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Warcry 2001


4/29/01~England

*The following is intended for a pay per view viewing audience. If you do not like mature subject matters then please do not read*

[The scene opens with a heart beating sound as IWO banner fades in as words fly all around it. Pride, Honor pass the screen as the banner fades out. As it fades in the words Phelen Kell and Zombie fly around the screen to another heart beat. Then as a O fly's across the screen we see the words Hate and Love fly around and fade in. With the last heart beat the O fly's in with the names Mysterious One and Titan following it. Finally the IWO comes ablaze as the IWO symbol fly's past it as it fades out.]

("War" by Edwin Starr is heard, as we see images flash across the screen. We see a flash of Syphon Fission, holding the World Heavyweight Championship high in the air.)

War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing

(Am image of the IWO World Heavyweight Championship is shown, as we see images of Potright nailing Christ Air on a fallen Syphon Fission on the outside of the ring. Potright is shown pinning Fission, and holding his hands high.)

War
What is it good for
absolutely nothing

(We see an image of Daze's faced, etched in pain, as his hand is raised three times, falling down and falling victim to Potright's Wall Breaker.)

War is something that I despise
For it means destruction of innocent lives
For it means tears in thousands of mothers' eyes
When their sons go out to fight to give their lives

(An image of Hardcore Isoceles Trapezoid is shown, Beth Potright at his side. We see the slashing of Beth's forehead, as Trapezoid is shown drinking her blood in a stain of red.)

War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again

(We see images of Trick or Treat 2 on the screen, with Sam Potright blasting HIT with the chair in Chutes and Ladders. We see Potright Ganso Bombing HIT off of the platform, as we see an image of HIT and Potright battling, hanging from the ceiling held up by the Extreme title. Slowly, it splits out, and then morphs into current pictures of the two athletes.)

War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing

(We see Potright nailing Donnie Daze with War Within a Breath, taking both men down and out. We see a faded image, turned into static.)

War
It's nothing but a heartbreaker
War
Friend only to the undertaker
War is the enemy of all mankind
The thought of war blows my mind
Handed down from generation to generation
Induction destruction
Who wants to die

(We see an image of Potright and Daze arguing, as we see an image of HIT holding the World title around his waist. A picture of HIT nailing Potright with a barbed wire protractor is shown, as Potright is dumped into a dumpster by HIT.)

War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again

(We see Potright and Daze, in the middle of the ring, and the World title hanging from the ceiling. We see images from the match, such as Daze dropking in the ladder, crouching Potright on the top rope, and Potright throwing the ladder into the face of a leaping Daze. We then see an image of Daze handcuffing Potright to the top rope.)

War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing

(We see an image of Daze holding the world heavyweight championship, as Potright sulks his head. Images of the last Hostile Meltdown are shown, as we see Vice President Ford ripping the World Heavyweight Championship out of the hands of Daze, and putting it back into the hands of Sam Potright.)

War has shattered many young men's dreams
Made them disabled bitter and mean Life is too precious
to be fighting wars
each day
War can't give life it can only take it away

(We see images of the trench coat man, ripping away at a helpless puppy dog, along with tossing Vice President Ford from the top of the arena. Images are portrayed of him as being an evil, devilish sort of man. Goopy is shown, neck almost cut at the hands, as
a single Black Lotus stops his onslaught.)

War
It's nothing but a heartbreaker
War
Friend only to the undertaker
Peace love and understanding

(An image of Syphon Fission, holding his hands up in the air as he makes his last exit. The image fades to a grey, as it seems to be his end.)

There must be some place for these things today
They say we must fight to keep our freedom
But Lord there's gotta be a better way
That's better than
War

(We see Kent Anthason's quick rise to glory, along with LiGiL nailing the Palindrome on Bainkey, as Levine is is shown stomping him. We see a quick series of events with Bob Job and AWS Man...)

War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again
War
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing

(We see an image of Potright and HIT, once again hanging from the rafters, as Potright is shown falling, down to the arena floor. HIT is shown hanging, as Potright seems to fall in super slow motion. Slowly, it fades out to a promo image of Potright and HIT, standing in front of seven sets of deathtraps, and the world title in front of both of them. Slowly, we fade out.)

("War" by Edwin Starr starts to play as the words "War Cry" appear on the screen. They begin to quiver...the words all of a sudden become ablaze and explode shattering everywhere as we go live...)

(BOOM! Fireworks go off everywhere as "War" plays, now live, over The Highland Arena in Edinburgh Scotland. Fans scream, fans yell as fireworks continue to blast off everywhere. The camera pans around the building to the thousands of fans still on there feet. Then the camera moves and stops at the announcers booth with GP, JT, and Shallow waiting for the fans to calm down.)

(The audience starts to become not as loud as the GP smiles into the camera and becomes the ring announcer he is)

GP: FANS WELCOME TO THE IWO...WELCOME TO A GREAT NIGHT IN WRESTLING...WELCOME TO WAR CRY!

JT: Did you say that for Ice Age?

Shallow: He says that for every PPV dumb ass.

JT: Hey….what did I tell you about making fun of me?

Shallow: What?

JT: Don't do it.

GP: Fans tonight is the last month of the IWO Dark period. And what a way to end it. HIT will take on World champ Sam Potright in a match that will determine who will stay and who will leave.

JT: Don't forget the title is on the line too.

Shallow: HE KNOWS!

GP: All of this will take place in Trick or Treat 3. A match that normally is for Fear the Darkness but is being held this month because we all love it.

JT: Didn't the wrestlers threaten President Evan?

Shallow: That's beside the point.

JT: Oh.

GP: Along with ToT 3 we have Cyanide going after the NA title, LiGiL taking on Crow, AWS Man taking on Bob Job…..and our opening match witch is right now….

JT: If it was right now we would hear something.

Shallow: I promised myself I wouldn't do it this much but since we might lose Meygon soon.

[Shallow stands up]

Shallow: CODE BLUE!

[Meygon gets out of the ring and runs over to JT and slaps him silly.]

JT DAMN!

Shallow: HA!

GP : Our opening match is going to a rather … odd one. Pen, AWS Man (also
known as Bill)'s spatula and manager, will face off against Spatula, Bob
Job's pen/manager, for the North Dakotan Janitorial championship, in an
Inanimate Ladder Match of Cheese - even though the match has nothing
whatsoever to do with cheese.

JT : Isn't that a tad confusing? Why cant' they just be named after what
they are?

Shallow : Because AWS Man (also known as Bill) named Pen, and he's got
problems.

JT : What about Bob Job? He named his pen Spatula.

Shallow : Yeah, well something tells me that he didn't just make that name
up out of the blue.

JT : What are you talking about? Why wouldn't he have?

Shallow : Never mind. Let's just get to the introductions.

Meygon : Coming to the ring first … standing - er, laying at four inches
long, and weighing in at one and three quarters of an ounce … being
accompanied by Bob Job … SPATULAAAAAA!

("Superman" by Goldfinger plays as Bob Job carries Spatula out from the back
to a pretty good pop, considering that the thing being cheered for is a
ballpoint pen. The miniscule wrestler walks over to the miniature ring set
up near the top of the ramp. It looks only slightly bigger than one of those
toy ones little kids buy for wrestling action figures. On the way he passes
the footstool-sized "ladder". He walks around to the other side of the ring
and places his pen in the ring.)

Meygon : Next, the IWO North Dakotan Janitorial champion … laying at eleven
inches long and weighing a whopping four ounces … a spatula that has gained
the reputation of most feared inanimate object in the IWO … accompanied by
the IWO TV champion, AWS Man (also known as Bill) … he is PENNNNN!

("Three Point One Four" by the Bloodhound Gang plays as Pen, with the tiny
title around his "waist" comes out to a mixed reaction : mainly boos because
of the fact that he's a heel, but still a few cheers from those diehard Pen
fans. AWS Man (also known as Bill) starts to walk past the ladder, but then
stops, puts Pen on the ground, and slides him under the ladder before
picking him up and putting him in the ring. The Insane One takes off Pen's
belt and puts it in a loop of string that hangs down over the ring.)

JT : What the hell was that?

GP : Well, when human wrestlers have a ladder match, walking under the
ladder is considered very cocky, for some reason. I guess AWS Man (also
known as Bill) heard that and decided to do that with Pen.

JT : I thought Pen was alive.

Shallow : You idiot, how could a spatula be alive?

JT : How could half of our PPV opening matches take place? Remember Winky
the Penguin vs. Arnie the Aardvark? Remember?!

Shallow : Got a point.

GP : And there's the bell!

(The bell rings … and the two objects continue to lie in the ring.)

JT : What's going on? I thought this was going to be a bloodbath! Why aren't
they fighting?

GP : Probably because they can't move.

JT : You and your little details.

(The two objects continue to lie on the mat. Suddenly, on the outside of the
ring, Bob Job and AWS Man (also known as Bill) reach into the ring, grab
their respective objects, and start to move the objects towards each other.)

Shallow : Looks like they're finally about to do something.

(Both objects rear back and crash into each other - with just a little help
from their wrestlers.)

JT : Wow, what a blow! And now they're duking it out!

Shallow : I think you're getting a little too excited about this match. It's
stupid.

JT : You're stupid! This match is the inanimate battle of the century!

(Meanwhile, the "duking it out" is just the Insane One and Bob banging their
objects into each other, like a little kid does to make action figures
fight. Pen, being the larger object, is able to knock Spatula out of Bob's
hand.)

JT : Pen gets the upper hand!

GP : I think AWS Man (also known as Bill)'s going for the footstool.

JT : You mean Pen's going for the ladder.

GP : Whatever, this match is retarded.

(AWS Man (also known as Bill) pulls Pen out of the ring and walks over to
the footstool/ladder. He presses Pen against the top of the ladder and picks
the ladder up to make it seem as if Pen is carrying it. "Pen" now slides the
ladder into the ring and slides in himself. From the outside of the ring,
the Insane One stands up the ladder under the belt.)

GP : Do you think they even realize that they're moving their objects, or do
they think that the objects move themselves?

JT : What are you talking about? They ARE moving themselves.

(Bob picks up Spatula and rams his pointy head into Pen, knocking them both
down.)

JT : Spear! Spear by Spatula! Now he's beating Pen in the face with lefts
and rights!

(Spatula is banging into Pen's flat area. Bob then takes him off and starts
to have him hop up the ladder, rung by rung.)

GP : Watching this is like watching children play with their action figures.

JT : Only with a lot more hardcore action!

GP : What hardcore action? I see no hardcore action.

(At this moment, AWS Man (also known as Bill) "tosses" a tiny chair to Pen,
then has Pen swing the chair into Spatula, knocking him off of the ladder.)

JT : That hardcore action! BLOOOOODDDD!

Shallow : That AWS Man (also known as Bill) is such a cheater, helping Pen
like that … wait, what am I saying? They're not alive!

(Pen just goes crazy on Spatula with the chair, a bit reminiscent of what
Austin did to the Rock at Wrestlemania, for anybody who saw that … except
that it's a spatula doing it to a pen. After this, Pen scales the ladder.)

JT : Oh, Pen's got it won after that! There's no way that the rookie Spatula
is coming back after a brutal beating like that. Pen just went to Funkytown
and back on him!

(Pen reaches the top of the ladder, and AWS Man (also known as Bill)
stretches him towards the belt. He has it within his grasp, but can't close
his hands around it, since he has none. At this moment, Spatula starts to
rise to his feet.)

JT : What?! It can't be! He can't be getting up from that!

GP : I have the feeling that I should getting all excited about this … but I
just can't do it.

(Although Pen has no face, and therefore no facial features, AWS Man (also
known as Bill) does a pretty good job of conveying a look of disbelief and
shock on Pen's flat end. He now steadies Pen at the top of the ladder and
maneuvers him to look down at Spatula.)

JT : Pen's going for a high risk move here!

(AWS Man (also known as Bill) pushes Pen off the top of the ladder. Pen
falls onto the ring and bounces, but Bob moves Spatula out of the way.)

JT : Ohhhh! That one will cost Pen big time!

(Spatula climbs up the ladder as AWS Man (also known as Bill) screams at Pen
to get up. When Pen shows no sign of movement, the Insane One pulls on his
hair in frustration.)

JT : Pen is completely out of it! AWS Man (also known as Bill) doesn't know
what to do!

Shallow : Why doesn't he just pick him up and have him knock the ladder
over?

JT : Because Pen is unconscious, silly.

Shallow : …Yeah.

(Spatula is now trying to hook the belt around his pointed end, when AWS Man
(also known as Bill) pushes the ladder over.)

JT : Whoa! AWS Man (also known as Bill) just interfered and pushed the
ladder over! Spatula goes flying out of the ring!

GP : You know, I don't think I'm even going to try to say anything else
about this match.

JT : But now Bob Job is brawling with AWS Man (also known as Bill)! And both
competitors are down!

(The Nude makes his way out from backstage and over to the mini ring.)

JT : It's the Nude, AWS Man (also known as Bill)'s best friend and animate
manager! He set the ladder up, and now he's helping Pen to his feet! Pen is
looking a little woozy, but the Nude is helping him up the ladder!

(The Nude moves Pen up the ladder. He takes the belt off of the string and
holds it against Pen. The bell rings.)

JT : Pen won! He's still the most feared inanimate object in the IWO!

Meygon : Your winner, and still the IWO North Dakotan Janitorial champion …
PENNNNNN!

[ camera's cut to the backstage area of one Beth Potright, who's husband Sam Potright is preparing for a big match up tonight...Beth's got something in her hands, as the camera's pan closer and closer we notice its some type of letter...]

Beth Potright: Who wrote this?! Wow....

Overhead Voice (Reading Note): I want to taste you.....And kiss you..... Hug you.......And miss you.....But you'll never love me......And this I can see...... For your eyes......They are for another...

Beth Potright: Wow....That was so....

[ Sam Potright walks in right then...]

Sam Potright: Hey ready Beth?

Beth Potright(Startled): Umm...yeah Sam...Let's go!

Sam Potright: Okay..Everything okay?

Beth Potright(Hiding the Letter): Ummm...yah sweets..Let's go..

[ Beth walks out of the room with Sam, and the camera's go back to the announcers..]

GP: Wow..Someone's definitely got the hots for Beth! I mean look at this...First some freak calls her out and just leaves A Dozen roses! Now, this guy's sending LOVE letters!

JT: Who said it was a guy?!

GP: You perve!

Shallow: Right…….ok its not time for our next match witch will show us the last person to come out at May Mayhem.

JT: Like it matters…..we all know Kell will come back and win it like he always does.

GP: He didn't last year.

JT: That's because he was drunk.

Shallow: Just stop before I hurt you.

[camera cuts to Meygon]

Meygon: Ladies and Gentlemen. It is now time for the two men who cut the most promos to come out and fight for the 30thspot at May Mayhem.

["Between Angels and Insects" by Papa Roach starts to play as the fans start to boo because of what the Kings did at HM]

Meygon: Coming to the ring at this time……JEFF KING!!

[Jeff King walks out with Ryan King behind him as he stops at the top of the ramp and smiles.]

GP: Jeff King cut the most promos….wow….I didn't think he could do it.

JT: Does anyone else think there really isn't a 30thspot?

Shallow: There was last year.

JT: Yea but VP Ford is running Mayhem and he likes to be difficult.

[Jeff King gets into the ring as Meygon talks again.]

Meygon: And coming to the ring next he tied Jeff King in Promos…………Sabastian Crow!

[ Crows Music plays as the fans start to boo…..Then Crow walks out and runs into the ring]

GP: Well lets GET IT ON!

JT: Judge Mills Lain?

Shallow: Brother.

[All of a sudden Hail the Chief starts to play as the fans go nuts. And then from the back walks VP Ford]

JT: What does he want…..This is Evan's PPV.

GP: He's got something to say….let him say it.

VP Ford: Ok…..I was sitting on the toilet reading my contract and I found out that I get a raise for every thing I do more or less…….so from this point on, THERE ISNT A 30thSPOT…..sorry guys no match…..why? because I like to be difficult.

[Hail to the chief starts to play as Tom walks off stage and Crow and King just look at each other scratching there head.]

[We cut from the announcers, outside, into the parking lot, as a neon green Dodge Viper slowly pulls into the parking lot, and pulls into one of the reserved spots. The drivers door slowly opens, as someone climbs out of the car. As he stands up straight, and turns towards the camera, we can tell that the man we're saying, is none other than Shawn Arrows. He slowly walks towards the building, with what looks to be a pissed off look on his face.]

GP: What in the hell is he doing here?

Shallow: Yea, hasn't he like, retired 2 times now, or something? Don't tell me he's coming back, to be booked in 1 more match, and retire once more!!

JT: I wouldn't doubt it, but it looks like Shawn Arrows is seriously pissed off at something. We'll see if we can catch up with him later, and find out exactly what's going on.

[Fade back to ringside.]

GP: Fans we have a thrilling match for you now!

JT- Oh GP don't piss your pants. This match isn't about to be too great.

GP- How come?

JT- Bob Job is in this match.

Shallow- Bob Job is a skilled wrestler...he defeated Erik Blake on Hostile Meltdown!

JT- That was just luck. Blake plays around too friggin' much when he wrestles.

-AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) comes out-

GP- Here comes AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) down the the ring...

JT- Why do we have to add that "Also Known as Bill" part?

Shallow- JT, you have been doing it for months....why stop now?

JT- People mouths get tired when they have to say that.

GP whispering- I'd really wish your mouth would be quiet.

JT- What was that?

GP- Huh? I didn't say anything.

Shallow- Here comes Bob Job.

JT- Joe Mielo watch out, you have a competitor for the biggest jobber in IWO history.

-Bob Job comes to the ring-

GP-Why do you hate the guy so much?

JT- Cause he is a fag?

GP- Have you seen him have sexual relations with another person similar to his gender?

Shallow-.....

JT-....I seen him kiss this person with boobs but she had a mustache.

Shallow- Ugh...

-Bob Job enters the ring and flies towards AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) with a spear. Bob Job starts to punch AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) in the tackled position.-

JT- C'mon! Don't let that Molested Monkey do that!

Shallow- Wow...

GP- That was a pretty good insult...

JT- Thanks...

Shallow- Who did you steal it from?

JT-.....Blake.

Shallow- Thought so....

GP- Ooh...there is a hard suplex by Bob Job and perfectly Executed. Bob Job goes for the cover....
1.....
2....
NO!

Shallow- Nah...a little too early.

JT- You stupid rookie! BOOO! BOO!

Shallow- Will you sit down and shut the fuck up?!?

JT- Amendment one: Freedom of Speech...

GP- You are lucky Nikki isn't here otherwise she would be slapping you three ways from sunday.

JT- I'd fuck Nikki 3 ways from Friday and she won't mind.

GP-.....riight. Anyway Bob Job continues the assault on AWS Man(Also Known As Bill) by stomping him. Kick after kick. Stomp after stomp.

JT- You sound like a karate movie!

GP-.....

Shallow-....

JT- What?

GP- Bob Job picks up AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) up for another suplex.

Shallow- He is up....and Bob Job is holding him there.

JT- Quit showing off you bitch.

GP- Bob Job has AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) In the air for a suplex and hasn't let him out of it yet....

Shallow- He might be going for.....YES! Brainbuster!

GP- Cover by Bob Job...
1........2.....3NO!!!

Shallow- He won't stay down.

JT- Leave him alone and let him up you bastard.

GP- AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) is in desperate need of a second wind.

Shallow- Bob Job follows up...WAIT A MINUTE! ROLL-UP BY AWS MAN(ALSO KNOWN AS BILL)
ONE.......
TWO....
THRENO!!

GP- No...he couldn't hold him down.

JT- Dammit....

GP- Bob Job with a fierce clothsline that turn AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) inside out.

Shallow- AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) needs a help.

JT-SOMEONE GET HIM A COKE!

GP- Ugh...

Shallow- A Coke?!?

JT-....

GP- Bob Job is going for a DDT.

Shallow- AWS MAN(ALSO KNOWN AS BILL) WITH A REVERSAL! NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! INTO A COVER...
ONE....
TWO.....
THREENO!!!!

GP- So close.

Shallow- Bob Job gets up and runs at AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) for a clothsline but AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) ducks and grabs Bob Job for a german suplex. Bob Job with one....two...three elbows that knocks it loose. Bob Job runs against the ropes...

GP- AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) grabs Bob Job for a spinebuster but.....

JT- What the hell is he doing?

Shallow- Damn....he is on the second...no top turnbuckle and

GP- SPINEBUSTER OFF THE TOP ROPE! ITS OVER! ITS OVER! AWS MAN(ALSO KNOWN AS BILL) GOES FOR THE COVER...
ONE.....
TWO.....
THREE!!!!!!!!!

JT- HE DID IT! HE DID IT!

Announcer- Here is your winner and STILL IWO Television Champion.....AWS MAN(ALSO KNOWN AS BILL!)

[Cuts to a TOT 3 Promo]

(We return from a Trick or Treat 3 Promo to find the ring cleared and ready for the next match. The camera cuts to Parker, JT, and Shallow.)

GP: Welcome back fans, this next match is a sure to be a good one!

JT: God Greg, you say that about every fucking fuck match.

Shallow: Fucking fuck match?

JT: It's a fucking fuck Pay Per View. I can fucking fuckity say whatever I fucking feel like fucking mother saying!

Shallow and GP: ...

JT: What?

[We cut from ringside, back into what appears to be a hallway backstage. Shawn Arrows is walking around, still looking just as pissed off as when he walked in the door. Shawn stops when he comes across a security guard.]

Shawn: Excuse me, where is Ben Archer's locker room?

Security Guard: He has asked not to be bothered tonight, he has to get ready for his match tonight.

Shawn: Tell me where his locker room is...now..

Guard: Fine, he's right around this corner, and down at the end of the hall, but don't tell anyone I told you.

Shawn: Yea, whatever.

[Shawn walks around the corner, and down to the end of the hall, finding Ben Archer's locker room. He knocks on the door, but no one answers, and again. Shawn knocks a third time, and shrugs his shoulders, opening the door to the locker room, and slamming the door behind him.]

Third Extra-Have while Archer is still in the ring..after his match..please

JT: Ben Archer, starting to climb out of the ring..but..wait a second!!

[IronMan by Black Sabbath begins to play throughout the arena, as Shawn Arrows slowly walks down to the ring, staring straight at Archer. Arrows climbs up on the ring apron, and backs Archer up as he climbs in the ring, still staring a hole straight through Archer.]

Shallow: Aren't these two supposed to be good friends? What the hell are they doing staring each other down?

GP: I have no clue, but Shawn Arrows seems to have come prepared with a microphone.

Shawn: So now..Ben..The Icon..Archer, you come out here, you wrestle 1 little match....you get knocked unconcious..and I hand you the TV Title. From that point on, you have been on a major streak, getting pushed up that ladder. Ben, I've come here to put a stop to this. You're not as good as these people make you look. See, I'm 4 times better than you ever could wish to be Arc. Don't you understand that? This is my time Ben..and you're just the beginning of my climb up to where I am supposed to be!!!

Archer: What the heck are you talking about man? You supported me all the way here, and now..this?

Arrows: I want my time in the spotlight Archer...you're where I want to be..and the only way I'm gonna get there...is to take you down.

[Arrows charges At Archer, and takes him down to the ground, laying punches into his ribs and head.]

GP: Arrows looks like he's snapped here. he's taking out all of his anger from the past 9 or so months, on his former best friend.

Shallow: Yea, but I don't think Archer's gonna let it happen that easily. Archer's shoved Arrows off, and now he's up to his feet, and the two men are just wailing on each other with blows to the head.

JT: Arrows, and Archer..the battle we never thought we'd see. Archer seems to be getting the advantage over Arrows, but Arrows ducked a right hand, and gets Archer up in a millitary press. He lets go, and turns for his DDT, but Archer lands behind Arrows. Arc grabs Arrows, and nails The ArC!

GP: Archer just laid out Arrows, and Archer is laughing as he walks back to the back slowly.

JT: Well that was intresting.

JT: Well, I've been informed that our own Max Roit is on hand to talk with Jack Breaker, who will be facing the Suicide Kings tonight for a shot at the tag team gold. Max?

[The scene opens on Jack and Max standing backstage in front of a large Warcry background. Jack is wearing his usual attire of red flannel shirt, tan corduroy jeans, and grey bandana. He is also wearing one kneepad.]

Max: Well, Jack, tonight you face the Suicide Kings for a shot at the tag team championships. What are your thoughts?

Jack: Well, that's simple, Maxwell Silverhammer. I don't have any. Except to beat Jeff King within an inch of his miserable excuse for a life, and to pick up some pop-tarts on the way home. Man, I love those pop-tarts. What about you?

Max: Uhm. So, how do you feel about your first championship opportunity here in the IWO?

Jack: Well, mostly I feel that you're blocking my view of the caterer's table. Is that potato salad? Hell yes!

Max: Any last comments before your match?

Jack: Yes sir. Hey, Jeff King? Ryan King? If I were you guys right now, I'd be pissing my pants, because you both have serious bladder control problems. And once we step into that ring, and after I rob you of your titles, dignity, and consciousness, and after I get my damn pop-tarts...well, let's just say that you'd better be careful. Because I sure as hell won't be.

Max: Strong words. So, what's your favorite color?

Jack: Steve.

Max: Right. Now, where's your partner, Jake Walker?

[As if on cue, or quite possibly not, Jake emerges from a locker room with a set of Suicide Kings action figures. He hands one to Jack, and the two begin to dismember them brutally. They place the body parts and plastic chips in a big pile as Jack looks into the camera and declares...]

Jack: Bring your ass, Suicide Kings. Pump the positively.

GP: Anyway, this next match is between Schitzo Tod and Joey Malone, two good friends are going to battle it out.

Shallow; And they aren't battling for titles or money, their battling because they simply have to.

JT: Roll the fucking tape... Fuck.

-Footage From Earlier Today-

President Levine: And you two better not bullshit out there. I want an actual match, or you're both fired! In fact... Why not make this No Disqualification? And there'd better be bloodshed... I'll be watching!

-End Footage-

Shallow: HA! Malone and Tod can't mentally fight their way out of this one. What President Levine says is law.

GP: But it's just not fair Johnny. These two have been friends for a while, and to make them have to fight each other> Schitzo Tod hasn't even had a match in months, Malone is being forced to destroy him!

JT: Fuck. You wanna know what I think?

Shallow: No.

GP: No.

JT: Well, I fucking think... Um.. Tod and Malone suck ass! Donnie Daze rules! FUCK THAT!

("Everybody Dance" plays as the crowd waits in shock. A Midget wearing a suit complete with a tie walks out from the curtains.)

GP: What the hell is this?!

Meygon: Introducing.. What the?

(The midget steps in and whispers in Meygon's ear.)

Meygon: Weighing in at 50 pounds... From Scranton Pennsylvania.. The Special Guest Referee... DAN... QUAIL!!!!!!!!!!

Shallow: WHAT?!

JT: HAHAHAHAHA! That fucking dwarf has the same name as a former Vice resident of the US!!! FUCK YEAH!

GP: BUT WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS GOING ON?!

(We cut to President Levine's office. Evan is bound and gagged. In the room, stands the Mysterious Birdman, and Communist Dan.)

0¿0: KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD MESS WITH ONE OF Special EDUCATION'S MEMBERS?! WELL THINK AGAIN!

Communist Dan: DaDaDaDaDaDaDa!

(Cur back to the ring.)

GP: What the hell is that bird up to this time?!

(Tool's "Prison Sex" hits as most of the crowd get son their feet and pops. Schitzo Tod, wearing a penguin suit, steps on to the platform as some more people pop.)

JT: yay

(Tod gets into the ring as BT's "Shame" hits. The crowd goes NUTS. People start chanting- JOEY JOEY JOEY! Woman start flashing, and they all grope other woman... Okay, that really didn't happen... But why couldn't it?! HUH?! WHY?! Anyway, Malone gets into the ring, but the bell doesn't sound.)

GP: huh? What's going on?

Shallow: Hey, did anyone notice that Dan Quail is standing on his knees, and he really isn't a midget? WHAT THE?!!!!

(Dan Quail takes off his midget costume.)

Shallow: IT'S DONNIE DAZE!!!!! AND HE"S GOT A CHAIR!

GP: WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!

(Daze runs at Malone with a chair, and takes him down.)

Schitzo Tod: Hey, you can't for that!

(At this, Daze just rolls his eyes, then flicks Tod in the nose.)

Schitzo Tod: OWIEEEEE!!!!!!!! YOU BIG MEANIEHEAD!!! I'LL TELLING EVAN WHAT YOU JUST DID!!!!!!

(Tod runs off crying.)

GP: Shouldn't we be commentating?

Shallow: Why? People can see just fine.

GP: Yeah, but think about the people that didn't pay for this Pay Per View, and that are relying on us to give them sound!

JT: Fucking fuck them!

(Donnie Daze pokes fun at Malone's manhood, then kicks him a few times.)

GP: That bastard!

(We return from a Trick or Treat 3 Promo to find the ring cleared and ready for the next match. The camera cuts to Parker, JT, and Shallow.)

GP: this next match is a sure to be a good one!

JT: God Greg, you say that about every fucking fuck match.

Shallow: Fucking fuck match?

JT: It's a fucking fuck Pay Per View. I can fucking fuckity say whatever I fucking feel like fucking mother saying!

Shallow and GP: ...

JT: What?

GP: Anyway, this next match is between Schitzo Tod and Joey Malone, two good friedns are going to battle it out.

Shallow; And they aren't battling for titles or money, thier battling because thye simply have to.

JT: Roll the fucking tape... Fuck.

-Footage From Earlier Today-

President Levine: And you two better nto bullshit out there. I want an actuall match, or you're both fired! In fact... Why not make this No Disqualification? And there'd better be bloodshed... I'll be watching!

-End Footage-

Shallow: HA! Malone and Tod can't mentally fight thier way out of this one. WHat President Levine says is law.

GP: But it's just not fair Johnny. These two have been friends for a while, and to make them have to fight each other> Schitzo Tod hasn't even had a match in months, Malone is being forced to destroy him!

JT: Fuck. You wanna know what I think?

Shallow: No.

GP: No.

JT: Well, I fucking think... Um.. Tod and Malone suck ass! Donnie Daze rules! FUCK THAT!

("Everybody Dance" plays as the corwd waits in shock. A Midget wearing a suit complete with a tie walks out from the curtains.)

GP: What the hell is this?!

Meygon: Introducing.. What the?

(The midget steps in and whispers in Meygon's ear.)

Meygon: Weighing in at 50 pounds... From Scranton Pennsylvania.. The Special Guest Referee... DAN... QUAIL!!!!!!!!!!

Shallow: WHAT?!

JT: HAHAHAHAHA! That fucking dwarf has the same name as a former Vice residnet of the US!!! FUCK YEAH!

GP: BUT WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS GOING ON?!

(We cut to President Levine's office. Evan is bound and gagged. In the room, stands the Mysterious Birdman, and Communist Dan.)

0¿0: KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD MESS WITH ONE OF SPEcIAL EDUCATION'S MEMBERS?! WELL THINK AGAIN!

Communist Dan: DaDaDaDaDaDaDa!

(Cur back to the ring.)

GP: What the hell is that bird up to this time?!

(Tool's "Prison Sex" hits as most of the crowd get son thier feet and pops. Schitzo Tod, wearing a penguin suit, steps on to the platform as some more people pop.)

JT: yay

(Tod gets into the ring as BT's "Shame" hits. The crowd goes NUTS. People start chanting- JOEY JOEY JOEY! Woman start flashing, and they all grope other woman... Okay, that really didn't happen... But why couldn't it?! HUH?! WHY?! Anyway, Malone gets into the ring, but the bell doesn't sound.)

GP: huh? What's going on?

Shallow: Hey, did anyone notice that Dan Quail is standing on his knees, and he really isn't a midget? WHAT THE?!!!!

(Dan Quail takes off his midget costume.)

Shallow: IT'S DONNIE DAZE!!!!! AND HE"S GOT A CHAIR!

GP: WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!

(Daze runs at Malone with a chair, and takes him down.)

Schitzo Tod: Hey, you can't fo that!

(At this, Daze just rol shis eyes, then flicks Tod in the nose.)

Schitzo Tod: OWIEEEEE!!!!!!!! YOU BIG MEANIEHEAD!!! I'LL TELLING EVAN WHAT YOU JUST DID!!!!!!

(Tod runs off crying.)

GP: Should't we be commentating?

Shallow: Why? People can see just fine.

GP: Yeah, but htink about the people that didn't pay for this Pay Per View, and that are relying on us to give them sound!

JT: Fucking fuck them!

(Donnie Daze pokes fun at Malone's manhood, then kicks him a few times.)

GP: That bastard!

Meygon: It Is now time for our TAG - TEAM -
CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH !!!

[ Crowd goes wild... ]

GP: This Is going to be cool... two team's going at
It, one on one with the tag team titles on the line.

JT: This match Is going to be rich !!!

[ "Space Suit" by They Might be Giants starts playing
over the speakers as the fans give a mixed
reaction... ]

Meygon: Introducing first to the ring... the
challengers, they weigh In at a combined weight of 551
pounds... THE DEADLY SINS !!!!!!!!!!!!

[ Jack Breaker and Jake Walker walk from behind the
curtain's and make their way down the rampway...
they enter the ring as they await their opponents... ]

Meygon: And welcoming to WarCry, the current reigning
IWO Tag Team Champions...

[ "Between Angels and Insects" by Papa Roach starts
playing over the speakers as the fans give a pop
reaction... ]

Meygon: Jeff and Ryan King... THE SUICIDE KINGS !!!!!!

[ Jeff and Ryan run down the rampway In high speed
pursuit as they slide In with their tag titles...
getting
out of the way, The Deadly Sins make their way out as
they stand on the outside... The Suicide Kings
climb the turnbuckles showing off the tag team gold
trying to get a reaction from the fans... ]

Shallow: This Is going to get interesting...

[ The Suicide Kings get off the turnbuckles and hand
away their belts to the referee... Meygon exit's the
ring as the bell rings and this match Is underway...
The Suicide Kings look down at The Deadly Sins...
The Deadly Sins climb back into the ring and go face
to face with The Suicide Kings... ]

Shallow: Really interesting...

JT: Hehe...

GP: Both team's appear to be trashing each other out,
with foul language... these two teams have some
serious issues !!!

Shallow: Whoa !, but not for long !!!... Jeff King
just pushed Jack Breaker and HERE WE GO !!!... the
fight Is underway, The Suicide Kings and The Deadly
Sins are completely clobbering each other here...
the referee can't break It up... The Suicide Kings
have The Deadly Sins knocked down now... Jeff brings
Jack up, he whips him to the turnbuckle, Ryan jump's
to the mat, Jeff runs to Ryan and HOLY SHIT !!!...
HE JUST LAUNCHED HIMSELF OFF RYAN'S BACK AND
HURRICURANA'S JACK TO THE
MAT...

JT: That looks something similar to The Hardy Boyz If
you ask me...

GP: It might but who cares !, that move was tightly
awesome... so far, The Suicide Kings are fast paced In
this match-up, I couldn't even follow that set-up...
that was quite uhh awesome, hehe...

[ Jake Walker rolls out of the ring and stands back up
on the apron as Ryan King goes to his corner... ]

GP: Ok !, It finally looks like the referee has
restored peace here In the IWO... now, It's time to
see Jeff
King and Jack Breaker to start things off...

Shallow: I still can't believe that opening move GP,
can we get a replay of that ?...

REPLAY:

Shallow: Whoa !, but not for long !!!... Jeff King
just pushed Jack Breaker and HERE WE GO !!!... the
fight Is underway, The Suicide Kings and The Deadly
Sins are completely clobbering each other here...
the referee can't break It up... The Suicide Kings
have The Deadly Sins knocked down now... Jeff brings
Jack up, he whips him to the turnbuckle, Ryan jump's
to the mat, Jeff runs to Ryan and HOLY SHIT !!!...
HE JUST LAUNCHED HIMSELF OFF RYAN'S BACK AND
HURRICURANA'S JACK TO THE
MAT...

JT: That looks something similar to The Hardy Boyz If
you ask me...

EXIT THE REPLAY !!!

[ Jeff brings Jack back up and hit's a vertical suplex
to the mat... ]

GP: And there's a vertical suplex... Jeff bringing
Jack back up now, he sends him to the ropes, goes for
a
clothesline, but wait a minute... Jack blocks the
shot, he ducks under... he's behind Jeff, Jeff turns
around... Jack goes for a kick to the gut, but Jeff
catches It, but Jack executes It with a beautiful
enziguere.

JT: Well I guess Jack Breaker still has some fight In
him after-all... Jack brings Jeff back up and tags In
Jake... The Deadly Sins now, they are double teaming
Jeff King In the corner... the referee try's to
separate
them from doing this... The Deadly Sins grab hold of
Jeff and Irish whip him to the other turnbuckle...
Jeff slams into the turnbuckle, Jack Breaker follows
It up with a splash, Jake Walker appearing to do a
splash as well, but wait a minute !!!... Ryan tags
himself In, he leaps onto the turnbuckle, and knocks
Jake
Walker down with a missile drop-kick !!!!...

Shallow: Oh my god !, hehe... this match just keeps
getting wilder and wilder, eh guys ?

GP: I agree... Jake Walker didn't even get to collide
with his splash, Ryan King brings Jake back up and
knee's him to the gut, but Jeff from behind, he spins
him around and slams the two Deadly Sins together.
Jake hit his head against Jack's, Jake falls back now,
Jeff grabs hold of Jack Breaker, Irish whip, NO!...
Jack reverses It, he sends Jeff to the turnbuckle, and
hits a turbulence shot of a clothesline. Ryan King Is
up, Jack see's Ryan King, he quickly jumps onto the
turnbuckle, and slams back down onto Ryan King
with a moonsault !!!!

Shallow: Jack Breaker goes for a cover... Jeff King
looking to make an attack, but Jake Walker makes the
interception, he knocks Jeff to the outside... the
referee jumps down for the pin... could this be It...

1...

2......

KICKOUT !!!!

Shallow: And NO!, It was a kickout !!!... I thought
The Deadly Sins had this thing won !!!!

GP: So did I !... I think the referee just gave up
trying to restore order here, theres no chance In hell
he's
ever going to achieve that...

JT: I agree Greg !!!

GP: You do ?

JT: Yeah... this match Is even too fast for my own
eyes, hehe...

Shallow: On the outside now, Jake Walker and Jeff King
are exchanging blows... lefts to rights, rights to
left... Jake has the advantage, he lifts up the ring
apron, grabs a chair and SMACK !!!!... HE JUST
CRACKED JEFF KING OVER THE HEAD WITH THAT CHAIR !!!!!

JT: Wait a minute, isn't that a disqualification ?

GP: Fuck the disqualification's !, these two teams are
going to do anything and everything to win the tag
titles, I got a feeling...

JT: Damn...

Shallow: Jeff King Is not down though, Jake takes
another shot to Jeff's back and he goes down to the
mat... this match has gotten out of control !!!

JT: When was It ever In control ?

Shallow: Good question...

GP: On the inside now... Ryan King sends Jack to the
ropes, Jack holds on though, but Ryan collides
straight to Jack's throat with a clothesline, sending
him up and over... Jack falls to the ground out here
In
front of us... but what's Ryan King doing, Jack stands
back up and OH MY GOD !!!!... RYAN KING
JUST FLEW UP AND OVER THE ROPES TAKING OUT JACK
BREAKER !!!!... Ryan Is the first one
up, but not for long !!!... Jake Walker just struck
him down with that steel chair !!!!!

JT: Jake tosses the steel chair inside the ring... he
walks over beside us here, he folds up another and
tosses It In as well... he turns around and THERES
JEFF KING !!!!... Jeff King just pushed Jake Walker
onto our announce table, he's clobbering him !!!...

GP: Oh no !, this isn't good... I hate It when the
roster fights over here...

JT: Yeah !!!... go pick on the Spanish announce table
!!!!

Shallow: Jeff King Is hitting Jake Walker with fist's
of fire here !!!!... but OUCH !... Jack Breaker from
behind, he just struck Jeff In the back with the steel
chair... Jake takes the advantage now, he's knocking
the peewad out of Jeff, Jack though, Jack sets up two
steel chairs, In front of each other... what does Jack
have In mind here...

[ The Deadly Sins look at each other and smile... ]

GP: What do The Deadly Sins have planned here ?

[ Jake Walker pushes Jeff Kings head down between his
legs and looks around the crowd smiling... ]

GP: Oh no... what's this going to be ?

JT: They better not put him through our table !!!!!

Shallow: Fuck the table, they're going for... AHHH...

[ Jack Breaker and Jake Walker slam Jeff King through
the chairs as the chairs dent... ]

GP: Oh my God !!!!... The Deadly Sins just slammed
Jeff King through two lined up steel chairs... Jeff Is
ravishing In pain here... Ryan King Is back up now, he
runs to Jack Breaker, but Jack quickly picks up a
steel chair and...

*CRACK*

GP: KNOCKS HIM BACK DOWN WITH THE STEEL CHAIR !!!!!!

[ Jack throws that steel chair inside the ring as
well... ]

Shallow: Both Suicide Kings are laid out... could we
be looking at new tag team champions tonight ???

GP: We could very well be... The Deadly Sins are
highly taking control of this match...

[ The Deadly Sins go under-neath the apron again and
start searching for stuff... they look up from the
apron, look at each and smile... ]

GP: Wait a minute !, now what are The Deadly Sins
planning ?

[ The Deadly Sins pull out a table from under-neath
the ring and slide It inside the ring... the crowd
goes
wild with a huge pop... ]

JT: It's a TABLE
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GP: Oh my God !, what Is this match turning into !!!,
haha...

[ Jack Breaker walks back over and grabs hold of Ryan
King... he brings him up and slides him into the
ring... ]

Shallow: Jack just slid Ryan inside the ring now...
Jake also gets In, they stand Ryan up In the center,
Ryan Is still a little wobbly... The Deadly Sins pick
up steel chairs and oh no... they're getting
positioned
on each side of Ryan King and...

*SWING*

*CRACK*

Shallow: NO !!!!... RYAN KING DUCKS THE SHOT... THE
DEADLY SINS CHAIRS MEET EACH
OTHERS... Ryan King leg sweeps Jake Walker, Jake goes
down, Ryan turns around to Jake Breaker, and
sends a big foot straight into the groin area !!!!...

JT: Ouch !!!!

Shallow: Jake goes down... but not fully, Ryan King
gets up and SMACKS Jake Walkers face into the
chair with a DDT... Ryan brings Jack back up, he
scoops him up, and slams him back down to the other
chair... Ryan King Is raged !!!!!

*Crowd Pop*

[ Ryan King throws back his chest and screams In
rage... ]

GP: Jeff King slides back into the ring, he confronts
Ryan and Is telling him something... what Is Jeff
telling Ryan ?... he points to the chairs, he points
to the table... I can't make It out...

Shallow: I don't know Greg, but whatever It Is... Ryan
seems to like the idea and he's leaving the ring ?

JT: What !?!?!?!?!

Shallow: Ryan King Is leaving the ring and heading
back up the rampway...

JT: Where the hell Is he going ?

GP: I don't know... but both Sins are out... Jeff King
Is just standing there waiting now and...

*Huge Crowd Pop*

GP: WAIT A MINUTE... GUYS !, LOOK AT WHAT'S COMING
BACK DOWN THE RAMPWAY !!!!

[ Cameras focus In on the rampway and see's Ryan King
coming back carrying two ladders, one for each
arm... ]

Shallow: Oh my God !!!!... The Silence Kings are
starting TLC 3 !!!!!!

Crowd Chant: TLC ! TLC ! TLC ! TLC ! TLC ! TLC ! TLC !
TLC ! TLC ! TLC ! TLC ! TLC !

JT: See what you got started Shallow !!!!!

Shallow: I didn't get anything started... It's these
two teams faults, The Silence Kings just finished It
off...

GP: Who cares guys !!!... just look at what we got In
the ring now... TABLES, LADDERS, AND
CHAIRS !!! OH MY !, OH MY !!!!

Shallow: The Silence Kings bring the Sins back up
now... they start laying hard shot punches to their
face, they leave them up and standing, The Silence
Kings run toward the Sins but the Sins both gain
strength and take the Kings back down with a powerslam
!!!... at the same time !!!!

JT: The Deadly Sins have gained back strength now
!!!...

Jack Breaker: JAKE !!!... GET ANOTHER TABLE !!!!!

[ Jake smiles and goes to the outside, lifts up the
apron, and looks for another table... ]

*Huge Crowd Pop*

JT: And they're going for another table !!!... can you
believe this !?!?!?!?!?!

Shallow: Jake slides In the extra table now...
meanwhile, Jack has Jeff King set up onto the
turnbuckle, he
has the table set up In the ring, what Is this going
to be... AND BLAMMO !!!... JACK BREAKER NAILS
JEFF KING WITH A TOP ROPE DDT THROUGH THE TABLE...
Jack Breaker goes for a cover now...

1...

2...... almost close...

KICKOUT !!!

JT: WHAT !?!?!?!?!

GP: Oh my God !!!... Jeff King kicked out !, Jake sets
up the other table... Jack brings Jeff back to his
feet,
he Irish whips him to the ropes... AND...

*CRASH*

GP: THE WRATH !!!!!!... THE DEADLY SINS JUST DELIVERED
THE WRATH STRAIGHT
THROUGH THE TABLE...

[ Ryan King gets up and stands up the ladder, he
begins climbing It without The Deadly Sins noticing
him... ]

Shallow: Jack Breaker goes for another cover on Jeff
King...

JET: But look above... Ryan King Is up on the
ladder...

1...

2......

*SPLASH*

JT: WHAT THE HELL !?!?!?!?!

GP: JEFF KING FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER, JUST
SPLASHED ONTO JACK BREAKER
!!!!... and his OWN PARTNER !!!!!

JT: Well It broke the count up didn't It !!!, haha...

Shallow: Wait a minute !, oh surely the referee isn't
going to count this...

GP: Ryan King Is pinning Jack Breaker ?, thats un-real
!!!!!!... he's just lying on top of his back along
with Jeff on the bottom... but the referee does It, he
jumps to the mat...

1...

2......

[ Jake Walker intercepts the pin and kicks Ryan into
the side, knocking him off... ]

Shallow: And Jake Walker makes the save...

[ Jack Breaker stands back up... ]

Shallow: Jake Walker grabs hold of Jeff Kings legs
now, he spreads them apart... oh man !, this Is going
to hurt... he throws back his leg and slams It
straight to the groin area of Jeff King !!!

JT: Ouch !, poor Jeff King... he gives a new meaning
to McDonalds chicken mcnuggets, haha...

GP: Jeff King Is hollering In pain !!!... Jack Breaker
brings up Ryan King, scoop slam !!!... he sends him
to the mat, Jake follows It with a legdrop straight to
the throat... he takes off his leg and makes a
cover...
this could be the final count...

1...

2......

3...... KICKOUT !!!!!

GP: The Deadly Sins again, didn't accomplish the
pin... they're standing there discussing something,
and
finally they know what to do... Jack goes and set's up
the second table as Jake appears to be digging for
something In his pants...

Shallow: I wonder what's going on here...

[ Jake slides out under the ring and looks for
something else under the ring apron... ]

Shallow: Now what's Jake Walker going for ?

GP: I don't know but... GASOLINE !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

[ Jake pulls out a gasoline tank and shows It off... ]

GP: What the hell Is he going to do with gasoline ???

[ Camera shots inside the ring shows Jack Breaker
pulling out a lighter as he flitches It and makes It
spark... ]

GP: Oh my God...

Shallow: Holy Shit !, they're not planning what I
think they're planning... are they ???

[ Jake Walker gets back inside the ring and pours
gasoline all over the table... ]

GP: Oh no...

JT: Are they going to send The Suicide Kings through
that table ?... with fire !?!??!?!?!?!?!

GP: I believe thats what they're planning...

Shallow: This isn't good... this match has gone way
too far !!, OFFICIALS !!!!!!!!!

[ Jack Breaker lights fire from the lighter and smiles
at the audience... ]

*Huge Crowd Pop*

GP: Jake Walker brings Ryan King back up and Irish
whips him off the ropes... Jack Breaker gets on the
other side of the table setting Ryan up for The
Wrath... Jake lifts Ryan up, but Jeff runs up to Jack
and
spears him to the mat !!!!!!!... Jake's not aware of
this, he turns around with Ryan on his shoulder... he
see's that Jack Is down !!!, WAIT A MINUTE... RYAN
KING NOW... he grabs hold of Jake Walkers
neck and jumps off his shoulders across the table and
BULLDOGS JAKE WALKER STRAIGHT
THROUGH THE BURNING TABLE !!!!... DEAR GOD !!!!!!

Shallow: JAKE WALKER JUST WENT THROUGH BURNING WOOD
!!!!!... HE HAS GO TO BE
HEATED UP INSIDE !!!!!!

JT: Ryan King goes for a cover on Jake Walker...

1...

2......

3.........!!!!!!

[ "Between Angels and Insects" by Papa Roach starts
playing over the speakers as the fans give a huge
pop reaction... ]

GP: The Suicide Kings have retained the titles... but
they as well, are down out cold !!!!

Shallow: That match was EXTREMELY un-real !!!!!!!

JT: Holy Shit !, can we see a replay of the finish ?,
that was awesome...

REPLAY:

GP: Jake Walker brings Ryan King back up and Irish
whips him off the ropes... Jack Breaker gets on the
other side of the table setting Ryan up for The
Wrath... Jake lifts Ryan up, but Jeff runs up to Jack
and
spears him to the mat !!!!!!!... Jake's not aware of
this, he turns around with Ryan on his shoulder... he
see's that Jack Is down !!!, WAIT A MINUTE... RYAN
KING NOW... he grabs hold of Jake Walkers
neck and jumps off his shoulders across the table and
BULLDOGS JAKE WALKER STRAIGHT
THROUGH THE BURNING TABLE !!!!... DEAR GOD !!!!!!

Shallow: JAKE WALKER JUST WENT THROUGH BURNING WOOD
!!!!!... HE HAS GO TO BE
HEATED UP INSIDE !!!!!!

JT: Ryan King goes for a cover on Jake Walker...

EXIT THE REPLAY:

GP: Both teams have to be broken In half !!!!... but
The Suicide Kings walk out the winners here at
War Cry !!!!!!

[The scene cuts to the back were we see a truck pulling into the back of the building.]

JT: Gee……nothing like looking at trucks…WHAT IS THIS WCW?
DING DING DING

Meygon: Our next match is for one fall. Coming to the ring first he is a IWO Hall of Famer and Legend…..HE IS THE MYSTERIOUS ONE!!!!!

[Full Nelson by Limp Bizket starts to play as the fans go nuts seeing The Mysterious One walk out"]

GP: THERE HE IS ONE OF THE GREATEST IWO SUPERSTARS EVER!

JT: Geez.

[All of a sudden, Full Nelson by Limp Bizket stops playing as the IWO Tron cuts to the back lot were we see Ben Archer standing there.]

Shallow: WHAT THE FUCK!

Archer: Yo……Ray JR…..oh….I mean Mysterious One. IM in the back lot dumb ass come get me.

[The Mysterious one with what we can see has a face of fire as he runs into the back and towards the back lot.]

GP: DAMN IT NO…..IT'S A TRAP.

JT: He might be a great……..but he's not bright.

[The scene cuts to the back door as we see it fly open and the Mysterious One walks out. He looks around for Archer as all of a sudden we see two bight lights come on in front of the Mysterious One. Its Archer in a Truck…..Archer puts the truck in gear as he slams the gas and goes towards The Mysterious One.]

GP: MY GOD RUN!!

[The Mysterious One goes to get into the door…..but he finds its locked….and he has nowhere to run as he shuts his eyes and is HIT HARD WITH THE TUCK AND SLAMMED UP TO THE WALL LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A HALLOWEEN MOVIE.]

GP MY GOD……MY GOD!!!!!!!

JT: WOW!

Shallow: RIP!

[Archer gets out of the truck as he smiles as the lifeless body of the Mysterious One stuck between the wall and the truck.]

Ben: You didn't know who you were fucking with!

GP: MY GOD WHAT A EVIL ASS HOLE…..SOMEONE HELP HIM!

[The scene cuts to a Mayhem Promo as EMT's run to help The Mysterious One.]

[The scene comes back with a shot of the EMT's loading the Mysterious One on to the meat wagon as it cuts to the ring with GP just sitting there.]

GP: Fans…..this is a sad moment for us all here in the IWO…..The Mysterious One has been extremely hurt and my not make it throughout the night….if he doesn't we give our condolences to his wife and kids if he has any.
Shallow: ………….

JT: AND THE SHOW GOES ON….Our next match is for the NA title.

Shallow: SHUT UP!

GP: He's right the night must go on.

Meygon: Our next match is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the IWO North American championship! Making his way to the ring first, he is the IWO North American champion, Kent Anthasooooon!

[Kent's music hits as he steps out and heads to ringside, championship belt draped over his shoulder. The crowd pops huge for the champ, but stop suddenly when Cyanide runs out from behind with a sledgehammer shot to the head. He thows the hammer down and starts battling Kent up the ramp with forearms. Kent blocks one, throws a punch of his own, and fights Cyanide back down and into the ring.]

*DING DING DING*

JT: And this match is underway!

[Kent immediately takes Cyanide down with a Snapmare, then sets him up and delivers a belly-to-belly suplex. He goes for a reverse DDT drop, but Cyanide evades his grasp and pushes him into the ropes. Kent rebounds back and dives over Cyanide, lands on the turnbuckle, and delivers a corkscrew body press. Cyanide goes down, and Kent locks in an Indian Deathlock.]

GP: Cyanide can't handle this! He's about to tap! He's gonna tap! He's... no! Cyanide gets his foot on the bottom rope!

[Kent breaks the hold, waits for Cyanide to pull himself upright, and catches him with a strong clothesline. Cyanide quickly gets to his feet, and Kent takes him down again with a Pendulum backbreaker. He goes for a cover.]

*ONE!*

*TWO!*

JT: Cyanide manages to kick out! Barely, I might add.

[Cyanide and Kent lock up. Cyanide boots Kent in the stomach and DDTs him. He tries to gain some momentum with a leg drop, but Kent rolls out of the way. He goes to the turnbuckle and tries for a moonsault, but Cyanide gets up. He hits a snap powerbomb, then goes for a pin.]

*ONE!*

*TWO!*

GP: Kent Anthason gets his shoulder up at the last second!

[Kent trips Cyanide and tries to lock in a Figure 4 leg lock, but Cyanide squirms out and takes Kent down with a bulldog. Cyanide picks Kent up and hits a Dragon Suplex. He goes up to the top rope and hits a double knee drop. Kent starts fighting back with some stiff forearms, but Cyanide blocks and delivers a strong kick to the midsection. He sets Kent up for a piledriver, but Kent overpowers him and shoves him into the ropes. He rebounds, and Kent hits a tilt-a-whirl sideslam. He picks Cyanide up again and knocks him down with some snap jabs. Cyanide recovers and delivers a fisherman's DDT to Kent.]

JT: This match keeps going back and forth. `S hard to pick out one clear aggressor.

[Kent takes Cyanide down with a fireman's carry. He drops an elbow, then begins stomping at Cyanide. Cyanide grabs Kent's ankle and pulls him down. He sets Kent up, delivers a German suplex, and bridges for the pin.]

*ONE!*

*TWO!*

*THREE!*

Meygon: Your winner and NEW North American champion, Cyaniiiddee!

[Cyanide grins as he wipes the sweat from his face and holds his new title up proudly.]

GP: I don't believe it! A new North American champ!

[The scene cuts to Evan Levine sitting in his room.]

Evan: YES…….OH YES……Show that again.

[the camera pans on the shot of the Mysterious One getting hit.]

Evan: YES!!!!

[All of a sudden there is a knock on the door.]

Evan: YEA?

[The door opens and in walks LiGiL]

LiGiL: Evan man……please rethink this whole thing…..cant we all just get along?

[Evan looks up at LiGiL]

Evan: Ill tell you what….NO we cant get a long because your no better then the half asses fans out there that kiss my ass every day…..And you want to know another thing, YOU WONT WIN TONIGHT……NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE NOW!

[LiGiL stairs down Evan as the scene cuts back to the ring]

JT: Let me just take a second to tell you that Heinz Green Ketchup is the bomb diggity! It LOOKS like the blood of those little alien guys from Mars Attacks, with the big bubble heads and all, but it TASTES like ketchup! I don't get it! No one gets it! But get it! It's good!

GP: Yeah!! And Burger King gives it away now too!! I was just there earlier today, I ordered a Triple Cheeseburger, which by the way is the best burger on earth...

JT: AMEN BROTHER!!

GP: ...And I got some green kethcup and just freaked everyone out!! It looked like soggy lettuce was leaking out of my burger, but it tasted so good!!

JT: Heinz, the IWO salutes your green ketchup.

GP: Yes! Long live green ketchup. But anyway...

Nikki: ...I don't know you two.

JT: <mumble> That's not what you said last night...

**SMACK**

JT: Owwwwwwwww....

Nikki: I heard that!!

JT: Shush woman....

Nikki: <sigh>

("Meaning of Life" fills the arena. EVERY PERSON erupts into a deafening chorus of boos.)

GP: Oh great, if we thought things were bad before...

Nikki: Do you remember what he did the other night on Hostile Meltdown?

(flashback to last night's Hostile Meltdown)

(A cage slowly lowers to the ring. In it, is Goopy the monkey! It touches the ring as the trench coat guy opens the cage and grabs Goopy by the collar. He then pulls out... a kinfe...)

GP: Oh

Nikki: My

GP & Nikki: GOD

Trench coat guy: Goopy. Beloved symbol of all that the IWO really is. I know each and every one of you insignificant fans love watching this little piece of <bleep>, as it fights little matches against penguins, or accompanies ?¿? to the ring. And wouldn't it be a shame... (brings the knife up to Goopy's neck, who seems to be in a trance of some sort) ...if he were to die?

GP: YOU BASTARD!!

Nikki: SOMEONE STOP HIM!!!!! ANYONE!!!

JT: ........................wow......................

Trench coat guy: It would be nothing for me to kill this insignificant creature. However, I will sacrifice his life for one thing. Whoever is in the back -- and I KNOW you're here -- whoever has been sending me the lotuses, get out here right now. We have a score to settle.

GP: I cannot believe this.. What kind of sick, twisted man would kill a harmless monkey?

Trench coat guy: You think I'm kidding? You think this is all a game? Well, maybe it's time for this little "game" to take a step into reality. You have fifteen seconds. I'm waiting.

GP: Whoever you are, if you can hear me, PLEASE come out!!

Nikki: (in tears) I don't want Goopy to die!

JT: ..............

Trench coat guy: Ten

GP: No, please don't do this...

Trench coat guy: Five

Nikki: I can't watch (sob)

Trench coat guy: Three... Two... One...

(All of a sudden, "Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness" by The Smashing Pumpkins begins to comfort the arena. The trench coat guy drops both Goopy and the knife.)

Trench coat guy: (silently) You....

(Without warning, a single black lotus falls behind the trench coat man, who doesn't see it just yet.)

GP: What is going on?

(Another single black lotus falls from the ceiling, and this one lands at the feet of the trench coat man. He looks down at the flower for several seconds, as Tammy walks out to the ring,)

Nikki: Maybe she can talk some sense into him...

(As she reaches the ring, the trench coat man looks up, and though his face is shrouded by a mask of long black hair, you can sense a feeling of immense anger in his eyes. He walks out of the ring, brushing right past Tammy, and into the back.)

GP: What is going on here? Does any of this make any sense to you?

Nikki: No, not really... What's with this guy?

(The camera cuts to the back, where the trench coat guy is standing in front of his locker room. On the front of the door is a plaque, which, in engraved gold, reads "In loving memory". He opens to door to find his ENTIRE room filled with black lotuses. Upon seeing this he erupts into a fit of rage, ripping black lotuses apart, totally flipping out. )

GP: Wow, I think he's totally lost it...

Trench coat man: YOU THINK YOU CAN HIDE FOREVER? YOU THINK THIS IS OVER? OH NO. THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING. THIS IS ONLY THE <BLEEP>-ING BEGINNING!!!!!

(back to WarCry)

GP: I don't even want to THINK about what goes through the head of this man... He is one of the sickest individuals I've ever seen in an IWO ring... Perhaps THE sickest...

TCM: This has gone far enough. A time has come to put an END to all this bullshit that's been going on. I KNOW you're here, damn you. Enough with the black lotuses, enough with everything else. Time to face the past. Time to face me like the man you once were. Time to--

(Before the man in the trenchcoat can finish his sentence, a sudden cutting of the lights is shown. The entire arena is engulfed in an aura of blackness.)

GP:Oh god, this can't be good.

JT:I'm expecting fire to shoot out of those turnbuckles. If I don't get that, I'll be dissapointed...

Voice:Where is the Honesty...

(Bright white fireworks shoot out in the ring, almost instantiously burning out into the sky. These fireworks rise from all four turnbuckles, illuminating the ring for a split second of time.)

Voice:Where is the Compasion?

(Once again, white fireworks shoot out from each four turnbuckles, illuminating the ring for less than a second.)

Voice:Who knows the truth? Who will believe in me?

(The fireworks inside the ring change to different colors, Green, Red, Blue, and Yellow illuminate the ring now, causing a spetrum effect, and more or less, a rainbow effect with the combining of lights. After two short quick gasps of multi-colored light, they begin to rotate in a clockwise position around the ring. The man inside the ring, huddled and secured by his trenchcoat, begins to look around the ring, ready and prepared to stirke.)

Voice:Who will stand by me... WHO WILL FLY WITH ME!

(Silence, and Darkness, as everything seems to stop all at once. No camera's, no lights, nothing is seen, nothing is heard, until Greg Parker breaks the silence.)

GP:To even think what this could mean, he may have just called lucifer from the depths of hell...

Voice:I'll tell you what my problem is...

("See Thru All" by Staind is heardbeing played, as the fans response is immediate, and defeaning. The lights come on, as we see a platform that was dropped from the ceiling, which stands up above the ring floor about six feet. Standing on top of the platform is none other than a familar man, dressed in red lightning ring tights, along with a memorable build. Muscular, however not body builder like in any sort of the word. A new symbol tattoo has been enshriebed onto his right forearm, as his goatee has grown, along with the hair on top of his head. We see that it has grown out to the sides, and has been dyed a combination of red and blue. This man, is your snow man.)

GP:IT'S HIGH FLYER!

JT:YOU COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE WRONG PARKER! Satan... PFFFFT!!

Nikki:The man in the trenchcoat has no idea! He can't see Flyer standing just above his head! But he can hear the sounds of Staind, that's for DAMN sure!

(The man in a trenchcoat turns around, and stares up to the sky, as a look of what seems to be shock enshrouds his face.)

GP:How is High Flyer standing, walking needless to say! He was run over by a car three and a half months ago!

(Flyer leaps off from the platform with his good leg, his other one inside a brace was off of the platform at the time of the leap. Flyer corkscrews and lands on the trenchcoat man, sending him to the canvas. Flyer goes over to Meygon, as he makes a motion for a bell to be rung.)

*Ding, ding, ding*

GP:And now I think the man inside this trenchcoat has bitten off more than he can chew! Flyer grabs this trenchcoat man and tosses him off the ropes. Flyer goes for a swinging clothesline,. but the trenchcoat man ducks. The trenchcoat man comes off, as Flyer picks him up in a tilt-a-whirl, and drives him heavily into the canvas!

JT:Cover! One, two, NO! Kickout! It's not like this trenchcoat guy is two feet, one hundred fifty pounds soaking wet, he is definitly built, and he's not going down like that.

(Flyer grabs him off the mat, and immediatly hammers him with a huge right hand. Another one sends him into the corner, as Flyer rears back, and nails a huge knife edged chop. Another one, and now the trenchcoat man grabs Flyer, and tosses him into the corner. The Trenchcoat man goes back, and nails a huge knife edge, turning Flyer's exposed chest into blood red.)

GP:Flyer and this man exchange chops, and now the trenchcoat man is just hammering at Flyer with right hands, sending the lunatic down to a sit in the corner.

(The Trenchcoat Man backs out of the corner, and then comes charging in with a knee to the face, ala Mick Foley. Flyer drops down even further, as the trenchcoat man grabs him by his legs. Flyer grabs onto the bottom rope, trying to prevent from being drugged out of the corner, but the trenchcoat Man's pull is too much, as he pulls him out, and into a huge sit down powerbomb near the middle of the ring.)

GP:This trenchcoat man catches Flyer out of the corner with a huge sit-down powerbomb!

Nikki:He seems poised to destroy Flyer... One, two, NO! Flyer gets a shoulder up just barely!

(The trenchcoat man gets to his feet, as he immediatly goes over to the referee. He grabs him by his shirt, and lifts him up off the canvas, as Flyer slowly gets to his feet. Flyer sneaks up behind, and hooks him in an inverted headlock, leaps into the air and drives him into the canvas in an inverted DDT fashion.)

GP:And Flyer with a modified Inverted DDT, showing that his ring rust is not even there.

JT:Oh, he hasn't had to take a move like that Tiger Driver that this trenchcoat man has done. That move is simply wicked...

(Flyer gets to his feet, and grabs the back of his neck, still feeling the effects of that sit down powerbomb from the trenchcoat man. Flyer bounces off the ropes, and goes for a huge leg drop, but the trenchcoat man moves out of the way, causing Flyer to hit nothing but canvas.)

GP:Flyer catches the canvas hard... and now this man in a trenchcoat has a way to get to Flyer.

JT:Why doesn't he just tell us a name... it's a pain in the ass to say the man in a trenchcoat all the fucken time.

Nikki:Are you sure you want to say that, I mean, he could kill you JT...

(The man in a trenchcoat grabs Flyer up off of the canvas, Flyer is still feeling the effects of the tailbone. The man in a trenchcoat goes back, and takes a huge swing with his right leg onto Flyer's vunerable left leg. Flyer immediatly collapses onto his back, and grabs at the leg.)

GP:DEAR GOD! Flyer just had that leg rehabiliated... and it CAN'T be one hundred percent!

(The man in the trenchcoat immediatly turns Flyer over, and grabs his left leg, slamming it into the canvas with huge velocity. Flyer immediatly screams out in pain.)

GP:This isn't good, this just isn't good. This man is trying to destroy him!

JT:He must remember it was his left leg...

GP:How can you not tell? I mean, everyone knows what happened, and Flyer is clearly wearing the brace on his left leg. That brace can't withstand that sort of pounding however.

(The man in the trenchcoat grabs Flyer by the legs, and turns it into an Indian Deathlock, wrenching the knees back and grabbing Flyer by the head.)

GP:Flyer had to be in a wheelchair for two to three months for that leg! Won't somebody become sane and stop this!

JT:It makes for good Television Parker...

GP:You sicken me JT...

(The man in the trenchcoat wrenches the hold in even further, as Flyer screams out in pain. He reaches out, and the bottom rope is just inches away.)

GP:Flyer is so close, but he can't reach the ropes! This man is holding that move in heavily, but Flyer takes a couple of shots to the man in the trenchcoat's ribs. He's trying to force him to break the hold, and after five shots, the man in the trenchcoat releases the hold, unable to hold the bridge.

(The man in the trenchcoat gets to his feet, as Flyer attempts to do the same. Flyer uses the ropes to help him up, as he begins to hobble around the ring.)

GP:This isn't good for Flyer. He is in a definite vurnerable position, and doesn't really have anywhere to go.

(The man in the trenchcoat goes for another kick to Flyer's leg, but Flyer leaps up in order to avoid it. He twists his body, and forces himself to land stomach first on the top rope, in order to cushion his fall. Flyer turns his legs, trying to grab the man in a trenchcoat in a scissor hold with his legs, which isn't exactly the smartest thing. The man in the trenchcoat lets Flyer do this, and then takes Flyer's legs, and contorts them into a spinning fashion, sending Flyer back down back first, writhing in pain.)

GP:Dear GOD!

JT:Flyer showin' that ring rust, forgetting about his legs hurting like a bitch, he wanted to use them in a leg power move, but the man in the trenchcoat just turned it against him.

GP:Flyer could never walk again JT! Don't you have any compasion?

JT:Not with Trick or Treat three up next! WOOH!

(The man in the trenchcoat stares down at the fallen Flyer, and takes a slight pause. He then begins to help Flyer to his feet.)

GP:What is this? The man inside the trenchcoat is slowly helping Flyer to his feet. I've never seen him show any pity in his IWO stint...

(Out of left field, he kicks the leg leg out from under Flyer, sending him back down to the mat.)

GP:THE GAUL! THE NERVE!

Nikki:Talk about intense! He doesn't want Flyer to ever walk again!

(The man in the trenchcoat looks down once again, and picks Flyer up to his feet. He kicks him in the gut, and throws him in between his legs.)

GP:He's going for the tiger Driver! That destructive move that cost Joey Malone the World Championship last month...

(The man in the trenchcoat picks Flyer up, but Flyer goes with it, sending him all the way up into a powerbomb position. Flyer rigs the eyes, as he can't see anything, and then Flyer pushes his body forward, grabbing at the hood of the trenchcoat and falling down the back. The hood falls off, as the face of the man in the trenchcoat is revealed.)

GP:.....

JT:.....

Nikki:....

GP:I... I didn't think it would be Davis!

(The camera gets a close up view of the face of one Tony Davis. He seems to have grown his hair long and black, and seems to look almost like he did before he left. Davis turns around, enraged, and sees Flyer standing on his one foot, and immediatly goes after him.)

JT:Tony Davis and High Flyer?!? Dear god!

GP:Team V.I.A.G.R.A. was battling it out in the ring and we didn't even know it!

Nikki:The man that injured Flyer three months ago! Dear god! He's been behind this the entire time!?!?

(Davis goes to Flyer, and catches him in the throat with a right hand. Davis sends Flyer back to the ropes, and whips him off, but Flyer can't stand enough to run off to the other side. Flyer drops down onto his knees, as Davis leaps and nails Flyer with a huge bulldog.)

GP:And Davis nails Flyer with a bulldog! I'm still shocked... I can't believe it... Flyer must have known it was Davis all along?!?

JT:But how?!? There's no way! No way Parker!

(Davis grabs Flyer off of the canvas, and slams down with a huge forearm shot to the back. He repeats this once more, and then picks him up, and nails a huge vertical suplex.)

GP:Davis is not letting up the punishment! Davis must be incensed that Flyer revealed him to the world!

(Davis begins to just stomp away at a fallen Flyer with repeated shots to the ribs and to the legs. The referee has to step into the way, as Davis just simply pushes him out of the way, and continues the onslaught, until Flyer rolls underneath the bottom rope, and down to the outside.)

Nikki:Flyer is hurting, and he's down on the outside. I don't know if he can get up, nor if he would even want to.

(Flyer begins to get to his feet, as Davis bounces off the far ropes. He comes back, and goes for a baseball slide onto Flyer, but Flyer moves out of the way just barely, grabs Davis' legs, and pulls him out into a diving powerbomb on the concrete floor. Flyer collapses as well.)

GP:What a counter from the baseball slide. A desperate counter to say the least, as Flyer has taken Davis out of his game, at least for a little bit.

Nikki:Well, with a broken leg, Flyer has to be hurting right about now.

JT::This is too much for me. I mean, we've got High Flyer and Tony Davis... in the ring... when last week, the most we knew about both of these men were that they were off somewhere hockin' cheap products on infomercials....

(Flyer slowly staggers to his feet, helping himself up with the use of the ring apron. He has a slight limp, which is actually very noticible, as Davis also begins to get up from the powerbomb on the outside. Davis doesn't see Flyer, because he's facing away, as Flyer hooks him from behind in a dragon sleeper. Flyer tries to wrench it in, but because he can't put much pressure on the left leg, it doesn't work too well.)

GP:Flyer has a lackluster dragon sleeper locked in on Davis right now, trying to wear Davis down and possibly end the torment he's in.

(Davis, with tremendous upper body strength, bridges up to a vertical standpoint, which forces Flyer to be picked up in mid-air. Davis then, with as much strength as he can muster, brings Flyer up over his shoulders, and down into what seems like an inverted X-Factor, but looks more like a powerbomb than anything.)

JT:Dear god! Right onto the concrete! Flyer is dead! He's damn dead, and I won't ever have to hear the words Buy the Snow again!

Nikki:There are highlight reels...

JT:Damn... Damn it all to hell.

(Davis pick up Flyer by his hair, and sets him onto his shoulders. He has him up, and begins to run towards the turnbuckle, looking to drive Flyer into it face first, but Davis instead decides to turn him down and nail a huge running powerslam.)

GP:Flyer has been wrecked and ravaged, and Davis seems to be relatively well off for the worse. Davis! What the hell are you doing over here!

(Davis walks over to Parker, as Davis shoves Parker down by his face, and off of his chair. Davis folds up the metallic chair, and walks over to a recovering Flyer, as Davis blasts the hell out of Flyer in the face, knocking him down to the concrete floor.)

JT:And Big Ben just struck Noon!

GP:Am I on? Am I on?

Nikki:Yeah Parker, loud and clear.

(Davis stands over a fallen Flyer, who is bleeding profusly from the forehead. Davis stands over him, and unmercifully begins to wail on his with the chair onto his left leg.)

GP:DAMNIT! WILL SOMEONE STOP THIS!

(Davis slams the chair for a fourth and fine time onto Flyer's left knee, and then grabs Flyer's left leg, and opens the chair. He inserts the leg, all the way up to the knee inside the chair, readying himself to cripple Flyer for life.)

GP:Please! Stop this! For any type of human decentcy, would someone stop this!

(Davis sets Flyer's leg into the steel chair, and then begins to walk over to the time keeper's table. Davis pushes Meygon off of her chair, and grabs it on his way away.)

GP:That's Meygon! Titan's whore! Titan isn't going to like that when he sees the footage!

JT:He's probably in a retirement home...

GP:He's probably only about 27 JT...

(Davis begins to slowly walk over to Flyer, and begins to salivate at the oppertuinity to cripple him. Meygon begins to walk over to him, and then bends down onto her knees, and nails Davis with a low blow.)

GP:WAY TO GO MEYGON!

JT:Interferance! Ring the damn bell! Ring it I tell ya!

(Davis falls down to his knees, in pain, as Flyer pushes the chair off of his feet. Flyer gets to his feet, rather quickly for the limp, and grabs Davis' neck in a palm fashion.)

GP:COLD SNOW! COLD SNOW ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR, ON THE OUTSIDE! DEAR GOD! DEAR GOD!

JT:He hit that out of left fucken field!

(Flyer gets to his feet, and brings Davis to his feet, tossing him into the ring. Flyer slowly helps himself up onto the apron, taking what seems to be a while to get up.)

GP:Davis has a small cut on his forehead from that blow, and he just noticed it. He tasted his own blood... and look at Flyer... he's a crimson red...

(Davis walks over to Flyer, and goes for a wild right hand, as Flyer ducks, which turns Davis around. Flyer grabs him his neck, and hits an inverted guiollten drop. Davis snaps his neck back onto the mat, as he hits the canvas with authority.)

GP:Davis' neck just snapped back like a mouse trap!

JT:But I don't think Flyer can even dream to capitalize. He's wheel is bothering him like nobodies business.

(Flyer hobbles back up onto the apron, pulling himself up, as he rears back, and leaps off of his good leg into a flip over the top, into a senton type splash on Davis. Flyer immediatly goes for a cover, but Davis grabs the bottom rope.)

GP:And Davis reaches out, the veteran that he is, grabbing that bottom rope that was just too close for comfort.

JT:And now Flyer has to think of a way to end this, and end this quickly, because if he doesn't, he could wind back up in that hospital.

(Flyer gets to his feet, obviously showing the pain etched across his face from the beating he's taken to his weak left knee. Flyer smacks Flyer with his palm on the back of a recoverin' Davis' neck, as Davis goes for Flyer's legs, to take him down. Flyer however leaps into the air to avoid it, and turns it into a leg drop on the recovering on all fours Davis, sending him back down.)

GP:And I'm not sure if that hurt Flyer more than it hurt Davis.

JT:Of course it hurt Flyer more. He just did a leg drop with a broken knee.

Nikki:It's not really broken JT.

JT:It's been three months since being pratically crushed in a car accident. I can almost tell you that, without a shadow of my doubt, that Flyer is no where near healthy.

GP:For once, JT makes sense.

(Flyer gets back up to his feet, wobbling moreso than he was before.)

JT:Just look at the son of a bitch, he can't even walk.

(Flyer goes over to Davis, and flips over his body, cradling Davis up. After a two count, Davis gets the shoulder up, as both men get to their feet rather quickly for this stage of the match. Davis goes for a wild right hand, as Flyer ducks, sending Davis behind him. Flyer goes for a neckbreaker, but drops down, not being able to hold onto Davis and bring him down with him. Flyer lands hard on his exposed tailbone, as Davis races off the far ropes, and comes back for a dropkick to the back of the head of Flyer, only for Flyer to roll out of hte way.)

GP:Quick series of moves, but i'm not sure how much Flyer can capitalize.

(Flyer gets to his knees as Davis gets to a standing position. Flyer has pretty much given up getting up, as he kneels on his right knee. Davis comes over, as Flyer chops the feet out from under him. Flyer jumps on top for a cover, recieving a two count. Davis gets back up, while Flyer does the same, recieving a one count.)

GP:Flyer is trying to do what JT said, end the match early, and end it now if possible.

(Flyer gets to his feet, and goes to trip Davis again, but Davis rocks his legs, and grips Flyer's hand in his knees. Flyer however, hits a low blow on Davis, sending Davis crotching on his knees.)

Nikki:Ouch. I don't think Tammy's going to like that all too much.

GP:Good thing she's not here tonight to worry about that.

(Flyer gets to his feet, and clutches Davis into a position, taking him over...)

GP:HYPOTHERMIA! Flyer caught Davis with Hypothermia, but couldn't hold on for the bridge!

Nikki:That just shows how much has been taken out of Flyer. Flyer hasn't wrestled in an IWO ring for months, and he same technically could be said for Davis, and both of these men are battling as hard as they can to destroy one another.

(Both men aren't moving, as the referee begins the initial ten count. Flyer lies face now down, trying to roll over to the ropes to bring him up, leaving a small dripping trail of blood along the way. Davis' cut seems to have stopped bleading, as he slowly begins to make it to his feet, and is actually the first out of the two to do so.)

JT:And that just shows how bad of a move Hypothermia is!

GP:Actually, that just shows how fresh Davis is compared to Flyer at this point, and how well off Davis is in the injury department.

(Flyer begins to pull himself up to his feet, as Davis begins to size Flyer up from behind. Davis grabs Flyer in an abdominal stretch position, as Flyer desperately tries to hold onto the top rope. Davis however rips him away, up onto his shoulders, and then drives him down in a powerbomb fashion.)

GP:What a huge innovative move by Davis, sending Flyer down hard. Flyer is clutching at his lower back, but only for a split second, since his pain is in his left leg.

(Davis dives on top of Flyer, and gets a two count, but just barely.)

GP:Flyer kicks out at the last split second! Flyer is showing that heart, that determination to stay alive, to stay afloat in this match.

JT:It won't matter, because by the time Davis is finished, Flyer will be lucky to even have a leg.

(Davis begins to argue with the referee, but rather quickly, as Flyer desperate takes a shot at Davis' gut, but Davis blocks him, and almost seems to catch him.)

GP:Davis caught Flyer! And Davis is picking up Flyer... and HITS THE TIGER DRIVER! THE EQUALIZER HAS JUST LAID OUT HIGH FLYER!

JT:You've got to admire Davis. Instead of going for the cover, he looks down at the beaten, bloody, and destroyed corpse of Flyer, and spits right in his face.

GP:Admirable? You must not realize that Davis is a scum-bag, who's main goal was to hurt people. Flyer tries to put a stop to that, getting inside this man's head, and he becomes the victim of mis-representation.

Nikki:Yeah!

*Smack*

JT:Ow.

(Davis stares down, almost blood thirsty, and grabs Flyer up off of the mat once more.)

GP:COME ON DAVIS! YOU HAVE THE MAN BEAT! JUST PIN HIM AND LEAVE HIM ALONE!

JT:You obviously haven't been watching this whole trenchcoat thing, have you Parker?

GP:Kick to the gut... EQUALIZER! AGAIN! DEAR GOD! DAVIS JUST HIT IT AGAIN!

Nikki:This isn't good... this isn't good. Flyer just isn't moving. He's lifeless almost.

(Davis stares as Flyer with a bloodthirsty smile, and then gives Flyer a middle finger. A total sign of disrepect in any sort of language.)

GP:What could have come between these once best of friends?!?

(Davis grabs Flyer back up off the mat, and sets him in between his legs.)

GP:Oh no! Please no! Not a third time! Please Davis! Juet let him be! Just let Flyer out of this! DEAR GOD! ANOTHER EQUALIZER! AND FLYER IS DOWN! HE'S DEAD! HE HAS NOTHING IN HIM! HE'S BLEEDING PROFUSLEY FROM THE HEAD, AND THERE'S NO WAY HE CAN GET UP!

(We cut over to the main stage, as we see one Tammy racing down the aisle. She has a bag in her hand, what seems to be a medium sized purse.)

Tammy:TONY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! PLEASE! JUST STOP THIS!

Davis:YOU WANT ME TO STOP THIS?!?!

Tammy:Yes... I do Tony.

Davis:You want to end my fun?

GP:Dear god he's sick.

Tammy:Please Davis, this isn't fun! This isn't fun for me...

Davis:Why wouldn't it be Tammy?

Tammy:... I... I can't say...

(Davis turns his attention away from Tammy, as Flyer has gotten to a crotching pose. Flyer tries to fight back with shoulder blocks, but comes up relatively empty.)

JT:You ever see a cat hit a bird, knocking it's feathers off before it devous the bird?... Same thing.

(Davis grabs Flyer to his feet, as Davis sets him up for what seems to be one final equalizer. Flyer however, switches it into a huge back body drop, sending Davis flying to the mat. Flyer falls down to his knees from the pressure on his leg.)

GP:And Davis has left an opening! Davis has left and opening! Come on Flyer!

JT:Un-BIASED Parker...

GP:Oh shut up JT.

(Flyer gets back up to his feet, as Davis does the same. Flyer catches Davis with a huge right hand, sneding him back into the ropes, as Flyer sends Davis flying off to the other side. Davis comes back, as Flyer rears back, and kicks Flyer in the genitals.)

GP:DEAR GOD!

JT:And how can you condone that Parker!

GP:I can't... I really can't...

(Flyer grabs Davis in a single arm on his side, and then twists his body, bulldoging Davis into the mat face first, ala Big Show, but inverted. Flyer then grabs Davis, and locks in the cripple crossface, ala Chris Beniot.)

GP:THERE IS IS! BLIND SNOW! SNOW BLIND! WHATEVER YOU CALL IT, IT SPELLED CERTAIN DEFEAT FOR SHAWN CARTER IN THE IML, BUT WILL IT SPELL THE SAME HERE IN THE IWO!

JT:Davis is reaching for the ropes, trying to get to the bottom rope and get out of the hold, which can obviously be shown as being painful.

(Flyer rears back, and Davis lets out a devilish scream, as Davis seems to be slowly fading.)

GP:I don't think Davis can last too much longer.)

(Flyer continues to have the crossface in, but then grabs Flyer in a dragon sleeper, pulling Davis' neck back even further.)

GP:I think Flyer has turned this match around, simply by the huge crossface that he's held in. Snow Blind has really taken Davis out of this, and lets Flyer recooperate his leg, but he may not have to, should Davis pass out!

(The referee grabs Davis by the hand, and lifts it up, dropping it to the mat. He repeats it once more, ss Davis' arm drops once more. The referee grabs the hand again, as he is then turned around by Tammy. Tammy plants a kiss on the referee, sending him flying into a dream like state.)

JT:WHY CAN'T I WEAR PIN-STRIPES!

(Tammy grabs Flyer by his neck, attempting to rip him off of Davis.)

JT:JUST HIT HIM TAMMY!

(Tammy drops down and says something in his ear, as Flyer slowly begins to let go of the hold. He gets to his feet, and then slowly wobbles over to Tammy.)

GP:What the hell is going on?!? I'm so confused!

(Flyer points over to entrance, trying to show Tammy to head on back to the back. Which is rather odd because she actually listens to him. Flyer turns around, as Davis is shown up on his feet. Flyer turns around, and is met with a kick to the gut. Davis picks him up...)

GP:ANOTHER EQUALIZER! EQUALIZER SENDS FLYER DOWN TO THE MAT! DAVIS DIVES ON TOP, WITH THE COVER, 1-2-3! Dear god! Davis has just laid out Flyer in the middle of the ring!

(Davis gets up, as the referee goes over, raising Davis' hand to the crowd. Davis drops his hand away, as he goes to the outside of the ring. "Meaning of Life" by Disturbed plays, as Davis grabs the chair that was thrown outside earlier. Davis slides into the ring, as he rears back.)

GP:Dear god! Get that chair out of his hand!

(The referee rips the chair out of his hands, as Davis turns around. Davis kicks the referee in the gut.)

GP:EQUALIZER ON THE REFEREE! EQUALIZER ON THE REFEREE! DEAR GOD! DAVIS IS A MAD MAN!

(Flyer rolls out of the ring, as we see Eddie Cheno come out from the back, helping Flyer out. Flyer uses Cheno as a support, as they head into the backstage area. Davis seems to be bloothirsty, staring down at the fallen referee, as Flyer and Cheno make their escape.)

GP:It's a good thing Cheno was in the building, or else Flyer could have had his career ended. Davis is just a blood thirsty manaic, and he won't stop until what he wants is his.

Nikki:And I think what he wanted was Flyer to never be inside another IWO ring for the rest of his life.

JT: It's my dream as well...

[Cuts to a LiGiL/Crow highlights]

GP: And we're back!

JT: So we are...

GP: It's time for this next match, between former North American
champion, LiGiL, and current IWO Extreme Champion, Sabastian Crow.

Nikki: Yeah, but President Evan Levine's the special referee... you have
to wonder what that's all about.

JT: I imagine quite a lot.

*ding, ding, ding*

Meygon: The following contest is scheduled for one fall... first, your
special guest referee...

("I'm Your Boogieman" by White Zombie plays as the fans start to boo,
eratically.)

Meygon: He is the president of the Internet Wrestling Organization... he
is EVAAANNN LEVINE!!!

(Levine comes out, wearing the stripes, and getting things thrown out at
him.)

JT: From Real Heel to Real President! Evan Levine, my hero!

GP: Ack. JT, shut up.

JT: Hey, a little corporate asskissing never hurt anybody.

(Levine gets in the ring and still gets booed. The White Zombie song
fades out, and then "Suffocate" by Finger Eleven plays as LiGiL, along
with Christy, comes out to a semi-cheer, semi-boo thing. Meygon begins
the announcements.)

Meygon: First, he's from Detroit, Michigan. He stands at six feet, four
inches, and weighs in at two hundred and fifty-four pounds. He is a
former two-time IWO North American champion and a former IWO United
States champion. He is accompanied to the ring by Christy, and is the
master of the dreaded Palindrome... ladies and gentlemen... he is
LIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGIIIIIIILLLLLL!!!!!!

(LiGiL climbs into the ring and scales the turnbuckles, raising his arms
and getting a mixed reaction.)

GP: LiGiL is in what could be considered to be the best shape of his
life.

JT: Yeah, but Sabastian Crow's on a roll! A roll, I say!

GP: We'll see...

("Suffocate" stops playing, just as "Enter Sandman" by Metallica starts
playing...)

JT: AAHHHH!! WE'RE GONNA GET VISITED BY THE SANDMAN!

Nikki: Fool! You mean Sabastian Crow.

JT: Oh yeah.

(Sabastian Crow comes out to a mixed reaction, but with more boos than
cheers.)

Meygon: His opponent. He hails from Los Angeles, California. He stands
at six feet, seven inches, and weighs in at an even three hundred
pounds. He is the master of the Submission Deathlock, and he is the
CURRENT IWO Extreme champion... ladies and gentlemen, he is
SABBBBBBASSSSTTTIIIAAAAAANNNN CRRROOOWWWWW!!!!

(Crow climbs into the ring and stands in the corner opposite from
LiGiL's.)

GP: LiGiL's got a tall task ahead of him, if he wants to beat Sabastian
Crow.

JT: No shit.

*ding, ding, ding*

Nikki: Evan calls for the bell, and LiGiL and Crow are circling each
other... there's the lockup! And Crow forces LiGiL back into the neutral
corner! Will we get the clean break? Yes! But Crow starts pounding away
at LiGiL! In the corner! Where's Evan? Evan's supposed to be telling
Crow to back off and keep the hands open!

JT: Hell no! Evan's jawjacking with a fan at ringside!

(The fans actually give a mild pop as LiGiL turns the tables on Crow.)

GP: LiGiL's turned it around on Crow! He starts pounding at the big
man's face with right hands! Wait! Here comes Evan to break it up! He
gets in between LiGiL and Crow, and this allows Crow to get a clubbing
forearm to LiGiL!

Nikki: Wait! That's not fair!

JT: Fair? LiGiL was blatantly breaking the rules!

Nikki: A referee shouldn't get physically involved!

JT: But this IS President Levine! He can do as he pleases!

GP: LiGiL is forced off his feet by another clubbing forearm by Crow!
And now Crow sends LiGiL off the ropes! And he catches LiGiL with a
clothesline! Into the cover! One.. two.. th- NO!

Nikki: Didn't that count seem a little quick to you?

JT: Nah, it was okay!

GP: Crow picks up LiGiL and he picks him up on his shoulder! He goes for
a running powerslam, but LiGiL slips out from behind and shoves Crow
into the corner! LiGiL runs into the opposite ropes and catches the
rebounding Crow with a flying clothesline of his own!

JT: LiGiL goes for the pin! Here's the count! One..... two..... NO! Crow
powers out at two!

GP: Uh, that count seemed a bit longer than the one Evan gave LiGiL
earlier...

JT: Nonsense! It was a perfectly legitimate count!

Nikki: LiGiL is arguing with Evan about the count, but Crow sneaks in
with a BLATANT low blow, right in front of Evan! And Evan isn't even
moving a muscle to disqualify Crow!

GP: LiGiL's down, he's probably down permanently after that low blow!

JT: Crow picks up LiGiL and goes for a gorilla press slam! But LiGiL
slips out and puts Crow in a rollup! Evan counts! One..... two..... NO!
Crow kicks out at two!

GP: Crow clotheslines LiGiL right back down and now he calls for the
Submission Deathlock! Crow grabs puts LiGiL in a double leg takedown! He
grabs the legs and goes for the Deathlock, but LiGiL is fighting like a
madman to not get caught in the hold! And LiGiL kicks away before the
damn thing could be applied!

Nikki: Crow's really getting pissed off! He grabs LiGiL and throws him
into the ropes! He goes for a back drop, but LiGiL DDTs him! LiGiL just
DDTed him!

GP: Over into the cover! One..... two..... NO!


JT: How close was that!

GP: Not even close to being close, Evan's counting too damn slow.

Nikki: Yeah. Now LiGiL picks up Crow and puts him on the top rope! He's
definitely looking for the Palindrome! But Crow won't let LiGiL put him
in that move! Crow is pounding away at LiGiL and hooks his head!? He's
not going for a Tornado DDT, is he?!

GP: NO! LiGiL nails Crow with a Northern Lights Suplex from the top rope
to the canvas! Evan is forced to make the count! One..... two..... WHAT
THE HELL!?

(Evan stops counting and holds his eye.)

JT: No, no! It's okay, Evan just has something in his eye.

GP: LIGIL IS HOLDING THE PIN! HE HAS THE WIN!

JT: LiGiL releases the Northern Lights bridge, and he goes over to Evan!
LiGiL just shoved Evan over to his back with his foot!

Evan: What the hell are you doing!? Can't you see that I'm blind?!

LiGiL: Yeah, and if you don't stop your acting, I'm gonna make you
blind.

JT: WAIT! CROW GRABS LIGIL FROM BEHIND! GERMAN SUPLEX! NO BRIDGE! JUST A
RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!

GP: Evan distracted LiGiL long enough for Crow to regain the advantage!

Nikki: Crow drops an elbow onto LiGiL and goes for the pin! Evan counts!
One.. two.. thr- NO! LiGiL kicks out! Somehow, he kicked out!

JT: Crow can't believe it, and he pulls LiGiL to his feet! And he sends
him off the ropes with an Irish whip! Crow goes for a clothesline, but
LiGiL ducks it! LiGiL goes for a flying shoulder block, but Crow catches
him in midair with a powerslam! Right into the pinning combination! Evan
counts this! One.. two.. thr-NO! Again, LiGiL kicked out!

GP: Crow is getting really pissed off! He pulls LiGiL up and applies a
full nelson! He looks for the Dragon suplex, but LiGiL flips out and
lands on his feet! Crow is up again and he taunts the crowd, fully
unaware that LiGiL is on his feet behind him! Crow turns, and he eats a
superkick from LiGiL! LiGiL with a VICIOUS superkick right to the jaw of
Crow! Crow's down!

Nikki: LiGiL doesn't go for the cover, instead, he goes outside and
climbs the ropes! He's gonna fly! LiGiL is up on top! Yes! Top rope frog
splash by LiGiL! LiGiL flew high with that one! He pins the big man,
Crow! Evan counts! One........ two........ thre- NO!!!

JT: WHAT AMAZING ATHLETICISM BY SABASTIAN CROW!

GP: Bulllshit! Evan's slow counting saved Crow from losing this one!

Nikki: LiGiL is getting a tad pissed off at Evan! That's the second time
that Evan has blatantly kept LiGiL from winning this match!

JT: LiGiL picks up Crow again and he sends him into the corner! Crow
reverses, right into an avalanche! Now Crow shifts his body and hits a
running bulldog! Crow goes for another cover! One.. two.. th-NO! DAMMIT!
HE HAD HIM!

GP: I thought you were a big LiGiL mark.

JT: Screw him! I like Crow better!

Nikki: Crow pulls LiGiL back up and goes right into the backbreaker! Now
Crow goes up to the second rope!

JT: Not good! Crow's not a flyer!

GP: Crow leaps, but LiGiL moves right out of the way!

JT: Noooo!!!

GP: Crow missed the elbow drop, and LiGiL's getting his second wind!
Crow's up! LiGiL lays into him with right hands! LiGiL sends Crow into
the ropes! LiGiL just about lays WASTE to Crow with that elbow smash!

Nikki: LiGiL picks up Crow again and he hooks him in a katihajime! Right
into the suplex! A katihajime suplex! LiGiL just destroyed Crow with it,
and he goes right for the cover! One...... two...... th- NO! Evan's damn
slow count!

JT: LiGiL is signalling for the Palindrome, again! He picks up Crow and
takes him to the turnbuckle! He sets him up, up there, and gets him on
his shoulders! He's going to Palindrome Crow straight to hell! But wait!
Crow slips out! Crow gets behind LiGiL and goes for a German suplex off
of the top to LiGiL!

Nikki: No! LiGiL backflips off the top! German suplex with a bridge to
Crow! Evan counts! One..... ...Evan stopped counting!?

JT: LiGiL's out of the pin and he goes to Evan! LiGiL shoves Evan! Oh my
god! LiGiL just shoved Evan!

GP: Evan shoves LiGiL back, though! Man, they're gonna come to blows any
second! But Crow's back up! Crow picks LiGiL up! Inverted suplex! An
inverted suplex by Sabastian Crow!

Nikki: Crow doesn't pin! Crow goes for a powerbomb, instead! Crow picks
LiGiL up for the powerbomb! But LiGiL counters with a hurracanrana!
LiGiL hooks the legs with it! Evan counts! One..... two..... what the?!
Evan just pulled Crow over and LiGiL's being pinned! One, two, three!!
WHAT THE HELL!?

(The crowd starts booing like all holy hell.)

*ding, ding, ding*

GP: Evan just called for the bell! He just fast-counted LiGiL down!

JT: LiGiL's back up and he shoves Evan again! Evan is bitching at LiGiL!
He is just about ready to do something bad to LiGiL! But LiGiL just
grabbed at Evan's shirt! LiGiL is going to hit Evan! But Crow grabs
LiGiL's free arm! LiGiL turns to hit Crow, but Evan sneaks in a low blow
to LiGiL!

(The crowd starts booing. Massively.)

Nikki: Evan and Sabastian Crow are laying in the boots on LiGiL! Crow
picks up LiGiL and Evan grabs him! CONCEPTUAL PERFECTION! EVAN LEVINE
JUST LAID OUT LIGIL! Now they continue to lay in the boots onto LiGiL!
Evan goes outside to get a steel chair! And he has one!

(But before Sabastian Crow and President Levine can do anything, "Hail
to the Chief" starts playing.)

JT: You have got to be kidding me!

[TB Ford walks out with a mic in hand as the fans go nuts]

Ford: Evan…..you have got to be kidding me…..Your standing out here beating up LiGiL…..of all people….come on man you know you want to take on bigger fish so why don't you? So because I like to be difficult, here is the bigger fish from me to you…..his name? EXX!!!!!!!!!!

GP MY GOD!!!!!!

[The fans go nuts as EXX's music starts to play and he runs out from the back and to the ring]

JT: NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Exx gets into the ring and takes down Crow…..then Levine…..Crow gets back up as EXX takes him out too. Levine gets back up and is taken down once again before both Levine and Crow role out of the ring.]

GP: MY GOD ITS EXX!!!!! HES BACK!

JT: NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN IT!

Shallow: He just beat the crap out of Evan!

[The scene cuts away to a TOT3 promo]

GP: It's prime time... we've hit the biggest match of the night...

JT: YAY!

GP: Trick or Treat three... Heaven, Hell, and Back Again. Sam Potright and Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid... two men, with one destiny. They battled into one of the greatest matches in IWO history. Can this top it? Will it possibly overcome Fear The Darkness 2000's most memorable match?

Nikki: Actually, the question is, will Sam Potright and his wife have to divorce and be seperated forever, or will HIT have to give up his career as a wrestler, and also as a teacher? Wrestling is one true love of both men... but their other loves are at an equal, if not more, of wrestling.

(The lights dim as the IWO's Tronster kicks in the promo video for Trick or Treat 3, set to the tune of "Stairway To Heaven" by Led Zeppelin.)

_____________________~________________________~_________________________

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for

(Why unmasking backstage at Desperate Measures to Potright... the film is black and white, and is sifting into itself... the effect is a blur, slowing the film down as Trapezoid smiles coldly.)

Ooh - ooh
And she's buying a stairway to heaven

(HIT stealing Beth and throwing her in the backseat of his car, before jumping in and driving off... this is shot in a negative film, and Beth's screaming and slamming on the car window is played over three times, continuous... her screaming is silent, but it can be heard in the heads of the people in attendance.)

There's a sign on the wall, but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings
In a tree by the brook there's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven

(Sam Potright going ballistic on Gunnar Smith, the same time as his wife's been stolen away from him. Smith going through the chair with the Fall From Grace is shown twice over... watching his head smack against the supported steal is an ugly scene, leaving people cringing. And Potright standing over his fallen former partner, blue streaks in his hair, his arms stretched to a crucified position, is where we freeze and fade away...)

Ooh, it makes me wonder
Ooh, it makes me wonder


(HIT pulling into the arena... and dragging Beth out, her face stitched up. He drags her into his dressing room...)

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who standing looking

(Potright driving HIT's car, to which he left the keys in, into the dressing room of his hated foe. The dust settles as Plant crows "I have seen rings of smoke through the trees"... and as Sam exits the dusty cloud that is slowly whispering away, he smiles.)

Ooh, it makes me wonder
Ooh, it really makes me wonder

And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter

(HIT laughing over Potright's fallen body in the ring... dissolving into the vice-versa.)

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now
It's just a spring clean for the May queen
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on


(Potright looking down at a contract for not having to defend the World title, held by a silent and stern Evan Levine. And the confrontation that comes afterward...)

And it makes me wonder, Oh, oh, oh

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know
The piper's calling you to join him
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind

(HIT running down Potright, and throwing him down the steps, followed by his trash talking as the lyrical part ends. As the solo kicks in, the tag match between Potright/Blake and HIT/?┐? plays out. Every hard hit is shown, and as it all slows down... Sam slamming down the Fall From Grace on HIT through a table and getting a pin on his hated rival is played. The sounds are not there, but the impact is loud enough for the deaf to hear.)

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all, yeah
To be a rock and not to roll

(Highlights of Trick or Treat 2. They speak for themselves.)

And she's buying a stairway to heaven...


(Potright and HIT standing face to face in the ring as we fade out... and re-enter the arena.)

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

GP: Well... the time has come. This is the war for the ages... and the first match has just been handed to me.

(Greg opens the envelope.)

GP: And the first match is... a Graveyard To Hell match!

JT: YAY! BLOOOOOOOD! BLOOOOOOOD! EXPLOSIONS!

Nikki: Now let's go the site!

(A graveyard within a perimeter of C4 explosives... and we split the screen as Papa Roach bring their instruments out on stage.)

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen... this is Trick or Treat 3, for the World Heavyweight Championship... and this is the opening match for it. The Graveyard To Hell!

(Papa Roach begins to play "Blood Brothers".)

Meygon: Introducing first... from Salt Lake City, weighing in at 224 pounds, and standing at 6'1"... a former North American champion in the IWO, as well as the Extreme champion, a title he won from his opponent tonight in this very type of match, Trick or Treat, in October. He is a man that has been possessed with revenge the past few weeks... and he gets his chance to seperate the two biggest thorns in his side tonight. Here is a former World title contender... he calls himself the "Prince of Polygons" and the "Bishop of Bisection"... ladies and gentlemen... Hardcore... Isosceles... Trapezoid.

(HIT appears at the entryway to the perimeter, his hair and body wet down with spring water... in the moonlight, his body is pale and bright. But his eyes register the darkness of a man overwrought with the ideas of how to hurt his enemy. He steps into the place, and looks up at the starry night sky... and back at the arena, Metallica finishes "One" before slowly sliding back into the darkness. Down the ramp, who stands but Dexter Freebish?)

Meygon: Introducing now... from Salem, Mass, at 6'2" and 207 pounds... the IWO's former World and IC tag champ, former Pacific champ, former three-time Extreme champion... considered to be one of the hands-down best wrestlers Phelen Kell has seen... a man that has gone through hell as a child and hell as an adult, and now fights to end his rival's career in a splurge of blood... he fights not for titles tonight, but for the love of his wife... this is... Sam Potright.

(Dexter Freebish begins to play "Crossroads". And a lone figure begins to stalk towards the graveyard, his face hidden. A cloak drags behind him. The figure steps to the perimeter, and slowly draws back his cloak. It is... no one. The cloak falls, empty, nothing.)

GP: SAM POTRIGHT COMES FROM BEHIND A TOMBSTONE! IT BEGINS! BULLDOG BY THE WORLD CHAMPION ON HIT! Potright lays in fists to the Prince of Polygons! Potright goes for a tombstone... it's got razorwire on it... HE DROPS IT ON HIT'S HEAD! HIT IS BLEEDING ALREADY!

Nikki: Ugggggly!

JT: YAY! BLOOD!

GP: Potright pulls that tombstone off... and pulls HIT up by his hair! Potright takes HIT and tosses him into a casket... but HIT stops! HIT goes for Potright, picks him up, it could be time for a Gore! But Potright slides down HIT's back! He has HIT... GERMAN SUPLEX ONTO THE CASKET! NO! HIT LANDS ON TOP OF THE CASKET! Amazing athleticism! HIT goes for a Y Axis Transformation (Moonsault) and he hits it! HIT gets back up... he opens the casket! He takes Potright... GORE INTO A GRAVE MARKER! He deposits Potright into the casket... and now he's pushing the damn thing!

JT: HIT heading somewhere, and that thing's gotta be heavy! Wait... I see where the crazy sumbitch is going! IT'S TOWARDS AN OPEN GRAVE! And we all know what's in those!

Nikki: Dead bodies?

JT: No, you dumb whore. C2!

Nikki: Oh...

JT: Hey, I survived saying something without being slapped!

GP: Lucky you. Anyway... HIT pushes the casket... AND IT GOES IN!

* BOOM-BOOM! *

GP: GOD NO! POTRIGHT'S IN A FIREY CASKET HELL! HIT stands over this open grave... and raises his hands in victory!

HIT: WHO DA MAN!

(An IWO official comes in and starts spraying the casket with a fire extinguisher. HIT pushes him away.)

HIT: Let the son of a bitch burn...

GP: POTRIGHT! POTRIGHT! FROM BEHIND! TOMAKAZE! He's got burns on him, but I think he's too pissed to care! He's got HIT, WAR WITHIN A BREATH! He grabs HIT again... sets him up on his shoulders... DEATH VALLEY DRIVER INTO THE HALF-BURNING OPEN GRAVE! LORD ALLMIGHTY!

JT: These guys are just as crazy as last time!

Nikki: It looks like it's about to get even crazier...

(Potright's almost ripping the hair from his head.)

Lunatic Pandora: I'm a firestarter, I'm an instigator... I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter... you're the firestarter, twisted firestarter!

GP: Eep.

Nikki: Lunatic Pandora makes his special return! He JUMPED INTO THE DAMN GRAVE WITH HIT! HE'S TOSSING HIM OUT! PANDORA HAS HIT... HIT WITH A LOW BLOW! TRAPEZOID HITS A CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB ONTO THE HARD GROUND! HE'S MAKING A COMEBACK!

JT: HIT takes Pandora, russian leg sweeps him onto that razorwire tombstone! And now he's got a shovel! The Geometric Shape gets set... gets ready... aims... AND PANDORA DUCKS OUT OF THE WAY! The tombstone's been splintered! HIT goes towards Pandora with the shovel again, drop toe hold by Pandora! HIT goes into the shovel!

GP: Ow! Pandora locks in a bow-and-arrow submission! I don't think it's Pandora anymore... only Potright wrestles technically. He releases it quickly... and now Potright is looking for some other substance of destruction. He's got another casket... he opens it... he's got a flower vase! From a funeral! Heh. He goes towards HIT... HIT uses the shovel! Sweeps Potright's legs out from under him! Potright drops the vase!

JT: Hold on, Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid has a good shot... HE CRACKS THE SHOVEL OVER THE VASE! SMASHES THAT CLAY POT ON POTRIGHT'S CHEST! Look at poor baby Potright cough. THIS is our World champ?

Nikki: HIT aims again... AND SMACKS THAT SHOVEL ON POTRIGHT'S CHEST! HE'S GONNA BREAK SOME RIBS! HE GOES AGAIN! AND AGAIN! HIT tosses the shovel away... Potright's clutching his chest... HIT laughs at him. How sick.

JT: He's a sick boy, bayyyyy-be!

GP: Did you just imitate the Big Bopper?

JT: Maybe I did. What's it to you?

GP: He's been dead for almost 50 years, man!

JT: So?

GP: *Sigh* ... I won't even talk about it. HIT is heading towards a casket... opens it... AND GETS PEPPER SPRAY IN HIS EYES! PEPPER SPRAY! WHAT THE HELL?

JT: THAT DAMN BITCH! DAMMMMMITTTTT!

Nikki: BETH POTRIGHT'S BACK AGAIN! HIT is blinded by the pepper spray! He can't even see where he's going, Beth crawls out of the casket, KICKS HIM IN THE GO-NADS! HIT SINGS IN A NEW WAY TONIGHT! Beth with a hard slap! She pushes him back... he goes into the C4 perimeter!

*BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! OW OW OW OW OW OW!*

GP: GEEZ! HIT'S NOW COOKED! Beth goes right over to Potright! She's checking his chest... I'm not sure if Potright can even take full breaths.

JT: That's a good strategy. If Potright can't breathe, how can he survive a 7-falls match? He sure as hell can't win in this condition... Beth is stroking his hair. How calm... how romantic... HOW SUCKTACULAR!

Nikki: You heartless prick.

JT: Thank you. :-)

GP: That wasn't a compliment... HIT is making tiny crawls out to the inside of the perimeter... Potright is starting to get to his feet. Beth is urging him to take it slow, at least... Potright's not taking it slow, hell, he's picked up a piece of that razorwire-covered tombstone! He goes straight for HIT, and drops it on the back of his head! And he begins to choke him with it! He's going to suffocate HIT!

JT: BETH PULLS HIM OFF!

Beth: Please, Sam... LET ME!

Nikki: SAM JUST HANDED HER THE TOMBSTONE! SHE IS ATTACKING HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID WITH THE DAMN TOMBSTONE! SHE'S RUBBING IT ON HIS FACE! SHE'S TRYING TO CUT HIM OPEN LIKE HE DID HER!

Beth: HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!! HUH?!! YEAH, YOU TRY DRINKING A WOMAN'S BLOOD, YOU SICK SHAPE!

GP: My, what a weird family. Beth Potright is done trying to razorwire HIT to death... she tosses the tombstone aside. Potright grabs HIT... and now they're heading to the center of the graveyard! And there's the glass casket, sitting right there! HIT with a shot to the abdomen, though, and he locks in a... what the hell? He scoops Potright's arms from behind, and drops him on his face! What the hell is that called?

JT: I don't know, but it took Potright straight out of this thing! HIT now has Potright... and he's hobbling to the glass casket! He opens the top to it... and is trying to deposit Potright into it! But Potright, he's saying no! No way! Potright with elbows tothe midsection of everyone's hated geometric figure, and he slams HIT's bloody head on that glass! Look all the blood... dripping... yes... blood...

Nikki: Err... Potright slams HIT's head AGAIN on the damn casket! He shuts the lid and throws HIT on top of it! He's signalling for something... he climbs up top, and... HE'S GOING TO HIT A FALL FROM GRACE FROM UP THERE! HE PICKS UP HIT, SEES AN OPEN GRAVE! HE'S INSANE!

(WHAAAAAAAAA-BOOOOOOOOOM!)

GP: FALL FROM GRACE FROM THE GLASS CASKET INTO A C2 OPEN GRAVE! THAT KILLED THEM BOTH! JUST BRING THE DIRT IN, AND LET'S BURY THEM THERE! Neither man can probably move!

Nikki: And Beth Potright is looking into the grave... smoke billowing everywhere... what a mess. Both men are somewhere down in that pit... there's a hand! It's Potright's! Potright is crawling from the grave! He's bleeding heavily, but he has CRAWLED OUT ALIVE! He's being helped up by Beth... they're heading to the glass casket! Potright is taking a rest on the casket... in a matter of minutes, this thing has risen the bar again and again! What else could be next?

JT: Who knows.... but Potright can't win this unless he gets HIT out of that grave, into that casket, and then shatters it. But he's got a long way to go, even after that...

(Minutes pass. Potright heads back over to the grave...)

GP: Potright reaches in.... he's dragging HIT out! He's got HIT... picks him up... he's going to put him in the casket! He's going to finish off Trapezoid... JOEY MALONE!

JT: WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?

GP: Joey Malone came from a cemetary vault with a shovel, and he might've just broken Potright's kneecap!

JT: People sure like hitting Potright with shovels...

Nikki: Malone has single-handedly saved HIT from the first loss of the night! He's got the shovel... and is just YEARNING for Potright to get up. He nods at Trapezoid... they're in cahoots! They're in -- OH!

GP: Never mind! Malone nearly took HIT's head and shaped it to the shovel! Beth Potright grabs the shovel... AND SHE DRIVES IT BETWEEN MALONE'S LEGS! MALONE GOES DOWN! BETH HAS THE SHOVEL... AND SHE BREAKS IT OVER MALONE'S HEAD! MALONE GOES DOWN! POTRIGHT IS DOWN! HIT IS DOWN... AND OUT!

JT: Now that little bitch is helping Potright up again... you know, he probably forgot how to walk, she babies him so much.

Nikki: Oh, would you stop?

JT: No! Anyway, Beth's now helping up HIT! Wait a second.... she's HELPING Trapezoid?

GP: What is she doing?

(She tosses him in the casket!)

GP: OH! I GET IT! She's telling Sam to break the casket! She's telling Sam to smash it up! And Sam is going to respond... he's climbing atop the cemetary vault Malone came out of! He's getting up the roof... and now, it looks like this is it... he signals for it... CHRIST AIR COMING UP, BUT HIT! HIT IS OUT OF THE CASKET!

*SMASH! Crinkle crinkle crinkle.*

JT: IT'S BLOOOOOOOOD-TIME!

Nikki: HE WENT THROUGH THE GLASS CASKET WITH NO ONE TO BREAK HIS FALL! SAM POTRIGHT HAS JUST MISSED THE CHRIST AIR ON HIT! HIT GRABS POTRIGHT, TOSSES HIM INTO A TOMBSTONE! HE TAKES OUR WORLD CHAMP... SETS HIM UP AND HITS A SKY HIGH ONTO THE ALREADY-BROKEN GLASS OF THAT CASKET! GOOD LORD!

GP: HIT has just gotten the chance of a lifetime... now he has to find another glass casket. He could finish this thing now! He takes Potright, Rock Bottom chokeslam! And from here... he's dragging Potright's body. He has to be searching for a glass casket... what else could he be looking for?

(HIT disappears into the darkness... but falls back.)

GP: POTRIGHT FIGHTING BACK! HE'S TRYING TO KEEP HIT OFF! But HIT KNEES HIM, GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB!

(The camera follows HIT...this time turning on a flashlight and following HIT in something that seems like a mixture of Friday The 13th and the Blair Witch Project.)

JT: HIT has spotted a glass casket, and so have we! He's going right for it, too, dropping Potright's legs! He's actually removing the damn thing from it's stand! He's carrying it straight to Potright! HIT drops it on the ground and opens the lid... and pushes Potright in. Now how the hell is he going to break that casket? He needs to shatter the damn thing!

GP: Well, he's going off again to find something... Potright's just unconscious.

*WHONNNNNNNNNNNNNK!*

Nikki: What was that?

JT: I dunno...

GP: Oh good god.... BETH POTRIGHT HAS JUST TAKEN OVER A BULLDOZER! THEY MUST'VE BEEN DIGGING A NEW PLOT AROUND HERE, AND LEFT THE CONSTRUCTION EQUIPMENT BEHIND!

JT: HOW MANY DAMN VEHICLES DOES THIS WOMAN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? WHAT DID SHE DO, GO TO "STONE COLD DRIVING UNIVERSITY"?

GP: HIT RUNNING FOR HIS LIFE! HE'S GOT A PSYCHO BITCH BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A TON AND A HALF WRECKING MACHINE!

(Beth stops the dozer, and climbs out. HIT tries to go after her...)

JT: DAMMIT, SHE USED THE PEPPER SPRAY AGAIN!

GP: Potright just opened the casket! He's back from the dead, I tell you...

JT: What makes you say he's back from the DEAD?

GP: BECAUSE HE JUST SAT UP IN THE CASKET! HIT stumbling around blindly... Potright grabs him from behind, spins him around, TOSSES HIM IN A NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX INTO THE CASKET! THE LID SHUTS WITH THE FORCE THAT TRAPEZOID HIT THE DAMN THING WITH!

Nikki: Potright's GETTING IN THE DOZER! He's bloody, he's beaten, and he's behind the wheel! In fact, he's got HIT and a bunch of dirt!

JT: Where's he taking him?

GP: TO THE CLOSEST CEMETARY TOMB! He's hitting the gas, that's for sure....... BAMMO! BAMMO! THE CASKET IS SHATTERED WITH HIT INSIDE! POTRIGHT WINS THE FIRST MATCH!

1 Fall Down, 6 Left To Go.
Potright - One Fall
HIT - Zero Falls

GP: HELLACIOUS!

JT: Gimme that envelope... moving along... officials will know be taking Potright and HIT to the local airport... what for?

(JT looks deeper into the envelope.)

JT: YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

Match 2: Final Destination Match
~ Match takes place in an airport. First man to get his opponent in the unventilated closets with toilets in them that we must call airplane bathrooms wins.




GP: And IWO officials toss our competitors right into the lobby of the airport! HIT and Potright already begin exchanging punches back and forth with each other! HIT tosses Potright into the front desk! Slams his head on it a couple of times! And he grabs a souviener from some elderly couple and smacks it over Potright's head! Potright comes back with a sleeperhold into a neckbreaker!

JT: Whooooooooooo-eeeeeeeeeeeee! I be talkin', son, so let's get down to the airport fightin'!

Nikki: What the fuck?

JT: I be southern, ya know.

Nikki: No you're not. You're from OHIO, and this is SCOTLAND, so you're not RACIALLY DISCRIMINATING AGAINST THE CROWD!

JT: I'm not?

Nikki: Nope.

JT: ... Somebody get me some bagpipes.

GP: Oy... Potright and HIT are fighting towards gate one! Potright tosses the Prince of Polygons over the seats into some young, in-love couple's lap!

Nikki: How do you know they're in love?

GP: They were swapping spit, okay? If it isn't that obvious... Potright grabs a laptop from someone and slams it over HIT's head! And again! He tosses it away... picks up HIT, goes to irish whip him over some chairs, HIT reverses, Potright goes flying some five feet in the air and comes crashing down! HIT follows, and hits a senton splash! He grabs a chair, slams the leg down on Potright's sternum!

Nikki: HIT throws that chair away... and he's stomping at Potright!

Security Guard: HEY, HEY, GET AWAY FROM THERE!

JT: Hey hey hey, HIT'S BEING EJECTED FROM THE AIRPORT! WHAT THE HELL!

GP: And Potright's being taken out, too! I can't believe this! IWO wrestlers are being tossed out by the Glascow International Airport's security!

(HIT and Potright get flung out onto the outside, where it's bitterly cold. HIT pops up and begins slamming on the doors.)

HIT: I'LL GET YOU! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! WE HAVE A MATCH IN THERE!

GP: POTRIGHT WITH A FULL NELSON DROPBOMB ON HIT! He picks up HIT, and tosses him into the side of a taxi! He goes for a spear into it, HIT moves, and Potright impales himself on the side of the taxi! Ouch! HIT picks him up... THROWS HIM THROUGH THE FRONT DOORS, THROUGH ALL THAT GLASS! HIT crawls back through... here comes a security guard! ROLLING DIGITS TO A SECURITY GUARD! ANOTHER ONE COMES, HIT GRABS HIM, FIREMAN'S CARRY SOMERSAULT SLAM! HE RUNS, BOUNCES OFF THE WALL.... LIONSAULT! HE HIT THE SYSTEM OF EQUATIONS! ON A SECURITY GUARD! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

JT: Yay! Stick it to the man! HIT taking out the bozos in this airport! Here comes some more... HIT picks up a chair, tosses it at them! Potright goes for an attack from behind HIT, but Trapezoid with a stomp to the foot, hits a jawbreaker on Potright, before picking him up and dragging him to... well, down this great big hall in the airport.

Nikki: HIT heading towards a bathroom... Potright pushes him into the door, HIT slides in, Potright after him, HIT slams the thing on Potright's head! He kicks him backwards, and HIT... rips the door off of it's hinges! He tosses the bathroom door on Potright, and elbowdrops it! He picks it up... and slams it into Potright's gut! Again and again! Here come some more security guards! HIT tosses the door at them! They just won't leave these two alone!

GP: Potright with A KICK TO THE SCROTUM! HIT holding his crotch in pain, Potright gets to his feet, PILEDRIVES HIM ONTO THE AIRPORT FLOOR! Security grabs him by the arms... Potright slams the guards together! Another one from behind, Potright spins around him, grabs the nightstick, hits the guy with the nightstick!

JT: Everybody was kung-fu fighting... it was as fast as lightning! Whaaaaaaaa --

*SLAP!*

JT: Owwwwww! Potright takes that nightstick to the rising HIT, cracks it over HIT's head! He goes for it again, HIT grabs at it, they're having a war over the nightstick! Potright's got a better grip, no, HIT does... HIT WITH A KICK TO THE GUT! He takes the nightstick, beats HIT with it on the neck and head area! HIT going ballistic on Potright!

GP: Y'know, after Graveyard to Hell... I'd have figured these two to be totally out of it and without any energy left... but they're going pretty strong right now.

JT: You underestimate these two way too much.

Nikki: HIT drops one end of the nightstick right into Potright's back! He rubs it in there, right in that one spot! Potright grimacing with the hurt! HIT takes the nightstick... camel clutch! A camel clutch on Potright, using the nightstick! Potright can't breathe, dammit! HIT releases the hold, finally... and drives the nightstick into Potright one final time. He throws it away... and picks Potright up by his hair. He takes Potright... and he's going to the tiny little stores they have in the airport! He throws Potright into one that appears to sell... caps?

GP: Yes, caps, ladies and gentlemen. HIT tosses Potright straight into a rack full of them! He takes another rack off the wall, tosses it on Potright... and SPLASHES THE DAMN THING! Innovative, yet weird! HIT begins picking up and dropping the rack on Potright!

JT: Yes! Hurt him some more! HIT tosses the rack off, picks Potright up, throws him over the counter of the store! He climbs on top of the counter... Potright gets a hand on HIT's foot, AND TRIPS HIM! OW! HIT'S HIT HIS BACK RIGHT ON THE LITTLE TINY COUNTER! POTRIGHT PULLS HIM OVER TO HIS SIDE, AND SLAMS HIS HEAD INTO THE REGISTER!

GP: This seems reminiscent of Potright's match with Fenix at Autumn In Hell 2000, where he first won the Extreme title.

JT: You pompous airbag. Who cares?

GP: Someone does...

Nikki: Potright throws HIT back over the counter! This is like a Mall Brawl! He takes him out into the airport lobby again... and they're heading for a gate! Potright slams him into the glass of this gate area! It's Gate 13B... and he tosses him into the tiny hallway that connects the airport with the airplane!

JT: Wow, Nikki, when'd you learn that?

Nikki: Shut up. Potright and HIT slamming each other's heads on the wall! HIT gets a couple more than Potright... and they're in the airplane! Potright tosses HIT into a window seat! He begins laying in the punches! One, two, three, four, five, HIT with a block, pushes Potright out of the seat, hops on top of him, and they're rolling back and forth in the airplane!

French Teacher: Viva la France!

Potright: Huh?

(He looks around. A French class is sitting here...)

Potright: This seems awfully familiar.

HIT: Shut up!

GP: HIT knocks Potright for a doozy with a knee to the solar plexus! HIT gets up, picks up Potright, powerbomb into a facebuster! Potright clanged his head on the ceiling with that hit! HIT drags him towards the bathroom in the back...

Student: THE FUCKING PLANE'S GONNA EXPLODE!

HIT: Huh?

French Teacher: Alex, sit down.

HIT: Wait a damn minute...

Jock Student: Sit down, brownie.

Attendant: We'll be forced to eject you from the plane!

Student: I'll eject myself!

HIT: Um... maybe I'll just leave Sam here...

(HIT follows the students out the airplane... but Potright gets to his feet and takes HIT down from behind. He tries to lock in a Kata Hajime.)

GP: Potright with a kata hajime on HIT! HIT still crawling his way towards the door! He slips out from under Potright, and gets to his feet! Potright slaps on a sleeperhold!

Student In Seat: Hey, you two look like two fags having sex!

(HIT punches the kid in the head. He goes unconscious.)

JT: HAHAHAHAHA! That kid won't say anything bad about gay people again! HIT is out and back in the little hallway! Potright slips down, turns HIT around, goes for War Within A Breath! HIT pushes him off, and gets out of that hallway as fast as he can! Potright right after him! HIT hops over the seats... Potright dives after him, HIT dives out of the way, and Potright goes head first into the floor!

Nikki: HIT picks Potright up, Moss Covered Three Handle Family Grazundo on Potright! HIT picks up Potright again... boy, those students are fighting pretty rough. Potright gets a gutwrench powerbomb courtesy of HIT!

JT: Ooh, pretty airplane taking off! Look at it go!

Nikki: I've seen this before, I'm sure of it... Potright, wait, elbow to the gut, BULLDOG OVER THE SEATS!

Jock Student: You're paying for my trip!

Student: I wish you were on that plane!

GP: Potright takes HIT... pulls him over the seats, he's going to throw him into the window, and...

*BOOM!*

GP: HOLY SHIT, THE PLANE EXPLODED! THE SHOCKWAVE JUST MADE THAT WHOLE ENTIRE WINDOW SHATTER, AND IT JUST SENT HIT AND POTRIGHT RIGHT BACK OVER THE SEATS AGAIN!

JT: GOOD GOD! FIRE FIRE FIRE!

GP: AND POTRIGHT AND HIT ARE STILL GOING AT IT, ANYWAY! POTRIGHT TAKES HIT, AND THEY'RE HEADING DOWN THE HALLWAYS TO ANOTHER PLANE!

JT: Hey, you think that if Beth Potright were here, and they went outside, she might get hit by a bus or something?

GP: That's sick, JT.

Nikki: Very. HIT throws Potright into a vending machine! He grabs Potright from behind, EXTRANEOUS SOLUTION! And he drives Potright right back into the vending machine, too! He's using the Solution to keep Potright's head sticking out! He's trying to break the champ's neck! He drives him into the vending machine again! And again! Something's going to have to give... HIT goes for it again, Potright steps up off the vending machine, rolls backwards, and breaks the hold! Potright got out of the Extraneous Solution! He turns HIT over... CRIPPLER CROSSFACE ON HIT! IN THE MIDDLE OF AN AIRPORT! CRIPPLER CROSSFACE!

JT: He breaks the Crossface! Potright knows he can't win that way... he picks up HIT, they're going for another Gate! HIT stops him midway... hits a double underhook bulldog on Potright! He slaps on an STF! These two are exchanging submission holds in the middle of an AIRPORT, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

GP: He's got it locked on pretty good, but Potright has slipped his foot out! He's pushing up his back... and HIT flops over! Potright with a Dragon Sleeper now! But HIT picks himself up and over... he's got his own Dragon Sleeper on! Potright stands up, spins around, grabs at HIT's legs, and he's got a Lion Tamer on HIT! HIT with a roll-through, he has Potright's legs, he stands up... TEXAS CLOVERLEAF! Potright trying to figure a way out of this... he pushes with his legs! He's got HIT on the ground... he's trying to turn him over... he does! He's got A FIGURE-FOUR ON HIT! HIT IS STUCK! HIT HAS TO FIND A WAY OUT! HIT HAS TO FIND A WAY OUT! He's pulling himself towards the wall...

JT: ... He can get out of this! I know he can! HIT pulling himself ever so closer to the wall! He's scratching at the floor.. Potright tries to pull him away! And HIT uses Potright's lifting of the body to turn him over! HA HA! Yes! Brilliant strategy! He's got Potright over... he's sitting back, reverse-figure-four on Potright! Potright trying to get out of it... he sits up! He's slowly sliding himself backwards, he's got HIT! He's got HIT! Looks like a Bow and Arrow Submission of sorts! But this has to be affecting Potright a lot, too!

Nikki: And Potright lets go! HIT falls to the ground, exhausted! Now that... was a technical wrestling display! Both men are tired as hell after that... and can you blame them?

GP: Potright to his feet, first. He slams a knee onto HIT... and they're heading right back for the gate and hallway! Potright slaps on a good old-fashioned DDT before going in, though!

Nikki: Potright gets up, and throws HIT into the hallway... HIT is still hurting from the submission exchange. Potright with a boot to the small of HIT's back! HIT gets to his feet now, and dodges a grab attempt by Potright. HIT with a six-inch dropkick, taking out Potright at the shins! He pulls Potright into the airplane... goes for a running Trapezoid Cutter, Potright pushes him forward, however! HIT goes right into an old couple!

JT: AND THE OLD LADY SMACKS HIM WITH HER PURSE! DAMN HER! AND NOW SHE'S CLAWING AT THE HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID, BUT WHY?

GP: IT'S NOT AN OLD LADY... THAT'S BETH POTRIGHT! POTRIGHT WAS THE ONE WHO BROUGHT HIT INTO THE GATE FOR THIS PLANE... and now the couple is trying to take out HIT! Potright signals for something... Beth has HIT by the legs... Potright is climbing atop a chair... SALEM TRIAL (Electric Chair Drop/Legdrop) combination! The Salem Trial happens again! Potright grabs HIT, and here we go... this is it... Potright goes to toss HIT into the bathroom! HIT reverses! Potright into the bathroom, and HIT CLOSES THE DOOR! HIT WINS THE SECOND OF SEVEN MATCHES!

Potright - 1
HIT - 1

(An IWO official runs into the airplane.)

IWO Official: Get him out of there, people... and you, Trapezoid, get out of the airport! The next match is a Glascow Street Fight, and it's for real!

GP: GLASCOW STREET FIGHT?



JT:Can't you hear Parker? Is your headpiece not on
right?

GP:Do you know how violent the people in Glascow are
JT?

JT:Obviously not, or else I'd be much more excited
than I am Parker!

(We see a slow image of HIT exiting the airplane, as
we fade back into the air-craft to see two IWO
officials desperately knawing at bathroom door.)

GP:What is going on?

Nikki:Seems like they can't get the bathroom door
open.

(A pounding from inside the bathroom stale can be
heard, but seems to be of little avail. Potright seems
to be trapped, as the noise from inside the bathroom
somehow slowly ceases.)

GP:Dear god! Potright may have just knocked himself
out of this match!

(The camera slowly fades out to the outside of the
airplane, as HIT continues to wait to continue the
onslaught. He seems almost ready to pounce on Potright
whenever he gets out of the plane, however a few IWO
officials come out from the plane.)

HIT:WHERE THE HELL IS HE?!?

IWO Official:He's... he's stuck in the bathroom.

JT:I think that's freakin' hillarious!

(AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) comes out and punches JT.
He then leaves.)

JT:Damnit.

(We see the image of HIT, and he seems to be angry as
all hell, but then slowly begins to calm his rage. All
in one fatal blow, he seems to have gained an idea as
well.)

GP:What is that crazy shape up to now...

(HIT immediatly begins to walk up the airplane steps,
and then grabs a hold of Beth Potright. Beth begins to
slam at him with slaps to the face, but even at the
tired state of HIT, he seems to be able to shrug them
off.)

GP:No, HIT can not be planing to do what I think he
is...

(All of a sudden, a side panel from the airplane opens
up near the top of the plane. We see an emerging Sam
Potright, worn down and beaten, gaining back up to his
senses. He looks over to see none other than HIT
grabbing Beth by her hair, as Potright immediatly
takes a running start, and leaps off of the plane,
down onto Hardcore and down the flight of stairs.)

GP:Dear god! Potright just leaped off of the plane and
caught HIT with a diving clothesline, sending both men
tumbling down the air-plane staircase!

(Potright and HIT slowly get to their feet, as they
immediatly go into each other with right hands. The
IWO officials have to restrain both men, trying to get
them away from the airport and to the streets of
Glascow.)

JT:Seperating these two is going to take more than two
officials. Maybe we can get the entire English
government, I mean, they aren't doing anything anyway.

(Potright and HIT continue to hit each other with
right hands, to the referee's dismay. Potright grabs
HIT by his arm and throws him into the side of the
airplane staircase, echoing a large thud.)

GP:And Potright isn't going to let go, and neither is
HIT. They are battling here, hammering one another,
and they seem to be slowly heading out of the airport,
around the long building!

JT:And Potright goes to throw HIT into the hard white
brick wall, but HIT blocks it, and tosses Potright in!

Nikki:Potright bounces off, and is speared down by
HIT, sending him down to the hard concrete floor. HIT
just begins to lay in on Potright with a couple of
swift right hands, and then just begins to slam
Potright's head into the ground. HIT gets to his feet,
and looks around, looking for something to cause
destruction.

(HIT looks around, but all he can seem to find are
those fork lift cars. HIT immediatly thinks of what to
do, and climbs in.)

GP:Dear god, HIT has gained access to a fork lift.
He's got evil intentions, it's obvious.

JT:You never know. HIT could just be saving this
airport time and load up a plane for them.

(HIT turns the forklift around, and seems to have
aimed it directly at a recovering Potright.)

GP:Dear god! HIT is going to run down Potright with
the fork lift!

JT:Desperate Times call for Desperate Measures!

Nikki:That was last month JT.

JT:Oh...

GP:And HIT puts it into drive, dear god! Beth is
screaming for Potright to just look up, and he
complys! The shear look of Potright just shows the
agony! Potright leaps up as high as he can, and he
lands on the actual forklift!

JT:HIT Can't stop! Potright dives out, and HIT RAMS
HIMSELF INTO THE BRICK WALL! THE WALL TUMBLES, AND HIT
IS CAUGHT UNDERNEATH!

GP:HIT is trapped underneath the wreckage of the
airplane wall! Dear god! Potright just, he climbs on
top, and the referee has no choice but to count a
fall!

(The referee drops down, and obviously gains a three
count, giving Potright a fall in this Glascow Street
Fight.)

GP:It's as many falls as they get to the arena. That
doesn't count as a fall to the entire thing, but it
counts as a fall to the street fight, if that makes
any sense for those at home!

JT:It makes sense in your mind Parker, and isn't that
the only thing that matters?

(Potright drops down, and slowly begins to recover
from the beating that has been taken. Beth comes to
his side, frightened, yet obviously glad something
like this happened.)

GP:HIT could be sincerly hurt beyond belief. HIT is
underneath that rubble, and these officials are trying
to get him out.

JT:I'm not sure if even HIT can survive something like
that.

GP:JT, there's been much more than that that has
happened, and by the time this match is over, I doubt
Potright or HIT will be able to compete again...

(The camera follows Sam and Beth Potright, as they
slowly walk away from the scene of the crash. They
head over to the streets of England, and begin to take
a nice, quiet walk. Beth begins to attempt to nurse
Sam's injuries.)

Beth:You're doing good Sam, but you may have to turn
up the level if you want to make that geometric shape
retire...

Sam:You mean?

Beth:Yeah....

(The camera fades over to the airport scene, as we see
that the rubbish has been cleared, but HIT doesn't
seem to be found anywhere?)

GP:This isn't good. HIT could have been squashed like
a bug.

(Immediatly officials begin to run, attempting to
leave the vacinity and find Sam Potright, to tell him
of what occured.)

GP:This isn't good, not good for this main event...

(The camera cuts to Sam and Beth Potright, standing
outside of a local gym.)

Sam:Is this the center for the next fall?

Beth:I believe so...

(Almost immediatly so, HIT comes from behind Sam, and
grabs him, tossing him through the glass window and
into the gym floor. The glass shatters, cutting HIT
and Sam with small cuts along the arms and skull.
Officials begin to race in, and pull HIT away, getting
set for the next fall.)


GP: GOOD GOD... this is hell.

(Greg's handed the envelope for the next match.)

GP: Let's see... *tears the envelope open*... oh no... oh no no no... I wasn't being LITERAL!

Match 3: Hell On Earth.
~ Takes place in a Hell In A Cell. 4 Dumpsters are on each side of the ring, each containing weapons like ladders, chairs, tables, thumbtack boards, cooking sheets, anything you can think of. On top of the Cell is a ladder, and on top of that, there's a slip in a bag that says what the next match is, and where. Outside the Cell is a gregarious amount of tables, some lit with kerosene and lighter fluid with lighters on them, some covered in thumbtacks, some wrapped in barbed wire, and some perfectly normal. The only way to win is by climbing atop the Cell and climbing up the ladder, and finally grabbing the bag.

Fall 3 of 7
Potright: 1
HIT: 1
(Street Fight has NOT finished yet... both men have yet to have entered arena property.)

GP: Well, now that IWO officials have guided Potright and Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid into this gym, we get to see... OH DEAR LORD...

JT: YESSSSSSSSSS! THIS LOOKS JUST INCREDIBLE! THAT HELL IN A CELL! THOSE TABLES! BARBED-WIRE! EVERYTHING! THIS IS GREEEEEEEEEEAT!

Nikki: This is going to be sick.

("I'm Gonna Kick Yo' Ass" by The HIT plays as HIT himself walks out to the empty gym... he's stitched up and cleaned off, and there's wrapping around his leg. He gets around the tables and gets in the Cell... and awaits Potright.)

(He doesn't have to wait long... "Hemmorage(In My Hands)" by Fuel hits, and the crowd goes crazy back at the arena. Potright steps out, stitched up and cleaned off like HIT... and he's got a ridiculous amount of bandaging around his chest cavity. He walks to the ring... gets inside the Cell... and looks straight at HIT. An IWO official closes the Cell behind him and takes a lock to the door.)

Nikki: Wait, they have to BUST OUT before they can even do anything? WHO THE HELL THOUGHT OF THAT?

GP: Someone sick, Nikki. Someone sick. HIT and Potright lock up in the middle of the ring! Armdrag takedown by Potright, Potright jumps over, and hits another one! He drops a knee into the upper back of HIT... and again! Potright is going technical right now, instead of hardcore... He lifts HIT up by the arm... tosses him into the ropes... HIT with a reversal, Potright into the ropes, 108 DEGREE SUPERKICK BY HIT, and Potright goes flying over the ropes to the outside of the ring! HIT into the opposite ropes... goes for a baseball slide, but Potright jumps out of the way, HIT on the outside, Potright takes him and rams him against the side of a dumpster!

JT: Here we go! Potright slams HIT's head again and again and again into the dumpster! He's cleaning house, and re-busting HIT up! Potright climbs up the side, reaches in... AND DROPS A STEEL CHAIR RIGHT DOWN ON HIT'S HEAD! HIT IS DOWN! Potright's got another weapon... he's dragging out the ladder! He tosses it in... and falls off the dumpster! Not much room to manuever on there, I guess.

Nikki: HIT slowly getting to his feet... he's got the chair... and he slides in the ring with it. He sets up the chair on the bottom rope, leaning against it... he takes that ladder... what's he gonna do? He goes for a baseball slide into the ladder, AND NOTHING HAPPENED!

JT: AHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHA! The chair just flopped up onto the ladder! HA!

Nikki: HIT's pissed! That didn't work like it was supposed to! Potright's up... he springboards off the top rope... BUT HIT CATCHES HIM AND POWERBOMBS HIM RIGHT DOWN INTO THE MAT! Whiplash, you could say!

GP: Whiplash!

Nikki: I didn't mean it, Greg.

GP: Oh. HIT's got Potright... he sets him up, catapault into the corner! HIT kips up, takes Potright by the back of the head, RUNS AND HITS A NECKBREAKER ON THE LADDER! He gets back up, takes the chair, runs into the ropes... GOES FOR A LIONSAULT ONTO THE LADDER, AND THAT'S WHAT HE GETS! THE LADDER! NOT TO MENTION A STEEL CHAIR IN HIS GUT! Potright just barely moved!

JT: Well, now Potright can maybe take an advantage.... he's crawling to his feet... he heads to the outside, and now is going for some more weaponry! He's got... A TABLE! I see TABLES, LADDERS, AND CHAIRS IN THE RING! OH MY!

GP: YOU CAN'T SAY "OH MY" ON IWO PROGRAMMING! NOT WITH THAT DAMN PHRASE!

JT: Who says?

GP: THE WWF COPYRIGHTED THAT PHRASE, DUMBASS!

JT: They did?

GP: YES!!

JT: Oopsie.

GP: Oy... anyway... Potright setting up the table on the inside of the ring... HIT is back up, wallops Potright with the chair! Potright goes onto the table! HIT drags the damn ladder from underneath the table! Now the Geometric Grand Poobah is setting it up... he's scaling it... he's up top... WHAT IS HE DOING?

JT: I KNOW!

Nikki: He jumps --

JT: Y AXIS TRANSFORMATION WITH A STEEL CHAIR TO POTRIGHT, FROM THE TOP OF A LADDER ALL THE WAY DOWN, THROUGH A TABLE! A MESS OF HARDCORE, AND IT COMES FROM THE MAN WITH HARDCORE IN HIS NAME! I LOVE IT!

GP: SAM POTRIGHT IS STUCK BETWEEN A CHAIR AND A HARD PLACE! But HIT obviously is hurt, too... hell, if this were a regular contest, HIT could win, since he has yet to slide off of Potright...

Nikki: Can someone make sure they're both okay? I think we've killed them...

GP: Oh, I'm sure they're probably busted up real bad inside, but they can continue... HIT is moving... he slides off Potright, and gets out of the ring. He's barely moving, but dammit, the man is still standing, you've got to give him that. He's at a dumpster, he scaled the side... and brings out some BARBED WIRE INSANITY! He's got a chair, he's got a bat, he's got a board, and they're all covered in barbed wire! This is going to get ugly!

JT: YOU DAMN RIGHT! HIT rolls in and grabs the bat... Potright's on his knees... AND HIT SLAMS THE BAT ON POTRIGHT! AND AGAIN! THAT STUFF IS JUST RIPPING SAM POTRIGHT'S SKIN APART! YIPPPPPEEEE! HIT tosses the bat down... and takes the chair. He takes it up... Potright low blows him! Potright grabs him, lifts him up in a gorilla press, HIT KNOCKS POTRIGHT ALMOST STRAIGHT OUT WITH THE CHAIR TO THE FACE! POTRIGHT GOES DOWN!

Nikki: Ow! HIT gets back up... and slams the barbed-wire chair on Potright's chest! He's laying in those hits! HIT throws down the chair now, and he grabs that barbed wire board! He's laying it down on top of Potright... and he just grabs that chair again and keeps on hitting Potright!

GP: This is brutal! HIT is laying in hits to Potright like no one else can! He drops the chair, removes the board... this is disgusting. Potright is bloody and torn up like a newspaper in a dog's mouth...

JT: Excellent analogy... ass.

GP: Shut up. HIT picks up Potright, grabs the chair... sets it up, and he signals for it! He's got him, SIGNIFIGANT DIGITS -- NO! POTRIGHT CATCHES IT, HE GETS PICKED UP BY HIT, POTRIGHT FLIPS ONTO HIS FEET, GRABS HIT, FALLS BACK INTO THE ROPES, AND HE TOSSES HIT OVER THE TOP, AND INTO THE DUMPSTER!

JT: HIT rolling around in weaponry! Potright reaches in, goes to drag him out... and HIT with a SHRIMP PLATTER TO POTRIGHT'S HEAD! HAHAHAHAHAHA! THE PAST BITES POTRIGHT IN THE ASS! "SHRIMP", anyone?

Nikki: Well, HIT trying to get under Potright's skin... he climbs out of the dumpster, but he's caught on barbed wire! HIT can't get loose! HIT pulling with one hand on his leg... POTRIGHT KIPS UP AND HITS A KAMIKAZE KICK! Potright getting some adrenaline rushing through his body, as he jumps onto the dumpster's edge! What balance!

GP: Potright grabs HIT... picks him up... has him in a powerbomb position, it looks like we're gonna see HIT right back in there... POTRIGHT FALLS BACK! HIT SMACKS HIS FACE STRAIGHT INTO THAT SITTING POSITION CHAIR! POTRIGHT BROKE THE TRAPEZOID'S RIGHT ANGLE TRIANGLE!

JT: His what?

GP: His nose.

JT: Oh.

GP: HIT holding onto his nose... blood's pouring down his face... Potright gets up, grabs the chair, and DRIVES IT OVER HIT'S SKULL! HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID DAMN NEAR GOES INTO LIMBO RIGHT THERE!

JT: Potright drops the chair, heads out of the ring. And he's heading for the door! He's going to try to get out! He's looking at the lock... he grabs a ladder from inside the ring! HIT is still down! Potright takes the ladder, sets it against the door... what the hell is this crazy boy doing? He rolls back into the ring... jumps over HIT's prone body, goes into the rope, jumps over HIT's body again -- HIT HAS POTRIGHT'S LEG! POTRIGHT GOES STRAIGHT INTO THE LADDER! GOOD GOD, HIT WAS PLAYING POSSUM!

Nikki: Well, not all possum... his nose is still pouring blood. But, either way, HIT takes a hurt Potright... kicks the chair out of the way, grabs Potright... oh no... X CUBED(Rolling Backdrop Drivers)! ONCE! TWICE! THRICE! HE HITS IT AGAIN! AND AGAIN! FIVE DAMN TIMES! Potright IS DEAD OUT OF IT! AND SO IS HIT!

GP: But HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! POTRIGHT JUST SPRANG RIGHT BACK UP!

JT: HOW?!

Potright: If I fall along the way... pick me up and dust me off. And if I get too tired to make it, be my breath so I can walk...

GP: Oh, we should have guessed. We so, so should have guessed.

Lunatic Pandora: CAN YOU HELP ME, I'M BENT! I'M SO SCARED THAT I'LL NEVER, GET PUT BACK TOGETHER... YOU'RE BREAKING ME IN, AND THIS IS HOW WE WILL END... WITH YOU AND ME BENT!

Nikki: PANDORA HAS TRAPEZOID! PANDORA PICKS UP THE HIT, PANDORA SYNDROME! PANDORA SYNDROME! Pandora grabs a barbed-wire board... HIT kicks it into his face!

GP: AND THE SICK BASTARD IS LAUGHING BECAUSE OF IT! HE DROPS HIMSELF IN A SPLASH WITH THE BOARD, RIGHT ONTO TRAPEZOID! HE GETS UP, DROPS THE LEG! HE GRABS THE CHAIR... LOOKS LIKE PAYBACK! But wait... Pandora drops the chair on the board, runs into the ropes... tumbles forward, TUMBLING SENTON ONTO THE BOARD! ONTO THE CHAIR! PANDORA IS ROLLING AROUND, GIGGLING, AFTER DROPPING HIMSELF ON THE GODDAMN CHAIR!

Nikki: He's sick.

JT: But he's taking it to Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid just as bad as HIT took it to Potright! And now Pandora has the chair... he's waiting for HIT to roll out. HIT not moving, Pandora says "screw it", and he tears the board off of HIT and begins smacking him with the chair! HA!

GP: Pandora pulls up HIT, goes for a chair shot, and HIT ducks! HIT hits a superkick into the chair! Pandora goes down... and he stays down! HIT goes for a catapault.. he's going to send Pandora right into the ropes! He goes for it... AND PANDORA SLAPS THAT CHAIR UPSIDE HIS HEAD! PANDORA HAS JUST COUNTERED THE CATAPAULT! THAT IS A FIRST!

Nikki: Pandora is laughing... and he's going to the dumpster! He's reaching in... it looks like he's got another ladder! Lunatic Pandora with the ladder... he tosses the ladder onto the HIT! And he sets up the one laid down in the ring... can someone tell me what he's doing?

JT: He's scaling the ladder. You see, a ladder is like steps, Nikki... no, not "the twelve steps to being a class-A whore"...

*SLAP!*

JT: Is that the first one?

GP: I don't think so. Pandora up top... FROG SPLASH! FROG SPLASH! HE FROG SPLASHED THE LADDER! HIT IS SPASMING WITH THE FORCE OF THAT SPLASH!

JT: WHAHOO! And it looks like Pandora is actually hurt by that... so it must NOT be Pandora! It looks like Potright has taken control of himself again! Both men are down... HIT isn't moving, but neither is Potright...

(Someone turns on Sum 41's "Fat Lip" over the tinny, old gym PA system.)

Nikki: Hrrrrrrm?

JT: You sound like a dog, Nikki. Oh wait, you ARE A DOG! HA HA HA --

*SLAP!*

JT: OWIES!

GP: Wuss.

JT: Shut up.

*WHONNNNNNK!*

JT: 'scuz Nikki... I understand she's had some bad gas...

*SLAP!*

JT: DAMMIT!

Nikki: Be quiet and you won't get slapped!

JT: Hmmph.

*WHONNNNNNNNNK!*

GP: Um... that's not flatulence... that's an AIR HORN!

JT: Air horn?

GP: Yes.

JT: Don't they put those on...

All: A SEMI! A SEMI!

(A semi speeds through the front windows of the gym... things fly everywhere, getting caught and bouncing off of the Cell's steel. The door opens... and who steps out but...)

Nikki: ?┐?!

JT: What?

Nikki: ?┐?! ?┐?! IT'S THE MYSTERIOUS ONE!

GP: What the HELL does he have to do with this match? The Mysterious One has... he has a key! What the hell, he's unlocking the door and heading inside!

(?┐? looks around... he looks under the ring, and finds an old, ratty microphone.)

?┐?: ARE..... YOU...... READY?

JT: I wish he could think of a better catchphrase.

?┐?: ARE.... YOU....... READY?!

JT: SHUT UP!

?┐?: I will say this... I AM READY... to prove that indeed, I'm ready to save the IWO! Look at who's our World champion! Look at his opponent for the PPV!

(He gets in the ring...)

?┐?: From Billy Larson... Moonstone... Zombie... Joey Rappaport... the great champions... and THESE TWO are battling for the greatest prize of them all?

(He grabs HIT.)

?┐?: It's about time for a history lesson...

(He sets up HIT for the Mystery Death Driver...)

?┐?: ... the old-school way!

GP: POTRIGHT SPEARS ?┐?!!! POTRIGHT TAKES DOWN THE MYSTERIOUS ONE, AND HE'S LAYING IN PUNCHES TO HIM!

(Potright grabs the mic.)

Potright: YOU GETTIN' KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!

(Potright slams him with the mic.)

Potright: 'Cuz your mouth is writing checks that your ass CAN'T CASH! GETTIN' KNOCKED STRAIGHT THE FUCK OUT!

(Potright slams him again.)

GP: Potright laying it in to an IWO legend! HIT from behind, he pulls Potright off! He goes down to help the Mysterious One up... EXTRANEOUS SOLUTION ON ?┐?!!!! HE'S LOCKED IN HIS EXTRANEOUS SOLUTION! ?┐? ISN'T TAPPING, BUT HE'S DEFINITELY TRYING TO FIND A WAY OUT OF THE PAIN!

JT: Look out, Potright with a chair... HE SMACKS HIT IN THE BACK! He saved ?┐?! And The Mysterious One extends his hand! Could this all be a trick? POTRIGHT BLASTS ?┐? WITH THE CHAIR! I guess not! Potright heads outside the ring! AND HE'S OUTSIDE THE CELL! HE'S STARTING THE CLIMB UP!

Nikki: Potright could take it right here! He gets up top, and there's no way HIT could get to him in time! Potright almost halfway up... HIT has the ladder in the middle of the ring! He's got it... he's got it... AND HE RAMS POTRIGHT THROUGH THE CELL! HE TOSSED THE LADDER INTO POTRIGHT -- OH! OH OH OH! POTRIGHT THROUGH A TABLE!

GP: HIT races outside the ring! He's got some matches from a table... HE LIGHTS IT AFIRE! BURN, BABY, BURN, AND HE'S GONNA MAKE SURE THAT POTRIGHT BURNS! HIT grabs Potright... he's signaling for a chokeslam! He's got Potright... Potright goes up... AND HE GOES DOWN, IN A BLAZE OF PAIN AND DEVESTATION! THROUGH THE BURNING TABLE, MY GOD, HE'S BURNED CRISPY!

JT: YESSSSSSS! HOT FIRE BURN POTTY! HOT FIRE BURN POTTY! HIT takes Potright, he's going for the barbed-wire tables... barbed-wire scratch Potty! Barbed wire scratch... BOO-YAH! POTRIGHT GETS SET UP FOR WHAT MIGHT BE THE SIGNIFIGANT DIGITS THROUGH A TABLE... HIT GOES THROUGH THE TORNADO PART, BUT POTRIGHT! NO... WAIT, YES! BLOOD!

Nikki: VERTEBREAKER! VERTEBREAKER! HIT HEAD-FIRST THROUGH A BARBED-WIRE TABLE! Potright gets off, and there's barbed wire sticking to him pretty bad! If he's like that... HIT's a million times worse.

JT: Well, Potright is going to the Cell again... looks to be climbing again! He's almost up there! He's getting up... and he looks down at the body of Trapezoid! He's looking around... he's continuing the climb!

GP: What's he thinking? He's looking down at HIT... up to the top... he's almost to the top, from there, he can win! But he's not going? Why?

JT: I wouldn't say "Why" around him, Greg.

GP: Well... anyway... Potright seems to be making a decision, and HE JUMPS! HE JUMPS! HUGE BACKFLIP SPLASH! MY GOD, I'VE NEVER SEEN HEIGHT LIKE THAT, AND HE HITS THE CRUMPLED, DAMN NEAR DEAD BODY OF HIT! BLOODY HELL, THEY'VE DAMN NEAR KILLED EACH OTHER!

JT: Are you turning British?

GP: Huh?

JT: You said "bloody hell".

GP: I can't say bloody hell?

JT: Not unless you're a Brit.

Nikki: Potright is crawling away from the wreckage...

JT: Listen... British people say "bloody". Americans... they don't. We say "fuck" a lot.

GP: Ohhhhhhhhhh...

Nikki: Potright going back to the Cell...

GP: So I can't say "bloody"?

JT: No. Say "fucking hell" or something, instead.

GP: I get it.

Nikki: Potirght is scaling it again! He's hurt pretty badly, he's limping on one leg... but he's going back up anyway! What a champion! He's getting up there slowly... and.. SOMEONE IS DESCENDING THE LADDER!

GP: Huh?

JT: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE MATCH!

GP: I was LISTENING TO YOU!

JT: DON'T YOU KNOW TO NOT LISTEN TO ME?!

GP: BASTARD! Potright almost up... the man on top... who... that's Joey Malone! AGAIN! HE FOLDS UP THE LADDER! POTRIGHT IS THREE-FOURTHS OF THE WAY UP... AND HIT IS DOWN BELOW! HIT IS UP, SOMEHOW! HE'S PULLING A TABLE IN THE WAY... AND HE'S SLIDING ANOTHER ONE ALONG... IT'S A BURNING ONE! HE LIGHTS IT UP! POTRIGHT GETTING UP TOP... AND MALONE JUST DROPS THE LADDER RIGHT ON TOP OF HIM -- OH MY GOD! NO NO NO! NO MY GOD, HE JUST CRACKED THE FUCKING PAVEMENT, I SWEAR!


JT: See, there you go. Fuck instead of blood. Although, I like blood.

Nikki: OH MY GOD! WITH THE LADDER TO BOOT! POTRIGHT IS NOT IN FULL FORM OF HIS MENTAL CAPACITIES!

GP: They just cost the man his FUCKING CAREER!

JT: Greg's really picking it up... and I told him not to listen to me.

GP: Shut UP! LOOK AT WHAT JUST HAPPENED! AND MALONE -- MALONE WITH A SUICIDE DIVE OFF THE TOP OF THE CELL! HE CRASHES INTO THE TABLES, AND THEY TIP RIGHT ONTO HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID! MALONE BEING A PAIN TO BOTH THE MEN TONIGHT!

(Malone climbs out, limping, and raises one fist triumphantly into the air, a la Rhyno.)

Malone: I'LL GET WHOEVER GETS THROUGH THIS LATER! TRUST ME!

(Malone leaves through the shattered glass door that he created.)

GP: This is... insane. Sam Potright's dead, and HIT is likely paralyzed.

(They replay the dropping of the ladder onto Potright.)

JT: Ow. That thing connected right with his face.

Nikki: My god...

GP: This is just tragic. And this wasn't even caused by either man in the match, but an intruder.

(They show Joey doing his suicide dive onto the tables, tipping them onto Trapezoid.)

GP: And those tables, including that flaming one, are all on top of HIT right now... how Malone could choose to try to cost these two men their careers is beyond me.

JT: Weren't Potright and HIT going to retire after this match?

Nikki: There were rumors of that... they're probably true, now, if they ever were. Sam Potright hasn't even moved.

(Another replay of the ladder falling and Sam's subsequescent fall onto the pavement.)

GP: We at least have some padding in here, in the arena. But out there... it's cement. Pure and simple cement. There's got to be some serious damage dealt to Potright... and to HIT.

JT: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, TRAPEZOID! HE'S -- HE'S -- HE'S MOVING!

GP: Ladies and gentlemen... you wouldn't believe this, and I sure as hell don't, as I watch this... but HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID IS MOVING! HE IS PUSHING THE TABLES OFF OF HIM! HE IS GETTING FREE OF THESE BONDS OF WOOD! OF LUMBER! AND TRAPEZOID IS CRAWLING TOWARDS THE CELL! HE'S GOING TO END THE MATCH, GOD DAMMIT, IF IT KILLS HIM!

Nikki: He's clasping the Cell with his hands... and he steps over the lifeless body of Sam Potright. This is a night of tragedy... and now, HIT climbing up the Cell. He's barely able to move, but somehow, someway, he's making it up. He's going to go for the win, even if God himself tries to stop this gutsy bastard. HIT making it to the halfway point... he throws his head back, and look at the blood just fly off his skull and through the air...

JT: How artistic.

Nikki: How sickening.

GP: How can you deny this man's integrity and intensity... after seeing how he's -- JUST GOTTEN HIT WITH A LADDER!

JT: HOW -- IN -- BUT -- HE... OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

GP: HIT getting up was beyond belief -- and now, SAM POTRIGHT IS BACK FROM THE DEAD!

Potright: In the name of my wife... I WILL NOT DIE! I WILL NOT GO INTO THE NIGHT, LIKE A QUIET SPARROW GOES INTO DEATH! In the name of my pride... I WILL STAND TALL!

GP: HE CRACKS HIM WITH THE LADDER AGAIN! And now Sam slides a barbed-wire table under HIT!

Potright: In the name of life, in the name of love... I WILL FIGHT ON! MY TIME IS NOW... AND YOUR TIME IS GONE!

JT: ANOTHER ONE! AND THEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRREEEE GOES TRAPEZOID!

*CRACK!*

Nikki: THROUGH A BARBED-WIRE TABLE! Potright climbing up with a zeal that is unlike ANYONE who has just gone what he went through!

GP: It's pure adrenaline, Nikki! Pure adrenaline! We have never seen anything like this... this is HISTORY IN THE MAKING!

JT: You sound like a Vince McMahon wannabe.

GP: Oh, c'mon. That was a good call! Admit it! ADMIT IT!

JT: It sucked big floppy donkey dick.

Nikki: Asshole. Potright getting up top... hopefully, no one else is waiting up there for him. He's going for the ladder... and he just realized that it's down there! It was what dropped on him!

JT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dumbass.

GP: Maybe he isn't in total control of his mental facilities... but it looks like he won't have to wait long! HIT has gotten up! And he's going right up after him, managing to scoot the ladder up! He tosses it up... and Potright snatches it! Potright drags it on top of the Cell... and now it's going to get rowdy! HIT crawling on top of the Cell... Potright meets him with a boot!

Nikki: HIT shakes it off... they get up top, left by HIT! Right by Potright! They're exchanging rights here, lefts there! Uppercut by Potright sends HIT hurtling forward... and Potright WITH A CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! He wrenches back with it! HIT's eyes watery with the pain! But Potright sure as hell isn't going to let go!

JT: Well, he just did. Shows what you know. Potright going for the ladder... and throws it onto the back of HIT! How a man who got his face slammed with a ladder can be up and moving like this, just five... maybe ten minutes later is beyond me. And he's kicking some ass, to boot! HAHAHAHAHA! Kick, boot, get it?

GP: Retard.

Nikki: Really.

JT: Nyah. Potright setting up the ladder... he's going to go for the envelope! He's up halfway, up three quarters of the way... and HIT manages to crawl and snatch him by a boot! HIT won't let go... and it gave him enough time to stand up! HIT... pushes the ladder over! Potright falls onto the mesh from six feet off of it! Yow. HIT down onto the mesh... and now he's running Potright's face back and forth! Sadistic! I love it! Blood dripping all the way into the ring! LOVELY! ORGASMIC!

GP: Sicko! Weiner-boy!

JT: Screw you, Parker.

GP: Trapezoid going to the ladder now... he's taking Potright's leg, and putting it in the ladder... oh no...

JT: Yeah, that's it, ground the high flyer, and he'll be about as helpful as a McDonald's Drive-Thru speaker! Yes, OH! That'll leave a mark! Heh. God, this is painful to watch. Why didn't anyone tell me it was going to be this good?

GP: That's because you're sick. HIT now just stomping on the ladder after that elbow drop into it... and now he's jumping on it. Potright scowling, groaning in pain! Finally... HIT has had enough. He's got that ladder, and he's setting it up again. And now, the sick man is scaling the ladder, rung by rung... he's got this in the bag, I think. No way Potright could get to a point to push it.

Nikki: Trapezoid has to be careful, though... this chain-link is not quite as stable as an IWO ring... look, he has to stop to center his balance every few seconds. He's getting up much slower than he could... and I think that might cost him!

JT: Well, it just did! NIKKI WAS RIGHT! NIKKI WAS RIGHT! Potright using his free, unhurt leg to push the ladder! It's wobbly... it's wobbly... Potright tries to push harder! HIT's gonna fall, he's gonna fall, he's gonna BAM! INTO THE CHAIN-LINK! Potright crawls to the ladder! He's got one leg... he's moving as slow as possible... and HIT just sat up! That fall only stunned him!

GP: Trapezoid up... and he grabs Potright! He's going to fling him over the side! He's gonna eliminate him from the match with this... but Potright grasps the ladder! He's dragging it along with him... he trips HIT! flips over the ladder, folds it up as he does so... HIT sits up again, Potright TOSSES THE LADDER INTO TRAPEZOID! HE GOES RIGHT BACK DOWN ON HIS BACK AGAIN! Potright crawls right over to him...

Potright: "To all that came before me... to all that left their mark..."

JT: Well, who didn't see him popping up again?

Potright: "I find myself at these crossroads, of broken dreams... I never know, what tomorrow might well bring... what tomorrow brings... what tomorrow brings..."

GP: Pandora back in action! He begins to claw at HIT's face like a wild animal! And now, fists of fire! Fists of fire! Pandora taking it to the Polygonal Shape... and he drives his head into the ladder! Again and again... Pandora grabs the ladder, picks it up, and sets it up! I don't believe this! Pandora is actually going for SOMETHING other than pain!

JT: He's up... he's up... he got the envelope! He opens it up...

(An envelope appears on the desk from one cameraman. He drops it right on JT.)

JT: HEY! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!

Nikki: Shut up.

(She grabs the envelope, tears it open...)

Match 5: CLT II
Chutes, and Ladders, and Tables, OH MY! :-)







Glascow Street Fight: Part 2

GP: Potright and HIT are out of that damn gym, now, and they're
brawling
down that alley!

JT: Potright ducks a haymaker by HIT that goes into the wall, and
Potright gets a kangeroo-style kick to the chest of HIT that sends him
spiralling to the ground! Now Potright's grabbing that trash can!

*SMACK!*

JT: Brutal shot!

GP: Yeah, I'll say!

JT: HIT is still somehow standing, but he's staggering like he's on
rubber legs! Potright tosses the can into HIT's hands, and HIT catches
it!

*SMACK!*

Nikki: Only to take that trashcan-assisted dropkick from Potright! HIT
is down!

JT: Potright is making full use of the various alley weaponry in this
match! He's going to one of the street signs on the street and he rips
it right from the post! Potright goes back to HIT, but HIT's back up
and
he kicks Potright in the gut! Potright drops the sign and HIT DDTs him
straight down upon that sign!

GP: Potright's down, and HIT's recovering! HIT is wheeling out that
dumpster and he's climbing up on top of it! The World Champion might be
in trouble!

Nikki: HIT goes for a moonsault off of the dumpster! But Potright moves
and HIT smashes the hell out of his forehead on the discarded street
sign!

GP: Potright tries to take advantage! He hooks HIT up and looks for the
War Within A Breath! But HIT counters with a Northern Lights Suplex!
The
referee is missing!

Nikki: He's over buying a hotdog from the local Glascow Hot Dog Stand!
He quickly sees the pin and runs over to make the count! One... two...
NO! Potright kicks out at the last second!

JT: Only because of the stupid referee!

GP: Hey, how long has it been since our referees could eat? I swear to
god, Jamie Kosoy is the meanest human being when it comes to feeding
our
in-ring officals!

JT: Shut up, Parker.

GP: :-(

Nikki: Potright's pulled up by HIT, and Potright takes a big forearm
shiver by HIT!

JT: HIT picks up Potright again and nails him with a scoop slam! Now he
grabs a trashcan and places it over Potright! HIT is going up to the
dumpster again! YES! YES! TIMES HEIGHT! THE TIMES HEIGHT BY THE
HARDCORE
ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID ONTO THE TRASHCAN!

*CRASH!*

GP: You do the math thing here, again, JT, and I'm gonna rip your spine
free from your body.

JT: When did you become a jerk, Greg?

GP: Since now.

JT: Damn.

Nikki: HIT pulls Potright free of the trash can and makes the cover!
The
referee counts! One... two... three!!

(Somewhere, a cow moos.)

Cow: MOOO!!!

JT: HIT TIES THE STREET FIGHT AT ONE TO ONE!

GP: Was that a cow?

JT: No.

GP: Okay.

Nikki: HIT is dancing around like an idiot, celebrating the pinfall,
but
Potright's getting to his feet and he grabs the trash can he was
trapped
in!

*SMACK!*

GP: THE BATMAN SOUND EFFECTS! THE HAPPY BATMAN SOUND EFFECTS!
YEAAAAHHH!!!

*SMACK!*

GP: Ow!

JT: Sorry, Greg. You were losing it, again.

GP: Oh. Okay.

Nikki: Potright just smacked HIT over the skull with that trash can!
HIT
is down again! Potright waits for HIT to get up, and he does! Potright
kicks the trash can and it goes FLYING right into HIT's face! Oh...
my... GOD, what a shot that was!

GP: Potright has kicked HIT right out of the alley and they're now
fighting back into the streets of Glascow! Potright picks up HIT again!
NO! HE'S NOT! HE THROWS HIT RIGHT INTO TRAFFIC! MY GOD, THE HIT COULD
BE
RUN OVER! THE HIT COULD...

JT: Greg.

GP: WHAT?!

JT: There's no traffic. It's night time, nobody drives in Glascow at
night.

GP: Why?

(Suddenly, three IRA members jump Potright.)

JT: That's why.

GP: OH MY GOD! THE IRISH! THOSE MASKED IRISH ARE POUNDING THE HELL OUT
OF SAMUEL POTRIGHT!

Nikki: Why are they wearing masks? Why aren't they attacking HIT!?

(Suddenly, a shadowy figure runs out, grabs one of the IRA members'
masks, and rips it from his face, revealing that it's Matt Senate.)

JT: THAT'S MATT SENATE! I didn't know he was in the IRA!

GP: He's not!

JT: Oh.

(Senate turns, and takes a right hand from the figure.)

GP: My god, whoever that is, is helping Samuel Potright! Potright gets
to his feet and elbows one of the men in the stomach! Low blow to the
other! He grabs another one of them! War Within A Breath! Potright
pulls
the mask off that one! It's... Joey Legion! By process of elimination,
the last one is Donnie Daze!

(The shadowy figure ducks a stray right hand from Matt Senate, picks
the
other up in a fireman's carry, and drops him down with the
Jerkerolizer.)

JT: Hey, isn't that...!?

GP: The Jerkerolizer! Then that makes him...

(It's Joey Malone.)

Nikki: JOEY MALONE!

GP: Joey Malone is chasing the other man, presumed to be Donnie Daze!
HIT is to his feet and he blindsides Samuel Potright with a right hand!
The two are brawling toward a mailbox! HIT slams Potright's skull right
into the mailbox!

JT: Potright is flailing about randomly, trying to grab a hold of
something to break his fall!

GP: POTRIGHT JUST FELL OVER! HAH HAH!

JT: HIT grabs Potright again and goes to hit him again, but Potright
counters and slams HIT over the mailbox! Potright throws HIT down and
climbs on the mailbox!

(HIT turns and shoves Potright off the mailbox, as the two start to do
simple brawling, right over to a gigantic playplace-style structure.
Right at about this time, a surreal dream sequence starts...)
Fall five: Chutes, Ladders, and Tables
(Match takes place in a giant playplace type environment fifty feet
high. The netting
surrounding it is wrapped in razorwire. The ball pits are filled with
thumbtacks instead of
balls. Other weapons are throughout the place. Tables of various types
are strewn throughout
the playplace. Both men start at the top in different holes, and to win,
you must fight your
way down to the bottom and out to escape)

GP: We're back for some more pay per view action!

JT: Again, Greg, we never left. I swear, you must do that every pay per
view.

GP: Oh go take it up the ass, bitch.

JT: Hey, that sounds like something I'd say.

GP: Go suck my cock and do your grandmother, fag face.

Nikki: Umm... Greg? Watsamattawitchu?

GP: Oh, sorry. I was sitting on that damn cactus again. You know how it
is.

(We cut to the Ass Cam, where we see thousands of little needles stuck
in Parkers ass. IWO has
every camera angle imaginable.)

JT: IWO must tape every microscopic crevice of our bodies. Its sick, but
strangly, it turns me
on.

Nikki: ...

GP: ANYWAY, our next match is a continuation of the deadly Trick or
Treat III match series.
Even though its not even close to being Halloween, Sam Potright and HIT
are battling one on one
mono y mono for the most prestigeous article of clothing in the game -
The World title. Things
are about to get crazy.

(Suddenly, Jim Ross, wearing a Tarzan suit, sweeps across the arena
swinging on a vine and
lifts the lovely Nikki off her feet.)

Jim Ross: IYYYYYYYYIYYYIYYYYY! SUCK MY COCK!

Nikki: AHHHH!

JT: .....

GP: .....

JT: .....

GP: Nobody could have saw that one comming.

JT: For the love of orangatang porn, lets cut to the fucking match.

(Suddenly, the dream state ends and we return with the playset all set
up and stuff. Potright and Trapezoid are still brawling, far, far away
from this.)

GP: Aww, come on, dammit! Get to the stupid playplace!

(Suddenly, IWO security rushes up to the two and tasers both of them
until they're out cold. They then carry them off into the playplace.)

GP: Heh, leave it to IWO security to set everything up for us!

JT: Indeed!

Nikki: I had this weird dream where Jim Ross, wearing a Tarzan suit,
swung down and grabbed me.

(Parker looks at JT.)

(JT looks at Parker.)

(Both start bursting out laughing.)

Nikki: HEY!

(Nikki bitchslaps them both.)

GP: =(

JT: =(

(Potright and HIT are loaded onto seperate helicopters and taken to the
top of the place.)

GP: Well, now these two are loaded into the helicopters and we're ready
to start the fifth fall of Trick or Treat III... man, I haven't seen
anything like this since...

JT: The last Trick or Treat?

GP: Yes. Thank you.

(The IWO security both dump Potright and HIT over the sides of the
seperate helicopters, and they both land with a thud on opposite sides
of the playplace. The helicopters leave to have helicopter tea or
something.)

*ding, ding, ding*

GP: And there's the bell to signal for the start of this fall!!

JT: Yes! Commence with the beatings, broken limbs, blood, and splattered
brains!

*SMACK!*

JT: Ouchies.

Nikki: Anyway, HIT and Potright have both recovered, and they're in
different parts of this massive structure.

GP: Recovered? HARDLY! They've barely survived the first couple of falls
of this match!

JT: Potright rushes across the suspension bridge and he's going after
Trapezoid already, who's still a bit dizzy!

GP: Tasers will do that to you.

Nikki: Potright with a spear to HIT! And here we go again!

GP: Potright with repeated right hands to HIT!

Nikki: Potright with the right hands to HIT, but HIT rolls over and
delivers some, himself! HIT gets ready to deliver a double axe handle to
Potright's skull, but Potright with a shot in the stomach! Now Potright
rolls over and locks HIT up in a Boston Crab! But HIT counter by
twisting his body! And Potright crashes to the wooden floor of this
thing!

JT: HIT is up and he grabs Potright from behind! German suplex! Potright
almost fell over the edge with that one!

GP: Yeah, I just remembered that those rails are basically ropes with
chains on them.

JT: It's fifty feet! The fall would KILL them!

GP: That doesn't seem to bother them, now does it?

Nikki: HIT looks for the ladder to the next level of this
superstructure, but Potright's up and he just chop blocked HIT from
behind! Potright with more right hands! Now Potright picks up HIT... and
dropkicks him right down a tube slide! And HIT falls into a ball pit
with thumbtacks and balls in it!

JT: YES! YES! YES! BLOOOODDDD!!!!

GP: He was bleeding to begin with, JT.

JT: BUT STILL!

Nikki: You're hopeless.

GP: Now Potright flips over into the chute... AND HE DROPKICKS THE
RECOVERING HIT IN COMING OUT OF THE CHUTE!

JT: Potright landed in the thumbtacks, too, though! Well, he's up again!
What a trooper that Potright is! Potright picks up HIT and nails him
with a swinging neckbreaker! Both men fall into the thumbtacks and
balls!

GP: Man, these two guys are just insane.

Nikki: What the HELL tipped you off?

GP: Nevermind! Potright picks up HIT again and goes for War Within A
Breath! But HIT counters with a Northern Lights Suplex! And Potright
falls back-first into the junk!

JT: Yeah, good word! Junk! Nice of you to make use of your INTIMATE
KNOWLEDGE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!

GP: Could you hit him, please, Nikki?

Nikki: Okay.

*SMACK!*

JT: Fucker.

GP: HIT is to his feet and he brushes off some thumbtacks that were
still stuck in him. He goes over to grab a table!

JT: The overused, yet obviously destructive wooden furniture of death
have made their first appearance in this fall!

GP: HIT sets it up... and now he picks up Potright! He sets him up for a
powerbomb! He gets him up... BUT POTRIGHT REVERSES INTO A HURRACANRANA
RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE! AND BOTH MEN ARE BACK DOWN IN THE THUMBTACKS
AGAIN! My god, what a move that was!

Nikki: Potright's getting to his feet, and he exits via the ladder! He's
climbing up to the chute that'll take him to the next level of this
place! But the Trapezoid is to his feet! How the hell does he do it!?

GP: I don't know! HIT grabs the ladder and he makes vertical leap! And
he catches Potright's leg and he pulls him down! Right into the ball
pit!

JT: Potright took a five foot fall, but that's not much considering how
many falls he's taken!

GP: No shit.

Nikki: HIT now rushes over to Potright and stards pounding away on him!
Rights and lefts by the Geometric One! Now Trapezoid picks up Potright
again and he nails him with a beautiful side suplex!

GP: HIT is looking to climb that ladder, and he's at the top! But
Potright recovers as well and he chases after HIT! Is HIT running
scared?!

JT: HIT goes down the chute, and now Potright's to the top!

(Scene cuts to HIT, who has just now found a glass table and places it
right in front of the chute's exit.)

Nikki: Oh my god! Potright doesn't know what HIT's up to! HIT climbs up
on the top of the exit and holds the glass table in place!

*CRASH!*

JT: DEAR GOD! POTRIGHT JUST CRASHED RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE! GLASS
SHARDS ARE EVERYWHERE!

GP: Potright has GOT to be hurting after that!

JT: You god damn right he has to. HIT picks up the injured Potright and
he sets him up for Significant Digits! He hooks him up in the
Tomikaze... and... NO! POTRIGHT SHOVES HIM! RIGHT INTO THE BARBED WIRE
NET!

GP: Uggghhh... SICK.... HIT is actually STICKING to the net! He's
pulling himself out, though! ...well, nevermind, because Potright just
floored him with a spinning wheel kick!

Nikki: Now Potright picks up a chair! HIT is to his feet, Potright
swings... and misses! HIT managed to dive out of the way!

GP: Potright tries to recover from the miss, but HIT catches him with a
low blow! HIT pulls Potright up and gets ready to deliver a tombstone
piledriver! But Potright with a horizontal flip through! Now Potright's
got him in tombstone position! But HIT counters and has Potright in an
inverted facelock!

JT: MY GOD! AN INVERTED SUPLEX RIGHT THROUGH THAT NEARBY TABLE!

GP: Where did it come from?

Nikki: Probably from JT's dandruff.

JT: HEY! I SHOWERED WITH HEAD AND SHOULDERS, YOU LOUSY WHORE!

*SMACK!*

JT: :^(

Nikki: Potright's hurt, HIT's still hurt, Beth Potright is screaming for
Potright, JT is being a moron, and I'm tired.

JT: ...insert witty JT sex joke here.

GP: Huh.

JT: HIT is to his feet again, and he picks Potright back up! He goes for
the SAS Postulate! AND HE GETS IT! THE EMERALD FUSION RIGHT INTO THE
BROKEN PIECES OF TABLE!

Nikki: HIT is still weakened and shakened from all of the stuff he went
through, before, though! He's crawling toward the next chute!

JT: Damn, Trapezoid! CRAWL FASTER! LESS TIRE, MORE SPEED!

GP: Potright is on his hands and knees, trying to catch up to Trapezoid!

JT: It's like watching two infants race each other. Like the secret
underground IWO game that myself, President Levine, and Vice President
Thomas partake in! Infant racing! Only for your Playstation!

GP: ...

Nikki: ...

GP: I'll pretend that I didn't hear that.

JT: Good.

GP: Potright reaches HIT and grabs his foot! He's keeping HIT from
sliding down that next chute!

Nikki: HIT is kicking blindly, but Potright pulls HIT in... AND APPLIES
THE WALL BREAKER! POTRIGHT HAS THE WALL BREAKER ON THE HARDCORE
ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID! AND THERE'S NO REFEREE TO MAKE POTRIGHT BREAK THE
DAMN HOLD!

GP: HIT is crawling! And I mean CRAWLING to the barbed wire net!

JT: What the hell is he gonna do there? Beg for help?

GP: DEAR GOD! HIT IS CLIMBING THE NET! HE'S SHREDDING HIS OWN HANDS IN A
DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO GET OUT OF THIS HOLD!

Nikki: HIT is putting more pressure on himself as he climbs up! But
Potright's in too awkward of an angle to keep the Wall Breaker applied!
Potright releases the hold!

GP: Well, Trapezoid knows a lot about angles, so maybe that was a smart
move on his part.

JT: Potright, however, grabs HIT from behind! He goes for a german
suplex, but HIT flips out from behind! HIT grabs Potright and goes for
the X Cubed! But Potright with a knee to the gut! And Potright with a
STIFF dropkick to the face of HIT! Potright is now crawling, and I mean
CRAWLING to the chute! And he slides down! But HIT is quick to follow!

(Cameras get to the next level of the superstructure, which is the third
of six levels.)

GP: Potright spills out of the chute first, but HIT flies in and...
OUCH! He accidently low blowed Potright upon coming in!

JT: Gee, it seems that Beth won't have a kid for a while... ha ha...

(Parker bitchslaps JT.)

JT: ...HEY! I expected that from Nikki, not you!

(Nikki bitchslaps JT.)

JT: ...this is not my day.

GP: HIT is getting to his feet and he picks up Potright again... he goes
for a scoop slam and gets it, and now he climbs up on top of one of the
nearby tables! He takes flight with a frog splash, but Potright gets the
knees up!

Nikki: Potright is to his feet and he starts punching away at HIT! HIT
is standing around dazed, and Potright picks up a microphone stand!

*BZZZZZZKKKK!!!!!*

GP: UGGGGHHHHH! The damn thing was PLUGGED IN!

JT: HIT is down! Now what's that nutty Potright doing?

GP: Stacking tables! Potright has put a wooden table on top of a glass
table!

Nikki: That's suicidal, though!

JT: This *is* Samuel Potright we're talking about.

Nikki: True, true...

(Potright grabs HIT, but HIT pulls Potright face first into the barbed
wire net.)

Nikki: Uggghhh.... I did NOT need to see that...

JT: Well, you just did.

Nikki: Thank you, JT. I really appreciate your concern for my
well-being.

JT: ...DUDE, Nikki... you've seen bloody battle after bloody battle,
you've watched people get KILLED on NATIONAL TELEVISION, shit, you were
nearly BURNED ALIVE by some maniac in a trenchcoat that turned out to be Tony Davis. So I ask this...
WHAT WELL-BEING!?

*SMACK!*

JT: ...okay, sorry.

GP: Well, Potright's recovered, but he's now bleeding a lot from his
face!

JT: HIT grabs the staggering Potright and drills him with a flapjack!
Right into that set of monkey bars!

Nikki: Potright's jaw has to be dislocated after that!

GP: What a match! HIT takes Potright off the monkey bars, and... HE SENDS HIM RIGHT INTO THE TABLES! POTRIGHT GOES WOOD, THEN HE GOES GLASS! AND HIT HAS GOTTEN MORE BLOOD TO SPILL FROM THE BODY OF SAM POTRIGHT!

JT: Ha ha! HIT hops down after him... hey, looky, another ball pit! HIT pulls Potright from the glass and wood remains of the tables... he picks him up, Potright slips down, PUSHES HIM INTO THE BALL PIT!

*BOOM!*

JT: WHEEEE! C4 IN THE BALL PIT, KIDDIES!

GP: OUCH! HIT JUST WENT STRAIGHT INTO C4 HIDDEN UNDER THOSE BALLS!

JT: Heh heh... you said "balls".

GP: Better than dreaming about Jim Ross dressing like Tarzan and asking for oral gratification.

(They crack up... Nikki flips them the finger.)

Nikki: You guys suck. Shut UP! SHUT UP! It was a DREAM!

JT: I guess you like to have a whole new meaning put to "getting porked", eh?

*SLAP!*

JT: Ow. My cheek's all red.

GP: Of course it is... Potright just waiting for HIT to get out of the ball pit...

*Doink!*

GP: Hey, someone just hit Potright with a ball!

*DOINK!*

GP: Again! He's pretty pissed... he gets to his feet, rubs the blood from his eyes... who's doing that?

*BOP!*

Potright: COME ON OUT, FUCKER! BRING YOUR ASS OUT HERE!

JT: IT'S A GUY IN A DOINK SUIT!

Doink Guy: Hee hee hee, you'll never catch me!

GP: HIT'S OUT OF THE BALL PIT! He tackles the Doink to the ground! And... IT'S CHUCKLES THE CLOWN UNDER THE MAKEUP! NO, NOT CHUCKLES! The man who tried to take out some of the great IWO wrestlers... even though he sucked! He's going to try to stink up this match, too!

Chuckles: I am the evil clown, Chuckles! Mwa ha ha --

JT: HIT BUSTS HIS NOSE INTO HIS BRAIN WITH A PUNCH! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN! MY HERO! HE'S SAVING US ALL FROM THE HORROR OF CHUCKLES THE CLOWN IN THE IWO AGAIN! HE SHOULD BE WORLD CHAMPION JUST FOR DOING THAT!

GP: ... Um... well, not neccessarily... I mean, he does still have to win, but let us applaud him for saving our eyes and ears from Chuckles. He takes the bloody and unconscious body of Chuckles, and he's dragging it to the ball pit...

Nikki: Didn't I see this in Batman Returns, when the penguins drag The Penguin to his watery grave?

JT: HEY, I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT MOVIE! YOU JUST RUINED IT FOR ME, BITCH!

*SLAP!*

Nikki: You socially obsolete retard.

GP: He tosses Chuckles in!

*BOOM!*

JT: YAY! BIG FIRE MEANS NO MORE CLOWN!

Nikki: Hooray! Chuckles is burning in wrestling hell! POTRIGHT FROM BEHIND! REVERSE DDT! He's taking HIT to the barbed-wire net... HIT DROP-TOE HOLDS HIM INTO THE NET AGAIN! AH, GOD, THE WIRE IS JUST RUBBING INTO POTRIGHT'S CHEEKS AND JAWBONE! THE BLOOD, THE BLOOD!

JT: THIS REMINDS ME OF A MOVIE I HAVE SEEN... HELLRAISER 2! HE'S GONNA BE PINHEAD IF HIT RUNS IT OVER HIS SKULL!

GP: What an ugly way to bring pain to someone! HIT pulls Potright out of the net... and he drags the body to a chute! It looks like he's going to the 2nd-to-last floor on this thing!

JT: Don't these things have themes?

GP: No, not really.

JT: Oh.

HIT: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(Potright's bloody body spills out of the chute... HIT climbs out after it.)

HIT: Now, what to do with you... ooh, PlayStation2!

(HIT walks over to a PS2 that is awaiting his beck and call. He sits down in front of it and starts playing SSX. He chooses... Hiro. And chooses the trick contest.)

GP: Moron. Everyone knows you don't put an alpine rider on a trick course.

JT: Hey, if anyone can do it, HIT can! He's the greatest there is!

(The game begins. HIT is transfixed by it all... when Potright stands over him, carrying a real snowboard.)

HIT: Huh?

Potright: Surprise.

GP: POTRIGHT SMACKS HIT WITH THE SNOWBOARD! TRAPEZOID DROPS THE CONTROLLER, TRIES TO TAKE THE SNOWBOARD FROM... hey, crack!

JT: THAT'S MY STASH!

*Snort*

-- Entering Crack-Induced Announcing Mode --

GP: THE COLORS, JT, THE COLORS!

JT: Dude, GET YOUR NOSE AWAY FROM MY STASH!

GP: WHOA!

(The game freezes... and out hops Mac, one of the riders in SSX.)

Mac: Whatever, man.

(Hiro hops out after him.)

Hiro: (In Japanese) What the hell?

GP: IT'S TEAM SSX! HIRO AND MAC ARE HERE TO... TO REGULATE, PEOPLES! THEY GO AFTA POTRIGHT! HIRO AND MAC ARE ATTACKING POTRIGHT!

Redman: Go bring your mother into the room and show her how great you are!

GP: What are YOU doing here?

Redman: I'm here for... some of JT's crack.

JT: ALL MINE!

"Mean" Gene Okerlund: Welcome to Glascow, Scotland's Mercury City Meltdown! I'm "Mean" Gene Okerlund... this is a trick contest!

GP: You're in SSX?

Okerlund: You're GODDAMN right I am!

GP: I did not know that.

Nikki: Great, a gaming geek and a horny dirtbag.

JT: "I'm just a horny dirtbag, baby... I've got money, so suck my dick maybe..."

*SLAP!*

JT: Okay, okay, no Wheatus.

GP: Well... Hiro and Mac are taking out the IWO World Champion!

Okerlund: Remember to visit Mean Gene's Burgers! Find one of the 80 locations nationwide!

Redman: I'll cut that out of the replay!

GP: Oy... ow... Hiro and Mac pick up Potright... ROCKET BOOSTER 180 RIPE SWISS CHEESE! AMAZING! UTTERLY AMAZING! THE TRUE ATHLETES ARE.. ow. Cripes, is this really crack?

JT: Hold on *snorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt*.... WOWWWWWWIEEEE! Yep. LOOK AT HIRO LAY THE SMACKDOWN -- HIT TAKES OUT HIRO! CLOTHESLINES HIM INTO THE TV SET! HE'S GONE! MAC TAKES HIS SNOWBOARD, CLOMPS HIT OVER THE HEAD WITH IT! TRAPEZOID IS WOBBLY... AND POTRIGHT TAKES OUT MAC'S LEGS!

Mac: Dammmmn, I've got to stop doing this trick!

JT: Potright picks Mac up... CATAPAULT INTO THE TV SET! AND THE SSX GUYS ARE GONE!

Redman: Looks like I'm gone, too!

(Redman disappears.)

Okerlund: Don't forget to call my hotline! 1-800-SCREW-U --

(Okerlund is gone in a poof of smoke.)

GP: Wow...

-- End of Crack-Induced Announcing --

GP: God damn... is that the same stash from last time?

JT: LOOK AT MY FINGERS! THEY'RE SO SO PRETTY!

GP: I'm willing to bet so. HIT takes Potright, tosses him into the TV! He picks up the PlayStation2... smashes it over Potright's head! ... But it didn't break! Wow, that's tough video game console casing! AGAIN! AND AGAIN! IT WON'T BREAK! HE GOES ANOTHER TIME, AND HE SMASHES THE THING TO BITS! WIRES AND PROCESSORS GO FLYING EVERYWHERE!

JT: "Oh, the salmon goes (makes salmon sounds), and the owl goes HOOT HOOT..."

Nikki: Um...

GP: Yeah...

JT: SING WITH ME!

Nikki: Shut up!

*SLAP!*

JT: Hey, what the hell? YOU SMACKED ME OUT OF A CRACK HIGH! WHORE!

*SLAP!*

JT: I FELT THAT ONE!

GP: HIT taking Potright, throws him into the barbed-wire net again! Potright bounces off... TOMBSTONE BY HIT! HIT is taking Potright around, he's going to drive Potty into the net face-first again!

Nikki: He enjoys that WAY too much.

GP: He takes Potright... Potright slips out of the way, HIT into the barbed-wire netting! Potright hits him with a mule kick, and he goes in deeper! OW! Gashes are gonna be everywhere on HIT's face! Potright going for the chute... he slides down it! HIT pulls himself away from the barbed-wire, losing clumps of flesh as he does it --

Nikki: GROSS!

GP: -- and he goes after Potright! He's down on the last level... POTRIGHT HITS HIM WITH A RUBBERMAID TRASH CAN!

HIT: Was that supposed to hurt? It's made of RUBBER, moron!

GP: Potright smiles and nods... AND HITS HIM WITH A CYMBAL! He drops the thing, picks up HIT... SNOW PLOW ON THE CYMBAL! HIT in definite pain!

JT: Where did a cymbal come from?

GP: Who cares, it got used as a weapon, how it got there is nothing to us now. Potright is taking HIT, he's going to do something here..

JT: Brilliant observation, Greg. He's going to do "something". Wow. The best call in wrestling history. Let's all applaud Greg Parker for his brilliant calling. Let's --

Nikki: WE GET THE POINT.

GP: Thank you. He's heading towards the barbed-wire net... he's... HE'S CRUCIFYING HIT ON THE BARBED-WIRE NET! HE'S PUSHING HIM RIGHT INTO THE NET! GOOD GOD... THIS IS RELIGIOUS BLASPHEMY!

(Potright stands back... laughs... raises his arms in a mock crucifixion pose... and walks straight to the final chute. He exits the CLT playplace... and wins the match.)

Potright: 3 Wins
HIT: 1 Win

GP: Well... IWO officials are running in and pulling HIT off the barbed-wire net, and Potright is just waiting for him! HIT pushes IWO officials away... he slides down the chute! HIT IS PISSED!

JT: He got crucified! And he's gonna be the IWO's savior... how quaint. Heh.

GP: MY GOD! THEY JUST ESCAPED THAT GOD FORSAKEN STRUCTURE!

JT: Potright and HIT are getting to their feet, and they start brawling
away from the playplace!

GP: These two men are just beating the living hell out of one another!
Potright ducks a right hand by HIT and shoves him into a street light!
HIT's blood left a STAIN on that light!

Nikki: HIT turns around and takes a hurracanrana by Potright!

GP: Potright just took down the challenger! Now he mounts HIT and beats
on him with lefts and rights, but HIT rolls Potright up in a sunset
flipish type move! The referee has finally wandered over to our
competitors! One... two... NO!

JT: Potright just pushed himself right on top of HIT for another cover!
One... two.. no! HIT grabs Potright by his waist for the bridge out!
He's turning it into a backslide... wait, no, he's not! HIT stops and
picks up Potright for a powerbomb! Potright's fighting it, but HIT
drops
him down in a Thunder Fire Powerbomb on the cold, hard cement! With the
cover! One... two... th-NO! POTRIGHT KICKED OUT!?! HOW DID HE DO THAT!?

Nikki: Because he's Samuel Potright!

JT: Oh, right. I forgot.

GP: Potright is dazed like hell, as HIT picks him up and throws him
right into another damn alley!

Nikki: HIT runs at Potright for a kneelift, but Potright dodges to the
side! HIT is confused, well, up until Potright flattens him with that
superkick! HIT is down, and Potright is climbing that fire escape! Now
Potright's about six feet off the ground! He holds his arms out! HE'S
GOING FOR THE CHRIST AIR! AND HE GETS IT! THE CRUCIFIX HANGOVER
SHOOTING
STARS PRESS! RIGHT INTO THE HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID!

GP: Potright's hurt, but he puts an arm over the Trapezoid! The referee
counts! One... two... three!!

(Somewhere, a cow moos.)

Cow: MOO!!!

GP: Potright's up, two to one, over the Trapezoid, in this street
fight!

JT: Noooo!!!!

Nikki: Potright is dragging himself to his feet and he picks up and
throws HIT right out the other side of the alley! Now Potright grabs a
two-by-four! He walks up to HIT, waiting for HIT to turn around!
Potright takes a swing, but HIT ducks it and grabs Potright from
behind!
He looks for the X Cubed, but Potright flips out!

GP: Potright shoves HIT away, right into traffic! Aaaahhhh!! NOO!!!
HE'LL BE KILLED, HE'LL BE RUN OVER, HE'LL...

Nikki: Greg, there's no traffic, remember?

GP: Oh. Yeah.

JT: HIT turns around, only to take a spinning wheel kick from Potright!
Both men landed really hard on the pavement, though!

Nikki: Potright's the first to drag himself to his feet, and Potright
picks up HIT and slams his head into a pole near a traffic light!

(The walk/don't walk light on the other side says to "walk".)

Potright: Hey, HIT! It says walk! START WALKING!

(Potright throws HIT into the crosswalk of the intersection.)

GP: Potright is kicking the hell out of HIT all the way across the
street! HIT stumbles to his feet, but here comes Potright again with a
clothesline! No! HIT ducks and lands a drop toehold!

JT: There was a mailbox there and Potright's face got a nice
introduction to that mailbox!

GP: Potright is down and he might be seeing stars after that shot!

Nikki: Of course he'd be seeing stars. It's night time.

GP: ...

JT: ...

Nikki: Well, it's true!

GP: HIT picks up Potright from behind and lands a German suplex, with a
bridge! The referee counts! One... two... thr- NO!

JT: Potright just barely managed to escape that, but HIT still has the
advantage, and he drives his knee into Potright's face! Now HIT picks
Potright back up and is trying to throw him into the glass window of
that store! But Potright won't have any of that and elbows HIT in the
face! Now Potright nails a judo flipping throw thing! Right into a
rollthrough into a slew of mounted punches!

Nikki: HIT shoves Potright off of him before he can inflict any more
pain from that position!

JT: HIT is back up again and he clotheslines Potright right back down!

GP: Now HIT drops an elbow and tries to pin Potright right there!
One...
two... th-NO! Potright gets a shoulder up!

JT: HIT is getting a tad angry and he goes for an Olympic Slam, but
Potright flips through! He spins HIT around and goes for War Within A
Breath, but HIT picks Potright up and drops him right flat on his back!

Nikki: That must HURT!

JT: No shit, it does!

GP: HIT picks up Potright and goes for a vertical suplex, but Potright
flips through and grabs HIT's hair! He goes running to the nearest
mailbox and tries to slam his head on the mailbox, but HIT blocks and
smashes Potright's head in! And HIT just fell to the ground, too!

JT: What can I say? This has taken a lot out of him.

Nikki: Well, whatever.

JT: Potright and HIT are both getting to their feet! HIT grabs Potright
and goes for an Irish whip, but Potright reverses, and HIT counters,
too! AND HE JUST OBLITERATED POTRIGHT WITH THAT LARIAT! THAT'S...uh,
what's the name of that move?

Nikki: We lost track.

JT: Oh.

GP: HIT stumbles to his feet again and goes for the Significant Digits!
But Potright does a rollup! Potright just rolled HIT up! One... two...
three!!!

(Somewhere, a cow moos.)

Cow: MOOO!!!!!

GP: The IWO World Champion is up 3-1 in this contest! We're back about 2 miles from the arena, and Potright and the Trapezoid still exchanging punches! Wait! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! IT'S A GIANT PYRAMID!

JT: This is PPV! You can say GIANT FUCKING PYRAMID! LOOK! IT'S VP JOHN AT THE ENTRANCE OF THE DAMN THING!

VP John: Get your asses in the damn pyramid so I can go back and get some head or something.



Nikki: WAIT! JOHN PULLS A LEVER! THE PYRAMID IS SUBMERGING! IT'S AUTUMN IN HELL '99 ALL OVER AGAIN!

Match 6: Pyramid of Peril

From Autumn in Hell 1999, a John Maples creation. Both guys enter a pyramid that is submerged under ground, and filled with various superstars and other pyramid shit. First one to find the trap door and get out wins.

GP: This match is arguably the most difficult match of Phelen Kell's career! These two guys have to find a trapdoor somewhere in this huge ass pyramid! Both Potright and the Trapezoid are on the bottom level, and neither seems too interested in fighting right now as they begin searching for the exit! Potright taking a left, and HIT a right....

JT: We'll follow Potright first.. he charges straight ahead....MY GOD! POTRIGHT JUST GOT ATTACKED BY A MUMMY! The mummy putting the boots to Potright here! The mummy now delivers a quick elbowdrop, but Sam scoots out of the way! The mummy slow to get to his feet........the IWO Champion kicks him in the gut, WAR WITHIN A BREATH! THE MUMMY'S SKULL BOUNCES OFF THE
PYRAMID FLOOR!

Nikki: The HIT now walking around, saying something to himself...

HIT: I know all about pyramids! This is a square pyramid, meaning that it is made up of four congruent equilateral triangles and a square base. I am now walking on that square base. Therefore, by using some trigonometry of isosceles triangles, by bisecting them into right triangles, the tangent of the ceiling angle is .23423, making it exactly a 41 degree angle, therefore......I MUST GO IN THIS DOOR!

Nikki: HIT walks in the door....It's a shaft! HIT falls down down down into a new room! It's too damn dark! We can't see what's going on, but there appear to be sounds of a scuffle!

GP: While HIT seems to be attempting to use mathematic calculations to find his way out, Samuel Potright is using the tried and true 'charge straight ahead' method! He's found himself in a big room with no apparent exit, and the door has locked behind him! Wait a damn minute...what the hell is that noise? My God it's water! Water is pouring into the room through a couple of vents on the side! Potright is going to drown in this goddamn room!

JT: DOES THAT MAKE HIT THE CHAMPION?



Nikki: What the hell is your problem? He could die damn you! Potright is floating on the water fast up to the ceiling! He's looking around frantically for anything he can do! He finds a button on the ceiling! He presses it! The floor drops out, and Potright and the water are rushing out the opening, off to who knows where! Wait, I'm getting word that we've found the Trapezoid!

GP: What in the hell? The HIT is tied to a chair in some room in this giant ass pyramid! There's a man and a woman standing next to each other wearing Egyptian funeral masks! The woman withdraws a small pocketknife from her mask! She's holding it threateningly at HIT! It has to be Beth Potright! But if it is, who the hell is the man next to her?

Egyptian Man: Not yet sweetie! DUMP THE JELLO!!!

JT: AHHAHAHAHAHAH!!! TWENTY-FIVE POUNDS OF GREEN JELLO ARE FALLING FROM THE CEILING! THE EGYPTIANS AND THE HIT ARE COVERED IN JELLO! THE MAN TAKES OFF HIS MASK! IT'S JOEY MALONE!

Joey Malone: Now Keri, show our little shape here what it's like to be scarred. AVENGE BETH POTRIGHT!

Keri Lindum: But Joey, I'm a pacifist. :-(

(...)

Joey Malone: Aww, come on. Just this one time?

Keri Lindum: *sigh* Fine, fine...

GP: Keri swings with that knife! THE HIT BLOCKS! The massive amount of Jell-O allowed the Trapezoid to slip out of his bonds! He holds onto Keri's arm.... DRAGON SCREW TO HER ARM! The HIT in Keri's face now....MALONE FROM BEHIND! HE STRAITJACKETS THE ARMS! IT'S TIME FOR THE MAD COW DISEA-- WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL IS THAT?! THE WATER FROM THAT ROOM WHERE POTRIGHT WAS IS NOW RUSHING INTO THE ROOM WITH MALONE, KERI,, AND THE HIT! ALL THREE ARE KNOCKED DOWN, AND POTRIGHT RIDING INTO THE ROOM ON A WAVE!

JT: Potright charges and jumps on the fallen Trapezoid! He rains lefts and rights on the Trapezoid's head! WAIT! THAT DAMN MUMMY JUST CAME OUT OF A SARCOPHAGUS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM! The mummy assaults Potright! Malone and the Trapezoid are brawling as well! The mummy swings at Potright, Sam ducks and swings, but the mummy ducks.......THE MUMMY WITH A DOUBLE ARM DDT TO POTRIGHT! THE MUMMY'S WRAPPINGS ARE COMING UNDONE! IT'S DONNIE DAZE!

Nikki: Daze now going after the HIT! Daze was the World Champion before Potright won the belt back, but Potright won it back from him, so now that HIT has *his* title shot, and Daze was left out in the cold! Daze kicks the HIT in the gut! Fameasser by Daze! Wait! From behind! Malone grabs Daze and picks him up in the air! ARIZONA DEATH DROP! THE ADD ON DONNIE DAZE! The Flapjack to the DDT by Joey Malone! Daze is out on the stone floor!

JT: HIT is back up! He's going after Keri now! Keri's just now getting up from the water blast, and, YES! YES!! HIT HOOKS HER FROM BEHIND! BACKDROP DRIVER! HE ROLLS THROUGH WITH KERI A SECOND TIME! ANOTHER BACKDROP DRIVER! HE'LL ROLL THROUGH AGAIN TO COMPLETE THE X-CUBED! NO! MALONE INTERCEPTS! MALONE HOOKS THE HIT UP WITH A DOUBLE UNDERHOOK!! HE SPINS! IT'S THE EVEREST CATACLYSM! THE DOUBLE ARM INVERTED EMERALD FUSION! HE NAILS IT! HIT IS DOWN! SAM POTRIGHT IS DOWN! And Daze is somewhere running off somewhere in this pyramid! Malone picks up Keri and helps her up!

Nikki: Both champion and challenger are down! All Potright has to do is escape this structure and he wins! He's up 3 falls to 1! This is gutcheck time for the HIT! He must win this fall! Trapezoid and Potright both crawling towards opposite exits to this room! Potright is out, and he's in what appears to be a long burial chamber! Trapezoid's also out......

GP: Trapezoid's crawling into another burial chamber! But he's got an immediate threat facing him! That's ?┐?! The Mysterious One is interjecting himself in the IWO World Title Match! HIT has staggered to his feet!

HIT: What in the name of imaginary numbers are you doing here?

?┐?: You're one of the reasons the IWO is in the trash heap now. Your idiotic catchphrases....your revolting promos.....I simply cannot allow a man like you to wear the world championship.

HIT: Well, in that case, all of the crap I said about you as Why is true, so let me ask you Mysterious One.........are...........you............ready?

GP: HIT CHARGES AND SPEARS ?┐?! The Mysterious One quick to his feet, ducks an HIT clothesline, and bends the Trapezoid over, looking for the Mystery Death Driver, no! HIT with a double leg takedown! He catapults ?┐? into the pyramid wall and cinches him up on the rebound! Full Nelson Bomb! HIT gets up, and delivers a dropkick to the back of the seated Mysterious One!

JT: Potright is still walking in his funeral chamber, and he has found a coffin! He opens it up......MY GOD! A HAND JUST GRABBED POTRIGHT AROUND THE THROAT AND THROWS HIM BACK A GOOD FIVE FEET! WHAT THE HELL?! PRESIDENT LEVINE EMERGING FROM THE COFFIN! LEVINE SMILING AS HE ADVANCES ON THE FALLEN POTRIGHT!

Nikki: Back in the other chamber, the HIT and ?┐? are still brawling! The Mysterious One double underhooks the Trapezoid! MYSTERY DEATH DRIVER CONNECTS! ?┐? celebrating, but the Trapezoid rolls to his feet! He grabs the Mysterious One! Hooks him in Tomikaze position and walks the wall! THE SIGNIFICANT DIGITS! HIT'S TORNADO TOMIKAZE HAS ?┐? DOWN AND OUT! HIT continues through a doorway!

GP: President Evan Levine picks Potright up to his feet! He twists him around! It's Game Time! Damn him! Damn him! No! POTRIGHT LIFTS THE PRESIDENT IN THE AIR AND DROPS HIM ON HIS HEAD WITH THE VERTEBREAKER! He rolls the IWO President onto the coffin! THE FALL FROM GRACE TO THE STONE FLOOR! The IWO World Champion opens the coffin, and climbs down a floor!



Joey Malone: Damn, this thing is too big.

Keri Lindum: Agreed.

Joey Malone: Hey, it's President Evan! Hi, President Evan!



Joey Malone: Awww, come on Evan! Wake up!



Joey Malone: Derp. Oh well. Keri, you know what to do.

Keri Lindum: QUICK, MURRAY! DROP THE JELL-O!



Joey Malone: That was fun.

(Donnie Daze comes in, seeing Malone, and a little annoyed.)

Joey Malone: Hey, Dazikins! Let's go find your dad and the geometric shape.

Donnie Daze: HE'S NOT MY DAD! AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BEING FRIENDS WITH ME, CONSIDERING THAT I TURNED ON YOU THE OTHER DAY!

Joey Malone: You're being mean. Now, do you want Keri to telepathically bitchslap you?

Donnie Daze: Well, uh, no.

Joey Malone: Then he's your dad. Well, I'm going to go see what other havoc I can cause! Bye!

Donnie Daze: WAIT! DAMMIT!



GP: Damn this has been a strange ass match. Potright and the HIT are walking in parallel chambers sloping upward. Both men are battered and bruised... AND BOTH MEN JUST ACTIVATED THE BOULDER-ROLLING TRAP! SHADES OF INDIANA JONES! HIT IS RUNNING BACK DOWN THE DAMN CHAMBER, AS IS POTRIGHT!

HIT: Hmm! As I'm running, this chamber has to be parallel! The other one should also have a similar trap, if the parallel bases have dropped one point and become an asymptote! In other words, there should still be a trippity trap to trap `ol Potright!

(HIT runs out of the chamber, looks to his left, and sees Potright running from the same trap.)

HIT: I say, I think a new plan is needed.

(Potright sees HIT and immediately spears him, not even noticing the boulder, which rolls past harmlessly behind Potright and HIT, and both boulders crash into the walls of the pyramid.)

GP: MY GOD! THAT COULD HAVE KILLED BOTH OF THEM! Potright and HIT are brawling around in one of these chambers, and...

Nikki: HOLY SHIT! THIS IS THE SAME CHAMBER THAT THE MYSTERIOUS ONE IS IN! THE MYSTERIOUS ONE IS JUST NOW GETTING TO HIS FEET! The Mysterious One picks up Potright and shoves him aside! Now the Mysterious One lays in the boots on HIT!

JT: Aaahhhh! They can't do this! That's cheating! Wait! YES! HAH HAH! HIT CAUGHT A BOOT FROM ?┐? AND PULLED HIM RIGHT INTO POTRIGHT! THE MYSTERIOUS ONE FALLS INTO A SARCOPHAGUS! POTRIGHT IS DAZED AS HIT IRISH WHIPS HIM INTO A COLUMN! Potright hits it and stumbles back... EXTRANEOUS SOLUTION! HIT LOCKS IT IN! POTRIGHT'S FIGHTING IT, BUT HIT IS TRYING TO SCISSOR THE HOLD IN! POTRIGHT'S GONNA BE IN WAY TOO MUCH PAIN TO CONTINUE IF HIT KEEPS THIS THING LOCKED IN!

GP: Wait! Wait! Joey Malone! JOEY MALONE IS SNEAKING UP BEHIND HIT! MALONE WAISTLOCKS HIT! GERMAN SUPLEX! That just took over HIT *and* Potright! Though Potright just simply rolls to his feet! Malone is off again to do other things, but the damage was done, and the hold was just broken!

Nikki: Potright's back up and he starts wandering over to another chamber! Potright has found a stone ladder and is climbing up it! The HIT is to his feet and he sees Potright in that next chamber!

GP: HIT hobbles over to Potright, who is now a story ahead of him! Now HIT starts climbing, so we'll go to Potright, who's now crawling out of the hole he entered in! But there's no doorway out! Potright might have just trapped himself in there with HIT!

JT: Potright opens one of the coffins, though! He's gonna use the lid as a weapon! HIT's in and he climbs into the room! Potright charges in on HIT with the lid, but something takes the lid from Potright and kicks him in the stomach!

GP: My god! It's that damn Daze again! Daze clotheslines Potright down and lifts the lid up! He's gonna slam the thing right on Potright's head!

Nikki: NO! Potright kicks the lid into Daze's face as he's getting up! Daze is down! HIT runs over, though, and hammers Potright from behind! Potright just fell into another open casket!

JT: Now HIT takes the lid and he's gonna freakin' bury Potright in that sarcophagus! Yeah!

GP: But Potright moves out of there before he can even shut the damn lid! HIT shuts the thing, but Potright's out! HIT still thinks he's in there, though! Potright climbs on the lid! HIT sees him, but Potright nails him with a dropkick to the face, sending HIT tumbling to the ground!

Nikki: Potright now picks up another casket and he places it near the wall! What's that nutty Potright doing?

GP: I'm not sure, but I've got a funny feeling about this... Potright climbs up and... this doesn't look good for Trapezoid! Potright leaps off the casket with an elbow drop! Right into the heart of the Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid! My god!

JT: Potright stumbles to his feet, but damn! It was a good move!

Nikki: Potright wanders over to the casket he opener earlier, and... wait, he's climbing in!? Hey! He disappeared!

(The camera wanders over to the casket and peeks in, and sees that it had an exit leading downward.)

GP: How creative! John Maples absolutely rocks at pyramid building! Yeah!

JT: Indeed! And now, Potright has lost HIT again!

Nikki: Is that a good thing, though?

(Scene cut to Joey Malone, who is wandering around aimlessly in the pyramid, again, with Keri Lindum, who is still holding her head from the attempted X-Cubed by HIT.)

Joey Malone: Keri, I think we're lost or something.

Keri Lindum: What makes you say that, Joey?

(The two have reached the inner sanctum of the pyramid, and a giant map is up in the center. The map shows a VERY complicated maze. Right in the middle is a large white sign in flashing letters that points at a dark red dot right smack dab in the middle. The sign reads "YOU ARE HERE". Joey points at that.)

Joey Malone: Does that answer your question?

Keri Lindum: Yes, it does.

(Sam Potright crawls, on his hands and knees, into the room.)

Joey Malone: Hey, Sammy. Do you know how to get out of this place? We're kinda lost, here.

(Potright stands upright.)

Sam Potright: Joey, if I knew how to get out of this place, I'd be on my way.

(Potright starts to leave, except that the Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid jumps down from somewhere near nowhere, and spears Potright from behind. He starts pounding on Potright from behind while on top of him.)

GP: From behind, HIT came out of nowhere! He must have found an alternate pathway out of that chamber!

JT: Malone is just standing around and watching! He's obviously just still trying to figure out a way out of the damn Pyramid of Peril!

Joey Malone: Hey, could you guys possibly stop pounding the hell out of each other? The noise is making me lose concentration about where I should go to exit this stupid pyramid!

(HIT looks up.)

HIT: No, you retard. I'm busy calculating the proper arc to shove my foot up Potright's ass!

(Potright uses this moment of distraction to flip HIT over on his back, while at the same time, flipping himself over to beat on HIT.)

Nikki: Potright turns over HIT and starts beating the hell out of him!

JT: Malone is still just sort of looking at this brawl!

Keri Lindum: Should you do something aobut them?

Joey Malone: Nah, they can handle it.

(Suddenly, Donnie Daze comes up from behind Malone and nails him with a stone idol that breaks upon impact of the back of Malone's head, as Keri cries out in vain and shock.)

GP: DAZE FROM BEHIND! HE JUST WIPED OUT JOEY MALONE WITH THAT STONE STATUE!

JT: Malone didn't even see it coming! That just kicks all ass, right there!

GP: Donnie Daze is stomping away on Joey Malone, now, who might be out cold after that shot!

Nikki: HIT picks up Potright and goes for the triple Backdrop Drivers, but Potright flips over HIT and nails Daze with a crossbody! Potright pounds away on Daze! But HIT pulls Potright off!

JT: HIT goes for a superkick! At 116 degrees! WAIT! DAMMI! Potright's head moves about twenty-five degrees under the path of the kick! Potright grabs HIT to the side! DAMMIT! THE 270 DEGREE FIREMAN'S CARRY SLAM!

GP: Fuck you, JT. That's an Olympic Slam.

JT: Whatever.

Nikki: Potright gets to his feet again, as does Daze! Daze tries a right hand, but Potright ducks it and grabs the arm! Potright hooks up Daze! Yes! There's a big time Evenflow DDT! Not quite War Within A Breath, but effective neverthless!

JT: Potright just obliterated Donnie Daze! Damn him! Daze is my hero, for Christ's sakes!

GP: Malone is somehow getting to his feet! Keri's helping him up, now that Daze is not a threat!

Joey Malone: Yes, mental note, Kerikins...

Keri Lindum: What's that?

Joey Malone: Never let Donnie Daze anywhere near a stone idol... ouchies...

JT: Joey Malone is moving away from these guys, as Potright is to his feet and he picks up HIT! He slams his face right into the map! Potright grabs HIT again! He slams him right back into the wall! Potright waits for HIT to turn around! He does so, and Potright dropkicks HIT right back into the wall!

GP: Hah! HIT just flopped forward, right on his face!

Nikki: Potright feels like he's done with HIT and he's going to another chamber in this damn place! What a trooper!

JT: Wait! Potright just stepped on one of the tiles and it sank to the floor! The damn door just shut behind Potright! Potright is left wondering what's gonna happen! And, OH MY GOD! SNAKES ARE COMING OUT OF THE WALLS!

GP: NO! WORSE! IT'S THE HEADS OF THE OLSEN TWINS WITH A SNAKE-LIKE BODY! DEAR GOD! THAT'S WORSE THAN DEATH!

Sam Potright: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

JT: They're coming for Potright! Potright's trapped between the door and the Olsen Snakes! Dear god, Potright's not gonna survive this!

GP: Wait! No! Potright looks up and see something! He leaps up and grabs it! Oh my god! It's a set of monkey bars!

Nikki: Hey, uh, Greg. Have you ever noticed how every machine on a playground has some sort of sexual reference in it? Think about it! MONKEY BARS! SWING SET! SLIDE! SEE SAW! MERRY-GO-ROUND! There's a whole JT-load of sexual references there!

JT: Are you saying that I'm shit, whore?

*SMACK!*

Nikki: Yes.

JT: I see. Ouchies...

GP: Potright turns to get out of the room and he closes the door behind him! He turns around... AND SOMEBODY JUST GRABBED POTRIGHT! IT'S THE MYSTERIOUS ONE!

?┐?: I'm not at all happy about the coffin thing, Mr. World Champion...

JT: DEAR GOD! THE MYSTERIOUS ONE JUST HOOKED THE CONFUSED POTRIGHT UP FOR THE MYSTERY DEATH DRIVER! NOT ON THE CONCRETE! YES! ON THE CONCRETE! THE MYSTERY DEATH DRIVER!

(?┐? walks out, as mysteriously as he came in.)

Nikki: Dear GOD, Potright's laid out, the Mysterious One has just left the area as mysterious as he came in, and who knows where the hell HIT is...

(Just as Nikki says this, the scene cuts to HIT, who is sitting on the floor of the pyramid, trying to figure a way out.)

HIT: Let's see...

(HIT dips his finger into one of his wounds to collect some blood. He draws a miniture pyramid.)

HIT: Hmm! Let's try this base thing again... maybe that pesky John made these triangles with a RECTANGLE BASE! Yes! A rectangle base! That sneaky John! So now that I'm that far, I'm just above that square base. By making what I know about the structure of this place, I assume that I've climbed about twelve feet up. Now, I'll make a right triangle out of this... and it's exactly a 33 degree angle, so therefore, POTRIGHT WILL DIE! And I go to my right!

(HIT finishes his drawing and runs to his right.)

GP: That HIT is really trying with this pyramid stuff.

JT: He's a fucking loon.

GP: True, true...

Nikki: And where are Joey Malone and Donnie Daze in all of this?

GP: I don't want to know.

JT: Then let's not find out and find Potright, instead!



(Scene cuts to Potright, who's still laid out from the Mystery Death Driver.)

JT: Damn, this is BORING! Why did that Mysterious Bastard have to Mystery Death Drive Potright?

Nikki: Because he could?

JT: Well, whatever.

(Scene cut to HIT, who is now wandering around aimlessly through the chambers.)

HIT: Arrrrghhh... I thought it WAS this way! Stupid pyramid! It's as if it's defying all laws of math! That's not right! That's evil! That's...

Voice: Joey Malone logic!

(Joey Malone suddenly pops up from the inside of one of the caskets.)

HIT: Hey! Don't you know when to leave me alone?

Joey Malone: No. I'm on a quest! A quest to find strawberry shortcake! Now, if you'll excuse me...

(Joey hops out of the casket and runs off.)

GP: This just gets weirder and weirder...

Nikki: HIT takes a step back, and he ends up hitting a trapped tile!

GP: Aaahhh!! The Trapezoid just activated a pit trap! The stones just fell out from under him! The cameraman rushes over to the scene, and sees that HIT is sliding down a chute! This is definitely gonna be counterproductive to HIT's effort to get to the very tip top of the pyramid!

(Meanwhile... the scene cuts back to Samuel Potright, who is just now getting to his feet. He finally gets to his feet, and then, suddenly, HIT slides down from above and smashes right into Potright.)

JT: What a very accidental, yet effective offensive move from HIT! Both men are down, and HIT is looking a bit confused, but he gets up and picks up Potright again! Potright's still dizzy, and HIT smashes him to the stone floor with a snap suplex!

GP: Potright's dazed, as HIT picks him back up! He's going to powerbomb Potright into that casket! My god! HIT picks up Potright, but Potright lays in the right hands to HIT's forehead, and Potright flips through into the hurricanrana! Right into the casket!

Nikki: Potright's legs are still upon HIT, and Potright is just driving his fists into the skull of HIT! But HIT shoves Potright off of him! Potright charges back in for a dropkick, but HIT pulls himself right back out and Potright just dropkicked the edge of the casket!

GP: HIT got caught in that, though! The casket moved and knocked HIT into the casket! Potright might have taken a low blow off that!

(Awkward pause.)

JT: Ouch.

GP: No shit.

Nikki: HIT is back up again and he pulls Potright out of that damn casket, and he sets him up for the Significant Digits! Wait! Potright just shoved HIT off of him and HIT slams into the wall! Potright grabs HIT from behind! Reverse DDT! Potright catches HIT with a reverse DDT, and both men are back down again!

(Suddenly, a rope falls down out of nowhere. Sliding down is Joey Malone, who has now somehow found an Indiana Jones-style outfit and has put it on. Joey looks at the fallen competitors.)

Joey Malone: Hmmm! Two more victims of this perilous pyramid of plunder! What an evil place to find an entire batch of strawberry shortcake! ALL IN A DAY'S WORK FOR THE ONE... THE ONLY...

(Dramatic chord.)

Joey Malone: ...ARIZONA MALONE! Come, Keri! We must find that damn shortcake!

(Keri Lindum climbs down the rope, and the two giggle and run off, looking for the strawberry shortcake.)

JT: Can we PLEASE find the men in the white coats for Joey Malone?

GP: No.

JT: Damn.

Nikki: POTRIGHT IS BACK UP! Potright looks at HIT and then looks over to see Joey Malone leaving! He's running after Malone for some strange reason!

GP: Maybe Joey Malone found the exit!

JT: Hah! Yeah, right! Malone couldn't even find the shoestrings to his shoes!

GP: Potright runs, but he trips on something! Wait, dear god, that's a tripwire!

(A loud rumbling is heard, and then sand, a whole hell of a lot of it, falls down on Potright. Potright yells out before he's buried by it.)

GP: DEAR GOD! POTRIGHT WAS JUST BURIED BY TONS AND TONS OF SAND! THERE ISN'T A WHOLE LOT OF OXYGEN TO BREATHE UNDER ALL OF THAT SILICON DIOXIDE!!!

JT: Did somebody say SILICON!?!

*SMACK*

JT: Owie.

Nikki: Bitch.

JT: HIT is getting to his feet, and he looks over and sees the room before now covered in sand! HIT doesn't know what happened, and he just now spotted a vine rope! HIT runs to it!

(The scene still stays on this, as Donnie Daze comes into the scene.)

Donnie Daze: Aww, poor, poor, Potright... did you get buried in the cat litter, with your fellow turds? Here, let me make you feel more at home...

(Daze starts urinating on the sand.)

GP: HEY! That's not nice!

JT: Hah hah! That's why Donnie Daze rules!

Donnie Daze: Heh heh heh...

(Daze leaves, snickering to himself. The camera turns to HIT, who is currently climbing that vine rope he found. The camera shifts to the top of the wall, where, to the right, we see the sand room from above, it apparently had no celing. HIT looks around for Potright or Joey Malone, and finds neither, so he walks about calmly. He starts looking for the trap door, and walks across a large amount of sand. Suddenly, a foot graps HIT by his ankle. HIT cries out.)

JT: HOLY SHIT! THAT HAND! IT'S... IT'S...

(A head pops up from the sand, it's Samuel Potright's head.)

GP: SAMUEL POTRIGHT! SAMUEL POTRIGHT HAS JUST LITERALLY RISEN FROM HIS GRAVE!

Nikki: Trapezoid can't believe it! He stumbles back, out of Potright's grip! And he kicks sand in Potright's face! Potright's blinded, but he climbs out of the sand trap, anyway!

GP: Trapezoid takes a step back and goes for a superkick, but Potright trips coming out of the sand trap and Potright "accidently" headbutts HIT's groin!

JT: Dammit, I'm tired of that.

GP: Well, it happens...

Nikki: Potright is trying to shake the cobwebs and get the sand out of his eyes and hair!

GP: HIT is trying to get to his feet after taking that low blow! He's up, but Potright's up too! Potright gets a full nelson on HIT, right into a facebuster! A full nelson facebuster by Potright! HIT's blood is splattered all over the sand! Now Potright gets back to his feet and he

JT: Potright is stumbling into the next chamber, let's hope there isn't a trap for him here, too!

(Potright enters the next chamber, and sees that this is the same chamber that Joey Malone climbed up and down from. In the middle is a rope, and there's a big pit that the rope goes down to that's about eight feet down. Though it's not a nasty fall, it's not one Potright wants to take, because it would waste his time.)

Samuel Potright: Stupid Malone! Why'd you have to go and leave your rope hanging in the middle where I can't get to it? Arrgh...

(Potright looks and sees that HIT is getting back to his feet. Potright takes a few steps back, runs, and makes a running leap, catching the rope, swinging across the gap, only to find that it was actually a glass window, and Potright crashes through the window, cutting himself in the process.)

*CRASH!*

JT: WHAT THE HELL!? THAT WAS A GLASS WINDOW?!

GP: POTRIGHT JUST GOT CUT TO HELL ON A GLASS WINDOW! Where DID that come from!? And what would it be doing in a pyramid!

Nikki: I don't know, but that hurt Potright like hell! And here comes HIT! The HIT is in here and he sees Potright down!

(HIT wonders what angle he should jump at to get across, then just figures: "TO HELL WITH IT ALL" and leaps, grabs the rope, swings across, and ends up over the downed Potright, so he drops an elbow on Potright.)

GP: I've never seen that before! My god, a swinging elbow drop!

JT: HIT has a couple of cuts from the glass, but not as bad as Potright! HIT is crawling over Potright's broken body, and he's heading for the nearby door! But HIT tries to get through and he can't!

GP: IT'S ANOTHER DAMN GLASS DOOR!

Nikki: HIT realizes this and he goes to pick up Potright again! He's gonna throw him into the glass! But Potright knees HIT in the gut and tries to suplex HIT through, but HIT knees Potright, now, takes a step back, and rushes at Potright!

*CRASH*!

GP: OH... MY... GOD! POTRIGHT JUST BACKDROPPED HIT THROUGH THE GLASS DOOR! POTRIGHT JUST OBLITERATED THE HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID!

(The scene cuts to the inside of the new chamber, which has a swimming pool in it, surprisingly. However, floating mines are in it as well.)

JT: Uh oh, this looks familiar.

GP: This reminds me of Broken Hearts, Broken Bones, earlier this year...

(Potright picks up HIT and goes to throw him into the swimming pool, but HIT slips behind Potright, hooks him up from behind, spins him around into the Tomikaze position, runs to a wall, jumps up, runs along the wall a bit, and nails Potright with the Significant Digits, the modified Tornado Tomikaze.)

Nikki: THE TRAPEZOID JUST NAILED POTRIGHT WITH THE SIGNIFICANT DIGITS! POTRIGHT IS DOWN IN A HEAP ON THE STONE FLOOR! TRAPEZOID IS STILL HURTING FROM THE GLASS WINDOW!

JT: They're BOTH hurting from that!

GP: Yeah.

JT: HIT is stumbling to his feet and he looks at that swimming pool!

Nikki: HIT is walking toward the next chamber, and... wait, is that SUNLIGHT!?

JT: Yes, it is! HIT senses it! He's almost at the exit! But Potright's fighting to his feet! Somehow, Potright is getting to his feet!

GP: Potright "runs" at HIT! A spear! A spear from behind, and Potright is now crawling to the light source!

JT: Potright is at the last chamber, but HIT is crawling to catch up as well!

(Scene cut to that last room, where Joey Malone stands, holding a strawberry shortcake and looking a little worse for wear. Keri is with him. Joey is looking up the ladder that leads outside.)

Joey Malone: Stupid mummies... why did we have to run into those stupid disco mummies?

Keri Lindum: Beats me...

(Joey starts climbing the ladder, but Keri cries out.)

Malone: What? What is it?

Keri: HIT and Potright are coming!

Malone: Oh, fudge. Quickly! Let's go!

(They climb up, just as Potright gets to the ladder.)

JT: Potright's there first, but here comes HIT! The HIT is coming! Potright kicks him away, and starts climbing the ladder! Potright could win this thing! But HIT grabs Potright's foot! Potright kicks HIT in the face! HIT falls, and Potright can climb up! But... wait... what's Potright doing? Potright is turning away from the ladder!

GP: POTRIGHT'S HOLDING HIS ARMS OUT! THIS COULD BE... YES! It's the Christ Air! The crucifix shooting stars press! That's it! Potright has taken out HIT! He's back up again and he's going to climb up the ladder! He's going to win this! Potright's almost out, but... WAIT! WHO'S THAT?!

*SMACK!*

GP: DONNIE DAZE! DONNIE DAZE FROM THE TOP OF THE PYRAMID JUST CAUGHT POTRIGHT IN THE HEAD WITH THAT STEEL CHAIR AND POTRIGHT JUST FELL ABOUT TEN FEET TO THE STONE FLOOR BELOW! HIT IS STRUGGLING TO GET TO THE LADDER! HE'S CLIMBING THE LADDER, SLOWLY BUT SURELY!

JT: Potright's out! I mean, he's finished! HIT is climbing, he's climbing! Potright's grabbed a hold of the ladder, but HIT is there! HIT is out! HIT IS OUT! IT'S OVER! THE PYRAMID OF PERIL IS OVER!

(Somewhere, a bell is heard.)

*ding, ding, ding*

(Potright finally climbs out of the pyramid, now, and tackles HIT to the
ground.)

GP: And here we go again!

JT: Potright's GOT to be hurting after Daze chairshotted him straight to
hell!

GP: Potright is pounding away at HIT, while Daze is preparing to
chairshot Potright again, but Joey Malone grabs the chair away from Daze
and starts brawling with Daze, away from Potright and HIT!

Nikki: Malone just saved Potright, but HIT pulls Potright right off of
him! They're brawling toward that truck! Potright picks up HIT and drops
him with a scoop slam! Now Potright goes to the truck and tries a
moonsault, but HIT is up quickly and shoves Potright's legs from out
under him! Now HIT picks up Potright and gets him in a fireman's carry!
HIT is looking for the System of Equations!

GP: Yes! The somersault fireman's carry slam, right into the Asai
moonsault off of that fire hydrant! Amazing balance by HIT to get the
moonsault off of the fire hydrant!

JT: I notice the irony in doing a fireman's carry into a moonsault from
a fire hydrant!

GP: Shut up, JT! HIT is going for the cover, and the referee is finally
there! He makes the count! One... two... three!! HIT gets the pin!

(Somewhere, a cow moos.)

Cow: MOOO!!!!

JT: We really need to fix that.

GP: Yes, we do.

Nikki: HIT pulls Potright up and he goes for a Michinoku Driver, but
Potright fights to land on his feet! But HIT goes for a reverse DDT off
that! Potright slips out of the hold before it can happen! HIT does,
however, manage to blindside Potright with a vicious elbow smash that
sends Potright spiralling down the street and to the pavement!

GP: HIT picks up Potright again and throws him into the truck! Wait! Is
that... HEY! THAT'S THE OBSCENE OBTUSE TRIANGLE DRIVING THAT THING!

JT: YES! WICKED!

GP: The truck is moving, and we're getting flashbacks of King of the
Road! Potright and HIT are brawling on the back of that truck that's
being driven by OOT!

Nikki: HIT grabs Potright and goes for a powerbomb, but Potright picks
up HIT and drops him with a backdrop!

GP: Potright goes back to mounted punches to the skull of HIT! Now
Potright picks up HIT again and goes for War Within A Breath!

JT: Wait! The referee is coming in on a motorcycle! What a trooper, he's
gonna do his job through hell, fire, brimstone, rain, snow, sleet, and
even REXBO!

GP: What the fuck?

JT: ...Nevermind.

GP: THE REFEREE HAS JUST JUMPED RIGHT OFF THE MOTORCYCLE AND RIGHT ONTO
THE BACK OF THAT TRUCK!

Nikki: Holy shit, I didn't think our referees were that brave!

GP: Potright couldn't hit War Within A Breath because the shaking caused
by the referee's leap caused HIT to shake loose from Potright's grip!
HIT picks up Potright! SAS POSTULATE! THE EMERALD FUSION TO POTRIGHT,
RIGHT ON THE BACK OF THE TRUCK! POTRIGHT'S DOWN, AND HIT'S MAKING THE
COVER! THE REFEREE COUNTS! ONE... TWO... THREE!!!

(And somewhere, a cow moos.)

Cow: MOOOO!!!!

JT: SOMEBODY STOP THAT COW!

GP: YES, PLEASE!

Nikki: WAIT! OOT JUST CRASHED THE TRUCK RIGHT INTO ANOTHER TRUCK! HIT
AND POTRIGHT GO FLYING OFF THE TRUCK AND RIGHT INTO THE OTHER TRUCK! THE
REFEREE HELD ON TO SOMETHING AND IS STILL WALKING!

GP: BOTH MEN MIGHT BE DEAD AFTER THAT!

JT: NO SHIT!

GP: The cameraman is rushing to the scene! HIT landed on top of
Potright! Potright might have cushioned HIT's fall!

Nikki: That's not good!

GP: The referee is shaking the cobwebs and he's going over to the scene!
HE DROPS DOWN AND MAKES A COUNT?! THEY'RE BOTH DEAD! ONE... TWO...
THREE!!!

(And again, somewhere, a cow moos.)

Cow: MOOOO!!!!

JT: DAMN YOU, COW! I'M TIRED OF YOUR SHIT!

(JT marches off.)

GP: Uh oh.

Nikki: Yes. Uh oh.

GP: HIT IS GETTING UP!? HOW THE HELL...

Nikki: POTRIGHT IS, TOO!

GP: MY GOD! THEY'RE NEAR THE ARENA! Somehow, in the Obscene Obtuse
Triangle's erratic driving, he got these two psychopaths close to the
arena!

Nikki: They're tied three to three coming here!? Who's gonna win this!

GP: Potright picks up HIT and goes for a Michinoku Driver! And he gets
it! Potright goes for the cover, the referee is there! One... two...
th-NO! HIT kicks out at two!

Nikki: Potright pulls HIT up and he shoves HIT into one of the walls of
a nearby building! Potright tries to follow up, but HIT just backdrops
Potright right into the wall and... SICK! POTRIGHT JUST LANDED RIGHT ON
HIS HEAD! HIT JUST DROPPED POTRIGHT ON HIS HEAD WITH THAT MOVE! THE HIT
GOES FOR THE PIN AFTER THAT! ONE... TWO...THR-NO! POTRIGHT GOT THE
SHOULDER UP!

GP: How in GOD'S NAME did he kick out of that?!

Nikki: He's Samuel Potright, IWO World Champion! Of course he can kick
out of such a move!

GP: HIT is dragging Potright near the arena! HIT goes for a scoop slam,
but Potright rolls him up! Inside cradle! One... two... WAIT! HIT
REVERSES! ONE... TWO... THREE!!!

(Somewhere, a cow moos.)

COW: MOOOAUGHUAHGUHAUGHH!!

JT: HA! GOTCHA, BITCH!

(JT wanders off.)

GP: This is the most fucked up match I have ever seen!

Nikki: HIT just stole a pinfall from Potright! Oh my god!

(JT comes back.)

JT: Miss me?

Nikki: No.

GP: No.

JT: :-(

GP: HIT and Potright have reentered the arena!
Match 7: Terminus

The briefcase containing the IWO World Title and the important papers is placed on the roof of the arena. To win, you must grab the briefcase.

Potright - 3
HIT - 3

GP: WAR! WAR! That's all I can say. This has been... a war. Unfashionably intense... and we've seen the bar raised... again. We've seen it all...

(We run through the high spots again... before the crowd roars in anticipation as a heartbeat resounds through the arena. It's all coming to a head...)

JT: Here we go. Final fall. Terminus.

("Stairway To Heaven" begins to stream through the speakers, oddly enough. On TronVision, an IWO original, we watch as Potright and HIT battle through the arena halls. Their bodies are broken, their faces bloody... and it all ends here.)

JT: Potright and HIT exchanging lefts and rights! HIT throws Potright into the wall... and throws him into the opposite one! He opens a dressing room...

Meygon: EEEEEEEEEK!

JT: BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES!

Nikki: Pervert.

GP: Well, now this PPV is complete... we just caught Meygon half-naked. Potright knocks HIT into the dressing room... he grabs the wooden folding chair, smashes it over HIT's head! Splinters everywhere! He takes Trapezoid... into the dressing room table! Trapezoid springs back and rubs some powder in Potright's eyes! Potright blinded, HIT grabs him... oh no... RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX INTO MEYGON'S DRESSING ROOM MIRROR! IT SHATTERS ALL OVER POTRIGHT!

JT: YAHOO! BOOBIES AND BLOOD! Trapezoid pulls Potright out...

Trapezoid: Listen, Potright... There's a feeling I get when I look to the west, and my spirit is crying for leaving... that's going to be your little spirit crying, Potty, not mine.

Nikki: And Trapezoid runs Potright out of the room! They're coming towards here!

(We get a crowd's point of view of the entrance... as Potright and Trapezoid battle one another out into the arena, where the fans can see them and cheer them more heartily.)

Nikki: Trapezoid takes Potright, kicks him in the stomach, DEATH PLUNGE! He used the move of one of Potright's other hated rival, Syphon Fission! And now HIT is heading towards the TronVision! He's insane... he's going to try to get to the roof from there! He's going up!

GP: He'll probably kill himself... but he's going to go up to the top! This is like climbing the stairway to heaven... and Potright is slowly recovering from the Death Plunge! HIT getting to the halfway point... Potright fighting to his feet! HIT getting towards the top! And Potright... IS CLIMBING AFTER HIM! HIT some twenty, twenty-five feet off the ground! And he can only head higher up! Potright's right there, going after him! Trapezoid reaching above thirty feet... Potright probably ten or twelve off the ground... Trapezoid is on top of the TronVision!

JT: Every time Greg says the word "TronVision", doesn't he sound like Tony Shiavone?

GP: Oh, now THAT'S AN INSULT. I should challenge you to a duel... bastard. Trapezoid waiting for Potright... is he looking for something to drop on Potright?

Nikki: I think he is. Potright reaching twenty feet... Trapezoid's got his back turned... wait, he's climbing onto the rafters! We just saw VP Tom take a HUGE fall a couple weeks back! Could it happen again? Potright at twenty-five feet... he races to the top! And he's climbing up after Trapezoid! They're going to meet right in the middle of the rafters... HIT FOUND A TRAP DOOR! HE OPENS IT UP, BUT POTRIGHT PULLS HIS FEET DOWN! They exchange fists high above! Back and forth, back and forth! Potright grabs Trapezoid, DDT on the rafter! Potright holds on, a second DDT! He's going for a third one... Trapezoid with a Northern Lights Suplex!

(The construction shakes, sending dust fluttering through the air.)

JT: Good reversal! ACK! Did I just say that? Well... Trapezoid slowly crawls to his feet. He takes Potright... sets him up, looks to be going for the Perpindicular Bisector! Potright slips out of it! Potright slides behind, grabs HIT... lifts him up, but HIT slips down! Wait... Potright with a full nelson, FULL NELSON SLAM! They actually used wrestling moves up there! What's wrong with them?

GP: Well, now Potright scoots through the trapdoor... and he's crawling up a ladder. Where will this lead?

Nikki: ... it just keeps on going... and HIT has gotten to his feet and is after him! They're scaling the ladder up to... is the arena even this big... ?

GP: No... but Potright's reached the top! And.. right in front of us... THEY ARE RAISING A SCAFFOLD! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! WHAT THE HELL?!

JT: Atop the arena, the two are exchanging punches! Back and forth! HIT with a couple of hard hooks to Potright's face... they're bloody messes, and they just keep on going! Potright falling back... he falls into the roof ladder! It tips over... and HIT looks around for something! He's got a chair, peoples! He's going to hit Potright with it...

Nikki: BUT BETH POTRIGHT PULLS THE CHAIR FROM HIM! BETH POTRIGHT HITS HIM IN THE BACK WITH THE CHAIR! But... HIT just turns around... POTRIGHT FROM BEHIND! HE HITS A SIGNIFIGANT DIGITS ON TRAPEZOID! HE USED HIT'S OWN MOVE ON HIM!

GP: Beth hands her husband the chair! And Potright sets the ladder up! This is going to be it... but Potright's turning around! What is he thinking? He's waiting for Trapezoid to get up.... AND HE DIVES FROM TEN FEET UP, AND HITS A DROPKICK WITH THE CHAIR! HIT goes down! But Trapezoid manages to get right back up again! Potright tosses the chair to him, goes for a Kamikaze Kick, HIT ducks, and rams the chair into Potright's ribs! and just swings the chair upwards, scraping off the skin from Potright's jaw! GOOD GOD!

JT: Potright clutching his chin in pain... HIT BRINGS THE CHAIR AND WRAPS IT RIGHT AROUND POTRIGHT'S SKULL! HIT sets the chair down in a sitting position... he steps back, Beth Potright tries to get in the way, Trapezoid pushes her out of the way! He runs... AND THE CHAIR COLLAPSES AS SOON AS HE STEPS ON IT! HAHAHAHA! HE HIT POTRIGHT TOO HARD WITH IT, IT WEAKENED THE SEAT!

Nikki: Potright takes advantage! He slams the chair down on the shin of HIT! OH SHIT, NO! I SMELL A PILLMAN/AUSTIN OCCURANCE AGAIN! Potright climbing up the ladder... and what the hell is Beth Potright doing?

Beth: SAM! DON'T! IT'S NOT WORTH IT!

GP: IS THIS WOMAN CRAZY?! HE DRANK HER BLOOD! OF COURSE IT'S WORTH IT!

Beth: Sam... remember October?

JT: What the hell happened in October?

Beth: When you were out of it, and I was about to fall... who proved themself to have a soul?

GP: Is she... crying?

Beth: Sam... this guy, for all he's ever done to hurt us, to agonize us... he saved my life. You can do anything else... you guys HAVE already done everything else to each other thus far... but don't... don't splinter his ankle.

GP: DID SHE JUST TELL POTRIGHT NOT TO HURT TRAPEZOID?!

Nikki: SHE DID!

JT: And the PUSSY-BOY is LISTENING TO HIS WIFE! LOSER! GEEK! WHIPPED!

*SMACK!*

JT: OW! WHORE!

*SMACK!*

JT: DAMMIT, STOP!

Nikki: No!

GP: What a group of people. Potright down on the ground, he goes to HIT... and he takes the chair off his ankle! ... BUT NOW HE'S SLAMMING THE CHAIR ON HIT'S ANKLE! TRAPEZOID SCREAMING WITH EACH AND EVERY BLOW! POTRIGHT GOING MANIACAL! BETH PLEADING FOR HIM TO STOP!

Beth: STOP IT!!

Potright: You told me to not splinter his ankle... I'M GONNA CRUSH IT.

JT: YES! HE'S GONNA DO IT ANYWAY! POTRIGHT GOES WITH A FEW MORE SHOTS! He lays the chair over HIT's right shin... he heads back a few feet, goes, AND DROPS THE KNEE ON IT! HIT PUSHES THE CHAIR OFF AND CLUTCHES HIS LEG LIKE A LOST CHILD! YES YES YES, POTRIGHT WANTS TO BREAK SOMETHING!

Nikki: HIT has pushed him too far... Potright's folding up the ladder. He's bringing it to HIT. He picks it up, AND HIT KICKS HIM IN THE NUTS TO COUNTER! POTRIGHT DROPS THE LADDER, HIT GRABS IT, AND SLAMS ONE END OF IT INTO POTRIGHT'S FACE! Potright falls to the side! HIT is getting to his feet... he's limping, but he tosses the ladder right onto Potright! OH!

JT: Owie. HIT with the ladder... he's too beat to innovate some violence. Instead, he just brings it down onto Potright again! He's taking Potright's leg... Potright uses his other leg, and tips the ladder out of the way! BUT IT'S STUCK! HIS FOOT'S STUCK IN THE LADDER! HIT's got a sick-ass look on his face...

HIT: Listen, Sammy... "to rock and not to roll"... you're gonna learn what it's like to have a crushed ankle and not to walk.

GP: NO! NO! HIT IS OPENING THE LADDER UP! HE'S SLIDING POTRIGHT'S FOOT OUT THE SIDE AND IS CLOSING THE LADDER ON IT! GOD DAMMIT, NO! TRAPEZOID PREPARES TO JUMP ON IT... HE STEPS BACK, AND WHO THE HELL IS THAT?!

JT: WHAT THE HELL?!

Nikki: It's...

All: TITAN! TITAN!

GP: HE'S HERE! HE HAS HIT BY THE THROAT... CHOKESLAM! He pulls Potright's leg out of the ladder! He sets up the ladder... and takes HIT again! He's signalling for it! Oh, it's been a long time since I called this move... HE TAKES TRAPEZOID, TITAN X-PRESS! TITAN X-PRESS! HIT GOES DOWN, DOWN, DOWN! Titan helping Potright up... he tosses him into the ladder rungs, and is telling him to climb! And Potright follows the order... BUT TITAN IS PUSHED OUT OF THE WAY BY...

JT: It's CAPITAL PUNISHMENT! CAPITAL PUNISHMENT! HE'S CLIMBING THE LADDER AFTER POTRIGHT... HE TAKES POTRIGHT, DEATH PENALTY! HE HIT THE DEATH PENALTY ON POTRIGHT FROM THE LADDER! BOTH POTRIGHT AND HIT ARE DOWN, THANKS TO THE IWO'S COLLECTIVE LEGENDS!

Nikki: But HIT is getting up, slowly... he's trying to shake the effects of the Titan X-Press. What a hellacious blow! Titan X-Press on the roof of the arena? DAMN! I'm surpsised he's recovered as quickly as he has.

GP: Come on... he's gone through much worse than a ladder-to-floor chokeslam, no matter how proficient the user of it is. He's getting to his feet... and he's walking over to Potright... he lifts the legs... looks like a Wall Breaker! He could be going for a Wall Breaker! Potright turned around... HIT wrenches back, and quickly lets go! He knows this isn't the way to go... and he heads for the ladder! Potright on the ground, HIT going up... if he gets this, THIS WILL BE IT! AND HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID WILL BE THE IWO WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! HIT getting up there... he's almost to the top... Potright up! Potright up! He's crawling up the ladder after HIT... he's got HIT's boot! HIT trying to get him off! Potright pulls down, HIT falls backwards... GOOD GOD, GERMAN SUPLEX OFF THE LADDER! POTRIGHT PLUCKED HIT AS HE FELL AND GERMAN SUPLEXED HIM NECK-FIRST INTO THE ARENA'S ROOF!

JT: HE WAS SO CLOSE TO WINNING! Potright crawls over... he's going up the ladder now! He's climbing up top... he's in reach of the briefcase containing his title and the papers that would take HIT out of wrestling forever... but he looks down! He did this earlier tonight! He has to make a choice... the win, or more pain to HIT? Will he take the glory or the revenge? POTRIGHT TURNING AROUND! HE'S TAKING REVENGE! HE SIGNALS FOR IT... CHRIST AIR! CHRIST AIR! HE HIT THE CHRIST AIR ON HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID!

Nikki: POTRIGHT KNOCKED HIMSELF OUT! HE HIT THE LEG OF THAT BENT WRECKAGE OF THE STEEL CHAIR! HE'S OUT!

(The crowd is silent... "Stairway To Heaven" continues playing through the arena, again and again...)

JT: This is like listening to a pop station in the '70's. "Stairway" over and over and over again...

GP: And she's buyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyying a stairway... to heaven...

JT: ACK! DON'T SING! YOU SUCK!

GP: HEY HEY MOMMA, THE WAY YOU MOVE, GONNA MAKE YOU SCREAM, GONNA MAKE YOU GROOVE!

JT: NOOOOOOOOOO! NOT "BLACK DOG"! GIMME YOUR HEADSET!

GP: NO!

JT: YES!

GP: MINE!

JT: YOU RUINED A LED ZEPPELIN SONG! FUCKER, I'LL KILL YOU!

GP: BRING IT!

(Greg and JT begin fighting. Nikki just sits there... and sighs.)

Nikki: I swear to GOD, we should get Shallow out here to replace me for this.

(Someone replaces the music with Boston's "More Than A Feeling".)

JT: Huh...? YES! BOSTON! IT'S MORE THAN A FEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL... damn, how does he hold his voice for that long?

GP: Ha! Well... Potright is getting to his feet... BUT JOEY MALONE! JOEY MALONE FROM BEHIND! HE'S BEEN A THORN IN THESE TWO'S SIDES! He takes Potright... JERKOLIZER(Fireman's Cradle DDT into Twist Of Fate)! WHY IS HE ATTACKING POTRIGHT AND TRAPEZOID?! WHY?!

JT: That is THE most overused word in the universe?

GP: What?

JT: That's the second most overused?

GP: Huh?

JT: Most overused #3!

*SMACK!*

Nikki: You're getting annoying.

JT: Meesa sowwy.

GP: Malone rushes into the darkness again... and Potright's a bleeding, hurting, Jerk-o-lized mess. Has there ever been so much on the line for these men? And they can't even stand... it's time to look at what these men are fighting for... the two most important things in their lives. One's career and one's love, with the proof that they are the best playing a balance-point... they risk their lives, day in, day out... and tonight, they risk more than their lives, they risk their minds, their bodies, their souls... they're doing this to defy time to forget them. Should we forget these two? They have given us entertainment that goes beyond the ideals of an everyday man... they have shown a pain threshold that is absolutely the epitome of any threshold we have seen. They have shown innovation, they have shown emotion... they have shown us the best they can do. This is perhaps the greatest main event in IWO history...

Nikki: *Sniff* ... That was beautiful, Greg.

JT: Yeah, beautiful to gay guys.

*SUPER-SLAP!*

JT: YOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

GP: ... I've got more to go.

Nikki: This isn't the Academy Awards, Greg.

GP: They shortened the speech time this year.

Nikki: Oh yeah.

GP: Well... HIT is up. He stands over the body of Sam Potright... and raises his arms to either side.

HIT: Sammy... it was once your time. But now... it's my time. My time to live... my time to shine in that eternal light.

GP: And he's going for the ladder! Trapezoid has made a final proclamation, and he's climbing up the ladder! He's at the top... he's looking into the streets of Glascow! The people down below... and he laughs. The man is at the top of the world right now, and he's laughing.

(HIT raises his arms in victory... he strikes his head back, and gives a hearty yell of triumph, his voice echoing in the evening sky, as a slight crackle of thunder signifies the coming of a storm overhead... raindrops begin their descent from the stratosphere downward to the earth. In seconds, trickles become an almost unstoppable storm of wind, water, and the booming sound of God's hands. HIT takes it all in... for right now, he is at the top of his game. And Potright... the man whom he hates... is down below. Gone. Dead. A former version of his past self... a person who cannot even take the hit of a chair leg.
But, alas... as is the form of every villian, every person who decides that his way, the way of a sickening and unconforming personality, he doesn't notice that his foe comes alive.)

GP: POTRIGHT SAT UP! HE SAT UP! THE RAIN IN HIS HAIR, THE LIGHTNING STRIKING OVER HIS HEAD, AND HE IS ALIVE!

JT: HE'S BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

(HIT cannot see Potright, nay hear him in the storm... he does not notice Potright climbing up behind him until it is too late.)

HIT: It's MY TIME....

Potright: No it isn't.

(HIT's face is a representation of all that is fright: the surprise, the dread... the feeling of premonition that is ignored by all of us.)

Potright: ... Your time never was, Trapezoid. You'll never be king... you'll be nothing more...

(Potright grabs HIT...spins him around on the ladder, and climbs above him. He hooks HIT's arms after a few quick, stunning blows to the head, nearly knocking HIT off the ladder.)

Potright: ... Than what you were before you stepped in my life.

(Potright lifts him up...)

Potright: You may thought you'd be king... but you're nothing but a jester... who will fall from grace.

GP: FALL GROM GRACE! FALL FROM GRACE! HIT GOES HEAD-FIRST INTO THE ARENA ROOF! GOOD GOD ALL MIGHTY, HE HIT THE FALL FROM GRACE ON HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID! POTRIGHT HAS JUST BROKE HIT'S NECK!

Nikki: AND HE'S NOT FINISHED! HE SIGNALS FOR SOMETHING! HE'S LOCKING IN WHAT LOOKS TO BE A SHARPSHOOTER FROM THE BACK... AND HE FALLS BACKWARDS, BRIDGING HIS BACK! IT'S AN IMPROVED VERSION OF THE WALL BREAKER! HIT'S KNOCKED OUT HOWEVER, AND HE CAN'T FEEL THE EFFECTS!

JT: He might be glad, if he knew what was going on... Potright releases the hold. And Beth Potright... she clutches her husband! Awwwwwwww... HOW SICKENING!

GP: Did you ever get any love in your household as a child?

JT: .... No. No, I didn't. THERE! YOU WANT A CONFESSION? I JUST TOLD THE WORLD THAT MY PARENTS DIDN'T LOVE ME!

GP: ... Wow. Um...

Nikki: He must be kidding.

JT: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! You don't know what it was like... my mom was never there, and my dad was a FLAT-OUT DRUNK. You grow up in that household. I lived my life with a guy that only knew Schlitz to be his best friend and a mom that worked to support his habit. FUCK YOU if you think I'm kidding.

Nikki: ...

(JT stifles a sob.)

Nikki: I never knew.

JT: Yeah... *sniffle*... well now you know.

GP: Beth embracing her husband... this could be their final embrace, if HIT wakes up before Potright climbs the ladder.

Nikki: ... Well, you never know what might happen... but I'm thinking it's not very likely for HIT to get up after the Fall From Grace from the ladder.

GP: Sam is telling Beth something!

(Sam pulls his wife from her tight grip around his neck, her arms crossed as they are making the manuever more difficult. They stare into each other's eyes.)

Potright: Beth...

Beth: ... What?

Potright: Get... out of here.

Beth: WHAT?

Potright: Trust me. Go find Thomas and the girls... take care of your nieces and brother-in-law, first. I can handle this...

(Beth has to make a decision... she looks right at Sam, and earnestly asks a question.)

Beth: Are you sure?

(Sam lowers his head, and raises it in an instant, the water still soaking his face... and his hair still covering his eyes.)

Potright: Yes. Go. Save yourself any trouble... I'll take care of it all on my own.

(Beth takes a step back... before running forward, and laying a kiss on the lips of her husband.)

Beth: Don't get too hurt... because I love you!

(Sam nods his head... and runs one hand through her wet, clumped-together hair.)

Potright: Don't worry.

(Beth runs towards the trapdoor, leaving Sam alone with HIT... he crawls over and looks into the closed eyes of his foe.)

Potright: Well, Trapezoid... it's just the two of us. Unless Malone's hiding out somewhere to attack us.

(He looks around for a moment, sincerely expecting Malone to jump out and attack again... but there's no movement from the shadowed corners of the arena rooftop. Instead, there's the flash of lightning not too far away... and the sounds of thunder booming as the storm rages closer and closer.)

Potright: You know... I hate you. You've done everything in your power to hurt me, to pain me... you stole my wife from me, you've tried to rip my life from my fingers... but in the end... who's standing, who's sitting above whom? Ha. I can't believe you convinced yourself that this would be the way to go.

(Sam raises his head, letting the water splash his face even more.)

Potright: You know what Teddy Roosevelt once said? "It is not the critic who counts; Not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; Who strives valiantly; Who errs, and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming." I suppose that describes the both of us...

(HIT's eyes snap open.)

HIT: I suppose it does.

GP: HIT GRABS POTRIGHT BY THE ARM! HE'S GOT THE EXTRANEOUS SOLUTION ON POTRIGHT! POTRIGHT CAUGHT IN THE EXTRANEOUS SOLUTION! HIT WRENCHING BACK ON IT, POTRIGHT TRYING TO GET HIM OFF HIS BACK... HIT JUST APPLIES MORE PRESSURE! POTRIGHT GETTING WOOZY... BUT HE GETS A LOW BLOW! THE MOVE IS LOOSENED A LITTLE BIT, POTRIGHT SLIPS OUT, GRABS HIT, WAR WITHIN A BREATH! HIT'S HEAD BANGS OFF THE ROOF!

JT: HOLY SHIT! That was like a movie.

Nikki: But it was all real... Potright sits up... and is holding his right shoulder. It looks like the Extraneous Solution managed to hurt something more than it already has been! Potright clutching it in pain... but he's crawling over the body of HIT! BUT TRAPEZOID GRABS HIM BY THE LEG! TRAPEZOID LOCKS ON A HALF-BOSTON CRAB! POTRIGHT PULLING HIMSELF ALONG, BUT TRAPEZOID IS TRYING TO SIT BACK ON THE LEG! POTRIGHT HOPING TO GET FREE, BUT TRAPEZOID IS DAMN SURE NOT GOING TO LET HIM GO!

JT: SOMEONE HAS TO GIVE! POTRIGHT USING HIS ONE LEG... HE PUSHES TRAPEZOID OFF, BUT TRAPEZOID SLIDES UP RIGHT BEHIND HIM AND IS TRYING TO GO FOR THE STF! HE'S GOT IT ON! POTRIGHT SLIPS OUT OF IT... HE GETS TO HIS FEET.... STUNNER! STUNNER BY SAM POTRIGHT! HE REVERSED THE STF ALL THE WAY INTO A STUNNER! Potright closing his eyes... trying to still shake that Extraneous Solution off!

GP: God damn, what these two men have put themselves through! Potright slowly making it to the ladder... but can he climb with one arm? He's going to try! He's going up one rung... and another... and another... HIT up! He goes after Potright! He's right below him on the ladder, AND HE HITS A LOW BLOW! Potright held up halfway up the ladder... he's barely out of reach of the briefcase! HIT gets up beside him... the ladder's wobbly as all hell.

JT: Either man could fall!

Nikki: HIT with a headbutt to Potright! Potright with a rake to the eyes! They're battling in probably the worst possible spot! HIT with a punch to the temple! Potright almost falls off the ladder! HIT... OH LORD NO... Trapezoid's going for a Death Plunge off the ladder! He's got Potright set up for it... he's signalling for it... NO! POTRIGHT POWERS HIT UP, PUTS HIM ON TOP OF THE LADDER, HE APPEARS TO BE GOING FOR A SUPERPLEX FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER! HIT REACHES FOR THE BRIEFCASE, POTRIGHT WITH A HOOK TO THE GUT TO STOP HIM! POTRIGHT GOES UP A COUPLE MORE RUNGS!

GP: Both are so close to the gold! So close, they can taste it! Potright and HIT have both got the briefcase... this last match ended with the two of them hanging above the ground, the Extreme title between them! Potright tries pushing HIT back, HIT's now almost falling off the ladder! He uses his foot, kicks Potright in the stomach, Potright... THE LADDER'S TIPPING! TOO MUCH MOVEMENT, MUCH TOO HIGH! IT'S FALLING IT'S FALLING IT'S -- OH GOOD LORD! THEY ALMOST FELL OFF THE EDGE OF THE ARENA! LOOK AT THEM! THEY'RE HANGING FOR DEAR LIFE!

Nikki: A close call! Both men hanging for dear life!

JT: They've had a lot of rest time in this match. They've been up, they've been down... they've got to feel like shit, to tell the truth.

GP: We've seen them bleed like a mother in this match... Potright and HIT... HIT crawling, pulling himself up on a girder on the arena... Potright trying his hardest to pull himself up, but he can barely hang on, WAIT, HIT JUST GOT HIT BY SOMEONE!

JT: Who? It better not be Joey Malone.

GP: IT ISN'T! THAT'S BILLY LARSON! BILLY LARSON HAS HIT BY THE NECK... HE SETS HIM UP, DOUBLE-ARM DDT! NOW HE GRABS POTRIGHT... GOES FOR A POWERBOMB, BUT POTRIGHT ROLLS THROUGH, HURRICANRANA!

*CLANG!*

JT: Now what?!

GP: THAT'S SATAN! SATAN! SATAN IS HERE, AND HE'S GOT A CHAIR! HE DAMN NEAR TOOK POTRIGHT'S HEAD OFF WITH THAT! HE'S TALKING TRASH TO POTRIGHT... AND THERE'S KEN WAR!

JT: Ohhhhhhhhhh lord.

GP: KEN WAR! KEN WAR! HE'S GOT A FLAMING NAIL BAT! AND HE JUST STRIKES DOWN SATAN WITH IT!

Nikki: FROM BEHIND! THAT'S INFERNO! INFERNO BACK... HE GRABS KEN WAR, BACKDRAFT! HE BACKDRAFTED KEN WAR! HE GRABS THE BAT.. HIT WITH A 150 DEGREE SUPERKICK! TRAPEZOID IS BACK UP, AND HE NEARLY TOOK OUT INFERNO IN ONE SHOT!

JT: All the damn old guys are getting up there! TITAN'S BACK AGAIN! HE TAKES SATAN... CHOKESLAM! GRABS INFERNO OFF THE GROUND... TITAN X-PRESS TO INFERNO! BUT HERE COMES THE VIETNAM VETERAN! VETERAN FROM BEHIND, HE LOCKS IN THE SAIGON STRANGLE! TITAN WITH AN EVASIVE KICK TO THE NUTS! Vet holds his nards in pain!

Nikki: Nards?

JT: Don't ask.

GP: We won't, don't worry. But... CAPITAL PUNISHMENT BACK! HE GOES STRAIGHT FOR THE RISING LARSON! AND TITAN GOES AFTER PUNISHMENT! But Potright... he spears Punishment! Titan goes flying into Larson with a flying lariat! Down they go! Potright giving Punishment the finger! He's going back to Trapezoid... Punishment gets up! He goes right over to Titan and Larson again... he grabs Larson, Titan goes for him, Punishment dodges, grabs Titan... HE DEATH PENALTIES THEM BOTH OFF THE ARENA ROOF! GOOD GOD! Potright from behind, he pushes him over the edge as well! HIT slinks up behind Potright, EXTRANEOUS SOLUTION AGAIN! But Satan breaks that up with a chair shot!

JT: And Ken War is back up! Inferno! They're going after the combatants in this match like no other thing matters to them! Inferno grabs Potright... he's going for a Backdraft! Potright reverses it, EMERALD FUSION! INFERNO IS DOWN! KEN WAR TAKES UP INFERNO'S SPOT, THOUGH! Potright still getting beaten down... BUT HIT COMES UP, AND LANDS A TORNADO DDT ON WAR! Takes down War hard! Satan tries to take HIT... looks like he's going to set up a brainbuster on HIT! HIT SLIPS OUT OF IT, HOLDS SATAN, AND POTRIGHT KIPS UP! Potright with a kick, WAR WITHIN A BREATH TO SATAN! They roll him off the roof... and Potright with a Dragon Suplex to HIT! Both men stay down again! Aw, man... I'm hating these action spurts.

GP: Well, they've expended so much energy over the course of these last six matches... I'm surprised they had enough energy for this match. Potright barely moving... HIT can only clutch his head... pain shooting through both of their bodies, surely... and the ladder's down.

Nikki: Potright... crawling now... slowly as possible. Talk about a war... Potright crawling to the ladder... HIT starting to lose the effects of being dropped right on his head. Potright trying to pull that ladder back to it's feet... and HIT has gotten to his feet! Potright has gotten the ladder up, and he's climbing the ladder bit by bit... HIT grabs him from behind, however, and tries to pull him off! Potright with a death grip on the ladder, though... he low blows HIT with his good leg! He's climbing up... HIT going around! They're climbing up on opposite sides!

GP: Potright and HIT getting up more and more... they're neck-and-neck! Potright reaches for the briefcase... and so does HIT! Trapezoid and Potright fighting for the briefcase! They're tugging at it... AND THE LADDER FELL FROM UNDERNEATH THEM! THE ROOF OF THE DAMN ARENA IS OPENING! I SWEAR TO GOD, THIS IS IN NO WAY MAKING SENSE! That scaffold is awaiting them!

JT: The wire snapped! The wire snapped! THEY FALL!

(The two land on the scaffold, and both still have their hands on the briefcase. They won't let it go.)

Nikki: WHAT THE HELL? THE MATCH IS OVER... WHO WON?

(The scaffold begins to lower... rain drips onto the scaffold, onto the briefcase, dousing the fire of Trapezoid and Potright... IWO workers race around, trying to get the scaffolding down as fast as possible. President Evan is down at the ringside area, having gotten back from the Pyramid of Peril. He's still wiping Jell-O off of his suit and hair... he's speaking to Meygon.)

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen... I have just been told that this match is a DRAW! There is no winner...

GP: What does this mean for the stipulations? Who goes where? Does HIT retire? Must Beth and Sam seperate? SOMEONE GIVE US SOME ANSWERS!

(Evan says some more stuff to Meygon. The scaffold reaches the bottom, and both men are still clutching onto the briefcase as if their life is on the line for it.)

Meygon: However... the match IS NOT OVER!

GP: WHAT?!

JT: NO WAY!

Meygon: There will be ONE... MORE... FALL!

Nikki: You're KIDDING ME!

JT: Insanity...

Meygon: The final fall will be a straight-out wrestling match! Disqualifications and count-outs WILL BE ENFORCED!

Match 8: One-on-One.
A normal wrestling match.

GP: GOD DAMN! Just when we thought it was all over... ONE MORE match to go through! Potright and HIT are pulled away from the briefcase... and there's the bell!

*DING DING DING*

GP: THE FINALE TO TRICK OR TREAT THREE! And it's straight-up wrestling! HIT and Potright pulling themselves up to their feet... here comes a referee, and... President Evan has joined us at ringside!

Evan: It's GAME TIME at the commentary table!

JT: Yes, Mr. Levine. Would you like some salt?

Evan: Why would I want salt?

JT: I don't know... it sounded good.

Evan: Uh huh...

Nikki: Potright and HIT meet in the center of the ring, HIT pushes Potright back into the ropes, Potright swings around behind HIT, Potright pushes Trapezoid into the corner... Trapezoid climbs up the turnbuckles, swings around, Potright steps back, ducks a clothesline from the HIT, Potright goes down for an elbow, HIT moves, and takes Potright in a front facelock!

JT: Whoooopeee. "Techy" wrestling. How incredibly exxxxxcciiiittttttttiiing.

GP: Dick.

Evan: Speaking of My Dick, who got him out of the IWO? It was ME! HAHAHAHAHA!

GP: Um... anyway.... Potright pressures up out of the front facelock, takes HIT, goes for a DDT, HIT with a northern lights suplex, one... two... no! Potright with a kickout. HIT goes for another cover... one... two... and yet again, Potright kicks out. HIT gets to his feet, delivers a boot straight to Potright's skull. He picks up the champ by the hair, throws him into the corner face-first, picks Potright up, puts him on the top turnbuckle... he GOES UP AND JUST TOSSES POTRIGHT WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX! GERMAN SUPLEX THAT CRACKED POTRIGHT'S HEAD DAMN NEAR IN HALF! HIT couldn't hold on, though! He couldn't hold on! He crawls over to Potright... COVER! ONE..... TWO.... NO NO! POTRIGHT KICKED OUT!

Evan: WHAT? Dammit! He should lose!

JT: Yessir! HIT just shrugs it off, grabs Potright, gets to his feet... he throws Potright to the outside! Potright went flying into the guardrail! HIT climbing up to the top... I've never seen my main math-man fly. He's all the way up there... he jumps... AND POTRIGHT MOVED OUT OF THE GODDAMN WAY! DAMMIT! HIT JUST BUSTED HIMSELF RIGHT INTO THAT GUARDRAIL! Potright is back to his feet, he tosses HIT into the ring! He climbs to the apron, hops up, SPRINGBOARD SHOOTING STAR PRESS, HE LANDS IT! ONE.... TWO..... THANK GOD! HIT kicked out!

Nikki: Potright woozy from doing that... he's letting his mind clear... HIT grabs him, schoolboy! SCHOOLBOY! ONE...... TWO...... NO! Potright with a kickout! Potright rolls back, spins up to his feet, goes and hits a somersault legdrop! Potright back to his feet, he runs into the ropes, over HIT, into the other ropes, LIONSAULT! He covers again! One.......... two....... and HIT WITH ANOTHER KICKOUT!

GP: HIT proving something tonight, as is Potright! Potright picks HIT up by the hair, launches him into the ropes, spinning heel kick connects! Potright goes for another cover, but he pulled too much! HIT rolls him up... one... two.... NO! Potright rolls over! ONE.... TWO... NO! HIT gets out of it, spins Potright over in an armbar, walks him over so Potright's on his back, GERMAN SUPLEX FROM THE MAT ALL THE WAY BACK INTO THE MAT! HE HOLDS ON THIS TIME! ONE..... TWO..... JESUS ALLMIGHTY, HE KICKED OUT!

Evan: DANG! DANG DANG DANG!

JT: Mr. Levine?

Evan: WHAT?!

JT: You can say "Shit!" or "Fuck!" on PPV.

Evan: I can?

JT: I do.

Evan: All righty then.

JT: HIT tired... c'mon, get up, get up! Potright not even sure where he is right now... HIT has gotten to his feet, just barely... SYSTEM OF EQUATIONS! BUT POTRIGHT'S IN THE ROPES, SO HIT HAS TO RELEASE IT! Trapezoid mad... he takes Potright, FULL NELSON SLAM! He goes for a cover! ONE.... TWO..... NO! Damn Potright! He doesn't give up! He should... he really should... HIT picks him up, throws him into the ropes, standing dropkick takes down Potty like a gunshot! My Mathamensa member covers his opponent... one.... two... NOOOOO! WHY! WHY WHY! WHYYYY! HOW DOES HE DO IT?

GP: That's why he's a former Pacific, Extreme, IC and World Tag champion, in addition to the belt that he's contesting right now! Sam Potright IS A MAN OF MEN! He doesn't give up... even with HIT barraging his skull with fists as he is doing now!

Evan: This is ridiculous. I filled up a PPV main event with THIS?

GP: It's a good match! It's been one of the best series of matches EVER!

Evan: Bullshit, man! I could've had Daze face someone!

GP: WELL, YOU DIDN'T!

Evan: YOU SHUT UP! I CAN FIRE YOU ANY DAMN TIME I WANT! LIKE RIGHT NOW! But I won't... because I'm kind-hearted.

Nikki: HIT takes Potright, grabs him, picks him up, GUTWRENCH SUPLEX! Potright takes that shot pretty hard! He's coughing... must be bruised ribs, although I'm sure he has bruised everything right now. HIT laughs, covers very comfortably... AND POTRIGHT ROLLS HIM OVER IN A CRADLE! ONE... TWO.... NO! NO NO! HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID KICKED OUT! Potright is damn near dead... but HIT sure isn't! HIT getting to his feet... he's looking around... he takes Potright's legs!

JT: FIGURE-FOUR! FIGURE-FOUR! HIT'S GOT THE FUCKING FIGURE-FOUR ON SAM POTRIGHT! HE'S GONNA MAKE HIM SUBMIT TO A MOVE WITH A NUMBER IN IT! HOW INCREDIBLY EMBARASSING! POTRIGHT IS SCREAMING IN PAIN! THE PAIN, YES, POTTY, TAP UNTIL YOU CAN'T TAP NO MORE! THIS IS GOING TO BE HIT'S TIME, HIT'S TIME, YOU HEAR ME?

Evan: MAKE HIM TAP! MAKE HIMMMMMM TAP!

JT: POTRIGHT CAN'T GET TO THE ROPES! HE CAN'T GET TO THE ROPES! THIS IS IT! YES, THIS IS ALL SHE WROTE FOR SAM POTRIGHT! IT'S ALL SHE WROTE! HE'S STARTING TO FADE OUT... YES! YES YES! POTRIGHT LOSING CONSCIOUSNESS! IT'S ALL OVER, NEW CHAMPEEEN!

GP: DON'T LOSE, SAM, DON'T LOSE! DON'T GO OUT! DON'T GET KNOCKED OUT! YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT! NO NO NO NO! NOO! POTRIGHT'S SLIPPING OUT... HE'S GOING DOWN...

Nikki: HERE COMES BETH POTRIGHT!

Evan: Huh?

Nikki: BETH POTRIGHT! BETH POTRIGHT IS AT RINGSIDE NOW! HIT SEES HER... HE LET GO OF THE FIGURE-FOUR! HE LET GO, AND HE'S GOING STRAIGHT FOR BETH! SHE RUNS AROUND RINGSIDE! HIT GOING AFTER HER! BETH POTRIGHT TRIPS OVER HER HIGH HEELS... HIT IS RIGHT BEHIND HER! NOOOO! DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN!

JT: YES! HE'S GONNA CUT THE BITCH UP AGAIN! YES YES YES! HE JUST PULLED OUT THE BARBED WIRE PROTRACTOR! IT'S ALL OVER FOR BETH POTRIGHT! SHE'S GONNA GET CUT AND SLICED AND DASHED AND -- AND...

(The lights flicker... once... twice... and go out.)

JT: AND NOW I CAN'T SEE!

Evan: I paid good money for this! What the HELL is going on? Huh? HUH? TELL ME SOMETHING, HERE, PEOPLE! HELLLLLLO...

(The lights return... the referee's laid out, Beth Potright's in the ring, HIT's in the ring, and standing, clutching HIT by the neck...)

GP: HOLY SHIT, IT'S PAUL HANSON!

Evan: WHO?

GP: "PHREAK" PAUL HANSON, FORMER TAG TEAM PARTNER OF SAM POTRIGHT! FORMER OUTCAST! HE'S GOT HIT UP... AND HE SENDS HIT DOWN! DOWN DOWN DOWN! CHOKESLAMMED THE SON OF A BITCH RIGHT OUT OF HIS BOOTS! HE SAVED BETH POTRIGHT, THE WIFE OF HIS FORMER PARTNER!

Nikki: Potright and Hanson are looking at each other... the 6'8" behemoth, the 6'2" "shrimp"... Hanson extends a hand! Potright accepts it! THE OUTCASTS ARE BACK! THE OUTCASTS ARE BACK! THE OUTCASTS -- NO, NO NO NO! DAMMIT! PAUL HANSON JUST CHOKESLAMMED SAM POTRIGHT! REVENGE FOR HIS FORMER PARTNER TRYING TO TAKE HIM OUT OF WRESTLING COMPLETELY! DAMMIT!

Evan: HA HA HA! YES!

JT: I KNEW THERE WAS ONE MEMBER OF THAT TEAM THAT MEANT ANYTHING! HANSON RAISES HIS HANDS IN VICTORY... BUT HIT CLIMBS UP BEHIND HIM, AND SLASHES HIS THROAT WITH HIS PROTRACTOR! BLOOD POURS FROM THE WOUND! HIT HAS KILLED PAUL HANSON! Oh well. He wasn't THAT good, anyway.

GP: Hanson falls down, dead... HIT is standing tall... this match is insane. Potright is down, we've got a dead man, and a GEOMETRIC SHAPE is standing tall in the ring. BUT BETH POTRIGHT WITH A LOW BLOW! HIT DROPS HIS PROTRACTOR... SAM POTRIGHT SPRINGS TO LIFE, BRINGS IT ACROSS THE FOREHEAD OF HIT! ONE FINAL CUT TO THE FACE! Potright tosses the weapon away, takes HIT, puts him on the top rope... he signals Beth Potright over... WELCOME TO THE SOCIETY! WELCOME TO THE SOCIETY(Top-Rope 3D)!! THE POTRIGHTS HIT WELCOME TO THE SOCIETY ON TRAPEZOID! Beth Potright goes and wakes the referee up! Potright covers HIT!

JT: The zebra man is going slowly, thank god! He's crawling over.... and over...... he's there! ONE............. TWO.................. YES, IN THE NAME OF GOD, YES! HIT KICKED OUT! HE KICKED OUT!

GP: HOW?! GAH! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

Evan: WHEW! THANK YOU!

Nikki: You seem to have an invested interest in this ending, Mr. Levine.

Evan: Well, of course I do. Who runs the place? ME!

JT: He has a suitable point...

Nikki: "Suitable"? JT, don't try to make yourself sound smarter.

GP: Potright on his feet... he's waiting for HIT to get up... HIT is on his feet... and Potright rushes him! HIT spins out of the way, grabs Potright from behind, picks him up... BACKDROP DRIVER! HE HOLDS ON, HITS ANOTHER ONE! AGAIN! HE GOES FOR A FOURTH ONE, BUT POTRIGHT FINDS HIMSELF FLYING TO HIS FEET! HIT OVERSHOT THE LAST DRIVER... HE GETS TO HIS FEET, POTRIGHT WITH A KICK TO THE STOMACH, PLANTS HIT BETWEEN HIS LEGS... LIFTS HIM UP, BRINGS HIM BACK DOWN, AND HITS A PILEDRIVER! THAT WAS A SUPER PILEDRIVER! A SUPER PILEDRIVER... HE SAYS IT'S THE FINAL DESTINATION! AND THE MAT IS HIT'S FINAL DESTINATION... POTRIGHT COVERS! ONE... TWO..... AND EVAN JUST THREW SOMETHING AT THE REF! DAMMIT, MAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

(Evan has gotten out of his announce position. He walks right to ringside and jaws with the official... as he does so, he grabs a chair. He jaws with the official some more... AND KNOCKS HIM STRAIGHT OUT WITH A CHAIR SHOT! Evan slides the chair into HIT's hands as Trapezoid gets to his feet following Final Destination... Potright doesn't take a good notice of it.)

Nikki: HIT CRACKS POTRIGHT WITH THE STEEL CHAIR! DAMMIT, EVAN LEVINE JUST PUT HIMSELF IN THE MATCH! THIS SUCKS ROYALLY!

JT: Like you!

*SLAP!*

Nikki: Asshole. Potright sits up... AND HIT HITS HIM WITH THE CHAIR AGAIN!

GP: POTRIGHT DOWN! POTRIGHT DOWN! HIT lifts him up... PERPINDICULAR BISECTOR! GOOD GOD, NO NO NO, THIS IS IT! HE HITS POTRIGHT WITH IT! BUT BOTH MEN... THEY'RE DOWN AND OUT!

Nikki: HIT... he rolls over... the referee is up... ONE......... TWO.............. NO! I... I... CAN'T BELIEVE IT! POTRIGHT KICKED OUT OF THE PERPINDICULAR BISECTOR! HIT CAN'T BELIEVE IT, AND HE'S THROWING A DAMN FIT OVER THIS! HE'S GETTING BACK UP... HE'S GOING FOR ANOTHER ONE! HE'S GOT POTRIGHT UP... HE'S SHAKING HIS HEAD!

JT: I THINK HE'S GONNA TAKE POTRIGHT OUT WITH ONE OF HIS OWN MOVES! HE TAKES POTRIGHT, THROWS HIM INTO THE ROPES, GOES FOR A POWERSLAM! YES! HE SLAMS POTRIGHT ON THE GROUND! ONE.... TWO... DAMMIT! POTRIGHT KICKED OUT AGAIN! HIT GETS UP... HE'S GOING FOR A WALL BREAKER! HE'S GONNA MAKE POTTY TAP OUT! HE'S GONNA MAKE HIM... HE'S GOT IT LOCKED IN! THIS IS IT! POTRIGHT IS SMACK-DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!

GP: SHUT UP, JT! DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN! IT CAN'T! IF TRAPEZOID IS OUR WORLD CHAMPION... WHAT WILL THE IWO BE LIKE?! POTRIGHT HAS THE PAIN DEEP IN HIS EYES! HIS FACE! THE PAIN HAS TO BE TOO MUCH! THE PAIN WILL MAKE HIM TAP! HE'S UNABLE TO DRAG HIMSELF TO THE ROPES! POTRIGHT SCREAMING, SCREAMING... YES, YES!

JT: NO! DAMMIT, HE BROKE IT! HE BROKE IT!

GP: HE'S GETTING ONTO HIS KNEES... YES... HE'S GOT THE THING TURNED OVER! HE'S LOCKED IN THE WALL BREAKER ON HIT! HIT IS NOW IN PAIN... BUT PRESIDENT EVAN HANDED HIM THE BRIEFCASE FROM TERMINUS! HIT SLIDES THE THING INTO POTRIGHT'S FOOT!

Nikki: NO! Damn, Evan, stay out of it!

("People Of The Sun" by Rage Against The Machine hits.)

JT: NO! HE GOT RID OF HIM... DAMMIT, NO NO NO! HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE GONE!

Nikki: IT'S JAMIE! JAMIE'S BACK, AND HE'S GOT A BRIEFCASE OF HIS OWN! TAKES OUT EVAN! THE WAR OVER THE IWO CONTINUES WITH THESE TWO... HIT SETTING UP POTRIGHT FOR ANOTHER PERPINDICULAR BISECTOR... POTRIGHT, HE REVERSES, HE'S GOT HIM, WAR WITHIN A FUCKING BREATH ON HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID!

JT: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DON'T...

GP: HE CRAWLS OVER THE BODY OF HIT! ONE........... TWO............ THREE! YES YES YES YES YES!

JT: DAMMIT TO HELL! DAMMIT IT ALL TO HELL! HE FUCKING WON THE MATCH! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! AND HE WON WITH HIS OWN MOVE! HOW THE HELL CAN HE DO THIS?! SHIT! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!

GP: ... JT ...

JT: What do you want? THIS SUCKS!

GP: Shut up.

JT: FUCK OFF!

Nikki: Well, hold on... EVAN THROWS JAMIE INTO THE STEPS! HE GRABS A MICROPHONE!

Evan: HOLD ON A DAMN MOMENT!

GP: What's there left to say? Potright won the match... there's the title... and there's his wife. He's overcome it all... and what does Evan want to do to spoil this?

Evan: Sam... DID YOU EVEN READ THE CONTRACT?!

(Potright, blood dripping down his face, his breathing shallow, his body weary... looks at Evan.)

Evan: GET THAT LITTLE WHORE AWAY FROM YOU! IT SAYS IN THE CONTRACT THAT IF YOU TOUCH ANY BOARD MEMBER OF THE IWO... THAT YOU MUST LIVE UP TO YOUR STIPULATION!

GP: THAT SON OF A BITCH! HE PLANNED THIS WITH HIT ALL ALONG, DIDN'T HE?! HE MEANT TO GET INTO POTRIGHT'S FACE DURING THE MATCH! THE SICK SON OF A BITCH!

(Evan grabs Beth by the arm -- she slaps him, and he pushes her down. Potright tries getting to his feet.)

Evan: HOLD ON! If you touch me NOW... you'll be in jail for 24 hours, Potty.

(HIT's being attended to medically in the aisle.)

Evan: Look at what you did to him... you think that you belong as champion? Well... I think you DON'T. You're this teeny tiny guy... you were hired to job, Potty. And, dammit, even if you win matches... you're going to job, one way or ANOTHER!

GP: THIS MAN HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST EVIL INCARNTE IN IWO HISTORY! HOW THE HELL CAN HE DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS?!

Evan: So... c'mon backstage... oh, and HIT... it looks like you're retired. After all, YOU DIDN'T WIN. Get the hell away from him.

(He jumps down and pushes the paramedics away.)

Evan: You're supposed to be attending to IWO WRESTLERS ONLY.

(The crowd boos him.)

Evan: He's not an IWO employee... now, Potty, I believe I have some divorce papers for you to sign... so if you would please follow me backstage, I'll be sure to help you fill them out.

(Evan laughs... and laughs... as Potright is helped backstage by paramedics. Beth follows him, crying her eyes out. Potright and Beth go through the curtain first. Evan turns around.)

Evan: They say if you want things to be done right... then do them yourself. And that's EXACTLY what I'm doing.

GP: This is sick. Potright won... he deserves the right to be with his wife.

JT: It was in the contract, Greg. Can't deny it!

(Potright is helped through the hallways... Gunnar Smith, Donnie Daze, and others get into Evan's face.)

Gunnar: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! DID YOU SEE WHAT HE DID FOR YOUR COMPANY? HUH? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU CAN BE? GOD?

Evan: No, I'm BETTER THAN GOD! Now out of my way!

(Donnie gets into Evan's face.)

Donnie: Don't think you're going to get away with this, Evan. Someone's bound to get you... sooner or later.

(A man pushes through the crowd assembling in the hallway... it's Syphon Fission! He turns Evan around and pushes him against the wall.)

Fission: YOU SON OF A BITCH!

(He slams him against the wall.)

Fission: I saw this man go up and down... battle for his life... I just saw him nearly die out there... and you think you can power play and upload your ego into a new platform. Well, that's not going to happen.

(Fission rears back a fist.)

Fission: I may be retired, but I sure as hell can kick some ass!

(A man grabs Fission by the hand -- it's arena security.)

Evan: Ahem... get this guy out of the building. Hell, get them ALL OUT! OUT! GONE! Except for you... Daze... I'll get you later... if I have the time.

(Evan watches as security takes Daze, Fission, and Smith out of the building. He then walks into a room... inside is Potright, the paramedics, and a set of lawyers.)

Evan: Okay, let's start this.

(The lawyers turn over a packet of papers to Potright.)

Lawyer: Sign here, Mr. Potright.

(Blood flows down the face of Sam... but he accepts a pen, and puts it to paper.)

Beth: Sam, don't!

Potright: It's in the contract...

(Beth tries to pick Sam's hand off the paper. He puts the pen down for a moment and turns to his wife.)

Potright: Beth... sssssssh... be quiet. I didn't say this on the roof... so I'll say it now. Beth, I love you. I'll always love you. And nothing, nothing will change that. You can cry your heart out... but your tears won't burn these pages. No matter how badly we want to be together... it's all having to be let go. You have to let me go... because, one way or another... I'll be with you. In spirit, at the very least. In your memories...

(He runs two fingers over her right temple.)

Potright: In your heart...

(He takes her hand, and presses it over her breast.)

Potright: And there'll always be something there with me. You know that. I've known you since the first day of high school... and I can never forget your smile, your smooth skin... forevermore, the days will become bleaker and darker without you. But... a man has to do what he has to do. I'm signing this... but one last kiss.

(They slowly link themselves together for a kiss... but just before their lips connect, Evan pulls Sam away from her.)

Evan: ENOUGH OF THE "LOVEY-DOVEY" BULLSHIT! SIGN!

(Sam stares at Evan, an ice-cold stare, the eyes piercing through the crimson mask... Sam picks the pen up and signs.)

Evan: ... You just signed the IWO title away, too, you fucking idiot.

GP: WHAT?!

JT: HOLD ON! WHA-WHA-WHAAAAT?

Nikki: NO! NO NO NO! HE CAN'T DO THAT!

Evan: Ladies and gentlemen... what Sam Potright just signed was not a divorce notice! It was actually a contract, written up by my good lawyers...

(He spreads one arm out to the team of lawyers.)

Evan: ... That nulls and voids any and all contention of Mr. Potright's IWO Title reign.

(He tears apart two sheets of paper.)

Evan: THIS is the divorce notice!

GP: DAMN HIM! DAMN HIM! He just screwed Potright out of his wife, and the title! DAMN EVAN LEVINE! THIS MAN IS SICK! DERANGED! HE JUST FIGURATIVELY DEFECATED ON EVERYTHING SAM POTRIGHT HAS WORKED FOR!

(Evan takes the World title from Potright.)

Evan: Now, if you excuse me... I have to give the title to the new World Heavyweight Champion... HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID!

JT: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Nikki: HOW?! OH, GOD DAMMIT ALL TO HELL!

JT: My guy won! My guy won! Trapezoid has finally done it! HE IS CHAMP-EEEEN!

("I'm Your Boogie-Man" by White Zombie plays, causing the crowd to nearly riot as Evan makes his way out, the World title in one hand. He walks around the ring, sees Jamie getting to his feet... AND RUNS HIM DOWN WITH THE WORLD TITLE!)

GP: Oh, C'MON!

(Evan makes his way around to the body of HIT. He bows down in front of him.)

Evan: GOOD GOING, MY MAIN MAN!

GP: HE FIRED THE MORON! DOESN'T HE REALIZE THAT?

(Evan stands up and stares at Parker. He walks over to the table...)

Evan: DAMMIT, I'M THE BOSS! I'M BETTER THAN GOD! I SHOULD FIRE YOU, PARKER!

(Evan goes right back to HIT.)

Evan: Yo, Trapezoid, wake up...

(He smacks HIT on the cheek a little bit.)

Evan: You won!

HIT: But... but I thought I lost...

Evan: You don't remember the deal? I would get Potright to lose the title to you, whether he technically won the match or not!

HIT: I... did?

Evan: Yes, you did. Set you back a bit, too.

Nikki: HIT BOUGHT THE SERVICES OF EVAN LEVINE! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!

JT: HA HA! Yes! Trapezoid knows where to put the money! The greatest mathematician ever! The World Mathematician Champion! Top Mathematician Man! Mr. Math --

Nikki: SHUT UP!

Evan: So, let's get in the ring and make this official, baby!

(Evan helps HIT up, and rolls him in the ring. He gets in the ring beside him... and helps him get to his feet again.)

Evan: Now, ladies and gentlemen, here is your LOSER... and NEW IWO HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD... THE HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID!

GP: THAT'S IT! I QUIT!

JT: No you don't.

GP: HE'S CHAMPION!

JT: Be HAPPY HE'S CHAMP!

Evan: Now.... for his first World Title defense... it's against ME!

GP: HOLD ON A DAMN SECOND!

JT: See? You're back!

GP: WELL, GEEZ, I'VE GOT TO CALL THIS! Evan drops the mic, goes after HIT! HIT moves out of the way! Evan chases after him again, HIT with a boot to the stomach, goes for a DDT! Evan pushes him off, kicks him in the stomach, sets him up... CONCEPTUAL PERFECTION! DAMMIT, NO! HIT WOULD BE A BETTER CHAMPION THAN EVAN!

JT: NO NO NO! EVEN I HAVE TO PROTEST THIS! ONE.................................... TWO......................................... YESSSSSSSS! HIT KICKED OUT OF THE CONCEPTUAL PERFECTION! UNBELIEVABLE! EVAN IS PISSED! HE GRABS THE WORLD TITLE... HE'S SIZING HIT UP... DAMMIT, HE TAKES HIT DOWN WITH A SHOT TO THE HEAD! He covers again, and he does his own count! One........................................ two.................................... FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! HIT KICKS OUT AGAIN! HIT HAS SOMEHOW GOTTEN THE POWER TO CONTINUE! PRAISE THE LORD!

Nikki: Evan's royally pissed! He grabs the title again... he's going to get HIT again... he goes, HIT ducks the swing, EXTRANEOUS SOLUTION TO OUR PRESIDENT! EXTRANEOUS SOLUTION... BUT HERE COMES CHROME THUNDER! WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?! CHROME THUNDER IS COMING TO HELP EVAN! HE PULLS HIT OFF OF LEVINE, PEDIGREES HIT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! AND THIS HAS TO BE IT! HE PUTS EVAN ON TOP OF HIM! ONE...................................... TWO....................................

GP: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HOW THE HELL DOES HE KICK OUT?! I AM IN DISBELIEF, PEOPLE! HIT SHOWING SO MUCH POWER... SO MUCH INTENSITY... THREE TIMES HE'S BEEN ALMOST SCREWED OUT OF THE TITLE... AND HE KEEPS ON GOING!

JT: Evan grabs HIT, he signals for Conceptual Perfection again! Thunder getting on the second rope, it's going to be a spike one!

("Hemorrage(In My Hands)" by Fuel hits.)

GP: OH SHIT! OH SHIT! EVAN BETTER GET HIS ASS OUT OF THERE! FROM THE CROWD, IT'S SAM POTRIGHT! HE'S HERE! HE MUST HAVE GONE AROUND THE BUILDING FOR A SURPRISE ATTACK! HE KNOCKS THUNDER OFF THE ROPE AND TO THE OUTSIDE! EVAN PUTS DOWN HIT... GOES TO POTRIGHT, POTRIGHT WITH A KICK TO THE STOMACH, WAR WITHIN A BREATH! WAR WITHIN A BREATH! POTRIGHT HAS THE DIVORCE PAPERS, HE PUTS THEM IN EVAN'S MOUTH AND TELLS HIM TO "EAT YOUR OWN SHIT"! HE PULLS HIT ON TOP OF EVAN! ONE........................................... TWO........................................ THREE! HIT DEFEATS THE IWO PRESIDENT! HIT SUCCESSFULLY DEFENDS HIS NEWLY WON TITLE! HIT HAS JUST BEEN HELPED BY SAM POTRIGHT! OH... GEEZ... OH MAN, OH MY GOD! INSANITY, PEOPLE, INSANITY!

(The crowd is now CHEERING Trapezoid. Potright takes the title and the mic.)

Potright: You know, something, HIT... you didn't win this fairly... but... after seeing you rebound from the CP... from being hit with this belt... from a Pedigree... AFTER all the shit we went through... I think you deserve it... for now.

(HIT hands him the title and drops the mic in front of him. He goes to leave.)

HIT: Hold on a sec, Sammy...

(Potright turns around.)

HIT: You know what? You're right... I don't deserve this title.

(He takes the title and holds it out for Potright.)

HIT: In fact... I think you're still champion, man.

(Potright takes a step forward.)

HIT: And, as an equalizer for you saving me from JOBBING to Da GAYM...

(HIT pulls the divorce papers from Evan's mouth.)

HIT: I'd like for everyone at home to see this. It says: "in the case that the party that is presenting this divorce to the divorcing couple chooses to drop all of this case, and if this paper is in anyway physically destroyed, the divorce case is annulled and declared void in the US court of law." And if you don't understand what that means...

(He tears the paper in two.)

HIT: The only thing seperating is this divorce paper.

(The crowd gives a ridiculous pop. What a way to end a night... to end a match.)

HIT: Now... I'll live up to my end of the bargain. Ladies and gentlemen... the Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid declares himself retired. I'm going back to teaching my kids.

(The crowd roars in approval. HIT leaves the ring... and Beth runs down the ramp, slides in the ring, and slams her body against Sam's, hugging him as tightly as she can. Sam kisses her... then turns, and with his wife in one arm, raises the IWO World Title above his head.)


("Your Disease" by Saliva begins to blast throughout the arena as the
crowd stands up in a chorus of boos. Suddenly, Donnie Daze appears at
the top of the ramp.)

GP: what the hell!

JT: Thank god! This really needs to end a heel show!

Shallow: What the hell does Daze want?

GP: Where about to find out because he has a mic.

Donnie Daze(singing): THERE HE IS……..MR. WORLD CHAMP……..So how does it feel Potright to know your walking around with someone else's belt? How does it feel to know that your not the rightful world champ and that I am……How does it feel to know that I should be in that ring with the world title……DAMN IT I AM THE WORLD CHAMP AND I WANT MY BELT BACK!

[Potright looking dead on his feet takes the mic from a worker around the ring]

Potright(tired): YOU WANT IT……..COME GET IT!

GP: OH MY!!!

[Daze drops the mic and runs to the ring as he slids in to getting attacked by Potright.]

DING DING

GP: And we have a match.

JT: YES!

Shallow: Daze and Potright exchange left and rights…..left…….right……left……Potright wins and sends Daze into the corner. Now Potright is beating the living hell out of Daze in the corner. But the Ref gets in-between them and pushes Potright away and checks on Daze.

JT: Good Ref………….

GP: MY GOD! Daze just grabbed the ref and nailed him into the top turn buckle the ref is out!

Shallow: Daze stands up and is take down by Potright right away. But instead of following up, Potright goes over to check on the ref.

JT: What a dumb ass……and now look Daze is getting up and he is going into his pocket for something.

GP: Potright not able to get the ref up turns around to see Daze standing there with brass knuckles…..OH!!!! HE TAKES POTRIGHT DOWN. Daze now jumps on Potright for a pin but no ref.

[The scene cuts to the backstage were we see Evan Levine yelling at a ref to go out there]

Evan: GET OUT THERE DAMN IT!

[A ref runs by as the fans are booing]

GP: Here comes the other ref.

JT: YAY!

[The ref gets into the ring as he makes the count.]

Shallow: 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GP: 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JT: 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES YES YES GOD YES!!!!

DING DING DING

JT: Daze got his belt back and is the rightful champ now……its about damn time.

Meygon: Here is your winner……and NEW IWO WORLD CHAMP…..DONNIE DAZE!

("Your Disease" by Saliva begins to blast throughout the arena as the
crowd stands up in a chorus of boos not effecting Daze who picks up the mic and the belt in hand]

Donnie: Cut my music!

(The music fades out)

Donnie: Heh. Wow. Doesn't it feel great! Donnie Daze, is now an immortal
in the IWO!

(The crowd begins to boo louder than ever)

Donnie: Yep. Your hero, has regained his World Heavyweight title!

(Donnie lowers the mic, laughs, and takes in the anger of the crowd)

Donnie: Déjà vu is running rampant in the IWO. Remember the last time
Sam Potright stepped into the ring with me. I believe it was a little
over a week ago. I'm sure some of you chaps saw that match. You only get
three channels here in Scotland. I could imagine the IWO must be on one
of them.

(An ass hole chant begins to arise from the crowd. Donnie listens to it
for a second, then begins to speak again)

Donnie: Yep. Sam Potright got his ass kicked by me a little while ago,
but that didn't stop him from stepping into the ring with me just now. As all of you stupid Brits saw, I beat the shit out of him yet
again, just like we kicked your ass in the Revolutionary War! HA!

(Donnie laughs at his joke as the ass hole
chants start again)

Donnie: Kidding aside, I really kicked Sam Potright's ass. I mean, he
could barely move after our match. It's quite sad when someone is that
bad. Sam, I'm sorry to have to break this to you, but maybe you should
think about retiring. Call it quits. Going home and attempting to make
children with that tiny, limp penis of yours, with your whore Beth.

[Suddenly a beer can
flies towards them and narrowly misses Donnie]

Donnie: No wonder all of you pussies play soccer! None of you can throw!

GP: This is just not right.

Donine: Well, I guess it's time to end this show. Yep. You heard me. It's time for all of you fuckers to go home to your fat wives and ugly children. I hope you enjoyed the IWO. Be sure to buy tickets when we come back. Which is going to never you ungrateful pieces of fucking cow shit! You're lucky I'm tired from kicking Sam Potright's ass. I'd jump into the crowd and make all of you fucking cry to your mothers. Then I'd make all of your wives suck my dick!

(Donnie throws the microphone down and begins to step through the ropes as the fans throw items into the ring, when, suddenly, "Shame" by BT starts playing as the fans give off one hell of a pop. The lights go out, then there's a huge and loud explosion at the entryway. Standing where the explosion occurs is Joey Malone, dressed in a white Cardnials T-shirt with "VILLAGE IDIOT" on the back, and blue jeans. The crowd just absolutely goes apeshit.)

(Daze picks the microphone back up.)

Donnie: Malone! What the hell are you doing here?

(Keri Lindum, wearing a pink dress, quickly comes out to give Joey a microphone.)

Joey Malone: Now now, Dazey Wazey... haven't you learned anything? You think that by pinning Samuel Potright after he went through a total and complete war with Trappikins at a major pay-per-view is going to make you feel better? I thought that Syphie taught you something by bringing you into CGI. I guess I was wrong... so how about this? Since you didn't learn jack from Fission, the easy way... you're gonna have to learn from me... the hard way. And considering the fact that you still owe me two cents, motherfucker, it looks like you're begging me to take the hard course.

Donnie: Are you calling me out, Malone?

Malone: No, stupid. You're already out.

Donnie: Malone, you think you're so tough... you think you can play in the big leagues, little dog? Fine, even though I'm exhausted from that
marathon I just went through... I'll not only face you, but I'll put the fucking title on the line...

Malone: Sounds good to me... now I'm gonna go rearrange your earlobes!

(Malone starts walking to ringside.)

GP: Oh my god! Joey Malone versus Donnie Daze! For the IWO World Title!

JT: Thank you, Captain Horatio Obvious.

(Malone climbs in the ring and Donnie Daze jumps him with a double
axehandle.)

*ding, ding, ding*

GP: Daze gets the early advantage on Malone!

Nikki: Daze stomps away on Joey Malone and backs him into the corner!
Daze is stomping a mudhole in Malone!

JT: Face it, Nikki! Daze is far superior to Malone in every way!

Nikki: Daze is taunting the crowd, and Malone pulls himself up! Daze
charges in and eats Malone's foot coming in! Daze staggers back, and a
hard clothesline to take down Donnie Daze! And Donnie Daze bails out
early!

JT: He's not bailing out! He's... um... regrouping!

GP: Malone is just standing in the ring, waiting for Daze to get back
in!

JT: Daze climbs up to the apron and Malone charges him in, but Daze
catches him with a shoulder in the midsection! Sunset flip, but Malone
moves out of the way and Daze lands right on his ass!

GP: Malone with a dropkick to the back of Daze's head! Malone goes for
the cover! One... two... no!

Nikki: It's gonna have to take a whole fuck of a lot more than that to
kick Donnie Daze's ass.

JT: Yeah!

GP: Malone picks up Daze and sends him off the ropes... Malone goes for
a backdrop, but Daze kicks Malone in the face and now he takes him down
with a flying clothesline!

JT: YEAH! GO DAZE! WOO! WOO WOO WOO!

Nikki: Daze is cooking, now!

GP: And now, Daze picks up Malone again and he sends him into the
corner... now Daze picks Malone up and puts him up top! Daze climbs up,
but Malone pushes him off, and smashes him in the face with a front
dropkick off the second ropes! Malone pins! One... two.. no! Daze
escapes!

JT: Malone picks up Daze again and sends him off the ropes, but Daze
reverses and catches Malone in a cross body! One.. two... no! Malone
kicks out at two!

GP: Now Daze picks up Malone and throws him into the corner! There's
some hard kicks in the corner, now an Irish whip, but Malone ducks under
Daze's arm, and cross Daze's arms! He might be looking for the Mad Cow
Disease! But Daze jumps up, rolls forward, and into the pinning
combination! One... two... Malone releases the arms and kicks out at the
last possible minute!

Nikki: Malone is to his feet, but Daze catches him with a swinging
neckbreaker! The cover! One... two... thr- NO!

GP: Daze is stunned, but he continues the pressure on Malone with more
right hands! Daze picks up Malone and sends him off the ropes! Malone
ducks the clothesline and comes off the other ropes, but Daze catches
him with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex! Nice move!

JT: Daze slides over to get the cover! One... two... th- NO! Malone got
his foot on the ropes!

GP: Daze is getting a tad annoyed here, he picks up Malone and pulls him
to the center of the ring... he hooks him up... yes! Russian legsweep to
the challenger! Daze covers! One... two... thr- NO! Again, Malone kicks
out!

JT: Daze is getting real pissed off! He's calling for Dazed and
Confused! He picks up Malone and gets behind him! He hooks the head for
the move, but Malone spins around just as Daze jumps up and catches him
with a powerbomb! Malone holds it for the pin! One... two... thr-NO!

Nikki: Daze was caught silly with that! I'm not even sure if he expected
that counter!

GP: Malone picks up Daze again and sends him off the ropes! He goes for
a backdrop, but Daze kicks Malone right in the face! Daze runs back into
the ropes and rushes at Malone, but Malone ducks Daze's clothesline...
and there's a kick in the gut! DDT! Malone goes for another cover!
One... two.. no! Daze gets the shoulder up!

JT: Malone picks up Daze again and sends him into the corner!

(Malone starts to unload with rapid-fire knife edge chops and punches.)

Nikki: Aaahhhh! Malone is beating the HELL out of Donnie Daze! That's
not cool, I like Donnie Daze, now!

JT: But you didn't like him to begin with!

Nikki: Oh yeah.

GP: Malone with the irish whip in on Donnie Daze, but Daze reverses and
charges in on Malone, but Malone picks Daze up and over him for the
hotshot! Daze lands in the corner, though, and turns around! Malone sees
him and charges in, but Daze punches him right in the jaw! He hooks him
up...

JT: TORNADO DDT! A Tornado DDT by Donnie Daze! Daze just planted Malone
with it, and goes for the cover! One... two... th- NO!

Nikki: Daze can't believe it! He thought he had the win with that!

GP: Daze picks up Malone again and gets him in a double leg takedown,
now Daze is trying to turn Malone over into the Boston crab!

JT: Yes! That's it!

GP: Malone's turned over! Now Daze just has to sit back and he could
make Malone tap out! But Daze isn't sitting back, he just has the legs
hooked! Malone is... what is he doing?

Nikki: Malone is trying to roll through! Malone's the more powerful of
the two, so Malone is trying to turn to his back! AND HE DOES! MALONE
HAS TURNED THE HOLD OVER! Malone gets to his feet and picks up Daze!
There's a double leg takedown! Is HE going for a Boston crab?

JT: No! He's applying a leghold!

GP: That's a hiza jujigatame! A crucifix kneebar being applied on Donnie
Daze! Daze is trying desperately to fight out of it, and he finally
rakes the eyes!

JT: Malone releases the hold, and Daze grabs Malone again! There's a
snap suplex! Daze floats over into the cover, one... two... NO! Malone
AGAIN kicks out!

Nikki: Daze picks up Malone again and nails him with a DDT! Now he's
signalling to go up to the top rope!

JT: Daze is climbing up and he has his back to Malone? He may be going
for, yes... MOONSAULT! A moonsault by Daze to Joey Malone! This should
be all!

(One...)

JT: A wonderful and thrilling finish for Donnie Daze!

(Two...)

JT: Yes!

(Kickout!)

JT: NO! WHAT THE?!

GP: MALONE KICKED OUT AT TWO!

Nikki: Daze can't believe it! He drops a leg on Malone and goes for
another cover! One... two.. NO!

GP: Daze is picking Malone up again and he goes for a scoop slam, but
Malone counters with a small package! One... two... th- NO!

JT: Have you ever question the usage of the name "small package"? IT
SOUNDS... SEXUAL!

GP: Shut up, JT. We're describing you.

JT: =(

Nikki: Malone and Daze are to their feet, and Daze catches Malone in the
gut with a kneelift! Daze sets up for a powerbomb... yes! A sitout
powerbomb! With the pinning combination! One.... two.... th- NO!

GP: Daze thought he had it! He's going back to the top rope! He's gonna
try to win this! Malone's just now getting to his feet, and Daze leaps
off... BUT MALONE CATCHES HIM WITH AN EXPLODER SUPLEX! MY GOD, DAZE
LANDED RIGHT ON HIS HEAD! Malone did that out of desperation!

JT: Malone crawls over for the cover! One... two... thr- NO!

Nikki: Malone is calling for the Everest Cataclysm! He picks Daze back
up and hooks him with the double underhook! HE HAS HIM UP! But look at
this! Matt Senate's up on the apron, and Joey Legion's in the ring!
Malone releases Daze and grabs Legion! He's gonna Cataclysm Legion! But
Daze is in from behind with a low blow!

GP: Damn that Legion and Senate! Malone could have won this match if it
weren't for them!

JT: Daze hooks Malone from behind! Bulldog! Into the cover! One... two..
no!

Nikki: Daze still can't get the job done, as he picks up Malone and
perches him on the top rope, again! Daze is looking for a superplex, but
Malone fights it! Malone goes for the sunset powerbomb, but Daze holds
on to the top rope! Daze is still on the top rope, but Malone's standing
on the canvas!

GP: Wait! Malone just moved to Electric Chair position! Malone hooks and
cross the arms! YES! JAPANESE OCEAN CYCLONE SUPLEX WITH A BRIDGE! ONE...
TWO... THR- NO! DAZE KICKED OUT AT THE LAST SECOND!

JT: That was close!

GP: We ALMOST had a new World champion! Now Malone's got the advantage,
Malone is measuring Daze to get up... SUPERKICK! NO! DAZE DUCKED!

Nikki: THE REFEREE TOOK IT RIGHT IN THE FACE! THE REFEREE IS DOWN!

GP: Daze turns around and goes after Malone, but Malone ducks Daze's
clothesline and baseball slides under the ropes and onto the apron! And,
hey! Keri just tossed Daze a chair! Daze catches it and turns to Malone!

JT: NO! DON'T TURN AROUND, DONNIE!

*SMACK!*

GP: TOO LATE! MALONE CATCHES DAZE RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A
CHAIR-ASSISTED SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK!

JT: MALONE GOES FOR THE COVER!

(The crowd counts... one... two... three... but there's no referee.)

GP: MALONE SHOULD BE THE CHAMPION, DAMMIT! MALONE HAS DAZE DOWN!

Nikki: JOEY LEGION PULLS MALONE OUTSIDE THE RING!

GP: Malone blocks Legion's punch! Right hand to Legion! Here comes Matt
Senate! Matt Senate climbs up to the apron and tries a plancha suicida,
but Malone just ducks it and Senate ends up splashing Legion! Malone's
going back up to the ring and he goes to the top rope! He's looking for
the Bad Moon Rising! He leaps...

JT: HA! BUT DAZE MOVED OUT OF THE WAY!

GP: Daze picks up Malone again and he hooks him up! He's looking for
Further Paralysis!

JT: HE GETS IT! FURTHER PARALYSIS BY DONNIE DAZE! DAZE GOES FOR THE
COVER! SENATE REVIVES THE REF! THE REF COUNTS! ONE....... TWO.......
THR- NO!!! MALONE KICKED OUT! HE KICKED OUT AT THE LAST MINUTE!

Nikki: Daze can't believe it! That was one of Daze's primary moves!

GP: Malone is using the corner to get back up, and Daze mounts the ropes
and starts pounding at Malone!

(The crowd doesn't even bother to count along, but they start to boo
wildly as he starts taunting the crowd.)

GP: Look at that arrogance!

JT: Yeah! Daze is the MAN!

GP: WAIT! MALONE JUST GRABBED DAZE'S ARMS INTO THE STRAIGHTJACKET
POSITION! THIS COULD BE...

(Malone starts spinning around, gaining momentum with the position,
before turning the move into the modified Everest Cataclysm.)

JT: NOOOO!!!!!!

GP: MEMORY LANE! THE MEMORY LANE BY JOEY MALONE! IT'S OVER! IT HAS TO BE
OVER! MALONE JUST OBLITERATED DONNIE DAZE WITH IT! That's it! We're
gonna have a new champion! But the referee is still down! And what the
hell!?

Nikki: Joey Legion and Matt Senate are in the ring and they have chairs!
Malone's just now getting to his feet...

*SMACK!*

JT: OH MY GOD! A CONCHAIRTO DOUBLE CHAIRSHOT BY LEGION AND SENATE!
MALONE IS DOWN AND LEGION ROLLS THE UNCONSCIOUS DONNIE DAZE ON TOP OF
MALONE! THE REFEREE IS ALIVE AGAIN! HE MAKES THE COUNT... ONE.....
TWO..... THREE!!!

*ding, ding, ding*

GP: What the hell!? What a travesty of justice! Joey Malone should have
won the match!

JT: YES! YES! YES! YES! DONNIE DAZE IS STILL THE MAN!

Meygon: The winner of the match, and STILL IWO World Champion...
DONNNNIIIEEEEE DAAAZZZZEEEE!!!!

GP: Damn it can no one stop this man…

JT: No……HA!

Shallow: This is just getting worse and worse!

GP: Fans were out of time…….join us Friday for HT.

JT: WITH DONNIE DAZE THE WORLD CHAMP!

Shallow: Brother

GP: GOODNIGHT EVERYONE!

[The scene dies out with Donnie Daze holding the world title in his hand]

FIN