Broken Hearts, Broken Bones IV
World Heavyweight Championship
AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) vs. Simon Seaman -c-
North American Title
Nuke vs. Harold Hash -c- vs. Schitzo Tod
World Tag Team Titles
Those Damned Mexicans -c- vs. Deadlier Sins vs. The Italien Mobsters
"Arc Arsenal" by At the Drive In
Fading in from the opening promo, we open live to the INSERT ARENA HERE, where the fans are on their feet, cheering loudly. Then again, most people don't cheer silently.
And looking on from the top of the arena was Thomas Ford, the CEO of the IWO. The man who runs the show. The man that brought everything together. He looked down at his child, and his child had no idea he was watching.
And neither did the fans, as the continued on with their bantering, holding up sign such as "sWo for Life~!," "I remember when you were good," and "AWS MAN IS A SPY NINJA!" rot the audience, before the camera circles down to the crack announcing team of Greg Parker and JT.
GP: HELLO EVERYONE, AND WELCOME TO BROKEN HEARTS BROKEN BONES FOUR! ... *Muttering* finally.
JT: Greg, why the fuck are you yelling?
GP: CUZ I HAVE TO TO BE HEARD.
JT: Uhmmmm, if you didn't notice, we only have about five thousand people here, and I'm pretty sure you can talk a half of a foot into a mic and over shadow the cries of the crowd.
GP: FUCK YOU JT! It's called an aura, and I like to KEEP that aura around, thank you very much.
JT: Dillusional bastard. I wish I could be so ignorant.
GP: Well, we have a great show for you!
JT: No we don't you fucktard.
GP: Don't listen to JT, he was raised by Evan Levine and suffers from a severe case of dyslexia. Remember, whatever he says is actually the opposite. Anyway folks, tonight, we're going to have one hell of a show! The North American title will be decided when Syphon Fission, a man who was loved and respected by all, left the IWO to turn to Action Wrestling. Nuke, Schitzo Tod, and Harold Hash will do battle for the rights to hold the championship, while Hash retires the Extreme and United States titles in the process!
JT: Yeah, I remember when those belts meant something.
GP: FUCK YOU JT.
Greg Parker reals back and takes a wild swing at JT, sending him down to the ground. JT then immediatly grabs at his lips, which have been busted open at the corner.
JT: Oh you want to play THAT game, huh?
JT immediatly looked up at Parker and goes for a high right hand. Parker however blocks, but leaves himself wide open for a quick left jab to his gut. Parker doubled over in pain before JT let loose with a vicious uppercut, sending Parker reeling and on top of the announcing desk.
We head over to the Spanish Announcers for Commentary.
Pablo Escabar: *In Spanish* Greg Parker is down! Greg Parker is down!
Eddie Cairego: Maybe I can be promoted!
Pablo Escabar: And leave me to rot and die? FUCK YOU!
And then they begin to brawl, causing security to race out from the back, breaking up all four men. Emotions are on a high as the fans aren't sure exactly what to expect.
It really doesn't seem like an act however, as Parker gets to his feet, leaving the scene and heading to the backstage area. The crowd is in a sort of silent awe.
We faded into CEO Thomas Ford's office, where he was on the phone with a likely client.
Thomas Ford: "Listen, I don't, no, I don't have it right now. I can't get it to you, I can't. Listen, when I can, you'll get it straight away."
Ford hangs up the phone on his desk, and let out a sigh. Then he raised his head in a confused glare.
Thomas Ford: "Straight away? What the fuck am I saying?"
Ford let his head down again, as Greg Parker came flying into his office.
Thomas Ford: Uhmmmm... Greg? The show's started.
Greg Parker: I can't do this. I can't do this for another day. I can't take that little son of a bitch any longer!
Thomas Ford: If there's a fan in the audience we can take care of...
Greg Parker: It's JT! He's just, he just broke my camel's back.
Thomas Ford: Newsflash Parker, you aren't really a camel.
Ford sighed, getting up from his desk, and walking over to Parker. He wrapped his arms around him as he lead him to the door.
Thomas Ford: Listen, we're on national television here, well, about as national as we're going to get, and I need you guys. You're the cohesive unit that keeps this thing together. You and JT click, and the fans have always responded to that, even through the Nikki slapping JT phase.
Greg Parker: That wasn't a phase, that went on for two years.
Thomas Ford: Hmmmm, yeah, and that's the reason I pulled her out of the announce booth. It was getting stale. There's only so much JT slapping you can take.
Greg Parker: We can move onto JT punching then instead.
Thomas Ford: No no, the pounding of announcers by other announcers is so 1999. We need something fresh, and that's what you and JT are giving us. Listen, Parker, I need you guys working on all cylinders. This is pay per view, this is probably one of our last shots...
Greg Parker: Last shots?
Thomas Ford: Yeah, at... uhmmm... regaining our audience? I mean, we lost our television contract earlier this year due to... uhmmmm... mismanagement, and we need to capitalize on Pay Per View, or else we'll be wrestling empty arenas, and empty arenas, we don't need commentators to tell the invisible fans what's going on. Cappesh?
Parker nodded his head, leaving the office that he came. Ford then turned around back to his desk, and sat down, putting his head in his hands.
Thomas Ford: Cappesh? What the fuck was I thinking?
The camera reverted backstage, as we saw none other than Simon Seaman, shining the belt with his sparkling reflective shirt. The crowd responded with jeers, as Seaman lifted the belt up to his face, checking his own reflection inside it, before blowing heavily on it for a polish job.
Then, with that, Nuke, Seaman's partner in crime over the past month, walks up and taps Seaman on the shoulder.
Seaman: Oh Nuke! Glad you're here, do you think you could take the belt over to Ford to do a quick polish job? I mean, this is the big show, I'm sure he wants his largest star to have a bright shiny World Heavyweight Title around his waist.
Nuke took the belt reluctantly, and stared up at Seaman, who was busy looking at himself in a mirror.
Seaman: Yeah Nuke?
Nuke: When you beat the crap out of that guy with the weird anagrams, I want a title shot.
The crowd let out a gasp, as Seaman stopped looking a himself in the mirror, and put it down. He turned back over to Nuke, and looked him in the eyes.
Seaman: Now, why would you want that! I mean, we've got a nice little conglomerate here, a nice system. I keep the title, you get to maul people. I think that's rather fair enough as it is.
Nuke looked up at Seaman, as Seaman returned to his mirror. Nuke turned away, shaking his head, before he realized something. He quickly walked off.
Seaman: Make sure you can see yourself in it!
We cut backstage to what looks like a folding table set up in a hallway. In fact, that's exactly what it is. We see Jack and Aubrey Breaker sitting behind the table, and the fans begin to pop. On the table is a cigar box and two pitchers of lemonade.
Aubrey: ..tell me again why we have a lemonade stand back here?
Jack: I lost our plane tickets home and left my wallet in my other pants.
Aubrey: You don't have any other pants.
Jack: Not any that you know of.
Aubrey: No, I do the laundry, and you don't have any other pants.
Jack: Riight. Wait. You are right. Dammit.
Suddenly, AWS Ninja (Also Known as Grasshopper) walks past.
Jack: Hey, AWS Man!
He pays no mind.
Jack: Uhm.. AWS Man!
Aubrey: You forgot the (Also Known as Bill) part.
Jack: Hey, I think I know my own name.
Aubrey: That's not your name.
Jack: [Thinks it over] Dammit!
AWS Ninja (Also Known as Grasshopper) turns around.
AWS Ninja (Also Known as Grasshopper): Freakin' what? Are you selling some sort of a freakin' refreshing citrus beverage?
Jack: [Flipping through the manual] Uh... yes, you could say that these beverages are of a refreshing and citrus nature.
AWS Ninja (Also Known as Grasshopper): Freakin' give me a freakin' glass, then. Freakin'.
Jack: No problem.
He hands AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) a glass. He drinks it.
Jack: That'll be six hundred dollars.
AWS Man (Also Known as Bill): Money well spent.
Jack: Excellet. [Pents fingers]
AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) walks away. Harold Hash appears in his place.
Jack: Would you care for a lemonade?
Hash: By 'lemonade', do you mean 'drugs'?
Jack: Uhm... yes.
He hands Harold a glass. Harold drinks it. That's what you do with lemonade. You drink it.
Jack: That'll be six hundred dollars.
Harold throws a large roll of bills on the table and walks away.
Jack: Man, I love business.
Cut back to the announcer table.
GP: That was annoyingly random.
North American Title
Nuke vs. Harold Hash -c- vs. Schitzo Tod
GP : OK, it looks like up next we'll be seeing Harold Hash defend his North American title against Schitzo Tod and Nuke.
JT : But ... Hash doesn't have the North American title.
GP : Well, he does now.
JT : But ... why?
GP : Because we combined the US and Extreme titles to make the NA.
JT : ...How does that work?
GP : It just does. Because I said so.
JT : I see.
GP : Well, let's get to Meygon in the ring now for the introductions.
Meygon : Introducing first ... hailing from Long Beach, CA ... standing at 6'1" and weighing 235 lbs. ... a former TV, World Tag, Intercontinental Tag, and Extreme champion ... the master of the Tod Annihilation Maneuver ... SSCCHHHIIIIIITTTZZZZZZZZOOOOOO TTOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDD!!!
"Date Rape" by Sublime plays as Schitzo Tod runs out from the back, flapping his wings like a bird. He runs down to the ring and slides in.
Meygon : And next ... from Hollis, Queens, New York ... standing at 6'4" and weighing 243 lbs. ... a former Unified, North American, and Extreme champion ... the master of the Burning Psychosis ... NNNNNUUUUUUUKKKKEEEEE!!!
"Dead Wrong" by Biggie Smalls plays as Nuke slowly walks out from the back. He strolls menacingly down to the ring and steps in.
Meygon : And finally ... from Raleigh, North Carolina ... standing at 6'1" and 235 lbs. ... a former Extreme and US champion, which for some reason merged to make him the current North American champion ... the master of that
really long move name I ain't gonna say ... HHHHHAAAAAAARRRRRRRROOOOOOLLLLLDDDD HHHHAAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!
"Hacksaw Decapitation" by Cannibal Corpse plays as Hash makes his way out from the back, holding his belt high above his head. He runs down to the ring and slides in, ready to start the match.
JT : That's the bell, here we go.
Nuke and Harold Hash surround Schitzo Tod. Tod tries to eye rake Nuke, but he blocks it. Tod then tires to eye rake Hash, but Hash blocks that. Tod attempts a low blow kick to Nuke, but Nuke picks him up in a gorilla press as Hash kneels down on one knee. Nuke proceeds to drop Tod face first into Hash's knee.
GP : Oooh! I felt his pain. That's for sure.
JT: You didn't actually feel that pain Greg, so don't lie.
Tod slowly gets up, but Nuke whips him into the ropes. Nuke drops down as Tod steps over him, but is met with a stiff clothesline by Harold Hash.
GP : We got some teamwork going between Nuke and Hash.
JT : That won't last for long. This is the North American title, not the pairs skating finals.
Nuke throws Tod over the top rope and onto the floor. Nuke and Hash both follow.
GP : What are they going to do now?
Nuke slowly picks up Tod, but Tod finally connects with a low blow. As Hash looks on, Tod executes the TAM (kick to the shin), making Nuke lose balance for a second. Tod does a go behind on Nuke and tries to get him back into the ring for the pin, but Nuke just doesn't give. Tod panics and jumps up on Nuke's back and gives him a sleeper, but the larger Nuke flips Tod over onto the floor.
JT : Schitzo Tod has absolutely no chance against these two. The mismatch of the century right in front of our very eyes.
GP : Oh, come on, Tod isn't that bad. If memory serves you correct, he has a victory over our World champion Simon Seaman.
JT : Yeah, well if memory serves ME correctly, then ... you're stupid!
GP : Good one, JT.
JT : Yeah, I know.
Nuke signals Hash to get up onto the announcer's table as Nuke drags whatever is left of Tod over to the table and they all three stand on top of it.
JT : Not here guys! We just got this washed today. Don't do it! *Pause* LOOK! THE SPAINARDS! ATTACK THEM INSTEAD!
Nuke hooks Tod for the Burning Psychosis (Slapjack). As Nuke lifts him up, the fans await what is about to happen. Hash grabs Tod's feet and they both drive Tod through the announcer's table, breaking it into pieces.
JT : You spilled my Zima, damn it! You can't do that!
GP : Schitzo Tod has just been laid out cold. Look at this. It's a mess! ... Wait a second, JT, you don't have any Zima.
JT : It's the principle of the thing!
Tod is left laying outside of the ring as Hash and Nuke make their way back into the ring.
JT : They just laid out the weakest link.
GP : Oh, come on, not a weakest link joke. NOBODY WATCHES THAT SHOW ANYMORE BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU!
JT : I think it's more because it's boring and the host is a mannish bitch.
GP : That too.
Nuke and Hash tie up. Hash whips Nuke into the ropes, attempts a back elbow, Nuke ducks, so Hash tries a clothesline, but Nuke ducks again. But as Nuke bounces off the ropes a second time, Hash catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker followed by a cover.
GP : Quick cover by Hash.
GP : Kickout with authority by Nuke.
JT : Well, of course. Nuke's the top heel in the company, except for Seaman, of course. It'll take more than a wimpy little backbreaker by a wimpy little wrestler with a wimpy little NA title to beat him.
Nuke gets up and bounces off the ropes, hooks Hash and nails a swinging DDT. Nuke follows up with a jumping leg drop. As Hash gets up, Nuke grabs and whips him into the turnbuckle and follows that up with a splash. Hash staggers and Nuke hits a bulldog and a cover.
GP : Hash got his foot on the bottom rope. Good job by the ref and excellent ring positioning by Harold Hash.
JT : When you say stuff like that, you really look like a queer.
GP : Shut up.
Nuke picks up Hash and drops him down with a vertical suplex. Nuke keeps Hash hooked, stands up, and drops him down with another vertical suplex. Nuke still has him hooked as he rises and nails a third vertical suplex.
GP : Nuke trying to soften up Hash for the Burning Psychosis.
Nuke mounts Hash and hits a flurry of punches to his opponent's head. Nuke then picks Hash up and whips him into the turnbuckle. Nuke walks up to the turnbuckle and hits a knife edge chop. Another knife edge chop by Nuke. The Innovator of Wrongness then climbs to the second turnbuckle and tries a ten punch as the crowd counts with him.
Hash hooks Nuke's legs and drops him down with a desperation power bomb.
GP : What a move by Hash!
JT : And what sucking up by Parker!
Nuke gets back up and suddenly hits a belly to belly suplex on Hash, then picks him up again and signals for the Burning Psychosis. Nuke gets him up, but Hash flips all the way over and lands on his feet on the other side of his opponent. Hash quickly turns and hooks up Nuke, nailing him with the QWERT (reverse T-bone suplex). With Nuke down, he signals to the crowd and scales the turnbuckle. The crowd gets on its feet in anticipation of the move.
GP : I think we all know what it is time for.
JT : Fried chicken?
GP : No, it's time for Hash's finisher, whose name I won't dignify by repeating.
JT : Damn, I really wanted some fried chicken. WHY MUST YOU TOY WITH ME, PARKER?!
Hash executes the This is a long name for a move that isn't all to impressive but i like cause I am like that, and if you don't like it you can suck on my toes till your nads fall off and smack you in the face... BWAHAHAHAHAHA, okay this is a really long name for a damn move, and it isn't all to descriptive and I know noone will ever call it that but I don't care, we are getting back to cause I am like that too, oh yeah this really
isn't correct grammar. Barq's is the best Root Beer of all kind. (450 leg drop) perfectly and goes for the cover. In the corner of the shot, we see Schitzo Tod struggling to get back into the ring to break up the pin.)
GP : Hash wins! He retains the title that he never really won to begin with!
JT : Whoopdey-freakin'-doo. Let's just hurry up and get to the main event, so I can see Seaman whoop that masked loser's ass.
GP: Ah, but we still have the World Tag Team Title match to go!
JT: Oh fuck that dude!
Cut to the Deadlier Sins' locker room. We see Jack Breaker, sitting on the sofa with his wife Aubrey. Jake Walker is pacing by the door.
Jake: Hey, don't we have a match, now?
World Tag Team Championship
Those Damned Mexicans -c- vs. Deadlier Sins vs. Italien Mobsters
GP: Well, here it is, folks! The moment we've all been waiting for... okay, maybe one or two of us have been waitin... okay, but I know that guy over there's been waiting for this... oh, really? Dammit. Uhm. Tag match, anyway. Let's... I don't know, go to Meygon, or something. Sounds like the right thing to do.
Meygon: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the IWO World Tag Team Championships! Making their way to the ring first, from Tijiuana, Mexico, they are the IWO World Tag Champs, Edguardo and Diablo, Those Damn Mexicans!
"Johnny" by System of a Down blares as TDM step out to a surprisingly negative reaction. They hold their championship belts up and strut down to the ring.
JT: Hey, what do these morons think they're doing, booing royalty like this? Those Damn Mexicans are our Tag Champs, and they deserve respect!
GP: Well, you were sure singing a different tune back when those belts were around the waists of Jack Breaker and Rodeo Daniels... and Jake Walker... and... dammit, why must they needlessly complicate everything?
Meygon: Making their way to the ring next, from New Orleans, Louisiana, and Chicago Illinois, respectivley, they are accompanied by Aubrey Breaker, Jack Breaker and Jake Walker, The Deadlier Sins!
"Cyclops Rock" by They Might be Giants hits over the PA and the Sins step out onto the stage to a tremendous pop. Jake is carrying a giant swordfish and holding it like he's strumming a guitar; Jack is carrying Aubrey on his shoulders. They saunter down to the ring and pose for the fans.
GP: What an ovation for the Deadlier Sins! This is their first opportunity at regaining the titles since they reformed at Ice Age... can they take advantage of this situation?
JT: Obviously not. I mean, look at the competition. Those Damn Mexicans, the Italian Mobsters... all Jack Breaker is is some scruffy ethnically-ambiguous kid... and don't get me started on Jake Walker!
Meygon: Making their way to the ring next, from somewhere in Italy, they weigh in at a combined weight of 505 pounds, Mikey Capitali and Joey Sooner, the Italian Mafia!
"Dupa Capri" by B.U.G. Mafia hits and the Mafia appears on stage, brandishing lead pipes and generally looking not-too-happy with the competition in the ring. They start running down the ramp, and, discarding their weapons at the apron, slide in and start beating on Jack Breaker and Diablo. Jake and Edguardo retreat to their corners as Joey takes Jack to the mat with some stiff right hands and starts stomping a mudhole. Mikey slides onto the apron as Joey turns from Jack and starts working on Diablo with a few chops. Diablo staggers backwards and braces himself on the ropes. Joey clocks Diablo on the jaw, and winds up for another punch, when suddenly Jack Breaker flies off the top rope with a missile dropkick to Joey's back. Joey stumbles and hits the mat. Diablo pulls himself to his feet but falls again after Jack delivers with a clothesline. He delivers a few short kicks to Diablo, rolling him out of the ring. Jack then turns to Joey, who's on his knees in the middle of the ring clutching his head. Jack hooks his neck, swings behind him, and delivers a reverse sitting neckbreaker. Joey collapses on the mat, and Jack tags in Jake. They double-whip Joey into the ropes, pause to acknowlege the cheering crowd, and turn just in time to catch Joey on the rebound. Jack lifts him up in a tornado sideslam, and as he brings him down, Jake nails a flying back elbow.
GP: Ooh! That's some great teamwork by the fan favorite Deadlier Sins.
JT: Psh. They're cheating, you know.
Jack slides out onto the apron. Jake hooks Joey for a vertical suplex, and lifts him up. He stands there for a few moments as cameras flash around the arena... suddenly, Diablo runs up to the apron and grabs Jake's ankle. He trips and hits the mat, Joey falling on top of him. Diablo jumps up onto the turnbuckle, times his jump, and nails a body splash onto the pile. He rolls away, gets to his feet, and tags in Edguardo. Edguardo rushes in. He singles out Jake Walker and sets him up in a standing headsissors. He hooks around the waist and delivers a powerbomb into the turnbuckle. Jake slumps into the corner, and Edguardo turns his attention to Joey Sooner. Joey struggles to his feet, and Edguardo whips him into the ropes. Joey rebounds, slips under Edguardo's legs, and tags in Mikey. They rush at a still-dazed Edguardo with a double clothesline, knocking him down to his knees. Joey returns to the apron as Mikey flies off the second rope with a dropkick to Edguardo's face. He then lifts Edguardo to his feet and nails a brainbuster. Mikey stands, staring down on Edguardo, when Jake Walker suddenly rolls over and executes a schoolboy rollup.
GP: Jake Walker, taking the advantage! Is it enough?
GP: Mikey Capitali kicks out! Unbeleivable!
Jake and Mikey square off again, with a collar-and-elbow lockup. Jake tries to take him down into snapmare position, but Mikey snaps down and applies a front facelock. Jake swings around behind him and locks in a rear headlock. He pulls Mikey down and turns it into a Dragon sleeper. Mikey breaks out, reverses, and rolls through into a single-legged Boston crab. He applies pressure on Jake's knee, and as Jake squirms to grab hold of the bottom rope, Jack Breaker rushes in and lands a short clothesline to Mikey's head. Joey Sooner rushes after Jack and chases him out of the ring. He and Mikey then double-stomp on Jake, until the referee forces Joey back to the apron. Mikey hooks Jake into a front facelock, grabs his knee, and falls backwards into a fisherman's suplex. He rolls through for the pin.
GP: No! Jake Walker kicks out!
JT: No he didn't! The Italian Mafia's being screwed! Stop the match!
Mikey pulls Jake to his feet, pulls Edguardo up, and slams their heads together. Edguardo stumbles back to his feet and makes a desperate tag to Diablo. Jake makes the tag to Jack, and Mikey sort of stands there. Jack charges at Diablo and takes him down with a drop toehold. Mikey elbow drops Jack, and lifts him into a vicious spinebuster. Jack lies flat on the ground, and Mikey covers.
Edguardo rushes in, pulls Mikey off of Jack, and covers him himself.
Jack kicks out and pulls himself upright. Edguardo lands a few weak punches on Jack, before Jack catches his fist, pulls him off-gaurd, grabs him by the leg, and executes a quick Dragon screw. Edguardo hits the mat and Mikey rushes at Jack with a forearm. Jack blocks it and reverses with a snap jab.
ITALIAN MAFIA WIN ENDING:
Jack goes for a cover, but it gets broken up by Edguardo. Edguardo whips Jack into the ropes. As he waits with a clothesline, Mikey turns and sets him up for a clothesline. He lifts Edguardo over his head and tosses him out of the ring, however, he lands on the apron. As Jack rebounds, Mikey executes a Samoan drop. He mounts the turnbuckle, taunts the crowd, and executes the Mafia Splash off the top.
However, while Mikey was taunting, Enguardo was able to get to his feet, grabbing the charging Jake up into a fireman's carry, and dropped him with the Mexibuster.
GP: My God! Mafia Splash! This looks like it's over! Mikey covers!
JT: AND THE MEXI-BUSTER TOO~!
The referee looks down, and slams his hand down onto the mat...
*DING DING DING*
Meygon: Here are your winners, and.... Uhmmmm... I'm not sure....
GP: Who are the winners?!?
JT: I think that's what the bitch is trying to find out!
The referee slides out of the ring as Those Damned Mexicans and the Italien Mobsters look on from the ring. He talks with Meygon for a bit, before she nodes.
Meygon: Your winners, and NEW, tag team CHAMPIONS! Duh, like they didn't see this coming. Mikey Capitali and Enguardo!
"Dupa Capri" by B.U.G. Mafia hits once again as Mikey Capitali and Enguardo are each handed one of the tag team championship belts. They look at each other with anger in their eyes, before they each go their seperate ways.
JT: Come on here! Isn't that like, the fourth time we've seen that?!?
AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper laid in his locker room, watching pornography with the Nude and Pen. They seemed to be resting, when the door was swung open.
AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper): It's the evil one! (Ponders) RUN AND FREAKIN' HIDE!
AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper dives over the couch and hides behind it, while Nude runs underneath a nearby table. Pen stays sitting on the recliner chair.
AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper): GET FREAKIN' DOWN PEN!
Nuke: Hold on. I don't want to fight, at least, not right now...
Nuke says this as he picks up Pen in his hands. AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper) gets to his feet with a look of horror.
AWS Ninja(Also known as Grasshopper): HEY! That's freakin' mine!
Nuke: I only want something AWS... person. I just want to get your word on something.
AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper): Did I freakin' park in your spot? Cuz I'll freakin' move!
Nuke:... Shut up. All I want from you is a promise. If you win tonight, you give me a title shot.
Nuke holds up the spatula to AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper), and goes in a fashion to break it. He reaches out, and then nods his head.
AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper): Freakin' fine! Just don't hurt Pen!
Nuke smiled, insincer, tossing the spatula back to the recliner. He then quietly left the locker room, and his smile grew even larger, before walking away.
Broken Hearts, Broken Bones 4
IWO World Heavyweight Championship Match
Simon Seaman -c- vs. AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper)
GP: And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is time for tonight's main event.
JT: Yes. Yes! YES! It is time for Simon Seaman to once again grace us with his magnanimous presence in another PPV main event.
GP: You act like you're about to witness the first landing on the moon.
JT : Oh, yeah, like that'd ever happen. Let's keep it in the real world, GP, where Seaman is perfect and heels never lose.
GP: Um ... yeah.
JT: Don't give me your back talk.
GP: (Patronizingly) Whatever you say, JT.
JT: Whoo! Score another one for the JT...er!
GP: Folks, there has been a whole heap of a lot of heat building up for this match. Personally, I think our cocky World champion may have met his match tonight in AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper).
JT: What?! I don't believe this. You're actually giving the freak a chance : the moron whose name wasn't long and stupid enough already, so he had to go and make it even longer and stupider?
GP: Say what you will about his kooky personality, but even you have to admit that the Insane- I mean, the Really Really Cool One is a tremendous athlete.
JT: Why should I? He's never won a match in his life.
GP: He's a Grand Slam champion!
JT: Oh, please. It's all an illusion done by a lot of smoke and mirrors.
GP: ...My God, you're a moron.
JT: I know you are, but what am I?!
GP: My point proven. Well, despite what my imbecilic colleague thinks (and I use that word loosely), this match looks to be a classic. Seaman and the Really Really Cool One have been at each other's throats since Ice Age, and it comes to a close tonight. What I'm interested to see is if AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper)'s new gimmick, strange as it may seem, is going to improve his in-ring performance.
JT: Even if he's improved a million bajillion percent, Seaman will totally whip his butt.
GP: Another insightful comment from JT.
JT: Um ... blood?
GP: (Again patronizing) Sure thing, sport. Let's get to Meygon in the ring now for the introductions
Meygon is already in the ring, wearing less clothing than most pets owned by old people.
Meygon: The following contest, set for one fall, is tonight's main event, and is for the Internet Wrestling Organization - NOT Internet Wrestling Federation, Evan, you moron - World heavyweight title!!
Loud pop from the fans. Whoo. Good times.
Meygon: Introducing first ... hailing from Freakville, North Carolina ... standing at 6'1" tall and weighing 236 pounds ... he is the IWO's second-ever Grand Slam champion ... accompanied to the ring tonight by the Nude and Pen, the World's Deadliest Inanimate Object ... he is the Really Really Cool One, AWS NINJA (ALSO KNOWN AS GRASSHOPPERRRRRRR)!!!!!
"Three Point One Four" by the Bloodhound Gang begins blaring as the fans rise to their feet, some waving signs and some even wearing paintball masks in the fashion of their hero. They cheer wildly as AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) slowly walks out from the backstage, holding his spatula Pen in his right hand and accompanied by his friend the Nude. The Really Really Cool One strikes a quick martial arts pose and holds it for a few moments before continuing down the ramp. AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) hands Pen to the Nude before rolling into the ring and crouching down into a crouching martial arts pose. Still in this pose, he crabwalks over to his corner and straightens up.
Meygon: And next ... hailing from Los Angeles, California ... also standing at 6'1" tall and weighing 233 pounds ... he is a former IWO North American, United States, and two-time Unified champion, and the CURRENT IWO World Heavyweight champion ... he is the master of the Vice Versa and the Silencer ... he is SSSIIIIMMMOOONNNN SSSSEEEAAAMMMAAAANNNNN!!!!
"Relax" by Powerman 5000 plays, and the fans' cheers turn into boos, with even more energy than they used in cheering Seaman's opponent. Simon Seaman, cocky as ever, struts out from the back with his World title carefully placed across his shoulder. Simon smirks as he walks down the ramp, ignoring the fans' jeers. He actually seems in a pretty good mood, even moving to slap hands with a few kids at ringside - before jerking his hand away at the last second and looking at the kids in disgust, before shaking his head and continuing down to the ring. Simon ascends the ring steps and steps through the middle rope, handing his belt to the ref and cautioning him not to get it dirty. AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) simply stands in his corner and stares at Seaman as he performs tai-chi.
GP: Seaman's such a pompous ass. He could've taken a few precious seconds out of his entrance to slap hands with those kids at ringside.
JT: What, and get their grubby hands all over him, contaminating him and his title? Why, if you think he should have done that, then the terrorists have already won.
GP: ...What the HELL is that supposed to mean?
JT: I don't know, you're the play-by-play man.
JT: So kiss my black ass! Ahahahahahahahaha! Works every time...
GP: (Sigh) This is going to be a long match.
The bell rings. Seaman stops adjusting his hair and AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) stops his tai-chi, and both men advance towards the center of the ring, where they stare each other down.
JT: Does that idiot really think that he learned martial arts by doing nothing but watch porn for a couple days?
GP: He claims to be "one with the porn."
JT: And I can claim that prostitutes are a business expense on my taxes, but it ain't gonna make Mr. Miagi wax my car.
GP: JT, what have I told you about talking while the grown-ups are trying to work?
Suddenly, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) and Seaman break out into a fist fight, throwing rights and lefts. Seaman quickly gets the advantage, backing the Really Really Cool One up against the ring ropes. He bounces AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) into the ropes and whips him across the ring, going for a clothesline as his opponent comes back. The Really Really Cool One ducks, bounces off the other side, and goes for a clothesline of his own, but Seaman drops down and performs a leg sweep, taking out AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper)'s legs from underneath him. Surprisingly, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) is able to perform a complete flip, landing on his feet, and quickly dropping a leg onto Seaman before he has a chance to get to his feet.
GP: Amazing display of athleticism by AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper)!
JT: Ha! You think that's something? You should've seen when Seaman single-handedly saved the World Trade Centers.
GP: JT, that is just wrong! The World Trade Centers were destroyed!
JT: Yeah, that's what "they" want you to think.
GP: Do you need a time-out?!
JT: No, no, I'll be good.
Seaman quickly gets back to his feet, and the two men tie up. AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) shoves him back into one of the turnbuckles. Angered more than dazed, Seaman comes back out of the corner and again locks up with the Really Really Cool One. This time, Simon gains the advantage and shoves AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) back into the opposite corner.
GP: These two men are so equally matched in not only strength, but size: the same height, and only three pounds difference between them, which makes this match even more difficult to call.
JT: What are you talking about? This match is as easy as can be to predict. Final score : Seaman, one billion and five; AWS Ninja (also known as
Grasshopper), negative ten.
GP : ...What score?!
AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) comes back out of the corner, putting his hands out for a collar-and-elbow tie-up. As Seaman moves to oblige, the Really Really Cool One delivers a swift kick to the unmentionables. The ref, on the other side of Seaman, didn't notice a thing.
JT: GAHHH!! Blatant cheating by AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper)!
GP: Oh, as if Seaman's never used a low blow.
JT: It's different for him. He's World champ.
GP: That doesn't make it any better!
JT: Of course it does. Seaman makes everything better. Even self-gratification, when you picture his face as you're doing your thing.
JT: Can we pretend I never said that?
GP: Yes, that would be for the best.
Seaman leans over and clutches his privates, with a look of extreme surprise and pain on his face. AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) takes this opportunity to grab him by the head and execute a DDT. The Really Really Cool One springs up, takes a running start, and bounces off the ropes with a springboard moonsault, connecting on Seaman's body. AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) rips Seaman to his feet and launches him into the turnbuckle, running in after him, but Seaman sticks his foot up at the last second and AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) runs straight into it, unmentionables first.
JT : Ha! What goes around, comes back piss-drunk with a loaded shotgun.
AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) staggers backward, bent over much as Seaman was. As he does this, Seaman pulls himself onto the top turnbuckle and stands up. When the Really Really Cool One looks up, Seaman leaps for the Silencer (top-rope Blockbuster), but AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) ducks his head and catches Seaman on his shoulders in position for the Break Your Freakin' Neck (Burning Hammer-style inverted DVD). Seaman's momentum caused the Really Really Cool One to lose his grasp, though, and Seaman wriggles out. AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) turns into a boot to the stomach, after which he gets hooked up into a fisherman's suplex position by Seaman. The World champ lifts him up into a Vice Versa (Fisherman's DDT into Michonoku Driver). He covers.
JT : Ha! It's over already!
Ref : 1 ... 2 ..-
AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) gets his shoulder up, breaking the count.
JT: Damn it, ref, are you blind? That was blatant cheating!
GP: How so?
JT : I don't have to explain myself to the likes of you!
Not really surprised, Seaman lifts AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) up by the hair and whips him into the ropes, but the Really Really Cool One reverses. Seaman goes for a clothesline as he comes back, but AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) ducks and, before Seaman hits the ropes and turns back around, launches a Knock Your Freakin' Head Off (thrust kick) that catches Seaman in the back of the head, and carries him over the top rope to the outside right in front of the announce table.
GP: Whoa, that came out of nowhere!
JT: Well, where did you expect it to come from? Cleveland?
GP: Na, I was thinking Maryland.
JT: Oh. I hear it's quite nice this time of year.
GP: No you don't.
JT: (Depressed) I know.
AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) backs to the other side of the ring and waits for Seaman to pull himself to his feet using the announce table. Once Seaman's made it most of the way up, the Really Really Cool One runs and takes a suicide dive through the ropes at Seaman. At the last moment, Seaman dodges to the side and, in the same motion, grabs AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper)'s head and drives it into the announce table. AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) bounces off and crumples to the ground as Seaman collapses to his knees and catches his breath, rubbing the back of his head.
GP: What an amazing match! These two are trying to tear each other apart!
JT: What did you expect, Parker? AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) badmouthed Seaman. That's like killing someone's mom and taking a dump on her chest.
GP: ...No! No, it's not!
JT: Yeah, not strong enough of an example. I don't think there really is anything that comes close to how bad what that long-named bastard did.
AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) has made his way to his feet, but Seaman rushes forward again and grabs the Really Really Cool One by the back of the head, violently slamming it three more times onto the announce table surface. Seaman finally lets go, allowing AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) to dazedly stumble away, trying to gain his bearings. Seaman waits for him to turn back around and then charges with what would be a hellacious clothesline, if AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) didn't dive down and drop toe hold Seaman into the outer ring post.
JT: NOOOO!! Not his heart-achingly beautiful face!
GP: JT, what have we talked about?
JT: Sorry. NOOOO!! Not his championship material face!
Seaman favours his face as he crawls over to the corner attempting to pull himself up via the guardrail. Slow moving and vulnerable for an attack, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) gradually returns to his feet and follows his opponent. Trying to seek refuge over the security barrier, the Really Really Cool One arrives in time and prevents him from doing so. Turning him around, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) proceeds to punish the champ with a series of knife edge chops that echo throughout the arena. With Seaman in trouble, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) takes a breather before positioning his adversary for a backdrop suplex and setting him down right on the edge of barrier, crotching him in the process.
JT: Oh no, not again. Can we get some ice out here, please? What the hell is the challenger's fascination with injuring that man below the belt?
GP: Maybe for the good reason that neither now or ever should there be another person like Simon Seaman walking this earth ever again. Maybe he's doing something good for the IWO for a change.
JT: For the first time in the history of this world, I agree with you. Simon Seaman is one of a kind and should never be duplicated.
GP: You are impossible.
JT: No, Parker. My name is JT. Sound it out. Jay-Tee. Sound it out.
As Simon crashes to the ground on the other side of the barrier, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) reaches over to pull him up. With security making a valiant effort to keep the crowd from the action, the action continues as the champion rises to his feet, somewhat wobbly from the previous attack. With a glazed over look on his face, the Really Really Cool One goes in for the kill, but Seaman manages to get in some offense and guillotines the challenger across the barrier as a touch of blood is seen on his lip. Staggering about, Simon takes a moment to recover and as AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) switches his attention back to the champ, Seaman pulls himself up onto the barrier and leaps off of it, connecting with a shoulder block that sends both competitors to the floor. The ref attempts to intervene and tries to reason with them to get back into the ring, but Seaman merely ignores it and executes a set of mounting punches. Reeling on the ground, the champ gets in a final punch before staring up at the audience and mouthing something off at them. They react by booing him loudly and heckling him as he slowly gets up and drives AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper)'s head against the side of the broadcast table.
GP: Hey, hey, hey! We just bought this table yesterday. The Spanish team left here earlier tonight, so be careful with this one. It's the only one we've got.
As AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) rises to his knees, Seaman maintains the advantage with a couple of elbows to the back of his head. With the ref pleading with the champion, Seaman just waves him off and hooks his opponent up and sets him down with a reverse suplex that is strong enough to knock the wind out of AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper), but doesn't break the table.
GP: Are you even listening to me? That's it. Fine! Break the table. I don't care anymore. Just know that ten dollars is coming out of both your
JT: Relax, Parker. They didn't break it. Trust me, the last thing Seaman wants to do is seriously injure you, myself and even his opponent in front of us.
GP: Yeah, okay. Do pigs fly too?
JT: Sheesh! Yeah, right. Pigs? Flying? They can't even get on the phone to purchase plane tickets. How do you expect them to fly? In addition to that, you know how much it costs these days if you're a pig?
GP: Why do I even bother?
JT: Are you asking me or yourself?
GP: Nevermind. Back to the match.
Paintbrushing him as he lays there on the table, Seaman finally slides him off of it and back into the ring. Instead of going for the cover, Simon heads up to the corner and scales the top turnbuckle awaiting AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) to pull himself up. Apparently at a disadvantage, the Really Really Cool One returns to his feet with his back to the champ and as he turns around, Seaman leaps off the turnbuckle, but AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) amazingly connects with a drop-kick to his opponent's chest which sends him down to the canvas in a world of hurt. The fans get behind the challenger as he goes for the cover, hooking the leg shortly after.
Just as the ref is about to slam his hand a third time against the mat, Seaman manages to get the shoulder up just in time. The ref as well as AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) react to the count in shock.
GP: Damn it! He almost had him! That was oh so close!
JT: Close doesn't win the match. Almost having him doesn't give you the "W". Damning it...well, has no relevance to this match-up.
GP: Two men not only fighting for the belt, but for bragging rights as well. If Seaman were to pull out the win tonight, he would most likely be considered one of the greatest IWO world champions in the history of this company but that will all change if AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) could somehow defeat him and not only add another reign to his illustrious career, but be referred to all as the individual that dethroned Simon Seaman.
JT: I'd say that was true, but that would be a lie. Who am I? I tell the truth. Grasshopper boy loses, Seaman wins. It's as simple as that. Just because you go through this transformation that nobody and their mothers don't give a care about doesn't mean that equals to the belt around your waist.
Not letting up, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) quickly helps Seaman up and then whips him in the opposite rope. As Seaman bounces back, the Really Really Cool One connects with a back elbow. Both men appear to have a lot left in them as Seaman returns to his feet quickly is once again whipped into the ropes. AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) attempts another drop-kick, but Seaman hooks the top rope and stops himself. With his fellow competitor's head bouncing against the mat, the champ flips over AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) and hooks both legs for a bridge pin.
GP: Yet another pin attempt that didn't equal a pin. If this match keeps on going at the pace it is in fact going, we'll be here until next week.
AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) powers out of the bridge and lifts Seaman up, then after spinning around, he reverses his opponent's pin attempt.
JT: No doubt about it, but that's what you have to do to win. You need to pull out all the stops, you need to go out there and do your thing. If you don't, prepare to lose.
Turning around yet again, the Really Really Cool One executes a backslide pin attempt of his own.
JT: NO! Seaman just got out of that one!
GP: The champion barely kicked out. You've got to admit that Seaman needs to do something drastic real soon or his championship could be in serious jeopardy.
JT: What is not in a million years, Alex? Speaking of "Jeopardy!", I answered your remark in the form of a question. Therefore, not only do I win, but I am right. It all boils down to who wants it more. AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) doesn't and shouldn't want the title because
frankly, he doesn't deserve. Seaman should and will remain the champion for the fact that, for goodness sake, taking the title off an individual such as Simon Seaman is like taking the rising star power of Josh Hartnett in the brand new comedy "40 Days and 40 Nights" away. For all you fans watching at home, it's in theatres by the way.
GP: You took this time out, thirty seconds to be exact, to promote a movie that you had no business promoting or had no hand in the making of the film?
JT: Exactly. You know me too well. I should change my locks soon.
With both men at a standing position, Seaman attempts a clothesline, but AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) ducks. He then tries to take down the champion with a clothesline of his own, but Seaman ducks that. Seaman then hooks AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) from behind with a gut wrench, but the Really Really Cool One runs to the ropes and shakes him off. Seaman rolls away and charges him, but is unfortunately launched into the floor as he is hung out to dry on the top rope. Bouncing off of the rope, he is caught by his opponent and is captured into a schoolboy.
JT: Almost, but not three! Not three! That was not three!
The crowd gasps as Seaman is able to kick out just in time. AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) converses with the ref about the count and then makes his way over to Seaman to inflict more punishment. With Seaman in the middle of the ring, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) whips him into the corner. Running after him, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) connects with a shoulder to Seaman's midsection. Cringing in pain, the Really Really Cool One props his opponent up and perches him on the top turnbuckle. Slowly but surely climbing the turnbuckles, he stands up on the top turnbuckle and hooks Seaman up for what appears to be a superplex. With the crowd anticipating the move, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) struggles with Seaman as he won't budge. After two attempts, Seaman reverses it and gets himself out of the hold. With his adversary barely keeping himself standing, he slips to the second turnbuckle and just a second after that Seaman nails a sunset flip sitting powerbomb on his opponent which leaves the crowd in awe.
GP: Oh my god! Did you see that?
JT: I didn't think he had it in him, but somehow, he pulled that out.
GP: If you know me, I'm not a Seaman fan in any way, shape or form, but that
was something else.
Unable to make the cover, they both lay on the ground as they ref begins a mandatory ten count. Both competitors seek to regain their composure as they stare up at the rafters before returning to their feet. Seaman is the first to show any sign of movement and drags himself over to the corner. At a count of six, the champion hauls the challenger's leg behind him and cautiously finds his footing on the floor at ringside. Without warning, Seaman wastes no time and pulls AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) towards him and slams his right leg against the ring post. The challenger is heard screaming in pain as Seaman does it for the second time. Re-entering the ring under the bottom rope, Seaman scoots along the mat and attacks AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper)'s right knee. Holding him in place, Seaman flings his lower body up into the air and slams his knee down on his opponent's knee. Obviously in incredible discomfort, Seaman pulls himself to his feet and hooks both of his opponent's legs. Rolling him over on his back, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) tries everything to reverse it, but is unable to. With a Boston crab applied, Seaman releases the hold for a second and then spins around, hooking the legs behind him and being able to observe AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper)'s movements while in the submission maneuver. Yelling something at his adversary, the ref drops down and asks the Really Really Cool One if he wishes to quit, but AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) shakes his head in disagreement and uses all his might to find sanctuary with the bottom rope. Applying more pressure, Seaman leans forward, wrenching on AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper)'s legs. About three feet from the bottom rope, the challenger attempts to make one last effort and literally lunges for the rope, but Seaman backpedals and we end up back to square one.
GP: The pain must be unbelievably excruciating. This must be hell for him.
JT: I'm looking to the other two supporters of the challenger. If they throw in the towel, they'll be the smartest individuals I have ever met. If a nude man and or a kitchen utensil can can do this, I will be forever grateful.
GP: Two months of anguish comes down to this match. Who's it going to be? The challenger? The champion?
Inching over to the ropes, Seaman tries to prevent it from happening, but to no avail. Crawling on the mat, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) is about an arm's length away from the bottom rope. Just as he is about to reach for it, Seaman releases the hold and puts the boots to the back of his opponent. Looking to end this match quickly, Seaman exits the ring and walks over to the timekeeper's table. Picking up his title, he places it back down and then grabs the ring bell instead. With the ref tending to the challenger, he doesn't notice Seaman non-chalantly walking up the steel steps and back into the ring. Hiding the object behind him, he motions for his opponent to return to a standing position.
GP: Not this way. It can't end like this.
JT: It can and it will. He has what's coming to him.
With the ropes, the Really Really Cool one sluggishly pulls himself up and then turns around. Seaman walks over to him and as the crowd boos while he is about to clock him with the ring bell, the referee notices it at the last second and struggles with Simon for it. Momentarily, the champion is distracted letting the challenger take a breather. Seaman then shoves the ref to the other side of the ring and regains possession of the ring bell, but just as that occurs, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) comes out of nowhere and nails the ring bell right into the champ's face with a second thrust kick. The fans go absolutely crazy as the Really Really Cool One hooks the leg for the cover.
JT: He's cheating! No, no, no, no, no! He's not going to lose it like this. He can't, he won't, wait, will he? Please say no. Please say no!
GP: Seaman is out of it, the ref didn't see it, we could see a new world champion crowned in just a few moments.
Kicking the ring bell out of the ring, the referee notices the pin attempt and slides across the ring to make the cover.
Once again, Seaman barely gets his left shoulder up. Many fans in the arena start to cheer for they think a winner has been declared, but the ref quickly waves it off.
GP: Was that three?
JT: Seaman just got that shoulder up. I thank you Simon's shoulder!
GP: That had got to be the closest count to three in professional wrestling. The referee was merely centimeters from the canvas. Not inches,
centimeters. If that didn't get your heart going, you should check your pulse. How does he do it? I'd like to know what's in his breakfast.
Gradually pulling his opponent to his feet, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) whips Seaman into the opposite corner and as Seaman staggers towards him, the Really Really Cool One lifts the champ up, spins around, and sets him down with a powerslam. Positioned about seven feet from the corner, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) scales the turnbuckles and takes a moment to stare out at the crowd, signaling for his finishing move.
GP: Could this be it? Can he connect with that moonsault of his? That will be the question. If he can, you bet your ass that title will be his.
On the top turnbuckle, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) leaps off and lands the move.
JT: He's not winning any freakin' match with that "Win the Matching Freakinfier" or "Match the Freakin' Winnifier" or whatever the hell he calls. Let's just say he better not get the victory with that move. He better not.
GP: Here we go. He makes the cover. Is it finally happening. Is it finally going to happen?
JT: You bet your one dollar seven day rental of the Super Mario Brothers movie it isn't!
JT: Well we're betting on stuff, aren't we?
GP: Do your job, damn it! Keep your eyes on the match!
With every single member of the crowd on their feet, the ref drops down to make the count. The fans count along with the official as he sets his hand against the mat once. After a moment, he slams it down yet again. About to count the three, in the corner of his eye, he witnesses Seaman's foot draped across the bottom rope. Unable to make the official three count, the ref draws attention to it as AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) and the crowd react absolutely astonished.
GP: Seaman got his foot on the rope. My god, my god how is this happening?
JT: Seeing is believing, my friend. Though we are definitely seeing something that is unbelievable. Let me tell you that right now.
Somewhat frustrated from the previous occurrence, AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) slams his fist against the canvas and then continues to put the punishment to the fallen champion in serious trouble. Kicking him repeatedly in the ribs, Seaman ends up against the corner. Exhausted appearing as he has nothing left, the Really Really Cool One charges his opponent and miraculously, Seaman sidesteps and lets his adversary hit his shoulder hard into the ring post. Climbing the turnbuckles, he glances below him at his injured opponent and as AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) staggers around in agony, he turns around and looks up and is met by a Silencer that quiets the crowd almost instantly. Laying motionless for a few, Seaman is able to get enough strength in him to drag himself over to AWS Ninja (also known as Grasshopper) and drape a single arm over his opponent's chest.
JT: Silencer! Oh how sweet is it!
GP: He has to get out of this one. He has to get out of it somehow.
The crowd counts along with ref.
The hand couldn't come down for a final time, AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper)'s foot logged on the bottom rope. Seaman slowly glanced up, his eyes crystally hazed, dejected.
But not defeated.
Seaman got to his feet using the ropes he was so close to, and motioned. He was making some sort of windmill action with his hands, when suddenly, Nuke comes racing out from the backstage area, baseball bat and steal chair in the ring. Seaman props himself up on the turnbuckle as Nuke rolls the bat inside.
GP: What the hell is Nuke doing out here?!?
JT: Dude! It's ingenious!
Nuke slides in himself, chair in his hands, as the referee tries to admonish him. Nuke however, rears back and blasts the referee in the temple, sending him down to the mat with a vicious sting. Nuke looks down at the fallen AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper), and spits at him, lifting the baseball bat off the canvas.
Nuke turns around and slams the baseball bat into Seaman's temple.
Seaman falls down like a ton of bricks, his forehead cut, the referee cut, and all three men down.
The one man standing, is the man who shouldn't be.
Nuke slide out of the ring, taking the baseball bat out with him, as he turned back towards the backstage area. He stopped however, to turn around, and watch.
GP: Nuke just caused chaos! Seaman is down, the referee is down, both are bleeding, and... AWS Ninja(Also known as Grasshopper) is getting up!
AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper is getting to his feet, holding his neck in pain. He looks around, and notices the fallen Seaman, and attribuites it to his awesome counter to a move he didn't counter. He looked down at Seaman, and picked him up, setting him upside down in the air. AWS Ninja(Also known as Grasshopper) drops Seaman with a vicious emerald fusion, also known as Drop you on your Freakin' Face. The crowd lets out a huge amount of applause, as the referee slowly gets back to his senses.
JT: NO! NO! NO! IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!
*Ding, ding, ding*
AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper) gets to his feet, as the referee slowly crawls over to fetch him his World Heavyweight Championship. With the sight of this, AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper) pratically breaks down into tears, reminiscent of Shawn Michael's win at Wrestlemania XII. The Nude comes into the ring, along with spatula, as they all embrace in the ring... yeah...
AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper) holds the belt up, and yells out something.
AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper): I DID IT MR. TOOTHBRUSH! I DID IT!
GP: AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper) calling out to his former co-champion Joey Malone, as he stands in the ring for the first time, holding the belt which is just his.
JT: WHY THE HELL WOULD NUKE DO SUCH A THING! AFTER EVERYTHING SEAMAN HAS DONE FOR HIM! HE'S GIVEN HIM A JOB, FOOD, MONEY, SHELTER!
GP: Actually, CEO Ford gave him all that, Seaman just tried to make Nuke his bitch.
JT: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH PARKER!
GP: Oh what, with a face like Seaman, he HAS to be gay!
JT: Oh I'm so going to finish what I started earlier tonight!
JT lunges at Greg Parker as the camera focuses over AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshoppers)'s shoulder looking at Nuke. Both men lock eyes, when suddenly, from behind, Simon Seaman cracks AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper) in the back of the head with the steel chair that was used to take out the referee. He stood there, a bloody mess, a wild look in his eyes. He then caught the Nude with the steel chair, AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper)'s manager with it, knocking him down. He then looked down at the spatula.
Simon Seaman: I'd knock you out too if you weren't inanimate! I'm the IWO! You can't do this to me!
Seaman looked down the rampway, as he saw Nuke, the man who cost him the title. Immediatly he went racing after him, as they met in the middle of the entrance ramp, trading blows back and forth until referee's from the back came to break them up. Slowly, inside the ring, AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper) took the microphone and the championship belt while gaining his foothold.
AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper): Ya freakin' know what? I'll take you both on at that freakin' pay per view that has that doesn't have the porn because it's all serious....
Nude: Desperate Measures?
AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper): Sure, why the freak not?
And with that, Seaman was pulled away from Nuke, and hung his head, in defeat.
AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper) held the championship on his shoulders, as we saw a split frame, three sides, Nuke, Seaman, and AWS Ninja(Also Known as Grasshopper), before fading out.