Time:10:30 PM Eastern Standard Time
Woodhaven Sports Center, Philadelphia, PA
As the IWO logo, in metallic blue flashes on the screen, we slowly fade into a haunted house surrounded by several lifeless, rotting trees under a dark and cloudly sky. Like a silent movie, the scene cuts to white text appearing on screen as the scene transpires.
There are many things humans fear.
Hearing the spine tingling sounds of owls hooting incesantly and the rumble of what seems to be thunder, we gradually make our way, step by step, along the narrow walk way. As leaves pass by, floating in the air due to the strong gusts of wind, we notice the dead, dark yellow grass on the front lawn.
Everyone is afraid of something. You might not know it, but you will in time.
About five feet from the front door, we hear the creaking of the wooden deck below. Noticing the door slightly open, we see a hand come into view twisting the doorknob. As it is completely open, the whole house is completely dark and depressing.
You may not want to be frightened, but you simply have no choice. For fear is in all of us. We cannot escape it for it exists. You may believe that you are fearless. Well, you haven't seen nothing yet.
The second we enter through the doorway, a loud scream is heard as the windows of the house start closing and opening.
Fear is not what is in front of your eyes. For fear is an illusion.
For a split second, a light hanging from the ceiling is turned on, revealing an empty living room and kitchen. As we look up at the second floor, we see nothing. As the camera quickly turns around, the lightbulb is shattered and as it becomes pitch black, we hear another loud, frightening scream and a loud thud.
Fear you. Fear me. Fear what you fear. FEAR THE DARKNESS.
As several cuts scenes of Simon Seaman having his hand raised as the new IWO World Heavyweight Champion are shown, we hear the voice of a female news reporter while "How Soon is Now" by Love Spit Love is played.
News Reporter: We interrupt this program for a very special report. It has became apparently clear that an evil has made its presence felt.
Quick flashes of AWS Man (also known as Bill) in action and stills of Erik Blake in the ring are viewed.
News Reporter: A certain phenomenon has swept this community as several people have supposedly been affected by this.
Glimpses of Evan Levine arguing with HIT and High Flyer striking Levine and Seaman with a sledgehammer in the middle of a match are shown.
News Reporter: All I can say is to you parents out there are to lock your doors.
We then look at several cinematic pictures of Nuke defending his Extreme title and Ben Archer walking down to the ring.
News Reporter: Close your windows.
Cut to Matt Rivers struggling to pull himself up from the canvas and Mike Extreme in battle.
News Reporter: Put your children to bed.
A photo of the Suicide Kings floats across the screen as we then view photos of the Jack Daniels Connection and Rob Kestler projected onto a large IWO logo with still shots of Those Damn Mexicans shown after.
News Reporter: For this is going to be quite a night. A night that will not be forgotten.
Soundbytes of Simon Seaman in the ring and High Flyer are heard. Clip after clip of Simon and Flyer confrontations are shown. We see Flyer strike Simon with the IWO world title, Simon Seaman attacking High Flyer and the two in a stare down.
Simon Seaman: High Flyer, what you see right here is an individual who is afraid of absolutely nothing.
Cinematic footage of High Flyer standing in the middle of a cemetary in the middle of the night is shown.
High Flyer: At Fear the Darkness, if you haven't feared anything in your life, start now. Start with me.
New view of footage of Simon Seaman, sitting on a leather chair surrounded by nothing inside what seems to be some sort of mansion. The lights flicker then begin to flicker in and out as he looks into the camera from twenty
Simon Seaman: I will lead the IWO into this new era. I will lead the IWO and my first task is getting rid of one of the individuals who tried to push me down from day one wishing me to fail. That's you Flyer and I don't care
what you've done in this company. You're nothing to me.
We see High Flyer take a sledgehammer and raise it high above his head as rain starts pouring down. Striking a tombstone beside him, he shatters it into pieces.
High Flyer: This is the beginning of the end.
Footage of Seaman with his back turned to the camera is viewed as the IWO logo is projected off his back.
Simon Seaman: Your IWO career, as far as we know it, is history. For absolutely no one will remember you High Flyer. Do you know why that is? Because I made it so.
The picture is distorted as both pieces of footage cut in and out. As it completely turns to static, we move on to a pure black screen.
High Flyer: It's do or die.
As the IWO logo is seen on the screen, the Fear the Darkness logo is not far behind. As those two disappear, we cut to the live audience and the start of the Fear the Darkness Pay-Per-View. "Crawling in the Dark" by Hoobustank is heard blaring from the pa system, as the fans eventually rest on our announcers, Greg Parker, and JT.
GP: FANS! Welcome to Fear the Darkness 2001! We've got one hell of a show for you!
JT: Legit foo'.
GP: Excuse my plebian commentator partner, but tonight's show will be one to remember. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) squares off against Nuke for the Extreme title. Should AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) win, he'll be the second ever grand champion.
JT: Yeah foo', and if dat shiznit isn't hard to take, da funken other grand champion ends his career tonight in da funken ring foo'.
GP: Will you... STOP THAT! He's talking about High Flyer, battling Simon Seaman for a change to hold the gold once more. If Flyer fails, it's all over.
GP: WILL YOU STOP... Urgh, why do I bother...
JT lets out a laugh.
GP: Tonight will be one to remember. Matt Rivers battles Mike Extreme in a Dumpster match, Evan Levine squares off against H-I-T for a shot at the IWO World Championship, and so SO much more. The Suicide Kings have a shot at becoming the first ever three time tag champion... THREE TIME JT!
JT: Quite a feat... Whooo, is tonight going to be ugly. It's going to be ugly, ugly, ugly...
Those JT ramblings are quickly shut off as a black car -- really, a hearse -- pulls into the arena.
GP: You don't think that might be the hearse that Nuke saw a couple weeks ago, is it?
JT: Gee, ya think?
GP: Well, for one thing... it's got that weird design on the hood.
Indeed, what he says is true. On the hood of the hearse is a wonderfully crafted picture of the Grim Reaper, clutching hus scythe like the weapon of death it is. Below it, in writing that is plain yet scratchy... reads "Tonight". Simple yet cryptic.
GP: AH! What the hell could be there! It is all Hallo's Eve JT...
JT: All Hallo's What? OH! Halloween. Yeah, dude, I'm scared. Where's Nikki where I can hold her breast to calm me down.
GP: Not the Nikki sex jokes again. PLEASE JT... Especially, when tonight, we will see who stands supreme on the top of the IWO mountain. It's titles versus career. Every IWO championship will be on the line tonight. Ladies and gentleman, this is Fear the Darkness!
JT: No doubt about it, Parker. The electricity is absolutely amazing and the Cleveland crowd is ready to go.
GP: For this is an exciting night. One that will go in the record books. Will High Flyer become the new IWO World Heavyweight Champion?
JT: Doubt it.
GP: Or will Simon Seaman prove that he is legit and end the career of an IWO legend for good?
JT: Damn straight.
GP: Was I even asking you?
JT: No, but tell you what. I don't care.
GP: Either way, you're an ass and either way, we're going to the ring for our first match.
Harold Hash's music hits as he walks down to the ring met with a mixed reaction from the fans.
Meygon: This match is set for one fall with no time limit. Ladies and gentleman, here is...HAROLD HASH!
As Harold Hash makes his way between the ropes and into the ring, he loosens up as Bryan Fury's theme music hits. Emerging from the back, he makes his way down to the ring.
Meygon: His opponent...BRYAN FURY.
Quickly entering the ring, Fury walks up to the Hash waiting in the middle of the ring and wastes no time. As the ref calls for the match to start, Hash and Fury tie up as Hash gets the upper hand on his opponent and applies a headlock. Fury releases the hold and shoves Hash into the ropes, but Hash comes back with a clothesline knocking done Fury. Fury gets up and is whipped into the ropes by Hash who executes a hip toss and follows through with the move. As Fury favours his back, Hash takes advantage putting the boots to his fellow competitor. Fury crawls over to the corner and attempts to pull himself up, Hash helps him up and gets in a few right hands and a knife edge chop that echoes throughout the arena. Hash then takes Fury over to the ropes and whips him into the opposite set and connects with a beautiful dropkick followed by the first cover of the match. The ref makes the count, but it's only two as Fury kicks out of the pinning predicament.
GP: Two underrated talents in the IWO going at it right now. They might not be that popular with the fans, but their hussle and their will to win will surely get their attention in no time.
Fury gets up to a standing position and is met by another series of rights from Hash. With Fury's back to the ropes, Hash decides to whip him into the opposite set, but Fury reverses. Fury tries to follow that up with a clothesline, but Hash escapes and slides through Fury's legs, then hooks Fury from behind and connects with a side russian leg sweep. Softening up his opponent, Hash gets in a few forearms to Fury's sternum followed by a leg drop. Pulling Fury up, Hash whips Fury into the turnbuckle and dashes after him. Fury sidesteps as Hash goes into the corner. Fury turns has around and starts pummeling Hash with a series of lefts and rights that gets the crowd going.
GP: Fury showing some intensity that we haven't seen from him in a while.
JT: Speaking of intensity, just hours from now, you will get to see the man himself. Simon Seaman puts with his IWO World Title against a man who some would say is already retired. That individual is High Flyer.
GP: Some would say? Wouldn't you mean you would say?
JT: Same thing. I speak for the people.
With Hash leaning against the corner, Fury whips Hash into the opposite corner and follows that up with a clothesline. Holding onto Hash, Fury guides him into the middle of the ring, where he executes a northern lights suplex for the cover which only gets a two.
GP: Don't forget about what is also yet to come. Matt Rivers will take on Mike Extreme for the North American Title. AWS Man (also known as Bill) tries to attain extreme gold as he takes on Nuke in a 98 Disease/Bathroom brawl. Not to mention Erik Blake defending his Television title against Scott Styles and Jack Daniels Connection vs. Suicide Kings.
JT: It's sure going to be one hell of a show. I got my popcorn. I'm in my easy chair. I'm good for the night. All I need is a toilet. Hey Parker, are you using that coffee cup beside you?
GP: Don't even think about it.
As Hash gets on his knees, Fury nails some stiff rights to Hash's forehead. As Hash punches Fury's midsection, Fury comes back with a forearm to the top of Hash's head. Picking Hash back up, he turns him around and hooks him up from behind. Hash with a elbow to Fury's face followed by a second elbow. As Fury's grip is released, Hash bounces off the ropes behind him and charges after Fury, but Fury uses Hash's momentum to his advantage and executes a spine buster followed by a cover. The ref drops down to the mat to count, but Hash gets the shoulder up just in time. Fury gets in a few kicks to Hash's midsection after pulling him up from the canvas. With Hash doubled over, Fury bounces off the ropes and attempts a swinging neckbreaker, but Hash sidesteps the move at the last second, charges Fury and nails a neckbreaker of his own. With both men down on the mat momentarily, the ref starts the standard ten count, but Hash is the first one to get up and sticks his boot over Fury's windpipe using the top rope for leverage. As the ref warns him and counts up to five, Hash releases it at four and slowly pulls Fury up. Getting in a few jabs and another knife edge chops, Hash whips Fury into the ropes, but Fury reverses and whips Hash into the ropes. Attempting a dropkick, Fury falls short as he crashes to the mat with Hash holding onto the top rope. With Fury on the mat, Hash floats over and goes for the pin, but only gets a two count as Fury kicks out.
GP: Great tenacity by Bryan Fury. Actually, both of these men have been doing just as good. This opening match could go either way.
JT: They might not be fighting for any title or anything like that, but they are fighting to win and that's what counts.
Shoving Hash off of him, Hash walks over to the opposite corner and attempts to attack Fury, but Fury avoids him and throws Hash over the top rope onto the floor. Following him, he sets up Hash against the guardrail and lets a huge knife edge chop echo throughout the arena. Throwing him back into the ring, Fury looks to go up top and starts scaling up the turnbuckles. With Fury perched on the top turnbuckle, Hash gets a second wind and crotches Fury. With Fury in obvious pain, Hash takes advantage with a fear stiff shots to the head. Climbing up the turnbuckles himself, he hooks up Fury for what looks to be a superplex, but Fury shoves Hash all the way down to the canvas. As Hash tries to go after his opponent again, Fury kicks Hash in the midsection sitting from the top turnbuckle. Hooking Hash up, Fury nails a nice tornado DDT as both men lay trying to catch their breath on the mat.
GP: It's time for Fury to capitolize on this one. He has Hash down. All he needs to do is drape his arm over Hash and it could be over.
Slowly pulling himself along the mat, Fury hooks Hash leg for the cover, but only gets a two count as Hash gets up his shoulder just before the ref counts three.
GP: Hash was able to get his shoulder up, and Fury is picking up Hash, getting ready to end this match he believes. Fury lifts Hash up...
Fury has Hash on his shoulders, going for the Fury Bomb, but Hash is able to wrench backwards, and land on the top rope. Hash then grabs Fury by the neck, and flips over, landing "Barq's is the best Root Beer," a Diamond Dust manuver. Hash then dove on the top...
Meygon: YOUR WINNER! HAROLD HASH!
Hash's hand is raised, as he slowly leaves the ringside area. Slowly, Fury gets up, dazed at how he lost, and then leaves the ringside area as well.
"Lithium" by Nirvana hits as the fans pretty much get the pattern of this by now, but this time, only one person shows up.
GP: NOOOOO!!!!! HOW MUCH LONGER MUST WE DEAL WITH THESE IDIOTS?!
The usually standing-straight-up hair of this man has actually been put into long hair, and he has flaming red hair, obviously either a wig or dye. He's got an obviously fake scar on his face that looks more like a bad attempt at drawing it on than an actual plastic surgeon kind of thing or, dare I say it? A real scar. He enters the ring.
Guy: Hello. You might know me as beefØn. beefØn the Randomness. For reference, that is a LOWERCASE b and a funny little ASCII character for the "o". I don't mind if you call me beefØff, but just remember that lowercase "b" and the ASCII character. You might remember some of the things I've done through the years... you know, I'm the most hated guy in wrestling and I'm an asshole. Everyone will tell you this, and...
beefØn is cut off when "The Revolution Will Be Televised" by BT plays as Steve the Rambling Communist, Chinese midget extraordinaire, comes out wearing a suit.
beefØn: Oh great, it's Spike Lee. What in the hell do you want? Come to water the flowers again, or comment on Reggie Miller's game, again?
Spike Lee: LAWSUIT.
beefØn: You're suing me? Over what? Conspiracy to piss on your shoes? Attempted assault on your cat? Ant farm genocide? Wait, no, I've got it... I think I know what you're suing me over. Slander over you being not gay! I should have known...
Spike Lee: ASSAULT.
beefØn: Oh no! I forgot that I hit your pinkie finger with a funnoodle! I'm surprised you didn't file for repeated assault when that moose humped you the other day!
Spike Lee: MISTAKE.
beefØn: Yeah, okay, so it was a mistake. What about the second time it happened?
Spike Lee: COINCEDENCE.
beefØn: Sure, Spike. Sure. You know that this is wrestling, right? Funnoodle beatings are bound to happen some times. Hell, with that face of yours, I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often. Just try to find a suit with this case, Spikey.
Spike Lee: LAWYER.
"Run Away" by Real McCoy blasts out of the PA system as a man comes out to a stunned reaction from the crowd, as beefØn's jaw drops at least two feet. beefØn knew who he was. It used to be HIS lawyer. That man. Is...
Yes. MLB. He was half lawyer, half baseball player, half Hispanic, and ALL MAN. Actually, that doesn't mathematically add up, but oh well. Math wasn't the strong suit in Mega Job.
beefØn: Uh... hi?
MLB: You know, esse, Spike has a pretty good case here. After all, let's look at the sfootage!
MLB and beefØn turn to the IWOtron, as we see footage of beefØn talking to Spike Lee. beefØn yells at Spike Lee, and Spike Lee demands that he leaves the room, so beefØn turns around, whips out a Funnoodle, and smacks Lee in the pinkie finger with it, as Spike Lee falls off of his chair and starts flopping on the floor like a fish while screaming and wailing in pain.
MLB: So, how do you explain this, beefØn?
beefØn: He called me a wanker!
The crowd "ooh"s at the insult that was used on beefØn.
MLB: I'll give you that one, but what about THIS incident?
We cut to the IWOtron again, as we see beefØn the Randomness standing over an open grave, another Funnoodle in his hand.
beefØn: Welcome back, Mr. Stallone. Would you like to take a survey?
A gasp is heard from the crowd as the beefØn on the screen pulls out a clipboard and shoves it into the open grave.
beefØn: I hope you enjoyed your survey, Mr. Stallone. After all, it asks at least fifty questions on beans and Sheryl Crow, and who DOESN'T want a survey involving those two forces? I would've brought you some coffee, but that E-Ron wanker took it when he went to see some Craig guy. I hope God enjoyed your survey. Now, TAKE THIS.
beefØn suddenly lashes out on the body inside the open grave with his funnoodle, though it does no notable damage. The cameras go back to beefØn and MLB.'
beefØn: How did you get THAT on camera?!
MLB: Very carefully.
Suddenly, "Stop Breathing" by Pavement plays as Steve the Rambling Communist comes out, but this time, reprising his role as Stevetime.
beefØn: Oh no, it's Stevetime! Watch as I quiver in fear!
MLB: Um, yeah. I'm just going to give you your subpoena now, and I'll see you in court, beefØn.
MLB hands beefØn a small sheet of paper and walks away, as beefØn stares at it before crumbling it up and putting it in his pocket. Stevetime enters the ring.
beefØn: What do YOU want? Have you come to cut a five second promo again?
beefØn: *sigh* Carry on...
beefØn looks down at his watch before looking up at Stevetime again.
beefØn: ...HEY! You did it! You broke your record! Stevetime, I'm so proud of you!
Stevetime hops with joy before heading to the back. After he leaves, beefØn turns to leave, but he's cut off by "Real American". beefØn stays in the ring as El Janito comes back out, but this time wearing an Armani suit which is probably more expensive than the entire Job Cave combined. He was now Janito Frampton.
beefØn: Sheesh, what is this? beefØn Appreciation Night? Look, Janito, I can't get Stephanie McMahon in the ring to screech "Wind Beneath My Ring" for us. I could spring
for Justin Credible, but I don't really feel like wasting my money right now.
Janito Frampton: Shut up, beefØn. I see that you're spreading your lies, as usual.
beefØn: What do you want?
Janito Frampton: Oh, I was going to wait until you were in the washroom and then I was
going to make Ken kick you out of the ring.
Suddenly, Steve the Rambling Communist, in a very bad wig, slides into the ring and kicks beefØn in the back of the leg, and Beef goes flying out of the ring. Janito looks at Ste- er, "Ken", and "Ken" looks at Janito.
Janito Frampton: Indeed! Come! We must leave.
They leave as beefØn gets to his feet.
beefØn: ...that sucked. Ow.
beefØn heads to the back as well.
JT: Will these idiots ever stop?
GP: Probably not. but, it's now time for... ugh... do we REALLY have to call this match?
JT: Yes, Greg. You might as well go ahead and get the riot suits now. Because we're
about to call a Mega Job match...
GP: Weren't they just out here? Couldn't they just STAY out here? I mean, then they would have had a purpose.
JT: Oh shut up Parker.
The scene cuts to Meygon, who stands in the ring with a microphone.
Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen... the following contest is a six-man tag match, scheduled for one fall! The rules of this match are as follows: El Janito: The Mexican Stereotype and Beef the Slightly Annoyed are putting up their IWO Black World Tag Titles, and if either man is pinned, TDM becomes the IWO Black Tag Champions, or the Gap Worker becomes the SOLO IWO Black Tag Champion. The Gap Worker puts his North Dakotan title up for grabs, and whoever pins him on the Mega Job team will become the NEW North Dakotan champion!
GP comes on the air again.
GP: Did any of you get that?
JT: No. I left my score card at home, mommy.
Cut back to Meygon.
Meygon: Introducing first...
"Internal Primates Forever" by Mudvayne hits as Those Damned Mexicans come out to a chorus of boos. Curse them! Curse Those Damned Mexicans! Evil! Satan! ...er, maybe I shouldn't mention Gunnar Smith here.
Meygon: ...they come in at a total combined weight of four hundred and twenty-five pounds. They hail from Mexico... and they are the masters of the MDD as well as supposedly nine thousand, six hundred, and fifty-two other tag team finishing manuevers... ladies and gentlemen... they are Diablo and Edguardo... THOSE... DAMNED... MEXXXIIIICCCANNNNSSSSS!!!!
Those Damned Mexicans enter the ring and they get up on the turnbuckles and raise their arms, getting more boos. Then, "Gap" by 311 hits as the Gap Worker comes out to a HUGE chorus of boos, almost eighty-seven times as big as the average anti-Evan Levine reaction, putting the reaction at around 8.7%! He holds the JCF North Dakotan title over his shoulder.
Meygon: And their tag team partner, he weighs in at one hundred and fifty-seven pounds, and he hails from Bloomington, Minnesota. He is the master of the Mellow Yellow, and he
is the CURRENT JDF North Dakotan champion... ladies and gentlemen, he is the GAPPP
The Gap Worker gets more boos as he enters the ring and holds the title up for all to see. People throw garbage at him, as the IWO janitor begins to hate his life at this point.
GP: These three are not very loved by the fans right now, I'll tell you that much!
"Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim hits.
The fans go nuts. Guys with white nets suddenly jump into the building to try and take some of them to the Asylum, while Joe Campbell laughs evilly somewhere in the world.
Then we see Beef the Slightly Annoyed. He's standing on TOP of the entryway, a la Shawn Michaels at In Your House. Predictably, Beef has a rope to swing off of, so he grabs it and swings. Problem: Beef trips on his way from leaving the top of the entry. Problem: He lands crotch-first on the nearby security railing. The male fans in attendance quickly all clutch their nuts and moan in sympathy pain. Even Meygon has to laugh at this, as she can't even make the entrance announcements thanks to this predicament.
GP and JT: Heheheheheheh!!!
El Janito: The Mexican Stereotype comes out to help his partner off of the security railing, but he continues to clutch his nuts and yell and scream like a little girl in pain. A little clown car comes in and Steve the Rambling Communist hops out, carrying the IWO Black World Tag Titles with him. And thus, Mega Job: The Epic Tag Team head to the ring for their IWO debut.
Meygon: ...and their opponents! They hail from Beefville: City of the Annoyed, USA. They come here tonight at a total combined weight of five hundred and twenty-two pounds... they are the masters of the Jobber Owl Buster, and they are the CURRENT IWO Black World Tag Team champions... ladies and gentlemen... they are making their IWO debut... they are MEGGGAAAA JOOOBBBB: THE EPIC TAG TEAM!!!
Mega Job all slide into the ring and make their heroic pose, with El Janito and Beef standing back-to-back and Steve standing in front of them holding his arms up.
TDM and the Gap Worker jump them.
*ding, ding, ding*
GP: And this match is on its way!
Immediately, Steve and the Gap Worker tumble out while Diablo clotheslines himself and Janito out of the picture. This leaves Beef and Edguardo, who slug it out in the middle of the ring before Edguardo whips Beef into the ropes. Edguardo leapfrogs.
Unfortunately, so does Beef.
Both men collide head-to-head in mid-air, sending both of them crashing to the canvas, with Beef landing on top of Edguardo. Beef just acts like it's part of the storyline by pinning Edguardo. One. Two. No. Edguardo, despite being dazed, kicks out. Beef pauses before he gets on one knee, and holds out his foot for himself to see. He starts shaking his head like mad, but before he can execute whatever it was that he was going to do, Diablo re-enters the ring and dives at Beef, knocking him down before riddling him with punches.
JT: This match is fucked up, so far.
Diablo forces Beef back into the TDM/Gap corner and pounds on him with right hands, while Beef screams like a little girl in response. Diablo tries to whip Beef into the ropes, but Beef ducks under Diablo's arm, turns around, and does the unthinkable.
He pulls down Diablo's pants, showing Diablos' underwear. Diablo turns beat red before he pulls his pants back up, but by the time he gets them up, Beef rolls to his corner and tags in El Janito.
JT: Tag to El Janito! Let's see what a Mexican Stereotype is capable of!
Obviously not much, since he walks right into Diablo's Bad Water Kick, a vicious charging thrust kick right to the face. Janito totally oversells it, flying halfway across the ring upon impact and flopping on the canvas like a fish until he goes to the outside, and while this was going on, Steve the Rambling Communist gets the tag in.
GP: Okay, what can a Chinese midget do against an angry Mexican?
Diablo just laughs at Steve and turns around, offering a tag to anyone who wants it. To his surprise and dismay, Steve charges in on Diablo at this moment, kicking him in the back of the leg. Diablo jumps in surprise, then turns to see a guy who's almost half his height putting up his dukes.
Diablo: What the fuck?
Steve the Rambling Communist: FIGHT.
Diablo tries to kick Steve in the head, but Steve ducks, sprints to the ropes, jumps up on the first rope, uses it to spring up to the second rope, then uses that to spring off, turn around, and dropkick Diablo to the canvas. Who would've thought that a midget would be better in the ring than the two taller members of Mega Job? Steve runs to Diablo and sits on his face.
Diablo: Ahhh! MIDGET FART!!!
Diablo pushes Steve off of him just as the referee counts to two, and finally rolls to his corner and tags in Edguardo. Steve doesn't want Edguardo. Steve wants the Gap Worker, and he points at the Gap Worker.
The Gap Worker jumps off the apron in utter fear of someone who stands just above his crotch. So Edguardo charges in on Steve, but Steve dives between Edguardo's legs and grabs what appears to be a urinal cake that was thrown at the Gap Worker previously when the fans were booing him.
Steve dives at Edguardo's crotch, impacting his head into Edguardo's testicles. He climbs up on top of Edguardo's chest and starts rubbing the urinal cake in Edguardo's face.
JT: Oh... my... GOD!!
GP: Nice one, Joey Styles.
Steve attempts to LITERALLY shove the urinal cake up Edguardo's ass, but the Gap Worker runs in to take a cheapshot at Steve. Upon taking it, he runs out of the ring, so Steve goes after him and chases him around the ring. Realizing the merry-go-round, Steve suddenly turns around and runs the other way. The Gap Worker stops running, looking behind him and realizing that Steve was no longer chasing him. He turns back in front of him and instantly regrets it, as he takes the impactful Clothesline From Shanghai, taking him down.
GP: My GOD, Steve with the Clothesline From Shanghai(clothesline from Hell to the nuts)
to the Gap Worker!
With El Janito's help, he rolls the Gap Worker into the ring, but the Gap Worker begs off, buying him enough time to poke Steve in the eye and crawl like a Swedish whore to the TDM corner, where he tags in Edguardo again. Beef makes a blind tag to Steve, then climbs to the top rope. Edguardo ambushes Steve and tries to powerbomb him, but Beef comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick to Edguardo's face.
JT: And here comes the Annoyed one, himself!
GP: You know, I'm wondering... Beef the Slightly Annoyed hails from a city called Beefville: City of the Annoyed. Why did he go and take a name resembling the name of his city?
JT: I have no idea.
Beef picks up Edguardo again and scoop slams him, then his head pops up. The crowd knows what's coming, as Beef signals for... THE MOST JOBBERIFYING MOVE IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT TODAY!
GP: Oh my dearest god.
Beef waves his arms around like an idiot and starts to run off the ropes, but Edguardo pops up suddenly and nearly takes Beef's head off with a clothesline. He picks Beef back up and puts him up in the fireman's carry... then swings him forward and drops him on his face with the Mexibuster.
JT: MEXIBUSTER(fireman's carry facefirst powerbomb) BY EDGUARDO! BEEF IS DOWN!
GP: Edguardo covers! ONE... TWO... THR-NO! NO! STEVE MAKES THE SAVE WITH A URINAL CAKE TO THE FACE!
And that's when ALL hell breaks loose. Diablo runs in to take care of Steve, which makes El Janito springboard in with a dropkick to Diablo, taking him down. The Gap Worker walks in to grab Steve, but Steve suddenly gets up and spears down the Gap Worker and rains down rights and lefts on him. Beef is still down, so Edguardo pulls Steve off of the Gap Worker and lifts him up for a Mexibuster. Unfortunately for him, Steve isn't having it.
With that, Steve wiggles out, spins around, and DDTs Edguardo to the mat. He then jumps up on Edguardo's abdomen and signals to the crowd that he's going for the second most hurtifying move in Steve's moveset.
The Kosack Dance of Doom.
JT: Oh my god... OW OW OW OW OW!!!!!
GP: Children, if you're watching at home, don't try that move on anyone, if you want that someone to grow up and have kids of their own.
JT: Thank you for the disclaimer, Greg.
Indeed, Steve is currently doing the Kosack Dance on Edguardo's nuts, and Edguardo is just screaming in pain about it. Finally, the Gap Worker recovers long enough to end Edguardo's torment by pulling Steve off. This allows Beef to recover from the earlier Mexibuster as he heads to the top rope. He leaps off for his patented Flying Legdrop That Always Misses.
It connects to the shock of not just the crowd, but Beef the Slightly Annoyed as well. Beef actually looks at his hands, wondering if what just happened actually happened.
GP: HOLY MOTHER OF CHRIST...
JT: ...BEEF HIT THE FLYING LEGDROP!?!
Janito slides back into the ring after catching Diablo with a straight leg jumping(Harlem) sidekick. As he turns around, Beef gets up and shoves Janito a bit, as Janito turns around upon doing so.
GP: Beef is back up! He shoves Janito!
Beef the Slightly Annoyed: JANITO!
Janito turns around, as he sees Beef with a "euphoric" look on his face.
El Janito, the Mexican Stereotype: Dude, Beef, that look just doesn't suit yo-
Beef: GET THE OVERUSED, YET OBVIOUSLY DESTRUCTIVE PIECES OF WOODEN FURNITURE OF DEATH!
El Janito: What?
Beef: .......get the tables, doofus.
El Janito: OH!
The two taller members of Mega Job roll outside to grab some tables.
GP: Oh my god. Mega Job? Tables? This can't be good.
Janito finds a little kid's table that doesn't look like it could be used to put someone through, while Beef finds a run-of-the-mill table and slides it in. He looks at Janito.
Beef: Dude, Janito, I don't think you can put anyone through one of those.
Janito: I know, but is is not nifty? I can't believe that someone would actually hide one of these under the ring! ...say, you don't think this is... RIGGED, do you?
Beef: Nah! It's wrestling! Nothing's rigged!
The table Beef is holding suddenly breaks in two, as Beef looks at it sadly.
Beef: DAMN PRE-CUTS! NOW WE HAVE TO GET ANOTHER TABLE!
Beef slides outside and grabs another table, but then he gets jumped by the Gap Worker, as Beef sells his weak punches like he was getting shot by a cannon. The Gap Worker slides the table into the ring while Beef screams like a little girl yet again. So Steve leaps off the apron and cross-body's the Gap Worker, as the referee has just lost all control in this match.
GP: This is so fucked up.
Diablo gets back in the ring and goes after Janito, but Janito turns around just as Diablo reaches him and he smacks his head on Janito's kid table, sending him crashing to the canvas. Janito looks down at Diablo with a bit of shock.
El Janito: Yo, esse... you okay?
Janito realizes that this is his opponent, so he climbs up to the top rope to enact his spectacular highflying maneuver... the Mexisault. Unfortunately, Edguardo pops up from out of nowhere to crotch Janito in the corner, in what has to be the seventeenth crotch shot in this entire match. Diablo heads up top to deliver some big evil move of doom, but Beef slides into the ring again and puts Diablo up in a shoulder-mount position. Janito gets up on the top rope and leaps off, landing, oddly enough, ass-first on Diablo's chest while Beef falls backwards. Janito stays on for the cover.
JT: I guess we'll call that the Doomsday Ass Vice or something! ONE... TWO... THRE-NO! NO! NO! EDGUARDO SAVES!
Edguardo throws Janito over the top and to the outside, but suddenly, Beef the Slightly Annoyed breakdances to his feet, as JT screams out.
JT: RICE-A-ROONI! RICE-A-ROONI! RICE-A-ROONI!
Suddenly, a Canadian fellow named Stephen Rivera stands up behind JT.
Stephen Rivera: THAT'S MY GIMMICK, DAMMIT! MIINNNNEEEE!!!
Security takes him away, just as Beef the Slightly Annoyed kicks Diablo in the gut and hooks his arms, and delivers an air-shattering yell before picking Diablo up and nailing the Piebuster(double underhook backbreaker)!
GP: PIEBUSTER BY BEEF!
Beef stands over Diablo and looks up at the crowd. He's going to try it again... the MOST JOBBERIFYING MOVE IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT TODAY! He waves his arms like an idiot before running off the ropes. He hops, the crowd yells "B"! Again! "E"! Again! "E"! The last hop sends him over Diablo and he stops running at this point. Beef begins to do his variation of the Macarena, to a HUGE reaction from the crowd, before he pulls out an egg from literally nowhere and throwing it into the crowd. He spins around and holds his leg out over his opponent for a legdrop, but doesn't drop it, instead he moonwalks backwards to the ropes before using the ropes to bounce back and drop the leg on Diablo, in a move known only as THE EPIC BEEF DROP!
GP: Oh... my... god...
JT: That was the stupidest and most ridiculous move I've seen since the People's Elbow.
Beef goes for the cover.
GP: He's covering him! ONE... TWO... INCOMING!!!
Edguardo leaps off the top rope with an elbow drop to the small of Beef's back. Diablo quickly recovers as they begin to measure Beef for the Juan and Carlos Tribute Move, but as Beef gets up, Janito suddenly grabs Edguardo from behind in a backslide, runs up the turnbuckles, before backflipping and sitting down. This drives Edguardo's face into the mat in a move called the Latino Spice Driver. LSD. Of course, Diablo is undeterred by this and delivers the Firestarter(Rock Bottom-Rydeen Bomb hybrid) to Beef. And everyone was down.
GP: We have a double KO thing!
One question still remains in the heads of all of those in attendance.
WHERE THE FUCK WERE STEVE THE RAMBLING COMMUNIST AND THE GAP WORKER!?
JT: WAIT! WAIT! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
JT is referring to the ice cream truck that was pulling into the arena. Driving it SOMEHOW was Steve the Rambling Communist. He hops out and drags the Gap Worker back into the ring.
GP: You mean to tell me that the Gap Worker almost tried to ESCAPE the arena?!
JT: Holy shit.
Steve slams the Gap Worker's face on the stairs as the referee stops his double KO count and just stares in shock over what he's seeing. Steve throws the Gap Worker into the ring as best he can while he reaches under the ring and grabs a step-ladder. The announcers know what's coming, as do the fans.
GP: Oh my god, I guess it's time for the MARXIST THEOREM! Steve's signature spot!
Steve enters the ring and sets up the stepladder. He grabs the Gap Worker by his nuts and climbs up the ladder.
The Gap Worker looks at the midget who's holding his nuts in sheer fear.
Gap Worker: W-what?!
JT: Ow. OW OW OW OW OW.
GP: Um... the Gap Worker just got an unwanted sex change right there!
Diablo recovers first and he realizes that something is wrong with a midget still standing, the Gap Worker crying in pain, and everyone else is still down. Diablo charges in on Steve and knees him in the face, sending Steve to the outside as the crowd instantly begins booing, because the least cool thing to do in the world is for a grown man to attack a midget.
GP: That meaniehead!
JT: He had it coming!
Janito gets to his feet, but Diablo nails him with the second Bad Water Kick of the match. Once again, Janito totally oversells it, flying halfway across the ring, hitting the turnbuckles, and falling to the outside. Beef suddenly grabs Janito's kid table from earlier and gets to his feet. He smashes it over Diablo's head, stunning Diablo as Beef goes to the outside to find another weapon.
GP: My GOD! Mega Job: The Epic Tag Team has used every single weapon imaginable in his match except for the kitchen sink!
Beef pulls out a kitchen sink.
JT: The irony of that is crushing.
Greg goes wide-eyed when he sees that "GP" is engraved on the sink.
GP: NOOO!! THAT'S MY SINK! NO! DON'T USE MY SINK! NOT LUCILLE!
JT: Have I mentioned just how fucked up you are, Parker?
Steve the Rambling Communist enters the ring again, just as Beef nails Diablo with the kitchen sink. Steve sees that the Gap Worker is down, so he climbs up to the top rope. Beef raises the sink in the air, which leaves Edguardo the opening to land the Spick Kick(bicycle enzugiri) on Beef, taking him down. Steve leaps off, landing a VERY stiff senton, the Iron Curtain, off the top onto the Gap Worker, and he stays on top of him just as Edguardo starts pinning Beef. The referee, confused, counts both pins.
GP: WAIT! WAIT! ONE... TWO... THREEE!!!!!
*ding, ding, ding*
The referee quickly goes over to Meygon to give her instructions.
GP: What in the hell?!
Meygon turns to the crowd.
Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen... the winners of this match, and NEW IWO BLACK WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS ... Those Damned Mexicans... *crowd boos* BUT also the winner of this match... and NEW JCF NORTH DAKOTAN CHAMPION... STEVE THE RAMBLING COMMUNIST!!
The crowd is satisfied that at least somebody on their hero's side won something, as Steve is handed the JCF North Dakotan title while TDM are handed the (relatively useless) IWO Black World Tag Titles. Janito pulls Beef out of the ring as Steve rolls out as well.
GP: May we never have a match as fucked up as this ever again... but... then again.... This next match... you know, I don't know how the hell to describe this match, especially coming off of Mega Job right there...
JT : A really weird one.
GP : Yes. This is a "Friendship Match" between Rob Kestler and Ben Archer. Apparently if Kestler wins, Archer has to be his friend, and if Archer wins, Kestler has to give up his "super best friend" Archer, which is really just a picture of Archer ... a broken picture, at that.
JT : God, please let this be over quickly ... and preferably ending with Kestler's death.
GP : JT! Don't pray to God asking for someone to die!
JT : Awww...
GP : Let's take this one up to Meygon.
Meygon : The following "Friendship Match" is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, hailing from Belper, England ... standing at 6'1", and weighing 243 lbs. ... the master of the ArC ... BEEEEENNNNNN AAAARRRRRRCCCCHHHHHEERRRRRRR!!!
"The Unforgiven 2" by Metallica plays as Archer makes his way down the ramp. He climbs up the steps and walks into the ring, glaring back up at the entranceway.
Meygon : Next, hailing from Minneapolis, Minnesota ... standing at 6'6" and weighing 313 lbs. ... the master of the Call From Beyond ... um, his hobbies include fighting space monsters and owning a porn shop ... he likes walking, sponges, and walking sponges, and dislikes mean walking sponges ... RRRRRRROOOOOBBBBB KEEEEESSSSTTTLLLLEEERRRRR!!!
"Staying Alive" by Ozzy Osbourne plays as IWO legend Rob Kestler walks out from the back, holding his broken and bandaged picture of Ben Archer. He walks down to ringside and places his "friend" in the corner of the ring before sliding in himself.
Rob Kestler : (Talking to the picture) What's that, super best friend Archer? (Pointing at the real Archer) He's so an evil robot? OK ... Derp!
The bell rings as Kestler walks away from talking to the picture and right into a right hand by Archer. Kestler staggers as Archer pounds away at him with right hands. Ben whips him into the turnbuckle and runs in, connecting with a dropkick to Kestler's face. Rob falls down in the corner, clutching his nose.
GP : Archer gets this athletic contest off with a bang.
JT : More like a non-...bang.
GP : Running out of material?
JT : Oh yeah.
Archer picks Kestler up by the hair and hits him with an uppercut to the chin. Kestler staggers back into the corner, where Archer drives a few knees into his chests before the ref makes him back up. The fans boo Archer like there's no tomorrow ... which really makes no sense when you think about it, because if there really was no tomorrow, I would think that would make the fans care less about wrestling, not more.
JT : I can't believe these idiot fans are rooting for Kestler. He's an idiot, just like all of these idiotic idiots.
GP : Think you used "idiot" enough in that sentence?
JT : No! Idiot, idiot, idiot!
Archer backs up and charges at Rob for another knee, but at the last second Kestler reaches out and lifts Archer into a press slam position, dropping him right on his face on the turnbuckle. The fans cheer as Archer gets back up and stumbles around, holding his face.
GP : And Kestler makes a sudden change of offense!
JT : It won't last ... unless it does.
GP : Brilliant insight there, JT.
JT : That's why I'm the best!
Rob measures Archer up, and takes him down with a running big boot. He walks over to his "friend" in the corner and starts chatting with it.
Rob : Derp!
Picture : ...
Rob : Moodoodle!
Picture : ...
Rob : Derpdoodlerific!
Picture : ...
Rob : An excellent point, and well made at that.
While Rob's been talking to the picture in the corner, Archer has picked himself back up to his feet. He grabs Rob by the back of the head, takes a few steps forward, and hits a reverse Diamond Cutter-style neckbreaker. He jumps on Rob for a quick cover.
Ref : 1 ... 2 ...
Kickout by Kestler.
GP : Archer just got the jump on Kestler with that innovative maneuver.
JT : It was Kestler's own damn fault for wasting time with that stupid picture. How many IWO wrestlers do we have now who talk to inanimate objects?
GP : Two right now, I think, but that's not counting the Suicide Kings, who seem to talk to them every so often.
JT : ...The IWO's really full of nutjobs, huh?
GP : Yeah, pretty much.
Archer drags Kestler up and grabs his head for a DDT, but Archer is suddenly thrown back by Kestler. Ben bounces off the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Kestler catches him with a powerslam. Kestler stands up and drops a leg, then covers.
Ref : 1 ...
Kickout by Archer. Kestler blinks stupidly for several seconds, then picks up Archer, only to be elbowed in the stomach by him.
JT : Did Kestler really expect to win with a freakin' leg drop?
GP : Who knows what Kestler was thinking? Or what he's ever thinking, for that matter.
Archer bounces off the ropes and slides under Kestler's legs as Kestler tries to grab him. Archer hops up onto a turnbuckle and springs off with a missile dropkick to the back of Kestler's head, since Kestler was just standing there, having apparently forgotten he was in a match.
JT : What the hell was Kestler doing just standing there?
GP : This is Rob Kestler you're questioning. I think it's more of a shock that he even realizes he's a wrestler.
JT : True.
Archer waits for Kestler to stand up, and catches him with a superkick across the jaw. Archer hops up onto Kestler's shoulders and swings for a swinging tornado DDT, but finds himself still in the air, being held up by the considerably larger Kestler. Rob squeezes Ben with a bearhug, and then slams him to the mat with a vicious belly-to-belly. Kestler picks Archer back up, and without warning pokes him the eyes. Archer stumbles around blindly.
JT : That cheap bastard!
GP : Heh heh. You gotta admit, JT, that was pretty funny.
Kestler waits for Archer's vision to clear, before flattening him with a clothesline. Archer stumbles back to his feet and walks into a boot from Kestler. Kestler lifts him up for a powerbomb, but Archer squeezes out of it and slips over Kestler's shoulders and down his back, rolling him up in a sunset flip.
Ref : 1 ... 2 ... 3-
Near kick-out by Kestler. Both men get to their feet and simultaneously charge, both slamming into each other. The 70 pounds lighter Archer goes sailing backwards and lands in the ring ropes, getting tangled up.
JT : Jeez, they're both idiots! How did Archer think he was going to win that collision?!
GP : I don't think that was really what he was going for, JT.
JT : Bah! He knew what he got himself into the moment he cut that hooker's throat!
GP : ...
JT : ...
JT : ...Yeah, I don't know where that came from either.
GP : Act like it never happened?
JT : Agreed.
Archer manages to free himself from the ring ropes, only to be clotheslined over the top rope. Kestler follows him to the outside, grabbing his head and shoving it into the ring post. Archer collapses backwards into Kestler's arms, and Kestler rolls him into the ring. Kestler slides in after him and stomps him a few times, before lifting him up and double underhooking the arms.
GP : He's going for his finisher, the Call From Beyond!
Archer manages to slip one of his arms free and low blow Kestler. Kestler staggers around, clutching his manstick, and Archer grabs him from behind for the ArC (stalling reverse suplex). Archer tries to lift Kestler, but can't quite get him up. He tries again and manages to get him a little ways off the ground, but just ends up dropping him back down and clutching his back. Kestler mule kicks him and turns around, catching Archer with a Sky High into a spinebuster. Rob covers him.
Ref : 1 ... 2 ... 3-
The ref points out Archer's foot on the ropes. Kestler drags him towards the middle of the ring and covers him again.
Ref : 1 ... 2 ...
Kickout by Archer.
GP : I think Archer just got pretty damn lucky that he was so close to the ropes.
JT : Lucky schmucky.
Kestler picks Ben up and tries to nail him with a right hand, but Ben ducks. Archer leaps and catches Kestler in the chest with a dropkick. Rob staggers back, and Archer manages to scoop him up into a Michonoku Driver.
Ref : 1 ... 2 ... 3-
Kestler gets his shoulder up. Archer slaps the mat in frustration and heads up to the top rope. He gets poised to jump as Kestler gets up, but fails to see that Rob grabs the picture of Archer as he gets up. Ben prepares to leap, but it nailed in the head by the flying picture of himself. Archer slips and crotches himself on the top rope. Kestler climbs up to the top and hooks his arms.
GP : Oh my God, he'll have the match won if he nails this!
Kestler leaps backwards with the Call From Beyond (double underhook piledriver) from the top rope. Archer lands pretty sickeningly, and Kestler rolls over for the cover.
Ref : 1 ... 2 ... 3!
"Staying Alive" by Rob Kestler plays as Rob raises his hands in victory. He rolls to the outside and picks up his friend, which he just won the right to keep. Kestler walks to the back as his music plays.
GP: And now... we continue... Here we go........the pay per view return of the Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid!
JT: Oh joy. Just what we need.
GP: Man, you change A LOT! Don't you remember WarCry, when you marking out like a bastard for him?!
JT: BUT THEN HE GAVE BACK THE BELT TO POTRIGHT! WHAT A WUSS! Levine is my God. He'll take care of the shape, mark my words!!
"I Am Your Boogie Man!" by White Zombie hits, as the former IWO President Evan Levine steps out onto the ramp to a chorus of boos. It's evident that Levine doesn't care, as he steps down to the ring, focused on his goal.
Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first.....if this man wins, he recieves an IWO World Title Shot! A former IWO World Champion......and perhaps the greatest heel in IWO history......"The Real Heel" EVAN.........LEVINE!!
Levine steps into the middle of the ring, calmly awaiting his rival......his newest nemesis....
Meygon: And, his opponent!
"I'm Gonna Kick Yo' Ass: Cows, Meat, and Little Sister Remix" booms throughout the arena, as the Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid charges down to ringside. Not waiting for the bell, HIT slides into the ring and attacks.
*DING DING DING*
The Trapezoid fires off a quick series of right hands into Levine's head. Evan blocks one, and opens up with a series of quick shots of his own. Shooting the HIT into the ropes, Levine backbody drops the Trapezoid into the middle of the ring, and drops an elbow. Evan backs up, and goes for a kneedrop, which misses.
JT: Levine in command here early!
GP: He just missed a knee drop!
JT: He'll come back!
Levine clutches his knee as the Trapezoid circles. Grabbing Evan's leg, he fires off a leaping legdrop onto the leg. He segues into a spinning toehold, wrenching at Evan's knee. Levine gets to the ropes, leading to a recluctant break. Both men rise to a vertical base, and the HIT chops Evan across the chest. The Trapezoid bounces off the far ropes, rotates, and catches Levine in the face with a hard forearm clothesline.
GP: THE NUMBERLINE FROM THE HIT! Trapezoid covers!
Levine kicks away easily, shrugging off the powerful blow to his jaw. The IWO's Real Heel gets up and goes back to the attack, nailing the Trapezoid with a hard right hand, and clotheslining him to the mat. Levine snaps HIT up and over with a quick suplex. Evan pauses to revel in a chorus of boos, and hits his kneedrop. He follows it with a second, and then a third. Levine presses the HIT's shoulders to the mat, only finding a one count. He shrugs, then applies an armbar.
JT: Look at Levine dominate here! He knows just how to take care of annoying Trapezoids!
GP: .............we're a minute into the match! This thing is FAR from over, now SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!
As the smack rings throughout the arena, the HIT counters Levine's armbar, and looks to apply his Extraneous Solution submission. Levine counters in turn, however, and drops the HIT neatly on his head and shoulders with a backdrop suplex. Levine pulls the Trapezoid back up, and applies a double chickenwing. He tries to spin the Sultan of Sides into Game Time, but the Trapezoid blocks. Levine shifts gears, and tries to Tiger Suplex the HIT over, but HIT blocks the manuever into an Oklahoma roll, forcing down Evan's shoulders for two. A surprised Levine bursts to his feet, and takes down Trappy with a leaping forearm blow.
GP: The HIT almost took it with that Oklahoma roll! Levine has to be careful! This is his one and ONLY shot!
JT: Which is why he'll win! Evan Levine did not become who he is by squandering opportunity. Evan GRABS opportunity!
As GP groans, Evan kicks the Trapezoid in the stomach, and sets him up for a powerbomb. The HIT reverses though, and drives Evan's skull into the mat with a hurricanrana. A smile crosses his face, as the HIT begins humping Evan's head!
JT: WHAT THE HELL?! WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS?!
GP: HIT said he'd be fighting for everyone Levine got rid of in his tenure! He's channeling Psycho Jay!
A shocked Levine backs away, but the quicker Trapezoid hooks Levine, and plants him with Psycho Jay's trademark spinning sambo suplex
HIT covers Levine.
JT: YES! THANK GOD!
GP: Levine kicks out.....HIT is throwing everything he can think of at the Game!
The HIT calls for the Perpindicular Bisector. He lifts Levine up for the move, but Levine slips out and nails a low blow. Levine clotheslines the HIT up and over the top rope to the floor. Evan Levine follows him outside, and rolls the HIT onto the commentary table. Levine climbs up, and holds the HIT over his shoulder for Conceptual Perfection.
JT: DO IT! PLANT HIM!
GP: NO! EVAN! WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?! DON'T! DON'T!!
Levine drops the Trapezoid through the table with Conceptual Perfection as the fans erupt in boos. Levine grins as he lies near the downed HIT. Evan drags the Trapezoid's limp body to the ring apron, and rolls him in the ring. Levine crawls in and cockily covers the Trapezoid.
The Trapezoid kicks out, to the shock of JT.
JT: THE REFEREE HAS TO BE BLIND! THAT WAS THREE!!!!
Regardless, it is only two. Levine cockily calls for another try at Game Time, but again, the HIT counters, into a hard German Suplex.
Trapezoid holds the move, going now to a Tiger Suplex.
The HIT rolls through again, executing a Tiger Suplex '85.
GP: HE'S GOT THE BRIDGE! 1.............2.......NO! LEVINE KICKS OUT!!
An angered Levine charges the HIT, who easily ducks Levine's right hand, and kicks Evan in the stomach. He pumphandles Levine, and lifts him in the air, dropping him with a Michinoku Driver.
GP: THE HIT SCORES PARALLEL BASES!!!
Evan rolls to the floor, with the energy he has remaining.
JT: YES!! WHAT A MOVE BY EVAN!!!
The HIT seems less enthused, as he backs up, and charges, somersaulting over the top rope onto Levine in a perfect tope con hilo. The HIT confidently rolls Levine back in, going upstairs for a moonsault.
GP: The Y-Axis Transformation! If he hits this, this contest is over!
The HIT leaps. Levine spots the falling Trapezoid, and evades contact, sending the HIT crashing into the canvas. Spotting the opportunity, Levine cradles the Trapezoid........1...............2............HIT kicks away. Levine forces HIT's shoulders down, and gets a second two count.. Frustrated, Levine just starts stomping away.
JT: THAT is why Evan will be the next #1 contender! The violence! The persistance!
GP: THE ABSOLUTE SUCKINESS!
JT: F*CK YOU!! EVAN IS GOD!
GP: I never thought I'd say this but.......TRAPEZOID IS GOD!
GP and JT: OH F*CK!!!!!!!!!!!!
As the two debated, Evan Levine had set up the HIT on the top turnbuckle. Unfortunately, the HIT was able to backdrop Levine to the floor, hence causing the "OH F*CK." HIT jumps off the top, flattening Levine with the Y-Axis Transformation to the cold hard concrete floor, and connects. Rolling him back inside, The Sultan of Sides signals the end.
GP: HERE WE GO!
HIT lifts up Levine, holding him over his shoulder, and dropping him down with the DOGGINATOR!
JT: DAMN HIM! HE'S STEALING MOVES FROM GOOD PEOPLE!
HIT covers. 1.......2........KICKOUT!
JT: EVAN LEVINE KICKED OUT OF THE DOGGINATOR!!
GP: Your mom didn't.
JT: I hate you.
Levine stops a Trapezoid right hand with a blatant low blow. He hooks HIT's arms, spins him around, and delivers GAME TIME!
JT: THAT'S ALL! NOBODY GETS UP FROM GAME TIME!!
Evan doesn't seem satisfied. Instead, he drags the Trapezoid to his feet, and delivers a SECOND Game Time!
GP: This is ridiculous!
JT: EVAN LEVINE IS MAKING A STATEMENT HERE!!!!
Again, however, Levine doesn't cover. He sits the HIT on the top rope.
JT: YESSS!!!! HE'S GOING FOR A SUPER GAME TIME!
GP: WHAT?! NO!
Levine twists into Game Time position perched up top. However, HIT shifts his weight, and pushes off the top, causing Evan to land unprotected on his head and neck.
GP: THE SUPER GAME TIME IS COUNTERED INTO A VERTEBREAKER OFF THE TOP!!
The Trapezoid lifts up Levine in backdrop suplex position, but twists him around into a facebuster, dropping Levine back on his head.
GP: KENT ANTHASON'S SWEET SERENITY! 1.............2................3! THE HIT WINS WITH KENT ANTHASON'S SIGNATURE MANUEVER!!
HIT raises his hands in the air, when suddenly, the feed is cut. Destroyed, but all that remains, is a picture, of FWL President Eric.
FWL President Eric: Now, I know you all must be wondering what I'm doing, but it's rather simple. You see, for all these years, you people have been watching the IWO, through the ups, through the downs, no matter what, you would sit there in your room, watching the IWO. Sitting through puberty, sitting through work, leaving your wife and your kids to watch the IWO. But you know what, there are alternatives out there. The fWo is a great federation, but it's not as great as the FWL was. You have alternatives, you can change! Change for yourself, change for the better. Take this time, get a soda, change the channel, weigh your options. WHY ARE YOU ORDERING THIS PAY PER VIEW! WHY!?! What has the IWO done to enthrall you? Nothing, I'm sure. Short of worthless I tell you...
Suddenly, Eric is cut off as well, recieving static, and then a small sign, that says "IWO, Technical Difficulties." I guess that was all for tonight... to say the least.