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*The following is intended for a pay per view viewing audience. If you do not like Mature subject matters then please do not read*
(Blackness, darkness, as all we see is a heart face into the scene. It beats slowly, and then fades out, only to fade back in, slowly beating once more, and fading out. It fades once more, as we hear a beat, and then a strike of lightning etches down from the sky and cracks the heart in half, revealing the new IWO Logo. We fade out to nothing, as we hear a voiceover with some footage. We hear an Instrumental version of "El Distoro De Melodica" by Everclear play softly in the background.)
Voiceover:I Left myself out to dry, In Front of your awakened Eye. You see me for who I am. Not who you thought I am.
(Images of a blood covered Television title is shown, as Adam Wars is shown down in defeat from Ben Archer on Meltdown. We see an image of Eddie Cheno hammering Billy Ray in the head with a bong, and the final count from Ben O'Connor on a fallen Simon Seaman to Syphon Fission.)
Voiceover:Suffer for my thoughts divine, Things I don't dare to find. This crazy friction slows my life, as you slowly grab your knife...
(Tod is shown being fired, as we see the recent battle between Donnie Daze, Dane Matthews, Jax Stone, and Joey Malone. Constant feuding back and forth is shown, as we see Daze holding Matthews' Extreme Championship.)
Voiceover:Stab me in the stomach please, all I want is you to worship me. Please help me to my feet, tell me that I'm really neat...
(We fade into highlights, faded grey of MNM between the Martin O'Brothers, Sam Potright, and Gunnar Smith. We then see President Levine dressed in a suit, with Jamie and his stack of papers. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) is shown losing the North American title to LiGiL.)
Voiceover:Please tell me that you love me, so I don't hate myself times three. You are my one true calling, and I am no longer falling.
(We see Syphon Fission holding the belt high in the air, and then Carmen in a hospital bed. We see Levine attempting to destroy Syphon, only for it to backfire, time and time again. Fission holds the world title up, as a split screen shows Levine attempting to grab it out of his hands. We slowly fade out to blackness.)
(We see a time run-down, as we hear "And some ya Lose" by One Minute Silence hit the pa system. 5.... 4.....3....2.....1..... "And suddenly "boom," as the footage of the time collapsing bursts into pieces, we fade into none other than Paris, France. We see the fans screaming their lungs out, as fireworks eclipse the arena. A rather chaotic scene, as we slowly pan down into the announce booth. We see Greg Parker, Johnny Shallow, and JT standing there, all dressed very professionally. They each have their own hand mics.)
GP:Je voudrais être le premier pour vous accueillir tout à Paris, France, pour notre salaire par vue spectaculaire, coeurs brisés, os cassés! Nous avons un enfer d'un moment ici à Paris, et nous n'en inclut aucun autres que Greg Parker, JT, et Johnny Shallow!
Shallow:Greg, vous savez que mon nom va d'abord. Les ventilateurs, bienvenue à notre salaire par vue, ce va être un enfer d'un salaire par vue, et puisque nous sommes en Europe, nous pouvons avoir des femmes plus nues à notre télévision. Je suis sûr que le JT aime cela!
JT:I heard my name meantioned, what the hell is going on, and why are we talking French! Come on guys! Don't pull a Dia Del Nino on me!
GP:Well, I welcomed the fans to BROKEN HEARTS, BROKEN BONES THREE, Shallow over here said that since we're overseas, we can show more nude women.
JT:HOT DAMN! BRING ON THE GIRLS!
GP:Is that the only thing you think with, your penis?
JT:Why settle for anything less Greg?
GP:Why settle for that when tonight, in this very ring, there will be match after match of epic proportion!
JT*Whispering to Shallow*:I told you he was gay...
(Parker slugs JT upside the head, knocking JT rather dumbfounded.)
GP:Tonight, in this ring, we will see a matchup that will decide the direction of this company for months to come. Jamie Kosoy and Evan Levine will referee the World Heavyweight Championship bout, and whoever counts the fall, will receive the company!
Shallow:All because of those papers that Jamie has, right?
GP:Yeah, to the best of my knowledge. I'm not sure what Evan was trying to do, but he put himself into a place where he could lose the IWO, and all I know is that those papers MUST be important to the IWO, and to his current position inside the Internet Wrestling Organization.
Shallow:And Syphon Fission will defend his World Title against LiGiL and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill). That will definitly be a huge matchup, as these men seem destined for glory.
GP:Arizonian Firewater Death Match, Joey Malone and Jax Stone do battle in the first one of it's kind here inside the confines of the IWO, and I'm sure it'll be just as crazy as it sounds.
Shallow:Matthews and Daze battle it out one on one, title for title, pride for pride, in that very ring. That'll be one hell of a match to see too Greg.
(JT awakens from his stuper slumber.)
JT:Oh yeah... Pamala... give it to me...
(JT realizes where he is, and tries to regain his composure.)
JT:I mean....
("Synthetic" by Spineshank blares over the speakers as the fans get on their feet and roar. On the IWO-Tron we can see a video for Syphon Fission. As they roar, the lights go out, and a weird strobe light type thing spread a wide variety of colors. As the power of the guitars takes over, Syphon walks out of the back. He is wearing his usual stuff, including a new "It is 2001, DO YOU KNOW WHO IS WORLD CHAMPION?" shirt, and the IWO World Heavyweight Championship belt is over his shoulder. As he steps out, the fans get even louder. Syphon just sucks it all in. He then begins to walk to the ring, slowly. )
GP: LISTEN TO THESE FANS! THE IWO WORLD CHAMPION IS GETTING A STANDING OVATION IN PARIS FRANCE!
JT: Big deal…
Shallow: Shut the hell up JT!
(As Syphon walks, Quinn follows right behind, in her harlequin outfit. The fans go nuts for her. Syphon rolls into the ring, and then lifts Quinn over the top rope. Syphon then smiles as the lights come back on. He then
climbs all four turnbuckles, raising the IWO World Title while standing on each one. Quinn has a microphone, and begins to talk. )
Quinn: It is nice to know that in one place, the fans give the World Champion one hundred percent support.
(The fans pop. After this is done, Quinn hands the mic to Syphon. The fans go nuts again, before he talks, causing him to pause. He then goes on. )
Syphon: Now…Paris…tonight I get to defend my title against yuppies in the back. Their names do not matter…because they either gave head to get here…or were lucky in some Pay-Per-View match. Either way…they do not matter…
(Syphon pauses, then continues on. )
Syphon: I would like to tell you people why I came out here. Now…as most of you know, my former girlfriend, Carmen Jackson was pregnant with a baby. Now…a week or two ago…IWO President Evan Levine…
(The fans begin to boo. Syphon just waits for the crowd to calm down. )
Syphon: Yes…the baby did die due to complications…thanks to Evan. Now…the blood results came in…and…
(Syphon builds anxiety like only he can. A smile graces his face. )
Syphon: The father was…was...
(Syphon begins to fake cry. )
Syphon: FISHER PRICE!!!
(He begins to laugh his ass off. He then calms down, as the fans seem kinda puzzled. )
Syphon: See…Carmen and me had been talking since Conspiracy Theory 2, and we thought up something where she would be pregnant…then have Evan Levine seem to think he was getting an upper hand on me. Well…Evan…the whole thing was a farce…just like you're pathetic career. Come on out Carmen…
(Carmen Jackson, thinner then the last time she actually managed a wrestling match. She is wearing her lawyer attire, and the ends of her hair are dyed red, with the rest being blond. She smiles a smirky smile as she comes
down to the ring. )
Syphon: As you can see…I will prove the numbers to the whole world. I have been in the IWO for nine months. Carmen left the IWO for a break at the end of November, or early December. She must have had to make up for nine months of gestation in less then three months. That is impossible. Evan…you forgot to do your homework. Now…if you excuse me…I want to celebrate with two of the biggest joys in my life.
(Quinn and Carmen both smile. They go to the back, but Syphon stays inside. He decides to make some final statements. )
Syphon: Now…Evan…that was an easy way to break it to you. I hope you understand I am going to be the IWO World Champion when this night ends! I am me…and if that is not good enough for you…then go fuck yourself! I am not going to bow to you! I am not afraid of you. So…Evan…we have played the game…and you have lost badly. Can you admit it? I will leave you with that Evan…because, well…THAT'S THE LAST WORD!
("Synthetic" by Spineshank blares over the speakers. Syphon then stands in the middle of the ring and lifts his title in the air. He then leaves to the back. The scene fades into a shot of a hosptial where a doctor is walking
through the hallways with a nurse.)
Doctor: He's not doing too well. I don't expect him to make it through
here much longer.
Nurse: Yeah, it's a shame. He had such a good career ahead of him.
(The doctor opens the door only to see an empty room.)
Doctor: Whoa, where is he?
Nurse: God..I hope he's not trying to play hide and seek with me again.
Every time he does he grabs my ass.
Doctor: Who doesn't grab your ass?
(The doctor slowly walks into the room.)
Doctor: OW!
Nurse: What?! What happened?
(The doctor lifts his finger up to show that a cactus prick is causing
him to bleed.)
Doctor: (Turning pale) He's escaped.....
(We fade back into the ringside area, as it's just a look of shock.)
GP:What the hell is that all about?!?)
[ We now go back to ringside where camera focuses in on the commentators table, where there sits GP,
JT, and Shallow. ]
GP: Man, what a night this has been so far.
Shallow: Ha, you're telling me. We're haven't even truly begun the show yet, we still got a United States
Championship Match, Title for Title Match, World Title Match, and even the #1 Contendership to the Extreme Championship between 0¿0 and Sabastian Crow.
JT: Yeah, but up next, we have a Fatal Fourway Competition between Spaz, Jeff King, Mac D, and Erik Blade.
Shallow: Heh, I wonder if Erik Blade will be looking for the Taco Bell dog tonight !?
JT: Haha.
GP: Well...
JT: HEY, you know what just struck me?
GP: What?
JT: How did this match come about for the pay per view?
GP: Ugh, who knows, lets go to ringside.
[ "Twist of Cain" by Danzig starts playing over the speakers as the crowd comes to a neutral medium crowd reaction... ]
Announcer: Introducing to the ring at this time, weighing in at 225 pounds straight from Lexington, Kentucky....SPAZZZZZZZZ !!!!!
[ Spaz comes from behind the IWO curtains and slides
into the ring as he climbs the turnbuckles and trys
to arouse the fans... ]
[ "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit starts playing over the
speakers as the crowd comes to a neutral medium
crowd reaction... ]
Announcer: Introducing next to the ring at this time,
weighing in at 245 pounds straight from Irving,
Texas.......MAC D !!!!!!!
[ Mac D comes from behind the IWO curtains and slides
into the ring and begins twisting his neck to pop
a muscle as two men are currently inside the ring... ]
[ "The Shuffle Profile" starts playing over the
speakers as Jeff King steps from behind the curtain
and
begins walking down the rampway... ]
Announcer: Next up, introducing and weighing in at
uhhh something, he is JEFF KINGGGGG !!!!!
[ Jeff King enters the ring as the crowd signals and
heat tension and begins calling him "Asshole"...the
other two superstars smile and shake their heads. ]
GP: Man !, this is a nice reaction for Jeff King...
JT: Haha ! Paris, France must really know this guy by
name !!!
[ "I couldn't find his music" " starts playing over
the speakers as the fans begin booing... ]
Shallow: And here is our last contender for the Fatal
Fourway Competition...
Announcer: Introducing last to the ring, weighing in
at (something) pounds straight from (something), he
is.....ERIK BLAKE !!!!!!!!
[ Erik Blake runs to the ring and enters as the four
men suddenly get a stare down with each other...as the
bell rings, we are ready for action... ]
Shallow: And here we go, we are finally ready for our
Fatal Fourway Competition between Spaz...
JT: Mac D....
GP: Jeff King.....
Shallow: And of course, that damn Taco Bell lover,
Erik Blake !!!
JT: Ok now !, here we go...Mac D and Jeff King hook
up, but Mac D delivers a rake to the eye followed by
a headbutt, Jeff King falls against the ropes as Mac D
grabs hold of him and sends him off with an Irish
whip, Jeff King comes running back and trys to hit a
running drop-kick but Mac D steps back as Jeff falls
to the mat...Mac D grabs hold of Jeff by the head and
slams his face into the turnbuckle as he gets Jeff
backed up into the turnbuckle, now stomping down on
him with his foot...man !, Mac D seems to have a
pretty good advantage here tonight.
GP: Yeah !, but mean while, Spaz and Erik Blake are
mixing it up. Ouch dammit !, Erik Blake just hit a
hard uppercut punch to the jaw of Spaz as Spaz
stumbles back a bit, Erik Blake throws back his hand
and
knocks Spaz against the side of his face as Spaz falls
against the ropes. Erik ties Spaz up into the rope,
headbutts him, and comes running back with a knee to
the GROIN !!!, OUCH, THAT HAS TO HURT !!!
Shallow: Spaz gets out of the ropes now as he
continues to walk toward Erik holding his hurting nuts
as
Erik continues the punishment with a devastating DDT
to the mat bouncing Spaz's head up and over...
GP: I'm not sure what area Spaz has to worry about
right now...his head or his balls ?
JT: Haha !, mean while, Mac D continues the punishment
on Jeff King as he holds Jeff against the
turnbuckle and presses his fingers deep into the eyes
of King, continuing with a eye rake, followed by his
own uppercut. Mac D grabs hold of Jeff King and goes
for an irish whip out of the turnbuckle into the
next across, but Jeff reverses the move and sends Mac
slamming into the corner. Jeff follows it up by
running at Mac hitting a running spear deep into the
corner, Mac D lowers his body as Jeff hooks Mac's
head under Jeff's arm and pushes him up onto the top
pad of the turnbuckle....
GP: Whats Jeff King planning for here !?
JT: And, Jeff King has him up there and..., OH MY GOD, A SUPERPLEX !!!!
Shallow: Wow, that was amazing !!!
Shallow: Wait a second, who the hell is that standing at the entrance?
GP: It's that mystery guy that attacked Spaz with his Cactus when Spaz
fought Jax Stone for the Extreme title! And he Spaz doesn't see him!
JT: Well what's he standing there for?! GO GET SOME BLOOD BITCH!!
Shallow: The mystery guy has slowly made his way down and has grabbed a
chair and is sitting in the aisle. What the hell is going on here?
GP: Who is that anyway?
JT: Who cares, if he isn't attackin, I don't care. Back to the match.
JT: Jeff King is the first to get back up as Mac D
lays there holding onto his back hollering a little
bit in
pain....
GP: It looks like Mac D might have hurt his back there
!!!!
Shallow: Yeah !, but lets not hope its nothing
serious. God !, we have to see a replay of that...
[ A replay of the Superplex shot is shown through a
split two screen, as we continue to go back to the
first
screen... ]
JT: Shit !, this is one hell of a good match but lets
not forget about Erik Blake and Spaz now....Erik Blake
just tossed Spaz over the top rope as he climbs over
the top rope and proceeds to follow him. Erik Blake
picks Spaz back up and slams his face into the
guardrail....
GP: Yeah !, but thats not all Erik Blake succeeded in
!!!, Erik Blake just delivered a running bulldog to
Spaz outside onto the concrete !!!!
Shallow: Yeah !, but inside the ring, Jeff King might
have the advantage as he goes for a cover on the still
fallen Mac D....
1....
2....
KICKOUT !!!!
Shallow: NOOO !!!, MAC D KICKED OUT !
GP: I thought this match was over considering the way
he landed his back...
Shallow: Yeah !, but now Erik Blake goes for
a...a....COVER !!??, there is no covers on the outside
Erik !!
JT: This isn't no disqualification ?
GP: Hell no !, not by what I seen on the card. This is
just another normal Fatal Fourway for the PPV
card...
JT: Oh damn !, then why is Erik Blake reaching out
under the ring apron then and....grabbing a TRASH
CAN LID !!!??
Shallow: I'm not sure but Spaz is getting back up
and....OH SHIT !, AND HES BACK DOWN....
JT: Erik Blake just knocked down Spaz with that trash
can lid but back inside the ring now...., Jeff King
has Mac D lined up for a piledriver maybe ???....no
wait !, this could be a powerbomb !!??, no
wait....WAIT....MAC D JUST BACKDROPPED JEFF KING INTO
THE CENTER OF THE RING......
GP: How the hell did he do that !!??
Shallow: Yeah !, thats what I'd like to know....I
thought his back was hurt !
JT: Oh well !, Mac D runs off the ropes now, Jeff King
brings his head back up and Mac D hits a low
drop-kick straight to the jaw sending Jeff back to the
mat...Mac D stands back up but OH HEHE, SHIT
!!!, ERIK BLAKE JUST STRUCK MAC D WITH THAT TRASH CAN
LID.....
Shallow: ALL 3 MEN ARE DOWN EXCEPT FOR ERIK BLAKE
!!!!, Erik Blake is the only man
standing but WAIT.....Jeff King out of desperation
rolls Erik Blake up with an inside cradle.....
1.....
2...........almost 3....
KICKOUT !!!!
JT: Erik Blake kicked out from Jeff Kings inside
cradle as both men stand up now....they both begin
exchanging lefts and rights to the face, ONE
SHOT...TWO SHOT....THREE SHOT....FOUR
SHOT....WAIT...., Erik Blake just blocked a shot !!!,
now Erik Blake has the advantage and hes knocking
the shit out of Jeff King !!!....
Shallow: AND A HARD KNOCK DOWN THANKS TO ERIK BLAKE
!!!!, Erik Blake runs toward the
front end ropes and trys to bounce off but Spaz, from
the outside grabs hold of Erik Blakes feet and trips
him as Erik lands straight on his face !!!!, now Spaz
slides into the ring, picks up Erik Blake and OOOH
!, SPAZ HITS A RUNNING BULLDOG OF HIS OWN STRAIGHT
ONTO THE TRASH CAN LID !!!!!,
now Spaz with a cover !!!!
1.....
2.......
KICKOUT !!!!!!
Shallow: Spaz couldn't get Erik Blake down but now
grabs hold of his hair, pulling him up, and starts
sending straight shots to Erik's face but Erik reaches
up his hand and chokes the shit out of Spaz, as he
takes Spaz back down and climbs over him, man, SPAZ IS
ALMOST TURNING BLUE BUT JEFF KING
GETS BACK UP AND WALKS TOWARD ERIK BLAKE...., WAIT A
MINUTE, MAC D GETS BACK
UP, GRABS HOLD OF JEFF KING AND SETS HIM UP BETWEEN
HIS LEGS.....
GP: What now !?, a piledriver attempt
!!???....and....YES, I WAS RIGHT !!! Mac D scores a
piledriver on
Jeff King as Jeff holds onto his head, but WAIT, ERIK
BLAKE SPINS MAC D AROUND AND RUNS
HIM UP AND OVER THE TOP ROPE....DAMMIT !, MAC D JUST
LANDED STRAIGHT ON HIS
BACK AND I MEAN HARD !!!!!!
JT: SHIT !, thats got to hurt !!!!!
Shallow: But wait !, both Jeff King and Spaz try to
sneak up on Erik Blake, AND JEFF KING HOLDS
ONTO BLAKE AS SPAZ SMILES AND WARMS UP HIS FIST....
JT: Oh !, I can't look !!!!
GP: Who really cares !!!, this guy is an asshole
anyways....
GP: Uh oh, wait a second, that mystery guy is getting up from his chair
now and is coming to the ring!
JT: YES! FINALLY! Kick Spaz's ass!!
Shallow: There he goes! He's charging to the ring!
GP: Spaz sees him! Wait, what the hell!? HE STOPPED!
JT: KILL HIM DUMBASS! DON'T STARE AT HIM JUST KILL HIM!!
Shallow: THE MYSTERY GUY DROPS BACK AND...Wait! HE just threw the
Cactus to Spaz!! Spaz is confused! Spaz looks over to Blake, and takes a wild swing.
(Blake ducks, as Spaz catches Jeff King in the head.)
GP: SPAZ JUST SMACKED JEFF KING IN THE FACE WITH THAT CACTUS!
Shallow: And now Spaz can't believe what just happened
and.....OH MY GOD !!!, A kick to the gut by
Erik Blake has Blake hits a hard loud sounding
inverted DDT !!!!!
GP: HOLY SHIT !!!, and theres the cover....
1....
2....
3.....
[ The bell rings as "I Still Couldn't find his Music"
starts playing over the speakers... ]
Announcer: AND YOU'RE WINNER OF THIS MATCH......ERIK
BLAKE !!!!!!!
GP: The Asshole done it !!!!!
JT: How the hell did he do it !!?
Shallow: Not quite sure but he was my pick all the way
through, he showed allot of great skill.
GP: He might have and he has came then again he has
gone....Erik Blake has won this thing at Broken
Bones - Broken Hearts....
[ As Erik Blake walks back up the rampway now... ]
JT: Well folks, we're done with our opening match for the
night, but what's going on with that mystery man?
(All of a sudden, Nikki parachutes from the sky, kicks over Shallow, and joins the broadcast team. "Dragula" by Rob Zombie begins to blast throughout the arena. The crowd gives a good pop as Adam Wars begins to make his way to the ring. He gets into the ring and a member of the ring crew throws him a microphone as the music fades out.)
GP: What's Wars doing here?
JT: I can't stand the guy.
Nikki: He looks pissed off.
Adam Wars: You know, I'm sick and tired of the way things are going on in the IWO.
GP: What do you think he means?
JT: Why don't you shut up and listen?
Wars: All of a sudden these new guys come into the IWO and think that they're hot shit. They think that they can just come in and will all of a sudden be higher on the ladder than me. Well I'm sick of that! I'm sick of
beating treated like crap! I'm one of the top stars in this second rate fed! Except no one seems to want to give me a title shot! You know who I blame for that? Guys like Donnie Daze!
(The crowd begins to boo)
GP: I thought those two were friends.
Nikki: Me too. But now that he doesn't like Daze, he's kind of cute.
JT: Wars is now my favorite wrestler!
Wars: Daze, why don't you get your ass out here, and get your ass kicked! That Pacific title is going to be mine!
("Your Disease" by Saliva begins to blast throughout the arena as the crowd gives a huge pop. Donnie Daze comes out and stands on the ramp with a microphone as the music fades out. He has the Pacific title around his
waist)
Donnie: Wars, why don't you just stop your bitching and moaning?
(The crowd pops)
Donnie: I'm the one who showed you the IWO. I'm the one that put in the good word for you to get in. If anything, you owe me!
Wars: Why don't you come down here, and I'll show you what I owe you. A savage beating.
(Daze throws down the microphone and runs down to the ring. He slides in and Wars begins to lay into him with boots. A referee runs down and rings the bell.)
GP: It looks like we've got an impromptu match going on.
JT: Yep.
(Daze is trying to get up but Wars continues to pound on him. He then begins to nail him in the face with right hands. Wars now picks up Daze and sends him to the ropes. Daze ducks and bounces off the opposite ropes and
hits a flying clothesline on Wars)
GP: What a move by Daze!
JT: That won't last. Wars will show him up.
(Daze starts to stomp on Wars now. He picks him up and sends him to the corner. Wars stumbles out toward the middle of the ring Daze bounces off the middle rope and hits him with a dropkick. Wars goes to the outside.)
GP: Looks like he's taking a breather.
(Daze isn't going to let him. Daze bounces off the opposite and leaps over the top. He hits Wars with a suicide dive. Daze now telling the time keeper to move. He has the chair now. He goes to swing it at Wars but the ref
grabs it. The ref is holding it now in front of Daze telling him that he can't use it. Daze is arguing with him. Adam Wars is up. He superkicks the chair into Donnie Dazes face.)
JT: Ha look at Wars now. He's winning while Daze is on the ground crying like a little baby!
GP: Daze isn't crying.
JT: Oh
(Wars slides Daze in the ring and goes to the top rope. He begins to
taunt to the crowd. he jumps off and hits a leg drop. Wars goes for the pin.
GP: One, two, no!
(Daze kicks out and Wars picks him up. Wars throws Daze into the
corner. Wars charges and Daze get's his foot up.)
GP: That could have broken Wars's nose.
JT: Come on Wars!
Nikki: I wish someone would break Daze's nose.
GP: Both men are looking a bit fatiqued. Daze still has an Extreme
title match later in the night.
(Wars stumbles from the shot to the face and Daze runs him over with a
clothesline. He begins to lay the boots into Wars)
Nikki: Daze is stomping on Wars.
(Daze lets up on Wars and picks him up. He slings him to the ropes, but
Wars reverses it. He pulls Daze towards him and levels him with a short arm
clothesline. Then he drops a leg across the throat of Daze)
Nikki: Sweet. Come on Wars, mess Daze up!
GP: You're still mad at him because of that one date you two went on?
Nikki: Yeah. He was a complete ass hole.
JT: Yep. But Daze doesn't know what he's missing. Sex with Nikki is
great. At least that's what I've heard... from the entire locker room!
Nikki: Why you!!!
*SMACK*
GP: It would kill the two of you to get through a match without a
fight.
Nikki: Actually, it kills JT.
JT: I think I'm bleeding.
Nikki: Serves you right!
(Wars walks to Daze's legs. He grabs one of then and does a handstand
on it. Then he comes down with a knee on his ankle. Daze rolls away from him
holding his ankle. Wars picks him up and sets him up for a piledriver. But Daze
grabs his ankles and lifts him up into the air. He slams Wars to the mat)
JT: Wow. Wars hit his head on the mat pretty hard.
Nikki: Daze seems to have a bit of an advantage now. He is picking Wars
up again.
(Daze picks Wars up and kicks him in the stomach. Wars grabs his foot
and spins him around. He sets up for the Aftermath (Full Nelson Front
Russian Leg Sweep). But Daze kicks him in the groin)
GP: Wars was going for his new finisher, the Aftermath.
Nikki: From what I've heard, it's a pretty good move.
(Wars holds onto his groin for a moment. Daze hits the ropes and levels
him with a flying shoulder block. Wars stumbles back up, and Daze goes to
the top rope. Wars stumbles over to him and jumps onto his shoulders for a head
scissor takedown, but Wars reverses it into a powerbomb. He goes for
the pin)
GP: One, two, kick out by Daze!
(Wars picks Daze up and throws him to the ropes. Daze comes back and
Wars locks on a sleeper hold. But Daze elbows him in the stomach and throws
him to the ropes. Wars grabs the ropes, but Daze follows him and sends him to
the floor with a clothesline)
Nikki: Daze knocked Wars right out of the ring, and right in front of
us.
GP: Uh oh! Daze hits the ropes! He's coming towards us! He jumps over
the top rope and nails Wars!
JT: Both men are on the ground struggling to get up.
(The two each try to push themselves up. Daze uses the ring apron, and
pulls himself up. He slides back into the ring and tries to push himself to
his feet. Wars grabs a steel chair and gets up. He slides into the ring.
Daze is already standing and rushes towards Wars)
GP: Wars has a chair. He's going to try to paste Daze in the face.
Nikki: I so, hope he does!
JT: Come on Wars!
(Wars swings at Daze, but Daze ducks. Wars turns back towards Daze, but
Daze kicks him up the stomach and sets him up for a DDT. But Wars begins to
pick him up. Daze fights him and plants him into the mat with a swinging
DDT. He crawls over to Wars and puts his arm over his chest)
GP: One, two, thr KICK OUT!
Nikki: Whew!
JT: Damn you Wars. Win this match!
(Daze gets up and goes for a leg drop on Wars, but Wars rolls out of
the way. Wars gets up and grabs the chair. Daze picks himself up and leans
against the ropes. Wars swings the chair, but Daze drops to the outside. The chair
hits the ropes and almost hits Wars in the face)
GP: Wars almost took himself out on that one.
Nikki: That cheater Daze is on the outside. He's probably going to get
a weapon.
JT: Well, Wars is in the ring waiting for him.
GP: With that chair of course.
Nikki: Don't blame him for being the smarter of the two.
JT: Yeah. Daze isn't very smart.
Nikki: If he was smart, he would have worked harder on our
relationship.
GP: Your relationship! You went out on one date!
Nikki: One date too many!
(Daze goes past the announcers and gives Nikki a dirty look. She
responds with one of her own. Then Daze grabs a chair and walks around the ring
for a few seconds)
JT: He's afraid to get back into the ring with someone as good as Wars.
GP: Are you kidding me? If Wars would back up a little, he'd get back
in.
Nikki: Come on Wars, break his face!
(Daze quickly slides into the ring. Wars runs at him with the chair,
but Daze gets out of the way. Daze swings at him, but Wars ducks. Wars swings up
him, and Daze backs up. Wars swings again and Daze ducks. Daze grabs him
from behind and sets up for Dazed and Confused)
GP: This could be it!
Nikki: You can't lose to him Wars!
(Wars begins to push all his weight backwards. He pushes Daze into the
corner. He runs at Daze and hits a splash. Daze stumbles out of the
corner. Then Wars runs, jumps off the top turnbuckle, and hits Daze with a
super bulldog)
GP: Nice move by Wars.
JT: Yeah, you have to give the man credit.
GP: I just did.
JT: So...
(Wars picks up his chair and swings at Daze, but Daze ducks and runs to
his. He picks it up and rushes towards Wars. He swings at Wars and Wars
ducks)
Nikki: Here we go again.
(Daze swings again, and Wars ducks. Wars grabs him from behind)
GP: Wars sets him up! He has him hooked! THE AFTERMATH!!!!!!!! WARS
JUST HIT THE AFTERMATH ON DONNIE DAZE!!!!!!!
Nikki: WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A NEW PACIFIC CHAMPION!!!!!!!!!
JT: THE PIN!!!! ONE, TWO, THREE!!!!!!!!
Ring Announcer: YOUR WINNER, AND NEW INTERNET WRESTLING ORGANIZATION,
PACIFIC CHAMPION!!!!!!!!! ADAM WAAAAARRRSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Wars spits on Daze, then grabs the Pacific title and leaves. We fade into a promo for the United States Title Match. "Freshman" by the Verve Pipe is heard softly in the background.)
Voice(Evan Levine):Double gold...
(That simple line repeats two or three times, as we see an image of Ben O'Connor and Simon Seaman standing face to face in the President's office. We later see O'Connor battling the Martin-O Bros. all by himself, as Seaman then comes out. We see a still of Seaman flying through the air, light in grey, crashing down onto an injured Ben O'Connor.)
Voice(Nikki*screaming*): Beeeennnnn!!!!!!
(We see an image of Seaman battling Syphon Fission, as the hands of Ben O'Connor come down for a three count. Images of Seaman eliminating Ben O'Connor from the Battle Royal are shown, as well as their brawl on Monday Night Meltdown.)
Voice(Ben O'Connor): You're not thinking of putting me out on my own are you?
(Fade Out back to the ring.)
GP: Ladies and Gentlemen,...it's now time for that zany match we've been
waiting for all evening,..the US Title Match.
JT: (sarcastically) That's right, Greg,...all of our US Title matches
are,...zany?
Nikki: *AHEM* JT, I believe that he's referring to the rules for this
match,...
JT: Oh?
Nikki: Yes,...the winner of the match is declared the winner when and only
when he gets to the top of that model of the United States, places an
American Flag on the top of it, and proclaims himself the president!
JT: (still being sarcastic,...to GP) WOW, GREG! THAT'S ONE SMART BITCH WE
HAVE DOING COMMENTARY WITH US,...
(Nikki and JT look at each other, knowing what is going to happen next.)
JT: Will you give me to the count of ten?
Nikki: Sure,...(JT closes eyes as Nikki
counts),...1..................................................................
..................2................................(JT peeks then closes his
eyes once more)....................3................SLAP! 4 SLAP! 5 SLAP! 6
SLAP! 7 SLAP! 8 SLAP! 9 SLAP! 10 SLAP!
JT: (crying) *SNIFF SNIFF*
GP: Heh heh,...well, Meagan's in the ring,...and as you fans can see, there
is the model of the United States of America,..
(The camera pans down an area of the arena wall away from the wrestler
entrance, and there, true to Greg's word, is a large model of the United
States of America,...about 150 feet tall,...200 if you count from the Tip of
Florida to the tip of Maine,...about 300 if you count from those little boxes
at the bottom containing Alaska and Hawaii to the tip of Maine.)
JT: *SNIFF* That's beautiful, Greg,..
Nikki: Awww, JT,...I never knew you were a patriot,..
JT: Heh,..I was just crying 'cause of those cheap shots you got in on
me,...I actually take part in flag burnings frequen,...
*SLAP*
JT: SHIT, GIRL! WHAT IT IS?
Nikki: Shut up, JT.
GP: And, Meygon, of course,....
Meygon: Introducing first,...
(" I am BenConnor " by The Ben Connor Band plays as Ben
O'Conner comes from the back,..)
Meygon: THE CHALLENGER....BEN O'CONNNOOR!!!!!
GP: Here comes Ben O'Connor! Boy, he's looking rather confident tonite...
JT: Yeah, confident that he's going to get his ass kicked!
Nikki: Shut Up JT! Your annoying you know that?!
JT: Thanks Baby!
GP: Ben O'Connor is making his way down to the ring, He walks by the Model of
the United States in Amazement!
JT: Oh Know! Chairshot to the head! Simon Seaman is out here and the match
has begun! O'Connor is staggering around, as Semen, begins to hammer away on
Ben, with those vicious Chairshots!
Nikki: It's SEAMAN!
JT: Same difference bitch!
*SLAP!*
GP: That was great! But, back to the action..Seaman, is walking towards the
model of the United States with O'Connor..He's pulling O'Connor by the ear!
JT: Seaman, whips O'Connor into Texas! Texas has just taken down Ben
O'Connor..Hey..Speaking of Texas, this reminds me of that Miss Congeniality
Movie with Sandra Bullock..What a fox!
GP: I must agree! That was a GREAT movie also!
Nikki: Umm boys...I think you should be focusing on the MATCH!
GP: Umm..OH Yah! Texas has taken down O'Connor! What a move by Seaman! The
United Staates Champion is showing us that he knows his Geography! He's
climbing on top..He's on top of TexAS..Whats this?!
Nikki: SWANTON BOMB!
JT; OUCHIES! Thats gotta hurt! Swanton Bomb onto the concrete! No ones home!
Oh god what a moron that Seaman truly is! O'Connor is now getting back to his
feet..Elbow drop to the head of Seaman..
GP: O'Connor is finally showing some offense in this match...He's now
stomping away at the Midsection of Simon, the US champ...What the hell?!
How'd Ben get that?!
JT: Ben O'Connors got the US TITLE IN HIS hANDS?!
Nikki: Title shot to the head by O'Connor! SImon just got NAILED by his own
championship belt! Simons busted open!
JT: O'Connors got the US flag! He's climbing up Florida and is tryign to make
his way up to the top of the model! Oh my! I think he's going to do it! He's
on the top of Florida! He's beginning to climb his way up to Georgia!
Nikki: Whats Seaman doing? He's climbing onto a ladder! He's CLIMBING his way
up to the TOP of the model..Simon is holding onto the flag..He's raising it
in the air..BUT your not going to win it that way Simon!
GP: Ben O'Connor is FINALLLY to the top! He can't believe that Simon's
already there! Oh my! This is going to turn into a brawl!
JT:Ben takes a swing..BLOCKED by Seaman..Simon retaliates and hits a killer
right hook..Bens staggering..Simons got him...POWERBOMB! ON THE TOP OF THE
DAMN MODEL! THIS IS CRAZINESS!
GP: Simon's got the US flag..He's stabbing Ben O'Connor with it! O'Connor is
now back up, with some help from Seaman..GERMAN SUPLEX OFF THE DAMN MODEL!
THATS OVER 200 FEET! OH MY GOD! THERE BOTH THERE LYING DEAD! THIS iS CRAZY!
NikkI: Look! Its George Washington! He's pushed the MODEL ONTO BEN O'CONNOR
AND SIMON SEAMAn! BOTH MEN ARE LYING THERE DEAD! AND THE MODELS LYING OVER
THE BOTH OF THEM!
JT: This place is AWESOME! Bloods all OVER the place! I mean look! These two
have shed blood like no other! And the match ISNT EVEN DONE YET! WHOOOHOOOO!
GP: Ben O'Connors body is being suffocated by Michigan! While Simon Seaman is
currently being smothered by Maine! This is PURE craziness! What a match! All
over some United States Championship!
Nikki: Wait! Ben O'Connor has moved! He's SLOWLY moving out of Michigan!
JT: Watch out! That bastard of a United States champion is creeping out of
Maine! This couldn't be good!
GP: O'Connor is out! OCONNOR IS OUT! He's Slowly, drifting over towards
Simon! CLOTHESLINE! CLOTHESLINE BY BEN OCONNOR! RIGHT ONTO THE MODEL!
JT: These two men are now exchanging lefts and right across the United
States! There fighting over the rights for Pennsylvania! O'Connor with a HUGE
DropKick! Rigt onto Ohio! What's going to happen next folks!?
Nikki: O'Connor brings Simon up, there both on there feet now..Lefts and
Rights from both men..Killer Right Hooks from both men! There both down!
GP:But Seaman is slowly crawling, slowly trying to make his way up the mountain. O'Connor is crawling with him. Both of these men have been beaten to a pulp.
JT:Seaman is back to his feet, so is O'Connor, and they are fighting near the top of that mountain! Seaman swings as O'Connor, and O'Connor swings back!
Shallow:Seaman ducks a shot by O'Connor, and just SHOVES him off! Seaman turns around, and grabs the flag! He has the microphone.
Seaman:Today... I'm the luckiest man, on the face of the earth. I AM YOUR PRESIDENT!!!
*Ding, ding, ding*
Meygon:Your winner, and STILL... IWO United States HEAVYWEIGHT champion... SIMON... SEAMAN!!!!
(Seaman starts to wave the flag around on top of the mountain, as O'Connor looks on from the bottom of the hill. Nikki all of a sudden is lifted from the ground, and rises to the air, as Shallow regains his senses.)
GP: Right now we have an Employment Match. This should get rather
interesting.
JT: Yeah! We have a drunken bastard Ray and that bong smoking retard
Cheno!
Shallow: This is going to be one weird match.
("Family Traditions" by Hank Williams plays as Billy Ray starts coming out.)
GP: And here comes Ray. He has the upper hand, he is the wrestler after
all. Eddie Cheno is just ... well words can't really describe him can they?
*Ding Ding Ding*
("Smoke two Joints" by Sublime starts to play as Eddie Cheno walks out to a huge pop.)
GP: Here comes Cheno, bong in hand.
(Cheno rolls into the ring as Ray immediately charges and stomps on him a
couple of times. Cheno quickly rolls back out of the ring, picks up his bong
and takes a puff.)
GP: Drug use on Pay-Per-View. You'd think they'd do something better to
attract viewers.
(The scene quickly cuts backstage where there's an orgy going on.)
GP: Sex on Pay-Per-View. What a disgrace. Don't you--
(GP turns his head to reveal JT and Shallow are gone.)
GP: Where did they go?
(The scene cuts backstage where there is still an orgy going on only JT and
Shallow are involved now.)
GP: Oh, what a disgrace. Back to WRESTLING, Cheno is back in the ring.
(Ray irish whips Cheno to the ropes and knocks him down with a big
clothesline. Ray runs off the ropes for a leg drop but Cheno rolls out of
the way just in time.)
GP: Nice heads up thinking there by Eddie.
(Eddie now punches Ray down. He grabs Ray by the hair and picks him back
up.
He sends him to the ropes and nails Ray right in the chin with a big boot.)
GP: That could knock out some teeth. Ray now picks Cheno up, he lifts him
up in the air for a gorilla press ... Ray slips free and from behind, German
suplex with the bridge, one ... two .. kickout by Cheno.
(JT and Shallow return to ringside.)
JT: Whoo!! That was fun!
Shallow: Damn straight!
GP: You guys are idiots.
JT: Oh shut up.
(Cheno and Ray are back up. Cheno rakes the eyes of Ray and puts him in a
head lock. Ray pushes him away right into the turnbuckle. Ray runs after
him and splashes him in the corner.)
Shallow: Oh wow, what a move. Ray hoists Cheno up onto the top turnbuckle.
Superplex... no! Cheno just pushed Ray down back to the mat. Cheno now
stands up, bionic elbow on Ray!
JT: Ray went down.
(Cheno goes for the cover.)
GP: One ... two ... kickout by Billy Ray! Ray is a former IWO US and
Pacific Champion! Eddie will need more to take him down.
JT: You're so damn rational. I wish you could stop doing that.
GP: Oh shut up.
(Cheno picks Ray up, sends him to the ropes, cross body slam! He goes for
another cover, hooks the leg.)
GP: Ray kicks out again!
Shallow: Cheno is controlling the big bad wrestler now. Eddie bounces off
the ropes and clotheslines Ray right back down onto the floor. Cheno picks
Ray up, vertical suplex ... Ray isn't budging. Ray now counters and snap
suplexes Eddie. He rolls over for the cover, quick kickout by Cheno.
GP: Ray is trying to gain some momentum now. He climbs to the top rope and
hits a beautifully executed missile drop kick! Cheno got caught right on the
heart.
JT: Ray needs to keep this up if he wants to win. He rolls outside of the
ring and starts searching down under the ring. What is he gonna get here?
(Ray emerges from underneath the ring a aluminum baseball bat. He rolls back
into the ring.)
JT: Oh boy! There might be some blood!
GP: This won't be pretty....
(Ray takes a home run swing at Cheno....)
Shallow: Cheno ducks! Kick, DDT by Cheno! Cheno just saved his face from
getting craved in from that aluminum baseball bat.
(Cheno now picks up that baseball bat and brings it down on Billy's knee.)
GP: Oh! That could ruin a man's career! Cheno throws the bat away and takes out some brass knucks! Oh no, this match is getting ugly already. Cheno swings at Ray but he ducks! Ray with an uppercut sends Cheno stumbling. Ray now with a hurricarana! Cover, one ... two ... kickout by Cheno!
(Ray now picks Cheno up and throws him out of the ring. Ray follows and
starts punching away at Eddie Cheno.)
JT: Ray is unloading rights and lefts on Cheno! Ray now whips Cheno right
into the steel barricade! Ray charges and drop kicks Cheno who flips
backwards and into the crowd!
(Ray picks up a chair and follows Cheno into the crowd.)
JT: Ray catches up with Cheno who nails him in the back with the steel chair!
Eddie stumbles down to his knees and Billy brings that steel chair straight
down on his head!
GP: Oh my god! Cheno's head was just crushed under that chair.
JT: Cheno is busted up too! Blood!
Shallow: Ray now picks Cheno back up and brings him back ringside. He
picks
him and rams Cheno's back right into that steel turnbuckle! Ray is
methodically beating the hell out of Eddie Cheno! Ray goes under the ring
and sets up a table out on ringside.
JT: I smell a Beer Bomb through a table!
(Ray kicks Cheno in the stomach and sets him up for the Beer Bomb. He lifts
him and throws him down through the table hard.)
GP: Beer Bomb through the table! Cheno is out! Cheno just wasn't a match
enough for Billy Ray. Ray throws Cheno back into the ring. Cheno is showing
some signs of movement. He's inching towards his bong in the corner! Ray
rolls back into the ring and Cheno makes a lunge and reaches it! He takes a
drag, but Ray just kicks Cheno's head down!
(Ray picks up the bong.)
JT: What's Billy going to do right here?
(Ray chucks the bong into the crowd.)
Shallow: Oh no! Look at Cheno! He is furious. He gets up, spear! Cheno
just speared Billy Ray down.
JT: You don't mess with Cheno's bong! Cheno picks Ray up, belly to belly
suplex. He bounces off the ropes and drops an elbow on Ray. Cheno is
re-energized after his bong was thrown away. Ray gets to his feet but Cheno
head butts him right back down.
(Ray pulls himself back up and Cheno punches Ray right back down. Ray rolls
out of the ring and staggers around towards the time table. Cheno follows
him and charges but Ray picks up the time bell and nails Cheno with the bell!)
*DING*
GP: Smart move by Ray! He knew what he was doing all along. Cheno
stumbles
back and Ray comes up behind him and hits a Russian leg sweep. Ray has
taken
back control here!
(Ray starts stomping away at Cheno.)
JT: This match has gone outta hand. JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT!
Shallow: Wait! Cheno grabs Ray's leg and pulls him over for a cover! One ...
two ... three!!!
*Ding Ding Ding*
GP: What an upset by Eddie Cheno! Cheno wins!
[ The scene now opens up backstage where we see
Sabastian Crow doing push-ups on the concrete floor in
his locker room, in a pair of blue jeans, lugz boots,
and a IWO dogtag as sweat runs off of his face. A
water bottle sits beside him as he continues to go up
and down with the push-ups, until a voice is heard. ]
Voice: Sabastian Crow ?
[ Sabastian Crow stops his push-ups, stands up, and
approaches the voice as Big Bird and Tweety come
into view, as they stand up in front. Sabastian Crow,
with a confused look on his face, smiles and looks up
at the two. ]
Sabastian Crow: Yeah ?, what the fuck is this ?
Big Bird: I am the Big Yellow Bird from Sesame
Street...
Tweety: And I am Tweety !, the little feather from
Looney Tunes.
Sabastian Crow: Ok !, so what can I do for you ?
Big Bird: Well Crow, we've been sent here by "The
Mysterious 0¿0" to give you this message...
Sabastian Crow: Alright, spill the words feather
flocks.
[ Suddenly, Tweety lifts his foot up and kicks
Sabastian in the stomach as Big Bird grabs hold of
Sabastians head and throws him into the lockers. While
doing this, Tweety and Big Bird begin talking
trash to Crow... ]
Big Bird: Muther Fucker !, I don't do god damn
children's shows anymore....
[ Big Bird grabs hold of Crow and begins bringing him
back up but Crow grabs hold of his arms, throws
them back, and headbutts Big Bird in the face. Tweety
comes up front to Sabastian as Sabastian throws
out his arm and punches Tweety in the beak as Tweety
stumbles back a bit...Sabastian grabs hold of Big
Bird and slams him into the lockers as Big Bird
stumbles over onto the ground. Tweety comes running
back, jumps onto a bench, and flys onto Sabastians
back but Sabastian falls back and crushes Tweety to
the ground. ]
Sabastian Crow: Son of a bitch...
[ Sabastian goes back over to Big Bird and starts
punching him in his head hollering at him with foul
words... ]
Sabastian Crow: You stupid muther fucker !, I hated
you the worst !, coming onto tv and taking over like
you were some big shots...
[ Sabastian Crow stands Big Bird back up and hooks him
up for a vertical suplex in front of a table... ]
Sabastian Crow: And this is for Kermit the Frog !!!...
[ Sabastian Crow picks Big Bird up and hits him with a
vertical suplex through the table as Big Bird
screms in pain...Sabastian stands back up and starts
sending continuous amounts of kicks to Big Bird at
the side... ]
Sabastian Crow: And Gonzo...and Rizzo....and
Piggy....and Fozzy....and that muther fucking nerd who
creates shit too !!!!, BIG BIRD YOU SUCK !!!!!!
[ Both Tweety and Big Bird lie on the ground
motionless as Sabastian looks down at both of them and
begins walking out of his locker room... ]
Sabastian Crow: Stupid Butt-Fuckers !!!
[ Sabastian Crow charges out of his locker room as
cameras zoom in on the two children's characters once
again, moaning in pain as the scene changes... ]
GP: Well ladies and gentlemen we're now ready for our Television title
match featuring Sephiyra Reign, Brian Blade, and current IWO Television
Champion Ben Archer.
Shallow: No competition here, Sephiyra Reign will come out victorious
here. Ben Archer has been coming out sayin a lot of shit but he's got nothing
to back him up.
GP: Well Johnny, I'd say he does. The Television Title.
Shallow: Ah, what would you know.
JT: Hold up, aren't you guys supposed to be arguing with me?
GP: Yes we are...sorry JT.
Shallow: Yes JT, we are supposed to be arguing with you, I agree.
JT: But you just agreed with me!
GP: Yes we did.
Shallow: YUP!
JT: DISAGREE WITH ME DAMMIT!
GP: Um ok.
Shallow: Whatever you say...
JT:.....
GP: Anyway, let's get down to Meygon for the official introuductions.
Meygon: The following contest is a First Blood Match and is for the IWO
Television Title! First making his way to the arena...one of the two
challengers BRIIAAN...BLAAADE!
GP: LOOK OUT! FROM BEHIND BEN ARCHER JUST JUMPED OUT FROM BEHIND AND
ATTACKED BRIAN BLADE!!
DING DING DING
JT: And there's the bell. This one is underway! GOD I LOVE BLOOD!!
Shallow: Ben Archer now dragging Brian Blade to the ring but IS STOPPED
BY SEPHRIYA REIGN FROM BEHIND!!
JT: Where's Nikki?! She loves it from behind...
GP: Hey JT, you have a message on the slap-o-phone...It's some girl.
JT: Really? A GIRL? YES! I'M GONNA GET LAID TONIGHT!!......Hello?
*SLAP*
Shallow: Hmmm...wonder who that was...
GP: Anyway, on with the match. Reign now with Archer outside of the
ring. Reign plants a couple of jabs into the gut of Archer. Reign now
grabbing Archer and drops him with a scoop slam onto the mats here at ringside.
JT: Brian Blade now stumbling to his feet and makes his way over to the
action. What's this? Brian Blade and Sephiyra Reign are double-teaming
the IWO Television Champion Ben Archer.
Shallow: Blade and Reign lift up Archer and DOUBLE POWERBOMB ON THE
OUTSIDE!!
GP: Ya know Johnny, what these two don't realize is that in order to
win, you have to make your opponent bleed. These guys here are just beatin
the hell out of the champ and aren't even trying for blood. And that could
be a costly mistake.
JT: SHUT THE HELL UP GREG! I WANT BLOOD!! Blade now lifting Archer to
his feet. Reign and Blade send Archer into the steel railing. Look at
these guys...they're getting along! Reign needs to step up on his own if he's
going to pull this off!
Shallow: Wait just a second! BRIAN BLADE HAS A CHAIR! *SMACK* RIGHT
INTO THE HEAD OF Sephiyra Reign! MY GOD!
GP: But was it enough to make Reign bleed? I don't see blood!
JT: Brian Blade now looking over at Archer! WAIT...SUPERKICK BY ARCHER
INTO THE CHAIR! MY GOD! THAT CHAIR CAME BACK AND HIT BRIAN BLADE STRAIGHT
BETWEEN THE EYES!! BLADE IS LAYING ON THE MAT FACE DOWN! HE'S OUT!
Shallow: Archer now signalling to hit Reign with the same kick. This
could be it! He steps up..
GP: REIGN DUCKS! Reign spins Archer around..SIDEWALK SLAM! What a move
by Reign. Reign now lifts up Archer and shoves him into the ring. Reign
goes back outside. What's he looking for?
JT: WEAPONS! REIGN JUST STOLE A BOTTLE OF BEER FROM ONE OF OUR FRONT
ROW FANS! REIGN WITH THAT BOTTLE COMES FORWARD AND....NO! Archer with a
kick to the gut and SPINNING NECKBREAKER!
Shallow: Brian Blade on the outside still and has crawled over in front
of his. His face is still kissing the mat. Blade struggling to his feet
now.
GP: WAIT A SECOND! BLADE JUST TURNED AROUND TO US AND HE HAS BLOOD
DRIPPING DOWN HIS FACE!! IT'S OVER! IT'S OVER!
JT: NO WAIT THE REF DOESN'T SEE IT! *Kick*
Shallow: HEY WAIT JT I SAW THAT! YOU KICKED THAT TOWEL TO BRIAN BLADE!
BLADE NOW WIPING THE BLOOD OFF OF HIS FACE! YOU LITTLE BASTARD!
JT: What are you talking about!? I didn't do anything! That towel was
in my way!
GP: Blade no charges into the ring and BULLDOG FROM BEHIND ON BEN
ARCHER!! I can't believe it, this should be over!
JT: Brian Blade now in control as he lifts Archer to his feet and
delivers a spinebuster. He goes for the cover...1! 2! 3! YES! Wait, What am I
talking about? There are no pinfalls in this match!
Shallow: That's very true JT! This match is far from over. Brian Blade
lifts Ben Archer to his feet and CAREER KILLER! CAREER KILLER!
GP: CAREER KILLER ON THE CHAMP!! BEN ARCHER IS OUT!
JT: WAIT A SECOND! FROM BEHIND! REIGN WITH THE BEER BOTTLE!!
*Crack*
Shallow:Reign just shattered that beer bottle over the back of Brian Blade's head! Dear god! Dear god!
JT:Archer is getting to his feet now, slowly but surely...and he grabs Reign from behind! He picks him up...
GP:He's just holding him... ArC! Reign was just driven into the canvas!
Shallow:Blade, I think he might be bleeding from the bottle shot, and Archer races over. Archer grabs a piece of that glass, and begins to rip at the forehead of Brian Blade! Blade is bleeding, and the referee is calling for the bell!
Meygon:You're winner, and STILL... IWO World Television Champion... The Icon... BEN ARCHER!
GP:Nice display, as Archer defends his Television title in a three way dance style!
Battle of the Birds
No. 1 Contendership to the Extreme Championship
0¿0 vs. Sabastian Crow
GP: Next up, we will see Sebastian Crow takes on Mysterious Birdman in
a #1 Contender for Extreme Championship match, which we'd like to call….
JT: THE BATTLE OF THE BIRDS!
[Eerie music plays in backround.]
Shallow [Sarcastically]: WOW, SCARY!
JT: Will you PLEASE, SHUT THE HELL UP?!
Shallow: Of course, Jericho ripoff!
JT: What you talking about, son?!
Shallow: Umm…I'm not your son….
JT: You're an idiot!
GP: And you're an even bigger one! Now, on to the match!
Meygon: The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for #1
contendership for the Internet Wrestling Organization Extreme
Championship! Entering first, from Los Angeles, California, weighing 300 Lbs., he
is….SEBASTIAN CROW!
[Sebastian Crow enters to 'Enter the Sandman' by Metallica to a mixed
reaction from the audience, and he slides into the ring.]
Meygon: And his opponent, from…
[Suddenly, 0¿0 attacks Crow from behind as the fans begin to boo him
loudly. The bell rings, and 0¿0 grabs Crow from behind! German Suplex! But Crow
kicks out almost instantly!]
GP: What a cheap attack from the Mysterious Birdman, and Crow gets out
of the move quickly! The fans are chanting in favor of Crow at the moment!
Shallow: That's because he is the lesser of two evils, and Mysterious
Birdman is a freak who can't fight face to face!
JT: Why don't YOU fight him then?!
Shallow: I would if I could…
JT: That can be arranged…hehe…
Shallow: Umm…nevermind.
[Crow is once again grabbed by 0¿0, but he manages to elbow 0¿0 again
and again in the face, until 0¿0 lets go and grabs his face in pain! Crow
grins and neck chops 0¿0, sending him to the ropes!]
Shallow: Crow seems to have an advantage at the moment, but it can
change at any moment!
JT: That's right, so SHUT UP ALREADY!
Shallow: Go to hell, JT!
JT: I did already!
GP: Ok…
[Just as Crow is about to neck chop 0¿0, 0¿0 boots him into the face,
and sends him back, hitting the ref! The ref hits head first into a
turnbuckle, and is out cold!]
GP: That's GOTTA hurt!
[Crow falls to the ground and 0¿0 reaches to lift him, but gets low
blowed instead! Crow then grabs his head and DDT's him to the mat! As 0¿0 is
stunned, Crow puts his legs in between 0¿0's legs, and performs his finisher,
The Submission Deathlock!]
GP: How the hell does he expect to win the match when the ref is out
cold, and pretty quickly at that!
JT: Maybe by divine intervention?
GP: This isn't philosophy class, JT!
JT: Then why did I bring this?
[Shows his copy of the 'Dialogues of Plato']
GP: Can you even read that?
JT: SHUT UP!
[0¿0 is on the verge of submitting via tap out, but then Crow lets him
go, and slides out of the ring! 0¿0 rolls out of the ring, and sees that Crow
is going after a steel chair! 0¿0 grins.]
JT: Hmm…Mysterious Birdman seems to have a plan!
GP: How did you figure that?
JT: My superior intellect, that's how!
Shallow: Lets see how your superior intellect will handle a punch
upside the skull!
JT: Never mind…
Shallow: Good!
JT [Mumbles]: Bastard…
Shallow: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
JT: Nothing…
[0¿0 prepares to do a move as Crow gets the chair, and as he spins
around, the chair meets a Superkick by 0¿0! Crow hits the ground hard due to being
hit with the repelled steel chair and 0¿0 kicks him! Then he lifts him into
the air, and performs a suplex ONTO THE CHAIR! Crow lies on the ground
unconcious as 0¿0 climbs the turnbuckle!]
JT: Mysterious Birdman has once again proved his skills as a master of
Extreme wrestling, taking out Crow and preparing to do a Splash or top
turnbuckle move of some sort!
Shallow: You never know, Crow may come back!
JT: Yeah right…
GP: Quiet you!
JT: Fine…
[0¿0 reaches the top of the turnbuckle, and turns around! He prepares
to perform a Asai Moonsault from the top of the turnbuckle, and flips off!
However, Crow moves out of the way at the last second, and 0¿0 bumps
off the steel chair with his head! 0¿0 is busted open!]
JT: BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD IS GREAT!
GP: Not always, my blood lusting friend….
JT: IT IS ALWAYS!
Shallow: Are you an idiot, JT?!
JT: YES! I MEAN NO!
GP: Simmer down, man, your taking this too seriously!
JT: All right…
GP: Good.
[Crow puts 0¿0 in a Steiner Recliner, and 0¿0 begins to wave his arm
around in agony for several seconds, until he finally stops moving. Then, Crow
climbs back into the ring, and wakes up the ref! The ref then looks outside to
see an unconcious 0¿0 and begins the count out!]
Ref: 1…
GP: This is great! Crow might win!
Shallow: Yeah! Crow rules!
JT: You are suck ups! I love the old schooler, Mysterious Birdman!
GP: And we STILL think you're an idiot, JT!
JT: SHUT UP!
Ref: 2….
[No movement by 0¿0]
Ref: 3….
[Still no movement]
Ref: 4…
[A finger moves]
Ref: 5…
[0¿0 raises his head, and slowly gets up]
Ref: 6…
[0¿0 continues to get up]
Ref: 7…
[0¿0 acts dizzy as he finally stands up]
Ref: 8…
[0¿0 shakes his head, and looks at Crow]
Ref: 9…
[0¿0 races towards the ring, bloodied steel chair in hands!]
Ref: Te…
[0¿0 slides in before the ten count is made, and lifts up the steel
chair, only to feel a hand grab it! He looks around angrily, and spots the
ref!]
JT: Stupid move by the ref!
GP: He was only trying to be fair!
JT: Fair doesn't save your [BLEEP}!
GP: True…
Shallow: Very true…
JT: WOW! I WAS RIGHT!
GP: Yeah, so?
JT: I WAS RIGHT! I AM THE KING! YAHOO!
GP: You're an idiot still!
JT: Oh….SHUT UP!
Shallow: No, YOU SHUT UP!
[0¿0 looks at the ref and grins. He lets go of the chair , and heads
towards Crow, only to be clotheslined by him as he looks in his direction! Crow
then lifts up 0¿0!]
GP: Mysterious Birdman being manhandled tonight by Sebastian Crow, one
of the best talent around, and very new at that!
JT: The kids got spunk, but doesn't have EXPERIENCE!
GP: Sometimes experience isn't the only factor.
JT: True, but this time it is!
GP: No it's not!
JT: Fine, be that way!
GP: OK!
JT: Uh…
Shallow: SHUT UP!
[Crow lifts up 0¿0, only to be headbutted by him! 0¿0 then bulldogs
him! 0¿0 goes for the pin!]
Ref: 1..2..
[Crow kicks out]
JT: Near fall by Mysterious Birdman!
GP: Near doesn't mean jack squat!
JT: Yes it does!
GP: No it doesn't!
Shallow: I have to agree with GP this time…
JT: But you ALWAYS DO!
Shallow: That's cause you're an I-D-I-O-T!
JT: What does that spell?
Shallow: Never mind…
[0¿0 lifts up Crow, and does a Spinning neckbreaker on him! He goes
again for the pin!]
Ref: 1...2…
[Crow kicks out]
Shallow: Once again Crow kicks out!
JT: This match is about even!
GP: I think Crow will still win, though!
JT: NO HE WON'T!
GP: YES HE WILL!
JT: We'll see…
Shallow: Yup.
JT: Will you SHUT UP?!
Shallow: NO!
GP:0¿0 goes to lift Crow up off the mat, but Crow takes out the Mysterious Birdman's legs! Crow... He's locking him in the sharpshooter! He's locking him in his deadly submission hold! The Birdman can't fight it for long!
JT:The Birdman's an extreme mofo, he can take it longer than normal people can though!
Shallow:The Birdman's reaching for the ropes, but he's in the center of the ring! Dear god! The Birdman taps out! He taps out!
Meygon:Your winner... and Number One Contender... SABASTIAN... CROW!!!
JT:I thought the Birdman had this match... just one simple slip of the mind...
GP : It's Extreme title match time, folks!
JT : Yes! The prime time in the PPV for lots of blooooooood!
GP : Yes, that is generally true.
JT : So what crazy stipulation do we have this time? Flaming Poodle match? Triple Table match? Get Your Opponent Eaten By An Alligator Like That Guy On Survivor match?
Shallow : Actually, it's just a good old-fashioned no-holds barred match.
JT : What? But Extreme title PPV matches always have some great career-shortening stipulation. It's like one of those tradition-type thingies…
GP : Tradition?
JT : Yeah, that's the one!
GP : Well, tradition or not, this is just going to be a regular Extreme match. I think our viewers were getting a bit tired of all those excessive stipulations and just want to see some classic hardcore action.
JT : BS! People don't want quality matches! They want half-naked women and fucked up stipulations! And bloooooooood!
Shallow : Shut up with that!
JT : Make me! I'm quick like a possum!
Shallow : Possums aren't quick, dumbass.
JT : Those ninja ones are.
Shallow : There aren't ninja possums, moron!
JT : Yuh-huh!
Shallow : Nuh-uh!
JT : Yuh-huh!
Shallow : Nuh-uh!
JT : Yuh-huh times infinite!
Shallow : Nuh-uh times infinite infinites!
JT : …Damn!
GP : Children, children, quit the bickering. It's time for the introductions.
(Meygon is in the ring, looking like a fine person who is fine. She's also dressed quite slut-tacularly, which is a good thing.)
Meygon : Introducing first … hailing from Port St. Lucie, Florida … weighing 6'3" and standing at 225 lbs … or maybe the other way around … the master of Dazed and Confused and Further Paralysis … he is DONNNNNIIIIIIIIIEEEEE DAAAAAAAZZZZZZZEEEEEEEE!
('Your Disease' by Saliva plays as Daze makes his way to the ring. He slides into the ring and bounces around, looking prepared as always.)
Meygon : And next … the IWO Extreme champion … hailing from Albany, New York… standing at 6'4" and weighing 243 lbs … the master of the DownTown Xplosion and Fate's Destination … he is DAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNEEEEEEE MATTHEEEWWWWWWWSSSSSSSSSS!
('Memory Remains' by Metallica blasts as Dane Matthews runs down to the ring holding a kendo stick. He slides into the ring and immediately starts wailing on Daze.)
JT : You know, Dane and Daze sound a lot alike. Dane … Daze … Dane … Daze …Dane … Da-
Shallow : Shut up!
(Matthews has Daze backed up against the ropes now. He rears back for a huge hit, but Daze moves out of the way as Matthews swings. The kendo stick bounces off the ropes and hits Dane in the head.)
JT : Ha, what a tard! He just hit himself!
GP : Very observant, JT.
JT : Wasn't it, though?
(Dane staggers around to be blasted by a superkick from Donnie. Daze
now rolls to the outside of the ring and lifts up the apron curtain, or
whatever that thingy's called. Daze searches for a brief moment, before pulling
out a lead pipe.)
JT : Oh, here we go!
Shallow : Why exactly would a steel pipe be under the ring?
JT : Quiet, you! There's about to be violence!
(Daze slides back into the ring and winds up for a big hit as Matthews
gets to his feet. Right as Donnie goes for the kill, Dane kicks in the
you-know-what. No, not the arm! The genitals!)
GP : And Daze will feel that one in the morning, I'm sure.
(Daze leans over and grabs his special area, as most men would. Dane
grabs him by the head and knees Donnie right in the forehead. He now grabs
the steel pipe and begins bashing Daze in the leg with it.)
Shallow : Wow, these guys don't waste any time. Already they're beating
the hell out of each other with blunt objects.
JT : Boy howdy!
(Dane drops the pipe as Donnie limps to his feet. Matthews now kicks
Daze in the gut and pulls him into a quick piledriver. He now picks up the
kendo stick from before and begins choking the life out of Daze with it.
After several seconds of no air, Daze pokes Matthews in the eyes. Dane
relents for a moment, which Donnie uses to his advantage by socking Dane in the
face.)
GP : These guys are vicious!
JT : Yeah, that's kinda the point, Greg.
GP : Shut up, JT.
(Both Daze and Daze get to their feet, already slightly worn out. They
go right into a fist fight, which goes dead even for several moments
before Daze gets the advantage. Donnie backs Daze up into the ropes, then
shoots him off of them with an Irish whip. As Dane bounces off the other side
and comes running back, Donnie goes for a clothesline, but Dane ducks and
delivers a neckbreaker.)
JT : Booooooriiiiiiing. Where's the action jaction?
GP : Calm down, JT, it's still in the opening phase of the match. The
action will pick up, but right now Daze and Matthews are just feeling each
other out.
JT : What? Why the hell are they feeling each other up? That's sick!
Shallow : Feeling out, you idiot! It means getting a feel for the other
guy's wrestling style so they can anticipate attacks.
JT : …Oh. Well, it shouldn't have such a gay name.
(Daze has by now gotten up from the neckbreaker, and Matthews was
waiting for him with a double axhandle to the back. Dane turns Donnie around
and whips him into the turnbuckle. He charges in with a splash, but Daze
pulls both feet up to boot Matthews in the face. As Dane staggers around,
Daze comes out of the turnbuckle with a bulldog. He now rolls to the outside
of the ring as Matthews recovers.)
JT : Good, it looks like he's getting a chair. That's a surefire way to
get some blood going.
(Donnie slides back into the ring and waits for Dane to stand up. When
Matthews gets to his feet, Daze cracks him over the head with the
folding chair.)
GP : Daze whalloped him with that one!
JT : That sounded pretty gay, Greg.
Shallow : Yeah, it kinda did there.
GP : (Sulking) But he did whallop him.
(Daze now climbs to the top rope with the chair. He again waits for
Matthews to get to his feet before leaping off with a chairshot from the top
rope.)
Shallow : Man, our Extreme champion is getting the hell beat out of him
by Donnie Daze.
JT : OH MY GOD, HE'S BUSTED HIM OPEN! BLOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDD!
GP : Yes, JT, blood.
JT : Blood … gooooood.
(Daze, who was taunting with the chair, walks over to Dane and starts
to pick him up. As he does, Dane lands a low blow. As Daze bends over and
staggers a little, Matthews quickly lifts him up onto his shoulders and
delivers the DownTown Xplosion (Reverse DVD).)
GP : Whoa! DownTown Xplosion out of nowhere! I think this match must be
over.
Shallow : But look, Dane is down too. This match, brief as it's been,
has already taken a lot out of him.
(Finally, after at least five seconds, Dane rolls over and places an
arm on Donnie.)
1..
2..
Kickout!
Shallow : And Daze gets his shoulder up! He just barely escaped that
one, and I thought that one was over myself.
GP : I think we all did.
JT : I didn't.
GP : Whatever, JT.
(Dane seems frustrated by the kickout. Instead of arguing with the ref,
however, he immediately starts pounding on Daze's face. Matthews lifts
him up and slams Daze in the stomach with the folding chair. Then Dane
whips Donnie into the ropes and hits him with a ferocious spinebuster on the
way back. Dane slides to the outside of the ring and goes under the apron,
where he pulls out a table.)
JT : Yes! Tables!
(Dane slides the table into the ring and uses it to smack Donnie in the
head with as Donnie tries to rise to his feet. Matthews now sets up the
table near one of the turnbuckles and rolls Daze onto it before scaling the
turnbuckle.)
GP : It looks like Dane may be going for Fate's Destination (Swanton
Bomb). If he hits this through a table, it's definitely all over.
(Dane signals for his signature move, but as he leaps for the senton
bomb, Daze rolls off the table. Matthews crashes through the table and both
men lie motionless.)
Shallow : It looks like Daze was able to roll off the table, but that
used up all his energy. Now both men are down.
JT : I think everyone can see that for themselves.
Shallow : Not our blind fans.
JT : Screw blind people!
Shallow : You're mean.
(Both men are slowly getting to their feet. Daze grabs Matthews from
behind for Dazed and Confused (Inverted Face Buster), but Matthews elbows him
off. Matthews whips him into the ropes and bounces off the opposite ropes
and goes for a clothesline as Daze goes for one of his own, ending in both
men doing a double clothesline.)
GP : Both men are down now from that double clothesline. Hey, what's
this? It's our World champion, Syphon Fission, making his way through the
crowd!
(Yes indeedy, Syphon Fission is coming through the crowd. He hops over
the retaining barrier and slides into the ring to the cheers of the fans.
Matthews, who was getting to his feet, turns around to get a boot from
the stomach by Syphon. Syphon hooks him up for the Death Plunge (Pedigree)
and delivers it!)
JT : Whoa, Syphon just completely laid out Dane!
Shallow : Now Syphon slides to the outside of the ring and rolls a
table over. He says something to the recovering Daze, and Donnie nods. What's
he doing?
GP : My God, he's pulling out some matches and lighter fluid! What kind
of man carries those kinds of things around with him?
JT : Apparently, our World champion. Man, I wish he wasn't a face.
(Syphon begins dousing the table in lighter fluid as Daze sets Matthews
up on the top rope. Syphon lights a match and drops it on the table,
causing the whole table to burst into flames, much to the fans' applause.)
GP : What the hell is Daze going for? Wait … don't tell me … for the
love of God, don't tell me he's gonna do a Further Paralysis (Cradle DDT) from
off top through that flaming table!
(And he does. And people cheer.)
GP : MY GOD! MY GOD! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! A SUPER FURTHER PARALYSIS
THROUGH A FLAMING TABLE!
JT : SWEEEEEEEEEEEET!
(Daze covers.)
1..
2..
3!
JT : He didn't kick out. Oh, there's a shocker.
GP : Quit with the sarcasm. We've got ourselves a new Extreme champion!
Meygon : Your winner, and NEW Extreme champion … Donnnnnniiiiiieee
Daaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzeeeeeee!!!
(Daze holds the title high ,as Syphon helps him to the back. We see Nikki appear out of nowhere, taking the spot of Shallow. It defies physics, but it's the IWO.)
GP:Nikki! What are you doing here?
JT:Past that, where the hell did Shallow go... and why are you wearing a bath robe?
Nikki:I... I just got out of the shower, what in sam hell is going on...
GP: You're just in time for our tag team title match...
Nikki: Yeah, it's a match that has only been on the books for a week but has many fans talking, Greg.
JT: Yeah, out their asses!
GP: Hesh-yo-mouf, JT! Everyone wants to know the direction that the suits here at FWL/IWO are going to take
our tag leagues...
JT: ..except me and every other person with a level head on their shoulders.
*SLAP*
JT: Damn, girl! I didn't even say a thing about your swollen chest that has a higher intelligence quotient than
yo...
*SLAP*
JT: ,... :-(
GP: Ha ha ha,...well, anyway, folks. In this match we have the Super Martin-o Bros, who have been our tag
champs and gone undefeated for the past few weeks against the challengers, "Genetic Perfection" Gunnar Smith
and Sam Potright,...
Nikki: I feel so sorry for Sam, being double-booked and all,...
GP: And what a match he had with Tod!
JT: (sarcastically) Yeah, some match, Mister-f'n-Rogers!
GP: :-( I hate you.
JT: I know.
Nikki: Well, since these guys are acting like kindergartners and Meygon's in the ring, I suppose it's time for our
participants to make their way to ringside.
Meygon: The following match-up is set for a 25-minute time limit,...the winners of this steel cage match will walk
away IWO World Heavyweight Tag Team Champions! Introducing first,....
(The fans, now standing at Meygon's call, all have their attention focused toward the entranceway,....then a
goofy voice comes over the P.A. system: "ATTENTION SHOPPERS!" The funky piano tune of "Rock the
Casbah" by the Clash then plays throughout the arena, as the world tag team champions come out holding the
flag of Iraq, dressed "Sabu-like." They make their way to the ring, belts still their waists, as the fans boo them
on.)
GP: Listen to the response from that crowd,...no one,...and I mean, no one cares for the antics of the Super
Martin-o Bros.,..
Meygon: Standing at a combined weight of 460 pounds,...they are natives of Martinopolis, Michigan, and the
current IWO World Tag Team Champions! Walter and Kevin Martin,.....THE SUPER,...MARTIN-O BROTHERS!!
(K-Mart and Wal-Mart climb over the steel cage, dropping down in the middle of the ring. K-Mart does the Bret
Hart "spin around with your arms open" thing, and Wal-Mart goes to the ropes, standing on the bottom and
lifting his arm up as Justin Credible might.)
JT: These guys have to be the most unique tag team champions we've ever had!
Nikki: Yeah,...in a bad way. I would've expected to find them in a mental ward,..
JT: You are so mistaken, you slutty bitch.
*SLAP*
JT: Ouch, but that does not change the fact of the matter.
(K-Mart and Wal-Mart take off their belts, handing them to the timekeeper through a slit in the cage.)
GP: Why didn't they just go through the door,...it hasn't been locked yet.
JT: ,....
Nikki: ,.....
JT: ,...well, you know.
Meygon: Introducing second!
("No Leaf Clover" by Metallica plays over the Paris P.A. system, as the fans go nuts for the approaching former
IWO world champion, Gunnar Smith. He makes his way to ringside, high-fiving a few guys as he goes, but stops
short of the cage.)
GP: MAN! That's not a pop to bitch about!!
JT: WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU?
GP: HA HA! WELL, THEN,..YOUR MOM MUST'VE BEEN NUCKIN' FUTS NOT TO HAVE YOU ABORTED
WHEN YOU WERE STILL IN HER WO,...
*SLAP*
GP: Huh? Nikki?
Nikki: I heard every word, asshole.
GP: (blushing) Sorry.
Nikki: Just call the match.
GP: Right,...and now Gunnar is laughing at the tag team champions, who threaten to scale the cage to reach
Gunnar,...
Nikki: And Gunnar's pointing at the door of the cage which the Martin's didn't seem to notice,...
JT: Ha! They just want Potright and Gunnar to think they're dumb so they'll expect an easy match,...then
WHAMMO! K-Mart'll hit Faling Prices! And then it's one,..two,...three!
Nikki: ,..four, five, six,...until K-Mart realizes it's a cage match and he has to escape the cage!
JT: :-(
GP: Ha ha!
Meygon: And his partner,....
("Hemmorage(In My Hands)" by Fuel begins to play throughout the arena, as Sam Potright comes from
backstage, fans cheering even louder than they did when Gunnar appeared. He walks right beside Gunnar and
they exchange a few comments as they look at K-Mart and Wal-Mart, who are babbling.)
GP: Sam Potright coming out to possibly the biggest pop we've heard in all of the evening,...
JT: No way,....Martins' got a pretty big boo-fest,..
GP: Doesn't count. :-P
JT: ,...asshole.
Nikki: And it seems that the Martin Brothers are babbling,...possibly talking in some Arab language?
JT: They are here to rock the casbah, Nikki!
Nikki: This isn't the "casba"!
JT: DAMN YOU ALL! I'M LEAVING.
(JT leaves, as Potright and Gunnar get into the steel cage and are attacked by the tag team champions.)
GP: I guess he's left for good,...well, anyway, they're locking down the cage,...
Nikki: And the bell's been rung! It's official,..Wal-Mart is just going off on Gunnar Smith, who doesn't seem to be
phased at all! Wal-Mart with a right, a left! What the hell is this?
GP: I believe this is one of Walter's signature moves,...he's trying to get Gunnar thinking one th,..WALTER
WITH A FRANKENSTEINER!
Nikki: Gunnar gets up, pissed,....Wal-Mart runs toward him and hits him with a spinning heel kick to the face!
GP: THAT WHOLE DEAL IS WHAT WAL-MART CALLS "ROCKIN' DUH CASBAH"!
Nikki: Poor JT,..I guess he was right.
(JT comes back.)
JT: Told ya.
Nikki: :-(
GP: Now Wal-Mart is running toward the ropes for a lion- or KMart-sault, as Kevin Martin has redubbed the
move in recent months,...but, NO! Gunnar catches Walter in position for a,...SPIKE PILEDRIVER! And he
connects!
JT: That poor little dude.
GP: That poor little dude who killed the Brady Bunch.
JT: Prove it! Anyway, K-Mart and Sam Potright have been hitting each other pretty hard this whole match, but it
seems that Potright has had the upper hand here and does right now 'cause Kevin's slumped over after a kick to
the groin!
GP: And Potright into the ropes,....SWINGING NECKBRAKER! Potright and Gunnar now backing away from
their downed opponents to the middle of the ring,...they bump into each other,...then look at the champs,...
(The challengers seem to be having a word together as K-Mart gets up from the swinging neckbraker,...Potright
nods and walks toward Walter as Gunnar begins his ascension up the side of the cage.)
JT: What are those fiends doing!?
GP: I think you're referring to the wrong team as "fiends," JT.
Nikki: Potright now picking up the body of Walter Martin as K-Mart attempts to chlothesline Potright,....but Sam
Potright sidesteps!
JT: HA HA! And K-Mart hits the cage hard, making Gunnar fall! YES!
GP: You sick bastard! You actually find such mishaps humorous? Those men could be hurt!
(Gunnar has fallen right beside Kevin and has hit his balls on the ropes. He slides off them, as Potright completes
then sky-hi powerbomb he had been attempting to complete on Walter. K-Mart shakes his head and holds it as
he tries to come to.)
Nikki: Only one man in his right mind right now, folks, and ironically, that's Sam Potright...the people here are
chanting "Potright" over and over,....Potright looks around,.....he's the only one up, it seems. He walks toward
the cage wall,...but Walter's up!
(Wal-Mart pulls Sam off the cage and plants a right in his face. Sam just laughs at Walter.)
GP: What the hell is going on here?
JT: That's what I'm saying too, Greg! I mean,....why does Sam Potright think he can defeat Walter Martin?
GP: ,...not what I meant.
JT: :-(
Nikki: Walter, who pinned Eddie Cheno on our last Meltdown broadcast, seems to be going for "Rockin' Duh
Casbah" again,..but Sam Potright just doesn't seemed ph,...wait! Wal-Mart caught him off-guard with one!
JT: HE'S GOING FOR THE FRAN,...WHAT THE F(bleep)?
GP: AS Wal-Mart attempted to swing Sam Potright's neck forward for that Hurricanrana or Frankensteiner,.....Sam
just flinged the lightweight accross the ring to where K-Mart is just making his way to his feet! And Gunnar
seems to be getting out of his daze, as well.
Nikki: That coward Wal-Mart is now begging Potright for mercy,...NATURE BOY STYLE!
GP: K-Mart up and at 'em, now,....he taps Potright on the shoulder, then attempts to kick him. INZIGURI!
Nikki: Now Wal-Mart is making his way up the cage,...Gunnar just saw what K-Mart did to Potright,...
JT: And "GENETIC" IM-"PERFECTION" TAKES A CHEAP SHOT AT THE TAG CHAMP! HA HA HA, BUT
HE DOESN'T NOTICE THAT WAL-MART'S NOW ALMOST AT THE TOP OF THE CAGE!
GP: K-Mart now down from that running elbow to the cranium,...Gunnar looks up to find Wal-Mart standing at
the TOP OF THE CAGE?! DAMN, THAT LITTLE BUGGER'S FAST!
(The fans start to boo, as they have an idea of what Wal-Mart is going to do.)
Wal-Mart: GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!
(Gunnar looks at Wal-Mart and then at the fans, mouthing, "What the hell?")
Nikki: Wal-Mart seems to be delusional,..he turns face forward again, trying to make his way out of this
roofless-wonder,....Gunnar starts to charge the cag,...OH MY GOD! WALTER MARTIN HAS JUST DONE A
DAMN MOONSAULT FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE!
GP: Damn, wish I could've called that!
JT: That's why I'm a Martin-mark, punks! I'm so marked out that I do half my shopping a K-Mart and the other
half at Wal-Mart.
GP: You actually shop at those stores?
JT: Uh,..Yeah.
Nikki and GP: *SNICKER*
JT: :-(
Nikki: Hey, cheer up, JT! You know the Wal-Mart Smile would want you to "put on a happy face."
JT: :-1
GP: Wal-Mart is grabbing his chest after that 'sault, which he hit almost without a hitch. Gunnar's out of it for a
minute, here, at least. K-Mart, up from that not-so-bad elbow from "Genetic Perfection," helps his brother up, as
Sam Potright punches K-Mart,...
(Wal-Mart has slumped back down to the ground without his brother's support. Potright hooks up with K-Mart,
as Wal-Mart struggles to come to.)
GP: Potright now setting up Kevin for what appears to be a shoulderbreaker,....
JT: BUT K-Mart writhes free!! Potright turns around, Wal-Mart watching,...K-Mart ducks a whirling punch from
Potright,...and as he comes around,..it's a Wal-Mart Superkick!
Nikki: Hot damn.
::K-Mart and Wal-Mart hug each other and jump up and down before they realize it's a great opportunity for them
to escape the cage.::
JT: Now the brothers are congratulating each other!
GP: They haven't done anything yet,...shouldn't be so hasty,..
JT: Alway's ruinin' my fun. :-(
::K-Mart and Wal-Mart start to ascend the cage, as Potright gets to his feet. Potright begins his ascent, as
K-Mart and Wal-Mart are at least half of the way out of the cage,...::
Nikki: Now Potright trying to grab hold of Kevin's leg,..but K-Mart kicks him with that big black boot which is
part of his "Iraqi" unifom,..POTRIGHT JUST WON'T FALL!
GP: K-Mart and Wal-Mart now at the top of the cage, as Potright slowly makes his way up. The brothers have
their footing, now, on the outside of the cage. But they're not trying to win this damn match! No, they're
laughing at Potright as he struggles like a salmon against the flow of a river's rushing waters!!
JT: I was gonna laugh at Potright,...but that saying from you was just too gay. Hey, I think Gunnar's sturring!
He's not dead, after all!
Nikki: Geez,...Potright now at the top of the cage, but the brothers just pound at his face and put him under their
arms. What could they be thinking?
GP: Gunnar needs to lift his damn eyes to see, whatever it is!
Nikki: Hey,...the Martins are climbing back to the edge of the cage, lifiting Potright up, as well,...WHAT THE
HELL? ARE THEY GOING FOR SOME TYPE OF DAMN TAG MOVE? THAT DEFIES THE LAWS OF
PHYSICS!
GP: YOU ARE DAMN RIGHT, NIKKI! CAN POTRIGHT HANDLE THIS AFTER BEING BURNED SO
VISCIOUSLY A FEW WEEKS BACK?! AND CAN THE MARTINS DO THIS WITHOUT FALLING OF THE
CAGE WITH POTRIGHT,...OR WITHOUT INJURING THEMSELVES?
(The tag champs each lift Sam Potright up,...)
JT: HA HA!
GP: DAMN, YOU JT! WHAT COULD THESE MEN BE DOING? A SUPERPLEX INTO OUR,...COMMENTARY
TABLE?
JT: SHIT! I HOPE NOT! I'M OUTTA HERE!
(JT leaves the table and ducks behind the timekeeper, who's like "what the hell"?)
Nikki: No,...that's no Superplex!
(The brothers stop lifting potright after his body is lifted about 60 degrees to their own,...they then look at each
other, smiling,...then jump of the cage, putting their hands on Potright's body to make sure he falls first.)
GP: GOD DAMN THOSE BROTHERS! DOUBLE FALLING PRICES FROM THE TOP OF THE DAMN CAGE!
OH MY GOD, NO!
Nikki: Actually, Greg, that was an inverted-Falling Prices, so it was a Curtain Call, silly.
GP: :-(
(As all three men land, none get up. Wal-Mart appears to be the only man without a visible injury, however.
Potright is coughing up blood on the canvas, but being tough as nails, is trying hard to make it to his hands and
knees. K-Mart's left leg has bent slightly more upward than it should have when he landed, cracking the large
plastic knee brace which he has always worn on his leg but which no one has noticed. K-Mart is in tears,
grabbing the bad knee.)
K-MART: OH GOD, PlEASE, NO!
Nikki: I don't think I've ever heard a man scream like that.
(JT walks back to the announce table, and as he sits down, says,...)
JT: Except whenever you do that "dominatrix" shit, yo?
*PUNCH*
JT: (knocked out) ,.....
GP: Gunnar Smith has just watched this whole spectacle in awe,..folks,..."K-Mart" Kevin Martin is not a hardcore
wrestler,...and Sam Potright does not have a body which can take such bumps much longer according to any
doctor or just anyone with sense!
Nikki: Wal-Mart has made his way to his feet,...he and Gunnar look at each other and then run toward one
another again! Wal-Mart punches Gunnar in his gut, but it hurts Wal-Mart 'cause that man is pure steel! Gunnar
capitalizes on the moment and begins twisting the boy's arm! He has Wal-Mart on the ground in pain!
GP: But Wal-Mart comes back,...he jumps several times, making his way out of the arm-twist,...Gunnar doesn't
know what to do! KICK TO THE GROIN! EVERYONE JUST SEEMS "NUTS" FOR GUNNAR TONIGHT, FOLKS!
(whispering) Get it, Nikki?
Nikki: I almost wish I had knocked you out instead of JT, Greg. Wal-Mart makes his way to Sam Potright,..he
picks up the ailing fellow,...to his feet, that is. Walter now gazing at the crowd,....he swings Potright into the
ropes, but the poor guy can't be swung! He's just caught between the middle and bottom ropes now, like a
helpless child!
GP: And Walter's got that Iranian flag which has been in the corner all this match. He takes it and rips the flag
from it,...oh no,....that's not a flagpole, Nikki.
Nikki: :-( IT'S A THICK BAMBOO STICK! Wait, bamboo doesn't grow in Iraq,...does it?
(A pop-up video thingie saying "No, Nikki, it doesn't" appears at the bottom of the screen and then pops. Nikki
nods, smiling.)
GP: Wal-Mart's now beating helpless Sam Potright with that stick accross the back,...Wal-Mart drops it to set
Potright in the ropes "properly," now.
Nikki: He rears back and hits Potright right across his forehead! DAMN,..look at that mark, Greg!
GP: That head of Sam could be skinned, Nikki,...and we're not unaccustomed to seeing Potright bleed,
unfortunately.
Nikki: And Wal-Mart rears back again,..
Wal-Mart: THIS TIME, I'M GONNA BREAK THE DAMN THING OVER HIS HEAD!
(The fans start cheering because,...)
Nikki: GUNNAR SMITH GRABS THE BAMBOO STICK AS WALTER TURNS AROUND,...HE BREAKS THE
DAMN THING OVER THE TAG CHAMP'S HEAD! HE'S OUT! THE TIDES HAVE CHANGED BACK IN THE
CHALLENGERS' FAVOR!
GP: THAT'S RIGHT, NIK! AND THEY NEVER SHOULD HAVE GONE THE OTHER WAY IN THE FIRST
PLACE! K-Mart, now up from that fall but still limping, taps Gunnar on the shoulder,...Gunnar knocks him down!
Gunnar now in the face of Martin,...is he yelling at him for that move on Samuel a few minutes ago, Nikki?
Nikki: It would make sense, wouldn't it? Gunnar now looks at the cage as if he's going to try to get out and win
the match,..but he sees his friend Sam struggling to climb! And he's doing a damn good job to have been what
he's been through, Greg!
(The fans are still going nuts for Potright and Gunnar)
GP: This is one atmosphere whose raw energy no language or distance barrier can hinder, folks! Just listen to
the crowd! Gunnar Smith is watching his friend Sam Potright climb slowly, like a crippled old man, but still
climbing,...out of the steel cage!
JT: ,...argh,...did Nikki knock me out again?
Nikki: :-)
JT: Man, we need a new bitch. Ashley Keller sounds cool,...
*SLAP*
Nikki: I'm much better than her.
GP: Ha ha,...while I might agree with that, Nikki, I will not say for sure,....there are traits I like about Miss Keller as
well. What the hell? K-Mart low-blows Gunnar?
JT: Ha ha! The man won't quit, eh?
GP: HELL NO! And that's the 42nd damn low blow Gunnar's experienced tonight!
Nikki: Gunnar, however, while shocked by the force of such a blow, doesn't bow down this time! I guess he
knows it's all on the line and won't blow the chance for Sam Potright! Gunnar turns around and looks pitifully at
Kevin Martin, shaking his head.
GP: And Kevin Martin is doing the "Nature Boy Beg," much as Walter was doing earlier!
JT: Man,...maybe Gunnar will have some mercy,...
GP: The Martins don't deserve it, though.
JT: :-(
Nikki: You're right, Greg! Gunnar looks to the crowd for approval, as Sam Potright is now almost at the top of the
cage! And Gunnar kicks Kevin Martin on his back, then stomps away at that knee!
GP: It's payback time! These guys got Potright and Smith kicked out of the arena Friday because of their
instigations of violence, and now it's their chance to set the record straight!
Nikki: Wal-Mart, now up! He charges for Gunnar! Gunnar picks up the cruiserweight and,...PERFECTION
X-PRESS!
JT: DAMN, I HATE THIS MATCH!
GP: POTRIGHT'S AT THE TOP OF THE CAGE! POTRIGHT'S AT THE TOP OF THE CAGE!
(Sam Potright moves his body over the edge of the cage and drops 25 or so feet to the outside floor)
*DING DING*
GP: AND WE HAVE NEW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, FOLKS!
Nikki: ALRIGHT! :-)
JT: I'm very sure if the Macho Man were here,...and he were heel,..he's say "OHHHHH NO!" :-(
Meygon: Your winners and new IWO World Tag Team Champions,...Sam Potright and Gunnar Smith!
("Hemmorage(In My Hands)" by Fuel plays throughout the arena as an IWO official unlocks the cage door.
Another official hands Potright both straps, as Gunnar runs out of the cage to embrace his broken, bloody
(although not as one would expect) partner. Wal-Mart is the only one of the former champs to his feet, though he
had a few bumps, and he's checking out Kevin, who is in the corner holding his knee and talking calmly to
Walter.)
GP: Sam Potright and Gunnar Smith damn well deserved this night,....
JT: My ass!
*SLAP*
Nikki: You didn't even call half the match.
JT: :-( You knocked me out.
Nikki: Hee hee. That's right.
JT: Man, the crowd's really into the new champs, eh?
GP: You know it, JT, you know it. Why, you planning on going face-commentary?
JT: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! (continues laughing)
GP: Didn't think so,...Potright and Gunnar celebrate,...mostly Gunnar, as he helps his comrade to the
back,...Walter Martin, however, doesn't have a chance of helping his bulkier "brother," Kevin Martin, to the
back,...and here come some EMTs,...
JT: Wasn't long ago that Walter Martin appeared as an EMT,..
GP: Give me a break.
Nikki: Give me a break Give me a break,...Break me off a piece of that,...
JT: Poon-Tang-Pie!
*SLAP*
(Kevin Martin is taken to the back on a stretcher as his tag partner follows, limping..)
GP: Wait a second, here come Spaz down to the ring? What's he doing?
He's a little late! This match is over!
Nikki: This makes no sense at all. Why is Spaz here? He has no
business in this ring. His match is over.
GP: Spaz gets into the ring. He's asking for a mic? Now what?
Spaz: Look here. It would seem as though my career is in a slump. I
was forced to fight three jobbers tonight at a Pay-Per-View event just
weeks after My World Title Shot. Now it would seem as though I need to do
something to prove that I am the future of this company and if I have
to kick all of your asses right now, then so be it. Let's do this, right
here and RIGHT NOW!!
GP: SPAZ JUST CHALLENGED POTRIGHT AND SMITH TO A TWO-ON-ONE HANDICAP MATCH RIGHT NOW!
Nikki: What in the hell has come over Spaz!
JT: WAIT A SECOND! OUT OF THE AUDIENCE!! IT'S THE MYSTERY GUY! HAHA!
MAKE IT FIVE-ON-ONE!! HAHA! SPAZ IS TOAST!
GP: Sam Potright and Gunnar have no clue what's goin on! I don't have any clue what's going on. WHAT'S GOING ON?!
Nikki: Geez Parker, don't wet yourself.
JT: SHUT UP GUYS! IT'S GONNA GET GOOD! THE MYSTERY GUY HAS JOINED UP
WITH SMITH AND POTRIGHT! He's got a mic!
Mystery Guy: (Pointing at Spaz) Event.........Horizon......
GP: THAT VOICE!
Nikki: THAT MOVE!
JT: MY GOD!
GP: THE MYSTERY GUY JUST TURNED AROUND AND DDT'D SAM POTRIGHT! SPAZ
RUNS OVER TO THE CORNER!
Nikki: THEY HAVE GUNNAR! SPAZ HAS GUNNAR ON HIS SHOULDERS!
GP: THE MYSTERY GUY IS ON THE TOP ROPE!!
JT: NOOOOOO!!!!
Nikki: SPEAR FROM THE TOP ROPE! EVENT HORIZON EVENT HORIZON!
GP: HE'S TAKIN OFF THE MASK!
Shallow: OH MY GOD! IT'S STEVE SULLIVAN! IT'S SULLIVAN!
GP: THE SPAZ EVENT!! THE SPAZ EVENT!! THE SPAZ EVENT ARE BACK!! I CAN'T
BELIEVE IT!!
JT: NO! NO! NO! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!
GP: SPAZ WITH THE MIC!
Spaz: Like we said before....it's time for a change...(Throws mic onto
Gunnar Smith's body.)
GP: STEVE SULLIVAN IS BACK!THE SPAZ EVENT ARE BACK! MY GOD! WHAT
EXCITEMENT! WHAT A NIGHT! WHAT A PAY-PER-VIEW!
Nikki: Uh Greg...
GP: WHAT A FIGHT! WHAT A
Nikki: GREG!!
GP: WHAT?!
Nikki: It's over. They're gone.
GP: Oh..
Arizona Firewater Death Match
(The ring is enclosed inside a cage without a top. The cage is wrapped
in the usual fare... barbed wire, explosives, spiked balls, cacti, and
random weapons, such as barbed wire 2x4s, aluminum baseball bats, Bob
Saget's remote control, Dan Kordic, crutches, and Al Coholic's fatass
mom. After the cage, there's a pool of water all around the cell with
floating mines. After the pit of water is a Hell in a Cell, this time with
a top. There are four hatches at the corners of this cell with built-in
ladders that lead to the top. In order to win the match, you must climb
to the top of the second cage, then use a ladder to climb up the extra
ten feet and grab the North American title to win.)
Jax Stone -c- v. Joey Malone
GP: Here we go, fans... the buildup has been incredible for this match
between former IWO Pacific Champion Joey Malone and the current IWO
North American Champion... Jax Stone...
JT: Yeah, I mean, Jax Stone has done some things to Malone that would
mentally break down a normal human being... shame that Joey Malone was
insane beforehand...
Nikki: First, Stone kidnaps Malone's girlfriend, Keri Lindum, at a
Monday Night Meltdown. And then it goes from there. It's been rather
interesting, to say the least.
JT: Fuck it, let's just go to the highlight reel.
(The highlights start playing as "Love On Haight Street" by BT plays in
the background.)
** 02/11/2001: Monday Night Meltdown **
(Jax Stone walks by.)
Stone: Hey, guys. Good win.
(He leaves.)
Malone: What a great guy that Jax Stone is.
(Malone gets to his locker room. He sees that, spray-painted on the
wall, a message which reads, "HA HA, I HAVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND. YOU SUCK,
MALONE. -Love, Jax Stone". Malone turns back to Daze.)
Malone: Remember what I said about Jax Stone being a great guy?
Daze: Yes.
Malone: Scratch that.
Daze: Okay.
** Later that night... **
(Scene cut to the parking lot. Malone comes in, and sees Jax Stone
standing out the skylight.)
Malone: Hey, you no good heel-type person! Why don't you return Keri to
me so I don't have to inact some Arizonan Violence!?
Stone: Sorry, Malone. You know the drill.
(Stone pulls out the "Helldom For Dummies", written by Dane Wilt.)
Stone: Chapter 6, Article 4, Column 2... YOU MUST NEVER GIVE IN TO THE
FACES IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM, BECAUSE IF YOU DO, YOU CAN NEVER PISS
THEM OFF AND THEREFORE, NEVER GET THE UPPER HAND. Now pay Dane Wilt some
money, already!
Malone: I'll pass.
Stone: Curses. Well... MIKE! GET ME OUT OF HERE!
(The limo leaves, but Stone hits his head on the garage door on the way
out.)
Stone: Ow. Stupid garage door...
(Stone drops down out of sight as Malone runs up toward the limo, which
is still leaving.)
Malone: Damn you, Stone! You're not supposed to humiliate me! Only *I*
can humiliate me!
(Fade to black.)
** Back to Greg Parker **
GP: So after Keri ended up getting kidnapped by Stone... Hostile
Takeover was next... and President Evan Levine made a shocking decision...
** 02/16/2001: Hostile Takeover... **
(During a CGI Interview on Takeover...)
Joey Malone: You know... there's a lot of not-silly fun things in the
IWO. I mean, think about it... you've got no-talent hacks like Scott
Stone, boring losers who TaLk LiKe ThIs, SuCh As RyAn ReMeDy; and then
you've got Jax Stone. Stonity Stonity Stone, or should I call you the
Muffin Man? I guess I shall call you the Muffin Man. Jax, being the Muffin
Man is NOT cool, dude. You jump through our windows and are all "HI,
BILL, I'VE COME TO ROB THIS PLACE OF YOUR MUFFINS". Then you rape the
households of our blueberry and strawberry muffins, then rush to your
chariot of Keebler Elves and ride off into the sunset. Well, I'm not going
to stand for it, Muffin Man! You and your damn side of fries! I shall
take vengence upon you, because you, the Muffin Man, have raped my
household of my girlfriend, and...
(Daze quickly takes the microphone from Malone.)
Daze: Dude, Joey. That has to have been the *worst* comparison of what
Jax Stone did to you that I've *ever* heard!
(Malone gets another microphone.)
Malone: Meesa sowwy. =(
(And with that said, "Get On Top" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers plays as
Jax Stone comes out to a chorus of boos. Behind him is Mike Marchese,
and by his side is Keri, Joey Malone's girlfriend. Keri's hands tied to
her back and her mouth gagged. Stone forces her on her knees as he
grabs a microphone. Malone is, how you say, pissed.)
Jax Stone: Hey, take another step closer and I'll find John Smythe and
have him do his worst.
(Malone just pauses at the side of the ring that's the closest to the
entryway.)
Jax Stone: Malone, see, that's one of the best chapters in "Heeldom for
Dummies"! Always keep the faces in the ring and distract them just long
enough for the President's henchman to jump the both of you from behind
with an iron pipe!
(And with that said, Dane Matthews runs from out of the crowd. Donnie
Daze turns around and ducks a pipe shot from Matthews, knocks the pipe
out of his hands, and brawls with him. Jax Stone leaves Keri with
Marchese, who takes her to the back, and rushes to ringside to brawl with
Malone.)
GP: My god! These guys are all brawling with each other! Madness!
JT: Daze and Matthews are just exchanging right hands after right
hands! Malone and Stone are just beating the hell out of each other on the
other side! Matthews tries a roundhouse right! Daze ducks... CLOTHESLINE
OVER THE TOP AND TO THE OUTSIDE!
Nikki: Malone with an irish whip into the ropes... Daze comes in, too,
but Stone puts on the brakes and slides out of the ring!
GP: There's something going on between these guys, I'm telling you!
(Then, suddenly, "I Am Your Boogieman" by White Zombie plays as
President Levine comes out to an even louder chorus of boos than Stone and
Matthews got. He has the mike.)
President Levine: Ah. Four little sheep in dire need to shear each
other. How quaint. Malone, you want Jax Stone so damn bad... you've already
got him at the pay-per-view. But let's up the ante. Screw the Lake of
Fire match. That... isn't enough. I had a look at some old tapes,
recently. Some stuff that happened a few years ago with your trainer, Malone.
One match caught me with quite a bit of interest. So Malone... you...
and Stone... will face each other... in your match... an Arizona
Firewater Death Match!
GP: What the hell? What the *hell* is that?!
President Levine: Malone, you remember this structure, right?
(The IWOTron shows a picture of a rather fearsome looking structure.
Two cages... the inner cage with barbed wire wrapped around it and
various weapons... the outer cage an Hell in a Cell with four ladders that go
to hatches on the top. Between the inner and outer cages is a moat of
water with floating mines in it.)
GP: Oh my GOD.
President Levine: See, Malone. I chose this match because it'll be the
fastest way to end your damn career. I chose this match because Jax
Stone is just that better than you. So at Broken Hearts, Broken Bones 3,
Jax Stone's gonna put an end to your stupidity once and for all.
(Levine pauses. Malone leans against the ropes with
his microphone.)
Joey Malone: Hey, Levine. Is that a clip on tie?
President Levine: *flabbergasted* ...sh... SHUT UP!
Joey Malone: =(
President Levine: As for the battle Royal Perdicament, I'm sure that
the fans want something to be fixed. Tonight, in this ring, it will be
Donnie Daze, against Joey Malone...
(Malone and Daze gasp at one another.)
President Levine:... against Sabastian Crow, versus Dane Matthews, and
to make things intresting, Jax Stone. All the men involved in this
contraversy will be in the ring, and the WINNER, will get Ten Thousand
Dollars, along with their shot at the World Title. I hope you all enjoy
this, because YOU, brought it apon yourself!
** During that match... **
GP:What the hell is Dane doing!
JT:Malone kicks Matthews... Daze quickly up top, INTERNET ELIMINATION!
THE SPIKED PEDIGREE!
Nikki:MATTHEWS IS OUT! BUT STONE HAS THAT CHAIR! HARD SHOT TO DAZE
SENDS DAZE DOWN TO THE MAT! Stone throws the chair down... DROPPED LIKE A
STONE ONTO THE CHAIR! MALONE IS OUT! MALONE IS OUT!
*scene cut*
(We see Malone get to his feet, as he sees a fallen Jax Stone. Malone,
bleeding from the head, looks down at Stone.)
JT:BLOOD!
GP:Malone must be bleeding from the Dropped like a Stone by Jax Stone.
(Malone pulls out Pen, which gets an immediate reaction from the crowd.
He then begins to horse whip the fallen Jax Stone with it.)
Nikki:Stone falls outside of the ring, as he's trying to regain his
composure. Stone slowly tries to get away, as Malone is... chasing Stone
with a Spatcula?!?
GP:That's Pen Nikki.
Nikki:With a Pen? It makes no sense Greg...
*scene cut*
(Jax Stone is leading Joey Malone into a boiler room.)
Jax Stone: Come in and play, Malone!
Joey Malone: Hey, get out of there! Who knows when Mick Foley might
inhabit the boiler room once again! We could both feel the wrath of
Mankind!
(Malone enters, and sees Keri tied up in a corner of the room.)
Joey Malone: Keri?! What are you doing here?
Keri: Joey?! Look out!
(Malone turns around, but it's too late, as Stone waylays Malone in the
head with a steel pipe. Stone spits on the out cold Malone.)
Jax Stone: See you on Monday, Malone. You bitch.
(Stone takes Keri and leaves the scene.)
** Back to Parker **
GP: But as you know... somebody's gonna have to get even. Somebody. And
on the following Monday Night Meltdown...
** 02/19/2001: Monday Night Meltdown **
(Scene cut to Jax Stone's locker room. Stone is just gearing up for the
nine-man tag match, when a knock is heard.)
Jax Stone: Come in.
(A beggar comes in.)
Beggar: PLEASE, MISTER STONE! GIVE ME SOME MONEY!
Jax Stone: What the fuck? Hell no!
(Stone shoves the beggar right out of his locker room and slams the
door.)
Jax Stone: God damned beggars...
(Another knock is heard. The door opens and another beggar crawls in.)
Beggar: FOOD! I NEED FOOOOD!
Jax Stone: Hey! What the hell?!
(Stone kicks the beggar right out of the room and shuts the door.)
Jax Stone: What the hell's going on?
(Stone opens the door and looks outside. A very long line of beggars
are waiting at the door.)
Jax Stone: God dammit!
(Stone takes his gear and runs from his locker room, with stampeding
beggars chasing after him. Once all of the beggars leave, Joey Malone and
Donnie Daze come in.)
Joey Malone: Ha ha ha ha...
Donnie Daze: Joey, have I mentioned just how evil you are?
Joey Malone: Hey, they needed some food, why not send them in Stone's
general direction?
Donnie Daze: Point taken...
** Later that night... **
(Scene cut to Jax Stone who is busy looking for Malone.)
Jax Stone: MALONE! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!
(Suddenly, a water balloon hits Jax Stone right in the ass.)
Jax Stone: What the hell?!
(We see Joey Malone in his wrestling gear.)
Joey Malone: Hi, Jaxikins!
Jax Stone: You!
(Stone chases Malone, Malone runs, but then we hear a loud crash from
behind the corner. The cameraman looks to see what happened. We see a
glass door, broken thanks to Jax Stone's head. Malone stands over his
bleeding self.)
Joey Malone: Gee, Jax... maybe you should get that cleaned... so sorry!
(Malone leaves, as Jax Stone tries to recover.)
** And later still... **
Kell:I can't even keep track of everything going on...
(We pan over to the arena floor, as LiGiL is shown battling with Joey
Malone. Fission knocks down AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) with a table
piece, and low blows LiGiL down to the mat. Malone picks up LiGiL...)
Arrows:EVEREST CATACLYSM! LiGiL IS DOWN! COVER BY MALONE!
Ashley:ONE.... TWO... THREE! NEW NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION! THIS MATCH IS
OVER!!!!
** To Broken Hearts, Broken Bones 3! **
GP: So Malone and Stone have a lot on the line tonight. Stone's really
eager to beat the hell out of Malone, though, for Malone's title.
JT: Yeah, but Stone's gotta go through this contraption of death...
Joey's evil mind has conjured up one evil fucking structure.
GP: Joey Malone isn't the most extreme person in the world, but god
damn, he has one of the most extreme trademark matches out there...
JT: Let's go to the ringside announcements... then...
*ding, ding, ding*
Ring Announcer: The following contest... is the ARIZONA FIREWATER DEATH
MATCH FOR THE INTERNET WRESTLING ORGANIZATION NORTH AMERICAN
CHAMPIONSHIP!
(Crowd pops. Huge. Then "Get On Top" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
starts playing, as the fans give a half-cheer, half-pop, for Jax Stone,
former IWO Extreme Champion. He drags Joey's girlfriend, Keri, behind him,
she's wearing a rather tight black dress and she's handcuffed. Mike
Marchese and John Smythe accompanying him...)
Ring Announcer: First... from Chicago, Illinois... he stands six feet,
six inches, and weighing in at two hundred and fifty-eight pounds... he
is accompanied to the ring, this evening, by Mike Marchese and John
Smythe... he is a former IWO North American champion, a two time former
Extreme champ, a former Television champion... and a former IWO
Intercontinental Tag Team champion. He is the master of the Drop Like A Stone...
ladies and gentlemen... he is JAAAAAAAXXXXXXXXXX
STTTTOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
(Jax Stone handcuffs Keri to the cage, and steps into the Hell in a
Cell, crosses the platform over the water, and enters the second cage.)
GP: Well, Jax Stone knows Joey Malone, that's for sure.
JT: No doubt. He and Malone despise each other.
(Jax Stone climbs up to the second turnbuckle and raises his arms.)
Nikki: Well, here comes the other guy...
Ring Announcer: And his opponent!
("Get On Top" fades out, and then the lights and video wall fade out.
The video wall then shows a spinning spatula, that being Pen, and then
you hear a whoopie cushion. Then, "Shame" by BT plays as the crowd goes
absolutely bananas for the former IWO Pacific champion... that being
Joey Malone. Malone is accompanied by Mega Man and Pen.)
Ring Announcer: From Phoenix, Arizona... he stands at six foot, three
and three quarters inches... and weighs in at two hundred and fifty-two
pounds. He is a former IWO United States and Pacific champion and
formerly one half of IWO Minor League tag team legends, the Winds of Change.
He is accompanied to the ring by Mega Man, the Archnemesis of Tony
Davis... and Pen! He is the self-proclaimed "Original Meaniehead" and
"Crowned Prince of General Mayhem"... he's the master of the Everest
Cataclysm... and the IWO North American Champion... ladies and gentlemen... he
is JOOOOEEEEEEYYYYYY MAAAALLLLLLOOOOOOONNNNNEEEEEEE!!!!!
(Malone walks over to Keri and tries to get her loose from the cuffs,
but since Jax Stone has the keys, Malone walks into the first cage,
croses the platform, and enters the second cage.)
GP: Well, Joey Malone is probably the most underrated technician in the
IWO, but he's pretty out of his enviroment tonight.
JT: What a fearsome structure this Arizona Firewater thing is... and
they have to climb all the way up there with a ladder?!
JT: Well, here we go...
*ding, ding, ding*
GP: Here we go...
JT: Collar and elbow tieup between Stone and Joey... armdrag takedown
by Joey to take Jax Stoneown.
Nikki: Why are they going to for the mat wrestling early?
JT: Who knows, Nikki? They might have to conserve energy.
Nikki: Ah.
GP: Well, Malone, like I said, is much more technically proficient than
Jax Stone. is.
JT: Another collar and elbow tieup, Malone, the more powerful of the
two, forces Stone into the corner... clean break?! Nope! Stone with a
back elbow out of the corner... clothesline, no! Joey with an armdrag
takedown to Jax Stone to take him down.
GP: Now Malone with an armbar, but Jax Stone fights out of it and
reverses to spin him to the canvas!
Nikki: Malone with the kip up, the reversal, and a back leg trip to
send Jax Stone to the canvas!
GP: Malone may not be able to out-extreme the King of Extreme, but he
can certainly outwrestle him.
JT: Jax Stone fights out of the armbar to a standing armbar of his own,
Malone with a reversal into the hammerlock... Jax Stone with a back
elbow to counter!
Nikki: Jax Stone runs off the ropes, Malone drops down... Jax Stone
bounces back, leapfrog by Malone... back side kick by Malone... double
arm!
JT: Everest Cat- no! Stone blocks! Backdrop by Stone... Malone holds
on... sunset flip! But no pins allowed in this match!
GP: Point taken.
Nikki: Stone with a foot to Malone's face and both men roll to their
feet!
GP: Jax Stone with a shove to Malone... Malone with a shove of his
own... OH! A slap in the face by Jax Stone! Forearm shiver to the back of
Malone's head!
Nikki: Malone stumbles to the far corner... Stone charges in, Malone
sidesteps... Stone runs right into the corner!
JT: And Malone catches him with a back elbow smash!
GP: Malone turns around now and takes Stone back down with a hiplock
takeover into the armbar!
Nikki: This is exactly what Malone needs to do. Lord knows when they'll
get to the toys.
GP: Stone rolls out of the armbar into one of his own, Malone fights
up... Stone pulls Malone into a big elbow smash!
JT: Stone caught Joey by surprise and Joey stumbles back near Jax
Stone... right into a scoop slam. Double elbow smash by Stone!
Nikki: Stone goes for the cover, but there's no pinfalls in this match!
GP: Silly Jax Stone! Pins are for normal matches!
*JT bitchslaps GP*
GP: Ow.
JT: Malone's back up, as Stone gets a fireman's carry into a reverse
chinlock.
GP: Stone showing some surprising mat wrestling skills.
JT: Malone rolls back and catches Stone with a kick to the forehead!
Nikki: Kip up by Malone, Malone runs into the ropes... and runs RIGHT
INTO A POWERSLAM BY Jax Stone!
JT: Jax Stone is showing dominance now!
GP: Stone picks Joey back up and runs at him! He goes for a Drop Like A
Sto- NO! Malone lifts his head up and Stone just did an unwilling
backflip to eat canvas!
Nikki: Nice move by Malone to counter the Drop Like A Stone.
GP: Malone moves into the cross-armbreaker, but Stone's fighting it by
holding on to his own wrist.
JT: Malone knocks Stone's hand off and Malone gets the cross-armbreaker
locked in!
Nikki: No submissions, but Joey could really use the help here!
JT: Stone's trying to power out of it, but Joey's holding on, at least!
GP: Stone's up on a vertical base and that counters the effects,
somewhat, of Joey's cross-armbreaker!
Nikki: Look at the power of Jax Stone! He picks Joey up... into a
variation of a chokeslam! With one arm!
GP: Malone's down and so's Jax Stone... that took a bit out of him!
JT: Jax Stone's up and he picks Joey Malone back up. Side suplex by Jax
Stone to take down Malone!
Nikki: Jax Stone with a reverse chinlock, but Malone almost immediately
starts fighting out! Elbow to the gut! And another! Make it three!
GP: Malone bounces off the ropes, Stone puts his head down... and takes
a swinging neckbreaker from Malone!
JT: Malone rolls through and waits for Jax Stone to get up! He does...
and Malone catches him with a lariat!
GP: Jax Stone's down and Joey starts stomping away at him! The crowd's
already electric!
Nikki: It's a god damned Arizona Firewater Death Match, and heaven only
knows what else these two psychos are going to do to each other!
JT: Malone goes into an armbar again, he's focusing on that arm, it
looks like.
GP: Jax Stone is trying to fight it off, he moves over and takes Joey
down again with another fireman's carry takedown!
Nikki: But Malone holds on to the armbar and hooks in a head scissors!
JT: Jax Stone rolls backward and out of the scissors and out of the
armbar!
GP: Jax Stone rolls to his feet and catches Malone with a clothesline!
Nikki: Malone's down and now Jax Stone goes for the boston crab! But
Malone's fighting it, punch in Stone's face to stun, now Malone shoves
Jax Stone into the ropes with his feet, kip up... dropkick! Malone with a
high dropkick right to the face of Jax Stone!
GP: That REALLY stunned Stone!
JT: Jax Stone's down and Malone is back to his feet.
Nikki: Malone's waiting for Jax Stone to get up... well, he's on his
knees, and... whoa! What a STIFF dropkick to the face of Jax Stone! That
takes Jax Stone back down and now Malone might be wanting to go for a
weapon!
GP: Nope. Malone's going right back to the arm with a seated reverse
armbar here.
JT: Malone's grinding it in and this could be it already!
Nikki: Wait! Jax Stone just rolls away from it and Malone goes right
into the bottom turnbuckle! A good counter by Jax Stone!
JT: Jax Stone works the stomps in on Malone now!
GP: Elbow drop by Jax Stone to keep Malone down.
Nikki: Now Jax Stone picks up Malone and sends him into the opposite
corner!
GP: Jax Stone charges in on Malone, but Malone steps out and catch Jax
Stone with a stun gun right into the corner!
JT: None of these guy have had a definite advantage over a long period
of time.
Nikki: I know.
GP: Stone's trying to get up, and Malone with a side back drop suplex
on Jax Stone!
JT: Malone with a backward roll and now... oh wait! He's measuring Jax
Stone!
Nikki: TURN AROUND, STONE!
JT: WAIT, DON'T!
GP: Jax Stone turns, Malone runs...
Nikki: JAX STONE DUCKS THE FLAMING COW BREAKTHROUGH! HE GRABS MALONE...
RELEASED GERMAN SUPLEX!
GP: Jax Stone gets to his feet and sees Malone down... now he looks
around... uh oh...
JT: That sadistic look in Jax Stone's eyes tells me that he's going to
go for the toys!
Nikki: Jax Stone goes to the catch and grabs a push broom!
JT: Malone is back up, Jax Stone with a shot to the gut with that push
broom! And Jax Stone breaks the broom over Joey's back!
Nikki: Things aren't looking good for the former Pacific champion right
now!
GP: Wait a minute! Malone seems to have found himself a weapon, too,
that was knocked off when Stone went for the push broom! Malone throws a
pet carrier right in Jax Stone's face, and Jax Stone's a bit on the
stunned side!
Nikki: Malone grabs a... a... WHAT IS THAT?!?
JT: That's a... WHAT THE FUCK!?!?
GP: MY GOD! MALONE HAS A THIRTY POUND COLLEGE BIOLOGY BOOK! THAT THING
KILLS!
JT: MALONE WITH A SHOT IN THE STOMACH WITH IT! THAT MIGHT HAVE KNOCKED
ALL OF THE WIND RIGHT OUT OF JAX STONE!
Nikki: IT MAY HAVE KILLED HIM!
GP: AHHHH!!!!!
JT: Malone picks up Jax Stone and tosses him right into the barbed wire
cage! Jax Stone may be bleeding already!
GP: Actually, he's not! He must have only gotten a few flesh wounds!
JT: Malone has gotten a singapore cane... oh no!
Nikki: Wait, Jax Stoneucks it and grabs a piece of the broken push
broom!
JT: Wham! Right in Malone's forehead! Malone's down!
GP: Stone grabs the cane and starts beating the hell out of Malone with
it!
*SMACK!*
GP: What a SHOT!
*SMACK!*
GP: Another!
*SMACK!*
JT: SOLD TO THE AMERICANS!
(JT gets bitchslapped by Nikki.)
JT: Ow. =(
GP: Jax Stone discards the broken singapore cane and goes back to the
weapons!
Nikki: Jax Stone has... he has... what's that?
GP: It's a Monopoly board?!
JT: How did *THAT* get into the Arizona Firewater cage?!
GP: I don't know.
Nikki: Jax Stone charges in on Joey, but Joey with a drop toe hold and
Jax Stone gets a face full of Monopoly!
GP: NOOOO!!!! NOT MY BEAUTIFUL PARK PLACE! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!
JT: Jax Stone's down again, well, wait, he's back up!
GP: AND BOARDWALK IS RUINED, TOO! DAMMIT!
*Nikki bitchslaps GP.*
GP: Ow. Thanks.
JT: YES! WOOHOO! NIKKI BITCHSLAPS SOMEONE OTHER THAN ME!
*Nikki bitchslaps JT.*
JT: ...dammit.
Nikki: Ahem. Anyway, Malone goes over to the cage again and he gets a
JESUS CHRIST, NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!?!
GP: IT'S THE MOST DREADED WEAPON IN WRESTLING! PHELEN KELL HAS BEATEN
KING STING WITH THIS WEAPON!
JT: IT'S A POODLE! JAX STONE MAY BE IN TROUBLE!
GP: MALONE SWINGS AT JAX STONE AND HE HIS A GLANCING BLOW! JAX STONE
GOES RIGHT INTO THE TURNBUCKLE! BUT THE POODLE SLIPS OUT OF JOEY'S HANDS
AND RUNS AWAY!
Nikki: Thank god. If Joey had hit a solid blow with that poodle, Jax
Stone wouldn't have lasted for the other two matches.
GP: Jax Stone has somehow recovered after that brutal assault by Joey
Malone and he's grabbed a more traditional weapon in an aluminum
baseball bat!
JT: Boooorrrrinnnngggg!
GP: Jax Stone takes a swing at Malone who takes it in the gut! And a
shot to the back to send Malone down!
JT: Jax Stone throws the aluminum baseball bat away and now grabs a...
JESUS CHRIST, NO! NOT THAT! THAT'S EVEN WORSE THAN THE POODLE!
Nikki: What is i- NOOOOO!!!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!
GP: JAX STONE HAS PEN! I FORGOT THAT PEN ENDED UP GETTING HOOKED UP IN
THE CAGE WHEN MALONE WALKED IN!
JT: MALONE RECOVERS AND HITS A DROPKICK IN STONE'S SHIN!
GP: JAX STONE DROPS PEN! JAX STONE DROPS PEN!
Nikki: Malone grabs it and Jax Stone immediately rolls out of the way
before Malone can bitchslap him with Pen!
GP: Malone rushes at D again with Pen, but Jax Stone picks him up for a
belly-to-belly suplex... ONLY TO TAKE A BITCHSLAPPING! JAX STONE IS
DOWN! JAX STONE IS DOWN!
JT: Greg. Stop repeating yourself. You sound more and more like Jim
Ross.
GP: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Suddenly, "Three Point One Four" by the Bloodhound Gang plays as AWS
Man (also known as Bill) comes out of a wormhole in the ring, grabs Pen,
then runs back into the wormhole which closes behind him.)
JT: ....
GP: ....
Nikki: ....
JT: THANK GOD THAT HAPPENED!
GP: I'll say!
Nikki: Whew!
GP: Jax Stone with a low blow! He just lifted his leg up and hit Malone
in the crotch!
JT: Jax Stone crawls back over to the cage and he grabs a VCR! He sets
it down in the ring and grabs Malone! Sky High powerbomb right on the
VCR! Malone's back may be shot now!
GP: Jax Stone's stunned Malone on the VCR! Now he goes to the second
rope... elbow drop... NO! MALONE MOVED AND JAX STONE LANDS ON THE VCR!
HOW THE HELL DID MALONE DO THAT?!
Nikki: I dunno, but Jax Stone might have hurt his arm!
GP: Malone rolls over to the cage wall again and grabs... a shovel!?
Oh, how stupid!
Joey Malone: Wait! I DON'T WANT A SHOVEL! THIS IS A SYPHON FISSION
WEAPON! I DEMAND A RECOUNT!
(Joey grabs Bob Saget's remote control, instead.)
GP: NO! NO! DEAR GOD, NO! NOT BOB SAGET'S REMOTE CONTROL!
JT: JOEY MALONE MIGHT HAVE THE SECOND MOST DANGEROUS WEAPON IN THIS
ENTIRE MATCH OUTSIDE OF PEN!
Nikki: Malone is waiting for Jax Stone to get up!
GP: Jax Stone is stumbling to his feet and Joey hits a button! AND A
SMALL BOULDER APPEARS!
JT: I think Joey Malone is unsure if that was smart.
Nikki: Malone presses it again and THERE IS AL COHOLIC'S FATASS MOM!
Joey Malone: Dammit... that's it.
GP: Ah hah! Malone just threw the remote control at Jax Stone! It
breaks over Al Coholic's Fatass Mom's head, though, and they both
disappear?!
JT: Jax Stone charges in on Joey, but Joey hits him with a flapjack!
Nikki: Malone grabs that boulder and waits for Jax Stone to get up!
JT: Good god, he's not going to hit him with that boulder, is he?!
Nikki: Malone throws it at Jax Stone, but Jax Stone ducks and... OH MY
GOD! THAT BOULDER JUST BUSTED A HOLE IN THAT CAGE!
JT: My god! The animals are out of the first cage! Malone tries to get
out, but Jax Stone grabs him from behind! Kick in Malone's gut...
stunner attempt! No! Malone shoves him away! Jax Stone bounces back...
GP: ...MALONE WITH A VICIOUS CHAIR SHOT! WHERE THE HELL DID HE GET THAT
CHAIR!
JT: Jax Stone might be DEAD! DEAD I SAY DEAD!
Nikki: Malone is going to climb out of the cage and... wait a minute!
Malone's not leaving normally! He's climbing to the top of the cage!??!
JT: Good god, what is Malone thinking here?!
Nikki: Malone's standing on top of the first cage! He's pointing down
at Jax Stone with both hands... oh no! NO! MALONE LEAPS!
GP: BAD MOON RISING(Top rope swandive headbutt)! BAD MOON RISING OFF
THE TOP OF THE FIRST CAGE! BOTH MEN MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD! WHAT A
SUICIDAL MOVE BY JOEY MALONE! WE DIDN'T EXPECT ANYONE TO TAKE A CHANCE LIKE
THAT THIS EARLY IN THE MATCH! MY GOD! MY GOD MY GOD!
*Nikki bitchslaps GP*
Nikki: Dammit, Greg calm do-
JT: YES!!!!!!!!! PAIN AND MISERY ABOUND TODAY! WOOHOO!
WOO-FUCKING-HOO!!!
*Nikki bitchslaps JT, too*
JT: =(
(The "Cuban National Anthem" starts playing.)
GP: What the fuck!?
(The cameras switch to see a young Cuban boy parachuting in.)
JT: Uh oh! ELIAN GONZALEZ IS PARACHUTING IN!
Nikki: DAMMIT! HE ALWAYS INTERFERES IN THESE LONG EPIC MATCHES OF
IMMEDIATE DOOM!
GP: That's because the bookers usually are bored.
JT: Oh.
GP: Well, Elian's... what's he doing?
JT: He's tossing the ladders off of the top of the cage that we put up
there so the wrestlers can reach the titles!
Nikki: Dammit! How will we decide a winner, now?!
GP: I'm not sure!
(Suddenly, "The Doughboy From Hell" by the Pillsbury Doughboy Band
plays as the Pillsbury Doughboy RACES down the ringside to one of the
loudest pops in IWO history.)
GP: JESUS CHRIST! HERE HE IS! THE KING OF STOPPING RUN-INS! THE
PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY! HE MAY BE THE MOST POPULAR GUY NOT IN THE IWO TODAY!
JT: HE'S CLIMBING TO THE TOP OF THE SECOND CAGE! GONZALEZ DOESN'T SEE
HIM! THE DOUGHBOY KICKS HIM IN THE GUT! FRESH BAKED BROWNIES(Twist of
Fate)! GONZALEZ IS OUT AND NOW THE DOUGHBOY ACTIVATES HIS TRANSPORTER AND
HE AND ELIAN LEAVE!
Nikki: Well, that was certainly pointless.
JT: Yet fun.
(Suddenly, the members of the Backstreet Boys walk out to a chorus of
boos.)
Backstreet Boy 1: Seeing as though the IWO is in desperate need of a
CLASS ACT here to talk, instead of these two foul-mouthed losers beating
the hell out of each other, uhm, we're going to sing!
JT: Alright, THAT'S IT! I can take getting bitchslapped by Greg Parker,
Nikki, Angel, or whoever... I can take all of the insults I get like
how Nikki claims I have a one inch penis when I really don't, or all of
the laughter I got ever since it was revealed that I was from
Arkansas... BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH! AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!
(JT gets up from the announcers table.)
Nikki: Should we stop him?
GP: Nah. He's got this under control.
(JT walks over to the Backstreet Boys.)
JT: *with a microphone* Hey, I just wanted you to know that... well...
YOU GUYS SUCK!
GP: OH MY GOD! JT KICKS A BACKSTREET BOY IN THE GUT! JT'S WILD RIDE!
JT'S WILD RIDE!
Nikki: ANOTHER ONE RUSHES AT JT! JT GRABS HIM... MYSTERY JT DRIVER!
GP: Here comes another! JT X-PRESS! JT X-PRESS!
Nikki: And another... JT OFFICE SMASH! JT OFFICE SMASH!
GP: JT AND JC ARE FACING OFF! JC DUCKS A CLOTHESLINE! JT DUCKS A
CLOTHESLINE... KICK IN THE GUT!
Nikki: JT PENALTY! NOW JT CLIMBS UP ON A CHAIR! FLYING JT SHOT! JC IS
DEAD!
(JT comes back. He's out of breath.)
JT: Let it *pant* be known! *gasp* All boy bands are offically
*breathe* my bitch!
GP: Oh... my... god... JT ACTUALLY WON A FIGHT!
Nikki: *claps* Congratulations!
JT: Thank you! =D
GP: Wait! There's actually MOVEMENT from Malone and Stone!
Nikki: OH MY GOD! MOVEMENT!?
JT: Malone is crawling out of that hole again and he splashes into the
swimming pool!
GP: Jax Stone is trying to crawl out, but he probably took more impact
off the Bad Moon Rising than Joey did.
JT: Malone is slowly climbing one of the ladders that goes up to the
top of the cage... but Jax Stone has splashed into the pool, now!
Nikki: Both men are out of the first cage! And Jax Stone seems to have
been revitalized in that swimming pool!
JT: He's at the ladder up and that's the same ladder Joey's on!
GP: Malone's midway up and Jax Stone might be catching up with him!
Nikki: Malone keeps climbing! He's almost at the top!
GP: Jax Stone grabs his foot! Jax Stone has his foot! But Malone holds
on!
JT: Jax Stone won't give up!
Nikki: But Malone with a kick to Jax Stone's face! And another! And
another! And... OH MY GOD!
*BOOM!*
JT: JESUS CHRIST! WHAT BRUTALLITY!
GP: JAX STONE TAKES A REALLY NASTY SPILL MIDWAY UP THE CAGE AND INTO
THE SWIMMING POOL... RIGHT ON TOP OF THAT MINE! JAX STONE MIGHT BE DEAD!
JOEY MALONE DID WHAT HE HAD TO DO, BUT Jax Stone MIGHT NOT MAKE IT
THROUGH THE NEXT TWO MATCHES!
JT: Make it?! HE'S FUCKING DEAD, GREG! FUCKING DEAD! On the bright
side, Joey Malone's apparently bleeding off of that high rise Bad Moon
Rising and if he's bleeding... THIS MATCH DOESN'T SUCK!
Nikki: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?! MALONE'S GOT A LITTLE TRICKLE ABOVE HIS
LEFT EYE AND Jax Stone WAS JUST THROWN HALFWAY ACROSS THE SWIMMING POOL
BY ONE OF THOSE FLOATING MINES!
JT: Malone is at the top of the cage... he crawls up on the top... now
he stands... and he doesn't see the ladders!
GP: He's wondering where in the hell they are!
Nikki: Well, Malone's looking down and he sees some of the discarded
ladders.
GP: Malone's climbing down the second cage! He climbed up and now he
climbs down!
JT: Wait a minute! Jax Stone's getting to his feet!?!?
GP: HOW IN GOD'S NAME IS THAT MAN STANDING AFTER THAT EXPLOSION?!!
Nikki: JAX STONE IS GRABBING ANOTHER MINE! HE'S TRYING NOT TO CAUSE IT
TO EXPLODE!
GP: JAX STONE THROWS IT AT MALONE! BUT MALONE DROPS DOWN FROM THE CAGE
BEFORE IT HITS HIM! BUT PART OF THE EXPLOSION CATCHES HIM ANYWAY AND
MALONE IS DOWN!
JT: MY GOD! Jax Stone NEARLY TRIED TO KILL MALONE! OR AT LEAST THROW
HIM REALLY REALLY FAR FROM THE CAGE!
Nikki: Jax Stone collapses, while Malone is laid out on the bottom of
the cage on the other side!
JT: Man...
GP: Jax Stone grabs that boulder again and he heaves it at the cell
wall! It bounces back!
JT: He's getting frustrated! He grabs it again! And tosses it again!
And the cell breaks! The cell has broken! Oh boy! Jax Stone's pleased
with himself!
GP: Malone's trying to get up, but Jax Stone meets him with a
clothesline! Jax Stone is now driving his fists into Joey's head! Right hands,
right hands, and for a little change of pace, more right hands! Jax
Stone is bringing the pain, now!
Nikki: Jax Stone gets up and marches over to the timekeeper's table! He
grabs a chair!
GP: Jax Stone charges in on Malone, but Malone ducks the chairshot!
Malone with a kick in Stone's gut! Jax Stone drops the chair! Malone with
a forearm shiver to Stone's face! Another kick in the gut! DDT! DDT ON
THE CHAIR! Jax Stone's out!
JT: But so is Malone! Malone took a hell of a blow getting down that
cage!
Nikki: Indeed.
GP: Malone slowly gets to his feet, but Jax Stone is getting up, too!
JT: Remember... Jax Stone has taken more than his fair share of
chairshots in the past.
Nikki: Jax Stone with a right hand! Malone with a right! Stone with a
right! Malone with a right! These two are fighting tooth and nail!
JT: Jax Stone is using both hands! Left! Right! Left! Right! Malone's
reeling! And Malone collapses on the floor! Jax Stone walks back to the
timekeeper's table and he grabs the ring bell! Malone's slow to get
back on his feet... Jax Stone charges in on Malone and WAYLAYS him with
that bell!
Nikki: Jax Stone has taken Malone out! Now Jax Stone climbs over the
railing and picks up a ladder!
JT: Jax Stone is going to try and get a ladder up there! Jax Stone puts
his arm through one of the rungs of the ladder and climbs up!
GP: Malone's back up! He pulls on Jax Stone's leg and Jax Stone just
fell on his face!
JT: Malone grabs the back of Jax Stone's head and rams him into the
steel cage! Now he whips Jax Stone into the safety rail!
Nikki: Jax Stone fires back with right hands!
JT: So does Malone!
GP: My god! They're in the entryway!
Nikki: Malone trips Jax Stone... oh god! Springboard moonsault from the
railing to Jax Stone! What a move by Joey Malone!
GP: I'm just amazed at how athletic this guy really is.
JT: Malone picks up Jax Stone again, but Jax Stone with a punch in the
gut! Another! And another!
GP: Jax Stone gets up! Kick in the gut... there's a Lyger Bomb! ON THE
CONCRETE!
JT: But that took a lot out of Jax Stone, too!
Nikki: Jax Stone is slowly getting to his feet, while Malone is not
moving! Jax Stone is crawling back to the cage and grabs the ladder! He's
starting to haul that thing up the cage!
JT: Wait! Jax Stone is stopping up there!
GP: That's because Keri has put her foot on the bottom rung of the
ladder!
JT: Jax Stone is trying to force the ladder up there with him, but
Malone's getting to his feet!
Nikki: Malone yanks the ladder from Jax Stone! Jax Stone jumps off and
lands on his feet!
*SMACK!*
JT: WHAT A SHOT BY MALONE! Malone just rearranged Jax Stone's jaw with
that end of the ladder!
GP: Jax Stone is hurt and hurt bad! Now Malone raises up the ladder and
nails Jax Stone with another stiff shot to the back with that ladder!
Malone with another! He's taking out all of his frustrations on Jax
Stone right now!
JT: Shit, Greg! He's even handling his GIRLFRIEND'S frustrations on Jax
Stone, right now!
GP: That's a whole heapin' hell of a lot of frustration!
Nikki: Jax Stone is hurting right now, but he comes back with a low
blow! Now Jax Stone rams Malone into the steel guardrail!
GP: Jax Stone grabs the ladder again and sets it up! He measures
Malone... LARIAT! What a lariat by Jax Stone!
JT: Now Jax Stone goes over and... what's he got? Ohhh! A table! Jax
Stone has a table! And he sets it up at the base of the ladder! Jax
Stone is getting ready to unleash some hell!
GP: Jax Stone puts Malone on the table!
Nikki: Jax Stone signals to the crowd that he's going up!
(Suddenly, a flying can of beer hits Jax Stone in the back of the head,
knocking him out.)
Nikki: ...
JT: ...
GP: ...
JT: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Nikki: HOHOHOHOHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!!!!
JT: HOLY *laughing* SHIT! THAT WAS TOO FUCKING FUNNY!
GP: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
JT: Hahahahahaha!!!
Nikki: :^)
JT: Heheheheheheh... damn, I *have* to get a copy of this match so I
can show that to all of my friends!
Nikki: You... have friends?!
(GP and Nikki pause.)
GP and Nikki: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
JT: :^(
Nikki: Malone has recovered and has noticed that Jax Stone is down and
out! Keri is SCREAMING at him to get up to the top of the cell!
JT: Malone gets the ladder and climbs up with it around his arm! Jax
Stone isn't moving!
GP: Malone is halfway up and Jax Stone is starting to stir! Jax Stone
won't be able to recover in time to stop Malone from getting the ladder
at the top of the cell!
Nikki: Malone's at the top of the cell! Jax Stone starts climbing!
Malone is just trying to concentrate on getting to the top of the cell and
to reach the Extreme title!
GP: Jax Stone's up there, now, too!
JT: Malone sees him and goes after him! Right hand! Blocked by Jax
Stone! Stone counters with his own right hand! Malone with another right
hand! Stone exchanges! These two are fighting at the top of a twenty-foot
cell!
GP: Duh! Of course they are! Did you *expect* Jax and Joey to just sit
around at a table, drink some tea, and talk about the weather?
JT: Um, no?
GP: Good.
Nikki: Stone with a kick in Malone's stomach! Stone picks up Malone...
POWERBOMB! POWERBOMB ON THE CAGE! MALONE'S DOWN!
GP: Damn! Malone took that one rather hard!
JT: Now Jax Stone stumbles over to the ladder and tries to set it up!
GP: Malone's trying to get back on his feet! Jax Stone is climbing the
ladder! Malone shoves the ladder! And Jax Stone falls down on the roof
of the cage!
Nikki: Good thing we reenforced the roof of the cage for this match.
GP: Malone picks up Jax Stone! Malone sets up for a DDT, but Jax Stone
fights out of it! Malone tries a clothesline, but Stone ducks! OH!
JESUS! That was close, because Malone almost fell off the edge of the Hell
in a Cel- JESUS FUCK! MY GOD!
*CRASH!*
JT: HOLY SHIT! JAX STONE WITH THE DROP LIKE A STONE(Fameasser) FROM THE
TOP OF THE CAGE ALL THE WAY DOWN THROUGH THE PAKISTAN ANNOUNCE TABLE!
BOTH MEN ARE DOWN AND PROBABLY DEAD!
Nikki: Nooo! Not the Pakistanians! Now all of the Pakistan people who
actually have a TV out there will never be able to listen to our
broadcast!
GP: I'm sad. =(
(A fat guy in the front row walks up to his seat, and takes a fart,
blowing Joey, Jax, GP, JT, and Nikki out of the arena and right into a
wormhole to an alternate dimension.)
GP: OH MY GOD! What the hell happened!
JT: I say, Greg! That seemed to have been Il Duce Di Sentire and his
Giant Fart Blast of Immediate Blow-You-Awayness!
GP: ...thank you, JT.
JT: Any time, Greg!
Nikki: Are we still broadcasting!
JT: I think so!
GP: Well, good, because Stone and Malone are getting to their feet!
(GP looks around and sees that they're standing on the moon, in some
breathable air.)
GP: OH MY GOD! WE'RE ON THE MOON!?!?!
JT: ACK! WE ARE!
Nikki: Malone and Stone are up! Right hand by Malone! A followup by
Stone! Malone responds in kind! These two are beating the hell out of each
other!
JT: Malone ducks a hard right! Malone grabs Stone! And there's an
overhead Gargoyle suplex by Malone! Malone is cooking here tonight!
Meanwhile, Stone's trying to recover from that move!
GP: Malone goes to pick up Malone, but Stone has the American flag that
was planted here on the moon! LOW BLOW WITH THE FLAGPOLE!
JT: Noooo!!! OUR STARS AND STRIPES ARE CORRUPTED AGAIN!
Nikki: Malone is hurting, as Stone grabs Malone again! He's got him in
an Exploder Suplex! And he's trying to hit it! But Malone's blocking!
Malone's fighting it! Elbow to Stone's stomach! Malone gets his bearings
and charges in on Stone! But Stone ducks the clothesline! DOWNWARD
SPIRAL! A DOWNWARD SPIRAL BY JAX STONE!
JT: If there were fucking pinfalls in this match, Jax Stone would've
won this thing at least ten minutes ago.
GP: You may or may not be right, JT! Malone did, after all, hit a
fucking fifteen foot Bad Moon Rising earlier in the match!
JT: But Jax would've kicked out because he's the fucking man!
(Suddenly, Mike Marchese comes in with Keri handcuffed to him.)
GP: Marchese! Where'd you come from!?
Marchese: Well, it's a long process. See, the sperm comes to the egg
and is all "WASSSUUUPPPP!?!?!" and the egg is all
"WASSSSSUUUUPPPP!?!??!?!" and then the egg hatches and....
GP: WE GET THE POINT!
JT: Erm, anyway, Stone is picking Malone back up! He puts Malone in a
fireman's carry! He's going for a Death Valley Driver! Stone takes
Malone over... no! Wait! Malone lands on his feet?! Oh! But Stone
improvises and drops his own weight right down on Malone! Sort of a reverse DDT
type thing!
GP: Stone's really fired up! He picks Malone back up and puts him in
position for a piledriver! He tries to pick him up, but Malone is
blocking! Malone backdrops Stone right out of that!
Nikki: Malone is down on his knees, while Stone is struggling to get
back to his feet! Stone comes over, but Malone with a right hand to
Stone's stomach! And another! Now Malone with a right hand to the jaw!
GP: Malone's back up on his feet and he takes a few steps back, he goes
for a clothesline! But Jax Stone is right there with one of his own,
and both men are down!
(Suddenly, a lunar rover comes over, piloted by an astronaut.)
Astronaut: ....what... the fuck...?!
(The Astronaut stares in shock as Joey Malone's blatant defiance of
thermodynamics, gravity, and nature seems to be the only reason why he and
Stone are still alive on the moon. Stone and Malone get up and start
brawling their way over to the Lunar Rover.)
Astronaut: Houston, I've got a problem!
(The Astronaut bails out before Jax Stone ends up getting a flapjack
right into the lunar rover thanks to Malone.)
GP: Jesus Christ! Malone's physics defying is making EVERYTHING crazy!
JT: *looking around him and realizing that everybody not wearing a
spacesuit should be dead by now* No shit.
Nikki: Stone is still stunned after that flapjack, as Malone is digging
through that lunar rover for something! And he's got... a really weird
metal thingie!
JT: That's a pipe.
*SMACK!*
Nikki: DON'T CORRECT ME!
JT: =(
GP: Malone swings, but Stone ducks! Stone grabs Malone from behind, but
Malone with the go behind! Malone grabs Stone's right arm with his left
and Stone's left arm with his right! STRAIGHTJACKET SUPLEX! WAIT!
MALONE HOLDS ON! THERE'S A SECOND ONE! AND MALONE HOLDS ON AGAIN! JAX STONE
LOOKS LIKE HE'S BEEN EJECTED FROM A CAR WRECK AS HE GETS A RELEASE
STRAIGHTJACKET SUPLEX RIGHT INTO THE LUNAR ROVER!
Nikki: Malone calls that the Mad Cow Disease! And Jax Stone is
certainly feeling the effects of that move!
JT: Jax Stone is curled up like a little ball inside that lunar rover!
Malone grabs a nearby boulder! Where'd that boulder come from?!
GP: I dunno, but Malone's putting it to use!
Nikki: Jax Stone is wobbily as he gets to his knees! Malone runs to the
boulder... springboard... OH! STONE MANAGES TO GET THE SEAT OF THE
ROVER IN THE AIR LONG ENOUGH FOR MALONE TO SMACK RIGHT INTO IT!
GP: Malone is rather dizzy as he runs at Stone again! But Stone throws
the damn seat at Joey Malone now! Malone is knocked right off his feet
and has the seat right on top of him!
JT: Malone is trying to recover from that move, as Jax stands up on the
Lunar Rover... Malone's up, and Jax Stone lands a beautiful flying
clothesline!
(Nikki's hand shoots out.)
Nikki: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?
JT: Ack! It's a black hole! And Malone and Stone are brawling a little
too close to it!
GP: Stone with a big swing at Malone! Malone ducks... spins Stone back
around... uh oh! EXPLODER SUPLEX RIGHT INTO THE BLACK HOLE! BOTH MEN
WENT IN!
JT: ....now what?
(Parker, JT, and Nikki all walk to the edge of the black hole.)
GP: ...well, let's see where this goes.
Nikki: Dude, Greg! Are you NUTS! The immense gravity of this thing will
stretch us like noodles!
GP: Hey, it's worth a try!
(Parker jumps in, as JT turns to Nikki.)
JT: ...wanna get laid after this?
(Nikki bitchslaps JT, who falls into the black hole.)
Nikki: Argh. You guys are too much!
(Nikki jumps into the black hole, followed closely by the cameraman.)
(Scene cut to Japan.)
GP: OH MY GOD! We're in Japan!?
JT: Malone and Stone are laid out on the concrete road! They must have
laid each other out with chairshots!
Nikki: Malone is recovering first...
GP: Jesus Christ! Malone is bleeding like all holy hell right now!
JT: Malone takes a swing at Stone, but Stone blocks it... and nails
Malone with a STIFF elbow strike to the crimson mass of Malone's skull!
Nikki: Hey...
(A lot of Japanese people are running away. They trample all over
Malone and Stone, as one guy stands on Stone's crotch and turns around.)
Japanese Guy: *badly dubbed* G... GOD... ZILLA!
(He runs away, leaving Stone and Malone to their fate.)
GP: Oh my god! All of those people just ran right over our two IWO
stars!
JT: OUR RATINGS ARE SLIPPING! QUICK! CUT TO COMMERCIAL!
GP: ...
Nikki: ...
JT: ...oh wait. This is a pay-per-view....
GP: You're a moron, JT.
JT: =(
Nikki: Malone gets up first! Jax Stone tries to low blow Malone, but
Malone actually manages to avoid the contact!? How'd he do that!?
GP: ACK! MALONE JUST DEFIED THE SPEED OF LIGHT! HE'S BEHIND STONE!
Malone turns the confused Stone around! Fireman's carry...
JT: THAT'S THE JERKEROLIZER(Fireman's Carry DDT into Diamond Cutter)!
MALONE SAID THAT HE CHANGED THE MOVE ASSOCIATED WITH THAT!
Nikki: ...huh?
GP: Nevermind, Malone likes to change his finishers just to piss us
off.
Nikki: It's working.
JT: Malone and Stone are both down... that move took a lot out of both
men!
(Suddenly, a shake is heard.)
JT: What the hell was that?
(Another shake. This one shakes the very ground that everyone stands
on.)
GP: I don't know, but it's getting closer!
(A roar, a very familiar roar is heard.)
JT: Oh god dammit... NOT AGAIN!
GP: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
(Suddenly, GODZILLA makes his IWO return!)
JT: NOT GODZILLA! WE HAVEN'T SEEN GODZILLA SINCE AUTUMN IN HELL!
GP: Godzilla is walking this way! Quick! Hide!
(Parker, JT, and Nikki all hide.)
JT: Malone gets to his feet first! He sees Godzilla!
GP: Malone casually steps away from Godzilla's sight! This leaves Stone
alone with Godzilla, who's making his way toward us!
Nikki: Godzilla rushes at Stone... but Stone manages to roll out of the
way of his HUGE feet! Aaahhhh!!!
(All of the announcers get knocked down from the shaking.)
JT: Ow.
Nikki: Ow.
GP: Ow.
JT: GODZILLA IS COMING BACK! HE RUSHES AT STONE AGAIN! BUT WAIT!
GP: THE STAY-PUFT MARSHMELLOW MAN WITH A BLINDSIDE ATTACK ON GODZILLA!
GODZILLA IS DOWN!
Nikki: GODZILLA IS BACK UP! THE MARSHMELLOW MAN IS SURPRISED! RIGHT
HAND! BLOCKED BY GODZILLA! GODZILLA WITH A RIGHT PAW OF HIS OWN! A KICK IN
THE MARSHMELLOW MAN'S GUT! YES! THERE IT IS! DESTRUCTION OF TOKYO
(Stunner) ON THE STAY-PUFT MARSHMELLOW MAN!
GP: BUT LOOK THAT THAT! IT'S NO-SOLD BY THE MARSHMELLOW MAN! GODZILLA
DOESN'T SEE IT! YES! SPEAR BY THE MARSHMELLOW MAN! BOTH MONSTERS FALL
INTO THE PACIFIC OCEAN!
JT: OH MY GOD! WE HAVE A TIDAL WAVE! TOKYO IS DESTROYED AGAIN!
Nikki: WAIT! THAT DAMN BLACK HOLE IS BACK! MALONE WALKS NEAR IT, TURNS
AROUND... SPEAR BY STONE! RIGHT INTO THE BLACK HOLE! Both men are gone!
GP: It's that time again!
Nikki: What?
(Greg grabs Nikki and jumps in, dragging her with him.)
JT: HEY! WAIT!
(JT jumps in, followed by the cameraman. We suddenly find ourselves in
Stonehenge, almost one year after it was nearly destroyed by Phelen
Kell.)
GP: NOT THIS PLACE AGAIN!
JT: Man, that there crater is still there, too.
GP: Malone and Stone are brawling here, now! And Stone's got the upper
hand!
Nikki: Malone gets a kick in the gut from Stone! Evenflow DDT! An
Evenflow DDT by Jax Stone on Malone!
GP: Malone's down, and... and... WHAT THE HELL!?
JT: WHAT THE FUCK!??!
Nikki: ACK! UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT!
JT: Umm, considering the fact that it's a flying saucer, wouldn't that
be IDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT?
Nikki: Shut up, JT.
GP: ACK!
(GP, JT, Nikki, Malone, Stone, Bob the Duck, and the cameraman all get
abducted by the aliens. Scene cut to the UFO.)
GP: ...this has been a very bad day.
JT: They don't pay us enough for this. =(
Nikki: Yeah.
(Two aliens come over, after they finish tasering Bob the Duck in the
nuts until he dies from it.)
Xaheid and Xelian: WE WHO ARE ABOUT THE ABUSE YOU! SALUTE!
(They do a really stupid salute thing.)
Xaheid: HA! We have captured some humans to take back to our homeland
for sexual pleasure!
GP: Eep.
(Malone suddenly taps Xaheid in the shoulder.)
Xaheid: Yeah, what is it?
Joey Malone: Hey, Mr. Alien Guy. Know where the bathroom is?
Xaheid: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Xelian: HOW DID YOU ESCAPE THE RESTRAINTS?!
Malone: Very carefully.
Xelian: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(They start running around in circles.)
Malone: Yeah, I thought so. Now then... OOOOOHHHH JAXIKINS!
GP: Oh my god! Stone is still restrained to the table!
Malone: Hello, Muffin Man!
Stone: JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET OUT OF HERE, YOU FUCKING PRICK!
Malone: Now now, Jaxikins! I wouldn't want you to get comfortable!
(Malone bitchslaps Stone.)
Stone: You fucking bitch!
Malone: Now that makes me feel sad and unhappy.
(Malone kicks Stone in the nuts.)
Stone: AUGH!
Malone: You know, this is pretty fun!
(But then, Stone gets a foot loose from the restaints and kicks Malone
in the chest. Malone staggers back and hits the button that releases
the restraints. He also hits the power dive button. Oh yeah, there's a
black hole on the collision course.)
GP: Oh my god!
JT: AUGH! *throws up* SHIT! MY LUNCH!
GP: Malone ducks a clothesline from Stone!
Nikki: Malone grabs Stone... neckbreaker! Malone gets a neckbreaker on
Stone!
GP: But Stone gets to his feet before Malone! It must be Malone's
bloodloss!
JT: Stone measures Malone... AND THIS TIME THE CLOTHESLINE DOESN'T
MISS!
(The spaceship flies right into the black hole. Suddenly, the scene
shifts right back to the Arizona Firewater double cage, with Malone and
Stone both laid out on the Hell in a Cell while GP, JT, and Nikki are
sitting at the announce table like nothing ever happened.)
GP: MY GOD! WE'RE BACK!
JT: Thank god. I'm gonna march right into Evan's office after this
match and demand a raise.
Nikki: Me too.
GP: Malone and Stone are back up! Malone goes for the ladder, but Stone
cuts him off with a VICIOUS clothesline! Malone gets to his feet...
STONE GOES FOR DROP LIKE A STONE, BUT MALONE AVOIDS THE CONTACT!
JT: Malone is SO out of it that it's not funny! He was lucky to avoid
that move!
Nikki: Malone measures Stone, though! Stone's to his feet...
clothesline... ducked!
GP: STONE WITH A RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX ON THE ROOF OF THE CAGE! THE
CAGE *ALMOST* BROKE!
JT: Thank god we reinforced those damn roof plates.
Nikki: Stone goes for the ladder and starts climbing!
GP: BUT MALONE TIPS THE DAMN THING OVER! HE SOMEHOW GOT TO HIS FEET AND
TIPPED IT OVER! THE LADDER FELL ON STONE AS HE HIT THE CAGE!
JT: Malone is CRAWLING to Stone!
GP: By the way... where the hell is Marchese and Keri?!
(Scene cut to Parker's table, where Marchese is standing there with a
handcuffed Keri.)
Marchese: Hi, guys.
GP: AAAAHHHH!!!!
JT: =(
Nikki: YOU SCARED US!
Marchese: Sowwy.
JT: Stone is to his feet! But Malone charges in on Stone... SPEAR...
*CRASH*
GP: HOLY FUCKING GOD! THE CAGE BROKE! BOTH MEN FELL ALL THE WAY BACK
INTO THE RING AND ARE DOWN!
JT: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?!?
GP: MALONE AND STONE ARE LYING IN A HEAP INSIDE THE RING!
Nikki: Both men just about destroyed each other with that one move!
(And with that said, Syphon Fission comes through the crowd.)
GP: OH MY GOD! IT'S THE WORLD'S CHAMPION!
(Fission taps Marchese on the shoulder. Marchese turns around.)
Marchese: Huh? ACK! NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!
Fission: CALM DOWN. Geez. You're a face and you haven't even gotten her
out of here, yet?
Marchese: Uh?
Fission: You've been hanging around Stone too long.
(Marchese breaks down and cries.)
Marchese: I COULDN'T TAKE HER OUT OF HERE NOW! Jax would've been all
"GROWL" and then he would've made me watch Scott Stone promos and I'd be
all =( .
(Fission grabs Keri by her hand.)
Fission: Fine, I'll get her out myself. CLEAR THE WAY!
(Fission knocks the way out of a fat fuck in the crowd and leaves with
Keri.)
Marchese: Aww, shit! Now Jax is gonna hurt me. =(
(Marchese follows Fission out.)
GP: They've gotten her out! Stone and Malone are getting to their feet,
and Stone is wondering just where the hell Marchese is! Malone turns
Stone around! NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! A released one at that!
JT: That was the opening Malone was looking for!
GP: Stone crawls to his feet... is he BEGGING OFF?!
Nikki: No! Clever Heel Tactic #133! Sucker your opponent in so you can
low blow him! And that's exactly what Jax Stone just did!
JT: Malone is hurting, as Stone bends him over... JUMPING PILEDRIVER TO
MALONE! MALONE IS DOWN AND OUT!
GP: Well, not out, but he might be if he turns around, because Jax
Stone's grabbed a steel chair! He's waiting for Malone to recover...
*SMACK!*
GP: JESUS CHRIST! WHAT AN ECHO! MALONE'S BLEEDING LIKE ALL HOLY FUCK,
NOW!
JT: Look at that bloodstain on the chair!
GP: Malone is really hurting, now!
Nikki: Stone grabs Malone... double underhook... TIGER POWERBOMB!
MALONE MIGHT BE DEAD!
GP: Stone is just PLAYING with Malone, now!
JT: Stone picks up Malone again and signals for Drop Like A Stone,
again... BUT MALONE LOW BLOWS HIM!
GP: That's, like, the eighth ballshot in this entire match.
Nikki: Malone grabs the leg... OVERHEAD CAPTURE SUPLEX BY MALONE! STONE
LANDS ON THE STEEL CHAIR! MALONE IS DOWN ONCE AGAIN, BUT SO IS STONE!
JT: Stone and Malone start getting up, though! Malone rushes at
Stone... POWERSLAM BY STONE! Stone might still have that upper hand!
GP: Stone picks up Malone again... and he takes him to the top rope!
Stone sets up a chair in the center of the ring... now he climbs up with
Malone! But Malone fights it! Malone knocks Stone right off of the top
rope! Malone climbs to the top... BAD MOON RIS- AAAAHHHHH!!!! STONE GOT
THAT CHAIR UP AND MALONE TASTED NOTHING BUT STEEL!
JT: But Stone himself got smacked with the chair, so both men are down
again!
Nikki: These guys are giving it all they have...
GP: Well, after all... it's for the North American title, the second
most prestigious title in the IWO! And up until Syphon Fission got
involved, it was for Keri's safety!
JT: Well, whatever.
Nikki: Stone's getting up, now!
GP: Has anyone really considered how much blood Malone's lost?
JT: He's registering .8 Muta by now!
GP: Stone's trying to exit through the hole in the side of the cage,
but Malone's got his foot! Malone gets to his feet... Stone tries an
enzugri, but Malone ducks it! Malone still has the leg and he picks up
Stone again... he has Stone... FISHERMAN'S BUSTER! FISHERMAN'S BUSTER BY
MALONE!
Nikki: Malone is struggling to get to his feet! He's up, and he picks
up Stone again! Malone goes for a Michinoku Driver! And he hits it!
Malone rolls out of the pinfall attempt as he knows that there's no
pinfalls in this match!
JT: But that move took too much out of Malone and he's down face first
on the mat! Looks like there's gonna be a LOT of blood stains on this
mat by the time this match is over!
GP: Jax Stone is getting to his feet, and Malone is getting to his
feet, slowly... and there's a flying forearm by Stone to Malone!
Nikki: Malone's down again, as Stone picks him back up! Irish whip...
reversal by Malone! Malone tries a right hand, but Stone ducks it, and
hits a sambo suplex!
GP: Stone picks up Malone again... and bends him over... he picks him
up... crucifix position... SITOUT CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB! ON THE CHAIR! BUT
STONE MIGHT HAVE HURT HIMSELF DOING THAT MOVE!
JT: Damn it. They're hurting themselves with EVERY move they do!
Nikki: Stone's back up on his feet, and he picks Malone up for a Death
Valley Driver... but Malone flips out! Malone flips out... he grabs
Stone in a suplex, but Stone blocks! Stone gets Malone up in it, but
Malone flips out! But Jax gets a back elbow smash... SKY HIGH POWERBOMB!
JT: Man, Malone's getting his ass kicked out there, and I think it's
the blood that's blinding him that's causing this...
GP: Yeah. He's been bleeding like hell since they escaped the cages the
first time...
Nikki: Stone's to his feet, he sends Malone in for a short clothesline,
but Malone ducks! Malone spins Stone around... SKY HIGH... NO, WAIT...
ADD! ARIZONA DEATH DROP(Flapjack DDT)! MALONE PLANTED STONE WITH IT!
JT: Malone with a HUGE desperation move! And it put Stone flat on his
face!
GP: Malone's dragging his bleeding self to the hole in the side of the
cage! Stone's stirring, but Malone is in the moat!
Nikki: Man! That moat is becoming red with Malone's blood!
GP: Malone is slowly crawling to a ladder and slowly starts climbing!
JT: Jax Stone is to his feet!
GP: Stone's a little wobbily, though! He stumbles out of the cage... as
Malone climbs to about midway up the ladder!
Nikki: Malone's gonna get there first! He's up there, but he's still
weak from the shitkicking he's taken tonight!
GP: Stone's almost there! And he's there! Stone rushes over to Malone!
Malone meets Stone with a right hand! But Malone misses! Stone hooks
Malone up for what might be a suplex... Malone blocks it... OH MY GOD! OH
MY GOD! BRAINBUSTER ON THE TOP OF THE CAGE! MALONE JUST PLANTED STONE
WITH IT!
JT: Ahhhh! My hero was bounced off the cage like a ping pong ball!
GP: Malone is starting to recover.. but MY GOD! STONE'S STIRRING?!?!
Nikki: How the hell is he doing that?!
GP: Malone is stumbling over, but Jax Stone cuts him off... Malone is
picked up in the Fireman's carry again.. DEATH VALLEY DRIVER ON THE ROOF
OF THE CAGE! MALONE IS PROBABLY DEADER THAN... WELL, DEAD NOW!
JT: Stone's got the ladder again and he starts his climb... but
Malone's leg is shaking the ladder! Stone falls off, but lands on his feet!
Nikki: Stone's REALLY pissed, now! He walks over to Malone! He sets
Malone up for a powerbomb! He has him up... but Malone flips through it
and lands on his feet! Knee in Stone's gut! MALONE WITH THE DOUBLE
UNDERHOOK! HE'S NOT GOING TO DO IT! MALONE LIFTS HIM UP... EVEREST
CATACLYSM(Double Arm Inverted Emerald Fusion)! OH MY GOD!
JT: THE CAGE GIVES WAY! MALONE HOLDS ON, BUT STONE FALLS INTO THE
MOAT...
*BOOM!!*
GP: Dear god! DEAR GOD! JAX STONE JUST BLEW UP! MALONE IS HANGING OFF
THE HOLE OF THAT CAGE! HE SLOWLY BRINGS HIMSELF UP! MALONE MAY HAVE
THIS!
JT: Malone is slowly, inch by inch, crawling to the ladder under the
North American title!
Nikki: Malone is slowly, but surely climbing the ladder, now! Malone
has it! Malone's up the ladder! But the ladder tips over! The ladder tips
over!
JT: Malone better be DAMN HAPPY that the cage didn't give way THERE,
either!
GP: Malone is struggling to get the ladder positioned again! Jax Stone
is stirring on the bottom of the cage! Now *he's* bleeding!
Nikki: But Stone is trying to climb back up!
JT: He's SLOWLY climbing up, though!
GP: But Malone has the ladder positioned!
Nikki: Malone starts climbing! Stone falls off the second cage side
ladder, while Malone's on top of the ladder! MALONE HAS THE TITLE!
MALONE'S GRABBED THE TITLE! MALONE FALLS OFF THE LADDER AND TO THE ROOF OF THE
CAGE!
*ding, ding, ding!*
GP: MY GOD! WHAT A MATCH!
JT: What a match, indeed! Malone went through HELL AND BACK to retain
the title!!
Meygon: The winner of this match.. AND STILL INTERNET WRESTLING
ORGANIZATION NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION... JOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
MAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNEEEEEEEE!!!!!
GP: Can we have some break to have our pulse rates lowered, now?
(Nikki all of a sudden disappears, as Shallow returns. He seems to have a briefcase in his hands, a carton of milk, and is covered in seaweed.)
JT:Where the hell did you go?
Shallow:*Panting* If... I knew... I wouldn't... be alive...
("Smasher/Destroyer" by Fear Factory is heard in a background music, as we fade into a highlight reel. We see Evan Levine fast counting Syphon Fission shoulder's down to the mat, as LiGiL holds the belt high in the air. Syphon is shown with the title in his hands.)
Voice(Evan Levine):I SWEAR TO GOD!!!!!! YOU WON'T WALK OUT THE WORLD CHAMP TONIGHT!!!!
(We also see Syphon hitting the Death Plunge on AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), as we see Evan Levine, looking down at Syphon Fission with Quinn in his arms. Arrows with the World Title in his hands.)
Voice(Evan Levine):YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO BE CHAMPION!
(We see Arrows nailing Levine, as Fission is shown hitting the Death Plunge on the President. It then cuts away.)
Voice(Greg Parker):JAMIE KOSOY IS BACK!
(An image of Jamie Kosoy, briefcase in hand is shown, as we then fade into the back, where Fission and the newly constructed Team CGI begin to desicrate Evan's office. An image of LiGiL hitting the Palindrome on Tod is shown, as LiGiL's hand is raised in victory.)
Voice(Evan Levine):...this match will take place... in a HANDICAP STYLE!
(We see an image of Syphon Fission nailing the Death Plunge on Scott Stone, and racing away. Fade into an image of Evan Levine laughing at the fallen Donnie Daze and Joey Malone, as we see Syphon Fission sitting on a bed, Discord tied to it.)
Voice(Syphon Fission):...you are being played by a cerebral assassin.
Voice(LiGiL):Syphon isn't even man enough....
(We see an image of LiGiL nailing AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) with the Palindrome, as Syphon looks on. LiGiL holds up the North American Title high in the air. Syphon is then shown nailing the Death Plunge on LiGiL.)
Voice(Carmen): I am pregnant with Syphon's baby!
(We see an image of Syphon attempting to understand, as we see Evan Levine hitting Carmen with Conceptual Perfection.)
Voice(Syphon):it's a life and Evan killed it!
(Scenes of Evan and Discord snickering, as we see an image of Syphon's car returning to the arena. A military tank is driven, as it crushes the car. Evan is shown laughing, as another car comes and hits Evan, knocking him down. A single shot of Evan Levine bloody and beaten... We then see an image of Syphon nailing Discord with the Death Plunge, in the middle of the ring.)
*Crack*
(Numerous shots of a single chair shot delievered by Evan is shown, different angles. Levine stands over a fallen Syphon Fission.)
Voice(Evan Levine):YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO BE CHAMPION!
Voice(Syphon Fission):Payback's a bitch...
Voice(LiGiL):Syphon isn't even man enough....
Voice(Fission):See, Mr. Game, you are being played by a cerebral assassin.
(Fade out to an image of Fission holding the title, LiGiL and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill fighting in the background, Jamie Kosoy with his briefcase, and Evan Levine with a referee's shirt on. The camera slowly fades back to the arena, which has the electric feel.)
GP:.....
Shallow:This is what everything comes down to Greg. Shouldn't you be more jumpy? Shouldn't you be yelling and screaming about whoever makes the pinfall gets the company, and whoever wins the match gains the World Heavyweight Championship!?!
JT:BLOOD!!!!
Shallow:See, even JT over here's in character.
GP:It's overwhelming Shallow, that if Evan makes the fall tonight, Jamie's off television for good. And it's overwhelming that Evan Levine could be gone for good tonight. One of these two men will never be seen on IWO television again...
JT:Blood?
GP:Yes, JT, there will be blood...
JT:BLOOD!
GP:This match is no Disqualification, no Submission, no Countout, and the only way someone can win, the only way the company can find a rightful hand, is through a pinfall, registered by the referee's.
Shallow:Everything ends here, and I'm sure everything is going to begin here tonight as well...
(The camera fades into the ring, as we see Meygon, standing there, an actual stern look on the face of a one time whore of Titan.)
Meygon:This next match, is scheduled for one fall, and has no time limit. It is for the World Heavyweight Championship of the Internet Wrestling Organization. Introducing first, the special Guest referee's...
("I am Your Boogieman" by White Zombie begins to play.)
Meygon:He is the current President of the IWO, he is a Former World Heavyweight Champion, and the Real Heel... Evan Levine!
(Levine walks out from the back, Discord by his side. The fans begin to shout out their angst for the man known as Evan Levine. Levine, referee uniform on his body, as he makes his way to the ring.)
Meygon:And the other special guest referee...
("Take the Power Back" by RATM hits the PA System.)
Meygon:He is the original pioneer of the Internet Wrestling Organization, and the true and rightful owner...
(Evan Levine gets into the face of Meygon, as she tries to fend him off. Discord tries to calm Evan down, but it doesn't work too weel, as she pulls him slowly away from Meygon.)
Meygon:Here is none other than the Legendary Jamie Kosoy!
(The camera switches over to the entrance ramp, however, nothing seems to be happening.)
GP:What's going on? Where's Kosoy?
JT:Great, just like Kosoy, he forgot about the Pay Per View.
Shallow:You're truly the greatest dumbass to ever grace the IWO announce team, aren't you?
Meygon:The Legendary... Pioneer of Wrestling... Jamie... KOSOY!!!
(Again, the came continues to be focused on the entrance ramp, however nothing seems to happen. Even Evan's got a weird eyed look on his face as he tries to see what's going on.)
GP:Has anyone even seen Kosoy yet? Did he arrive in the building?!?
JT:Maybe Kosoy doesn't want to lose his company, and he's taking the coward's way out.
Shallow:Kosoy may have wilted into a figurehead, but there's one thing I know about Kosoy, and that's the fact that he has one hell of a fight in him.
Meygon:JAMIE!?!? GET OUT HERE!
(The camera fades to the backstage area, as we see Brian Blade, beaten and sore talking with AWS Man(Also Known as Bill).)
Brian Blade:Come on AWS Man(Also Known as Bill). This is your shot to be a big heel!
AWS Man(Also Known as Bill):But Jamie could get all poo-headed and fire me... then where would I get my money for my porn?
Brian Blade:... You disgust me.
(The camera fades back to the ring, as we hear "Take the Power Back" by Rage Against the Machine re-track itself onto the pa system. Out from the back walks AWS Man(Also Known as Bill). He has a briefcase in his hand, and oddly seems to be protraying Jamie Kosoy.)
AWS Man(Also Known as Bill):I'm Jamie Kosoy, and all of you people are acting Immature!
(AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) pulls out a box shaped thing, which seems to have the words "Immaturity Meter" written on them.)
AWS Man(Also Known as Bill):Oh no! The immature level is off the charts! I guess it's time to fire people again...
Meygon:This match is scheduled for one fall, and is for the World Title. Introducing first, from Freakville, North Carolina, he weighs in at 234 pounds, and is the master of the Win the Freakin' Matchifier... here is AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)!
(AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) walks up to the ring, and climbs in. He looks over at Meygon, and gives her the eye. The camera zooms in to pick up the words that are spoken.)
AWS Man(Also Known as Bill):Now I remember you! You were in that porn with Titan!
(Meygon just kind of brushes it off.)
Meygon:And his opponent...
("Suffocate" by Finger Eleven hits the pa system.)
Meygon:He Hails from Detroit, Michigan, and weighs in at 254 pounds. He is a former North American Champion, and the master of the Palindrome... here is LiGiL!
(We see LiGiL walk out from the back, Christy by his side. They get a rather negative reaction, as they make their way to the ring.)
Meygon:And their opponent...
("Synthetic" by Spineshank cuts off Suffocate, as the fans litterally go crazy.)
Meygon:He currently resides in Seattle, Washington, and weighs in at 265 pounds. He is the current, IWO World Heavyweight Champion, and a member of the stable Team CGI... here is SYPHON FISSION!!
(Fission walks out from the back, recieving a large amount of cheers. Out from the back steps Quinn Morgan, wearing a tight leather Harlequin suit, as Carmen Jackson steps out, wearing her suit. They soak in the cheers, as Fission races down to the ring. He slides in, leaving the World title down on the ring, as he immediatly goes right into the face of Levine.)
GP:Fission and Levine, face to face! Feel the intensity! The heat! The power! These two men dispise each other!
("Take the Power Back" by Rage Against the Machine hits the pa system, as the fans, and Evan all turn their attention towards the Entranceway. Out from the back walks Jamie Kosoy, as the fans erupt. Kosoy is dressed in a referee shirt, as he makes his way to the ring. All of a sudden, AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) catches Fission from behind with a huge right hand.)
*Ding, ding ding*
GP:KOSOY! HE'S HERE! HE MADE IT! AND LEVINE DOESN'T LOOK HAPPY AT ALL!
Shallow:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) has Fission from behind, and gets him back to his feet. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) sends Syphon off the ropes, and catches him with a leaping dropkick, sending Fission down to the mat hard!
JT:LiGiL catches a regaining AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), and hits a huge jawbreaker!
GP:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) is stunned by it, as LiGiL catches him with a huge clothesline, sending AWS Man(Also known as Bill) down to the mat!
(Fission gets to his feet, and immediatly tackles LiGiL down to the mat. Fission begins to lay in on LiGiL with rights, as Evan Levine comes up from behind, and actually drags Fission off of LiGiL. Fission and Levine get face to face.)
Shallow:It's going to erupt Parker, it's going to blow up!
JT:Face to face! Come on Fission! Hit Levine! See how fast you lose your IWO World Championship!
GP:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) rolls up Fission! Levine quickly over... 1-2-NO! Kosoy pulled Levine away from the count! Levine was going for a fast count on Fission, but Kosoy would have none of that!
JT:Levine almost outsmarted everyone right there!
Shallow:Levine's in the face of Kosoy, and LiGiL comes from behind, and catches AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) with a huge belly to back suplex!
(AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) bounced off the mat. Fission turns around, and catches LiGiL in the gut! Syphon's going for a powerbomb, but LiGiL keeps rolling, and drops down behind Syphon. LiGiL bounces off the ropes, comes back, as Fission ducks under a clothesline and catches LiGiL with a huge neckbreaker.)
GP:Fission just dropped LiGiL down, and now Fission up to his feet, begins to stomp away at LiGiL.)
Fission*Yelling towards Levine*:THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF YOU!
(Fission spits into the face of LiGiL, as he stands on top of his face and twists his leg, twisting LiGiL's face. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) comes up and catches Fission with an dropping clothesline resembling Bret Hart's old manuver. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) capitalizes on Fission's distraction of referee Evan Levine. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) grabs Fission by the legs, and locks him in a figure four.)
JT:Useless I tell you! Pinfall only! Pinfall only AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)!
Shallow:It's called wearing down your opponent JT...
(LiGiL is shown up on the top rope, as he hits both AWS Man and Syphon Fission with a splash off the top.)
GP:HUGE splash by LiGiL, affecting both AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) and Syphon Fission!
JT:LiGiL quickly to his feet, as he grabs AWS Man(Also known as Bill) up off the mat. LiGiL scoops him up, and nails a huge piledriver, sending AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) back down in the corner.
Shallow:LiGiL is slowly sliding out of the ring, as he pulls AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) with him. LiGiL hammers AWS Man on the throat, catching him in a place where he can't move.
JT:Nice observation Shallow...
Shallow:Prick...
GP:What the hell is LiGiL doing?
(We see LiGiL digging underneath the ring, and then he just completely goes underneath it.)
GP:What in sam hell?
JT:Just smile and nod your head Greg, that always does the trick.
Shallow:Fission back up to his feet, as he sees a prone AWS Man...
(Fission climbs up to the top rope, and leaps off, catching the spawn out AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) with a leg drop across the throat.. Being the fact that he's hanging off the edge of the apron, it's a rather impressive manuver.)
GP:DEAR GOD! Fission just decapitated AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)!
JT:Fission took a tumble on the outside though Parker, he's getting to his feet rather slowly. Not a good sign.
(Fission stand up onto his feet, as all of a sudden, a bright puff of white smoke flies from underneath the ring into the face of Fission. Out from under the ring comes LiGiL, fire extinquisher and ladder in hand.)
GP:Dear god, LiGiL was timing his entrance into the destruction.
Shallow:LiGiL just blinded Fission, and hooks Fission up onto his shoulders! LiGiL's going for the Palindrome off the barricade onto the floor! Dear god no!
GP:AWS MAN(Also Known as Bill) TAKES OUT THE LEGS OF LiGiL, AND LiGiL is CROTCHED on the barricade!
JT:Oh boy, that sucks to be him...
Shallow:Fission falls into the crowd, AWS Man climbs up onto the barricade, and begins to hammer away at LiGiL with right hands. LiGiL, trying to perch himself, is rather defenseless...
(AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) grabs LiGiL by the head, and leaps off, nailing a Diamond Cutter off the barricade, and causing LiGiL to slam down onto Fission.)
GP:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) connected onto both men with that move! And AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) covers LiGiL, and here comes Jamie!
(Kosoy goes down for the count, One, and then Levine pulls Kosoy up. Levine counts himself, One, and then Kosoy cracks Levine with the fire extinquisher to the back of the head. The fans give a loud cheer for that. Kosoy drops down, and counts One, Two, and LiGiL gets a shoulder up.)
JT:ARREST THAT MAN! KOSOY JUST HIT THE PRESIDENT! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
GP:You can't force someone to sign you over their property with a gun either, can you JT?
JT:If the world was a better place you would be able to!
GP:Give me a break JT.
(AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), gets to his feet, and hooks LiGiL up as well. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) grabs LiGiL by the side of his head and just throws him into the sea of people, as LiGiL lands onto a couple chairs.)
JT:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) throwing LiGiL's weight around, so to say.
GP:And Fission is back to his feet, and grabs one of the folding chairs, and CRACKS it across the back of AWS Man(Also Known as Bill).
Shallow:Fission breakin' out the weapons even moreso. Fission grabs AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), and hooks him in a front headlock. Fission leaps and drives AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) onto that steel chair, DDT fashion.
(LiGiL is shown getting to his feet from the mass of people, as he sees Fission. LiGiL grabs a folding chair, and just as Fission turns around, LiGiL nails him right in the temple. Fission falls on top of AWS Man(Also Known as Bill.)
GP:Fission on top of AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)! Jamie drops down for the cover, 1-2-NO! Arabian facebuster by LiGiL hitting Fission off of the cover!
JT:Saved his title shot when he almost lost it for himself!
(LiGiL grabs two chairs from the crowd, and sets them together. LiGiL grabs Fission, and sets him up on his shoulder. LiGiL climbs up onto another chair.)
GP:What the hell is LiGiL trying to do...?
(LiGiL, having Fission on his shoulder, leaps off the chair.)
JT:PALINDROME THROUGH THE SET TOGETHER CHAIRS! SYPHON FISSION IS DOWN, AND HE'S OUT! DEAR GOD!
GP:Cover, One... Two.... NO! FISSION, HOW IN SAM HELL DID HE GET A SHOULDER UP!?!?
Shallow:Where the hell is Evan Levine anyway?
JT:I think he's been lost in the sea of people called Paris.
GP:LiGiL can't believe what he just saw, as he's in the face of Jamie Kosoy! LiGiL just shoved Kosoy!
JT:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) From behind catches him with a huge right hand! AWS Man(Also Known As Bill) grabs LiGiL, and takes him back towards the ring. He tosses LiGil up and over the barricade, landing extremely close to the ladder.
GP:Fission is still down, he's trying to get fully back to pace, as AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) is going to try to capitalize on LiGiL, making this one on one.
Shallow:Is Kosoy checking over on Fission still in the crowd?
GP:I think so. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) is up on the barricade, and flies off with a clothesline, catching LiGiL and sending him down to the concrete.
(AWS Man(Also Known as Bill grabs the ladder that was brought out earlier by LiGiL, and sets it up against the ring apron. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) hooks LiGiL up, and hits a dramatic vertical suplex onto the ladder. LiGiL folds up like an acordian.)
JT:WHAT A SUPLEX! LiGiL is down!
Shallow:Estote observation Mr. JT...
GP:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) is pulling all the stops it seems. He grabs the ladder, and he's bridging it between the gaps between the ring apron and the guardrail. And now he's looking under the ring, and he pulls out some hardware!
JT:That's a table Greggy.
GP:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) bridges that table between the ring apron and the guardrail as well, almost next to the ladder, as he goes back over to LiGiL. LiGiL fights AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) off, as LiGiL kicks AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) in the gut. LiGiL picks up AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), and HUGE POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE!
Shallow:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)'s head came drastically close to that ladder. LiGiL dives on top of AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), but there's no referee!
(We see Evan return from the back, as he has a bandage over his forehead. Evan races down, and slides in to make the count onf AWS Man(Also Known as Bill).)
JT:One... Two.. NO! AWS Man(Also Known as Bill got a shoulder up!
GP:LiGiL is up to his feet, and he's angered at the result of his big move...
(Fission comes from the crowd, and stands on the guardrail. He hooks LiGiL in a front face lock, and leaps up, nailing LiGiL with a huge tornado DDT onto the remnents of the table, breaking the corner into pieces.)
GP:DEAR GOD! WHAT A MOVE BY FISSION!
JT:Fission covers LiGiL, but Evan won't count!!!
Shallow:Jamie out of the crowd, and he dives, One... two... NO! Evan pulls Jamie up, and EVAN SWINGS! Jamie ducks, and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) steps between.
JT:COME ON EVAN! YOU'RE BETTER THAN JAMIE! JUST HIT HIM! COME ON!
GP:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) trying to calm the tension, because he knows one of these men will HAVE to count the fall, and he wants to win his match, which means that a referee has to count.
Shallow:Deep...
(Fission gets to his feet, and turns AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) around, and slams him with a couple of right hands. Fission grabs AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) and sends him flying into the steel ring post.)
GP:They're coming over here guys!
(Fission slams AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) with a couple more rights, sending him realing into the announce team's position.)
JT:SHOE! LEAVE! GO AWAY! OUR TABLE! NOT YOURS!
(Fission is shown racking at the eyes of AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), and attempting to take the mask off. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) blocks it, as he goes to slam Fission's head into the table. Fission blocks it, and slams AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)'s head into the table, as he backs off, wobbling.)
GP:Fission hooks AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), and NAILS him with a huge fisherman Suplex on the outside, right in front of our table!
JT:Fission dives on for the cover, but Levine won't let Kosoy count, and Levine won't count himself! They're just arguing in the corner!
(Fission gets off of the cover, and walks over to the arguing pair. He turns Levine around, and immediatly begins to scream at him. We see LiGiL out of the corner of our eyes with barbed wire in his hands, as he runs and launches himself and his elbow, which was rapped in barbed wire, at Fission and Fission's skull. LiGiL gets to his feet and stands above the fallen Syphon Fission.)
GP:What a blow by LiGIL! Fission is bleeding from the forehead, as he's been busted open by LiGiL. AWS Man back to his feet, as LiGiL catches him in the corner of his eye. LiGiL goes for a wild swing with the barbed wire fist, but AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) ducks it.
JT:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) hooks LiGiL in a full nelson, and picks him up, slaming him down on the ground!
Shallow:But AWS Man(Also Known as Bill){Writers note:DAMN YOU AWS MAN} cut his arm up on LiGiL's barbed wire, and he's feeling the effects of it.
GP:Syphon is back up from the blow delievered by LiGiL, and goes right after AWS Man(Also known as Bill). Syphon grabs him and tosses him back in the ring.
(Syphon goes over to LiGiL, and catches him right square inthe back of the head with a huge kick. LiGiL doubles back over, as Syphon starts searching underneath the ring. Syphon pulls out a shovel.)
JT:What the hell is a shovel doing under the ring Greg?
GP:Gardening? I mean, we are in Paris.
(Fission reaches above his head with the shovel, as we see Evan Levine come up from behind and rip the shovel out of Fission's hands. Fission turns around, and sees Levine, as he immediatly gets into the face of Evan once more. LiGiL crotches up behind Fission, and nails him with a low blow.)
GP:It's almost like a damn team I tell you.
Shallow:Almost? It might as well be a team Greg!
JT:And what a team!
(Fission turns around, only to be meet with a forearm shot of barbed wire to the gut. We pan out a little bit, as we see AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) flying over the top with a cross body, taking out Syphon Fission and LiGiL with a piscadaish move.)
GP:AWS MAN(Also Known as Bill) Flies! He just took out both Fission and LiGiL with that move!
JT:Might as well took himself out as well, all three men are down in a huddled heap of mass body organs.
(Kosoy and Levine just look at the carnage, as AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) seems to be the first one to move. He gets to his feet, and grabs Syphon, throwing him into the ring.)
GP:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) Taking this match back into the ring. Both of these men are tired as all hell, as Fission is slowly getting to his feet.
(AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) catches Fission with a couple of right hands, and sends him off the ropes. Fission comes back and ducks underneath a clothesline. Fission back off as AWS Man(Also Known as Bill ducks his head. Fission flips over, Sunset Flip style, and attempts to take AWS Man(Also Known as Bill down for the count.)
JT:LiGiL hits the ring, and CATCHES AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) with a HUGE forearm barbed wire shot to the back of the head, sending him away from the sunset flip position. And now LiGiL drops a huge barbed wire elbow onto the head of Syphon Fission!
GP:LiGiL staying on for a cover, Count by Jamie, One, two, NO! Fission gets a shoulder up.
(LiGiL gets to his feet, hooking Fission up with him. Fission fights back, sending LiGiL into the ropes, as LiGiL ducks an attempted clothesline from Fission. Fission backs into the ropes, as LiGiL clotheslines Fission up and over, landing on that ladder that was bridged between the guardrail and the apron.)
GP:Fission face first into the ladder! Dear god!
(AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) charges at LiGiL, as LiGiL ducks down, pulling the top rope with him. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) flies over the top, and lands on top of Fission on the ladder, causing the ladder to just about give way.)
JT:That ladder almost broke! It's not supposed to hold 500 pounds, especially bridging like it is!
(We see LiGiL climbing the top rope, as he leaps, and splashes down onto AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) and Syphon Fission. The ladder bends, and then gives way, as all three men fall down to a massive heap.)
GP:.....
JT:....
Shallow:....
GP:Dear god! Have you ever seen someone go through a ladder?!?
Shallow:That's almost 800 pounds, crashing through a freakin' ladder, along with the shear speed that LiGiL came off the top.
JT:Please, god no, please don't bring physics into this.
GP:It's uncanny JT, through a ladder, a metal ladder, a steel ladder. 260 pounds leaping through the air, brought down simply by gravity and hitting a four pound mass, bending the ladder into destruction...
Shallow:Is that physically possible?
JT:Who the hell cares, we have Joey Malone talking to aliens and Santa Claus fighting Godzilla, and you're wondering if this was physically possible?
Shallow:You have a good point.
GP:I see some stiring, AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) seems to be the first man out of all three to stir, which is odd, because he was sandwiched in that huge blow.
JT:It doesn't really matter, but all three men are beaten and destroyed... I think LiGiL is the only one not to be bleeding.
(AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) begins to search underneath, as he finds a huge sheet of glass. LiGiL begins to follow AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) to his feet.)
JT:I think I spoke too soon...
(AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) swings that huge sheet of glass at LiGiL, shattering it to pieces. LiGiL backs off, and falls up against the barrier. Syphon Fission gets to his feet, and grabs a fire extinquisher out from the fallen wreckage. He begins to get ready to blow it into the face of AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), but once again, Levine comes in and rips it away from him. Syphon and Levine get face to face.)
Levine:YOU DARE LAY A HAND ON ME AND YOU CAN KISS YOUR WORLD TITLE GOODBYE! IT WILL BE AWS MAN AND LIGIL, HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT SYPHON!?!?!
(Syphon shakes his head, and begins to crawl underneath the ring. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) looks over for Fission, but Fission is nowhere to be seen. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) grabs LiGiL and throws him into the ring.)
GP:And we head back into the ring, all of these men are beaten and bloody.
(All of a sudden, the ring in the corner breaks, as we see Syphon Fission standing there. He seems to have some sort of gas can in his hand.)
Syphon:I can't touch you Levine?!? How about THIS!
(Syphon begins to throw what looks to be kerosene at Levine, causing this to splash all over the ring. Levine gets into the face of Fission, as Syphon just looks at him on. Levine begins to attempt to get Fission to hit him, but he won't have any of it.)
GP:WHAT THE HELL IS SYPHON DOING!
(Syphon jumps back down into the hole he created in the ring, and then comes back out. He has an object in his hands.)
Syphon Fission:FUCK YOU LEVINE!
(All of a sudden, a spark is shown, as a huge fire erupts from what looks to be a flame thrower. It immediatly catches Levine on fire.)
GP:THE PRESIDENT IS ON FIRE! DEAR GOD! DEAR GOD! WHAT IN SAM HELL! LEVINE IS SPRAWLING ALL AROUND, AND HE LEAPS TO THE MAT TO GET THE FIRE OUT! NO! NO!
Shallow:THE RING IS ON FIRE! THAT KEROSENE CAUGHT ON FIRE, AND THE GOD DAMN RING IS ON FIRE! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
JT:WAIT! LiGiL has AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), and delievers one HELL of a Palindrome! DEAR GOD! AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) could have a broken neck!
(Levine is shown blowing himself out with the fire extinquisher, but the ring is still burning on one side. Levine tries to get to his feet, as he sees Kosoy going to make the count on a fallen AWS Man(Also Known as Bill). Levine dives over, and pulls Jamie up off the mat.)
Evan:THIS IS MY COUNT! MY FED!
(Evan hits Jamie in the head with the fire extinquisher, knocking Jamie down to the mat, and out of the ring.)
GP:DEAR GOD!
(Syphon grabs LiGiL, and picks him up from the mat. Syphon backs into Levine, as he turns around. He sees Levine standing there, still alive and no longer burning, as Syphon kicks Levine in the gut, and delivers one hell of a Death Plunge.)
JT:DEATH PLUNGE TO THE PRESIDENT! DEAR GOD! WE HAVE NO REFEREE! WE HAVE NO REFEREE!
GP:LiGiL is up on his feet, as Syphon turns around, kick to the gut... DEATH PLUNGE ON LiGiL! DEATH PLUNGE TO LiGiL! DEAR GOD! SYPHON JUST PLANTED LiGiL into the mat!
Shallow:BUT THERE'S NO REFEREE GREG! THERE'S NO FREAKIN' REFEREE!
(All of a sudden, a man jumps out from the crowd, referee shirt on, as he slides into the ring.)
GP:IWO VICE PRESIDENT TOM FORD! WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE!?!?
Shallow:FORD COUNTS! ONE... TWO.... THREE! DEAR GOD! SYPHON FISSION DID IT! HE WON! HE WON! GOD DAMN FISSION PINNED LiGiL!
GP:Does that mean the company is Ford's now?!?
JT:Where the hell did he come from?!?
("Synthetic" by Spineshank blares over the speakers as Syphon Fission realizes he's defended his championship in a grueling match. Ford walks over, and hands Fission the world title, as Fission seems to just give him in a weird look. Ring crews begin to spray out the fire that started. He is the only man left in the
ring. Just then, the music dies out. )
GP: THE CHAMPION DEFIED THE ODDS! HE DEFIED THE ODDS!
JT: I AM SICK!!!
(Carmen and Quinn begin to celebrate with Syphon, who is exhausted. )
Shallow: This man might be unstoppable…might be!
GP: Well…that's it…from Paris…
("Welcome Burden" by Disturbed blares over the speakers as the fans go
nuts. Out of the back come Joey Malone, who is busted to pieces and his hair
is saturated in blood, and Donnie Daze. Both men bring their respective
titles to the ring with them. )
JT: NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE OTHER TWO! THIS IS HORRIBLE!
Shallow: SHUT UP!
(With the three Team CGI members in the ring, they do one of their
group hugs.)
GP: These men do not care about titles…they do not care! They are
friends…and nothing can stop them! NOTHING!
JT: Hold off with the suck up shit!
GP: Shut up…why don't you just pay respect to the men in the ring…they
killed themselves tonight!
("Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear" by the Carpenters plays over the
speakers as the fans give a mixed reaction. Out of the back comes the Mysterious
Birdman, 0¿0. He gets in the ring, and grabs a microphone. )
0¿0: NOW…IT IS TIME FOR ME TO DO SOMETHING I SHOULD HAVE DONE LONG AGO!
I THINK THAT IT IS TIME WE HAVE THE CORE GET BACK TOGETHER…
(The three men look at him puzzled. )
0¿0: YOU BUNCH OF REDNECKS…THAT MEANS IT IS TIME WE GET HAVE THE
ORIGINAL TEAM CGI GUYS, WITH DONNIE DAZE! JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS!
(Syphon high five's the Birdman, as do Joey Malone and Donnie Daze.
They then group hug. )
JT: Oh yippee! They added a member! How great…
GP: YOUR SARCASM IS NOT NEEDED!
(Donnie has a microphone and begins to talk. )
Donnie: And once again…we are the best. Evan Levine…gone. All the
doubters…SILENCED! And through the fire…Team CGI stands!
(Joey now has the microphone. )
Joey: And since there is no more poopie pants Levine running the show,
we run the place. Now…it is time to celebrate!
(Joey hands the mic to Syphon. He decides to make the final arguments.)
Syphon: I told Evan if he played with me…he would lose. I told LiGiL
and AWS Man (Also Known As Bill) that they are not in my league. And with the
World Title still on me…Joey Malone over there with NA Title…Donnie Daze
holding the Pacific Championship and the Extreme Championships…and with the always
dangerous Birdman back where he belongs…I want to know who the hell can
stop us?
(He looks at the entrance ramp, to see if anyone is ready to challenge
them. Nobody comes out. )
Syphon: That's what I thought…now hit OUR music!
("Welcome Burden" by Disturbed plays again as the fans go nuts. All
four men climb on separate turnbuckles, and jack the fans up. )
GP: What a sight! Four of the top stars in the IWO are together!
JT: Dammit!
(Suddenly, "Memory Remains" by Metallica plays over the speakers. The
fans begin to boo.)
GP: No…
JT: YES!
(The IWO-Tron shows a picture of Dane Matthews, in Syphon Fission's
locker room. The fans begin to boo as he talks. )
Dane: Hello Syph. Seems you like to screw people…huh.
(Syphon, off his turnbuckle, looks at him and shrugs his shoulders.)
Dane: Screw me out of the Extreme Title will ya? I was going to let
you survive until Hostile Takeover…where I would end your IWO World Title
reign.
(The fans boo more. Syphon laughs. Dane gets pissed. )
Dane: Yeah…mister Champion…well…
(He lifts up a passport. It belongs to Syphon Fission, obviously. )
Dane: Now…mister champion…you prevent me from being champion…you have
to make it to Hostile Takeover. Well…I would like to see you try with out a…
(He rips the passport to shreds and lights it on fire. Syphon's eyes
become as large as water melons. )
Dane: See you Friday…if you're lucky…Champ…
(The IWO-tron fades as Dane Matthews laughs. Syphon throws the World
Title belt to the mat as he goes ballistic. )
JT: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! SYPHON CAN NOT LEAVE FRANCE!
Shallow: Dane Matthews burns Syphon's passport.
GP: What a climax to a great night. But how will Syphon Fission make
it to Hostile Takeover to defend his title?
JT: HE CAN'T!
GP: FOLKS WE ARE OUT OF TIME! GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS!
(The PPV feed fades as Syphon picks his World Title up, red with
anger.)
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