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Hostile Takeover
The IWO logo fades in and out three times, accompanied by that fun fun silly willy heartbeat. Then lightning cracks, logo goes boom, and we fade to the sold-out (heh heh ... such a kidder) Hostile Takeover arena. The camera pans the Dudleyville crowd, some of whom are holding of signs, except that they're all for various Dudleys, so we can just skip the advertising for non-IWO wrestlers. The camera cuts to the announcers, who look confused.

GP : Hello, all you fans out there joining us through the magic of the Internet. Welcome to Hostile Takeover, live from the Dudley Arena in Dudleyville!

JT : Why exactly ARE we in Dudleyville? I always thought it was a made-up place, like Parts Unknown, and Alaska.

GP : So did I, but apparently not. Well, I just hope we can finish this show fast and get the hell out of here. Hopefully it'll go by fast, since out lazy-ass bookers only made five matches.

JT : Thank God for laziness!

GP : Oh, great. Now I'm getting a message that we have to go backstage for a special announcement from our ... commissioner. Groan.

JT : Where exactly do you get these "messages?"

GP : From the transmitter embedded deep in my brain, that the IWO also uses to send painful shocks to me whenever I'm not acting enough like JR. Don't you have one?

JT : Um ... no.

GP : Damn it, those sons of bitches told me it was mandatory for all announcers! That's it! They've screwed Greg Parker for the last time! I'm just gonna pretend they're all black and start up a lynching mob-

Greg's latest racist rant is cut short when the camera cuts backstage to AWS Commish (also known as Dictator)'s bathroom office. Instead of sitting behind his desk, the commissioner is resting in a hammock strung up in one of the stalls. Uncomfortably resting is a lot more accurate, since public bathroom stalls aren't generally wide enough to leave room for a stretched-out individual. Nevertheless, the commissioner doesn't seem to mind. He struggles to a sitting position to face the camera.

AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : Hel-freakin'-lo, adoring viewing public watching me through the other magic box with tiny moving people inside it that makes it quite easy to access free porn. It is I, your commissioner dohicky thingy, with an important freakin' announcement. President Ford won't be here tonight, as he's afraid of Doodleys, or something. I, uh, wasn't freakin' paying attention again. This time it wasn't my fault, though; well, not unless you count humming the tune to Bloodhound Gang songs and sticking my fingers in my freakin' ears while on the phone my fault. I blame the government. Freakin' who wants to live in a stupid backwards Communist democracy, anyway? Why, I oughtta march right up to Charles, and be like, "If you're really in charge, how come you ain't doing BANANA about my freakin' newspaper getting stolen?!" Yeah, that's right, I'd use the B-word; that's how angry I'd be. And if he gave me any lip, I might just use the Q-word ... wait, what is the Q-word?

Pen : ...

AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : Me? Having a point to my special announcements? What freakin' have you been smoking?

Pen : ...

AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : Oh yeah ... crack'll do that to you.

Pen : ...

AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : Heyyyy, you're right! Ahem. Pen has brought to my attention the fact that I actually had a freakin' reason for having this special announcement. You see, Klondike has made me their new advertising spokesperson. That means I get to be the person who asks people, "Would you sell your children to the black market for a Klondike bar?" and stuff like that. At least, Klondike will have no choice but to make me their spokesperson once they see this. I could so kick the ass of that freakin' bald guy that they have now who won't even show his coward face on camera. Watch and unlearn.

After struggling to get out of the hammock for several minutes, despite the fact that there's nothing whatsoever tangled up or in his way, the Insane One gets to his feet and walks up to a closed stall. Using Pen, he whacks the lock off the stall door and shoves the door open, to reveal a man in his 40's taking a leak. The man hastily zips up and faces the commissioner in indignation.

Man : Hey, what do you think you're doing?! First you put a damn desk in the middle of the bathroom, and now you're interrupting my happy time!

Guess he wasn't taking a leak after all.

AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : Sorry about that, my good freakin' man, but if you'll notice the camera behind me, you'll ... um ... have seen the freakin' camera. And that camera means that I represent the Klondike ice cream square dessert thingamabob company. So, I have a question for you: Would you drink out of a toilet filled with your own urine for a Klondike bar?

Man : What?! Why the HELL would I do that when I can just go the store and get one for probably less than a dollar?!

AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : Because ... um ... it would make a freakin' good commercial?

Man : Too bad! If you want shit like that on your commercials, then HIRE ACTORS! You don't really think those Klondike commercials are real, do you?

AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : Of course. The little people in my magic box do it, and freak it, you're going to, too! Unless you'd care to get closely acquainted with my spatula friend here...

Man : You're threatening me with a spatula? You've got to be kidding me.

AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : ...who's holding a gun.

The camera pans to show Pen, who is right behind a gun also being held in AWS Commish (also known as Dictator)'s right hand.

Man : Oh, man, this can't be legal!

AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : Pen says it is, and you'd better get to freakin' making the commercial!

The man gulps, then turns around and starts doing his business in the toilet. He finishes and, grimacing, he bends down to drink out of the bowl. As he does so, AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) starts singing the Klondike jingle.

AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : For that chocolatey-coated ice cream, freakin' something something, this guy's drinking his whi-izz ... What would you do-oo-freakin'-oo, for a Klondike bar?!

The man finishes and comes up gagging.

Man : OK, I did it, you sick son of a bitch! Now where's my Klondike bar?!

AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : Oh, I don't have any Klondike bars WITH me. I don't have the job yet, sillyknuckles! You'll just have to, like, freakin' buy one or something. Now get out of my office before I change my mind.

Man : Before you change your mind about what? Not giving me shit?

AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : That's right! Freakin' now move!

The show cuts to commercial as AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) chases the man out.

[Commercial Break]

Harold Hash walks through the hallways of the Dudley Arena, passing by Dances With, Dubya, Jimmy M, and Martha Dudley.

DW: Many special 3D's for you, white man.

Dubya: Howdy!

Jimmy M: Heyyo, boy.

Hash stops.

Hash: Do I even know any of you?

They disperse, except for Martha.

Hash: What the hell are you still doing here, you woman? If you haven't noticed, I'm not a lover of your kind.

Martha: I have a message...

Hash: Who gives a fuck about your message. I've got a chance to kick this woman's ass tonight, and I'm not going to sit around and listen to you spout whatever you want to say. Now GET!

Martha gives him a hard, long, look. Then she turns and walks away.

Hash watches her walk away, then opens the door to his dressing room.

He screams.


Hash runs out of his dressing room, dragging something bloody behind him. He tosses it against the hallway wall, splattering blood against the carpet and ceiling as well as the wall and himself.

It's a cow's head, almost exactly like Gus The Black Angus's. It isn't, but... it's so... close...


Elsewhere in the Dudley Arena, Jeremy Yorba and Jenna Freebish hear the sounds of his screams. They look at each other, nod.

Jeremy: It's always good to have the Mob on your side.

Jenna: You've got that right. Now... we finish the job. I get my chance to just... hurt him. Badly.

We cut back to ringside.

Jackson Steele vs. cHEESE

GP: Ladies and gentleman, if you didn't know already, but how could you? Anyway, this is Hostile Takeover and welcome to it.

JT : Why are you welcoming the fans to Hostile Takeover like it's the beginning of the show?

GP : I dunno, it seems like something JR would do ... and I fear the transmitter.

JT: Oh. So anyway, what are we going to have tonight? Another dilly of a pickle just like every other night? A non-stop partay? Whoopee.

GP: You are so pessimistic. Can't you feel it in the air tonight? Do you smell it? We've got one hell of a show.

JT: I feel it, but it doesn't smell like a good show. More like feet.

"Titty Twister" by Diesel Boy blares through the speakers as Jackson Steele emerges from the entranceway and makes his way down to the ring to a decent reaction from the crowd.

Meygon: From Castle Rock, Colorado, he stands six feet tall and weighs in at 216 pounds. Accompanied to the ring by Mr. Bunny...JACKSON STEELE!

JT: You know, whenever I see Jackson Steele...I feel like an owl.

GP: Any why is that?

JT: Because the moment I see Jackson Steele, I keep on going who...who...who? HAHAHAHAHA...get it?!

GP: Unfortunately yes.

JT: Then my job is done.

Jackson Steele enters the ring and awaits his opponent to appear as his manager, Mr. Bunny, stays at ringside. Out of the blue, Steele's music is cut off by "Wide Open" by Soil as cHEESE and YoGuRt walk down to the

Meygon: His opponent...from Dairytown, West Virginia. Standing five feet, eleven inches tall and weighing in at 197 pounds. He is...cHEESE!

JT: I used to enjoy dairy products a lot when I was growing up and I still do today. Though, every time I see these guys I get sick to my stomach. Whether it be egg NOG or cHEESE or just hearing about the Legion Dairy, I begin to despise everything related to dairy.

GP: What about the Legion of Dairy disgusts you? What have they ever done?

JT: Why do I have to have a reason all of the sudden? They're the Legion of Dairy. Isn't that enough? They make me hate cheeses and they make me hate milk, both chocolate and the regular kind. Well, except breast milk, but that's a different story.

GP: Yeah, I didn't need to know it. Anyway, he we go. cHEESE enters the ring and the bell is rung. It's time to get this match started.

The referee signals for the match to start as both competitors size one another up. From across the ring, the two glare at each other before going in for a tie-up. The struggle for the advantage ensues as Jackson Steele executes a go behind, which is then reversed by cHEESE into a hammerlock. Steele tries to escape with a couple of back elbows, but they don't connect. Eventually, cHEESE headlocks his opponent and is guided to the ropes. Steele shoves cHEESE, who bounces off the ropes and ducks a clothesline. Off the other set of ropes, cHEESE comes in with a flying body press. A pin attempt gets only a one count as Steele jumps back on both feet. With a kick to his opponent's midsection, cHEESE whips Steele to the ropes and attempts a tilt-a-whirl slam, but Steele is able to counter the move with a headscissors takedown. Taking a moment to rest in a corner, Steele wastes no time and gets in a couple of back elbows. A knife edge chop gets cHEESE reeling before he is whipped into the opposite corner. Steele follows it up by driving his shoulder into cHEESE's midsection. As cHEESE staggers, Steele is able to pull off a beautiful hurancanrana.

GP: What a great move by Steele. I've heard a lot of good things about Jackson Steele as of late. Some say he's got a great deal of promise in the IWO.

JT: Yeah, I see what you're getting at and I completely agree. I mean, seriously now, it's not like we're ever going to see the starts we'd come to love again after what happened at Gold & Glory. Particularly one star for that matter.

GP: I can't believe you're bringing that up again. He lost and so be it so deal with it. It has nothing to do with what's happening in that ring right now so talk about it later if you want to.

JT: Fine, be that way. Just don't make me say "I told you so" when we're both living in the same damn cardboard and the IWO goes bankrupt because of it.

Steele keeps his opponent down with a few boots to cHEESE's lower back. Sinking in a front face headlock, Steele backpedals into the counter and hoists himself up. Sitting on the top turnbuckle, he seeks to connect with a tornado DDT, but cHEESE stays on his feet and instead gets Steele into a Northern lights suplex which garners a two count before his opponent kicks out.

GP: Nice looking counter by cHEESE.

JT: Nice looking counter by cHEESE? You know how dumb that sounds? I can't believe you're doing play-by-play. Here, let me have your seat and save the damn broadcast.

GP: What makes you think you can save it?

JT: Look at me, Gregory. I can. Trust me.

GP: Trust you? Has anyone ever trusted you like, ever, in your entire life?

JT: No, but that's no reason to be judgmental.

With Steele on one knee, cHEESE executes a wrist lock and wrenches it in. Steele kneels motionless for a bit before attempting to reverse the hold. Suddenly, cHEESE releases the hold and goes for a backdrop suplex. Steele is able to flip over and land on his feet and connect with a backdrop suplex of his own. Coming off the ropes, he follows it up with a senton splash and a cover. The ref counts to two, but cHEESE gets his shoulder up before the three count. Helping cHEESE up to his feet, Steele whips him into the ropes. Gripping the top rope, Steele taunts his opponent to come over. Getting a running start, the attack backfires as Steele drops to the mat and pulls the rope down, allowing cHEESE to spill onto the floor at ringside.

GP: This Jackson Steele is one impressive competitor. Let me tell you, he...

JT: Impressive, huh? This from a man who thinks the P'zone pizza at Pizza Hut is a supernatural marvel.

GP: Um, that's you.

JT: Darn tootin'.

GP: Who uses that anymore?

JT: Are you stupid? I just did.

Once Steele is successful with a snap suplex to cHEESE, he re-enters to the ring and awaits his opponent to rise to his feet. Steele launches himself off the ropes behind him while cHEESE pops up on the outside and as he turns around, he is met with a somersault plancha that brings both competitors down hard to the floor. Jackson Steele favours his neck before whipping his opponent into the steel steps. cHEESE hits hard and struggles to his feet as Steele charges at him. Looking to continue the punishment, the tables are turned as cHEESE lifts Steele up and sends him down face first onto the steps.

GP: cHEESE is showing some smart wrestling. Steele has speed, but if cHEESE can use his skills to his advantage, he'll be able to slow down the pace of this match.

JT: Can you believe it? Steele hits steel! This is showtime at the Apollo material, people!

cHEESE rolls him back into the ring and chokes Steele with his boot. The ref warns him and counts to four before he releases the hold. Steele pulls himself up with assistance from the ropes and is then pummeled with rights by cHEESE. Steele is whipped towards the ropes as cHEESE looks for a back body drop, but his opponent notices it and kicks him square in the face. cHEESE reels back as Steele runs at him, but is able to nail a powerslam. He drops down to make the cover, hooking the leg in the process, but only gets two as Steele kicks out at the last second.

JT: Steele is showing some tenacity I must say. If you tenacity was really a city, he'd be the mayor of it. That's for sure.

GP: Why did the IWO hire you again?

JT: They hired me? Truly, I do know why, but the truth will hurt you because the truth hurts.

GP: Thanks for clearing that up for me.

cHEESE talks to the ref for a second and then drags Steele over to the corner. Helping Steele on his feet, cHEESE smacks him on the chest with an open hand as the sound echoes throughout the building. Another slap gets a gasp from the crowd. Steele stumbles to the middle of the ring and is whipped into the ropes once more. He comes back as cHEESE lifts him up into the air, though Steele gets a surprising counter off. The dropkick in mid-air sends cHEESE down to the canvas while both men lay there momentarily.

GP: The agility of Steele is tremendous. What a great counter.

JT: To the people at home with slow Internet connections, I'd like to sincerely apologize for the fact that Greg Parker is on your computer screen appearing as though he's doing the robot.

GP: Would you call the match?

JT: Do I need to tell you again? If you don't want to do play-by-play, give me your seat. Sure, the colour commentary will suffer greatly because of the lack of witty wit that I provide, but I'm willing to sacrifice that if I get to hear me more and you less as the night goes on.

The crowd cheers on both competitors as they rise to their feet, relatively at the same time. cHEESE pulls off a set of stiff forearms to the back of Steele and sets him up for a reverse DDT. He attempts to execute, but Steele blocks it. A second attempt is blocked once again and a third try is met with punches from Steele that soften his opponent up. cHEESE, with the inverted facelock in, goes for another move, yet Steele is sent up and over cHEESE's shoulder. Landing on his feet, Steele nails cHEESE with a few knees to his back. and connects with the Bunny Stunner out of nowhere. The inverted DDT sends cHEESE down to the mat and Steele goes for the cover and almost gets a three count, but his opponent kicks out just in time.

GP: What an upset that would've been. Steele and cHEESE are neck and neck. Its really anyone's match to win.

JT: You know what was my prediction for the winner of this match? I told you earlier tonight.

GP: So who?

JT: Jackson Steele or cHEESE. It's a long shot, but I think there's a chance.

Steele takes a break and keeps cHEESE down with a sleeper variation. The crowd gets riled up as cHEESE gets to his knees and connects with a few elbows to Steele's gut. The hold is released as cHEESE knees his opponent in the midsection and bounces off the ropes with a clothesline followed by another. Whipping Steele into the corner, cHEESE charges and is able to get one more clothesline off. Steele doubles over and is lifted onto the top turnbuckle. As cHEESE knife edge chops his opponent to stabilize him, he begins to climb up the turnbuckles. Standing at the top, he hooks Steele up and a superplex follows. cHEESE tries to make the cover, but his momentum is shifted and Steele is able to cover cHEESE instead. The ref counts one, two, and just about three, but cHEESE rolls himself over and hooks Steele. The ref makes another count, but the pin attempt only gets two as Steele kicks out.

JT: I can't believe Steele is still in this thing. He's been thrown around every which way and he's even thrown himself around, but he just won't stay down.

cHEESE looks around in disbelief as he sets Steele up for what looks to be a vertical suplex. He lifts him up and stalls before trying to set him down, but Steele counters and pulls off a DDT which literally shakes the ring. Without a moment's notice, Steele ascends to the top turnbuckle. Several fans rise to their feet in anticipation.

GP: This might be it right here. It looks like Steele is going for that patented Bunny's Revenge. If he can connect with that Phoenix Splash, it's going to be over more sooner than later.

JT: Good. Though to think...I could've got something to eat during this match and chose not to. Big mistake on my part. Do you know that they have Fritos, Tostitos AND Doritos at this place? Do you have any idea of how kick ass that is?! Those are my favourite "itos" for goodness sake!

Steele leaps for the Phoenix Splash, but at the last second, cHEESE moves out of the way and Steele falls to the canvas. Holding his gut, cHEESE rises to his feet and strikes Steele in the gut and connects with the reverse Michinoku Driver. With Steele down in the middle of the ring, cHEESE covers his opponent and hooks both legs for one, two, three.

JT: YES! cHEESE WINS! Now I'm going to get some food!

GP: Oh no you're not.

JT: Why do you need me here for?

GP: If you're gone, who's going to do colour?

JT: Don't worry. I'll come back.

GP: No you won't.

JT: True.

"Wide Open" by Soil hits the speakers as the ref raises cHEESE's arm, declaring him the winner. Sliding out of the ring, he makes his way to the entranceway as Steele uses the ropes to pull himself up.

GP: That was one interesting match-up right there.

JT: You think the vendor can get us something?

GP: Are you that hungry? Why didn't you eat before the show?

JT: I was going to, but what were my choices? Year old bagels and rotten sandwiches. We can't even get good catering in the IWO. For shame.

GP: Anyway folks, we've got more Hostile Takeover for you coming up. Don't change the channel or the website or the radio station or whatever the heck the IWO is on now. We'll be back after this.

[Commercial Break]

"Dead Wrong" by Biggie Smalls hits the PA, which instantly moves the crowd to furious chorus of boos and jeers, as the IWO World Champion makes his way to the ring.

Nuke walks with air of determination, and the IWO Title dragging behind in his left hand. He rolls into the ring, and leans over toward the official's table demanding a microphone. He is promptly handed one.

Nuke takes position in center ring, glaring in disgust at all the fans yelling hatefully at him. He holds up the World Title with one hand displaying it arrogantly to the crowd.

Nuke: This is what it was all for huh? This is what I've fought so long, sacrificed so much; bled god knows how many pints for. This is what is it was for. What I've given so much for. What I've given my personal life, well-being, sanity, and now the love of my life. For this…belt.

The crowd quiets for a moment, attempting to understand just what he's trying to get at.

Nuke: Well FUCK you and FUCK you're belt!

This prompts additional boos from the crowd as well as trash being hurled into the ring.

Nuke: But I'll keep your belt. I'll be your World Champion. For no other reason than to spite you. This is the first in a long list of punishments all of you and the IWO will endure, for what you've done to me.

His last statement still remains nebulous to everyone involved with the IWO except for Nuke himself. But considering Nuke came out to the ring unannounced and requested a microphone, it seems he's ready to explain it to us.

Nuke: When I think back to my early days in the IWO and how reverently I viewed our World Champions and how I yearned to be Champion myself, it makes me sick. I put so much importance with entertaining all of you, and aspiring to the position I've now reached today I've completely lost myself.

I degenerated myself to a vile, wicked, obscene, grotesque, monster…and for what? For a few laughs? I couple titles?

Nuke begins to pace the ring

Nuke: Now, because of this Diamond is dead. You've killed her. You made me what I am.

The crowd boos feverishly at Nuke's blind denial of the facts, and his inability to cope with Diamond's suicide.

Nuke: You can sit there and deny it all you want, but the fact remains that you're solely responsible. It was you who compelled me to be so deranged. It was you who made me lose sight of what was important. It was you who loosened my already meager grip on reality. It was you who allowed me to do all this without interfering to help me when it was so obvious I needed it. It was all you.

The deaths of my girlfriend and my unborn child are on your heads. The time for judgment rapidly approaches.

Rape me.

"Dead Wrong" by Biggie Smalls plays yet again as Nuke steps out of the ring and out to his dressing room. The crowd is too confused by his words, and the fact he accuses them of playing a role in Diamond's suicide to boo. Is further explanation necessary?

Schitzo Tod vs. Bossa Nova

GP- This next match should be a doooooozzzzyyyyy!!!

JT - What? GP are you high?

GP- I think it is pretty obvious that I am...

GP gets up and starts to break dance on top of the table.

JT- Wow, I've never seen this side of you before....I love it...

JT hops on the table and starts to break dance with GP. GP realizes this and gets down and pushes JT off the front of the table.

GP-hehe..What an idi-

GP is suddenly severely shocked.


Announcer - The next for the lamest guy in the IWO Title!! Introducing first...from inside Rob Kestler's ass....SCCCCCCHHHHTIIIIIZZZZZZOOOOO TOOOOOOOOODDDDDD!!!!!!

"Date Rape" by sublime plays on the PA as Schitzo Tod cartwheels down to the ring.

GP- Wow....that's....that's pretty impressive.

JT- Ow...why did you push me off the table?

GP- I don't know...sheesh I got bored. (Experiences a slight shock) I mean, cause you were being a damned, tarnationed, damned, rootin' tootin' rattlesnake!

JT- What?

GP- Just please don't make me talk anymore.

Announcer- And introducing next....From the left side of Nuke's testicle...BOOOOOSSSSSAAAAA NOOOOOOOVVVVAAAAA!!

"Sorry about your Penis" by Smashmouth plays on the PA as Bossa Nova attempts to backflip down to the ring but falls and breaks his neck and dies instantly.

GP- Awwww, Bossa Nova had a good future too...

JT- Yea, right...he will be a Erik Blake...a jobber for a year and then magically get a title...WAKE UP GP! THAT IS THE ONLY TIME THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN!

GP- =(

Schizto Tod starts jumping around in the ring in victory when magically Bossa Nove comes flying in from the raptors with a cross body press on Tod.


JT- That made no sense whatsoever!


JT- Take your damn caps off you whore...

GP- Oops...I forgot I had them on...

Bossa Nova picks up Schizto Tod in a suplex but spontanieously combusts.

JT- What the hell is going on?

GP- Don't look at me...

Announcer- That's it....The winnerof this match due to utter stupiduty.... Schitzo Tod!!!

JT- Well, that was random...

GP- Very random.

JT- But I could do something more random!

JT grabs a girl from the crowd and starts to make love to her. She goes along with it until GP recognizes who she is.

GP- JT! Stop! It's the 14 year old girl from the R. Kelly sex tap!

Girl- And I'll see you in court....

The girl hands JT a piece of paper as JT collapses as the scene fades...

The scene cuts to Jeremy walking around the back stage area. He is holding a cup of coffee, like most wrestlers are when they are backstage.

Jeremy: I think the fake cows head got to Hash, I wonder what Jenna is doing, she said she was going back tot he dressing room for a little bit. I will go check up on her.

Jeremy walks to his their dressing room, He opens the door and drops his coffee, and Jenna is fucking 5 guys at the same time, all black with 14" cocks. Jeremy drops to his knees yelling.


Told you he was yelling, the guys stop reaming Jenna, she looks at Jeremy.

Jenna: What are you yelling for? You knew before we got together that I was a huge slut. I mean don't you pay attention to what Hash says ever? I mean he is the only one that apparently can ever see threw my farce, so stop your yelling and go get some more coffee.

Jeremy stands up heartbroken, slightly. He walks out. The guys all finish up fucking Jenna and cum all over her body. After they leave she goes to take a shower, time elapses. When she gets out of the shower she sits on a chair. She pulls out a dildo and a picture of Hash. She starts to masturbate with the dildo.

Jenna: Oh Hash no one fills me like you do!!

The scene fades to black.

[Commercial Break]

OOC: Just letting people know, the IWO, and especially Aaron Smith, does not take responsibility for this match. This was all David. Plus, you know, I warned people to RP.

Harold Hash/Pen vs. Jenna Freebish/Jermy Yorba

Meygon: This is a normal tag match, it is for nothing except for bragging rights and retribution for what Hash did to Jenna at the last Hostile Takeover. The first in the match is a new tag team and "lethal" assassin of the IWO; they are JENNA FREEBRISH and JEREMY YORBA!

"Out of Here" by Our Lady Peace plays over the PA system. Jeremy and Jenna walk out from the background. They make their way down to the ring. They stand in the ring Jenna behind Jeremy.

Meygon: And their opponents two of the most dangerous fighters in the IWO. One never shows his pain or any expression for that. The other is just fucking crazy. They weigh in at a combined weight of 235 pounds and 14 ounces. They are the N.W.B. AKA NOTORIOUS WIFE BEATERS!

"Fuck the Police" by NWA plays over the arena. Hash and Pen come from the backstage area wearing matching blue bandanas like the gangsta thugs they be. Hash is holding a brown bag 40 ouncer. They come down to the ring and get in. Hash throws his 40 at Jenna's head but misses barely.

JT: Man Hash is so hardcore, he almost fucked that bitch up before the match started.

GP: Man this is so fucked up, what the hell is wrong with David?

Aaron Smith comes out of no where and sits down next to JT and Greg.

Aaron: You really don't want to start on that do you? I have only five words, racist pedophile violent demented rapist.

Aaron gets up and leaves just as fast as he got there. Greg and JT are stunned and amazed, and no one knows why.


GP: And this match is starting, it looks like Jeremy is going to start it off. Hash is in the corner talking with his "home boy" Pen. Jeremy walks up behind him but Hash turns around and nails him with PEN! THAT SHOULD DISQUALIFY HASH! HE JUST USED A WEAPON ON JEREMY!!

JT: No he used his tag partner. There is nothing against using your tag partner as a method of pain. It just so happens that Hashes partner is a spatula. So he technically didn't do anything wrong.

Hash lays Pen on the turnbuckle. He goes over to Jeremy and grabs his arm Hash has Jeremy in an arm bar, trying to hyper extend that elbow!

JT: Well it looks like Jeremy won't be able to masturbate for awhile after Hash is done with him.

GP: What do you mean? Jeremy is with Jenna I don't think he is masturbating; he probably has sex with Jeremy.

JT: What are you talking about? We saw Jenna getting fucked by those dark skins earlier. You know that Jeremy isn't getting up in that, he just doesn't "measure up."

Hash lets off with the arm bar and picks up Jeremy. Hash throws Jeremy into the ropes and does a standing drop kick to his face. Hash looks over Jeremy's body and grinds his boot into Jeremy's face. Hash spits on Jeremy and then walks to his corner. He is looking at Jenna and smiling.

GP: Hash wants to get Jenna, he wants to go against her in this match.

JT: Yeah and from what we say she wants him too, she wants him multiple times too.

GP: Why do you keep bring that up?

JT: I dunno I like too.

Jeremy gets up and a rush at Hash but Hash does a spear to him stopping him in his tracks. Hash picks up Jeremy and whips him into his corner. Jenna does a blind tag to get in the match. Hash stands up and walks to the middle of the ring looking at Jenna the whole time. Jenna goes to walk towards him; they are looking into each other's eyes.

GP: Now this is what the fans want to see, Jenna is after Hash cause as long as they have been in the IWO Hash has been making crude remarks referring to her.

JT: Yeah and Hash just wants to violate her wonderful body, this should be a good thing happening.

Hash puckers his lips up at Jenna; Jenna reaches back and smacks Hash. Hash moves his head back towards her and smiles then lay her out with a punch. Hash picks her back up by the hair and swings her across the ring. Jenna is on her hands and knees trying to get up. Hash kicks her in the head back down to the ring. Hash picks her up and throws her into a neutral corner and starts to lay punches into her midsection.

JT: Hash is really giving it to Jenna, he is going to break her. God he is my idol.

GP: I think I am going to be sick, this is just unexplainable. I mean there is no excuse for hash to be doing this to them.

JT: Yeah there is, she killed a gopher and left it on his lawn. There is plenty of reason to be pissed off, you know Hash is a huge animal lover, just not too big on bitchy women.

GP: That makes sense.

JT: Sure does.

Hash stops punching in the stomach and grabs her by the throat. She is laying there defenseless after the beating has given her to the midsection. Hash reels back and lays a punch across her face breaking her nose. Blood starts to gush out of her. Hash drops her on the ground and starts kicking her and spits on her. Jeremy jumps over the ropes and goes to Hash but gets nailed with a standing sidekick by Hash.



Hash starts to stomp on Jeremy's body as he falls to the ground. Hash picks up Jeremy and drives him into the ring with a cradle piledriver. Hash goes to the top rope and hits the "This is a long name for a move that isn't all to impressive but i like cause I am like that, and if you don't like it you can suck on my toes till your nads fall off and smack you in the face...BWAHAHAHAHAHA, okay this is a really long name for a damn move, and it isn't all to descriptive and I know noone will ever call it that but I don't care, we are getting back to cause I am like that too, oh yeah this really isn't correct grammar. Barq's is the best Root Beer of all time" (450 Leg Drop.)


JT: Yeah I pretty much believe thatif it isn't then Hash has something in store for the both of them.

All of a sudden someone rushes from the crowd. It is Midget Nukehe grabs Jeremy and handcuffs him to the ring in a corner.


Midget Nuke straps a bomb to Jeremy's chest. Hash grabs Jenna and brings her to a corner. Midget Nuke is hooking the bomb up so he can make it explode. He looks over and sees Hash holding down Jenna in the corner. Hash rips off her top and shows her titshe starts to suck on her nipples. Midget Nuke walks over to them.


Hash: Get out of here freak, you are not man enough to get a real whore like this!

Midget Nuke gets pissed off.


Midget Nuke hits the button for the bomb, but all that happens is a flash on Jeremy's chest burning him and hitting him in the face from the flash.


The Ref calls for the bell as Hash has a hand down Jenna's pants.


JT: Oh man Hash is going to. Lose, why can't you rape someone and have a crazy midget strap a bomb on her partners chest anymore? Those used to be the days.

GP: I don't think that was ever legal!

JT: Was in Mexico!

All of sudden four cops come and grab Hash. The put handcuffs on him and moves him up the ramp way. Hash is smiling as EMT's come to help Jenna and Jeremy. Midget Nuke ducked the fuck out when he saw the cops.

GP: Well Hash got what he deserved, a trip to the jail cell!

[Commercial Break]

Six Man Tag Team Match
The Knights of the Landfill (Daniel Phillips, Diablo, and Edguardo) v. Jake Walker, Coral Avalon, and Donnie Daze

"Downfall" by TRUSTcompany.

GP: Well, this match was made based off of the first round of the Gold and Glory tournament that pitted Donnie Daze up against Daniel Phillips. Phillips' stablemates, Diablo and Edugardo, got involved, but so did Coral Avalon, and the man that truly cost Phillips the match, Jake Walker.

JT: That was all *bullshit*.

Enter the Knights of the Landfill, as all three members of the tandem walked down to the ring, while Meygon introduced them.

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first... at a total combined weight of six hundred and forty-two pounds... they are the KNIGHTS OF THE LANDFILL~!

Phillips slid into the ring and took his belt off, while TDM entered the ring the old fashioned way. TDM stood on either side of Daniel, and all three men raised their arms toward the jeering crowd.

JT: You see that, in the ring, Parker? That's the FUTURE of the Internet Wrestling Organization. These three men are going to take the IWO back to the greatness that it once was. If they had Seaman in their ranks, this team would be... unstoppable.

GP: Riiiight.

"Geronimo" by Unwritten Law, as it has done so many times, interrupted Phillips' theme music, to the cheers of the crowd. The man that had defeated Daniel Phillips at Gold and Glory walked to the ring, but stopped just before he entered it. Daze wasn't, after all, stupid enough to walk into a ring with three guys who wanted to take his head off.

Meygon: And their opponents... first, from Port St. Lucie, Florida... weighing in at two hundred and fifteen pounds... he is DONNIE DAZE~!

Daze waited until "All For You" by Our Lady Peace hit, bringing out the man that has been dubbed by JT as the "punching bag of the IWO", Coral Avalon. The young rookie walked to the ring, and stood next to Daze.

Meygon: His tag team partner... from New Orleans, Louisiana... weighing in at two hundred and twenty-nine pounds... he is CORAL AVALON!

JT points and laughs.

JT: Haha! Avalon didn't get a tilde!

GP: ...what?

JT: Oh, nevermind.

Both Daze and Avalon waited for their partner, whose music, "Cyclops Rock" by They Might Be giants, started playing. The fans began to cheer wildly for the number one contender to Phillips' Cruiserweight title... Jake Walker.

Walker walked down to the ring, and immediately, Avalon, Daze, and Walker rushed the ring and brawled with the Knights. Meygon bailed out of the ring immediately as all six men began to brawl in the center of the ring.

The bell rang.

As that occured, Avalon, Walker, and TDM brawled to the outside, leaving the old rivals to go tooth and nail inside the ring, in Donnie Daze and Daniel Phillips. Daze and Phillips went at it tooth and nail inside the ring, but Daze got the better of him and sent him off the ropes. On the rebound, Daze caught him with a flying back elbow that sent Phillips crashing down onto the mat. Phillips immediately rolled to the outside. Daze was about to go after him with a flying attack, but Diablo, outside, tripped him as he ran off the opposite ropes.

JT: Yeah!

Diablo climbed up to the apron and launched off with a catapult elbow drop to the back of Daze's head. Diablo quickly rolled over Daze's body for a cover, but it only got two, as Daze put his foot on the ropes. Diablo wasn't affected by this, and pulled Daze to his feet by his hair. As the rest of the match's participants managed to find their way onto the apron, Daze slid under Diablo's legs and tripped him on his way through. He quickly slid over Diablo's body and locked in a side headlock.

JT: Hey, come on, ref! That's blatant hair pulling!

GP: ...Daze was nowhere near Diablo's hair when he tripped him, JT.

JT: Bah.

Diablo and Daze both got back onto a vertical base, and Diablo tried to back suplex Daze out of his headlock, but Daze was agile and resourceful enough to flip up and behind Diablo. Before Diablo knew it, Daze had him waistlocked, and Daze quickly tossed him away with a released German suplex.

JT: What an idiot.

GP: Idiot? Daze just took out Diablo, and you're calling him an idiot!

JT: He'd at least be smart enough to not suplex him into his own corner.

Diablo tagged in his brother, Edguardo.

GP: Oh. Good point.

Edguardo raced into the ring and charged Daze, but Daze caught hiim with a drop toe hold, into a half crab. Quickly, Daze maneuvered himself into a range in which he can reach his partners, and quickly tagged in the Kleptomaniac, Coral Avalon. Avalon grabbed Edguardo's free leg, applying a double boston crab. Edguardo screamed in pain, but the referee was mainly paying attention to getting Daze out of the ring. Daze released the hold and went out onto his apron at the count of four.

GP: And here's Coral Avalon.

JT: Who's yet to actually WIN a match in the Internet Wrestling Organization, and he'd been here for a month.

GP: Shut up, JT.

Avalon segued the half crap he has applied into an STF. Edguardo was heard screaming, which forced Diablo to come in and break the hold with a dropkick to Avy's face. Avy broke the hold, allowing Edguardo to roll to his feet. Edguardo waited for Avalon to get to his feet, and when he did, he pulled Avalon into a fireman's carry, and attempted to go for the Mexibuster. However, before he could land it, Avalon slipped out from behind and caught him with a quick rollup.

GP: Rollup by Avalon! One... two...


Diablo whacked Avalon cross the skull with one of the stiffest kicks you'll ever see, and Avalon fell to the mat face first in a heap. Quickly, Edguardo made the tag to Daniel Phillips, who immediate marched into the ring and knocked down the recovering Avalon with a leg lariat that hit square in the rookie's jaw. Quickly, Phillips went for the cover.

GP: Leg lariat from Phillips to Avy! One... two... NO!

JT: Dammit.

GP: Come on, a leg lariat can't beat anyone that quickly.

JT: Bah. You don't know that. Here, let me leg lariat you.

GP: Oh, please, you feet haven't left the ground in twenty years.

JT: Arr!

Phillips wasn't too concerned, himself, and he pulled Avalon up by his ponytail. He whipped Avalon off the ropes and went for a clothesline, but it was ducked by Avalon. Upon Avalon's rebound, Avalon caught Phillips with a massive leaping clothesline that took Phillips right off his feet. Phillips scrambled to his feet, only to see that Avy made a tag to Jake Walker.

Oh, and how QUICKLY Phillips made the tag to Edguardo.

GP: What the hell? If Phillips was the champion he says he is, he would get in that ring and he would FIGHT the number one contender!

JT: He's making him wait!


JT: As far as I'm concerned, Walker should be giving thanks that Phillips isn't handing him ass AT THIS VERY MOMENT.

Walker and Edguardo circled each other before they went for the collar and elbow tieup. Walker got a quick armdrag takeover. Angry, Edguardo charged Walker, but Walker sidestepped him and Edguardo ran directly into Walker's corner.

Avalon punched him. The crowd went "OOH!".

Daze punched him. The crowd went "OOH!".

Edguardo stumbled out of the corner, simply so Walker can scoop slam him. Walker tagged in Coral Avalon again, and Avalon, in a spectacular moment, catapulted himself over the top rope, landed with his legs on the perpendicular ropes, and used the momentum to moonsault his body onto Edguardo's. The fans approved.

JT: What in the hell!?

GP: Avalon with the catapult springboard moonsault, and the team of Avalon, Daze, and Walker are definitely taking control of this matchup.

JT: Bah.

Avalon pulled Edguardo to his feet, and sent him off the ropes. Unbeknownst to Coral, Diablo made a blind tag to Edguardo. As Edguardo came back, he ducked Avy's clothesline. Before Avalon could react, Diablo grabbed him in a Russian legsweep while Edguardo caught him with a bulldog lariat, taking the young rookie down.

GP: TDM just caught Avalon with a move they call "¿Quieres Morir?", and Avalon might be down for good after that one.


The fans exploded in boos and concern, as the back of Avalon's skull bounced off the mat with a sickening thud. Both members of TDM began to stomp away at Avalon, as the crowd continued to stick it to TDM. The referee ordered Edguardo to go to the outside, so Edguardo finally obliged him. Diablo pulled Avalon to his feet and Diablo quickly nailed him with a textbook powerbomb that landed with such impact that the crowd just went "OHHH" in response.

GP: Jesus, is Diablo trying to KILL Avalon or something?

JT: I think Diablo's just sick of having to wrestle him.

Diablo quickly went for the cover.

GP: And there's a cover... one... two... no! Walker saves!

JT: Bastard.

As the referee forced Walker into his corner, the cheating ways of the Knights began to show forth, as all three members began to stomp away at Avalon. Before the referee could turn around, Edguardo made the slapping sound, so that Daniel Phillips may remain in the ring.

GP: There was no tag, ref!

JT: I saw the tag, there must be something wrong with your monitor.

GP only groaned, as Phillips began to pound at Avalon from a mounted position. The referee made him break, so Phillips pulled Avalon to his feet, hooked his arms, and nailed him with a standard seated Tiger Driver. He held Avalon's legs for a pin.

GP: Tiger Driver by Phillips! Phillips with the pin! One... TWO... THR-NO!

JT: Dammit! How in the hell did Avalon kick out of that?!

GP: He's a lot tougher than you really think, JT.

Phillips dragged Avalon to the Knights' corner by his leg, and tagged in Edguardo. Edguardo and Phillips began to kick away at Avalon until Avalon ended up on the outside, at which point, the referee began to face Phillips and order him back to his corner. As they argued, Edguardo, Diablo, and their managerial entourage on the floor, all began to super-team Avalon on the outside.

GP: Ref... REF! How in the HELL are you missing this... this GANGRAPE on the outside!

JT: Hell, you WISH you were involved in a gangrape, Parker.

Finally, Brian Blade tossed Avalon back into the ring, allowing Edguardo to quickly jump up on the apron and catch him with a Guerrero-like slingshot senton.

GP: Coral Avalon is taking an awful lot of punishment in this matchup, and he desperately needs to make the tag.

JT: He'll never get the chance!

Finally, Daze and Walker have had enough, so they tried to get in the ring to stop the blatant cheating, but the referee went over to them and stopped them from getting in. This allowed Phillips to whip Avalon into the ropes and catch him with a drop toe hold against the middle ropes. Upon connecting, both Diablo and Edguardo, on both sides of Avalon, ran off the ropes and connected with the double "619", otherwise known as the 1228.


GP: He could, indeed, be "fucked", because Edguardo, the legal man, mind you, is dragging Avalon to the center of the ring, now! Here's the cover... ONE...




GP: Avalon got the shoulder up! I don't believe it!

As Edguardo slammed his hand down on the mat in frustration, he called for the Spick Kick and waited for Avalon to get up. He leapt up in the air for the bicycle enzugiri, but Avalon avoided the contact unorthodoxly, by backflipping out of the way. Edguardo, stunned by this, had no way to avoid the wicked spear that would follow that would cause the fans to become unglued from their seats.



Both men were down, as the fans were going crazy, clapping and trying to guide Avalon to his corner. Avalon and Edguardo slowly made their crawl to their respective corners.

Diablo ran into the ring.

Avalon made the tag to Daze.

The referee didn't see it.

GP: WHAT?! Come on, you stupid referee, you let the Knights go in without tags!


The fans outright began to boo the referee's bad call, as Diablo quickly moved Avalon back to the center of the ring and dropped an elbow. Edguardo recovered and rolled to the outside, as Diablo pulled Avalon to his feet and attempted a suplex. However, Avalon shifted his weight while he was vertical, and proceeded to run off the ropes behind Diablo. Before Diablo could react...


JT: God, who does this guy think he is, stealing these damned finishing moves!?

Both men were down again, as the referee began the mandatory ten count. Again, the fans were behind Avalon as he tried to make his way to his corner. A small "Av-a-lon" chant began, as he rolled over onto his belly and crawled to the corner, at the same time that Diablo did.

Diablo made the tag to Phillips.

Phillips ran into the ring, but he was too late.

In came Walker.

Phillips backed off immediately.



Walker immediately began to pound at Phillips with right hands upon right hands. Edguardo came in, but he got decked with a clothesline of his own. Phillips tried to take advantage with right hands of his own, but Walker blocked and pounded Phillips right into a neutral corner. He tried to whip Phillips into the opposite corner, but Phillips reversed, but Walker reversed the reversal and turned it into a flapjack that sent Phillips body splashing down on Diablo's.



Walker turned around and was met with right hands from Edguardo, who had returned to his feet. Edguardo attempted the Mexibuster, but Walker turned it into a tornado DDT, instead.


All six men were now in the ring, Daze brawling with Diablo, Avalon taking care of Phillips, and Walker taking down Edguardo. Daze clotheslined Diablo over the top rope, and then nailed Diablo with a pescado.

GP: PESCADO BY DAZE! Wait! Here comes Edguardo!

Edguardo, who had gotten away from Walker for a moment, decided to add a corkscrew plancha on Daze, knocking both Daze and Diablo off their feet. Edguardo recovered and tried to pull his brother back up this his feet. A moment later, Coral Avalon came off the top rope with one of the most incredible feats of insanity in IWO history, which would cause massive "holy shit" chants.

A 450 plancha.


As Donnie Daze crawled away from the carnage on the floor, Daniel Phillips decided to add his ante by making a running leap up to the top rope, and catching Avalon with a springboard shooting stars plancha. More "holy shit" chants erupted, as the fans were now offically going batshit.


But before Phillips could even get up, Walker ran off the ropes and finished the trainwreck spot with a tope con hilo that was turned into a hurricanrana on the floor. More "holy shit" chants erupted, as Daze rolled back into the ring, along with Diablo.

GP: Diablo and Daze are back in the ring, now, although I don't think either of them are the legal men.

JT: Bah.

Diablo went for the Border Kick, but Daze ducked it, and before Diablo could turn around...


JT: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!


Captain Obvious stopped the count with the World's Most Ridiculous Hat and his interference. The ref looked at him, strangely.

Captain Obvious: Dude...Diablo isn't the legal man.



The ref was just completely distracted by that hat, so Donnie Daze grabbed it off of his head and tossed it into the crowd, before decking Captain Obvious. And this was all the opening that Edguardo, who just rolled into the ring, himself, needed.


Unfortunately, he was kicked in the nuts by Avalon, while the referee was still dealing with getting Captain Obvious out of the ring. Edguardo fell over, and Avalon climbed up to the top rope.


GP: We've already seen Avalon take it to the air before, what's this going to be?

He executed a move familiar to many of Kent Anthason's fans... the top rope corkscrew somersault splash... the Double Helix.


The fans erupted in masse, Avalon vastly getting over with the crowd already as he connected. Avalon nearly bounced off the canvas upon the connection of the move, which proved to cost him, as Daniel Phillips re-entered the ring and pulled Avalon to his feet, before kicking him in the gut.


The fans erupted in a huge amount of boos for Daniel Phillips, who managed to get in a cheapshot.

GP: Phillips connected with his finishing maneuver, and Avalon's down and out! Phillips hooks the leg...

JT: ONE... TWO...


Walker with the Dark Side of the Moonsault, his knees crashing into the back of Daniel Phillips' head. The fans erupted as Walker flattened Daniel Phillips, and broke the count. As Phillips got up off of Avalon's body, Walker snuck up behind him.




GP: THREE!!!!!

Insert: One crowd exploding, and one roof being blown off the building. As JT smashed his head on the announce table, Parker and the crowd went ecstatic.

*ding, ding, ding*



The referee rose Walker's hand in victory, as "Cyclops Rock" began to blare out of the PA.

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen... the winners of this match... the team of Donnie Daze, Coral Avalon, and JAKE WALKER!!!

But before Jake Walker could celebrate for too long, TDM were both back up, and they caught Walker with the EMP, taking him down. The fans erupted in boos as both members of TDM began to stomp away at Walker. Daniel Phillips, recovering from the Purple Haze, rolled to the outside and grabbed a metal folding chair. He returned to the ring.


Chairshot for Jake Walker.

GP: Come on, dammit! They lost fair and square!

JT: BULLSHIT, PARKER! They were ROBBED of the victory! ROBBED! You don't rob the Knights of the Landfill from a victory!

GP: Were you even WATCHING the same match I was?!

JT: Obviously not, because the match I watched was the DISMANTLING of Avalon, Walker, and Daze, thanks to the BRILLIANCE of the Knights!

GP: You're on drugs.

Donnie Daze was back up, and he went to help Walker.


Down went Daze.


And for the hell of it, a chairshot to a still-down Coral Avalon.

"Downfall" began to play, as the crowd relentlessly booed the Knights of the Landfill.

They might have lost the match...

...but they have yet to have lost the war.

Winners: Walker/Avalon/Daze, Jake Walker via pinfall over Daniel Phillips

[Commercial Break]

World Title Match
Nuke (c) vs. Jack Breaker vs. Psycho Jay
vs. vs.

GP : Well, fans, it's now time for our main event. Our newly-crowned World champion Nuke will have quite a first title defense on his hands, as he takes on both Psycho Jay and Jack Breaker.

JT : Yeah, a lot of sense THIS match makes.

GP : Um, actually, it does. Jay and Breaker have both earned World title shots by winning Conspiracy Theory and May Mayhem, respectively, yet never received said shots. Hence, they both get first crack at Nuke.

JT : That's a bunch of crap. Jay and Breaker were both in the Gold & Glory tournament!

GP : Well, so was Nuke, as well as Simon Seaman, and a bunch of other people who hadn't won any shots.

JT : Uhhhh ... shut up! You know it's all a conspiracy against Nuke, the greatest IWO champion EVER!

GP : What?! For one thing, I don't see how you can say that when he hasn't proven himself as champ yet; and for another thing, what happened to Simon Seaman?

JT : Oh, well, he ... died.

GP : He did not!

JT : Yeah, that's your opinion.

GP : OK, whatever ... Let's just go to Meygon for the intros.

Meygon is in the ring. You know how she's dressed, so I'm not gonna bother to say it.

Meygon : Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for one fall, and is for the IWO World Heavyweight title! Introducing first ... hailing from "sunny" South Philadelphia ... the master of the Humpinator ... a two-time World champion, one of whose reigns was while he was a pathetic drunk ... accompanied by his manager, Vincent ... PSYCHOOOO JJJJAAAAYYYYY!!!

"Raining Blood" by Slayer plays as Jay struts out from the back, accompanied by Vincent, Vincent's enormous wang, and a huge mixed reaction from the fans. The two walk down the ramp, trash-talking with the fans. Oddly enough, Vincent's penis seems to be doing the most trash-talking. Jay rolls into the ring, while Vincent takes a seat at ringside, and another one for his doodle.

Meygon : And next ... from New Orleans ... the master of the Clockwork DDT and the Heartbreaker ... a zero-time World champion, but a multi-time tag champion ... accompanied by his wife, Aubrey Breaker ... JJJAAAACKKKK BRRRREEEEEAAAAKKKEEEERRRRR!!!

"Cyclops Rocks" by They Might Be Giants plays as Jack and Aubrey Breaker make their way out, waving to their adoring public. Jack is holding a bucket full of Gummi Worms, because he's Jack Breaker. Once they get to the bottom of the ramp, Jack hands the bucket to Aubrey, who doesn't look sure what to do with it, and slides into the ring.

Meygon : And finally ... from Hollis, Queens, New York ... the master of the Burning Psychosis and Paranoia ... the CURRENT World champion ... accompanied by his psychopathic miniature version, midget Nuke ... NNNNUUUUUUKE!!!

"Dead Wrong" by Biggie Smalls plays, and Nuke walks out with the World title around his waist and midget Nuke by his side. The two walk down to the ring, with Nuke sneering at the audience and midget Nuke being his normal, tiny, evil self. Nuke hands the belt to midget Nuke for safe keeping and steps into the ring. The bell rings. Ha, that rhymed ... kinda.

GP : There's the bell, and this match is on!

JT : Why must you always announce the beginning of the match?

GP : The transmitter.

JT : Oh...

Nuke stands back as Jack Breaker charges at Psycho Jay. Jay ducks and lifts Breaker up with a back body drop, then lunges forward to clothesline Jack as he gets to his feet. However, the ref interjects himself between Jay and Jack. He appears to be admonishing Psycho Jay.

GP : Hey, what's the ref doing? That was perfectly legal!

Jay sighs, rolls his eyes, and boots Jack in the stomach, following it up with a power bomb.

JT : Don't you know the rules, Parker? Psycho Jay has to begin all his matches with a power bomb!

GP : But that doesn't make any sense!

JT : Neither does your mom! Ohhhhh!

GP : Damn it, JT, that only works when it MAKES SENSE!

JT : That's not what your mom said last night! Ohhhhh!

GP : (Sigh)

Jay begins stomping Breaker on the mat, when Nuke comes up from behind him and locks in a vicious sleeper, cranking Jay's head at an awkward angle.

JT : I had no idea that sleepers could be vicious.

GP : Well, now you know.

JT : The hell I do!

GP : Um ... OK.

However, due to the tilted angle, Jay is soon able to slip out of the hold and shove Nuke backwards. Nuke comes back and gives Jay a shove of his own, knocking Jay a few steps backward. Jay comes forward to continue the shoving contest, but he's hit from behind with a dropkick from Breaker, sending him falling into Nuke. Both men collapse to the mat in a sweaty, wrestlery pile. Jack grabs Jay by the hair and lifts him to his feet. He sends Jay reeling with a few right hands before whipping him into the ropes. As Jay comes back, Jack leaps and takes him down with a hurricanrana. He raises his arms in momentary celebration, when suddenly he's tripped by Nuke to fall flat on his face, and is immediately locked into an STF. Nuke cranks back on the hold with such force that Jack appears on the verge of tapping, until Jay boots Nuke in the face, sending him rolling off of the Deadlier Sins member.

GP : This match is a hootin' holler and a half! ... OWWWW! Damn it, that sounded like something JR would say!

JT : No, Greg, it didn't.

GP : Oh shut up, I don't even know who you're supposed to be a copy of.

JT : I think Colonel Sanders.

GP : ...You're doing a pretty bad job of it.

JT : Yeah, I know.

Jay runs and drops a big legdrop on Nuke. He then turns in time to bring a big boot up to fell a charging Jack Breaker.

JT : Who is he, Hulk Hogan?

GP : I don't think so. Last time I checked, Jay didn't used to do enough cocaine to kill a horse.

Jay takes a moment to taunt the crowd, and turns around to meet a Silent Screams (somersault DDT) from Nuke. Nuke pops to his feet and goes for a superkick on Breaker, which Jack ducks, then catches Nuke with a neckbreaker. Jack, that is, not the superkick, cause that just wouldn't make sense, you silly mongoose. Jack hastily covers Nuke, but only gets a one count. Jack wastes no time in lifting Nuke to his feet and hoisting him into a shoulderbreaker. Jack walks up to Psycho Jay, who's just rising to his feet, and grabs him for a DDT, but Jay uses his size advantage to lift Breaker off the ground and set him on the top turnbuckle. Jay pummels Jack viciously for several moments before climbing up and placing Jack's head between his legs.

GP : He's going for the Superbomb!

JT : Really? I thought he was going for a ham sammich.

GP : There's no need for sarcasm.

JT : I, uh, wasn't being sarcastic. I guess I'm just hungry.

Before Jay can leap backwards off the turnbuckle for the top-rope powerbomb, Nuke comes from behind and low blows Jay, then places his head between Jay's legs and walks backwards with Jay sitting on his shoulders. Jack stands up on the turnbuckle and leaps for a clothesline, but as he does Jay's weight proves to be too much and Nuke collapses under his weight. Jay falls to the ground, and Jack goes soaring harmlessly over him. Jay wastes no time in covering Jack.

Ref : 1 ... 2 ... 3-

GP : Nuke makes the save just in the nick of time to keep his newly-won title!

JT : Oh, stop being so melodramatic. You know Nuke's gonna win.

GP : Actually, I think both other men have a good chance of winning this match.

JT : Yeah, right. Man, even the Pope wouldn't stand a chance against Nuke.

GP : The Pope's an old man who's never wrestling in his life!

JT : Yeah, keep on making excuses for him, Greg. He's gonna have to face Nuke sometime!

GP : Um, I really doubt that...

Nuke lifts Jay up and starts delivering knife-edged chops to Jay's chest, sending Jay reeling back into the ring ropes. Nuke grabs Jay and whips him into the opposite ropes, lifting him for a spinebuster on the way back. However, Jay uses his weight to reverse the spinebuster into a small package.

Ref : 1 ... 2 ...

GP : I think Jay might have had Nuke by surprise there! Luckily for Nuke, Jack Breaker came to the rescue.

Jay scrambles back to his feet and swings with a wild forearm, but wild forearms are always ducked, as is this one. Jack pulls Jay's head back and delivers a jumping diving reverse DDT. He then scales the top rope.

GP : Looks like he's going for 450 neckbreaker, the Heartbreaker!

Before Jake can jump, Nuke suddenly runs and hits the top rope, causing Jake to crotch himself. Nuke climbs up after him and hooks him for what looks like a superplex. Instead, Nuke drops off with a top-rope brainbuster.

GP : My God!! Nuke just killed Jack Breaker!

JT : And how!

Nuke gets up just in time to see Jay charging him. Nuke lashes out with a very low kick to the you-know-whats in his you-know-where. Yeah, you know. Jay slumps over, and Nuke grabs him by the head for the Paranoia (implant DDT). Despite his weakened state, Jay still manages to muscle out of it and throw Nuke across the ring with a northern lights suplex. Jay stands up and swaggers over to Nuke.

GP : Nuke landed on his head from that one. I'm not sure he's getting back up!

JT : Of course he will. Nuke can't lose. Ever.

GP : (Sarcastically) Except to Simon Seaman, of course.

JT : Of course.

Jay picks Nuke up and hooks him for the Humpinator (Death Penalty), but Nuke elbows his way out. The last elbow catches Jay in the nose, causing it to start spurting blood.

JT : He broke Jay's nose! Sweet!

As Jay stumbles back, Nuke kicks him and hooks him for the Burning Psychosis (double underhook piledriver). He drills Jay with his finisher and covers.

Ref : 1 ... 2 ... 3-

GP : What the hell?! Jay kicks out!

JT : No! No! No!

Nuke gets to his feet and starts vehemently arguing with the ref. He backs the ref into the corner and begins berating him verbally. Suddenly, both Nuke and the ref are sandwiched between the turnbuckle and Jack Breaker, who just delivered a running splash to both men. The ref slumps down in the corner as Nuke stumbles out. Jack backs up, then jumps and plants Nuke with a Clockwork DDT (standing tornado DDT). He covers.

JT : What a tard! He takes out the referee then expects him to make a count!

Jack realizes his error and gets to his feet to wake the ref, but he's suddenly grabbed and pulled into a short-arm clothesline by Jay. Jay continues to stomp Jack until Breaker makes his way back to his feet. Breaker suddenly grabs Jay's foot and leg whips Jay over him. Jay quickly gets back up and is whipped towards the ropes by Jack, but Jay reverses. Breaker bounces off and comes back with a clothesline. Jay ducks and catches Breaker with a snap Humpinator. Jay immediately turns his attention back to Nuke, only to be leveled by the World title. Nuke hastily drops the title back in his corner and covers Jay right as the ref comes to.

Ref : 1 ... 2 ... 3!

"Dead Wrong" plays as Nuke jumps to his feet in victory.

GP : Well, Nuke STEALS one tonight, that's for damn sure.

JT : Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Parker? That was a glorious first title defense, and Nuke's obviously going to be champ for a LONG time.

GP : Well, we'll just have to see about that. I'm Greg Parker, and this has been Hostile Takeover. Good night.