER IWCOOKIE EXTREMELY
DELICIOUS CHAMPION... HE IS THE MYSTERIOUS COOKIE!
(The Birdman starts pecking the Count's eyes out at this point.)
Birdman: KAW KAW, COUNT THAT, YOU BITCH!
Cookie Monster: ...AND FINALLY... C IS FOR COOKIE! ER, I MEAN...
("The Memory Remains" by Metallica plays as Dane Matthews comes in via
helicopter. He has the World Title around his waist and he waves to the
booing crowd. On a bungee cord, Dane jumps off of the helicopter,
bounces twice, and finally gets low enough to the ground to where he
can unhook himself and land on his feet. He gets a rousing chorus of boos.)
Cookie Monster: ...HE'S FROM ALBANY, NEW COOKIE, AND WEIGHS IN AT A
DELICIOUS TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY-THREE POUNDS... HE IS THE MASTER OF THE
DOWNTOWN XPLOSICOOKIE AND THE COOKIE'S DESTINATION IN MY STOMACH... HE
IS THE IWO WORLD OF COOKIES CHAMPION... "THE GOD OF COOKIES" DANE
(Crowd boos, as Dane Matthews finally decides that he's had enough of
the Cookie Monster and he picks him and drops him with the Downtown
GP: Well, there goes our ring announcer.
JT: ...did you guys understand a word he said outside of "COOKIE"?
*ding, ding, DOINK*
GP: I am NOT arguing about the doink, again.
JT: Dammit, okay.
Nikki: Well, we're in the mean streets of Sesame, and...
JT: These streets are mean?
GP: Sure they are!
JT: Daze has taken the trash can lid from Oscar the Grouch's trash can
and he just WAYLAID the Mysterious Birdman with it!
Nikki: But Dane gets the knee in on Daze and he rams him headfirst into
one of the buildings!
JT: THE BUILDING BROKE!
GP: Well, that's what you get for having a cardboard set.
JT: Daze with the trick knee low blow to Dane to get him away from
behind him, and Dane stumbles right into the Birdman... who drops Dane
with an atomic drop, and Daze with a spinning wheel kick to take down
Nikki: Birdman picks up Daze, though, and he pecks him! Yes, he just
PECKED Donnie Daze!
GP: Daze responds with a HARD chop! But it barely affected the Birdman,
who responds with a headbutt to Daze!
JT: Daze rolls over, as Dane has recovered and he grabs the Birdman
from behind in a waistlock... GERMAN SUPLEX! German suplex by Dane Matthews!
With the bridge! Referee Phil Phuckhead over for the cover... one...
two... NO! Daze with a chop block to Dane's legs to break it up!
GP: Daze is going over to Elmo!
Elmo: Ooooh! That tickles! Hahahahaha.. RUGCK!
GP: DAZE HAS ELMO! HE'S SWINGING HIM AROUND LIKE A PAIR OF NUNCHAKUS!
JT: ACK! GET OUT OF THE WAY, DANE!
GP: Dane gets a gutshot with Elmo! And a shot to the back of the head!
Here comes the Birdman! The Birdman gets a shot in the knee!
Nikki: Daze with a mock kung fu stance as he throws Elmo into the crowd
and nails the Birdman with a low dropkick to the back of the head!
Kipup by Daze!
(You can hear Elmo's scream as the rapping sharks from Cyanide's promo
eat him alive.)
GP: Uhm, ow?
JT: Daze is celebrating and isn't even keeping an eye on the recovering
Nikki: Matthews spins Daze around, kick in the gut... DDT! A DDT by
GP: The Birdman's also recovered and he grabs Oscar the Grouch's
Oscar the Grouch: Oh, shit.
(The Birdman flings the trash can halfway across Sesame Street and it
impacts the back of Matthews' head.)
GP: DEAR GOD! WHAT FORCE BEHIND THAT ONE!
Oscar the Grouch: Umm, a little help, here!
The Count: 1 2 3!!!
Nikki: The Count blind sides the Mysterious Birdman! THE COUNT WITH
RIGHTS AND LEFTS!
JT: I thought they were only puppets
Nikki: They are Muffits!
JT: Big freakin' deal get some Midol!
JT: Had to happen as usual
GP: The Count has those 1,2, and 3 balls. He chucks them at the
Birdman! BIRDMAN IS DOWN!
JT: And our god Dane Matthews is finally up to his feet. He spears the
Mysterious Birdman! He is hitting him in the ribs.
(Donnie Daze has a rather large CD Player inside of a shopping cart. He
is pushing the shopping cart towards the Birdman and Dane.)
Nikki: What in the
(Donnie turns the CD Player on, and 96 Quite Bitter Beings by CKY plays
(the shopping carts song from Jackass). He smiles and begins to yell.)
Donnie: Hey I AM EXTREME!!!
JT: SHUT UP!
GP: What in the world is he going to do?
Nikki: Donnie is running with the shopping cart. HE JUMPS IN! IT IS
GOING FULL SPEED! HE COLLIDES WITH MATTHEWS! HE FLYS FACE FIRST OUT AND RUNS
INTO THE BRICK WALL OF 123 SESAME STREET PLACE!!
GP: Donnie rolls on the ground. He is regretting that move
JT: The 'god' Dane Matthews is not very happy!
(Dane Matthews laughs and is about to choke Donnie, when Big Bird, out
of nowhere low blows him! He then pecks him on the face, busting him
Big Bird: You think we're always cute and cuddly? WRONG BIZNATCH!
(Big Bird lifts Dane Matthews and tosses him into the Sesame Street
Place! Big Bird flies and stomps Dane Matthews hard as Donnie gets up, and so does
Birdman! Donnie gets a trash can from Oscars old living place! He grins
and smashes it across Mysterious Birdman's skull!)
JT: That's GOTTA hurt!
Nikki: Where the hell is the Cookie Monsters cookies?!
GP: I don't know
JT: COOKIES! COOKIES! COOKIES!
(Suddenly, the Cookie Monster is resurrected magically!)
Cookie Monster: COOKIE! COOKIE!
Cookie Monster: Cookies are good enough for me, why not you, you COOKIE
Birdman: SHUT UP!
(Birdman goes after the Cookie monster, only to be hit with a STALE
COOKIE! Cookie Monster then lifts Birdman and Seismic Tosses him onto the Roof
of the Sesame Street Place! The Count tries to drink Birdmans blood, but has
(The Pokemon, Charziard , suddenly appears and attacks Cookie Monster
for stealing his move!)
Cookie Monster: COOKIE!
(Cookie Monster runs towards Charziard, but Charaziard laughs and
breathes a fireball onto Cookie Monster! The Cookie Monster then gets turned into
nice Cookie meal! Charziard laughs insanely and does the Seismic Toss into
Cookie Monster: COOKIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
(The Cookie Monster is tossed into the sun, never to be resurrected,
The Count: You Bastard! 1 2 .3!
GP: My god! The sheer force of Charziard attacking Cookie Monster!
JT: COOKIE MONSTER! NO!
Nikki: Get a handle of yourself, he was a muppet
JT: He was my FAVOURITE MUPPET!
Nikki: Your such an idiot, JT!
JT: Shut up!
(Dane Matthews is tossed through the Sesame Street Place TV! He gets
up, dizzy, and Donnie Daze hits hit was a cookie tray! He then tosses him
onto the stairs, and they magically turn into an escalator!)
JT: What the ?
GP: I don't know..
Nikki: Me neither.
(The escalator takes Dane and Donnie up to the Roof somehow, and the
Mysterious Birdman gets up! Suddenly, several weapons appear out of
nowhere! Donnie takes a Steel Bat, Matthews a Battle Axe and Birdman gets a
GP: What the hell?!
JT: That's freaky
JT: I think Birdman needs a LITTLE help!
(The Birdman growls at Dane races at him! He dodges the Battle Axe,
which gets stuck in the ground! Then, Birdman cuts Danes face a bit with the
Cutter! Donnie bashes the leg of Dane with the Steel Bat, and he cries out in
Jerry Styles: OH MY GAWD!
GP: Jerry, wrong show.
Jerry Styles: SOWWY
(Jerry Styles walks away.)
JT: Guess without a job, he has nothing better to do!
(Snuffleluffugus puts on a Refs shirt and makes sure the match is
BLOODY! The Count laughs in the backround and is heard saying '1 2 .3!' over and
over! Dane is low blowed by the Birdman and subsequently knocked off the roof
of the Sesame Street Place, only to be saved by falling on Big Bird, who pecks
at him once again!)
GP: This is getting WEIRD .
JT: Yes, but those Pokemon and Sesame Street characters are awefully
Nikki: But I think they should just finish the damn match!
(Donnie Daze then headbutts The Mysterious Birdman and forearms him
several times! The fans start to give a TREMONDOUS Pop as Donnie Daze does an
Inverted Facebuster! Dazed and Confused! He goes for the pin and Snuffy counts)
Snuffy: 1 2 .uh
Donnie: 3 Damnit!
Snuffy: Oh yeah! 1 2
Snuffy: 1 2
Snuffy: 1 2 3!
Snuffy: Your winner, Donnie Daze!
JT: What an awesome match!
GP: Donnie is THE MAN!
JT:And look! Burt is going over to congratulate Daze!
(Bert walks over, and smashes a trash can lid over Daze's head.)
Nikki:What in sam hell?!?
(The camera zooms in on Bert, as we see the man pull off a mask. It's none other than Sabastian Crow.)
GP:IT'S SABASTIAN CROW! HE'S STOMPING AWAY AT DONNIE DAZE! This adds even more fuel to the fire, because at Desperate Measures, Crow gets his shot to wrangle the world title away from Matthews, and Daze has his shot, pretty much whenever he wants it!
JT:What is that?
Nikki:I don't know, it sounded like some sort of creeking sound...
GP:You don't think...
(All of a sudden, the entire Seasame Street set slowly begins to topple, landing and crushing Sabastian Crow, Donnie Daze, Dane Matthews, and the Mysterious Birdman, along with all the Pokemon and Sesame Street Characters. Slowly, a man climbs to the top of the pile.)
GP:THAT'S SYPHON FISSION! FISSION JUST DESTROYED THE SESAME STREET SET, AND DAMN NEAR BURIED DANE MATTHEWS ALIVE!
JT:DAMN NEAR? MATTHEWS IS SUFFOCATING AS WE SPEAK! HOLD ON MATTHEWS! HELP IS ON THE WAY!
GP:FANS! THERE'S BOUND TO BE SOME BACKLASH FROM THIS FROM MATTHEWS! TUNE IN NEXT TUESDAY FOR HOSTILE MELTDOWN TO GET THE "LOW DOWN!"
JT:HA! YOU SAID LOW DOWN!
GP:HEY! You aren't the only one that's cool! TUNE IN TUESDAY AT OUR SPECIAL TIME, 8 PM EASTERN STANDARD TIME! FOR NIKKI, AND JT, this is Greg Parker, GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!
(The camera slowly pans onto Syphon Fission, standing atop the wreckage. Fission raises his hands in victory, as the camera fades out to nothingness.)