*The following is intended for a pay per view viewing audience. If you do not like Mature subject matters then please do not read*
(We slowly fade in from blackness to see a simple line on the screen. It's almost as if there's nothing around, just a line in a 3d space, as we see a spark, a flare so to say. The line is immediatly lit, as it slowly travels down through the void. It comes to a rest at the Desperate Measures logo, as it cracks it into millions of pieces. Slowly, the IWO Logo is shown from underneath, as it's struck by a bolt of lightning, setting it ablaze. Slowly, it fades out to nothingness.)
("Desperate Cry" by Sepultura is heard in the background, as we see faded images turned grey of Sabastian Crow, Syphon Fission, Joey Malone, Dane Matthews, and LiGiL.)
Narrator:Five Men, longing to become legendary...
(We see faded images of each man executing their finisher onto another. We see Matthews with his arm across Syphon's shoulders, drapped across, knocked out, and the belt dropped onto his knocked out body.)
Narrator:Desire, longing to called the best. Few men in the world today can say they were the best...
(We see faded pictures of Phelen Kell, Psycho Jay, Michael Dudley, Titan and Joey Rappaport.)
Narrator:To be enshined into the ages, is something that each man wishes to accomplish. But in a time of angst, and a time of reconstruction... Things change.
(We see Fission almost being fired by Levine, as well as all three men somehow winning the number one contendership.)
Narrator:And when Times change... Only Desperate Measures... can be taken...
(We fade out to Fission and Matthews holding the world title above them... as it's cracked into pieces. We fade into the arena, the Ice Palace in Tampa Bay, Florida. The fans are cheering loudly as we see fireworks being blown up, as well as hearing "Smack My Bitch Up" by Prodigy playing over the pa system. The camera pans around, catching signs of "Nuclear Fission This," "Matthews likes Hockey," and "Malone can defy my physics!" all around the crowd, as we slowly fade to the announce booth. We see a spanish announce booth, as Pablo Escabar and Eddie Cairego comprise that booth. John Century and Miss Debbie Page make up the sign language booth, as we see Greg Parker, JT, Johnny Shallow... AND NIKKI?!? Each of them are dressed fashionably, as JT has on a straw hat. Parker is wearing shades, as Shallow is wearing a tie-dye shirt with shorts. Nikki is wearing a two piece bathing suit.)
JT:LOOK HOW LOUD I HAVE TO YELL!
GP:FANS! WELCOME TO DESPERATE MEASURES, LIVE FROM THE ICE PALACE IN TAMPA BAY! I'M GREG PARKER WITH MY FOUR PERSON ANNOUNCE TEAM, JT, JOHNNY SHALLOW, AND NIKKI!
JT:NIKKI DOESN'T GET A LAST NAME BECAUSE SHE'S AN ORPHAN!
JT:ONE FOR ONE!
Shallow:THIS STUFF IS GOLDEN PARKER! I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISS THIS ALL THE TIME!
GP:FANS, DESPERATE MEASURES WILL PROMISE TO BE SHOW THAT YOU WON'T FORGET!
JT:YEAH! FOR WASTING THIRTY DOLLARS AND THREE AND A HALF HOURS OF YOUR LIFE!
(The crowd noise finally dies down.)
GP:IGNORE JT... Ignore JT's comments, tonight will be a hell of a card, from our Invitiational Boxing Tournament, signed on Wednesday's Meltdown by Vice President Ford, all the way up to our Main Event, involving Syphon Fission, Dane Matthews, and one of the three youngest superstars in the business.
JT:Well, LiGiL's been here for a while, and so have Malone... and Crow was in IML for a little...
Shallow:JT, you don't know when to keep your fat mouth shut, do you?
JT:I knew I should have went to those classes.
(We slowly fade up to the top of the rampway, as we see two workers come out, rolling an egg. The place it on the right side of the elevated stage, underneath the IWO tron and outside of the Desperate Measures Logo. They look at their handy work, and leave.)
Nikki:I'm still confused at this whole egg thing. What purpose does it have?
GP:Well, I'm not even sure, but all I know is that soon, the egg WILL hatch, and we WILL figure out what's behind this.
JT:I still go on my theory that it's Ted Koppel...
Shallow:That's completly ludacris JT...
JT:THROW THEM BOS!
(JT does the Southern Hospitality Dance. When he finishes, Nikki of course slaps him.)
[ "The Deadly Sins Music" begins playing over the
speakers... out walks from behind the curtain, one of
the newest teams In the IWO... they are, Jack Breaker
and Jake Walker -- The Deadly Sins... they make
their way down the rampway as they enter the ring... ]
Ring Announcer: Coming to the ring at this time... THE
DEADLY SINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[ "The Youth's Music" begins playing over the
speakers... out walks from behind the curtain now,
another new team In the IWO... they are, Xtreme & Exiled Youth
-- The Youth... they make their way down the
rampway and enter the ring as well... ]
Ring Announcer: And Introducing to the IWO, their
opponents... THE YOUTH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GP: Wow... two new teams In the IWO going face to face
here In this tag team competition match-up...
Shallow: This should be pretty interesting... even
when you got a team named The Youth with Extreme
sympthons so to speak, no telling what they are
JT: Damn... the IWO Is introducing a bunch of new
rookies into the IWO tonight... these two teams are
only half of them... I think ?
GP: You might be right JT... and this match Is ready
to go says the referee...
DING DING DING !!!!!!
Shallow: Ok... the bell rings and It looks like we are
ready to start... Jack Breaker and Xtreme Youth shall
start this match off... they lock horns, Jack locks
Xtreme under his arm, headlock applied, Jack goes for
running bulldog but wait... Xtreme pushes Jack to the
ropes, Jack comes back, Jack with a leapfrog,
Xtreme turns around and Jack hits a DDT to the mat
GP: And a cover Is made by Jack Breaker...
GP: And a kickout !!!
JT: Haha... Jack Breaker went for a cover this early
In advance, now that Is sad... didn't they teach this
stuff In wrestling school ?, hehe... anyways, Jack
brings Xtreme back up and tags In his partner Jake
Walker... Jake In the ring now, he sends a punch to
the chest of Xtreme... Jake grabs hold of Xtreme's
arm and Cruces It down to the mat... Xtreme Is on his
knees but not for long as Jake sends a hard knee
straight to the face of Xtreme... Xtreme falls to the
mat and Jake goes for yet another cover In the
JT: And yet another kickout... damn those Deadly Sins,
haha... I wish they would start using their brains
instead of their nads for leverage In this match and
stop pinning so early, sheesh...
Nikki: Hello guys ?... yeah GUYS !!!... can I talk
some ?, hehe... thanks, now that we got The Deadly
taking a high advantage In this match... Jake brings
Xtreme back up but Xtreme breaks the hold... he
sends a hard punch to the face of Jake, Jake falls to
the mat... Xtreme grabs hold him again and rams his
face into the turnbuckle... he grabs hold of his head
and sends his elbow straight to Jakes lip !!!!!
Shallow: Thats not the only thing... Xtreme lines Jake
up and SLAP !!!!!... he sends a slap to the chest
and FOLLOWED BY ANOTHER SHOT... damn, thats got to
sting... Xtreme grabs hold of Jake now and
bulldogs him to the center of the mat... now Xtreme
walks over and tags In his partner Exiled !!!!
GP: Man, these guys are on a roll now... Exiled brings
Jake back up from the mat... he hits a vertical
suplex to the mat followed by a inverted DDT... man,
that move was rich... theres a cover now made by
GP: But no... Jack Breaker runs In and breaks the
count... but wait, here comes Xtreme Youth, he grabs
hold of Jack and hits a swinging neckbreaker !!!!
Nikki: And here we go... Exiled runs up the
turnbuckle, flys off and SWANTON BOMB !!!!!!... Exiled
hit a Swanton Bomb onto Jack Breaker but Jake runs up
and kicks Exiled off of Jack... Xtreme has Jack
now though and Is going for a... Twist of Fate ???...
what the hell !?, hehe...
Shallow: Twist of Fate It Is... but NO... Jack gets
loose and sends Xtreme up and over the ropes... Jack
turns around and wait a minute... Exiled grabs hold of
Jake.. spins him around... he keeps doing It and
hits a HARD SLAMMING INVERTED DDT STRAIGHT TO THE MAT
GP: Both members of Deadly Sins are out !!!!... Exiled
goes for a pin and...
GP: And we have our winners...
[ "The Youth's Music" starts playing over the speakers
as Exiled goes to the outside to help up his
partner... the fans come to their feet as they make
their way around the ring and through the crowd... ]
Nikki: That match was cool...
JT: For once, I agree with you, hehe...
GP- Folks we are up for a great match next.
Shallow- Are you sure?
JT- Why do you say that?
Shallow-Need I remind you two that Ash Robinson IS in this match.
Nikki- Ash Robinson is a skilled wrestler! He is among one of the best!
JT- Well now that you mention it....
Announcer- Introducing first....From Chicago, Illinois...weighing in at 246
["Last Resort" by Papa Roach plays on the P.A. and Erik Blake comes out and
walks to the ring.]
Shallow- Now Erik Blake...this is a REAL wrestler!
GP- What does Blake have that Ash Robinson doesn't?
Nikki - No, I didn't ask what Blake had that YOU didn't...
JT - *Sigh*
Shallow- heh heh heh
Announcer- Now introducing...Ash Robinson!
Shallow- Where the hell is this loser?
GP- Obviously something is terribly wrong.
JT- Oh get off of this guy's dick!
Shallow- Forget that right now...Where is Robinson? This is the PPV!
JT-Wait...Blake has the mic.
Erik Blake- It is completely obviously that I scared Ash Robinson away. But I
don't wanna leave this arena without kicking someone's ass. So I'm issuing a
open challenge to any bitch that is in the back dumb enough to test me.
JT- Blake is......um...he is....
GP- Dumb? Shallow?
GP- I didn't call you...
Shallow- Shut up you idiot. Lets see who is going to accept the challenge.
["Smoke Two Joints" by Sublime plays on the P.A. and Eddie Cheno runs
down to the ring. Blake drops the mic immediately and starts to work on
Shallow- Give me a break.
GP- Eddie Cheno has come to defeat Blake!
JT- Have you been taking too much of those Flintstones vitamins again?
Nikki - You obviously haven't been taking your Viagra vitamins, I mean, you haven't even decided to hit on me yet during this match...
GP- C'mon guys we have to call this match.
Shallow- Well Blake is tearing Cheno apart.
GP- An irish whip to the ropes and clothsline by Blake. Blake follows up
quickly with a series of punches and a drop-kick to the nose.
JT- Thats gotta hurt.
Shallow- Cheno is gonna feel that in the morning.
GP- Blake stomps repeately on Cheno and goes to the second turnbuckle to yell
at the fans? What is he doing?!?
Shallow- He is entertaining the people....obviously this match is no where
near a sweat for him.
JT- Wait...Cheno is up. Cheno walks over to Blake and puts his head
in between his arms.
Nikki - He's lifting him up in a suplex....
GP-HE JUST DID A BRAINBUSTER OFF THE TOP ROPE! MY GOD! BLAKE IS OUT! BLAKE
IS OUT! THAT WAS "SUCKS TO BE YOU."
JT- Here is the cover.....
Kickout by Blake.
GP- One more millisecond and Blake's winning streak would have been over.
Shallow- C'mon guys. You actually think Blake is working up a sweat?
GP-Well Cheno is stomping the shit out of Blake right now.
JT- What the hell is Cheno doing?
Shallow- He is going under the ring.
GP- WAIT! BLAKE IS UP! Blake runs off the rope and executes a suicide dive
from the ring onto Cheno!
JT- I didn't know he was a high flyer
Nikki- I think he is an all-arounder.
JT - I didn't ask how he was in bed Nikki...
GP- Blake rolls Cheno back into the ring. But Blake hesistates to get in.
What a show-off.
JT- He is just doing his job.
Shallow- What the hell? Who is that?
GP- Oh My God Its Amanda!
GP- Blake's old girlfriend.
Shallow- His former hoe.
Shallow - You don't smack Shallow bitch...
JT- What is she doing out here?
GP- She has flowers and oh bless her heart. She wants forgiveness.
JT-.....Talk about a ratings killer.
GP- Blake better concentrate on Cheno.
Shallow- AMANDA! MOVE YOUR SLUT ASS ON!
JT- HA HA HA HA
GP- She is still in love...
GP- Eddie Cheno is right in the back of the ring and he is looking under the
ring again. what is he looking for?
JT- Beats me...that guy has always been strange.
GP- Meanwhile Blake is still staring at Amanda. Blake is smiling look at that!
Shallow- Oh My God they are gonna kiss.
GP- NO BLAKE HAS KNOCKED AMANDA TO THE GROUND! THAT BITCH!
JT- Who Amanda or Blake?
GP- There is only one bitch up there and it is Blake.
JT- I dunno....Amanda is kinda...Ugh....
GP- wait! Its Cheno!
GP- He has a bong in his hand.
JT- Oh no not again. CHENO! NO SMOKING THIS TIME YOU CRACK HEAD!
GP- Blake rolls into the ring not knowing that Cheno is armed.
Shallow- LOOK OUT!
GP- Cheno swings........but Blake ducks and kicks the bong away.
JT- No more toke-toke-toke- for you asshole.
Shallow- HIGHLIGHTER! HIGHLIGHTER! HIGHLIGHTER!
GP- NO! NO! NO!
Shallow- Here is the count....
[DING DING DING]
Shallow- A Highlighter out of no where.
JT- GP...you gotta admit it...Blake got skills.
GP- Ok...he got skill but he also has a shot at the T.V. title!
(Blake leaves, as Cheno slowly gets to his feet. He can't believe that his bong water has been spilled, and he's trying to put it back into the bong.)
GP:Well, in a rather nice display...
(Highlights are shown.)
GP:... we can see Eddie Cheno hitting the move "Sucks to be you," his top rope brain buster, as well as Erik Blake hitting the highlighter, and getting the one two three...
Nikki:Too bad Cheno didn't win...
JT:I thought you liked Archer?
Nikki:I just like the sweaty men in general JT....
No 1 Contendership to New Unified Title
Adam Wars vs. Ben Archer
GP: Well, we are now at the Number One Contendership for the New
Unified Title match, between Former Champs Adam Wars and Ben Archer!
Shallow: That's right!
JT: I want blood!
Shallow: You'll get it soon enough, my boy
Meygon: The following match is scheduled for ONE FALL and is for the
Number One Contendership of the New Unified Title! Entering first, he is .ADAM
(Adam Wars walks down to ring to a pop.)
Meygon: And his opponent, he is BEN ARCHER!
(Ben Archer walks down to a pop. Once he enters, the bell rings and the
grapple each other!)
Shallow: Wow! They both started off with the same move!
JT: That's nice.
Shallow: Isn't it?
JT: Just as nice as having Nikki!
(Nikki suddenly appears and smacks JT)
(Nikki walks backstage.)
(Meanwhile, at the Sign Language Table )
(John Destiny starts making symbols which the hearing impaired fans
will obviously not be able to see.)
(At the Spanish Announcer Table )
Pablo Escabar: YO HABLO ESPANOL!
Eddie Cairego: Y YO HABLO ESPANOL!
PE: Nostros somos grandes!
EC: Si, si!
(Ben Archer gets the advantage and suplexs Adam Wars! Ben Archer starts
to try to get the fans support, and Adam Wars spears him him from behind!)
GP: OH MY GAWD!
Shallow: Stop ripping off Jerry Styles!
JT: You should be.
Shallow: YOU should be holding your trap closed you idiot!
JT: DAMN YOU!
(Shallow smacks JT and JT gets enraged. Suddenly, the start beating
up, and then Janitor 9 appears out of nowhere!)
J9: Ooh .bloody :=)
GP: Yeah. Those two hate each other A LOT!
J9: Who? :-/
GP: Shallow and JT, of course.
J9: Oh :=)
GP: And Archer comes back!
J9: Coolio! :-P
(Archer grabs Adam Wars and DDT's him to the mat! Then He puts Adam
Wars in a Sharpshooter, but Adam Wars reverses, and puts him in a Chicken Wing!
Archer is about to tap out, but then Sephirya Reign knocks out the ref with a
GP: Wow! Sephiyra Reign ruined the match!
J9: He's a meaniehead :=(
J9: I KNOW! :=)
(Sephirya then hits Adam Wars in the back with the Sledgehammer! Adam
Wars grabs his back in pain, as Sephirya Reign hits his arch nemesis' back
again with the weapon of destruction! Then, he walks out of the ring, and
heads up the rampway, but something grabs his leg! It's Adam Wars, barely
standing! He grabs Sephirya by the neck and tosses him off the rampway onto the
guardrail! The fans pop!)
GP: Adam isn't too happy
J9: Oh :=(
GP: I hope he gets revenge!
J9: Yeah! :=)
(Suddenly, JT sits back in his seat.)
GP: Wheres Shallow?
JT: He's out for a while.
GP: You knocked him out?!
JT: Yeah. Got a problem?
J9: You're a meaniehead.
JT: Shut up.
(Meanwhile, Archer starts to gain back some energy as he watches Adam
Wars thrashing at Sephirya Reign! Adam bashes Sephirya's head against the
guardrail several times, and then leads him to the Spanish Announcer Table!)
PE: AY DE MI!
(Pablo and Eddie run away from the table as Adam Wars tosses Sephirya
onto the table! He punches Sephirya into the table, knocking him out! Then, he
lifts him and puts his head between his heads! He flips Sephirya into the air
and does a Tiger Driver through the table! The fans pop at this, and he
JT: Adam Wars really is a warrior!
GP: He's hardcore to the bone!
J9: He has the same name as Ken War! :=/
JT: Whatcha talking about?
J9: Well, War is both their last names!
Shallow: Party on!
(JT knocks out Shallow again.)
J9: Meaniehead :=(
JT: Shut up!
GP: Meaniehead :(
(The scene then switches to the ringside area, and Adam Wars turns
around as the ref gets up and sees him outside! He starts the count out!)
(Adam starts to walk about, but Sephirya grabs his leg!)
(Adam then is tripped, and head banged onto the hard concrete!)
(Adam is put in a Sharpshooter!)
(Adam tries to break out!)
(Adam fails to get out!)
(Adam taps on the ground, but as Sephirya isn't the opponent, Sephirya
(Sephirya breaks hold, and lifts Adam up!)
(Adam low blows Sephirya and makes a sprint!)
(Adam reaches the ring!)
(Adam slides in before the ten count is finished!)
GP: Adam Wars sure was lucky!
JT: The ref should have stayed down!
JT: Because JT said so!
GP: Rip off
JT: NO! IT'S ORIGINAL!
GP: Yeah, and I'm the Million Dollar Man
JT: You are? Can I borrow half a million?
GP: * sigh *
JT: I guess that's no.
J9: That's right :=)
JT: You be quiet!
J9: Oh :=(
(Adam Wars slides in, only to be elbowed by Ben Archer! Ben lifts up
Adam, and Irish whips him! He does a boot to the face of Adam Wars when he
returns, and goes for the pin!)
Ref: 1 2 .
(Kick out by Adam Wars!)
GP: Near fall by Ben Archer!
JT: So close!
J9: I like cookies :=P
JT: Why did you say that?
J9: I dunno :=P
JT: O k
J9: YAY! :=)
JT: SHUT UP!
J9: OHHHH! Meaniehead :=(
(Suddenly, Shallow grabs JT, and hits him over the head with a Crowbar!
JT is busted open, and Shallow tosses him to the ground! He takes a seat.)
Shallow: Hi Guys.
J9: Hey :=)
(Adam Wars flips up, and looks at Ben Archer! He then plants a DDT on
him! The fans pop and Adam starts to get power from the fans! He puts Ben Archer
in a Ankle Lock, and Ben grits his teeth!)
GP: This could be the end of Archer!
(JT suddenly pops up)
GP: STOP RIPPING OFF!
JT: I see
(Shallow hits him again with the crowbar, knocking him unconcious!)
Shallow: Shut up.
JT: O k .
(JT Passes out.)
J9: YAY! :=)
JT: SHUT UP!
J9: AWWW . :=(
(JT passes out again, meanwhile, Ben Archer breaks the hold, and low
blows Adam Wars! He then puts his head between his legs! He then performs a
Jacknife Powerbomb on the weakened Adam Wars, and goes for the pin in a cradle
Ref: 1 2 3!
Meygon: Your winner AND number one contender for the New Unifed
Title BEN... ARCHER!!!
(The fans pop!)
GP: Great match!
Shallow: Kick arse!
J9: SHINY! :=)
GP: Yeah. Anyway, J9, don't you have to go?
J9: Oh yeah. See you later guys
(J9 heads backstage to a LARGE pop from the fans, and J9 has a tear
running down his face. He then hands Adam Wars the plunger he uses on his way
GP: What the ?
(Adam grins and jumps over the ropes! A slowly rising Sephiyra Reign
gets up and Adam Wars hits Sephiyra with the plunger to a GREAT pop! He sticks
the plunger into Sephiyra's face and runs away quickly!)
JT: That was weird.
GP: Too true. WARS WITH A COMEBACK IN THE END!
(We cut to the backstage area once again, and outside into the wrestlers
parking lot, as we see a ring of low flames. As we come closer to the
flames, we can finally start to see someone laying inside the circle, not
being touched by any of the flames at this point. The man is Erik Blake, and
once again, he has a t-shirt laying across his chest. This time, it seems to
be the same t-shirt, but it's flipped over, giving us an obvious clue as to
who the attacker was. The back of the shirt, now facing the camera, reads
"all you others may be good...but I'm Simply Perfect.". As the camera backs
away, and starts to fade back out to the accouncers, a gust of wind comes
through and the flames pick up.)
GP: Fans..this can only mean one thing.
JT: Please tell me that jobber isn't coming back.
Shallow: That is what it looks like. I guess we'll just have to wait and
GP:Well, up next, we have a match that will mold our main event...
Shallow: Well, this'll be a fun match.
JT: Fun? The only cool guy in the whole match is LiGiL, and he hasn't
been heard from all week!
Shallow: Fuck you, JT.
JT: Fuck me?
JT: Well, fuck you, too.
Shallow: Argh. I don't care. I'm gonna go get a drink of water.
JT: GOOD RIDDANCE.
GP: Congratulations, you scared away Johnny Shallow. How do you feel?
JT: Like chicken tonight, baby!
*ding, ding, ding*
Meygon: The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is a no
disqualification match for the number one contendership to the IWO
(The crowd pops.)
("Suffocate" by Finger Eleven plays as the doors open and LiGiL comes
out with Christy to a chorus of boos.)
Meygon: ...from Detroit, Michigan... he weighs in at two hundred and
fifty-four pounds... he is a former two-time IWO North American and a
former United States champion... he is accompanied to the ring by
Christy. He is the master of the dreaded Palindrome... ladies and
gentlemen... he is
(LiGiL climbs into the ring and helps Christy in, as well.)
GP: Well, LiGiL seems ready.
JT: Of course he does! He's friggin' LiGiL!
("Suffocate" fades out. The lights fade to black.)
(The lights fade back on, with a voice that says "FOOLED YOU".)
JT: I hate that.
Nikki: Me too.
Meygon: ...next... from Los Angeles, Califonia... weighing in at an
three hundred pounds... he is accompanied by the ring by... ummm... no
one. He is the master of the Submission Deathlock... ladies and
gentlemen... he is SABASTIAN CROW!!
[ "Enter Sandman" by Metallica begins playing over the
speakers as the audience erupts In a mild
pop/heat reaction... some cheer for this man and some
Nikki: The music of Sabastian Crow... the man who has
yet to be defeated but twice... will that all change
[ Sabastian Crow walks out from behind the IWO
curtains and walks himself down the rampway... he
wears black KIK pants, black boots, a white T-shirt,
and a black leather vest... shades cover his eyes
along with a turned around black IWO ballcap on his head...]
Shallow: I couldn't be too sure of that Nikki...
Sabastian Crow Is really on a roll as of late... In
fact, sometimes we don't know what to expect from this
JT: Yeah ... he'll just go haywire on you're ass...
hes god damn insane to say the most !!!
[ Crow gets inside the ring as he Is tossed a
microphone... he chews Big Red chewing gum In his
mouth as the music settles to a rest... he takes a look
around at the audience and smirks a grin... ]
GP: It looks like Sabastian Crow has something to
Shallow: Look at that grin on his face GP... Crow Is
so damn cocky tonight...
Nikki: Heh ... when Is he NOT cocky !?
JT: Heh Heh... you said "cock", heh heh...
JT: OWE !!!!...
Nikki: Shut up JT !!!... I want to hear Sabastian
JT: *mumbles* Bitch...
[ Sabastian Crow brings the microphone to his mouth...
the audience settles down and he begins to
Sabastian Crow: Growing up In the Sport of
Wrestling... along side my wrestling Idol and Legend,
Sabastian Crow... the original Crow which was my
grandfather... I watched and mimicked every move he
took, even when he taught me the famous Submission
Deathlock... well, that was his time and now this Is
my time... because ever since then, I have worked my
way up the ladder of success and have always
wanted to feel my time shine with the big boys... I
have always wanted to be In the spotlight of World
Title Delight... I have always wanted to be the main
event of spotlight wrestling... and now, since I've
made myself Into the #1 wrestling promotion other than
the WWF out there, the IWO... I have defeated
all but by 2 matches In my starting career since my 2
or 3 months living here on out and tonight... oh yes,
tonight Is my night... tonight Is my time... and
tonight Is my glory !!!!
JT: Will this guy please get on with It !!!???
Nikki: Shut up JT !!!
Sabastian Crow: Moving on... that brings me to my
opponents here tonight, lets start off with Donnie
Daze to being #1... what do I think about Daze ?, well
In the words of ECW Legend... Donnie Daze Is just
another victim !!!... and you know what ?... so Is his
precious Extreme Title because I can assure you, that
his title Is defintantly going around my waist when
the time comes... up next, we have a Triple Threat
Match featuring myself of course, hehe... and then
there Is LiGiL and Joey Malone...
Audience: JOEY ! JOEY ! JOEY ! JOEY ! JOEY ! JOEY !
JOEY ! JOEY ! JOEY !
[ Crow lowers the microphone and looks around at the
audience who are chanting the name of Joey
GP: Joey Malone seems to defintantly be a crowd
favorite here tonight...
Sabastian Crow: BUT ONCE I DEFEAT THEM FOR MY SHOT AT
THE WORLD TITLE...
[ Crow trying to make his voice overcome the chants...
the audience soon calms down... ]
Sabastian Crow: I will then move onto the Main Event
of the evening featuring yet another Triple Threat
Match... for then, this Triple Threat Match Is for the
biggest prize In this industry... what prize ?, It Is
for the World Heavyweight Championship as I will go
against World Champion Dane Matthews...
[ The audience start booing... ]
Sabastian Crow: And that video game wanna-be, Syphon
[ The audience erupts In a huge pop, much bigger than
the one Joey Malone earned... Sabastian Crow
lowers his microphone, pops another smirky smile and
shakes his head... he grits his teeth at the audience
and looks around... ]
Shallow: Damn ... I thought Joey Malones name was
popular... Syphon Fission Is getting ALL the pop,
GP: Yeah ... but look at the face of Sabastian Crow... he's turning red with anger, you can feel the
Sabastian Crow: You people disgust me !!!!!!!
[ The audience boos... ]
JT: WHOA !!!
Nikki: Where did that come from !??
Shallow: Hehe man... I don't know... Crow has never
acted like THAT before to the people...
Sabastian Crow: You come to the arena tonight and
speak upon and chant around you're favorite people...
you chant the name of Syphon Fission because he Is
you're leader of favorites... because he Is you're so
confident role model... well GUESS WHAT ????...
[ Crow starts stomping around the ring... making his
way to the left end ropes... ]
Sabastian Crow: Tonight !!!... once I step inside the
ring with him...
Nikki: Wow !... Crow Is so confident !!!!
[ Crow points out to Nikki... ]
Sabastian Crow: Shut up you little bitch !!!
GP: WHOA !!!!
JT: Haha oh my god... Sabastian Crow just called Nikki
a little... haha !!!... that was great !!!...
Nikki: UGH !!!... I don't believe he said that !!!!
[ Crow goes back looking at the audience... ]
Sabastian Crow: Tonight, In this very ring... It will
be a Triple Threat Main Event featuring Dane
Matthews -vs- Syphon Fission -vs- Sabastian Crow for
the World Heavyweight Title... but tonight, Syphon
Fission has just pulled the new straw... tonight,
Syphon has bit off more than he can handle... tonight
Syphon, while you're out there worrying so deeply
about the Champ himself Dane Matthews... I will be on
you like a snapping turtle... tonight Syphon, you were
right !!!... there will be blood, sweat, and a win
here tonight, but It will defintantly not be mine !!!...
[ Crow smiles as he looks around some more... ]
Sabastian Crow: Tonight Syphon... once a leader In the
IWO... you will turn into a failure because tonight
Syphon... hehe, you're going down !!!!
[ "Enter Sandman" by Metallica begins playing over the
speakers once again as Crow tosses the
microphone over his shoulder... It lands to the mat as
the fans continue showing a mixed reaction... still,
some people love him and some people hate him...
He stares down LiGiL, who exited the ring and waited for Crow
to finish, cuz he's a nice guy... or not. IWO Cameras then go to the
commentators table... Nikki Is still stunned... ]
GP: And that was Sabastian Crow...
Nikki: I can't believe It... he called me a-a-a-a...
JT: A BITCH !!!!... HAHAHAHA, that was great...
GP: Well Sabastian Crow has spoken, he says In
re-stating his words that his time has come and the
tide will be passed... but can Crow back them up here
Shallow: You never know guys !!!... Crow might
actually make history tonight and become a new IWO
Legend... he could become a Double Champion tonight...
both the Extreme and World Title...
GP: Amazing... If he could do that, God... that would
Nikki: He called me a bitch though !!!!
JT: Hehe... yeah, I know... now Sabastian Crow Is
actually making sense, haha...
("Enter Sandman" fades out, then the lights go out again.)
JT: Bloody hell, NOT AGAIN.
("Shame" by BT starts playing. After the opening guitar explodes, the
entryway explodes with pyro, and Joey Malone suddenly appears out of
nowhere almost directly after the pyro finishes with its explosion. The
doors open for Keri Lindum, who has her hair braided and is wearing a
black dress. The crowd, naturally, pops a pop that would stun TNN. He
wears the North American title around his waist.)
Meygon: ...and finally... from Phoenix, Arizona... weighing in at two
hundred and fifty-two pounds... he is accompanied to the ring by Keri
Lindum. He is the master of the Everest Cataclysm among many other
moves and is a former IWO Pacific, United States, World Tag, and
Intercontinental Tag Team champion... and he is the current IWO North
American champion... ladies and gentlemen, he is
(Malone slides into the ring and goes right after LiGiL.)
JT: There's still a lot of bad bloody between Malone and LiGiL!
*ding, ding, ding*
GP: And there's the bell!
JT: Malone has already cornered LiGiL and is just unloading on him with
rights and lefts! But Crow grabs Malone and throws him off of LiGiL!
GP: Now Crow's wailing away on LiGiL, as Joey Malone is back on his
feet and is just watching Crow beat the hell out of LiGiL!
JT: Crow whips LiGiL into Malone, Malone gets a backdrop out of it...
and gets a big clothesline on Crow to put him down!
Nikki: LiGiL gets to his feet, as Malone irish whips him into the ropes
and gets a VICIOUS elbow smash! But Crow's to his feet and he just
clotheslined Malone out of the ring!
GP: Now Crow and LiGiL are alone in the ring, as Crow overpowers LiGiL
and nails him with a VICIOUS belly-to-belly suplex!
JT: Crow with the cover! One... two... LiGiL kicks out easily.
GP: Way too early.
Nikki: Crow picks LiGiL back up and sends him off the ropes...
GP: Malone tries to get back in the ring, but Crow casually shoves him
off the apron again!
JT: Crow turns toward LiGiL, but LiGiL gets in a low blow on him! And a
DDT! LiGiL with the cover! One... two... no! Crow with the kickout!
GP: Malone slides in, now... but LiGiL catches him with a jawbreaker!
Nikki: Malone's stunned as LiGiL nails him with a side suplex thing...
what is that?!
GP: That's a side buster, silly Nikki. =P
Nikki: Oh, okay.
GP: LiGiL with the cover... one... two... Malone with the kickout!
JT: Crow's back on his feet... AND HE NEARLY RIPPED LIGIL'S HEAD OFF
WITH THAT CLOTHESLINE!
JT: Yeah, having your head ripped off must be NOT COOL and stuff.
Nikki: Crow picks Malone up and sends him off the ropes... Malone
reverses, but Crow catches Malone in the middle of a backdrop...
powerbomb attempt... Malone slips out!
JT: Malone tries a backslide, but Crow powers out... AND ABSOLUTELY
DECIMATES MALONE WITH A CLOTHESLINE!
GP: Holy shit, Marty Jannetty doesn't have SHIT on Malone after that
three-sixty flip Malone just did!
JT: Who the fuck is Marty Jannetty?
GP: I dunno. I forgot.
Nikki: Crow's got the upper hand, now. Malone's still wobbily following
JT: Crow picks Malone up and sets him up on the top rope... Crow tries
to set Malone up for a superplex, but Malone's fighting it off! Malone
knocks Crow off the top with him, and... ACK! FLYING CHAIR!
GP: LINDUM THROWS THE CHAIR TOWARD CROW'S GRASP AND CROW CAUGHT IT!
FRONT DROPKICK BY MALONE INTO THE CHAIR!
JT: Crow's down! LiGiL IMMEDIATELY crawls over to make the cover!
two... Malone makes the save!
GP: I thought Keri was pacifist now!
Nikki: I think Keri was just trying to make sure that Crow caught the
JT: Malone and LiGiL start brawling again, Malone gets right hands on
LiGiL now, and sends LiGiL into the ropes, but LiGiL comes back with a
flying leg lariat on Malone!
GP: LiGiL has the upper hand! He picks Malone up and takes him to the
top rope! He calls for the Palindrome!
Nikki: LiGiL climbs, but Malone flips off of LiGiL's shoulders! Malone
spins LiGiL around... there's a... a... really nifty thing to LiGiL!
Malone just obliterated LiGiL with that move!
GP: That was an Iconoclasm.
JT: A what?
GP: It's done in Japan, nitwit.
Nikki: But Crow's back up! Crow lumbers over to Malone and picks him
up... running powerslam to Malone! Crow with the cover... one... two...
JT: Crow picks Malone back up... and nails a Death Valley Driver on
Malone's down and possibly out! And Crow signals for his finisher!
GP: Crow grabs Malone's legs, but Malone shoves Crow off of him! And
Crow stumbles right into LiGiL's grasp! LiGiL with a German suplex!
a bridge! One... two... OUCH!
Nikki: Malone just lowblowed LiGiL!
GP: Yup. That can't feel good.
JT: Malone picks up LiGiL, now... he's got him up in the fireman's
position... AND THERE'S THE JERKEROLIZER(Fireman's Carry DDT into Twist
of Fate)! LiGiL IS DOWN!
GP: Malone goes for the cover... one... two... no! Crow pulls him off!
Now CROW goes for the cover! One... two... no! Malone with an elbow
Nikki: Malone and Crow both get to their feet and start exchanging
hands! And Crow seems to be winning!
GP: Well, Crow's a better brawler than Malone actually is.
JT: Crow sends Malone off the ropes, but Malone ducks the clothesline,
Crow turns... Malone with a kick in the gut... and there's another DDT!
Malone floats over into the cover! One... two... no!
GP: Almost three!
Nikki: LiGiL's to his feet and he starts wailing away at Malone!
a clothesline to LiGiL, and now, LiGiL's going to the outside?
GP: LiGiL's got the North American title belt!
JT: LiGiL slides back into the ring and waits for Malone to recover...
Nikki: ACK! LIGIL JUST ANNIHILATED MALONE WITH THE NORTH AMERICAN TITLE
GP: There's no disqualifications in this match! LiGiL goes for the
cover! One... two... thr- NO!
JT: LiGiL ALMOST won this thing!
Nikki: Crow's to his feet, now, and he picks LiGiL up... SKY HIGH
POWERBOMB! With the cover! One... two... NO!
JT: Crow picks up Malone, now... and he just DESTROYED Malone with a
powerbomb! Crow goes for the cover! One... two... thr- NO! Malone got
his foot on the ropes!
GP: Crow's jawing with the ref about that!
JT: This allows LiGiL to roll him up from behind! One... two... NO!
Nikki: Crow's to his feet and he charges in on LiGiL... LiGiL drops
down, and he spins the confused Crow around... and there's a STANDING
PALINDROME to Crow!
JT: LiGiL is signalling for the end! He climbs to the top rope, and...
JT: Huh... ACK!
GP: MY GOD! MY GOD! LIGIL IS BEING ATTACKED BY A SWARM OF CHICKENS!
TRYING TO FIGH THEM OFF, BUT THEY'RE RELENTLESS IN THEIR PECKING
JT: ...did the Mysterious Birdman piss off his feathered friends,
GP: Damned if I know, but LiGiL just crotched himself on the ring post!
Nikki: OH MY GOD! OH THE HUMANITY! THE CHICKENS ARE SPONTANEOUSLY
GP: FLAMING CHICKENS! FLAMING CHICKENS! OH GOD, FLAMING CHICKENS!
(Greg spazzes out until Nikki bitchslaps him.)
GP: Thanks, I needed that.
JT: MY GOD! THE CHICKENS ARE FLYING INTO THE CROWD! WE MIGHT HAVE A
Nikki: WAIT! OUT OF THE CROWD! IT'S... IT'S...
(The voice of a Mexican can be heard.)
Mexican: STOP, EVIL FLAMING CHICKENS!
(Another guy is heard.)
Other Guy: Yeah! Or we'll... umm... hurt you and stuff!
GP: IT'S MEGA JOB, THE EPIC TAG TEAM!
JT: Are they even SIGNED to the IWO?
JT: Oh. Carry on!
(Mega Job, consisting of El Janito and Beef, start brawling with the
flaming chickens all the way to the back.)
Nikki: ...was this trip really necessary?
JT: Probably not.
GP: Crow is up top, now, with LiGiL... AND CROW JUST HIT A TOP ROPE
SUPERPLEX TO LIGIL!
JT: Wait! From another turnbuckle! MALONE WITH THE BAD MOON
RISING(Swandive headbutt) TO CROW! ALL THREE MEN ARE DOWN!
Nikki: When the hell did Malone get up that turnbuckle?
JT: Well, we were distracted by the chicken thing, so...
(All of a sudden, Shallow walks back from the back carrying a huge container filled with water. It requires two hands to carry, as he slowly walks over to his announce position. He dumps it onto the table, almost breaking it.)
(The scene cuts over to three guys sitting against the wall in construction uniforms.)
Construction Guy #1:HEY! That's not nice!
(The scene fades back to the ring, as we see LiGiL and Crow the first two up, exchanging fists.)
Shallow:Hey, I didn't miss much...
GP:LiGiL and Crow are slowly exchaning blows, as LiGiL sends Crow off the ropes. LiGiL ducks down, and he picks up Crow! He's going for the Palindrome!
JT:Malone is getting to his feet... and he grabs LiGiL! He picks up LiGiL, who has Crow on his shoulders! Dear god!
(Malone crosses LiGiL's arm, and delievers a vicious version of the Everlast Cataclysm...)
GP:MEMORY LANE! MEMORY LANE ON LiGiL WITH CROW FLYING OFF LiGiL'S SHOULDERS! DEAR GOD! DEAR GOD! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN! MALONE DIVES ON TOP OF LiGiL!!!
Shallow:ONE!.... TWO!... THREE!!!!! IT'S OVER! IT'S OVER! JOEY MALONE HAS BEATEN SABASTIAN CROW AND LiGiL! SOMEHOW! SOMEWAY MALONE HAS DONE IT!
(The camera fades to the back, as we see Dane Matthews standing there, holding the World Heavyweight Championship on his shoulders.)
Dane Matthews:Crap. Now it might as well be two against one... unless....
(Matthews leaves the scene, as the camera fades back to Malone in the ring, having his hand raised. He seems to be rather beaten and groggy.)
GP:What the hell does that mean! What does the World Champ have up his sleeve!
JT:Correction, OUR WORLD CHAMP GREGGY!
Shallow:Well, we've got a huge t.v. title match... maybe we'll find out after?
Nikki:Oooh! AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)!
(Cut to Meygon in the ring.)
MEYGON: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is a Triple Threat Match scheduled for one fall with a
fifteen minute time limit and is for the IWO Television Championship. Introducing first, weighing 235 pounds...Ryan Remedy!!
(The lights go out and "Fear"by Disturbed plays as Ryan Remedy comes to the ring.)
MEYGON: His opponent is from Freakville, North Carolina, and weighs 234 pounds. He is accompanied
by Pen and Nude. Ladies and gentlemen...AWS Man (Also Known As Bill)!!
("Three Point One Four" plays and the crowd explodes in cheers as AWS Man (Also Known As Bill)
comes to the ring.)
MEYGON: Their opponent is the IWO Television Champion and hails from Camden, New Jersey. Weighing in at
247 pounds, he is "Angelic" Sephiyra Reign!!
("Wake Up" by Rage Against the Machine plays as Sephiyra Reign comes to the ring and hands his belt to the referee.)
GP: And we're back with more IWO Desperate Measures 2001 as the Television Title is up for grabs
tonight. The referee is calling for the opening bell...and Ryan Remedy is going to start things off tonight
against the man who cost him his shot at the belt last week, AWS Man (Also Known As Bill)!!
JT: That's right, Greg, and if Bill's lucky, Remedy will only cripple him instead of outright killing him for
what he did.
NIKKI: I don't think that would happen, JT. After all, Bill could get a restraining order against Remedy like
the one I had on you, remember?
SHALLOW: How could he forget?
GP: And there's the bell as AWS Man (Also known as Bill) locks up with Ryan Remedy and whips him
into the ropes.
JT: Bill goes for a clothesline but Remedy blocks it. And now Ryan Remedy goes to the ropes himself
but gets caught with a big roundhouse punch from Bill!!
GP: Bill with a vertical suplex on Ryan Remedy...and there's a forearm to the back!!
(AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) runs to the ropes and takes Ryan Remedy down with a forearm to the
back. Bill whips Ryan Remedy into the turnbuckle but Remedy reverses it and charges into the corner.)
NIKKI: Oh!! Bill dives out of the corner and Ryan Remedy just slammed into the turnbuckle at full speed!!
GP: AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) with a rollup...but only a two count from the referee before Remedy
manages to kick out.
JT: He damn well better kick out. I've got money on Remedy.
SHALLOW: I though you said before the match you had money on Sephiyra?
JT: Well, yeah. Him too. And Bill, actually. I'm covering all the odds.
SHALLOW: No, actually you're just an idiot!! Oh, 'scuse me...phone's ringing.
(Shallow takes a call on his cell phone as Ryan Remedy throws AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) out of
GP: And as the referee begins his ten count, Remedy follows Bill through the ropes.
JT: Good thing I DO have money on Sephiyra. We could see Bill and Remedy both get counted out
before the TV Champ even hits the ring.
(The referee counts: One, two, Ryan Remedy kicks AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) in the head and
whips him into the guardrail. The referee counts: Three, four, and Ryan Remedy rolls Bill back into the
GP: Remedy reenters the ring and hits Bill with an elbowdrop.
JT: And there's a backbreaker...but Bill blocks it and drops Remedy with a DDT!!
NIKKI: Bill goes for the pin and...ouch!! JT, did you just pinch my ass?
JT: From way over here?!?
GP: Two count on Remedy but he manages to kick out!! And there's a tag by Remedy to Sephiyra
(Sephiyra Reign comes flying over the top rope and attacks AWS Man (Also Known As Bill). Bill
punches Sephiyra Reign and takes him down with a snap suplex. Bill runs into the ropes and nails
Sephiyra Reign with a flying cross body press.)
GP: Cover by Bill...but the champion get a shoulder up at the count of two!!
JT: Bill and Sephiyra pounding on each other in the center of the ring...and there's a hiptoss by AWS
Man (Also Known As Bill) on the champ!!
NIKKI: But the champ blocks it and hits Bill with a bulldog. Bill's not moving...and Sephiyra's pulling him
(Sephiyra Reign punches AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) and whips him into the ropes. Bill comes back
off the ropes with a clothesline but Sephiyra blocks it and takes him down with a shouldertackle.)
JT: Bill's being manhandled in there, Greg. Tell me now who was wrong to bet on Sephiyra!!
GP: But you bet on all three men!!
JT: Oh sure. Bring that up.
SHALLOW (talking into his phone): Hold on a second. Hey, JT!!
SHALLOW: Shut the hell up!!
(Sephiyra Reign whips AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) into the ropes and takes him down with a
GP: Bill's down...but Reign is pulling him back to his feet.
JT: And throwing his sorry washed-up ass right out of the ring!!
(Sephiyra Reign follows Bill through the ropes and whips him into a guardrail. The referee counts: One,
two, and Sephiyra Reign reenters the ring with AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) right behind him.)
GP: Sephiyra with an Irish whip into the ropes...and an abdominal stretch on the man "Also Known As
JT: Yes!! C'mon Sephiyra!! You da man!!
SHALLOW: Hey guys. Get a load of this. My sources in the back tell me...
NIKKI: What Shallow?
SHALLOW: That JT's an asshole!!
GP: Sephiyra Reign holding onto that abdominal stretch...and Bill's trying to reach the ropes...but the TV
Champ breaks the hold and takes Bill down with a vertical suplex!!
(Sephiyra Reign goes for a belly-to-back suplex but AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) counters it with a
facerake. Bill goes for a side suplex but Sephiyra Reign counters it with a spinning headscissors and
goes for the pin.)
GP: And Bill gets a shoulder up so he's back in the match!!
JT: Yeah but for how long?
(Sephiyra Reign takes AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) down with a double-axhandle chop and tags out
to Ryan Remedy. Remedy goes for a kneebar but Bill blocks it and tags out to Sephiyra Reign.)
GP: And he's what I've been waiting to see. A rematch from last week's TV Title match!!
NIKKI: Ryan Remedy and Sephiyra Reign lock up in a test of strength...and Sephiyra hits Remedy with
a belly-to-belly suplex!!
GP: Sephiyra with an abdominal stretch on Remedy...but the man who was ALMOST champion last
week inches his way to the ropes and the ref breaks the hold!!
JT: But Sephiyra goes for a Northern Lights suplex and Remedy goes DOWN!!
GP: Sephiyra with an Irish whip...but Remedy nails him with a flying dropkick and goes for the pin!!
NIKKI: One, two, and the TV Champion...knock it off JT or I'll kick your ass...gets a shoulder up!!
JT: What did I...I didn't...dammit Shallow!! You're copping a feel and I'm catching shit for it. Knock it off!!
SHALLOW (talking into his phone): Hang on.
SHALLOW: Do you guys mind? I'm TRYING to buy WCW!!
GP: Oh brother.
(Ryan Remedy whips Sephiyra Reign into the ropes. Sephiyra takes Remedy down with a flying
shoulderblock and tags out to AWS Man (Also Known As Bill). Bill hits Ryan Remedy with a tilt-a-whirl
suplex and tags back out to Sephiyra Reign.)
JT: Oh c'mon!! What the hell is that?
GP: Smart thinking by Bill, JT. He's letting Remedy do all the work of wearing the champion down so he
can move in for the kill when he's good and ready.
NIKKI: But what if Remedy pins Sephiyra?
GP: Bill's smarter than that, Nikki. If anybody has a plan, he does!!
SHALLOW: Oh dammit. Now look what you three did. I had the deal for WCW all closed up and all
these distractions blew it for me.
JT: Sure, Shallow. Like YOU could run WCW?
SHALLOW: JT...it's not like anybody else has been trying for the last twelve months!!
(Sephiyra Reign places Ryan Remedy on the turnbuckle and takes him down with a belly-to-back
superplex. Sephiyra goes for the pin but AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) enters the ring and breaks the
GP: Bill with a spinning DDT on Sephiyra...and another on Ryan Remedy...and listen to the crowd going
NIKKI: The referee backs Bill out of the ring as Ryan Remedy goes for a side suplex...but Sephiyra
Reign counters it with a low blow and dives out of Remedy's way!! These three guys are getting tired,
Greg. What's the time limit again?
GP: Fifteen minutes, Nikki...and we're barely at the halfway mark now!!
SHALLOW: Well while you two are babbling, you almost missed a pinfall by Remedy after he whipped
Sephiyra into the turnbuckle and nailed him with a clothesline in the corner. Now Remedy's tagging out
to AWS Man...and Bill hits a reverse neckbreaker on the Television Champion!!
JT: Thanks for enlightening us, Shallow. Now what do you call this?
(JT flips off Shallow and the IWO's former RealAudio guy smiles.)
SHALLOW: The size of your package in inches, hotshot. Now shut up and cover the match or go stand
in a corner somewhere and leave the commentary to people with more than half a brain!!
(AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) hits Sephiyra Remedy with a Tombstone piledriver and goes for the pin
but Ryan Remedy distracts the referee and Sephiyra kicks out.)
GP: Sephiyra with an Irish whip on AWS Man (Also Known As Bill). Bill goes for a hiptoss...and
Sephiyra counters with a big old clothesline that takes the former World Champion right off his feet!!
JT: Sephiyra throws Bill out of the ring...and there's a Suicide Dive that sends both men crashing into the
Spanish Announcers' Table!!
NIKKI: Poor Pablo and Eddie. Those guys take so much abuse!!
GP: Sephiyra whips Bill into the guardrail and charges in to...OH!! Almost take Bill's head off with a real
stiff clothesline into the crowd!!
(The referee counts: One, two, and Sephiyra Reign hits AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) with a bodyslam
on the concrete floor. The referee counts: Three, four, and Sephiyra Reign reenters the ring. The referee
counts: Five, Six, and Bill gets back to his feet.)
JT: Bill reenters the ring...and gets caught by the champ with a kneelift right to the face!!
GP: And now Sephiyra is dragging Bill over to the turnbuckle. What's he going to do?!?
JT: Yes!! Sephiyra tries to get Bill on the turnbuckle...but wait a minute. Bill blocked it!! What the hell is
SHALLOW: Sephiyra with a short clothesline on Bill...but Bill ducks under it and makes a blind tag to
GP: Remedy's legal and the Television Champ doesn't know it. What's...OH!!
JT: Remedy hits Sephiyra from behind with a reverse neckbreaker...and there's a cover!!
GP: And the Television Champion manages to kick out just in the nick of time!!
(Ryan Remedy catches Sephiyra Reign in a surfboard but Reign manages to reach the ropes and the ref
breaks the hold. Sephiyra Reign hits Ryan Remedy with an elbow and makes a tag out to AWS Man
(Also Known As Bill).)
SHALLOW: And Bill comes over the top rope like a man on fire to whip Ryan Remedy into the ropes and
take him down with a leg lariat!!
GP: Bill's pointing at Remedy and...it's the "Drop You On Your Freakin' Face!!"
JT: *GROAN* I'm dead.
SHALLOW: Let me guess. You bet on all three...but on Bill the least.
GP: Bill with a cover...but Remedy kicks out!! I can't believe my eyes!! Remedy kicked out after the
"Drop You On Your Freakin' Face!!"
(AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) goes for a reverse neckbreaker but Ryan Remedy counters it with a
backward kick and takes Bill down with a German suplex.)
JT: And the referee counts one...two...and Bill gets a shoulder up. This is NOT good!!
SHALLOW: Neither is betting against the odds-on favorite, you idiot!!
NIKKI: Look, Greg!! Bill is back on his feet...and Ryan Remedy just got him in that...
GP: Armbar submission, Nikki. But Bill breaks loose and hits Remedy with a short clothesline that
almost knocks his head clean off!!
JT: AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) goes for an armdrag takedown but Ryan Remedy counters with a
lariat and whips him into the ropes.
NIKKI: Oh!! Bill misses with a clothesline and Remedy hits him with a boot to the stomach!!
GP: Remedy goes for a backdrop...but Bill counters it with a sunset flip!!
SHALLOW: And there's a cover!!
NIKKI: And Ryan Remedy kicks out!!
(AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) throws Ryan Remedy out of the ring and flies over the top rope to hit
him with a shooting star press.)
GP: Nice move by Bill!! And he's throwing Ryan Remedy back into the ring!!
SHALLOW: Flying cross body press by AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) and...'scuse me. Phone's
SHALLOW: I'm a very important man. What can I tell you?!?
GP: AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) hits Ryan Remedy with a bodyslam and pulls him back to his
feet...and there's an Irish whip into the ropes!!
JT: Bill with a clothesline...but Remedy duck under it and takes Bill's leg out from under him with a kick
to the knee!!
GP: And there's a figure four leglock by Ryan Remedy!!
NIKKI: The referee asking Bill if he wants to give up...and Sephiyra Reign breaks the hold with a kick to
the head of Ryan Remedy!!
(Sephiyra Reign runs into the ropes throws Ryan Remedy over the top rope. AWS Man (Also Known As
Bill) gets back to his feet and tags out to Sephiyra as Ryan Remedy slides back into the ring.)
GP: Ryan and Sephiyra both go for a clothesline...and they both go down!! But Remedy gets back to his
JT: And there's a flying forearm on the Television Champion!! Remedy with a cover...but only a one as Bill
makes the save for Sephiyra Reign!!
GP: Sephiyra Reign whips Ryan Remedy into the rope and goes for a fireman's carry...
JT: But Remedy blocks it and nails the champ with an enzuigiri to the face!! Thank God...there's hope for
my bank account yet!!
SHALLOW: Do you mind, JT? My AmeriTrade broker is calling from Tahiti and it's a lousy...sell, sell, sell
GP: Ryan Remedy whips Sephiyra into the corner and tries to get him up on the turnbuckle...but the TV
Champ blocks him and hits him with a headbutt right between the eyes!!
NIKKI: Ooh I don't know who that hurt more!! Both men are seeing stars now!!
GP: Remedy with a swinging neckbreaker...and there's a cover!!
JT: But Sephiyra Reign kicks out and Remedy complains about a slow count!!
NIKKI: That was dumb. While Remedy was complaining, Sephiyra caught him up in a small package!!
(The referee counts: One, two, AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) enters the ring and makes the save.)
SHALLOW: Oh come on!!
NIKKI: It wasn't that bad, Shallow.
SHALLOW: Wasn't that...? I just lost $2500 on pork bellies!!
NIKKI: Never gamble on pork. This is the Weight Watchers generation. You should know that!!
GP: Sephiyra with a Japanese armdrag takedown on Ryan Remedy...and there's a crotch slam!!
JT: Oh damn!! I felt that down here!!
GP: The TV Champ with a cover and a two count...but once again Bill makes the save for Ryan
JT: I don't get him. Last week Bill screwed Remedy and this week he's helping him. What's with that?
GP: You're asking me to get into the mind of one of the most complicated men in this sport, JT. How
should I know.
JT: Well, Nikki, dear...you've probably put out for old Bill once or twice. What's he think...
JT: Jesus!! What did I do?
(Sephiyra Reign goes for an Iris whip but Ryan Remedy makes a tag out to AWS Man (Also Known As
GP: And the legend is in the ring!!
JT: Oh God, Oh God, Oh God. Please let him not win. Please!!
GP: Bill with a snap suplex on the TV Champion...and what's this?!? The "Drop You On Your Freakin'
JT: Oh no!!
GP: He's pointing out to the crowd. Does this mean...?
NIKKI: I think it does, Greg!! And Bill hits the "Win The Freakin' Matchifier" on Sephiyra Reign for the
GP: He did it!! AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) hits "Win The Freakin' Matchifier and takes home to IWO
SHALLOW: Yes!! Citrus up 12 points!! I'm...what? Yes!! Bill wins and JT's going to the poor house!! I love
(Cut to Meygon in the ring with Bill.)
MEYGON: Your winner and NEW Television Champion...AWS Man (Also Known As Bill)!!
(We see highlights of the match, as we see AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) hitting a shooting star press, as well se hitting the Win the Freakin' Matchifier. The ring has been cleared, and suddenly Ben Archer's theme blares over the loudspeaker. "The Icon" Ben Archer strolls out pushing a shopping cart filled with really random items:
Bowling pins, a carton of eggs, some large glass vases, and a microphone. The crowd doesn't know what to make of it.)
Shallow: Archer isn't scheduled to come out here...what the hell is going on?
(Archer lifts the cart into the ring. He picks up his microphone.)
Ben Archer: Helllllllooo IWO fans!!
(a mixed reaction.)
Archer: Yes, it's me, The Icon, here to give you some quality entertainment!!
Y'see, I wasn't really supposed to come out here right now buuut VP Tom just
started screeching at people like a canary on E that the card was going too
fast and we'd never make the "allocated time slot". Whatever, he offered me a
nice tidy bonus to come out here and entertain you all!! And since I don't
have an opponent to do that with right now...well, the only other thing I
could think of doing was juggling!! So, we'll start out easy...
(he takes out 2 bowling pins and juggles them.)
GP: This is just ridiculous.
Archer: Hooo!! Haaa!! Look at this amazing talent!! C'mon folks, what other
IWO wrestler would put this kinda effort up for ya?! But hold on!! It gets
(He grabs an egg and starts juggling that as well as the bowling pins. He
drops the egg, it splatters everywhere.)
Archer: Ooops. Lemme try that again.
(He goes again. He drops it again. The crowd laughs.)
Archer: *insert profanities here*
JT: For the love of God!!
Archer: Alright, Alright...I never liked eggs anyway. We'll just go straight
for the glass...
(the crowd cheers.)
Shallow: I can't believe the crowd is into this.
Archer: Heeeerrreee we go!!!
(Archer starts juggling 3 vases at the same time. He grabs a 4th while
keeping the other 3 in mid-air and gets that into the mix, much to the
delight of the crowd.)
Archer: Oh yeah!!! IWO jugglefest 2001!!
(suddenly fireworks go off and the lights go out. The crowd doesn't
understand. more fireworks go off and the lights come back on. Archer is
standing in the ring holding the 4 vases. But...)
GP: THE MYSTERIOUS ONE!!! THE MYSTERIOUS ONE!!!
JT: ?¿? IS STANDING BEHIND BEN ARCHER!!!! ARCHER DOESN'T SEE
Shallow: THIS CROWD HAS ERUPTED!!!
Archer: What's the big f'n deal? What are you all screaming for, I stopped
GP: THE MYSTERIOUS ONE JUST GRAPPED A VASE FROM ARCHER'S
HAND!! ARCHER SPINS
AROUND, STARTLED, OH DAMN!! HIS HEAD JUST GOT BUSTED OPEN
FROM THAT SHOT!!
?¿? PICKS HIM UP, KICKS HIM IN THE STOMACH, MYSTERY DEATH
IS OUT COLD!!
JT: WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON?!?! WHY?! WHY?!
(The Mysterious One picks up Archer's mic. He stands over the bloody Ben
Archer and lets the crowd roar.)
?¿?: Ben Archer...Death Comes in Mysterious Ways...
(the crowd erupts.)
?¿?: I told you, IWO, that I am going to put an end to the nonsense, the
sheer stupidity that you've allowed this once proud federation to turn into.
I am going to bring a level of pride that hadn't been seen for over a year in
the IWO...I am going to systematically destroy tear this fed limb from limb
'til you all learn to respect yourselves, understand that you are the best of
the best and that you simply WON'T stoop to the lowest common denominator
to entertain these great f*cking fans.
(the crowd roars.)
?¿?: Ben Archer...I begin with you.
(the crowd sets off again. Fireworks go off and the arena goes black again.
"Full Nelson" by Limp Bizkit plays for awhile. It eventually fades to
The voice of the Mysterious One: Are...you...ready??
(the crowd goes wild.)
GP:The Mysterious One has Challenged... Ben Archer?!?
Shallow:I guess we heard it first!
JT:That's huge! That's Super Magnifico huge!
Nikki:Archer had a cute face too...
(Nikki becomes sad.)
JT: We have the IWO World Tag titles on the line, tonight for your
GP: Convenience? Two teams are going to go in and beat the living hell
out of each other, and you call it convenience?
JT: Yeah, as convenient as Nikki on a corner... You know...
JT: Gimmie more of that hard love, Nikki.
(Meygon enters the ring.)
Meygon: First up... They are the masters of the "Flip the Switch"...
are the NUMBER ONE CONTENDERS FOR THE WORLD TAG TITLES... THEY ARE JEFF
RYAN KING!!!! THE SUUUIIIIICCCIIIDDDEEE KIIIINNNNGGGGSSS!!!!
("Hells Bells" by the Suicide Kings plays as Ryan and Jeff King step
out from the Desperate Measures logo, they go to different sides of the
stage, and take in some cheers from the crowd, the pyros go off, and they walk
down the curved ramp. Avoiding pieces of egg, they get in the ring, and jump
on the turnbuckles.)
Meygon: And Now... THEY ARE THE OFFICAL INTERNET WRESTLING ORGANIZATION
WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS.... THEY ARE... "GENETIC PERFECTION"
GUNNNNNAAAAARRRRR SMITH, AND SAAAAAMMMM POTRIGHT!
("No Leaf Clover" by Metallica blasts in the arena as "Genetic
Perfection" Gunner Smith and Sam Potright make their way out through the logo. More
pyros go off, and the two flash thier belts up in the air to receive
many a scream from the fans. They make their way to the ring.)
GP: Both teams are in, let's get down to the action.
*Ding, Ding, Ding*
GP: There's the bell both teams go at it.
Shallow: Ryan takes on Potright, while Jeff goes toe to toe with
Smith... And it's an all-out war, baby! YEAH!
(Potright slams back with a few rights, then a left, then two more
rights before doing an inverted DDT to Ryan King. Gunnar however is backed up
in a corner where Jeff King kicks savagely at Genetic Perfection's chest.)
JT: Hey, Nikki.
JT: Wanna hear a funny joke?
JT: What do you get when Jeff King stomps on your chest?
Nikki: I'll bite, what?
JT: Nikki, because your man boobs will swell up to double D's!
Nikki: That's it, you little bastard.
(Nikki jumps on JT and proceeds to pound his nose to the back of his
skull. Meanwhile, Jeff King whips Gunnar into a corner, and proceeds to run at
GP: Gunnar is going to smash Jeff King right into that turnbuckle!
Shallow: But, no! Jeff King puts up his feet!
(Jeff King throws up a foot, and Gunnar lands it into his face. Ryan
King, who's gotten the better of Potright, runs and tries to tackle Gunnar.
Jeff King is on the top turnbuckle about to jump at Smith, but Smith takes
the running Ryan King and flings him behind him right into Jeff. Both
King's fly to the outside, and Gunnar falls to the mat clenching his face.)
Shallow: DID YOU SEE THAT?! GUNNAR SMITH JUST THREW RYAN INTO JEFF! AND
NOW GUNNAR'S ON THE GROUND HURT!
GP: That's not the only thing on the ground hurting at this moment.
(Camera shows Nikki on top of JT royally pounding the shit out of him.
She grabs him by the shoulders and slams him repeatedly on the ground.)
Shallow: Maybe we should help JT... I mean... He is our friend...
Shallow/GP: NAH!!! *Bursts of laughter.*
(Ryan King has slid back into the ring, while Jeff is still laid out
below. He walks over to Gunnar and takes a kick at him. King takes another
vicious kick into Gunnars face. Almost blinding him. He kicks him hard again in
the throat. Blood begins to drip out of the eyes of Gunnar Smith.)
Shallow: Ryan King laying it to Gunnar Smith...
GP: But if he doesn't look out, he might just be in for a bowl of
Shallow: Vengeance soup?
GP: Fifteen eighty five, at your local grocery store.
(Potright taps Ryan King on the shoulder, and spins him around.
Potright sets up and drives King hard to the mat with a piledriver. Meanwhile,
Jeff is slowly getting on the apron.)
GP: Jeff King getting back in the action. But not for long...
(Samuel Potright grabs Jeff by the head, and slams his neck over the
ropes. Jeff bounces back, and hits the floor.)
Shallow: Potright, taking everyone out he can see.
(Potright stomps some on Ryan King. Before bringing him to his feet.
Meanwhile, we see Jeff King taking the feet out of the referee. He
slides the ref to the outside and plants him with a lariat.)
GP: And the ref is out of this match... Go figure.
Shallow: Pfft... As if we all didn't see THAT ONE coming.
(All of a sudden, Nikki gets up, and dusts herself off. She sits down
at her spot and puts back on her equipment.)
Shallow: Welcome back, Nikki.
Nikki: Feels great, Shallow. So what's been happening?
GP: You know, everyday Kings, Potright, Gunnar kinda thing going on.
Ref is out.
Nikki: Go figure.
(Jeff King slides back into the ring, and delivers a startling blow to
Sam Potright. Gunnar Smith, however, has wiped most of the blood from his
eyes, and his face with a towel that a fan threw him.)
Nikki: Looks as if Gunnar is getting back into this thing.
(Gunnar Smith grabs Jeff King and gives him a mean German Suplex. Ryan
King is lying on the mat still, as is Potright.)
GP: Hey, where IS JT?
JT (Faint Mumble): Right here... aughhh... My heeeaaaad huurrts, and I
CAN'T FEEL MY CHEST!
Nikki: Heh heh heh...
GP: What'd YOU DO?
Nikki: Gave him double D's.
(Sam Potright is back to his feet. Him and Gunnar are double teaming
Ryan King. Gunnar takes King to the turnbuckle while Potright goes to the
opposite... Smith whips Ryan King at Potright who catches him with a
knee smash to the solar plexus. Ryan King doubles over, and Potright drops
him with a bulldog.)
GP: Gunnar and Sam are taking over this match.
(Jeff King is up and charges at Gunnar and takes out his knees, but
behind him is Sam Potright who grabs Jeff by the waist and gives him a
slingshot suplex. Gunnar is lying on the mat, but slowly getting up.)
Nikki: Dude, three of these guys are huge, and then there's Sam
Potright who's ABOUT that size. And JEFF KING JUST DOVE INTO GUNNAR'S LEGS.
JT: Niiichccceeee... Obbsserrrvvaation.... Niiiiiikiii...
Nikki: Shut up, puss boy. Or do you want it, AGAIN?
(JT falls back, and goes unconcious.)
Nikki: 's what I thought.
(Gunnar makes his way back up, and they start to wail on Jeff King
who's lying on the mat. Gunnar kicks him in the ribs, while Sam Potright
applies a chin lock and pulls back hard. Jeff begins scream, not loudly since his
jaw is clamped shut, but it's screaming.)
Shallow: Dude, he's screaming! JEFF KING IS SCREAMING.
GP: No kidding, could've fooled me.
Shallow: ... Shut up, GP.
(Ryan King is stumbling up but Gunnar catches him with a running
forearm. Gunnar then leans over and slams his fists into Ryan's face. Sam has
the chin lock still on Jeff King, who hasn't tapped out yet.)
Shallow: Is the ref back in?
GP: No, he's lying on the outside.
Nikki: That could mean Jeff King will be there for a while.
(Ryan King fights back with a fist of his own into Gunnar's nose. He
pulls himself up, and slams his elbow into Gunnars chest. Ryan gives him a
Double arm Belly to Belly suplex. Ryan goes for the cover... No ref.)
GP: I think Ryan is noticing the chin lock Sam has on his brother...
Shallow: You could probably say that since Ryan just ripped Potright
off of him.
GP: I will say that, Shallow.
(Ryan King pulls Potright off of Jeff. They start to exchange blows
until Sam Potright gets the upper hand and takes Ryan to the ropes. Ryan
stops, kicks Potright, and gives him a hard Back Breaker Drop. Ryan King then
follows up with a knee drop to his face.)
Shallow: Ryan King pulling back the match for the Suicide Kings.
GP: Hey, someone wake up JT.
Nikki: JT, WAKE UP!
(JT slowly sits up, and rubs his eyes.)
JT: I just had the worst dream that Nikki was good looking, and Titan
pimped her around instead of Meygon.
(JT hits the ground again, and Nikki frowns disgustingly.)
Nikki: It's best he stay out cold.
(Ryan King goes to the aid of Jeff and helps him up, while Gunnar and
Potright are sprawled out on the mat. Ryan King then goes for the
cover... Still no ref. Ryan goes to the outside, and gets the Ref up, and rolls
him in the ring still unconscious. Jeff taps him to wake him up, no avail.)
GP: I would give them credit for trying to win, but whatever possessed
them to knock out the ref in the first place, startles me.
Nikki: Stupid, stupid Kings.
(The ref comes back alive and blinks a few times... Jeff King
immediately goes for the cover on Sam Potright. 1...... 2..... )
Shallow: NO. GUNNAR SMITH WITH THE SAVE. FLAPJACK ON JEFF KING. Ryan
King tries to take the beast down... GUNNAR SMITH A HARD SINGLE ARM DDT!
(Gunnar Smith picks up and slams Ryan King on top of the motionless
Jeff King. Gunnar Smith then goes for the double pin. 1...... 2..... )
GP: NO, RYAN KING KICKS OUT!
(Gunnar rips Ryan King to his feet, and slams him hard with a power
slam. Gunnar Smith with a standing leg drop. Gunnar grabs the hair of Jeff
King, but Jeff slams his forehead into Gunnar Smith's stomach. Jeff slams his
fist into Gunnars face, and stands. King then throws Gunnar to the outside,
and proceeds to go to the top rope...)
Nikki: Is this guy insane?
Shallow: No... He's Jeff King.
(Jeff King jumps off and goes for a flying body press suicida! Gunnar
catches Jeff in mid air and bodyslams King onto the gard railing. Jeff
Kings body is hanging over each side of the railing... His head sticks out
from it. Gunnar with a leg drop on the face of Jeff King. Jeff lets out a
gasp of air.)
GP: YES, YES THAT WAS AAWWWEEESOOOMMMEEE!
JT (Faint): Whhhhaaattt happpennneeddd?
Nikki: SHUT UP, JT. *Throws a paper weight at JT's head.* AND KEEP
(Gunnar lifts Jeff to his feet, and slings him back into the ring as he
GP: Both guys back in the ring. Potright and Ryan King are in their
corners, surprisingly. Probably because the ref is back.
Shallow: Yay for the ref!
(Gunnar grabs Jeff and gives him a tilt-o-whirl back breaker. Gunnar
goes up top, and jumps of with a PERFECTSAULT! (Moonsault)
Shallow: PERFECTSAULT! PERFECTSAULT!
(Gunnar Smith hooks the leg for the pin. 1... 2... )
Nikki: Kick out! BY JEFF KING. How could he kick out after that one?
GP: Dunno, but He did.
(Gunnar Smith once again pulls Jeff King up. He slings him into the
ropes, but Jeff King comes back with an Irish Whip. Gunnar hits the ground and
Jeff King hops over him and off the other side. Gunnar with a Hip toss, and
follows it up by a Springboard body press.)
Shallow: Gunnar is controlling this match, and really taking it to Jeff
King. If the Suicide Kings want to win, they have to do it fast.
(Gunnar goes for the cover! 1... )
GP: KICK OUT, BY JEFF KING! HOW CAN THAT BE? ON THE ONE COUNT!
Shallow: Gunnar Smith is going crazy!
(Gunnar taps in Potright, and they sling Jeff King into the ropes, they
bend over for a double back body drop, but Jeff kicks Gunnar in the face,
and gives a fame-ass-er to Potright. He goes right for Gunnar again, with a
cradle suplex, into the pin! 1... 2...)
Shallow: Potright breaks up the count! The Suicide Kings could have had
that one won!
GP: This is getting really close.
(Potright throws a right at King, but King blocks it with one of his
own. Potright throws another, but King blocks it. Gunnar from behind, and
gives Jeff King a hard inverted spinebuster.)
GP: Just as things were getting good.
(Gunnar and Potright stomp on Jeff King. They proceed to pull him up
and sling him into the ropes, he comes bouncing back and Side Russian Leg
Sweep with a Clothesline by Gunnar Smith!)
Shallow: DID YOU SEE THAT, GP!? DID YOU SEE THAT?!
GP: Yes, Gunnar and Potright could just win this match any second. But
Ryan King hasn't got much action lately...
Nikki: They're like, going to double team him again!
(Gunnar sets up for a Tombstone Piledriver...)
GP: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, THIS COULD BE IT... GUNNAR SMITH IS GOING FOR
THE PERFECTION X-PRESS... A Seated Tombstone Piledriver... BUT WAIT! NO!
IT'S GONNA BE A SPIKED PERFECTION X-PRESS!!!
(Gunnar Smith delivers the Perfection X-Press with Sam Potright pushing
down to increase the impact.)
Shallow: There is no way in hell he's getting up after that one!
(Sam Potright pins... 1....... 2...... The arm gets half way up...
GP: OH MY GOD. RYAN KING IS ON THE TOP ROPE!
(Ryan King jumps and delivers a Top rope somersault shooting-star
press. Knocking Gunnar Smith down, Ryan King then jumps Sam Potright and lifts
him straight up in the air. After which, he throws him out of the ring onto
the Spanish announce table.)
Shallow: Ryan King finally throws himself into the mix!
GP: Too bad JT isn't here to see this, he'd be enjoying the violence.
Nikki: Gunnar Smith is out of it, and Ryan King is going to the outside
to utterly obliterate... no pun intended... Sam Potright.
(Ryan goes to the outside, and catches Sam Potright before slamming his
head down on the Spanish announce table's monitor. He then takes Potright
and gives him a scoop slam on an unfolded chair.)
Nikki: The referee is counting both teams out.
GP: Ryan has that covered, I think.
(Ryan throws Potright back in the ring, where Jeff is back up, wearily
pounding on Gunnar Smith. He takes Potright to the top rope... Jeff
signals with a finger twirling in a circle and delivers an OFF THE TOP ROPE
SUICIDAL TORNADO DDT.)
GP: OH MY GOD... BOTH GUYS ARE ON THE OUTSIDE, JEFF KING IS LAID OUT...
SAM POTRIGHT IS LAID OUT... JEEEEEZE.
(The ref starts to count both the guys out. 1..... 2.... 3.... 4....)
Shallow: This match could come out a draw.
Nikki: Point out the obvious, Shallow.
Shallow: Shut up, Nikki. At least I don't have JT hitting on me every
chance he gets.
(Nikki jumps Shallow, and proceeds to pound the crap out of him.)
GP: Great. Just Great.
(The Referee continues to count. 5.... 6.... 7....)
GP: If something doesn't happen, Gunnar and Potright could walk away
(Ryan King makes his way up and heads to the ring. But then turns
around and runs, picking up Potright and throwing him into the ring. He slides
back in just as the ref hits 10.)
GP: Smart move by Ryan King. If it was a countout, the Kings wouldn't
win the belts.
(Gunnar slams a fist into Jeff King knocking him down. He diverts his
attention to Ryan who's now about to plant Potright with a snape mare.
Gunnar charges, but King lets go and back body drops Gunnar out of the
GP: Yes, and we're going into over time!!!
(GP looks over at the dust cloud known as Nikki and Shallow.)
GP: Hey, guys, stop it! A match is going on.
(The Dust clears and Nikki sits on top of Shallow, her menacing eyes
turned toward GP.)
GP: Ooh, sorry. Carry on.
(The dust cloud resumes as we go back to the ring where The Suicide
Kings are going to double team Sam Potright.)
GP: The Suicide Kings are setting up Potright for some kind of double
(The Kings pull Sam toward them, while Jeff picks him up for a
powerbomb. Ryan goes to the top, and jumps off. Powerbomb and an Off the Top Rope
Vertical Splash Body Press by Ryan King to Sam Potright.)
GP: They should cover, and win this thing.
(Jeff King goes to the top this time... He takes Potright with him...
Jeff and Ryan are setting Sam up for the FLIP THE SWITCH.)
GP: FLIP THE SWITCH! FLIP THE SWITCH! (Top rope tornado DDT/Electric
(Shallow and Nikki stop fighting for a second to stop and watch the
events about to unfold. Jeff King is about to start with the Tornado DDT when
Gunnar Smith comes from no where and jumps on the apron, after that he
jumps on the second rope, bounces off, and spears Jeff King right off of the
turnbuckle. Sam Potright falls back to the mat, and Ryan goes to the
Shallow: My god.
Nikki: Jesus Christ.
Shallow/Nikki/GP: THAT WAS AAAAWWWWEEESSSSOOOOMMMMEEEE!
(Gunnar is pounding on Jeff King. He picks him up and throws him into
the steel steps. After which, he picks up the steps to slam down on Jeff.
But Ryan dropkicks the piece of steel into the back of Gunnars head. Gunnar
falls limp to the ground.)
(Jeff King lies sprawled out on the ground, while Ryan picks up Gunnar
and throws him in the ring with the laid out Sam Potright. He applies a
sharpshooter, and proceeds to hold it. The Ref drops to the ground to
see if Gunnar taps out.)
GP: Gunnar looks really hurt. His eyes are closed... He could pass out
from extreme pain.
Shallow: GO. GO. GOO!!! GUNNAR!
(Gunnar starts to shake his head, and reaches for the ropes. Ryan King
adds pressure to the sharpshooter.)
GP: Gunnar is reaching for the ropes, he's a couple of inches away. I
don't know if he can make it without tapping out...
(Sam Potright rolls out of the ring, hurting, and limps over to the
other side of the ring. He grabs Gunnars arm and pulls it hard, locking it on
the rope while the ref was diverted. Jeff King has gotten up and sees this,
he gets in the ring, but the Referee goes to stop him.)
GP: Jeff King is trying to divert the Ref's attention as long as he can
while Ryan adds on pressure to the sharpshooter. Even with Gunnar
holding on to the ropes, he has to tap out sometime.
(Sam Potright slides slowly into the ring, and waits until Jeff looks
his way before spearing him hard into the mat, then rolling him out of the
ring. With this, the Referee turns back around to see Gunnar's hand on the
ropes. He breaks up the sharpshooter.)
Nikki: The Referee just saw Gunnars hand on the ropes.
GP: This is cutting it extremely close, people.
JT: Aughhh.... My arrrmsss. My chesst.
(JT takes his place back at the announce table.)
GP: You've missed alot, JT. Like Nikki beating up Shallow within an
inch of his life.
Shallow: Aughghghhhh. You're not the only one hurting JT.
(Gunnar makes his way up, as Ryan King charges at him. Ryan King drives
his elbow into the face of Gunnar Smith and then follows up with a side
walk slam. Ryan taps in Jeff, who has just lost about a half a quart of
Shallow: Jeeefff King is in the ring now. I feel drowsy....
(Shallow falls asleep at the announce table.)
GP: Thank god I wasn't the one Nikki beat the shit out of.
(Ryan puts Gunnars head on the rope, and sits his foot on the back of
Smith's neck. He begins to use the Rope choke on intervals of three
seconds. Ryan runs to the opposite ropes, bounces back, and leaps on Gunnar,
choking him even more.)
JT: Dude, Gunnars getting killed.
GP: He has been for the past few minutes.
(Ryan King whips Gunnar to his feet, lifts him up for a bodyslam, but
instead lands a hard Shoulder breaker, leaving Gunnar on the ground
grabbing his right shoulder. Ryan grabs the ropes, and puts a foot on Gunnars
shoulder, he presses down hard as Gunnar screams in agony.)
Shallow: Ryan King is working on Gunnars shoulder, that's a new
GP: Actually, it isn't... You'll see why.
(Ryan King picks Gunnar up and puts him on his shoulder for a Fallaway
slam, instead, Gunnar wraps one arm around his neck and falls back, planting
King with a DDT. Both guys are out.)
GP: Gunnar desperately needs a tag.
(Ryan slowly makes his way up. Gunnar is inching his way to Sam
Potright who is waiting at the other corner. He reaches up with his right arm, but
then falls back to the ground.)
GP: See, Shallow. His shoulder hurts to much to reach up and make a
(Ryan grabs Gunnar by the arm, while stepping on his back, pulls back
hard on his right arm. Gunnar winces.)
Shallow: I guess you're right.
GP: I'm ALWAYS right, Shallow.
JT/Nikki/Shallow: HAAHAHAHH AHAHH AHAHAHA HAHH HAH.
(Ryan tags in Jeff, and they start to work on Gunnar Smith. Ryan and
Jeff slam Smith down with a double brainbuster. Ryan walks over and nails
Sam Potright. He then grabs Sam's legs and put them between the ropes. Ryan
gives Potright a nice shove and he falls backward, tangled up in the
ropes he hangs upside down. Ryan goes back to Gunnar.)
GP: Ryan and Jeff look to be closing up this match.
(Ryan and Jeff grab Gunnar and set him up for another double suplex.
They get Smith about half way up, before he kicks Ryan hard in the chest.
Ryan falls backward, and Gunnar swings over and grabs Jeff. PERFECTION
X-PRESS!(Seated Tombstone Piledriver)
Shallow: PERFECTION X-PRESS! OH MY GOD! OUT OF NOWHERE! GUNNAR WITH THE
(Gunnar Smith covers... 1... 2...)
GP: BUT NO. SAVE BY RYAN KING, BARELY.
(Ryan slings Gunnar Smith into the ropes, he comes back with a huge
closeline. Gunnar hits the ground hard.)
GP: AND RYAN COVERS.
GP: Sam Potright gets his leg lose, and is trying to get out.
GP: Sam is out!!! SAM IS OUT OF THE ROPES! He barrels over to make the
save, but not in enough time!
GP: WE HAVE NEW TAG CHAMPIONS! WE HAVE NEW TAG CHAMPIONS! THE SUICIDE
JT: I had my money on Gunnar and Potright... Aww. Fuck.
(Meygon comes into the ring, where both of the King brothers stand
there. She hands them their belts.)
Meygon: YOUR WINNERS.... AND NEEEEWWW INTERNET WRESTLING ORGANIZATION
WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!!! JEFF AND RYAN KING!!! THE
("Hells Bells" by AC/DC plays as the Suicide Kings celebrate their
victory with high-fives and a few jumps on the turnbuckle with the belts so
that the fans can get pictures. Gunnar and Potright walk slowly up the curved
ramp. A small chant of "POOOTTRRIIIIGHHTT...! GUNNNNAARRRR...!" Starts up, and
the two grin as they raise their arms. They walk to the back.)
GP: Sam Potright didn't look up to his full potential, tonight. But It
was a great battle, none the less.
JT: An awesome battle, what I saw of it.
(Nikki gives a nice grin.)
GP:Well, here we see none other than the Spiked Perfection X-Press... and then we see the Suicide Kings hit flip the switch, and here we see Potright bein' detained while the Suicide Kings pick up the victory...
Shallow:Purely awesome tag team action...
GP: Well fans, the IWO has brought you some hell-ish action, and we just saw it in that tag team match, and will see more when rookies battle in the boxing tournament!
Shallow: I concur GP.
JT: *Muttering* Yeah who asked you... asshole.
Shallow: Excuse me?
JT: Oh... nothing.
Nikki: Well while you two battle hormones... I do believe we still have PPV
GP: Always on ya toes Nikki, and once again correct. Fans now for you, we
have the Invitational Boxing Tournament. This consists of 3 matches, with 1
minute rounds and in the finals each man that won their respected bout will
face each other once. JT, care to explain the point system?
Shallow: Are you gonna do anything?
JT: I might decide to kick your ass.
Shallow: Well it's two chairs over...
Nikki: That's it!
(Nikki smacks JT and then reaches towards Shallow.)
Shallow: Woman, if you knew better, you'd draw back that arm rather fast.
Nikki: You just watch yourself Shallow...
GP: Well fans I guess I'll tell you... each solid connect... head or body
will result in 1 point. A knockdown is 3 and a knockout is a win. Takedowns
don't equal anything but bragging rights.
Shallow: Yes and I'm sure there will be a few of those here.
(The camera pans to JT who is gazing at the sign language table.)
JT: HAHA! Hey... hey look at this! A sign language table! Watch...
(JT starts to laugh hysterically and start flipping his hands and fingers in
(Suddenly Debbie Page looks over... she sticks up her hand.)
JT: Oh look... she's responding....AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
(She shoots him the one finger salute.)
Shallow: HAHAHAHA! OHHHHHH DAMN! MY SIDES.... THEY HURT!
Nikki: *Snickering*... awww... poor JT......HAHAHAHAHAHAH!
JT: SHUTUP! It's not funny...just get on with the match... damn brod!
(They all turn their attention to Meygon who is ducking in under the ropes
with her above the knee... tight ass leather dress. The men in the first few
rows start sweating.)
Meygon: Ladies and gentle... this next scheduled bout is the Invitational
Boxing Tournament. Coming to the ring first... he is the Hurricane... he
is... KIRK! MACLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!
(The fans give a low pop, he is new ya know, and from the back out onto the
ramp he struts. He holds his arms in the air, but he recieves the same ole
pop. He just frowns it off and walks directly to the ring and hops over the
ropes and starts jiving back and forth while punching the air. He takes his
place over in the coined "Red" corner.)
JT: I bet he wins...
Shallow: Why's that?
JT: Didn't you ever see that Denzel Washington movie? That's a boxing name...
so it's kinda like a sign.
Shallow: Oh really... like that sign Debbie gave you?
JT: Up yours Shallow.
GP: Fans, while I have this time, of course you know something has happened
to Phillip West. So the IWO board quickly made some adjustments and we
replacement, that's why this round will take place.
Nikki: Do you know this replacement?
GP: They didn't say.
JT: Probably some jobber from IML they called up.
Meygon: Coming to the ring next... Phil-- excuse me. His
GP: Oh my God! It's Dan Hopkins.
Shallow: Well I'll be.
(Music kicks up as the diehard fans from the old remember this former IWO
star and give an amazing pop for his return. They are cheering like mad as
Hopkins' face appears from the back as he had a broad smile. He walks on the
ramp all the way to the ring and steps through. Maclean doesn't seemed to
impressed as his gloves are being fitted on, while he rests on a stool.
Hopkins points over at Hurricane as he takes his seat in the Blue corner and
gets fixed up.)
GP: Well fans it's almost time to get this started, so let's take it back
over to the referee in charge...Lills Mane!
Lills Mane: Gentlemen I wanna see a good clean match. Listen for my signals
and rules at all time. Keep the wrestling to a minimum and all shots ABOVE
the waist. If we can do this, we should be fine. Now touch gloves and let's
(The two touch gloves and walk back to the corner for some last minute tips.)
Nikki: I can't wait... boxing is much more easier to understand than
JT: Gee Nikki... just come on out and say it. You wanna have sex with me!
Shallow: You must really get off on that JT.
JT: You have no idea puiny man.
(DING DING! They are interupted as the bell sounds and the fans begin to
cheer while Hopkins and Maclean bounce out of their corners and start
circling. Maclean fires in first with a left jab that misses it's target and
Hopkins just smiles. Dan bobs to his left and fires in with a rib shot, but
Kirk reacts with his left to the arm. Both men connecting as the fans show
their appreciation. Now Maclens seems to be on the attack as he starts to
pressure Hopkins back into the ropes, Maclean starts shooting away with some
right jabs, only to be avoided with blocks. He sends out another, but jerks
it back and rockets another left hook, Hopkins ducks and uppercuts Maclean
right under the jaw, and he stummbles back. The ref moves over to check him
out as Dan just struts from the ropes. Maclean is just a little shaken up as
he slaps his gloves together and the ref clears them to fight.)
GP: Dan Hopkins looks to be leading in points right now... especially after
that thunderous uppercut that landed on the money.
(They circle some more and Dan tosses out a right jab, Maclean ducks and
comes in with wide hook, Hopkins evades down and Kirk gets his arm wrapped
around Hopkins neck and they tie-up. Maclean isn't happy as he shoves off and
comes back, but comes to a dead stop as the bell sounds... round one is in
the books. They walk back to their corners.)
Nikki: Some nice action in that first round. Hey... how many rounds do these
go anyways? If it's like the real thing... then we're screwed!
Shallow: No..no.. these first matches are only 2 rounds long and the finals
are just 1 round a match.
JT: Oh thank God.
(Back in the ring, both men put in their mouth pieces and stand up as the
bell sounds once more and Maclean throws a quick right arm, but Hopkins
down and Maclean crashes into the turnbuckle! He slams him gloves on the
GP: Well I think Hopkins knows he has this won in points right now, and he's
working on just running the clock down.
(Maclean goes back over and pressures Hopkins into the corner once again and
tries some body shots, but Dan keeps the gloves down and blocks every
attempt...OHHH!!!!!!!! Hurricane Kirk Maclean just shot up with a double jab
combination to the jaw that shakes Hopkins, then starts working on the
ribs... he's really taking it to Hopkins here... wait! Why's the ref pulling
Maclean back? He's telling Maclean those were illegal blows.)
Shallow: Uh oh... the ref is deducting points. Apparently Maclean was landed
shots in the kidneys which is illegal in boxing. So now Maclean gonna have to
hurry... 15 seconds left.
(Maclean is pissed and the ref clears them once more and Maclean charges
and tries a haymaker, but goes over and get tied up. Hopkins tries to break,
but Maclean sends a swift, but jagged headbutt to Hopkins. His eye is
lacerated now, and Hopkins responds by lifting Maclean up and driving him
down with a slam and the two quarrel on the mat as the bell sounds like crazy
and both corners trainers and staff rush in and seperate the as Hopkins spits
the blood that drained down in his mouth all over the place. Both men are
cussing up a storm. Finally things begin to settle down between the two as
they are lead over to the center of the ring and the ref grasps both their
arms as the judges pass a card to Meygon who steps back into the ring.)
GP: Here we go... deciding moment...
Meygon: Ok fans we have a unanimous decision among the judges. In an
outstanding battle, the winner... representing the BLUE CORNER.........
(Dan Hopkins starts celebrating and Kirk just throws his gloves down.)
Meygon: DAN!!!!!!!!! HOPKINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(The ref raises Hopkins hand as he pulls away and leaps up onto the
turnbuckle and starts celebrating with the cheering crowd as Kirk Maclean
just storms from the ring to the back! After a short celebration the ring is
cleared as Hopkins heads to the back and we get set for our second matchup.)
Nikki: Well... Kirk Maclean took that rather un-well. Considering he did his
best and it was a good match.
GP: Yes indeed... I'm not sure if this is over with the Hurricane.
Shallow: Nope, and now we have Anthony Rydel taking on Kent Anthason. This
should be one sided in my opinion.
JT: Oh and Mr.genius man... please care to callaborate?
Shallow: Of course... Rydel sucks.
JT: Oh... whatever.
Shallow: What's the matter...puiny man. No comeback?
Nikki: Don't make me start bitch slapping.
JT: HAHAHAHA! THE BITCH GOT YOU!
Shallow: SON OF A --
GP: Welll.... Meygon's back in the ring now, let's go to her.
Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, it's now time for the 2nd contest of this
invitational. Coming to the ring at this time, please welcome... ANTHONY!
(The fans don't react at all as the energetic young man sprints out clapping
his hands and he tries to soar through the ropes, but gets his ankle caught
and falls face first. This gets a humorous rise from the crowd as he acts as
nothing happens and goes to his corner...)
JT: What a dumbass... who hires these guys nowadays.
Shallow: Now I do agree on that.
JT: Oh go sit on a male organ with you agreeing!
(Before Shallow can respond Meygon speaks out.)
Meygon: And his opponents.. coming out at this time, please welcome... KENT!
(The fans cheer for this one as he appears out from the back and stands there
a moment looking out over the crowd in amazement. He then makes his way
towards the ring and slips in and spins around for a second before heading to
GP: Keep in mind, for everyone except Hopkins... this is the guys first IWO
television debut. They gotta have butterflies.
Nikki: Rydel musn't... he is acting like an idiot.
JT: Damn drugs... it's ruining all the athletes.
Nikki: Oh... JT showing affection.
JT: Huh...I DID?
(JT smacks himself. Back in the ring Lills Mane brings both fighters to the
center of the ring.)
Lills Mane: Gentlemen I wanna see a good clean match. Listen for my signals
and rules at all time. Keep the wrestling to a minimum and all shots ABOVE
the waist. If we can do this, we should be fine. Now touch gloves and let's
(They do so and go back to their corner for a brief time and the bell sounds
and we're underway with another one.)
GP: This should be another good one...
(Rydel pops out, trying his best to mimmick the old ways of Clacious Clay or
even Muhammad Ali. He starts to charge into Anthason...JESUS!!!!! Kent just
exploded out with a right hand that sends Rydel flying back into the ropes
and he stumbles out. Anthason laughs as he stops Rydel with his left hand
braced on the forehead. Anthony has been knocked retarded. Anthason winds
his right hand in windmill fashion... he pulls back!
Shallow: GOOD LORD ALMIGHTY! GET A DOCTOR!
(Rydel's eyes roll back as he snaps back to the mat and the ref gets over and
shakes his head in agony as he makes the long 10 count and Anthason has
already taken off his gloves and getting some water. He hasn't even broke a
sweat... Lills reaches ten and calls for the bell. Medics rush the ring and
check on Anthony while the ref raises Anthason's hand as Meygon steps back
into the ring.)
Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen... after only 15 seconds in the first round...
the winner by way of knockout... KENT! ANTHASON!!!!!!!!!!
(The fans cheer as he acts as if he had no trouble... which he didn't! He
walks to the back as the Medics help Anthony onto a stretcher and roll him to
the back as fans point and laugh.)
Nikki: Damn... these fans are showing no mercy tonight at Desperate
GP: I know that.
JT: Well... looks like we won't be seeing much of Rydel for a while... I
mean... after that shot by Anthason. Can we get a replay?
Nikki: Only a freak like you JT would wanna see that carnage again.
Shallow: Well while JT becomes more brain dead, let's get our 3rd and final
first round match out of the way. The rest of the PPV waits before us.
GP: Good idea... Meygon is back in the ring once more.
Meygon: Fans... it's now time for our last 1st round match and it pits...
coming out at this time... he is, JADE O' DELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(The fans give an alright reaction as another IWO newbie steps out from the
back and makes his usual entrance into the ring and goes over to his corner
(Red) and takes a seat. O' Dell looks very confident to put on a show.)
Meygon: And his opponent... coming to the ring now, Bainkey!!!!!!!!!!!
JT: This guy is weird.
Nikki: Yes... he is.
(Bainkey comes out from the back and acting normal as he walks the ramp all
the way to the ropes... but then he stops. He jumps off the ramp and speeds
around the ring and high fives the spanish announcers, Eddie Cheno is so
drunk, he doesn't even know what the hell is going on as he rubs against
Pablo. Bainkey leaps up onto the apron and spins around saluting to the fans
as they cheer. He then enters through the ropes and goes into his corner.)
JT: Bout time... dammit I'm ready to get home and get some loving.
Nikki: Isn't it about time you got a new blowup doll?
JT: SHUTUP WHORE!
Shallow: This is pathetic... GP, you wanna come to Meltdown with me. These 2
Nikki and JT: HEYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(In the ring, it's Lills Mane once again.)
Lills Mane: Ok you two should know the rules by now... if not them tough
titty! Just box and don't piss me off. Touch gloves.
(O'Dell and Bainkey slaps gloves and get ready.)
GP: Fans here we go again... whose gonna make it into that final slot for the
finalist? We'll see in 2 minutes.
(The bell sounds and the two come out firing! O'Dell lands two straight
rights to the face, but Bainkey absorbs them and gets two rib shots in. They
tie-up, and continue to throw punches. Lills gets in between then and breaks
them up. He then clears them and they go back at it. Bainkey sticks both arms
out and spins like a tornado and catches O'Dell with 3-in a row, O'Dell
almost goes down, but catches the ropes and springs off, ducking another
spinning hand, Bainkey spins around just in time to see a big right that
connects to his nose and blood flows down! He gets pissed and tries to spear
O'Dell but the two wind up tangled in the corner, Lills comes over, but
Bainkey shoves off and fires one to the cheek of O'Dell in the corner and
then starts machine gunning on the body as O'Dell puts up his gloves, but
slowly going down...DING DING DING!!!!!!!! Bainkey keeps swinging as the bell
rings as Lills has to jerk him off and shove him to his corner. The fans are
loving it as Bainkey just grabs his water bottles and takes the lid off and
pours it over his face and leaps up on the turnbuckle and goes wild as O'Dell
wipes some blood from above his eye and smiles... he walks over to his
GP: Man... this Bainkey is really psyched up. He wants this bad.
Shallow: But I think he is being idiotic and O'Dell is gonna capitalize on
his foolish mistakes.
JT: Oh and what do you know.
Shallow: Well first off Mr. "Hurricane was a movie"... so far I am 2-0... and
your... well your just you.
Nikki: And that's bad...
(Back in the ring Bainkey is calmed down and the bell rings as the two come
up, but not as fierce. Bainkey throws a few punches that are swatted away...
O'Dell is looking for an opening. He unleashes a quick hook that connects on
the shoulder, and Bainkey slips back, this leaves a wide opening and O'Dell
fires a solid shot to that jaw and Bainkey hits the mat! The fans are
shocked, but Bainkey is down for a barely a second and leaps up and charges
O'Dell, but Lills stops him and administers the standing 8-count.)
Bainkey: I'M ALRIGHT DAMMIT! QUIT WASTING MY TIME!
(Lills makes sure Bainkey is fine and sends him off. Bainkey charges foward
and lands a 2-hit combo that breaks through the shield O'Dell had and Bainkey
lands another one that connects right in the gut. O'Dell looks like he just
had the air knocked out of him and he goes down to one knee and Bainkey
a quick right that sends O'Dell crashing down! The fans boo over the cheap
shot as Mane shoves Bainkey back who is patting himself on the back. The ref
starts the 8 count as O'Dell slowly climbs to his feet and looks rather
pissed as well. The ref makes sure as well and let's them go once more.)
Shallow: Only 10 seconds...
GP: LOOK AT THEM GO!
(Both O'Dell and Bainkey are exchanging lefts and rights... it's getting fast
and furious! They are connecting and neither men is showing fatique! Body
shots... head shots! DING DING DING! That's the end of the final round and
both men continue! Now they rip their gloves off and start trading fist
blows! O'Dell rares back for a haymaker, but Bainkey escapes with a quick
kick to the sac! Again the corners have to rush in and clear things up as
Meygon slides into the ring and awaits a card from the judges. Meanwhile the
ref gets the two together after O'Dell recovers and takes them by their
hands. Meygon is handed the card and walks over in the center of the ring.)
Meygon: Fans... once again we have an unanimous decision. The judges score
this one as the closet bout all night, but taking home the victory... hailing
from the BLUE CORNER! IT'S BAINKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(The ref raises his hands as he drops to his knees and yells out as O'Dell
just throws his arms out and leaves the ring as Bainkey jumps into the arms
into his trainer and goes wild. The fans seemed pleased!)
GP: Well that's the first rounds. So it looks like the winner will be between
either Bainkey... Anthason, or Dan Hopkins!
JT: Well... who's it gonna be Shallow... Mr. 2-0-- oops! I mean 2-1! HAHAHA!
Shallow: Shut you dick sucker!
JT: You and me...
Shallow: Let's go...
JT: Good God man... I meant after the show.
Shallow: Yeah... so you can have your car ready to go.
GP: Well fans after this short intervention we'll begin the final rounds.
(They sit there for a while doing nothing, while Hopkins and Anthason both
come out seperately and join Bainkey in the ring. They are just standing in
opposite corners starring each other down. At one point Bainkey moons them,
but that's all. Finally Lills Mane comes from the back and the fans begin to
cheer as Meygon also goes into the ring and begins to speak.)
Meygon: Ok fans, here we are. At the finals of the boxing invitational. Here
are the rules... each man will have a chance to fight each other in just a 1
one minute round. And the one who accumulates the most points will be
the winner and recieve their prize.
(The fans cheer)
Meygon: Ok so the first match will be Kent Anthason....
(The fans give a nice pop.)
Meygon: Against... BAINKEY!!!!!!!!!
(The fans pop even more as his eyes light up and he shakes his finger at
Kent, who shows no response in the face.)
Lills Mane: Ok, you two know the rules by know, let's have a good match and
we'll see who wins in the end. Touch gloves and let's go.
(They do so and go to their corner to get the rest of their gear and prep
talk before the bell rings.)
GP: This outta be a good one. Kent knocked out Rydel in 15 seconds and
Bainkey is a slugger who defeated O'Dell.
(The bell rings and of course as expected, Bainkey charges out and tries for
a quick right hook, but Kent blocks it and sends a right, then a left hook to
the head of Bainkey. He seems rocked, but gets back on the attack and fakes
straight jab to the face, and pull a quick side punch to the side and pulls
and uppercut to the abdomen. The fans clap as Anthason backs into the ropes
and shakes it off. He smiles and starts circling once more. Bainkey throws in
a few punches... still winded from being the last to compete. Kent bloacks
them all and gets some solid rib shots in. Bainkey starts to favor them...
and Kent goes for another, but Bainkey explodes with a few of his own, but
Kent quickly absorbs them and comes from the blindside with another hook that
sends Bainkey spiraling into the corner, he almost goes down but braces
himself in the corner. Kent starts over for some more punishment, but
suddenly the bell rings and Bainkey flips. He tries to get a shot in but
Lills stops him and sends him to his corner. Kent takes his gloves off as
Meygon gets in the ring.)
Meygon: What an exciting first final match, but Bainkey now stays and he
faces Dan Hopkins!!!!!!
(The fans cheer as Dan gets in... he gets ready as Bainkey cools off.)
Shallow: Is it just me, or has Bainkey been in 3 straight matches.
GP: Your right... it's gotta be taking it's poll.
Nikki: Yeah, but Bainkey seems driven on some other force... fatigue isn't a
word in his vocabulary.
JT: God Nikki... do you know when his first masturbation was too?
Nikki: Go to hell JT!
(Back in the ring Lills does the same routine and the bell rings and Bainkey
seems angered! He catches Hopkins off guard with a solid, straight right!)
GP: Ohhhhh!!!! Hopkins goes down!
(Hopkins falls flat on his back. Lills starts the count, and Dan slams his
fist down on the mat and raises back up. Lills finishes the 8 count as
Bainkey runs his mouth. Hopkins seems fine and goes in and it's ANOTHER
Nikki: Well now Hopkins knows he has to rack up the points...
(Dan gets one body shot in, but Bainkey follows up with 3 of his own! Bainkey
nudges Hopkins back into the ropes and he bounces out and catches another
body shot, but connects with 2 head jerking shots! Bainket doesn't seem
phased as he continues with body shots, and Hopkins gets another head shot,
but Bainkey answers back with one and they both get a couple more body
in as the bell rings and this time they break cleanly. Hopkins doesn't look
too happy, and Bainkey is smiling like crazy. Meygon gets in the ring as
Bainkey throws his gloves up in the air and happy he's outta there. He drops
out and takes a seat with the Mexicans and drinks some tequila.)
Meygon: Once again another great match fans but now it's time for the final
match! It pits Kent Anthason against Dan Hopkins!
(The fans cheer in delight for the two favorites.)
Lills Mane: LET'S GET IT ON!!!!!!!!!!
(After those words the two touch gloves and the bell just rings, no more
talks. Kent charges in on Hopkins and goes for a right, but misses and
Hopkins tries a low body shot...OHHHHHH! A little too low and Kent bends over
with wide eyes! The ref moves in and warns Hopkins as Kent tries to get back
up to his feet. He does so and Lills allows him to walk it off for a
second.... he seems alright and Mane calls for the match to continue.)
JT: Oh that had to hurt.
Nikki: Oh and how do you know.. obviously you don't have anything.
JT: *Mumbling* That's not what you said last night.
(She SMACKS then both!)
(Kent is fired up and comes out swinging. He misses a bunch, but Hopkins
isn't throwing anything either. Anthason is just trying to murder Hopkins,
and he finally connects with a jaw breaker! Hopkins spits out some more blood
and goes for a body but misses and Kent nails him in the back of the head as
he stumbles by. The ref comes over and warns Kent as well as Hopkins rubs
back of his head! The ref let's them go again with only 20 seconds left and
Dan gets a head shot in, but Kent gets another jaw breaker in as well.
Hopkins' jaw looks like it's broken as it begins to darken. Kent tries
another head shot with all he's got! He misses and hits the turnbuckle. Dan
spins him around and cracks one into the ribs with force! Kent screams out in
agony and shoves Hopkins back and brings out a cannon to whole face as Dan
gets woozy, and Kent rares back for a finisher, he fires but the bell sounds
right before he nails Hopkins who goes down! Anthason drops as well...
GP: GOOD LORD! THAT RIB COULD BE BROKEN!
JT: So what... rookie punk.
(The ref doesn't count, but calls medics in and they tend to both people!
Meygon gets in the ring, after being handed the trophy and the final decision
card. Bainkey is just smiling in the corner and getting ready to make a
Meygon: Ok fans, first and foremost, let's give these gentleman a round of
applause, they really put it on the line.
(The fans cheer and stomp like crazy.)
Meygon: Ok... and now here we go. The winner of the IWO's 2001 Boxing
Invitational Tournament... after an outstanding two final matches... a
unanimous decision.... he is................
JT: GOOD GOD GET ON WITH IT!
Meygon: ... KENT!!!!!!!!!! ANTHASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(The fans go nuts as Anthason raises his arms up from his laying position on
the mat where the medics attend to him. Over in the corner Bainkey is going
nuts! He is apparently drunk from Cheno's alcohol! He storms over and grabs
the trophy and mic from Meygon.)
Bainkey: IT'S NOT FAIR DAMMIT! I HAD TO FIGHT IN 3 MATCHES IN A ROW!
DIDN'T! AHHHH DAMMIT!
(Bainkey throws the mic down and storms away with the stolen trophy as Kent
tries to stop him, but falls back down, screaming and clutching his ribs. The
medics haul both men back.)
GP: Well... the better man won but Bainkey apparently just couldn't take
defeat and stole the trophy.
JT: Well wah wah... let's finally get on with the rest of the show.
Shallow: You better hope you make it to the end of the show... at the rate
your going I will have you in the emergency room!
JT: DAMMIT! I ALREADY TOLD YOU SWALLOW! AFTER THE PPV! IT'S ON!
Shallow: Yeah... your car's on...
Nikki: Whoo... who could slap you two... your cracking me up...
(We slowly fade out, as we see a small highlight package reel shown. We see highlights from Daze and Crow's matchup on the Meltdown following BHBB3, as well as numerous attacks by Crow, and a simple mind game played by Daze and Crow. We fade out to the two battling inside the local restraunt, and a still image of Daze and Crow looking "evilly" at one another, Extreme title in the middle.)
JT: I think we all know what time it is now...
Shallow: It's time for our Extreme Title match!
JT: Which means two wrestlers are gonna carve it up in the name of
wrestling. We're gonna see more blood and guts than a Tarantino flick!
Nikki: Let's get the ball rolling on this match.
JT: You want to play with my balls?
JT: Stupid bitch.
(Meygon is in the ring.)
Meygon: This match is the IWO Extreme Title...Coming to the ring at
this time, the challenger...weighing 300 lbs...SEBASTIAN CROW!
(Sebastian Crow comes down to the ring as "Enter Sandman" by Metallica
plays over the PA.)
Meygon: And his opponent...He is the current IWO Extreme
("Your Disease" by Saliva plays, but Donnie Daze is nowhere to be
JT: Where is he?
GP: I don't know.
(Suddenly Donnie Daze jumps over the railing and into the ring.
Sebastian Crow is looking at the entrance!)
GP: HE'S GOT A PAIR OF GLASS PLATES IN HIS HANDS!
(HE SHATTERS THE PLATES OVER THE HEAD OF CROW LIKE CYMBALS, AND CROW
GOES DOWN! DAZE WITH THE COVER!)
NIKKI: THIS MATCH IS OVER!
JT: NO IT'S NOT, BITCH, HE GOT UP BEFORE THE THREE COUNT!
Shallow: It's be a farce of an Extreme match if it only lasted half a
JT: Damn straight...
(Daze picks Crow up and throws him outside the ring...Daze grabs a
from under the ring and throws it in the ring...He grabs another and
it at Crow!...BUT CROW MOVES AND THE CHAIR HITS THE RINGPOST WITH A
GP: IF THAT'D CONNECTED HE'D HAVE TAKEN SEBASTIAN'S HEAD OFF!
JT: I'd like to see that one.
(Sebastian now back on the offence with a rake to the eyes of Donnie
Daze...he grabs him by the head...AND A BULLDOG ONTO THE RING STEPS!)
SHALLOW: EAT METAL, DONNIE DAZE!
GP: He's busted open already from that bulldog from Sebastian Crow!
JT: BLOOD! BLOOD!
(Crow picks Daze back up and pounds his head repeatedly into the ring
JT: Rock on baby!
Shallow: So Sebastian Crow's your pick for this match then?
JT: I haven't picked either of them, I just hope they nearly kill each
other, since it's been a while since I've seen an all out bloodbath of
(Crow brings him back to his feet and throws him back into the
grabs a table from underneath the ring and slides it in to the ring.)
Nikki: A little too early to use a table in this match don't you think?
JT: It's never too early to use a table, woman, so how about you just
the calling of this match to me, and go get me a drink or something.
(Crow sets up the table and puts Daze on it...He jumps up to the
GP: Daze is still half out from having his head pounded into the steps.
(Crow goes for a Splash!...BUT DONNIE DAZE THROWS THE CHAIR UP AT HIM
HE CAN JUMP, AND CROW IS CROTCHED ON THE TURNBUCKLE!)
Shallow: I bet that hurt.
JT: That HAD to hurt.
GP: Sebastian Crow's already wrestled tonight, I'm surprised he's
moves like that.
Shallow: Do you think you could manage to call a match someday, without
being boring for once?
(Donnie Daze with an uppercut chairshot on Crow from the mat, and
Crow goes flying backwards off the turnbuckle...AND LANDS HEADFIRST
A FLAMING TABLE COVERED IN BROKEN GLASS WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE
JT: WOW WEE!
(Daze hits the turnbuckle with the chair...AND HE CONNECTS WITH A
CHAIR JAB TO THE GROIN OF SEBASTIAN CROW!)
GP: OH MY GOD!
Shallow: That's what we like to see!
(Daze brings him back up and whips him into the crowd...Daze jumps the
guardrail...But he trips over a little girl in the crowd, and Sebastian
has time to recover.)
JT: Crow's back up now...
(They begins to brawl more into the crowd...Sebastian Crow with a kick
the gut of Donnie Daze...AND HE PLANTS HIM HEADFIRST INTO THE CONCRETE
SHALLOW: WHAT A SPIKE!
GP: WHAT'S SEBASTIAN CROW DOING TO THAT FAN!
(There's a Donnie Daze fan nearby...SO SEBASTIAN CROW PICKS HIM UP AND
SLAMS HIM ONTO DONNIE DAZE...SEBASTIAN CROW WITH A COVER!)
Nikki: Only a two count there.
(Sebastian Crow is back to his feet and he goes back to the ringside
with Donnie Daze slowly getting back to his feet. CROW GRABS A BASEBALL
FROM BENEATH THE RING.)
JT: DONNIE DAZE IS BACK UP AND HE'S ON TOP OF THE GUARD RAIL!
(CROW TURNS AROUND TO SEE DONNIE DAZE FLYING OFF THE GUARD RAIL WITH A
GP: FLYING CHAIRSHOT!
(But Crow moves to the side...AND CATCHES DONNIE DAZE WITH A HUGE
SWING OF THE BASEBALL BAT TO THE GROIN OF DONNIE DAZE!)
JT: WELL IF THAT WON'T MAKE HIS NUTS POP OUT OF HIS MOUTH THEN I DON'T
(BUT DONNIE DAZE ISN'T GOING DOWN!...The crowd is amazed!)
GP: He's actually taunting Sebastian Crow to do it again!
(Sebastian Crow hits Donnie Daze in the groin again!...BUT TO NO
SHALLOW: HAS THIS MAN GOT NO BALLS?
(Donnie Daze takes a cup out of his pants and holds it up in the face
Sebastian Crow to mock him..So Sebastian Crow hits him in the nuts now
the cup is out!)
JT: THIRD TIME'S A FUCKING CHARM!...DONNIE DAZE GOES DOWN LIKE A BITCH!
(Sebastian Crow picks Daze up and throws him back first into the
guardrail!...HE PICKS HIM BACK UP AND FRONT SUPLEXES HIM CHEST FIRST
THE RING STEPS!)
GP: We've already seen Sebastian Crow wrestle tonight, where's he
the strength for this.
(Sebastian Crow leans over, clearly tired from having already wrestled
JT: Strength huh? That's strength for you, taking a break, the lazy
Shallow: Strength indeed, strength is what Donnie Daze is doing right
and that's getting back to his feet, PICKING UP THAT WOODEN CHAIR,
SHALLOW: ...BANG, SHATTERING IT ACROSS THE HEAD OF SEBASTIAN CROW!
GP: NOW SEBASTIAN CROW IS BLEEDING!
JT: IT'S LIKE A NEVERENDING FESTIVAL OF VIOLENCE.
Shallow: Now *THAT* is an idea...
(Daze grabs a bag from under the ring...IT'S FULL OF TACKS!...HE JUMPS
INTO THE RING AND SPREADS THEM ALL OVER THE PLACE!...
JT: TACKS! TACKS! TACKS!...SOMEONE'S GONNA TASTE METAL TACKS TONIGHT,
(Crow is back into the ring...DAZE HAS A STEEL CHAIR AND HE PLANTS IT
OVER SEBASTIAN CROWS HEAD!
(Daze hooks Crow for a Suplex...But Crow's too heavy for him at 300
lbs...Crow fights back with a series of quick rights to the face of
Daze...AND HE POWERBOMBS HIM THROUGH THE TABLE!)
JT: OH YEAH!...WHAT A POWERBOMB!
SHALLOW: HE'S GOING FOR THE DEATHLOCK!
(CROW HOOKS THE SUBMISSION DEATHLOCK ON DONNIE DAZE!)
GP: He's just been Powerbombed through a table!...HE'S GOT TO GIVE UP!
(The referee is asking Daze is he taps out.)
DONNIE DAZE: NO!
Nikki: Daze is yelling in pain!...HE'S GOT TO GIVE UP!
(DAZE STRETCHES AND JUST MANAGES TO REACH THE ROPES!...The referee
Crow break the hold.)
GP: HOW DID HE MANAGE TO GET OUT OF THAT ONE?!
(Crow picks Daze back up and sends him into the corner...Crow follows
with a charging clothesline!...BUT DONNIE DAZE MOVES AND CROW HITS THE
JT: Daze up to the turbuckle!...AND A TOP ROPE DAZED AND CONFUSED ON
SEBASTIAN CROW, RIGHT ON THE TACKS!!
(DAZE WITH A COVER!)
GP: THAT'S THREE!
JT: NO IT ISN'T!!
SHALLOW: HE GOT A FOOT ON THE ROPE! THE REFEREE BROKE THE COUNT!
(Daze is disbelief...He brings Crow back to his feet, and positions him
the tacks again...)
GP: What's Daze got planned now?!
JT: FURTHER PARALYSIS!
(DAZE PLANTS CROW WITH FURTHER PARALYSIS!...BUT CROW HITS A LOW BLOW
HE CAN!...CHOKESLAM ON DONNIE DAZE BY SEBASTIAN CROW!!)
JT: HE PUTS HIM IN THE SUBMISSION DEATHLOCK AGAIN!!
*DING DING DING*
GP: DAZE GAVE UP, SEBASTIAN CROW IS THE NEW IWO EXTREME CHAMPION!
Meygon: The winner of this match...and NEW IWO Extreme
(We see Crow's hand raised, as he leaves, rather disguest and not liking the fact that he lost his main event spot....)
GP : Looks like it's about time for our Pacific/US title unification
match, as Cyanide and Simon Seaman will square off in a ladder match.
JT : Wait, lemme get this straight : there are FOUR announcers at this
PPV? Has the whole world gone topsy turvy? Oh, the craziness!
Shallow : Um, it's not really a big deal. Nikki and I are just both
here at the same time, instead of switching off.
JT : Ahhhh! It's mind-boggling!
Nikki : Get a hold of yourself!
JT : There are a couple of things of yours I'd like to get a hold of.
JT : Whoa, didn't see that one coming!
GP : Quiet, it's time for the introductions. Meygon's all sluttified up
and ready to go.
(Sure enough, Meygon is in the ring, looking rather sluttish.)
Meygon : The following contest is a Pacific/United States title
unification ladder match. Both belts are already suspended high above the ring, so
let's get to the introductions. Introducing first the IWO's current US
champion the master of the Silencer SIMON SEAAAAAMANNNNNNN!
([Seaman's music] plays as Simon runs down to the ring, passing by the
ladder set up on the rampway, and slides in. He twists his head one
way, then the other, getting any cricks out before the match.)
Meygon : Next a former TV, US, and Intercontinental Tag championship
holder ... the master of the Dark Side of the Moon submission hold
accompanied tonight by lovely supermodels Callista (I think, the roster
page's not working) and Stephanie CYYANNIIIIIIIDE!
([Cyanide's music] plays as Cyanide struts out to the ring, trailed by
his lovely entourage. Oooh, big wordy. Cyanide walks under the ladder,
which for some reason is considered very cocky, I guess because it says to the
world, "Look, I can step under this here ladder." Cyanide rolls into the ring
and immediately advances on Seaman as the bell rings.)
GP : Collar and elbow tie-up to start this thing off.
(The larger Cyanide easily shoves Seaman back into the cornerish thingy
uh, turnbuckle! Seaman, none too discouraged, immediately runs forward
and locks up again, only to again be shoved back.)
Shallow : Cyanide's showing his strength early in this match.
JT : That Seaman's an idiot! How does he think he's gonna win a shoving
contest with Cyanide? Cyanide's all big and stuff.
GP : Very good, JT.
(Seaman starts circling around Cyanide as the larger Cyanide just
stands and laughs. Seaman again advances for the tie-up, but at the last second
slides through Cyanide's legs and pops up to deliver a belly-to-back suplex.)
Nikki : Wow, look at the quickness of Simon! That one came out of
JT : You know what else likes to come out of nowhere? Wait, that's no
good. Well, uh, those breasts of yours- no, never mind. Damn, how do I
make a sexual innuendo out of that?!
Shallow : Haha, looks like you're losing your touch.
JT : Fiddlesticks.
(Cyanide and Seaman both immediately get up from the move. Seaman, who
appears to have gotten a spurt of energy, runs over Cyanide with a
clothesline. When Cyanide stands up, he does it again. Cyanide gets up
GP : He's walloping him like a walloper wallops a wallopee!
Shallow : Did you just learn 'wallop' or something?
GP : Um no.
(Seaman moves to pick up Cyanide, but the New Zealander strikes with a
low blow. Cyanide now grabs Seaman by the head and delivers an impact DDT.)
JT : Ouchers.
(Cyanide waits for Simon to stagger to his feet. When he does, Cyanide
seizes him and lifts Seaman up into a press slam position. After
holding him in the air for a moment or two, Cyanide gets a devious look on his
face. He turns toward the ladder on the outside of the ring and, using all the
strength in his arms, throws Seaman directly into the ladder!)
GP : MY GOD! Did you see that?!
JT : No, I was ordering a hot dog. What happened?
Shallow : Cyanide just threw Seaman out of the ring and into the
JT : But there were no hot dogs involved?
Shallow : Uh no.
JT : OK, then why the hell should I care?
JT : Ow! What was that for?
Nikki : I dunno, it felt right.
JT : But- Actually, yeah, it kinda did.
(Cyanide, grinning from ear to ear, steps out of the ring and walks
over to Seaman, who's currently struggling to rise. Cyanide grabs him and whips
him hard into the guardrail/protective barrier thingy. As Simon bounces
back, clutching his lower back, Cyanide does it again, except this time,
Seaman hops onto the guardrail, leaps backwards, and turns in mid-air to take
Cyanide down with a dropkick.)
JT : Hot damn! That little turd's pretty agile!
GP : That's one way of putting it, yes.
(Seaman rises to his feet, still clutching his side, which is what
collided into the ladder. He moves to the ladder and picks it up, since it fell
down when Seaman hit it, since it obeyed physics, since Joey Malone isn't in
this match. So there. Cyanide, who's gotten to his feet while all this
exciting ladder-picking-up has been happening, charges at Seaman, but Simon rams
the ladder into Cyanide's stomach. Cyanide stumbles back a few feet. Seaman
charges with the ladder, but at the last second Cyanide moves out of
the way and performs a drop toe hold onto Seaman, sending him falling right
into the ladder.)
JT : Yeah, take that, sailor boy! That's why Cyanide'll beat ya : cause
GP : You do realize that Cyanide's not a heel, right?
JT : What? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Shallow : Do you practice over-reacting or something?
JT : Really? You noticed? I knew those classes would pay off!
Shallow : O K.
(Cyanide picks up Simon, and tosses him into the ring. He then slides
the ladder in after him. Cyanide climbs onto the apron and scales the
turnbuckle from there. As Seaman stands up, Cyanide leaps with a diving
clothesline, knocking Simon backwards into the turnbuckle. Cyanide's supermodels
Nikki : Cyanide's looking real impressive this match. I'd have to say
he's my pick to win it.
GP : You may be right there, Nikki. Seaman certainly doesn't have a lot
of offense right now.
(Cyanide lifts Seaman up in the corner and now whips him into the
opposite turnbuckle. He charges in after him with a big splash. Cyanide takes a
moment to taunt the crowd, even though they seem to like him, before
continuing his attack. He lifts Seaman up onto the top and climbs to
the second turnbuckle. As he appears to be setting up for a superplex,
Seaman chops him in the throat. Cyanide, clutching his throat, hops back onto
the mat. Simon takes this opportunity to grab him by the head and execute a
picture perfect tornado DDT onto the ladder.)
Nikki : Hmm maybe I should change that pick.
JT : Just choose a man and stay with him, Nicki! I know you can't seem
to do that in your love life, but this is wrestling!
JT : Why, that was uncalled for.
(Seaman picks up the ladder and sets it up in the middle of the ring
while Cyanide is down. He immediately begins to scale it, hoping for the
Shallow : Oh, that moron! It's way too early in the match to go for a
GP : What I think you meant to say is that Cyanide's not tired enough
to be let himself be beaten yet.
Shallow : Yeah, same thing.
(As predicted, Cyanide gets to his feet and shoves the ladder over. As
it's falling, though, Simon leaps off and lands a cross body block onto
JT : (Sarcastically) Oooh, real impressive.
GP : It was impressive, JT!
JT : Yeah, I know, that's what I said. Get with it, Parker!
(Both men slowly get to their feet. Cyanide goes for a big punch, but
Seaman ducks it into a go-behind. Cyanide performs a mule kick to catch Seaman
in the groin, though, and ducks behind Seaman. He now grabs him in a full
nelson and performs the Dark Side of the Moon-Plex (Dragon Suplex).)
GP : And Seaman was just taken down by one of Cyanide's signature
moves! Now if Cyanide can just press the advantage
(Cyanide takes a moment to catch his breath before again setting up the
ladder in the center of the ring. He starts to scale the ladder, but
Seaman suddenly pops to his feet. He runs and nails Cyanide off the ladder
with a leaping dropkick.)
Nikki : That took both men down hard!
GP : Yes, but did you see the way Simon landed on his ankle? I think he
may have twisted it badly!
(Seaman is rolling around on the ground clutching his ankle. He looks
to be in a great deal of pain.)
Shallow : Uh-oh, this doesn't look good, folks. Let's see a replay of
(A slow-motion replay is shown of Simon leaping to hit the dropkick,
but coming down right on his ankle, which twists out from under him.)
GP : Seaman may not be able to continue here, which would be a real
disappointment to our fans, since it would be cutting this great match
(Cyanide, by this time, has risen to his feet. He sees Simon still on
the ground clutching his ankle. Cyanide seems to consider this for a
moment, before getting a smile on his face. He begins stomping on Seaman's
GP : Oh, for the love of God, Cyanide, this man is hurt! Damn Cyanide!
JT : Geez, it's OK, Greg! I don't think he's gonna die or anything!
GP : Oh, Seaman is broken in half! He's literally broken into a million
Shallow : Greg, what the HELL are you talking about?
GP : Cyanide knocked his head off with that one! Seaman is decapitated!
JT : Alright, I think we should just ignore him for the rest of the
Shallow : Agreed.
(Cyanide quits stomping for a moment, then seems to get an idea. He
rolls to the outside of the ring and grabs a chair, before sliding back in.)
JT : Yes! He's gonna gimp him!
GP : Cyanide's become a mass murderer! He just took out the whole front
row with an Uzi! And the Bossman stole Big Show's deceased father!
Shallow : Should we do something about him?
JT : Na, I think it's best to just let him continue. Maybe he'll say
something that'll get him fired.
(Cyanide rears back with the chair, and swings down with it. As he
swings, though, Seaman lifts his leg and kicks the chair back into Cyanide's
face. He springs up, full of pep and vinegar.)
JT : Heyyyy what's going on here?
Shallow : He was faking the whole time!
(Greg seems to snap out of the rant he was in.)
GP : Whoa! What happened?
JT : You went insane and turned into Jim Ross for a while.
GP : Damn, again? I really need to get that checked out.
(Cyanide staggers back into the turnbuckle. Seaman runs and jumps onto
the second turnbuckle, where he begins a ten punch. The audience counts
Fans : 1 2 3 4
(OK, well, you know how it goes. At 10, Simon takes a second to raise
his hands in the air. Cyanide takes advantage of this by nailing a low blow
and shoving Seaman over the top rope to the outside.)
Nikki : Man, you'd think he would've learned by now not to taunt when
your crotch is right in your opponent's face.
GP : Yeah, you'd think so, wouldn't you? It's just an uncontrollable
urge we men have, though
(Cyanide shakes his head to clear it, before stepping to the outside as
well. He grabs Seaman's head and rams it into the apron a few times. On
the fourth time, Simon blocks with his hands, elbows Cyanide in the gut,
and rams Cyanide's head in. As Cyanide is dazed for a moment, Simon reaches
into the ring and grabs the steel chair that was lying near the edge of the
ring. When Cyanide turns back around, Simon clobbers him over the head with a
shot that dents the chair. Simon now rolls back into the ring and starts to
scale the ladder.)
Shallow : I think Simon has this one won here. Cyanide's not showing
many signs of life.
GP : I think I'm going to agree with you there. This one's in the bag.
(As Seaman reaches the top of the ladder and starts to reach for the
belts, he notices Cyanide getting to his feet on the outside. Seaman takes a
moment to consider something.)
JT : What's he doing? Grab the belts, dumbass!
(Seaman seems to reach his decision. He waits as Cyanide turns towards
the ring, then leaps for the Silencer (top rope Blockbuster) to the
outside! Cyanide jumps out of the way, though, and Seaman lands on his back.)
GP : OHHHHHHHH! He blew that one!
JT : That high risk move did NOT pay off.
(Cyanide, again in control of this match-up, rolls Seaman into the
slides in after him and walks over to Seaman's limp body. He then
to apply the Dark Side of the Moon hold (Full Nelson/Camel Clutch
Shallow : Listen to Simon scream. That move is practically breaking his
already injured back.
Nikki : I don't think Simon can last in there much longer.
(After about thirty seconds, Cyanide lets go of the submission and
climb the ladder. About midway up, Seaman begins to rise to his feet.
Cyanide reaches the top and starts to reach for the belts, Simon
feet and slowly moves towards the ladder.)
GP : I can't believe that Seaman's back up! I thought his back was damn
near bro- Wait a minute, what's this? AWS Man (also known as Bill) is
running down the rampway! What's he doing here?
Shallow : Maybe it has to do with that mini-confrontation he had with
AWS Man (also known as Bill) on Hostile Meltdown.)
(The Insane One slides into the ring. At the fans' response, Seaman
turns around and sees the Insane One.)
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) goes for the Knock Your Freakin' Head Off
(thrust kick), but Seaman ducks and AWS Man (also known as Bill) ends
up kicking the ladder. The ladder topples, sending Cyanide tumbling to the
outside of the ring. Seaman grabs the stunned AWS Man (also known as
Bill) by the hair and delivers a short-arm clothesline. As the Insane One
gets back to his feet, Seaman grabs up the ladder and knocks AWS Man (also
known as Bill) to the outside of the ring with it. He now sets up the ladder
in the middle of the ring and scales it.)
GP : He's almost there!
(Simon reaches the top of the ladder and grabs both belts. He yanks
them off their harness and descends the ladder.)
GP : SIMON WINS IT! SIMON WINS IT! BY GOD, THE SILENCER HAS DONE IT!
HE'S GOING TO WRESTLMANIA!
JT : You're doing it again, Greg.
GP : Whoops. I mean, Simon won. Good for him.
Meygon : YOUR WINNER, AND NEW IWO PACIFIC/US CHAMPION SIMON
GP:But what will this new championship be called!?!
JT:Good thing AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) didn't win it, or else we could all be worshipin' Seaman as the Pac-Man Champion.
(We fade into the backstage area, directly after Seaman is handed the United States title. Sam Potright has made his way backstage.)
(He knocks on a door. It swings open, and there stands Beth.)
Beth: ... Well, c'mon, Sam. I know you've got to say something...
(He hugs her.)
Potright: Nope... except for this: C'mon. Let's get out of here.
Beth: All right, let me grab my stuff.
(Potright walks away from the dressing room and goes to the catering table
backstage, where he grabs a bottle of water.)
GP: Waitadamnsecond... WHY!
JT: Why what?
GP: No, you moron! It's Why! And he just hit Sam Potright from behind with a
pumpkin! Potright's on the ground in pain from it!
(Why stands over Potright, and picks something up through the mess of
pumpkin remains. It's a heavy-looking paperweight, in the shape of a protractor. It
Why: Hello, Sam...
(He turns to the cameraman.)
Why: It's time for the bullshit to stop. You see, you all know who I am. But,
I hid myself under this match. I had planned on using this disguise to get
revenge. But, like my predecessor, it didn't work. I've gotten nowhere behind
the mask. I got this whole idea from Exx...or as we know him, Ashton Cain.
But Sam Potright.....the clues to my identity were there. You just failed to
recognize them. For instance, my name. Why? Say it aloud. Y. The letter Y.
What is the letter Y? Furthermore, my knowledge of the IWO should have been
a clue. The letter y as well is a clue. Y as in y equals m x plus b. The
formula of a line. X squared over a plus y squared over b equals one. The
formula for an ellipse. That's right Sam....you know damn well who I am.
(He grabs Potright's head as Potright climbs to his feet and tosses him into
the catering table, tipping it over and spilling food like water. From there,
he removes his mask.)
GP: OH MY GOD!
JT: NO WAY!
Shallow: How could it be...
(The Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid stands above Potright. And he looks at his
fallen sworn enemy with contempt.)
HIT: Sam Potright....for six months I have prepared for this day. Six months
since you left me for dead on top of a scaffold clutching the IWO Extreme
Title. I had nothing but respect for you......but then, as I laid in my
hospital bed recovering, I DIDN'T GET ONE DAMN PHONE CALL FROM YOU!
HOW DARE YOU CALL YOURSELF A FRIEND! Do you have ANY clue what it's like to go
into work one day, and physically not be able to do your job? What it was like for
me to be wheeled into my classroom and tell my students that their favorite
teacher would be out for another month, and they'd have to be stuck with
another idiotic substitute? YOU KILLED MY PROFESSIONAL LIFE, BUT
MORE IMPORTANTLY, YOU KILLED MY PERSONAL LIFE. I TOOK 170 STITCHES
IN THAT MATCH! I BROKE BOTH OF MY WRISTS, FRACTURED MY LEFT SHOULDER, AND
HAD SECOND DEGREE BURN TISSUE OVER DAMN NEAR HALF MY BODY! So, forgive me if I'm not
the fun loving HIT I used to be. Because, Sam, I have one goal now. Ending your
career. And, maybe if I'm lucky, putting your whore of a wife in a wheelchair
alongside you. Party's over Potright. The real game now begins.
(A door opens, and there's screaming.)
(She sees HIT.)
Beth: ... You!
HIT: Well well well...
(He walks towards her.)
Beth: Don't you even FUCKING touch me!
HIT: Oh, I'll touch you all right...
(Beth goes to run, but HIT grabs her before she gets far. Kicking and yelping
in fear, she's helpless as a kitten inside a pet cage as the Trapezoid
carries her towards an EXIT door.)
Beth: PUT ME DOWN!
HIT: Shut up!
(He turns his body, and her head hits the wall next to the door. He opens the
door and an out-of-it Beth, slung over his shoulder, is taken from the
building. Sam is just getting awake and realizing where he is.)
Potright: ... Beth?
(He looks down at the protractor, and sees the mask... one plus one.)
Potright: That... BASTARD! I'll get you...
(He gets to his feet and stumbles towards the door, and leaves into the
night... We slowly fade into highlight reels, building up to this matchup. We hear the song "Refuse to Lose" by Liquid Gang being played in the background.)
Voice(Dane Matthews):I AM Dane Matthews, and I AM your NEW World Heavyweight Champion!
(We see highlights, as we see Dane Matthews taking a huge Death Plunge from Syphon Fission. We then see the lights go out, as we see Fission then picked up and nailed with the Downtown Xplosion. The Super Martin-O Bros. are outside cheering him on.)
Voice(Greg Parker):Matthews SCREWED Syphon! Syphon got SCREWED damnit!
(We see an image of Matthews hitting Syphon Fission with a huge uppercut, sending him down to the canvas. He counts the three as Jax Stone's hand is raised.)
Voice(Shallow):THAT VENDER JUST TOOK OUT SYPHON!!
(We see an image of Syphon Fission taking an Impailer, as we see faded grey images of President Evan Levine and Dane Matthews hitting a huge spike Piledriver. We see an image of Syphon lying, face up, injured in the ring.)
Voice(Levine):Uh.... uhh... if you touch me tonight, I will fire each and every one of you.
(We see an image of Joey Malone hitting President Evan, who's in the clutches of Donnie Daze and 0¿0, the Mysterious Birdman. Daze and Malone nail the Incredible Shit Pounding, as Team CGI Leaves.)
Voice(Levine):Fine... if Team CGI loses, they lose their jobs...
(We fade into highlights of the match, as we see the Birdman leaving Team CGI. We see Daze and Crow battle to the back, as we see Malone somehow pull out the victory over Matthews and the Super Martin-O Bros.)
Voice(Parker):"Real Deal" Tournament...
(We see highlights, winding all the way down to Joey Malone, LiGiL, and Crow being named joint winners. Kosoy also had some rather large man forcing Levine to change the decision.)
Voice(Fission):SO DANE... PREPARE TO BE DEATH PLUNGED TO HELL AND BACK!
(We see Fission out with a microphone, and him dumping the entire set of the Sesame Street down onto Matthews and the rest of the wrestlers involved. We then see Team CGI eating at a restraunt, as Matthews, LiGiL, and Crow all make their way and start a brawl.)
Voice(Matthews):YOUR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...
Voice(Fission):You are being played by a cerebral assassin...
(The two are shown on a split screen, the world title in between, as a picture of Joey Malone is interjected in between. We fade back to the ringside area.)
GP:Fans, what started out as a simple destruction of a man's passport, has ended into a war of desire. Desire to prove to one another, that they are the true superior. In the IWO today, it's almost ludacris to even think that there are wrestlers out there that want to be the best, but Syphon Fission and Dane Matthews want to be just that.
Shallow:Don't count out Joey Malone. He's considered one of the best damn wrestlers in the business, and I wouldn't bet the farm against him.
Nikki:It's so hard to even think of a winner for this match. All three men are technically sound, and all three men consist of some of the greatest workers in the business...
JT:Enough with the yacking... let's get down to some ass kicking!
(We fade into the ring, as we see none other than Meygon standing there, solemn look on her face. It's rather odd for a women of her depiction.)
Meygon:Ladies and Gentleman, this... is for the IWO's World Heavyweight Championship.
(We fade over to the Titan-Tron, as we see the World Championship depicted onto the screen. We see numerous superstars holding the title, ranging from Joey Rappaport to White Thunder, all the way to Evan Levine. Slowly, we hear the cords of "Shame" by BT.)
Meygon:Introducing first, hailing from Carson City, Nevada, but currently residing in Mesa, Arizona. He is the defyier of phyics, the Villiage Idiot, the master of the Everlast Cataclysm. He currently weighs in at 252 pounds, and is currently accompanied to the ring by Keri Lindum. He is also the current North American Champion of the World... Here is Joey, Malone!
(We see Malone walk out from the back, carrying the North American title on his shoulder. The fans immediatly give him a huge reaction. He still looks rather beat up from earlier in the evening, as Keri is still by his side.)
GP:Malone doesn't seem to be in top condition.
Shallow:Would you be Parker after wrestling Sabastian Crow and LiGiL earlier on? He is at a distinct disadvantage.
Meygon:And his opponent...
("Papercut" by Linkin Park begins to play as the fans absolutly erupt.)
Meygon:He is a former World Heavyweight Champion. He currently weighs in at 265 pounds, and hails from Seattle, Washington. He is the master of the Death Plunge, and is accompanied to the ring by Carmen Jackson... he is the "Man-O-War"... SYPHON FISSION!
(Syphon Fission walks out from the back, along with Carmen of course, recieving a large amount of cheers.)
GP:Fission is on top of his game, no doubt about that.
JT:I don't even think Malone realizes he's going to have to go through Fission to win the World title. This could be the end of Team CGI...
(Fission climbs into the ring, as Malone and him stare at one another. They lock eyes, as they hear "Memory Remains" by Metallica kick in.)
Meygon:And their final opponent. He currently hails from Albany, New York, and weighs in tonight at 243 pounds. He is the master of the Downtown Xplosion and the Fate's Destination... here is the IWO World Heavyweight Champion... Dane Matthews!
(Matthews walks out from the back, and immediatly recieves boos. He has a microphone in his hand, as he stops at the stage.)
Matthews:Syphon Fission... we meet again. And Joey Malone, how quant. But you see, this is hardly a fair fight. In fact, it's anything but fair. You see, currently, I am left in a quandary, left here with MY IWO World Title, to defend it against two BEST friends. Well, no sire-bob. You see, I appealed my case to President Evan, and he came up with the perfect verdict...
("Memory Remains" by Metallica kicks out as "Enter Sandman" by Metallica kicks in.)
GP:No! But he lost earlier tonight!
JT:It doesn't mean anything! If it's official, it's a go!
(Sabastian Crow walks out from the back, and doesn't really look at Matthews. He walks down the aisle, on his own, and circles the ring.)
Matthews:HA FISSION! You've been ONE-UPTED ONCE MORE!
(Matthews throws down the microphone as he charges towards the ring. Matthews slides in, at almost the same time Crow does. Fission goes right after Matthews, as Malone goes right after Crow.)
*Ding, ding, ding*
Nikki:And I guess it's official! It's a four-way dance! Sabastian Crow, Joey Malone, Syphon Fission, and Dane Matthews will go at it one on one!
(We see Fission and Matthews battling, as Fission is sending Matthews realing with right hands. Matthews tries to clothesline his way out, but Fission ducks, and then clotheslines Matthews out of the ring.)
GP:AND THERE GOES THE WORLD CHAMP!
JT:Correction... OUR WORLD CHAMP!
(We fade over to Malone and Crow, as Crow is caught with a big back body drop, sending him over the top as well. Malone backs up, and hits Fission. They both turn around, ready to battle, but see that it's one another. They stand there, in a position of readiness, as we hear "Hail to the Chief" hit the pa system.)
Shallow:What's going on here.
(Vice President Ford makes his way out from the back, holding a paper in his hands. He stops at the top of the rampway.)
VP Ford:Now, although I would love to come down there right now and give my thoughts on this four way dance... it's come to my authority that a single Executive board member can not, CAN NOT change a Pay Per View Main Event. Therefore, in this game of one uping people Mr. Matthews, Mr. Crow can not, and will not compete in this main event. Therefore, Crow, you have twenty seconds to leave the ringside area, before you are fined, and suspended indefinitly!
GP:Dear god! Crow could lose his newly won Extreme Championship!
Shallow:Can Ford do this?!? I thought this was out of his power!
JT:It's not fair! It's just not fair!
Nikki:Snap out of it JT!
(The fans begin their twenty count, as Crow is obviously angered at this entire situation. He makes his way up the rampway, and bumps Vice President Ford, shoulder to shoulder on his way up. Ford and Crow eye each other, as Crow leaves. Ford leaves as well.)
GP:I guess we're back to our original three way dance, no matther how bad that is for Dane Matthews... the World Champion...
JT:OUR WORLD CHAMPION! GET IT RIGHT!
Shallow:With the odds against him, doesn't seem like he'll be our world champ for long...
(Matthews remains on the outside of the ring, as Fission and Malone both eye him up. Our referee goes over, telling Matthews to get back in the ring, but he points at Fission and Malone, as if to tell the referee that they should be fighting each other, not waiting for him. The referee tells him no, as Matthews signals for a time out.)
JT:GOOD CALL! It's early and it will rattle Fission and Malone's game plan!
GP:JT, there are no time outs in wrestling! Don't you remember hearing that over and over?
JT:I remember something about cheese-cake, but nothing about time outs.
(Fission slides out of the ring, and begins to chase Matthews across the outside of the ring. Matthews jumps over the steel steps as Fission is just footsteps away.)
Nikki:Matthews seems to be just a step quicker than Fission.
(Malone, from inside the ring, slides out to sort of sandwich Matthews in between. Matthews doesn't realize this, so, charging full speed and looking back at Fission, he runs right into Malone, who throws him up and nails a huge flapjack on the outside.)
GP:HUGE FLAPJACK ON MATTHEWS!
(Fission didn't realize that Malone just nailed Matthews, as he comes charging up almost directly after. Malone, not realizing who it is, picks up Fission in a fireman's carry, and twists him into a Diamond Cutter.)
Shallow:MALONE JUST NAILED FISSION WITH THE JERKOLIZER!
(Malone gets to his feet, and realizes what he's done. Fission is down, as he goes over to check on him.)
GP:Matthews is getting to his feet, and he sees what happened! He grabs Malone, and takes him down with a huge neckbreaker!
(Matthews grabs Malone, and tosses him into the ring. Matthews follows, still feeling the affects of the flapjack. Matthews begins to kick Malone, sending him into the corner. Matthews whips him out, as Malone reverses. Matthews hits the steel corner hard, sternum first, and bounces out, as Malone hooks him for a full nelson. Matthews powers out of it, turns around, and catches Joey with a single arm ddt.)
JT:Matthews showing his strength, powering out of a Full Nelson bomb into a single arm ddt.
Shallow:Is that even possible?
JT:Yeah, Malone has Matthew's arm's hooked, but Matthews squeezes out and holds onto one of Malone's arms... simple for OUR World Champion!
(Malone, still down from the move, takes a nasty soccer kick to the side from Matthews. Matthews picks up Malone by his hair, and snap mares him over, almost pulling out his long brown hair from his head.)
Nikki:Malone is definitly feeling the effects of the match earlier tonight.
(Matthews Locks in a chin lock, and slowly wrenches it in even further. Matthews slowly rises up from his seating position, and then drives Malone and the back of his head down into the mat in an inverted DDT type fashion, only from the chin lock.)
GP:Nice variation of the DDT, Matthews goes for the cover, 1-2-NO! Fission flies off the top and connects with a huge elbow drop onto Matthews!
JT:Right square on the back of his head too!
(Fission picks up Matthews, and sends him off the ropes. Matthews comes back off, recieving an elbow shot to the gut. Fission double underhooks Matthews, and takes him over in a vicious double underhook suplex.)
Shallow:Fission trying to take Matthews into a wrestling school here. Nice Vertical suplex by Fission.
(Fission grabs Matthews once more, and kicks him square downstairs. The fans let out a gasp of air as the referee warns Fission.)
Nikki:Matthews won't be singing in the shower tonight!
GP:Dear god! Fission just took out all his aggression with Matthews with a HUGE kick to the... The...
JT:... jingle bells...
Shallow:It's sad when that's said in such disgusting context...
(Matthews, keeled over of course, is slowly risen off the canvas. Fission picks him onto his shoulder, and slowly locks in a Canadien backbreaker.)
GP:Fission is really setting in on Matthews' lower back with that move. Taking the air out of him...
JT:I think his air had already left his body Parker...
Nikki:Wait, Malone's getting to his feet, and he just pulled Matthews out of the hold!
(Fission turns around, and immediatly the two come face to face.)
Malone:YOU CAN'T USE ANYTHING CANADIAN! THAT'S SAC-RELIGIOUS!
Fission:Who cares Malone! I just want to destroy Matthews, you got me?
(Matthews slowly regains his composure, as he crawls over, and delievers a double low blow to Malone and Fission.)
JT:And Matthews returns the favor! BOO-YAH!
JT:I don't tell you how to announce, do I Parker?
GP:You do all the time! You're always telling me...
JT:You're so making this up. I told you should stop telling lies...
(Matthews grabs Fission with his left hand, and takes him to the corner. He climbs the buckles, and turns around, delivering a beautiful Acid Drop type manuver, ala Spike Dudley. Matthews gets back, as Malone is still hurting from the shot to the balls he recieved earlier. Matthews grabs Malone, and hooks him from behind. He picks him up, and drops him in a huge Atomic Drop.)
GP:And Matthews just caught Malone with a huge Atomic Drop!
(Malone falls down to the canvas, ala Ric Flair, with the head dive type thing. Matthews immediatly drops an elbow, as he turns Malone over for the cover.)
Shallow:We could be over, but Malone with a shoulder up at two!
GP:Malone may be tired, but a simple elbow drop won't put him down.
(Matthews grabs Malone, who begins to fight back with a couple shots to the gut. Malone grabs Matthews, and takes him down with a huge spinning neckbreaker.)
Nikki:Malone hits a nice neckbreaker, and now Fission is up to his feet.
(Fission grabs Malone from behind, and nails a huge German Suplex, shocking the fans and the crowd.)
GP:DEAR GOD! FISSION, BRIDGE! ONE! TWO! NO! MALONE GETS A SHOULDER UP!
JT:Calm down Parker, you don't have to yell!
GP:But Fission just attacked stable-mate Joey Malone!
Nikki:He obviously wants this title more than anything else in the world Greg, of course he's going to sell his soul to get it back...
Shallow:Hmmm... wonder if that can be arranged...
(Shallow pulls out a cell phone and begins to dial. We see Fission and Malone both get to their feet, as Fission delievers a beautiful dropkick, sending Malone tumbling to the outside. Keri immediatly runs over, consoling Malone.)
JT:Hey hey! Keri's rather hot...
(Keri Telepathically slaps JT.)
JT:Ow... she's stronger than Nikki...
(Fission looks down at Malone, and then turns around, right into a shot by Matthews. Matthews grabs Fission, and throws him off the ropes. Fission comes back, and leaps over a ducking Matthews. Fission is going for a sunset flip, but Matthews twists his body, and goes for a leg drop, but Fission rolls out of the way. Fission up to his feet first, as Matthews grabs at his lower quad.)
GP:Matthews must have a stinger...
Shallow:Hello... Lucifer? Yeah, it's Shallow. Do you think you can work out an arrangement for the IWO World Title and Syphon Fission?... No? Oh... Sorry to bother you then...
(Shallow hangs up.)
GP:Wait.. you just called... Satan?
Shallow:No... I called Bridget Lucifer. She's one of those IWO Board chicks...
JT:Is she hot?
Shallow:Eh... nothing that a six pack and a light switch won't cure...
JT & Shallow:BAM!
(They slap high fives, and then Shallow realizes who he's talking to.)
Shallow:You touch me again and I'll rip out your tonsels...
(Matthews is shown, hopping on one foot, as Fission sweeps the other foot out from under him. Matthews his hard on the back of his head, as Fission immediatly goes to work, locking Matthews in a STF.)
GP:Matthews is being reched in pain. The look of angst is sprawled across his face...
(Fission locks the hold in even further, arching his back like a semi-circle. Matthews screams out in pain.)
JT:Dear god! I didn't think the male body could bend that way!
(Malone is shown climbing back into the ring, as he catches Fission with a vicious dropkick. Fission releases the hold, and falls onto his face.)
Shallow:Wicked from that position!
(Malone grabs Fission up off of the canvas, and begins to lock him in a straight jacket position...)
GP:Malone's going to hit the Mad Cow Disease! He's looking to nail Fission with it!
(Matthews is slowly getting to his feet, as he sees Malone holding Fission. Matthews rears back, and catches Fission with a huge side kick to the jaw, almost just when Malone pulls Fission over for the first suplex!)
GP:Dear god! Matthews just caught Fission on the jaw with a huge kick!
(Malone takes him over, and hits three rolling straightjacket suplexes, with the last one releasing Fission down onto the back of his head.)
Nikki:What an angle! Fission just caught the mat at a huge angle, he could have just broken his neck, thanks to his FRIEND Joey Malone!
JT:There's no friends when the IWO World Heavyweight Title is at stake!
(Malone gets to his feet, and looks down at Fission once more. He shakes his head, as Matthews immediatly grabs Malone from behind!)
GP:MALONE'S ON MATTHEWS' SHOULDER! MATTHEWS' IS GOING FOR DOWNTOWN XPLOSION!
JT:NO! Malone wriggles free, and dives down the back of Matthews. Malone turns Matthews around, and takes him over with a Gordbuster.
Shallow:Malone is in control!
(Malone gets to his feet, and drags Matthews up as well. He sends Matthews into the corner, and then grabs Syphon, and tosses him into the same corner. Malone backs up, and charges in, but Fission moves at the last second, forcing Malone to just take Matthews down with the Super-Splash in corner move.)
GP:Matthews takes a huge splash, as Syphon barely escapes!
JT:Syphon grabs Malone, and nails him in the gut with a huge knee. Syphon jumps and nails a fame asser! He just drove Malone's face into the mat!
(Syphon covers Malone, as the referee counts. One, two, but Malone gets his foot on the bottom rope.)
GP:So close! Fission came that close to the three count, barely winning the World Title for a second time!
Shallow:Malone is just as smart as Fission, and Fission knows this...
(Fission grabs Malone, and throws him off the ropes. Malone comes back, as Syphon delievers a vicious powerslam in the middle of the ring. Syphon covers, One, two, and Matthews dives to break it up.)
GP:Matthews just saved his World title right there... one fall to a finish folks...
(Matthews gets to his feet, and locks Fission in a Dragon Sleeper hold. Fission tries to struggle out, but to no avail. He locks it in further, as Malone slowly gets to his feet. Malone grabs Matthews, and locks him in a sleeper of his own.)
GP:Shades of the imfamous ECW three way dance...
(Matthews drops down, inverted ddting Syphon and jaw breaking Malone all at once. Malone pops up as Matthews gets to his feet, and clothesline Malone back down.)
JT:Matthews is in control now, as he covers Fission!
Nikki:One, two, no! Fission gets a shoulder up!
(Matthews slaps the canvas, obviously angered. He picks up Fission, and goes for the Downtown Xplosion, but all of a sudden, Keri climbs up onto the apron..)
GP:What is Keri doing?!?
JT:I don't know, but she can do it anytime!
Shallow:Keri just threw a chair towards Matthews, who caught it in mid-air. What the hell...
(Keri tells Matthews to turn around, and when he does, he recieves a swift super-kick to the face, sending the chair into his skull.)
GP:DEAR GOD! WHAT A SHOT BY MALONE!
("Meaning of Life" by Disturbed is heard over the pa system, as the fans immediatly begin to look around.)
GP:What the hell is this? I've never heard this music before...
JT:Then you must not be a metal-head Greggy...
GP:I meant as an entrance theme jerkass...
JT:Oh... you didn't have to be mean...
(A man dressed completely in brown walks out from the crowd, slides into the ring, and low blows Malone. He picks Malone up, and delievers a beautiful Tiger Driver, sending Malone's skull crashing to the back of the mat...)
GP:Dear god! This man may have just cost Malone the world title!
JT:That's no man Greggy... that's a sea-bass!
GP:FISSION IS GOING TO TRY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE! He picks up Matthews, and... DEATH PLUNGE! DEATH PLUNGE TO DANE MATTHEWS!
(Fission dives on top of Matthews, as the referee counts... One, Two, Three.)
JT:DEAR GOD! FISSION WON THE WORLD TITLE! HE WON THE TITLE OFF OF MATTHEWS' SHOULDERS!
Nikki:And this masked man took away Malone's shot at the World title! Dear god!
(Fission is handed the world title, as he seems to be pratically overjoyed inside the ring.)
Meygon:Your winner, and NEW... IWO World Heavyweight Champion.... SYPHON... FISSION!!!!
("Papercut" by Linkin Park hits the pa system, as Fission looks at the title. The man in brown takes a silent vigial towards Fission, as they stare each other eye to eye.)
Fission:WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!!!
(Fission stares into the eyes of the trenchcoat man, trying to decipher who he is, but the man the trenchcoat simply walks away. This, of course, angers our world champion.)
GP:FANS! FOR JT, NIKKI, JOHNNY SHALLOW, our spanish team Pablo Escabar and Eddie Cairego, as well as John Century and Miss Debbie Page.... I'm Greg Parker saying GOODNIGHT, from Desperate Measures!
JT:What the hell is with that egg! DAMNIT!!!!