Application
Rules
Application
Old News

Features
Meltdown Preview
Meltdown
Hostile Takeover
Takeover Preview
Roster
Champions
Title History
Executive Board

Pay Per View
Broken Hearts, Broken Bones 3
Desperate Measures
Desperate Measures Promo
PPV Archives
PPV Idiotesque Rants
PPV Promo Archives

Columns
Park Place
Phelen Kell Report

Real Audio
Returning Soon

Extras
Downloads
Year-End Awards
Trivia
History of the Fed
Hall of Fame

Other
Awards We've Won
Link to Us


Site Map
FWLnet
IWO (Blue)
IML (Red)
IMLČ (Green)
IML3 (Brown)
Tournament
IWO Indi (2002)

Information
FAQ
Feedback
Copyright


Beach Party V


Beach Party V
Live from an Island
06/24/2001

("Son Song" by Soulfly....)

Sometimes I don't
*Images of Bob Job losing his matchup against Spatula in the major Push Tournament.*
want to face life
*Images of Kestler in his porn shop.*
Sometimes I feel empty inside
*Images of the Sins doing Sinly Things*
But every moment is precious
*An image of Yojin aboard the Naval ship*
And everyone will turn to dust
*An image of BJ Smith being trailed by the cops*

Dust myself up
*Image of Erik Blake in defeat in the Major Push Tournament*
and I scream at the sky
*Image of Al Coholic falling in the Major Push Tournament as well*
It's been so hard
*Image of the Beverly Hills Bruisers holding up the I.C. Tag team titles at May Mayhem.*
but I can't let it die
*Image of the Kings battling it out for the World Tag team titles at May Mayhem.*
Turn my head up,
*A picture of Nuke being tossed off the arena is shown.*
looking at the stars
*Billy Ray is revealed as the tosser.*
So many years,
*Doozer is shown qualifying for Major Push 2.*
I still wonder where you are?
*Shawn Arrows is shown qualifying*
Dust myself up
*Wow, Schitzo Tod Qualifies. Hehe.*
and I scream at the sky
*Ben Archer is shown qualifying.*
It's been so hard
*Cyanide is shown messing with Sabastian Crow's car.*
and I ask myself why?
*Crow is shown messing with AWS Man(Also Known as Bill).*
Turn my head up,
*Cyanide and Crow are shown staring one another down.*
looking at the sun
*Sam Potright is shown, down.*
Waited so long,
*Beth Potright is shown in the arms of Dane Matthews.*
it's time to move on, move on
*Potright is shown challenging Matthews for a TLC match.*

Look at the sun,
*Davis is shown executing the Equalizer on High Flyer.*
look at the sky
*Flyer is shown executing Cold Snow onto a chair from Warcry.*
Another day, another sign
*Each man is shown aboard a cruise ship*
And every moment is precious
*Evan Levine is shown, world Title in hand from Ice Age 3.*
And everything will turn to dust
*Sabastian Crow is shown after winning a shot at the World Tag team Titles.*

Dust myself up
*DPS Man(Also Known as Bob) and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) hold up the World Tag team titles.*
and I scream at the sky
*Pictures of AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) almost beating Malone a few weeks back.*
It's been so hard
*Pictures of Syphon Fission turning his back on We're Better Than You 2.*
but I can't let it die
*Pictures of Malone and Anthason beating the Sins as the Winds of Change.*
Turn my head up,
*We see Syphon Fission falling off of the Scaffold from May Mayhem's Match.*
looking at the stars
*We see Malone and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) Brawling.*
So many years,
*Crow and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) are brawling.*
I still wonder where you are?
*Yeah, more brawling between Evan Levine and Syphon Fission.*
Dust myself up
*Kent Anthason is shown nailing Syphon Fission off of the stage with a huge powerbomb.*
and I scream at the sky
*A huge screen with all six wrestlers is shown, and it remains there until the end of the song.*
Every day I ask myself why?
So much pain pouring
from inside
Above me I feel the spirit fly

(Slowly, we fade out of the song, as well as the image of the six combatants for the Beach Party main event. Slowly, we fade into a Beach Party image, as the "V" is thrusted onto the screen. "Bodies" by Drowning Pool hits the screen, as the Beach Party logo cracks to nothing, as we are LIVE from the IWO Island. Panning around the island, it sort of resembles the Lord of the Flies, with a huge volcano in the middle, and tons of forest area around it, until a beach surrounded the entire middle of the island. A cave is cut out into the way, with a huge IWO sign overtop, along with a more rectangular ring in the middle of the beach. Stadium type seating is on all sides, as a good amount of people are shown. We fade to the announcers booth, as we see Greg Parker, JT, Johnny Shallow, and Nikki.)

Shallow:I REMEMBER WHEN FOUR ANNOUNCERS WAS COOL!

GP:SHALLOW! WE'RE ON THE AIR! WELCOME TO BEACH PARTY! AND AS ALWAYS, WE'VE GOT ONE HELL OF A CARD FOR YOU!

JT:YOU PULL OFF THAT LYING STUNT LIKE IT'S NOTHING PARKER!

GP:QUIET JT! A CARD PACKED FULL OF SURPRISES!

JT:FUCK THAT, *Crowd Noise dies down* I WANNA BE AT BLACKOUT!... Oh fuck, damnit!

Nikki:Yeah, sure, get us thrown off of pay per view already.

JT:We didn't get thrown off T.v. for Vincent and he cursed like a banchie.

GP:FOLKS!

JT:Folks? What the hell is a folk? Bob Dylan isn't here jerkass.

GP:We've got one hell of a card lined up. A few filler matches, yes, but every great organization has a few dry spells.

JT:Can I go to Black? I want to be with John.

GP:For the last time, NO!

JT:You fucken suck Parker.

GP:Fans, we've got Cyanide and Sabastian Crow battling it out in a Wild Boars matchup for the Extreme Championship! I believe, if I'm correct, a pack of wild Boars will be circling the ring.

JT:So, Nikki on PMS when she just wakes up will be at ringside?

*Smack*

GP: Wait! Bob Job is coming out for his match! He has Spatula by the handle!

JT: SPATULA JUST HIT BOB JOB! BOB JOB COLLAPSES ON THE MAT! HE'S OUT! SPATULA COVERS JOB! ONE... TWO... THREE!!!!

Shallow: THIS WAS THE STUPIDEST MATCH EVER SINCE PHELEN KELL HIT KING STING WITH A POODLE!

(Bob Job grabs a microphone.)

Bob Job:Awh, I lost. Goodbye IWO...

(Bob Job makes a sad face and leaves. He's sad.)

GP: Well, this next matchup looks to be... wait a minute, what is this?

[Greg is interruped by a booming explosion from one of the entry caves. Two pyrotechnic rockets are launched straight into the air, while others criss-cross over the entrance. "Space Suit" by They Might be Giants hits, and the Deadly Sins step out, to a mixed pop.]

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, the Deadly Sins, Jack Breaker and Jake Walker!

Jack: Cut the music!

Jake: Uhm... the music stopped about a minute ago.

Jack: Right, right. Uhm... what's up, Sri Lanka?!

[The crowd pops a little.]

Jake: Now, I hear we have a match with Rob Kestler later on tonight. This does not make me a happy little crocodile. But before we get into that, I have a little joke.

[The crowd groans in anticipation.]

Jake: Why did the elephant paint his toenails different colors?

Jack: I don't know, Jake. Why did the elephant paint his toenails different colors?

Jake: To hide in a bowl of M&Ms!

[The crowd boos and groans.]

Jake: What, have you ever seen an elephant in a bowl of M&Ms? YOU SEE, IT WORKS!

[The crowd starts throwing things at the two.]

Jack: Okay, seriously. We've got this match comming up, and just to prove that we will beat Rob Kestler's skinny green ass, we've brought a special guest with us. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome actor and star of the 1970's sitcom 'Three's Company', John Ritter!

[The "Three's Company" theme hits and a gagged and hog-tied John Ritter stumbles out of the entry cave.]

Jake: Now, John, I believe you had something to say?

John Ritter: Mmph! MMPH!

Jack: Ooh, yeah. The gag. Heh heh.

[Jack removes the gag.]

John: Help! Help! Somebody, help! They keep me in a closet and feed me really

old cereal!

Jack: Quiet, you! Just say your piece like we rehearsed and I'll give you a whole Hot Pocket!

John: Okay... The Deadly Sins will beat Rob Kestler to within an inch of his sorry, child impregnating life, then they will burn down his house and build a strip mall in it's place!

Jake: Good boy! Now go back to your closet, and we'll give you a cookie!

[Jake picks up John Ritter and throws him back into the cave.]

Jack: There. With that said, Rob Kestler - we mean business! And that's buisiness with a capital 'S'!

Jake: Word up!

["Space Suit" hits once again as they retreat back into the cave.]

GP: That was... interesting. But we've got to get to our first match of the evening... Our first real match, Al Coholic and Erik Blake. Take it away Meygon!

Meygon: The following match is scheduled for ONE FALL and is a standard rules match. Entering first, from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, he is a IWO Hall of Famer and former IWO World Champion. He is…..AL COHOLIC!

("Hellbound" by Eminem featuring D-12 hits as Al Coholic walks down to a pop from the crowd.)

Meygon: And his opponent….

(Suddenly, Erik Blake attacks Al from behind!)

JT: Erik blake starts the match off with a surprise attack of Al Coholic from behind as the fans are booing Erik! Erik is a great wrestler! Why do
they boo him?

GP: Maybe because he's a hated man?

Nikki: Probably.

Shallow: Yeah.

JT: Shut up, Shallow!

(Shallow smacks him!)

Shallow: Screw you!

JT: =(

(Erik Blake is dancing, and then goes to punch Al, but Al reverses, and Blake hits the ground hard!)

Shallow: Al taking down Erik Blake hard and quick!

JT: Seems like Blake is pissed

GP: Wouldn't you be?

Nikki: Yeah, wouldn't you?

JT: Maybe

(Nikki smacks JT)

JT: Ouch!

(Erik gets up, and clotheslines Al to the ground as the fans are booing Erik loudly! He grins, and fingers the crowd before putting Al in a
headlock!)

Nikki: Oh oh! Al is in a headlock!

JT: This CAN'T be that good!

(Al is trying to break free, but can't!)

Nikki: It may be over quickly!

JT: I hope not!

Shallow: But it may be!

GP: Yeah!

(Suddenly, "Doughboys from Hell" hits as the fans start to cheer! The Pillsbury Doughboy and the Budweiser frog make their way to ringside!)

GP: Not those guys!

Shallow: Anyone but them!

Nikki: What the hell?

JT: Yeah!

(the Doughboy grabs the ref, and tosses him out of the ring! Blake looks at Doughboy as Al is tapping out, but no ref is in the ring! Blake releases the hold, and tries to punch the Doughboy! But the Doughboy from Hell decides to reverse it into a clothesline!)

JT: Ouch!

Shallow: CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!

(Suddenly, Bradshaw comes out.)

Bradshaw: HEY! THAT'S MY MOVE!

(He dissappears)

JT: Ok…

Nikki: Well, he's right.

Shallow: Yeah.

GP: Anyway…

(Al gets up, only to be Frog Splashed by the Budweiser frog! The fans are cheering as Doughboy irish whips Blake into the ropes and then performs a samoan drop on Blake when he returns! He lifts him up and does Chewy, Delicious Cookies (Stunner)!)

GP: Oh my!

Shallow: Blakes in trouble!

Nikki: So is Al!

JT: No fair!

Nikki: Oh well.

JT: [Beep]

(Nikki smacks JT)

JT: =(

GP: =)

Nikki: Heh =P

(Doughboy looks around! He grins, and does the Cookie Cutter (Diamond Cutter)! Then, he does Hell's Cookies (Peoples Elbow)! The fans are popping as Doughboy and Budweiser are man handling Al and Blake! They are having fun!)

JT: This is a disgrace!

GP: I have to agree…for once.

JT: YES!

GP: Don't be so happy!

(Doughboy then lifts up Al, and does Chewy Cookies of Doom (Genso Bomb (Powerbomb on neck)) on him! Budweiser then does The Tongue (The Octupus)! After 20 seconds, Al is knocked out, and Blake is covered over Al.)

Ref: 1…

Ref: 2…

Ref: 3!

Meygon: Here is your winner by Pinfall,

JT: Okay... it's odd that that's not the weirdest thing I've seen.

GP: Let's move on... This next match should be a good one as two of the newest IWO talent square off at Beach Party V! This should really get the fans into this.

Shallow: This is a potty break match Parker! Get with the program.

GP: What do you mean potty break match? For Christ sakes the PPV just started and you already have to go to the damn bathroom? Control your bloody-

JT: Watch that temper Greg.

GP, Shallow, and Nikki: (in unison) SHUT UP!

JT: Wow, they're always picking on me.

Nikki: Well if you weren't such a little prick we wouldn't.

JT: I'll prick you. ;-)

*SLAP*

Nikki: What the hell is that supposed to mean anyway? Is that some sort of threat? God, JT, you are so dumb. It would probably be a prick anyway....

Shallow: Seriously JT, my life would be so much easier if you left this broadcast table.

JT: Blow me Johnny.

(Shallow elbows JT right in the stomach.)

Shallow: Fuck off.

GP: Getting on with the match, we have BJ Smith going up against Yojin Mushahiri, this should be one hell of a match.

Shallow: Take it away Meygon!

[Ding Ding Ding]

Meygon: The following match is a double debut match! Introducing first-

("Crush Em" by Megadeth begins to play as Yojin Mushahiri starts coming out to the ring.)

Meygon: From Tokyo Japan, he's five feet, eleven inches. YOJIN MUSHAHIRI!!!!!

(Yojin hops into the ring to a mild pop. "Ants Marching" by Dave Matthews Band starts playing as BJ comes out of his respective cave with a microphone.)

BJ Smith: Hey, Yojin! I'm gonna give you three seconds to forfeit this match and I think that it'll be beneficial to you if you do. You see, I've been spending some time with some freaks backstage, and they've taught me a way to make someone's head explode just by staring at them. I'd best be careful if I was you.

(Yojin starts laughing hysterically at BJ. He grabs a mic from Meygon.)

Yojin Mushahiri: BJ, just get your ass out here!

BJ Smith: So be it.

("Ants Marching" by Dave Matthews Band starts blaring again as BJ Smith starts walking toward the ring laughing hysterically at Yojin.)

JT: What a lunatic. I sorta like his style!

Shallow: That comes as no shock to me.

GP: BJ has gotten to the ring and he's just staring at Yojin laughing. Yojin isn't sure of what to do! BJ sure is a weird fellow.

BJ Smith: Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.

Nikki: Wait, now BJ looks puzzled.

BJ Smith: Hmmm, I'm forgetting something. Oh yah! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!

(Suddenly pitch darkness is cast on the island and a loud explosion is heard.)

*BOOOOOOOOOM*

GP: HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF GOD! BJ SMITH JUST BLEW UP THE RING DINGER GIRL! SWEET MERCY!!!

JT: Whoa, he must've been staring at the wrong person.

Shallow: Did we even know that ring dinger girl's name?

Nikki: It was ... ummmm ... hmmmm .... well her name was. Okay, we didn't know what her name was, it doesn't really matter, just makes her easier to replace!!

GP: And we'll get to replacing that in a second, but right now BJ Smith has his eyes locked directly on Yojin. This isn't gonna be pretty....

Shallow: Wait a second, so that's where my C4 went! Damn it! That was supposed to go under JT's chair not hers! Oh, someone is gonna pay.

Nikki: Wait so that wasn't BJ Smith's magical power?

Shallow: Nope.

GP: Then....

BJ Smith: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!

(BJ points at Yojin and there is utter silence. Crickets start chirping.)

GP: Yojin has had enough of this! He drop kicks Smith right in the knees! Smith falls to the ground and Yojin is kicking him repeatedly in the head!

JT: You're gonna damage his already messed up brain damn it!

Nikki: So if that was your C4, then what was up with the total darkness thing?

Shallow: Beats me, it's the IWO.

Nikki: Touche.

GP: Yojin now picks Smith up and whips him to the ropes. Flying cross body from Mushahiri, quick cover.

ONE

GP: Kickout by Smith. Yojin now snap mares Smith over and drop kicks him right in the head! Smith is rolling around in pain.

Shallow: Yojin is kicking Smith's ass. Let that be a lesson to all you kids. Lunacy does not help your case in wrestling.

JT: What are you kidding me? Lunacy is everything in wrestling!

GP: Yojin climbs the top turnbuckle and waits for Smith. BJ slowly gets up and Yojin hits him with a blinding missile drop kick! Man, he caught him right in BJ's chin. Yojin hooks the leg for a cover.

ONE

TWO

KICKOUT

Nikki: Wow, Yojin is doing really well for a little guy.

GP: Yojin at 5'11 and BJ at 6'3 gives the size advantage to BJ, but Yojin is feeling it right now.

Shallow: That's partly because BJ Smith was acting like an idiot for 10 minutes thinking he could make Yojin explode! Look at him, he's not trying to fight back at all! He's still trying to look Yojin straight in the eyes. Pathetic.

GP: Yojin Mushahiri is going to the top again. This time he connects with a top rope hurricarana!

Nikki: BJ Smith is getting his ass kicked. Yojin now runs to the ropes and connects on a springboard moonsault from the second rope. He covers!

ONE.....

TWO......

Kickout by Smith!

Shallow: Yojin now scoop slams Smith down. He climbs the ropes yet again and .... 450 Splash! He just hit Smith with a devastating 450 Splash. This rookie show that we were promised isn't happening. Smith is just acting like an ass, and Yojin is showing the world his great technical high flying skills! This isn't even a contest!

GP: This should do it, Yojin hooks the leg...

ONE....

TWO....

THR-

NO KICKOUT!

GP: Yojin is angry, and lifts up Smith! The fans are cheering! Smith, who still thinks he can make people explode, stares at Yojin, as Yojin is
laughing is laughing at him, and Irish Whips him into the ropes! But Smith actually does something, and grabs the ropes!

Nikki: Smith must have realized he's an idiot!

Shallow: Good to hear.

JT: I like Smith!

Nikki: You're an even bigger idiot than he is!

JT: …Damnit!

Shallow: Yojin neck chops Smith several times, and the last time sends him over the ropes, and out of the ring! Yojin climbs the turnbuckle, and
then shows off to the crowd, before Moonsaulting off, trying to get Smith! But Smith, in his disillusioned state, walks away, and picks up a weapon from under the ring! Yojin lands on his stomach as the Ref begins the count!

Ref: 1…

JT: Yojin grabbing his chest in pain as Smith pulls out…A RADIO?!

Nikki: Smith plays the radio….ITS….

(Suddenly, "Everybody dance now" blasts over the radio as fans cover their ears!)

JT: ARGH!

Shallow: I HATE THIS SONG!

Nikki: SO DOES EVERYONE!

(GP, meanwhile, is beating with it.)

GP: I'm cool, I'm hip…

Nikki, Shallow & JT: SHUT UP, GREG!

GP: =(

JT: =D

Nikki: Quiet, JT!

(Nikki smacks JT)

JT: Ouch!

Shallow: Ha!

Ref (covering ears): 2…

GP: Yojin gets up, and sees the music playing! The takes out a baseball bat, and destroys the Radio! He then hits Smith in the gut with the bat, and as he stumbles over, he plants him with a DDT!

Ref: 3…

Nikki: This is getting intense!

Shallow: Yojin picking up a steel chair, and walking over!

Ref: 4…

Nikki: Yojin starts to smash the chair onto Smith's head!

GP: Smith is getting dizzy, and probably more stupid!

Shallow: KILL HIM!

GP: Wow, a bloodhound.

Ref: 5…

Nikki: Yojin sets up BJ Smith on the guardrail! He then climbs into the ring!

Ref: 6…

GP: Yojin climbs the turnbuckle, and frog splashes off the turnbuckle, but Smith rolls out of the way!

Ref: 7…

Shallow: Yojin is in pain, and seems to have broken ribs or bones! He's rolling around, and Smith looks at him!

Ref: 8…

JT: Yojin is being stomped by Smith! Smith is taking advantage of the match, and is breaking some more ribs by stomping him , while singing "I like candy"! He's f'd up!

Nikki: Yeah.

Ref: 9…

GP: Smith notices the count, and starts to run back, but its too late!

Ref: 10! RING THE BELL!

(Bell Rings)

Meygon: The result of this contest due to double countout is a DRAW!

JT: What?!

Nikki: Smith isn't happy!

GP: He continues to assault a downed Yojin until security and EMTs come in, and start to take him away for medical aid!

(The fans are booing Smith, as "Ants Marching" by the Dave Matthews Band hits, and BJ Smith walks away.)

JT: Who wants a gelato!

(Nikki smacks JT)

JT: Ouch!

Nikki: Stop asking stupid questions!

("Space Suit" plays as the Deadly Sins come to the ring. Breaker grabs a microphone.)

Jack Breaker: Grr, we are sinly and stuff.

("Stayin' Alive" by Ozzy Osbourne plays as Rob Kestler comes out to a huge derp. A derp is like a pop, except that everyone says "derp". Kestler enters the ring and grabs a microphone of his own.)

Rob Kestler: Derp.

Jake Walker: Sin stuff.

Rob Kestler: Wanna watch porn?

Both Deadly Sins: SURE!

(They leave to watch porn.)

GP:That was odd, but I doubt we're going to have that matchup here tonight, so, let's move on.... with our I.C. Tag Team Title Match!

Meygon: The following contest is sceduled for one fall, and it is for the defunct Internet Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Tag-Team Championships! Making their way to the ring first, the challengers, Jeff and Ryan King, the Suicide Kings!

[Some pyrotechnics explode and the Kings step out from opposite entrance caves. As their music plays, they join near the ring apron and slide in, where they pose for the fans.]

[Their music is abruptly interrupted by a loud explosion, followed by "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" by the Offspring. The Beverly Hills Bruisers step out of the entrance caves and run down the aisle to the ring, while pyrotechnics explode. They slide into the ring and pose on opposite turnbuckles with their belts.]

Meygon: In the ring now, they are the unofficial IWO Intercontinental Tag Team Champions, Michael and Briam Dudley, the Beverly Hill Bruisers!

[The Bruisers continue to pose on the turnbuckles, giving the Kings an opportunity to sneak up behind them. Ryan runs over to Michael and grabs the bottom rope, knocking the Dudley brother onto his crotch. Jeff runs to Brian and superplexes him off the turnbuckle. Michael Dudley crawls out to the apron, and Ryan King follows suit, leaving Jeff and Brian in the ring.]

GP: The Kings are taking an early advantage here, but Brian Dudley's trying to get some momentum with some hard cross chops.

[Brian backs Jeff into the turnbuckle with some chops, then backs up and delivers a running knee to the gut.]

Nikki: Well-placed knee by Brian Dudley, there.

JT: I've got some good placement with my other extremities, Nikki.

*SLAP!*

[Brian sets Jeff up on the turnbuckle and brings him down with a neckbreaker. Jeff rolls away and tries to tag Ryan, but Brian prevents it with a boot to Jeff's exposed ribs, and tags in Michael. They pick up Jeff and whip him into the ropes. He rebounds, and they hit simultaneous elbows to his face. Brian retreats to the apron, leaving Michael to take on Jeff.]

GP: Jeff King looks pretty bad. This match is gonna be short.

[Michael goes for a spinning back suplex, but Jeff manages to slip out and hit a weak snapmare. He tries to lock in a sleeper, but Michael gets quickly to his feet and swings around with a short clothesline to Jeff King, knocking him down once more. He lifts Jeff back up and poses for a moment. The crowd pops, prompting Ryan King to turn and acknowlege them.]

JT: Boy, Ryan King is a real moron.

[With Ryan distracted, Michael whips Jeff into the ropes, knocking Ryan off the apron. Jeff shoots back, and Michael hits a Mountain Bomb, sending Jeff to the mat again. He goes to the top rope, but is interrupted by Ryan King, who takes him out with a knee smash and Dragonsteiners him off into the crowd. Brian Dudley rushes to the aid of his brother, and starts trading right hands with Ryan King. The crowd pops huge as Michael Dudley struggles to his feet and taunts the Kings. Jeff King, sensing the applause, stands up, mounts the turnbuckle, and moonsaults off into the crowd, missing Michael and smacking his head on the crowd barrier. A cut opens on his forehead on impact and blood starts trickling down his face.]

GP: Oh ny God! Jeff King has been busted wide open!

JT: There's a certain someone at this table I'd like to bust wide open and...

*SLAP!*

JT: Ow!

Shallow: God dammit, will you two cut that out? We've got a match to call.

JT: You don't seem to be doing much calling there, Jonny.

GP: Gentlemen, let's get back to the match.

[Michael picks Jeff up and starts with some forearms to Jeff's bruised forehead. Blood continues to flow, covering Jeff's face and Michael's arm in
the process. Ryan slips into the bleachers and hits a quick facecrusher on Michael to the steel bench. Brian runs in after him and knocks him into the crowd with a few quick jabs. Jeff, bloodied and bruised, starts a slow assault on Brian, but Brian reverses with a powerbomb, comming inches away from Michael, clutching his chin in pain. Michael rolls away and staggers over to where Ryan is brushing himself off. Brian headbutts Ryan in the gut and hits a double arm DDT.]

GP: All Hell's broken loose up in the stands!

[All four men sufficiently out of breath, they take a breather. Jeff starts drinking a fan's coke, while Michael and Brian huddle up to discuss some
strategy. Ryan signs an autograph for a small child, giving Brian an opportunity to take him down with a clothesline and a reverse DDT drop.
Michael takes Jeff and belly-to-belly suplexes him off the bleachers.]

GP: My God, Michael Dudley just threw Jeff King some twenty feet to the ground! He's gotta be broken in half by now!

Shallow: Looks like Michael's not done yet!

GP: Dear Lord, no! Somebody stop this match! He wouldn't!

JT: He would, and he will!

GP: My God! Diving headbutt onto Jeff King! That's a good twenty foot drop off the stands!

[Brian Dudley and Ryan King lock up in the stands. Ryan DDTs Brian, and lifts him for a falling front slam.]

GP: Listen to that thud as Brian Dudley's body hits the steel bleachers!

[Ryan climbs a few steps up on the bleachers, and hits a 450 splash onto Brian's stretched out body. He rolls off, and drags Brian back out to the ring. He rolls him in, and goes for a cover.]

*ONE!*

*TWO!*

GP: Kickout! Brian Dudley's not done yet!

[Ryan King picks Brian up and whips him into the turnbuckle. Ryan tries for a spear, but Brian slips away. Ryan straightens up to stop his momentum, but he crashes into the turnbuckle and stumbles backwards, trying to catch his breath. Ryan leans his head backwards, and Brian hits a falling neckbreaker, further knocking the wind out of Ryan King.]

GP: Any word on the condition of Jeff King and Michael Dudley?

Shallow: I'm being told that EMTs are attending to them right now... in fact, here they come, with two stretchers.

[Brian Dudley climbs the turnbuckle and hits a jumping elbow on Ryan King. Meanwhile, the EMTs load Jeff and Michael onto the stretchers and wheel them backstage.]

GP: Looks like it's down to just Ryan and Brian in the ring.

[Brian hits a dropkick to Ryan's ribs, and goes for a cover.]

*ONE!*

*TWO!*

GP: Ryan gets his foot on the rope. Just in time, too. I mean, that foot went up just as the ref's hand was comming down for the three-count.

[Brian pulls Ryan to his feet and hits a pumphandle slam, driving Ryan to the mat. He tries for a vertical suplex, but Ryan flips out and hits an underhook reverse suplex. He lifts Brian back up and hits a running springboard neckbreaker.]

GP: Interesting move by Ryan King, there.

[Ryan hooks Brian for a suplex, but Brian headbutts him in the gut and hooks for a DDT. He pauses to gauge the crowd's excitement, and Ryan backs him into a corner with a spear. He uses the ropes to lift himself up, and hits a stiff Hurricanrana on Brian.]

Shallow: That's gotta be it! No way in hell is Brian Dudley gonna get up from that!

[Ryan King goes to the top rope and hits a springboard Asai moonsault on Brian. He then locks in an Indian deathlock. Brian starts squirming in agony, and reaches wildly for the ropes.]

GP: Brian's not gonna make it!

Nikki: Wait, what's that over by the entrace caves?

[The camera pans in to the entrance, to reveal a limping Michael Dudley, running as fast as he can to the ring. He hits the aisle just as Jeff King stumbles out of the other cave, trying to intercept him.]

GP:Wait... what the hell?

(All of a sudden... IT'S THE DEADLY SINS! They hit the ring.)

GP:THE SINS! THEY JUST NAILED JEFF KING WITH THE WRATH! And now Michael Dudley charges, and the Sins duck behind... DEGREES OF SIN! JACK BREAKER ON TOP! ... 1-2-3?!?! What the hell?

Meygon:Your winner, and Unofficial I.C. Tag Team Champions... the DEADLY SINS!

GP:Okay, I'm confused, but at least a duck didn't win the belts. That would have been freaky...

-Promo for Major Push Tournament 2.0-

("Touched" by Vast can be heard in the background)

(We fade into an old wrestling ring. We see the new IWO shield in the background. The world is in black and white. We see Syphon Fission, standing in street clothes, in the middle of the ring.)

Syphon: Many months ago…at Utter Obliteration 2000…this war was began by different warriors…

(Scenes from the first Major Push Tournament show on the scene, we fade back to Syphon walking the aisleways of this old building. He speaks, looking into the camera.)

Syphon: Unlike anything else…I fought the hungry. The young. The stars who had yet to be recognized. I fought many people just like me…

(Scenes of Samuel Potright, Spaz, Mike Extreme, and Jack Night fade in to the screen. We see Syphon, now sitting in a metal folding chair.)

Syphon: In the end…three men were left. Me, Spaz, and Samuel Potright. We fought for our glory. We fought for our careers. We fought for our lives.

(The ending sequence of Major Push Tournament, with Syphon winning is shown. We fade back to him, still sitting in his chair.)

Syphon: In the end…it was me who took the flag for this company. Me who became the voice of my class. And I achieved success in mere months that many men do not achieve their entire lives. Tonight…at Beach Party…one man will walk out as your new Major Push canididate…

(Pictures of Doozer, Shawn Arrows, Schitzo Tod, and Ben Archer come on. We fade to Syphon, in the middle of the ring. He looks into the camera, and says his last piece.)

Syphon: In the end...all the men in that tournament gained memories of that epic. Now…a new group will achieve new greatness. Welcome…to the Major Push Tournament…the second edition.

(We fade from this to the ring.)

GP: We have the first semi-final match of the Major Push Tournament now! Shawn Arrows is facing off against Doozer in a stipulation that has yet to be announced to the crowd.

JT: This match should be nice and gory.

Shallow: Both men are trying to go further on in their IWO careers, it should be interesting to see who wants it more.

GP: I have just gotten word that this match will be a no holds bar match right here on the island!

Nikki: (sarcastic) Great, now I can see the blood and gore in person instead of a big-ass TV. How great.

JT: Hey, you're getting into the thick of things! Great job!

(Nikki slaps JT.)

Nikki: I was being sarcastic you nincompoop.

GP: Guys, let's just get on with this match. Take it away Meygon!

Meygon: The following match is a no hold bar match in the semi-final match for the Major Push Tournament! Coming to the ring first, Shawn Arrows!

("Shawn Arrows' Theme" by Shawn Arrows' Theme's Band starts playing and Shawn Arrows walks to the ring and hops in.)

Meygon: Introducing his opponent ... DOOZER!

(No music plays. Arrows looks toward the cave area looking for Doozer.)

Shallow: Look out! Doozer jumps out from under the ring! He was hiding there. Arrows doesn't see him. Doozer gets in the ring with a chair.

JT: Haha! Doozer just knocked Arrows out with that chair! Look at that dent in the chair.

Nikki: That was a pretty cheap shot.

GP: Doozer now nailing Arrows in the back with that chair. Doozer sends Arrows off into the rope, back body drop. Doozer now drops an elbow right to the heart of Shawn Arrows. Doozer has quickly jumped on top in this match.

JT: Hell yeah, baby! Doozer now picks Shawn up, vertical suplex! Doozer rolls over for the cover. The ref counts!

ONE....

Shallow: Quick kickout by Arrows. I guess he's not so knocked out from that chair shot after all.

Nikki: Hell, he's an IWO superstar, he should be used to those by now.

Shallow: Touché.

GP: Doozer has picked Arrows up, he goes for a DDT ... Arrows reverses it with a northern lights suplex! With the bridge...

ONE....

GP: Kickout by Doozer. Doozer quickly rolls back to his feet and eyes Arrows. Arrows kicks Doozer in the gut, brainbuster! Doozer's head hit that mat hard!

Shallow: And his neck got crunched there.

JT: Arrows now going outside the ring and he pulls out a table. He sets it up outside. This is going to get good!

GP: Doozer is slowly getting up. Arrows is back on the apron trash talking to the fans. Doozer runs to the ropes and knocks Arrows off right through that table! Doozer goes to the top turnbuckle, what's he going to do here?

JT: Holy shit!! Doozer just delivered a big splash from the top turnbuckle down to the floor! Both Arrows and Doozer are feeling the affects of that one!

Shallow: Doozer gets an arm on Arrows' chest.

ONE...

TWO......

Shallow: KICKOUT!

Nikki: Is he allowed to make a cover outside the ring?

JT: Duh, it's a anything goes match. No holds bar! Stupid cunt.

Nikki: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!?

(SMACK SMACK SMACK)

JT: Owiee.

GP: Arrows and Doozer have both gotten up and are brawling towards the backstage forest area. Arrows with a right, blocked by Doozer who counters with a strong right. He grabs Arrows' head and slams it into a coconut tree!

(DOINK)

JT: HAHAHAHA! Doozer smacked Arrows into that tree but a coconut fell and hit Doozer right in the head.

Shallow: That usually knocks out normal people. Do we have any of those in the IWO anyway?

GP: Nope.

JT: Nope.

Nikki: Nope.

Shallow: That's what I thought.

GP: Arrows is a bit disoriented but he sees Doozer down on the floor with the coconut beside him. Arrows picks up the coconut and throws it right at Doozer's balls!

Shallow: Ohhh.... Just watching that should make all guys cringe for the next three weeks! Oh God!

Nikki: I hope Doozer can still get it up after that.

GP: You mean get up Nikki?

(Sigh.)

Nikki: Nevermind Parker, you never had that talk about birds and the bees.

GP: Ummm, okay.

Shallow: Arrows has picked Doozer up and nails him with a DDT. He goes for a cover.

ONE....

TWO.....

THR-

JT: NO! Kickout by Doozer!

GP: The two men have been brawling toward the center of the island. Look over there, they are dangerously close to that volcano.

Nikki: Good thing that won't go off anytime soon.

Shallow: After jumping out to an early start, Doozer has cooled down and Arrows is in complete control.

GP: WAIT A SECOND! A monkey just popped out of one of those trees and is clawing away at Arrows face. Now look, a parrot is flying out and pecking away at Arrows. What is this?

JT: Hell, it's a jungle ain't it? There had to have been some sort of wild life in this place.

GP: Arrows seemed to have had the advantage, but animals are helping Doozer out at the current moment. Doozer is groggy but on his feet. He sees what's happening to Arrows and is laughing. Doozer now picks up a rock and hits Arrows right in the balls!

JT: Bittersweet payback!

Shallow: OW! That was a big ass rock too!

GP: Arrows is cringing in pain. The monkey and parrot are still attacking Arrows. Doozer picks up the parrot and throws it away! God, animal control is going to be on our backs tomorrow.

Shallow: He takes the monkey and kicks it away! We are definitely going to get animal control freaks later.

Nikki: Doozer picks up Arrows and drop kicks him right in the chin. Doozer is stomping away at Shawn Arrows! Doozer is looking around the forest for some weapons. He looks around and finds a really big branch. This can't be good.

GP: Arrows slowly gets up, look at his face! It's all scratched up from the animals. Doozer swings the branch ala Mark McGuire and Arrows falls like a sack of bricks!

JT: Holy shit! Is Arrows' head still on after that? That was vicious! Doozer goes for the cover!

ONE.....

TWO........

THRE...

Shallow: KICKOUT BY ARROWS! How did he kickout? That is just amazing!

Nikki: Doozer can't believe it either! Look at him he's going nuts!

GP: Doozer picks Arrows up, he backs up, clothesline is ducked by Arrows! Arrows kicks Doozer in the stomach, ARROW SHOT DDT! This could be over folks!!

Shallow: Arrows is too tired to make a cover! Both men are down! What a match so far!

Nikki: Arrows crawls toward Doozer and makes the cover.

ONE...

TWO ... ...

TH-

Nikki: KICKOUT BY DOOZER!

GP: This has been a very good match so far! Arrows and Doozer both refuse to give up. They will let the other person win over their dead bodies. The winner of this match might not have enough gas for the finals. However, both of these guys are fit athletes, and the Schitzo Tod versus Ben Archer match won't be too pretty either.

JT: YAY FOR MIDDLE OF THE MATCH MONOLOGUE WITH NO APPARENT MEANING!

GP: Do shut up.

Shallow: Arrows and Doozer are just exchanging punches. Arrows tackles Doozer into a tree. He now stomps away at Doozer's midsection. Arrows picks Doozer up, uppercut to the chin of Doozer!

GP: Arrows now drop kicks Doozer back into that tree. Arrows charges for a big splash into the tree...

Shallow: Doozer moves out of the way! Arrows smacks right into that tree. Doozer with a Russian Leg Sweep on Arrows! Doozer and Arrows are trekking up towards that volcano now!

GP: They are exchanging punches while slowly going up the volcano's side. They are almost at the top now! If one of those men fall in, it's all over for them! They have to watch out!

Nikki: I can't watch!

(Nikki hides her head on JT's shoulder.)

JT: Why hello.

(Nikki suddenly pops up and smacks JT.)

Nikki: Damn, wrong shoulder.

(She goes to Shallow.)

JT: DAMMIT!

GP: Arrows is trying to push Doozer into the volcano! Doozer is holding his ground. Doozer nails Arrows with a thumb in the eye! Arrows releases his hold on him and stumbles backwards a bit. Doozer with a kick to the stomach ... oh no! He's going to powerbomb Shawn Arrows right off that volcano! That's like a 30 foot drop! Not to mention the sharp rocks and such at the base of the volcano!

Shallow: NO! Arrows back drops Doozer! Doozer flies off the volcano! He hits towards the middle and rolls all the way down to the base! Doozer is dead! He can't possibly be alive after that!

JT: Arrows is worn out from this match. He tries to go back down towards the mountain and slips. He too tumbles down the volcano! Shawn Arrows and Doozer are both in serious trouble.

GP: Who's going to get up first? Doozer or Arrows? Wait a second. Doozer is slowly moving towards Arrows. He covers him!

ONE....

TWO...

TWO AND A HALF...

TWO AND THREE QUARTERS...

TWO AND FOUR FIFTHS!

GP: KICKOUT! Do you know how close that was?

JT: That was like two and a quarter. Two and two eights! Two and four sixteenth!

Shallow: We get the picture JT. It was more like four fifths anyway.

GP: This match drags on for a little while longer! Doozer and Arrows both get up. Arrows charges Doozer. Doozer sidesteps Arrows and knees him in the stomach. POWERBOMB! Doozer with the cover...

ONE....

TWO......

TWO AND FIVE SIXTHS!

THREE!!!!!!

JT: DOOZER WINS! DOOZER WINS! HE DID IT ALL FOR YOU ADRIENNE! Oops, sorry, been watching Rocky on DVD.

GP: What a match! I can't wait for the other semi-final match and the finals later on tonight!

JT: I wonder what the hell is next up for the MPT 2.0 semi finals!

GP: Probably something fun.

Nikki: And gory.

JT: Gory…

(JT starts to drool.)

Nikki: Ok…

Shallow: He's an idiot…

JT: NO I'M NOT!

(Nikki smacks him!)

Nikki: Don't talk back!

JT: Sowwy ='(

Meygon: The following match is a Major Push Tournament Version 2.0 Semi
Finals
match, and is…

(The Fans are Popping already!)

Meygon: A TOILET OF DOOM MATCH!

(Fans go crazy!)

JT: What the hell?!

GP: That's messed up!

Shallow: Well, I don't even know the stips!

Meygon: Here are the stipulations of the match!

(Fans pop)

Meygon: First, the oppponents will start at the bottom of the 100 foot Toilet erected in the back of the island!

(Fans Pop)

Meygon: Then, they must climb and fight their way up! There are ladder rungs, like one of those fake mountain face thingies you can climb in amusement parks.

(Fans Pop)

Meygon: To win, you have to toss your opponent into the toilet, and FLUSH IT!

(HUGE Pop!)

Meygon: All right. Let's head to Ring…err….TOILET side!

(Scene opens at Toilet, as Archer and Tod are on opposite ends of the toilet! The fans are cheering as they begin to climb up the Toilet!)

GP: This is crazy!

JT: Should be fun!

Nikki: I like danger!

GP: How about we…

(Greg whispers something to Nikki.)

GP: Eh?

(Nikki smacks him!)

Nikki: Pervert!

GP: =(

JT: Ha!

(Nikki smacks JT!)

Nikki: Idiot….

JT: =(

(Tod and Archer get to the first level, about 15 feet off the ground! They walk the cat walk, and Tod gets the advantage, leg sweeping Archer! Archer is on the ground, and Tod kicks him, saying he has more voices than Archer!)

GP: Tod is being aggressive!

JT: Yeah, but I like it!

Nikki: You also like 5 cent porn, you perv!

JT: So?

(Smack!)

JT: Ouch!

Nikki: PERV!

JT: ='(

GP: =P

Shallow: =D

(Tod begins to climb the ladder to get to the second level of the toilet! The fans are booing Tod, and Archer grabs him by the leg! Tod bashes the arm against the ladder, and Archer lets go, grasping his arm in pain as
he's angry!)

GP: Tod with advantage!

JT: He's going to second level!

Nikki: And theres four levels!

Shallow: Yeah.

(Tod makes it to the second level, and starts to climbs third, but Archer grrabs him off! German Suplex, and he breaks the plank! Tod falls two stories down to the ground and he is out!)

GP: Ouch!

JT: That's gotta hurt!

Nikki: Yeah.

Shallow: I'd hate to be Tod!

GP: Yeah!

(Tod is lying on the ground as Archer reaches the top!)

GP: Get up Tod!

Shallow: GET UP!

Nikki: GET UP IDIOT!

(Tony the Tiger appears before Tod)

Tony: GEEEEETTTTT UUUUPPP!

(Tod gets up)

Tony: That's GRRRREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAATTTTT!

(Tod grins)

GP: What the?

JT: He got up quickly!

(Tod looks up!)

JT: Archer is mad!

GP: Archer is inviting Tod!

Nikki: Tod's nodding his head!

Shallow: Can you say: TROUBLE!

(Tod climbs up to the third level, and heads to the toilet bowl! Suddenly, Archer splashes onto Tod as the fans are cheering! Tod is lifted up and Scoopslammed to the bowl area! Archer lifts up Tod…)

GP: Oh oh…

Nikki: It can't be…

(Tod receives the ArC! He falls into the water!)

Nikki: This is it!

GP: Oh oh!

(Archer climbs to the top…)

GP: He's going to flush!

Nikki: Wait! He's taunting Tod!

Shallow: He wants to embarrass him further!

JT: Good job!

(Smack!)

JT: Ow!

Nikki: Shut up!

JT: =(

(Archer starts to push the toilet!)

JT: It's swirling!

GP: Slowly…

Nikki: Oh oh!

(Tod starts to get conciousness in the water!)

JT: This may be bad!

(Archer pushes harder!)

JT: Oh oh!

(Tod grabs the side!)

JT: Uh, no.

(Archer finishes the push,.and the toilet flushes! Tod goes through, and ends up outside on the sand!)

(Ding, Ding, Ding.)

Meygon: Here is your winner and advancing to the finals of the MPT v. 2.0, BEN ARCHER!

Shallow:And Ben Archer goes on to win... but what's up next Parker?

GP: Well the quality of the matches has certaintly been extraordinary tonight, we'll take a break folks, and we'll be back after...

(BANG! A sequence of pyrotechnics explodes and a new video sequence starts up on the IWO Tron. Some groovy music plays and from the top of the set appears...)

JT: Ben O'Connor?

GP: Ben O'Connor!

Nikki: Who?

GP: Nikki, don't be nieve.

JT: You know, THE Ben O'Connor!

Nikki: Nope.

GP: You went out with him at one stage, Nikki.

Nikki: I did?

JT: Yep, when you had the choice between Donnie Daze and O'Connor.

Nikki (flatley): Wow. I don't remember that.

GP: Take our word for it.

(O'Connor makes his way to the ring, and is thrown a microphone. The crowd is rather noisy, just stopping short of a standing ovation. Ben does a bit of a jig in the ring, and gives a quick wave to the crowd before addressing them.)

JT: What on earth could Ben O'Connor want?

GP: Who knows, but there's only one way to find out.

Nikki: I still can't remember him.

JT: Sssh, here we go.

(O'Connor addresses the audience.)

Ben: Good Evening, IWO White!

(Cheers, Claps and a strange squishy sound.)

Ben: I know that the IWO's ratings have dropped dramatically since my departure from the IWO. And since that time, I have grown a little older, and a little wiser.

(Pause in momentum.)

GP: What's he getting at?

JT: Stuffed if I know.

Nikki: I know who he is! He had the really small willy!

GP: ...

JT: ...

(Cut back to Ben.)

Ben: Now...since I've been gone, I noticed that my little thorn, Mr. Simon Seaman has been having some shaded sucess here in the IWO, so, without further ado, I am asking Mr. Seaman to step out from the back so I can address him and the rest of world with a little thought of mine.

(There is a brief moment before the music starts to play, but the music isn't that of Simon Seamans, the music is that of Thomas Ford! he also has a microphone in his hand, and walks with authority to the ring. His duck through the ropes let's us know he means business. He pauses for a
moment before speaking.)

Ford: O'Connor...get the hell off the island, We're trying to run a Pay-Per-View!

(Cheers, Jeers, etc. etc. etc.)

O'Connor: Fordy, mate, I...

(MORE music plays, and this time it's none other than the IWO White PRESIDENT, Evan Levine! He marches to the ring, slides in and raises his hand up, only to yell...)

Evan: Cut the music!

(The music stops.)

Evan: O'Connor...what the hell are you doing here?

(A strange look from O'Connor to let the comment sink in before continuing...)

Ben: President Levine, I think that you should welcome the latest returning star to the IWO Roster.

(Cheers.)

Evan: No...I shouldn't. Did you think about running the idea past me first?

Ben: ...Evan...Mate...Buddy...Chum...Pal...We both know I'm a hugh drawcard for this federation, so I think that my immenant return is more than welcome, and Seaman and I have some unfinished business. So, if you don't mind, I'd like to continue this promo with Simon.

Evan: Yes, O'Connor, I do mind - In fact, I'm willing to just release you from all the IWO ties all together. You're really starting to annoy me.

Ford: Seaman hasn't been around for weeks on end now...what makes you think your return will bring him back to fight?

(Suprisingly, cheers from the audience.)

Ben: Evan, Tom, mates, I'm sorry. Look, let me just start again...President Levine, I am ready to return to the IWO if you will have me, with the request of a match against Simon Seaman.

(Levine thinks about it before giving a smirk and speaking.)

Evan: So, you want to return to the IWO, O'Connor?

Ben: Yes sir, I do.

Evan: Then you shall.

(O'Connor starts to celebrate before...)

Evan: HOWEVER...you WILL NOT recieve any kind of match against Simon Seaman until you have wrestled in at least, and I emphasise AT LEAST, 5 Dark matches.

(Ben nods and accepts the offer. But Ford jumps in...)

Ford: But there's another stipulation, you must win at least three of these matches to be able to wrestle Seaman, and that match WILL NOT take place before Heatstroke.

(O'Connor nods more slowly this time, still absorbing the information.)

Evan: And to finish it off, You and Seaman are not to touch each other before the match, or else I'll call it off like that (*He snaps his fingures*.)

(The crowd loves it, they go nuts. Levine and Ford climb out of the ring, and heads to the back while O'Connor is still left to contemplate the stipulations. Cut back to our announcers.)

GP: This is hugh! Ben O'Connor unable to touch Simon Seaman until Heatstroke AT A MINIMUM FOLKS! That's going to be two hugh months of tension to deal with!But now it's time for our Unified title match. Champion Nuke will be taking on challenger Billy Ray.

JT : Oh, Billy Ray will take this one easily.

Shallow : How do you figure?

JT : Because ... he's the heel. The heel always wins.

Nikki : Then how come Billy Ray loses all the time?

JT : Um ... um ... I dunno, you? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Nikki : ...Yeahhhh.

GP : Well, let's get to Meygon in the ring for introductions.

Meygon : Introducing first, hailing from ... that place ... that he's from ... weighing in at 240 pounds, and standing at 6'4" ... the IWO Unified champion ... NNNNUUUUUKKKKKEEEEE!!

("Till Hell Freezes Over" by D-12 plays as Nuke walks down to the ring from a cave. Nuke takes off his belt and hands it to the ring announcer, then slides into the ring.)

Meygon : And next, the challenger ... from Pittsburgh, PA ... weighing 268 and standing at 6'2" ... the "Drunken Bastard" BIIILLLYYYY RRRAAAAYYYY!!

("Family Traditions" by Hank Williams Jr. plays as Billy Ray staggers drunkenly out to the ring from another cave. He rolls into the ring, with a little bit of trouble. Billy makes his way to his feet and stares waveringly at Nuke.)

Shallow : Well, Billy Ray looks wasted, as usual.

Nikki : Wow, that's a shocker.

(The bell rings and Nuke immediately runs over Ray with a clothesline. Ray gets back up, and Nuke vertical suplexes him back down. Ray gets back to his feet and charges at Nuke, who catches him with a superkick.)

GP : Well, right off the bat, Nuke is taking it to Billy Ray.

JT : That won't last long.

Nikki : Yeah, sure it won't.

(Nuke picks up Billy Ray and slings him to the ropes. As Ray comes back, Nuke picks him up with a back body drop and Billy comes crashing down. Ray slowly struggles to his feet, but Nuke grabs him by the hair, runs, and slings Billy over the top to the outside.)

Shallow : I thought it wouldn't last long, JT.

JT : You too?

Shallow : No, dumbass, I was being sarcastic to make fun of you!

JT : Oh. Then fuck you!

(Nuke bounces off the opposite ropes and leaps over the ropes to land on Ray with a corkscrew plancha. Nuke is the first to his feet. He grabs a recovering Ray and slams his head repeatedly into the safety barrier. After the fifth slam, Nuke lets Billy drop to the ground.)

GP : Wow, Billy has had absolutely no offense thus far in this match.

JT : Shut up! You couldn't do any better!

GP : Maybe not, but I couldn't do worse.

(JT grits his teeth. Meanwhile, Nuke grabs Billy Ray by the legs and goes for a figure four, but after Nuke spins around Ray's leg, Billy grabs him by the head and throws him forward into the ringside steps.)

JT : Yes! Ray did something!

(Billy picks up Nuke, who fells the drunk with a strong right hand.)

GP : Well, that lasted a real long time.

JT : Shut up, shut up, shut up!

(Nuke lifts up Billy Ray and rolls him into the ring. Nuke then stands up on the apron and waits for Billy Ray to stand, after which he delivers a springboard dropkick to Ray's face. Nuke now signals for something.)

GP : Wow, could Nuke already be calling for the end?

Nikki : I wouldn't be surprised.

(Nuke climbs to the top rope and points at the prone Billy Ray, before leaping with the Nuclear Holocaust (corkscrew diving headbutt from the top rope). Billy manages to roll out of the way, and Nuke crashes to the
mat.)

GP : Well, drunk as he is, Ray had that move well-scouted.

Shallow : What do you mean? All he did was move out of the way of the headbutt. Any moron would know to do that.

GP : Well ... yeah ... but you need to scout a move to reverse it! That's what my hero- I mean, that announcer in that other fed that I never watch, JR, always says.

Shallow : Yeah, but he's a complete idiot.

GP : LIAR!

(GP lunges for Johnny Shallow, but is held back by Nikki. In the ring, both men get up and begin exchanging punches. Despite the beating he's been sustaining, Ray actually wins and backs Nuke up into the turnbuckle. Ray then delivers a few knife-edge chops to Nuke's chest, which, of course, causes the fans to do the Ric Flair "WHOOOOO!")

JT : God, I hate that! ... But at least Ray's winning. There is a God.

(Billy whips Nuke hard across the ring to the other turnbuckle. Nuke staggers out of the corner into a boot from Billy Ray. The "Drunken Bastard" places Nuke between his legs in a set-up for a powerbomb.)

JT : YES! BEER BOMB! BEER BOMB!

Shallow : God, shut up! It's just a damn power bomb!

JT : Yeah, but he cleverly replaced the word "power" with "beer," so it's a great finisher.

Shallow : ...You're a sad, sad man.

(Ray lifts Nuke up with the Beer Bomb, but at the move's height, Nuke slips out and manages to dropkick Ray in the head while still in the air. Billy goes down, and Nuke lands hard on his side.)

GP : EXCELLENT counter by Billy Ray! That's the kind of footage I like to masturbate to at night instead of going up to bed with the wife!

(There is silence for a few moments. GP slowly realizes that everybody in the arena is staring at him, though nobody besides the other announcers should have been able to hear him.)

GP : Um ... just joking? Heh heh.

(Everyone rolls their eyes and puts their attention back on the match, where both men are starting to get to their feet. Nuke charges at Ray, but Ray, who is standing next to the ropes, ducks down and back body drops Nuke over the top rope. Nuke grabs the rope as he falls and uses it to land on his feet on the outside. From the outside, he trips Ray and pulls him out as well. Nuke starts firing punches at Billy Ray, causing Ray to back up where the
entrance way would normally be. But since this is Beach Party, and it's all on the crack, there really isn't any entrance way, and when they get to where the entrance to the backstage would normally be, there's a forest. Nuke
grabs Billy and whips him into a tree, causing Ray to fall to the ground and clutch his mouth, which is bleeding.)

Shallow : Well, they've fought back to the forest area now ... Yay.

(Ray gets back to his feet, angry. He grabs Nuke and runs him up against a tree, and begins choking Nuke against the trunk. The ref, who has followed the two back to the forest, counts to five before making Ray let go. Nuke
staggers further into the forest, gasping for air. Ray runs after him and drills him with a bulldog.)

JT : Ha! Who's winning now, bee-atches?!

SMACK!

JT : Owww ... Hey, that was only the first time this match.

Nikki : Hmmm, you're right. I'd better make up for lost time.

SMACK SMACK SMACK!

JT : (Woozily) OK, I think that just about does it.

Nikki : Yeah, I guess you're right.

(Billy Ray grabs Nuke for a DDT, but Nuke shoves Billy back into a tree. Ray grabs his back and steps forward a few steps, only to be taken down by a Lou Thesz press, followed by a flurry of punches.)

GP : That's the Massive Retaliation! Massive Retaliation!

Shallow : ...So?

GP : It's, uh, one of Nuke's signature moves.

Shallow : Yeah, but it looks just like a regular move.

GP : It's a signature! It's exciting!

Shallow : No one's getting excited but you, though.

GP : Oh, be quiet! You don't know anything about wrestling ... not like
JR.

(Nuke has gotten up by now, and waits for Billy to try to get up, before kicking him in the face. Billy falls back, and Nuke picks him up.)

Nikki : That was a pretty vicious kick by Nuke.

JT : Billy will come back. He'll just use his heel-ray vision!

Nikki : There's no such thing as heel-ray vision.

JT : What?! Damn it! How come everything I make up turns out to be made up?

(Suddenly, Ray and Nuke hear a roar. They both look at each other.)

Nuke : ...Was that you?

Ray : *Hic* Maybe.

Ref : Actually, I think it was that bear over there.

Nuke : You mean that grizzly bear coming right for us?

Ref : Yeah, that's the one.

Nuke : Ah, OK. Let's run, shall we?

Ref : Agreed.

Ray : *Hic* You callin' me fat?

Nuke : RUN!

(All three men take off running, with the bear in hot pursuit. Nuke leaps and grabs onto a low-hanging, thick branch. He uses this to hoist himself up on top of the branch. The ref dives into a cluster of bushes. Billy Ray ...
stops after about ten feet and starts to tie his shoe. Being far too drunk to do that, he stands up and turns around to see the bear, standing on its hind legs in front of him. The bear roars, making Ray's hair fly back. Billy blinks at this, then delivers a thunderous burp, causing the bear to pass out.)

Ray : Not one of my best.

(Ray turns around, searching for Nuke. He doesn't find him until Nuke drops down from the tree with a flying hurricanrana.)

GP : Whoa, devastating move from Nuke!

(Nuke picks Ray up and drags him out of the forest, and back to ringside. He hurls Billy into the ring and slides in as well. As Billy gets up, Nuke drops him back down again with the Fall Out (inverted Stunner). Nuke jumps onto Ray for the cover.)

Ref : 1 ... 2 ... 3!

Meygon : Your winner and STILL IWO Unified champion ... NNNNUUUUUUUKKKKEEEEEEE!!!

GP : What a match!

Shallow : It was OK.

[ A shot is shown of a cell being lowered to the ring. ]

GP: Folks, up next, we have Cyanide defending his Extreme Championship against, Sabastian
Crow. Though, the cell that's been hanging above the ring all night via helicoptor is finally lowering... I
wonder what this is all about !?

JT: How long has that cell been up there !?!?

GP: All night, JT. Haven't you noticed It ?

JT: Oh yeah. I forgot.

Shallow: Dumbass.

GP: Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look, at how all this began...

{-- Fades to Footage --}

[ Footage from Hostile Takeover 6/8/01 ]
[ Cyanide -vs- Nuke ]

Sabastian Crow: Exactly. With Cyanide, I don't see the beach dude from Baywatch 90's, In fact,
all I see Is, a Sack of Shit.

JT: Hehe.

Sabastian Crow: You know, that game where you light a bag of shit on somebodys door step ?

GP: No.

JT: I do ! Greg just doesn't understand cool games, Crow.

Sabastian Crow: I guess not. Anyways, that sack of shit Is Cyanide. Cyanide, meet yourself, you
sack of shit !!!

JT: Haha. Cyanide Is a Sack of Shit.

Sabastian Crow: Exactly my point.

[ Moving on... ]

[ Camera shot Is shown and It's Evan Levine. ]

JT: IT'S EVAN !!!!!!!!

GP: Hey Crow, your buddy Is here.

Sabastian Crow: Yay. Evan Levine to the rescue, now maybe this match will stop being so damn
boring.

Shallow: Evan, he just jumped on the apron now. He's arguing with the referee about
something. Cyanide, he's arguing with Evan too. What's going on, here ?

Sabastian Crow: Who gives a fuck. But, excuse me gentlemen, though, I have to go take care of
some nightly business.

GP: What ?

Shallow: Oh, Crow. Don't do It ! Not again !!!

JT: Heh. Go get him, Crow.

[ Sabastian Crow takes off his headset and slides into the ring. ]

GP: Once again, Sabastian Crow...

[ Sabastian Crow takes off the turnbuckle padding without anybody seeing him yet. He
approaches behind Cyanide and signals for him to turn around. ]

GP: Oh no ! Crow has just revealed that turnbuckle padding. Crow behind Cyanide, Cyanide
finally turns around and... CROW ! CROW LIFTS UP CYANIDE HIGH ABOVE HIS HEAD !!! HE
SPINS CYANIDE AROUND, AND HITS A GORILLA PRESS SLAM, RIGHT ONTO THE TURNBUCKLE
PADDING !!!! My God !!!!

Shallow: Holy Shit ! Cyanides mouth has to be busted open now !!!

[ Sabastian Crow tosses Nuke ontop of Cyanide and slides out of the ring. Evan jumps down
from the apron and watches on. ]

GP: It was a huge set up !!!

JT: YES ! YES ! YES !

GP: And now, the referee see's Nuke covering Cyanide. The referee goes for the count...

1...

2......

3......... !!!

GP: And It's over !!!

[ "Till Hell Freezes Over" by D12 starts blaring over the speakers. ]

[ Moving on... ]

GP: And now, look at Crow and Evan. They're jumping all over a fallen Cyanide.

JT: This Is great !!!

[ Nuke slides out of the ring and shakes off his head. He takes a glance back at the action inside
the ring before leaving. ]

Shallow: Evan and Crow are just sending a message to Cyanide, announcing, just who Is the
better men of this game.

GP: Crow just slid out of the ring now, he grabs a steel chair from our announce table. No !
Don't do It, Crow. We beg of you, don't do It !

JT: Do It, Crow. Do It !!!, hehe.

GP: Crow slides back into the ring now... Evan has got Cyanide standing back up and...

**CRACK**

GP: OOOH ! Cyanide Is back down. Crow just cracked that steel chair over the forehead of
Cyanide. And now, Cyanide Is busted open. When will this carnage stop !?!?!?

[ Sabastian Crow throws down the steel chair and laughs. "Fuck All" by Kid Rock starts blaring
over the PA speakers as the fans erupt In a serious *heat* reaction. ]

GP: Sabastian Crow has just, once again, busted open Cyanide with a steel chair.

JT: The Evan/Crow carnage continues, hehe.

{-- Footage Fades Out --}

GP: And now, we're up to now.

JT: That was the whole playback footage ?

GP: Yup. That's all the IWO has given us.

JT: God, that sucked !

Nikki: I agree.

JT: For once.

Shallow: Oh well, like you, Greg, I can't figure out why this cell Is lowering to the ring...

JT: Hmmm... good question, Dr. Watson.

[ "Fuck All" by Kid Rock starts blaring over the pa speakers as the words (- CROW -) come onto
the IWO Tron Screen, followed by fire blazing over the text. Then we see the cameras speeding
through a large hotel parking lot, through the city of Los Angeles, California. ]

[ Through the arena, the lights are dimmed as stroll lights from above start flickering on and off.
From green to red to yellow to blue to many other different colors. ]

GP: And here we go !!!

Meygan: Introducing to the ring at this time, the challenger and #1 Contender for the IWO
Extreme Championship... weighing In at 300 pounds at a height of 6'7... straight from the
Hollywood streets of Los Angeles, California... SABASTIAN CROW !!!!!!

[ The audience bursts into a large amount of boo's. Sabastian Crow walks out from behind the
curtain, with a microphone In hand. He wears black KIK pants, sleeveless white t-shirt, and black
boots. His long medium black hair, comes to his shoulders as he brushes It back a bit, and
brings out a cocky smile. ]

JT: There's the man, right there !!! The true IWO superstar.

Shallow: Oh ! Get over It, JT.

JT: =(

GP: Sabastian Crow Is bringing a microphone to the ring. I wonder If he has anything to do with
this cell, being lowered to the ring !?

Nikki: Hmmm... nice thought.

[ Sabastian Crow enters the ring and folds out his arms, addressing the audience, but only
getting a large amount of boo's. He lets out another cocky laugh and smiles. ]

GP: Could this be the next, IWO World Heavyweight Champion ?

JT: Better yet ! Could this be one half of the next, IWO Tag Team Champions !?

Nikki: Whoa ! Slow down, guys. One title at a time. Crow's got to focus on the Extreme, first.

JT: Oh well... he can have all 3, If he wants them.

[ Sabastian Crow brings the microphone to his mouth and smiles, some more. ]

Sabastian Crow: Welcome to my humble of homes. Ladies and Gentlemen, I told you I had a big
surprise In store for the Wild Boars, and this Is exactly what I meant !!!

GP: What ?

[ Crow circles around the ring and continues to smile like a maniac. ]

Sabastian Crow: Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing, the Hell In a Cell !!!!

GP: Oh my God !

JT: Yes ! Yes ! Yes !!!

Shallow: JT's having an orgasm. Call the medic !!!

JT: LoL.

Nikki: So, this cell was all planned out by Sabastian Crow.

JT: Exactly. Isn't It brillant !?!?

Nikki: It's hideous.

GP: I agree. Hell In a Cell / Wild Boars match for the Extreme Championship ? What else can
happen here ? Don't you remember the Schitzo Tod -vs- Sabastian Crow match, that took place
last month at May Mayhem.

JT: Yeah ! That match kicked ass.

[ The song from "Baywatch" starts playing over the PA speakers as the fans rise to there feet. ]

Meygan: And his opponent, introducing the champion... he weighs In at a weight of, God, they
didn't place this stuff on my cue card... oh wait ! I'm still on the microphone, hehe... anyways,
he comes all the way from a beach, introducing, CYANIDE !!!!!

[ Cyanide comes from the curtains and makes his way to the ring. ]

JT: Question.

GP: Shoot.

JT: How In the Hell has that cell been staying up there ?

GP: Well...

JT: I mean, we are on a freaking island, you know !?!?

GP: Hmmm... good question, we'll have to ask Tom Ford about this.

JT: Yeah, that's a good idea.

Meygan: And now, introducing the Wild Boars !!!

[ "Who Let the Dogs Out" by the Baha Men starts playing over the speakers. ]

Shallow: Bad choice of music for the Wild Boars.

JT: Oh, great. The wild boars get there own music, now. Excellent.

Nikki: I think this Is quite fascinating.

JT: You do know that these wild boars, have rabies, right ?

GP: They do ?

Shallow: Oh yeah ! I read about that, before the show went on air. Wild Boars with rabies, rules.

Nikki: Sheesh. Let's just hope they don't touch Crow or Cyanide. That's going to hurt like a bitch,
afterwards.

JT: Hehe... bitch.

**Ding Ding Ding**

GP: Thank God, we got personal trainers down there with the wild boars.

JT: What's the personal trainers for ?

GP: Uh, I don't know, do I look like God damn, Jamie Cosoy !?!? I don't instruct this shit !!! Quit
looking at me like I'm the smart one, sheesh...

JT: Damn. I'm sorry...

GP: ...Whatever....

Shallow: Anyways, you two, on with the match... Crow and Cyanide lock up, Crow takes out
Cyanide's arm and twists It, he sends a huge knee to the gut of Cyanide... Cyanide goes down,
Crow sets Cyanide up, he's looking for a powerbomb.. but no ! Cyanide blocks the shot, he goes
down for a low blow... Cyanide Is back up, he gots Crow down, and DDT !!!

GP: Cyanide slides out of the ring, now... he's trying to avoid the wild boars... he lifts the ring
apron up and, he's going for some things... he brings out a steel chair, he tosses It into the
ring... along with baby diapers, computer keyboard, CD Rom sets, and wait... what's he bringing
out now...

JT: IT'S A LADDER !!!!!!

Nikki: OOOOOH !!! This Is going to get good.

Shallow: This truly shows, that Cyanide Is defintantly, hardcore material.

Nikki: =)

GP: Cyanide slides back into the ring now, he picks up the steel chair, he swings It at Crow, but
Crow tosses the baby diapers into the steel chair... WHAT THE HELL !?!? I'd like to know what
those baby diapers are made out of, because that steel chair just went, smack wack right into
the face of Cyanide. Sabastian Crow now, he follows It up, and hits a slamming hard elbow drop
to Cyanide. Sabastian Crow goes for a cover...

1...

Kickout.

GP: Sorry, Crow. But, It's too early for a pinfall.

JT: Crow should know better, than that. What's wrong with him, tonight !?!?

Shallow: ...and, what's In those baby diapers ?

JT: Beats me. Crow brings Cyanide back up now, he sends Cyanide to the ropes, Crow goes
down, waiting to catch Cyanide, but wait, Cyanide hangs onto the ropes... Crow rises up,
Cyanide charges towards Crow with a running football tackle... It didn't knock Crow down, yes !
Come on, Cyanide... you've met your match, tonight... Cyanide now, he bounces off the ropes
again, he comes back at Crow with another football tackle... yet again, no effect on Crow... but,
wait, Cyanide makes his mark around Crow's neck and hits a hurricurana on the big man !!!

GP: Haha... Cyanide's met his match, tonight, huh ?

JT: Well, It's still true. Cyanide has said he's never lost a Wild Boars match In his entire IWO
career... well, I don't think he's ever gone up against somebody as big as Crow, In his entire
IWO career.

GP: I wouldn't know... I'm just here for commentary. Cyanide now, he goes for a cover on
Crow... this could be It...

1...

Kickout.

JT: LoL. That idiot, Cyanide.

Shallow: Cyanide brings Crow back up now... he sits him up, and knocks him back down with a
low dropkick, straight the jaw... wow ! Did you hear that shot !?!?

Nikki: Crow Is back up, yet again... Cyandie, he grabs hold of the steel chair... he swings It at
Crow and...

**SMACK**

Nikki: One shot...

**SMACK**

Nikki: Two shot...

**SMACK**

Nikki: Three shot... God, damn, how many shots Is It going to take for Crow to go down, on ?

GP: I don't know, but Cyanide's going for another shot and... no ! Crow caught the steel chair,
he swipes It away from Cyanide, a kick to the gut of Cyanide... Crow, with the steel chair, now...
and...

**CRACK**

GP: He cracks It over Cyanide's back... he kicks Cyanide to his back, he goes for a cover...

1...

2......

Kickout.

GP: Well, that didn't work either...

JT: Come on, Crow. Get a 1-2-3 !!!!

GP: Well, one of these two men... they can either win by pinfall... or, they will have to toss their
opponent out of the ring, to wild boars...

JT: Interesting... Crow brings Cyanide back up now, he sends him to the turnbuckle... Crow
walks back over to him and starts sending hard chops to his chest... 1...2...3....

(Suddenly a black object breaks through the floor of the ring.)

GP: What the heck is that?

Nikki: I can't tell.

(The black object disappears, but then the canvas is ripped open, and a man climbs out through
the ring!)

JT: THAT'S MURDOCH HITLER!

GP: What the hell is he doing here? He was taken away from the building by Police, earlier in the
show!

JT: HE'S COME TO GET Sabastian CROW, JUST LIKE HE SAID HE WOULD!

(Crow and Cyanide are both distracted. Cyanide starts yelling at Murdoch Hitler to leave the
ring!)

Nikki: THIS GUY'S INSANE!

(Murdoch Hitler is twiching, and has a crazed look in his eyes as he makes a beeline towards
Sabastian Crow with the Tazer. Crow backs off as Hitler points to the skys and starts yelling
about something as he chases him around the ring!)

Shallow: You might not believe this, but a very unreliable source has just informed me that he
saw something which could have been a flying ape earlier today. THIS MURDOCH HITLER GUY
COULD BE RIGHT!

GP: Oh please, HE'S INSANE!

(Sabastian Crow picks up a chair and stands his ground, yelling at Murdoch Hitler to bring it on.)

GP: This is completely unfair!...TWO MEN AGAINST ONE!

(Murdoch Hitler charges forwardd...Then he suddenly spins around and Tazers CYANIDE in the
chest. Cyanide falls to the ground as Murdoch Hitler keeps Tazering him into his chest.)

GP: WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?

Shallow: HE'S TAZERING CYANIDE, THE WRESTLER HE MANAGES!

Nikki: MURDOCH HITLER JUST TURNED ON CYANIDE!

JT: CYANIDE'S BEEN TAZERED OUT COLD!

(Hitler brings Cyanide back to his feet. He and Sabastian Crow drag him to the ropes and throw
him out of the ring and into the pit with the Pack of Wild Boars!)

*ding ding ding*

(The Bell rings.)

GP: WE'VE GOT A NEW CHAMP!...MURDOCH HITLER JUST HELPED Sabastian CROW WIN
THE WILD BOARS MATCH!Meygon - THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH...AND *NEW* IWO
EXTREME CHAMPION...Sabastian CROW!

(The referee hands Sabastian Crow the Extreme Belt and raises his hand.)

Shallow: This is unbelieveable...Murdoch Hitler has betrayed Cyanide, attacked him with a Tazer,
and helped Sabastian Crow wint he IWO Extreme Belt.

GP: Looks like he's got something to say about it too.

(Murdoch Hitler has a microphone with him, and he raises it to speak.)

Murdoch Hitler - I suppose you all want to know why I just did what I did?

The Crowd - NO WE DON'T, PISS OFF.Murdoch Hitler - But...the...

The Crowd - WE DON'T CARE, FUCK OFF AND DIE!

(Murdoch Hitler starts to shake, twitching at the neck. A big grin comes across his face. Suddenly
he leaps around and Tazers Sabastian Crow in the chest. Sabastian falls down clutching his his
chest in pain.)

GP: WHAT THE HELL?

Shallow: HE JUST HELPED Sabastian CROW WIN THE MATCH, WHAT'D HE TAZER HIM FOR?

JT: Who cares, he's TAZERING people and that's what counts.

(Murdoch Hitler spins around again and Tazers the referee this time.)

GP: THIS MAN'S INSANE!

(He drops to his knees and drives the Tazer down into he chest of the referee, holding it there as
the Referee's arms and legs flail in spasms.)

GP: GET SOME DAMN SECURITY OUT HERE NOW!...THAT'S AN IWO OFFICIAL!

(Murdoch Hitler gets back to his feet and picks up the microphone he had. He screams into it.)

Murdoch Hitler - YOU CAN NEVER BE BETTER THAN HIM...THE ORIGINAL IS THE BEST GOD
DAMMIT!...YOU'LL NEVER WIN!!...THE FLYING APES WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!

(He screams into the mic, then throws it into the crowd. Murdoch Hitler spins around in a circle,
then he runs and then hits the ropes, before running to the other side of the ring and diving over
the top rope, with the tazer clutched to his chest!)

JT: NOOO!

(He lands in the pit with the Pack of Wild Boars, who gore him to pieces. Medics rush in to try to
save him, but just seconds before they arrive a guy with a chainsaw jumps out of the audience
and into the pit and attacks him!)

JT: Gotta love it when that happens!

(The Medics cart Murdoch Hitler out of the pit on a stretcher with a sheet over him. He's taken
back into one of the caves to the 'backstage' type area.)

GP: WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?

JT: Murdoch Hitler got wasted and he'll probabaly be shipped off to the factory that makes
Spam.

Shallow: Hang on a moment you two...It's ok...I've just got word from my sources in the caves
that Murdoch Hitler is still alive and breathing.

JT: STILL ALIVE?...He just got attacked by a guy with a chainsaw and gored by a Pack of Wild
Boars!

Shallow: Hang on...Actually forget about that one. My sources have just said that the medics
accidently dropped him into a pit of flaming lava.

JT: Oh well, bad luck I guess.

GP: Well there you have it folks...Sabastian Crow is now a Three-Time IWO Extreme Champion,
defeating Cyanide after Murdoch Hitler attacked Cyanide with a Tazer and then went completely
insane, attacked Crow and the referee and then jumped in the pit with the Pack of Wild Boars,
got attacked by a guy with a chainsaw...Lived through this all, but then the medical staff
accidently dropped him in a pit of flaming lava.

Nikki: All in a hard days work.

JT: Yeah, you know alot about *hard* things.

*smack*

JT: Ow, dammit!

(The lights dim, and several tiny spotlights pinpoint tables... ladders... and chairs. The crowd is abuzz with life.)

GP: Here we go folks... three simple instruments of destruction, about to be used by two men who hate each other... lets do it.

("The Memory Remains" by Metallica hits.)

Fortune fame
Mirror vain
Gone insane
But the memory remains
Heavy rings on fingers wave
Another star denies the grave
See the nowhere crowd cry the nowhere tears of honor
Like twisted vines that grow
Hide and swallow mansions whole
And dim the light of an already faded prima donna

(The spotlights congregate on the main entrance to the stage... and out walks Dane Matthews, wearing a brand-new pair of tights that happen to have Beth and Dane airbrushed right on the crotch, with a sullen and depressed Sam Potright on the leg, deep down near the boot. He waves out Beth Potright, who enters wearing a sparkling black dress that glitters in the spotlights.)

Fortune fame
Mirror vain
Gone insane
Fortune fame
Mirror vain
Gone insane
But the memory remains

(The embrace in the middle of the aisle... Beth rubs him all over, save for a few delectable spots that could get White kicked off PPV.)

Heavy rings hold cigarettes
Up to lips that time forgets
While the Hollywood sun sets behind your back
And can't the band play on
Just listen, they play my song
Ash to ash
Dust to dust
Fade to black

(Dane holds open the ropes, allowing his lady into the ring. As they stand together, both raising their arms to the sky, shooting sparkling, crackling pyro from every corner and from special setups behind them.)

Fortune, fame
Mirror vain
Gone insane
Fortune, fame
Mirror vain
Gone insane
Dance little tin goddess
Nananananana nananada nananananana nanananadana
Nananananana nananada nananananana nanananadana
Drift away
Fade away
Little tin goddess
Ash to ash
Dust to dust
Fade to black
Fortune, fame
Mirror vain
Gone insane
Fortune, fame
Mirror vain
Gone insane
But the memory remains
Ash to ash
Dust to dust
Fade to black
The memories remain
Yeah
To this faded prima donna
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Dance little tin goddess dance
Nananananana nananada nanananana nanananadana
Nananananana nananada nanananana nanananadana
Rararararara rararara rarararara dararararara (Say yes - at least say
hello)
Rararararara rararara rarararara dararararara (Say yes - at least say
hello)
Rararararara rararara rarararara

(Matthews heads to the ropes... and raises one arm to the sky. The crowd boos, and his music fades.)

JT: ... This place is gonna erupt.

("The Space Between" by Dave Matthews Band hits... plays for a second... and

then cuts off. The lights stay out, though. Silence reigns...)

Jordan Williams: YOWWWWWWWWWWWW!

("Father's Eyes" by [minus] blasts.)

There are signs in my life telling me to stop and look around
I can't hide them. They're showing up all the time
Tell one more wicked lie, trying to disguise myself
All those little things are the same in my fathers eyes.

(Lights come in from each corner. They criss-cross the stage, going over the crowd, coming back... a wild dance of illumination. They don't stop... they keep on going.)

This time I know you won't let me go
So open your eyes and.

(They dim, spin, and rush towards the entrance... they stain a light blue.)

Remove this blindfold. Could you see thru the crease in the side?
Dirty blindfold caused the infection you desired
All this time we ask why must we die
You said jesus saved us, that he'll be here by our sides.

(The blue color turns to a blood red... and finally, disappears.)

This time I know you won't let me go
So open your eyes and cry on me, I'm in need
This time I know you won't let me fold
So open your eyes and cry on me, I'm in need.

(Red digits of time begin to tick off on the WhiteTron... starting from 0:05:00, going down, counting the milliseconds to the end... or the beginning? They hit zero... and the lights slowly return, dimly.)

I'll be mad if you use her
I'm so much less of something more
Velvet covers over your sores
Sleep so nicely when everyone's unseen.

(A motorcycle roar cuts through the blaring sounds of [minus]. It's coming towards the stage...)

I'm given
I have been given much more than I realize
Slowing me down to one fucking step at a time
Wasting away until the end of days
My past has shattered and melted out of phase
Now I'm trying to be true to myself, not disguise myself in a ministry
Conceited vibes dismember me
Break off away, never got back, begin
Never said freestylin was the way till the end.

(Sam Potright drives out on a Harley Davidson 1999 Night Train... the same motorcycle he drove when he first reunited with Beth. He's dressed up and ready to go, but he stops at the top of the ramp and revs his bike a couple of times.)

Sitting here, I'm nowhere, wasting a day as four years
I guess I'll cry.

(He wheelies down the aisle towards the ring, stopping a few seconds short.)

Nikki: Nice brakes.

(He gets off the motorcycle and steps onto the apron. He turns around... looks at the crowd... and raises both arms in the air, Triple-H style,
bringing the crowd to its feet. The lights return... Sam looks different, somehow. It is not in his gear... but it is in his eyes, his hair, his face. He's knowing something.)

This time I know you won't let me go
So open your eyes and cry on me, I'm in need
This time I know you won't let me fold
So open your eyes and cry on me, it's just an understanding.

(He gets in the ring and looks around at the crowd... and points to Matthews. The music fades...)

GP: Now it's time to finish it all off. Dane Matthews... Sam Potright... the war will end tonight!

(The lights go out.)

JT: WHAT NOW?

(They return... the proponents of TLC are in the ring and ready to be used. The tables stand upright. The chairs are on top of them... and someone's set up the ladders.)

GP: That's odd. What --

HIT: I'M GONNA KICK YO' ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

JT: WHAT?!!!!

(Out walks HIT! And he has the kid that knows Beth with him!)

JT: IT'S THE FUCKING TRAPEZOID AGAIN!

GP: What do you mean "the fucking Trapezoid?" YOU LOVED HIM!

JT: BUT THEN HE WENT ALL SOFT! HE GAVE AWAY THE IWO WORLD TITLE! AND HE BEAT EVAN! EVAN IS MY HERO!

(The HIT steps into the ring, with the kid at his side.)

HIT: You know what, I've seen a lot of shit around here from everyone....guys like Syphon Fission, Zombie, and hell, even myself have done lots of despicable things, but right now, I've met the person who takes the cake. Dane Matthews, you are one sick fuck. And Beth..........Beth...Beth ....Beth, you have a HELL of a lot of nerve. ROLL THE FOOTAGE!

<A clip from FTD 2000 plays. Beth Potright is hanging off of the suspended cage, about to fall...and HIT saves her....>

HIT: I SAVED YOUR ASS! GODDAMNIT, AFTER ALL OF THE CRAP YOU PUT ME THROUGH, PITH HELMETS, BARBED WIRE CAGES, AND EVEN FUCKING TANKS, I SAVED YOUR ASS! I did it for Potright. Because, I respect Samuel Potright more than any human being on this earth. And for you to turn on him after everything he;s done FOR YOU, THAT IS DISGRACEFUL! So, Sam called me up and asked me for a
little help. And so, I gave him some help....

Kid: Well, hello Beth.....remember me? I'm Jimmy. The kid who wanted to do you back when Mr. Trapezoid here had kidnapped you. Do you remember that Beth? Do you remember how afraid you were? So, it seemed natural that I play the role of messenger, to mess with your head on behalf of your husband!

HIT: Beth...if you remember, I drank your blood in April. And that was a mind game......nothing more. Now.......you turned on your husband. THE ONE MAN WHO CARED ABOUT YOU, YOU FUCKING TWO-FACED DIRTY GODDAMNED SLUT! I will be sitting here in Sam's corner. And if you TRY A DAMN THING, I will do FAR WORSE than drink your blood. Dane Matthews, get ready to die.

(HIT drops the mic...)

GP: HE'S IN SAM POTRIGHT'S CORNER?!!

JT: I... I'M SPEECHLESS!

Shallow: HA! Like that's the truth!

JT: ...

Shallow: Holy shit.

** Ding Ding Ding **

GP: And here we go! Potright with a clothesline, takes down Matthews! He picks up Matthews again, throws him into the corner, side kick to Matthews's jaw! Kicks to the abdomen... throws him into the opposite corner, rushes him, Matthews jumps out of the corner, SPEAR! Clocks Potright a good one! Matthews up, grabs Potright by the legs, catapaults him onto the top rope! Dane goes and gets a chair! Winds up...

*CRACK!*

GP: AND HE WHIPS SAM POTRIGHT IN THE BACK WITH THE CHAIR!

*CRACK!*

GP: AGAIN!

*CRACK!*

GP: AGAIN!

Shallow: Matthews pulls Potright off of the rope, takes him... TOMBSTONE! Matthews heads for the ladder, and sets it up in the middle of the ring. He's got it open... he's climbing for the Cruiserweight title! That's basically Beth's contract as a manager! He's halfway up the ladder... Potright... Potright up... PUSHES THE LADDER! Matthews into the ropes, bounces off the top one, to the outside --

*SNAP!*

Shallow: AND THROUGH A TABLE!

JT: ...

GP: Matthews is down on the outside, but this display took a lot out of both men! And we're only about two minutes into the match! Potright... he goes towards the corner! He's climbing up... high risk manuever... GOES FOR A SWANTON BOMB! HE OVERSHOT MATTHEWS THOUGH!

*SNAP!*

GP: POTRIGHT THROUGH A TABLE! BOTH MEN OUT!

JT: *cough*...

Shallow: This is creepy. Beth Potright over, checking on Matthews... but here comes HIT! ROUND THE CORNER HE COMES, AND SHE'S RUNNING LIKE HELL! AROUND THE RING THEY GO! HIT AFTER BETH, BETH INTO THE RING, HIT RIGHT AFTER HER! BETH BACK OUT... HIT STOPS... MATTHEWS IS UP! HE'S GETTING ON THE APRON, HIT KICKS HIM IN THE HEAD! BACK THROUGH A TABLE MATTHEWS GOES!

GP: Beth has a chair, though! She smacks HIT from behind... uh oh! UH OH! SHE PISSED THE GEOMETRIC SHAPE OFF!

JT: ...

Shallow: RUN FOR IT!

GP: JT, say something!

JT: ...

Shallow: Beth has dropped the chair! HIT is progressing towards her... she's back out of the ring! She's running up the ramp... HIT is right after her! OH NO, SHE FELL!

GP: She better get back up! HIT is right behind her... SLAP IN THE FACE BY BETH! HIT is holding his face... LOW BLOW! SHE BRINGS HER LEG RIGHT BETWEEN HIT'S THIGHS!

Shallow: Ouch!

GP: She gets past HIT, she's heading back to the ring! Potright and Matthews are back in there! Potright delivers a series of punches to Matthews's forehead, throws him into the ropes, SPINEBUSTER! Potright takes the ladder, folds it up and sets it down! He takes Matthews... BODYSLAM ON THE LADDER! Potright grabs the chair, heads up top... he's going for something... FROG SPLASH WITH A CHAIR -- OH! DAMN!

Shallow: Matthews moved!

JT: ...

Shallow: SAY SOMETHING, DAMMIT!

JT: (Shallow swallows)...

GP: Does that count? I guess it does. Matthews pulls Potright off the ladder... puts the chair on Potright's chest... picks up the ladder... AND
DRIVES THE DAMN THING INTO THE CHAIR! RIGHT INTO POTRIGHT'S GUT! AND HE DOES IT AGAIN! HOW MUCH WEIGHT IS SETTLING ON THE RIBS OF SAM POTRIGHT!

Shallow: A lot. Matthews throws the ladder down... and grabs a table! He drags it to the center of the ring... grabs Potright... and rolls him on the
table. Matthews going to the turnbuckle... this is really unlike him. He's going to the very tip-top! Stands up... no way, no way, MOONSAULT BY DANE MATTHEWS DRIVES SAM POTRIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE! Matthews rolls off... clutching his gut! Not a smart move by the former World champ!

GP: Matthews climbing up, using the ropes to do so. He drags Potright out of the table split... picks up his opponent... ROCK BOTTOMS HIM! Matthews making sure Potright stays down! Dane goes to the ladder... picks it up, and he's getting ready to put it in the center of the ring! Dane Matthews is going to climb the ladder and take this thing! The "Real Deal" is gonna win it! Potright is rolling around on the mat... and Matthews is getting to the top! There's no one to save Potright from this loss!

Shallow: Except... maybe... POTRIGHT WITH A SPURT OF STRENGTH! ROCKS THE LADDER! MATTHEWS HOLDS ON FOR DEAR LIFE! Potright climbing up after him... Matthews... Potright... POTRIGHT HOOKS HIM! GERMAN SUPLEX! GERMAN SUPLEX! OFF THE LADDER! HE KILLED HIM!

GP: He might have killed himself, too!

JT: ... (shut up)

Shallow: That's beginning to get annoying.

GP: Matthews down, near the apron... Potright down... Beth Potright is trying to wake her man up!

Shallow: You mean Sam?

GP: No, Dane! Beth trying to wake Dane up... she grabs some water from our table!

JT: (Hey, that's mine!)...

Shallow: Beth splashs Dane in the face with some water! Dane waking up!

GP: How dare she! Matthews getting to his feet now... Potright as well... Matthews up, he's hanging onto the ropes, Potright CLOTHESLINES HIM OVER THE TOP! MATTHEWS BARELY MISSES A TABLE AS HE FALLS! Potright turns and climbs up the ladder... HE'S GONNA GET IT! HE'S GONNA GET IT! He's up top! And he's... BALANCING! What the HELL is he doing?

Shallow: HE JUMPED! HE JUMPED! AND --

*CRACK!*

Shallow: GOD DAMN! MATTHEWS JUST GRABBED A CHAIR AND HIT POTRIGHT IN MID-FLIGHT WITH IT! POTRIGHT JUST GOT HIS HEAD SCRAMBLED, AND HE IS BUSTED OPEN! He must have been coming down at 50 miles per hour, from like twenty feet in the air... Matthews picks him up and tosses him in. Beth giving her adulterer a massage... HERE COMES HIT! HIT! He pushes Beth away... picks
up Matthews... SYSTEM OF EQUATIONS(Fireman's Carry Somersault Slam into a Lionsault)! USING THE APRON! Trapezoid rolls Matthews in beside Potright... Beth CLIMBS ON HIT'S BACK! HIT TRYING TO GET HER OFF! DANE PULLS HER OFF OF HIM, HE HAS HER ON THE APRON! POTRIGHT... POTRIGHT... HE TIPS THE LADDER DOWN! MATTHEWS FALLS FORWARD! HIT HAS BETH! HIT HAS BETH,
AND HE'S GOING OFF WITH HER ON HIS SHOULDER!

JT:(Kinky)...

GP: I wish you would quit doing that -- but, in the match, Potright is setting up the ladder! HIT is taking Beth up the ramp and out of this match!
This is INSANITY! Potright takes Matthews, throws him into the ladder... picks up a table, and slides it below him! Potright grabs a chair! He's
heading up to the top of the ladder again!

(Potright gets up there. He looks down at Dane...)

GP: He throws the chair onto Matthews, and... OH NO...OH NO NO NO NO NO... he's signalling... AHHHH! CHRIST AIR! CHRIST AIR! CHRIST AIR! THROUGH A TABLE, ONTO A MAN THAT IS SANDWICHED BETWEEN THAT TABLE AND A STEEL CHAIR! POTRIGHT KILLED THE BOTH OF THEM! THE GUY'S A FUCKING NUTCASE!

JT: (Did Greg just say fuck?)...

Shallow: Potright has cleared away any momentum either of them have had! They're both basically down and out... and here comes that Jimmy kid. What's he thinking?

(Jimmy gets into the ring... stares at the two men down in the wreckage of a table and a chair... he pulls the chair and throws it into a corner. He then pushes down the ladder, and drags it to Potright. He slides it into his hand.)

GP: What is this kid doing?

Shallow: God knows what...

(Jimmy slides out of the ring. Potright begins to wake up... he pulls the ladder towards him, and uses it to stand up. He sets it up... and begins climbing.)

GP: Now he's definitely going for it! Potright on the halfway point... three-quarters of the way up... Matthews... getting up... Potright almost there! He's touching it! He's got the bottom of the strap almost in his hand! He's got it, this is it!

(Matthews dives forward and pushes the ladder. Sam snatches the belt just in time.)

Shallow: AHHHHHH! OLD SPOT! OLD SPOT!

GP: He's swaying in the breeze! Matthews getting to his feet... he's going to the outside! He's got a table, dammit, and I think we know how he's gonna use it! He's got it right underneath the half-angel... he has a chair! He chucks it at Potright, Potright lifts his legs! Barely misses him! Dane... HE HAS THE LADDER! SWINGS AT POTRIGHT! POTRIGHT HAS THE LADDER! HE'S USING HIS LEGS,
IT'S A TUG-O-WAR! POTRIGHT PULLS, MATTHEWS PULLS...

Shallow: HOLD ON! SOMEONE'S IN THE RING, HE'S COVERED IN WHITE! Matthews sees him... HE NODS! Matthews and this mystery man climb out of the ring... they've got tables, and the mystery man slides in a ladder! They're setting up the tables... looks like see-saw action! Matthews climbs on top of one table, puts the ladder on the ropes and over the table... so does the mystery man! THEY JUMP ON THE ENDS AND DIVES FORWARD! The force of it --GOOD GOD! THEY SANDWICHED POTRIGHT BETWEEN THE TWO LADDERS! AND DOWN POTRIGHT GOES!

*SNAP!*

Shallow: DOWN THROUGH A TABLE! WHAT A WEIRD... WEIRD... I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO CONTINUE DESCRIBING IT! BUT WE DO HAVE A MAN DOWN AND OUT IN THE CENTER OF THE RING! THE MASKED MAN PICKS UP A LADDER AND SETS IT UP OVER POTRIGHT! MATTHEWS IS CLIMBING UP THE LADDER... BUT HERE COMES HIT! HIT IS BACK!

GP: HE'S IN THE RING! HE'S IN THE RING! HE'S GOING RIGHT AFTER THE GUY IN THE WHITE SUIT! THE GUY TRIES TO RUN AWAY... EXTRANEOUS SOLUTION! TRAPEZOID RIPS OFF THE MASK...

(It's ... BETH POTRIGHT!)

Shallow: HOW'D SHE GET BACK OUT HERE?

GP: More importantly... WHERE'D SHE LEARN TO USE LADDERS LIKE THAT?

Shallow: Trapezoid is amazed at this turn of events! Beth slaps him, Dane FROM THE LADDER! Matthews with a cross-body block! Takes down HIT! Potright, though... he has a piece of table! HE SLAMS IT ON THE BACK OF MATTHEWS' HEAD! Pain! Pain! Potright hits him again! And again! Matthews raises a leg, low blow! BUT HIT GRABS HIM! SPINS HIM OVER! HE'S BEHIND HIM, HE PICKS HIM UP OFF THE GROUND, ROLLING BACKDROP DRIVER! HE GOES... AGAIN! AND AGAIN! X CUBED ON DANE MATTHEWS! HE HITS ANOTHER DRIVER! But here comes Beth Potright... SAM HAS HER! HE'S GOT HER! HE'S GOT HER! SHE'S IN DEEP SHIT NOW!

GP: Sam... he's pointing right at her! He's signalling for something... BUT BETH SLAMS HER FOREARM BETWEEN HIS LEGS! DAMN THAT BITCH! She goes over and grabs a table! She's sliding it towards a ladder! HIT has finished the X Cubed... damn! She grabs a chair... SLAMS IT OVER HIT'S HEAD! HIT wobbly... ANOTHER SHOT! She goes over... SHE KISSED MATTHEWS! SHE'S KISSING HIM!

JT: (Why can't I get that?)...

Shallow: He still hasn't said anything... Matthews is awake! Matthews is awake! He gets up... He sees Potright... he puts him on the table! This is gonna be it! This is gonna be it! Matthews is climbing up the ladder...

(Something appears on screen.)

GP: What the hell is that?

(It's... a figure. He's dressed in a black coat, which sways quietly above the ground. He has light brown hair, tied back into a tight ponytail that
sways around as he looks out past where he is... and that is an alley covered in graffiti. Some of this paint looks artistic... but otherwise, is mere
obscenity. A car rolls by with popped tires, flat. You can hear the sounds of the metal crunching against the mixture)

Figure: Welcome... to the Southtown.

(The scene vanishes. "Southtown" by P.O.D. hits, and the crowd looks in anticipation as the same figure races down to the ring.)

GP: WHAT THE HELL?! WHAT THE HELL! WHO IS THIS?

Shallow: Whoever he is... he's in the ring! Dane is staring at him... HE GOES OFF THE TOP ROPE AND CATCHES DANE! MID-AIR GERMAN SUPLEX! PSYCHOTIC! He pulls Potright off the table, puts Matthews on... he's going up the other side! He's... HOLY SHIT! PUSHES HIMSELF UP, AND HITS A SHOOTING STAR PRESS! BREAKS DANE MATTHEWS DAMN NEAR IN HALF! AND HERE COMES SECURITY! OFFICIALS! THIS GUY RUNS AWAY!

GP: Who WAS that?

Shallow: I dunno.

JT: THAT WAS MASSIVE COOL!

GP: ... HE SPOKE! DAMMIT! SO CLOSE!

JT: HA HA! Potright stands up... he's watching that mystery man run away! Beth Potright -- SHE TOOK A SWING AT HIM! Potright dodged it again! And Potright has her again! He has her again... he looks at her... HE KISSED HER! THAT DUMBASS! SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE! DUMBSHIT! DUMBSHIT! She runs over to Matthews! She's trying to pull him out of the trainwreck of that table! Potright... staring? Why isn't he going after her? DO IT! If you're gonna do it, DO IT NOW!

GP: Matthews is up! He's going towards Potright... right hand by Potright! Matthews reeling! Potright with another one! Dane strikes back! Dane with another shot, Potright dodges... Potright goes for a reverse DDT, and Beth kicks him in the nuts again! DOESN'T SHE KNOW ANY OTHER MOVE?

JT: Well, it works... it worked on you, too! Remember?

GP: No...

JT: ROLL THE FOOTAGE!

~~~~~
FTD 2000
~~~~~
(The scene is of Big Scott Weber's body with a badly placed face of Greg Parker. In fact, when BSW moves, it takes a few seconds for the face to catch up.)

"GP": Thank you Nikki. I'm here with Beth Potright. How are you right now?

(The camera cuts to Beth, who is in tears.)

Beth: How do you think I feel? How would you feel if it was your spouse up in that playplace of death fighting a guy who thinks he's a GEOMETRIC SHAPE, Scott?

"GP": Well be that as it may...there is still much more of this match to go..

(Beth cuts him off.)

Beth: No. That's where you're wrong. This match is going to end now, before someone gets permanently injured.

"GP": I'm sorry, I cannot allow you to-

JT: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! SHE JUST KICKED SCOTT IN THE WEBERS!

~~~~~
End Clip
~~~~~

GP: THAT WASN'T EVEN ME!

JT: BS! THAT WAS YOU AND YOU KNOW IT!

GP: I'M NOT THAT FAT, SHITHEAD!

JT: OH, C'MON!

GP: THAT WAS SCOTT WEBER WITH MY HEAD PLASTERED ON IT!

JT: NO! YOU JUST... LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT!

GP: ASS!

JT: Quit talking about your fetishes...

GP: What are you talking about?

(JT holds up a computer disk.)

JT: I have... information.

GP: ... NO. You wouldn't DARE.

JT: Who wants to see HAIRY BUTTHOLES?

GP: EEEEK! Um... I mean... SICK!

Shallow: Hey, that's my disk!

GP: ...

JT: ...

GP: ...

JT: ...

GP: ...

Shallow: Can I have it?

GP: ... No.

Shallow: Shoot. Um... does this have to get out?

JT: It already is out. WE'RE LIVE!

Shallow: Oh SHIT!

GP: Well, Matthews... DOWNTOWN XPLOSION!! DOWNTOWN XPLOSION!! He got Potright down! Matthews has a ladder! He's climbing up it... but Beth Potright's stopping him! She's asking him to come down! And she has a chair in her hand! That's the same chair she brained HIT with! She's pointing at Potright... and at the chair! She's asking Dane to add insult to injury! Dane nods his head, and he has the chair now! This is going to be it! Dane stalking towards Potright with it... Potright beginning to get to his feet... Matthews raises the chair... AND BETH POTRIGHT GRABS IT!

JT: WHAT?

GP: SHE HAS THE CHAIR! DANE TURNS AROUND! POW! SHE CRACKED HIM A GOOD ONE!

JT: DAMMIT! DAMMIT! NO!

GP: DANE CAN'T EVEN STAND UP STRAIGHT! Potright up... he swings him around... AND FLIPS HIM OFF! Beth tosses him the chair, Potright sets it down -- WAR WITHIN A BREATH ON THE CHAIR! WAR WITHIN A BREATH! Potright... he's heading up the ladder... he stops! He looks down at Beth! HE'S CLIMBING BACK DOWN! He bends down... she's getting on his shoulders! And Potright climbs back up the ladder! She has the belt! She hands it to him!

JT: IT WAS A GODDAMN TRICK! A PLAN! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! FUCKING A! WHY? WHY WHY WHY? SHE WAS ON HER HUSBAND'S SIDE ALL ALONG!

GP: Well... Sam and Beth are together AS THEY EVER WERE! THEY WERE NEVER TRULY APART! These two are going to be a single unit for a LONG time to come!

(They embrace.)

JT: DAMN THOSE TWO!

GP:Whilre this scene is cleaned up... Fans, this has been nothing mroe than a breathe-taking night of action. Beach Party 5, the longest running IWO, FWL, or NWF pay per view of all time, and it's just about ready to get hotter...

Shallow:You couldn't be more correct Parker. These two men, have such history inside this federation, that seeing them tear each other apart will both be a blessing, and bring about a feeling of insecurity.

Nikki:These two men used to be best of friends, and now, they trade that all away, for a chance to destroy one another inside the very ring that they once wrestled together in....

(Slowly, we fade out from the image of the island, as we are taken into a void of blackness. Softly in the background, we hear the words "You must die, I alone am best," as the song "I Hope You Die" by the Bloodhound Gang hits the background. Rather slowly, the images on the screen turn into a faded gray, as we see the match between Team V.I.A.G.R.A. and the Enemies of the States. We see an image of Flyer and Davis nailing Anthony Coles with a double Diamond cutter, as Davis is shown picking up Nicholas Kain in a flapjack, for Flyer to hit a facebuster. We see Davis having Nicholas Kain on his shoulders, as Flyer is shown leaping off of the top rope, landing on top of Kain as Davis rises to his feet higher. Flyer is shown pretty much nailing a hudaconrada off of Davis' shoulders. We then see a disorientated Anthony Coles on one side of a turnbuckle, held up by Tony Davis. He nails a Super RB, as Flyer jumps off and hits an instantious frog-splash, called Natural High.)

I hope ya flip some guy the bird
he cuts you off and you're forced to swerve
In front of the Beatles' tour bus
A Bookmobile and a Mack Truck
Hauling hazardous biological waste
The light turns red, you have no brakes
And "Hard Copy" gets it all on tape
So you can see the look on your face

(We see an image of Flyer and Davis, holding the tag team titles high in the sky, holding hands, and then hugging in the middle of the ring. Slowly, the image fades out.)

Die Die Die Die Die Die Die
Die Die Die Die Die Die Die

(We see an image of Flyer down on the mat, Sullivan standing on his feet from Autumn in Hell. He tthen recieves a boot to the face from none other than Dane Wilt, nailing the Face Lift. We also see an image of Chris Anthony nailing CA's Wild Ride, giving the belts back to Team V.I.A.G.R.A. Their "heel" turn, in a nut shell. We then see an image of Flyer, Davis, Rob Kestler and Evan Levine, standing together, united in the squared circle, as we see an image of High Flyer nailing the Flying Moon Shot to Rob Kestler, as Evan is shown nailing him with a chair shot from Utter Obliteration. We see an image of Psycho Jay, holding Tony Davis in the air for the humpinator, as we then see Jay on top of Davis. Evan's words of "YOU'RE FIRED" are heard.)

I hope your Pinto begins to spin
Takes out a disabled Vietnam Veteran
Mows down a Nobel Price winnet
And maybe some orphans having Christmas dinner
Perhaps even the British Royal Family
And the Rabbi that's clutching the bottle-fed puppy
And we can't forget the newlyweds
And those Jerry's Kids are as good as dead

(We see a faded image of Flyer taking on Psycho Jay, as we see Evan Levine catching Flyer in the skull with a glass dildo, causing Flyer to succume to the Humpinator himself.)

I hope this helps to emphasize
I hope this helps to clarify
I hope you Die

(We hear Flyer's words of "I, of course, being a good, if not best friend with Tony, went with him, supported him every way he went..." ring out, as we see an image of Flyer pouring his heart out after Utter Obliteration, just days after Evan Levine defeated Jay.Then, flash forward about two months, as we see Flyer in his car, next to the security guard, as in super slow-motion, we see Tony Davis nailing Flyer's car on the side, sending Flyer into excrusiating pain, and in a state of mind-numbness. The reasons, are never quiet explained....)

I hope you cellmate thinks he's God
But C.N.N. refer to him as "Bowling ball Bag Bob"
Serving time again for abuse of a corpse
Only this time the victim's a clydesdale horse
While he masturbates to photos of livestock
He does the "Silence of the Lambs" dance to Christian Rock
Eats feces and quotes from "Deliverance"
And fights with his imaginary playmate Vince.

(Slowly, "I Hope You Die" fades out, as we hear "Emotional Times" by Taproot take it's place. It almost flows together, as much as the two songs from different styles can. We fade into a small part of Ice Age 3, as we see High Flyer arguing with Jamie Kosoy up on the apron. Then, we see Tony Davis race out from the crowd, and strike Flyer for the first time. We then fade to footage of Flyer driving into an arena, as we see another car blindside Flyer, Davis at the helm. Flyer can be seen down and out.)

Life sucks sometimes
Friendships turn to hate

(We see footage of a man dressed in black, interfering at Desperate Measures, striking down Joey Malone with the Equalizer. We see further footage of this man doing dasterdly things, such as tearing a poor innocent puppy to shreds, and throwing beloved Vice President Ford off of a rooftop.We see the man inside the Trenchcoat burning Nikki, erupting a car into flames, and then bumping into one Tammy Cradle. We see footage of Tammy begging the Trenchcoat man to not burn Greg Parker, as we see more footage of Tammy and the Trenchcoat man together.)

A hatred in disguise
It brings tears to my eyes.
I can see the truth from the neutral side.
In my mind
Confusion cripples me unto my element
Of control Unsureness

(We see footage of the trenchcoat man with Tammy, as he is handed a key. We see the man walk out into the door, only to be revealed to be covered in lotus petals. It infuriates him beyond control, as he begins to pound away.)

Emotional Times
I am just fine

(We see the trenchcoat man opening a package, as we see a single lotus petal fall out, enraging him. We then see him covered in the lotus petals, which further ignites his fury. We see him going into a room which has a plaque that says "In Loving Memory," as the trenchcoat man opens it, filled with black lotuses. We slowly fade into footage of Warcry 2001. We fade into the ring, as we see the Trench coat man, calling out the man who has been his tormentor. The lights go out, as they slowly are erupted into sparks of light around the ring. A small platform is left in the middle of the ring, risen, as we see a changed appearence Flyer, leaping off onto the trenchcoat man. We have highlights, as we see Flyer holding onto the bottom rope, and the trenchcoat man pulling him out into a powrebomb. We see the trenchcoat man slam his leg into Flyer's weak braced left knee, collapsing him in the ring, and then locks in an indian deathlock. We see the man in the trenchcoat pick Flyer up for the Tiger Driver, as Flyer goes all the way with it, grabing the hood of the trenchcoat and falling down the back, revealing the world to be none other than Tony Davis.)

Trauma's etched in my mind.
I can see 'em all the time
I've seen more than my share
Of pain and suffering
I am just fine.
Respecting something more than nothing
All the time
And it's time
To move on

(We see Davis racing out for a baseball slide to the outside, as Flyer turned it into a powerbomb. We see Flyer lock on a dragon sleeper, as Davis powers out of it, and drops Flyer in an inverted powerbomb type move. We see Davis unmercifly wail down apon Flyer's left leg with a chair, chair shot after chair shot, as we then see Flyer drive Davis into a chair with Cold Snow. We then see Davis nail Flyer with the Equalizer, as we see Davis pick Flyer up, and nail him once more with the same move.)

Emotional Times
I am just fine
Emotional Times
I am just fine

(We see Davis pick Flyer up once more, and drop him down again in the Equalizer. Tammy comes running out, screaming, as Davis just eyes her down. We then see Flyer reverse an Equalizer into a back body drop, and then we see him nailing Snow Blind, the ddt turned Crossface move, and then locking it into a dragon sleeper. We then see Tammy come into the ring, and try to rip Flyer off, as Tammy whispers something into his ear. Flyer lets go of the hold. Flyer then tells Tammy to go to the back, as Davis turns Flyer around, and nails him with one final equalizer, laying him out, and giving Davis the win.)

I have seen my faith sailing away
And I have seen my faith's coming back to me
I can see it coming back to me
I can see it, I can taste it, I can live it,
'cause I am just fine

(Slowly, "Emotional Times" comes to an end, as "Aenema" by Tool slowly takes it's place. We see Flyer inside the ring, trying to plead with Davis, who listens to him not. He then recieves a package, as we can see Flyer holding Tammy in his arms. We then see Davis unwraping a package, and playing footage, with his love Tammy, cheering Flyer on from the outside in an independent federation. We see Flyer trying to take to Tammy, as Davis barges in and immediatly attacks him down. We see Tammy's former love, Kent, speaking with both Tammy and Tony, as Tony is erupted. We see Flyer and Davis battling in the ring, as Flyer yells snow, and Tony is covered in the white fluffy snow.)

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this

(We see Davis recieve one final package, this, a video of last week, Flyer and Tammy embracing back stage. Davis is outraged, as he throws a table and leaves. We see Flyer in the ring, microphone in hand, as Davis is shown, blasting Flyer in the head with a chair. Davis then goes to destroy Flyer's knee, when Tammy comes out.)

Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Voice(Tammy's):He's My Brother!

(Davis goes in shock, and leaves, as we see highlights backstage, of Kate's water breaking. We see footage of Flyer yelling out "My baby boy!" as we then see Davis coming out from the back with a chainsaw, only for Tammy to stop his tyraid... We see footage of Tammy telling Kent, her past husband, that it's over. That she wants a divorce.)

Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

(We see Tammy backstage, begging with both Davis and Flyer to team up, at least try to. As we fade into highlights from the next hostile takeover. We see both Flyer and Davis, standing at the top of a rampway, hands raised for Team V.I.A.G.R.A. We see Breaker tagging in Flyer, as Flyer and Davis must go at it. We see a tense moment, as Flyer and Davis hammer each other, only to hammer the Deadly Sins afterwards. We then see Davis nail the Super RB, and Flyer come off with the Natural High, as the picture turns grey, seeing the Sins nail the Wrath on a confused Flyer. We then see Davis nail the Equalizer on Flyer.)

Fret for your figure and
Fret for your latte and
Fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car.

(We see Flyer coming out of left field, and nailing Davis in the head with his sledgehammer. Tammy pleading.)

It's a
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

(We see Davis in the ring, yelling and screaming, as we see Kate Young Harmen walk out. We see her plead with Davis, who is insane with rage. Davis then kicks her in the gut, his friend, and nail her with the Equalizer. We then see Davis being arrested by the police.)

Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

(We see Davis hanging from the scaffolding during the Mayhem, eliminating himself while Flyer stares on, as we see Flyer winning his shot at the World Heavyweight Championship with highlights of him and Potright breaking the scaffold.)

Some say a comet will fall from the sky.
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still.
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.

(We see Tony Davis driving Syphon Fission into the mat with the Equalizer, and then Davis beating Nuke when Nuke was thrown off the roof. We see Arrows and Cyanide battling, without Flyer inside the ring, Flyer nowhere to be, and we hear Levine yelling that "Flyer has just lost his shot.")

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will cuz
I sure could use a vacation from this

(We see Davis opening the executive office, and demand a match with Flyer at Beach Party. VP Ford gives it to him, with two stipulations. Davis picks match stipulation, while a shot at the World Title lies in the balance.)

Silly shit, stupid shit...
One great big festering neon distraction,
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied.

Learn to swim.

(We see a man in a luchador mask with a sledgehammer strike down Syphon Fission, as we see the re-birth of Flyer.)

Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to be.

Learn to swim.

(We see Davis in a referee attire, brawling with We're Better Than You 2 Teammate Kent Anthason, while Fission and Flyer drive each other through tables. We see Flyer back body drop/Flying Moon Shot Fission through what seems to be the final table, as Davis calls the bell off, saying that it wasn't official. Flyer pushes Davis into Anthason, who nails Sweet Serenity, while Fission throws Flyer over the top rope into defeat.)

Fuck L Ron Hubbard and
Fuck all his clones.
Fuck all those gun-toting
Hip gangster wannabes.

Learn to swim.

Fuck retro anything.
Fuck your tattoos.
Fuck all you junkies and
Fuck your short memory.

(We see images of the Centrum Cruise ship, seeing the theater, the dinning hall, and many other things that are included on the ship.)

Learn to swim.
Fuck smiley glad-hands
With hidden agendas.
Fuck these dysfunctional,
Insecure actresses.

Learn to swim.

(We see Flyer and Davis come on over the split screen, as the ship fades out. We see the words "Anything Goes," much like the play, fall from the sky onto them, as we see and hear voices.)

Voice(Tammy's):I know I don't even know your name, and I don't even know anything truley about you, but there's good in everybody, and I know it's there in you!

Cuz I'm praying for rain
And I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way.
I wanna watch it all go down.
Mom please flush it all away.
I wanna watch it go right in and down.
I wanna watch it go right in.
Watch you flush it all away.

Voice(Flyer's):Now, it's time to fulfill my promise, my desire, my quest begins, and ends, in the total destruction and obliteration of Tony Davis.

Time to bring it down again.
Don't just call me pessimist.
Try and read between the lines.

Voice(Davis):I'm not asking for anything. I'm demanding, Beach Party,June 24th, me and him in a match, of MY choosing.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend.

Voice(Tammy):I Love you Tony...

I wanna see it all come down.
suck it down.
flush it down.

Voice(Kate):I... Love you Fly....

Voice(Flyer):Just have him appologize...

(We fade out from the scene, as we return to an aerial shot the island. We then go down towards the Commentators table, where Parker, JT, Nikki, and Shallow all sit.)

GP: Fans, this contest will likely be one for the ages, one to be remembered in all it's shear beauty, and technical prowlece.. Fans, this will be one of the best matches I will have ever had the privledge to call, and I've called almost every big match here in the IWO. I've seen Trick or Treat, both Version one and two, as well as each and every mall Brawl. I can't say I'm looking forward to this even less.

JT:Well, you've got two of the greatest IWO wrestlers of all time battling it out on an empty cruise ship, what more could you ask for?

Nikki:Both former Heavyweight Champions, both former friends, now hated enemies. One can only imagine the pure horror that we will see before our very eyes...

Shallow:Now, how is this going to work? The cruise captain, will like, go around the IWO island and pick up Flyer, and then pick up Davis? Is that how it's supposed to go?

GP:I believe so. Unless I've been mis-informed, which happens alot during the Levine era. Let's just head to the ship...

(The camera view changes to a beautiful luxery liner, the cruise ships of cruise ships. On the side of the boat, the name Centrum Cruise Ship has been crossed out, as it has now been changed to the USS Viagra. The view of the ship seems to be a normal cruise ship on top, lawn chairs, the huge housing facility inside the middle. It's like the size of a huge building moving around the sea.)

GP:There it is... the Centrum Cruise Ship, renamed for tonight, into the USS Viagra.

JT:Talk about a market ploy. I wouldn't be surprised if they were selling Team V.I.A.G.R.A. t-shirts tonight...

(The caemra pans over to Johnny Shallow, who's now talking to a concessionare.)

Shallow:Can I get a V.I.A.G.R.A. t-shirt?

Concessionare:Sure, that'll be fifteen dollars.

(Shallow reaches into the bagel filled pocket, and pulls out a few bills, handing them to the man. Shallow then puts on his Viagra shirt, as Parker, JT, and Nikki all look on.)

Shallow:What?

GP:Oh, I'm just in awe that JT was right.

*Punch*

*Slap*

Nikki:Don't punch Parker JT!

GP:Thanks Nikki...

Nikki:He got punched enough as a kid!

GP:... oh... THANK you Nikki for going even further to explain why...

Nikki:No Problemo Parker.

JT:So, where the hell are Flyer and Davis?

GP:They are around the island. Flyer is on one side, and Davis is on another.

(The ship comes to a stop at a small wooden harbor, as standing there, his blonde hair waving red and blue streaks into the sky, stands one High Flyer. He adjusts his long black tights, lightning bolts streaking and glisening from the sunlight. Slowly, he takes a deep breath in, wondering what exactly he's gotten himself into.)

GP:And there is one High Flyer. You have to be wondering exactly what's going through his mind. Last year at this pay per view, Flyer and Davis were near tag team champions, and now, they square off on what could be one of the most deadly matches in recent memory, this Anything Goes Matchup.

Shallow:These two were inseperatable, and now... they want to seperate each other. This is going to be one hell of a fight Parker.

(Flyer slowly boards aboard the cruise ship, which has come to a complete stop. He has his patented sledgehammer in his right hand, which was conviently unnoticable from our first camera angle.)

JT:Oh! It's packing heat!

GP:I'm not sure exactly how legal that sledgehammer is, but I don't think you're going to be able to tell Flyer how illegal it is right about now.

JT:It is Anything Goes Parker.

(Flyer climbs to the top of the steps, the top deck, in the open air. The cruise ship slowly begins to move, leaving the dock that once held it.)

GP:There is no turning back now. It's go time...

Meygon:This next match, is scheduled for one fall, and is for the Number One Contendership to the World Heavyweight Championship. It is also in the confines of an Anything Goes match, a match, that takes aboard a cruise ship, and ends when one man throws his opponent into a cell underneath the ships deck. Introducing first, the pattented snow seller, the Neighborhood Lunatic, a man who embodies championship and morals in every action he's done. Hailing from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, and weighing in at 204 pounds, here is none other than High Flyer!

JT:Well, when are we going to get started here?

(Before JT can finish, the zoomed in head shot of Flyer turned into an empty space, occupied by a small lead pipe. The camera pans out, as we see Flyer down on the ships deck, Tony Davis standing in front of him, black trenchcoat over-covering his entire body. His dark black hair hands from his head, dripping what looks to be grease onto the fallen body of one High Flyer.)

Tony Davis:Watch where you're going you son of a bitch.

GP:Davis! He jumped the ball! How did he get on the ship early!!!

JT:I don't know, but he grabs Flyer and THROWS him shoulder first into the ships railing! Davis is pushing Flyer's face up against the railing, the metallic bars imprinting an impression on Flyer's face.

Tony Davis:YOU THINK YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU'VE DONE! IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO PAY!

Shallow:Davis has gone off his rocker!

GP:I think that's an understatement Shallow... and Flyer is THROWN through the window of the room which holds the steering wheel and the captain!

(The camera zooms into the room, as we see the Captain kind of looking in dis-respect about how the ship has been treated. Davis climbs in through the shattered window frame, and looks down at a fallen Flyer, who has gained cuts on his right shoulder and his right arm, where he seemed to fly through at.)

Tony Davis:How do you like that you son of a bitch!

(Davis lays in with a kick to Flyer's stomach, causing Flyer to try to roll up into a ball and protect himself.)

Tony Davis:HUH! Fuck with me will you?!?

(Davis continues to lay into Flyer with vicious kicks to Flyer's midsection and ribs. Flyer begins to cough, his air being taken away from him.)

Nikki:Davis is trying to kill Flyer!

GP:Davis grabs a fallen hapless Flyer, and THROWS HIM INTO THE SYSTEM CONTROLS! Now where the hell is Davis going?

(Davis leaves the room, but then comes back with a fire extinguisher. Flyer has fallen off of the system control board, as Davis waits for Flyer to get to his feet.)

Tony Davis:Come on you snow selling bastard. I got something that'll cool you down you gimmick stealing freak!

GP:Is... Is that why Davis has been after Flyer all this time? Is that why Davis wants to sincerly hurt Flyer, for stealing the entire selling thing that he started with Nads?

Shallow:I don't know, but it certainly seems like that!

Nikki:Flyer is getting to his feet, and Davis sprays, BUT FLYER KICKS DAVIS' HAND! DAVIS SPRAYS THE SULFUR OR WHATEVER'S IN THERE INTO HIS OWN EYES!

GP:Davis is blinded, and Flyer is trying to shake off the effects, all the way from the first shot from that lead pipe. Davis turns around, as Flyer grabs his neck by his palm, and he's going to try to hit Cold Snow! No! Davis doesn't let him, and Davis shoots Flyer in the gut, causing Flyer to break the hold. Flyer bounces off, as Davis goes to grab him, but Flyer ducks behind, and hooks Davis from behind, and takes him over with a beautiful german suplex.

JT:Beautiful? Davis' head just sort of cracked right about now.

Shallow:Flyer is back up to his feet, without a bridge, as Davis is getting to his feet. He seems much more fresh than Flyer right now, as Flyer charges the recovering Davis. Davis ducks down, and drop toe holds Flyer into the electrical equipment!

Nikki:Flyer's face just bounced off of it, and he's down on his back! Davis is recovering from the German Suplex, as he gets back fully to his feet. He begins to pick Flyer up off of the cold concrete, and goes to throw him out of the door, but Flyer blocks it, foot catching the middle of the door. Davis goes for a clothesline, but it seems to only help Flyer, as he completely flips backwards, landing on his feet. Davis doesn't even notice, as Flyer catches him in motion with a huge russian leg sweep!

GP:What a combination, as Davis' neck bounces hard off of that cold hard unforviging concrete.

JT:Flyer is slowly picking Davis off of the concrete, as Flyer tosses him out of the door. The door slams open, and it seems like, that door lead... to a staircase. They are battling in a small staircase that takes us down to the bowels of the ship!

GP:Flyer grabs Davis, and slams him face first into the metallic wall. Davis bounces off, dazed and confused, as Flyer KNOCKS Davis with a huge superkick.

Shallow:Davis flies down those steps from the kick, flailing and tumbling down until slamming into the corridors wall. A rather short flight of stairs I must say, since they are in the square spiral type shape.

Nikki:What is Flyer doing? He's waiting at the top of the stairs, and Davis is getting to his feet! Flyer leaps off for a cross body, but DAVIS CAUGHT HIM! Davis has Flyer in his arms, like a little baby, and tosses him around, NAILING HIM WITH AN INVERTED DDT! What a fluid motion!

GP:And Flyer's head, the back of his head hit the ship deck hard. Flyer is slowly trying to regain himself, as Davis grabs him up, and TOSSES HIM DOWN THE NEXT SHORT FLIGHT OF STAIRS! Flyer lands shoulder first on the hard metallic floor!

JT:Davis is climbing down the stairs, ready to just take apart Flyer, as Davis grabs Flyer, and throws him through a door, and down to the first floor below the surface... is that the theater?

GP:Yes JT, the theater of the Centrum Cruise Ship. This ship was rented out for tonight, and I'm sure Jamie's going to have a fit when the price bill comes back. We've already had a broken window, and probably a broken door...

Shallow:And there's a broken speaker! Flyer's tossed in shoulder first, sending the speaker box flying down to sparks! Flyer lays motionless, holding onto his shoulder.

Nikki:You would think Davis would be working over Flyer's left leg, because it's been injured numerous times before, and probably isn't healthy just yet.

GP:It's like Davis can hear us, he immediatly goes to stomping Flyer's left leg, the leg that he ran down with a car six months ago. The leg that was injured 18 months ago against Justin Shack. That leg has only been recently properly healed, but I don't think the process was complete.

JT:Oh Bitch, bitch bitch. Flyer shoulda stayed retired if he can't hang anymore.

GP:Davis is looking around for something, I don't even know what he's looking for, what he possibly could be trying to think up. He's meniacal, he truely is!

Shallow:That's an understatment. Davis burnt Nikki with a flame thrower. He blew up a defenseless persons car, he has no mercy, no remorse for his actions Greg.

GP:Davis comes back, oh no, he's got what looks to be like a fire ax. He takes a wild swing at a recovering Flyer, but Flyer ducks, and Davis' ax goes right into the sound system, sending sparks flying!

Nikki:Davis is holding onto the ax, as Flyer sees an opening, and catches Davis with a shoulder block into the midsection, and picks Davis up onto his shoulders. Flyer drops Davis in a Manhatten drop type sit down powerbomb, which is rather nice manuver for someone his size.

JT:Remember though, and Flyer ought to as well, there are no pinfalls in this match, there is no referee. The only place of judgement is a single camera down in the bowels of this ship, where the prison is located.

Shallow:Flyer gets to his feet, and brings Davis up with him. Flyer grabs Davis, and drops him throat first onto the ax that is embeded inside that sound system, cutting off the air.

GP:Flyer grabs Davis and begins to take him down the long hallway, towards the state, where there seems to be a small play set up. It looks like Romeo and Juliet....

JT:Flyer throws Davis up onto the stage, and waits for him to get up. Davis turns around, and Flyer ducks down! He's going to nail Hypothermia! NO! Davis reverses it... pushes Flyer off, and Flyer comes charging, and Davis grabs him... DEAR GOD! DAVIS JUST NAILED I JUST KICKED YOUR ASS!!(Rock Bottom) HE LAID FLYER OUT WITH A MOVE I HAVEN'T SEEN IN AGES!

GP:Flyer is down on the stage, laid down, as Davis stares over him, trying to regain himself. Davis slowly walks behind, and grabs what seems to be a huge tree from the set. He perches it across two boards... he's setting up a tree table!

JT:Boy those little eight year old painters are going to be pissed when they break their tree.

Shallow:Can eight year olds get pissed? I thought they just get whinney.

GP:Shut up Johnny! Wait! Davis is picking up Flyer up onto that tree table! He's going to nail the Equalizer! Through the tree table! Dear God! That'll break Flyer in half!

Nikki:Davis picks Flyer up for the Equalizer, but once again, Flyer goes all the way with it, and drops down behind Davis! Davis turns around, rather stunned that it happened, as Flyer grabs him from the side, Tilt-a-whirl... INTO A SPINNING MICHANOKU DRIVER! ON DEAF EARS! ON DEAF EARS THROUGH THE TREE TABLE! DAVIS IS BUSTED IN HALF! BUSTED IN HALF!

JT:Do you have to say everything twice?

*Smack*

GP:Where the hell is Flyer going? You would think after a huge move like that, Flyer would try to capitalize as best he could!

Shallow:Wait.. Parker... he is! Look! Up on the balcony of the set! Flyer has set himself up top!

Nikki:Flyer is raising his hands, what a picture perfect moment!

GP:I think he may be taking too much time, as Davis is sort of stiring!

(Flyer, he leaps off the top,leaps forward, gaining enough velocity to hit what would be a 450° splash. However, Davis, seeing the preperation time of Flyer needed for the move, quickly gets up off the wreckage, and just superkicks Flyer in mid-air, sending Flyer crashing to the stage!)

GP:Oh... My.... God!

JT:Davis just took Flyer's head off! Flyer has whiplash! He's going to sue!

Shallow:I doubt Flyer's even going to try to move after a vicious kick like that, but Davis is draging him to his feet, and Davis SLAPS the taste out of Flyer's mouth! What a wicked slap!

Nikki:Flyer is stunned, as Davis kicks Flyer downstairs, and hooks him... AND DAVIS JUST NAILED HYPOTHERMIA ON HIGH FLYER! OH MY GOD! DAVIS JUST LAID FLYER OUT WITH HIS OWN MOVE! TALK ABOUT HUMILIATION!!!

GP:Davis just nailed Hypothermia on Flyer, as Flyer is down, and unable to move right now. Flyer has taken the bulk of the punishment so far, but is lucky that Davis doesn't seem to be focusing on his weak left knee.

JT:Lucky? With the punishment he's taken, I doubt we can make the time limit on this pay per view! GET HIM DAVIS! BREAK HIS OTHER LEG!

*Smack*

GP:Davis gets to his feet,and seems to dust off his battle wounds. Slowly, he begins to walk over to Flyer, and grabs him up out of his own wreckage by his hair, however, Flyer shoots back with a couple of desperate right hands to the gut, doubleing Davis over, and grabs Davs' neck in an inverted neckbreaker, and DIVES off the stage! He just nailed a Diamond cutter off of the stage platform into the orchestra Pit! They disappeared!

(The camera quickly cuts to another overhead feed, as we see Flyer and Davis lying in a wreckage of bench chairs and music stands. Davis seems to be sprawled out over a few chairs, as Flyer lies on top of a music stand.)

JT:A message to all of your activists... Music in the schools is a bad thing... what the hell am I saying, if it causes mayhem like this, is HAS to be good!

GP:Flyer and Davis slowly begin to regain themselves at about the same time, rising from the pit like rising from the pits of hell. Davis is the first one fully up, however, he doesn't seem to realize where he is, as Flyer gets up to his feet, and slams Davis' head into a music stand, causing him to back off, wobbely.

Shallow:Davis is backing up, but Flyer picks up one of those steel chairs, and BLASTS the forehead of Tony Davis! Davis goes stumbling backwards, and drops down to his knee. Davis gets back up, as Flyer LAMBASTS HIM AGAIN! Davis flies around, and lands on his knees. He slowly begins to crawl, and crawls out of the orchestra pit, as Flyer follows him.

Nikki:Davis turns around once more, only to recieve one hell of a chair shot, sending him flying backwards through another side door!

(The camera switches angles, as we can seem to be inside some sort of dining hall facility. It seems to be pratically in the center of the whole cruise ship, as there is a staircase from the theater that leads downwards. Davis pops into view, slowly trying to crawl away from the menaical crazy Flyer. Flyer of course, isn't to far behind him.)

GP:And Davis is at the top of that staircase, and he's looking down! It's a long unforgiving way to fall, and Davis doesn't want to be one of the few that survive it.

JT:With a fall like that, I don't know if I'd want to survive.

Shallow:Flyer goes for another chair shot, but Davis ducks out of the way, and Flyer slams down hard onto the banister! Davis turns Flyer around, and CLOTHESLINES HIM OVER THE BANISTER! NO! DEAR GOD!

(The camera changes to a view outside of the staircase, as it seems that Flyer has grabbed ahold of the American Flag, bolted to the wall and hanging over the dinning room.)

Nikki:Dear God! Flyer almost fell to his doom!

GP:Flyer is about one of the most proud americans you can meet right about now.

JT:But where the hell is he going to go from here? There isn't anywhere to go, and Davis sees and knows this!

Shallow:Where the hell is Davis going?

GP:I don't know, but it doesn't seem Flyer is going anywhere, let's follow him.

(The camera focuses on Tony Davis, as we see him wandering around backstage into a supply closet.)

JT:Wait! I'm being told we should go back to Flyer, who's hanging from the American Flag like a pair of camp shorts.

(The camera cuts over to Flyer, who is shown swinging on the American Flag. He's slowly swinging, building up momentum.)

JT:What the hell is that freak doing?

(Flyer seems to be satisified with the amount of momentum that has been given, as he lets go of the Flag, and flies in a projectile motion towards a staind glass window, which shatters with the velocity and the body weight behind it.)

GP:Oh my God! I don't know if words can describe it, but Flyer just leaped from the top of that American Flag, which is about 50 feet from the ground, and just projected himself through a window that was thirty feet above! He just may have saved his career with that!

JT:Why the hell is the American Flag so high anyway? How the hell am I supposed to salute it?

(The camera cuts back to Davis, as we see him slowly begin his path to returning. He has a hack-saw in his hands.)

GP:And Davis is returning, saw in hand! He's looking to saw the American Flag down, but...

(Davis gets to the banister, and sees Flyer nowhere to be. He's not sure what happens, because it seems like he doesn't notice the shards of the window.)

JT:You would think he'd have heard a window break. Damn, Davis isn't only playing stupid all those times.

GP:Whatever the case, Davis returns, and realizes that Flyer is nowhere to be. Davis is looking over the edge, and he's wondering where Flyer could have gone. Davis begins to walk down the staircase, the spiral case, looking and wondering exactly where Flyer has gone.

Shallow:Davis, down at the bottom of the stairs, he looks confused, yet determined... WAIT! Flyer! from another window! He flies off and SENTONS down onto Davis! Flyer lands on his feet, wobbeling and stumbling!

Nikki:Wait! Flyer sort of landed wrong on his left knee. Flyer collapses down to the ground, clutching! Dear god! This isn't a good thing to be at!

GP:Davis is slowly getting to his feet, and sees Flyer limping, and DAVIS KICKS FLYER'S LEFT KNEE OUT FROM UNDER HIM! DEAR GOD! WHAT A WICKED SHOT! Flyer lands fallen on the floor, as Davis drops a leg across Flyer's wind pipe! Davis isn't going to let up either, and immediatly goes over to Flyer's legs, and pulls him over, locking in a single leged boston crab on Flyer's left leg! Flyer is screaming in tremondous pain!

Shallow:I think that's an understatement, Flyer's screaming like a little boy after delivery, and I don't see signs of Davis letting go!

Nikki:Davis is wrenching it back even more, cause Flyer to let out a huge scream of pain! Davis won't let that move go for the life of him, but it is highly effective.

GP: I don't think I've ever seen High Flyer in such excruciating pain in his whole entire life. The pain he must be going through.

Nikki: If Davis keeps this on for much longer, I think he will have accomplished his goal: To completely take High Flyer out of this sport.

(All four men sit in silence and Tony Davis keeps the move applied. With a last look at the knee he is contorting, he lets go and stands up.)

GP: And immediately Flyer clutches his knee in extreme and obvious pain. I believe that this match could be over if Davis wants it to be.

Shallow: Look at Davis' eyes though Greg. Look how menacing they seem, glaring so hard at Flyer. I think he's just begun.

GP: Davis is…. Leaving? He's just walking away from Flyer. What is going through this man's head?

JT: Haven't we been trying to figure that out for months now?

GP: True, but…. I thought this is what he wanted. He could end every hope of Flyer ever walking again. Look at the poor man. He's made it to one knee, but… Down he goes again. Trying to put even the slightest bit of weight on that left leg is useless.

Nikki: I hate to say it, but I think Davis has this match won. I just don't think that Flyer took things as seriously as Davis did. Davis came into the match with a bloodlust. Maybe it was just too much for Flyer to overcome.

Shallow: Or maybe it was the game plan that did it. I mean, if you can effectively take out your opponent's knee to the point where he can't stand, as Flyer is right now… It's pretty hard to lose.

JT: Hey, speaking of Davis, where did he go anyway?

GP: Well, he, uh… I really don't know. Do we have a camera out there anywhere?

Shallow: Hey, look at Flyer! He's made it to a slumping position! It's amazing!

GP: What resiliance, what poise! Honestly, even though he's up, I don't have a clue what he can do whenever Davis gets back. Hobbling around like that will hinder him in ways that will probably lead to him getting even more seriously hurt.

JT: He should probably just lock himself in that prison right now and get it over with.

Nikki: As much as I think it's a horrible thing to say… I may have to agree with you there JT. High Flyer is one of the greatest wrestlers the IWO has ever seen. To throw it all away right here, right now…

Shallow: High Flyer is throwing nothing away. He is doing what he knows he must do. There is something going on in Davis' head which we cannot fully comprehend. And Flyer knows that, if he jumps ship, he may have saved his leg today, but what of tomorrow? Next week? Next month? Davis will be forever after him, breathing down his neck. Tonight is his only chance to save himself.

Nikki: And possibly Davis as well…

GP: I never knew you guys thought that way, Shallow, you surprise me sometimes.

Shallow: Yeah, well… It's true, isn't it?

GP: True in every way.

(Another unexpected pause. It's been a good seven minutes since Tony left the scene, and not a cameraman on the boat has been able to find him. Flyer has mustered enough strength to find his way out of the room he was once in, and to give himself some support on the ship railing itself. He tries walking, and finds that he can now support a bit of weight on that left knee of his. However, just as he's making some progress…)

Nikki: Hey guys, look over there to the left…

Shallow: Is it him?

GP: It has to be… They're the only two on the ship, save the captain. But where on earth has he been?

JT: It looks like he's stalking Flyer, or trying to go unnoticed.

(Suddenly, a load creak is heard.)

GP: A loose floorboard? Maybe, but any secrecy that Davis once wanted is now lost, as Flyer spins around.

Shallow: An epic face-to-face confrontation.

Flyer: (Inching closer to Davis, as quickly as his leg can muster) Why Tony? Why must it be like this? Why must everything that we had be thrown away? Why must we fight like enemies, when we had such a great friendship? Why Tony, why??

Davis: (Lets out a slight but audible chuckle, which is more noticeable in sight than in sound) Jack, my dear friend, this has nothing to do with us. Nothing, but yet, everything. You see, you know why I was in this business to begin with. I wanted adoration. I NEEDED adoration. The sound of the crowd cheering for you, knowing that people paid money to come and see you. That's what I want. That's what I need.

Flyer: But Tony, we had all of that. That's what we got. That's what Team V.I.A.G.R.A. got. Nothing but cheers and applauds. Was that not good enough?

Davis: No, it certainly would have been good enough. However, those cheers… To me, they were empty. For, you see, they were not for me. All those cheers were for you.

Flyer: But Tony!

Davis: Don't try to persuade me, make me think that I might be wrong. I can remember those times where I went to the ring by myself. Did I get as loud an ovation as you? No. Do people in this wrestling world even care about me? Absolutely not. I was just the sidekick of High Flyer, helping him win the tag titles. That's all I really was.

Flyer: You KNOW that's not how it was-

Davis: Yes it is! Your petty bullshit explanations for anything are over now. You know they liked you best. You KNOW that you took what great idea I had in marketing and made it something, without a simple regard towards me. You were something Jack. Something great. And me… I was a nobody. All that however…

Flyer: Tony…

Davis: That's about to change…

GP: And they clash! Lefts and rights everywhere, Flyer attempting to stay on his feet, though it seems that his knee is ready to give any second now!

Shallow: And, once again, it seems that Davis is getting the upper hand here! Flyer is starting to throw less punches, weaker punches, and Davis can sense this.

GP: And Davis goes in with a lariat, knocking Flyer onto his back. He attempts to get up again, but Davis is right on top of him, grabbing a fistful of Flyer's hair.

JT: With the look that's in his eyes right now, I'm so happy I'm not on that ship with him right now.

GP: And Tony let's loose with fists to the side of Flyer's head. Look at the blood begin to pour! He's opened him up so quickly!

JT: With the battle these two have been in already, I'm surprised it hasn't happened earlier.

Shallow: Davis looks rather tired with the repetitive punching, and let's Flyer fall to the ground. He ponders for a moment and… Oh no, he's going back to the knee!

GP: STF! Davis just locked Flyer into and STF, and Flyer is screaming like a raped schoolgirl! How much more can he take??

Nikki: And he can't do a thing about it! He can't tap out, he can't quit, nothing!

GP: And Davis locks the crossface in to complete the hold! He is wrenching back as hard as he can, and Flyer is in so much pain right now!

JT: Finally, he lets go of that hold. Think Flyer is going to have some major cartilage damage after this match is through.

GP: Well, Flyer is once again turned on his back, and Davis again grabs his hair, pulling their heads close together.

Davis: This is it Jack. Everything that has happened comes to one pinnacle. Are you ready? Here it comes!

Nikki: LOW BLOW!!

GP: Flyer connects with a low blow! Immediately Davis lets go of Flyer's hair and falls to the ship floor. Flyer rolls over and feels around for something to use.

Shallow: Looks like he's found some rope of some sort.

GP: And he's putting good use to it. Binding it both around Davis' feet and hands, he has him completely immobilized right now.

Flyer: Tony, I love you like a brother. You still are my best friend. But… This has to end. I didn't want it to come to this, but….

GP: Flyer's looking behind him, and looks up at the ledge about 9 feet into the air. He jumps up and grabs a hold, pulling himself up all the while.

JT: Davis is a sitting duck! This is Flyer's chance!!

Nikki: Look at the trouble he's having getting up though. His knee is really killing him.

GP: But he's up and… THIRD DEGREE FROSTBITE(Cartwheel Elbow)!!!! THIRD DEGREE FROSTBITE!!! AND OH MY GOD THEY WENT THROUGH THE BOAT!!!!!! FLYER LANDED ON DAVIS AND BROKE THE BOAT, SENDING THEM BOTH CRASHING INTO THE BAR IN THE LOUNGE BELOW THEM!!! HOLY HELL!!!!

Shallow: Wow… I've never seen something like that in my life… Ever…

Nikki: Look, Flyer landed on his knee somewhere in that pile of alcohol and floorboard. How much punishment can one knee possibly take?

GP:I don't think too much more, because one more shot could threaten Flyer's career. Flyer is slowly trying to get to his feet, limping as he does. He immediatly goes, and picks up Davis, and begins to hammer him with a could of shots. Now, Davis hammers back, and grabs Flyer by the neck, and DAVIS NAILS COLD SNOW! OH MY GOD! DAVIS JUST NAILED FLYER WITH HIS OWN MOVE!

JT:HA! Davis is showing how well he knows Flyer, by using his own move against him! It's perfect strategy!

Nikki:And Davis is going right for the knee once more! Davis is making sure that Flyer can no longer walk, and Davis, is locking in an Indian Deathlock! Oh my God! That's a move that could break Flyer's knee!

GP:Davis is standing, and he's clapping, and he's getting the motion ready. He drops back, and SNAPS FLYER'S KNEE! And Davis stands back up, and DOES IT AGAIN!

JT:Wicked!

Shallow:This isn't good! Davis is going to do it again, but FLYER PUTS A BOARD IN HIS PATH! DAVIS BREAKS THE BOARD OVER THE BACK OF HIS HEAD, AND BREAKS THE HOLD!

GP:Flyer is in immense pain, as he grabs Davis to his feet, and FLYER NAILS I JUST KICKED YOUR ASS! OH MY GOD! FLYER DROVE DAVIS DOWN WITH HIS OWN MOVE! AND Flyer is slowly rising to the remnents of that bar... and LEAPS WITH SWAN DIVE! HIS HALF OF THE NATURAL HIGH! DEAR GOD! FLYER IS DOWN, AND SO IS DAVIS!

JT:Talk about letting the bodies hit the floor.

Nikki:Davis and Flyer are slowly getting to their feet, and wait... I think they're slowly being taken upstairs? Who the hell are those people? Ship workers?

GP:I don't know, but they're being taken up to the top deck here!

Shallow:Who are they? Are they anyone in particular? Did IWO tell people that the ship was for rent?

GP:Wait! Davis is hammering away at Flyer, and DAVIS NAILED FLYER WITH THE SUPER RB! THAT'S THE OTHER HALF OF NATURAL HIGH! DEAR GOD! DAVIS JUST NAILED FLYER DOWN TO THE MAT, AND HARD! And these men are just leaving, they are high above the ship here... above hte pool area now!

JT:Is that a staind glass covering?

GP:I believe so JT...

JT:Oh crap... Davis and Flyer are twenty feet above a pool with a glass covering, who doesn't see something happening?

GP:Davis! He's on teh railing... FLYING MOON SHOT! DAVIS JUST NAILED FLYER WITH THE FLYING MOON SHOT! DEAR GOD! DAVIS JUST NAILED FLYER WITH HIS OWN MOVE! AND NOW DAVIS IS TAUNTED A BEATEN, BLOODY FLYER!

Nikki:Davis isn't done, and he's dragging Flyer up onto the top of that ship. He's going to throw him down towards the pool! That staind glass is on top, it'll hurt!

JT:Well DUH! Davis doesn't want to throw Flyer into a pit of marshmellows you stupid bitch.

*Smack*

GP:Davis! He's trying to, but Flyer's latching on! And Flyer LOW BLOWS DAVIS! DAVIS DOUBLES OVER, and FLYER PICKS HIM UP! FLYER LEAPS! EQUALIZER! EQUALIZER OFF OF THE RAILING TOWARDS THE POOL!

*CRACK CRASH*

JT:OH MY GOD! FLYER JUST DROVE DAVIS 20 THROUGH STAIND GLASS WITH HIS OWN MOVE! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! DAVIS IS DOWN! HE'S UNDER THE WATER, and Flyer is submerging! Holy fuck!

GP:Flyer is alive! Flyer is bleeding, and the pool has slowly been tinted a light red from Flyer and what seems to be Davis' blood!

Nikki:Wait! Flyer is diving, and HE PULLS DAVIS OUT!

JT:What the hell?

Shallow:The black is out of Davis' hair! What the hell is going on? Was that cheap dye or WHAT!

Nikki:Flyer has Davis, and he's slowly climbing down the stairs leading down to that jail. Davis is bleeding heavily from his forehead, and his black dye has turned his hair back to a blondish brownish color. What is going on?

GP:Flyer, they are at the jail, and DAVIS IS THROWN IN! FLYER SHUTS THE DOOR! FLYER IS THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER FOR THE WORLD TITLE!

(Flyer falls down, and perches himself up against the cell door. Flyer begins breathing heavily, as Davis follows.)

Davis:So... Flyer... What happened...

Flyer:Huh? What the hell do you mean Davis? I just beat you to within an inch of your life for a shot at the world title.

Davis:Do we still have the tag titles? Is Jay a meanie-head?

Flyer:...What... What the hell are you doing Tony? Don't you remember the last three months, don't you remember six months ago, running me down with a car?

Davis:The last thing, I remember is being lead into some small room with a watch and one of those spinny things. Are we going out for pizza after the show?

GP:What the hell? Davis...

Flyer:Davis, do you not remember a thing?

Davis:Where the hell is Jay. I have to get him back for retiring me.

Flyer:Holy fuck! Tony!

Davis:Uh.... FLYER!

Flyer:Are you... you?

Davis:I dunno, do I know what the capital of North Carolina is?

Flyer:No.

Davis:IT'S ME!

Flyer:YAY!

(Flyer opens the cell, and they hug, to confusion.)

GP:What... the... hell?

Shallow:Team V.I.A.G.R.A. is back! AND I GOT THE FIRST SHIRT! HAHA ALL YOU DIE HARD FANS! EAT THAT!

GP: Fans, all I can say, is it's been a hell of a night at Beach Party, and the best is yet to come!

JT: Why do you say that almost every pay-per-view? It's like the best in wrestling is still yet to come!

Shallow: Why do you still have a job? It seems as if only three people are needed to do the announcing and I know Greg, myself, and Nikki would be able to take care of it.

JT: Why do I always get the shaft?

Nikki: Because you're a jerk.

JT: I just wanted to show how I liked you....

Shallow: Ah ha! JT does have a sensitive side!

GP: Guys, guys, let's get to some wrestling how bout?

Shallow: Fine fine.

GP: Alright fans, let's go down to the ring in Major Push Tournament finals!!!

*Ding Ding*

Meygon: Ladies and Gentlemen, this next match here at Beach Party is the finals int he Major Push Tourney and is a special Tough as Nails match!!! The rules are simple.....the ropes are replaced with barbed
wire, tables surrounding the ring, a chair in each corner, a ladder in the center, and a powder bomb on every turnbuckle! The only way to win is to make your opponent submit or get the pin and then must be down for the 10 count!!!!!! Coming to the ring first....

("Smoke on the water" by Deep Purple plays as Ben Archer comes out of a cave to the left of the ring. The fans give quite a few boos to Archer as he makes his way to the ring. Archer climbs inside the ring and goes to the
second turnbuckle.)

Meygon: A former IWO World Television Champion....he is Ben Archer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And his opponent.....

("Superman" by Goldfinger plays as Doozer comes out from the cave to the right of the ring. He gives a few points to some fans in the crowd.)

Meygon: A newcomer to the federation and making quite an impact...he is Doozer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

(Doozer grabs torch on the way to the ring. He then runs and slides under the bottom rope and swings at Archer with it, but Archer ducks and kicks Doozer in the midsection making him drop the torch.)

*Ding Ding Ding*

Shallow: Whoa! Fire goin in the ring!

Nikki: Crew will take care of that.

GP: Well now Archer starts throwing several lefts and rights at Doozer who seems to be unable to block them. Archer backs up and nails a dropkick on Doozer sending him over the top and landing on one of the tables.

JT: No wood breakage yet though.

GP: That it is...or isn't, anyway. Archer dives through the ropes and lands on top of Doozer on the outside who goes backing into the guardrail. Now Archer picks up Dooze and slams his head on a table, but Dooze nails an elbow to the midsection of Archer. Now Dooze follows up with a quick clothesline on Archer!

Shallow: I don't think Archer even saw that one coming.

GP: Well Dooze now with the advantage takes Archer and rolls him back into the ring. He makes a quick cover and doesn't even get a one count.

JT: What the hell was he thinkin? A pin this early in the match?

Nikki: Hey, he's just trying to win JT.

GP: Well Dooze picks up Ben and sends him tumbling into the ladder in the center of the ring which now falls over. Archer falls to his knees and Dooze follows in with a jumping elbow on the back of Archer which sends him
down to his stomach. Dooze goes to a corner and jumps on one of the unfolded chairs. Archer stands and Dooze comes off with a dropkick on Archer.

Shallow: Now Dooze is picking up Archer...oooo!!! Archer with a low blow on Dooze, and Archer follows up with a DDT onto the ladder! Archer grabs one of the chairs in the corner and wields it over a fallen Dooze. He rares
back and nails the absolute shit out of Doozer!

JT: Quite a move by my boy Archer!

Nikki: Something tells me that the best is yet to come....

*FORESHADOWING!!!!*

GP: Anyway, Archer picks up Dooze and aims the chair at his head.....and follows through with a full force chairshot to the head! Now Archer takes goes to the head of Dooze and starts to pound away profusly on him!

Shallow: But Dooze throws Archer off the top of him to the other side of the ring. Dooze gets up and puts himself in a spear mode and spears the absolute hell out of Archer right into that barbed wire!!!

Nikki: OH my god! Look at the back of Archer, it's completely scratched up!

JT: Yea...that's what barbed wire does Nikki.

Shallow: But now Dooze continues to push Archer's back into the barbed wire making it tear into the skin.

GP: Archer manages to get a kick to the midsection of Dooze which saves him from that. Now Archer tackles Dooze down and they begin to roll around just throwing random punches! Archer gets the advantage though and manages to pick up Dooze into a powerslam position. He positions him over the ladder and drops him like a bad habit.

JT: Now Archer proceeds to go to the outside and grabs a table. He throws it inside the ring and climbs to the top turnbuckle from the outside.

Shallow: Dooze is up, but not for long as Archer comes off with a flying head scissors onto Dooze who goes flying across the ring. Now Archer grabs a table and sets it up next to the turnbuckle. Archer goes over and grabs
Dooze and takes him up to the top turnbuckle.

GP: Looks like he setting him up for a powerbomb through the table.....he got i......no! Dooze backdrops Archer through the table!! And now he's climbing up top and follows with a top rope moonsault!!! The ref makes the count!!

1....

2....

NO!!!!

JT: Archer managed to kick out of that somehow.

GP: Well now Dooze tries to pick up the pieces as he picks up Archer and sends him into the turnbuckle. He tries to follow in with a huge splash, but Archer moves and Dooze's face goes right into that powder bomb!!! Now Dooze is blinded and Archer takes advantage of this by nailing him over the head with a chair.

Shallow: Archer takes the ladder and sets it up now. He begins to ascend it as Dooze is beginning to regain his composure. Archer reaches the top but Dooze sees what he's up to....and Dooze pushes the ladder over sending
Archer into the guardrail on the outside and through a table!!!!

JT: That's two tables for Archer tonight!!

Nikki: Good JT, you can count!

JT: Oh will you just...

GP: Guys, just be quiet. Dooze now goes over and sails over the top rope onto Archer!!! Dooze gets up and looks under the ring and finds a garbage can full of goodies. He pours all the stuff out and starts nailing Archer with the garbage can, over and over again!!!!

Shallow: Well Dooze gets tired of the garbage can and picks up Archer. He rolls him back into the ring and slides a table in behind him. Doozer now climbs inside the ring and grabs another one of the chairs. He folds it over the head of Archer and climbs to the top turnbuckle. Dooze gives a little signal to the crowd and jumps off with a flying legdrop right onto the head of Archer!!! Dooze makes the cover!!!

1.....

2.....

KICKOUT!!!!!

GP: Well Dooze is high pissed about that as now he takes the head of Archer and rubs it up and down the barbed wire!! Archer's definitely bleeding now, looking at him juice!!

Nikki: OH! Gross!!!

Shallow: Well Dooze has full control of this match now. He goes ahead and goes to the outside and grabs another table to slide it inside the ring. Dooze hops back in but Archer tackles him and slingshots him by the legs into the turnbuckle!!!! The powder bomb explodes in Doozer's face and he is blinded once again!

GP: Archer takes advantage of this by bulldoging Dooze onto the barbed wired ropes by going through the ropes to the floor!!! Archer grabs another table on the outside and throws it inside the ring. Ben now climbs back inside and suplexes Dooze across the ring.

JT: Seems like Ben wants to do a little building....

Shallow: That he does as he takes one of the tables and sets it up in the middle of the ring. Now he takes a second table and stacks it on top of the first. And now Archer grabs the third table he brought in and stacks it on top even!

GP: But Dooze has made his way to the top turnbuckle and he dives off with a flying cross body block!!!! Dooze starts to stomp away on Ben and then goes to grab the ladder.

JT: Dooze has it and is starting to climb the three tables. He reaches the top and sets the ladder up. Dooze now begins to climb the ladder itself!! Look how high up he is!!!

Shallow: Dooze throws his hands in the air and he goes flying from the top all the way down onto Archer who lets him fall with open arms!!!! What a move by Dooze and now both men are down and out!!!

Nikki: I can't believe the limit these men are going to just to win a tournament!

Shallow: It's what ya gotta do in this sport Nikki.

JT: Neither man seems to be moving too much.

GP: Well, surprisingly, I'm starting to see some life in Archer. He begins to move and is actually getting up. He now sees the structure that he built and he starts to climb it himself.

JT: Oh no Archer! Haven't you been through enough???

Shallow: Guess not, but Dooze is up too and he starts to climb right behind Archer. Archer starts to climb the ladder as Dooze just now gets to the top of the tables. Dooze climbs the ladder as well and Archer now sees what
Doozer is doing. Dooze gets to the top as does Archer and they begin to battle it out!!

GP: Archer seems to be getting the upper hand though and grabs Dooze by the hair. He now takes Dooze all the way up and sets him up for a piledriver.

Shallow: No, he's not gonna do....

GP: OH GOD!!!! ARCHER JUST GAVE A PILEDRIVE TO DOOZE THROUGH ALL THREE TABLES TO THE RING!!!!!!!! NOW ARCHER MAKES THE COVER!!!!

1.....!!!

2.....!!!

3.....!!!

Shallow: Now let's see if Dooze is out for the 10 count.

Ref: 1!...2!....3!.....4!....5!.....6!.....7!.....8!....

GP: Dooze gets to his feet and Archer sends him right back down with a flying clothesline!!!

Shallow: Well Archer now sets the ladder back up and starts to climb it.....he reaches the top but Dooze has already gotten up and climbed to the top turnbuckle....but Archer is unaware of this!!!

GP: Archer moonsaults off but Dooze catches him with a spear from the top turnbuckle back to the mat!!! I believe Dooze is wanting to end this. He takes Archer and wraps up his arms in the barbed wire!!!

Shallow: Dooze goes over and grabs a chair, and he is preparing to nail the hell out of Archer right here.

JT: But look!!! It's Shawn Arrows coming to the ring!!!!

GP: Damned if it isn't.....Arrows comes in and grabs the chair out of Dooze's hands and nails him over the head with it!!! Now Arrows in nailing Dooze with repeated chair shots.....this is almost like the Rock/Mankind battle of Royal Rumble 99!!!

Shallow: Hey hey, no promotions here....

GP: Sorry, but still, Arrows is nailing the shit out of Dooze!!! Now Arrows pulls out a pair of brass knucks and pounds away on the head of Doozer!

Shallow: Now Arrows lets Archer loose and throws him on top of Doozer!

1.....

2.....

3.....!!!!!

Ref:
1!....2!....3!.....4!....5!.....6!.....7!.....8!....9!..................................10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Ding Ding Ding Ding*

Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner and 2001 Major Push Tournament winner.............BENNNNNNNNN ARRRRRRRRRCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Shawn Arrows leaves the ring as the pyro goes off all around and Archer celebrates in the middle over a fallen Doozer.)

GP: Well Doozer put up a valiant effort....but in the end!, there was only one winner and his name was Ben Archer!!! Congratulations to one Ben Archer, the new Major Push Champion!!!!!! Well fans, time to move on here a Beach Party.....

(Evan is seen backstage walking towards the entryway. He walks by an
empty room with the TV on.)

TV: He's Big. He's Gay! He's BACK!

Evan: HAY!! EYE HERD DAT!!

(Evan looks around, but he's all alone in the hallway. He starts
walking towards the entryway again.)

Evan: Puhncks.

(Fade to announcers.)

GP: It's time for the main event!

JT: So it is! And it might be the biggest main event in Beach Party
history!

GP: Three of the biggest titles in the IWO's history are on the line.
Joey Malone's IWO World Title, Kent Anthason's North American Title, and
AWS Man and DPS Man's Tag Team championships. Of course, Syphon Fission
is taking DPS Man's place for this matchup.

Nikki: Yes. And Malone and Anthason have basically brought the Winds of
Change back from the dead again.

GP: Let's not forget the insertion of the team of Sabastian Crow and
Evan Levine to this match. That could be a big thing.

JT: I'm still pissed that Evan can't win the World title from that
retardofuck, Malone.

GP: Well, with that said, let's go to Meygon for the ringside
announcements.

*ding, ding, ding*

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is the MAIN EVENT
OF BEACH PARTY!!!

*the crowd pops huge*

Meygon: In this match, there will be one fall with three titles on the
line. With the exception of both Evan Levine and Sabastian Crow, if
Joey Malone is pinned, he loses the IWO World Heavyweight Title. If Kent
Anthason is pinned by anyone except Levine and Crow, he loses the IWO
North American title. And if EITHER member of the Insane Klowns (also
known as the Also Knowns) are pinned, they will lose the IWO World Tag
Team Championships to the team that pins them!

(With that said, "Fuck Off" by Kid Rock begins blaring out of the
speakers as Sabastian Crow comes out from the back to a huge chorus of
boos.)

Meygon: Introducing first, the challengers for the tag team titles...
the first member is from Los Angeles, California. He weighs in at three
hundred and thirty-six pounds. He is a former two-time IWO Extreme
Champion, and the master of the Submission Deathlock (now that is
originality at it's best right there, people)... ladies and gentlemen... he is
Spambastard Cro- er, wait... someone must have switched my cards... HE
IS SAAAAAABBBBBASSSSSSSTIAAAAAAANNNNNNN CROOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!! Oh
yeah, for the record, my name is M-E-Y-G-O-N, not M-E-G-H-A-N. You should
really stop hanging out with Evan so much.

(Huge boos for Crow, as he steps over the top rope and into the ring,
and raises his arms just to get more boos. "Fuck Off" dies down, and
then "I'm Your Boogieman" by White Zombie starts blaring out the speakers
as Evan Levine comes out to an even bigger chorus of boos.)

Meygon: His tag team partner... he is from Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania... he weighs in at two hundred and forty-nine pounds. He is a former
two-time IWO World, North American, Pacific, United States, and
Intercontinental Tag Team Champion. He is the master of the Conceptual Perfection
and Game Time... he is also the PRESIDENT of the IWO... ladies and
gentlemen... he is EVAAAAANNNNNNN LEEEEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIINNNNNNEEEEEEE!!!!

(Levine enters the ring and continues to get the hell booed out of
him.)

GP: Well, folks, Crow and Levine have a good chance of walking out with
the tag titles, but you have to wonder how well they can actually do
it.

Meygon: Their opponents...

("Three Point One Four" by the Bloodhound Gang begins playing as AWS
Man (also known as Bill) comes out to a mixed reaction, along with Pen,
the Nude, and DPS Man (also known as Bob).)

Meygon: First, from Freakville, North Carolina... he weighs in at two
hundred and thirty-six pounds. He is a former IWO North American,
two-time Pacific, United States, and Intercontinental Tag Team champion. He
is the master of the Win the Freakin' Matchifier among many other moves,
and he is accompanied to the ring by Pen, the Nude, and DPS Man (also
known as Bob). He is a CURRENT two-time IWO World Tag Team Champion and
the CURRENT IWO Television champion. Ladies and gentlemen, he is AWS
MAAAAANNNNN (also known as Bill)!!!

(AWS Man (also known as Bill) walks into the ring, and waits for his
partner. He doesn't have to wait long, as some guy in the back cuts off
the Bloodhound Gang song, and puts on "Papercut" by Linkin Park. The
fans immediately boo as Syphon Fission comes out with Quinn Morgan.)

Meygon: And his tag team partner. He is from Seattle, Washington, and
he weighs in at two hundred and sixty-six pounds. He is a former
two-time IWO World Champion and a former IWO World Tag Team Champion. He is
the master of the Death Plunge, and he is accompanied to the ring by
Quinn Morgan. He is temporarily one half of the IWO World Tag Team
Champions... ladies and gentlemen... he is
SYYYYPPPPPHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNN FIIIIIISSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIONNNNN!!!!!!!!

(Fission gets into the ring and continues to get booed.)

JT: You have to believe that although Fission and AWS Man are partners
and are defending the tag titles, that they're working against each
other as well to win the World or North American title.

Meygon: And their opponents...

("Papercut" fades out, and then the opening riffs of "aenema" by Tool
blares out as the fans IMMEDIATELY pop for Kent Anthason, who comes out
to the ring with the IWO North American title around his waist and
Alyssa Cleeda by his side.)

Meygon: First. From New Orleans, Louisiana... he weighs in at two
hundred and forty-pounds... he is a two-time IWO North American champion and
the master of the Sweet Serenity among many other moves... he is
accompanied to the ring by Alyssa Cleeda... he is also the CURRENT IWO North
American Champion... ladies and gentlemen... he is one half of the
Winds of Change... HE IS KENNNNNNNNTTTTTTTT
ANNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTHHHAAAAASSSSSOOOOOONNNNNNN!!!!!!!!

(Anthason climbs into the ring and continues to get a huge pop as he
scales the turnbuckles to get his pop.)

Meygon: And his tag team partner...

("aenema" fades out, and then "Shame" by BT hits and the fans EXPLODE.
Well, not literally. But the explode in a pop. The real explosion comes
in when the lyrics hit after the guitars and then song goes normal and
stuff. Then the area in front of the entryway explodes. Joey Malone
stands right there where the explosion is, in an act of physics defiance.
Keri Lindum soon follows behind him.)

Meygon: ...From Phoenix, Arizona... he weighs in at two hundred and
forty-nine pounds... he is a former IWO North American, Pacific, United
States, World Tag, and Intercontinental Tag Team champion... he is
accompanied to the ring by Keri Lindum, and he is the master of the Everest
Cataclysm among many other moves... ladies and gentlemen, he is the IWO
World Heavyweight champion... HE IS JOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY
MAAAAAAAALLLLLLLOOOOOOONNNNNEEEEEE!!!!!!

(All of a sudden, a big burst of wind comes out way, as... what looks to be a helicoptor begins to slowly land from the sky.)

GP:What in blazes?

(The helicoptor slowly comes to halt,a s we see the words IWO Black on the side. Meygon all of a sudden hops aboard.)

GP:What the... What is Meygon doing?

JT:Hell if I know, but I wanna follow!

(Malone climbs into the ring, takes off his title belt, doesn't wait
for the bell, and clotheslines himself and Sabastian Crow over the top
rope and to the outside.)

*ding, ding, ding*

GP: And we're off! Malone has attacked Sabastian Crow from the getgo!

JT: Anthason's brawling with AWS Man (also known as Bill) while Levine
irish whips Fission in! Levine tries a dropkick, but Fission stops and
Levine falls to the mat! Now Fission grabs Levine and throws him out.
DAMMIT! STOP ABUSING MY HERO!

Nikki: AH! Malone just smashed Crow's face into our announcer's table!

Shallow: Anthason with an irish whip on AWS Man (also known as Bill) in
the corner! Anthason follows into the corner, but AWS Man (also known
as Bill) slips out and Anthason hits the turnbuckles! Anthason gets out
of there, AWS Man (also known as Bill) picks him up! He's going for the
Drop You On Your Freakin' Face! No! Anthason slides out from behind!

GP: Anthason shoves AWS Man (also known as Bill) into the corner!
Anthason off the ropes, Anthason with a bulldog lariat to AWS Man (also
known as Bill)! For the cover! One... two... NO!

JT: Levine and Fission are fighting up the rampway! Levine gets in a
hard right to Fission, but Fission just tosses Levine over with a
hiptoss! They're heading to the sound stage!

Nikki: Levine is getting up, but Fission's having none of it! He knocks
down Levine with a big lariat! Now what's Fission doing?

GP: Oh GOD... Fission picks up Levine, and he's walking to the
speakers! Levine's trying to fight out of it, but... FISSION THROWS LEVINE
THROUGH ONE OF THE SPEAKERS!

*ZAAAPPP!!!*

JT: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEVINE WAS ELECTROCUTED!

GP: Syphon Fission is just SADISTIC! Fission's taken the IWO White
President out of this match from the getgo, and he's laughing about it! Now
he's making his way back to

Shallow: Now Fission is making his way back to the ring, where Anthason
is still fighting AWS Man (also known as Bill)! Anthason with a hard
kick in AWS Man (also known as Bill)'s gut! Anthason looks for the
Malediction, but AWS Man (also known as Bill) fights it with an elbow to the
back of Anthason's head! And here comes Fission for the double team!
Fission shoves Anthason in the corner and starts stomping away at his
midsection!

JT: AWS Man (also known as Bill) joins in the stompage! Meanwhile,
Malone and Crow are still exchanging punches here on the outside, in front
of us! Crow gets a knockdown on Malone, and now he picks up a chair!
Crow takes a swing, but Malone ducks it! Malone kicks Crow in the gut!
DDT! A DDT to Sabastian Crow on the outside! Now Malone is climbing back
into the ring! Fission and AWS Man (also known as Bill) are still
stomping away at Anthason!

Nikki: Malone pulls Fission off! There's a staredown going on!

JT: Malone and Fission start exchanging punches! AWS Man (also known as
Bill) doesn't even care! He's still stomping away at Anthason!

GP: Meanwhile, Crow is trying to get to his feet on the outside! Malone
ducks a right hand by Fission! GERMAN SUPLEX! WITH A BRIDGE! THE
REFEREE IS THERE! ONE... TWO... TH-NO! AWS Man (also known as Bill) made the
save!

Shallow: Now AWS Man (also known as Bill) is working over Malone! He
sends Malone off the ropes! Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Into the cover...
one... two... NO! Malone kicks out.

Nikki: Crow's back in, and he's got that chair! AWS Man (also known as
Bill) is to his feet...

*SMACK!*

GP: What a SHOT to the back of AWS Man (also known as Bill)'s head!
Fission's up, too!

*SMACK!*

JT: Another brutal shot! But Anthason's out of the corner! Spear to
Crow! Anthason gets a spear in on Crow!

Shallow: Fission's back up! Superkick to Anthason! And a vicious one,
at that! Fission drops down for the cover! One... two... MALONE GETS A
CHAIRSHOT IN ON FISSION TO BREAK IT UP!

GP: But Crow's on his feet! Big boot to the chair Malone's holding!

*SMACK!*

JT: And Malone goes down in a heap! What a SHOT!

GP: Crow drops down for the cover! One... two... th-NO! Malone gets the
shoulder up!

Shallow: Why the hell is Crow trying to pin MALONE? He can't win the
tag titles like that.

Nikki: Who knows.

GP: Crow picks up Malone and takes him to the corner, while AWS Man
(also known as Bill) and Syphon Fission are double-teaming Kent Anthason.
Crow is going for a superplex, but Malone's blocking! Malone shoves
Crow off the top, and... wait... Keri Lindum's tossing a chair into Crow's
hands!

*SMACK!*

GP: FRONT DROPKICK OFF OF THE SECOND ROPE INTO CROW, WHO WAS HOLDING
THAT CHAIR! CROW IS DOWN! MALONE COVERS CROW! ONE... TWO... THR- NO! AWS
MAN BREAKS IT UP!

JT: Whew.

Nikki: AWS Man (also known as Bill) picks up Malone! He's going for the
Break Your Freakin' Neck, but Malone slips out from behind! Malone
hooks AWS Man (also known as Bill) for a German suplex, but AWS Man (also
known as Bill) gets in a low blow to Malone to break it!

GP: That... will counter anything.

JT: Indeed.

Nikki: Yeah, it counter JT's attempts to get into my pants.

JT: :-(

GP: Anthason's back up, though! He's fighting off Syphon Fission! Right
hands, right hands, and more right hands! Now Anthason shoves Fission
out of the corner... Fission walks back to Anthason... RIGHT INTO A
TORNADO TREMOR(Jumping roundhouse kick)! WHAT A SHOT!

Shallow: Anthason drops down for the cover! One... two... thr- NO! AWS
Man (also known as Bill) makes ANOTHER save!

JT: Crow is slowly getting to his feet! AWS Man (also known as Bill)
goes over to him and he tries a cross body block, but Crow catches him in
midair! Fallaway slam by Sabastian Crow! AWS Man (also known as Bill)
is down!

Nikki: Now Crow's going to the outside... oh god! He's getting tables
out! Now things are getting interesting!

JT: YES! TABLES, TABLES, TABLES!! WOOHOO!!!

GP: Crow is setting one up on the outside, and now he slides another
one into the ring! Crow's climbing into the ring, but Anthason's there
with a dropkick to his face, that sends him right back to the outside!

Nikki: Now Anthason's setting up the table while Joey Malone is
fighting off Syphon Fission in the corner! Malone spins Fission around and now
Malone's working over Fission! Oh god! Malone's going nuts on Fission
in the corner! Right hands! Knife-edge chops! Fission's having the hell
beaten out of him! Now Malone irish whips Fission out of the corner...
RIGHT INTO ANTHASON WITH A HOTSHOT INTO THE TURNBUCKLES!

GP: But AWS Man (also known as Bill) recovers in time! KNOCK YOUR
FREAKIN' HEAD OFF(Thrust kick) TO MALONE! That takes out the World Champion!

JT: But Anthason cuts AWS Man (also known as Bill) off before he could
make a cover! Meanwhile, Fission's recovered, but Crow's back in the
ring! Crow with a double leg pickup to Syphon Fission! Crow's locking in
the Submission Deathlock! Right in the center of the ring!

Shallow: Oh, but Anthason! Anthason has a steel chair!

*SMACK!*

JT: THAT SHOT JUST ECHOED THROUGHOUT THE ISLAND! SABASTIAN CROW JUST
COLLAPSES ON THE GROUND!

GP: Fission's slowly getting up, and he lowblows Anthason! Now Fission
grabs that chair!

*SMACK!*

GP: RIGHT ACROSS THE FACE OF JOEY MALONE! MALONE GOT OBLITERATED WITH
THAT MOVE!

JT: YES! BLOOOD!!!

GP: Good God! JT's right! Malone's busted open from that chairshot!

Nikki: Now Fission goes for the cover on Malone! One... two... ANTHASON
MAKES THE SAVE!

GP: Anthason picks up Fission! He's got him for a suplex... WAIT!
Gordbuster... INTO THE TWIST OF FATE! THE METROPOLIS FLUX TO SYPHON FISSION!
FISSION IS DOWN!

JT: AWS Man (also known as Bill) is on the outside, but Malone hits
him, and now he's taking him over to the corner... oh god... there's that
table!

Shallow: What's Malone doing? He's climbing up to the top rope...

GP: Oh god... OH GOD!

*CRASH!*

JT: JESUS CHRIST!

GP: MALONE JUST HIT THE NEGATIVE IMPULSE(Diamond Dust into Tomikaze)
FROM THE APRON TO THE FLOOR, THROUGH THAT TABLE! AWS MAN IS DEAD! DEAD, I
SAY! DEAD DEAD DEADSKI! DEADER THAN DEAD! DEAAAAD-

*SMACK!*

GP: Thanks, Johnny. I needed that.

Shallow: No problem.

JT: Meanwhile, in the ring, Crow is just now getting to his feet!

Nikki: Anthason's back up, and he kicks Crow in the gut! He's going for
the Maximum Overdrive, but Crow picks him up... right into a
spinebuster! A spinebuster by Crow to Anthason!

GP: Crow goes for the cover off of that! One... two... th- NO! Anthason
kicks out! And now, Fission's back up!

JT: Fission kicks Crow in the gut! He's going for the Death Plunge!

Nikki: But Crow's blocking! Into the backdrop! But Fission rolls
through for a sunset flip! One... two... th-NO! Crow kicks away!

Shallow: Malone's slowly crawling back into the ring... Crow kicks
Fission in the gut and he's going for a powerbomb! But wait! Fission's
blocking... AND MALONE CATCHES CROW WITH A SUPERKICK! CROW IS DOWN!

JT: Malone picks up Crow, but Fission is telling Malone to give Crow to
him! What does Fission want?!

GP: Malone moves and Fission kicks Crow in the gut! HE'S SETTING UP FOR
THE DEATH PLUNGE... WAIT! MALONE SPIKES IT! MALONE SPIKES IT! SPIKED
DEATH PLUNGE! CROW IS A STAIN ON THE MAT! No one covers, though! What the
hell?! Malone's picking up Crow, now! MALONE HOOKS UNDER THE ARMS! HE'S
GOING TO ARIZONA DEATH DROP AN ALREADY UNCONSCIOUS SABASTIAN CROW!
WAIT! FISSION GRABS CROW'S LEGS... SPIKED ADD! THE ARIZONA DEATH DROP WAS
SPIKED! CROW IS LYING IN A HEAP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!

JT: This is NOT fair, dammit!

Shallow: Wait! Malone with a roaring elbow to Fission to knock him
down! Now he's telling Anthason something... what the hell!? Malone and
Anthason are going to opposite turnbuckles!

GP: This does NOT look good.

Nikki: MALONE WITH THE BAD MOON RISING(Top rope swnadive headbutt) AND
ANTHASON WITH THE DOUBLE HELIX(Top rope corkscrew somersault splash) AT
THE SAME TIME TO CROW! SABASTIAN CROW JUST MIGHT BE DEAD IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE RING!

JT: MALONE MAKES THE COVER! ONE... TWO... THR-LEVINE! LEVINE IS BACK!
LEVINE JUST STOPPED CROW FROM GETTING PINNED!

GP: DAMMIT! MALONE AND ANTHASON HAD THE MATCH WON!

Shallow: Anthason spins Levine around! He goes for the Metropolis Flux,
but Levine blocks and spins Anthason around... INTO THE GAME TIME! GAME
TIME BY LEVINE! LEVINE HAS ANTHASON BEAT! HE GOES INTO THE COVER...
ONE... TWO... THR-FISSION BREAKS IT UP!

JT: Damn him! DAMN FISSION! Levine had this, dammit!

GP: Fission kicks Levine in the gut! He's going for the Death Plunge!
MALONE OFF THE ROPES WITH A LARIAT TO FISSION TO BREAK IT UP!

Nikki: Crow is on the outside, now, he might be legally dead!
Meanwhile, AWS Man (also known as Bill) is getting to his feet! Malone picks up
Fission! Irish whip, reversal by Fission! Fission attempts a
clothesline, it's ducked by Malone...

GP: MALONE WITH THE CROSSARMS... MALONE WITH A STRAIGHTJACKET SUPLEX!
HE ROLLS THROUGH! ANOTHER! MALONE'S HITTING THE MAD COW DISEASE! THAT'S
THE THIRD ONE! MALONE IS HOLDING ON TO IT! *crowd now chants along,
catching on* A FOURTH! (Four...) ...A FIFTH! (Five...) MY GOD, MALONE HITS
A SIXTH! (Six...) MALONE IS DESTROYING SYPHON FISSION WITH REPEATED
STRAIGHTJACKET SUPLEXES! THERE'S A SEVENTH! (Seven...) A MOTHERFUCKING
SEVENTH STRAIGHT JACKET SUPLEX!

JT: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Shallow: AN EIGHTH! (Eight...) AN EIGHTH STRAIGHTJACKET SUPLEX TO
SYPHON FISSION! MALONE CONTINUES TO HOLD ON... THERE'S A NINTH! (Nine...)
CAN MALONE MAKE IT TEN!? YES! TEN! (Ten!) TEN STRAIGHTJACKET SUPLEXES!
FISSION IS DOWN!

Nikki: But Malone's spent, too! That took a lot out of him as much as
it did Syphon Fission! And now, AWS Man (also known as Bill) slides in
and makes a pin attempt on Malone! One... two... thr-NO! Malone kicks
out!

JT: But Anthason's back up again and he clothesline Evan Levine up and
over the top rope! Now Anthason follows him... and he brawls with
Levine into the aisleway!

GP: Meanwhile, AWS Man (also known as Bill) picks up Malone for the
Drop You On Your Freakin' Face, but Malone slips out and hits a reverse
DDT! Now Malone's heading to the top! He's going to try and hit the Bad
Moon Rising again!

Shallow: WAIT! FISSION HAS THAT CHAIR!

*SMACK!*

GP: CHAIRSHOT TO MALONE! THAT KNOCKS HIM OFF THE TOP ROPE AND ONTO THE
FLOOR!

JT: Meanwhile, Anthason has shoved Levine into the driver's side of a
car, and...

Nikki: WHERE THE HELL DID THE CAR COME FROM, DAMMIT!?!?!

JT: I DON'T KNOW!

Shallow: What's Anthason doing?

(Anthason takes a running start and dropkick the front bumper of the
car, activating the airbags.)

JT: AHHHHH!!!!!! NOOOOO!!! LEVINE JUST GOT CRUSHED BY THE DAMN AIRBAGS
OF A CAR! WHAT THE HELL!?!

GP: Anthason's heading back to the ring, while Levine is trying
desperately to get out of that damn car!

Shallow: I don't believe it, but Sabastian Crow is trying to get back
on his feet! He's crawling back into the ring!

(Suddenly, war drums are heard! Out from the caves comes an entire
tribe of primitive island cannibals! They all race to the ring with their
sticks and stones and start attacking the IWO wrestlers.)

GP: OH MY GOD! I FORGOT ABOUT THOSE GUYS! I THOUGHT WE GOT RID OF THEM
WHEN WE TOOK OVER THIS DAMN ISLAND! IT'S THE TAHOROMORA EVIL DEATH
TRIBE!

JT: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! THE LAST TIME I SAW THEM, THEY TRIED TO EAT MY
PENIS!

Nikki: ...And then they realized that you don't have one?

JT: SHUT UP, WHORE!

*SMACK!*

JT: ...Ouchies.

(The Tahoromora Evil Death Tribe all run into the ring and attack the
people in it, which would be Malone, Crow, Fission, and AWS Man (also
known as Bill)! However, they're quite small in reality, and just attack
their knees.)

AWS Man (also known as Bill): Ahhh! What the FREAK!?!?

(Finally, the Tahoromora Evil Death Tribe all climb up on each other's
shoulders and start punching the wrestler's in their faces. The
wrestlers are really too dumbfounded to fight back, until Fission kicks one of
them in the gut and tries a Death Plunge, but they just all jump on top
of him and start JUMPING ON TOP OF HIM, OVER AND OVER AGAIN!)

JT: AHHHHHH!!!! STOP JUMPING ON SYPHON FISSION, YOU BASTARDS!

(Crow gets up and tries to stop one of their heads in, but he misses
and they all punch at Crow's knees until he falls down on them, and then
they start dropkicking on his back until he's knocked down. Malone gets
attacked some more, but Keri Lindum jumps up on the apron and throws a
chair to Joey, but AWS Man (also known as Bill) intercepts. He goes for
the windup, but Joey Malone takes the chair from him.)

AWS Man (also known as Bill): What the freak? Why would you freakin' do
that?

Joey Malone: It was meant for me, sillybilly.

(In response, AWS Man (also known as Bill) grabs one of the Tahoromora
Evil Death Tribe guys and swings him at Malone, catching him in the
stomach and dropping the chair. AWS Man (also known as Bill) grabs the
chair and starts smacking the crap out of the Tahoromora Evil Death
Tribe!)

*SMACK!*

AWS Man (also known as Bill): That's what you freakin'...

*SMACK!*

AWS Man (also known as Bill): ...get for freakin'...

*SMACK!*

AWS Man (also known as Bill): ...getting involved in this freakin'...

*SMACK!*

AWS Man (also known as Bill): ...match, freakin'!

*SMACK!*

GP: OH MY GOD! AWS Man (also known as Bill) has just DESTROYED the
Tahoromora Evil Death Tribe with that chair! That chair is completely bent!
Malone's getting up, but...

*SMACK!*

GP: Hell, why not finish the job on Malone! What a chairshot!

JT: CROW WITH A LOW BLOW TO AWS MAN (also known as Bill)!

Shallow: Now Crow picks up AWS MAN (also known as Bill)... POWERBOMB!
AWS MAN'S SKULL JUST BOUNCED OFF THE CANVAS AND ONE OF THE UNCONSCIOUS
BODIES OF THE TAHOROMORA EVIL DEATH TRIBE! CROW DROPS DOWN FOR HE COVER!
THE REFEREE IS THERE! ONE... TWO... DAMMIT! ONE OF THE TAHOROMORAS JUST
JUMPED ON THE REF AND KNOCKED HIM OUT! CROW COULD'VE WON THIS!

JT: Actually, AWS Man (also known as Bill) kicked out.

Shallow: BUT STILL!

Nikki: Now Crow picks up AWS Man (also known as Bill)! He's going to
powerbomb him through the table! WAIT! ONE OF THOSE DAMN TAHOROMORAS JUST
LOWBLOWED CROW AND AWS MAN (also known as Bill) FELL ON TOP! PINNING
PREDICTAMENT HERE! THE REF'S UP AGAIN! ONE... TWO... NO!!!

JT: Levine and Anthason are coming back to the ring after brawling to a
car that mysteriously appeared!

(Then, just as they roll into the ring and start brawling, another,
taller Tahoromora appears. He holds a skull on a stick in one hand and
several voodoo dolls in another. He walks to the ring apron and then
climbs in the ring. His face is painted with a skull.)

GP: AHHHH!!!!!! WITCH DOCTOR!!! PANIC! PANIC!!!

JT: NOOOOO!!!!

GP: THE WITCH DOCTOR HAS A VOODOO DOLL OF KENT ANTHASON! HE'S... OH MY
GOD! HE'S MAKING ANTHASON DOLL DANCE THE MACARENA!

(In turn, Kent Anthason starts dancing the Macarena, while Evan Levine
laughs hysterically... up until the witch doctor gets bored and pulls
out a Levine doll. Levine starts doing the funky chicken.)

JT: DAMMIT! NOT LEVINE! THAT BASTARD IS MAKING LEVINE DANCE THE FUNKY
CHICKEN!

GP: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Nikki: WAIT! SYPHON FISSION HAS THAT DAMN SHOVEL!

*CRACK!*

Nikki: THE VOODOO WITCH DOCTOR'S HEAD JUST FLEW OFF HIS SHOULDERS! AND
THE TAHOROMORAS ARE RUNNING AWAY!!

*rumble*

JT: What's that?

GP: What's what?

JT: I dunno.

(Suddenly, a helicopter flies by and drops Steve Urkel into the ocean
while strapped to a weight. He drowns.)

Shallow: That was random.

JT: NOOOOOOO!!!! URKEL! MY IDOL! :-(

GP: Haha!

JT: Bastard.

Nikki: Can we please get back to normallity?

Shallow: Malone has rolled to the outside and he's got a big ladder!
But Crow is outside, too, and he just threw Malone back in! He goes to
the apron, but Fission knocks him off and follows! AWS Man (also known as
Bill) drags Malone back in! DROP YOU ON YOUR FREAKIN' FACE AT THE SAME
TIME LEVINE HITS CONCEPTUAL PERFECTION ON ANTHASON! THE WINDS OF CHANGE
ARE OUT! LEVINE COVERS AND AWS MAN COVERS! ONE... TWO... AWS MAN GETS
UP AND KNOCKS LEVINE OFF OF ANTHASON!

GP: This is just CHAOTIC, and Fission and Crow are climbing up opposite
sides of the ladder, now!

JT: They're on the top of the ladder! Remember that Crow just went
through a match with Cyanide to win the Extreme title! Fission with a right
hand! Crow with a right hand! WAIT! QUINN MORGAN JUST HANDED FISSION A
STEEL CHAIR! CROW DOESN'T SEE IT! LEFT PUNCH BY FISSION!

*SMACK!* *CRASH!*

GP: DEAREST GOD! SYPHON FISSION JUST SMASHED CROW OVER THE HEAD WITH
THAT STEEL CHAIR AND CROW WENT FLYING INTO THE SIGN LANGUAGE ANNOUNCE
TABLE!

(Cut back to Evan Levine, who is now out on the floor thanks to AWS Man
(also known as Bill. A guy grabs him.)

Ah-nold: Listen to me! You've got to get out of here! They're trying
to kill you!

Evan: WAT?! EYE AM DA REEL HEAL! GAYME TYM!

Ah-nold: *shaking Evan* You've got to get out of here! They're trying
to kill you!

Evan: WAT R U TAWKENG AHBOUT?

(Ah-nold points over Evan's shoulder. Gunnar Smith is standing there,
and he hits Evan with the Perfection X-Press. Tony Davis comes up to
Gunnar.)

Tony Davis: That was nice, but how are we supposed to go bowling if his
head is still attached to his body?

Gunnar Smith: Hell if I know.

(Cut back to Fission, who has made his way down from the ladder into
the ring. He picks up Malone and puts him on the table that's still up.)

JT: This is not a good day to be our glorious president, is it?

Shallow: No.

GP: Oh god, things are NOT looking good for the IWO World Champion!

JT: Wait! Anthason is attacking Fission from behind! Anthason looks for
the Sweet Serenity, but Fission blocks! Fission with the fireman's
carry... ONTO MALONE WITH THE "YOU'RE MY BITCH!" MALONE WAS SANDWICHED
BETWEEN ANTHASON AND THE TABLE! FISSION COVERS MALONE! ONE... TWO...
THR-NO! MALONE KICKED OUT!? MALONE KICKED OUT!

GP: How in the HELL...?

Shallow: Fission sets up for the Death Plunge on Anthason, but Anthason
lowblows him! ANTHASON WITH A DDT TO FISSION! Anthason goes for the
pin! One... two... thr- AWS MAN WITH THE SAVE!

*rumble*

JT: What's with this rumbling?

*BOOM!*

(With that explosion, it has come to our attention that the volcano has
started to bubble. It shakes, and then, finally, firey stuff comes out
of the top.)

GP: OH MY GOD! OH MY *GOD*! THE VOLCANO IS ERUPTING! THE FUCKING
VOLCANO IS ERUPTING!

JT: It's got to be those damn Tahoromoras!

GP: The lava is heading for those trees! OH MY GOD! FOREST FIRE! FOREST
FIRE! THE CARNAGE!

*SMACK!*

GP: Thanks.

Nikki: No problem.

JT: HAHA! SHE DIDN'T SLAP ME FOR ONCE!

*SMACK!*

JT: :-(

GP: BUT THE VOLCANO IS ERUPTING!? WHAT ABOUT OUR MAIN EVENT?! MY GOD!
THE LAVA IS HEADING RIGHT FOR THE RINGSIDE AREA!

Shallow: DON'T WORRY! TOMMY LEE JONES WILL SAVE US!

(The other three announcers slowly turn to Shallow.)

Shallow: ...Okay, maybe not.

Nikki: WAIT! WAIT! WAIT A DAMN SECOND! OUT OF THE CROWD, IT'S...

GP: THE COOL WHIP MAN!

JT: COOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL WHIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPP!!!!! YES! FUCK YES! I COULD
GO FOR SOME RIGHT NOW! WITH A LITTLE STRAWBERRIES, AND...

*SMACK!*

JT: You're no fun, Nikki. :-(

Nikki: =P

GP: THE COOL WHIP MAN UNLEASHES THE TIGER! YES! THERE IT IS! HE'S USING
HIS SUPER COOL POWERS TO FREEZE THE LAVA! TASTY ICE CREAM TREATS FOR
ALL!

JT: Okay, back to sanity...

Shallow: Sanity left us all a long time ago...

GP: Malone is back up, while Fission is recovering from the DDT...
Malone with a right to Fission! Fission with a right to Malone! Malone with
a right! Fission with a right, but Malone ducks it!

JT: MALONE HAS FISSION HIS SHOULDERS, BUT AWS MAN! ANOTHER DAMN KNOCK
YOUR FREAKIN' HEAD OFF TO MALONE!

Nikki: Not that Malone ever used his head to begin with.

GP: Fission goes for the cover... one... two... ANTHASON BREAKS IT!

JT: AWS Man (also known as Bill) grabs Kent Anthason! He's going for a
powerbomb, but Anthason counters with a rana! Wait! The Nude just
handed AWS Man (also known as Bill) a poodle! Anthason charges in, but AWS
Man (also known as Bill) tosses the poodle in Anthason's direction!
Anthason catches it... WAIT! VON FREAKINATOR! THE RARELY SEEN VAN DAMINATOR
WITH A POODLE! ANTHASON IS DOWN!

GP: Anthason isn't getting up, either, as Fission runs and hits a
clothesline right over the top rope to Malone, taking himself with Malone,
but landing on his feet!

Shallow: But Malone fights back! He grabs a chair!

*SMACK!*

GP: What a SHOT! Fission took it right on his forehead, and now
Malone's putting the chair on our announce table!

JT: It was knocked open from the chairshot! How is this fair?!

GP: Malone sits Fission on the chair! Now he's going up the ladder?!
What is Malone thinking?!

Shallow: WAIT! FISSION IS GETTING UP FROM THE CHAIR AND IS CLIMBING THE
DAMN THING! FISSION MEETS MALONE UP THERE AND THEY'RE EXCHANGING
PUNCHES ON TOP OF THE LADDER! FISSION LOWBLOWS MALONE! HE CLIMBS UP FURTHER!

GP: NO! NO!!

Nikki: FISSION DOUBLE UNDERHOOKS MALONE! HE'S NOT GOING TO... MY GOD!
MY FUCKING GOD!

*CRASH*, *SMACK*, *DING*, and *all other noises associated with death
and destruction*

GP: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! MY GOD! THE IWO WORLD CHAMPION IS A STAIN AT
OUR FEET! HE WAS JUST DEATH PLUNGED OFF THE FUCKING LADDER, ONTO THAT
OPEN CHAIR, AND THROUGH THE FUCKING TABLE! IF JOEY MALONE ISN'T DEAD,
HE'S DAMN FUCKING CLOSE!!!

JT: YES! YES! MALONE'S BLEEDING PROFUSELY OUT HERE! BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD
BLOOD!

GP: FISSION IS BARELY ABLE TO STAND, HIMSELF! HE'S DRAGGING THE BLOODY
CARCASS OF THE IWO WORLD CHAMPION BACK INTO THE RING, BUT SABASITAN
CROW IS BACK UP AND HE AMBUSHES FISSION JUST AFTER HE ROLLS MALONE IN!

JT: AWS MAN (also known as Bill) SEIZES THE OPPORTUNITY! HE DRAGS
MALONE TO THE CENTER OF THE RING AND HE'S CLIMBING UP TO THE TOP ROPE! YES!
WIN THE FREAKIN' MATCHIFIER TO MALONE! THE HEEL IS GOING TO WIN IT!

*SMACK!*

GP: FISSION KNOCKS DOWN CROW WITH A STEEL CHAIR AND SLIDES INTO THE
RING! AWS MAN COVERS MALONE! ONE... TWO... THR- FISSION BREAKS IT UP!?!?!

Shallow: THAT'S HIS PARTNER!

*SMACK!!!!!*

GP: Correction! That WAS his partner! SYPHON FISSION JUST CRACKED AWS
MAN (also known as Bill)'S PAINTBALL MASK WITH THAT CHAIRSHOT!

JT: Is Fission just wanting the title?!

Nikki: Yes! He's covering Malone! One... two... thr-ANTHASON! ANTHASON
BROKE IT UP!

Shallow: Anthason just cost Fission the World title! Malone slowly
rolls to the outside and Keri Lindum's checking up on him, but Anthason and
Fission are going at it in the ring! Right hands! Repeated right hands
between the two men! Fission's winning the war against the smaller
Anthason! He backs Anthason into the corner!

JT: Wait! Levine's back in! Levine rushes at Fission! Kneelift to
Fission! But Fission turns around! LEVINE GETS THROWN ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE
RING BY FISSION! BUT THIS ALLOWS ANTHASON TO GRABS FISSION FROM BEHIND!
SWEET SEREN- NO! FISSION LANDS ON HIS FEET! KICK IN THE GUT! DEATH PL-
NO! ANTHASON PICKS UP FISSION AND STUN GUNS HIM ON THE ROPES!

GP: Fission takes that knockdown hard, as Anthason grabs Fission from
behind! He's looking for the Malediction! HE HITS IT! HE HITS THE
INVERTED CLINCHING SLAM! Anthason drops down, he's still winded, but he makes
the cover on Fission! ONE... TWO... THR-NO!

Nikki: I don't believe this, but Malone is barely trying to get back
into the ring!

JT: Levine's back up, too! He grabs Anthason and tries the Conceptual
Perfection again, but Anthason slips out from behind and shoves Levine
into Fission... HEADBUTT TO LEVINE'S GROIN! FISSION'S UP! DEATH PLUNGE!
DEATH PLUNGE TO LEVINE! LEVINE'S DONE!

GP: Anthason with another Tornado Tremor to Fission! Now Anthason's
calling for the Double Helix again!

Shallow: Meanwhile, Crow's sliding back into the ring, but Malone's
back in, as well! Crow pounds away at Malone!

JT: Malone shoves Crow into the ropes... OH!!

Nikki: THAT ACTION JUST CROTCHED ANTHASON ON THE TOP ROPE!

GP: Fission's up on his feet, just as Malone dropkicks Crow out of the
ring!

JT: Fission's climbing the ropes and he picks up Anthason up there with
a fireman's carry! Oh GOD... I know this! Syphon Fission told me about
it! It's the Faded Dreams!

GP: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! FADED DREAMS(Lower body cradled DVD off top)
OFF THE TOP ROPE AND ONTO THE LEFTOVER CHAIR! KENT ANTHASON MIGHT BE
DEAD!

Nikki: Fission is down, too, next to Anthason! Wait! AWS Man (also
known as Bill) is back on his feet and he's trying to powerbomb Malone, but
Malone lowblows AWS Man (also known as Bill)! Malone knees him in the
gut! DOUBLE UNDERHOOK... EVEREST CATACLYSM(Double underhook inverted
Emerald Fusion)! EVEREST CATACLYSM!

GP: FISSION COVERS ANTHASON! MALONE IS TOO TIRED TO MAKE THE COVER ON
AWS MAN OR SAVE ANTHASON! THE REFEREE IS COUNTING ANTHASON DOWN! ONE...
TWO.... THREE!!!

*ding, ding, ding*

GP: It's over! THIS CAR WRECK IS OVER!

JT: FINALLY!!!

GP: Let's go to Meygon for the announcement...

Meygon: As a result of a pinfall... here is your winner... AND NEW IWO
NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION... SYPHON FISSION!!!!

(Syphon gets up, tired, and has his hand raised and is handed the IWO
North American Championship belt. The fans boo. Malone, caked with
blood, gets on his knees and is handed his IWO World Title belt. Kent
Anthason is not moving. Malone is trying to get up, but can not get up.
"Papercut" blares over the speakers as the fans boo loudly.)

GP: Syphon Fission wins a title that he was denied for his entire
career! What a night!

(Syphon cradles the North American Title as he walks toward Malone.
Malone looks up at Fission, and puts his head down.)

JT: FISSION HAS A BEATEN AND BROKEN MALONE RIGHT WHERE HE WANTS HIM!
KILL HIM FISSION! KILL HIM!!!

(The trio of girls on the outside are waving, trying to stop Syphon.
Syphon looks at his former friend. Syphon lowers his hand, to help his
old friend up. Malone looks up and accepts. Syphon pulls Joey Malone up.
The fans go nuts at the sight of these two on the same page again.)

JT: WAIT! WHAT IS THAT?!?!

GP: SPORTSMANSHIP! SYPHON FISSION HELPS HIS FALLEN FORMER COMRADE!
LISTEN TO THE FANS POP AS MALONE CAN BARELY STAND UP!

(Syphon walks over to the down and out Kent Anthason. He easily shoves
him, and lowers his hand.)

Shallow: He is offering to help his student. Why isn't he accepting?

(Anthason is not moving. Not at all. We notice for the first time that
Anthason's back is in an awkward position. Alyssa Cleeda is now in the
ring, and is at her knees by Anthason. Malone looks at Anthason, and
becomes horrified.)

GP: Malone lips are quivering. Syphon looks at Anthason with serious
eyes. Malone looks at Fission, with destruction in his eyes!

Nikki: Malone just pushed Fission to the canvas! Fission is shocked!
Malone is yelling and cursing at him. His face is turning even more red
then it was before. Cleeda is up and yelling at Malone to stop and get
some help.

(Malone struggles, but runs to the back, as medical personnel rush out
with a stretcher. Syphon is out of the ring and is walking to the back.
The fans do not pay attention, as their eyes are locked on the ring.
Keri Lindum is now there by Anthason, as is Quinn Morgan. Alyssa is
crying her eyes out.)

Shallow: Holy shit... this is serious. Something is terribly wrong
here.

(Syphon walks back to the announcer's booth, and waits intently. Malone
comes rushing out of the back, as Malone comes rushing out with more
medical personnel.)

GP: And now Malone is in the ring. We have loads of medical people in
this ring and they are checking Kent Anthason. He is not responding.

Nikki: The personnel put a neck brace on Anthason and are helping
Anthason onto that stretcher. Malone is yelling at them to move faster.

(With Anthason strapped in, the medical personnel carry Anthason out of
there. Malone is walking to the back, almost complacent. Keri walks
with him, as Alyssa runs to catch up with the medics. Syphon stands there,
trying to put it all together as Quinn comes down by him.)

GP: We could have just seen a young phoenix burn out tonight... what a
sad day for the IWO!

Nikki: I hear a helicopter is on its way. Good thing for the helipad in
the back.

JT: WELL THAT IDIOT DESERVES IT! HE IS SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS!

(Syphon grabs a chair from the melee around the ring and crushes JT's
head in. The fans give a monster pop, as Nikki goes nuts in joy.)

Nikki: I could not have said it better!

(We cut to the back, as Malone, Keri, and Alyssa are waiting with the
personnel as the pump pain killers into Anthason. They wait for the
helicopter to come out. Syphon and Quinn see this on the IWO-Tron, and
begins to run to the helipad. When Syphon gets back there, many of the IWO
stars are there, surrounding the fallen Anthason. Syphon goes through
the crowd, and looks right Anthason. Malone pushes Syphon away from
Anthason and begins to yell everything he is feeling right now at him.)

Joey Malone: Goddammit, Rashard. Don't look at this as some accident.
It MIGHT BE an accident, yes... but it never would have happened if you
hadn't have abandoned Anthason and I to go after your "precious" IWO
World Title. You look at him with concern, so why don't you look at your
hands, too? Look at them, Rashard. *pointing at his face* They're as
red as my face. They're as guilty as your sin. You could go out and you
could beat the holy hell out of me eighteen times and win the title
twice as many times... you would still be guilty of that one single sin.
The sin of the teacher nearly killing his student. A teacher shows not
malice towards his student, AND YOU FUCKING SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT,
RASHARD! Go back to playing mind games with yourself, Rashard, because it's
a lot better than fucking up other people's lives for the sake of your
own glory.

(Malone starts to walk away. Syphon grabs him by the shoulder and turns
him around. Malone almost kicks Syphon's as right there, but Syphon
has the same look on his face.)

Syphon: Joey... if you only knew. IF YOU ONLY FUCKING KNEW! I HAVE TO
LIVE WITH THAT FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE! I STILL CARE ABOUT YOU
GUYS! YOU JUST SHUT ME OUT AND LEFT ME FOR DEAD! IF YOU THINK I DID THAT
ON PURPOSE... FORGET THAT I HELPED YOU UP AND GO FUCK YOURSELF! YOU'RE
SUCH A GODDAMN IDIOT!

(Malone begins to walk away again, as Syphon continues to yell.)

Syphon: What do you want me to say? I am sorry? Well... you can have
it. I AM SORRY! I AM SORRY IF I WAS AFRAID OF HAVING EVERYTHING I EVER
WORKED FOR IN MY TWENTY EIGHT YEARS OF BEING FLUSHED DOWN THE TOILET BY
TWO GUYS I CONSIDERED FRIENDS! I MADE A LOT OF MISTAKES IN MY LIFE...
BUT MALONE... DAMMIT... YOU MADE MISTAKES AS WELL! I JUST REALIZED WHO I
AM! I JUST REALIZED WHAT MADE ME UP!

Joey: ...And you're still an inhuman monster…

(Malone flips him off, and continues to walk away. Syphon's eyes and
face begin to tremble. He throws the North American title down, and falls
to his knees. He begins to sob, as he keeps repeating something over
and over.)

Syphon: I am so... sorry.

(The helicopter comes in, and a extension cable comes down. The
personnel hook it up to the helicopter cable, and lift Anthason up. Keri,
Quinn and Alyssa stay, looking at a broken Syphon Fission, who is down and
crying.)

GP: We have word that Kent Anthason has some bruised ribs. He has had
bad back trauma... we do not know to what extent. This ending is
sickening. Two former friends are torn apart even further by this.

Shallow: I have never seen that man cry. Never! Even after winning his
first IWO World Title.

(Keri runs towards Joey, who is looking as the helicopter flies away
his friend. Keri yells at Joey with tears in her own eyes.)

Keri: He is sincerely sorry…

Joey: So? He is a heartless bastard! Fuck Rashard Clark! THIS IS NOT
HIS GLORY! HE IS PROBABLY SITTING THERE... WITH HIS NORTH AMERICAN TITLE!

Keri: He threw that away... and he is a heap, crying like a baby, still
repeating "I am sorry" like a broken record! If anyone is not human
here... it's you!

(Joey tries to make a rebuttal, but sees Fission down. He breaks down
and cries in Keri's shoulder, but he still Malone begins to walk to
Syphon, and picks up his North American title. He puts it on Syphon and
talks to him.)

Malone: Quit crying, Rashard. It's not exactly shiny. Dammit, man...
where'd we go wrong? You're my best friend.... *sigh* I suppose it's not
too late to ask for forgiveness from you, is it? I don't precisely know
what happened, but dammit, I'm sorry.

(Syphon gets up, and the two hug. The fans go nuts as "Shame" by BT
blares. We fade to a picture of the IWO Announcers booth.)

GP: Are they friends again?

Nikki: Probably…

Shallow: Well... what a damn event! Sort of makes you cry... doesn't
it?

GP: Tonight... we saw champions crowned... champions retain... a new
person up for a major push... and a main event that ended in
controversial fashion... along with a possible end to a young stars career. The
pluses are negated by the minuses. But we know we saw a change of heart
from two former friends. And we know that Kent Anthason is on a long road
towards regaining his ability to shine like he did before this night.
For Johnny Shallow, JT, the lovely Nikki, and the rest of the IWO...
this is Greg Parker... signing off!

(The scene fades to black as a high light reel of the night's event's
show through to the ackground song of "Son Song" by Soulfly.)

~Fin???~


Gold and Glory
Live from the MCI Center in Washington, DC
Sunday, July , 2001
And Much Much More