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May Mayhem 2001


*The following is intended for a pay per view viewing audience. If you do not like mature subject matters then please do not read*

("Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd is heard...)

(We fade in onto a ring. The world's in black and white... and a lone figure stands in the ring. When he speaks, his voice echoes...)

Phelen Kell: Two years prior...

(We fade to an entryway somewhere in this old arena that this ring is set up in. The old IWO logo's banner is hovering over it, tacked to the wall.)

Kell: I fought for the right of becoming a champion. I fought the hardest... I fought the best of my time.

(Wind shuffles through the building... ruffling up the banner.)

Kell: I watched as men risked their lives... the same night that one man lost his life. We continued on in the worst condition, knowing that despite the newfound danger, there would be some form of entertainment to prove ourselves on.

(Dust rolls up... swirls around Kell's feet. He looks down at it.)

Kell: That was then... we were men that had a desire burning in our hearts.

(Shots of Joey Malone and Donnie Daze fly across the walls, projected there like memories, proof of the change.)

Kell: Today, two men throw themselves into Life and Death. For what we fought for.

(The scaffolding network appears from the original May Mayhem.)

Kell: Back then... this was danger.

(The new addition, the Hell In A Cell-trapdoor-Cage combo fades in over it.)

Kell: Today... tonight... danger looks like a toy truck.

(The IWO banner again. It ruffles with the wind, flowing...)

Kell: Back then, this was the banner we worked under.

(It flies off... and the IWO shield is what stands there.)

Kell: Today, they work for a symbol... not a word. They work for glory... not a piece of gold. They live to die a thousand deaths... and move on the next day.

(The ring glows with color...)

Kell: They truly are the makers of mayhem.

(The ring continues glowing... the rest of the world around it fades out. We spin up into darkness, where two scaffolds float. Pictures of the 40+ men in the Mayhem match, from Cyanide to Kent Anthason to Sam Potright to Nicholas Kain to Tony Davis to High Flyer to Dane Matthews to Zombie all seem to drop forward off of it... the cage slams down around it. High above, two pictures spin, flat, 2D... we float towards them, and it is of Donnie Daze and Joey Malone, little movies of them hitting spectacular moves on their opposition. In between them, the IWO World Title hangs in a shot from a ladder match. Light glinters off the title and onto the camera, flashing it to white... the camera pulls back, and we discover that this is merely in the border of the "M" of Mayhem. We pull back, and the full title appears. Another flash of white... and we're in Sacramento, California, inside the PACKED Arco Arena!)

GP: WELCOME TO MAYHEM, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! AND IT'S IN MAY! WE'VE GOT A LOAD OF IT TO GO AROUND! I'M GREG PARKER --

Shallow: I'M JOHNNY SHALLOW --

Nikki: "BEAUTIFUL" NIKKI --

JT: And I'M STILL HEEEEEERE! MWA HA HA HA HA!

GP: Like I said... Mayhem. Four commentators? YIKES!

Nikki: A world title Iron Man match with 4 stipulation matches inside of it? Definitely yikes!

JT: And then... there's Mayhem itself, the match. High up. It'll be fun.

Shallow: It's all packed together...And that's not the biggest part of this card! IWO White was announced last night! We are now IWO White!

JT:That's racist Shallow!

Shallow:Huh?

JT:IWO White! We're IWO Caucasian!

GP:*Whispering*Shhhh JT, President Levine can't spell that.*End* And what an announcement that was folks! Two IWO's, but Now, let's get to IWO action, or, wait... IWO ACTION! RIGHT HERE! RIGHT NOW!

[All of a sudden "I am your Boogie Man" By White Zombie starts to play as the fans come to there feet with a deafening boo. Fire works go off as the lights dim and IWO White President Evan Levine makes his way out with Discord by his side. Evan is dressed in a Black leather coat and a smile on his face as the camera cuts to Meygon]

Meygon: Ladies and Gentleman the President of the IWO White.......Evan Levine!

[The fans boo as the camera cuts back to Evan and we here the announcers doing a voice over.]

GP: Fans...for the first time I am acutely wondering what Evan has to say. As we all know last night, Jamie Kosoy came back and broke the IWO in half.

JT: Its all for the good. This way Evan wont have to deal with that conniving John!

Shallow: Conniving? How the hell is he conniving?

JT: Don't you remember the Inner Circle? OR what about the time John had Evan tossed off a 100 foot cliff. There is a lot of bad blood between Evan and John and I am for one glad that IM not under Johns control.

Shallow: Your crazy!

GP: Well, Evan like always is working the crowed! I wish he would just get to the point!

[Evan in the ring working the crowed as stated looks around as he takes the mic out of Meygons hand. He gets right infront of the camera as he looks right at it and brings the mic to his face. The fans then start a "Fuck Off"
Chant as Evan drops his hand with the mic in it to his side and looks out at the fans. As they start to shut up, Evan brings the mic back up to his lips and starts to talk.]

Evan: Tonight.........Mayhem..........the IWO.............Things are going to change, hell things have changed. The IWO is no longer just the IWO. The IWO now is the IWO White and the IWO Black. Why? Because that CGI nerd Jamie Kosoy thought it would bring in a new area and rebuild the IWO name. Well you know what I say......I say.........Hes fucking wrong and he knows it. The IWO was the highest its ever been under my control and now that its two federations only means that Black will get sucked under my control with in two weeks!

[The fans start to boo and start a "Hell No" Chant.]

Evan: Say what you want you dumb sun suffers....because when its all on paper, my IQ and my ability beats all of your combined. I know what im talking about you the dumb red neck fans have no idea. SO SHUT UP!!!!!!!!

[The fans get louder]

Evan: DAMN IT I SAID SHUT UP!!!!!! If you want me to go out there and kick each and every one of your asses I will be more then happy to! You all forget who the hell I am! I am Evan fucking Levine!!!! TWO time IWO world
champ.....TWO TIME IWO NA champ.....if you rednecks want to try me...JUST BRING IT!

[The fans all around the ring are screaming at Levine that they will take him on. Levine himself leans over the ropes and starts to yell at a fan as Discord grabs him and pulls him back]

GP: Levine isn't really happy.

[Evan recomposes himself as he talks again]

Evan: OK.....now as I was saying before I got involved with this petty bull shit and you trailer park trash fans. I was saying that the IWO Black is in no way a threat to the IWO. infact its more of a leaser then a threat. Because you see.....the new prez of the IWO Black is none of there then John Maples. A dear old friend to me. Who can ever forget the time John killed my very first attempt to take the IWO with the POR. OR what about the time at
Beach Party when he had me tossed off a cliff.....

[The fans start to cheer]

GP: If you fans can remember, that very event happened here in this building. It was the night Evan won the North American title...and John had him tossed into the ocean off a 100 foot cliff.

Evan: Do you all find it funny that John almost killed me?

[All the fans scream "YEA"]

Evan: You sick hicks would!

[There is a huge pop]

Evan: The IWO might be in two right now....but I will make a promise here tonight.....And that is there might be two IWO's but the better and the most dominate IWO out there isnt the IWO Black...its WHITE!!! The IWO Black is nothing more then a copy of greatness...and it will be NOTHING...and I do mean nothing without names like mine in it! So this leads me to my next promis....and that is by the end of 2 months, I will have IWO Black in my pocket and there is nothing that you the fans...or Jamie...or even John can do about it!

[The fans boo]

Evan: I am the most powerful person in wrestling right now...and you will all see my power when I crush the IWO Black into submission and take each and every one of there members and job them to hell just to put the dot on my I's! The war to be the best IWO is on....and its clear who will win this war......................ME!!!!!!!!!

[ The building grows silent as a sadistic look on Evan is seen.]

Evan: NOW.........HIT.........MY.......MUSIC!!!!!!

["I am your boogie man" Hits as Evan drops the mic at his feet and starts to make his way back to the back]

JT: WHAT STRONG WORDS FROM A GREAT MAN!

GP: Those words wernt strong...they were scary.

Shallow: Evan is all talk...he cant touch the IWO Black.

GP: You said the same thing right before Evan took over the IWO 6 months ago!

Shallow: ..................

GP: Its obvious that Evan's threats should be taking seriously.

(The camera fades into the back, as we see a semi-bandaged up and beaten down Vice President. He has his arm in a cast, as he looks on at Evan's recent interview.)

VP Ford:Him winning this war? Pffff, he couldn't win when there wasn't competition... AH.... AH ah!

(Ford tries to press an intercom button, but comes up short.)

Ford:Drats...

(The scene fades ringside, as we can see the announce team. We then slowly fade to a video, as we see Blake buying out Eddie Cheno's contract with his million dollars.We see Cheno being forced to do ungodly things, as Cheno eventually is shown getting sick and tired, hitting Dave and Blake with his bong and such. Cheno then costs Blake a match against Archer, as we see Bob Job and Blake fighting as well from prior weeks. We fade towards the ringside area.)

JT:This has an eerie feeling of a modern day Virgil, Million Dollar Man type feel to it, doesn't it?

GP:Let's just get right to it!

["Smoke Two Joints" by Sublime starts to play as we see Eddie Cheno, Pen,
and Bob Job make their way down the wavy ramp. Cheno jumps on the drape,
grabs his bong, and gets on the second turnbuckle. He stands for his fans, and
several joints are lit up in the crowd. Pen does a little jig in the middle of the
ring, and Bob Job... Well... is Bob Job. Meygon gets in the ring. She looks at
Bob Job sickeningly.]

Meygon: Here's these three guys... OH SWEET MOTHER YOU SMELL
RETCHED.

GP: Bob Job, Pen, and Eddie Cheno are ready for a fight tonight. If Blake, and
his friends lose... Blake loses all rights to Cheno's contract.

JT: I'm personally betting on Erik to win.

Shallow: I'm personally betting you're an ass.

JT: Shut up, Shallow. No one likes you.

GP: I do.

JT: SHUT UP.

[Cheno's music fades, as "Jump on Me" by The Nymphomaniacs starts to play.
Erik Flake makes his way down the ramp with that Dave guy. Erik Blake follows
them with his head in his hands, almost crying.]

Meygon: And here's those other guys. May God have mercy on your souls.

*ding, ding, ding*

GP: Starting out is Erik Flake, and Bob Job. Bob wins the lock up, and sends
Flake into the ropes. Flake comes back, to meet a spinning heel kick from Bob
Job. Bob goes to the ropes and comes back with an elbow drop.

JT: Gah. Go, Flake! You're such a loser!

Shallow: Bob Job grabs the hair of Flake, and goes to the corner. He makes the
tag to Pen. Pen comes in and ROYALLY BITCHSLAPS ERIK FLAKE.

GP: YES. PEN IS GOING FOR THAT ONE MOVE!

JT: That one move?

GP: YES! YES! PEN ON THE TOP ROPE! PEN'S ON THE TOP ROPE! BIG
SPLASH FROM PEN! PEN GOES FOR THE COVER!

Shallow: ONE..... TWO...... KICKOUT BY FLAKE. Flake gives Pen a hard DDT,
and tags in Dave. Dave takes Pen to the ropes. Spearing Headbutt by Dave.
Pen hits the ground hard! Pen is inching to the corner to make the tag, but Dave
grabs him before.

GP: Dave takes Pen to the corner and starts to kick him in... the... uhh... Metal
part? Yeah, he starts to punish Pen with kicks to the mid-section. Dave pulls
Pen up and plants him with the DAVE ATTACK! DAVE ATTACK ON PEN!
DAVE ATTACK ON PEN?

JT: I'm confused. What's the "Dave Attack"?

GP: HELL IF I KNOW, BUT IT LOOKED AWESOME. ESPECIALLY ON A
SPATUALA!

Shallow: Dave is starting to pull Pen up again... LOW BLOW FROM PEN! PEN
JUST SPATUALA SLAPPED DAVE IN THE BALLS. Dave goes down! Erik
Blake leaning over the ropes for a frantic tag. Pen is going for the tag also! PEN
IS INCHING HIS WAY THERE! AND HE TAGS! EDDIE CHENO COMES OUT,
GRABS PEN BY HIS... Uhh... LEG! EDDIE CHENO AND PEN GRAB DAVE
AND PLANT HIS ASS WITH THE "SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS."

JT: "Shove it up your ass"? Are these even real signature moves?

GP: Eddie Cheno makes Dave tag in Erik Blake. Erik jumps the ropes, and
attacks Cheno. In turn, Cheno backs up, pulls out his bong, and shoves Pen in
the weed container part. Cheno puts his mouth over the gaping hole, and
instead of inhaling, he exhales sending PEN FLYING AT ERIK BLAKE! PEN
CONNECTS WITH THE SPEAR, AND BLAKE GOES DOWN.

JT: I'm not following this match at all, guys.

(JT looks at GP and Shallow who are smoking joints, and enjoying the match.)

JT: Perhaps I've got it, now. HEY, SHALLOW, PASS ME THAT DOOBIE.

Shallow: IN YOUR EYE, BITCH.

(Shallow puts the joint out on JT's forhead.)

JT: OH MY GOD! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH...

GP: Pen goes to the outside, where he's supposed to be, while Cheno takes
Blake to the ropes. Cheno with a hard spinebuster. Cheno goes to the second
rope and comes off with a big leg splash.

Shallow: Cheno obviously controlling this match. Cheno takes Erik Blake to
town. Left, then a right. Left, another Right. Cheno then gives one last hard
Right, and sends Erik Blake to the mat. Cheno picks him up, once again, and
plants him with a swinging neckbreaker.

JT: Alright, Cheno goes to the ropes, and jumps on the middle. He flips
backward into a Springboard Moonsault (Lionsault). Cheno tags in Pen, who
comes out and starts to slap Erik Blake twenty times a second. Pen is jumping
around in the ring like a mad-man. But wait! ERIK BLAKE JUST RAMMED HIS
FOOT RIGHT BETWEEN PEN'S LEGS!

Shallow: Pen has legs?

(Shallow quickly steals JT's bong, and hides it under the table.)

Shallow: No more of that for you.

GP: Pen is down, and Erik Blake is taking the advantage. Erik gives Pen a hard
elbow drop, he then picks Pen up and gives him the hardest chokeslam you
could give to a spatuala. Why does this match seem a little weird?

JT: I don't know, but I'm takin' it all in, maaaannn....

Shallow: Erik sends Pen to the ropes, but Pen comes back with a spear! PEN
JUST SPEARED ERIK BLAKE. PEN MAKES THE TAG TO BOB JOB. Bob Job
comes in kicking with two hard rights to Erik Blake. Pen does a standing
dropkick, then runs into Erik Flake, knocking him off the apron. Bob then
GIVES A STUNNER RIGHT ONTO THE TOP ROPE TO DAVE. Bob turns
around to have a closeline brought to him by Erik Blake. He flips to the outside.

JT: Bob Job is getting up, but Erik Blake and Erik Flake are right there. They
send several shots to Bob Job. Erik Blake sends Bob into the steps. Erik Blake
then grabs Bob, and throws him into the ring. PEN IS ATTEMPTING TO GET IN
THE RING TO HIT ERIK BLAKE. BUT THE REF STOPS HIM. THE REF AND
PEN START TO ARGUE!

(Pen shoves the Ref hard.)

Pen: ...

Referee: GODDAMNIT YOU STAY OUT OF THIS MATCH. NO ONE HAS
TAGGED YOU IN! YOU HEAR ME? YOU HEAR ME?

Pen: ...

GP: WAIT A MINUTE! PEN IS DISTRACTING THE REFEREE! EDDIE CHENO
SNUCK UP BEHIND DAVE AND FLAKE... NAILING THEM BOTH WITH THE
BONG! HE THEN GET'S IN THE RING! BOB JOB HOLDS ERIK BLAKE... OH
MY GOD.

Shallow: Here we go...

GP: BONG HIT! BONG HIT! BY EDDIE CHENO! BOB JOB SLIPS UNDER THE
ROPES AGAIN, AND PEN GOES TO HIS CORNER, THE REF TURN
AROUND JUST IN TIME TO SEE THE COVER!

Shallow: ONE...... TWO....... THREEEEEEEE!!!!

(Meygon enters the ring.)

Meygon: YOUR WINNERS... AND NOW FREE FROM ERIK BLAKES
BONDAGE! EEEEEDDDDDIIIEEEE CHHHHEEEENNNOOO,
BBBBBOOOOOBBBBB JOOOOOOOOBBBB, AND PEEEEEEEEEN!

GP: Bob, Eddie, and Pen celebrate. Bob and Eddie put Pen on their shoulders!
Yay! What a happy time in Bong land!

Shallow: Wait a minute. Erik Blake is behind them with a TOILET PAPER
ROLL!

JT: I lost respect for this guy right now.

GP: Erik Blake is running around in a circle around Bob and Eddie! THE TWO
ARE ALMOST COMPLETELY COVERED! AND WAIT A MINUTE! ERIK
CELEBRATES! NONE ARE MOVING! ERIK BLAKE HAS DONE--

Shallow: Bad call. Pen just ripped the toilet paper in half. Now, he's uhh...
pissed and stuff.

GP: YES! PEN IS WALKING UP TO THE CELEBRATING ERIK BLAKE! PEN
TAPS BLAKE ON THE SHOULDER...

JT: BLAM!

Shallow: Oh god, the horror.

GP: YES! FLIP THE HAMBURGER (Twist of Fate)!!!! FLIP THE HAMBERGER!!!! IT'S ALL OVER FOR BLAKE!

Shallow: It was when this match started.

GP: Ahh well.

Shallow: Anyhow, the three winners are leaving as Erik Flake kicks the shit out of Dave. What an...

(The IWO cameras cut off of the action in the ring you see them swing back to the back stage area where Billy Ray and his manager the Bartender are pacing back and forth as the Bartender is drinking a fifth of Jack Daniels and Billy Ray is going nuts just needing one drink out of that bottle)

Billy Ray: Dude put that shit away! I am going to go crazy with out a drink.

The Bartender: Hey Evan is the one who said you had to be sober not me.

(The Bartender begins to laugh at Ray)

Billy Ray: Whatever man that is pretty fucked up that is all I got to say.

The Bartender: Ya ya whatever man. Why don't you just go to Evan and beg him to take the banning off of you?

Billy Ray: You know what that isn't that bad of an idea. I am going to get on that right now.

(as the action ends and the IWO Cameras cut back to the ring side action Cut to a shot of backstage. We open in a VIP-looking room, with a nice couch and coffee table and whatnot. The room is empty, save the sleeping body on the couch. We move in closer and discover that it is none other than Jack Breaker, dressed in his usual blue flannel and tan bandana. He is sleeping.]

GP: What the...doesn't he know that he has a tag team championship match later tonight!?! Shouldn't he be warming up, or something?

(We fade back to the ringside, as we see Meygon, holding a microphone for the next matchup.)

Meygon: The following match is scheduled for one fall, and it's for the IWO Unfied Championship! Making his way to the ring first, the challenger, Rob Kestler!

[Pyrotechnics flare and "Stayin' Alive" by Ozzy Osbourne hits as Rob Kestler steps out onto the stage and poses for the crowd. He runs down the ramp and slides into the ring, and reclines on the ropes for a minute.]

Meygon: Making his way to the ring next, he is your IWO Unified Champion, Nuuukeeeee!

[More pyrotechnics and explosions flare as "Till Hell Freezes Over" by D12 hits and Nuke steps out, championship belt in hand. He runs down to the ring and poses on the turnbuckles with the belt before handing it to the ref, who holds it up in the middle of the ring. Ironically, more cameras flash in the arena for the ref than for either Nuke or Kestler.]

*DING DING DING!*

GP: This match is underway!

[Kestler starts off the match with a reverse chin lock on Nuke. Nuke tries to reverse by forcing Kestler into the ropes, but Kestler puts his foot on the middle rope and Nuke goes flying over the top. He crashes headfirst into the crowd barrier, and Kestler drops a fist on him from the top rope. The ref slowly starts to count as Kestler brings Nuke up for a stalling suplex, steps up on the apron, and brings him down, hanging him on the top rope. Nuke spazms for a moment and crashes to the ring. Kestler flips over and hits a body splash.]

GP: Wow, Rob Kestler's really putting on a show here. Very offensive.

[Kestler hits a double underhook DDT, and follows up with a snap German suplex. He goes to the turnbuckle, but Nuke recovers his balance and
superplexes him off. Nuke goes to the top himself and hits a leg drop on Rob Kestler's neck. Nuke lifts him up in a cradle suplex. Kestler goes down hard on his face, and his nose starts bleeding.]

JT: Look at that blood flow! Remind you of anything, Nikki?

*Slap!*

JT: Ow! What the...

*Slap!*

GP: Cut it out, you two. Let's just call the match.

[Nuke has Kestler in a standing katihajime. Kestler takes out Nuke's kneecaps with a hook kick, and drops an elbow on the fallen Nuke.]

GP: Nice reversal by Rob Kestler! Incredible match so far, and it's only just begun!

[Kestler picks Nuke up and takes him to the mat with a leg sweep. Nuke bounces back up and Kestler tries to connect with a clothesline, but Nuke ducks and locks in an armbar. Kestler writhes on the mat, before working his way slowly to the bottom rope. He grabs on, and Nuke releases the hold, and retreats to the corner. Kestler flies at him with a spear, but Nuke sidesteps and Kestler hits the turnbuckle. Nuke runs to the opposite side of the ring, hits the ropes and moonsaults, barely missing Kestler. Nuke lies flat on the mat, giving Kestler an opportunity to gain some momentum with an elbow drop. He drags Nuke to his feet and whips him into the ropes. Nuke bounces off and comes back. Kestler hits a swinging chokeslam, knocking him back to the mat. Kestler then steps back and poses for the crowd, accidentally catching the ref in the face. The ref goes down.]

JT: Yeah! Now we're gonna see some real action!

[Nuke slides out of the ring and goes for a chair. He slides back in with it and swings at Kestler's head. Kestler ducks, and yanks the chair out of Nuke's hands. He drops it to the mat, and catches Nuke by surprise with a DDT. Nuke gets back upright, and Kestler catches him in the head with the chair. He then throws the chair out to ringside, then slides out after it. He goes under the ring and pulls out a folding table, which he sets up near the Spanish announcer's table. He slides back into the ring just as Nuke is rising to his feet. He catches him in a belly to belly suplex, then hits a baseball slide, knocking Nuke off the apron to the ground. Kestler leapfrogs over the top rope and flip splashes Nuke. With Nuke temporaraly stunned, Kestler returns to the table he set up and pulls out another one. He sets it up and stacks it neatly on top of the first one.]

GP: Wonder what Kestler's planning on doing with those tables.

JT: Obviously, he's gonna try to put Nuke through them. *Cough*moron*cough*.

GP: I KNEW that... I meant... oh, nevermind.

[Nuke slowly pulls himself to his feet, and Kestler runs at him with a wild clothesline. He shoves Nuke back into the ring, then climbs up himself. Nuke quickly rolls Kestler up in a schoolboy pin, but the ref is still knocked out. Nuke jumps up and angrily stomps on Kestler's chest. Kestler rolls away and pulls himself to his feet. Nuke charges him with a clothesline, but he ducks, sending Nuke over the top rope. Kestler climbs over the top and hits a moonsault on Nuke. He connects, but immediatley rolls over and clutches his left shoulder in pain.]

GP: Looks like Kestler banged his shoulder pretty bad on that exchange. Can Nuke capitalize?

[Nuke gets up and hits a dropkick on Kestler's exposed left shoulder. He brings him to the turnbuckle and threads his right arm around the turnbuckle. He grabs Kestler's wrist and yanks it roughly into the turnbuckle, forcing Kestler's damaged shoulder into the hard steel post. Kestler pulls his arm out and cradles it against his chest. Nuke slides in and executes a Manhattan drop on Kestler. He stands him back up and retreats to the opposite corner. He charges at Kestler with a clothesline, but Rob quickly counters with a belly-to-belly suplex. Nuke goes over the top rope, and crashes right through the two tables at ringside.]

GP: OH MY GOD! Nuke just went right through those two tables! The carnage!

[Kestler goes to the top rope and hits a diving headbutt on Nuke. Nuke slowly rolls away, but Kestler stops him with a series of stomps. Kestler rolls him into the ring, then slides in and sets Nuke up for some move.]

GP: Oh my God...this is it! Call from Beyond on Nuke! Rob Kestler has this one wrapped up!

JT: But the ref's still out!

[Kestler goes to revive the ref, and Nuke catches him in the back of the head with a forearm. Kestler falls on top of the ref, and Nuke body splashes him. Kestler falls to the mat, followed by the ref. Nuke goes to the top rope and hits a corkscrew diving headbutt.]

GP: There's the Nuclear Holocaust! The tide of this match just changed!

[Nuke sets Kestler up and executes a swing jumping DDT. Kestler goes back down, and Nuke sets him up with an inverted stunner.]

GP: There's the Fall Out! If Nuke can revive the ref, he's got this match won!

[Nuke goes over and pulls the ref to his feet. The ref slowly stumbles over to Kestler's fallen body, as Nuke slaps on a weak lateral press.]

GP: There's a cover!

*ONE!*

*TWO!*

GP: Kickout! Rob Kestler kicks out of the Fall Out!

[Nuke pulls Kestler to his feet and takes him to the turnbuckle. He sets him up for a series of trapping headbutts, but Kestler goes on the offensive and takes Nuke down. He goes to the top rope and drops an elbow, then hooks Nuke's leg.]

*ONE!*

*TWO!*

GP: Nuke gets a shoulder up! With not a moment to spare!

[Kestler pulls Nuke up and hits a second Call From Beyond. He goes for a cover, but Nuke squirms away and grabs the bottom rope. Kestler gets off and retreats to the corner. Nuke charges with a spear, but Kestler sidesteps it and Nuke crashes into the turnbuckle. He gets caught in the ropes for a moment, and Kestler grabs his legs and twists them over the top.]

GP: That's gotta be bad for our Unified champion! I think Kestler has a shot, now!

[Kestler picks Nuke up off the turnbuckle in Electric Chair position. He walks out to the center of the ring, but Nuke rolls off at the last second for a pin.]

*ONE!*

*TWO!*

GP: Kestler kicks out!

[Nuke sets up Kestler and hits another Fall Out (Inverted Stunner). He drags Kestler into the middle of the ring and covers once more.]

*ONE!*

*TWO!*

*THREE!*

*DING DING DING!*

Meygon: Here's your winner, and still the IWO Unified champion, Nuukkeee!

GP:What an impressive win for Nuke! But, we must go on rather quickly... Up next at this spectacular PPV, Cyanide will be facing Kent Anthason for the North American title. Cyanide lost the title to Kent a few weeks ago, and will now be looking for revenge.

JT : Yeah, that, and he might be a little interested in gaining his title match.

Nikki : When Cyanide lost his title to Kent, he was basically screwed by the newly formed stable, the Mass Media Movement, who introduced themselves that match. Let's see if Anthason can beat Cyanide in a fair match.

Meygon : The following contest is set for one fall, and is for the IWO North American title!

(The crowd pops, only to have executives from TNN catch the pop in jars and race out of the arena to take it to TNN's Pop Depository, somewhere deep under Nashville.)

Meygon : Introducing first, the challenger ... a former TV, I/C Tag, North American, and maybe some other titlemajigs holder ... CYYYANIIIIDE!

("Current of Love" by David Hasslehoff - or something like that - plays as Cyanide runs out in his lifeguard outfit, holding a lifesaver. He puts his hand above his eyes as if shielding from the sun and scans the crowd for potential drowning victims, then continues the run to the ring.)

Meygon : And now, the current IWO North American champion ... winner of that boxing thingy ... a member of the Mass Media Movement ... KENT ANNNNNTHAAAAASOOONNNNN!

(Kent's music plays as Kent walks down to the ring with the NA title around his waist. He is accompanied by Alyssa Cleeda. He grins, before rolling into the ring and handing his belt to the ref as Alyssa watches on from
outside the ring. Both men eye each other warily. The bell rings.)

GP : And here we go! It looks like these men are going to lock it up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. And Kent slips behind Cyanide with a hammerlock.

(Cyanide quickly elbows Kent off. Cyanide now spins with a right hand, which connects with Kent's jaw. Anthason stumbles back.)

JT : Didn't that fist seem a little closed to you guys?

SMACK!

JT : OW! What in the green hell was that for?

Nikki : Saying an intelligent comment, instead of your usual smart-ass/horny/immature remark.

JT : ...Oh. Fair enough ... But wait, I get smacked when I say something like that, too.

Nikki : Yeah, but at least you've earned it.

JT : Ah.

(While the announcers have been talking, Cyanide and Kent have been slugging it out in the ring. Cyanide backs Anthason into the ropes, before whipping him into the other side. As Kent comes running out, Cyanide runs and
soccer kicks Kent in the shin.)

GP : Ouch! A little cheap, but very effective, kick from Cyanide.

(Kent collapses to the ground, clutching his shin. As he starts to stand up, Cyanide walks up and kicks him hard in the shin once again. Kent again falls down, where Cyanide begins stomping on the bruised shin. He now takes
the leg and slams it against the mat, making the shin take the majority of the impact.)

Nikki : Cyanide's working on that shin of Kent's right now.

JT : Wow, how long did it take you to figure that one out?

Nikki : Oh, I realized it just now, when he stomped on it for about the fifth time ... Hey, that was an insult!

SMACK!

(Cyanide now picks Kent up, backs up into the ropes, and jumps forward for another hard kick, but Kent jumps over this one. He slips behind Cyanide with a sleeper.)

GP : I think Kent's trying to buy some time here with that sleeper.

JT : For what? His shin's not going to magically stop hurting.

GP : Oh, we'll see about that...

JT : What the hell are you talking about, Parker?

SMACK!

JT : Now come on, I wasn't even talking to you that time!

Nikki : Yes, but you were making fun of Greggy Weggy.

(Back in the ring, Kent has managed to keep the sleeper on Cyanide this long, but now Cyanide elbows Kent a couple times in the chest and slips out. He bounces off the ropes and delivers a devastating clothesline to Anthason. Kent drops to the ground and flops a few times, then lays still. Alyssa Cleeda on the outside seems a little worried. Cyanide smiles at this and moves to pick up Kent, but Anthason suddenly grabs Cyanide by the tights and rolls into the ropes, pushing Cyanide through the middle rope and to the outside.)

JT : Heyyyyy, he was playing possum!

GP : Very astute, JT.

JT : I know.

(Kent, shaking his leg a little to clear the pain, scales one of the turnbuckles and waits for Cyanide to make it to his feet. When he does, Kent launches himself into a crossbody, which takes Cyanide down. Kent picks Cyanide up to his feet and rolls him into the ring. He slides in after
Cyanide and lands a few punches before rising and delivering a D'Lo style leg drop, only without the spazzing out before doing it.)

GP : Kent's taking it to Cyanide like a ... like a ... Nikki, help me out here.

Nikki : Like a duck to an oil spill?

GP : Ducks don't take to oil- Oh, never mind!

(Both men roll to their feet, Cyanide seeming a little worn out. Anthason charges with a clothesline and knocks Cyanide down. The lifeguard gets
back up to be taken down with another clothesline. Cyanide again gets to his feet, and Kent goes for another clothesline, but Cyanide counters with a drop toe hold and immediately climbs onto Kent's back. He hooks both of Kent's arms at the armpits and rears back, in a cross between a camel clutch and a full nelson.)

GP : DARK SIDE OF THE MOON! DARK SIDE OF THE MOON! Cyanide's got his Dark Side of the Moon submission hold on Anthason, literally out of nowhere!

JT : Well, it wasn't LITERALLY out of nowhere. That really wouldn't make any sense, now would i-

(Suddenly, JT is speared out of his seat by WWF commentator Jim Ross. JR starts pounding on JT.)

JR : (Yelling as he pounds) Quiet! You're gonna make every face announcer ever look like even bigger morons than we already look like!

JT: (Gasping between blows) Please ... no ... more...

(JR stands up, spits on JT, and walks off.)

GP : That was ... unexpected. Hey, back in the ring, Cyanide's still got that submission wrenched in. That hold is near inescapable!

(As Kent screams in pain, Cyanide only wrenches back harder. Suddenly, a high-heeled shoe hits Cyanide in the head. He looks around to see who threw it, to find Alyssa Cleeda screaming at him from the outside of the ring. Cyanide angrily gets up and steps over the top rope. He jumps off the apron in front of Alyssa. She begins backing up, but only having one high-heeled shoe on throws off her balance. She falls onto her back as Cyanide walks up and towers over her.)

GP : Oh come on now, that just isn't right! Cyanide needs to leave Alyssa alone!

JT : Well, she started it.

(Cyanide smirks for a second, then decides against hurting Alyssa. He turns around to go back into the ring. While this has been going on outside the ring, Kent has gotten up and again climbed to the top turnbuckle. He waits a moment for Cyanide to look in the ring and not see him lying there before jumping for another turnbuckle. At the last moment, though, Cyanide drops down. Kent sails over him and collides with Alyssa, who had just made it to her feet.)

GP : Oh my! Kent definitely did not mean to do that!

(As Kent stares in shock at what he's done, Cyanide hammers him from behind and tosses him headfirst into the announce table. Cyanide bangs Kent's head into the table surface a few times before turning around and chucking him into the ring.)

JT : Cyanide has Kent right where he wants him right now.

GP : It would appear so.

(As Kent gets to his feet woozily in the ring, Cyanide comes from behind him and locks him in a full nelso.)

Nikki : Hey, I think Cyanide's going for the Dark Side of the Moonplex here. If he hits this, he'll once again be NA champ for sure!

(Out of instinct, Kent mule kicks Lifeguard Cyanide, right in the no-no place. Cyanide bends forward, face contorted in pain, which allows Anthason to grab him by the head and execute a face buster. Both men lie on the ground, recovering.)

GP : That was certainly an effective counter to one of Cyanide's primary moves.

JT : I'm certainly an effective counter to Nikki! (Giggles)

Nikki : ...That made no sense! It didn't even deserve a smack!

JT : Awww...

(Kent is the first to his feet. He grabs Cyanide, who's slowly starting to get up, by the arm, and then quickly brings him back down with a single
arm DDT. Kent stands back up, still holding onto Cyanide's arm, and brings him into another one.)

GP : Smart move by Anthason. He makes the most out of any position he gets his opponent in.

(Kent rolls Cyanide over for the cover.)

Ref : 1 ... 2 ...

(Cyanide kicks out.)

JT : It looks like Cyanide's still got a lot of fight left in him ... Did I actually just say that? Loser!

(JT smacks himself in the forehead.)

JT : You'll never make me proud!

(Kent, not seeming too surprised, picks Cyanide back up and whips him into the ropes. He charges in, but Cyanide puts his feet up. Kent stops just in time, grabs Cyanide's legs, and pulls him into a sit-out powerbomb.)

GP : Another big move by Kent! This could possibly do it!

(Kent covers again.)

Ref : 1 ... 2 ...

(Kickout by Cyanide. Kent stands up, stomps a few times on Cyanide, then glances worriedly to see how Alyssa is doing. Alyssa, who's made her way to her feet and into a chair, smiles weakly back at Kent. Anthason seems relieved, and turns back to stomping on Cyanide, only to have Cyanide grab his foot and trip him. Cyanide smiles at Alyssa before delivering an atomic headbutt to Kent. Anthason rolls away, grabbing his privates.)

GP : Cyanide's obviously holding nothing back in trying to regain his title.

(Cyanide pulls Kent up by the hair and into a short-arm clothesline. Kent collapses and Cyanide jumps onto him for the cover.)

Ref : 1 ... 2 ...

(Shoulder up by Kent. Cyanide, a little annoyed, punches Kent a few times in the face, then pulls him again to his feet. He throws Kent into the
corner and lifts him up onto the top turnbuckle. Cyanide turns around and reaches up to grab Kent for an Iconoclasm. Kent boots him off hard, and Cyanide falls onto his knees. Kent quickly stands on the middle rope and jumps off for a second-rope dropkick to the back of Cyanide's head.)

JT : Ouchers!

Nikki : I think that may have won Kent the match!

(Alyssa jumps up and claps her hands as Kent dives onto the cover.)

Ref : 1 ... 2 ... 3-

(Cyanide barely gets his shoulder up, as Kent looks shocked. He pulls Cyanide up and throws him into the ropes. Kent bounces off the opposite side and jumps for a spin wheel kick, but Cyanide slides under it. Kent lands hard and starts to climb to his feet, but Cyanide comes from behind and hooks him for a pump handle slam. He brings Kent up in the pump handle position, but then changes it into a reverse powerbomb.)

GP : Whoa! Very innovative move there by Cyanide!

(Cyanide rolls Kent into the cover.)

Ref : 1 ... 2 ...

(Kent gets the shoulder up. Cyanide stands back up and signals to finish the match off.)

GP : Hey, who's that coming from the crowd?

JT : Oh, that's that moron AWS Man.

Nikki : (Also known as Bill)!

JT : Yeah, yeah, whatever.

GP : And he's got Pen with him!

(AWS Man (also known as Bill) slides into the ring, behind the referee. At the same time, Alyssa Cleeda climbs up onto the apron and starts
distracting the referee. Cyanide starts to turn around as Kent slowly stands up.)

AWS Man (also known as Bill) : I'll learn ya to freakin' beat my brother in his second ever IWO match!

(AWS Man (also known as Bill) swings with Pen, but Cyanide ducks, and the Insane One takes out Kent Anthason. Cyanide pushes AWS Man(also known as Bill) out of the ring. Cyanide runs to the turnbuckle and grabs his life preserver. He climbs to the top and delivers the Lifesaver (Frog splash with life preserver). The referee turns around as Cyanide covers Kent.)

Ref : 1 ... 2 ....

(Alyssa Cleeda puts Cyanide's foot on the ropes. The referee notices and stops counting.)

JT : Cyanide is really pissed off! He can't believe it!

(Cyanide notices Alyssa on the outside of the ring, and puts two and two together. He goes over to the ropes and grabs Alyssa, who was looking in another direction as if she hadn't done anything, by the hair.)

GP : Oh no! What's he gonna do to her?!

(Cyanide starts to pull Alyssa up onto the apron, but he's suddenly low blowed by Kent from behind. Kent picks up Pen, who AWS Man (also known as Bill) dropped in the ring, and nails Cyanide with it. The referee, who was checking to see if Alyssa was OK, turns around as Kent covers.)

Ref : 1 ... 2 .... 3!

GP : DAMN IT! DAMN IT ALL TO THAT BAD PLACE! Kent Anthason was very lucky in my opinion to win here tonight.

Meygon : Your winner, and still IWO North American champion ... KENNNNT ANTHAAASSSOONNNN!

(AWS Man (also known as Bill) rolls into the ring and retrieves Pen. He looks down at Cyanide and for some reason hesitates.)

GP : I can't see his facial expression because of that paintball mask, but for some reason I think AWS Man (also known as Bill) seems upset.

(The Insane One, shaking his head, rolls out of the ring and heads up the ramp. The IWO Cameras cut off of the action for a minute they are following Billy Ray who is knocking on Co-President Evans door)

Evan: Come in.

(Billy Ray opens the door and rushes into Evans office)

Evan: What can I do for you Mr. Ray?

Billy Ray: I cant stand it anymore I need my booze in the ring.Please man just let me have my bottle back!

Evan: Hmmmm I don't know Billy the sober version of you seems to be fittingi n the IWO just fine right now.

Billy Ray: But the fans don't want a sober Billy Ray they want "The Drunken Bastard" back in action.

Evan: Hmmmm this is a good point now Billy. I will tell you what if you can last threw the whole May Mayhem card with out one drop of alcohol I will lift the banning on you. And you can go back to getting fucked up before every card. How does that sound?

Billy Ray: Better than nothing.

Evan: But………..if I find out that you had a drop of anything before you match tonight I will fire you ass from the IWO!

Billy Ray: Ok it is a deal Evan I will see you after the PPV and we will finish this thing once and for all. Thanks.

Evan: Yep.

(The IWO cameras cut back to the action in the ring, as Meygon is set up, waiting to begin.)

GP:A rather odd matchup up next, we've got High Flyer, the preinial Snow Seller, going up against Gunnar Smith, in what has been labeled a "Technical Exhibition." Shallow... any comments?

Shallow:Well, these two have some history between them, dating back to last year. The World Heavyweight title laid on Gunnar Smith's shoulders, when Flyer somehow was able to score a huge upset. However, Gunnar's foot was underneath the bottom rope, which should have made the pinfall null and void. Flyer, however, was named champion, and the match was restarted, as Gunnar nailed the Dogginator out of nowhere for the three count.

Nikki:Dating back even further, it was Flyer who gave Gunnar Smith his Pacific Title reign at Utter Obliteration, when he attempted to nail Gunnar with a chair, but nailed Sam Potright. At the time, Flyer was feuding with Ken War, Smith's tag team partner...

GP:Throw in the fact that Gunnar cleanly pinned Flyer in the Hardcore Battle Royal, only for Flyer to be let back in later, it seems like the cards are stacked in Gunnar's table in this match.

JT:Well... there was the one time... or maybe the.....

Nikki:Well, even though both of these men are well respected, and well liked by many of the fans out there, they will duel each other out, in a technical exhibition. Is that just a sub-title?

GP:I'm not sure exactly, but we'll find out when we... take it to Meygon!

Meygon:This next match, is scheduled for one fall, and has been called the Technical Exhibition Matchup! (Fans cheer) Introducing first, he weighs in tonight at 235 pounds, and is considered to be one of the more famous wrestlers to come out of the IWO. A former two time world Heavyweight Champion, and... formerly known as G-Dogg or Genetic Perfection... here is GUNNAR SMITH!

("No Leaf Clover" by Metallica hits the pa system, as the fans get to their feet. They begin to cheer, as Gold Pyro erupts from the entrance rampway, as Gunnar Smith stands there, un-harmed. He raises his hands to the crowd, as he recieves one of the most largest pops of his career.)

GP:Wow, the fans here in Sacramento really are cheering on Gunnar Smith right now...

(Gunnar Smith slowly makes his way out towards the ring, as he slaps every fan's hand on his way down. He makes his way around the ring, slapping every fan, hugging every small child, as he slowly slides into the ring.)

Meygon:And his opponent...

(We hear the cords of "Loco[Snow Edit]" by Coal Chamber come over the pa system, as the fans cheer.)

Meygon:He weighs in tonight at 204 pounds, and is considered one of the greatest crusier weights in the game. He is a former Grand Champion, and is also known as the Snow Man, or the Neighborhood Lunatic... here is High Flyer!

(Slowly, the lights dim as the cartwheel of red, blue, green, and yellow pyro shoots from the turnbuckles. They slowly come to an end, as we hear "Pull" erupt from the speakers, as all the turnbuckles shoot white pyro, illuminating the ringside area. Along with the entrance way, as Flyer walks out, Kate Young by his side. He slowly makes his way out, as he slaps the fans hands as well. Flyer slides into the ring, and stares down Gunnar Smith.)

*Ding, ding, ding*

GP:There is a lot of history in this matchup here, especially between these two, and they have nothing but the utmost respect for each other.

(Flyer and Smith shake each other's hands, as they slowly begin to circle one another.)

GP:Someone get the video tapes, this is sure to be a classic.

Nikki:Parker, this Pay Per view will be classic...

GP:Flyer and Gunnar lock up, as Flyer catches Gunnar with an arm ringer, and then Gunner grabs Flyer by his haid and slams him down. Flyer kicks back up, and does the same to Gunnar, as Gunnar slowly rolls to his feet. Gunnar reverses the arm ringer, and takes Flyer up onto his shoulders. He goes for a Death Valley Driver, but Flyer rolls forward, off of Gunnar's back into a ddt, but Gunnar shoves him off, forcing Flyer down, but Flyer lands on his feet.

Shallow:Nice exchange. Flyer and Gunnar circle each other, and lock up again, as Gunnar catches Flyer in a headlock. Flyer forces Gunnar back towards the ropes, and sends him back off. Flyer goes for a clothesline, but Gunnar drops underneath. Gunnar back off, and he goes for a cross body, which Flyer tries to block, but can't, as Flyer rolls with it, landing on top of Gunnar. One count only as Gunnar gets up quick!

JT:Flyer goes for a kick, but Gunnar blocks it. Flyer goes for the other side, as Gunnar blocks that as well, grabbing his foot out of his air. Flyer goes for an enzeguri, but Gunnar ducks, and Flyer lands on the other side with his foot. Flyer tries to come back, but Gunnar grabs his other leg with his other hand, and NAILS A HUGE WHEELBARROW SUPLEX!

Nikki:What a sweet move!

GP:Flyer is barely getting to his feet, as Gunnar hammers him with a few right hands, sending Flyer over to the corner. Gunnar rears back and hits a huge knife edge chop, ensuing a loud chorus of Wooo's from the crowd here in Sacaremento. Gunnar repeats, as he goes to whip Flyer to the other side. Gunnar whips Flyer emensly hard, as Flyer flips forward to try to stop his momentum. Flyer flips up on top of the turnbuckle, and flies all the way to the outside!

Nikki:Flyer hit hard on the outside, and the ten count begins!

Referee:One... Two... Three...

GP:Gunnar Smith slides to the outside, as Flyer is slowly getting to his feet from that massive fall. Smith picks Flyer up fully, as Flyer hammers Smith in the midsection with right hands, sending Smith realing. Flyer charges Smith, as Smith ducks his head down. Smith back body drops Flyer up and over top, and Flyer lands on the steel steps! Smith turns around, as Flyer nails a huge twsiting front flip, down to the concrete on the outside!

JT:An impressive move by the Lunatic!

Nikki:Flyer grabs Smith up from the concrete, and throws him back into the ring. Smith slowly begins to get to his feet as well, as Flyer climbs up to the apron. Smith gets to his feet, and catches Flyer with a right hand shot, stunning him. Smith goes for a headlock, but Flyer slowly begins to hammer him with rights to break the hold. He does so, and then grabs Smith in an inverted face lock, going for a guillotine neck drop, however, Smith doesn't allow it, hammering Flyer with a couple rights, right into an inverted suplex back into the ring!

GP:Flyer nails himself hard stomach first, as Gunnar immediatly goes to work with hard stiff elbow shots to the back of the neck. Gunnnar hooks him with a side headlock, and wrenches it in. Flyer is trying to get out of it, as he begins to try to push Gunnar into the corner, but Gunnar is too powerful for that. Flyer stops pushing, as Gunnar pushes him back to compensate, and then Flyer leaps up onto the second rope. He tries to flip over, but Gunnar doesn't allow it, and drops Flyer face first into the mat!

Shallow:Gunnar Smith is slowly getting Flyer up off the mat again, as Flyer hammers him with a couple shots. Flyer picks Smith up, and is going for a takedown, but Smith negats it. Smith is trying to use some sort of amatur move on Flyer, and wraps himself around behind him. Flyer catches Smith with a couple of elbows, putting both of them to their feet, however, Smith brings Flyer over with a german suplex...

JT:But Flyer lands on his feet! Flyer hooks Smith from behind, and nails him with a huge inverted DDT! Flyer with a quick press, one, no! Smith gets the shoulder up quickly.

Shallow:Flyer grabs Smith up off the canvas, and slams him down with a body slam. Flyer is climbing up to the top rope, ever so slowly, as he raises his hands to the crowd. He LEAPS WITH TRAVELING THROUGH TIME...

GP:BUT SMITH ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! Flyer misses with the reverse Senton Bomb, as Smith dives on for the cover! One, two, NO! Flyer gets a shoulder up at the last second!

JT:Smith is up to his feet first, and is waiting for Flyer. Smith charges in with a clothesline, but Flyer ducks behind Smith with a full nelson! He has it locked in, his arms locked, and now DRIVES Smiths' head into the mat! Smith bounces up, as Flyer dives on for the cover, with the hook of the leg! One, two, NO! Smith with a shoulder up!

GP:Flyer gets to his feet, as Flyer is going to nail Smith with Hypothermia! No! Smith hooks Flyer up to his shoulders! He has him up with a outsiders edge type move, as Gunnar DROPS HIM WITH A DIAMOND CUTTER! DEAR GOD! THAT WAS THE CUTTING EDGE!

JT:Flyer is down, and Flyer is down and out!

GP:Gunnar is getting to his feet, as Flyer is slowly getting up as well. Smith waits for him, as he goes down stairs! Smith picks Flyer up, and Nails him.. THE OLD DOGGINATOR! I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT IN A LONG LONG TIME!

Nikki:SMITH GOES FOR THE FALL! One, two, NO! Flyer got his foot on the ropes! That reminds me of when Flyer won the World title! And Smith is slowly getting to his feet! Smith waits for Flyer, and He's going to hit him with the Perfection X-Press! No, Flyer ducks down, and NAILS SMITH WITH COLD SNOW! SMITH IS DOWN! SMITH IS DOWN!

Shallow:Flyer quickly up top... FLYING MOON SHOT! HE JUST NAILED SMITH WITH THE FLYING MOON SHOT! ON TOP WITH THE COVER! THIS THING IS OVER! ONE... .TWO... NO!!! DEAR GOD! DEAR GOD! GUNNAR SMITH KICKED OUT!!!

GP:I can't believe it! I can't believe it! Smith kicked out of the Flying Moon Shot! Flyer can't believe it either, and he's yelling towards the referee. Smith is slowly getting to his feet, as he turns Flyer around! PERFECTION X-PRESS! PERFECTION X-PRESS! FLYER HAS BEEN LAID DOWN! SMITH DIVES ON TOP! ONE... TWO.... THREE! GUNNAR SMITH HAS WON! GUNNAR SMITH HAS WON!

Meygon:Your winner, via Pinfall... Genetic Perfection, GUNNAR, SMITH!!!

("No Leaf Clover" by Metllica hits the pa system, as the fans begin to cheer and stand up. Smith walks over to Meygon, and grabs a microphone.)

Gunnar Smith:IWO.... I would like to thank each and everyone of it's fans out there, for making my career as good as it was. I want to thank every friend I've had in the back, for every match I've ever had, and every achievement I could dream to acomplish. But, just like any legend, one last ride, comes at a price. My price... is having to say good bye to each and every one of you. Now, don't think this is the last time you'll ever see me, but I must, go on to a new chapter of my life... IWO... I love you guys...

(Smith drops the microphone, as he helps Flyer to his feet. Smith shakes Flyer's hand, as Smith walks up the rampway, slowly waving bye to the fans, as we fade out to the Deadly Sin's Locker Room. Jack is still passed out on the couch. Jake walks in through the door.)

Jake: Yo, Jack! Wake up!

Jack: Hmm..?

Jake: We're up! Our match is next!

Jack: Wonderful.

[Jack pulls himself up and the two head out to the ring.]

GP:We've got the tag team matchup, up next folks, and that is going to be a dandy! Three teams, with Simon Seaman heading it all off at the past!

JT:Well, what are we wating for?

Meygon: This next match is for the IWO World Tag Team Championship Belts! It is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, the special Guest referee.. SIMON SEAMAN!

("Enjoy the Silence" by Failure hits the pa system, as out from the back walks Simon Seaman. He gets a good response, as he slides in, referee shirt on.)

GP:I wonder if Seaman can be fair and judgemental, with the recent problems he has been having with AWS Man(Also Known as Bill).

Shallow:Talk about an understatement Parker...

Meygon:And now... introducing first to come down weights in at 551 pounds. Together they stand at a height of 13'6" They are the Deadly Sins!

("Space Suit" by They Might Be Giants comes on over the PA system. Out come Deadly Sins. They walk down to the ring and stand around. Then go to their corner.)

Meygon: The next team is one that is new here in the IWO. They are a team of brothers. They weighed in at 471 pounds. They stand at 6'1" each. They are the Insane Clowns (also known as the Also Knowns)!

("Three point one four" by Bloodhound Gang plays over the PA. Out steps AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) with Pen in his hand. He walks down to the ring and grabs the mic from Meygon.)

AWS Man(Also Known as Bill): Since my tag team partner either Died or wound up back at Funky Town Pen will take his spot tonight. That is freakin it! Oh yeah YOU'RE GOING DOWN UNDEADLY SINS!

Meygon: Okay I guess you all heard that. DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) will not be making it for the match. In his place is the "alive" spatula, Pen. Well we have to get on with this and get down to the match. The third and final team in the match is one that I have no stats on at all. So lets just get down to who they are... they are Suicide KINGS!!!

("Between Angels and Insects" by Papa Roach comes on by who knows. Out steps the tag team champions Suicide Kings. They walk down to the match with their belts on their arms. They walk down to the ring and stand at their corner.)

DING DING DING

JT: Well this match is going to be a special tag team match. Normally you would have only two people in the ring at a time. But now for this match one member from each time will be in the ring... which means there is going to be more chances for blood and injuries.

GP: You like that don't you?

JT: Yes I do... in fact I think there should be some blood right now!

GP: Well even though you told them about the type you totally forgot to mention that the match is going to be referred by none other then Simon Seaman. And that is the same man AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) has been having some problem with for a little while.

*Smack*

JT: What was that for bitch?

Nikki: You forgot to tell them something... you deserved that.

Shallow: Well lets just get to the match. It seems that Jeff King, Jack Breaker and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) are going to start this one off.

JT: Of course AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) is going to be in for his team... Pen doesn't really exist!

GP: That isn't what he thinks... OH THAT WAS A GREAT ARM DRAG THAT JEFF JUST DID TO JACK! I WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD SEE THAT MOVE THIS SOON INTO THE MATCH.

JT: Well that would be a great move if we were still in the 1940's, now what was good was when AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) just punched Jeff right in the face. They need some more of those.

Nikki: I just want to know how AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) can expect to win this match with Pen as his partner?

JT: I don't know and really I don't fucking care! What do you have to say to that?

*SMACK*

Shallow: I guess that.

JT: Shut up Shallow... YES, AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) just did a knee lift to Jeff. Now he is going for Jack, he grabs Jacks head! OH what a great scoop slam by AWS Man(Also Known as Bill).

GP: Yes but Seaman is getting in AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)s face for some reason. He is telling him to stop using the illegal moves? But that move is just a textbook move! What is wrong with Seaman!

Nikki: Well obviously he is just trying to screw AWS Man(Also Known as Bill).

Shallow: That is what it looks like to me, what is this? AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) has gone to his corner! He grabs Pen and...

JT: YES THE INANIMATE BITCH SLAP! THAT WAS A GREAT MOVE BY PEN TO JACK1

GP: Yes but it seems that Jack didn't like it too much, He grabs Pen and throws him into the crowd! AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) IS NOW ALL BY HIMSELF!

JT: Do you think that fan will keep Pen as a souvenir or just use him to turn pancakes?

Shallow: Pancakes.

Nikki: Pancakes.

JT: Pancakes.

Nikki: Now that I know JT's vote I would like to change mine to souvenir.

JT: Just like a bitch always changing your mind!

SMACK

JT: What did I say that was wrong?

Shallow: I think it was the whole calling her a bitch thing... but I could be mistaken. That was a nice DDT that Jeff just did to Jake.

JT: I thought it was Jack that was in the ring?

GP: It was until he tagged Jake in. Don't you ever pay attention to the match?

JT: Not really. Most of the times I just imagine Meygon sucking my cock.

*SMACK*

JT: Now what the fuck was that for?

(Nikki mumbles something under her breath about JT being a sexist pig... but I am not to sure... I am thinking of Jasmine St. Claire sucking my cock right now. OH YEAH THAT IS THE WAY I LIKE IT WOMAN!)

Shallow: That was a great move by the Deadly Sins onto Jeff King... that double piledriver was a good way to keep him from keeping his belts.

GP: What is AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) doing? He is just standing there in his corner. Does he really think Pen is going to come back?

JT: Do you remember whom you are talking about there Greg? This is AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) we are talking about... but if he isn't careful he will lose this match... there is a pin attempt... 1... kick out by Jeff.

GP: Jeff needs to make a tag, but Jake is really working it to him. See those big right hands that Jake is throwing at Jeff! THOSE BAD BOYS MUST HURT LIKE A BITCH!

Nikki: I bet they do, but that low blow that Jeff just did must hurt a little more then those punches.

JT: Yeah and if I fucked your virgin pussy with my massive cock that would hurt even more!

*SMACK SMACK SMACK ALL MIGHTY BITCH SLAP*

Nikki: Yeah and I bet that hurt you too!

GP: YEAH JEFF MADE A TAG TO RYAN! He is going all at Jake... he whips Jake into the ropes and knocks him down with a stiff clothesline! NOW RYAN IS GOING FOR A PIN ATTEMP... .1... KICK OUT! How did Jake kick out of that?

JT: Maybe cause he wasn't that hurt? But he is going to be after Ryan stops stomping on him.

Nikki Sure will, but AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) is still standing there in the corner!

(All of a sudden the arena goes black. And Pop Goes the Weasel starts to fill the arena. A car can be heard starting up. All of a sudden there is a huge explosion and an Ice Cream Truck comes fling into the arena! Out steps DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) (also known as Bob) holding onto a couple of snow cones. He walks up and eats some of his snow cone. And handles the other one to Simon.)

DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) : Sorry I wasn't here no time but man you wouldn't believe how demanding the little kids are around this arena. They hear the tune of an Ice Cream Truck they storm your ass! I was lucky to get the funk out of there when I did.

AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) : Ah well that is freakin okay. Just get in there cause it is your turn!

GP: WOW LOOKS AT THIS! DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) HAS COME BACK! AND HE IS WHOOPING SOME ASS! He just did a double underhook DDT to Jack but he just did a spear to Ryan!

JT: Yeah it looks like someone is full of pep and vinegar! I just wonder how long he will be able to keep up this pace. Look at him, he is stomping the hell out of Jack. I just hope he can make on of them bleed soon!

Shallow: Oh, it looks like Ryan didn't like being speared! He just did a reverse DDT to DPS Man(Also Known As Bob). And now Ryan and Jack are going to do a double piledriver to him.

Nikki: That will stop DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) all right. Now Ryan just gave Jack a cheap shot! Damn this match is good looking.

GP: Yeah now DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) is sort of getting to his feet... I think he is trying to make a tag. YES HE HAS TAGGED IN AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)! AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) IS RUNNING AT RYAN AND JUST GAVE HIM A CLOTHESLINE! NOW HE IS LOOKING AT JACK. AWS MAN(Also Known as Bill) IS STEPPING BACK A FEW FEET, WHAT IS HE DOING?

AWS Man(Also Known as Bill): (yelling) DON'T FREAKIN MOVE! I AM ABOUT TO DO THE KNOCK YOUR FREAKIN HEAD OFF. PLEASE DON'T MOVE AND TAKE IT.

JT: AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) just went for the knock you freakin head off and Jack got hit by it... HOW STUPID DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO BE HIT BY A MOVE THAT THE GUY JUST SAID HE WAS GOING TO DO?!?

GP: I don't know but he is jumping up and down now. LOOK CYANIDE IS COMING DOWN TO THE RING! DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) IS ON THE TOP CORNER; AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) IS THE OPPOSITE CORNER! WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO TO JACK? BUT LOOK RYAN IS RIGHT THERE ABOUT TO HIT DPS Man(Also Known As Bob)!

JT: But CYANIDE JUST HIT RYAN! And now he looks like he didn't mean to do that! THE BROTHERS JUST DID BOOYAH AND THEN WE HAD CAKE (AWS Man(also Known as Bill) does a shooting star press, DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) does a 450 leg drop) AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) is going for the pin.

GP: It doesn't look like Seaman wants to count the pin! But look DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) IS FORCING HIM TOO... .1... .2... 3!!!

Meygon: Winner and new Tag team champions INSANE CLOWNS (ALSO KNOWN AS THE ALSO KNOWNS)!

GP: That was an impressive match there but it seems that Insane Clowns had a little help from Cyanide!

JT: What do you mean Cyanide didn't mean to hit Ryan. He just tripped and fell... he was trying to hit DPS Man(Also Known As Bob)! The replay will show that!

Nikki: How stupid are you? It is obvious that Cyanide tried to hit Ryan... .the only question is why!

JT: The only question is why do you still have a job here!

*SMACK*

Nikki: You know what that was for!

GP: I still want to know why Cyanide came down at all... there is something here.

JT: And the Insane Clowns get their titles from the referee, with a victory over two teams. This is JUST NOT RIGHT!

GP: Calm down JT! They won the thing fair, even in the eyes of Simon Seamon. And the champions stand in the middle of the ring with their titles in victory! Listen to that crowd reaction!

(The fans gave a major face pop for the Insane Clowns. Suddenly, "Pretty Fly For a White Guy" by Offspring begins as the arena darkens. The fans give a massive pop as the letter "BHB" appear on the IWO-tron. The lights come back on and the Insane Clowns face entrance ramp waiting for what is to come.)

GP: OH MY GOD! IT CAN'T BE! THERE'S NO WAY!

JT: YES! YES! IT IS! THERE IS A GOD!

Shallow: OH HELL YEAH, THERE'S GONNA BE A PARTY TONIGHT!

GP: THE KINGS STAND WAITING FOR....FROM BEHIND! LOOK OUT!

(From out of the fans and with golf clubs in their hands, Brian and Michael Dudley, The Beverly Hills Bruisers, being followed by the lovely Caren, come into the ring.)

GP: BRIAN! MICHAEL! THE BEVERLY HILLS BRUISERS! NO!

JT: Brian hits Ryan with a 9 iron and Michael hits Jeff with a driver! THIS IS PRICELESS! SOMEONE BETTER BE TAPING THIS!

Shallow: And it looks like Brian just teed off on Ryan's head! LOOK AT THE BLOOD! JESUS!

GP: OH MY GOD! MICHAEL HAS A PAIR OF HANDCUFFS AND HAS GOTTEN JEFF CRUCIFIXED ON THE ROPES! NO! DON'T DO IT! GOD DON'T!

JT: AND MICHAEL BRINGS THE DRIVER DOWN HARD ON JEFF KING'S SKULL! He should be out for awhile after that one, wouldn't you agree Shallow?

Shallow: I tend to agree. Yourself GP?

GP:And Brian DUDLEY TEES OFF ON DPS Man(Also Known as Bob)'s Head!

JT:That'll leave a mark...

Shallow:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) quickly leaps out. He is a favorite for later on's Mayhem Match folks... he needs to stay healthy...

GP: GOD! Both Kings are out and bleeding, but thank God are being helped to the back by EMTs. More like stretchered out, but as long as they are away from here. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) is helping his brother to the back.

(Brian goes to the outside to get the mic from Meygon. Brian whispers something to Meygon and she smiles. She bends over to get the mic when Brian slaps her ass then gives it a squeeze. Meygon gives Brian the mic and a little wink. Brian then gets into the ring and hands the mic to Michael. At this point, the fans are giving the Beverly Hills Bruisers major heat.)

Michael: It was a little over a year ago...that in this same ring, I used a chair to attempt to end my brother Brian's career. And I came pretty close. I mean, I came damn close. How close was it again Brian?

Brian: Doctor said a fraction of an inch more tear and I'd never walk again.

Michael: Damn, I always leave out the smallest details. Well, as all of you should remember, it as because of this hottie over here, Caren, that I split up the most dominate team in the HISTORY of the IWO.

Brian: You know, I was mad at you at first Michael, but let's call a spade a spade. Caren's the best woman any of us has ever had. If you had to do what you did, AT LEAST you did it over something worth the effort.

JT: THAT'S WHAT I CALL BROTHERLY LOVE!

GP: SHUT UP JT!

Michael: Anyway, I went on to greater things, namely, two North America title reigns and, of course, one of the greatest World's title reigns in the IWO's illustrious history. Well, after I did all that, I decided it was time to retire. After all, I was born a billionaire, and I had nothing left to accomplish.

Brian: Makes sense. Of course, after I was injured, I spent my time in rehab. Well, I had forgotten about wrestling, until a few weeks back I turned on my larger than average television to see two kids fresh out of the indy scene on IWO television. Well, I thought, I guess they really had fallen apart after we left. To my surprise, however, the Kings... were holding title belts. THE WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE BELTS! Well, needless to say I was completely stunned.

Michael: So, I get a call from Brian telling me about what he saw, these so called "Suicide Kings" holding belts that are only meant for a tag team with skill, a tag team with charisma, and, yes, a tag team with talent. Upon hearing this, I went into a rage and fired everyone that was working as a servant for me. An hour later, I called Brian back and we got to talking. And so, once again, the Beverly Hills Bruisers, the BHB is back!

JT: YES! (JT stands up and starts clapping.)

Brian: And seeing as we are the greatest team EVER in the IWO, we simply walked back into all of your lives!

(The fans give the BHB tons of heat.)

Michael: We know, we know. Just understand that, as much as we love all of you, no matter how loud you cheer, we'll always be better than you.

GP: These fans are going to riot in a second.

Michael: Anyway, we are now here, and we are here for one reason only: To show to you fans that these Kings are NOT your champions. That these Clowns... are not the champions. OH NO! WE are your champions!

Brian: That's correct. These Kings NEVER beat us. The Clowns have never beat us! Never have, and NEVER will! So, while they may hold their fake, tainted IWO world tag titles, Caren, show them what we have.

(Caren hands Michael a leather carrying case. He opens them and pulls out two IWO title belts.)

GP: Those are the.....

Michael: IWO IC tag titles belts. Sharp as a tack as always GP. Anyway, these belts, the IC tag title belts, are the ones that WE made famous! Not Era of Our Kind, not the Prep Kids, not ANY team besides the BHB. These belts are the only tag titles that mean anything in the IWO. Why? Because WE hold them!

Brian: That's right! Clowns! KINGS! If you can hear me right now, listen well. These belts were retired because of you two attempting to lead the IWO tag division. You failed so miserably, they got rid of these belts. So, we have brought them back to in order to save and to, yes, bring back the needed credibility to the IWO's tag division! And the Clowns? Singles wrestlers, with a one night stand... SO, whenever you feel like putting up your meaningless titles, we'll be ready to take them from you.

Michael: Oh, and if anyone tag team doesn't think we can back up we say, just ask, and you'll get your shot at OUR world's tag titles, the ONLY tag titles! So, until next time, it's been fun!

("Pretty Fly For a White Guy" starts again as the BHB make their way out of the ring. The fans give them plenty of heat and start throwing things at them as they make their way to the back.)

GP:Michael Dudley, and Brian Dudley are back! The night Gunnar Smith retires, is when the Beverly Hills Brusiers return! Dear god folks! I can't believe it! But we must continue! We must press on!

Shallow: Thats right, although, this match probably wont happen, because Shawn Arrows will probably just come out here, shake Archer's hand, declare him the winner, and retire.

JT: I don't know, Arrows has been kind of pissed off at Archer recently.

Shallow: When isn't Arrows pissed off at someone?

Nikki: Yea, seriously, he always comes back because he's "pissed off" at someone. Remember last time, it was Erik Blake, and he kept setting fire to him.

GP: True, but, would Ben Archer let Shawn Arrows retire before their first match against each other?

JT: How do you know it's their first match?

GP: I've done a bit of research on these two, coming into this match, and I've found out quite a few interesting facts.

Shallow: Oh, do tell.

GP: Well, the very first federation, Shawn Arrows wrestled in, was named the RPL. The owner of that federation, was none other than Ben Archer. That was when Archer, and Arrows, realized they had some things in common, and after seeing Arrows in action, Archer found another federation, and invited Arrows to team with him there.

Shallow: So, the two have known each other for quite some time?

Nikki: I knew there was some special friendship between these two when Archer first showed up in the IWO.

GP: Yes, they have. They have been teaming, for going on 4 years, only leaving Shawn Arrows' IML2 stint out of their reign of destruction. As all the fans know, Arrows later brought Ben Archer to the IWO, and helped him win the IWO Television Title, in his first match, basically becoming his mentor during his retirement, helping Archer get everything he deserves.

Shallow: Then why is Arrows so pissed off now?

JT: Yea, seriously.

GP: That, I've yet to figure out.

Shallow: For those of you that missed out last Pay Per View, War Cry, we're going to take you back, and show you exactly what happened between Shawn Arrows and Ben Archer, that started this war.

[Cut to video footage.]

Arrows: I want my time in the spotlight Archer...you're where I want to be..and the only way I'm gonna get there...is to take you down.

[Arrows charges At Archer, and takes him down to the ground, laying punches into his ribs and head.]

GP: Arrows looks like he's snapped here. He's taking out all of his anger from the past 9 or so months, on his former best friend.

Shallow: Yea, but I don't think Archer's gonna let it happen that easily. Archer's shoved Arrows off, and now he's up to his feet, and the two men are just wailing on each other with blows to the head.

JT: Arrows, and Archer..the battle we never thought we'd see. Archer seems to be getting the advantage over Arrows, but Arrows ducked a right hand, and gets Archer up in a military press. He lets go, and turns for his DDT, but Archer lands behind Arrows. Arc grabs Arrows, and nails The ArC!

GP: Archer just laid out Arrows, and Archer is laughing as he walks back to the back slowly.

JT: Well that was interesting.

[Cut back to live.]

Shallow: And now, after that video footage, we're ready to get this match on the way.

GP: Thats right, so lets go down to Meygon with the introductions for our next match.

Nikki: Yea, lets just get this match going, knowing these two, there is no telling what we may see.

Meygon: IWO fans, we're now ready for our next match of the evening. Coming to the ring first, standing 6'3, and weighing in at 234 pounds, he is from Greensboro, North Carolina, and he is the master of the Arrow-Shot DDT.

[The camera switches to show the entry way, as the lights in the arena dim, and then turn to a deep red.]

I am IRON MAN!!!!

[The fans begin to boo, trying to get to their loudest, as they know who is about to make his way from the backstage area. After a few seconds of the music playing, Shawn Arrows slowly walks out onto the entrance ramp, and looks around slowly, taking in all of the screams of hatred from the fans towards him, and doing so with a smile on his face.]

Has he lost his mind
Can he see or is he blind
Can he walk at all
Or if he moves will he fall

[A clip from War Cry is shown on the video screen.]

[Arrows charges At Archer, and takes him down to the ground, laying punches into his ribs and head.]

[Back to live, as Arrows slowly begins to walk down the ramp towards the ring, stopping as the fans push themselves to scream out their hatred for Arrows even louder.]

Is he live or dead
I see thoughts within his head
We'll just pass him there
Why should we even care

[Another clip from War Cry is shown on the video screen.]

[JT: Arrows, and Archer..the battle we never thought we'd see. Archer seems to be getting the advantage over Arrows, but Arrows ducked a right hand, and gets Archer up in a military press. He lets go, and turns for his DDT, but Archer lands behind Arrows. Arc grabs Arrows, and nails The ArC!]

He was turned to steel
On the great magnetic field
When he traveled time
For the future of mankind

[Cut back to live as Arrows, again, slowly begins to make his way towards the ring, stopping as he reaches the steps to the ring.]

nobody wants him
he just stares at the world

[Cut back to video footage, of the 4 man match at Hostile Takeover between Shawn Arrows, Cyanide, AWSMan(Also Known as Bill), and Sam Potright.]

[While Cyanide and Potright lay among the wrecked table, AWS Man and Arrows continue brawling. AWS Mangoes on the offensive, knocking Arrows down to his knees with a flurry of hooks and jabs. With Arrows knocked out, AWS Man hops up onto the top rope, pauses for a moment, then goes for a Win the Freakin' Matchifier (Shooting Star Press). As AWS Man gets airborne, though, Arrows climbs back up to his feet and catches AWS Man in a military press. He holds him for a few seconds, then drops him, takes a few steps foward, and catches him with a heavy boots of lead DDT.]

plotting his vengeance
that he will soon unfold.

[The view cuts back to live, as Shawn Arrows has slowly made his way up the ring steps, and is now posing on the ring apron for the fans, who don't seem to appreciate it.]

Now the time is here
for ironman to spread fear
vengeance from the grave
kills the people he once saved

[Cut back to video footage.]

[Potright is shown bending through the ropes, wondering what Matthews is doing out here. Matthews then slams the crystal rose into Potright's head, as he bounces back. Shawn Arrows is behind him, and rolls him up.]
*One!*
*Two!*
*THREE!*
GP: Dear god! Shawn Arrows just pinned the former World Champion Sam Potright!

JT: It's a shock! Arrows pinned Potright, and now he's heading to the back! Matthews is laughing as we go! I can't believe it!

nobody wants him
they just turn their heads

[Cut to end of Arrows vs. Fission on Takeover.]

GP: Fission lands on his feet...WAIT! IT'S ZOMBIE! DEAR GOD! HE JUST NAILED FISSION IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A CHAIN!FISSION STUMBLES OUT... Arrows turns around, and TOSSES FISSION UP!!!! ARROW-SHOT DDT! ARROW SHOT DDT!!!
Nikki: DEAR GOD! IS THIS AN UPSET IN THE MAKING! ARROWS DIVES ON TOP OF FISSION! THE COVER! ONE... TWO...THREE! SHAWN ARROWS JUST BEAT SYPHON FISSION!!!

no body helps him
now he has his revenge

[Cut to after Arrows vs. Fission.]

JT: It's Ben Archer! Archer hits the ring, and grabs Arrows! HE HITS THE ArC!!!! THE ArC!

fills his vengeance full of dread
running as fast as they can
iron man lives again

[Cut back to live, as Shawn climbs in the ring, and throws his arms up, posing for a second, and then giving an evil smirk towards a fan.]

Meygon: He is, Shawn..Arrows!

GP: Arrows, looking in one of the best conditions he ever has. It looks like he has been training during his retirement, keeping himself fit, In case this day were to come. Good thing he did too.

Shallow: I've got to admit, Arrows does look to be built pretty well now.

GP: Yea, but going against Ben Archer, being built may not be enough. As everyone saw at War Cry, and then again on the replay just a bit ago, Archer got the better of Arrows, when he countered the Arrow-Shot DDT, with the ArC.

JT: Yea, after what Archer has been doing, pretty much since he got here, with his impressive wins, and him snapping at War Cry last month, smashing The Mysterious One, into a building with his truck, I have to go with Archer to win this match, because it has become obvious, that he will do ANYTHING, and EVERYTHING it takes, to walk out here tonight, with a win over his long time friend, Shawn Arrows.

Nikki: I must say, War Cry, was simply brutal. Archer totally snapped, and I feel really bad for the Mysterious One, but as we saw, he wasn't even in his hospital room!

GP: Lets show that video footage from War Cry!!

[Cut to video.]

Archer: Yo……Ray JR…..oh….I mean Mysterious One. IM in the back lot dumb ass come get me.

[The Mysterious one with what we can see has a face of fire as he runs into the back and towards the back lot.]

GP: DAMN IT NO…..IT'S A TRAP.

JT: He might be a great……..but he's not bright.

[The scene cuts to the back door as we see it fly open and the Mysterious One walks out. He looks around for Archer as all of a sudden we see two bight lights come on in front of the Mysterious One. Its Archer in a Truck…..Archer puts the truck in gear as he slams the gas and goes towards The Mysterious One.]

GP: MY GOD RUN!!

[The Mysterious One goes to get into the door…..but he finds its locked….and he has nowhere to run as he shuts his eyes and is HIT HARD WITH THE TUCK AND SLAMMED UP TO THE WALL LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A HALLOWEEN MOVIE.]

GP MY GOD……MY GOD!!!!!!!

JT: WOW!

Shallow: RIP!

[Archer gets out of the truck as he smiles as the lifeless body of the Mysterious One stuck between the wall and the truck.]

Ben: You didn't know who you were fucking with!

GP: MY GOD WHAT A EVIL ASS HOLE…..SOMEONE HELP HIM!

[Cut back to live.]

JT: My god, that has to be one of the most gruesome things to have happened recently here in the IWO. I'm just glad I'm not the Mysterious One.

GP: Yea, but if The Mysterious One, somehow, survived that shot, I'd hate to be Ben Archer when he comes back, because Archer would be in a hell of a lot of trouble.Shallow: So lets go ahead and get Archer down to the ring, and get this started off right.

Meygon: And now, his opponent, making his way down to the ring. He is a former IWO Television Champion. He stands at 6 foot, 1 inches tall, and weighs in at 243 pounds. He's from Belper England...and he is the Master of The ArC!!

["The Unforgiven 2" by Metallica begins to play throughout the arena, as the fans, again, boo at their loudest. Archer runs down to the ring, and slides in, testing out the ropes, without taking his eyes off of Arrows.]

Meygon: He is..Ben Archer!!!!

GP: And here's Ben Archer, who, at this point, isn't very liked by the fans, thanks to his actions as of late.

Nikki: Who would cheer for a guy that ran over The Mysterious One, for no reason at all?!?

Shallow: Yea, I really don't think the fans liked Archer running The Mysterious One into the wall like he did.

GP: Well, I think it's about time to get this match started, as Arrows and Archer are both staring each other down, obviously ready to get this match underway.

*DING DING DING*

Shallow: Fans, theres the bell, for those of you that couldn't figure out what that noise was, after years of it always being the same, and neither man is wanting to have to make the first move here.

GP: Both men circling around the ring, trying to size each other up, and find any weakness the other man have, before the first lock up.

Nikki: These guys already know each others strengths and weaknesses Greg. They've only been best friends for longer than we can even imagine, and been teaming just as long. I mean, to be a great tag team like these two once were, you have to know each other inside and out. So that really isn't why they're hesitating.

Shallow: It's the fact that they know each other so well, and they know the other guy knows them just as well. If one guy makes a move, the other will know whats going on, and be able to counter it and maybe even get an early advantage, and neither of these men want that.

JT: Arrows steps back, and Archer steps forward, trying to take charge. Arrows steps forward, and the two men finally lock up. I was really getting tired of watching two guys walk around in circles.

GP: Then you go get in the ring, and just charge at these two men, and see how long you last with either, without thinking out a plan first.

Nikki: Yea, seriously JT, if you try and mess with a true wrestler, without having a plan, you'll be out cold in no time....

Shallow: Anyways, the two men, trying to gain an advantage over each other, and Archer gets the first attack. Archer, locking a headlock on Arrows, but Arrows shoves him off into the ropes. Archer comes back, and Arrows goes for a back body drop, but Archer flips over and lands on his feet.

Nikki: This is what I meant by them knowing each other so well. Archer knew what Arrows was planning, and he was able to think of a way out of it before Arrows could get the move.

GP: Both men quickly turn around, not wanting the other to have a blindsided opportunity, and they both just stare each other down. The two men lock up again and Arrows gets the headlock! Archer sends Arrows off into the ropes, but Arrows slides under Archer and pops up.

JT: Attempted German Suplex by Arrows, but Archer flips out of it, and goes for a clothesline from behind on Arrows.

Shallow: Somehow, Arrows saw that one coming, and he was able to duck out of the way. Archer turns around, and Arrows with a kick to the gut and a quick DDT.

Nikki: There again, my point proven. Arrows knew exactly what Archer was going to do. He knew that clothesline from behind was coming, and Arrows knew how to counter it, and it worked in his favor this time.

GP: These two men know each other, and they know each others wrestling style inside the ring. Theres really no way either of these men are going to get a real advantage over the other, as you've been able to see so far.

Nikki: Thats what I've been saying the entire time Greg.

JT: Yea, crappy wrestlers all wrestle alike, it's not hard to figure out. Arrows picking up Archer, and he sends him back into the ropes. Arrows goes for a clothesline, but Archer ducks, and spins Arrows around, delivering a DDT on his own.

Nikki: These two are two of the best true wrestlers in the business JT. They both know how to take risks to get themselves into the position they want to be to win this, and they know what to do to wear down their opponents defenses so the win is possible, much like a game of chess, as Shawn Arrows would say.

Shallow: These two guys are really showing each other what they can do right now, as Archer just showed Arrows he can do everything Arrows can.

Nikki: Archer proved that a few weeks ago, when he did Arrows' Super Shot DDT.

GP: Thats right. Archer is just trying to prove to Arrows that he is just as good, but Arrows is up to his feet, and the two men lock up again. Archer, with a knee to the gut of Arrows, and Archer locks on an arm bar, quickly taking Arrows to the ground and wrenching back on his arm.

JT: Archer's trying to wear down a part of Arrows' arm, but it isn't working as well as he thought it would. Arrows, fighting his way back up to his feet, and he's trying to break the hold. Arrows, finally with a reversal, but Archer spins around and catches Arrows with a short arm clothesline.

Shallow: Archer seems to be getting an advantage here in the early going, and he's picking Arrows up, only to body slam him back down to the mat. Archer bounces off the ropes, and goes for a quick elbow drop, but Arrows rolls out of the way and tries one of his own.

GP: Archer moves out of the way, and stomps on Arrows' arm, but Arrows grabs Archer's leg, and trips him to the mat, locking on a leg lock. Archer, slowly crawling towards the ropes with his arms, and he finally reaches the ropes. The referee trying to make Arrows break the hold, but I think Arrows wants to punish Archer as long as he can.

Nikki: He wants to try and weaken up any part of Archer he can, so that Archer wont be able to use that part at his best later on.

1...

2...

3...

4..

GP: Arrows breaks the hold at the referee's four count, making sure not to get himself disqualified.

JT: Arrows is actually playing a smart wrestling game here, but I want to see one of these guys get busted open. Stop with the little wussy wrestling holds, and get violent!!

Shallow: Arrows getting to his feet, and he's picking Archer up slowly, kicking him for good measure. Arrows knees Archer in the gut, and runs to the ropes, hopping onto the middle rope, and bouncing back. Arrows turns around in mid air, and gets lined up for his Super-Shot DDT, but Archer regains his senses, and catches Arrows, reversing the DDT into a northern lights suplex with a bridge.

1...

GP: Arrows kicks out at a one count, and quickly gets back up to his feet, staring at Archer with a surprised look on his face.

Nikki: Archer just out smarted Arrows, plain and simple.

JT: Archer and Arrows, again, just circling around each other. This is getting so boring!

GP: What the heck are you doing?!?

Nikki: Yea, where the heck are you going?

Shallow: Fans, JT just got up, and is heading towards the time keeper. Arrows and Archer are both looking at each other, and then at JT, wondering what the hell is going on here.

GP: JT has a chair, and he just threw it in the ring, what the heck? JT just threw a second chair in the ring, and now he's taking his seat back at the commentators booth.

JT: Ok, that might make this match better.

Shallow: Arrows and Archer, both look shocked at this, and Archer takes advantage by knocking down Arrows with a clothesline, and then going over to grab one of the chairs.

GP: Arrows just ran and stomped on the chair, crushing Archer's fingers, and he gets the other chair.

JT: This is better! Archer grabs his chair, and the two men are just staring at each other, wondering who's going to make the first move now.

Nikki: Whichever man makes the first move, is going to make a big mistake.

Shallow: Both men swing! They're sword fighting with the chairs, now it's just down to who has to let go first.

GP: Arrows and Archer, battling it out with those chairs, but Arrows ducked the chair from Archer, and slammed his chair into Archer's, slamming it back into Archer's face, and sending him down to the mat. Arrows, looking down at Archer, throws his chair out of the ring, and grabs Archer's.

Shallow: Archer, slowly getting to his feet, he rolls out of the reach of Arrows' chair swinging. Archer runs at Arrows, and Arrows' swings, Archer ducks under Arrows and turns around, grabbing Arrows, and giving him an inverted DDT.

JT: Archer grabs the other chair, and throws it out of the ring, and then throws Arrows out as well.

GP: Archer looks like he's gonna get even with Arrows now, as he slams Arrows' head into the front of our commentator's booth. Arrows looks about out cold.

JT: Yeaaa..Archer's bringing out a table. He's taking it over to the guard rail, and setting it up on the corner of the guard rail..what the hell?

Shallow: What the heck is Archer doing?!?

Nikki: I think Archer has something in mind for that table, and whatever it is, is seriously going to hurt both of these men.

GP: Archer has Arrows by the hair, and he's dragging him over to the table, and putting him on top of it. Archer just slid in the ring, and went to the top rope.

JT: He's not...

GP: He is!! Archer just dove off the top rope, and is heading straight towards Arrows, and that table! Arrows rolled out into the crowd, and Archer just crashed down onto that table, but it didn't break!!!

JT: My god, he's dead!!

Nikki: Ouch!!

Shallow: I don't think that was the worst of it. Arrows is getting up, and climbing onto the table from the crowd! He's got Archer up, and he just DDTed him off the table, onto the floor.

GP: These two guys, are putting everything they have on the line here tonight, to prove to each other that they deserve what they say they do. Arrows, dragging Archer into the ring now, and he's climbing the top rope with him. He just locked him in a loose sleeper, and is pointing at the table.

JT: What the hell is Arrows' planning to do?!? Arrows turns the sleeper into a DDT, still holding his head like he was in a sleeper, and dives backwards off the top rope, soaring through the air, and DDTing Archer onto the table. The damn thing didn't break!!!!

Shallow: Both of these guys are dead!!! Why the hell isn't the referee just ending the match?

GP: Both of these men, have a point to prove to each other, and the referee understands that, so he's just letting this match go. Archer, slowly getting to his feet, as is Arrows, and the two men are battling it out on top of that table.

JT: Archer swings at Arrows, but Arrows ducks and spins Archer around, knee to the gut. Arrows lifts him up, and just powerbombed him out into the first row!!

Shallow: Don't tell me they're gonna continue to keep this pace.

GP: Arrows just did a shooting star press off that table, but a fan pulled Archer out of the way, and Arrows goes chest and face first into the front two rows!

JT: Archer, getting up, and he seizes this advantage, taking Arrows by the hair, and dragging him to the aisle way. The two men are fighting with lefts and rights, slowly fighting up the stairs.

GP: Archer just nailed Arrows, and almost sent him tumbling down the stairs, but Archer hooked him, and ran him into the wall, and now the two men are fighting through the aisle way, and out into the outer part of the arena, where the food stands are.

Shallow: Thank god for our great camera crews, we can keep up with this great action wherever they go.

JT: All of the fans walking around out there, have stopped to watch this action, as Archer and Arrows are still trading rights and lefts. They just bumped into a security guard, and he's trying to tell them to break it up, or they'll be kicked out of the building.

GP: This guy must not be a wrestling fan, because he obviously has no clue who these two guys are.

Shallow: Arrows and Archer just stopped punching each other, and are looking at each other. Wait a second, they just turned around and nailed that security guard with a double kick to the gut. They both lock ahold of him, they lift him up, and they just double powerbombed him down through the ice cream stand's table!!

JT: What..the hell.

Nikki: What the hell are these two thinking?!

GP: They just took out one of our security guards!

Shallow: It's his fault, the idiot didn't recognize them, and tried to break up this war.

JT: Yeaa, the security guard still hasn't moved, and Arrows has wandered off to look for something. Archer lays a few boots into the stomach of the security guard, and then takes his wallet...what the hell?!?

Shallow: Archer just took out a few dollars, and handed it to the lady at the ice cream booth, and dropped the wallet back on the guard.

GP: Guys..Archer just bought some ice cream.

JT: What has this match turned into? These two were beating the hell out of each other, and now..well..Shawn's gone, and Ben Archer is eating ice cream!!

Shallow: Arrows is coming back into the picture now with a chair, and he looks a bit confused at what is going on.

GP: Archer is calling for time out, and Arrows just shrugged his shoulders and took the guards wallet, getting a few dollars, and he got himself some ice cream too.

JT: Dear god. Arrows, just crack the hell out of him with that chair.

Shallow: Someone's coming into the camera view, and both Archer and Arrows are waving him over.

GP: Dear god..it's Joey Malone!!!

Malone: Ooh, ice cream!

[Malone buys some ice cream and starts floating in midair, while eating it.]

JT: Dear god..

GP: Ok, wasn't this a wrestling match?!?

Shallow: I think so. I guess these guys just decided to take a break, or something.

Archer: This ice cream is great man.

Arrows: Yea, but, it seems like we forgot about something...

[All of a sudden, we hear someone in the background yelling. As he comes a bit closer, we can hear what is being yelled.]

Voice: Buy your snow here!! Everyone come get some snow!

[After a few moments, High Flyer walks into the camera's view, and he sees Arrows, Archer, and Malone, sitting on the steps, eating ice cream.]

Arrows: Yo!!!..Fly!!!..come join us!!!

[Flyer grabs the guards wallet, and takes out a few dollars, dropping it back down on his chest, giving the money to the lady, and being handed some ice cream.]

JT: Ok, it just got even weirder.

Nikki: High..Flyer..

GP: High..Flyer..just joined Arrows, Malone, and Archer, in their small feast.

Shallow: What the hell is going on here? Come on guys..wrestle...we can't sit here all night and watch you guys eat!!!

JT: Fans, the referee, finally starting to make his way up the isle, trying to catch up to Archer and Arrows.

Arrows: Guys, you have to admit, this is the life. I mean, ice cream, bunch of fine ladies walking around. Ya know?

Archer: Yea man.

Malone: Yea.

Flyer: Yea, I guess, but no one's buying my snow.

Arrows: I can't believe you're still trying to sell snow man.

Referee: Hey..what are you guys doi...oooooo..ice cream!!!!

Arrows: Guards got money in his wallet, get yourself some.

Referee: Thanks!

GP: What the hell?!?

[The referee picks up the guards wallet, and flips it open.]

Referee: Damn, this guys rich!!

Shawn: Yea, seriously man.

[The referee slips a few dollars out, and lays them on the counter, as the lady behind the counter, goes to get his ice cream. The referee gets his ice cream, and slides the wallet in his pocket, walking over to the steps and sitting down with High Flyer, Shawn Arrows, Ben Archer, and Joey Malone, who is still floating.]

JT: Guys, have we EVER seen anything like this happen before? They're having a fucking feast on our pay per view, in the middle of the match.

GP: Yea, this is atleast a strange one, maybe they'll actually get back to wrestling soon.

Shallow: Am I the only one that noticed that the referee just stole the security guards wallet?

Referee: This ice cream is great!

Arrows: Yea, but I think we might have a bit of trouble.

[Arrows points off camera, as the camera man turns, to show a mob of security men heading their way. Just as they begin to come close, the camera turns back, and the referee is holding the wallet out, as Erik Blake strolls by, obviously not knowing whats going on.]

JT: Don't tell me this idiot is going to sit down and get some ice cream as well.

Erik Blake: Hey, um, Shawn, Ben..aren't you guys supposed to be wrestling?

GP: Thank you!!! Get them to actually fucking wrestle again!!!

Nikki: Seriously, I don't feel like sitting here watching these two eat ice cream with their buddies.

Shawn: Yea..so? We decided to take a break!!

Ben: Yea... This ice cream is so good.

Shallow: So much for that idea...

[The referee tosses the wallet to Blake, who catches it, and then turns to see the guards coming towards him. Erik Blake runs off, followed closely by the security guards, as they head out of the arena. Shawn looks around, and then grabs a walkey talky from beside the register at the ice cream booth.]

JT: They just sold out Erik Blake to the security guards. Theres no way Blake can keep away from all of them!!!

Shallow: More importantly, what is Arrows doing with that walkey talky?

Nikki: Theres NO telling.

Shawn: Hey, anyone there?

Voice from walkey talky: Yes, what is it?

Shawn: There is a mob of angry Russians, trying to get into the arena, to assassinate President Levine, I was informed to tell you guys, to lock all of the doors to the arena.

Voice: Are you sure?

Shawn: Yes, I'm sure damnit, just do it!!!

Voice: Ok, we'll get right on it.

[Shawn tosses the walkey talky back where he got it, and starts laughing.]

Shallow: My god, Arrows just locked Erik Blake, and the security guards, out of the arena. How the hell is Blake supposed to hide out there?!?

Ben: Whats so funny man?

Shawn: Erik Blake, is locked, in the parking lot, with a bunch of pissed off security guards man.

Joey Malone: Thats right, they did chase him outside.

Archer: Damnit, I'm out of ice cream!

Arrows: Me too. =(

Referee: Well, I guess we need to get this match back underway then, you guys had enough of a break.

Nikki: Yes, please, get back to wrestling!!!!

[The referee tosses his ice cream on the floor, and, wouldn't you know it..El Janito walks by and slips on the ice cream, landing flat on his ass, as Arrows, Archer, the referee, Malone, and High Flyer, start laughing.]

Referee: Ok, guys, seriously. The guys in the front offices are telling me, that if you don't get this match going again, they're gonna order me to call for the bell, and just end it right now.

Archer: Alright..alright..come on Arrows..it's time for me to kick your ass!

Arrows: You wish Ben...this match is mine!!

JT: Here we go!!! Archer just charged Arrows, but Arrows through Archer into the Ice Cream Stand!!! Arrows grabs Arrows, and throws him across the hallway, and into the wall, and then runs and jumps off the wall, nailing his Super-Shot DDT!!

Nikki: That..was...awesome..

GP: My god, where the hell did that come from?!?

Shallow: I have NO clue, and I don't think Archer, or Arrows for that matter, do either.

JT: Arrows, getting back to his feet, and he's picking Archer up. He just ran him into the T-shirt stand, and now he's rolling him up onto the table. Arrows picks Archer up, but Archer knees Arrows' in the gut. Both men, fighting with rights and lefts on the table. Arrows swings, Archer ducks and grabs him for a neck breaker, but Arrows gets his foot back for a low blow, and Russian leg sweeps Archer through the table!!!

GP: My god, both men are out cold, and the referee just pulled both men up..what the hell?!?

JT: The referee just slid a chair between the two men, and now both men are again, fighting for the chair! Arrows with a rake to the eyes, and he grabs the chair, slamming it up into Archer's face, and then down across his head, sending him to the ground. Yeaaa..Archer's busted open!!!!!

Shallow: This, has to be one of the oddest matches I have ever seen. I mean, come on, they went from wrestling, to JT making them get hard-core, they battled up the aisle way, out into the outer part of the arena, beat the hell out of a security guard with that double powerbomb through a table, decided to take an ice cream break, invited a few friends.

GP: Lets not forget to mention Arrows got Blake locked out.

JT: Yea, but now, they're finally going back to beating the living crap out of each other, and Arrows has the advantage on Archer, as he is wielding that chair, and Archer is on the ground in pain.

Shallow: Arrows, waiting on Archer to get up, and he just cracked him in the head with that chair again! Arrows throws down the chair, and grabs Archer, pulling him down the hallway.

GP: Wait a second, Arrows just stopped dead in his tracks, and he's trying to shake Archer back to life.

JT: Theres Malone, Flyer, and ..um..what the hell..El Janito: The Mexican Stenotype, coming over to see whats going on, and the referee is just scratching his head like an idiot.

Shallow: What the hell is going on, why the hell did they stop beating each other up.

Nikki: OK, this is getting kind of odd.

JT: Just shut up bitch, you're boring the fans.

GP: Wait..theres six people walking onto the screen, in, what appears to be gay looking pants.

Shallow: Dear god..this can't be happening.

JT: Thats...

GP: The six original characters off the worst television show in the history of television..

Shallow: The Power Rangers!

JT: What the fuck are they doing here?!?

GP: I really have no clue, but it looks like they're here to try and destroy the IWO wrestlers!

Shallow: The green one just charged at Arrows, and speared him down onto the ground. This..is ridiculous.

JT: Atleast. The Pink and Yellow Rangers just charged at El Janito, and the referee, and they're both running away from them!!!

GP: This, is...odd. The Red Ranger just ran at Archer, and executed a hurricanrana, sending him flying into the wall. Now, the blue one, running at Flyer, but Flyer swings for a clothesline, and misses!

Shallow: The Blue Ranger just nailed a neck breaker on Flyer!!

JT: The black ranger, charging after Malone, but Malone just floats to the top of the arena.

GP: The black ranger just scratches his head, and looks up, wondering how the hell Malone did that.

Shallow: Malone's just laughing, smiling down at the black ranger, who's heading up to the second level, trying to get close enough to reach Malone!!

JT: The Green Ranger, and Shawn Arrows, are brawling, and they have made their way back down to the ice cream stand Archer and Arrows put the security guard through. The Green Ranger swings, and Arrows ducks behind, locking his arms around him, and nailing a perfectly executed German Suplex!!!

GP: Yes, but wouldn't it help if he was doing that to his opponent?

JT: Arrows, waiting on The Green Ranger to get up, and Arrows just got the chair he had earlier. He's signaling for him to get up, almost daring him, and the Green Ranger is doing so!!! He gets to his knees, and Arrows just nailed him in the head with that steel chair and sent him crumbling back to the ground!!!

GP: Arrows, seems to be trying to figure something out, and now he's got the Green Ranger by the mask!! He just unhooked that mask, and slid it off!!!

Shallow: Ok, so who the hell is that?

JT: He looks like, a fan.

Shawn: Ralph?!? What the hell are you doing man?!?

JT: It seems as if Arrows knows his attacker, and he's helping him up now. He's trying to shake some sense into him.

Ralph Richardson: Well, dude, we heard about this being the only Arrows and Archer one on one match there will ever be, and we thought we'd come jazz it up a bit.

Shawn: We?!?..Who the hell is We?!?

GP: Shawn just reared back, and cracked Ralph in the head with that chair, sending him back down to the ground.

Shawn: ...What..the hell is going on here? I've gotta get to the rest of these idiots and find out if they're who I think they are...

JT: Shawn Arrows, now heading off towards where Malone and the Black Ranger are, and he's taking that chair with him!!!

Shallow: Thanks to multiple camera crews in the back, we're now watching the battle between Ben Archer, and the Red Ranger. They seem to be battling somewhere else in the arena, as they've found themselves a table, and the Red Ranger seems to be up on a platform, and Ben Archer is laying, out cold, on that table.

GP: The Red Ranger, setting up for something, and he dives!!! 450 splash, but Archer moves out of the way just in the nick of time, and The Red Ranger goes crashing through the tables!!! Archer lifts him up, and he just nailed an ArC on the Red Ranger!!! He's trying to pull his mask off, and its...its...

JT: Another fan...

Archer: What the hell is going on here?!?

Shallow: Archer just picked that guy up, and now he's trying to shake some sense into him!

Archer: Doug..what the hell are you doing here man? Aren't you supposed to be down in North Carolina or some shit?!?

Douglas Petty: Yea, well, a couple of us heard about you and Arrows having a match, and they talked me, and the two young ladies into coming, and making this match a bit more interesting for you guys.

Archer: Who are the young ladies?!?

Doug: You better warn Shawn not to let anyone touch his precious baby. He's gonna be pissed if she gets hurt.

GP: Archer just nailed Douglas with a kick to the gut, and tossed him up against the wall, and now he's heading off around the arena, trying to find Arrows!!!

Shallow: I've just been informed, that the Pink, and Yellow Rangers, are STILL chasing El Janito, and the referee, around the arena.

JT: Archer, just bumped into Flyer, who's brawling with the Blue Ranger, and he just nailed the Blue Ranger with a clothesline from behind, and he's telling Flyer to take his mask off.

GP: Flyer, trying to do so, but The Blue Ranger is fighting back!!! The Blue Ranger, swings Flyer, towards Archer, but Archer shoves him back, and Flyer and the Blue Ranger bump heads!!

Shallow: Archer grabs a nearby chair, and he waits for The Blue Ranger to turn around, and he just cracked him in the head, and sent his mask flying off!!!

GP: From the information I have been able to gather, the men that we have seen so far, dressed up as The Power Rangers, they are former wrestlers in North Carolina, and are supposedly good friends of both Shawn Arrows and Ben Archer, even traveling with the two of them from time to time as they wrestled. Also, from what I have gathered, the Blue Rangers name, is Rick Luebke.

Archer: Rick...what the hell man?

Rick Luebke: Uhhh..dude, that like, hurt.

Shallow: Archer just shrugged it off, and walked away, and now he's caught up to Arrows!!

GP: Arrows and Archer both have a chair, and they just reared back at each other.

Archer: Shawn..dude...I think you might want to go find the girl rangers.

Shawn: Why the hell would I want to chase a bunch of girls?!?

Archer: Cause, I've got a feeling one of them is someone very important to you.

Shawn: What?!?

Archer: That Red dude, that attacked me..

Shawn: Yea, what about him?!?

Archer: It was Doug!

Shawn: Yea..so what..the Green one was fucking Richardson.

Archer: The blue one was Rick..

Archer and Arrows: That means the Black..has to be Dave...

Arrows: Anyways, what did Doug have to say about the girls?

Archer: That theres one you might not want to get hurt.

Arrows: Damnit!! ArC, we've gotta put a stop to this crap dude, this is tiring. You go get Dave..I'll go see if I can find those wimps running from girls.

Archer: Yea..have fun..but if I see you in the bathroom with some girl, I'm gonna have to kill ya dude...remember...we're like..supposed to be wrestling, or something.

Arrows: Yea, I know, so lets just take care of these idiots.

Archer: Yea, but, wheres Kaysey tonight, and, I don't know about you, but, when I was walking out to the ring, I could have sworn I saw Chris in the front row.

Arrows: Ahh..Shit..they're probably planning some dumb shit too.

Archer: Yea, dude, go get the girls, find out who they are..I've got Dave.

Arrows: Yea, just, um, don't make him look too bad.

Archer: Heh..

GP: What, the hell is going on. Arrows is heading off in one direction, and Archer is heading off in the other.

JT: Aren't they supposed to be trying to beat each other?

Shallow: Did you really expect anything involving Shawn Arrows to be normal? These two HATED each other, going into this match, and they've basically yet to lay a hand on each other.

GP: Yea, well, El Janito, and the Pink Ranger, have stopped running, and he's pretty much letting her beat him down.

JT: Yea, but he doesn't seem like he's going to be able to take it much more.

Shallow: El Janito just threw her off, and is holding her against the wall!!

GP: Fans, we've been told that Arrows has found the Yellow Ranger, and the referee. Arrows, trying to unmask the yellow ranger, and he's done so.

Shawn: Am..Amanda?

Amanda: Yes?

Shawn: That means...the Pink one is..

Amanda: Yup..and, I think she might be in trouble. That Mexican's kinda mean.

Shawn: Ahhh shit.

Amanda: Hurry..she's my friend too ya know.

Shawn: yea..yea..

GP: Ok, and now, we go back to Ben Archer, trying to find the Black Ranger.

Malone: Arc!!!..Up here!!!

JT: He's found them. Now, just to get to that Black Ranger, and unmask him, and then keep him from attacking. Archer, sneaking around on the next flight of steps, and he's behind The Black Ranger, and he just cracked him in the back of the head with that chair, and cracked the mask right off or his head!!! Archer pulls him up, and smirks, as, just as he thought, it's Dave Luebke.

Arc: Joey, lets round these guys up man. We gotta get them all in 1 place, so we can get them kicked out of the building tonight as well!

GP: And now, Malone, and Archer, are carrying Dave Luebke, and they just picked up Rick as well.

Archer: You get Petty..I got Richardson, meet back here.

JT: Fans, we've found Shawn Arrows again, and he's finally coming close to finding the other "Power Ranger", but EL Janito is slugging the person in the gut, and she just went to the ground in pain, and now he's laying boots into her head!!!

Shallow: My god, she isn't moving, and now Shawn just looked down at the lower level with an evil grin, and he jerked El Janito around, kick to the gut, and sets him up. Arrows just lifted El Janito up, and powerbombed him down through the table on the lower level.

GP: MY GOD, Arrows has completely snapped!!

JT: Arrows looks like he's just lost his favorite puppy or some shit. Go find Archer and kick his ass!!

GP: Arrows is looking at someone, who was obviously very important to him, laying on the ground, in serious pain. If I were you, I wouldn't have any out of line remarks, because he may come back in here and hurt you.

Shallow: She's starting to move!!

JT: Yea!!!! Arrows was finally gonna get to find out if that young lady was who he thought it was, but theres Ben Archer from behind with a chair!!! It's obvious they've got everyone else taken care of, and now Archer is going to wear out Arrows, and try to win this match. Archer, picks Arrows up, and just nailed another chair shot to the head, and by god, Arrows is getting WAY to close to that railing!!

GP: Arrows gets nailed again, and again, and he's trying to get away from those shots, but the only way he can get away, is down, and there has been yet another table set up down there, by Ben Archer!

Shallow: Arrows, climbing over the railing, still getting nailed in the head, and now he's trying to drop down!! He's holding onto the rail, so Archer can't get a good shot in, but Archer just slammed that chair down on his hands, and sent Arrows tumbling down and crashing through that table!!!

JT: That girl, slowly starting to get up, she's up to her knees. On one foot, on both, and Archer just turned around and nailed her with a chair!!!

GP: My god. Archer's snapped now as well!! Arrows snapped, and was willing to do anything to help this young lady, and now Archer has snapped, and he's willing to do ANYTHING to win this match.

Shallow: Yea, but I think beating on this young lady, is just a bit too far. I mean, come on!! Archer just slammed that chair down on her head again!!!

GP: Archer, jerking that helmet off, and he just lifted her up. He's staring her right in the eyes. What the hell has gotten into Archer here?!?

Nikki: She is kind of cute, now I can see why they said Shawn would find her special.

JT: Archer rears that chair back, and he's gonna smash this girls head into the wall!!! Yeaaa!!!

GP: Come on Ben, this is too far!!

Shallow: He pulls back, but wait a second, someone grabbed the chair, and jerked it away from Archer!!! Archer turns around, and down he goes thanks to a chair shot from Kaysey Arrows!

GP: Thank god, he was going to kill her!!

JT: BOOO!!!

GP: Shut up JT, we're talking about a womans life here!! Kayseys got Archer, and he sees that Shawn is getting to his feet. What the hell are they thinking?!?

JT: Yeaa!!! Low Blow from Chris Mezz, who must have been near by!!

Nikki: Ben was right, Chris Mezz IS in the building.

GP: This isn't right. Mezz now has Kaysey Arrows, and he just gave him a Nyquil Bomb!!

Shallow: Mezz, handing the chair back to Archer, and that young lady looks like she's scared half to death. She knows, she's about to hit the ground, again...

JT: Oh..what..the hell?!?

GP: Shawn Arrows, is getting up!!! Arrows, crawling over the remains of that table, and he is crawling up the steps, and it's distracted Ben Archer from smashing that girls skull in!! Thank god!!

Shallow: The lady just ran past Archer, and into what appears to be the ladies bathroom, I guess she thinks thats a safe place to hide, but Archer is giving chase, as is Chris Mezz, but Shawn and Kaysey Arrows are finally both up to their feet, and they're heading that way too!!

JT: Here's a question for you guys..Where the hell is the referee?!?

GP: I guess he's still hiding, thinking those "Power Rangers" want to get ahold of him still.

Shallow: Archer and Mezz have entered the women's bathroom, and would you look at all the ladies they have slapping them!!!

JT: This is great!!

GP: Theres Arrows, and well..Arrows, they've just got to the bathroom as well. The women are all running out of the bathroom, realizing this is a match, and they don't want to get hurt during this, but, I didn't see the young lady, and there are still 6 in the stalls.

JT: Yea, but, um, what are they humming? And why are they all humming?

Shallow: Wait, they're starting to sing guys..

Nikki: No..god stop this..I can't take it!!!

Young man, there's no need to feel down
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground
I said, young man, 'cause your in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy

GP: God no...

JT: Just when we thought this match couldn't get any weirder...

Young man, there's a place you can go
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.

Shallow: The middle of one hell of a match, and the Village People had to show up...

GP: They're coming out of the stalls!!

JT: This, isn't right. Shawn, Ben, Chris, and Kaysey, look like they're about confused as hell by this, and they all four just left to go get something!!

GP: And we're left listening to this shitty music?!?

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

They have everything For young men to enjoy.
You can hang out with all the boys.

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.

Shallow: Wait a minute, they're all four back, and all four men are wielding chairs. They're waiting on The Village People to come out of those stalls, but all 6 come out at the same time.

GP: Shawn Arrows charges at the biker, but the biker just kicked the chair back in his face.

JT: Archer sneaks up behind the biker, and he gets a chair shot into his back!! And then Kaysey Arrows cracks one over his head!!

Shallow: Theres 1 down...that makes 5 to go!

GP: Mezz seems to be luring the Indian out of the bathroom...what the hell for..we don't know..but he's doing so..Wait..Chairshot!!!

Shallow: The Village Idiot, just knocked one of the Village people, off the second floor, and down to the first, with one hell of a chair shot!! Joey Malone, to the rescue, as usual!

JT: Malone, now walking into the bathroom, and it's a 4 on 4 battle, as Shawn is still on the ground from that collision with his own chair.

GP: Archer swings at the cop, but the cop ducks behind him and grabs the chair. They're struggling for it, but theres Kaysey Arrows with another chair shot to the head, taking down the cop, and now he's got his handcuffs!!!

Shallow: Mezz just grabbed the keys to the handcuffs, while Kaysey was going towards the cowboy, and now Kaysey is chasing the cowboy out of the bathroom, and down the hall!! Mezz and Archer both line up, Malone comes over and gets in front of the sailor, with Mezz at 1 side, and Archer at the other, and all three men just swung their chairs!!

JT: Holy Shit!!! Three Chair shots at 1 time, and the guy is still standing! Arrows, slowly getting up behind him, and he just signaled to them, 4!!! and the guy finally fell down to that 1!

GP: It took 4 chair shots, at 1 time, to take him down, and now it's down to the cowboy running from Kaysey, and the construction worker who just took off out of the bathroom!!

Shallow: They're all giving chase to him, except for Archer! Arrows throws his chair, and he just took out the legs of the construction worker, and now Malone and Mezz are wailing on him with their chairs. Kaysey, finally chasing the Cowboy back around, and Malone and Mezz line up..

JT: Double clothesline with those chairs, right to the face, and out go the village people!!!

GP: Malone just dropped his chair, and now he's walking away!!

Shallow: Mezz and Kaysey are brawling now, and both men are brawling to the downstairs part of the arena! I think Shawn just realized that young lady was alone with Archer in the bathroom, and Shawn just took off back into the bathroom, but Archer was waiting on him..that son of a bitch!!!

GP: Archer, just laid out Arrows, and now he's kicking the stalls open, trying to find that young lady. He knows she has to be in there..somewhere.

Archer: Here Brittany..come on out..don't make this any harder on yourself.

JT: He's telling her to come out, and he just kicked the next to last stall. That means she HAS to be in that last 1, and Archer's standing by it, smiling. Arrows, slowly getting up to his feet, and Archer sees it. He walks back over, and he just cracked Arrows in the head with that steel chair..again!!

GP: Archer goes back, and kicks that stall open, but she slid out under him, and she's trying to get away!!

JT: Archer got ahold of her, and he's got her by her shirt. He just threw her against the wall, and nailed her in the stomach with that chair!

GP: He's gonna try and put her in the hospital!!

Shallow: Arrows, slowly getting up, and now Shawn is running towards Archer. Archer swings, but Arrows ducks, and kicks Archer in the gut! Archer dropped the chair, and Arrows just DDTed him onto it!!!

JT: Arrows looks about pissed off, but he's obviously more concerned about Brittany, as he's checking on her.

GP: I don't think he realizes Archer's starting to get up, and he's got that chair again. Archer gets on his knees, and now up to one leg, but theres Kaysey Arrows with a chair shot, sending him back down!!

JT: Yea, but Mezz just laid out Kaysey with a chair, and Shawn turned around, only to get nailed! Mezz, standing over Brittany, and she's trying to crawl out of the bathroom! She's finally up to her feet, and she's running towards the stairs!!

GP: Mezz is actually chasing her, and Shawn's slowly starting to get up, and he's going after Mezz!

Shallow: The referee, just showed up in the aisle way, and he's heading back down towards the ring, but Brittany just ran past him, and Mezz just ran over him!! My god, he's chasing her to the ring!!

JT: Brittany just jumped over that rail, and crawled in the ring, but Mezz is right behind her, and he's still got that chair. Brittany, sinking back into a corner, and Mezz is coming closer, but theres Shawn Arrows!!

GP: Shawn Arrows and Mezz, swinging those chairs at each other, both men clashing their chairs together, neither willing to drop their chairs, but theres Ben Archer from behind, and he just nailed Arrows with his chair!! Arrows goes down, and now Mezz has ahold of Brittany, and he's holding her up.

JT: Archer rears back, and swings, but Brittany got out of the way!!!

Shallow: Down goes Mezz!!! Kaysey Arrows, now coming from the aisle way, and he's dragging Mezz out of the ring, and handcuffing him to the ring post!!!

Nikki: Kaysey just handcuffed Mezz, and now he's laying the boots into his gut. Brittany, still inside the ring, trying to get away from Archer, but Archer just slammed that chair down across her back! Acher's taking her to the corner, and put her on the top rope!!

JT: Archer's climbing up, and now he's got her in a power bomb position! Archer picks Brittany up, and just powerbombed her off the top rope, onto the table that was set up on the guard rails!

GP: Archer just killed Brittany, and now, he's on the top rope, posing for the fans, and laughing down at Brittany. Arrows, coming up from behind, and he just low blowed Archer!!

Shallow: Arrows gets Archer for a DDT back into the ring, but he's too busy looking down at Brittany. Kaysey just ran over to Brittany and picked her up, but Archer snuck in a low blow, and then a northern lights suplex to Arrows, throwing Arrows right onto the table, and the damn thing still didn't break!!!

Nikki: I feel really bad for Brittany, she looks really badly beaten here.

Shallow: Yes, she does, and now Arrows is out cold, and Archer's flying off of that turnbuckle, right onto Arrows!!

JT: Archer is pinning Arrows, and the referee is finally there to count!!

1...

2...

GP: Noo!!!! How the hell did he kick out?!?

Nikki: I have no clue. Arrows, kicked out, of that shot, and then that super splash off the top rope, down onto that unbreakable table!

JT: Arrows, seems like he's about unstoppable. He's taking a lot of serious damage in this match, and he just keeps coming!!

Shallow: Archer, pulling Arrows up, and he just nailed a snap suplex on that table!! Archer rolls back over for a cover!!!

1

2

Nikki: Arrows kicked out again!!!

JT: Arrows, trying to get back to his feet, but Archer is getting up quicker! Both men to their feet, and Archer just nailed a right hand. Archer goes for a kick to the gut, but Arrows grabs his leg!!

GP: Arrows spins Archer around, and he just hooked him. Over Head Belly to Belly Suplex, onto the announcers table!!

Shallow: Arrows just launched Archer up, and over his head, almost 10 feet, and onto our announcers table, and now Arrows seems to be looking under the ring for something.

Nikki: Archer, slowly starting to move, he's trying to sit up, but Arrows just got a chair from under the ring, and slammed it down across Archer's head! He's laying the chair on Archer's head, and Arrows just pulled out a ladder.

JT: What the hell does he have in mind now?!?

Shallow: I don't know, but he is setting up that ladder. He's got it set up, but Archer's getting up!! Arrows just took that chair back, and he's slamming it into Archer's head!! He's just wailing away on his head!!!

Nikki: Archer is out cold, and Arrows just put that chair back over his face, and he's climbing up the ladder. He's on top of it, and he's looking down at Archer. He just turned around, so he's facing away from Archer!!! Moonsault!!!

Shallow: Arrows just jumped off a 25 foot ladder, and he's going for a Moonsault!!! Wait, he rolled too far, and he's turning into a sitting down position!

JT: Arrows just landed that leg drop, right onto the chair, and Archer's head, and they went crashing through the table!

GP: My god!! Arrows, crawling back over, and he's hooking Archer's leg for a pin!

1...

2...

JT: NO!!!! Archer kicked out!!!

Nikki: They both just crashed through our announcers table, and Arrows still couldn't get a pin on Archer!

Shallow: Arrows, getting to his feet, and he's pulling Archer up with him. Arrows swings Archer towards the ladder, but Archer reverses and sends Arrows head first into it!!

Nikki: Archer jumps onto the ladder, and jumps off, but Arrows just side stepped him, and gave him a shove right into whats left of our table.

GP: Arrows, pulling Archer up, and he's leaning that ladder on the ropes. Arrows just DDTed Archer right onto the rubble that once was our announcers table. Arrows now has Archer by the hair, and he just threw him in the ring.

JT:: Arrows, trying to stabilize that ladder back on the rope, and now Arrows has it, apparently like he wants it, and he's getting himself ready. Arrows starts to run up the ladder, but Archer slowly gets to the ladder and shakes it, sending Arrows down crotch first on it!!

Nikki: Archer is climbing up on the other end, and now he's running towards Shawn. What the hell does he have in mind here?

GP: Doesn't look like we'll ever find out, because Kaysey Arrows just speared Archer right off of that ladder, and into those steel ring steps. Shawn, finally starting to move again and he's trying to get off that ladder. Kaysey's helping Shawn off, but that gave Ben Archer a chance to crawl over to Mezz, and free him.

Shallow: And the bad thing is, Mezz has had some time to recover from all of this, as has Kaysey a bit, but Shawn and Ben haven't. Arrows, now climbing in the ring, and he's bringing that ladder in with him, but Mezz and Archer both just slid two more ladders in from the other side of the ring.

JT: Arrows looks confused, and now he's signaling for Kaysey to slide a fourth in the ring. Arrows, calling for Archer and Mezz, and both men just slid in, and ran right at him. Arrows ducks the double clothesline, he ducks another, and Kaysey nails both of them in the back of the legs with that ladder, and puts it on top of them.

Nikki: Shawn just jumped off that middle rope, and did a lionsault type Moonsault, onto the ladder, and the two men under it.

GP: Shawn hurt himself with that move as well though, and Kaysey Arrows is climbing in the ring. Mezz is getting to his feet, but Kaysey just knocked him back down from the outside of the ring. Kaysey climbs up onto the top rope, and drops down, dropping an elbow onto Mezz!!

Shallow: Kaysey gets back to his feet, and he's starting to set one of those ladders up. Archer, slowly getting to his feet, and Kaysey's going to meet him, but Archer got ahold of his tights and threw him out of the ring.

JT: Archer grabbing a second ladder, and he's setting it up next to the one Kaysey set up, and now he's picking up Shawn. Mezz, slowly starting to get up as well, as Archer is nailing Shawn with boots to the gut in the corner, and Mezz has set up a third ladder, a bit away from the other two.

Nikki: They seem to be making some weird design with those ladders, as Mezz is now choking Arrows down into the corner with a boot, and Archer is setting up the fourth ladder to line it up with the other 3.

GP: Archer is now sliding out of the ring, and he's going up under the ring for something, but Kaysey Arrows is under the ring on the other side. Kaysey comes out first, and he's got a chair, but Archer is coming out on the other side with a table!!

Shallow: Mezz doesn't notice Kaysey, as he's signaling for Archer to slide that table into the ring, and Kaysey just jumped onto the ring apron and cracked Mezz in the head with the steel chair!! Mezz goes down, and now Kaysey is climbing in the ring!! Archer, climbing in the ring after sliding that table in, and he doesn't realize Kaysey has a chair over his head. Kaysey rears back..but the referee just took the chair!!

JT: Security and the rest of the referees are making their way to the ring, and the referee with the chair just cracked Kaysey. He's pushing him out of the ring, and now the security and referees are taking Kaysey Arrows and Chris Mezz to the back, leaving only Shawn Arrows, Ben Archer, and the hurt Brittany Mabe in the ringside area.

Nikki: Brittany wont be much use in this match, and Archer and Arrows are both staring each other eye to eye. Both men just slid out of the ring, and went under it. Arrows, coming back out now with a table, and Archer's coming out with 2 more ladders. What the hell do they have in mind here?

GP: Arrows just slid that table in the ring, and now he's going over to check on Brittany again. Wait a minute, theres someone coming from the backstage area!!

Nikki: Isn't that Samantha Arrows?

JT: Yes..it is!!!

Shallow: What the hell is she doing, and why does she look so mad?!?

JT: I don't know, but Archer's got one of those tables set up on top of two of those ladders, and he's dragging the other table up to put it up there as well, and Shawn's still checking on Brittany, as Samantha is making her way over to Shawn. She's probably jealous.

Nikki: Samantha just pulled Shawn away from Brittany, and he looks shocked. He's just staring at Samantha, I don't think he understands this anymore than we do.

Samantha: Shawn, who the hell is she?!?

JT: We can hear her yelling from here.

Shawn: It's an old friend..aight?..Nothing more Samantha..now whats gotten into you?!?

Samantha: Thats the Psycho Bitch that attacked me!!!!

Shawn: What!?

JT: What.....

GP: The girl from when Shawn was gone...is the girl he's trying to help now?

Shallow: This doesn't make any sense!!!

GP: Archer is in the ring, with one of the ladders on his shoulders, holding it with one arm, and he's climbing the ladders!! He's trying to get onto the tables with that ladder in his arms, and theres no Arrows to stop him right now, and Archer does so!!

Nikki: Samantha is trying to pull Shawn away from Brittany, but Shawn is standing alone between the two of them looking back and forth. Archer has set that ladder up, and he's climbing back down..what the hell does he have in mind?

JT: Archer now has the 6th ladder, and he's climbing up again!!! Arrows, still watching the two, and Brittany is crawling towards Shawn, Samantha's on the other side, shaking her head no.

GP: Arrows doesn't know what to do here, and Archer's got that ladder set up, and now he's going back outside, and back under the ring. Archer's pulling out more ladders. My god, he's got 6 more ladders out from under that ring. Where the hell are these things coming from?

JT: I don't know, but he just slid four of them in the ring, and now he's climbing back in. Archer's setting up those other 4 ladders the same as he had the four already set up.

Shallow: This doesn't make any sense, and Arrows is still as confused as ever. Each of the ladies now have one of his arms, and they're both pulling, but Archer isn't paying much attention to that. He's got two more tables in the ring, and he's setting them up on top of the other four ladders to make the layer of tables go 4 across instead of 2.

Nikki: Archer just slid those other two ladders up onto the tables, and now he's hunting under the ring, and he just slid out two more!!! Archer slid them in the ring, and Arrows has finally broken away from the two girls, who are now staring at each other, and Arrows is walking back over to the ring. He just stopped dead in his tracks. I think he just realized whats waiting for him in the ring.

GP: Arrows is slowly climbing into the ring, as Archer's got the other two ladders on the tables, and now he's heading up, but Arrows is climbing up on another ladder.

JT: Both men are getting close to those tables, and Archer just got on them, and now Arrows is crawling up onto one as well, and they're staring at each other. Archer starts to walk towards Arrows, but Arrows gets ahold of Archer, and just kneed him in the gut, sending him down to his hands and knees. Arrows gets Archer by the hair and shirt, and he just launched Archer off that platform, and down onto that damn unbreakable table thats been on the guardrails this entire match.

Nikki: Samantha and Brittany are just looking on in horror, at what Shawn just did, and now Shawn is setting up those ladders!

GP: Arrows is looking at what he's got set up, as Archer is slowly starting to move again. Arrows has 6 ladders set up, on top of those tables, and now he's looking up.

JT: Archer's using the guardrail to try and pull himself back up to his feet, and Arrows is outside the ring, and heading towards Archer with a chair. Archer's up to one leg, and trying to pull himself bully up, but Arrows just nailed him with a chairshot to the head and sent him back down!!! Arrows pulls that chair back, and he's gonna hit Archer again, but Samantha just got ahold of the chair. Arrows kicks back, and just kicked Samantha in the gut.

Shallow: Does he know who he just kicked?

Nikki: I don't know, but Arrows just turned around and is looking eye to eye with her now. Brittany has just come over, and is standing next to Samantha, and now Shawn's directing his attention back and forth, knowing he has to choose..right now, between these two young ladies. Arrows has that chair, and he's drawing it back, trying to figure out which young lady he's gonna strike.

GP: Wait a second, Archer just snuck in behind Arrows, and gave him a low blow.

JT: Archer has Arrows by the hair, and he's dragging him back towards that unbreakable table. Archer jerks Arrows to his feet, and then kicks his legs out from under him, and he just made Arrows land with a thud face first on that table, and Arrows head bounced off with a severe whiplash affect.

Shallow: Archers pulling Arrows back up, and he's got him locked for a suplex. He lifts, and he just gave Arrows a brain buster onto the side of the table!!

Nikki: Anyone else think this match has been going on for a bit too long? Where the hells the time limit bell?

JT: Archer's got that chair now, and he's pulling Arrows back up to his feet. He lines him up, and he just cracked Arrows in the head with that chair again!!! Arrows is busted open!!! He's busted wide open!!!

GP: Good God, Archer just busted Arrows open, and he's still wailing on him with that chair!!!

Shallow: Archer takes one last shot, for good measure, and leaves Arrows a bloodied heap on the floor, as he looks up at the ring, and sees what Arrows has done. Archer's crawling under the ring now, and he's pulling out a table. Archer's setting up the table on the outside though!!! Archer's got the table balanced on the guard rail, and the apron of the ring, and he's going back towards Arrows, but Arrows just snuck in a low blow!!

Nikki: Arrows comes up, and brings the chair up across Archer's face, and then down on his skull. I think Arrows just busted Archer open as well, and Arrows just rolled Archer onto that table, and took another chair shot for what Archer did when he busted Arrows open, and now Archer's seriously busted open, and Arrows is heading in the ring.

JT: Arrows, climbing up those ladders, and he's now on top of the the tables, looking at the ladders, and he's pointing up. What the hell does Arrows have in mind here?

GP: Arrows is climbing up one of those ladders, and he's looking down towards Archer!! He's a good 50 feet above the ring, what the hell does he have in mind. Arrows has reached the top of the ladder, and he's standing on top of it, pointing down at Archer!!!

Shallow: He's not.

GP: He is!!! Arrows just dove off that table, and he just landed directly on top of Archer with a leg drop, and both men just crashed down through that table, and to the ground.

Nikki: Yea, but did anyone else hear the sick thud that came when Arrows' head hit the ground?

JT: Both of the girls are going over to check on Shawn Arrows, but Samantha just shoved Brittany down and into the guard rail! Brittany gets up as Samantha's kneeling down beside Shawn, and now Brittany has Samantha by the hair, and she just threw her into the ring steps!!!

Shallow: Now the chicks are going at it, while the guys seem to be almost out cold, and the referee seems to be having a nice time watching Brittany bounce Samantha's head off the ring steps.

GP: Brittany just took Samantha by the hair, and tossed her over Shawn, and back into the guard rail, and now she's shaking Shawn, trying to wake him up.

JT: Yea, but Archer's coming around, but I don't think that dumb psycho bitch realizes it. Archers on his knees, and he's got ahold of the ring, trying to lift himself up, but Brittany is bringing Shawn back around. Shawn's eyes looked glazed over, and Archer just fell back down, and he's crawling under the ring.

Shallow: Shawn just flopped over, and now he's slowly starting to make his way under the ring, thanks to Brittany's directions, and he's following after Archer. Archer's coming out the other end, and so it Shawn, but each of them have a table, and they've both got a grip on a third table. Both men are out now, and they're using each other to get back to their feet, and now they're sliding the three tables in the ring, and crawling in themselves.

Nikki: Don't tell me they're going to work together to build this even more. Please...this is going far enough, someone might seriously get hurt.

GP: They haven't already?

JT: Arrows is pulling himself up, and now he's sliding one of those tables up onto the first set of tables, and he's climbing up that ladder, slowly.

Shallow: Archer, finally getting back up to his feet, and now he's sliding one of those tables up, and leaning back on the top rope as Arrows slowly starts to put one of the tables in place onto of two of the six ladders.

Nikki: Arrows is getting up the other table up there, and he's signaling for Archer to send the third up, and Archer does so!!! Brittany is on the outside cheering Shawn on, as he's set up that last table, and now he's climbing up the second layer of ladders, but he looks like he is seriously favoring that left leg.

GP: Archer sees Arrows, and knows this is probably his only chance to take advantage, and now he's climbing up the first ladder! Archer pulls himself up onto the tables, and now he's pulling himself up on the ladder, and heading up on the opposite side as Arrows.

JT: Both men are pulling themselves up onto that table, and now Arrows is getting to his feet, but as he does, Archer springs up and knocks Arrows back down with a clothesline. Archer lifts Arrows up, and he nails a scoop up, and a powerslam slam back down onto those tables, and now Archer's trying to lock Arrows for a Boston crab.

Shallow: Arrows is trying to fight it, and the referee's watching on the video screen, to see if Arrows'll tap out, so he doesn't have to climb all the way up there with them. Arrows, kicking for everything he's got, and he got Archer off, but I think that took a lot out of his left knee.

GP: Arrows, now trying to fight off the pain, and get to his feet, but Archer's already to his, and he just took Arrows' leg out with a kick to the back of the knee, and he's got his legs again. Arrows wont be able to continue to fight Archer off like this!!

Nikki: Archer's trying to turn Arrows back over, but Arrows is fighting it off. These two look like they're about to fall off those tables, and Archer knows it. Archer trying to push Arrows back, but that isn't working, so Archer's got Arrows by the hair now, and he just pulled him up. He's signaling for The ArC!!!!

JT: Yea, but wouldn't that take them right off the table?

GP: I don't think Archer cares. He's got Arrows locked, but Arrows broke free, and kneed him in the gut. Arrows has Archer by the hair, and the back of his tights, and he's setting Archer up to fly!!!

Shallow: My God!!!! Arrows just threw Archer off those tables, and down to the floor below.

JT: Arrows is looking around, I don't think he knows what the hell he is gonna do from here, but he knows he has the advantage, and he knows he needs to take it.

Nikki: The two ladies are now crawling under the ring!!! They're both searching for something down there, and Arrows is climbing back down from the mountain of wood and steel, and he's down onto the lower deck of tables. He's standing between the ladders, and under the tables, looking around and what he and Archer have created. Arrows is looking around, and he's got a smile on his face, as he's going down another ladder, and he's just got down to the ring.

GP: The two ladies just pulled out two ladders a piece, and Arrows is now going under the ring, what the hell does he have in mind?

Shallow: He better hurry up, because Archer is slowly starting to move on the other side of the ring.

GP: Arrows has two tables, and he's pushing them in the ring, as the ladies already have the four ladders slid into the ring, but now Archer has slid into the ring, and he's got two of those ladders up onto the first platform of tables, and now he's sliding the third and fourth up, but Arrows is climbing in the other side of the ring.

JT: Arrows, getting in the ring, and he's climbing up the ladder!! Archer's sliding the second of those two tables, up onto the platform, as Arrows is sliding two of the ladders up onto the second platform of tables, and now Archer is slowly making his way up that ladder, but he still looks a bit woozy.

Nikki: Arrows is now climbing up even farther, and he's getting up onto that second platform, but his leg looks really sore.

Shallow: Arrows, up on the upper platform, and he's setting up one of those ladders, as Archer is sliding the fourth ladder up onto the platform.

JT: Arrows, trying to set up a second, and Archer's sliding the first of those two tables up. Arrows grabs the table, and he just slid it up, and balanced it on top of the ladders.

GP: Arrows is setting up the other two ladders now, and Archer's trying to slide that last table up to Arrows. Arrows grabs the table now that he has the ladders set up, and he just pushed it into Archer's head.

Nikki: Archer's teetering, and Arrows just cracked him in the head with the side of that table again, and sent Archer tumbling off the platform they've made, and now he's setting up that other table on the other two ladders.

Shallow: Arrows, looking down at Archer, and he just dove off for a leg drop, but Archer moved out of the way!! Archer just rolled out onto the floor, but he hit the floor pretty hard, and now the two ladies both have ladders, and they're both climbing in the ring with them!!

Nikki: What do these two young ladies have planned here?

GP: The two ladies have put their ladders up on the first platform, and they are climbing up on opposite sides of the ladders, and now they've got those ladders again, and they're trying to get them up on the second platform.

JT: They aren't trying anymore. They've got them up there, and now they're up on the second level. Samantha's got her ladder up on the third level, and now Brittany, trying to get hers up there. Samantha helps her, but Samantha just threw Brittany down off that platform and to the outside of the ring!!

Nikki: Samantha, now climbing up onto the third platform, and she's got one of those ladders, trying to get it set up!!

Shallow: Shawn Arrows, slowly getting up, and now he's crawling towards one of those bottom ladders, trying to make his way up it.

JT: Arrows, slowly making his way up, but theres no reason, because theres nothing up there now to set up!! Samantha's making her way down, and she's almost past where Arrows is.

GP: Archer, slowly crawling under the ring, and he's got another table!!!

Nikki: Yea, but Samantha's going out of the ring, and she's crawling up under the ring as well.

JT: Samantha has a ladder, and she's pushing it in the ring, as Archer's sliding that table he had up onto the top platform, where Arrows is waiting for it. Arrows, setting that table up onto the highest ladders, and he's calling for Samantha to push the ladder up.

GP: Samantha, handing the ladder up to Archer, and now Archer's handing it up to Shawn, and he's got it on the second highest platform, and he's climbing up onto that single table!!

Shallow: Arrows, telling Archer to come on up and fight like a man, but Archer's climbing down, and he's going all the way to the ring!!

Nikki: Arrows looks pissed, and now he's going down after Archer.

JT: Shawn stopping on the lowest platform, and he's telling Samantha to get a ladder and put it on the guard rail to close off the opening!

GP: Samantha looks confused, but she's doing as she was told, and now Arrows is climbing down after Archer. Archer grabs Arrows as he hits the ground, and he's dragging him under those ladders.

Nikki: Archer, sending Arrows to the ropes, and he catches him as he's coming back with a drop toe hold!!

JT: He just sent Arrows crashing head first into that ladder, but the ladder didn't budge, and neither did Arrows' skull!!

Shallow: Arrows is bleeding even worse now, and Archer just threw him out to the floor, and he's climbing out after him now. Archer picks Arrows up, but Brittany just ran and jumped off those steps and jumped on Archer's back!!

GP: She's trying to choke Archer out, but Archer just tossed her off with ease, and now he's heading back towards Arrows, but Arrows sneaks in a low blow!!

Nikki: Arrows picks Archer up, and he just fall backwards, dropping Archer face first across that ladder covering the entrance to the ringside area.

Shallow: Arrows putting Archer on that ladder, and now he's setting up the steps next to it, and climbing up on the ladder.

GP: Arrows picks Archer up, but Archer catches him off guard with a knee to the gut. Archer lifts Arrows up, and executes a perfect snap suplex onto that ladder.

JT: Archer, making his way across that guard rail. He just turned around, and now he's running across that guard rail, heading towards Arrows.

Nikki: Arrows getting to his feet, and Archer jumps to try and nail a hurrincanrana down onto the steel steps, but Arrows saw it coming, and countered it with a powerbomb onto those steps.

GP: Arrows drops off with a leg drop across Archer's face, sending him off the steps and down to the ground, but I think Arrows may have hurt his leg.

Shallow: He looks like he hurt that left leg, more specifically the knee, even more with that move, but Arrows is slowly crawling over towards Archer to get a pin.

JT: The referee is down to make the count!!

1...

2...

Nikki: NO!!!! Somehow, Ben Archer kicked out!!!

GP: Arrows, slowly getting to his feet, and he just rammed Archer's head up those steps, taking his head to each step, and attempted a bulldog, only to be thrown up and over the ladder.

JT: Arrows, pulling himself up on the guard rail, and Archer just ran up those steps and dove over the ladder, crashing into Arrows, and sending him into the guard rail!!

Shallow: Archer, getting back up, and he just Irish whipped Arrows towards that ladder..no..Reversal by Arrows, and Archer just hit that ladder and flipped over, tumbling down the steps.

Nikki: My god, these two are beating the hell out of each other!!!

GP: Both of these men are trying to prove to each other that they weren't carried for so long by the other man, and they're taking each other to the limit to prove it. But theres one thing that scares me half to death right now.

JT: And what would that be pussy boy?

GP: That damn hellacious tower of steel and wood, is still set up in the ring.

Shallow: Thats right. Arrows, setting up for something. Archer's slowly getting up and Arrows just ran and jumped onto that ladder, but Archer outsmarted him by playing possum for a moment longer than he was really down, and Archer just speared Arrows onto that ladder.

Nikki: Archer's picking Arrows up, and he's got him set up for either a power bomb, or a pile driver. Either way, on that ladder, this is going to hurt.

Shallow: Archer lifts Arrows up, and he just pile drivered him onto that ladder!!

JT: Archer climbing off, and he's standing on the top of those steps, and now he's got Arrows by the hair, and he's got him set up for it again. Archer lifts Arrows, and he just powerbombed him through the damn ladder!!!!

GP: Yes fans, JT said THREW the ladder. The damn ladder just broke!!!

Nikki: Archer again has Arrows up, and he just attempted an Irish whip into the table thats still set up on the corner of two of the guard rails, but Arrows again with a reversal.

Shallow: Arrows, hobbling towards that table, and he's rolled Archer onto it! Arrows is now climbing up on it as well, and he just gave Acher a snap suplex. Arrows holds onto it, and theres a vertical, hanging suplex, and Arrows again holds onto it, and pulls Archer back up for a brain buster!!!

JT: Arrows, rolling off the table, and he's holding that knee as he makes his way back into the ring.

GP: Arrows, slowly crawling up the ladder, trying to pull himself up!!

Shallow: He's up on that first platform, but he's back down on all fours, trying to pull himself up again!

JT: Arrows, on the second platform, but Archer's getting up.

Nikki: Archer, on his feet, but Samantha just tripped him, and she's got him in a figure four leg lock!!!

GP: Why isn't the referee doing something about this?!?

Shallow: Probably because this is a no disqualification match. Or, how about, because he hasn't done anything about any of the other weird shit thats happened tonight?

JT: Arrows, finally making his way onto the fourth and final platform, and he's getting to his feet.

GP: Samantha just picked Archer up, and gave him a DDT onto that table. Archer looks about dead here, and Arrows is standing up that final ladder, and calling for Brittany to come up there.

Shallow: Samantha, making sure Archer stays on the ground, while she's looking up, obviously worried. Brittany, almost up there with Arrows, and Arrows is standing so he's even with the top of that last 25 foot ladder.

Nikki: Guys. Shawn Arrows has to be a good hundred, hundred and twenty five feet in the air, somewhere around there, and he's looking down at Archer.

JT: Arrows, seems to be telling Samantha to put him down again. He's motioning like a DDT or something up there, and Samantha does so. She just DDTed Archer back on that table, and now she's moving out of the way, and Shawn's kicking at one of the supports holding the ladder open.

Shallow: Brittany's holding that ladder up, and she just closed both of the supports, so the ladders flat, and is bound to fall if she lets go, and she's turning it to air towards Archer.

Nikki: My god..he's not!!!

GP: Yes he is!!!

JT: What the fuck does he think he's doing?!? He's gonna kill himself, and Archer if he does this!!!!

Nikki: I really don't think Arrows really gives a fuck right now.

Shallow: This is crazy!!

GP: If he does this, he might not make it to the Mayhem Match later on tonight.

JT: Brittany is turning that table a bit more, and now she's got it lined up with Archer, but Samantha Arrows is shaking her head no.

GP: Shawn's telling her to let go and give it a push in that direction, Samantha's shaking her head no, but Brittany let go, and gave it a slight push in the right direction..Dear god!!!

JT: This is....something we NEVER thought we would see.

Shallow: If he lives to see the hospital after tonight, he better feel VERY lucky.

Nikki: Thats for damn sure. Arrows is heading down, and Archer's looking up in horror!!

JT: Archer's trying to get off that table, but Samantha just knocked him back down with a kick to the head, and now she's ducked down under the table, and she's holding Archer down!!

GP: That ladder's getting close, and Arrows looks like he may be having second thoughts, but it's way too late for that now.

Nikki: Brittany Mabe's climbing down as quick as she can, and that ladder just crashed down onto Archer and that table.

Shallow: Arrows just hit Archer with a thud, and bounced off that ladder, and down onto the floor.

GP: Both of these men are out cold, and the referee looks like he doesn't know what to do. Just call the damn match a draw before one of these guys gets up!!!

Nikki: Brittany and Samantha are both checking on Shawn, and his eyes look glazed over. The referee's making his way over here towards the time keeper and the announcers booth, and he looks worried about what may happen if he makes the wrong decision here.

JT: I don't see why he is, neither of these men are moving a bit, and even if they were, neither would probably know what the hell was going on.

DING

DING

DING

Shallow: Well, for some reason, the bell just went off. I don't know what the hell to think of this.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen. I have just been informed, by our referee here in this match, that this match has been declared a draw!!

[The crowd erupts in boos at this information, and trash of all sorts flies from the crowd, hitting the ring, and those around it.]

GP: The fans are obviously pissed off thanks to this bit of information, and they are trashing the ring.

JT: This is ridiculous. These two men are basically dead, and these fans want to see more? I love it. Come on ref...throw water on them, piss on them, hell, get those two young ladies to give them lap dances, I'm sure they'll come around, and then lets let them go at it again!!!

Nikki: Thats sick JT. These two men need medical attention, right now, but no ones even coming out to help them.

Shallow: Guys...the ladder...it moved.

Nikki: Huh?

Shallow: The ladder moved.

GP: One of the girls probably touched it or something.

Shallow: No..guys...Archer's moving!!

Nikki: Thats not po....my god..you're right.

Shallow: I told you. Ben Archer, somehow..is getting up!! Well..he was.

JT: Archer just fell off of that table, and he's laying on the ground, crawling towards the ring steps.

GP: Even worse, now Arrows is moving too!!

Shallow: Those two young ladies must have done something to regenerate him, because Arrows is climbing up, using that table, and he's almost to his feet, as is Archer with the steel steps.

Nikki: Somehow, both of these men have made their way to their feet, and their staggering towards each other, both seeming to have weakened legs.

JT: They're staring each other down, and now the referee is trying to get in between these two to stop them from doing anything else to each other.

Shallow: Archer and Arrows look confused, I don't think they know this match has been called off.

GP: I don't think they do either, but the referee is trying to tell them that.

Nikki: Oh god, I don't think that was a good move on his part. Arrows, and Archer, are both giving each other an evil grin, and now they're turning towards the referee, and I think he knows whats about to happen if he doesn't get the hell out of there.

JT: The referee's trying to go towards the aisle way, but Samantha and Brittany are blocking it off!!!!

GP: Dear god, the referee's in trouble, and now he's crawling into the ring!!

Shallow: Thats probably the worst place to be, because Arrows and Archer are both sliding in after him, and now Arrows has ahold of him, and he's pointing up, telling Archer to go up to the platform. Arrows, dragging the referee our from under those tables by his hair, and now he's picking him up, and Archer's reaching down from the platform.

JT: Archer now has the referee by the hair, and he's trying to pull him up to that platform, as Arrows is slowly climbing up to the second platform.

Nikki: Arrows, finally up on that second platform, and now he's pulling the referee up to him by his arms. Archer, climbing up now, and he just took a cheap shot on the referee with a kick to the nuts, and now Archer is climbing up, and onto the third level.

Shallow: Archer, dragging the referee up the last set of ladders, and he's choking him out on that last table!!

GP: Arrows just dropped down to the ring, and he's heading backstage. Where the hell is he going?

JT: Samantha and Brittany have cleared the aisle way, and now Arrows is coming back, but what the fuck is he driving?

Shallow: That looks kind of like, a scissor lift. Arrows has pulled it over to ringside, near one of the ends of the top table, and now Arrows is lifting it up.

Nikki: Thats exactly what it is Shallow. It's a scissor lift, and Arrows is planning on going back up to where Archer and the referee are by using that, instead of climbing to the top.

GP: Why the hell'd he jump down then?

Nikki: That, I can't answer.

Shallow: Neither can I, but Archer's just put the referee in the scissor lift, and now Archer's climbing in as well.

JT: This, doesn't seem right. That Scissor lift, has to be atleast hundred and ten feet in the air.

GP: Archer's pulling the referee up, and the refs trying to get to the operational box to take the scissor lift back down, but Archer just kicked the referee in the gut, and he's got him set up for a powerbomb. Archer's hanging the referee over the side of the scissor lift, like he's gonna power bomb him down through all of that towering wood!!!!

JT: Wait a second, Arrows is climbing up on the railing on the side of the scissor lift, and he just did a backflip, into a closed leg leg drop, knocking the referee out of Archer's grasp as Archer sends him down with a powerbomb.

Nikki: My god. They just went through that first table, and down through 2 more on the next layer, and another on the next.

Shallow: And two more on the next. Can't forget that bottom layer.

Nikki: Archer's got that scissor lift back down, and now Samantha and Brittany are sliding the nearly dead Shawn Arrows out of the ring, and onto the scissor lift, and they're hopping on as well.

JT:: This has been one hell of a match fans!!!

Shallow: These two men, gave it everything they had tonight, to try and prove once and for all that they deserve everything they have had so far in their careers, and so much more, and by god, I think they proved that.

Nikki: I think Shawn Arrows proved he needs to go to a psychiatrist and get checked out. He's too damn suicidal for his own good.

GP: Thats for sure, but fans, we've got to take you to a promo for our main event here tonight, as we try to clean up the wreck these men have created. Wait, the scissor lift is raising up at the top of the aisle way.

[Fireworks shoot off around the scissor lift, as IronMan by Black Sabbath, and The Unforgiven 2 by Metallica both begin to play throughout the arena, without any lyrics. As we slowly begin to fade out to go to the promo for tonight's main event, we slowly pan in to show Shawn Arrows and Ben Archer, standing side by side with their hands raised, as Samantha's attention is turned to driving it, and Brittany seems to have gotten herself right beside Shawn, leaning against him.]

[Promo for May Mayhem's Main Event, Joey Malone and Donnie Daze, for the IWO Worlds Title.]

[ We fade into the ringside area. ]

GP: Folks, our next match Is probably, going to be a classic...

(- Image Is shown of Schitzo Tod -vs- (c) Sabastian Crow for the Extreme Title In a
Ambulance Match -)

GP: Tonight, we will see just who Is the rightful Extreme Champion of the IWO... when
we place these two arch rivals In an Ambulance Match. Let's take a look at how this all
came about !!!

[ Fades to the Sabastian Crow & Schitzo Tod promo. ]
[ Background chims of bells are heard In the promo. ]

~~Hostile Takeover -- April 20, 2001~~

GP: Sabastian Crow has It ! Sabastian Crow has It ! He's locked The Submission
Deathlock on The Mysterious Birdman ! Sabastian Crow has this won !!!

Nikki: WAIT A MINUTE ! THERE'S SCHITZO TOD !!!!!!

*BLAST*

GP: Schitzo Tod just smashed that steel pipe over the head of Sabastian Crow !
Sabastian Crow has been laid out !!!!

JT: NO !

GP: The Mysterious Birdman covers Sabastian Crow... this could be over...

JT: NO !

1...

2......

3......... !!!

*Ding - Ding - Ding*

[ Shot of Sabastian Crow laying out cold on the ring mat. ]

GP: Schitzo Tod has taken out Crow with that steel pipe. And The Mysterious Birdman
has defeated the Extreme Champion... and It was all thanks to Schitzo Tod !!!!

[ Shot of Birdman and Tod leaving the ringside area. ]

~~Hostile Meltdown -- April 25, 2001~~

[ We go outside to the arena's parking lot where we see Tod standing with a note In
his hand, appearing to be waiting on somebody... ]

Tod: I can't believe this !!!... he writes me a note telling me to meet him out here, and
he doesn't show...

Sabastian Crow: Yo Tod !!!

Tod: Huh ?

[ Tod turns around and gets a trash can lid implanted over his head by Sabastian
Crow... Tod stumbles back a little, but Crow runs into him, lifts him up into his arms,
and slams him against the parking lot wall... Tod stumbles forward a little bit, but Crow
catches him again and slams his face into the ground himself... Tod starts crawling on
the concrete, trying to get back up as Crow tempts him... ]

Sabastian Crow: Come on Tod !!!!... you wanted to intercept my match !!!!... NOW
LETS SEE YOU INTERCEPT THIS !!!!!

[ Crow runs up to Tod and kicks him In the side as Tod falls over... ]

Sabastian Crow: SON OF A BITCH !!!!... AS MUCH ANGER AS YOU PUT ME
THROUGH TOD !!!... I KEPT YOUR CAREER GOING HERE IN THE IWO !!!!!!!... you
fucking piece of shit...

[ Crow brings Tod back up again and throws him onto the hood of a car... Crow walks
over to him, gets on the car as well, standing over Tod, and lifts him up a bit... ]

Sabastian Crow: But, hehe... I can also end It !!!

[ Crow immediately slams Tod's face through the windshield of the car as glass goes
into Tod's forehead, face, and the sides of his eyes... Crow stands straight up
hovering over Tod as he looks around the parking lot... ]

--THE INTERVIEW--

Sabastian Crow: What do you need ?

Max Roit: Well !, I was just wondering... what are your intentions around here ?, I
mean, just moments ago, you attacked Tod In the parking lot... what was that all about
?

Sabastian Crow: What was that all about ?... MAN !, that has to be the lamest question
I have ever heard...

Max Roit: Well, I'm sorry Crow... I just...

Sabastian Crow: It doesn't matter !, shut your yap talk boy !... for what little scene Tod
pulled last week on Hostile Takeover... interrupting my match and almost making me
lose, he needed to be taught a lesson...

[ Crow looks straight into the camera... ]

--PARKING LOT FOOTAGE AGAIN--

[ Crow runs up to Tod and kicks him In the side as Tod falls over... ]

Sabastian Crow: I KEPT YOUR CAREER GOING HERE IN THE IWO !!!!!!!....

--THE INTERVIEW--

Sabastian Crow: Tod, I hold your career In my hand, and If It wasn't for me time ago,
you wouldn't be here no more... and keeping your contract signed with the IWO isn't
enough, then I don't know what Is...

--PARKING LOT FOOTAGE AGAIN--

Sabastian Crow: But, hehe... I can also end It !!!

[ Crow immediately slams Tod's face through the windshield of the car as glass goes
into Tod's forehead, face, and the sides of his eyes... Crow stands straight up
hovering over Tod as he looks around the parking lot... ]

--THE INTERVIEW--

Sabastian Crow: Just remember boy... I kept your career going, and I can defintantly
break It !!!

(-- THE EXTREME GOLD LOSS --)

[ We go inside the office of Vice President Tom Ford where we see Tom sitting behind
his desk, talking on the phone... ]

Tom Ford: Yes !, I understand how things go there, but you have to understand how
things go here...

[ Pause... ]

Tom Ford: Uh huh !, well... you just see to that, all right...

[ Outside Tom Fords Office, Sabastian Crow throws down his bag and pushes the
door open... he charges himself into the room... ]

Tom Ford: Whoa !, hey, I gotta go...

[ Tom hangs up the phone and stands up behind his desk... ]

Tom Ford: Whoa Crow !, can I help you ?

[ Sabastian Crow comes around the desk, grabs hold of Tom Ford and pushes him up a
wall... ]

Sabastian Crow: You God damn right you can help me !!!... I got screwed from my
Extreme Title last Tuesday and I don't appreciate It much...

Tom Ford: What are you talking about ?

[ Sabastian Crow brings Tom forward and slams him back against the wall, as his head
bounces off... ]

Tom Ford: Crow ! You better settle down before you get yourself suspended !!!

Sabastian Crow: YOU CAN'T SUSPEND ME !!!!!! EVEN IF YOU TRIED, I'LL BE
RIGHT BACK IN YOUR FACE, TRYING TO GET BACK WHAT'S RIGHTFULLY
MINE...

Tom Ford: Forget It Crow !, you lost... there Is nothing I can do...

Sabastian Crow: Then I will !!!

--THE CONSPIRACY--

Sabastian Crow: Thomas Ford !, I told you. One way or another, I was going to get my
Extreme Title back tonight, whether you liked It, or not !!!... last Tuesday night at
Meltdown, we all seen exactly what you don't see now, and that Is a fake infringement
of Sabastian Crow !!!

GP: Sabastian Crow claims to have lost his Extreme Championship last Tuesday by
accident...

JT: Claims ? Greg, you got It all wrong !!!... Sabastian Crow was screwed and Tom Ford
already knows It...

Sabastian Crow: Now, as you can see... pay attention at the Tron up there...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
REPLAY OF TUESDAY NIGHT MELTDOWN
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Tod squirts him all over. Crow starts to run, but Tod chases him. He finally catches up
with him and kicks Crow in the back of the leg, sending him to the floor. The rats are
approaching fast.)

Schitzo Tod: So, what'll it be, Crow? Get eaten by a bunch of rats, or give me your
Extreme title?

Sabastian Crow: HERE. TAKE IT! JUST LET ME GO!

Schitzo Tod: Doesn't work that way. Lean back onto the floor.

(Crow does so, and Tod puts a foot on his chest. A ref comes from no where. 1... 2...
3!!!)

GP: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, WE HAVE A NEW IWO EXTREME CHAMPION!

(Schitzo Tod takes his foot off, and laughs at Crow. Crow has a weird look on his face,
as Tod picks up one of the mice. He pulls off it's skin, and there's a little race car with
red lights on the front. All of them are like that.)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
END REPLAY FROM LAST TUESDAY NIGHT MELTDOWN
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ Cameras go back to Sabastian Crow. ]

Sabastian Crow: All right !, lets narrow this down a bit. For (1) I, Sabastian Crow, will
NEVER lay down for a piece of retardeness like Schitzo Tod !!!... and (2) I, Sabastian
Crow, will NEVER and have NEVER just gave up a Championship Title, without a fair
fight...

[ "I Am Your Boogy Man" by White Zombie begins blasting over the speakers as the
fans grow louder In a *heat* reaction. President Evan Levine walks from behind the
curtains with a microphone In his hand as he stands on the stage... the music comes to
an end, and he looks around at the booing fans. Sabastian Crow looks on at Evan. ]

President Evan Levine: Sabastian Crow !, I must agree, you were screwed last Tuesday
night on Meltdown...

[ Crow smiles and the crowd grows larger with *heat* tensions. ]

President Evan Levine: But !, blaming the incident on VP Tom Ford ?... please Crow !,
how would you ever guess, Tom Ford has something to do with this ?

[ Sabastian Crow snickers, as he begins to talk again... ]

Sabastian Crow: In my gym bag, I got tape footage from special hidden camera's on
Tuesday Night Meltdown. On that tape footage, show's a delightful Vice President
paying off the one I am not...

President Evan Levine: So, what you're saying Is, you got actual proof Tom Ford
screwed you out of the Extreme Title ?

Sabastian Crow: Clearly speaking, yes !!!

President Evan Levine: Hmmm... come with me then, we'll review that tape In my office
!!!

[ Sabastian Crow smirks a smile, throws down the microphone to the mat, and step's
between the ropes as "Enter Sandman" by Metallica plays, as he exit's the ringside
area. ]

--REVIEWING THE FOOTAGE--

President Evan Levine: Crow...

Sabastian Crow: Yes ?

President Evan Levine: I think we can get your Extreme Gold back, haha !!!

[ Fades to the video footage... ]

[ On the footage, we see Tom Ford backstage counting loads of money into the hand
of Sabastian Crow, well the fake Sabastian Crow. ]

Tom Ford: 100, 200, 300, 400, 500, 600, 700, 800, 900, and 1000...

Fake Sabastian Crow: Hehe, thanks...

Tom Ford: Don't mention It... now just skit skattle and take care of this !!!

Fake Sabastian Crow: I shall do !!!

[ The fake Sabastian Crow leaves the area as he walks toward the dark room, this,
where he enters... the footage fades off. ]

[ We then see shots of the Sabastian Crow -vs- Tom Ford & Exx match, with Schitzo
Tod interfering taking Crow out. ]

[ We now fade to the parking lot footage. ]

[ Sabastian Crow kick's Schitzo Tod In the gut as Schitzo Tod drop's the steel pipe.
Schitzo Tod approaches Sabastian Crow, but Sabastian Crow takes a big whack with
the steel pipe, uppercutting Schitzo Tod to the ground. Schitzo Tod has been laid
out... ]

GP: Oh my God !, did you see that shot ?

[ President Evan Levine comes into the scene. ]

President Evan Levine: Toss him In !!!... get rid of him !!!

Sabastian Crow: No problem...

[ Sabastian Crow picks up Schitzo Tod and flips him over his shoulder, Evan opens up
the back of the ambulance door as Sabastian Crow tosses him In. Evan slams the door
shut and smiles with evilness... Sabastian Crow brushes off his hands. ]

Sabastian Crow: First order of business taken care of !!!...

[ Sabastian Crow reaches down to the ground and pick's up the Extreme
Championship Gold. Sabastian sniff's the Gold, feeling the rush off of It, as he smiles
and nods his head. ]

Sabastian Crow: OoOoOoOoOH baby !... come home to daddy !!!,
RAHAHAHAHAHA...

[ Sabastian Crow carries the gold to the front of the ambulance, as he opens the door
and tosses the Championship In the passengers seat. He climbs up and sits In the
drivers side, as he slams the door back, rolls down the window, turns on the radio
where we hear "Whatever" by Godsmack playing In the background. ]

President Evan Levine: You know what to do !!!

[ Sabastian Crow nods his head, puts the ambulance In gear and drives off. ]

[ We fade to a black screen. ]

~~Monday Night Meltdown -- May 14th, 2001~~

President Evan Levine: Introducing to the ring at this time, the NEVER DEFEATED
and STILL EXTREME CHAMPION OF THE IWO... SABASTIAN CROW
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ "Enter Sandman" by Metallica blares over the PA speakers as Sabastian Crow...
wearing black KIK pants, black tanktop, black boots, and dark shades covering his
eyes walks from behind the curtains... he holds the Extreme Championship over his
shoulder as he makes his way to the ring, as people continue to boo even heavier. ]

Sabastian Crow: For the night of May 11th, 2001... last week's Hostile Takeover, I
showed the world why I am simply the greatest remaining IWO Extreme Champion In
this organization today !!! For Schitzo Tod, he might think he and Is still or was the
Champion of that belt, but he truly knows the rightful owner, and that Is me...
Sabastian Crow !!!

Sabastian Crow: Thomas Ford ! You might of thought It was cute when you paid off
some lousy, sissy ass actor from Hollywood to play my role last week. You thought
you out-smarted me, eh ? You thought you were going to pay me back for my actions
against you eh ? Well Thomas, THINK AGAIN !!!!!!! Tom Ford, you will have to
understand, that I, and I have shown the world, that NOTHING and I do mean
NOTHING gets past Crow !!!!!... Thomas Ford, not even your worthless body will get
past me, because even If It trys to, I'll just make It more worthless... bone by bone..
flesh by... flesh...

[ "Sober" by Tool begins playing over the speakers as Sabastian Crow and Evan
Levine jump, and look at the entrance, with a really scared look on their faces...
Suddenly, the music changes over and "Hail to the Chief" begins playing over the
speakers... Suddenly, a little midget Tom Ford walks out from the curtains... followed
by a midget Schitzo Tod, which Is hanging his lip's from the midget Tom Fords ass. ]

Evan Levine: Hmmm... hey Crow, If you can get them to stand up, maybe we can hear
their comments ?

[ Crow takes the microphone. ]

Sabastian Crow: HAHA !!!... that's a good idea Evan ! Let's try that, shall we ?

[ Sabastian Crow puts the microphone to the midget Schitzo Tods mouth... ]

Midget Schitzo Tod: MMMM... I Love Executive Ass and I don't know why...

Sabastian Crow: Ruhh ???

[ Sabastian Crow puts the microphone to the midget Tom Fords mouth... ]

Midget Tom Ford: So, pucker up and suck It dry !!!!!!!!

[ Sabastian Crow and Evan Levine once again, burst out laughing... ]

[ Suddenly, "Sober" by Tool plays over the speakers again as both Crow and Evan
look up at the stage. The midgets release their actions and look up as well... ]

GP: HERE WE GO ! NOW BUSINESS IS GOING TO PICK UP !!!!!!!!

[ All the sudden, Schitzo Tod runs from the back wearing all black, with a ballbat In his
hand... ]

GP: It's Schitzo Tod !!!... Schitzo Tod Is here on Meltdown and he's ready to kick
some ass !!!!!

JT: Oh no ! This isn't good !!!

[ Schitzo Tod runs In the ring and swings for Crow, but Crow picks up the Tom Ford
midget and throws him In front of Tod, as Tod hit's the Tom Ford midget down... ]

JT: AHHH !!!... Schitzo Tod just struck down the VP !!!

GP: That's not the IWO VP dillhole ! That's a midget Tom Ford !

JT: Wait a minute ! Watch out...

[ Crow picks up the Schitzo Tod midget and throws him at the real Schitzo Tod, as
Schitzo Tod knocks him across the head, making him fall to the mat In mid-air. ]

JT: Schitzo Tod just wacked himself !!!

GP: Now, It's down to Schitzo Tod and Sabastian Crow !!! Sabastian charges at
Schitzo Tod now, he's finally gained some spirit and he SPEARS TOD TO THE MAT
!!!!! Jesus Christ !!!!

Shallow: Wait a minute ! The fight isn't over yet... Sabastian Crow Is hammering
Schitzo Tod's head... Crow brings Schitzo Tod back up and hits a vertical suplex !!!!
Sabastian Crow reaches to bring Tod back up, but YES !... Schitzo Tod hit a low blow
on Crow... Crow down, Tod takes advantage and hits a DDT !

JT: Oh no !, I can't believe this Is happening...

GP: Better believe It, hehe...

Shallow: Schitzo Tod picks up Crow and flys him over the ropes to the outside... now,
Evan Levine Is left In the ring, Evan doesn't know what to do... Schitzo Tod has a
ballbat and he's threatening Evan with It !!! No !, don't do It Tod, don't get yourself
suspended, WHOA...

GP: Crow back In now, he kicks Tod to the gut and hits a swinging neckbreaker. Now
Schitzo Tod Is down, Crow takes advantage and... whats he going for ?... OH MY !!!
THERE'S THE SUBMISSION DEATHLOCK ! SABASTIAN CROW HAS IT HOOKED
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JT: Yes ! Yes ! Yes !

Shallow: Ok ! JT Is having a orgasm... Crow has the Submission Deathlock hooked on
Schitzo Tod... Schitzo Tod can't break free, Crow gots It hooked on tight. Tod Is
screaming In pain... my God, theres some referee's, they're coming In the ring now...

GP: The referees and officials are going to try and free Schitzo Tod from Sabastian
Crow's painful Submission Deathlock. Can they do It ? They're trying to talk some
sense into Crow now... and yes ! Crow breaks the Submission, but wait !!! NO !
THAT'S A REFEREE !!!!!... CROW JUST GRABBED HOLD OF THE REFEREE, HE
HAS HIM TURNED OVER, AND AHHH... CROW HAS THE REFEREE IN THE
SUBMISSION DEATHLOCK... THE REFEREE IS TAPPING OUT !!!!!!!!!!!!

Shallow: The referee isn't a wrestler !!! Crow has lost It here !!!!!!

JT: This Is great ! The other officials are trying to break Crow away from the referee...

Crowd Chant: TOD ! TOD ! TOD ! TOD ! TOD ! TOD ! TOD ! TOD ! TOD ! TOD !
TOD ! TOD ! TOD ! TOD ! TOD ! TOD !

GP: The crowd Is on their feet ! They're chanting for Schitzo Tod !!! Come on Tod,
make the save !!!!!

Shallow: And wait a minute, Tod Is up !!!... Crow releases the referee and slides out of
the ring with Evan...

[ Crow looks eye to eye with Schitzo Tod... Tod, who Is still In the ring... ]

GP: Crow and Tod are looking eye to eye... wait a minute, Tod just grabbed the
microphone from Meghan...

Schitzo Tod: CROW ! Enough Is Enough ! First me, now this ? Forget It Crow, I came
back tonight for one thing and that one thing Is *MY* Extreme Championship Belt !!!!

[ Crow Is out of breath, as he continues to listen... ]

Schitzo Tod: So Sabastian Crow, tonight... that belt Is going to be on the line, and It
will be me -vs- you !!! ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE CROW !!!!

Sabastian Crow: OH YEAH !, I ACCEPT !!!!!

[ "Enter Sandman" by Metallica blares over the PA speakers as Crow start's backing
up the rampway. ]

GP: Oh my ! Schitzo Tod -vs- Sabastian Crow for the Extreme Title, TONIGHT !!!!!!

JT: This Is going to get out of control, I can feel It !!!!

~~EXTREME GOLD ON THE LINE... -- THE REMATCH~~

GP: Tod finally lands at the bottom of the stairs... he's motionless ! No !, Schitzo Tod
Is still moving, he's crawling, trying to find something so he'll stand back up.

JT: Here comes Sabastian Crow though... he grabs hold of Schitzo Tod and tosses
him through the curtain and onto the stage... THEY'RE BACK !!!!!

[ The fans go nuts. ]

Shallow: The fans are loving the action !!! Sabastian Crow grabs hold of Schitzo Tod
once again, he runs him into the ring and slams his face onto the apron... Greg, I
think Tod has had It !!!

GP: I'm not too sure of that yet...

JT: I think so ! Sabastian Crow rolls Schitzo Tod into the ring... Crow gets into the
ring as well, the referee slides In... Sabastian Crow smiles and falls over a bloody
Schitzo Tod... there's the cover...

1...

GP: This can't be !!!

2......

GP: No ! Kickout Tod, come on !!!

3......... !!!!!!

[ "Enter Sandman" by Metallica blares over the PA speakers as the fans begin
throwing objects into the ring, booing at the champion. ]

GP: NO !!! This Is bullshit !!!

[ Sabastian Crow gets on one knee and shakes his head... as blood pours from him as
well... ]

Meghan: The winner of this match... and STILL EXTREME CHAMPION OF THE
IWO... SABASTIAN CROW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shallow: Greg, you got to admit though ! Both men gave It there all tonight...

GP: Yeah ! But I think this Is still, far from over... no matter how much of a good
match that was !!!

[ Suddenly, "Hail to the Chief" starts playing over the PA speakers. ]

GP: WAIT A MINUTE !!!

JT: Now what Is going to happen !?!?!?

[ Tom Ford walks out onto the stage with a microphone as the fans go crazy. ]

Tom Ford: CROW ! TOD ! I AM SICK OF THIS SHIT, AND TO SETTLE THE
ODDS... YOU TWO WILL BATTLE IT OUT AGAINST THE SUICIDE KINGS THIS
FRIDAY FOR THE TAG TEAM TITLES !!!!!!!!!

GP: SABASTIAN CROW AND SCHITZO TOD !!!!! I don't believe this !, they will be
competing this Friday night for the Tag Team Titles !!!

JT: I didn't even see this coming !!! How could I have missed this ?

Shallow: Sabastian Crow and Schitzo Tod -vs- The Suicide Kings this Friday night on
Hostile Takeover... and If they don't win, they're both FIRED !!!!!

JT: God ! I can't miss this...

GP: What a match !!! And wait a minute... Crow turns around, and there's Schitzo
Tod !!!... Schitzo Tod hit's yet another, one of Joey Malone's famous ADD's... Arizona
Death Drop !!!! Sabastian Crow goes down, he has been laid out !!!

[ Schitzo Tod stumbles back up and holds himself against the ropes for leverage... ]

JT: Oh no ! How are these two ever gonna excist !?!?!?

[ "Sober" by Tool blasts over the PA speakers as Schitzo Tod rolls out of the ring...
Meghan has the Exteme Gold In her hands, but Schitzo Tod swipes from her and holds
It above his hand... the fans go nuts... ]

JT: Wait a minute ! That's Sabastian Crow's Gold !!!

[ Schitzo Tod smiles and starts walking away with the Extreme Title... ]

GP: Oh my ! Schitzo Tod has just captured the Extreme Gold from Sabastian Crow !!!

JT: Captured ? No ! Schitzo Tod has simply stole Sabastian Crow's property !!!

GP: And he's walking away with It... Crow Is still laid out In the center of the ring,
thanks to the ADD !!!

~~AFTER THE OUTCOME OF THE TAG TEAM WAR...~~

GP: Wait a minute... Crow just kicked Schitzo Tod In the gut, and hits a DDT !!!!
WAIT ! NOW CROW HAS TOD'S LEGS... HE'S GOING FOR IT... CROW HAS
THE SUBMISSION DEATHLOCK HOOKED !!!!!!!!!!!

JT: WHAT !?!?!?!?

GP: Sabastian Crow has locked The Submission Deathlock on Schitzo Tod !!!!!

Nikki: The match Is over. So the rules aren't needed right now. Sabastian Crow and
Schitzo Tod are already the Tag Team Champs, and Crow Is sending a message to his
own partner !!!!

JT: The referee's finally get Crow to release The Submission Deathlock from
Schitzo Tod, as Crow grabs the microphone ?

Nikki: Hmmm... wonder what this Is all about...

[ Sabastian Crow stands over Schitzo Tod. ]

Sabastian Crow: Tod ! Enemy - Partner... you may be my Tag Team Partner, and we
may now be the Tag Team Champions of the IWO... but don't you *DARE* take my
Extreme Title away from me AGAIN !!!!

Nikki: Ok ! I get It now...

JT: Yeah, me too...

Nikki: Sabastian Crow gave the punishment to Schitzo Tod, as a little payback trip
for stealing his Extreme Gold last monday on Meltdown.

[ "Enter Sandman" by Metallica blares over the PA speakers as Crow Is tossed his
Extreme Gold from the outside. He picks up his Tag Team Gold from inside the ring
and climbs out, walking up the rampway... ]

GP: Sabastian Crow has got his Extreme Championship back.

JT: Yeah ! But besides the Extreme Gold, Crow has also become, one half of the new
IWO Tag Team Champions !!!

[ A few referee's are surrounding Schitzo Tod trying to get him to recover from the
Submission Deathlock. ]

~~LAST WEEK~~

[ The scene opens up inside the office of Schitzo Tod, as he Is doing stretches,
warming up for his match later tonight against Shawn Arrows. Until suddenly, there
Is a few knocks on the door. ]

*Knock*

*Knock*

*Knock*

[ Schitzo Tod looks up at the door. ]

Schitzo Tod: Come In !

[ Suddenly, the door bursts open and In walks Sabastian Crow with the Extreme
Championship Title, dangling from his hand. Schitzo Tod stands straight and looks
at Crow, as Crow approaches Tod. ]

Sabastian Crow: What the hell did you think you were doing last week !?!?!?

Schitzo Tod: What do you mean ?

Sabastian Crow: You know very damn well what I mean !!! Tag Team Title Match...
Hostile Takeover... the winners and still Tag Team Champions, The Suicide Kings
!!!!

Schitzo Tod: Wasn't my fault we lost.

Sabastian Crow: { Sarcastic Tone } Yeah ! It wasn't your fault...

Schitzo Tod: Really !!! Truly, If you were a better tag team partner than you were,
instead of worrying about our little dispute, then we wouldn't have lost !!!

Sabastian Crow: ME !?!?!?!?

Schitzo Tod: YEAH ! YOU !!!

Sabastian Crow: So, this Is my fault now !?!?!?

Schitzo Tod: Well, It certainly wasn't mine !

Sabastian Crow: ......

Schitzo Tod: But for now, If you excuse me, I have to go back to my exercises.

Sabastian Crow: THE FUCK YOU WILL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ "My Way" by Limp Bizkit starts playing In the background. ]

[ Sabastian Crow pushes Schitzo Tod. Schitzo Tod takes offense and starts fighting
back as he pushes Crow back. Crow grabs hold of Tod's head and pounds a fist
straight into his face, Tod runs to Crow and tackles him down as he begins tearing up
Crow with punches to the face. Crow turns It around and begins sending punches of
his own... he brings Tod back up and tosses him into the wall, he trys to do It again but
Tod counters, runs Crow against the room, and tosses him into the lockers...
continuing to send kicks to Crow's gut. About 20 Officials and Referees run into the
room and get In the middle of Crow and Tod, but Crow and Tod escape and continue
pounding at each other.... ]

~~THE CHAMPION...............

[ Backstage In Sabastian Crow's locker room, where he Is tearing the place up. He
tosses a trash can against the wall.. as trash falls out all over the floor. ]

[ Sabastian Crow swings Tom Ford around and slams him through Evan Levines
office desk. ]

[ Sabastian Crow places his head back In the ambulance and drives off, heading
torward the highway as we get another shot of Schitzo Tod. ]

[ The two get up and lay out a high five... they calm down the excitement as Evan gets
serious again... ]

[ Crow immediately slams Tod's face through the windshield of the car as glass goes
into Tod's forehead, face, and the sides of his eyes... Crow stands straight up hovering
over Tod as he looks around the parking lot... ]

~~THE CHALLENGER...............

[ Schitzo Tod runs In during the Crow -vs- Tom Ford & Exx match and takes out
Sabastian Crow. ]

[ We now go backstage where we see Sabastian Crow being thrown into the side of an
ambulance. Schitzo Tod comes running up with a steel pipe, trys to hit Crow with It
but misses as Crow rolls across the ambulance, the steel pipe goes through a window.
]

[ Tod steps out of a room wearing black pants, and a black tank-top. His skin is white,
and his hair, blacker then ever, has been let back. Black triangles form under T od's
eyes. And a big, black, smile is painted over his mouth. Tod then puts on a black
trench coat and heads out the door until Malone stops him. ]

[ Tod wraps barb wire around the throat of Crow on the arenas balcony. ]

[ Tod hits the ADD on Sabastian Crow In the middle of the ring, later stealing his
Extreme Gold, walking up the rampway. ]

~~TONIGHT............~~

[ A split screen Is shown of Sabastian Crow and Schitzo Tod looking on. ]

Background Voice - Meghan: TONIGHT ! TWO MEN WILL SQUARE OFF IN
PROBABLY THE MOST HEATED RIVARY OF THE MONTH... SABASTIAN
CROW... SCHITZO TOD... WHO IS THE TRUE EXTREME CHAMPION ?
AMBULANCE MATCH, THAT'S NEXT !!!!!!

[ Music comes to a stop as the promo fades. ]


PROMO ENDS



Schitzo Tod -vs- Sabastian Crow
{- Ambulance Match for the Extreme Championship Title -}

GP: And now we're up to now.

*Ding - Ding - Ding*

Meghan: Ladies and Gentlemen, It Is now time for our Ambulance Match for the IWO
Extreme Championship Title !!!!!

*Huge Audience Pop*

[ "Bullets with Butterfly Wings" by The Smashing Pumpkins blares over the pa
speakers as the fans rise to their feet. ]

Meghan: Introducing first to the ring - weighing In at 235 pounds and standing at
6'2, he comes from Long Beach, California... the challenger, SCHITZO TOD
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ Schitzo Tod (- Jester -) comes out wearing all black. Again, looking like a clown. He
walks at a straight pace, making his way torward the ring, walking past the
ambulance that sits In the aisle. ]

GP: Ambulance Match. Schitzo Tod -vs- Sabastian Crow. The night has finally come.

Shallow: Will peace finally be settled here tonight ?

Nikki: Bigger question Is, will we find out who Is the true IWO Extreme Champion ?

JT: It's Sabastian Crow you bitch ! Haven't you been paying attention ?

Nikki: Ugh ! Sabastian Crow Is *not* the real Extreme Champion !!!

JT: Yes he Is !

Nikki: Greg ?

GP: I'm not sure. He claims that he Is... and so does the video footage.

JT: =)

Shallow: Well, whoever Is the real Extreme Champ. Hopefully, we'll come to the end
of confusion tonight.

GP: I hear ya brotha. I hear ya.

[ "Fuck All" by Kid Rock starts blaring over the pa speakers as the words (- CROW
-) come onto the IWO Tron Screen, followed by fire blazing over the text. Then we see
the cameras speeding through a large hotel parking lot, through the city of Los
Angeles, California. ]

[ Through the arena, the lights are dimmed as stroll lights from above start
flickering on and off. From green to red to yellow to blue to many other different
colors. ]

GP: And here comes the champion.

Nikki: Asshole.

JT: Hey ! Don't be talking like that about a worthy champion !!! Sabastian Crow Is
the man !!!

Meghan: Introducing next - he Is the current IWO Extreme Champion - - weighing In
at 300 pounds and standing at 6'7, he comes from Los Angeles, California...
SABASTIAN CROW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(- Large Amount of Audience Heat -)

[ After a few seconds of waiting, Sabastian Crow finally comes from behind the
curtains carrying his Extreme Gold over his shoulder. President Evan Levine follows
him out, as Crow stands on the stage, lifts the Extreme Gold above his head and
smiles. ]

(- More Audience Heat -)

JT: I don't believe It. Even California hates this guy.

GP: His home state !

Shallow: Yeah. Well you got to think, Schitzo Tod Is as well from California. So,
there money Is going to him.

GP: Good point.

[ Sabastian Crow continues to walk down the aisle, approaching the ambulance until
he Is attacked by Schitzo Tod with a right hand. ]

GP: Whoa ! And here we go !!!

*Ding - Ding - Ding*

GP: Schitzo Tod starting an early advantage In this match. He jumps all over
Sabastian Crow with some right hands, he grabs hold of Crow, Irish whip, and Crow
goes into the ambulance. Tod brings Crow back up and slams his face back into the
ambulance, followed by an inverted DDT to the concrete.

Shallow: Tod once again grabs hold of Crow and sends out a punch but wait ! There's
Evan Levine, Evan Levine jumps Tod from behind. Evan brings Tod up... he signals for
Crow to take him out, Crow back up, Crow with a clothesline... BUT WAIT ! Crow
misses and knocks down Evan Levine !!!

(- Nice Audience Pop -)

Shallow: Crow can't believe It !!! Crow turns around and gets clotheslined by Tod.

[ Tod takes off his shirt and throws It onto the ground as he trash talks the air,
getting a high popping reaction. ]

Nikki: Tod walks Crow to the ring now, but no ! He stops and slams Crow's face into
the hood of the ambulance. Tod tosses Crow ontop the hood now... Tod climbs up, he
hovers over Crow. He grabs hold of Crow's head but OH ! Crow gets In a swift kick to
Tod's mid section. Tod Is down, Crow Is up... Crow lifts up Tod and hits him with a
vertical suplex, straight onto the ambulances hood. Crow grabs hold of Tod again and
tosses him over the top rope inside of the ring... God ! That was a long leap.

GP: Crow now, he gets on the ring apron, he waits for Tod to stand up. Tod Is up, but
wait ! Crow jumps onto the top rope, he spins around, and hits a moonsault straight
onto Schitzo Tod !!!! I have never In my life seen Sabastian Crow do that !!!

JT: Well, we always looked at Crow as a non-high flyer but tonight, he actually done
one.

Shallow: Well, besides that drop kick on Hostile Takeover.

JT: Yeah. Well, whatever. Sabastian Crow goes for a cover...

1...

Kickout.

JT: =(

Nikki: Not even a close shot for Crow.

GP: Sabastian Crow brings Tod back up onto his knees. Crow sends a shot to Tod's
skull, followed by another, Crow brings Tod back up to his feet. Crow sends Tod for
an Irish Whip, Crow goes for a clothesline, but Tod ducks... Tod comes back, and
Crow hits Tod with a sidewalk slam. Tod really *really* needs to pick up some pace
here, but wait, Crow goes for another cover...

1...

Kickout.

[ Sabastian Crow sits up and slams his fist to the mat. ]

GP: Another kickout made by Schitzo Tod. Sabastian Crow, really wanting that to be
a three. Each time, he wants that to be a three. He thinks that *he* should've won
already.

Nikki: It's going to take a lot more to get these guys down, I can tell... Crow lifts Tod
back up now and quickly tosses him to the outside.

JT: Sabastian Crow climbs out. Wait a minute, he's walking toward us... no he isn't,
he went for Meghan. He just grabbed hold of Meghan and tossed her to the ground,
and well, borrowed her chair from her, heh.

GP: But look... cameras got Schitzo Tod on now, hes on the other side of the ring, and
he also has a steel chair. He's laying there, playing possum, but he has a steel chair
In his hand...

JT: How did he get that ???

Shallow: Crow takes the chair back to Tod now... Tod gets up, he stumbles around,
Crow swings his chair... BUT SO DOES TOD !!!! Tod's chair collides with Crows
and Crow goes down !!! Tod now, he takes his chair and OH ! He hits It onto the throat
of Crow... and AGAIN HE DOES IT !!! He takes the steel chair now and... oooh, he
holds It down on Crow's throat, Crow Is gagging to be released.

Nikki: Tod finally releases the chair from Crow... Crow sits up, but not for long, Tod
swings that chair and...

*SMACK*

Nikki: He knocks Crow back down. Crow turns over, and he trys to crawl away... but
Tod takes the chair again and...

*SMACK*

Nikki: He bashes It over Sabastian Crow's back ! Schitzo Tod Is beating the hell out
of Crow with that steel chair !!!!

GP: Sabastian Crow Is trying to crawl away, he trys to level himself on the guard rail,
but Schitzo Tod drops the chair, grabs hold of Crow and tosses him over...

Shallow: LoL. " Here !, let me help you with that Crow !", says Tod. Heh.

GP: Haha. Schitzo Tod climbs over the guard rail with the steel chair and follows
Sabastian Crow, through the crowds. Crow Is trying desperatley, to get away from
Tod... finally, *finally*, somebody Is beating the big man down.

Shallow: Schitzo Tod swings his chair at Crow once more, but Crow rolls out of the
way, and Tod hits the concrete ground...

JT: AH ! Get out of there Crow ! Schitzo Tod Is a maniac !!!

Nikki: It looks as If Schitzo Tod has Sabastian Crow beat In this match-up, but wait...
Sabastian Crow Is up, and he hits a spear on Tod. The chair drops on Tod's face, It
looks like... Crow Is up though, he brings Tod up to his feet and... vertical suplex !!!
Sabastian Crow just nailed Schitzo Tod with a vertical suplex straight onto the
concrete floor.

JT: Finally ! There Is some fight left In Sabastian Crow. Like I've always told you
guys... Sabastian Crow will never quit... nobody, and I do mean nobody, can take down
Sabastian Crow. Sabastian Crow brings Tod back up now and he tosses him straight
into that table.

[ A table with TV monitors and electrical wires laying around. ]

JT: Sabastian Crow nails Tod's head into the table. And again, he nails him into the
table. And a kick to the back, Crow picks up a electrical wire, and there we go... there
we go Crow, choke the life out of Schitzo Tod.

GP: Sabastian Crow has that electric wire, wrapped around Tod's throat... he lets go,
but wait a minute...

*SMACK*

GP: OOOH ! Did you hear that smack... Sabastian Crow just nailed Schitzo Tod with
that TV monitor straight into the pulse.

Nikki: Schitzo Tod Is out ! Schitzo Tod Is down...

GP: Sabastian Crow takes the TV monitor again and oooh... he tosses It straight down
onto Tod's face. And oh my God, Tod Is bleeding. Schitzo Tod Is busted open from the
top of his forehead... and, oh yeah ! That's good... Sabastian Crow just placed his foot
on Schitzo Tod's forehead, the blood Is running completely down his face.

Shallow: Sabastian Crow Is punishing Schitzo Tod now...

JT: No he's not ! Sabastian Crow Is just putting his foot on Schitzo Tod's face to stop
the bleeding, you know ?

Nikki: Oh ! Yeah, right JT. Like, whatever !!! Look at Crow, he's pushing his foot
deeper into Schitzo Tod's wound. He's tearing his skin apart.

[ Sabastian Crow releases his foot and smiles down at Tod. Tod Is covering his face,
trying to pressure the wound. ]

GP: And finally ! Sabastian Crow releases his foot from that opening... and look at
him, he's laughing about It. Crow Is sick !!!

JT: That he Is. That Is why Sabastian Crow Is the IWO Extreme Champion and
Schitzo Tod Is not.

Nikki: Whatever JT.

JT: It's true. Sabastian Crow Is the best there Is... and... hey !

Nikki: What ?

JT: Just a thought but... do you think Sabastian Crow could become the #1 Contender
later tonight ?

Nikki: WHAT !?!?!?

GP: That will be scary. Sabastian Crow, the #1 Contender to the World Heavyweight
Title.

JT: That could happen.

GP: Yes. It could happen. But he'll have to get past everybody else first... such people
like Zombie, Syphon Fission, Nuke, Erik Blake...

JT: Ah please. You seen Sabastian Crow wipe out Zombie last monday on Meltdown.
He can do It again tonight.

GP: And the others ?

JT: They're be no sweat.

GP: What about Schitzo Tod ? He's even In the Mayhem match tonight !!!

JT: No he's not. Wait ! Yeah, he Is...

Nikki: *mumbles* Idiot...

JT: But, that Is, If Sabastian Crow don't kill him off first here.

Nikki: Oh please...

JT: =)

GP: Anyways, back to the match. Sabastian Crow punishing Schitzo Tod onto that
table now... Sabastian Crow climbs up and he drags Tod up with him... wait a second
here...

JT: YES ! Sabastian Crow Is going to slam Schitzo Tod through that table !!!

Nikki: Sabastian Crow going for a powerbomb... but wait, Schitzo Tod punches at
Crow's skull... Tod goes down and HE HITS SABASTIAN CROW WITH A
HURRICURANA, STRAIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE !!!!!

GP: YES ! YES ! YES !

JT: =(

GP: Sorry JT, but your man just got wasted. Schitzo Tod quickly changed the pace,
Schitzo Tod quickly reversed Sabastian Crow's move into one of his own, and let's
see If Tod can take the game back. Tod goes for a cover on Crow...

1...

GP: He could have him...

2......

KICKOUT !

GP: OH ! A close kickout by Sabastian Crow !!! The fans are In shock here... they
sincerely thought this match was over...

Nikki: So did I !!!

Shallow: Schitzo Tod gets back up. He goes and grabs his steel chair... but wait,
Sabastian Crow grabs a steel pipe. Crow stands up, Tod turns around and swings at
Crow, but Crow swings the steel pipe... the pipe met the chair... and Schitzo Tod Is
down !!!! Sabastian Crow now, he takes the pipe, and OH ! He pushes Is straight down
into Tod's lip. He charges that pipe straight to Tod's face.

GP: Sabastian Crow brings Tod back up to his feet but knocks him back down, with a
pipe shot to the chin. Crow drops the pipe... he smiles and drops a DDT straight to the
pipe. Tod must have one Hell of a headache right now.

JT: Yes ! This match rocks !!! Now, Sabastian Crow goes for a cover on Tod...

1...

JT: Crow has this thing won !!!

2......

KICKOUT !

JT: WHAT !?!?!?

Nikki: Sabastian Crow doesn't have the match won yet ! Both men, are giving It there
all tonight. Schitzo Tod kicked out of Crow's pinfall...

JT: AHHH SHIT !!!!

Nikki: Upset JT ?

JT: No ! I think I just pissed myself...

Nikki: Ruhh ?

JT: Oh ! Nevermind... It's just coffee stains from earlier.

Nikki: You're fucked up JT.

JT: Thank you.

Nikki: =)

JT: Now, only If I can fuck you up.

*SLAP*

Nikki: =)

JT: SLUT !!!!!!, hehehe...

*SLAP*

JT: =(

Nikki: =)

GP: Ok ! Knock It out you two... we got an important match to call.

JT: Oh yeah. The match... forgot about that. I was too busy staring at Nikki's chew
toys.

*SLAP*

JT: =(

Nikki: =)

GP: Nikki...

Nikki: Sorry Greg. He's just really annoying.

GP: I understand but we must call this match.

Nikki: Understandable.

JT: Bitch.

Nikki: Jerk.

GP: KNOCK IT OUT YOU TWO !!!!!!!!!

JT & Nikki: Sorry !!!!

GP: Anyways. Sabastian Crow just tossed Schitzo Tod over another guard rail.
They're making their way deeper within the crowd, the fans are going crazy... guards
are trying to get fans out of their way...

Audience: IWO ! IWO ! IWO ! IWO ! IWO ! IWO ! IWO ! IWO ! IWO ! IWO !

GP: Sabastian Crow follows Schitzo Tod through the fans. Tod Is up, Crow sends a
hard right hitting hand... followed by another, Crow grabs hold of Tod and hits a
running suplex, straight to the concrete ground. Crow has just taken Tod back
down...

Nikki: Wait a minute. Crow Is back up now. He grabs hold of the camera man...

Sabastian Crow: Get that shit out of my way !!!

Nikki: And he just pushes the camera man down. And, we have lost connection...

Shallow: What do you mean we've lost connection ?

Nikki: We've just lost connection of the match. Crow and Tod are still In the crowd
somewhere, kicking each others ass, and well...

[ Cameras fade over to the commentators table. ]

Shallow: Hang on. I'll check to see what's going on.

[ Shallow pulls out his black Nokia cell phone and dials up a number. ]

GP: Nokie Cell Phone. You can get them everywhere !!!

Shallow: Damn straight !

~~Ring~~

~~Ring~~

~~Ring~~

~~Ring~~

(- Other End -): Hey Shallow.

Shallow: Hey ! What's going on up there ?

(- Other End -): We don't know. We lost Sabastian Crow and Schitzo Tod !!!

Shallow: WHAT !?!?

(- Other End -): Yeah. We turned our backs to help the camera man out, and then
suddenly, they're gone.

Shallow: Maybe you should find them ?

(- Other End -): We're trying too. In the meantime, we got another camera turning
on...

Shallow: Thanks man. I'm out.

[ Shallow hangs up the cell phone. ]

GP: Well ?

Shallow: Well what ?

GP: Well, what's going on ?

Shallow: Well, I got good news and I got bad news.

GP: Bad news ?

Shallow: Mark said they lost Sabastian Crow and Schitzo Tod, somewhere through
the crowds...

JT: =(

GP: Dammit ! That sucks. Any news on where they might be ?

Shallow: Nope. Sorry !

GP: Damn. Ok, what's the good news ?

Shallow: The good news Is, we're getting another camera on In just a matter of
moments and...

[ Suddenly, a camera fades into the IWO Tron. We see the cameras shots on the IWO
Tron as well, but surrounded around that, I completely faded with darkness.
Suddenly, we see Sabastian Crow and Schitzo Tod on the IWO Tron, battling with
lefts to rights. ]

Shallow: Here we go ! AND WAIT A MINUTE !!! That's... That's Sabastian Crow...
and Schitzo Tod !!! They're on the IWO Tron, and they're battling to sheer death !!!

Nikki: Oh my God.

JT: If one of those two men fall off the IWO Tron, they will never be the same again !!!

GP: And Schitzo Tod just struck Sabastian Crow down with a DDT !!! Tod though, he
begins climbing down the sides of the IWO Tron, looks like he's trying to get off...
although, Sabastian Crow Is sort of laid out with that DDT.

Shallow: What Is Tod doing here ? He finally gets off the Tron... he goes to the back
and... well, Tod Is gone.

JT: What ? Where did that moron go to ?

Nikki: Meanwhile, Sabastian Crow Is still pretty laid out from that DDT. I guess he
figures, since Schitzo Tod isn't up there anymore, he'll take a long breather.

Shallow: And wait... Schitzo Tod Is coming back out now, followed by two other
masked men, and they're carrying tables out from the back !!! Now, what are they
doing !?!?... they appear to be setting them up, stacking them on top of each other...

GP: Holy Shit !, heh. You don't think Tod plans on sending Crow through all those
tables, do you ?

[ Masked Man #1 goes to the back and comes back with a ladder. ]

Shallow: Wait a minute. Now, they got a ladder. That person stands up the ladder
underneath the IWO Tron... and now, they're leaving. Tod though, he stays up there,
he begins climbing the ladder... but, what's In his hand ?

JT: It's called a bag.

Shallow: Duh ! I know It's called a bag JT. But, what's inside the bag, that's what i'm
wondering.

JT: You're too curious Shallow.

Shallow: I can't help It. I'm an investigated reporter. It's my job.

Nikki: =)

JT: Well, you do a horrible job !!!

Shallow: Fuck you JT !

JT: =(

GP: Finally. Schitzo Tod has arrived back on the IWO Tron. But Sabastian Crow Is
up, he low blows Schitzo Tod, Sabastian Crow grabs hold of Schitzo Tod and hits him
with a vertical suplex.

[ The IWO Tron shakes. ]

JT: Damn. Did you see that Tron shake ?

GP: Up there can be pretty dangerous. Sabastian Crow goes for the bag now, he un
ties It...

Shallow: Watch him pull out a big python snake. Just like In the Jake Roberts days.

Nikki: Ewww... If he does, then I'm outta here !!!

JT: I hate snakes.

Nikki: Me too.

GP: Well, whatever It Is, a big smile has crossed the face of Sabastian Crow. He lifts
It up and he carries It over to where the tables are stacked. He dumps It over and...
WHAT'S THAT !?!?!?!?!?

Shallow: Thumb tacks.

JT: BLOOD ! BLOOD ! BLOOD !

GP: Oh my God ! Schitzo Tod had prepared thumb tacks for Sabastian Crow.

Nikki: The thumb tacks are now being scattered all over the top table now...

GP: Crow throws the bag away and brings Tod back up. He's planning on slamming
Tod through the thumb tack tables I think... but, Tod Is fighting back... look at Tod !
He's fighting Crow back with rights and lefts... Crow Is backing up... he's backing
up... OH MY GOD ! CROW IS ON THE LEDGE !!! HE'S STUMBLING BACK... TOD
JUST NEEDS ONE MORE HIT IN... HE GOES FOR IT, BUT CROW DUCKS, HE
GRABS HOLD OF TOD AND... OH MY GOD !!!! THEY GO STRAIGHT THROUGH
THE TABLES... CROW LANDED TOD WITH A DDT STRAIGHT THROUGH THE
TABLES...

Shallow: HOLY SHIT !

GP: CROW WAS FALLING OFF THE LEDGE, AND HE QUICKLY LANDED TOD
WITH A DDT... SLAMMING THEM BOTH OFF THE IWO TRON AND THROUGH
THE TABLES...

Nikki: The thumb tack tables too !!!

JT: Sabastian Crow *IS* Extreme !!!

GP: MY GOD ! IF THEY'RE NOT DEAD RIGHT NOW, THEN THEY WILL BE
LATER !!!!!!

Nikki: My God...

GP: Both Tod and Crow are not moving ! They're bodies are motionless. So far, I
haven't seen any sign of movement from these two. And from a impact like that, who
would ? Here's a replay...


REPLAY


[ Sabastian Crow slams Schitzo Tod off the IWO Tron through the tables with a DDT,
straight onto thumb tacks. ]


END OF REPLAY


GP: Sheesh. That was one Hell of a Mayhem moment. And so far, still, both men are
not moving. The fans are In shock as much as we are...

JT: Well, I see Evan Levine over there, he's trying to help out Crow. Hopefully Evan
will revive Crow so Crow can make the cover on Tod.

GP: I don't know If Evan can even revive Crow from a shot like that.

[ Evan gets up and starts walking back to the ringside area. ]

GP: But wait a minute... he's heading this way.

[ Evan comes around the ring and walks over to The American Announce Team. He
grabs a pitcher of water that sits on the table. ]

Shallow: Hey ! That's my pitcher !!!

[ Evan takes the pitcher anyways and goes back around the ring... ]

Shallow: =(

GP: Evan just took Shallow's pitcher of water.

Shallow: Don't remind me.

GP: Oh well. Go get you another pitcher of water.

Shallow: No.

GP: Ok then, suffer.

Shallow: =(

[ Evan finally gets to Crow again. ]

Nikki: Oh sure. Like the whole *splash on the water* technique Is going to work on
Crow ?

JT: Don't under estimate the power of Evan Levine, hehe.

[ Evan pours the pitcher of water on Sabastian Crow's face as Sabastian Crow's head
rises up. He starts coughing up blood... ]

JT: See ! What did I tell ya ?

Nikki: Ok. Maybe It will work...

GP: Evan directing traffic now. He's telling Crow to cover Tod... Crow does so, and the
referee Is there for the count...

1...

JT: Finally ! Sabastian Crow has Schitzo Tod beat !!!

2......

KICKOUT !

JT: WAIT A MINUTE ! WHAT THE HELL !?!?!?

GP: NOT EVEN I CAN BELIEVE THAT ! AT THE LAST SECOND OF
DESPERATION, SCHITZO TOD KICKED OUT !!!!!

Shallow: Evan just yelled at Crow telling him to cover Tod again. Tod Is still pretty
much dazed, I'm surprised he even kicked out the first time...

GP: Crow goes for another cover anyways...

JT: This has to be It ! Schitzo Tod cannot go any longer ! If he does, then this match
Is just un-real !!!

1...

2......

KICKOUT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JT: WHAT !?!?!?

GP: Schizto Tod, once again, kicked out of that cover !!!

Shallow: Crow picks up Tod now and he signals something to Evan. Evan smiles and
goes somewhere to the back, as Crow Is walking Tod back to the ring. He rolls him In
and climbs In as well... Tod, he stumbles up, Crow Is on the apron... Tod Is leaning his
hands on his knees, Crow gets back inside the ring, but Tod charges at Crow with a
spear !!!

JT: How Is Tod doing this !?!?

GP: Tod brings Crow back up. He sends Crow for an Irish Whip, Tod with a
clothesline, Crow ducks, Tod bounces off the ropes as well, Crow bounces off the
ropes, they come back, and they both hit each other with a clothesline. A mid air
clothesline colusion course.

JT: Guess they were thinking the same thing.

Nikki: Guess so. Because, both men are down now. Once again... but wait, Greg, do
you see that ?

GP: Do I see what ?

Nikki: Look up there !

[ Cameras get a shot at the cell that Is lowering from the rafters that will be used
later tonight In the Mayhem match. ]

GP: Whoa ! Wait a minute...

JT: Hey ! Why's that cell lowering ?

Shallow: That must of been what Crow told Evan to do !!!

Nikki: Yeah. I was suspecting the same thing. This isn't very good.

JT: Heh. Now, this match Is *really* going to get wild. Nothing Is better, than some
old fashion, Hell In a Cell action !

GP: The most dangerous structure built In the history of professional wrestling.

Shallow: This isn't going to be pretty.

[ The cell finally lands. ]

GP: I agree. But wait a minute, Tod rolls over on Crow and he goes for a cover...

1...

2......

KICKOUT !!!!!!!

GP: And Tod kicked out.

JT: You know. Not much of a pin there.

Nikki: Yeah. But you got to think JT, these two guys bodies are simply tore up at the
moment. They're out of breath. They're hardly moving. I don't know how they're
going to survive the thing that's surrounding them.

Shallow: Hey ! Crow wanted It though, so now he's getting It.

GP: Ambulance Match to Hell In a Cell. So, what Is this... Hell In a Cell - Ambulance
Match for the Extreme Title now ?

JT: Beats me. Who cares. Just watch and enjoy.

Shallow: =)

Nikki: Schitzo Tod, to my surprise Is the first one up. He stumbles against the ropes
and trys to leverage himself up, he looks around at the cell and... heh, look at the
shock that lures on his face.

[ Schitzo Tod suddenly changes from a shock to a huge grin. ]

Nikki: Er, I could be wrong. He seems to enjoy It.

GP: That's not good. I thought Sabastian Crow was sick and sidistic.

Shallow: Actually, If you re-call the little thumb tack situation while go, I think they
both are, here tonight.

GP: That's not a good sign. Anyways, Tod jumps out of the ring and he lifts up the
apron. What's he going for here ?... whoa ! Tod went to get some toys. He throws In a
trash can, there's the lid, another couple lids, he slides In a steel chair... he's
reaching for more stuff.

JT: Damn. How much stuff can be under there ?

GP: Beats me. The IWO wanted under the ring to be brutal. So, I guess that's what
they done.

Shallow: You're telling me. Schitzo Tod Is still throwing stuff into the ring. There's
a chain, kindo sticks, stop signs... what's that ? A COMPUTER KEYBOARD !!!!!
Schitzo Tod just threw a computer keyboard into the ring, lol.

Nikki: We use them now ?

Shallow: I guess so. Now what has Tod got. He's got a 2x4 and SOME BARB WIRE !
Holy Shit !!! Tod starts wrapping the barb wire around the 2x4... If that 2x4 Is used,
this match can seriously get deadly.

JT: Look at the ring though. It Is totaled with junk.

GP: Tod slides into the ring. Sabastian Crow Is stumbling up... Tod swings the barb
wire 2x4 and Crow goes back down. My God ! I don't even know If Crow knew what
struck him... Crow Is back up again, Tod Is tempting him back up, Crow turns
torward Tod and...

*BAM*

GP: Another shot with the 2x4. He lifts Crow's head up and tortures the barb wire
into Crow's flesh.

[ Crow starts growling In pain. ]

Nikki: Sabastian Crow Is being tortured tonight. Tod, continuing to ram that barb
wire into Crow's flesh. And finally, Sabastian Crow Is bleeding.

Shallow: Damn. Crow Is finally busted open.

JT: What do you guys mean by *finally* ?

GP: Both men are busted open. How much longer of a match like this can they take ?
Tod has the advantage, but wait, he doesn't anymore. Crow hit a low blow on Schitzo
Tod... Schitzo Tod backs against the ropes, and Crow charges him with a clothesline,
up and over.

JT: Tod lands to the outside. Crow leaps through the ropes and grabs a
sledgehammer that sits under the ring. Tod Is back up but not for long... Crow just
struck Tod down with the sledgehammer. Crow looks around at his surroundings, he
knows this match... Crow breathes this match. Hell In a Cell. Crow picks up Tod,
runs him across, and rams his body into the steel !!! Yes ! Yes !

GP: Crow enjoys the punishment and grabs hold of Tod again. He runs him across
the ring, and rams his face to the right side. Crow throws his hair back, once again,
he grabs hold of Tod, and runs his face into the other side. He smiles, he knows
exactly what he's doing. He's likely playing with Tod now. He's playing with him like
a rag doll.

[ Crow points his right side. The only side Crow hasn't thrown Tod into yet. Tod Is
dazed. ]

GP: Yeah ! We know you're going to drive him there too... and, HE DOES IT ! Tod
falls back onto the concrete and Crow Is happy. Crow continues the punishment with
a dropping knee to Tod's face. I think I agree with you JT, this Is Crow's zone.
Sabastian Crow knows there Is no place for Tod to go, and Crow knows, anywhere he
walks, Crow can use that area as a weapon. And this, Is possibly the easiest
advantage.

JT: Exactly. I mean, compare the two heights with me Greg. Look at Tod. He's only
what, 6'2 - 6'3 ? Then, on the other hand, you got Sabastian Crow who Is 6'7, or could
be close to 6'8, who knows. Crow Is a powerhouse !!!

GP: God. Tod Is going to walk through Hell and back If he Is able to survive here
tonight.

JT: Crow grabs a steel chair from the ring and tosses It onto the floor. He brings Tod
back up to his feet and hits him with a arm drag. Tod lands on his back and Crow
delivers a dropping elbow. Crow gets back up, he smiles, he loves It...

Nikki: Both of these two men are busted open and Crow seems to be the only one who
doesn't notice.

Shallow: Scary thought.

Nikki: Crow brings Tod back up and slides him into the ring. Crow Is about to enter
the ring as well, until he spots Evan Levine. Great. What's Evan doing now... Evan Is
wheeling more weapons to the ring, In a wheel barrel.

[ Sabastian Crow smirks a laugh. ]

(- Huge Amount of Audience Heat -)

Nikki: Evan starts tossing the weapons high above the cell, into the cage that's
attached to the top.

GP: You don't expect Evan Is signaling for Crow to take Tod up there, do you ?

Nikki: That's what I'm guessing. I mean, Evan Is throwing every piece of shit you
could think of, up there.

Shallow: Back inside the ring now. Crow finally decides to get inside the ring, he
stands on the apron, but wait, here comes a charging Tod and he hits Crow with a
huge dropkick to the chest. Crow flys back against the cell's wall and onto the
concrete floor.

(- Large Pop Reaction from the Audience -)

Nikki: Crow Is back up now though... but not for long, Schitzo Tod threw the ropes,
he dives for Sabastian Crow. He tackles him against the cells wall. Schitzo Tod goes
for a cover...

1...

GP: Can this put the big man down ?

2......

KICKOUT !!!!!

JT: I guess not.

Nikki: Schitzo Tod Is back up. But wait, there's Evan Levine. Evan just came into the
ring... but, how did he get In there ?

JT: Beats me. I wasn't watching.

Nikki: Evan Levine Is tempting Schitzo Tod. Evan Levine Is threatening Schitzo Tod.
He's got Tod's distraction, Tod Is going for Evan, but NO ! A chairshot straight to
Tod's back causes Tod to go down.

Evan Levine: PUNISH HIS ASS !!!!!!!!

GP: Now look at Evan Levine now. Both him and Crow, ganging up on Schitzo Tod.
Ganging up on a fallen Schitzo Tod. Evan and Crow, just kicking the shit out of Tod's
body. And wait a minute, Evan just told Crow to do something... Crow seems to like the
idea as the punishment stops. Crow brings Schitzo Tod back up and rolls him into the
ring...

Nikki: I wonder what Evan ordered Crow to do.

GP: I don't know. Crow gets inside the ring, grabs hold of Tod, but Tod executes and
hits a school boy roll up...

1...

2......

GP: And Evan Levine ran In and stopped the count. Evan knocks Tod off of Crow and
starts kicking him down again. Crow brings Tod to the corner and digs a steel chair
into his throat...

JT: Yes ! I like this. Crow has Tod and Tod Is gagging for air.

GP: Crow tosses Tod up onto the top turnbuckle now. Crow going to slam Tod's face
into that steel chair with something, but wait... Tod nails Crow In the stomach, Tod
stands up, and reverses the move into a flying bulldog. Crow's jaw lands straight into
the chair !!!

Shallow: He might of got Crow, but Evan Is still there. Evan goes for a clothesline on
Tod, Tod ducks, Tod grabs another steel chair, and...

*SMACK*

Shallow: HE CRACKS IT OVER EVAN'S HEAD !!!!!

GP: Evan Levine goes down !

Shallow: Both members of this partnership are down. Crow Is down. Evan Is down.
But Tod, Tod Is still standing. Wait a minute... what's he looking at ?

JT: Where's he going ?

Nikki: I don't know. Tod just got out of the ring and he starts climbing the ladder
with the 2x4 In his hand.

JT: HE'S GOING UP TO THE CAGE !!!!!!

GP: With all the weapons up there. Oh my ! This match has just gone more than God
knows what above ground !!!

Shallow: Crow Is the first one up. He sees the fallen Evan Levine. Evan Is still
knocked out and Crow doesn't look too happy. Crow Is pissed. He looks up at Tod, who
Is finally on the top of the cell.

JT: Look at Crow's face. Look at Crow's eyes. He's filled with anger !!! Crow Is
loosing It here.

GP: But look at Tod... Tod Is signaling for Crow. It's almost like he's saying... "Come
on big man ! You want a piece of me ? Then come up here and fight with me !!!".

Nikki: And he's going !!! Crow has just leaped out of the ring and he's heading up
the ladder. Tod Is on the other side of the cage, he's staying still. He's showing no
sign of fear.

GP: Sabastian Crow finally gets ontop of the cell. Surrounded by that gigantic cage.

Shallow: Could we be seeing a preview of Mayhem here ?

GP: There we go ! There we go ! Look at Crow and Tod. They're In a stare down right
now. They're communicating. Channeling their minds to each other. Look at the heat
tension between these two men.

JT: Can you feel the atmosphere Greg ? CALIFORNIA IS ABOUT READY TO
BURN IN FLAMES !!!!

[ Tod tosses down the barb wire 2x4. ]

JT: AND HERE WE GO !!!!!!!

GP: Crow and Tod. Crow and Tod. They're hitting each other with rights and lefts.
Crow gets the advantage In, he takes Tod down. He rams his fist against Tod's back.
Crow sets Tod up for a powerbomb, reversal, Tod flips Crow over his back. Crow
lands on the cell !!! Crow charges for Tod, Tod goes for a clothesline, Crow ducks,
Tod turns around, and Crow hits a swinging neckbreaker. Crow brings Tod back up
and he tosses Tod into the cage wall. He grabs hold of Tod again and... FULL BODY
PRESS SLAM... Crow just hit a body press slam on Tod, Tod bounces off the cell's
steel. Crow goes for a leaping legdrop, but Tod rolls out of the way. Crow misses, Tod
back up now, he strikes Crow back down with a low dropkick. Tod brings Crow back
up, and hits a spinning hurricurana.

Nikki: Gosh ! This action just got intense. The referee finally arrived at the top. Tod
goes for a cover on Crow...

1...

KICKOUT !!!

JT: HOLY SHIT !

GP: That was a quick kick out.

Nikki: They're too pumped. As much as they're bleeding... as much pain they've gone
through so far, they are still pumped and ready to go.

Shallow: Tod brings Crow back up. But Crow knocks Tod with a shot to the chest.
Crow lifts Tod In his arms and hits a powerslam. Wait a minute ! Crow grabs hold of
Tod's legs... oh Hell no... Crow... Crow... Crow has It ! CROW LOCKED ON THE
SUBMISSION DEATHLOCK...

JT: I don't believe this ! Sabastian Crow has The Submission Deathlock hooked onto
Schitzo Tod, on top of the cell.

GP: Tod Is screaming In pain. Come on Tod ! Tap out ! This isn't worth It !!!

Nikki: Man. Look at how Crow has It locked In. It's really tight.

GP: I think Crow meant for It to be that tight. He seriously wants to injure Schitzo
Tod. He knows that tonight, Schitzo Tod has no rope break... no nothing... and on top
of the cell Is the perfect spot to lock his powerful move.

Nikki: God ! Tod Is still screaming In pain... the blood dripping from his forehead...
Crow's going to break his legs !!!

Shallow: Crow lifts up on the Deathlock. He's pushing more pain on Schitzo Tod.
How much longer can Tod go like this ?

GP: The referee Is trying to make Crow break the lock. It's not working...

Referee: COME ON CROW ! STOP IT !

GP: Crow won't release on The Submission Deathlock. Finally though ! Sabastian
Crow does...

Nikki: Thank God. Sheesh, that action was intense. I wanna be fucked.

GP: WHAT NIKKI !?!?!?!?!?!?

Nikki: Uh nothing ?

GP: I thought you said...

Nikki: IT WAS NOTHING ! OK !!!

GP: Fine then.

Shallow: Sabastian Crow starts climbing the cage now. What's he doing ?

JT: He's climbing the cage... he continues to make his way up to the top. But wait,
Schitzo Tod Is limping his way up as well. He grabs hold of Crow's foot, but Crow
pushes Tod back. Tod stays on though... Crow somehow, balances himself at the top of
the cage... he's standing up there, Tod Is up at the top now too... almost... he's still
hanging on, In front of Crow...

Nikki: My God ! What If they fall ?

GP: I think that's a risk they're going to take, Nikki.

Nikki: Sheesh. These two men are going to kill each other tonight !!!

Shallow: Crow Is pounding away at Tod's forehead. Tod Is hanging onto the cage... he
gets a leg lifted over the cage... Crow can't balance himself long enough to go
sideways and... Tod hits a low blow... CROW IS STUMBLING !!! CROW IS
STUMBLING !!! TOD GRABS HOLD OF CROW... HE PULLS HIM FORWARD,
THEN PUSHES HIM BACK... OH MY GOD !!!!!!!

*CRASH*

(- *HUGE - HUGE - HUGE* Audience Pop -)

GP: OH MY GOD ! OH MY GOD ! OH MY GOD !!!!

JT: SHIT ! THIS IS BAD...

Nikki: *Gasp*

GP: SCHITZO TOD JUST PUSHED SABASTIAN CROW OFF THE CAGE... AND
SABASTIAN CROW, SOMEHOW, HE LANDED RIGHT THROUGH THE HOOD
OF THE AMBULANCE !!!!!!!!!

Nikki: Is he still alive ?

GP: I don't know, Nikki. Sabastian Crow fell a grand amount of feet from that cage...
and he landed right through the ambulance.

Shallow: He's got to be broken.

GP: And wait a minute... SCHITZO TOD NOW... OH MY GOD !!!!

*CRASH*

GP: SCHITZO TOD JUST FLEW OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE, STRAIGHT
THROUGH THE OPENING OF THE AMBULANCE. EXACTLY WHERE CROW
FELL...

JT: TOD IS TRYING TO KILL SABASTIAN CROW !!!!! HE JUST FLEW OFF,
STRAIGHT *BAM*, right through the ambulance's hood, exactly where Crow fell
through... with a swanton bomb !

GP: And, I'm telling you... those two falls have really hushed this crowd. Folks, I... I
don't know what's happened here. As much as I really hate Sabastian Crow, I'm
pretty concerned about him.

Nikki: I know what you mean.

GP: But also think about Tod too. I mean, both men took a hellacious fall off that cage,
and they landed straight through the hood of the ambulance.

[ Shallow takes out his cell phone and dials a number as cameras stay on the
ambulance. ]

GP: Who are you calling ?

Shallow: I'm going to get some help out here. This match has to be stopped or
something... plus, we need to check on these guys.

~~Ring~~

~~Ring~~

~~Ring~~

~~Ring~~

(- Other End -): Backstage.

Shallow: Hey ! Are you guys watching this ?

(- Other End -): Yeah. We got some guys on there way now.

Shallow: Good.

[ Shallow hangs up the phone. ]

JT: Damn...

Shallow: Hey Greg, maybe you should go over there and check this out too.

GP: Yeah. That's a good idea Shallow... I'll go do that...

Nikki: I'm going with you.

[ GP and Nikki take off their headsets and start walking torward the ambulance. ]

Shallow: Ok, well... Greg and Nikki have left the booth, and they're going to check on
the two individuals which just crashed straight through that ambulance's hood.

JT: I can't believe what has just happened Shallow. I mean, gosh... and, If these two
have familys and friends, then we send out our respect to them immeditatley.

Shallow: Yeah. Question Is, what effect will this have on the Mayhem match ?

JT: They could be taken out ?

Shallow: No. Well, I don't know...

JT: I'm telling you, we got to see a replay of this...


REPLAY


[ Sabastian Crow Is pushed off the cage through the hood of the ambulance. The fans
jump to their feet. ]

[ Schitzo Tod does a swanton bomb from the top of the cage, through the hood of the
ambulance. ]


END OF REPLAY


JT: And now, we're back at ringside. The doors to the ambulance are open and both
Greg and Nikki are standing outside, trying to figure out what to do. The paramedics
have already came out, It looks like, but they're backing up and... HOLY SHIT !!!

Shallow: THAT'S SABASTIAN CROW ! SABASTIAN CROW, BLOODIED ALL
OVER, HE HAS A CHAINSAW IN HIS HAND !!!!

JT: It's attack of The California Chainsaw Massacre !!!!

Shallow: The officials and announce partners are backing up... look out Greg,
Nikki... Crow Is waving that thing all over the place !!! BUT WAIT...

(- Audience Pop -)

Shallow: THERE'S SCHITZO TOD !!!! SCHITZO TOD WITH A STEEL CHAIR,
CROW TURNS AROUND, AND *BAM* !!!! SCHITZO TOD STRIKES CROW
WITH THE STEEL CHAIR... CROW NOT GOING DOWN... TOD STRIKES AGAIN,
Crow finally drops the chainsaw... Crow isn't going down yet... *BAM*, TOD HIT
THE SHOT AGAIN !!!! AND CROW, HE IS NOT DOWN YET... CROW IS
BACKING UP INTO THE CROWD OF OFFICIALS... TOD TAKES ANOTHER
SWING, AND HE STRIKES CROW... CROW IS STUMBLING... SO IS TOD... AND
THERE WE GO !!!! CROW FALLS OVER, TOD FALLS OVER CROW... I guess
that's a cover ?

JT: The referee goes down for the count !!!...

1...

2......

3........ !!!!!!!!!!

*DING - DING - DING*

[ The fans start going wild as "Bullets with Butterfly Wings" by The Smashing
Pumpkins blares over the PA speakers. ]

JT: OH NO !!!!!!!

Shallow: SCHITZO TOD HAS DONE IT ! SCHITZO TOD HAS DEFEATED SABASTIAN CROW... IN PROBABLY, ONE OF THE MOST BRUTUAL MATCHES AT MAY MAYHEM TONIGHT !!!! SCHITZO TOD IS THE NEW EXTREME CHAMPION !!!!!

JT: Yeah. But I don't even think he knows It yet... neither does Crow.... neither does
Evan for that matter.

Meghan: INTRODUCING TO YOU, THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH... AND *NEW*
IWO EXTREME CHAMPION... SCHITZO TOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shallow: YES ! YES ! THROUGH HELL AND HIGH WATERS, SCHITZO HAS
DEFEATED SABASTIAN CROW... AND THIS TIME, IT WAS FAIR AND SQUARE
!!!!!!

JT: =(

Shallow: What a match !!!!!

[ We fade to a commercial for IWO Beach Party 2001. ]

.... Mayhem

GP:Without a shadow of a doubt, this is a match many of us have been waiting for with drooling anticipation.

(The scene cuts to JT, who seems to have brought out a knife and a fork. He rubs them together, while he drools on his shirt tucked napkin.)

JT:Mmmmmmm... Blood.

Nikki:Sick JT. You do realize that over 40 men are going into that ring, and only one of them is coming out. Two years ago Owen Hart was killed on the fatal night of this pay per view, you don't think the wrestlers are scared to hell backstage while you are out here drooling and making a mockery of what they are doing.

JT:.... Uhhh... Just slap me.

*Slap*

GP:Well, we are about to take you to footage that was taken earlier today, as we saw many IWO superstars entering the building in prayer, to ossibly draw the latest number one could. Let's take you there right now.

(We see footage from Earlier today, denoted by a graphic in the lower left hand corner. We see an IWO backdrop, along with Busta Hymen standing in front of a lottery machine. He is holding a microphone while two officials are in the background.)

Busta Hymen:I'm here at IWO headquarters, to possibly gain some words with a few of the super-stars...

(In through the front door walks none-other-than High Flyer,dressed in a black mesh shorts, a yellow mesh tank top, and black oakley shades. He seems to be all "Summered" out, as he pulls the glasses up to his forehead.)

Busta Hymen:Flyer! May I have a word with you?

Flyer:Sure Busta, anything for you man.

Busta Hymen:What do you think your chances are in tonights Mayhem Match?

Flyer:Well Busta, realize that I'm in the best position out there. I've been in this thing the past two years, and this will be three in a row. There isn't another wrestler out there that can say that Busta, and that's history in the making.

Busta Hymen:What about the problems with Tony Davis?

Flyer:Davis? When we square off up high above the scaffold tonight, we will send sparks down the spines of everyone watching, but hey, I'm not going to exert my energy if we're no where near each other in the drawing here.

Official:Flyer... any day now.

Flyer:Really? I can go tomorrow?

Official:Just draw.

(Flyer walks over to the lottery machine, and crosses his fingers while the officials spin it.)

Flyer:Come on... give me 28, 45, and 34...

(The official just glares at him.)

Flyer:What! I want to win the freakin' lottery here....

(The official sighs his head, as he stops the rolling machine. Flyer opens the door, and reaches in, grabbing a number. He snaps it out of it's little case, and then takes a look, only to be endraped in a look of horror. He drops the ball, but then regains his composure.)

Busta Hymen:What is it Flyer! What number did you draw?

Flyer:Oh, don't worry about that Busta. All I know is that it's easy streak from here.... Now, I have to get going... I've got to do some... praying...

(Flyer leaves Busta, as we cut to later in the day once more.The scene opens up inside at IWO executive offices. Many IWO stars are
there like Kent Anthason, Nuke, and Bob Job to name a few.)

Bainky:
I wonder how long this is gonna take?

(Lady at desk)

Lady:
Well sir, what ticket do you have?

Bainky:
Um, it says 009.

Lady:
Thankyou....

(She pulls a phone to her mouth and presses a red button as an intercom comes on.)

Lady:
Serving 34....34?

(No one moves...)

Lady:
Now serving 35.... you have 5 minutes 35.... thankyou.

Pen:
............!!!!!!!!!

Bob Job:
Pen, the language.

Pen:
......!!!!!!!!!

Kent:
He's got a point!

Bob Job:
HMPRH!

(The Suicide Kings walk through the double doors.)

Ryan King:
Shut up man...

Jeff King:
HAHAHA... you'll probably get like the worst draw into Mayhem.

(Yes, that's what were here for... drawing numbers for Mayhem Match)

Ryan King:
Well then, how come your so sure of yourself!?

Jeff King:
Cause I was in that match at WarCry!

Ryan King:
That didn't count....

Jeff King:
Uh huh...ole Tommy F changed his mind.

(Switches to VP Thomas Ford)

VP Thomas Ford:
IT IS TRUE!!!!!!

(Back to IWO HQ)

Ryan King:
Oh....

Lady:
Number 35........ 30 seconds!!!!

Jeff King:
Dude, what's your ticket say!?

Ryan King:
Hmmm.... 3-5. DAMN! Close...

Jeff King:
.............................................................

Ryan King:
=( ?

Jeff King:
GO GO GO!!!!!!!!!!

(Ryan takes off towards desk and throws his ticket at lady.)

Lady:
Hello number 35..... it is my duty to inform you now of your entry number to the Mayhem Match....

(Ryan's eyes light up.....STATIC!!!!!!!!!!)

.................................................

(It comes back into view and Ryan has an unidentified look on his face as Jeff is just dancing in the background with his tag title. We fade back towards the ringside area, as we see Parker, JT, Nikki, and Shallow conversing.)

GP:... Any last minute predictions?

JT:I've got to go with Tony Davis, he's just a crazy mad man.

Nikki:I think I'll go with High Flyer, he's got the most experience in the confines of this match, and he seems to be well out for it.

Shallow:Oh, it's easy Parker. I'm going with Syphon Fission, the man that has everything going for him.

GP:Well, I'm going to have to go with Sabastain Crow, simply because you can't go wrong with someone who's destined to have a late number on the ballot....

*Ding, ding, ding*

Meygon:The following match, is scheduled for no time limit, and is this years 2001 Mayhem Match! *Cheers* The rules, are needlessly complicated. Four men will enter the scaffold, which is surrounded by two large cage structures. One, is a small barbed wire cage which barely surrounds the scaffold, and is risen five feet up. It has your assorted toys hanging from it, with another hell in a cell above it. Four men Enter, with two new men coming down to the ring every five minutes. And now... the man who drew, number one!

("Magic Carpet Ride" by Lenny Kravitz hits the pa system, as out from the back walks the Black Phantom. He gets a decent size cheer, but nothing too massive. He slowly climbs the ladder up to the scaffolding.)

Meygon:And, the man who drew Number two...

("Twist of Cain" by Danzig hits as out from the back walks none other than Steve Sullivan. He raises his hands, recieving a lackluster reaction, and then grabs ahold of his neck, slowly making his way down, and climbing up the scaffolding.)

Meygon:And, the man who drew number three is...

("The Final Countdown" by Europe hits the pa system as out from the back walks Jade O'Dell. He recieves a fair response, as he slowly makes his way to the scaffold.)

Meygon:And the final fourth combatant is...

(The lights go out as slowly, green, blue, and red pyro shoots around the ring. "Loco" by Coal Chamber hits the pa system, as the fans immediatly rise to their feet even faster than before. Out from the back walks a beaten, bruised, and battered High Flyer, as he raises his hands to the crowd to get a huge response. He slowly climbs his way up the scaffolding.)

GP:Dear god! It's High Flyer! The fourth and final man is High Flyer!

JT:Care to change your pick Nikki?

*Ding, ding, ding*

GP:And the Mayhem is on! O'Dell goes over to the Phantom as Steve Sullivan heads over to Flyer. Remember, the Spaz Event and Team V.I.A.G.R.A. never got along back in their hayday.

Shallow:Sullivan takes a wicked swing down onto Flyer's head, as Flyer fights back with a right hand of his own. Sullivan tries for a snap mare, but Flyer stays his ground, and nails a diving inverted DDT.

Nikki:That rocks the scaffolding, as Black Phantom and Jade O'Dell fall to their knees after battling with swift right hands. Phantom is the first one to his feet, catching O'Dell in a front face lock, and drops him down onto the scaffolding with a huge front face ddt. The Phantom holds on for a dragon sleeper, which he begins to wrench in.

GP:And now we've got Flyer on the other side slowly working down on Steve Sullivan. Flyer has Sullivan in a side headlock, and picks him to his feet, driving him into the scaffold with a quick snap brainbuster! Sullivan rocks that huge scaffolding!

JT:HAHA! And the Phantom is going over to Flyer!

GP:That's right! The Black Phantom takes Flyer down from behind with a waste lock, wrestling him to the ground. Flyer tries to get to his feet, but the Black Phantom pushes him back down. Flyer leaps up to his feet, as the Black Phantom tries to throw him back down, but Flyer drops down to his knees and nails Phantom with an arm drag, landing hard on Steve Sullivan.

Nikki:Flyer captures both men with one blow, but Jade O'Dell is up from behind! He turns Flyer around, and hooks him in a side headlock! He's going for the sixth Degree!

JT:No! Flyer wrenches down behind O'Dell, and hooks him in a sleeper hold. He goes to drop O'Dell with a drop down sleeper inverted DDT type move, but O'Dell wrenches out! O'Dell turns his arch around, and nails Flyer with an inverted DDT of his own!

GP:Steve Sullivan to his feet, and he's going to throw O'Dell off! NO! O'Dell drops down and slides before he reaches the edge, and goes for a shoudler block to Sullivan's mid-section. Sullivan ducks down, as O'Dell catches Sullivan with a european upper-cut. This rocks Sullivan backwards.

Shallow:The Black Phantom catches Sullivan in a Full Nelson from behind, as O'Dell catches Sullivan with a huge Super-kick! Black Phantom then takes Sullivan over with a full-nelson suplex, out of the momentum from the superkick! What a tag team type move!

GP:Sullivan flips over to the edge of the scaffold, and he's scared out of his wits. He almost plummeted to his doom right there, and he's trying to recover rather quickly.

JT:But Flyer's up out of left field, and hooks Sullivan, driving him into the mat with an inverted russian leg-sweep! Sullivan bounces off that scaffolding face first!

Nikki:Ew.... he's not that pretty anymore after that.

JT:What do you care you whore?

*Smack*

Shallow:I wonder who's going to be next...

GP:You have your connections Shallow, why don't you call and find out?

Shallow:Hmmm, good point Parker!

(We hear dialing in the background as we see the Black Phantom turning Flyer around and nailing him with a huge ddt onto the scaffolding.)

Shallow:Hey, Kevin, it's Shallow. I'm on Pay Per View, I need some sort of footage of who's out next... You can get that for me? That's killer Kevin. Throw it up on the IWO-Tron then....

(We see an image appear on the IWO-Tron, as we see Erik Blake wandering around the backstage area, looking for something.)

Erik Blake:I... I can't go out there next. That means I have next to no change to win.

(Erik Blake catches an image of Eye Suk, who seems to have been imported for the Mayhem match.)

Erik Blake:Hey! Eye Suk! Can you do me a huge favor?

Eye Suk:Wat b da fovar black.

Erik Blake:Huh... I'm not black? Anyways, what number do you have in the Mayhem Match?

Eye Suk:Ooooo! I kan knot sea Black...

Erik Blake:Screw you...

(Erik Blake hits the Highlighter on Eye Suk. Then, Eddie Cheno walks over.)

Eddie Cheno:Haha, dat some funny funken shiznit Blake...

Erik Blake:Hey! Cheno! Just the man I wanted to see..

(Blake goes off with Cheno, as we return to the ringside area.)

GP:What does this all mean!

JT:It's obvious Parker...

(We see Flyer grabbing the Black Phantom in a waste lock, and taking him down with Hypothermia, which incites a huge pop.)

Shallow:HYPOTHERMIA ON THE BLACK PHANTOM! What a move! Breath-taking I must say!

Nikki:Pay attention jerk-offs!

(Nikki slaps JT, but actually spares Parker for some reason.)

JT:Playing favorites now, are we miss communist?

Nikki:..... I think you just slapped yourself with that asinine comment.

JT:.... WOO-HOO!

GP:And Steve Sullivan is going over to the Black Phantom, catching him with a couple of swift right hands. He's trying to punch him off the scaffolding here, but it's Jade O'Dell! He turns Sullivan around and unloads on Sullivan with right hands!

JT:All three men are just battling it out here... but where the hell is Flyer going?!?

GP:Flyer's climbing the support cables to the scaffold, those aren't meant for climbing!

JT:Flyer's a freakin' toothpick, who cares!

GP:O'Dell, Sullivan, and the Black Phantom all turn their attention to Flyer, who LEAPS WITH A FLYING FRONT FLIP! OFF THE SCAFFOLD SUPPORT! HOW IN SAM HELL DID HE GET THE STABILITY TO DO THAT!

(The camera pans to a close up view of all four men, down. Flyer seems to be the only one who isn't exactly too bad for the wear.)

JT:Image if the scaffold just rocked just a little bit. Flyer would have landed in the fifth row!

Shallow:Fifth? More like outside the arena. He wents pretty far in that short amount of distance!

Nikki:Who cares! He's still in, and he's still going to win it all!

JT:Listen, slut, you can't possibly really think that... do you?

*Smack*

GP:I wonder who it's gonna be!

5

4

3

2

1

*BZZZZZZZZZZZ*

(The lights dim out in the arena, as we hear "Smoke two Joints" by Sublime hit the pa system. The fans begin to cheer in a rather small way, as Eddie Cheno walks out from the back. He of course, has his bong.)

GP:I can't believe it! Cheno is coming out here right now, and that means Blake must have paid Cheno off!

JT:Well, Cheno is pratically his slave!

("Superman" by Goldfinger plays over the pa system as out from the back walks Bob Job, with spatcula in his hand. The fans give him a menacing amount of boos, as he makes his way out of the other entrance and climbs up the other end of the scaffolding.)

Nikki:And Bob Job's the other man! We're going to have two fresh men up on that scaffolding now!

(Cheno and Bob Job climb up at almost the same time, as Bob Job and Cheno stare each other down. Cheno then charges, and takes down Bob Job.)

GP:This two fresh men thing kind of negates the advantage the fresh man has! He can be taken down by the other one in the ring at the same time!

JT:I'm still surprised he can have that bong out here on television....

Nikki:Cheno is nailing Bob Job with vicious right hand after vicious right hand, laying it into the fallen Bob Job.

Shallow:And Cheno turns around, RIGHT INTO THE SIXTH DEGREE! Jade O'Dell just planted Eddie Cheno into the mat!

JT:And O'Dell is celebrating! And rightfully so! But Flyer is up, and he grabs O'Dell from behind! He arches his back and locks him in a dragon sleeper, and the pulls O'Dell over into an inverted suplex!

GP:The Black Phantom however turns Flyer around, and he catches him with a huge knee to the gut, sending Flyer crashing to his kness. Black Phantom then picks up Flyer from his side, and nails him with a huge gut-wrench powerbomb!

Shallow & JT:WICKED!

Nikki:Wicked indeed.

GP:I want to listen to the KoRn cd now... Wicked... that's just fucked up shit.

(JT and Shallow just stare at Greg Parker.)

GP:What?!?!... It is!

Nikki:Wait! Look! Bob Job has the Black Phantom! He's trying to push the Phantom off of the scaffolding, but the Phantom isn't budging. It's almost comical how he's going about it, just trying to push him like he was a piece of furniture!

Shallow:And the Phantom turns around, and he just stares at Bob Job. Bob Job doesn't know what to do, as the Phantom grabs him by his throat...

GP:BOB JOB WITH A KICK TO THE GROIN! AND NOW BOB JOB PUSHES THE BLACK PHANTOM OVER! WE HAVE OUR FIRST ELIMINATION!

Meygon:Eliminated... the Black Phantom!

GP:And Jade O'Dell is the first one over, slamming into Bob Job with a few vicious right hands. Bob Job falls down to his knees, as O'Dell comes off with a leaping clothesline.

Shallow:And Flyer is up as well, and he's backing up, keeping his eye on Steve Sullivan... but he bumps into Eddie Cheno!

(Flyer and Cheno turn around quickly, and stare each other down.)

GP:Cheno and Flyer are good friends!

(JT gets out a recorder of Jim Ross.)

Jim Ross:THERE ARE NO FRIENDS IN THE RUMBLE!

GP:BUT THEY ARE GOOD FRIENDS!

JT:... Don't make me play the tape again.

Shallow:It's Sullivan! He grabs Flyer and Cheno by their skulls and slams them into one another! Double knogger knocker as Cheno goes flying to the scaffold, as Sullivan follows him up with a swift kick to the ribs! Sullivan is just kicking Cheno in the mid-section, but Flyer comes over and locks up Sullivan in a Tiger Suplex position! Flyer lifts Sullivan up, and stops in what would look to be a powerbomb, but TURNS IT INTO AN INVERTED DDT!

JT:Now THAT'S wicked! Sullivan just may have cracked that scaffolding!

GP:Let's see how our sign language commentators are doing...

(The camera cuts over to a split screen view. We see Cheno up on his feet, choking O'Dell with his boot, as on the other side we see John Century going nuts, but of course, not saying a word. His expression is more than enough, as we can see him signing out something crazy. Miss Debbie Page looks on as if John Century is a piece of meat.)

JT:Hmmmm... Debbie Page is pretty hot. I like that whole pettite brunette thing that she has going on.

Nikki:You like anything with an ass and two tits.

JT:I'm going to be right back.

(JT walks over and goes to Miss Debbie Page and the Sign Language announce booth. We fade in there.)

JT:Hey Miss Page, how's it going?

(Miss Page's only reply is a simply gesturing of the hands.)

JT:Ah, that good huh? How about me and you go to the back and make sweet wonderful love?

(More gesturing, this time she's pointing down her throat in a hacking type style.)

JT:Believe me, you're going to choke on this dick or my name isn't... what the fuck is my name.

(JT leaves the announce booth, as he comes back to the regular announce booth.)

GP:And Flyer is taken over by Jade O'Dell in a beautiful belly to belly suplex.... So... JT, how'd it go?

JT:Parker... what the fuck does JT stand for?

GP:..... You forgot your own name?

JT:Yeah, see!

(JT pulls out his wallet, as he dumps out a drivers license, a library card, and finally a membership to SA.)

Niiki:Haha, you're a sex addict!

Shallow:Jeez... all these things say JT, what the hell is your name?!?

JT:I have no freakin' clue Shallow. Do you remember Parker?

GP:... Uhhh.... AND EDDIE CHENO CAUGHT STEVE SULLIVAN WITH THE NEEDLE JAB! SULLIVAN IS DOWN ON THE SCAFFOLDING!

JT:Stop changing the subject Parker! I've got Miss Debbie Page waiting to suck on my dick, but I need to know what the hell my name is to introduce myself!

GP:Why don't you just say JT?

JT:Hey... sounds good to me!

(JT Walks away.)

GP:Idiot. Dear God! Jade O'Dell just caught Bob Job from behind! He's going for the Sixth Degree! NO!... What the hell?

Nikki:It's... is that Alexander Korvics?!? That's the new entrance into the IWO! Alex is up top, and he grabs Jade O'Dell from behind, and HITS A HUGE SIXTH DEGREE! HE JUST LAID OUT JADE O'DELL WITH JADE'S OWN MOVE!

Shallow:Jade O'Dell FALLS OFF THE EDGE OF THE SCAFFOLDING! DOWN HE GOES!!!

Meygon:Eliminated, Jade O'Dell!

Nikki:Alex is standing over top of Jade O'Dell, as he watces him plumet to the ground! Wait! It's Steve Sullivan! He's got Alex from behind, double underhook, right into an IMPALER! DEAR GOD! Right on the scaffolding!

GP:Sullivan is back up, and Flyer is up on the top scaffold! Flyer leaps off... FLYING MOON SHOT! FLYING MOON SHOT OFF THE SCAFFOLD ONTO SULLIVAN! SULLIVAN FALLS LIKE A TON OF BRICK! AND HE'S ROLLING... OFF THE SCAFFOLD!!!

Meygon:Eliminated, Steve Sullivan!

Shallow:What a move! What a move!

Fans:5...4....3....2....1...

*BZZZZZZZZZZZ*

GP:Who's next! Who's next!

JT*From sign language announce table*:Quiet Parker, you're like a little kid!

(Out from one of the entrances walks Jake Walker, as Ryan King struts out from the other side.)

GP:Walker and King! They battled just earlier against one another, and THEY ARE BATTLING DOWN BELOW THE SCAFFOLDING! King and Walker are hammering one another with right hands, and now King goes low, and slams Walker into the scaffolding ladder! Walker backs away, as King slowly begins to climb up. Walker is back up, and he's trying to pull King down off the scaffolding ladder, but he's not going!

Shallow:Wait! Up top! Bob Job is battling Alexander! They're hammering each other, and Alex goes for a huge right hand, but Bob Job ducks! Alex is flailing above the scaffold, and Bob Job with a back Rack from behind! Alex falls down off the scaffold! Dear god! Dear god!

Meygon:Eliminated! Alexander Korvics!

GP:Wait! Alex fell down on top of Walker! Dear god! I can't believe that! Walker has to be buried alive there!

(JT Walks back over, he seems bruised and distraught.)

JT:She.. .She didn't go for it...

GP:Big surprise.

Shallow:Ryan King is up top! He goes right over towards Bob Job, and begins to hammer him with right hands. King sends Job towards the side of the scaffolding, as Bob Job connects with the support chain!

GP:Bob Job slowly backs up, turns around, and King catches him with a huge inverted russian leg sweep!!

Nikki:Flyer and Cheno are down on the other corner, and they are talking strategy. Cheno pulls out a bong, as Flyer shakes his head no.

JT:This really hurts! Why isn't anyone paying attention!

GP:Look! It's Jake Walker! He's climbed up top, and he has a chair in his hands! Flyer turns around, and EATS A CHAIR TO THE FACE! Cheno turns around, and HE RECIEVES THE SAME!

Shallow:King tosses Bob job toward Walker, and WALKER JUST TOOK HIS HEAD OFF!

Nikki:Walker is a mad man! Walker slams the chair down onto Ryan King, and Jake Walker stands alone atop the Mayhem scaffold!

GP:Walker slams the chair down in a fit of adrenaline, as the chair flies over the side! Walker is weaponless, but is standing atop alone! Walker goes over to Cheno, and hammers him with a few of his right hands. Walker is hammering Cheno with right hands, and hooks him in a front face lock. Walker leaps to his feet... HE NAILS THE CLOCKWORK DDT! HE NAILED IT! THE TORNADO DDT DOWN ONTO THE SCAFFOLDING!

JT:Cheno is down, and his stash is probaly gone too! I wonder if I can find it!

GP:Sit down JT, or I'll have Debbie Page slap the taste out of your mouth.

Shallow:Cheno is down, and he's definilty out, as here comes Flyer to his feet! He's trying to vaguely fight off the fresh Walker, but it's not working to well. Flyer goes for a right, but Walker ducks underneath. Walker hooks Flyer in a full nelson, and Ryan King up to his feet! King clubs Walker from behind, and NAILS AN NECKBREAKER ONTO THE SCAFFOLD! Flyer drops down onto of Walker, causing a sort of suplex by Walker! Flyer is down, Walker is hurting, and King is slowly regaining his composure.

JT:Bob Job has Ryan King, and Bob Job is trying to throw King over, but King blocks it! Bob Job's going over now too, but no! He blocks it as well! Cheno is over, DOUBLE LOW BLOW ON BOTH MEN!

Nikki:Cheno grabs King, and picks him up to the side... HUGE RUSSIAN NECK DROP! He calls that Whoops!

GP:Whoops is an understatement. And now Bob Job turns Cheno around, and tries to hit a ddt, but Cheno rams him into the steel support chains! Bob Job hits hard, and drops to his knees!

JT:Walker is sneaking up behind Cheno, and HE TAKES HIS PIPE OUT OF HIS POCKET! Cheno turns around, and I wouldn't want to be Walker right now!

Cheno:DAT BE MY FUNKEN STASH MANG!

GP:Cheno turns around, and he's a house of fire! Huge right hands at Walker, sending him reeling! Cheno grabs Walker, and thrusts him into the scaffolding. Cheno tosses Walker up onto the next level, and begins to just pound away with right hands. Walker begins to fight back, as Cheno kicks Walker down stairs! CHENO picks Walker up... and HE NAILS SUCKS TO BE YOU! OFF OF ONE SCAFFOLD, ONTO ANOTHER!

JT:And Cheno grabs his stash! Cheno, that's all he cares about, that's what I can tell you!

GP:And look! Ryan King from behind with a dropkick! Cheno almost falls over to edge, but catches himself on the larger platform! King is trying to push Cheno off of the scaffold, but Cheno is holding on with everything he has. Flyer is slowly getting to his feet behind King, as King turns around... Flyer goes for a superkick, but King ducks, and Ryan catches Flyer with a huge leg and arm suplex!

JT:Flyer lands on the top scaffold, and lands hard on his back...

GP:Wait... I think we're going back down to two more entrances!

5...4....3...2....1....

*BZZZZZZZZ*

(We fade over to one of the entrances, as out from the back walks AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)... and on the other entrance, out walks Rob Kestler!)

GP:And here come two big guns! Former World Heavyweight Champion Rob Kestler, along with former Number One Contender AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)!

Shallow:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) quickly climbs up the ladder, and is going up to the top! He's met up there with Ryan King, as they immediatly begin to exchange right hands! AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) wins the exchange, being the fresher man, but not by much! AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) hammers King backwards, and then catches him with a huge Superkick! KNOCK YOUR FREAKIN' HEAD OFF! DEAR GOD! KING JUST GOT WASTED IN THE RING!

JT:Wasted's an understatement Shallow, King was rocked out of his boots like Nikki on Prom Night!

*Smack*

JT:What am I saying? Prom night? EVERY NIGHT!

*Smack Smack Smack*

GP:Ryan King is down, and from behind comes Bob Job! Thse two are good friends, but they wind up competing against each other more often than not!

JT:Job turns AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) around, and fires away with right hands, and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) slams one hand into Bob Job's face, sending him down to the scaffold with avengance.

Nikki:Bob Job up again, and charges AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), however, he ducks down ,and picks Bob Job up above his head! Bob Job is going to go for the ride!

GP:But Jake Walker clips out AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)'s legs, taking him down, with Bob Job falling on top of him!

Shallow:Kestler is still down at the bottom of the scaffold, doesn't he realize that his chance at May Mayhem is slipping away?!?

(Kestler slowly walks over towards the announce team, and takes a seat next to Johnny Shallow.)

Kestler:How's everyone derpdidly doing?

GP:Good, how about yourself Rob?

Kestler:Moo.

Nikki:You do realize that there is a match going on... that Mayhem Match?

Kestler:Oh, I don't care about that...

GP:... Oh. There's a chicken up there too...

Kestler:Chicken? I'm THERE!

(Kestler drops his headseat and climbs up the scaffold.)

GP:And there goes Kestler... and he's obviously dissapointed that I lied to him...

Kestler:HEY PARKER! YOU LIED YOU MEANIE-HEAD!

JT:And Kestler is caught from behind by Ryan King, who just recovered from Knock your Freakin' head off! Kestler drops to his knees, as King hammers him in the back with hard elbow shots, and now King leaps, nailing Kestler with a huge bulldog, sending him face first into the scaffold!

GP:Almost everyone in that scaffolding right now looks up to Kestler in one way or another...

JT:That just shows for a pathetic IWO. He's a freakin' moron.

Shallow:I think AWS Man(Also known as Bill) is the freaking moron... Kestler's just a moron.

Nikki:He's the original moron Shallow..

JT:Yeah, we'll you're the original whore Nikki!

*Smack*

JT:HA! Screw you, I numbed my entire face before I came out here!

(JT tries to stick his tongue out, but it doesn't really work, since his face is semi-numb.)

GP:Flyer is battling off with AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), battling each other with right hands. Bob Job is trying to get Cheno to toke up with him, but Cheno hammers him with a few right hands! King and Kestler are going at it, while Walker is slowly resting.

JT:Walker's being damn smart!

Nikki:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) hooks Flyer, and nails him with a huge northern lights suplex, down onto the rattling shakey scaffold!

GP:And Cheno is hammered down to the mat by Bob Job with a clothesline. Bob Job's first main offensive manuver in this match!

Shallow:Walker from behind, and picks up Bob Job, with a huge full nelson slam to the scaffolding!

JT:Kestler is battling with King, fighting back, as Kestler picks up Ryan King above his head, and tosses him up in a body press fashion, landing King hard onto the scaffolding! He's lucky that scaffold didn't shake and cause King to fall to his doom!

GP - Theres so much action going on those scaffolds right now, its hard to commentate all of it for you guys!

Shallow - The sign language table seems to be doing fine at that task!

(The scene cuts to the Sign Language table, as they frantically move there fingers to keep up with all the action in the ring for the deaf people in attendance.)

JT - Those snooty Sign Language commentators! They think their so good with there fast fingers! WELL FUCK YOU GUYS!

GP - You do realize they can't hear you, right?

JT - And thats the beauty of the system!

Shallow - ... shut the hell up you moron.

GP - Both of you shut up! We're about to introduce our 11th and 12th enteree's, and so far, the people in the ring at this time are as follows - High Flyer, Eddie Cheno, Jake Walker, Bob Job, Ryan King, AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) and finally, Rob Kestler.

JT - AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) seems to be doing a fine job of kicking Eddie Cheno's ass at the moment. AWS Man grabs Eddie Cheno's right arm. He whips Eddie Cheno into the pole holding up the scaffold! Eddie smacks it face first!

Shallow - Rob Kestler and Ryan King are having a hellova time on the top scaffold! Ryan King kicks Rob Kestler to the stomach... DDT on the top scaffold! The whole thing shakes! King grabs Kestler by the throat and begins
ringing him by the neck!

Ryan King - I AM WOMEN! HERE ME ROAR! YEEEEEEE!

Rob Kestler - GAAAAAALK! Holy mother of sperm!

GP - Jeff King delivers a European Uppercut to Rob Kestler, and Kestler falls off the scaffold! But he grabs on to the edge with his toes! The only thing holding Kestler from his doom is his freakin' toes!

Rob Kestler *as he hangs by his toes* - DERPLEDOODLE!

JT - Holy shit is Kestler screwed! Bob Job stands on the scaffold below the one Kestler is hanging on looking at him. Bob Job begins hammering away at him like a punching bag!

Rob Kestler - *as he recieves a punch from Bob Job in the face* ouchies! *another punch to the face* Ouchies!*another punch* Ouchies! *another punch* THERES ONLY ONE THING THAT CAN SAVE ME NOW!!!

GP - Rob pulls something out of his pocket. Its some sort of remote control. He clicks some buttons on it... OH MY GOD!! THIS IS NASTY!!

(Images tooken off of www.poopsex.com start appearing on the Tit-ron as "Lady Marmalade" by Pink plays softly over the PA system. Pictures of Johnny Shallow in bed with a ciggerette in his mouth laying naked next to an aardvark appear on the Tit-ron.)

GP - Shallow... you are a sick, sick man.

Shallow - What I do on the weekends is NOT the IWO's business, damn it!

(Suddenly, several random objects begin raining from the ceiling of the arena. The audience begins running frantically to excape the objects raining from above.)

GP - Freakin' random objects are raining from the ceiling! I just got hit in the head with a fucking penguin! IT CHIPPED MY FUCKING TOOTH! This is the second time a penguin has chipped my tooth in an IWO match! And my insurance company doesn't cpver attacks from vicious penguins :-(

Shallow - Settle down Greg, it'll be okay.

GP - *breaking out into tears* NO IT WON'T DAMN IT!

JT: Holy shit! A microwave from above just smashed through Bob Jobs face! Bob Job frantically runs around with that microwave stuck on his head!

Bob Job *trying to pull the microwave off his head* - DAMN IT! IT BURNS! IT BURRRRNNNS!

Shallow - Rob is still hanging by his toes from the scaffold. Its safe to say that he is screwed up the ass.

Rob Kestler *as he still hangs from his toes* - Ha ha! You have a microwave on your head, you microwave head!

Bob Job *his voice muffled* - Well your gay!

Rob Kestler - :-(

Shallow - Bob Job with the comeback!

GP - AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) grabs a chair that happened to have fell from the top of the arena! AND HE SMASHES IT UPSIDE BOB JOBS HEAD, SMASHING THAT MICROWAVE FURTHER ON HIS HEAD! Bob Job falls over, out cold!

JT - AWS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BILL) SETS THE COOKING TIMER TO 6 MINUTES! HE TURNS IT ON!! OH MY GOD!! BOB JOBS FACE IS GETTING NUKED!!

Shallow - Bob Job jolts back up! He rams his own head into one of the poles supporting the scaffolds, in hopes of getting the microwave off! The scaffolds are shaking really bad!

Bob Job *as his face is in danger of melting into a puddle of goo* - FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!

JT - The scaffolds are shaking too much from Bob Job banging his head on the scaffold supporters! Kestlers
toes can no longer hold on! KESTLER FALLS! HOLY PROSTITUTION! HE CATCHES THE BOTTOM SCAFFOLD WHERE BOB JOB IS RAMMING HIS MICROWAVE HEAD INTO THE POLE BEFORE HE
FALLS TO HIS ELIMINATION! INCREDIBLE! That must be hell on his toes.

Shallow - Bob Job pries off the microwave! His face looks like hell! His nostrals are melted together! HAHAHA!

Bob Job - I CAN'T BREATHE! SOMEONE HELP ME!

GP - Jake Walker sneaks up behind Bob Job! AND HE PUSHES BOB JOB! BOB JOB FLIES OFF THE SCAFFOLD! AND HE GRABS AHOLD OF KESTLERS HEAD! KESTLER IS NOW HOLDING BOB JOB AND HIMSELF WITH HIS TOES! THIS IS SICK! THINK OF THE NECK PROBLEMS KESTLER IS ENDURING RIGHT NOW!

5...
4...
3...
2...
1!

*DING DING*

(Exhiled Youth and Sephiyra Reign approach the ladders from opposite sides of the scaffolds. They begin to climb the 30 ft. to the scaffold planks...)

GP - AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) holds out his hand to lift Sephiyra Reign up onto the scaffold! What a kind jesture!

JT - Sephiyra Reign grabs AWS Man (Also Known as Bill)'s hand and tries to yank him off the scaffold! BUT HE HAD A NOVELTY HAND BUZZER ON! Shocks are sent throughout Sephiyra Reigns body!! What a tricky heel that AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) is!

Shallow - AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) yanks Sephiyra Reign onto the scaffold. HE GRABS A FRYING PAN THAT HAPPENED TO BE LAYING ON THE SCAFFOLD FOR SOME REASON!! SLAP THAT FREAK AROUND!!! SEPHIYRA REIGN IS FEELING THE WRATH OF SLAP THAT FREAK AROUND WITH THAT FRYING PAN! AWS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BILL) LIFTS UP SEPHIYRA AND THROWS HIM OFF THE SCAFFOLD! ITS ALL OVER FOR SEPHIYRA REIGN!

GP - Wait a minute! Sephiyra Reign grabs ahold of Bob Jobs legs before he falls! KESTLERS FACE IS TURNING
PURPLE! HE CANNOT HOLD ON MUCH LONGER!

JT - Kestlers neck is supporting the weight of two people, and he's holding on to the scaffold by his damn toes! This is amazing!

Shallow - Meanwhile, on the top scaffold, High Flyer just took down Ryan King with a Spinning Heel Kick! High Flyer is showing some great agility and endurance!

JT - AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) climbs up to the top scaffold, holding that frying pan! He sneaks up behind
High Flyer! HE SWINGS IT! FLYER DUCKS! AND FLYER CATCHES AWS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BILL) IN A FISHERMANS SUPLEX! HE SLAMS HIM ONTO THE SCAFFOLD! Flyer lifts AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) back onto his feet by his hair... AND HE SMACKS HIM UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH THE FRYING PAN! HIGH
FLYER LIFTS UP AWS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BILL)! HE THROWS HIM IN THE AIR LIKE A FOOTBALL! AND HE KICKS HIM OFF THE SCAFFOLD! AWS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BILL) IS FALLING!

GP - But AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) grabs ahold of the very bottom part of the cage before he falls to his death on the tables below! AWS Man (Also Known as Bill)'s painball mask has just been cracked, and blood is
trickling from the eye holes! He hangs on that cage, with his legs scrambling around wildly!

Shallow - Exiled Youth is pacing back and forth on the scaffold where Rob Kestler hangs by his toes. EXILED
YOUTH STOMPS ON KESTLERS TOES! KESTLER JUST LOST ONE OF HIS FEET, AND HE'S HANGING ON THE SCAFFOLD WITH ONE SET OF TOES HOLDING 2 OTHER WRESTLERS! But here comes Eddie Cheno! Eddie Cheno pulls something out of his pocket! What the hell is that?!

JT - IT'S A JANET JACKSON INFLATABLE SEX BOT! THE HORROR! THE HORRRRORRR!

GP - Eddie Cheno pulls the rip cord! And Janet Jackson begins growing larger and larger! She's full size! JANET JACKSON IS FULL SIZE! OH MY!

Eddie Cheno - This Janet Jackson Sex Bot got me through a lot of long, cold nights, mang! And its "All For You",
Exiled Youth! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! GET IT?! Shits awesome!

Exiled Youth - AHHH! GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!

Janet Jackson Sex Bot - I'm going to sex you up, dog!

Exiled Youth - NO! I'M NOT WORTHY! AHHHHHHHH!!

GP - EXILED YOUTH LEAPS OFF OF THE SCAFFOLD!! AND HE CRASHES TO THE TABLES BELOW!!

Eliminated - Exiled Youth

JT - That was a good decision! A night with Janet Jackson is like leaving your penis exposed in front of Lorena
Bobbit as she weilds a chainsaw... or something.

Shallow - ... not funny, JT.

JT - Fuck you.

GP - Eddie Cheno's Janet Jackson Sex Bot is going out of control! Its flailing its arms around wildly!

Janet Jackson Sex Bot *as its arms swing around and around* - AGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA. ITS TIME FOR JANET TO GET BUS-AYYY.

Eddie Cheno - Holy shee-ot, mang! She's gettin' all quirky on me!

Janet Jackon Sex Bot - JANET SAYS DON'T DO DRUGS, DO ME.

Eddie Cheno - AH!

JT - Eddie Cheno pulls out a lighter! And lights Janets breasts on fire! Look how fast those bastards are going
up in flames!

Shallow - Silicone is a very flammable substance.

GP - The Janet Jackson Sex Bot is running around like a chicken with its head cut off! She leaps off of the scaffold with those boosums burning like a raging inferno! And she sets all the tables below on freakin' fire! The tables flames are burning higher and higher!

JT - HOLY SHIT! SEPHIYRA REIGNS FOOT JUST GOT SET ON FIRE! HE TRIES TO SHAKE IT OUT, BUT IT ONLY FEEDS OXYGEN TO THE FLAMES! HIS BODY IS CONSUMED IN FLAMES! HE CAN NO LONGER HOLD ON TO BOB JOB! AND HE FALLS ONTO THE FLAMING TABLES BELOW!

Eliminated - Sephiyra Reign

GP - The paramedics try to load Sephiyra Reign onto the streacher, but the flames in the ring are too powerful!
One paramedic is being a hero and rushing into the flames to pull out Sephiyra Reign. And he's dragging Sephiyra out of those flames. What a dog blasted hero, folks!

Shallow - Wait a minute, does Sephiyra Reign wear dominatrix boots?

GP - Huh?

JT - HOLY SHIT! THATS NOT SEPHIRYA! IT'S THE JANET JACKSON SEX BOT! SHE'S TAKING OUT THE PARAMEDICS WITH HER DOMINATRIX WHIP! THAT WHORE!

GP - THIS IS SICK! SEPHIYRA COULD DIE!

Shallow - SHE'S THROWING THE PARAMEDICS INTO THE FLAMES! Damn, what a mega whore!

GP - She grabs Sephiyra Reigns body! OH MY GOD! SHE'S DOING SOMETHING TO SEPHIYRA REIGN THAT CABLE TELEVISION WOULDN'T EVEN SHOW!

Shallow - Hey, its putting out the flames!

GP - I don't care! It's still pretty damn crude!

5...
4...
3...

GP - Here comes two more contestants!

2...
1!

*DING DING*

("Hail to the Beef" by the Rotting Carcass of Dan Kordic plays as Beef the Slightly Annoyed walks out from the
left side of the arena. Beef starts hammering his chest with his fist wildly, and then charges the scaffold as he
lets out a warrior-like scream and climbs the ladder up to the scaffolds.)

GP - And Beef is enraged! He's looking to take out a few jobbers!

JT - Beef is a jobber, Greg.

GP - No he's not! My daughter has nudies of him under her bed! Would a jobber be a teen heart throb?

JT - ... your family is fucked up, Greg.

GP - I know. I spend too many lonely hours at this commentators table. Sometimes I spend, oh, 6 or 7 hours a night after a card dreaming that I'm broadcasting another Zombie v. Vietnam Veteran match. I'm a very sad man :-(

JT - Yes... you are.

(Beef frantically climbs the ladder and jumps up onto the scaffold. He charges after High Flyer in a fit of rage.)

Beef the Slightly Annoyed -
IYYYYYYYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIY!!

High Flyer - What the?!

GP - Beef runs into Flyer at full speed! He collides, and Beef falls over! Flyer just stands there, shaking his head at the pathetic attempt.

(The camera cuts to the right entrance. The Star Wars theme plays Simon Seaman walks out from the curtains, recieving a huge pop. He's carrying a leaf blower in his hands.)

JT - What the hell?

GP - Simon Seaman walks calmly to the ring, packin' that leaf blower! He walks to the ladder he's suppost to climb
up to get to the scaffolds, but its consumed in flames. Simon turns on that leaf blower! And he blows out the flames! He climbs up the chard ladder and jumps onto the bottom level scaffold, where Kestler STILL hangs by his toes! With Bob Job clinging to Kestlers head! Simon Seaman turns on that high powered leaf blower!

JT - He's gonna blow Kestler off of the scaffold! With Bob Job!

Shallow - Wait a minute! Beef leaps down from the top scaffold down to the bottom level! He looks like he wants himself a piece of Simon Seaman!

Beef the Slightly Annoyed - I am Beef!

Simon Seaman - Say hello to Charlie, my leaf blower.

Beef the Slightly Annoyed - HELLO CHARLIE! After the Mayhem match, you want to come back to my house and eat cheese?

GP - He points Charlie at Beefs gut! Simon turns the leaf blower on at full blast! AND BEEF GOES FLYING OFF THAT SCAFFOLD! BEEF SMACKS THE SIDE OF THE CAGE AND BOUNCES OFF! AND HE CRASHES ONTO THE TABLES, AND THATS IT FOR BEEF!

Eliminated - Beef the Slightly Annoyed

Shallow - And AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) almost got hit by Beef when Beef flew at that cage! Yes folks, AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) is still in a daze as he clings to the side of that cage!

GP - AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) begins to climb the cage! He climbs through the door in the corner of the
cage! And now he's on top of that Hell in a Cell, surrounded by that steel cage.

Shallow - High Flyer grabs Ryan King by the neck! But Ryan King kicks Flyer to the crotch! High Flyer got the
wind knocked out of him with that one!

JT - Ryan King grabs Flyer! He lifts him up! POWERBOMB ONTO THE SCAFFOLD PLANK! THE WHOLE SCAFFOLD NETWORK SHAKES!

GP - Ryan King calls up to AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) as he opens the center door in the middle of the Hell in a Cell to get back onto the scaffold! AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) LEAPS THROUGH THAT HOLE, WITH A FLIPPING MOONSAULT! AND HE LANDS ONTO HIGH FLYER ON THE SCAFFOLD BELOW! HIGH FLYER JUST COUGHED UP BLOOD ALL OVER AWS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BILL)! AND THERE BOTH OUT COLD!

Shallow - Ryan King is laughing his ass off at the carnage! Ryan peels AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) off of
High Flyer. He grabs High Flyer! He sets High Flyer up in a powerbomb! HOLY SHIT! HE'S GONNA PERFORM A RUNNING POWERBOMB TO FLYER OFF OF THE SCAFFOLD!

GP - HE'S GONNA DO IT! I CAN'T LOOK!

JT - BAHAHAHHA!

Shallow - No! No! Ryan King slips on the blood High Flyer coughed up all over the scaffold! And he accidently drops Flyer! He tries to regain his balance! YES! HE CAN'T! HE FALLS OFF THE SCAFFOLD! HE TRIES TO GRAB THE CAGE, BUT HE'S MISSES! AND CRRRRRUUNNNNCH! THE SWEET SOUND OF TABLES CRACKLING! KING IS OUTTA THERE!!

Eliminated - Ryan King

GP - Flyer just got EXTREMELY lucky.

Shallow - Meanwhile, Kestler, who has been hanging from the scaffold by his toes since the beggining, is starting
to falter! Simon Seaman is trying to convince Kestler to let go...

Simon Seaman - C'mon Kestler. How are you gonna be able to have toe sex with a Pamela Anderson Lee midget if your toes are all streached out?

Rob Kestler - Oh... I never thought about that. ALRIGHT! I'M GOING DOWN! GOODBYE CREUL WORLD!

Bob Job *hanging on to Kestlers head* - NO! NO! DON'T GO DOWN! Thats just what he wants you to believe, Kestler! Midgets think long toes are a BIG TURN ON!

Rob Kestler - Weally? Well then for the sake of my sexuality, I shall stay!

Simon Seaman - Don't listen to Bob Job! He's a communist!

Rob Kestler - Weally?! Bob Job... tisk tisk... communism was SO Soviet Union.

JT - Rob Kestler won't budge!

GP - Eddie Cheno and Jake Walker are gettin' into it now! Jake Walker grabs Eddie Cheno by the arm! And he throws Cheno into one of the scaffold supports!

5...
4...
3...
2...
1!

*DING DING*

(On one side walks out Eye Suk, wearing womens panties and nothing else, carrying his own homemade ladder he made out of popcicle sticks when he was in rehab. Its a rather disgusting site. And on the other side walks out Spaz. Eye Suk climbs up his homemade ladder, while Spaz uses the ladder provided by the IWO. The good ladder.)

GP - Oh god. I can't believe they let Eye Suk get into this match!

JT - Spaz charges up his ladder as Eye Suk strugges climbing the first rung. Eye Suk threatens the wrestlers above...

Eye Suk - im goen 2 job u al to hell!!!!! ONE SEC... BRB

GP - Eye Suk got his leg stuck in the rung of his ladder! And his ladder falls into pieces! He falls to the tables! And now several dobermans come from under the ring and rip Eye Suk into pieces! He couldn't even climb the
ladder! What a moron!

Eliminated - Eye Suk

JT - Spaz charges Simon! He clocks Simon with a suprise clotheline! Simon falls to the scaffold plank! Spaz tries
to take away Charlie from Seaman, but Simon won't let him! Spaz kicks Seaman in the mid-section! And there
still in a squabble over that leaf blower!

GP - It's a deadly game of Tug of War for the leaf blower! AND SPAZ LETS GO! SIMON STUMBLES BACKWARDS! AND HE FLIES OFF THE SCAFFOLD! SIMON IS OUT OF HERE!

Shallow - Wait a minute! Simon points the leaf blower down towards the ground! He turns it on! And he's flying
back up to the scaffold using that leaf blower! Incredible!

GP - He's back on the scaffold! Spaz doesn't even know it, he went after Walker after Simon fell! Simon turns on
his leaf blower! He points it at the back of Spazes head! SPAZES HEAD IS SLAMMED INTO THE SCAFFOLD SUPPORT BY THE WIND OF THE LEAF BLOWER!

JT - Spaz wobbles back and forth in a daze! His footing slips! And he falls off the scaffold! BUT HE GRABS ONTO THE LADDER THAT HE USED TO CLIMB UP THERE! Simon slides down the ladder! AND HE KNOCKS SPAZ OFF WITH HIS SHOE! SPAZ CRASHES TO THE TABLES!

Eliminated - Spaz

GP - High Flyer and AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) are starting to climb to their feet. Still a little dazed from the Moonsault, AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) grabs High Flyers head! BREAK YOUR FREAKIN' NECK! BREAK YOUR FREAKIN' NECK TO HIGH FLYER! AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) casts High Flyer aside and leaps down to the bottom scaffold, where Simon climbs up the ladder! AWS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BILL) KICKS THE LADDER! AND THE LADDER STARTS TO FALL! SIMON JUMPS OFF OF IT IN THE NICK OF TIME AND CATCHES TO THE CAGE WALL, WITH THE LEAF BLOWER IN ONE HAND!

5...
4...
3...
2...
1!

*DING DING*

(LiGiL and Eddie Scott Poser walk out from opposite ends of the arena and climb up opposite ladders.)

GP - LiGil and ESP climb up to the scaffold! LiGiL leaps off the damn scaffold! What the hell is he doing?!

JT - LiGiL hits the cage! And he grabs ahold of the mesh! He's climbing like a mad man after Simon Seaman!

Shallow - Seaman tries to knock off LiGiL with his leg! AND LIGIL GRABS AHOLD OF SEAMANS LEG! HE BEGINS YANKING IT!

GP - Seamans palms are bleeding from trying so dearly to hold on to the mesh wire as LiGiL yanks on his leg like a
truck driver sounding his horn!

Shallow - Seaman is struggling! AND HE KICKS LIGIL TO THE FACE! A hard kick to the face of LiGiL! LiGiL is hanging on with one hand on the cage, dazed from the kick! Seaman excapes through one of the trap doors! LiGiL regains his momentum and begins climbing the cage frantically! He tries to lift open the trap door, but Simon stands on it! LiGiL starts using his hands to climb across the ceiling of the Hell in a Cell to the other trap door! SIMON IS STEPPING ON LIGILS FINGERS! BUT LIGIL KEEPS MOVING HIS ARMS!

GP - LIGIL'S APPROACHING THE TRAP DOOR IN THE CENTER OF THE CAGE! HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IT!

JT - One hand after the other. He just keeps working his way across the ceiling of that Hell in a Cell...

GP - LIGIL GRABS THE CENTER TRAP DOOR! THE DOOR SWINGS OPEN VIOLENTLY! AND THE PRESSURE IS SO GREAT THAT LIGIL JUST DISLOCATED HIS SHOULDIER! HE'S NOW HANGING ON THAT OPEN DOOR WITH ONE ARM! THE DOOR CAN'T HOLD MUCH MORE WEIGHT! ITS GONNA BUST OFF!

Shallow - Look at the blood all over LiGiL's hands! There gonna have a hellova time getting the bloodstains off of this cage!

JT - I'll say.

GP - LIGIL DROPS OFF THE DOOR! AND HE CRASHES ONTO THE SCAFFOLD! HOLY SHIT! HE JUST SMASHED THROUGH STRAIGHT THROUGH THE SCAFFOLD! HE'S NOW TUMBLING TOWARDS THE RING! AND SMASH! LIGIL IS OUT OF IT!

Eliminated - LiGiL

GP - There's a big gaping hole in the middle of the top scaffold now!

Shallow - Meanwhile, Eddie Scott Poser is taunting Rob Kestler as he continues to hang from the scaffold by his
toes.

GP - ESP takes his boot and slowly crushes Kestlers toes! But wait a minute! Someone from the top scaffold just
through a noose around ESP's neck! And it seems to be made of hemp! It's Eddie Cheno! Cheno yanks ESP up to the top scaffold with that noose! ESP begins to puke!

JT - He starts swinging the noose in a circle when it's still around ESP's neck! ESP IS BEING SWUNG AROUND BY THAT NOOSE!

GP - CHENO LETS GO! AND ESP GOES FLYING OFF THE SCAFFOLD! ESP HITS THE SIDE OF THE CAGE, AND THE HEMP NOOSE HAPPENS TO CATCH THE SIDE OF THE CAGE! HE'S HANGING THERE AT THE
END OF A NOOSE!!

Shallow - He doesn't seem to be moving!

GP - THE NOOSE SNAPS! AND HE FALLS TO THE RING BELOW AND CRASHES THROUGH THE TABLES!

Eliminated - Eddie Scott Poser

JT - What the hell is AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) doing?

Shallow - I guess he's fixing the hole in the scaffold.

JT - Why the hell is he doing that?

AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) *as he hammers nails randomly into the scaffold* - When I neeeeeeed you, I just close my eyes and I'm freakin' wiiiith you. And all that I so want to freakin' giiiive you, its only a freakin' heart beat, away!

Shallow *as tears drop from his eyes* - Beautiful! Beautiful!

Eddie Cheno - Yo mang, why you be singin' dat shit?

AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) *as he pulls out an English-Ebonics dictionary* - Well, freakin' mang, I be doin' dis because, um, freakin' I want to be a good little, um, mang.

Eddie Cheno - Yo whats up with that shit? I thought you were some funkin' heel or somethin'...

AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) - Well.... um..... YOINK!

GP - AWS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BILL) HITS EDDIE CHENO WITH THE HAMMER! EDDIE CHENO FALLS OVER!

AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) - Now where the freak was I? Oh yes. Now you know I won't be freakin' travelin'
forever! It's cold out, but hold out, and do what I do! WHENNN I FREAKIN' NEEEEEED LOVE, I JUST HOLD OUT MY HAND AND I GETTTTTTT HEAD, OR FREAKIN' SOMETHING.

JT - AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) is one big, big freak.

5...
4...
3...
2...
1!

(From one curtain, Food walks out, and from the opposite one, Xtreme Youth walks out. They both begin climbing there seperate ladders.)

JT - YAY! More jobbers!

Shallow - Xtreme Youth and Food are on the scaffold now! And High Flyer begins climbing to his feet!

High Flyer - Who the hell are you two? I've never even heard of you!

Food - I AM FOOD. AND I AM A DISPOSABLE HERO. TO THROW ME AWAY IS INEVITABLE, TO BEAT ME IS IMPOSSIBLE.

High Flyer - So I can throw you away?

Food - If you wish. But I'd rather be recycled. THEN I CAN COME BACK FROM THE GRAVE.

High Flyer - I'm confused.

Food - Same here. :-(

JT - ... and this is why we shouldn't sign wrestlers from Japan indy feds.

GP - Meanwhile, Xtreme Youth climbs up to the scaffold where AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) works on patching the scaffold. Xtreme Youth kicks AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) in the face! AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) scrambles to his feet! HE PULLS A NAIL GUN OUT FROM HIS FISHER PRICE TOOL BOX! AND HE SHOOTS XTREME YOUTH IN THE CROTCH!

JT, Shallow, GP and all the men in attendance - HOLY FUCK!

GP - HE RE-LOADS THE NAIL GUN! AND HE FIRES IT INTO XTREME YOUTHS LEFT ASS CHEEK! OUCH! GOD! THE PAIN! THE PAIIIIN! HE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO USE A MENS ROOM WITHOUT A SPECIAL CUSHION AGAIN!

AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) - Hmmmm... that one didn't freakin go in very well. I better kick it in further.

GP - AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) kicks that nail in Xtreme Youths ass! AND XTREME YOUTH FALLS TO HIS DOOM! XTREME YOUTH IS OUTTA HERE!

Eliminated - Xtreme Youth

Shallow - And here comes Simon Seaman, after like 11 years, from that upper cage! He's back onto the scaffold!
And he's carrying a sheet of glass in one hand and the leaf blower in the other hand!

GP - Simon Seaman charges High Flyer! HE SMASHES THAT GLASS OVER HIGH FLYER'S HEAD! BITS OF GLASS ARE SHATTERED ALL OVER HIGH FLYERS FACE!

JT - BLOOD! ALL OVER! YAY!

Shallow - SIMON SEAMAN TURNS ON THAT LEAF BLOWER! AND HE POINTS IT AT HIGH FLYERS FACE! HOLY CRAP! BLOOD ALL OVER! HIGH FLYERS BLOOD IS SPLATTERING ALL OVER THE SCAFFOLD!
THIS IS A GOOD WAY TO SPREAD AIDS!

GP - High Flyer may do a lot of things, but he doesn't bang monkeys, Johnny.

Shallow - My bad.

5...
4...
3...
2...
1!

*DING SING*

(DPS Man (Also Known as Bob) and Drink walk out from opposite entrances, and climb up onto the scaffolds. DPS Man (Also Known as Bob) is carrying a glass pitchure of pigs blood.)

GP - Whats DPS Man (Also Known as Bob) gonna do with that pigs blood?

JT - DPS Man (Also Known as Bob) sneaks up from behind Drink! AND HE SMASHES THAT GLASS PITCHURE OVER DRINKS HEAD! PIGS BLOOD IS ALL OVER HIM! HE'S TWITCHING INSANELY!

GP - This is a bad rip-off of Carrie.

Drink - *twitch twitch*

Food - Alright Drinkie, calm down! Its just a little pigs blood! Some Tide with Bleach will get that out in a jiffy!

Drink - *REDRUM REDRUM*

Food - Holy shit man. Don't do anything dangerous to yourself! Just let it slide!

Drink - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

GP - DRINK PICKS UP FOOD! AND HE CHUCKS FOOD AT DPS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BOB)! DPS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BILL) DUCKS, AND FOOD GOES FLYING OFF INTO THE TABLES!

Eliminated - Food

JT - DRINK CHARGES DPS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BOB)! DPS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BOB) RUNS AWAY LIKE A COWARD!

Shallow - DPS Man (Also Known as Bob) jumps up onto the scaffold AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) just got finished patching up. Drink is confronted by both of them. He tries to run, but its no good! They grab Drink and push him to the ground and start beating the shit out of him with random tools from AWS Man (Also Known as Bill)'s Fisher Price Tool Box! THEY THROW DRINK OFF THE SCAFFOLD! BUT HE GRABS ONTO THE LEGS OF BOB JOB!

Bob Job - Son of a bitch! Kestler, its time to blow this popcycle stand!

Rob Kestler - Huh?

Bob Job - Release your toes from the scaffold, ass!

Rob Kestler - AH!

GP - ROB KESTLER FINALLY LETS GO OF THE SCAFFOLD! AND ALL THREE OF THEM FALL TO THERE DEATHS ON THE TABLES BELOW! WAIT A MINUTE! BOB JOB JUST BARELY WAS ABLE TO GRAB THE
CAGE BEFORE HE LANDED! BUT KESTLER AND DRINK ARE DONE FOR!

Eliminated - Drink and Kestler

AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) *as he pulls out a remote control from his tool box* - Say DPS Man (Also Known as Bill), what the freak is this?

DPS Man (Also Known as Bill) - I'm not sure pal. But it's got a big red button on it that says "IF YOU ENJOY LIFE AND THE PORN THAT COMES WITH IT THEN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT PUSH THIS BUTTON". Should we push it?

AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) - I don't know why the freak not! *click*

JT - They just clicked the button to that mysterious remote control. What the hell is happening?!

GP - Holy mother of crack! The cage is lowering to the floor!

JT - Which means?

GP - The scaffold will be crushed when it hits the floor, and everyone on the scaffold will be eliminated!

Shallow - Holy hole in a donut!

Jake Walker - What the hell is going on?!

DPS Man (Also Known as Bob) - THE CAGE IS LOWERING! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) - I'm clicking the freakin' button but its not raising back to the roof!

DPS Man (Also Known as Bob) - WELL HURRY UP AND DO SOMETHING!

GP - AWS Man and DPS Man's curiosity got the best of them, which might get them all eliminated!

Shallow - Bob Job is climbing up to the cage on top of the Hell in a Cell! He's got a metal pole! AND HE JAMS IT
IN THE GEARS THAT RAISE AND LOWER THE CAGE! THE CAGE STOPPED LOWERING IN THE NICK OF TIME!

GP - Bob Job just may have stopped everyone from being eliminated!

5...
4...
3...
2...
1!

(Nuke and Billy Ray walk out from opposite sides of the arena. They both climb up their ladders. Blah blah, you know the ruitine. But Simon Seaman stops Billy Ray with his leaf blower.)

Simon Seaman - Not so fast, Billy. You see, because of your past alcohol problems, the IWO wants me to give you a standard breathilizer test before you get onto the scaffold.

Billy Ray - GET OUT OF MY WAY, PRICK! I want to bust some skulls! And what drinking problems?!?! I'm about as sober as they get!

Simon Seaman - You've recieved 25 DWI's in the state of Montana alone. Don't give me that who hockey about you being a clean man. And becides, I'm giving you this because you need to be OVER the legal limit to wrestle.
So could you please open your mouth?

Billy Ray - Hot shit! Stick that bad bastard in me!

GP - OH MY GOD! SIMON SEAMAN STICKS THAT LEAF BLOWER IN BILLY RAYS MOUTH! HE TURNS IT ON FULL BLAST!

*POP!*

GP - HOLY SHIT! DID YOU HEAR THAT?! BILLY RAY'S LUNGS JUST EXPLODED! HIS RIBS ARE BROKEN! NO! HE COULD BE DEAD! SEAMAN KICKS BILLY RAY OFF OF THE LADDER! AND BILLY RAYIS OUT OF HERE!

Eliminated - Billy Ray

(A bell rings out, informing the wrestlers that they have a rest period. High Flyer and Cheno sit down, and Cheno pulls out a bowl of pot. Walker walks, of course... Bob Job, AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), and DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) all sit in a circle and contemplate porn and the use of it as weaponry. Nuke tries levitating... Simon Seaman simply does push-ups. This goes for five minutes... and another bell rings.)

GP: The five-minute intermission is over! Here we go again, Flyer and Cheno --

Shallow:Did anyone else notice that Jack Breaker just walked out here during the intermission and joined his tag team partner up on the scaffold?

*BZZZZZZZZZZZ*

JT: Oh yeah! Almost forgot, didn't we?

Shallow: Yep... who's next?

(Ben Archer walks out on one side... and on the other... EL JANITO: THE MEXICAN STEREOTYPE!)

GP: ARCHER IS HERE!

Shallow: As is the stereotype! I knew that there was one thing that the IWO hadn't gotten rid of...

GP: Archer heads up the scaffold's first level! Janito follows, and he goes after Cheno! Archer is right on top of Walker, taking him down with forearms to the back of the head! But from above... it's BOB JOB! JOB TAKES OUT ARCHER! And nearly cracks the damn scaffolding with the jump!

JT: How dumb can you be to jump off something when you're on scaffolds high in the air?

Shallow: This guy's name is Job, JT.

Nikki: Job is trying to push Archer off the scaffold... Archer holding on for dear life. DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) are off beating down High Flyer... FREAKIN' DOUBLE TEAM MOVE!

JT: Wha? Are you going to become NIK Woman or something?

Nikki: ... Dumbass. That's a name of one of their moves! Both of them taking a beatdown to the IWO Grand Slam Champion... but Flyer chops AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) in the leg! Back with Archer and Job, Job pushes Archer off... BUT ARCHER CATCHES THE CAGE! Archer saving his own ass from elimination... Job reaches out to knock Archer off... AHHH!

Shallow: Holy crap, the two of them are hanging off the Cell! That thing is creaking!

GP: Who designed this thing? It looks like it's about to fall apart!

Shallow: I don't know, but... Archer's climbing up! But Bob Job still has him by the boot! Archer trying to get Job off of him... Job won't let go... Archer slams his foot against the cage!

*SNAP!*

JT: SHIT! IT'S GONNA BREAK!

Nikki: Job... JOB LOSES HIS GRIP! HE FALLS! But wait! He grabs on... IT'S SPATULA! SUI-SPATULA DIVE FROM THE CELL'S TOP! IT KNOCKS JOB LOOSE! DOWN GOES JOB, AND HE'S OUT OF THE MAYHEM MATCH! BOB JOB HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! HE LANDED ROUGHLY AS HELL! AND THE SPATULA GOES DOWN RIGHT AFTER HIM! Archer climbs up... he's near the Hell in A Cell part, he jumps, and he's back on the scaffolds! Archer back in the match, he goes and clocks AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) with a good shot to the back of the head! DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) pushes him, Archer grabs him, TOMBSTONE ON THE SCAFFOLD!

JT: El Janito: The Mexican Stereotype is on the second level... he jumps... MEXISAULT! MEXISAULT TO THE FALLEN ARCHER, AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), AND DPS Man(Also Known As Bob)! GOOD GOD! But wait, following... HIGH FLYER FROM FAR OFF, FLYING MOON SHOT TO THE FOUR GUYS THERE! PSYCHOTIC!

GP: They're all down! Pig-pile on scaffold level one! Seaman, Cheno, and Nuke are on the second level... Cheno takes Nuke, goes for a DDT, wait, Seaman from behind... SEAMAN BACK BODY DROPS CHENO, CHENO STILL HAS NUKE, AND SO IT'S A BACK BODY DROP BY SEAMAN ON CHENO, AND CHENO GETS A DDT ON NUKE THROUGH ALL OF IT!

Shallow: Archer pulling himself out of the mass of bodies... he's heading towards the ladder to the second scaffold! Archer grabs Seaman... picks him up, oh no... HE THROWS SEAMAN OFF THE SCAFFOLD! SEAMAN GOING... HE HAS THE CAGE! VP TOM FORD'S IDEA SAVES ANOTHER IWO WRESTLER! Those chains aren't helping much, though...

Nikki: You can hear the crinking and stuff. This is not good... Seaman is trying to get to the top... there's a trapdoor up there... Archer watching Seaman... DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) from behind, GERMAN SUPLEX! SEAMAN BREAKS THROUGH INTO THE TOP OF THE CELL! He's climbing up the cage! AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) grabs DPS Man(Also Known As Bob)...HE TRIES TO THROW HIM OFF THE SCAFFOLD! NO FRIENDS IN THE MAYHEM MATCH! DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) SWINGS AROUND USING ONE OF THE CHAINS THAT KEEPS THIS THING UP,THOUGH, AND DOWN GOES AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) THANKS TO A LARIAT!

Shallow: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

(The lights go out...)

GP: WHO THE HELL DID THAT?

(Kent Anthason is on top of the rafters!)

JT: LOOKIE! WRESTLER ABOUT TO GO CRAZY!

GP: Oh no... HE JUMPS! SEAMAN DOESN'T SEE HIM, CROSS-BODY! CROSS-BODY FROM HEAVEN!

*CRINK!*

Nikki: It bent the Cell! Anthason up, he's climbing up the side of the cage like a spider monkey... He's at the top! The Cell is open! HE'S GOING TO DIE -- I MEAN, DIVE AGAIN! HE THROWS HIMSELF FROM THE TOP...

*SMACK!*

GP: BUT NO ONE WAS THERE!

Shallow: CHRIST! There's Adam Wars! We were paying too much attention to Kent Anthason's entrance that we didn't see competitor number... 29! Wars is on the scaffold... he goes straight for Cheno! Cheno fights back, takes his pot bowl, SHOVES SOME WEED IN THE FACE OF WARS! Flyer goes over...helps his buddy!

JT: I can't keep track of these guys. SOMEONE GET ELIMINATED!

GP: Nuke goes towards Archer... Archer hits him, grabs him, ICONIZER! Nuke is rolled off... BUT HE CATCHES HOLD ON THE BOTTOM SCAFFOLD! El Janito on the second level, he pushes Archer, takes him, tries to rub his face against the chains... but Archer pushes, JANITO FALLS! JANITO IS OUT OF THE MAYHEM MATCH! HE WENT FLYING DOWN INTO THE RING HARD!

Nikki: PAINFUL! PAINFUL!

Shallow*talking in cell phone*: Yeah, and put extra cheese on it...

JT: What are you doing, Shallow?

Shallow: Um... finding out who's coming out next?

GP: Can I have a slice of that pizza?

Shallow: I WASN'T ORDERING PIZZA!

JT: BS. You were!

Shallow: So sue me. I'm hungry.

GP: Archer stands up... he's looking at El Janito all the way down there. CHENO FROM BEHIND WITH THE POT BOWL! Archer goes down! Flyer working over AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)! Grabs him, Hypothermia! DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) from behind... Flyer grabs him, COLD SNOW... BUT DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) REVERSES IT INTO A NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!

Nikki: Cheno standing there... he's got some papers... he's rolling some of DAT SHIT!

(The announce table is silent.)

JT: SHE SWORE! I'M TELLING!

Shallow: Eddie Cheno is lighting up! But here comes Adam Wars! Wars with a kick, knocks the lit roach out of Cheno's hands! Wars grabs Cheno and ROLLS THE DICE! Down goes Cheno! Wars goes to push him off the scaffold... JAKE WALKER AND JACK BREAKER TAKE DOWN WARS!

GP: Where the hell did THEY COME FROM?

JT: They've been in this match?

Shallow: Apparently so! They were hiding! Breaker and Walker take Wars... toss him... AND WARS HITS HIS HEAD ON THE SCAFFOLD AS HE GOES DOWN! 20 feet! And he hit the ground hard! Walker and Breaker head to Cheno... pick him up, Walker takes Cheno, puts him between his legs... SPIKE POWERBOMB ON EDDIE CHENO! Walker and Breaker heading down the ladders to level one... AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) and DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) take them on! It's a tag team war... Flyer gets to his feet... he looks around... HE JUMPS OFF THE SCAFFOLD! HE ELIMINATED HIMSELF!

JT: No he didn't! Look! He's hanging from the bottom of the Hell In A Cell! And now... he's pulling himself up! The guy's a nut, but what he is doing IS WORKING SOMEHOW! He's getting up to one of the trap doors!

Nikki: Hey, hey, THERE'S KENT ANTHASON! HE'S UP AGAIN FROM HIS SECOND MOVE! Anthason climbs down to the first level, swings around on the ladder... jumps... HE TAKES OUT JACK BREAKER AND AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)! Flyer climbing up... Seaman! Simon Seaman clocks Flyer a good one! Flyer clutching on for dear life to the top of the Cell! Seaman with kicks, trying to hit Flyer!

GP: This crowd is in suspense! Can Flyer hold on? AND WHAT THE HELL IS SEAMAN THINKING?!

JT: THAT GUY'S AS STUPID AS FLYER! HE'S CRAWLING OUT AFTER HIM! IT'S A GAME OF FUCKIN' CHICKEN AROUND THIRTY FEET IN THE AIR! THIS CROWD'S LOST IT! SEAMAN KICKS FLYER! FLYER KICKS HIM BACK! SEAMAN TRYING TO USE HIS LEGS TO PULL FLYER DOWN!

*BZZZZZZZZ!*

Shallow: Flyer and Seaman... Flyer with a knee into Seaman's crotch! Seaman hanging by ONE HAND! Seaman socks Flyer in the face with his free hand! The two new entrants in Mayhem... its Brian Blade and Gunnar Smith! They climb up the scaffold, engage in the big fight between Anthason, The Deadly Sins, and the AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) team! Some eight guys are on one scaffold! Flyer with boot to Seaman's gut... SEAMAN FALLS! DOWN GOES SEAMAN, LANDS IN THE MIDST OF THE BRAWL! FLYER FALLS AFTER HIM! THEY LAND ON THE SINS!

GP: Smith takes Flyer... SOCKS HIM IN THE MOUTH! FLYER SOCKS HIM RIGHT BACK WITH A HARD LEFT HOOK! DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) clocks Flyer from behind, though, and they're kicking the flying out of Flyer! AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) is trying to roll Breaker off! Smith goes towards Kent Anthason... grabs him, POWERBOMB! He rolls Kent over, RINGS OF PERFECTION (Rings Of Saturn)!!! RINGS OF PERFECTION! DPS Man(Also Known As Bob)...
he's going and trying to help his partner knock Breaker off this damn thing! Walker still down! Seaman down! Smith pulling back on Anthason... Flyer... Flyer stands! Flyer stands! He's got Gunnar from behind.... IN THE NAME OF GOD!

JT: FLYERBOARD! FLYERBOARD! FLYERBOARD ON GUNNAR FRIGGIN' SMITH, WITH THE RINGS OF PERFECTION STILL ON NTHASON! ANTHASON IS SCREAMING, SCREAMING, SCREAMING! HE'S BENT OUT OF SHAPE! THE HUMAN BODY ISN'T
SUPPOSED TO BEND THAT WAY, BUT IT SURE AS HELL IS! I LOVE IT! SMITH LETS GO OF ANTHASON! FLYER... HEFTS UP SMITH... RELEASES HIM INTO THE AIR, TRIES TO ROLL, BUT SMITH USES SOME MOMENTUM AND SLAMS AN ELBOW INTO FLYER'S BACK!

Shallow: Anthason is in pain... Flyer is also in pain... Walker up, takes down DPS Man(Also Known As Bob)! AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) headbutts Walker! Walker headbutts him back!

JT: Butt-head.

Shallow: AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) with a butt-head -- DAMMIT, JT! I mean, headbutt! Walker knocked for a doozy... AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) grabs him, TWIST OF FATE! Right over DPS Man(Also Known As Bob)!

GP: Flyer drops the Flyerboard... gets to his feet... he has Anthason by the hair... Seaman with a flying clothesline! Geez! Anthason gets saved... and he returns the favor with an anklelock to Seaman! But AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) from behind! CHICKEN WING ON ANTHASON! BREAKER WITH A SLEEPERHOLD! DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) GOES FOR A DRAGON SLEEPER! FLYER GRABS SEAMAN, CAMEL CLUTCH!

JT: ... THE HELL? WALKER LOCKS ON A HEAD SCISSORS! THIS LOOKS LIKE A CHIPPENDALE'S PORN FILM! SEAMAN HAS HIM BY THE FRICKIN' HEAD! HE'S IN A SUBMISSION MOVE, TOO!

Shallow: Almost everyone has a submission move on someone else! Who...wha... lord gravy!

Nikki: But Flyer lets go, picks up Walker... BURNING HAMMER POWERBOMB! ONTO SEAMAN! HE BROKE BOTH OF THEM IN HALF! Superkicks AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)!

JT: They fell like dominoes! Flyer helps Anthason... Anthason with a belly-to-belly, down goes Flyer on the scaffold!

(Suddenly, weaponry falls from everywhere.)

GP: HEY! HEY! WHAT THE HELL?

JT: YAY! WEAPONS!

Shallow: This isn't an Arizona Firewater Death Match! What the hell is going on?

Nikki: Appears to be someone messing with us... Anthason looks up at the weapons... he jumps to the Cell! He's going to climb up the side! ... Flyer jumps after him!

*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!*

(Tony Davis walks out. The crowd boos. Nicholas Kain comes out from the other side.)

GP: Oh no. Davis is here... Kain climbs up the scaffold, he goes right after the Sins! Beating down Jake Walker! Flyer and Anthason are getting in through the trap door... Anthason with a trap door shot! Shuts it on Flyer's head! Anthason grabs a chair... SLAMS THAT ON THE DOOR! Flyer pushes through, though!

JT: All the other guys just jumped!

*SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!*

GP: SHIT!

Shallow: AHHHHH!

(The Sign Language team does what they can do... and that's give the middle finger to signify "oh FUCK!")

Nikki: THEY'RE BREAKING THE CELL! THIS IS NOT GOOD, NOT GOOD AT ALL! THE DAMN THING IS TILTED TO ONE SIDE! FLYER IS HANGING BETWEEN THE TRAPDOOR AND THE TOP OF THE CELL, IMPALED ON THE TUBING THAT KEEPS THE TRAPDOOR FROM KILLING PEOPLE AS THEY HEAD THROUGH IT! ANTHASON IS BALANCING HIMSELF... HE'S CLIMBING THE OTHER WAY! CAN'T BLAME HIM!

*RIIIIP!*

Shallow: AW, CHRIST ALLMIGHTY! THE THING IS FALLING APART! THE DEADLY SINS ARE GOING THROUGH THE TRAPDOOR, PUSHING FLYER UP THROUGH IT! GUNNAR SMITH... THE THING'S SHAKING TOO MUCH FOR HIM... HE LETS GO! ROLLS DOWN
THE CELL! AND HE JUST HIT PAVEMENT, MISSED THE RING TOTALLY! HIS CAREER IS OVER, DAMMIT, OVER! AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) AND DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) ARE CLIMBING IN AFTER THE SINS! IT'S LIFE OR DEATH! SEAMAN... HE'S HANGING ON THE ROOF OF THE CELL! THIS IS WILD!

JT: Davis and Kain are fighting on the scaffolds! Davis has a baseball bat, and he's knocking Kain's teeth loose! Everyone else is scrambling on top of the Cell!

GP: LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

(The American broadcast team rushes the hell out of Dodge. The Hell In A Cell wall collapses, falls, and crushes the Sign Language Announce team. The wrestlers climb their way onto the top of the Cell. Anthason dives at them from the other side of the cage, and the damn thing tips EVEN MORE.)

(Backstage, Greg, JT, Shallow, and Nikki are searching frantically for something to use in order to call the match.)

GP: Well, what do we do now? Our table's under chain-link.

JT: It's your fault, Parker.

GP: IS NOT!

JT: IS SO!

Nikki: You two SHUT UP!

Shallow*into cell phone*: Really? Really... that's interesting.

Nikki: What?

Shallow: There's a Backstreet Boys concert going on down the street.

JT: I KNEW IT! FAG!

Shallow: No, dumbass! They use headsets instead of actual microphones, right?

GP: Probably... it would help disguise the fact that they lip-sync.

Shallow: Well... let's go get them.

(They head out the door.)

(Back in the ring area, Flyer and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) are helping beat down Jake Walker. DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) is working over Kent Anthason, as Breaker throws Eddie Cheno into the cage. Seaman is sitting in the corner, he has a two-by-four... he cracks it over High Flyer.)

Cheno: YOU'VE GOT YOUR BIG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG'S... I'VE GOT MY HASHPIPE!

(And Cheno is singing frickin' Weezer. How odd. Seaman goes over to Cheno, rams his head into the cage... Anthason is trying to fight his way free of DPS Man(Also Known As Bob), but walks into a boot by Walker. Breaker goes and helps his partner out with hurting Anthason. Down on the scaffolds, Davis finishes the bloody beating of Nicholas Kain before kicking him off the scaffold and eliminating him.)

(Outside, Shallow leads his troupe towards the concert.)

AJ McLean: LET ME SHOW YOU THE SHAPE OF MY HEART....

Shallow: NO!

(Shallow throws his cell phone at AJ.)

AJ: OW! BASTARD!

(Thousands of pre-pubescant girls go "GASP".)

Shallow: IWO Announcers... CHARGE!

(JT rushes out first. Kevin Richardson knocks him out with one weak-handed slap. Shallow comes out and drags JT back.)

Shallow: Okay, when I say charge... run away, JT, got me?

JT: Whuzzza?

Shallow: He got it. Now, Greg, Nikki... CHARGE!

(JT starts to crawl away as Greg and Nikki take down Brian, that blonde-haired guy. Nikki goes for a kick to the nuts. Nothing happens.)

Brian: They did something "extra" during heart surgery!

(Greg is having a stand-off with two of them... Howie D. and Nick Carter.)

Howie D.: Nick... as the youngest member of the group, you must prove yourself.

Nick: I can do it! HAHAHAHAHA!

(Howie lets Nick run forward. Greg punches him in the stomach, causing Nick to fly through the air back at Howie, who narrowly misses the body going past him.)

Howie D.: Hehheheheheh... oh shit.

(More girls go "GASP".)

GP: C'mon, you dumb mamma-jamma. Let's get it on!

(Howie shrugs, steps forward, pulls out some Mace. He sprays it in Greg's eyes.)

GP: OWWWWWWWWWWW!

Howie: Pepper spray. Works for everything -- overzealous fans, paparazzi, everything.

(Greg knocks the can out of Howie's hands.)

Howie: How the...

GP: It's called getting your face sat on by Nikki prior to the Pay Per View.

(He picks up Howie, MICHINOKU DRIVER! He takes Howie's headphone, stands on his chest, killing the poor bastard. Greg gives a triumphant Tarzan yell before realizing he still has a job. He runs off the stage.)

(Back in the arena, Flyer is almost being pushed out of the cage through the trapdoor. Davis is waiting, clutching his bat closely. Anthason is climbing away from AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) and DPS Man(Also Known As Bob).)

*BZZZZZZZZZZZ!*

(Out comes... Schitzo Tod... and Cyanide! Cyanide stops just short of the ladder. He isn't going up. Tod races up there and runs into Davis. Davis turns around and looks at him with sick, sick eyes. Tod pushes him.)

Tod: C'MON! HIT ME!

(Davis rears up... swings... Tod ducks! Tod springs into the jugular of Davis, taking him down hard. Tod tries grabbing the bat from Davis. Up above, Flyer is just about to fall out... Archer goes and gives him an extra shove. Flyer flips around, however, and finds himself hanging in familiar territory. Archer, unfortunately, falls... and is eliminated. Flyer moves himself over the scaffolds... drops onto them, just as Davis pushes Tod off. He gets to his feet. Davis and Flyer stare off... Davis charges! Flyer ducks a bat shot, grabs Davis, and throws him into a chain! Davis finds himself hanging off the chain.)

(Back at the concert, Shallow shoves his cell phone down the throat of Kevin Richardson and takes the headset. Nikki stands there... and lets AJ fondle her breasts.)

Shallow: NIKKI! YOU HAVE A JOB!

Nikki: Huh? Oh yeah!

(She kicks AJ in the balls, and takes his headset. She runs off...)

(In the arena, Davis hangs perilously from the scaffold chain. Tod and Flyer are working in conjunction to get him off of it completely. However, other wrestlers are using Flyer's method of getting back on the scaffold and are threatening to get their asses back on it. Davis loses the grip on one hand... grabs his bat, and points it right at Flyer.)

Davis: Don't think it's over.

(He lets himself fall. Flyer stares at the falling Davis, as he hits the ground in a crumple. Tod hits him from behind as Greg, Nikki, Shallow, and JT return.)

JT: This is not funny, you guys. I never want to be this close to Shallow again.

Shallow: Yeah, why does it have to be like this?

(IWO ring crew members set up a table at the entrance. Greg comes out first, followed by Nikki. JT is carrying Shallow, and has his face close enough to kiss him.)

GP: Because Shallow is the junior member of this team, and we don't like you,

JT. Okay? Davis... HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! The other wrestlers are jumping back onto the network! The Deadly Sins jump down... they're fatigued as all hell! DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)... SHIT! DPS Man(Also Known As Bob) OVERSHOT! HE'S ELIMINATED!AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) is looking at his fallen tag team partner... and looks up at Walker and Breaker preparing to hurt him! HE CHARGES INTO THEM!

JT: Man, Shallow, your breath stinks...

Shallow: Your's isn't much better.

Nikki: Seaman gets down... Anthason... he drops down right behind him, turns Seaman around, element of surprise, SWEET SERENITY BY KENT ON SIMON! Kent... he pushes Seaman off! Kent Anthason eliminates Simon Seaman!

*BLAM!*

GP: The signal for a break. Thank god. And remember folks, the rules change now. Every minute, a new competitor comes out until everyone is out!

JT: People have been dropping like flies. Who is left?

Shallow: High Flyer, Eddie Cheno, Jake Walker, AWS Man(Also Known as Bill),Nuke, Jack Breaker, Anthason, Blade, Cyanide are the only men in the match as of right now.

Nikki: The big guns have to be coming in soon.

JT: We know one guy is coming last for sure. That is Jeff King…and he is coming in last.

(We see the wrestlers simply sit down and relax for a little bit. Some of the wrestlers are moving to other platforms. )

GP: Right now…these are the following people and which scaffold they are one…one the bottom left one, there is Jake Walker, Kent Anthason, and Cyanide. On the bottom right scaffold is Eddie Cheno, Nuke, and Blade. On the top scaffold, we see High Flyer, Jack Breaker, and AWS Man!

Nikki: You're the observant one…

GP: Thank you.

*BLAM!*

GP: TIME TO WRESTLE AGAIN!

JT: Kent is attacking the man he faced with the North American Title at stake. Rights and lefts to him. Tod climbs to the top and is met with a clothesline from Jake Walker.

Shallow: Nuke has Cheno by the neck. OH NO! HE IS GOING TO CHOKESLAM HIM OFF THE SCAFFOLD! BLADE COMES FROM BEHIND AND HITS HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!

(On their scaffold, Blade pulls out a drumstick. He hits Nuke in the head with it and then DDT's him.)

Shallow: Blade in control of his scaffold!

Nikki: CHENO IS GOING TO ELIMINATE ALL THOSE PEOPLE FROM HIS SCAFFOLD!

GP: On the top, High Flyer is challenging both Jack Breaker and AWS Man to get him. They both run at him. SPINNING ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE BOTH OF THEM! Flyer picks up Breaker, COLD SNOW (DDT)! Flyer picks up AWS Man…HE SETS HIM UP FOR A POWERBOMB! HIGH FLYER JUST POWER BOMBED AWS MAN TO THE LOWER RIGHT PLATFORM!

JT: Tod and Walker are going at it now. They are exchanging punches. Walker picks up Tod and gives him a scoop slam…WHAT THE HELL!

(High Flyer performs a prefect 450 splash on the down Schitzo Tod.)

GP: HIGH FLYER WITH THE 450 PLASH ON SCHITZO TOD! JAKE WALKER IS CLIMBING THE CHAIN TO THE TOP SCAFFOLD TO TAKE OUT JACK BREAKER!

(On the numbering system, we see here the countdown as the fans chime in.)

Fans: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

(On the right entrance, with Hemorrhage (In My Hands) blaring, Samuel Potright comes out. He simply runs as fast as he can to the ladder and climbs up it.)

Nikki: The former IWO World Champion is in! This is one of the major players in this match!

Shallow: Sam Potright is in. Clothesline to Brian Blade! He is now stomping a mud hole in Blade's ass and walking it dry…so to speak.

Nikki: His earlier match does not seem to be affecting him. Potright picks up Eddie Cheno…inverted drop DDT! Potright picks up Eddie Cheno…he throws him off…WAIT! CHENO GRABBED THE CAGE! He is hanging on for his life!

Cheno: Mang…this shet is messed up mang…

JT: Anthason and Cyanide are still playing hit for hit with rights and lefts…

GP: Breaker and Walker are no looking at each other on the top scaffold. One of these men could win! Walker and Breaker run at each other…Breaker spears Jake! Breaker is now on top and punching the hell out of Walker!

JT: High Flyer is running like a smokin' pistol! He looks at both Anthason and Cyanide…DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! HIGH FLYER IS MAKING ENEMIES REAL FAST HERE!

Shallow: Nuke is up, and gives one look at Samuel Potright. He then looks down at Blade…THE TWO OF THEM START STOMPING ON BLADE!!

(On the numbering system, we see here the countdown as the fans chime in.)

Fans: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

(We hear "Stupify" by Disturbed play. Syphon Fission comes out of the left entrance ramp. The fans go freaking nuts for him, giving him the biggest pop of the night.)

GP: ONE YEAR AGO…SYPHON FISSION CAME INTO THE IWO! NOW…HE COMES BACK TO THE MATCH THAT WAS HIS FIRST ONE YEAR AGO!

JT: The former two time IWO World Champion scales the ladder. He is on the scaffold! High Flyer looks at Syphon. Syphon looks at High Flyer. Syphon charges at Flyer, CLOTHESLINE!

Shallow: Nuke and Potright have been stomping on Brian Blade for a while. Nuke picks up Blade and gives him a brainbuster! Potright then gets Nuke! Potright has the right mind set.

Nikki: My pick is Sammy boy right now!

GP: Walker has Jack Breaker down! Jake Walker picks up Breaker…and throwshim on the lower left scaffold! Walker then takes a seat!

JT: BREAKER'S BODY FALLS ON HIGH FLYER! Syphon smiles as he watches Cyanide get up before his student…Kent Anthason. Tod is staggering up as well…Tod and Cyanide go at it…

GP: Jake Walker is taking a rest…smart move.

Shallow: Cheno is too stoned to move in the cage!

GP - Syphon Fission now turns his attention to Sam Potright! Syphon Fission grabs a chair! AND HE HITS SAM POTRIGHT ACROSS THE BACK WHILE HE WASN'T EVEN LOOKING!

JT - Potright whips his leg around! AND HE PERFORMS A BEAUTIFUL SPINNING HEEL KICK TO THE CHAIR, KNOCKING SYPHON FLAT ON HIS ASS!

Shallow - It's double teaming time! High Flyer grabs one of Syphons legs, and Potright grabs the other! THEY'RE TUGGING AT OPPOSITE ENDS!

High Flyer - Make a wish, Potty!

Shallow - Syphon is screaming in pain! They're treating him like a human wishing bone!

JT - Holy shit! Nuke grabs a chair! Whats he gonna do with that chair?!

GP - OH MY GOD! HE JUST THREW THE END OF THAT CHAIR INTO SYPHONS CROTCH AREA! HIS LEGS WERE SPLIT ALL THE WAY APART! I'D BE SUPRISED IF HE'D BE ABLE TO CONCIEVE CHILDREN AFTER THIS!

Shallow - Nuke is preparing to do it again! But Kent Anthason yanks the chair out of his hands! KENT SMACKS HIGH FLYER IN THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR! Potright tries to yank the chair away, but Kent kicks Potright in the nads! AND POTRIGHT GETS SMACKED IN THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR AS WELL!

GP - Brian Blade charges towards Kent as his back is turned! But Kent quickly turns back around and throws the chair at Blade! AND IT THUDS UPSIDE BLADES HEAD! There's no stopping Anthason! He's on fire!

Fans: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

("Iron Man" by Black Sabbath hits the pa system, as out from the back races Shawn Arrows. He immediatly climbs up, recieving a decent applause from the crowd.)

GP:And Shawn Arrows makes his mayhem presence felt! Anthason goes to nail Arrows in the face with the chair, but Arrows ducks, and then SUPERKICKS the chair into Anthason's face! Dear god! What velocity!

JT:And Arrows just extinquished Anthason's fire!

Shallow:Nuke is doing the smart thing by just letting Arrows go.. and so is Walker, as they converge one one another. Jack Breaker walks over to the hell in a cell, and grabs the chair that had just fallen from Anthason's hands.

Cheno:Mang! Dat shiznit be funken uncool mang!

GP:Walker throws the chair, causing Cheno to lose his grip on the cell! Cheno plummets!

Meygon:Eliminated... Eddie Cheno!

JT:Schitzo Tod and Brian Blade are battling alone up on another far scaffolding. Tod goes down low for a shot to the gut, and then rises Blade to his feet, droping him with a back body drop bomb type move! That was close to Zombie's Supernova!

Fans 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

*BZZZZZZ*

("Memory Remains" by Metallica hits, as out from the back races Dane Matthews. He gets up quickly, and immediatly him and Potright go at it.)

GP:POTRIGHT AND MATTHEWS! EARLIER TONIGHT, THEIR MATCH COULDN'T HAPPEN, BUT HIGH UP ON THAT SCAFFOLD, IT WILL HAPPEN!

JT:It's happening now idiot, it's not "It will happen."

Nikki:Matthews is the fresh man, but Potright wasn't out there long. Potright catches Matthews low... and NAILS WAR WITHIN A BREATH! MATTHEWS IS STUMBLING, ALL THE WAY OFF THE SCAFFOLD!!!

Meygon:Eliminated:Dane Matthews

GP:Quick work by Potright. One mistake could cost you the match...

JT:Of course, if you're High Flyer, you just have to be damn lucky... AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) comes over, and begins to hammer Flyer with right hands.

Fans :5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

GP:Anyone else notice it got considerably faster right about now?

("Come as You Are" by Nirvana hits, as Zombie steps out from the back. Fission immediatly turns his attention to the un-dead man.)

GP:FISSION AND ZOMBIE! OH I'm Salavating at the teeth!

JT:Calm down Parker!

Nikki:Anthason has Cyanide, and he's going to try to powerbomb Cyanide off the scaffold! But Cyanide is block it! Anthason is almost back body dropped, but Cyanide can't get him totally over! Anthason hooks Cyanide's arms.. saying if he goes, Cyanide goes too!

GP:And Zombie arrives at the top, and immediatly Fission comes racing over with the chair. Fission slams the chair down, but Zombie ducks, causing Fission to crack the scaffolding support. Fission drops the chair, his hands in obvious pain.

JT:And now Zombie grabs Fission in a tongen death grip type move... and picks him up, and DROPS HIM in a chokeslam!

Nikki:Zombie immediatly on top of Fission with right hands, as Potright comes over, and dropkicks Zombie off of Fission, and drastically near the scaffold!

GP:Anthason is down off of Cyanide's back, as he catches Cyanide with a jawbreaker.

JT:Walker and Breaker are now working over Schitzo Tod and Brian Blade... Blade is picked up, and nailed with a huge double powerbomb, and now, Walker and Break pick up Tod, and DOUBLE CHOKESLAM HIM OFF THE SCAFFOLD! THE EXTREME CHAMP FALLS TO HIS DOOM!

Meygon:Eliminated:Schitzo Tod!

Fans: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

(Erik Blake races out from the back, with the Million Dollar Man's music playing.)

Blake:Damnit! Not Million! BILLION!

GP:Blake is up on that scaffolding, and immediatly goes over towards AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), and hammers him with right hands, and attempts to snap him over. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) has no part, and picks up Blake. He tosses Blake up, and OFF THE SCAFFOLD!

Meygon:Eliminated! Erik Blake!

JT:And Zombie and Fission are still going at it. Potright helping him. I can't even keep track of everyone. I think the Sins are battling it out with the Brian Blade on the one side... Wait! Look! Arrows leaps off with a cross body, and the Sins and Blade are flailing! Blade and Breaker fall off the side! Dear god! Arrows eliminated two people with that one fateful move!

Meygon:Eliminated, Brian Blade, and Jack Breaker!

Shallow:I don't even know how many people are in the ring right now... It's so crazy to keep track of, even with four anouncers!

Fans 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

JT:Awh come on, that wasn't a fucken minute...

("Enter Sandman" by Metallica hits the pa system, as out from the back walks Sabastian Crow.)

JT:But who cares! Sabastian Crow makes his presence felt!

Shallow:Cyanide and Anthason have been battling near this entire match, and Cyanide, he misses a huge attempt at a ddt, but Anthason picks up Cyanide, and CATCHES CYANIDE WITH SWEET SERENITY! Cyanide rolls... and OFF THE SCAFFOLDING HE GOES!

GP:What a shame too... Cyanide had such a chance at this thing....

Nikki:Crow is up, and immediatly catches Anthason's attention. Crow grabs Anthason, and hammers him into the side of the scaffold! Anthason bounces off, hurt obviously, pain on his face, as Crow takes his head off with a clothesline.

JT:Crow to his feet, as Potright comes over, nailing Crow with a drop kick! Crow flies down, stoping his rythem!

GP:Walker is battling it out with Shawn Arrows on the far right scaffold... asthe Mass Media Movement battles Zombie and Crow on the other. Flyer, Nuke, and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) are battling on the middle scaffold!

Nikki:The Mass Media movement stands tall overtop everyone, as wait! AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) and Nuke grab Flyer, and LITTERALLY THROW HIM DOWN ON TOP OF THE MMM!

JT:FISSION, POTRIGHT, AND ANTHASON FALL DOWN ON THE SCAFFOLD!

Fans 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

("Between Angels and Insects" by Papa Roach hits the pa system, as out from the back walks Jeff King. He takes his time getting to the ring.)

GP:Jeff King! The final entrant into this match!

JT:And AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) is hammering away at Nuke, he's backing him up towards the scaffold, and goes for that fatal blow, but Nuke catchesit, and drops AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) into a reverse arm bar!

Nikki:Walker is up to his feet, after recieving a devastating powerbomb from Arrows. Arrows throws Walker into the scaffolding support, as Walker bounces off, groggy... ARROW SHOT DDT! NEAR THE END OF THE SCAFFOLD AND WALKER FLIES OFF!!

Meygon:Eliminated, Jake Walker!

JT:We are down to ten I think?

GP:That's right JT.

Nikki:The Mass Media Movement is regrouping, and they are attempting to throw Flyer off... but Flyer... LEAPS OFF HIMSELF?!?!

Shallow:He catches himself on the hell in a cell above us! Dear god! What a suicidal leap! Flyer is climbing up that hell in a cell slowly, trying to reach the top, He thrusts open a trap door... as POTRIGHT LEAPS! THE HALF-ANGEL CATCHES HIMSELF ON THE BOTTOM OF THE CELL!!!

JT:Dear god! Flyer is pulling himself up on top of that shakey cell, as Potright slowly begins to climb up to met him! Potright is at the trap door, and FLYER SLAMS IT DOWN ON POTRIGHT'S SKULL!

Nikki:And Potright rears back, almost falling... as Flyer bends down to do it once more, but Potright SLAMS THE TRAP DOOR UPWARDS! Flyer backs up and falls down!

GP:We see Arrows is resting on the side, as Nuke still has the arm bar. Anthason is battling it out with Crow, while Fission and Zombie are up on their feet. Fission goes for a clothesline, but Zombie CATCHES HIM WITH THAT TAZMISSION! FISSION IS FIGHTING IT HIGH ABOVE THE SCAFFOLDING! FISSION IS SENDING ELBOW AFTER ELBOW TO ZOMBIE'S SKULL, but it's not affecting him! Wait! Anthason.. .HE JUST CRACKED THAT CHAIR OVER ZOMBIE'S SKULL! ZOMBIE BACKS UP, AND FALLS OFF THE SCAFFOLDING! DEAR GOD!

Meygon:Eliminated... ZOMBIE!

JT:And Zombie, the un-dead falls!

Shallow:Jeff King! He turns Arrows around, and Arrows didn't even see it coming! King lays in wiht Arrows with a few right hands, sending Arrows realing, and then a front droping clothesline dropping Arrows on the scaffold!

GP:Up above the scaffold, we can see Flyer and Potright battling, exchanging weak right after weak right! Potright is obviously more energetic than Flyer, as Potright whips Flyer towards the center of that steel cage that sits atop the cell! Flyer's back connects viciously, as Potright follows up with a shoulder tackle to the midsection, pinning Flyer between Potright's shoulder and the cage!

Shallow:And Nuke releases the hold on AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), and is slowly getting to his feet. Fission looks up towards Nuke, and PUSHES HIS FOOT! NUKE FLAILS, AND FLIES OFF! NUKE GRABS ONTO THE BOTTOM OF THE CELL! HE'S JUST TETTERING THERE, HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE!

GP:Wait! Arrows climbs up to the middle cell, and Jeff King follows him. King charges, and leaps at Arrows, but Arrows' ducks! King goes flying off the scaffold, and CATCHES NUKE! BOTH MEN FLY DOWNWARD TO THEIR DOOM! DEAR GOD!

Meygon:Elminated, Jeff King, and Nuke!

JT:Is that... is that 7 left?

GP:Well, Potright and Flyer are shacken but not stirred up on top of the cell, while Fission and Anthason put a hurting on Crow. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) is hammering away with Arrows, exchanging with each other on the center scaffold.

JT:Anthason has Crow hooked from behind, and Syphon Fission grabs the steel chair from the scaffolding. He's setting Crow up, as Fission rears back, and CROW DUCKS! FISSION CATCHES ANTHASON, AND ANTHASON BACKS UP AND FLIES OFF THE SCAFFOLD!

Nikki:AND FISSION THEN TURNS AROUND AND CLOCKS CROW! Fission shrugs at his departed friend and ally!

Meygon:Eliminated... Kent, Anthason!

GP:Well, Fission said, friend or foe, you are going down.

JT:Fission grabs Crow, who's been busted from the skull up off the canvas, and DELIVERS A DEATH PLUNGE! CROW FLAILS, and FALLS OFF THE EDGE! DEAR GOD!

Meygon:Eliminated, Sabastian Crow!

GP:Five men remain! High Flyer, a man who has battled from the Number four seed, in his quest to become something he embraced for five minutes. Shawn Arrows, a man who trained and slaved to get here, to get to the gloryness of the IWO... Syphon Fission, a two time former champion, who's goal is to repeat. Sam Potright, a man who battled demons, the half angel, wishes to return to the land of Champion. And AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), a man who wishes to become IWO Champion. A man who came so close months ago, but failed to acheive it...

JT:Talk about a long winded speech Parker.

GP:Quiet JT... Well, Flyer, as you can see, is above the entire structure, on top of the Hell in a Cell, battling away with Sam Potright. Each man trying to make the other man miss!

JT:And in the scaffolding area, we have Shawn Arrows and AWS Man(also Known as Bill) battling, as Fission takes his much needed rest period.

Nikki:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) and Shawn Arrows take a look at Fission, as they take a look at one another. They hop down the scaffolding, as Fission gets to his feet, not ready to be fighting so soon!

Shallow:And Fission hammers away at AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) with a right hand, and Arrows recieves much of the same! Fission with a jaw breaker to Arrows, taking him down, and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) hooks Fission from behind... BREAK YOUR FREAKIN' NECK! SYPHON IS TWITCHING ON THAT SCAFFOLDING RIGHT NOW!

GP:High above the ring, Potright is charging towards a recovering Flyer, as Flyer ducks down, back body dropking Potright into that small cage behind him. Potright grabs Flyer by his hair, and throws him down, back first onto the cell, as Potright leaps out of the cage with a diving leg drop.

JT:Fission is slowly regaining his senses after Break Your Freakin' neck, as AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) and Arrows battle it out! Arrows sends AWS Man(Also known as Bill) towards the scaffold support, and is reversed, and when Arrows comes back, AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) KNOCKS HIS FREAKIN' HEAD OFF!

Nikki:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) turns around... AND NAILS FISSION WITH KNOCKS YOUR FREAKIN' HEAD OFF! FISSION BACKS UP, AND ANOTHER KNOCK YOUR FREAKIN HEAD OFF! SYPHON! HE SLIPS! HE SLIPS! THE FAVORITE SLIPS UP! AND HE'S PLUMMETING! SYPHON FISSION HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! DEAR GOD! DEAR GOD!

Meygon:Eliminated.. SYPHON FISSION!

GP:FOUR MEN REMAIN! WHICH ONE WILL GO TO BEACH PARTY!

JT:ONE? PFFFFT!

Shallow:Potright and Flyer are battling atop, Potright with a european uppercut, sending Flyer realing! Potright has Flyer up on top of that small steel cage, and DROPS HIM DOWN WITH FALL FROM GRACE!

Nikki:DEAR GOD! THEY BROKE THROUGH THE TRAP DOOR! THEY LAND ON AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) and Shawn Arrows! THEY ARE PUSHED OFF! DEAR GOD! THEY'RE GONE!

Meygon:Eliminated, AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) and Shawn Arrows!

GP:THE FINAL TWO! SAMUEL POTRIGHT, THE HALF-ANGEL, AND HIGH FLYER! THE LUNATIC!

JT:This is what it's all about! One of these two men goes to Beach Party! The other gets the shameful distintion as being the runner up! I'm so freakin' Excited!

(AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) comes over and superkicks JT, because he's bitter he was thrown off and JT said freakin.)

GP:ONE ANNOUNCER DOWN, TWO WRESTLERS TO GO! Potright hammers a beaten, bloody Flyer with a right hand, sending him staggering, and a huge kick to the gut sends Flyer forward, and right into a diving foot face drop into the scaffolding!

Shallow:Flyer's blood is all over that scaffold... then again, Potright is rather good for the wear. Potright begins to hammer Flyer with right hands from the side, as Flyer tries to hammer Potright in his chest, sending him off, Potright falls down, and then regroups to his feet, as Flyer slowly tries to do the same. Potright charges, for a swinging neckbreaker, but Flyer tosses him, CROTCH FIRST INTO THE CHAIN SUPPORTS!

Nikki: Potright is crotched, suspended in mid-air, holding himself up by the top scaffolding part, as Flyer hooks him from behind with an inverted headlock, and DRIVES him into the mat with an inverted DDT!

Shallow:That scaffold isn't too strong, you would think we would have learned by now!

GP:Flyer is slowly getting to his feet, and grabs a steel chair! What does he have planned here?

Nikki:Potright to his feet, and Flyer swings, but Misses! Flyer flops, and drops the chair, and HE'S OFF!

GP:NO! FLYER CAUGHT HIMSELF BY THE SUPPORT CHAIN! DEAR GOD, THAT MUST BE RIPPING AT HIS HANDS! THE RUST, THE SHARP EDGES! Potright is staring down at him like a mad man!

Shallow:Potright can smell it! He can taste the world gold, so close to his fingers. Potright grabs the chair, and he's going to lay it in, with no mercy! Potright rears back...

GP:And Flyer pulls himself up, curling himself up into a ball, and KICKS THE CHAIR BACK INTO POTRIGHT'S SKULL! Potright staggers back, as Flyer pulls himself back up onto the top scaffold, ala Shawn Michaels! Potright turns around, rather stunned, as FLYER LEAPS OFF OF THE TOP WITH A MISSLE DROPKICK INTO THE CHAIR!! WELL, not the top, but the middle raised scaffold!

Nikki:Potright is slowly getting up, his face contorted into bloodshed, much like Flyer wears his crimson mask. Flyer gets to his feet, and he's attempting to nail Hypothermia... but POTRIGHT NAILS WAR WITHIN A BREATH! FLYER'S HEAD IS DOWN! DEAR GOD! FLYER IS DOWN, AND DOWN AND OUT!

Shallow:Potright is slowly climbing up to the raised scaffold, and now puts his arms out in a crucified position... DEAR GOD! CHRIST AIR!

(Suddenly, snappin chains and sounds of that nature are heard, however, the arena noise is so loud, that they are nearly inaudible.)

Shallow:HE HIT CHRIST AIR ON FLYER! ON THE SCAFFOLDING!!!

(All of a sudden, the side with Flyer and Potright collapes, opens up like an old west salon door.)

GP:DEAR GOD! FLYER AND POTRIGHT BOTH FELL! THE IMPACT OF CHRIST AIR BROKE THE SCAFFOLD!

(JT awakens.)

JT:WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR BEACH PARTY!

(JT Falls back down, knocked out again.)

Shallow:... I ... I don't know! Potright and Flyer beat each other to hell, and they both, technically, should recieve their shot at Beach Party!

(JT Awakens)

JT:I told you one person wouldn't win it!

(Nikki slaps him, and JT passes out again!)

GP:I... I'm not sure what to think of all of this! Potright, and Flyer, they are bloody, beaten, and bruised, and destroyed! And I don't know what happens from here! But all I know is that we must move on! And while the crew clears things up... the time has come. We've been waiting for a month for this match, and this time, there *will* be a winner.

Shallow: Yeah, but even still, there's still the factor at ringside. Donnie Daze has two managers, Joey Legion and Matt Senate. Joey Malone has Keri Lindum and now, Syphon Fission. I mean, it'll be just as chaotic outside the ring as it will be inside the ring.

GP: Well, let's not forget one thing. Keri Lindum won't be too much of a factor because of her pacifism.

JT: That's true, but she has the most WICKED telepathic bitchslap ever...

Nikki: Heh, yeah. She's quite a lifesaver when my hand gets sore...

JT: Shut up.

Nikki: Yup. My hand's gonna be sore after this match.

Shallow: Who knows.

GP: We'll be ready for this match, but let's show what has brought these two men to this matchup...

(The scene fades to black...)

Voice(Donnie Daze): Malone, you think you're so tough... you think you can play in the big leagues, little dog?

("Free" by Vast starts playing as the word "Warcry" fades in, written in white letters. An image of Joey Malone coming out to challenge Donnie Daze, minutes after he stole the World title away from Samuel Potright, is shown. It's followed up by several other images, that of Daze connecting Further Paralysis on Malone, Malone kicking out of it, Malone catching Daze with the crossarm Everest Cataclysm, Joey Legion and Matt Senate smacking Malone with two chairs, and Daze holding his arms in victory, being propped up by Legion and Senate.)

It's time to laugh,
It's time to cry,
It's time to be what you need to be...

Voice(Greg Parker): What a travesty of justice! Joey Malone should have won the match!

(The scene fades to black, and fades to the words "Hostile Takeover".)

Voice(Joey Malone): Why don't you put your money where your mouth is, Daze? It's worth about two cents, anyway.

(The scene cuts to a series of scenes. Malone decking Daze, Malone doing the cutesy kipup-clothesline spot on Joey Legion and Matt Senate, and Joey Malone completely missing a golf cart ambush and the pull-apart brawl between Malone and Daze afterwards. The scene then cuts to Schitzo Tod scoring an upset win on Donnie Daze, and then, the scene fades away...)

It won't be long 'till they are gone,
And we can be what we want to be...

Voice(Malone): Aww, whazzamattah, Dazey Wazey? Did the big bad Schitzo Tod give you a nasty little boo boo?

(A second replay of the golf cart incident...)

Voice(Daze): Joey, that incident has allowed me to call my lawyer and file for your arrest, under the charge of attempted vehicular homicide.

Voice(Parker): WHAT?!

(The next series of scenes involve Joey Malone being taken off to prison, and Donnie Daze's subsequent stalkings of Keri Lindum, as Keri tries desperately to hide from Daze. She runs into Kent Anthason, High Flyer, and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) (also known as Bill) in her confusion and paranoia. She then tries to call a lawyer to file a restraining order, but it all turns upside down on her, when Daze, Legion, and Senate all trick her into signing a restraining order against Joey Malone, instead.)

I'm gonna run from everything,
everything that holds me down,
nothing to win, nothing to lose...

(The image shows a crying Keri, and a sneering Donnie Daze.)

Voice(Daze): Your boyfriend made a BIG mistake when he messed with me...

(The scene fades to black, and then the scene fades to another jumble of words... "Hostile Takeover"...)

You can't tell me what to do anymore,
You can't tell me what to do anymore,
Now I'm free, now I'm free, now I'm free...

Voice(JT): Daze picks up Bob Job again! He hooks him up! DAZED AND CONFUSED! DAZED AND CONFUSED! YES! YES! YES!

(...the scene fades to Donnie Daze hitting said Dazed and Confused on Bob Job, with the referee down. Daze is unaware of Joey Malone jumping to the top rope and hitting the Bad Moon Rising swandive headbutt straight down upon him, allowing Bob Job to take the pinfall victory and upset on him.)

Voice(Daze): Malone, what the FUCK is your problem?

Voice(Malone): Daze, I believe that YOU are my problem.

(The scene fades to black, and the words "Monday Night Meltdown: The Night of the Gimmicks" appears in bright white colors...)

I'm gonna run, I'm gonna win
I'm gonna do what I need to do

Voice(Joey Legion): Hey, FUCK YOU, Malone. You're going down, tonight, and that's all there is to it.

(...the words turn into "Exploding Chairs Handicap Match", where various images are shown. Malone reversing an irish whip into an explosive device on Joey Legion, Daze stopping Malone from getting the Cataclysm on Legion, Daze stopping ADD from being hit on Matt Senate, the missile dropkick Doomsday Device on Malone by Senate and Daze, Malone blowing up in a corner, Keri Lindum coming out and throwing a chair in Matt Senate's hands, Malone dropkicking said chair, Malone hitting the Everest Cataclysm on Legion on said chair, Daze pulling the referee out at two, Malone attacking Daze, and Malone hitting the match-ending Bad Moon Rising for the pin.)

'cause it's time to be what I need to be,
It's time to be what I need to be...

Voice(Parker): Malone's the number one contender to the IWO World Title! The restraining order has been lifted, and Donnie Daze is sitting on the outside in complete shock!

(...the scene fades to black at this time, and then the words "Hostile Takeover: Night of the Champions" appears in white letters...)

You can't tell me what to do anymore,
You can't tell me what to do anymore,
Now I'm free, now I'm free, now I'm free...

Voice(Malone): I *am* smarter than you are... that's why I asked my old buddy, Syphon Fission, to be in my corner at May Mayhem...

Voice(JT): NO! NOT FISSION! ANYONE BUT FISSION! LET IT BE ANTHASON! LET IT BE POTRIGHT! LET IT BE DILDO THE TALKING POODLE! BUT NOT SYPHON FISSION!!

(...the scene fades to Joey Malone with a microphone in the ring, and Donnie Daze interrupting him.)

Voice(Daze): I'm not afraid of Syphon Fission. In fact, I could kick his ass. And EACH and EVERY one of you know it! Even you, Malone!

(Then the scene cuts to Syphon Fission coming out, Daze backing away, right into Malone, Malone and Fission trapping Daze in the entryway, and Malone and Fission playing "Right Hand Ping Pong" with Daze's forehead until Daze runs out, through the crowd. Then the scene fades to Donnie Daze going beserk in the backstage, grabbing a steel folding chair, hitting Malone, and making a menacing glare at Keri.)

I want to hold air in my hand,
Own the one thing you can't buy...

Voice(Daze): I believe I still owe you for being responsible for Matt's broken nose...

(Then the scene cuts to Syphon Fission stopping Daze from attacking Keri, then the scene cuts to Malone attacking Daze in the ring, Joey Legion attacking Malone from behind with a chair, Daze hitting Dazed and Confused on Malone, Keri trying to check on Malone, and then Daze hitting Dazed and Confused on Keri.)

Voice(Parker): WHAT KIND OF SICK, TWISTED FUCK *IS* DONNIE DAZE?!

(...then the scene fades away...)

Nothing to win, nothing to lose,
I'm gonna run from everything...

(...only to fade back into more words: "Wednesday Night Meltdown: The Night of Nothing".)

Voice(Daze): I went so far as to destroy his pesky and possibly blind girlfriend with Dazed and Confused, the most devastating finisher in the IWO, today...

(...the scene fades back into Daze and Malone's pull-apart brawl, whose highlight includes Malone nailing a tope suicida on Daze and about four members of IWO security, before they're pulled apart. Malone has the microphone...)

Everything that holds me down,
Nothing to win, nothing to lose,
It's time to be what I need to be...

Voice(Malone): Daisy, you wanted to know what Life, Death, and Endurance is? Allow me to explain. It's you... and I. ...IRON MAN MATCH.

(The next scene shows various clips of the Gunnar Smith-Samuel Potright iron man match, as well as the Phelen Kell-Dane Wilt Perfection Match and some of the Syphon Fission-Samuel Potright Iron Mans from Utter Obliteration 2000 and Ice Age 2000...)

You can't tell me what to do anymore,
You can't tell me what to do anymore...

Voice(Malone): It goes sixty minutes. And for every fifteen of those minutes, the stipulations.... change...

(Scene cut to Keri Lindum, giving Joey a warning...)

Voice(Keri Lindum): And this iron man match? You BARELY survived Arizona Firewater, Joey...

(Scene cut to the end of Monday Night Meltdown, where Joey Malone hits the Cataclysm on Daze and pins him to end the cage match. Then we see Malone take a beatdown from Daze up until the Mass Media Movement gets involved and stops everything. The scene fades to black...)

You can't tell me what to do anymore,
Now I'm free, now I'm free, now I'm free...

(The song fades out... then words fly by...)

Life... Death... and Endurance...
They all connect existence...
They are at the center of what these two are fighting for...
One title, four intervals, and sixty minutes...
Life... Death... and Endurance...

(Fade to the announcers...)

JT: Geez, we spent MONEY on this?

Shallow: Sue them, they wanted to make it important. Well, actually, it IS important... it's the World title!

JT: Yeah, but this is such a foregone conclusion! Daze is going to take Malone to Hell and bring back Satan's pitchfork with his ass impaled on it!

GP: You never know.

JT: Oh, I do know!

GP: Well, with that said, let's head to Meygon for the ringside announcements.

*ding, ding, ding*

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome YOUR special guest referee... he is a former TWO TIME IWO WORLD CHAMPION... HE IS "GENETIC PERFECTION" GUNNNNAAAARRRR SMIIIIITTTTHHHH!!!!

GP: WHAT?!

JT: I didn't hear anything about this!!

Shallow: What's gonna happen now?!

("No Leaf Clover" by Metallica plays as the fans just go absolutely bonkers for Gunnar Smith, wearing the stripes like a bandana on his head and is wearing a nice-looking shirt and pants. He climbs in the ring, raises his arms to get a huge pop, and stands in a neutral corner. Meygon then continues her ringside announcements.)

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen... the following contest, is the LIFE, DEATH, AND ENDURANCE MATCH FOR THE INTERNET WRESTLING ORGANIZATION WORLD TITLE!

(The crowd pops. Huge.)

Meygon: The rules are the following: During the sixty minute time period, falls will be exchanged. For every fifteen minutes that pass, the stipulations for actually gaining a fall will change. The winner of the match will be the one who has the most falls at the end of the sixty minutes, and the winner shall be the holder of the IWO World Title!

(And with that, the crowd's tension grows at a fever pitch.)

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, now making his way to the ring...

(The lights go to black, as the beginning distortions of "One Man Army" by Our Lady Peace plays. The crowd seems confused, as they don't really recognize the song being associated with anyone in the IWO. The drums start as the lyrics begin. The spotlight shines on the entryway. When the guitars pick up and the word "TWITCH!" is heard, a big explosion hits, and the lights come on. Standing where the explosion was, just a millisecond ago is Joey Malone. The crowd goes insane when they figure out it's Joey Malone. Malone's hair is tied in a ponytail. Keri Lindum then comes out the entry way behind Joey, wearing a black dress.)

(The chorus can be heard...)

Meygon: He is the challenger... he hails from Phoenix, Arizona...

/ I remember falling... /

Meygon: He stands six feet, three and three quarters inches, and weighs in at two hundred and forty-nine pounds.

/ I remember marching... /

Meygon: He is a former IWO North American, Pacific, United States, World Tag, and Intercontinental Tag Team champion...

/ Like a one man army... /

Meygon: He is the master of the Everest Cataclysm among many other moves...

/ Through the blaze, I remember coughing... /

Meygon: He is accompanied to the ring by Keri Lindum...

/ I believe in something... /

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, he is JOOOOOEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY MAAAAAAALLLLLLLOOOOOOOONNNNEEEEE!!!!!

/ I don't want to remember falling... for your lies... /

(Malone walks down the entryway, with Keri closely following him. He climbs into the ring as the fans continue to go nuts for him. Joey climbs the ropes to the second turnbuckle as the fans persist in their craziness.)

Meygon: Also in Malone's corner...

("One Man Army" fades out... then "Papercut" by Linkin Park starts playing. The fans go equally insane. We are surprised that the men in the white coats haven't come out, yet. In any case, the Mayhem logo opens up and Syphon Fission comes out as the fans... well, you know. Fission is wearing his wrestling gear, considering that he just fought in Mayhem and all.)

Meygon: He is a former two-time IWO World Champion... he is SYYYYPPPPHHHHOOOONNNN FIIISSSSSIIIIIOONNNN!!!!

(Fission enters the ring, continuing to get big pops.)

GP: Well, for the record, the longest Malone has wrestled is quite similar to the length of this match. He did fight Jax Stone in a fifty-two minute Arizonan Firewater Death Match, in February.

JT: Yeah, but Jax Stone was a poser! He never had the talent that Donnie Daze had to win the IWO World Title!

GP: Well... that could be argued.

(Before it could be, though, "Your Disease" by Saliva starts playing as the crowd starts booing like crazy. The entryway opens up and Donnie Daze comes out, followed by Joey Legion and Matt Senate, who walk side-by-side behind Daze. Daze has the World title around his waist. Things get thrown in Daze's general direction.)

Meygon: ...And his opponent... from Port Saint Lucie, Florida... he stands six feet, three inches, and weighs in at two hundred and twenty-five pounds... he is a former IWO Extreme, Pacific, and United States champion... he is the master of Dazed and Confused and Further Paralysis. He is accompanied to the ring by Joey Legion and Matt Senate... ladies and gentlemen, he is the CURRENT IWO WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... DOOOOONNNNNNIIIIIIIEEEEE DAAAAZZZZEEEEE!!!!

(Daze enters the ring, followed by his flunkies. Finally, all four managers exit the ring, leaving Malone and Daze standing in their corners, facing each other.)

GP: You could probably cut the intensity in the ring with a knife.

Shallow: No shit. And stop stealing Gorrila Monsoon lines.

GP: You take all of the fun out of broadcasting.

Shallow: :-(

*ding, ding, ding*

1st Interval (0:00-14:59): Straight Wrestling
Falls are gained via pinfall, submission, countout, or disqualification. The rules work like a regular wrestling match.

Shallow: Here goes the first fifteen minutes, the wrestling. How boring.

GP: Well, these first few fifteen minutes definitely favor the challenger. Malone is arguably the best technician the IWO has.

JT: That's what's so bloody sad about it. The so-called best technician in the IWO is an idiot like Malone?

GP: Malone and Daze are just staring at one another, right in the center of the ring. Daze just poked Malone in the shoulder!

JT: YES! YES! YES! DAZE IS THE MAN!!!

GP: Oh god, you're gonna be like this all night, aren't you?

JT: FUCK YEAH!

GP: And Daze just shoved Malone!

Nikki: Malone shoves back!

*SMACK!*

GP: Ohhh! Daze just slapped Malone! And that might have just pissed Malone off! There's a double leg takedown! Malone lays down the rights to Daze! Daze rolls over! Now he gets some rights in on Malone!

Shallow: Malone shoves Daze off! Now Malone gets to his feet and takes a forearm shot from Daze! Daze whips Malone into the ropes, no, the reversal! Malone drops down! Daze ducks a clothesline... but Malone catches him with a running elbow smash! Malone drops down for the cover! One... two.. no! Smith counts two!

GP: Smith's more used to wrestling than refereeing, though.

Nikki: Well, Malone goes into a armbar, here, but Daze is fighting out of it. Daze rolls through and flips Malone over! Now Daze hooks in an armbar, but Malone gets to the ropes!

JT: What a frickin' coward!

GP: Hey, Daze shouldn't have been anywhere near the ropes.

JT: But still!

Shallow: Malone gets to his feet, followed by Daze... Daze runs at Malone, and Malone gets a drop toe hold, and into the side headlock!

GP: Daze slips out with a hammerlock, but Malone kips up and gets the side headlock back! Daze shoves Malone into the ropes... Malone goes for a clothesline, it's ducked by Daze... AND DAZE GETS MALONE IN A KATIHAJIME!

JT: YES! YES!

Nikki: It's the return of the Marco Polo Submission Hold! But Malone runs into the ropes and both he and Daze fall to the outside!

Shallow: Uh oh...

GP: And already, the ringside mayhem gets involved! Legion clotheslines Malone down! Here comes Fission! Fission with a clothesline to Legion!

JT: Smith's on the outside and is holding Legion and Fission back, as Daze picks up Malone and throws him into the stairs!

GP: And Daze with a knee to Malone's face, while Malone was sitting against those stairs!

Shallow: Man, Malone's taking a shitkicking. Just the way I like it!

GP: Daze throws Malone back into the ring and he makes the immediate cover!

Nikki: Smith's back in! One... two... no! Malone with the kickout!

GP: Daze thought he had it! He's already bitching at Smith and we're only three minutes in!

Shallow: Malone recovers... INSIDE CRADLE! ONE... TWO... THR- NO! SMITH ALMOST COUNTED THREE!

GP: This just pisses Daze off, who nearly obliterates Malone with a clothesline!

JT: Daze picks up Malone and hooks him for Further Paralysis! But Malone is moving too wildly! Daze loses his balance and Malone falls on top of him! Smith with the cover! One... two... no!

GP: Daze hooked the arms with his legs into the sunset flip counter! One... two... no! Malone rolls through and hooks the legs! Into the Japanese leg roll pin! One... two... th- NO! Daze bridges out into the backslide! One... two... Malone kicks out!

Shallow: And Daze comes back with a dropkick to the face of Malone, just before Malone could get up!

JT: YEAH, DAZE! THAT'S SHOWING HIM!

GP: Daze gets back up and he picks Malone up... fisherman's suplex! Smith drops down for the pin! One... two... thr- no! Again, Malone won't give up the first fall!

Shallow: Daze is back up again and he drops a leg on Malone! Again with the cover! One... two... no!

Nikki: Daze is getting a tad frustrated with the challenger! He wants that psychological edge of being the first to pin early on!

GP: Exactly! But Malone won't let him!

Shallow: Daze picks Malone up and sends him off the ropes! Daze goes for a clothesline, it's ducked by Malone! Daze leaps up for a hurracanrana and gets it! He holds on for the cover! One... two... thr- NO! Again, Malone kicks out!

JT: DAMN YOU, MALONE! STAY DOWN!

GP: Daze picks Malone up again and he goes for a dragon sleeper, and... WAIT! Malone just flipped up and over Daze! Malone gets an inverted suplex on Donnie Daze!

Shallow: Daze is hurting, as Malone floats over into the cover! One... two... thr-NO! Again, Daze kicks out!

JT: Wait a second! Matt Senate is up on the apron! He's distracting Gunnar Smith!

GP: Oh, great.

Shallow: Keri just pulled Senate off the apron, but Senate grabs Keri and throws her to the floor!

GP: What a bastard! She's a pacifist, she wasn't gonna fight back!

JT: She shouldn't have pulled Senate off the apron!

Shallow: AAHHHH!!! MALONE WITH A TOPE SUICIDA TO MATT SENATE!

GP: Man, these combustable elements in this match are just too much!

Nikki: Malone's back up and he gets up to the apron... Daze is up... and he takes a springboard dropkick to the face! Malone goes into the cover! One... two... HEY! Joey Legion just pulled Malone out of the ring!

Shallow: Legion is stomping away at Malone, but Syphon Fission with a forearm shot to Legion!

GP: Donnie Daze rolls under the bottom ropes, and he waits for Malone to get up! Daze with an Asai Moonsault to take down Joey Malone!

JT: Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about, baby!

Shallow: Daze gets to his feet and he rolls Malone back in the ring!

GP: Daze slides in and goes for the cover! Smith's there! One... two... thr- NO!

Shallow: Dammit! Daze should've had him!

Nikki: Well, he's didn't, as Daze picks Malone up and turns him around! He goes for Dazed and Confused, but Malone reverses into an Olympic Slam, but Daze lands on his feet! Daze with a gutshot and a DDT! Now Daze goes into the cover again! One... two... th- NO! Daze is PISSED! He thought he had him there!

GP: Daze picks Malone back up and sends him into the ropes, no, Malone reverses... into an overhead cobra clutch... EXORCISM DDT(Armtrap diving reverse DDT)! MALONE HASN'T USED THAT MOVE SINCE DECEMBER!

Shallow: Malone goes into the cover! One... two... thre- NO! BARELY HAD HIM!

JT: Hah! Donnie Daze kicks ass! He got up from that move!

GP: Malone picks Daze backs up and hooks him for a full nelson, but Daze rolls through into a pinning combination! One... two... thr- NO! Malone kicks out AGAIN!

Shallow: Daze and Malone are to their feet and Malone goes for a spinning wheel kick, but Daze ducks it! Malone rolls to his feet, and takes a jumping heel kick from Daze! Daze falls into the cover! One... two... thr- NO!

JT: Dammit! Is Malone cheating or something?

Nikki: Probably not.

JT: Daze dropkicks the piss out of Malone as Malone was TRYING to get to his feet!

GP: Daze again goes for the cover! One... two... thr- NO!

Shallow: Malone just won't stay down.

Nikki: Now Daze picks Malone up and throws him into the ropes... Daze goes for a backdrop, but Malone holds on to the ropes! Malone walks to Daze and gets him in a double underhook! He's going for the Everest Cataclysm!

JT: DAMMIT! NO! Wait! YES! Daze backdropped Malone over!

GP: Malone holds on to the arms, though! Malone gets a rollup off of that! One... two... thr- NO!

Shallow: Daze almost lost that!

GP: Daze is to his feet and he runs at Malone! But Malone catches Daze and drops him with a powerslam! One... two... thr- NO! Only a two count!

JT: Malone picks up Daze and he goes for a suplex! But Daze flips out of the vertical suplex... DAZED AND CONFUSED(inverted facebuster)! MALONE GOT CAUGHT WITH IN DAZED AND CONFUSED! YEAH!

GP: Daze hooks the leg! One... two... THREE!

*ding, ding, ding*

(5:40 left in interval.)
Donnie Daze - 1
Joey Malone - 0

GP: Daze takes the first fall!

JT: Hah hah! That fucking Malone bitch just got beat by the best!

Nikki: Daze goes right back into the cover! One... two... thr- NO! Malone kicked out, that time!

GP: Good, sound strategy by Donnie Daze!

JT: Daze picks up Malone and sends him off the ropes! Daze leapfrogs over Malone!

GP: But Malone stops his own momentum! Daze is taunting the crowd, but Malone grabs Daze from behind! German suplex, with a bridge! Smith is there! One... two... thr- NO!

Nikki: Malone is struggling to get to his feet, he was knocked woozy by that damn Dazed and Confused...

Shallow: Daze is up and he goes for another dropkick, but this time, Malone's out of the way!

GP: Daze is back up and Malone shoves Daze into the ropes... Malone catches Daze with a mountain bomb! A mountain bomb! Malone rolls into the cover! One... two... thr- NO!

Shallow: Malone picks up Daze again, and sends Daze into the ropes! Daze reverses and goes for the hurracanrana again! But Malone holds on to Daze this time! POWERBOMB! Malone powerbombed Daze!

JT: Dammit, no!

Nikki: Malone doesn't cover! Malone is calling for the Bad Moon Rising!

GP: Malone is climbing to the outside! He scales the ropes, but Matt Senate's back up on the apron, distracting Smith!

Shallow: Legion climbs up on the apron near Malone! Legion just crotched Malone on the top rope!

Nikki: Daze is to his feet, just as Senate drops back down to the ringside area!

GP: Dammit, these stupid managers are keeping Malone from getting any flow going.

Shallow: Daze is climbing up on to the top rope! He's looking for a big move here!

Nikki: Superplex? No! Malone's fighting it! Malone knocks Daze back to the canvas and climbs up to the top rope!

(Malone his arms right above his head, then leaps off, spreading his arms out in midair... and...)

GP: Malone leaps... YES! BAD MOON RISING! THE TOP ROPE SWANDIVE HEADBUTT HITS!

Shallow: Malone makes the cover! Smith drops down, one... two... THREE! MALONE GOT IT!

*ding, ding, ding*

(2:10 left in interval.)
Donnie Daze - 1
Joey Malone - 1

JT: SHIT! DAMMIT! WHAT A TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE! HOW THE HELL COULD THAT HAPPEN TO DONNIE DAZE!? THIS SHIT JUST AIN'T RIGHT!

Shallow: Calm down, Mister Wizard. Sheesh, you're such a Daze mark.

JT: You god damn right I am!

(JT shows off his Donnie Daze hat.)

JT: See this, bitch? This is called "selling out". Okay?

Shallow: Whatever.

GP: Well, that Bad Moon Rising took a lot out of Malone, though, as both men remain down.

Nikki: Joey Legion and Matt Senate are LIVID! They can't believe that they couldn't keep Malone from hitting that move!

Shallow: Malone is to his feet, so he picks Daze back up and shoves him into the corner! There's a hard chop!

(The crowd woos, as Malone starts going into a chop flurry.)

GP: Jesus CHRIST! Malone is killing Daze in the corner with a hell of a lot of knife-edge chops and punches! Malone is taking out his frustrations on the IWO World Champion!

Shallow: Malone stops pounding at Daze... and Daze just collapses in the corner!

Nikki: Malone picks up Daze again and whips him into the ropes, but Daze holds on... only to get clotheslined up and over by Malone! Malone, himself, is over the top and to the outside!

GP: Oh god, now the war outside's about to pick up!

*ding, ding, ding*

Shallow: What the hell?

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, the first interval of this match has reached its time limit. The second interval begins... NOW!

2nd Interval (15:00-29:59): Street Fight
Just like any other street fight, there are no disqualifications or countouts. Falls count anywhere, which means that Daze and Malone can brawl to Zimbabwe and the fall would count.

GP: Man! I forgot all about that!

Shallow: Malone and Daze are on the outside, brawling! Daze with a forearm shiver to Malone and he throws him back in! Now Daze tosses a chair into the ring!

JT: Yeah, Daze! Prove to him what a hardcore man you are! SHOW HIM!

Nikki: That's right! Malone isn't a hardcore wrestler! Daze is, he's a former IWO Extreme Champion!

GP: Malone is to his feet as Daze slides in, though! Baseball slide to Daze's chest as he rolls in! Daze just spills out to the floor!

Shallow: Malone rolls under the ring as he picks up Daze and throws him into the nearby steel stairs!

GP: Those things weigh a lot, and they hurt a lot!

JT: No shit, Parker.

Nikki: Now Malone picks up Daze and slams him into the Sign Language commentary table!

Shallow: NO! STOP! THOSE DEAF PEOPLE NEED THOSE GUYS!

GP: YEAH!

JT: Damn it, Malone! Stop it! That's cheating!

Shallow: No holds barred, bitch!

JT: Fuck you, Johnny.

Shallow: :-(

Nikki: Malone slams Daze into the table again, and now he throws him into the ring!

GP: Malone picks up Daze again and sends him off the ropes! Daze ducks the clothesline, but Malone picks up the nearby chair, and...

*SMACK!*

Shallow: WHAT A SHOT! Malone just KILLIFIED Daze with that chairshot!

JT: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Shallow: Malone drops down into the cover! Smith is there! One... two... thr- NO! DAZE KICKED OUT AT THE LAST SECOND!

JT: YES! YES! DAZE IS GOD! WOOHOO!

GP: Malone is surprised, here, but he isn't gonna let this stop his momentum! He picks up Daze again, and he sets him up for a spinebuster... but Daze counters with a DDT! Where in the hell did that come from?

Shallow: I don't know, but Daze definitely has the advantage right now!

JT: Daze picks up the chair and waits for Malone to get up! YEAH, BABY! YEAH!

GP: Malone ducks the chairshot, though! He kicks Daze in the gut and Daze drops the chair!

Shallow: Malone with an irish whip, but Daze reverses and clotheslines Malone over the top and to the outside!

JT: Daze has that chair now, and he picks it up... Malone's trying to recover on the outside, Daze runs with the chair, and...

(Daze jumps, maneuvers the chair to the bottom of his feet, and aims a chair-assisted baseball slide at Malone.)

*SMACK!*

GP: ANOTHER GOOD SHOT! Malone was obliterated by that modified baseball slide by Donnie Daze!

JT: Now THAT'S how you motherfucking use a steel chair!

Shallow: Malone is down on the outside as Daze goes for the cover! Smith slides out and makes the count... one... two... thr- NO! Malone kicks out!

Nikki: Daze can't believe it!

Shallow: As well he shouldn't! That was one hell of a shot to Malone!

Nikki: Daze picks up Malone again and irish whip him into the steel ring post!

GP: Now here comes Legion and Senate, who are double-teaming Malone there, while Daze is distracting Smith!

Shallow: Here comes Fission again, but Senate and Legion run off just before he gets there!

Nikki: Daze picks up Malone and throws him back in the ring!

GP: Daze slides in, as does Gunnar Smith.

Shallow: Daze picks up Malone again and hooks him up for a tiger driver! But Malone moves behind Daze while Daze was holding his arms, and... BACKDROP DRIVER! MALONE JUST PLANTED DAZE WITH ONE!

JT: Dammit! Get up, Daze!

GP: Malone slides into the cover! One... two.... thre- NO! DAZE KICKED OUT AT TWO AND THREE/FOURTHS!

Nikki: Malone is a bit stunned, there, as Malone calls for another Bad Moon Rising! Malone climbs through the ropes and up the turnbuckles... but look out!

*SMACK!*

GP: JOEY LEGION JUST THREW A CHAIR AT MALONE AND MALONE JUST FELL TO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!

Shallow: Ouch. What rotten luck!

GP: Legion and Senate are just interfering at will against Malone, and Gunnar Smith is going out to check on Malone... BUT IN THE RING!

(The crowd is just going nuts.)

Nikki: SYPHON FISSION'S IN THE RING! DAZE IS UP, BUT HE DOESN'T SEE HIM!

Shallow: Daze turns... CLOTHESLINE BY FISSION! MATT SENATE CLIMBS INTO THE RING! FISSION CLOTHESLINES HIM OUT OF THE RING!

JT: DAMMIT! STOP THIS MANIAC!

GP: Fission picks up Daze, but Daze lowblows him and shoves him out of the ring!

Shallow: But look out! Malone's back up and he's back on the top rope! Daze doesn't see him...

Nikki: MISSILE DROPKICK BY JOEY MALONE! MALONE GOES FOR THE COVER! ONE... TWO... THRE- NO! Daze kicks out!

JT: That's because Daze is my hero!

GP: Joey Malone can't even believe that that didn't get the win!

Shallow: Malone picks up Daze, again, but now Daze gets a low blow on him!

JT: CHEAT TO WIN, BABY!

Nikki: Ugghhh...

Shallow: Now Daze picks up Malone and sits him on the top rope! Daze climbs up there and lands a beautiful hurracanrana off the top rope! Daze slides over into the cover! Smith's there! One... two.... thre- NO!!

JT: DAMMIT! DAMMMMITT!! DAZE HAD IT! HE HAD IT, DAMN YOU!

GP: He didn't!

JT: HE DID!

GP: *sigh* You're too much, JT.

JT: That's what all of the women say. Isn't that right, Nikki?

*SMACK!*

Nikki: Fucker.

JT: That's what I am... to all the ladies!

*SMACK!*

JT: :-(

Shallow: *Nelson-style* Hah hah!

GP: Daze picks up Malone again and he places a chair where Malone landed! He sets him back up top! This could put Malone away! He's going for another hurracanrana! But Malone punches at Daze's midsection! He shoves him off, but Daze lands on his feet, and...

(Keri Lindum jumps up to the apron and is handed a chair by Syphon Fission. She throws it into the hands of Donnie Daze.)

JT: Hey! Why did Keri Lindum throw that chair in Daze's hands!?

(Lindum hops off, just as Joey Malone regains his footing on the second rope and leaps off.)

*SMACK!*

Shallow: HOLY SHIT! MALONE WITH THE FRONT DROPKICK INTO THE CHAIR IN DAZE'S HANDS! DAZE IS OUT!

JT: DAMMIT! NOO! THAT'S A CHEAP BASTARD MOVE!

GP: MALONE ROLLS INTO THE COVER! SMITH IS THERE! ONE... TWO... THREE!!

*ding, ding, ding*

(12:10 left in interval.)
Joey Malone - 2
Donnie Daze - 1

JT: NOOOO!!! DAMMIT! MALONE'S AHEAD!

Shallow: Malone took the lead with that chair-assisted dropkick!

JT: DAMMIT! WHO LET THAT BITCH INTERFERE!?

(Hearing this, Keri telepathically bitchslaps JT.)

JT: OW, DAMMIT!

Nikki: Hey, it saved me the effort! Thanks, Keri!

GP: Joey Malone now throws Daze right back out of the ring, and he follows outside!

Nikki: And Malone just slammed Daze right into the Sign Language Table again!

GP: Those poor, poor Sign Language people! Get out of there, John Century and Debbie Page!

(The two Sign Language commentators clear out.)

Shallow: Malone slams Daze into the Sign Language Table again!

GP: Now Malone throws Daze on top of the Sign Language Table and climbs up to the apron!

JT: DAMMIT, DAZE! MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!

Shallow: Joey Legion grabs Malone's legs, but Syphon Fission just speared Legion out of the way! Malone leaps!

*CRASH!*

GP: DAZE MOVED OUT OF THE WAY! OH MY GOD! MALONE JUST WENT THROUGH THE TABLE AFTER MISSING A SUICIDAL ELBOW DROP!

JT: YESSS!!!!

Nikki: But Daze is still probably knocked silly from the earlier dropkick, so he's down, too!

(Shallow sees something that he wish he hadn't. His hand shoots out and he points at a black hole in the middle of the ring.)

Shallow: Oh my god.

GP: What?

Shallow: THERE'S A *FUCKING* WORMHOLE OPENING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!

(Pause.)

GP: DEAR GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT!

Nikki: Daze is slowly getting to his feet, and he picks up Malone and throws him back into the ring!

GP: Daze climbs in, too, and he sees the wormhole! What's Daze doing?

Shallow: Dear god, Daze is gonna slingshot Malone into the wormhole!

GP: But Malone just twists his body toward the wormhole and Daze flips right into the wormhole! Oh my god! We might have just lost Donnie Daze forever!

JT: NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Nikki: Malone goes over to Gunnar Smith!

Joey Malone: Hey, Smithikins, how much do you trust me?

Gunnar Smith: About as much as the Americans trusted the Japanese at World War II.

Joey Malone: Great! Then since this is a street fight...

(Malone grabs Smith and pulls him into the wormhole with him.)

GP: WHAT?! DAMMIT! MALONE JUST TOSSED HIMSELF AND GUNNAR SMITH INTO THAT DAMN WORMHOLE!

Shallow: Oh my god, our brave cameraman is going in that wormhole as well!

(He jumps in as the scene suddenly goes to static and a gnome.)

Gnome: HARK! I am the Evil Gnome Leader!

(The Leader pauses.)

Evil Gnome Leader: AND I HAVE TAKEN OVER THIS PAY-PER-VIEW! MUWAHAHAHAHA! And therefore, the IWO is no longer the IWO, but it is the GNOME WRESTLING ORGANIZATION!

(A knock on the Evil Gnome Leader's door.)

Evil Gnome Leader: Huh? Awww, but Ma! I still have to finish conquering the IWO!

(The Evil Gnome Mom comes in.)

Evil Gnome Mom: NO BUTS, YOUNG MAN! GET TO YOUR ROOM! NO PAY-PER-VIEW TAKEOVER FOR YOU!

Evil Gnome Leader: :-(

(Scene cut to inside the wormhole.)

GP: My god, we're... we're... looking at...

Nikki: At...

Shallow: SESAME STREET!!!

(Yes, we're in Sesame Street again, as Malone and Daze are exchanging punches right in front of Oscar the Grouch. Oscar is none too happy about the present condition, and isn't afraid to mention his distaste over it.)

Oscar the Grouch: Hey! Stop that! I need my beauty sleep!

(Malone ducks a roundhouse right and catches Daze with an inverted atomic drop.)

JT: Ahhh! No! Not the Daze Family Jewels!

Shallow: Yes! And Daze is hurt! And Malone catches him with a clothesline!

GP: Now where's Malone going?

JT: Malone is over with Oscar the Grouch.

Joey Malone: Hey, Oscar. May I borrow your garbage can for a couple of minutes?

Oscar the Grouch: No! Screw you, hippie!

Malone: But Oscar, I need your trash can to effectively beat the gray matter out of Donnie Daze's eardrums! Won't you reconsider?

Oscar: NO! This is my home!

Malone: Well, sorry, but...

(Joey picks up Oscar's trash can.)

Oscar: HEY! PUT ME DOWN!

Malone: Gladly!

*SMASH!*

Shallow: Oh my god! Malone just picked up Oscar the Grouch's garbage can and brought it down on Donnie Daze's forehead!

Oscar: Aaaahhhh!!! Damn you!

JT: HEY! THIS ISN'T FAIR!

GP: Malone still has Oscar's trash can up in the air!

Oscar: PUT ME DOWN, PUT ME DOWN!

Malone: I am! Over Daze's forehead, I will!

*SMASH!*

GP: AGAIN, MALONE DRIVES OSCAR THE GROUCH INTO DAZE'S HEAD! DAZE IS DOWN!

(Malone puts Oscar the Grouch down.)

Oscar: Fucking wrestlers... I quit.

Nikki: Malone goes for the cover! One... two... th-NO! Smith counts two!

JT: Malone is getting a tad frustrated, as he scales the staircase that leads to the front door of 123 Sesame Street! No! Dammit! Don't do it!

GP: WAIT! JOEY LEGION JUST CAME IN AND ATTACKED MALONE FROM BEHIND! LEGION IS ATTACKING MALONE!

Nikki: Where'd Joey Legion come from!?

Shallow: I don't know, but Malone is fighting back! Right hand to Joey Legion! Another! Another! Repeated right hands to the forehead of Joey Legion!

GP: Matt Senate is on the railing and he leaps at Malone, but Senate ends up taking out Legion, instead! Malone moved out of the way!

JT: Dammit!

GP: Malone grabs... ELMO! MALONE HAS ELMO!

Elmo: Ooh! That tickles!

(Malone hits Elmo over the head, and Elmo passes out.)

GP: Malone is approaching Daze with Elmo in hand!

(Malone starts whirling Elmo around like a nunchaku.)

JT: Uh oh... DAZE! GET OUT OF THERE! MALONE KNOWS ELMO FU!

Shallow: Too late! Malone just whipped Daze across the forehead with a shot from the Elmochaku! And another shot to the stomach! And one more right to Daze's face! Daze is down, as Joey Malone throws Elmo away! What a vicious string of attacks by Joey Malone!

GP: Malone is now wandering over the Big Bird, now!

Joey Malone: Hey, Big Bird... can I use your nest for a second?

Big Bird: I'm getting evicted from it, anyway. Why not destroy it for me?

Malone: Great!

(Malone takes the nest and puts it right under the staircase that Malone was gonna jump off of earlier. He finally takes the hair tie out of his hair, to release it out of its ponytail.)

GP: Oh god, what's Malone doing, now?

Nikki: I don't know, but it doesn't look good! Now Malone places Oscar the Grouch and his trash can on top of it!

Oscar: DAMMIT! LEAVE ME ALONE!

Malone: Sorry, Oscarkins. Anyone who has a name relating to Ben O'Connor's alternate personality deserves to have his trash can destroyed.

Oscar: :-(

GP: I didn't think that Joey Malone would be so cruel to the Sesame Street gang! I think Malone believes that this match is more important than the daily lives of the Sesame Street people! Malone picks up Daze and takes him to the top of the staircase at 123 Sesame Street! Malone is looking for something! He's calling for the ADD! Malone hooks Daze's arms for the Sky High setup, but Daze holds on to the railing!

JT: Daze knees Malone in the groin! Yes, yes, yes! That's why you're the motherfucking World champion, baby!

Shallow: SHUT UP, JT. Geez, you're annoying...

JT: Fuck you, Shallow. Fuck you long, hard, and up the ass.

Shallow: Reliving your sexual fantasies, again, JT? Sorry, I'm only interested in the opposite gender.

(Nikki bitchslaps JT before he can kill Shallow.)

*SMACK!*

Nikki: No, JT! Bad JT! No biscuit!

JT: =(

GP: Wait! Donnie Daze spins around behind Malone and turns Malone around as well! Daze hooks up Malone for Further Paralysis! Daze has him up... WAIT! NO! NOT THAT WAY! AAAHHHH!!!

*CRASH, SMACK, AND YOINK*

JT: YESSS!!!!!

Nikki: JOEY MALONE WAS JUST DRIVEN THROUGH THE TRASH CAN AND THE BIRD'S NEST BY DONNIE DAZE'S FURTHER PARALYSIS(Cradle DDT) FROM ABOUT SIX FEET UP! I DON'T EVEN THINK JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF COULD'VE SURVIVED THAT!

(Jesus Christ appears in the ring, still nailed to the cross.)

Jesus Christ: I've taken two, thank you.

(Jesus Christ leaves.)

Shallow: WE WERE JUST VISITED BY JESUS CHRIST, OUR SAVIOUR! REJOICE!

(Yay.)

Nikki: DAZE IS OUT! MALONE IS DEFINITELY OUT! WAIT! MATT SENATE JUST PULLED DONNIE DAZE ON TOP OF MALONE! Joey Legion is getting Smith's attention, Smith was dealing with Snuflelufagus's drunken ramblings! Smith makes the count! One... two... three!!

*ding, ding, ding*

(9:20 left in interval.)
Joey Malone - 2
Donnie Daze - 2

JT: YESSS!!! REJOICE! OUR CHAMPION HAS TIED IT UP!

GP: God, you make me sick, JT.

JT: Screw you, Parker! Daze is my hero!

Nikki: What the HELL!? Malone's getting to his feet before Daze!

JT: I think Daze took the brunt of the fall, and the only thing that pinned Malone was the shock value of the move...

*SMACK*

GP: WHAT THE HELL!? LEGION AND SENATE WITH A CONCHAIRTO DOUBLE CHAIRSHOT! SHADES OF WARCRY LAST MONTH! THAT WAS THE MOVE THAT COST JOEY MALONE THE IWO WORLD TITLE!

JT: HAH HAH! YES! MANAGERS GETTING INVOLVED! THAT'S COOL!

GP: You were bitching about Keri's involvement earlier!

JT: Well, I didn't want the love mush from Trick or Treat III...

GP: I hate you.

JT: I know.

Nikki: Daze is slowly getting to his feet, and he picks up Malone! Malone is not looking good, now, as Daze slams Malone's head into the side of the staircase!

Shallow: Malone is just beaten silly! He took a super Further Paralysis and a double chairshot! And he's still fighting! Malone gets an elbow to Daze's gut, but Daze gets a rake in the eyes! And a stunner! A stunner to Malone! Daze goes into the cover!

JT: Yes! Daze'll be three and two!

GP: Smith's there! One... two... NO! Malone kicked out at two!

Nikki: Daze can't believe it! He shoves down the damn Cookie Monster! He takes the cookie pan from the Cookie Monster!

Cookie Monster: HEY! I COOK THAT WELL! IT MINE!

JT: Daze takes the pan and approaches Malone! Malone's just now getting to his feet!

*SMACK!*

JT: Right on top of Malone's head! That hurt me! Yeah!

GP: You're sick, you know that!? Daze is now raising that pan again!

*SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK*

Nikki: OH MY GOD! DAZE IS JUST BEATING THE LIVING HELL OUT OF JOEY MALONE! MALONE ISN'T USED TO HARDCORE RULES AS WELL AS DAZE IS!

JT: That's because Daze is just simply better than Malone!

GP: Daze is just laughing! He still has that cookie pan! He raises it and gets ready to hit Malone again! But Malone gets his foot up and kicks Daze in the chest! Malone is getting to his feet, somehow, someway! Daze drops the cookie sheet, and Malone nails a clothesline to Daze! Malone is FIGHTING BACK! How the hell!?

JT: Dammit, no!

Shallow: Malone is grabbing that cookie sheet and places it right in front of Daze! He picks up Daze and kicks him in the gut! Now Malone is pulling himself to the top of the damn 123 Sesame Street staircase! Malone is measuring Daze! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! MALONE JUST LEAPT OFF AND CAUGHT DAZE WITH A SWINGING NECKBREAKER, RIGHT ONTO THAT COOKIE SHEET!

GP: Malone makes the cover, and Gunnar Smith quickly runs over into the cover! One... two... DAMMIT! DAMMIT! JOEY LEGION WITH A CHAIRSHOT TO MALONE TO BREAK UP THE THREE! Dammit! Where the hell is Fission!?

Shallow: Fission is still in the arena, because the wormhole closed before he could get in! This is giving Legion and Senate free reign over Joey Malone! Daze rolls Malone over and tries to cover! Gunnar counts! One... two... NO! Malone kicks out!

JT: THAT WAS THREE, DAMMIT!

Nikki: Shut up, JT.

GP: Wait! Ernie and Bert! Ernie and Bert can't take this any more! They're attacking Legion and Senate! What the hell!?

JT: Bert clotheslines Senate down!

Sesame Street Gang: TRIPLE S! TRIPLE S! TRIPLE S!

GP: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! ERNIE AND BERT JUST LANDED THE SESAME STREET SLAM(Double scoop slam) ON JOEY LEGION! RIGHT ON THE CONCRETE FLOOR! JOEY LEGION IS DOWN! BUT SENATE WITH THE STEEL CHAIR! CHAIRSHOT TO ERNIE! CHAIRSHOT TO BURT!

Shallow: OH MY GOD! THERE'S A RIOT IN SESAME STREET! Snuflelufagus with a clothesline to Matt Senate! Big Bird with a double axehandle to Snuflelufagus! The Cookie Monster spears down the Count! These two have been secretly feuding for years!

JT: ....THEY'RE FUCKING PUPPETS!

GP, Shallow, and Nikki: *gasp*

(A stunned silence fills the crowd.)

GP: Get the fuck off our broadcasting team, JT.

Nikki: You fucker.

Shallow: WAAAHHHH! MY KIDS ARE WATCHING AT HOME! HOW COULD YOU!?

JT: Okay, okay! They're not puppets! Forgive me, please!

GP: Promise?

JT: Promise!

GP: Fine. You're not voted off the broadcast table.

JT: YAY!

Shallow: Oh my god! Another wormhole! Another damn wormhole has opened up! Matt Senate picks up Joey Legion and drags him into the wormhole and jumps in! Donnie Daze picks up Malone! He ducks a roundhouse right from Ernie, kicks him in the nuts, and throws Malone in! Daze jumps in, himself! Now Gunnar Smith's the only one left! Smith shrugs and jumps in, too!

(And the scene cuts to the "Barney & Friends" show.)

JT: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE, GOD! NOTHING IS AS WORSE AS THIS! NOT EVEN THE MERE THOUGHT OF JOEY MALONE AS IWO WORLD CHAMPION!

GP: MALONE AND DAZE ARE UP AGAIN AND THEY'RE BRAWLING! RIGHT IN FRONT OF THOSE KIDS AND BARNEY!

Kid: What are they doing?

Barney: Hyuck! Well, kids! They are busy taking care of their issues!

Kid: But it doesn't look friendly!

Barney: Well, kids! Let's sing a song!

(That damn song starts playing...)

Barney: I love you...

(Malone and Daze stop fighting.)

Barney: ...you love me...

(Malone and Daze both turn in unison toward Barney.)

Barney: ...we're a happy family...

(Malone and Daze turn, nod to each other, and both clothesline Barney at once.)

GP: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! MALONE AND DAZE ARE *TEAMING UP* AGAINST BARNEY! THE KIDS RUN AWAY CRYING AND SCREAMING!

JT: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! MY ONE, TRUE IDOL!

*SMACK!*

JT: Thanks, I needed that.

Nikki: No problem.

Shallow: Malone and Daze both grab Barney! YES! YES! YES! HARD THUNDER MAXIMUM LACERATION! THE FORMER TEAM CGI FINISHER! BARNEY IS DEAD! HE JUST EXPLODED INTO LITTLE BITS!

JT: Malone and Daze both get up, shrug, and continue brawling! Yeah! I was hoping that alliance wouldn't last!

GP: Malone grabs Daze for a DDT, but Daze counters with a Northern Lights Suplex! Smith counts! One... two... NO!

Shallow: AND *ANOTHER* DAMN WORMHOLE APPEARS!

GP: Daze rolls through for another Northern Lights suplex, but they both fall into the wormhole!

Gunnar Smith: Ugghhh... damn wormholes...

(Smith jumps in, followed closely by the slowly recovering Senate/Legion tandem. The scene now opens up in Daze's backyard. Quite literally.)

GP: DAMN! NOW THEY'RE IN DONNIE DAZE'S BACKYARD! PORT ST. LUCIE!

Nikki: Greg, that was quite noticed. It really IS Donnie Daze's backyard!

(Gunnar Smith teleports in.)

Gunnar Smith: Whoah... deja vu...

(Malone and Daze start brawling again, right up and over Daze's fence and toward the front yard.)

JT: Malone and Daze continue their brawling to Daze's front yard!

Nikki: WAIT! WHO'S THAT?!

(A UFO flies above Daze's yard. Daze knocks down Malone with another forearm shiver, and looks up, as the UFO drops a light down into Daze's yard, and Rob Kestler is seen.)

Donnie Daze: NO! NO! NOOOO!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!

Rob Kestler: Derp!

(Gunnar Smith runs over to Rob Kestler.)

Rob Kestler: Greetings, G-Dogg.

Gunnar Smith: *Don't* call me that...

Rob Kestler: =(

(Kestler and Smith start dumping trash all over Daze's yard.)

GP: AH HAH HAH! DONNIE DAZE'S YARD IS GETTING TRASHED! *AGAIN*!

Donnie Daze: Damn you, Gunnaaar-AUGH!

JT: NOOO!!!

GP: MALONE JUST LOWBLOWED DAZE! And Malone nails a Bareback stunner! Daze falls to the ground! Now Malone wanders over to Kestler! What's Malone doing? Kestler's one of his best friends, I know that much...

Joey Malone: Hey, Rob. You wouldn't happen to have a table, would you?

Rob Kestler: Moo! Of course I do, sillybilly!

(Kestler pulls out a table out of nearly nowhere. Joey thanks Kestler for it, and drags it back to Daze.)

GP: Oh god, oh god! Malone with a table. THAT IS *NOT* A GOOD SIGN! Malone puts the table down and goes to Daze, but here comes those damn bastards, Joey Legion and Matt Senate! They're attacking Malone again! Won't they ever QUIT?!

Nikki: HELL NO! Donnie Daze has found a ladder and he's climbing to the roof of his house! What the hell is Daze gonna do!?

JT: YES! DAZE IS CALLING FOR THE DAZE BLAZE! SENATE AND LEGION ARE THROWING MALONE UP ON THE TABLE!

GP: DAZE IS UP ON THE ROOF! THAT'S LIKE TEN FEET IN THE AIR! DAZE LEAPS!

*CRASH!*

JT: YESSSS!!!!

Shallow: DAZE BLAZE(Frog splash)! DAZE BLAZE FROM THE ROOF OF DONNIE DAZE'S HOUSE! MALONE WAS CRUSHED BETWEEN THE TABLE AND THE FLYING FLORIDAN!

JT: YEAH! DAZE'LL DO *ANYTHING* TO RETAIN THE TITLE! ANYTHING, I SAY!

GP: DAZE MAKES THE COVER! LEGION GETS GUNNAR SMITH'S ATTENTION! SMITH COUNTS! ONE.... TWO.... THREE!!!!

*ding, ding, ding*

(4:47 left in interval.)
Donnie Daze - 3
Joey Malone - 2

JT: YEAAAAHHHHH!!!!! WOOHOO!!!

Nikki: And with that fall, Donnie Daze has regained the lead in this Life, Death, and Endurance Match! But at what price, Daze is clutching his ribcage!

JT: He might be clutching his ribcage, but god dammit, he's gonna win this motherfucker!

GP: And there's ANOTHER wormhole! And... another one's opened up back at ringside! It's right behind Daze and Daze doesn't know it! Malone is slowly moving, and he sees the wormhole, and shoves Daze in! And Daze is in the ring! Now Malone rolls into the wormhole!

Nikki: Please let this be the last wormhole, please let this be the last wormhole...

(And pretty soon, Gunnar, Legion, and Senate all join Malone and Daze in the ring. Fission, fed up with all of the waiting, quickly climbs into the ring.)

JT: WAIT! DAMMIT! KEEP FISSION OUT OF THIS!

GP: Legion goes after Malone, but Fission grabs him from behind! German suplex! Joey Legion was just dropped on the back of his head! Senate charges at Fission! Kick in the gut! DOUBLE UNDERHOOK! YES! YES! YES!

JT: NO! NO! NO!

GP: DEATH PLUNGE(Pedigree)! DEATH PLUNGE TO MATT SENATE! FISSION ROLLS OUT OF THE RING!

Shallow: The managers both roll out of the ring, dazed!

Nikki: Speaking of dazed, Donnie Daze is getting to his feet! He picks up a stray trash can lid!

*SMACK!*

GP: What a shot, right to the forehead of Joey Malone! Now Donnie Daze goes to the outside! What's he looking for?

JT: Awww, CRAP! YEAH! DONNIE DAZE HAS A BARBED WIRE CASSETTE TAPE OF TERMS OF ENDEARMENT! WE'RE GETTING EXTREME, NOW, BABY!

Shallow: How extreme is a boring drama?

JT: I was refering to the barbed wire!

Shallow: Geez. Touchy...

Nikki: Daze slides into the ring! He's gonna bury that thing in Malone's face! But Malone superkicks the cassette out of the ring and it shatters all over the ringside area! But Daze capitalizes while Malone's back is turned with a neckbreaker!

(Meanwhile, Joey Legion is back up and he grabs a barbed wire two-by-four from under the ring. This goes unnoticed.)

GP: Daze picks up Malone again and sends him off the ropes, but Malone counters! He goes for ADD, but Daze wiggles too much for Malone to turn the Sky High into the DDT! Daze lands on his feet, and sends Malone into the ropes again! Malone ducks the clothesline from Daze! But Daze catches Malone with a hotshot on the rebound!

*CRACK!*

Nikki: OH MY GOD! JOEY LEGION JUST CRACKED THAT BARBED WIRE BOARD OVER JOEY MALONE'S SKULL AS HE WAS TAKING THAT HOTSHOT!

JT: YESSS!!! BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOOOOOODDDDD!!!!

(Indeed, Malone has been cut open. Oh yeah, and JT gets bitchslapped for the 387482th time.)

*SMACK!*

JT: Owie.

GP: MALONE HAS BEEN BUSTED OPEN BY THAT DOUBLE TEAM MOVE! DAZE ROLLS UP MALONE FROM BEHIND! NO, DAMMIT! THIS CAN'T BE PUT UP TWO AHEAD FOR DAZE! SMITH RUNS OVER FOR THE COUNT! ONE... TWO... THR- NO! MALONE KICKED OUT! MALONE KICKED OUT!

JT: DAMMIT, NOOO!!! DAZE HAD IT! HE HAD IT RIGHT THERE, DAMMIT!

Nikki: Daze wants to make sure he has breathing room! He's making sure with Gunnar that it was a two-count!

Shallow: Daze picks up Malone and he climbs the ropes! He's looking for this new PPV finisher he developed, the Ultimate Confusion! But Malone wiggles out of the cross arms and punches Daze in the stomach! Malone climbs up there into the reverse crucifix position! This could be, this might be... YES! ICONOCLASM FROM THE SECOND ROPE! DAZE IS DOWN! DAZE MAY BE *OUT*, EVEN! MALONE SLIDES INTO THE COVER!

JT: NOOO!!!

Shallow: ONE... TWO... THR-NO! DAZE GETS THE LEFT SHOULDER UP!

JT: YESSS!!!

GP: I'm surprised that Daze kicked out!

JT: I'm not! I knew he would!

Shallow: You did?

JT: Well.... no.

*ding, ding, ding*

Nikki: OH MY GOD! WE'RE AT THE HALFWAY MARK! THIRTY MINUTES HAVE ELAPSED!

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, the second interval of this match has expired. The third interval will begin... now.

3rd Interval (30:00-44:59): Tables
For this fall, pinfalls, submissions, countouts, and disqualifcations DO NOT count. The only way to get a fall during this interval is by putting your opponent through a table with an OFFENSIVE move. Botched highflying moves will not count as a fall.

JT: YES! THE TABLES! TABLES TABLES TABLES!!!!

Nikki: Good god, JT, you're such a freak...

JT: You know it, baby!

GP: Daze is still wobbily, he's gotten to his feet, but Joey Malone has rolled to the outside, and he's grabbing various objects from ringside! There's two steel chairs! Now Malone goes under the ring! MY GOD! Look at the plethora of objects under there! Malone grabs a scanner, a sandbox, a computer monitor, and a remote control and throws them into the ring!

Shallow: Malone is back in the ring, and Daze attacks Malone with right hands! Now Daze sends Malone into the ropes, but Malone reverses, he picks up a chair!

*SMACK!*

JT: DAMMIT, NOOO!!! THAT'S CHEATING!

GP: No disqualifications, dammit! It's the tables segment!

JT: :-(

Shallow: WHAT a VICIOUS chairshot by Malone! Now Malone picks up Daze again! Double arm DDT! Malone is beating the living hell out of Donnie Daze!

JT: THIS SUCKS!

Shallow: Now now, JT... learn to control your damn temper!

GP: Malone picks up Daze again and he scoop slams him down! Now Malone goes to the outside, out on the apron! What's Malone doing?!

Nikki: MALONE WITH A SPRINGBOARD MISSILE DROPKICK TO DAZE! Damn, if it weren't table rules, Malone would have another fall on Daze!

(The crowd starts chanting tables, as the bleeding Malone gets to his feet.)

GP: Listen to this crowd! They want to see the tables!

JT: No, they're not! They're chanting for Rena Mero! Really!

Nikki: Sounds like "tables, tables, tables" to me! Malone isn't going for the tables, though! He grabs Daze!

(Malone picks up Daze and climbs up to the second rope, hooking Daze's arms. Much to the surprise of the crowd, Malone flips from the turnbuckles like a Diamond Dust and comes down, driving Daze to the canvas in a Tomikaze position. The fans ERUPT.)

GP: NEGATIVE IMPULSE! MALONE PLANTED DAZE WITH THE FLIPPING TOMIKAZE!

JT: AAAHHHHH!!!!!!! MALONE DROPPED DAZE ON HIS HEAD! THAT SHOULD BE AGAINST THE RULES!

Nikki: Malone has taken out Daze, and now he's going out to grab a table! He's gonna tie this thing up!

(Malone completely ignores the announcing tables at ringside and looks under the ring for a table. Immediately, a blast of carbon dioxide that's commonly found in fire extinguishers shoots out, hitting Joey Malone and stunning him. Out from under the ring pops out some guy.)

GP: Who the HELL is that?! Legion is still around at ringside and Matt Senate is still out!

JT: I don't know...

Shallow: IT'S TOM TAYLOR! TOM TAYLOR IS DONNIE DAZE'S FRIEND AND A FORMER IML WORLD CHAMPION! WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?!

JT: I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M GLAD HE'S HERE!

Nikki: Taylor rams Malone into the steel ring post and throws him back into the ring! Daze is getting to his feet and he lands a vicious superkick in Malone's face! Malone's ALREADY bleeding, what more can you do to him!?

JT: MAKE HIM BLEED MORE! BLOOODDDD!!! GIVE ME BLOOODDDD!!

*SMACK!*

Nikki: You're sick.

JT: Yes.

GP: Now Taylor slides a table into the ring!

Nikki: This isn't right! Gunnar Smith is yelling at Tom Taylor to stop getting involved! Meanwhile, Donnie Daze is setting the table up! Malone is getting to his feet, and by god, he's bleeding like all holy hell! Malone gets to his feet and Daze kicks him in the gut! Daze is setting up for a powerbomb! He tries to get Malone up, but Malone's fighting it! Malone picks up Daze from there into the fireman's carry!

Shallow: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! MALONE WITH THE JERKEROLIZER, DRIVING DONNIE DAZE THROUGH THE SET TABLE!

JT: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

*ding, ding, ding*

(13:47 left in interval.)
Donnie Daze - 3
Joey Malone - 3

GP: MALONE HAS TIED IT BACK UP AGAIN! MY GOD!

JT: DAMMIT! NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!

Shallow: Malone is getting back to his feet! Malone is to his feet, and he's seriously gonna fuck Daze up now!

JT: WAIT! WAIT! TAYLOR'S IN THE RING! HE KICKS MALONE IN THE GUT! YEAH! JACKKNIFE POWERBOMB!

GP: THAT'S THE MOVE THAT WON HIM THE IML WORLD TITLE! THE TOM BOMB! MALONE'S DOWN!

Nikki: WAIT! THAT JUST DREW SYPHON FISSION INTO THE RING! FISSION IS IN THE RING! HE KICKS TAYLOR IN THE GUT! DEATH PLUNGE! DEATH PLUNGE! TAYLOR IS DOWN, AND OUT! NOW HERE COMES SECURITY, AS FISSION ROLLS TAYLOR OUT OF THE RING!

Shallow: Oh yeah! Taylor's an uninvited guest!

JT: NOOOO!!! BRING HIM BACK!

GP: Security is escorting Tom Taylor out of the ringside area, but Malone is still down from the Tom Bomb! Daze is to his feet and he now knows that Taylor is gone! Daze is going to the outside! Uh oh! Get out of there, Pablo and Eddie! Daze is clearing off their table! Now he positions it under the turnbuckles! Malone is still down, and Daze is going back in! Daze picks Malone up again! BRAINBUSTER! WHAT A VICIOUS BRAINBUSTER BY DAZE!

JT: YEAH!

Shallow: Daze picks up a steel chair!

*SMACK!*

JT: YEAH! BEAT MALONE WHILE HE'S DOWN!

GP: You really ARE sick.

JT: FUCK YEAH!

Nikki: Daze is setting Malone up in the corner and he puts the chair right in his face! Daze is taking a running start! OHHH!!! MALONE JUST TOOK THAT CHAIR AND DAZE'S OWN MOMENTUM AND TURNED IT INTO THE DAMNED LOW BLOW I'VE SEEN SINCE THE LAST TIME JT TRIED TO MAKE A PASS ON ME!

JT: FUCK YOU, WHORE!

*SMACK!*

JT: FUCK YOU!

*SMACK!*

JT: ...damn. :-(

(JT passes out.)

GP: Thank god.

Shallow: Nikki, you're my hero!

Nikki: Thank you! :-D

Shallow: Daze is down... shit, he's probably down permenantly after THAT shot. I know I would be... now Malone's slowly staggering to his feet, and he's still got that chair!

*SMACK!*

GP: DAMN! WHAT A SHOT! WHAT A GOD DAMN SHOT!

*SMACK!*

GP: AND ANOTHER!

*SMACK!*

GP: AND ANOTHER!

*SMACK!*

Shallow: MALONE IS JUST BEATING THE FUCK OUT OF DONNIE DAZE WITH THAT STEEL CHAIR!

Nikki: Malone picks up that sandbox and he places it over Daze! Malone's going to the top rope! He may be looking to hit Bad Moon Rising again! He leaps, BUT DAZE HOLDS UP THE SANDBOX AT THE LAST SECOND AND MALONE HITS THE DAMN SANDBOX WITH HIS FOREHEAD!

GP: MY GOD! LOOK AT THE BLOODSTAINS THAT LEFT! MALONE IS DOWN, AND DAZE IS TRYING TO RECOVER!

Shallow: Oh my god... Daze is going for the computer monitor! He's waiting for Malone to get up! He's up, and...

*CRASH!*

GP: OH MY GOD! OH MY DEAR HOLIEST GOD! DONNIE DAZE JUST *BROKE* THAT FUCKING COMPUTER MONITOR OVER JOEY MALONE'S SKULL! FUCK, MALONE'S NOT JUST DOWN, HE MAY BE DEAD!

(And slowly, Daze gets this sick, twisted smile on his face...)

GP: Look at the look on that man's face! Daze is actually GLAD he did that! What kind of sick bastard IS Donnie Daze, anyway?!

Shallow: I dunno, but I'm glad JT's out of it.

Nikki: Me too.

GP: What the hell!? Joey Malone's still moving! Daze can't believe it! He's picking up Malone again and drops him back down with a scoop slam! Now Daze is calling for... something! Daze is picking Malone up and he's perching him on the top rope on our side!

(The same corner where Malone put the Spanish Announce Table...)

GP: Oh god, this doesn't look good! Daze has Malone up and he locks in a double underhook! Possibly a double underhook superplex? No! Daze is holding Malone up! OH GOD! I KNOW WHAT THIS IS! DAZE HASN'T USED THIS SINCE THE IWO MINOR LEAGUE! DAZE HAS MALONE UP!

Shallow: HOLY SHIT!!!

*CRASH!*

Nikki: FLORIDAN FACEBUSTER(Double underhook pancake)! FLORIDAN FACEBUSTER OFF THE TOP ROPE AND THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCER'S TABLE! MY GOD! BOTH MEN MAY BE DEAD!

*ding, ding, ding*

(10:02 left in interval.)
Donnie Daze - 4
Joey Malone - 3

Shallow: DAZE REGAINS HIS LEAD! HE SENT MALONE STRAIGHT TO HELL WITH THAT FLORIDAN FACEBUSTER, AND HE GETS A FALL OUT OF IT!

Nikki: Man, it doesn't even LOOK LIKE either of them are trying to move!

GP: Folks, this could be the end of Joey Malone as we know it! He took a blow to the head with a computer monitor which BROKE the computer monitor, and now the Floridan Facebuster! Malone needs MEDICAL ATTENTION right now, and those BASTARDS in the back won't do anything for him, because that would ruin the show! Damn them!

(At about this time, Keri rushes over to the wreckage to check on Malone. She manages, with some effort, to pull him away from the wreckage.)

Shallow: Calm down, Greg. Geez. I'm sure Malone knew what he was getting himself into when he signed for this match...

(All of a sudden, "Super Janitor Rap" by Janitors One and Four start playing, as the crowd immediately groans in pain of the song. The two janitors come out to a huge chorus of boos, the likes of which that even Dane Wilt would be proud of. They hit the ring, and Janitor One: Clean Minion of Hell, grabs a microphone.)

Janitor One: HAH HAH HAH! Master Four! WE HAVE INVADED MAY MAYHEM!

(Janitor Four grabs a microphone. His dark robes conceal a push broom.)

Janitor Four: Hell yes, Minion One. And we, the Evil Janitors of Hell, will not stop in our quest to rid the world of all that is good, which includes our lesser, more good-natured Janitor brothers, Eight, Nine, and Eleven, as well as those PESKY Mega Job guys. And Joey Malone! Yes, folks, we WILL take over the world, and "Super Janitor Rap" shall be our NEW national anthem! And with that said, HIT THE MUSIC!

GP: TAKE COVER!

(All of the announcers duck behind their announce table, drag JT with them, and put earmuffs on. Most of the crowd does the same. The music behind "Super Janitor Rap", which is just a pot being hit repeatedly by a push broom, starts playing.)

Janitor One: YO, YO, I ONCE WAS A JANITOR, FROM EAST BUMBLEFUCK. LITTLE DID I KNOW HOW MUCH MY CAREER CHOICES WOULD SUCK. AND THAT'S HOW IT ALL WENT! I WAS TOO STUPID TO TAKE THE HINT! I WAS A JANITOR IN EAST BUMBLEFUCK UNTIL A MAN CAME TO ME, AND HE MADE THIS DECREE, "DAMMIT, YOU TWO, JOIN THE JANITOR CLEANING FEDERATION, THE TOP JANITOR LEAGUE IN THE NATION".

Janitor One and Four: SUPER JANITOR RAP! RAP RAP! RAP RAP! RAP! WE WERE JUST TWO GUYS WHO FELL INTO THE CAREER TRAP! SUPER JANITOR RAP!

(The two are immediately cut off, thankfully, when their music stops playing.)

Janitor Four: Hey! It was MY turn to rap, dammit!

("Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim starts playing. Greg Parker looks up and sees the two janitors have stopped playing, and takes his earmuffs off.)

Nikki: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

GP: They stopped playing!

Shallow: WHAT?!

GP: GOD DAMMIT, THEY STOPPED PLAYING!

(Everyone pops back up, except JT, who is left on the floor.)

Nikki: Hey, nobody in the god damn IWO uses this song...

GP: OH MY GOD! IT'S MEGA JOB!

Nikki: Who?

GP: They're former IML World Tag Team champions, and the arch-nemesis of Janitors One and Four!

Nikki: Ohhh...

(Two guys in bad-looking spandex suits come out, and the crowd gives a huge pop to them. One is Mexican, the other has hair that sticks straight up.)

Shallow: Yeah! Mega Job! These guys RULED!

GP: Mega Job rushes down to the ring! El Janito is brawling with One and Beef the Slightly Annoyed is brawling with Four!

(Joey Legion has a shocked look on his face, but continues to stand idly by.)

Nikki: Janito ducks a clothesline! He grabs One from the front! Beef grabs One from behind! FLAMING WEASEL DROP! FLAMING WEASEL DROP! THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL AND THE FRONT RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP!

GP: Here comes Four! Four hooks Janito from behind! NO! THE CLEAN DARKNESS! THE REVERSE DDT TO EL JANITO! NOW IT'S LEFT TO BEEF THE SLIGHTLY ANNOYED AND JANITOR FOUR!

Shallow: THE STAREDOWN! FOUR WITH A RIGHT HAND! BEEF WITH ONE OF HIS OWN! MY GOD, THEY'RE BRAWLING LIKE ALL HOLY HELL!

Nikki: Umm, Johnny?

Shallow: WHAT? I'M WATCHING GREAT IWO ACTION HERE!

Nikki: Beef and Four are hitting each other lightly with feathers.

(Awkward silence.)

Shallow: Well, they LOOK like they're brawling like all holy hell.

GP: Beef ducks a right... um... feather! HE HOOKS UP FOUR! YES! YES! YES! BEEF GRINDER! TORNADO VERTIBREAKER! BEEF PLANTED HIM!

Nikki: Oh my god! Look at the look on Beef's face! The crowd is going absolutely BONKERS!

(Beef stands over Four, and makes the People's Elbow arm movement, while removing his cape right on top of Janitor Four. He runs to the ropes, does the hopskotch while the fans chants his name, letter-by-letter. He runs off to the other side, jumps over his opponent, runs a bit more, stops, does a moonwalk, a funky dance, turns, and drops a leg on Janitor Four.)

GP: THE EPIC BEEF DROP! MY GOD!

Nikki: MEGA JOB HAS JUST SAVED THE DAY! EL JANITO AND BEEF ARE RUNNING AWAY, AND... WAIT! ALIENS HAVE LANDED IN THE ARENA! THEY JUST ABDUCTED JANITORS ONE AND FOUR! AND NOW THEY LEAVE!

Shallow: And so, the acid trip ends!

(JT wakes up, unbeknownst to Nikki, Shallow, and GP. The "Under The Table Cam" spots this.)

JT: Hmm... I'M UNDER THE TABLE. Let's try to feel Nikki up!

(He tries to, but gets kicked in the face. JT pops up from the table, and Nikki slaps him upside the head.)

JT: OWOWOWOWOW!

Nikki: You stupid little fucker!

GP: Ha ha...

JT: =(

GP: Heh...

JT: Shut the fuck up, Parker! And what the hell happened while I was out?

Shallow: Oh, nothing.

Nikki: Yeah, and Malone's ahead by four hundred.

JT: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nikki: Heh heh heh...

GP: Daze is getting to his feet, but Malone is still reeling from that Flordian Facebuster off the top, and he's still being helped to his feet by Keri! Keri is propping the two hundred and forty pound Malone up, but... WHAT THE HELL!? DAZE JUST CLIPPED KERI, AND BOTH SHE AND MALONE FALL ON THE GROUND!

JT: HA HA! YEAH, DAZE!

GP: OH MY GOD! MALONE JUST POPPED UP! DAZE IS GETTING TO HIS FEET! RIGHT HAND FROM MALONE! MALONE IS GETTING HIS... which wind is it?

Nikki: Eighth.

GP: ...EIGHTH WIND! MALONE THROWS DAZE BACK IN THE RING! MALONE'S IN THE RING! KNEELIFT TO DAZE!

Shallow: Malone is beating the holy blue hell out of Donnie Daze, and there's not much Daze can do about it!

JT: No!! There must be!

GP: Malone grabs the recovering Daze, and grabs him! CAPTURE SUPLEX! OVERHEAD CAPTURE SUPLEX! MALONE JUST DROVE DONNIE DAZE TO THE CANVAS!

JT: Nooo!!

Nikki: Malone is beating the piss out of Daze! He's grabbing a barbed wire baseball bat and he sets it down? Shouldn't he just hit Daze with it?

Shallow: No! Worse! Malone grabs Daze from behind! He spins him around! TOMIKAZE! A TOMIKAZE RIGHT INTO THE BARBED WIRE!

JT: NOOOO!!!!

Shallow: DAZE IS BLEEDING! DAZE IS HAS BEEN BUSTED OPEN BY MALONE!

JT: DAMMIT, THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!

GP: Malone has busted open the IWO World Champion!

Nikki: Malone is still wobbily, maybe he's losing his wind here, but he's picking Daze back up! Malone gets behind Daze! HE GOES FOR THE MAD COW DISEASE!

Shallow: YES! ONE STRAIGHTJACKET SUPLEX!

JT: NO! ANOTHER! DAMMIT!

GP: A THIRD! MY GOD! HE'S *HOLDING ON*! A FOURTH! A FOURTH! MY GOD, A FUCKING FOURTH STRAIGHTJACKET SUPLEX!

JT: NOOO!!!

Nikki: MALONE GETS A RELEASED STRAIGHTJACKET SUPLEX ON THE FIFTH! MALONE JUST DESTROYED DONNIE DAZE, BUT IT TOOK EVERY OUNCE OF STRENGTH HE HAD TO DO IT!

GP: I can't believe Malone would do this just because Daze tackled his girlfriend in an attempt to get at him!

Shallow: That's what happens when love blinds you, baby.

GP: Malone is slowly getting to his feet, and DAMMIT! JOEY LEGION IS IN THE RING AGAIN WITH A FOREARM TO MALONE! MALONE IS DOWN, AND LEGION IS ACTING LIKE HE'S THE KING! MALONE POPS BACK UP!

(The crowd goes nuts as this goes on.)

JT: Uh oh... NOO! GET OUT OF THERE, LEGION!

Nikki: I think Legion realizes that shit's going on! He turns and sees Malone still standing there! Legion goes to leave, but Syphon Fission grabs him from behind! Oh my god! Malone and Fission are double-teaming Legion! Malone with the Electric Chair... WAIT! NO! INTERNET ELIMINATON! THE SPIKED DEATH PLUNGE! MY GOD, LEGION IS A SPOT ON THE CANVAS AFTER THAT!

GP: Fission has effectively taken care of the outside interference, but Daze is SOMEHOW up with a low blow to Malone! Fission wanders over to Daze to try and stop him, but Daze lowblows HIM! Daze is back up and he grabs Fission from behind! DAZED AND CONFUSED! DAZED AND CONFUSED TO FISSION! FISSION IS DOWN, AND DAZE ROLLS HIM TO THE OUTSIDE!

(Keri quickly wanders over to check on Fission.)

Nikki: Now Daze grabs Malone! Fisherman's buster! Not quite Further Paralysis, but the same effect, nonethless!

JT: YEAAAHHHH!!!

GP: Malone is down, and Daze is going back outside! He's grabbing a table! Malone might be in trouble here! Daze slides the table into the ring and climbs in! Malone's getting to his feet, and Daze charges in on him! Dropkick to Malone to send him down!

Shallow: Daze picks up Malone and sets him up on the table! He may be going for ANOTHER Daze Blaze through a table! Daze climbs to the top rope! He's signalling to the crowd!

JT: YES! DAZE BLAZE!

*CRASH!*

JT: WAIT, NOOO!!! MALONE MOVED! DAMMIT, HE MOVED!

GP: DAZE JUST OBLITERATED HIMSELF THROUGH THAT TABLE!

JT: Jesus, I'm GLAD that table falls only count for offensive moves, or poor Daze'd be behind by a lot!

GP: Erm, JT. Nikki lied to you. Daze is... um, well, ahead by one.

JT: WHAT?! YES! YES!

Nikki: Moron. =)

JT: Malone is rolling to his feet, and he picks up the still dazed Daze... hey, I made a funny... er, anyway...

GP: Malone with a Falcon Arrow!

JT: NOOOO!!!

Shallow: Now Malone's rolling to the outside! He grabs ANOTHER table! The referees just pulled out the last one, for Christ's sakes!

GP: Malone slides it in and sets it up! He picks up Daze and places him up! But Daze grabs Malone and pulls him up there with him! Daze goes for Dazed and Confused, but Malone slips out! Malone goes for a Northern Lights Suplex, but Daze spins Malone right around!

JT: YES! DONNIE DROP(Diving reverse DDT)! THE ORIGINAL DONNIE DAZE FINISHER! MALONE GOES THROUGH THE TABLE! FUCK YEAH! YEAAAHHH!!!

*ding, ding, ding*

(1:13 left in interval.)
Donnie Daze - 5
Joey Malone - 3

Nikki: Malone is down by two!

JT: YES, YES, YES! HELL YEAH! AND A WONDERFUL TITLE DEFENSE IN FAVOR OF DONNIE DAZE! THANK YOU!

GP: JT, we have sixteen minutes left. Anything can happen.

JT: HELL NO!

Shallow: Daze is getting back to his feet! He picks up Malone again! Daze picks up Malone again and props him up on the turnbuckles! Now Daze is going over to the broken table and he grabs a piece of the broken table! GOD DAMN, THAT PIECE LOOKS SHARP!

JT: Daze is gonna cut Malone up! That's gonna rule!

GP: But Malone brings his feet up and kicks Daze in the face! Daze drops the table piece! Malone comes out of the corner! Spinning wheel kick! Both men are down!

JT: DAMMIT!

*ding, ding, ding*

GP: OH MY GOD! IT'S TIME FOR THE LAST INTERVAL!

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, the third interval of this match has expired. The fourth shall begin now.

4th Interval (45:00-60:00): C4 Explosives
Ring technicians will set up pallets of C4 around ringside and in the ring itself. Pinfalls and submissions count, all weapons allowed, no holds barred, all falls are only allowed in the ring. The IWO is not responsible for flying body parts.

GP: C4 Explosives?! They'll KILL each other!

JT: YEAH!

GP: Malone and Daze are getting up, and the technicians are bringing in the pallets now!

Nikki: Malone with a right hand to Daze! That stuns him! But Daze fires back with one of his own! And Malone with a fucking ROARING ELBOW! Malone is down on one knee, but Daze is back down again!

GP: Malone is crawling to a steel chair! He's got it again! Daze is back up! Malone swings, but Daze ducks it! Malone turns, Daze kicks him! He goes for a DDT, but Malone shoves Daze away! Malone catches Daze on the rebound with a powerslam!

Shallow: Malone goes for the pin! Gunnar Smith runs back into the ring, he was on a lawn chair earlier! One... two... NO!

GP: Smith was WAY out of position for that! Now Malone picks up Daze again and goes for the Universal Gravitation again, but Daze struggles out of it! EVENFLOW DDT! EVENFLOW DDT ON THE STEEL CHAIR! Now Daze is rolling to the outside!

JT: Of course! He's going after the C4!

GP: Daze picks up two of the pallets and throws them in the ring! Now he gets some of the tables and throws THEM into the ring, too! My god, the ring looks like hell right now!

Nikki: No shit! Now Daze picks up one of the tables and sets it up! Now he puts a C4 Pallet under it! My god, he'll KILL Malone if he drives him through that setup!

GP: But Malone is back up! Hard right to Daze! Now Malone slams Daze's bloody forehead over the table! Now Malone hooks Daze up! He's going for the Everest Cataclysm!

(Suddenly, "Dragula" by Rob Zombie plays, and Adam Wars jumps out of the crowd, over the C4, and into the ring, just as Daze backdrops Malone up and over to counter the Cataclysm.)

GP: OH MY GOD! OUT OF THE CROWD, ADAM WARS! ADAM WARS OUT OF THE CROWD!

JT: Adam Wars is here?! Uh oh...

GP: Daze is STUNNED! He's actually looking scared, here!

Nikki: Malone is somehow getting to his feet, and Daze is getting worried!

(Wars picks up a steel chair.)

Shallow: Uh oh... Wars is gonna go to town on Daze!

(Wars swings at Daze, stops in mid-swing, then brings the chair crashing down on the back of a recovering Malone's head.)

GP: WAIT! WARS JUST ATTACKED MALONE FROM BEHIND WITH THAT STEEL CHAIR!

(The crowd starts booing, immediately.)

Nikki: WARS PICKS UP MALONE AGAIN! BUT MALONE FIGHTS BACK! MALONE IS POUNDING AWAY ON WARS! OH!! BUT DAZE LOWBLOWS MALONE FROM BEHIND! NOW WARS HOOKS MALONE! TURNING THE TIDES(Roll of the Dice)! TURNING THE TIDES!

JT: YESSSS!!!!!

Nikki: Gunnar Smith is bitching at Wars about his involvement, but he can't do anything about it! Daze goes into the cover! Smith drops down for the count! One... two... thr-NO! MALONE KICKED OUT!

JT: NOOO!!!!

GP: Wars can't believe it! He picks up Malone again and hooks Malone up for the Aftermath! But Malone breaks the full nelson with a low blow! MALONE WITH A SUPERKICK TO DAZE TO KNOCK HIM BACK DOWN! Malone grabs Wars! He throws him out of the ring!

*BOOM!*

JT: NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

GP: OH MY GOD! MALONE JUST THREW ADAM WARS INTO SOME C4! WARS IS DOWN AND OUT!

Nikki: Malone has taken Wars out of the equation, but Daze from behind! HE GOES FOR DAZED AND CONFUSED, BUT MALONE COUNTERS WITH A SITOUT JAWBREAKER! Daze pops back up, and Malone with the KIP UP!?

JT: Since WHEN does Malone do that!?

Nikki: Since now! Daze is bouncing back into Malone's area! WAIT! NO! NO! NO!!

*CRASH!* *KABOOM!*

JT: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GP: ARIZONA DEATH DROP! THE ADD(Flapjack DDT) RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE AND INTO THE C4 PALLET! MALONE JUST DESTROYED DAZE! AND I MEAN, HE DESTROYED HIM! DONNIE DAZE IS DEAD AND BLEEDING LIKE ALL HOLY HELL NOW! MALONE'S BLEEDING LIKE HELL, TOO, BUT IT'S OBVIOUS THAT DAZE TOOK THE BRUNT OF THAT!

Nikki: MALONE ROLLS OVER INTO THE COVER, JUST BARELY!

(The crowd counts along...)

GP: ONE... (One...) TWO... (Two...) THREE!!! (Three!)

*ding, ding, ding*

(12:41 left in interval.)
Donnie Daze - 5
Joey Malone - 4

JT: DAMMIT!

GP: MALONE JUST BROUGHT HIMSELF CLOSER TO GETTING BACK INTO THE RUNNINGS!

JT: HE WON'T MAKE IT, DAMMIT!!

GP: Yes, he will!

JT: No, he won't!

Nikki: Shut up. Both of you.

GP: :-(

JT: :-(

Shallow: Malone is getting to his feet, first, but he's really dazed after taking some of that explosion!

Nikki: Daze is getting to his feet and... DEAR GOD! LOOK AT ALL OF THE BLOOD ON DAZE'S FACE!

GP: My GOD! How is that man still standing!?

JT: NOOO!!!

GP: Daze with a right hand to Malone! Malone staggers, but answers right back! Now they're brawling away! Daze grabs Malone as he misses a right! DRAGON SUPLEX!

*KABOOM!*

GP: RIGHT INTO THAT C4 PALLET! MY GOD, MALONE MAY BE DEAD! HE MIGHT JUST BE DEAD!

Nikki: Wait! Keri's getting into the ring to check up on Malone, she's obviously very concerned...

(Daze gets to his feet and grabs Keri from behind.)

GP: HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!

JT: YES! TEACH HER A LESSON, DAZE!

GP: DAZE HOOKS UP LINDUM! OH MY GOD! A PILEDRIVER!

JT: YES!

GP: A PILEDRIVER! A GOD DAMN PILEDRIVER! What the HELL is Daze's problem?! He could've broken her neck or something!

JT: She shouldn't have even been in the ring!

(Daze rolls Keri into a corner, but doesn't see Malone pop right up.)

Shallow: MALONE'S TO HIS FEET! LOOK ON THE LOOK ON HIS FACE! HE'S PISSED! MALONE SHOVES DAZE INTO THE CORNER! HE'S WAILING AWAY ON DAZE WITH RIGHT HANDS AND KNIFE EDGE CHOPS!

JT: DAMMIT, DONNIE! FIGHT BACK! FIGHT BAAACCCKKK!!!!

Nikki: Malone knocks Daze right on his ass in the corner, and now Malone rolls out and grabs a pallet of C4! Now he gets back in and drags Daze out of the corner! What the hell is Malone doing?

(Malone sets the C4 behind Daze and picks Daze back up into a sitting position. Malone grabs the chair that Daze piledrove Keri into.)

JT: HEY! THAT'S CHEATING!

GP: No, it's not. There's no disqualifications, and Gunnar Smith sure as hell is not gonna stop Malone from beating the hell out of Daze!

Shallow: Malone is going to the opposite corner! He's getting a running start!

*SMACK, KABOOM!*

GP: OH MY GOD! MALONE JUST DOVE RIGHT INTO DAZE WITH THAT CHAIR AND THE IMPACT SENT DAZE RIGHT INTO THE PALLET! DAZE IS DEAD, DAMMIT!

JT: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nikki: Malone can't make the cover, though, because he took a lot of that explosion, himself!

GP: Malone is crawling over to Donnie Daze, though! He goes for the cover!

(The crowd counts along here, too, as they're getting WAY into this match.)

GP: SMITH COUNTS! ONE... (One...) TWO... (Two...) THR- NO!!!

(The crowd expresses their disbelief.)

JT: YES! YES! DAZE KICKED OUT! HE'S STILL THE MAN!

GP: I can't believe it! Daze actually kicked out of that shot! He's bleeding like hell, Malone's bleeding like hell! And still yet they continue! Malone rolls to the outside and grabs ANOTHER damn C4 pallet! He throws it into the ring and sets it down! He drags Daze over and puts him on top, but it doesn't explode... what's Malone planning?

Shallow: Oh god, Malone's going to the second rope! He's gonna smash Daze between the pallet and his body!

GP: MALONE LEAPS!

*KABOOM!*

JT: HAHAHA! BUT DAZE MOVED! MALONE MISSES A LEGDROP AND HURTS HIS DAMN KNEE IN THE PROCESS! YEAH!!

GP: Yeah, that's right! Malone's had a history of knee injuries, and that is NOT a good thing to have happen to him in this match!

JT: Daze is getting back to his feet, slowly! He sees what's going on and he's going on the offense! Yeah!

GP: Daze drags Malone into the center of the ring! He grabs Malone's leg!

Donnie Daze: WOO!

(The crowd "Woo"s back.)

GP: Hey, that's a Ric Flair trademark! That must mean...

JT: YES! FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK! RIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THE RING!

GP: Malone is trapped in a figure four leglock, and Malone is in considerable pain! He's yelling out!

Donnie Daze: C'MON, MALONE! TAP! TAP! TAP, YOU WUSS!!

GP: Daze is giving Malone hell, but Malone isn't tapping! Malone is trying to turn this over! Malone is fighting with all of his strength to get this over! And he's got it! Malone has it turned over! Daze is screaming in pain! He might tap to this!

JT: HEY! THIS IS DONNIE DAZE! HE WON'T TAP!

Nikki: WAIT! WAIT! MATT SENATE'S BACK UP! FLIPPING LEGDROP OFF THE TOP TO MALONE! THE HOLD IS BROKEN, BUT SENATE'S DONE HIS DAMAGE!

(The crowd boos like hell.)

JT: HAHAHA! WHO KNEW THAT MATT SENATE WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!

GP: Umm... he's been a lightweight champion in another federation that I can't mention due to copyright infringements.

JT: Oh.

Shallow: Daze is back up, and he hooks Malone up! CRADLE PILEDRIVER! A CRADLE PILEDRIVER TO MALONE! DAZE FALLS OVER INTO THE COVER! ONE... TWO... TH-NO!

(The crowd pops upon Malone's kickout.)

Shallow: MALONE KICKED OUT AT TWO!

Nikki: Daze picks up Malone again! He goes for a suplex, but Malone flips over and behind Daze! Malone with a knee to the gut! EXPLODER SUPLEX! WHAT AN EXPLODER SUPLEX BY JOEY MALONE!

JT: Dammit!

GP: That was out of desperation! Malone is still hurting from the beating he's taken!

JT: That's because Donnie Daze rules all!

Shallow: Malone picks up Daze again and sets him up on the top rope! Malone hooks up Daze! SUPERPLEX! A SUPERPLEX BY MALONE! MALONE FLOATS OVER INTO THE COVER! *crowd counts along* ONE... (One...) TWO... (Two...) THR..NO!

(The crowd expresses its disbelief, again.)

JT: Yeah! Daze is still the man!

GP: Malone picks up Daze again and goes for the Japanese Ocean Cyclone, but Daze is blocking! INTO THE TOMIKAZE! TOMIKAZE BY DONNIE DAZE, AND MALONE IS DOWN!

Shallow: Daze is going outside again and he grabs a C4 pallet! He pushes it into the ring, but Malone attacks him! Malone drives his knee into Daze's face! Now Malone sends Daze off the ropes! Spinebuster! Malone with a spinebuster! Malone goes for the pin! ONE... (One...) TWO... (Two...) THR-NO! NO! DAZE KICKED OUT AT TWO!

Nikki: Malone can't believe it, and now Malone picks up Daze again! Daze lowblows Malone, though! A low blow to Joey Malone, and now Daze grabs Malone from behind! He has him up on his shoulders! ELECTRIC CHAIR DROP! THE SHOULDER MOUNT FACEBUSTER! DAZE JUST DROPPED MALONE WITH IT! DAZE GOES INTO THE COVER! ONE... TWO... TH-NO! NO! DAZE KICKED OUT AT TWO!

GP: Daze is setting Malone up on the top rope! Daze moves the C4 somewhere near! Daze is going up! He's gonna destroy Malone! But wait! Keri, out of desperation, just kicked the pallet out of the way! How did she recover in time?! DAZE WITH A SUPER HURRICANRANA! DAZE JUST DUMPED MALONE RIGHT ON HIS HEAD! But Daze is wondering where in the hell the C4 pallet is!

JT: DAZE! THAT STUPID BITCH THAT MALONE HANGS OUT WITH JUST MOVED THE DAMN PALLET!

GP: Daze realizes what happened and he picks up Keri again! He's propping her on the turnbuckles... and... oh god! God! Daze has a steel chair! Daze is gonna kill Keri if this keeps up!

Nikki: Daze charges in, but wait! MALONE!

*SMACK!*

Nikki: MALONE JUST DROPKICKED THE CHAIR INTO DAZE'S FACE! THE CHAIR GOES FLYING OUT OF DAZE'S HANDS! THAT WAS A DESPERATION MOVE TO SAVE KERI LINDUM THAT TIME!

GP: Malone gets back up and he grabs Daze from behind! JAPANESE OCEAN CYCLONE SUPLEX!! WITH THE BRIDGE! *crowd counts along* ONE... (One...) TWO... (Two...) THRE-NO!!!

(The crowd is in absolute shock that that DIDN'T get the pin.)

GP: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! DAZE KICKED OUT OF THE OCEAN CYCLONE!

JT: YEAH!

GP: Malone is to his feet and he picks up Daze! He goes for the Everest Cataclysm, but Daze picks Malone up from that position! Daze spins Malone around... INTO THE SIDEWALK SLAM! SPINNING SIDEWALK SLAM BY DONNIE DAZE! OUT OF DESPERATION! MALONE IS DOWN!

Nikki: Daze is calling for the Floridan Facebuster again! He hooks Malone up... YES! FLORIDAN FACEBUSTER AGAIN! THERE'S ONLY THREE AND A HALF MINUTES LEFT IN THIS MATCH, AND DONNIE DAZE COULD RETAIN!

JT: DAZE COVERS! YES! ONE... TWO... THR-NO! MALONE KICKED OUT! MALONE KICKED OUT!

(The beginning beats of "No Way Out" by Stone Temple Pilots start to play.)

GP: Daze is pissed, but he's calling for Dazed and Confused, now!

(The song reaches the guitar riffs, as the fans are adamantly confused about what the hell's going on.)

GP: Hey, who the fuck uses this music?

JT: I dunno!

(The fans start to go insane. Absolutely insane.)

JT: What the hell?

GP: OH MY GOD! IS THAT... THAT'S DANIEL PHILLIPS! DANIEL PHILLIPS!

JT: NOOOO!!!!

Nikki: PHILLIPS HASN'T BEEN SEEN IN THE IWO SINCE DONNIE DAZE PUT HIM OUT OF ACTION! JOEY MALONE'S FORMER TAG TEAM PARTNER IS HERE!

(Daze gets up slowly and looks toward the entry way. His expression turns from frustration to absolute fear.)

GP: LOOK AT THE LOOK ON DONNIE DAZE'S FACE! DAZE IS SHOCKED!

JT: GET OUT OF THERE, DAZE! PHILLIPS IS A PSYCHO!

(Phillips races to the ring and immediately starts brawling with Daze.)

GP: PHILLIPS AND DAZE ARE FIGHTING IT OUT! DAZE IS BEING ROCKED WITH RIGHT HANDS! PHILLLIPS WHIPS DAZE INTO THE ROPES! DAZE REVERSES! PHILLIPS DUCKS THE CLOTHESLINE, MALONE'S BACK UP! PHILLIPS LEAPS...

Nikki: FATED HURRICANE(Spinebuster-Reverse DDT combination)! THE FATED HURRICANE! THE OLD WINDS OF CHANGE FINISHER! MALONE AND PHILLIPS JUST DESTROYED DAZE WITH IT! DAZE IS DONE! DAZE COULD LOSE IT HERE! PHILLIPS SLIDES OUT OF THE RING! MALONE MAKES THE COVER!

JT: NOOO!!!

Shallow: SMITH COUNTS! *crowd counts along* ONE... (One...) TWO... (Two...) THRE- NO!!!

(The crowd is now especially stunned.)

JT: YES! YES! YES!!!

GP: Malone picks Daze back up, but Daze is fighting back! Rights to Malone's stomach! Now Daze runs into the ropes! Daze goes for a flying clothesline, but Malone ducks, Daze rolls to his feet! Daze with a double leg takedown, into the cover! One... two... NO! Malone just rolled backward into a cover of his own! One... two... NO! Daze reverses into the backslide! MALONE IS HOLDING ON, THOUGH! WAIT! MALONE JUST PICKED DAZE UP OFF OF THE BACKSLIDE! MALONE HAS DAZE UP!

JT: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

*KABOOM!*

Nikki: EVEREST CATACLYSM(Double arm inverted Emerald Fusion)! EVEREST CATACLYSM INTO THE PALLET OF C4 NEARBY! DAZE IS DEAD! MALONE IS DOWN! WE'RE AT TEN SECONDS!

(10...)

GP: MALONE ROLLS ON TOP OF DAZE!

(9...)

JT: NOOO!!!

(8...)

GP: SMITH MAKES THE COUNT! *crowd counts, too* ONE... (One...)

(7...)

GP: TWO... (Two...)

(6...)

GP: THREE!!!! (THREE!)

*ding, ding, ding*

(00:06 left in interval.)
Donnie Daze - 5
Joey Malone - 5

(5...)

GP: OH MY GOD! IT'S TIED, AND THE MATCH IS VIRTUALLY OVER!

(4...)

JT: DAZE RETAINS! HAHAHAHA!

(3...)

Nikki: This can't happen!

(2...)

Shallow: Yeah, why piss it all away with a tie?!

(1...)

GP: It's over! The iron man is over!

*ding, ding, ding*

(The crowd boos like hell.)

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen... the time limit for this match has expired. Due to the rules of the Iron Man stipulation, should a tie occur, the winner would revert back to the champion. THEREFORE... THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH, AND *STILL* IWO WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPI...

(Before Meygon can finish, "Hail to the Chief" starts playing, and VP Tom Ford comes out to a pretty big pop. He has the microphone.)

VP Ford: Uh, excuse me, but as far as I'm concerned, Donnie Daze hasn't won anything.

(The crowd pops!)

JT: WHAT?!?!

VP Ford: Look, I have here the contract for this match...

(Ford holds up a sheet of paper on a clipboard.)

VP Ford: And it specificly states that the "champion retains if a tie happens" rule that the iron man match seems to sleep with these days, can go back to the whorehouse it came from.

JT: DAMMIT! DAMMIT! WHAT THE HELL!? I WASN'T TOLD OF ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!

GP: Calm down, JT. Geez, you're getting way too into this...

JT: Fuck you, Parker.

GP: Fuck you, too, JT.

(The ring technicians begin removing the C4 pallets and various random objects from the ring and ringside.)

VP Ford: Because the contract says that the only bitch that this match, this "Life, Death, and Endurance" match, is shacking up with tonight is a sudden death round.

(The fans pop huge.)

VP Ford: One fall, one decisive fall, that shall decide the outcome of this match. But, Daniel Phillips, Adam Wars, get the hell out of the ringside area, before I raise hell. The only people who were legally supposed to, and should be at ringside are Miss Lindum, Mr. Fission, and those two losers that always hang out with Daze, which puts the both of you at some place south of "shit outta luck". Security, escort the both of them out of here.

(Security grab the recovering Adam Wars and Daniel Phillips, who is insanely pissed off, and escort them away from ringside.)

VP Ford: Now then, now that I've accomplished my goal, it is time to adjourn to my paperwork... I have quite a bit to do, you see.

(Ford turns to leave, but then turns back around.)

VP Ford: Oh yeah, I forgot. It's an Arizona Firewater Death Match. Sorry.

(Ford leaves, and the cages begin to lower.)

GP: WHAT AN ANNOUNCEMENT BY VICE PRESIDENT FORD!

JT: This is a travesty of justice! A TRAVESTY! DAZE SHOULD RETAIN!

(The cages finally lower... and the ring technicians set up the ringside moat and floating mines. The technicians make Syphon Fission, who was just now recovering, and Joey Legion, who was not, away from the cage itself, but fail to get Keri Lindum out of the ring in time for the cages to lower.)

*ding, ding, ding*

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the overtime round of Life, Death, and Endurance. It is a sudden death Arizona Firewater Death Match! The first man to score a pinfall, a submission, or grab the IWO World Title from a ring high above the ring is declared the winner and IWO World Champion!

Sudden Death Overtime (60:01-Indefinite): Arizona Firewater Death Match
The ring is enclosed inside a cage without a top. The cage has weapons attached to it. Between the two cages, there's a pool of water all around the cell with floating mines. After the pit of water is a Hell in a Cell, this time with a top. There are four hatches at the corners of this cell with built-in ladders that lead to the top. To win, a pinfall or a submission must be registered, or the wrestler must climb all the way ouf of the structure and climb up another ladder to grab the IWO World Title.

GP: Oh my god... oh my DEAR god...

JT: Uh oh.

GP: This is the match that Malone barely retained the IWO North American title in at Broken Hearts, Broken Bones 3, against Jax Stone!

*ding, ding, ding*

GP: The bell rings! Malone is barely able to get himself to his feet! Daze is still down from the Everest Cataclysm, earlier on!

JT: Dammit, Daze! GET UP!

GP: Malone stumbles over to Daze, and throws his body right into the steel mesh! Now Malone picks up Daze and... what's he doing?

(Malone sets Daze up to where he's lying on his back between the top and middle ropes, his face against the cage.)

Nikki: Umm... what is Malone doing?

Shallow: I dunno, but it doesn't look good for Donnie Daze, who's still woozy from the last fall! Malone is climbing to the outside... uh oh... Malone jumps to the top rope...

*SMASH!*

GP: What the FUCK was that?! Malone just legdropped Daze's legs, and Daze's face just got RAKED across the steel mesh!

JT: OWWW... Daze's face is now a bloody mess!

GP: It was to begin with!

JT: Then it's even bloodier!

Nikki: Malone is still hurting from earlier on, but he continues! He picks Daze up and irish whips him into the corner! Malone follows, but Daze meets him with a big boot! Daze comes out of the corner with a clothesline!

GP: Man, these two should be spent, and they're still tearing into each other! Now Daze is going for the weapons!

JT: Yeah!

Shallow: And Daze grabs a steel owl!

GP: A steel owl!?

JT: Yeah!

Nikki: Daze swings it at Malone!

*SMACK!*

Nikki: Holy CRAP, he just DENTED THE STEEL OWL over Malone's forehead!

JT: I guess they don't make steel owls like they used to.

GP: Daze throws the steel owl down on top of Malone! Now he goes for the cover, and Gunnar Smith is back again! One... two... thr-NO! Somehow, Malone kicks out again! Daze is pissed! He wanted to end this early! Now Daze grabs a TWELVE PACK OF PEPSI! A motherfucking TWELVE PACK OF PEPSI!

(A Pepsi executive runs by to Greg Parker and gives him a sack of cash. Parker gives a thumbs up, drinks some Pepsi, and goes back to calling the action.)

JT: Sellout.

GP: The IWO doesn't pay me well. :-(

Shallow: Daze throws the twelve pack into Malone's hands... SUPERKICK TO THE TWELVE PACK! THE DAMN PEPSI BOX LITERALLY EXPLODES INTO A BLAST OF CARBONATED CHAOS! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN FROM THE IMPACT!

(You can hear Gunnar Smith give his disdain about the situation.)

Gunnar Smith: Aww, SHIT! I just had this shirt DRY CLEANED!

JT: Ah hah! Poor Gunnar just had his shirt dirtied!

GP: Those damn carbonated cans of combustion chaos just knocked Malone and Daze back down! Daze is trying to get to his feet, but he might have hurt his leg on that offensive move!

Nikki: Daze picks up Malone again and throws him into a corner! Daze charges in, but Malone gets his feet up! Daze is stunned by running into Malone's feet, and Malone catches Daze with a bulldog! Malone goes for the cover! One... two... NO! Daze kicks out!

JT: Now Malone grabs a steel chair from the cage! Dammit, stop it!

*SMACK!*

Malone: Hey, I thought you were...

*SMACK!*

Malone: ...Donnie Daze, Mr. Definition...

*SMACK!*

Malone: ...of Wrestling! Not some...

*SMACK!*

Malone: ...cheese-eating delinquent...

*SMACK!*

Malone: ...from Hell getting his ass...

*SMACK!*

Malone: ...handed to him by Joey Malone!

GP: My GOD, Malone is just laying in the chairshots while trash-talking Donnie Daze! We haven't really seen this side of Malone!

JT: STOP IT!!

Nikki: I think Malone just destroyed the chair as much as he did Daze! Malone throws the chair away and he picks up Daze again! Malone goes irish whips Daze into the ropes and ges for a clothesline, but Daze ducks and snatches a clipboard! A CLIPBOARD?!

*SMACK!*

GP: And Daze knocks Malone down with it on the rebound!

JT: YEAH!

GP: Now Malone is in trouble again! Daze picks up Malone again and sets him up for ANOTHER Floridan Facebuster! But wait! Malone picks Daze up from that position! And into a powerbomb! Malone gets a powerbomb from that position! Into the cover! One... two... t-NO! Daze kicks out!

JT: COME ON, DAZE!

Shallow: Malone picks Daze up again and throws him into the cage! But Daze rebounds with a samurai sword! Daze takes a swing for Malone's gut, but Malone manages to avoid it! Now Daze with another, but he cuts the ropes in two by mistake! Malone rolls to his feet and grabs... A SALAMI!?

JT: What an idiot. A salami versus a sword? NO CONTEST!

GP: Daze takes another swing with that sword, but Malone actually BLOCKS it with his salami!?

JT: Stupid physics! Stop being defied!

Nikki: Malone kicks Daze in the gut and Daze drops the sword! Now Daze is in trouble! Malone actually BITCHSLAPS Daze with the salami! Daze falls to the canvas! Malone tries another swing, but Daze kicks the salami back in Malone's face! And Daze gets a drop toe hold into the salami!

JT: This is the stupidest weapon ever.

Shallow: Daze picks up Malone again! Daze calls for the Dazed and Confused! He's trying to start it from the Reverse DDT, but Malone flips right over Daze! Malone shoves Daze into the cage, and catches Daze on the rebound! Wait! WHOA! MALONE JUST PULLED OUT THE DOUBLE CHICKENWING FACEBUSTER! OUT OF NOWHERE! THAT USED TO BE THE NEW ARIZONA HEATWAVE!

GP: Daze is down, and Malone is exiting the cage through the door! He's going to climb up to grab the title... no, wait! Malone's climbing up the FIRST CAGE?!

JT: Oh god... I don't like the looks of this...

Nikki: These two have beaten the hell out of each other, what more can they do to one another?!

GP: Malone is at the top of the first cage! Wait, no! He's giving the sign for Bad Moon Rising! Malone is at least ten feet up! Malone takes the leap... BUT DAZE MOVED! DAZE MOVED OUT OF THE WAY! MALONE ALMOST REINACTED THE SAME THING HE DID TO JAX STONE AT BROKEN HEARTS, BROKEN BONES!

JT: Yeah!

Shallow: Both men are still dazed, but Malone probably moreso!

GP: My god, what the hell else could hap-

(JT quickly covers Parker's hand.)

JT: Ssssshhhhhh!!! Who knows when the hell Mega Job might come back!

GP: Mmmph!

Nikki: Let go of his mouth, JT. That's your masturbating hand.

JT: Oh yeah...

(JT lets go, and Parker immediately throws up.)

GP: Ewwwwww!! You sick FUCK!

(Parker bitchslaps JT.)

JT: OW!

GP: Ughhh...

Shallow: Daze is getting to his feet, and he picks up Malone, again! And knocks him back down with a right hand! Now Daze is going over to a corner and he's setting up one of the only leftover C4 pallets in the corner! Uh oh... this does NOT look good...

GP: But Malone is back up! Malone grabs Daze from behind for a German suplex! Malone throws him for it, but Daze lands on his feet! Malone gets up, Daze charges in for a spear... BUT MALONE JUMPS RIGHT UP AND OVER DAZE!

*BOOM!*

JT: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

GP: DAZE JUST EXPLODED IN THE CORNER! DAZE WAS JUST BLOWN UP!

JT: DAMMIT!

Nikki: Malone desperately puts his arm over on Daze! Smith counts! ONE... (One...) TWO... (Two...) THR- NO!!! DAZE KICKED OUT AT TWO AND A HALF!

JT: YES!

Shallow: Malone and Daze are still hurting, and Malone is probably still hurting from the botched Bad Moon Rising, earlier on!

GP: Umm, guys? I just now noticed that Keri is still in the ring...

Nikki: Good god.

JT: Hah, serves her right for taking part in busting Donnie's face with a steel chair.

GP: That was Malone.

JT: Well, SHE started it!

Shallow: Keri has recovered somewhat from the piledriver, earlier, and she's at least crawling out of the cage. Wait! Syphon Fission's back as well, and he's got wire cutters! Fission is trying to cut through the Hell in a Cell, but those wire cutters won't cut through?!

GP: Umm, yeah, Tom Ford had that thing reenforced with titanium.

Shallow: Dear god.

Nikki: Malone is up first, and he picks up Daze, but Daze gets in ANOTHER low blow on Malone to send him back down! Daze is stumbling to his feet and he sees Keri! Daze goes after her, but Malone tackles Daze from behind!

JT: Stupid Malone!

GP: Malone is protecting his girlfriend, dammit! It's not stupidity, it shows how much he cares for her!

Nikki: How sweet.

JT: How stupid. Greg, save the melodramatics for soap operas!

GP: :-(

Shallow: Malone picks up Daze again... Malone goes for the Arizona Death Drop, again, but Daze slips out of the Sky High setup and DDTs Malone on his way down! Both men are right back down again!

JT: YES! YES! GOOD COUNTER, DAZE!

GP: Malone has had the hell beaten out of him all night, and THAT did not help him! Daze goes into the cover! One... two... thr-NO! MALONE KICKS OUT!

JT: DAMMIT! STAY DOWN, YOU FUCKER!

Nikki: Daze can't believe it! He's bleeding from every damn part of his body, and he still can't get the win on Malone! Daze picks Malone back up again and he hooks him in for Further Paralysis, again! But Malone turns it into an inside cradle! Smith counts! ONE... (One...) TWO... (Two...) THR-NO! DAZE KICKED OUT AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND!

Shallow: Malone ALMOST got the win with that counter-move!

JT: Almost, but not quite!

GP: Malone and Daze both get to their feet! Daze with a right hand! Malone with one of his own! They're just trading punches back and forth!

JT: They're spent! Spent, I say!

Shallow: Malone ducks a heymaker released by Daze! Malone hooks Daze from behind! BACKDROP DRIVER! MALONE WITH A PAGE OUT OF DOCTOR DEATH'S BOOK! MALONE JUST DESTROYED DAZE WITH THAT MOVE!

GP: Malone is barely able to make a cover, but he does so! Malone with the cover! ONE... (One...) TWO... (Two...) THR- NO! DAZE, AGAIN, KICKING OUT AT TWO!

Nikki: Man, Daze is kicking out of literally EVERYTHING!

JT: That's because he's a lot tougher than ANYONE ever gave him credit for!

GP: Malone is stumbling to his feet! Daze is crawling to the corner to pull himself up, but he probably hasn't figured out that he accidently cut the damn ropes down!

Shallow: Daze uses the cage to climb up, and Daze gets a fire extinguisher! And Malone gets a wonderful blast of See Oh Two again! First Taylor, now Daze!

JT: Now Daze tosses the extinguisher into Malone's face! YEAH! STICK IT TO HIM, DONNIE, BABY!

Shallow: And Malone's back down again!

(Keri has finally gotten to her feet and she stands behind one of the turnbuckles. A chair is beside her. She's still holding her neck from the piledriver.)

GP: Somehow, that poor woman's back on her feet, as Daze continues his relentless onslaught on Joey Malone! Daze has picked up a... BARBED WIRE TEDDY BEAR?!

JT: Okay, somebody in the IWO Weapons Plant must've been dropping the Woodstock Collection Acid.

GP: YOUR acid?

(JT holds up his acid and weed stash.)

JT: Wanna drop?

GP: Sure. :-D

Nikki: Whoa whoa whoa, NO. NO ACID TRIP IN THIS MATCH!

(Too late, because GP drops it.)

-- ENTER TRICK OR TREAT-STYLE ACID TRIP --

GP: Whooooaaaaa.... farrr out, maaannn...

JT: Ooohhh!

GP: Everything's all... GREEEN!

(Nikki and Shallow immediately turn into fruitcakes, and cannot speak.)

JT: DEAR GOD! THAT TEDDY BEAR JUST CAME TO LIFE! IT'S SMOKEY THE BEAR!

Smokey the Bear: Only YOU can prevent forest fires!

Donnie Daze: Uh... me?

Smokey the Bear: Here, let me give you a CRASH COURSE in how to protect forest fires!

GP: SMOKEY THE BEAR PICKS UP DAZE AND SETS A BONFIRE OUT OF BROKEN TABLE PARTS! DEATH VALLEY DRIVER THROUGH THE BROKEN TABLE PARTS! DAZE'S BODY JUST PUT OUT THE FLAMES!

Smokey the Bear: See? Put out bonfires before they spawn into deforestating flames of fury!

(Joey Malone stumbles to his feet, just as the California Raisins hit the ring.)

GP: Malone's to his feet! BUT HERE COME THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS! THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS HIT THE RING! THEY'RE ABOUT THREE FEET TALL, EACH, BUT THEY'RE VICIOUS FIGHTERS!

JT: MALONE KICKS THEM AWAY, BUT THEY KEEP *COMING*!

GP: Oh my GOD! The Raisins are STACKING UP UPON ONE ANOTHER! The top one starts punching away at Joey Malone!

Top Raisin: Come on, bitch!

Middile-Top Raisin: God, you're HEAVY.

Top Raisin: FUCK YOU.

(The Middile-Top Raisin suplexes the Top Raisin into Malone, who falls down in a heap.)

Top Raisin: Bitch!

Middle-Top Raisin: Growl!

(The Raisins start brawling amongst themselves.)

GP: My GOD! The Raisins are brawling in the ring, Smokey the Bear is still teaching Daze the merits of trying to prevent forest fires... AND NOW, SOMEBODY IS PARACHUTING TO THE ROOF THE CAGE! THIS BETTER NOT BE ELIAN GONZALEZ AGAIN!

JT: No! It's... LEONARDO DICAPRIO!

GP and JT: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(DiCaprio lands in the ring, and climbs down the second cage, across the moat, into the ring.)

Leonardo DiCaprio: Itsth fun to stay and go...

(DiCaprio rips off his suit, revealing a policeman outfit. He starts doing the YMCA dance.)

DiCaprio: Y, M, C, A! YMCA! YMCA!

(DiCaprio rips the nightstick(not THAT one, you sickos) from his belt and slaps Smokey the Bear over the head with it.)

Smokey the Bear: OW! So, a potential firestarter, eh!?

("Firestarter" by Prodigy starts playing.)

Smokey the Bear: AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!

(Suddenly, SCRUFF MCGRUFF literally appears out of nowhere.)

GP: IT'S SCRUFF MCGRUFF! HE'S BROKEN OUT OF JAIL AGAIN! HE SPINS SMOKEY THE BEAR AROUND! YES! THE BITE OUT OF CRIME(Stunner)! THE BITE OUT OF CRIME! SMOKEY THE BEAR IS DOWN!

Scruff McGruff: Arr, STUPID SMOKEY! You thought you were rid of me?! HELL NO! I remember all of your evilness! Framing me for all of the crucifixtion homicides... YOU BASTARD!

Leo DiCaprio: Umm, doth I geth a say in tishth?

Scruff: No.

JT: THE BITE OUT OF CRIME ON DICAPRIO! NO! THE GAY PRIDE PARADE HAS TO TURN BACK, NOW!

GP: WAIT! WAIT! WHO JUST TELEPORTED INTO THE RING!?

JT: WAIT! I RECOGNIZE THOSE LARGE, FUCKABLE BREASTS! THAT'S BRITNEY SPEARS!

Britney Spears: GIVE ME A SIIIIGNN... HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!

Scruff: OKAY!

(Scruff McGruff pulls out his big dog cock and proceeds to start, to put it bluntly, fucking Spears.)

JT: THAT LUCKY FUCKER!

GP: That describes him well!

JT: Hey, Malone and Daze are back up! Malone looks at Daze! Daze looks at Malone!

Malone: What the HELL are those two doing?

Daze: Beats me.

Malone: Beats you... GOOD IDEA!

JT: MALONE WITH A KICK IN DAZE'S GUT! WAIT! HERE COMES... BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD!

Beavis: Heheheheheheh... hey, Butthead, check it out! This dog guy's screwin' with this chick!

Butthead: Heeheheheheheheh... you said "screwed"...

Beavis & Butthead: Heheheheheheh....

(Beavis drinks caffeine.)

Beavis: OHyhoahOHohaohyoahyoHOEHAOYHoahI AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO!

(Beavis pulls his shirt over his head, just as Daze answers back with a punch of his own.)

Beavis: I NEED T.P. FOR MY BUNGHOLE!

Butthead: Heheheheheheh!!!

(Beavis and Butthead start brawling, because that kicks ass.)

JT: OH MY GOD! BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD ARE HITTING EACH OTHER!

GP: YES! THIS IS THE GREATEST MATCH EVER!

JT: YES! YES! YES!

(Dennis Miller comes down to ringside with a microphone.)

Dennis Miller: Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but what the hell is the deal with Mr. Duffy? I mean, what possesses that man to do the things he does? He scares you faster than the Scream guy standing behind you while "I Hope You Die" plays as background music. The pets are especially frightened! One dog told me, "GOD, I HOPE THAT STUPID MR. DUFFY DOESN'T COME, OR I WON'T GET HEAD FROM THAT CUTE DOG ACROSS THE STREET, BECAUSE HE SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME". Then, the refridgerator raiding. I mean, what is UP with that? Why would he want some overgrown moss fungus in the refridgerator of some twit who doesn't even have the common logic to lock his damn doors? It makes as much sense as Jesse Ventura becoming a member of the Upright Citizens Brigade. THEN, on top of that, he brings in he armed elves and puts STATIONS for them to live in! And they're all GROWL and they threaten you and your loved ones! For TEN DAYS! Why ten days? Why not... nine days? Or nine and a half? Nine and a half seems like a nice alternative! But nooo... TEN DAYS! And only if you're blessed by God, which you know is only going to affect one man in the entire world!

(Joey Malone stops brawling.)

Joey Malone: Me?

Dennis Miller: No, stupid. SCRUFF MCGRUFF!

Joey Malone: :-(

Scruff McGruff: THOSE DAMN ELVES!

(The acid wears off, and Joey Malone goes back to brawling. Dennis Miller hops in a midget car and leaves, Beavis and Butthead return to cartoon land, Britney and Scruff run off to be married, DiCaprio and Smokey return to hell where they came from, and the California Raisins wilt like Dane.)

-- END TRICK OR TREAT ACID TRIP SEQUENCE --

(Nikki and Shallow become human again.)

Nikki: Guys, STOP TURNING US INTO FRUITCAKES!

Shallow: *sniff* IT WAS *SCARY* BEING A FRUITCAKE!

GP: Yeah, you have GOT to stop giving me acid, JT.

JT: Sowwy. OOH! PRETTY COLORS! :-(

GP: Uggh... anyways, Malone and Daze continue to exchange punches! Malone with the knockdown to Daze! Malone backs up to where Keri is, and Keri hands him a giant bronze sculpture of Hello Kitty!? What the HELL!?

Nikki: Okay, I think I've seen just about every weapon known to man in this match, now.

Shallow: Agreed.

JT: COLORS!!! Oh, and Daze is to his feet...

*MEOW!*

Nikki: ...

Shallow: ...

GP: ...

JT: ...what the FUCK was that?

GP: I have NO EARTHLY IDEA. Is the weed still tripping me out or something?

JT: THE COLORS!!!!

GP: Oh.

Nikki: Malone is barely standing, but he's trying to exit the cage, now! But Daze grabs ahold of Malone's foot, with his own feet! Keri is in the moat, herself, now, and she's trying to pull Joey Malone out of the cage!

JT: YES! YES! WET KERI! THAT RULES!

*SMACK!*

JT: Ow!

*TELEPATHIC BITCHSMACK!*

(JT passes out.)

Nikki: *sigh* Thanks, Keri. My hand was getting sore.

GP: Daze loses his grip and Malone is out of the first cage and into the moat!

(JT wakes up again.)

JT: Jesus CHRIST! Look at how quickly that water turned red upon Malone's impact into the moat!

Shallow: You take pleasure in seeing people suffer, don't you?

JT: IT'S ALL FOR THE WOMEN, BABY!

Nikki: WHAT women?!

JT: I'm getting the feeling that you don't love me any more...

Nikki: I didn't love you to begin with, you retard!

JT: :-(

GP: Malone is trying to get to one of the ladders, but Donnie Daze is there to cut him off! Daze has entered the moat, too, despite Keri's screaming a warning!

Nikki: Daze and Malone continue to exchange right hands and... uh oh... oh my god... and mine is floating in their direction! Malone ducks a right hand by Daze and grabs Daze's head! OH MY GOD! HE'S GOING TO BLOW DAZE'S FACE UP ON THAT MINE!

*CLANG!*

GP: ...

JT: WHAT?!

GP: THE MINE WAS A DUD! THE MINE WAS A GOD DAMN DUD!!

JT: HAHAHAHAHA! YES!!

GP: MALONE IS A LITTLE SHOCKED HERE! HE GRABS DAZE AGAIN! HOTSHOT INTO THE SECOND CAGE! BOTH MEN FALL INTO THE MOAT IN A SPLASH!

*SPLASH.*

JT: See!? WE, AS IWO ANNOUNCERS, DO NOT LIE!

GP: Yeah!

Shallow: Umm, right...

Nikki: Malone is on the ladder, now! Malone is climbing the ladder, but Daze tries to knock him off! Malone kicks Daze back down and climbs up some more! Daze can't reach him from there, but Daze is rushing to another ladder! Daze is actually trying to race Malone up to the top of the Arizona Firewater cages!

JT: WIN, DAZE, WIN!

GP: Malone is halfway up, Daze has just reached the ladder! Now *KERI* is climbing a ladder, though she's in much better shape than Malone and Daze are right now!

JT: Malone is almost at the top and Daze is halfway up, and Keri is getting there! This is going to be nuts!

Shallow: Oh god, now *Syphon Fission* is climbing this god-forsaken cage! Will there be no end to this madness!?

GP: As long as the other breathes, he's still dangerous. Or something.

JT: Silly Greg. Danger is for kids!

Shallow: Mmm... danger... a WONDEROUS snack between meals!

JT: Indeed!

Nikki: Malone is on the roof of the Arizona Firewater cage! This cage has been reinforced with a wooden roof, so who knows WHAT could happen!

JT: MAYHEM! DANGER! BLOOOODDD!!!!

GP: This is definitely JT's kind of match.

JT: Daze is on top of the cage, too! Malone and Daze rush at each other! Spear by Daze! Daze starts pounding away at Malone!

Nikki: But Malone turns Daze over and unleashes hell on him with furious rights and lefts!

Shallow: Malone and Daze are just pounding the hell out of one another! Fission is halfway up the cage while Keri has made it up to the roof of the cage, herself! What's that in her hand?

JT: Oh god... that woman's gut a handsaw...

GP: Where in the HELL did she get that?

JT: Possibly from the cage! Now she's cutting a hole on the middle of the wooden roof! What the HELL is she doing?

Shallow: I'm not real sure! She's cutting another one, this one right smack dab in the center of the damn cell!

GP: Daze knocks down Malone and he sees Keri! He's going after her again! Won't this sick bastard stop!?

JT: Daze grabs Keri by her hair! Yeah! Hit her again!

GP: DAZE SWINGS, BUT SOMETHING CAUGHT DAZE'S ARM!

Nikki: SYPHON FISSION! SYPHON FISSION JUST STOPPED DAZE FROM DOING FURTHER HARM! DAZE TURNS AND SWINGS AT FISSION, BUT FISSION DUCKS AND GRABS DAZE FROM BEHIND! HE'S GOING FOR A GERMAN SUPLEX, BUT WHO THE HELL IS THAT BEHIND FISSION!?

GP: IT'S... MR. COOL! MR. COOL HAS MADE HIS EPIC RETURN! HE TAPS FISSION ON THE SHOULDER!

Mr. Cool: Ha! I'm back, you shovel-wielding bastard!

(Fission drops Daze and turns around.)

Syphon Fission: Oh. It's you.

(Fission grabs a shovel from literally NOWHERE and caves Mr. Cool's head in with it.)

Syphon Fission: Interrupt me again and I'll cave your ass in, too.

GP: WAIT! DAZE GRABS FISSION FROM BEHIND! THE DONNIE DROP! THE INVERTED DDT! FISSION'S BACK DOWN AGAIN ON THE ROOF OF THIS CELL!

JT: Hah!

Nikki: Malone is back up, though! Malone runs at Daze! RUNNING ELBOW! MALONE GOES FOR THE COVER, BUT GUNNAR SMITH IS JUST NOW TRYING TO GET TO THE ROOF OF THE CELL!

(You can hear Gunnar, now.)

Gunnar Smith: Damn these people who made this thing...

Nikki: Malone gets up off of Daze!

JT: Good!

GP: WAIT! MALONE PICKS UP DAZE AGAIN! OVERHEAD CAPTURE SUPLEX!

JT: NO! NO! NO! NOT GOOD! NOT GOOOODDD!!!

GP: NOW MALONE STARTS CLIMBING THE LADDER TO THE WORLD TITLE! BUT WAIT! ADAM WARS! ADAM WARS JUST CAME IN OUT OF NOWHERE! HE SETS UP AND CLIMBS ANOTHER LADDER AND ATTACKS MALONE FROM BEHIND! HE TURNS MALONE AROUND! OH MY GOD! WARS HITS MALONE OFF THE LADDER WITH SHIT HAPPENS(Whippersnapper)! MALONE IS DOWN AND OUT!

JT: YES!

Nikki: Hey, wasn't Wars just BANNED from ringside, like, fifteen minutes ago!?

JT: Yes, but he's obviously up to the cause of keeping Malone away from the title!

Shallow: WHAT THE HELL!? KERI ACTUALLY DOES SOMETHING PHYSICALLY VIOLENT TOWARD SOMEBODY AND JUST LOWBLOWED ADAM WARS!

GP: Gasp!

JT: WHAT!? NOOOO!!!!

GP: Wars just took that low blow, and he's down!

Nikki: Keri quickly crawls away from the action, as Daze is trying to climb to his feet!

JT: Malone is hurting, obviously, but Daze must be hurting, too! COME ON, DAZE! GET UP! GET UP, DAMMIT!

GP: Daze is up, but Malone is TRYING to get to his feet! He's been down for a while because of the Shit Happens, but at least he's fighting to his feet!

GP: But Daze picks up Malone again! TIGER SUPLEX! A TIGER SUPLEX BY DAZE! GUNNAR SMITH IS FINALLY ON THE ROOF! HE MAKES THE PIN! ONE... TWO... THRE-NO! MALONE KICKED OUT JUST BARELY!

Nikki: MALONE ALMOST LOST IT IN ONE FLEETING MOMENT!

Shallow: Daze picks Malone up again, but I'm not even sure if *HE* knows what he's going to do to him, next! These two have nearly expended their entire moveset!

GP: Daze picks up Malone in a fireman's carry, and goes for a Death Valley Driver! But Malone flips onto his feet! Malone twists around into a modified Northern Lights Suplex with the leg hooked! AND THE BRIDGE! ONE... (One...) TWO... (Two...) THRE- NO!!! DAZE BARELY GETS A SHOULDER UP!

JT: Malone almost had him there! That would've SUCKED!

Shallow: Malone is barely on his feet, again... but Wars is back up! He goes for another Shit Happens, but Malone hooks him from behind in a reverse DDT! Now Malone spins Wars around to the DDT! INTO THE DOUBLE UNDERHOOK AND EVEREST CATACLYSM! MY GOD, HE CRACKED THE FUCKING WOOD UPON THE IMPACT!

Nikki: Geez, how many explosions or Everest Cataclysms does it take to screw Adam Wars into the ground?!

JT: Is that a trick question?

*SMACK!*

JT: Ow, guess not...

GP: Malone's back up again, and he's going to grab a ladder! My god, I forgot about the ladder stipulation! Malone is barely able to balance that thing properly, but he's got it up! Daze is to his feet, and Malone RUNS HIM OVER WITH THAT LADDER! Daze is back down again, and Malone covers him with the ladder on top of Daze! Smith counts! ONE... TWO... THR-NO! DAZE SOMEHOW GETS HIS SHOULDER OUT OF THERE BEFORE THE THREE!

Nikki: Daze is wobbily, but Malone pulls the ladder off of Daze and now he sets it up right under the IWO World Title!

GP: You know, I've got a question. How the hell did they get the World title from the timekeeper's table to that ring up there?!

JT: Uh, MAGIC!

GP: I guess.

Shallow: Malone starts climbing to the title, but Daze is back up and he pulls Malone off! Daze kicks Malone in the gut and climbs up a few rungs of the ladder! Wait, no, NO! DAZE WITH A TORNADO DDT FROM THE LADDER TO THE WOODEN ROOF! MALONE IS DOWN, BUT DAZE DEFINITELY HURT HIMSELF DOING THAT MOVE!

Nikki: Daze is still wobbily, and he goes for the cover! Gunnar Smith is there, again! One... two... thre- NO! MALONE KICKS OUT AGAIN!

Gunnar Smith: Geez, would you hurry up and get pinned? I have a date in, like, an hour.

GP: Daze picks up Malone again and sets him up! He goes for the Donnie Drop again! But Malone twists around for another damn Northern Lights suplex! But Daze blocks it and spins Malone around! HANGMAN'S NECKBREAKER! THE RUDE AWAKENING NECKBREAKER, EVEN! DAZE GOES INTO THE COVER! THIS IS BLOODY SHOWERS `99 ALL OVER AGAIN! ONE... TWO... THR-NO! MALONE KICKED OUT!

JT: NO!

GP: MALONE IS STILL HANGING IN THERE!

JT: NO!

Nikki: Daze can't believe it, he thought he had Malone that time! Now Daze picks up Malone again and goes for a backdrop suplex, but Malone flips over Daze! Malone grabs Daze for another New Arizona Heatwave, but Daze rolls through into the pin! One... two... thr-NO!

Shallow: Daze almost had Malone that time, as well! But Daze nearly rips Malone's head off with that clothesline as the two get to their feet!

JT: Malone is getting the piss kicked out of him, and I'm enjoying every damn second of it! Daze is going to the ladder! He's going to take the title from the ring and that'll be it!

GP: Wait! Malone is at least trying to get up! He's up, and he's trying to stop Daze, but Daze is kicking him away! Daze makes a flying leap at Malone....

*CRASH!*, *SMASH!*, and *THUD!*

GP: OH MY HOLIEST GOD! DEAREST FUCKING GOD! DAZE AND MALONE JUST CRASHED THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE CELL! MALONE MANAGED TO HOLD ON TO THE TOP OF THE CELL, BUT DONNIE DAZE JUST LANDED WITH A THUD IN THE RING! THAT WAS A TWENTY FOOT DROP! MALONE IS STILL HANGING FROM THE TOP OF THE CELL, BUT HE'S HOLDING ON FOR SOME GOD FORSAKEN REASON!

JT: Nooooo!!!

Nikki: Daze is down, but Malone still can't seem to pull himself up!

(Keri tries helping Malone up, but she's both too small and too hurt to help.)

GP: Oh god, Daze is almost to his feet, and Malone is STILL holding on! I can't believe Malone can hold on like this!

JT: He's NOT! He's defying gravity!

GP: Dearest lord, you might be right. I forgot about that!

JT: It's not THAT hard to forget about Malone and his powers.

GP: Point taken.

Shallow: Daze sees Malone still holding on to the roof of the cage, and now... wait, Daze is climbing up the first cage?!

JT: Oh god, I don't like the looks of this...

GP: Malone is still hanging from that hole in the roof! Daze is on top of the first cage! OH MY GOD!

*THUD!*

JT: HOLY *SHIT*!

GP: DONNIE DAZE CAME OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE WITH A CORKSCREW CROSSBODY BLOCK TO MALONE! AND BOTH MEN CRASH DOWN TO THE RING BELOW! GUNNAR SMITH'S STILL ON THE ROOF OF THE CAGE, SO THERE'S BASICALLY NO PINFALLS, BUT BOTH MEN ARE DEAD!!

JT: Must you yell?

GP: YES!!!

Shallow: Malone and Daze are down in the middle of the ring, and obviously, Malone took more of the impact of that last move by Daze than Daze did! Daze could have this won!

JT: He should've had this won about twenty minutes ago! Stupid Ford...

GP: Malone and Daze are both down in the ring, and... hey... what's Keri doing?!

Nikki: Keri is moving the big ladder over to the hole where the challenger and the champion fell through! She drops it into the ring! That thing's fifteen feet high!

GP: Malone and Daze are both still out of it, but Malone is up enough to set the ladder up below the hole in the roof! Daze climbs up one side! Malone up the other!

JT: Malone and Daze are slowly climbing up, but they'll meet each other at the time!

GP: Malone and Daze are at the top and they start exchanging punches up there! Right hand by Malone! Right hand by Daze! Right hand by Malone! Malone ducks the followup by Daze! Malone grabs Daze's head... SNAPMARE OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER! THE LADDER TEETERS, BUT MALONE MANAGES TO GRAB ON TO THE ROOF OF THE FIRST CAGE BEFORE HE FALLS DOWN!

Nikki: But Malone's too tired to climb off! He's just resting up there!

Shallow: Daze is still trying to recover from the snapmare, though... he's climbing the cage to get to his feet! Now he sets the ladder back up and he starts climbing!!

(Daze has his back turned to Malone, however.)

GP: Daze is almost at the top, but look at Malone! Malone is standing on the top of the first cage, and he grabs hold of the celing of the cage! He starts climbing across the celing, toward Daze! Daze doesn't see Malone! Daze is up on the top of the ladder, and he tries to climb up, but Malone kicks the ladder out from under Daze! Daze and Malone are holding on to the top of the cage!

JT: Malone and Daze are fighting, hanging from the roof of the fucking cage!

Nikki: Malone gets in a kick to Daze's face! But wait! On the roof! Legion and Senate! They grab Daze's arms and pull him up! Daze is on the roof of the cell, but Syphon Fission is back up! DOUBLE LOW BLOW TO JOEY LEGION AND MATT SENATE!

Shallow: Malone is taking a big swing from the bottom of the roof of the cage, and throws himself up and into the hole of the roof! That might have been a defiance of physics there, but it got Malone back up on the top of the roof! Fission is up on his feet!

JT: Fission is moving a little away from the action to keep an eye on Keri Lindum, while Malone and Daze continue to beat the hell out of one another! They're brawling on their KNEES!

GP: Malone and Daze fight to their feet! Daze ducks a stray right hand by Malone! Daze grabs Malone...

Nikki: AHH!! DAZE HAS THE MARCO POLO SUBMISSION HOLD LOCKED IN, AGAIN!

GP: THE KATIHAJIME HOOKED IN WITH NOWHERE FOR MALONE TO GO!

JT: YES! YES! DAZE WILL MAKE HIM TAP! YEAH!

GP: MALONE IS TRAPPED IN THIS DREADED SUBMISSION HOLD!

JT: HE'S GOING TO TAP!

Shallow: No, he's not! Malone sees the other ladder standing and climbs up it! He flips off and traps Daze in a pinfall attempt! SMITH COUNTS! ONE... (One...) TWO... (Two...) THR-NO!!! DAZE LET GO AND KICKED OUT AT THE LAST SECOND!

GP: Malone and Daze fight to their feet again, Malone and Daze exchange more rights and lefts! Malone now ducks a right hand, AND MALONE LOCKS IN DAZE'S OWN SUBMISSION HOLD! THE KATIHAJIME!

JT: NOOOOOOO- WAIT, YESSS!! DAZE LOWBLOWS MALONE, YET AGAIN!

GP: Daze drops to his knees, obviously winded! He's going to that already set up ladder, and he starts climbing it! Daze is going to win this thing! But wait! Malone crawls over to the ladder and shoves it over!

*SMASH!*, *CRASH!*, and *BOOM!*

(And the crowd explodes in the biggest pop you'll ever hear, as Daze crashes through the hole that Keri had made earlier, falls twenty feet, and lands next to one of the mines, and that one was certainly NOT a dud.)

GP: OH MY DEAREST, HOLIEST, DAMNED, MOTHERFUCKING OF GODS!!!

Nikki: Thanks, Greg. You just used every single adjective imaginable to describe THAT.

JT: NOOOOO!!!!!!!

GP: SHUT UP, NIKKI! DONNIE DAZE MIGHT BE DEAD! HE MIGHT BE DEAD!

Shallow: Dude, Greg. Remember Dia Del Nino last year when you spazzed out about ?¿? missing a top rope legdrop? You're doing it again.

GP: THAT was a top rope legdrop, you moron! Donnie Daze just crashed through the FUCKING ROOF OF THE CAGE and into a FUCKING MINE! I HAVE ALL RIGHT IN THE WORLD TO SPAZ OUT OVER IT!

JT: YEAH, HE DOES!!! THE GREATEST WORLD CHAMPION EVER JUST GOT DESTROYED!

Nikki: You two are too much. :-P

Shallow: Fission is telling Malone to climb the ladder, but Malone doesn't want to climb the ladder! Why?!

JT: Because he's an idiot!

GP: No, because he wants to pin Daze to win the title! Malone is going over to one of the hatches and he climbs down to Daze! Gunnar Smith is going with Malone, too!

Shallow: Daze is still down, floating in the water, even! Malone is down into the moat, now, and he picks up Daze and throws him back into the ring! If Malone pins Daze, it's all over!

Nikki: Malone gets an arm on top of Daze! Gunnar is taking his time getting to a place to make the count, but he makes it! GUNNAR SMITH MAKES THE COUNT! ONE... (One...) TWO... (Two...) THRE-NO!!! NO!! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! DONNIE DAZE KICKED OUT OF *THAT*!

GP: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

JT: YEAH! DAZE RULES! But I fear for his life now...

GP: Even Gunnar Smith couldn't believe it!

Shallow: Malone is stunned! Absolutely stunned! Now he picks up Daze again! He's going for the Everest Cataclysm again! But Daze kicks off of the cage and lands back on his feet! Daze gets a backdrop on Malone, but Malone reverses into the sunset flip, BUT DAZE GRABBED A PAIR OF BRASS KNUCKLES FROM THE CAGE! AND HE NAILS MALONE WITH THEM! AND DAZE COLLAPSES IN A HEAP AS SOON AS HE PUNCHES MALONE OUT!

JT: Who could blame him? I would've collapsed, too, if I had fallen like Daze just did.

GP: You'd be DEAD.

JT: Well, YES, but that's beside the point.

Shallow: Daze is slowly getting to his feet, he is obviously running on some divine force or something, to get up after all of the shit he's been through in this match! Daze picks up Malone, and he goes for a DDT! But Malone picks him up for ANOTHER Northern Lights Suplex, but Daze lands on his feet behind Malone, TURNS HIMSELF AROUND WHILE STILL HOLDING MALONE...

JT: YES! YES! DAZED AND CONFUSED(inverted facebuster)! DAZED AND CONFUSED! THAT'S IT! GAME OVER! BE HAPPY YOU WERE EVER IN THE RING WITH GREATNESS, MALONE!

GP: MALONE IS DOWN, AND DONNIE DAZE IS SLOWLY TRYING TO REACH OVER TO GET SOME KIND OF COVER ON JOEY MALONE! HE GETS IT! GUNNAR SMITH COUNTS! ONE... TWO... THRE-WAIT, NO! MALONE KICKED OUT! MALONE KICKED OUT!

JT: WHAT!? NO!! THAT'S NOT RIGHT! NO ONE HAS *EVER*, *EVER* KICKED OUT OF THAT MOVE BEFORE!?

Nikki: DAZE CAN'T BELIEVE IT! HE SIMPLY CANNOT BELIEVE IT!

GP: He's actually ARGUING THE COUNT with Gunnar Smith! Smith is telling him that it's a two count, but Daze has none of it! Daze shoves Gunnar! GUNNAR SHOVES DAZE, RIGHT INTO A ROLLUP BY MALONE! GUNNAR GOES INTO THE COUNT! ONE... TWO... THRE-NO! DAZE KICKED OUT, JUST BARELY!

JT: THAT'S NOT FAIR! GUNNAR IS THE REFEREE, HE SHOULDN'T BE PHYSICALLY GETTING INVOLVED!

GP: Daze shoved first, you ninny!

JT: So!?

GP: So, you suck.

JT: :-(

Shallow: Fission and Keri are making their way down to the ring area, where Malone, Daze, and Gunnar are... as are Joey Legion and Matt Senate! I don't like all of these combustable elements!

Nikki: Yeah, really...

Shallow: Daze picks up Malone again, I don't think Daze has a clue as to what to do with Malone now! Daze runs off the ropes for a lariat, but Malone ducks and grabs Daze's arm! He spins Daze around for another Tomikaze, but Malone turns 180 degrees! INTO THE DOUBLE UNDERHOOK! MALONE PICKS DAZE UP! EVEREST CATACLYSM! AGAIN! ANOTHER EVEREST CATACLYSM!

JT: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

GP: DAZE IS STILL UPSIDE DOWN AND MALONE BARELY HOLDS ON TO DAZE'S ARMS INTO THE PIN! GUNNAR SMITH MAKES THE COUNT! ONE... (One...) TWO... (Two...) THRE-NO!!! NO!!!

JT: YES! YES! MY GOD, SOMEBODY UP THERE LOVES ME!

Nikki: Malone is shocked! He can't believe it! NOBODY has ever kicked out of the Everest Cataclysm!

GP: Well, except Cyanide, but Cyanide didn't take the full brunt of the move!

Shallow: Malone is almost entirely out of options, now! Malone is heading to what used to be the top rope! Now it's just a pole, but Malone still climbs it! Malone goes for Bad Moon Rising again! Malone leaps, BUT DAZE USES A NEARBY STEEL CHAIR TO MAKE SURE MALONE DOESN'T HIT DAZE! MALONE IS OUT! MALONE MIGHT BE DEAD!

GP: Duh.

JT: DAZE GOES FOR THE COVER! ONE... TWO... THRE-NO! DAMMIT!

Nikki: Malone barely escaped that one, and now, Keri and Syphon are entering the cage, but so are Legion and Senate! Senate is climbing to the top rope! Senate leaps for the Flipping Legdrop again, but Keri manages to pull Malone away in the nick of time!

GP: Legion picks up a chair and BLASTS Fission with it! Now Legion celebrates!

Joey Legion: WOO! I'm the king of the world!

GP: WAIT! FISSION POPS BACK UP! FISSION SPINS LEGION AROUND AND KICKS HIM IN THE GUT! HE GOES TO DEATH PLUNGE LEGION, BUT SENATE'S UP AGAIN AND HE CLOTHESLINES FISSION BACK DOWN AGAIN! LEGION GRABS A STEEL CHAIR, WHILE MALONE AND DAZE ARE GETTING TO THEIR FEET!

JT: Yeah! Daze grabs Malone from behind! Here comes Legion!

GP: WAIT! NO! KERI JUST LOWBLOWED JOEY LEGION! THAT'S ONLY THE SECOND ACT OF VIOLENCE SHE'S PERFORMED IN THIS ENTIRE MATCH!

JT: NOOOOO!!!!!

GP: DAZE IS TRYING TO TURN HIS MOVE INTO A TOMIKAZE, BUT MALONE SHOVES HIM OFF AND INTO THE CORNER!

*BOOM!*

GP: MY GOD! MY GOD! THERE WAS SOMETHING EXPLOSIVE IN THAT CORNER! IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN A LEFTOVER C4 PALLET! DAZE IS KNOCKED BACK, AND HE TURNS TOWARD MALONE! MALONE KICKS DAZE IN THE GUT AGAIN! THE DOUBLE UNDERHOOK! YES! MALONE HAS HIM UP! EVEREST CATACLYSM! AGAIN, THE EVEREST CATACLYSM! MALONE FUCKING DRILLS HIM WITH IT AGAIN! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN AGAIN, BUT MALONE IS CRAWLING TO GET TO COVER DAZE!

Nikki: Fission just took himself and Senate over the top rope and into the moat!

GP: Wait! MALONE HAS AN ARM OVER DAZE! GUNNAR SMITH SEES THE COVER IN THE CONFUSION! HE MOVES OVER INTO THE PINFALL!! ONE...

(One...)

JT: WHAT?! NO!!

GP: TWO!!!

(Two...)

Nikki: THREE!!!!

(THREE!)

*ding, ding, ding!*

GP: OH MY GOD! IT'S OVER! IT'S FUCKING OVER! WE HAVE A NEW IWO WORLD CHAMPION!

JT: THIS CAN'T BE FUCKING HAPPENING! NO! I JUST LOST A GRAND!

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, at a time of one hour and thirty-seven minutes... the winner of this match... AND *NEEEEWWWWWWW* INTERNET WRESTLING ORGANIZAION WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIOOOONNNNN... JOEEEEEYYYYYY MAAAALLLLOOOOONNNNEEEEEE!!!!!

(The crowd goes absolutely FUCKING nuts, and at about this time, the World title is lowered from its position about thirty-five feet above the ring. Gunnar Smith reaches up and takes the title, then drops it on the ground, near Malone. He starts walking away, as "Shame" by BT starts playing.)

Nikki: My GOD... I don't even know how in the HELL either man will ever be the same again after this match... they gave it their all!

GP: Yeah... and now the cages are being raised up to the celing, and I hope to God that we never have to see them again...

JT: NOOO!!!

*SMACK!*

JT: Ow, thanks, I needed that...

Shallow: And it looks like Gunnar Smith is heading to the back, a job well done...

(Keri Lindum tries hard to help Joey Malone to his feet, but Joey is about a hundred and thirty pounds heavier than she is, and she strains to help him up.)

GP: Keri is trying to help Joey to his feet, but after this war, I think Malone deserves a vacation. A nice, LONG vacation...

JT: No way! Malone sucks, and Daze should still be the fucking champion! It's *sniff* not right! *cries*

Shallow: Heh. Want a pacifer, JT?

JT: FUCK you.

Shallow: Ha ha.

(Fission rolls into the ring, soaking water everywhere. Joey is very much out of it by now, as Fission applauds... and sees the title on the ground. He picks it up and looks at it.)

GP: He's holding the reason he came back...

(Fission looks at the title one last time, then tosses it to Malone, who barely manages to catch it with one hand, and needs Keri to help him keep it level. Malone, with Keri's help, raises the title high into the air for all to see, as fireworks start going off above the ring in a grand celebration.)

JT: Here comes Potright and Anthason! M3 coming in for a celebration!

(Other wrestlers appear at the top of the ramp, and start heading down to get in the ring. Fission, however, stops them.)

Fission: Hold up.

(Many of the wrestlers stop... some, however, don't. Guys like Shawn Arrows and Ben Archer, who never paid attention to Fission. When they get up there, however, Anthason and Potright cut them up, swinging their knees out, forcing them back.)

Fission: Don't any of you even THINK about getting in this ring... this is the territory of the better men. Of the heroes... of the legends of the future... the kings of the ring.

("Hail To The Chief" plays, and the IWO roster parts for the IWO VP, Tom Ford. He struts down to the ring area, bandaged and bruised. His broken arm from weeks ago is still shown.)

Ford: What are you doing?

(He gets in the ring.)

Ford: What is this? Huh? Only you four can celebrate HIM *pointing to Malone* beating HIM *pointing to Daze*? Why's that, huh?

Fission: Well, boss... it's simple.

(Fission walks up to Tom... stares him right in the eyes, and kicks him in the stomach. DEATH PLUNGE! Fission backs up... Anthason takes him... SWEET SERENITY! Ford gets pushed into the Firewater moat.)

Fission: We don't like 'em. And we don't like authority.

(Fission smiles at his compadres.)

Fission: We're not Mass Media Movement anymore...

("I'm Your Boogie-Man" by White Zombie hits. Prez Evan Levine walks out.)

Levine: YES! THE DUMBASS IS GONE!

Shallow: I thought he just arrived.

JT: SHHHHHH!

(Levine gets to the ring apron.)

Levine: I've got to say, you guys... good going. You took Tom out of it for a little bit... and you've managed to keep your hands off of the rest of the IWO! Wow! Love it...

Fission: Shut the hell up, Evan.

(Potright sneaks up from behind... looks at Evan... but steps to the side. Anthason grabs Evan from behind and picks him up, bringing him down with a Dragon Suplex. Evan clutches his neck, rolling around... Fission picks him up, "YOU'RE MY BITCH" to Evan! Potright kicks him into the moat alongside Tom. The three of them regroup... Malone is still trying to hold himself up with Keri Lindum's help. "People Of The Sun" by Rage Against The Machine interrupts them before Fission speaks again, and down comes Jamie.)

Jamie: WHAT THE HELL? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Are you guys NUTS? You've just attacked the IWO president and vice president! HELLO? Have you guys got mental problems? Why aren't you attacking Malone, if you don't want anyone else in this ring? EXPLAIN IT TO ME!

Fission: Why should we?

Jamie: Because I'm the boss!

Fission: Jamie... get in here. Then we'll explain it to ya.

(Jamie cautiously gets into the ring.)

Jamie: Now tell me.

Fission: Take one step closer.

Jamie: No.

Fission: Very well then.

(Fission steps forward, standing right in front of Jamie. The IWO CEO looks petrified.)

Fission: ... Don't be scared, Jamie. We won't hurt you.

(Potright picks up a chair... as does Anthason. CONCHAIRTO!)

GP: GOD DAMN! THAT SMACK JUST RESOUNDED THROUGH CALIFORNIA!

Fission: ... You'll lose consciousness too quickly to feel it.

(Malone stumbles forward...)

Fission: The four of us... you see... we learned something over the past month. Four words, four simple words, that everyone knows... you'll know it, so chant it along with us. To you, Arrows... to you, Archer...Zombie, Nuke, AWS Man... all of you standing right there on the ramp, looking like some small-town extreme promotion who think that the past champion was great... which he isn't, not in the case, no fucking way is Daze a great champion... you know our one common trait. It's simple. Listen up, all of you. Because I'm sure that despite you all know the name, you won't understand it's meaning. Don't make me repeat it... We're... Better... Than... You. Get it? We've got a World champion right in our ranks. We've got the extremist son of a bitch you'll ever see. We've got a rookie that's so hot, that his opponents find serenity in the burns they recieve. And then they've got the Man Who Can. The Man-O-War. The Postal One.

Joey Malone, Sam Potright, Kent Anthason, and Syphon Fission... We're Better Than You 2 is here. And we'll be proving ourselves as four men that stay true to our namesake.

("You Suck(Extreme Sucktitude Remix)" by WBTY2 plays over the speakers.Joey Malone steps forward and raises the IWO World Title up high, as we fade to black.)

~Fin~


A Tradition, that was long lost...
Brings forth new hope, when time is cost.
A long comes a new, shining ray of hope.
And now, the Party's hung by a rope.
Beach Party V
Live from IWO's Own Island
Sunday, June 24th, 2001
World Heavyweight Title
Joey Malone -c- vs. Sam Potright vs. High Flyer
And Much Much More