*Warning: This card may not contain rape, however, it does have vulgar language and violence. So, "watch" at your own risk.*
World Heavyweight Championship
Schitzo Tod -c- vs. Jake Walker
Crusier Weight Spectacular!
Tommy Kane vs. Bossa Nova vs. Tommy Manson vs. Jackson Steele
Quiet sounds of cars honking their horns and reving engines. All seem off in the distance, until a beat up cady rolls slowly to a stop in front of the camera. It stops in the middle of the parking lot, as the driver's side door opens, and Nuke stands there, baseball bat in hand. It's not just an ordinary bat however, it's wrapped completely in barbed wire.
He stands there for a moment, letting out a devilish smile before making his way into the arena.
"For Me, This is Heaven" by Jimmy Eat World.
An image of Schitzo Tod leaping over the top rope and pulling Flyer down, before the landed on top of the announce table in a neckbreaker, and a mess.
Schitzo Tod nailing Flyer with Tam in the middle of the ring. Tod's hand is then raised, as he's handed the championship.
Jack Breaker fending off Nuke with a dropkick, as Tod tries to ask him why.
Fade into the arena. The Jimmy Eat World song is still playing as the camera rocks around the ring. Fans hold up signs such as "I pirated Eminem's CD, FUCK YOU SHADY," "Let's all go to the Lobby and get ourselves some snacks," and "I came for the free porn." The camera slowly rests onto Greg Parker and JT.
GP: Fans, Welcome to Hostile Takeover! I can only imagine what Nuke's going to do here tonight.
JT: Well, in about five minutes, you can say fuck you to your imagination. I'm sure Nuke has something really special planned her tonight. Maybe rivers of bloodshed? Floods of panic? Oh, I'm salivating. Get me a towel.
GP: See, that's why you never get laid. Fans, Jack Breaker may have earned his shot at May Mayhem to face Jack Breaker in the middle of the ring at Conspiracy Theory, but tonight, his partner and friend Jake Walker gets his first shot at Heavyweight Glory!
JT: Why are they just LETTING Tod keep the title? I mean, Jake Walker has a better chance at beating himself in blackjack.
GP: I hear Walker's actually got quite the talent with the cards...*catches himself* Oh, Heh, that was pretty funny.
JT: *Taken back* Well... it IS my job.
GP: Really? See what I don't know?
The scene now cuts to Donnie Daze, as he's heading out to the ring from the backstage area.
GP: Well, it looks like Donnie Daze is coming out here.
JT: No shit, Sherlock. It's the opening segment. We've gotta have a long drawn out interview that sets up the card. Only weird thing is... Why Daze? He's doesn't have a title shot!
Of course, he would have come out to the ring, except that an unknown man just happened to have smacked Daze across the forehead with a steel folding chair.
GP: What the hell!?
From off-camera, Daniel Phillips appears, holding the chair in his hand, and sneering at the fallen body of his nemesis.
Phillips: You think that what you did to me last week was *acceptable*, Daze? Humiliating me in front of the entire fucking crowd? Oh boy, if you thought that, then you're a bigger goddamned moron than I had you figured for the first time.
Daze tried to get up, but Phillips met him with another hard chairshot to the back of the head.
Phillips: So, you listen to me, and you listen well. I don't like my partners coming into Conspiracy Theory. If I had it my way, I'd take all three of those idiots, put them on a small boat, and sink it halfway between here and Japan. But I hate you more. I hate you so much that I'd probably take one of the two Disposable Idiots by the ankles and smash you over the skull with him.
Another chairshot. The fans in attendance began to viciously boo Daniel for his actions.
Phillips: Conspiracy Theory's in a week, Donnie. Seven days. If you think what I've done to you tonight is bad, you're probably gonna want to kill yourself before the match, because I'm going to wreak ungodly amounts of vengeance upon your mortal soul. I'm talking full-on smiting, here. So sit back. Relax. And fuck off.
A final chairshot, punctuated with Daze's being busted open. He stepped over Daze's body and left, as Greg Parker shook his head, and JT laughed.
JT: Yes! Yes! BOOYAH~! Take THAT, Daze! Much better than an interview!
GP: What the hell? You were praising Daze last year! What's gotten into you?!
JT: Hey, what can I say? It's blood~! Come on, blood has NEVER failed to turn me on!
GP: You're disgusting.
Flying Four Way
Tommy Manson vs. Tommy Kane vs. Bossa Nova vs. Jackson Steele
vs. vs. vs.
GP: Next up tonight looks to be a promising high flying cruiserweight match up. These four men will defiantly be looking to make a name for themselves and hoping to impress some of the IWO higher ups so they can get a shot at Donnie Daze and his cruiserweight title.
JT: Well, I must admit I have high expectations for this match and I better not get let down or I will be kicking some ass.
GP: And who's ass will that be?
JT: Yours if you don't watch it.
GP: Now now
violence outside the ring isn't good solution.
JT: What the hell is this are you a peace activist now or what?
GP: No, but it is true violence isn't an answer outside the ring.
JT: Please shut up before I kill you.
GP: Well, it is sort of my job to talk.
JT: It isn't your job to talk about not having violence.
GP: Well anyway moving on now who do you think is going to come out this match the winner?
JT: I think I'm going with Kane.
GP: Well, I'm going with the man that beat Evan Levine last week Nova.
JT: SCREW YOU! Don't remind me of that.
GP: Well, it's what happened even if you don't want to talk about it. I think Nova has momentum and he is going to come out of this match the winner.
JT: That was a fluke win Nova got lucky and he is going to be put in his place here tonight.
GP: Well, I think its time to head to the ring and find out just who is going to win this match.
The camera zooms around the crowd then shows the entranceway then it cuts to the ring where Meygon is standing with microphone in hand.
Meygon: The following match up is a 4-way cruiserweight match up. The first man to get a fall wins the match.
The fans start screaming again as she finishes.
Meygon: Introducing first from Providence, Rhode Island
standing 6 feet and 3 inches tall weighing 225 pounds TOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYY KANNNNNEEEEE!!!!!
'Slave to Grind' by Skid Row blast over the PA system and out walks Tommy Kane from behind the curtains. The fans are booing him as he walks down to the ring. He looks out at the crowd and laughs then gets into the ring.
Meygon: Introducing next he is from Antioch, California
.he stands 5 feet and 11 inches tall and weighs 222 pounds
'Sorry about your penis' by Smashmouth blast over the PA system and out walks Nova. The fans start cheering for Nova as he poses for the crowd. Nova walks down to the ring and before he goes to the steps to get in the ring he looks up at Tommy Kane. Nova climbs the steps to get into the ring then hops over the ropes to get into the ring.
Meygon: Next to the ring from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
standing 6 feet and 2 inches tall and weighing 255 pounds TOMMMMMMMMYYYYYY MANNNSOOOOONNN!!!!
'Complicated' by Breach of Trust blast over the PA system. Manson walks out to a few fans cheering for him. He gives a few fans high fives then gets in the ring looking at both Kane and Nova.
Meygon: And lastly to the ring
from Castle Rock, Colorado
standing 6 feet tall and weighing 216 pounds
'Titty Twister' by Diesel Boy blast over the PA system and out walks Jackson Steele
He stands on the entrance ramp for a few seconds looking out at the crowd then he walks down to the ring and gets in.
GP: All four men are in the ring and all of them look to be in great shape and ready for this match up.
JT: Do you think they would actually come and not be in shape?
GP: Well, I would hope not but you never know.
JT: Please do us all a favor and shut up just let me call this match up.
GP: Then I wouldn't be doing my job.
JT: Oh no heaven forbid.
GP: Well, fans I think you all want me to keep talking so I am.
JT shakes his head.
GP: Looks like this match is bout to get under way.
*Ding, Ding, Ding*
Kane attacks Manson from behind as Steele hits a close line on Nova. Kane has Manson on the ground hitting him with rights and lefts but Manson is able to block most of them. Manson grabs Kane's right hand then his left then head butts him. Meanwhile Nova has reversed a power bomb attempt from Steele.
GP: All four men starting off hoping to be able to get a win here tonight but what is going to make it hard is they will have to either sneak a pin or submission in or hope knock all of the other men out while they get the pin.
JT: Well, of course all these men are coming out here wanting to get a win you moron.
GP: Now now calling me a moron isn't going to make up for your small penis.
JT: I do not have a small penis.
GP: That's not what I heard.
JT: Oh and who did you hear this from?
GP: I have my sources
JT: Oh who your mom?
Lets get back to the match.
Nova and Manson are now double teaming Kane while Steele seems to be knocked out over in the corner. Kane is taking quiet a lot of punishment from both Manson and Nova when Manson sucker punches Nova then gives hits a reverse DDT. Then he covers Nova going for the pin.
Steele saves Nova by hitting Manson over the back of the head with a double axel. Manson and Steele are now fighting there way out of the ring while Kane has climbed to the top rope and is waiting on Nova to get to his feet.
GP: This action is so hard to follow you have the action outside the ring and the action inside the ring.
JT: Please someone kill me so I don't have to listen to him talk anymore.
GP: Now that isn't a nice thing to say.
JT: I mean it
with all my heart.
Nova has gotten to his feet at this time and he turns around to meet a missile dropkick from Kane. Kane covers Nova but the referee is delayed a few seconds as he is watching what is going on outside the ring.
GP: That was a close one but Nova kicked out.
JT: I think Kane would have won this match up if it hadn't been for the referee being distracted.
GP: That is a possibility but we will never know.
Kane has Nova in the center of the ring in a Dragon sleeper. The referee is looking to see if he is going to give up while outside the ring Manson and Steele are going out it. Steele has Manson picked up and he rams his back into the ring post then again. Finally he lets Manson go and he falls to the floor. Steele gets back on the side of the ring then he runs and jumps and nails Manson with an elbow off of the ring apron. But he hurt his knee a bit on the landing.
GP: I think that took a lot out of both men but look in the ring this could be it if Nova gives up.
JT: Yes, my prediction is going to be right Kane is going to win.
Kane is wrenching down on the dragon sleeper as the referee is checking to see if Nova has passed out yet. His hang goes up once and it falls
then once more it goes up and once more it falls. Then a final time it goes up and it falls but before it goes all the way down Kane is hit from behind by Steele.
JT: That is the second time Steele has kept Kane from winning this match up damn him.
GP: That's the way these matches go you know that.
JT: Screw you.
GP: And once again, I am privledged to the retorts of JT. I feel so special.
Kane and Steele start fighting it out and Steele hits a swinging neck breaker on Kane. Meanwhile Nova is still looks to be out on the ground but Manson is climbing the ropes and he is ready to jump. Finally after waiting a few seconds he jumps and he is going for a frog splash but at the last second Nova rolls out of the way and all Manson hits is the mat. Nova slowly moves over on top of Manson going for the pin.
GP: Nooooooo! Manson kicked out. I thought Nova had this match up with Steele and Kane not paying attention I thought he had this match won. Nova can't believe that Manson was able to get his shoulder up.
Manson rolls over, holding his ribs. Nova turns around to check out the rest of the scene, but Jackson Steele leaps off and wraps his legs around his head. Steele nails the Bunnycanrana and throws Bossa Nova to the outside. Jackson gets to his feet, as does Tommy Manson. Manson grabs the stunned Jackson Steele and tosses him out of the ring onto the fallen Nova. Steele does a four fifty splash by being thrown over the top. He tucked in, and then landed on his stomach on a prone Bossa Nova. The fans let out a cry of cheers.
GP: Jesus! Talk about being flashily eliminated from a battle royal!
JT: This isn't a battle royal. Jesus Greg, do you even read the rules anymore?
Tommy Manson looks at his work that he's done, before he slowly turns around, right into Tommy Kane. Kane leaps up, hooking Manson in a facelock and driving him into to the mat with a spinning tornado ddt.
GP: Luck of the draw! Kane on top with the cover!
Meygon: Your winner, via pinfall, Tommy Kane!
We cut backstage. We see the still-too-underused ace IWO reporter, Max Riot, standing outside a locker room door. The words "Deadlier Sins: Knock Before Entering or I Will Kill Your Family" are scrawled on the door in black sharpie marker. We can hear frenzied arguing from inside.
Voice One: ...B seven.
Voice Two: Miss. Okay, F three.
Voice One: Miss! Ha! I've got you cornered now! A six!
Voice Two: MISS!
Max Riot taps on the door.
*tap tap tap*
Voice One: Come in!
Max enters. We see Jake Walker and Bob Job, furiously engaged in a game of Battleship.
Jake: F four.
Bob: YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!
Bob grabs a handful of the little white pegs and throws them up in the air. They rain down on the two like... uhm... rain.
Max: Excuse me, Jake? Could I get a few words about your match tonight with Schitzo Tod for the World Heavyweight title?
Jake: No, but I'll give you a few words about that awful tie you're wearing. Let's see... off the top of my head, how about "agh!", "Dear Jesus, no!", "trainwreck", and... uh...
Jake: Nah, I was thinking more along the lines of... uh... the opposite of delicious. ANTI-delicious.
Bob: Oh, that Aunty Delicious. That reminds me, I have to send her a birthday card.
Jake: ....you don't really have an Aunty Delicious, do you?
Max: Uhm, Jake? Your match tonight?
Jake: Oh, right. Let me put it this way. Schitzo Tod has as much of a chance of walking out of here tonight with that belt as I do of walking out of here tonight.
Max: Wouldn't that be almost a 100% chance?
Jake: Not if I fly out of the arena.
Max: You... you can fly?
Jake: You mean you can't?
Suddenly, Jack Breaker rushes into the room, followed by Aubrey.
Jack: Hey! I thought I told you to stay the hell away from my Cocoa Puffs, Maxwell W. Riot! Didn't you read the sign on the door?
Max is startled.
Jack: Aubrey, get my shotgun. We've got an intruder.
Aubrey: You don't have a shotgun.
Jack: ..Oh. Well, here's some money. Go out and buy one.
Aubrey: Jack? That's a roll of life savers, not money.
Jack glances down at his hand.
Jack: So it is.
Aubrey: Oh, Jake! Don't you have a match to get ready for?
Jake: [defensively] Don't you have some cookies to bake, WOMAN?
Aubrey: OH MY GOD! MY COOKIES!
She rushes over to a small easy-bake oven on the nearby table. She opens the door and thick black smoke billows out. She slips on an ovenmitt and pulls a black tray out.
Aubrey: Oh, dammit. My cookies are ruined. I told you to turn the oven off after the timer beeped, Jake!
Jake: Turn it OFF? Oh! I thought you said 'scorch them with the eternal fires of hell'.
Aubrey: Oh, come to think of it, I might have said that. Silly me.
Max: Uhm, hello? Can I interview somebody over here? Please? I need a job! Tom Ford keeps me in a box and ships me from arena to arena on a truck!
Aubrey: You can interview me.
Max: Oh, okay. So, Aubrey, what's up?
Aubrey slaps him across the face.
Aubrey: Pervert! Stay the hell away from me!
We cut back to ringside. We see Greg Parker and JT. Greg is asleep on the table. JT seems to be trying to hang himself with a microphone cable. Some production guy walks over and pokes Greg with a stick. He wakes up.
GP: MOMMY DON'T TOUCH ME THERE... Uhmmm... Wait... Where am I? ... JT! What the hell are you doing.
JT dives off the announcer's table, but considering the microphone wasn't hooked around the top of the arena, JT just lands on his feet dejected.
The camera cuts to the IWO Commissioner, AWS Commish (also known as Dictator), who is, oddly enough, in his living room in North Carolina. He is sitting on his couch, accompanied by his spatula friend Pen, as usual. They are watching porn, which shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.
Pen : ...
AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : Huh? Yeah, Pen, of course I'm supposed to be running the freakin' IWO. But I handled it, freakin' OK?
Pen : ...
AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : Well, I left the Nude in charge.
The camera then cuts to AWS Commish (also known as Dictator)'s office, which is really just a desk in a public bathroom. Nobody's there except for the commissioner's pie-shooting bazooka, which is leaning in a corner. The camera cuts back to the Insane One's living room. The camera backs up a little to show that the Nude is sitting in the recliner next to the couch.
Nude : Um, I'm watching porn here with you.
AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : Freak it, Nude, I told you to keep the IWO from collapsing!
Nude : Yeah, but porn seemed like a bigger priority.
AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : ...Yeah, it freakin' does.
There's silence for several moments.
Nude : The IWO's screwed, isn't it?
AWS Commish (also known as Dictator) : And freakin' how!
The scene cuts back to the arena.
World Heavyweight Championship
Schitzo Tod -c- vs. Jake Walker
GP : And now it's main event time. Jake Walker will receive a title shot against our reigning World champion, Schitzo Tod.
JT : What the hell did Jake Walker do to deserve a World title shot, anyway?
GP : Well, uh ... he's the tag team partner of the guy who won May Mayhem.
JT : Ah, that makes sense.
GP : Actually, it doesn't.
JT : I said it makes sense!
GP : Um, OK. Anyway, let's try to get this over with as quickly as possible. Meygon's in the ring for the introductions.
Meygon : The following contest is set for one fall, for the IWO World Heavyweight title!
This elicits the small pop that it always does, yet no one really knows why.
Meygon : Introducing first, the challenger ... hailing from Chicago, Illinois ... weighing 224 lbs. and standing at 6'0" ... a former World and Unofficial I/C Tag champion, both with Jack Breaker ... he claims to have been voted "least likely to understand" by People magazine ... accompanied tonight by Jack and Aubrey Breaker ... he is JJJAAAAKKKKEEE WWWALLLKKKEEERRRR!!!
"Cyclops Rock" by They Might Be Giants plays as Jake steps out from the back, followed by his partner Jack and his partner's wife Aubrey. Wow, having one tag partner be married is probably an effective way of cutting down those oh-so-original "since you're tag partners, you must be sexual partners" insults. Actually, probably not, since everybody that uses those is completely immature anyway. (Casts stern glance in TDM's direction ... not sure who's casting the glance here, but it has been cast!) Er, anyway, Jake steps into the ring and begins waving to Jack and Aubrey, who wave back, even though they're standing right there at ringside and not moving anywhere. Them kooky Deadlier Sins.
Meygon : And next ... hailing from Long Beach, California ... weighing 157 lbs. and standing at 6'1" ... a former TV champion, I/C and World Tag champion, both with AWS Man (also known as Bill), Pacific, Unified, Extreme,
and the CURRENT World Heavyweight champion ... the most anorexic man in the IWO ... accompanied tonight by his multiple personalities ... a man who looks nothing like his IWO Poser ... he is SSSSCCCHHHIIITTTZZZOOO TTTTOOOODDDDDD!!!
Date Rape" by Sublime begins playing as Schitzo Tod walks out from the backstage. He turns around and starts moonwalking down the entrance ramp, but trips after a few steps and rolls most of the rest of the way down the ramp. He then jumps up as if nothing happens and slides into the ring. Come to think of it, he probably doesn't realize anything did happen. The ref makes sure Tod is OK after his fall, then signals for the bell to ring.
GP : And here we go.
JT : Do you have to say that before EVERY match?
GP : Yes, actually. It's in my contract. Do you have to make obnoxious and/or retarded comments during every match?
JT : Na, that's just a perk. And I'll have you know that most of my comments are very edumacated. They just go way over your head.
GP : What about that one time when you said that all of the moves should just have the same name to make it easier to call?
JT : I was on crack then, so it doesn't count.
GP : Mm-hmm.
Tod and Jake step forward and shake hands, then step back for a moment to size each other up. Jake suddenly steps forward with a big right hand, but Tod ducks under it and tries to slap a sleeper on Walker. Jake ducks out of it and twists to get a headlock on Tod, but the World champ shoves Jake into the ropes. Walker rebounds with a shoulderblock and Tod hits the mat. Jake runs into the ropes and tries for a clothesline on Tod, who has just stood up, but Tod ducks and waits for Walker to come back, at which point he goes for a hip toss. Walker manages to block the move, though, and kicks Tod in the gut, then hooks his leg over the back of Tod's neck. Tod stands up to try to flip Walker, but Jake wraps his other leg around Tod's neck and brings him down with a headscissors. Both men quickly get back to their feet to a small round of applause by the crowd.
GP : Some classic textbook wrestling from our two competitors.
JT : This doesn't seem much like an IWO match.
Ten pounds of macaroni in the shape of a boot flies through the air and hits Tod in the back of the head, knocking him down.
JT : OK, that seems more like normal.
Tod stands back up, rubbing the back of his head and looking slightly confused. His hesitation costs him, as Jake grabs him and whips him into the turnbuckle. Jake charges in after him and delivers a jumping splash, making Tod stagger back out of the corner. Jake lifts Tod up and whips him back down with a sidewalk slam. He then walks over the corner and scales the turnbuckle. He waits for Tod to get to his feet and leaps with a missile dropkick, but Tod drops to the mat and Jake sails past him, landing hard. Jake starts trying to get to his feet, clutching his side.
JT : I've always wondered, why do high-flying moves hurt a guy more when he misses them, if he lands the exact same way as he would if he made contact?
GP : Because.
JT : Well, that explains it.
Tod runs and leaps onto Jake, hooking his head and spinning around for a standing tornado DDT, but Jake throws Tod off. The World champion goes sailing over the top rope and lands a few feet away from Jack Breaker. Instead of taking advantage of Tod's momentary weakness to attack him, Breaker simply stands back and eyes the World champion with an appraising eye.
JT : Why doesn't Breaker attack Tod? He's right there, as helpless as Schitzo Tod! ... That simile really doesn't work when Tod's the one you're talking about.
GP : Well, maybe Breaker actually has some class, JT. Maybe he's just out here to support his friend and to size up his competition for Conspiracy Theory.
JT : If Walker wins, does that mean the Deadlier Sins will be fighting each other at CT?
GP : Well, we all know that's not gonna hap- I mean, yes, I suppose it does.
Tod gets back to his feet and slides into the ring, but finds himself immediately elbow dropped by his opponent. Walker pulls Tod up to his feet and swings for a wild right hand, and connects. You thought it was gonna miss, didn't you, because wild right hands always miss? Well, that's what you get for thinking.
JT : Is it just me, or does the narrating voice keep getting more and more uppity?
GP : I've told you, don't mention the narrating voice!
JT : Yeah, yeah.
Walker waits for Tod to stand back up, and comes in with a running dropkick, but Tod grabs Jake's legs in the air and flips him all the way over to land on his stomach. Tod then kicks Walker in the jaw, sending Jake rolling around the mat.
GP : Tod just about kicked Walker's teeth down his throat!
JT : Whoa ... this match is still boring.
GP : "Whoa" is what America's going to be saying when I spin your head off so fast it travels back in time!
JT : Blah blah blah.
GP : Oh, you want the time-travel spinny head?!
Space Ghost : Stop stealing lines from my show!
GP : ...Sorry. We ran out of ideas.
Space Ghost : It's cool.
Walker gets back to his feet in time to duck a clothesline from Tod and nail him with a reverse DDT. Walker again scales the top rope and jumps off with a 450° splash, which connects. Jake hooks the leg for the cover.
Tod kicks out after the two count. Jake pulls Tod back up to his feet and shoots him into the ropes. He goes for a superkick on the way back, but Tod slides underneath it and comes back up to nail Jake with a back suplex.
JT : Man, Jack must really suck if he's getting beat up by Tod.
GP : It's Jake, JT.
JT : Man, whatever. I can't tell all these Deadlier Sins apart.
GP : There are only two of them!
JT : Yeah, and their names are really similar!
Tod steps out onto the apron. When Jake gets back to his feet, Tod springs off the top rope and hits a springboard cross body block.
Space Ghost : Reverse twisting front neckbreaker body drop!
GP : Um ... Space Ghost, why are you still here?
Space Ghost : (Pathetically) I have nowhere else to go.
GP : Hey, YOU stole that from ... somewhere.
Space Ghost : Yes I did.
Tod waits for Jake to get back to his feet and goes for the TAM (kick to the shin), but Jake hops over it and kicks Tod's legs out from under him, then drops a leg on his throat.
JT : Shouldn't this match be ending soon? I want to make it home before Matlock.
GP : Does that show even come on any more?
JT : Probably not, but I don't see why I should take the risk.
Jake steps over to the turnbuckle, leaps up, and executes the Dark Side of the Moonsault (split-legged springboard corkscrew moonsault w/ knee drop), connecting on Tod's chest.
GP : I think that may be it!
Jake covers Tod, hooking the leg.
The ref sees Tod's foot on the rope and stops the count. Jake jumps to his feet and raises his arms, thinking it's three. The referee explains to him that Tod's foot was on the rope, which seems to confuse Jake, mainly because he's not sure what a "rope" is. Finally, he get the idea and turns around, right as Tod goes for another TAM. Jake sees it coming, though, and spins out of the way, going behind Tod. He locks Tod in a waistlock and tries to German suplex him, but Tod flips out of it and lands behind Jake. He quickly executes a TAM to the inside of Jake's right knee, knocking his leg out from underneath him. As Jake falls back, Tod hooks his head in a reverse facelock, and lifts him up into the reverse DDT driver that he still hasn't come up with a name for, so I'll just have Space Ghost call it Mr. Fred.
Space Ghost : Mr. Fred! Mr. Fred! Tod nails Mr. Fred!
"Date Rape" plays as Tod gets up and jumps for joy. He's handed his belt by the referee. He turns around to see Jake Walker staring him down, which disconcerts Tod for a moment before Walker sticks his hand out for a handshake. Tod accepts, and Walker raises the hand of the better man.
"Dead Wrong" by Biggie Smalls plays over the pa system as the fans begin their boos.
JT: Why the hell did it take Nuke an hour to walk to the ring?
GP: Quiet JT! Don't ruin our crediblity.
On the IWO-tron that's been around forever, and hasn't been repossesed by the IRS, Nuke appears. He has a devilish smile on his face, as Jack Break and Schitzo Tod look in in the ring.
Nuke: Sad, isn't it? This pathetic melancholy existence. It's just so... boring. So you know what? I thought I should spice things up for just a bit.
Nuke took a side step, as CEO President Ford is tied to a chair, gagged. Ford tries to scream, but his attempts are muffled.
Nuke: So, I'm not allowed in the arena Ford? Technically, your office isn't in the arena, so I'm not breaking any rules... Well, except that stupid kidnapping rule. Can you believe that Rob?
The camera pans over to see Rob Kestler, who's sitting there caught in a finger trap.
Rob Kestler: HELP! This guy's not shiny!
The camera returns focus violently to Nuke's face.
Nuke: So Tod, Breaker, whomever walks out of Conspiracy Theory with the title... I want the first match after... Or Ford here gets sliced and diced.
Rob Kestler: YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS NUKE! THEY WILL BE SOME SORT OF MEDDELING KIDS THAT WILL RUIN YOUR SCHEME!
Nuke: Why the fuck didn't I gag him already? *groan* You have one week to decide... I bid you adu.
Static... Breaker and Tod stare wide eyed as the camera slowly fades away.