Live from the Convention Center in Dickson, TN
November 30th, 2001
Six days ago, live on Pay Per View, Simon Seaman was able to take out Matt Rivers for the championship. Some say he may have used means that were unorthadox to say the least, and others say he just plain cheated, but the fact of the matter was, Simon was still the champion.
But now, it seemed like he had a bullseye on his head. Tonight he would square off against AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) for the coveted championship. Tonight, would also mark the return to weekly television by High Flyer, the man Seaman retired at Fear the Darkness. Then again, Rivers still has some things to get off his chest...
So where does Seaman go from here? Can the champion make it to Ice Age 4? The biggest event of the year?
"Car Crash" by Our Lady Peace begins playing in the background.
We are taken to the events of Utter Obliteration, last Sunday. We see the cornucopia of idiocy that could only be described as the Mega Job Invintational, which includes Poobah Earl's physical destruction, the "What Are You Doing?" drop, Parker and JT's interference in the match, and Greg Parker eventually costing Mega Job the "win" in the match.
Tired and jaded,
This road is unsafe,
Have you been there
But time is on your side...
We see highlights of the Television title match. We see Erik Blake hitting the Highlighter on Scott Styles, and then we see Kestler hitting the Call From Beyond to win the match. We see the new IWO Commissioner, Steve Christ, taking the TV title from Kestler and introducing the IWO Cruiserweight title. We see highlights from the Extreme title match. We see Hash trying to break AWS Man (also known as Bill)'s head open, but Hash getting the Buzz Freakin' Saw instead. AWS Man (also known as Bill)'s attempt at the Drop You On Your Freakin' Face getting reversed into a Diamond Dust. Then we see AWS Man (also known as Bill) delivering the Drop You On Your Freakin' Face off of a stage, only to see him get smacked in the head by Pen, giving the Extreme title to Harold Hash.
You're too stubborn to wait,
Are you listening?
They want you to know,
They want you to stay,
But it's too much to take,
So you're running away...
It's more than I can bear...
We see Dane Wilt and Gunnar Smith brawling to a double countout. We see highlights from the highly unusual Tag Title Match. We see Edguardo take a spinebuster on a ladder. We see the Clockwork DDT on Jeff King off the ladder and through a table on the outside. We see the Flip the Switch off the ladder on Rodeo Daniels. We see the inflatable Diablo and Edguardo flying about the arena, then we see the REAL Diablo and Edguardo hitting "Go To Mexican World" off of two huge ladders to retain their IWO Black World Tag Titles. Then we see the entire match break down and go to the Land of Oz as it becomes readilly incomprehensibile and any recap we do of it doesn't do it justice. Then we see TDM retain the tag titles. And then we all woke up.
Ending your day,
At the side of the road,
Are you trembling?
We see short highlights of Nuke and Potright's "Utter Obliteration" ladder match, Nuke blocking the ladder shot and swinging it wildly as Sam Potright. Potright then is shown ducking underneath a clothesline, only to crumple Nuke in a german suplex. Both men fall off, both inches from the title, seeing Nuke rip down the championship from the ceiling, and then placing Potright's women inside the rings...
And then, Syphon Fission.
They'll wake up today,
To the papers that say,
"Oh well", it was too hard to tell,
He was swerving,
They were swerving,
Much too late...
And finally, highlights from the big main event. Simon Seaman and Matt Rivers, both making their way down to the ring. A few highlights are shown, before we see Simon knocking out the referee, only to sunset powerbomb Rivers onto a steel chair. Another referee races out from the back, making the count, as we fade to a picture of Seaman holding up the championship.
It's more than I can bear...
The song quietly fades out before we fade into the Convention Center in Dickson, Tennessee. The fans are on their feet, before slowly returning to the announce position, of Greg Parker and JT.
GP: Ladies and gentleman, this is Hostile Takeover and what a show we have for you tonight, but let us take you back to what was Utter Obliteration. We saw just about everything. The debut of the new IWO Cruiserweight title, the return of the United States title and the return of a couple of familiar faces.
JT: Tell me something, Parker. What is High Flyer doing in the IWO? I must ask you that. Why is he here? Simon Seaman, THE world champion, retired that guy and he has no business returning like this. He made a deal with Flyer and you know what Flyer did? He pissed all over that agreement. I can't believe this. He can't be here. This just can't be.
GP: That's right, you heard it here. The same individual who was retired by our world champion returned and is now the first IWO cruiserweight champion.
JT: Just wait until Simon Seaman shows up.
GP: Tonight, at Hostile Takeover, Mike Marchese battles Sebastien Leifel.
JT: The inconsiderate has been defends his cruiserweight title against Sam Potright and then we have something finally interesting that you fans can enjoy. The IWO World Heavyweight Championship will be defended as the champ of all champs, Simon Seaman defends against, against, oh who cares anyway?
GP: Against AWS Man (also known as Bill). It's sure to be one hell of a show and for some reason or other, a large orchestra is occupying the entranceway.
JT: Couldn't be Mozart. I'm guessing he's dead. Maybe Beethoven. Wait, he's dead too. Whatever is about to take place looks to be quite interesting.
With the crowd becoming silent, the camera makes it's way just in front of the entranceway, focusing on the large orchestra of about fifty people scattered on either side of the entrance as well as some sitting below on the arena floor. The audience ponders what's about to take place as the conductor makes his way in front of the orchestra.
GP: It isn't everyday that you see a fifty piece orchestra at a live, televised wrestling event, so I have one question. Why are they here in the first place?
JT: Do you think I know? I have no clue what's going on.
GP: You always have no clue what's going on.
JT: Point well taken.
Suddenly, the orchestra is instructed to begin. Playing somewhat familiar music, pyro positioned along the aisle go off simultaneously. From above, black and silver balloons along with confetti rain down all over the arena.
GP: Wait a minute. I know that music. That music sounds vaguely familiar.
From the curtain, we see IWO World Heavyweight Champion, Simon Seaman, make his appearance. As the crowd notices him, they start to boo almost instantly as he turns around looking at himself on the IWOTron as his entrance music is played by the orchestra. With the world title around his waist, the shine from his silver, button-up shirt blinds us all along with his black, leather pants. Walking down to the ring confidently, he recieves the negative reaction to the crowd with open arms.
JT: It's him! It's him! The man himself! The same man who beat that no good Matt Rivers at Utter Obliteration to once again retain that IWO World Heavyweight Championship.
GP: Folks, if you recall that at Utter Obliteration, Simon did indeed defeat Matt Rivers. It was one of the most intense, strenuous matches I have ever witnessed in a long time. They countered counters, took advantage of opportunities, but in the end, it was Simon who came out on top, but not without controversy. The only way he could defeat Rivers, the only way was with the help of a steel chair.
JT: It was all Simon. That chair was there by coincidence and you know it.
With the arena covered in confetti and balloons, Simon walks up the steel steps and then poses at the top, placing his hands in air triumphantly while he looks at the crowd.
JT: This is great. I think I just swallowed some confetti.
Slowly making his way into the ring, he enters and dashes over to the corner where he climbs the turnbuckles and poses for the crowd. As flashbulbs go off in the background, Simon steps down as he kicks a few balloons from the ring and onto the floor. As he is handed the mic from the ring announcer, he positions himself in the middle of the ring as confetti continues to fall onto the arena floor. With the crowd at ringside attempting to strike Simon with a couple of balloons, he tries to begin speaking, but the boos from the audience are just too loud. Eventually, they quiet down as the orchestra stops playing.
Simon: Like sands through the hourglass...I took Matt Rivers to school.
GP: Sands through the hourglass. What is this? Days of our lives?
JT: I doubt it. I'd be watching at home right now watching it if this was it.
The crowd heckles Simon as he simply smirks and continues as he stares down at the title around his waist.
Simon: I bet you'd like to know what all this is about, wouldn't you? The orchestra, the confetti, the balloons. Well I'll tell you. For last Sunday at Utter Obliteration, I showed Matt Rivers and each and every one of you that once again, this world title is going nowhere. You can boo me like you're doing now, you can insult like I know you all love to do, you can say that I don't deserve to be the world champion. You can do whatever you want, but that doesn't change the fact. That doesn't change the fact that I am still your world champion and nothing you can ever say can make that a lie.
JT: You better believe it. The preacher is preaching.
Simon: For this right here is a celebration. A celebration dedicated to me. You know, I've been here for over a year and no one has ever thrown a party for yours truly. To say thank you, to congratulate me on a job well done. I know, it's shocking. Not one person has done that.
GP: Hmm, I wonder why.
Walking over to the ropes, he leans against them as he stares up at the IWOTron.
Simon: That's why I did this. You see, you people need to learn two things. The first being that whether you like it or not, I am the best in this company. I am the champion of the entire world by the way. Second, what you people need to understand is that not all of you can be a winner. I mean, come on. Wake up and smell the coffee. If you were to pick a winner out of this crowd, there would only be one. Who is it? Look who has the title. That should help you figure it all out. Forget about everyone in the back. I don't need to say anything to prove that I am the top of my game. Just take a look at me.
The crowd automatically boos him as he pauses, staring down at the mat.
GP: Who does he think he is?
JT: He's the champion. What else is he?
Simon: I can see it in your eyes. You want me to lose this title don't you? You don't want Simon Seaman as your world champion and I think I know why. Simply put, you want anyone as the champ except me. Apparently, I'm not what you're looking for. Obviously, you can't stand the fact that there are a bunch of guys in that locker room watching me speak in this ring that cannot hold claim to dethroning myself.
Staring at the crowd, he continues.
Simon: So I'm guessiong you all think that you can just wish the world title off me? I don't think so. I've waited too damn long for this, I've worked too damn hard to get beaten by the same people who kept me down while they were above that glass ceiling stinking up the main event.
Scratching his head, he starts pacing in the middle of the ring.
Simon: You talk about your legends. You praise your IWO superstars. Best wrestler this and hall of fame that. Let's talk about those "superstars", those "legends" for a bit, shall we?
He pauses as he looks down at his title another time.
Simon: How about the individual that thought that I was stupid enough to even be a fan of his? Let's chat a little bit about that man. I'm sick and tired of people praising this man. This man being Joey Malone.
The crowd cheers at the mere mention of the name.
Simon: What did he ever do that was so special? He entertained you, but so did I. He won title after title, but so did I. That man took everything that was supposed to be mine and made it has and you want to immortalize him in some kind of bronze statue of something. I could have been a fan favourite, I could have been everything that he was and is and more, but the truth is, I was never given a chance.
Simon: You want to talk about superstars? Let's talk about Syphon Fission.
Once more, another loud ovation for another IWO wrestler, Syphon Fission, is heard. The champ then walks over to the opposite set of ropes and stares at the broadcast table as JT and Greg Parker stare back in confusion.
Simon: He triumphantly returned at Utter Obliteration. That might have gotten cheers, that might have gotten jeers, but who ever said that I cared about Syphon Fission?
JT: Yeah, Parker. What did you do?
Simon: Oh, how about we consult this man.
Pointing to Parker, he reacts in shock as he simply sits there behind the broadcast table.
Simon: Not only does he call all televised matches that take place, Greg Parker sits in his chair each and every night praising everyone. Everyone except me.
From several feet away, he responds.
GP: What's your point?
Simon: Correct me if I'm wrong, but you were the guy who was surprised to see Syphon Fission return. You were shocked, I bet you almost had an accident in your pants when you saw the almighty individual return.
Shaking his head in response, Greg Parker continues to hear Simon out as he continues.
Simon: You can be surprised to see him all you want, but deep inside, you're glad he's here. The IWO big wigs are glad he's here. Why? Just like these people in the arena and those watching at him, you don't like me because I'm not "championship material". Well sorry if I don't have an interesting name like Syphon Fission. Maybe my parents will give you an apology. I sincerely ask for your forgiveness for the fact that I, a person who has never been defeated for any title that I have previously held during my entire IWO career, am not as great as past "legends" of the IWO. Take a look back at all my title reigns. First, the IWO United States Title.
He stares out into the crowd as he uses hand gestures explaining himself.
Simon: I never lost that belt. I never lost that title. The Pacific and US Title were molded together into one when I, that's right I, defeated Cyanide to become the FIRST IWO Unified Champion. I know you would like to think that Nuke actually beat me fair and square for that title, but you'd be wrong. Absolutely wrong. You want to know the truth about that? I had a falling out with this very fed and they decided to "put it on someone that would be active". How thoughtful of them.
Simon: Once again, I wasn't defeated for that belt because at Mall Brawl, I never was never beaten for that title. I won the North American title at that Pay-Per-View and had to give that title up by force.
Simon: And you know what happened to that IWO North American title that I held? You guessed it. When I won this IWO World Heavyweight strap that is around my waist at this very moment, that North American title was taken from me because I clearly did not need it.
With intensity, he puts his mic up close to his mouth.
Simon: You might not think that I am a good world champion and I won't mention any names, but Dane Wilt, when did I say that your opinion ever mattered? I'll tell you this. For a man like you to say that I don't deserve the IWO world title when I have never been defeated for this title, heck every title that I've ever won in the IWO is absolutely, postively, pathetic. Tell me Dane, you're used to losing. You were defeated for the world title twice, am I wrong? Next time, think out your other brain and not with your ass.
A loud chorus of boos fill the arena.
JT: That is correct my friend. Simon has never been defeated for a title in this company.
GP: I'm afraid so. What he says is true. I can't deny that, even though I'd like to.
Simon: What else can I apologize for? Oh right, I am so sorry I don't defy physics. That wasn't in the job description as far as I know. Whoops, my bad. I'm sorry if I don't retire, come back a week later for a match, retire again, and return once more just to get people interested in me again. All my fault.
Walking back to the middle of the ring, he pauses.
Simon: Speaking of retirement, High Flyer, I see you've returned as well. Isn't that the greatest?
Simon: For a company trying to get a step in the right direction forward to the future, they kind of like to go backwards. High Flyer, I retired you from the IWO for good, yet you didn't live up to your end of the deal when all of the sudden, you're back because "It wouldn't be the same without you". Well you know something, it wouldn't be the same without you because for that brief period of time, the IWO actually was looking impressive. You might be back against your will, but you just couldn't stand watching me on here with this belt in front of all these people, could you? What used to be your following is now mine. What used to attention focused towards you has now been focused towards me. You want me to buy the snow? How about I buy you a bus ticket back home where you belong?
The negative response from the fans gets to Simon as he reluctantly continues.
Simon: I'll deal with you later, but I'll move on to someone who just can't get enough of my company. Matt Rivers, haven't you learned after losing to not once, but twice that the third time won't be lucky? Matt, or shall I call you Donnie? Don't you get that whether you are Matt Rivers or Donnie Daze, that you're not Simon Seaman? Just like Malone, just like Fission, just like Flyer, you took up a spotlight that just wasn't yours. Not only did you do that, ever since the beginning of my wrestling career, you didn't even want to face me. What's up now, Rivers? All of the sudden, you think you have a chance against me? Did you realize it yet or do I have to knock some sense into you? It's become apparent that, simply put, you can't beat me.
From out of nowhere, "Makin' Money" by Handsome Devil blares through the speakers. With the crowd on their, going absolutely ballistic, Simon takes off his world title and places it on the mat. Motioning for Rivers to make his way down, he is nowhere to be seen.
JT: No, not him. Not Matt Rivers. He has no business being out here.
GP: Well the champ has no business mouthing off about him.
Without warning Matt Rivers slides out from under the ring and trips Simon from the outside with his back turned, who lands face first onto the canvas. With the crowd cheering Rivers on, he slides Simon out of the ring and starts pummeling him with a flurry of rights. Trying to seek refuge on the ramp, Rivers clocks him right between the eyes as he crashes down onto the hard, steel, ramp. IWO officials run down to break both of them up.
GP: I can't believe this! This is great!
JT: How can you be so happy?! The champ was sneak attacked!
As Simon pulls himself up, he tries to go after Rivers, but they are both held back by officials as the crowd boos.
GP: Come on. Let them go at it!
JT: Not today. Not today.
Escorted to the back, Simon attempts to break free and attack Rivers, but is once held back. As they stare at each other from the ramp, we see the orchestra scatter from around the entranceway trying to avoid any danger. With Simon looking at Rivers with a furious expression on his face, Rivers looks back at Seaman with a big grin, infuriating Simon further.
GP: We need some order here. We'll be back right after this brief commercial break.
JT: Why, why, why? He doesn't deserve this at all.
GP: Oh, give me a break.
President Ford was inside his office. He doesn't get out much, especially in the last few years with his executive positions inside the IML2 and the IWO, so seeing him kickin back in a comfy chair to catch some television was a rare occurance.
People barging into his room however? That was an all true commen occurance. However, seeing a retired, yet first ever IWO Crusier Weigth Champion High Flyer standing before him brought back a few old memories.
The crowd let out a cheer, as he stood there holding the crusier weight title by his side. He almost was dragging the belt behind him, or he would be if he had been walking. He stared at the President, a man who probably hadn't realized he was there, yet. Ford turned to see the movement, and nearly jumped out of his chair, obviously a bit uneasy about things.
For whatever reason.
Ford: Jesus Fly, you scared the hell out of me.
Ford calmed himself down, but the stern look on Flyer's face had yet to leave him. Ford began to jitter a small bit.
Ford: What's the matter Fly?
High Flyer: What's the matter? I retire on emonth ago with a shread of dignity, and some idiot calling himself the song of God comes out and hands me a championship!
High Flyer: And? Listen Ford, I have a high level of pride and decency, I don't want the championship handed to me!
Ford: Fine, I respect that, so you'll defend the championship tonight against Sam Potright!
The fans pop, as Flyer gets a concerned look on his face.
High Flyer: You do know he's dead, just like I'm retired...
Ford: You know, I thought the same thing until he showed up on t-v last month...
Flyer: You know, you aren't listening to me. I don't want to be Phelen Kell, brought back in after he retired. I don't want to be just like all those old legends that return three months after they left, I'm not like them.
Ford: Well, you're not like them. I mean, you returned after only a month off...
Ford lets out a smile, but Flyer doesn't even laugh at the comment. Ford seems to think he's a little out ob plave, grabbing at his collar and trying to keep on a straight face.
Flyer: And why the hell did you hire someone who says he's related to God?
Ford:He threatened me with eternal damnation, what was I supposed to do?
Flyer shakes his head at Ford's comment, as in through the open door way walks Steve Christ.
Steve Christ: You know, you really shouldn't leave your door open. Who knows what evil will walk inside...
And as his sentence trails off, into the room walks Evan Levine. Christ looks over to Ford, and winks his eye, in a "I told you so" type fashion. Flyer looks over Evan, eye to eye, before walking off. Evan however, throws his shoulder into Flyer's as he leaves.
Ford: What do you want Evan?
Evan: You in a body bag, but I can deal with a title shot for now.
Ford: Yeah, you have a better chance of getting me to dress up in a tu-tu. And in fact, you've slipped so far, that if you don't improve yourself you could wind up off television.
Evan: And how exactly would you end up doing that?
Two security guards walk into Ford's office, both rather large, in the range of six foot six, three hundred pounds.
Ford: And like most of the rest of the IWO, they don't care for a dyslexic f*ckhead like yourself.
Evan stares down Ford, before leaving on his own will. The security gurads part, allowing Evan to leave, as he obviously seems frustrated beyond belief.
Yun-in-a-Dress on a Pole Match
Sebastian Leifel vs. Mike Marchese
GP: Now, this is an intresting concept. I'm not even sure what to say anything about this.
JT: Come on Parker, it's rather simple. Former Minor League Board member Eric Yun will be in a dress, hanging from a pole. The first man to grab him down and beat the other man with him wins.
GP: I don't even know where to begin with how wrong that is.
JT: HEY! At least it's not a poodle, there's no animal rights activists out here. And hey, at least Eric's not african american, or else people would be calling us racist. No, this is just because Eric Yun is Eric Yun, and Eric Yun looks like Neil Prettyman's girlfriend.
GP: And look who it is... Karen Lam, the current girlfriend of Neil Prettyman...
JT: No that's not, that's Eric Yun in a dress damnit!
The camera points over to Karen Lam, who's wearing one of Neil Prettyman's shirts. She walks over to the announce team.
GP: Hi Miss Lam, great to meet you.
Karen Lam: WEEEEEEE!
GP: Alrighty then...
We then see Eric Yun, walking out in a sunflower dress, obviously disgruntled. Even with the look of hatred his eyes just seem so beautiful. It's almost as if I want to hold him until Christmas and never really let go of him. His warm touch on my virgin body...
JT: Oh great... a gay announcer. NEIL PRETTYMAN!?!? IS THAT YOU!?!?!
Karen Lam: WEEEEEEEE!
What do you want JT. Can't a guy express his feelings for a beautiful cross dresser?
JT Sighs, why are you sighing JT? Why? I mean, I didn't do anything to you! Just because you can't handle a little homosexuality is not my fault. I'm Neil Prettyman god damnit, and you better respect my homosexual ass.
JT: ... Did you hear what that narrator said to me?
GP: It's alright JT, it's alright.
"Turning Inward(Hardcore Remix)" by Boy Hits Car comes over the pa system as the fans let out a small cheer. It seems Sebastian gained some fans in his victory over Evan Levine weeks ago.
Meygon: This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a Yun-in-a-Dress on a Pole match! Introducing first, from Hamburg, Germany, he weighs in tonight at 272 pounds, and is the master of Paranoia! Here is Sebastian Leifel!
Sebastian Leifel walks out from the backstage area, as he slowly walks to the ring. He doesn't seem too concerned with the fans as he does so though... and just looks up towards Yun, who's hung from a poll, about fifteen feet above the ring.
Meygon: And his opponent...
The fans let out loud cries, since they remember the fetus Skip that's attached to Mike Marchese. It's one of those things that's forever etched in their eyes.
But instead of Mike Marchese, out from the back comes our own narrator, yes, Neil Prettyman. He walks over to the announce position, as JT almost trembles in fear.
JT: HEY! I'm not trembling sucka.
My mistake. But my focus wasn't on him, it was on Karen. She blushed, but then, from the crowd came one of the most beautiful women of all time.
Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Neil's attention drifted over, as Karen seemed to get a little grumpy. JLH stood there, beautiful as ever, before Karen lounged at her, attempting to claw her face however she could. Neil, confused in the shuffle, didn't think the violent Karen was his.
Neil Prettyman: Karen?!? Is that you? I fucked you grandma!
No response, not even a pout. Well, there was one... from Eric Yun hanging from the pole in the ring.
Neil immediatly slide in, and climbed the turnbuckle, grabbing Yun-in-a-dress and racing off to the back. Most likely in an attempt to make sweet love with him.
The fans just sort of stood there dumbfounded...
Crusier Weight Championship
High Flyer -c- vs. Sam Potright
GP: Well fans, this seems to be a rather odd matchup to be having on IWO Television. Not odd in the respects that High Flyer have squared off numerous times before, but odd in the fact that it's today, one month after High Flyer's retirement, and four months after Sam Potright's death.
JT: And people say our realism is lacking.
JT scoffs, as Greg just shakes his head.
GP: But if anything, it'll be a nice return to the days of Dark Wolf and Ken War, Jack in the Box and Shaggy 2 Dope. The return to the golden age in IWO legacy.
JT: The last time the IWO had a crusier weight championship, neither of these men had even wrestled in a matchup for the IWO.
GP: That's true JT. It has been nearly three years coming, but finally, we return to Meygon, who's ready to announce this next contest.
Meygon: This next match, is scheduled for one fall, and is for the IWO Crusier Weight Championship!
The fans let out a cheer, as "Johnny and Mary" by Placebo rises above their cheers, only to revoke louder ones in return.
Meygon: Introducing first, from Salem, Mass, he weighs in tonight at two hundred and seven pounds, and is one of the most extreme wrestlers to come from within the IWO. He's been the only man to wrestle three trick or treat matches, and, survive, to say the term loosely. A former IWO World Heavyweight Champion, here is Samuel Potright!
The fans let out a cheer as slowly, out from the back walks Sam Potright, gleeming with a smile a mile wide. It had been a long time since he had a shot to get his hands on High Flyer, the man who stopped him from gaining the tag team championships with his former friend Paul Hanson. The man that hurt his chances of the North American title, the man that chipped his tooth and battered and bruised him. It seemed that most of the confrontations that they had gotten into, High Flyer emerged victorious.
Sam was smiling though. He knew that this would be changing. He knew there was something in the air.
Maybe he knew more than we did?
Sam slowly slide into the ring, before lying himself, bending over in the corner, looking towards the ramp. He stared a hole, as if searching for Flyer. Searching, to tell him he's ready.
Meygon: And his opponent, hailing from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, he currently weighs in at two hundred four pounds, and has accomplished everything there is to accomplish in these walls, except the thing that eluded him forever, a world heavyweight championship reign. Now, he raises the Crusier Weight championship high for all to see, high to show the world how the championship means. He is the neighborhood lunatic, HIgh Flyer!
"Loco" by Coal Chamber hits the pa system as the fans continue their cheers. The fans were split, but it seemed as the general consensus was, not for a winner, but to see one hell of a matchup.
With fireworks ablazing, out from the back walked High Flyer, the recently un-retired High Flyer, holding the Crusier Weight title up to the crowd. The fans received him well, even though Flyer seemed rather ackward. I mean, he just retired last month, and here he was, going back on his word. But it's also for something he's always wanted to do. He's always wanted to hold the IWO Crusier Weight Championship for all to see.
But did is take away his integrity?
Flyer slowly walked down to the ring, slapping the fans in a dazed look and feel. Potright stared at him, and when Flyer caught his glimpse, they locked, never leaving. Flyer cautiously got into the ring, still staring at Sam with every motion, before he handed his championship to the referee.
*Ding, ding, ding*
Sam and Flyer looked at one another, circling one another, both not so quick to jump the gun. They both knew each other very well, and for either one to gain the advantage, you'd really need to see a major mistake.
Potright and Flyer hooked up in the middle, in a grapple type fashion, as Potright was able to gain the advantage, locking Flyer in an arm bar. Flyer rolled forward, and then nipped up to his feet in an attempt to get out of the hold. Potright however, wanted none of it, grabbing Flyer by the hair and ripping him down to the canvas. Potright hunched over Flyer, and this time, Flyer threw a vicious double kick shot to Potright's face, breaking the hold.
Potright bounced off, dazed a bit from the shot of the boot, as he turned around, realizing Flyer had already recovered. Potright charged in, only to be taken over in a hip toss. Potright however, had enough senses to flip over, landing on his feet, and turning towards Flyer. Flyer saw it coming almost, kicking Potright in the mid section, doubling him over. Flyer placed his leg on the back of Sam Potright's neck, all while holding Potright's arm behind him as well. Flyer used the back of Potright's neck to spring up, much like a move Sean Waltman is used to doing, but instead of back flipping, Flyer turned the move into an attempted hudaconrada.
Attempted, because Potright was able to drive Flyer down into the mat with a vicious powerbomb.
GP: DEAR GOD! What a flury of exchange! One, two NO! Flyer gets to his feet!
The fans clap in a roar of approval as Flyer turns over onto his stomach. Both Potright and Flyer regain to their feet, as they quickly go into one another, not allowing the praise to be soaked in. Flyer went for a grapple as Potright ducked behind, trying to take Flyer over in a german suplex, only for Flyer to counter it, not allowing Potright to pull his weight entirely back. Flyer would constantly counter by landing on his feet, but Potright still has the waist lock locked in. After the third attempt, Potright decided a front face buster would be more effective, keeping the waist lock and placing his feet in front in a sweep, and driving Flyer into the mat face first.
Flyer landed on his back as Potright twisted his body around, hookinh Flyer's head in a side headlock. Flyer began to swat, trying to get Potright off, and slowly tried to regain himself to his feet. Potright tried to use his leverage, but he can only do that for so long, as Flyer fought to his feet. Hammering away at Potright with vicious right hands to break the hold, Flyer bounced off the nearest rope and came back. Potright ducked down for a back body drop, but Flyer had enough time to react, rolling overtop and behing Potright in a Judo type fashion. Potright turned around stunned, and ate a huge cresant kick to his face.
GP: Quick fast pace action, as Flyer! He's going for the Flying Moon Shot on a fallen Potright!
JT: Flyer flies, but Potright rolls out of the way!
GP: But Flyer as well was able to land on his feet!
Flyer waits for Potright to turn around, and as he does, Flyer goes for a clothesline. Potright's able to duck underneath, as he tries to catch Flyer with a dropping neckbreaker. Flyer grabbed Potright, and then twists his body around, grabbing Potright in a front head lock. Flyer then grabs Potright, and jumps up into the air, dropping him in Cold Snow.
GP: COLD SNOW! THERE IT IS! POTRIGHT'S DOWN, POTRIGHT'S DOWN!
Flyer dives on top for the cover.
And Flyer was able to retain the crusier weight Championship. Flyer got up from the mat, and was handed the championship. Flyer dropped down, and slowly walked back up the arena, pratically dragging the championship behind him.
The camera fades backstage, as we see High Flyer, sitting on a table near the water cooler, the crusier weight title to his side. He's looking down at the ground, not very happy, not to "thrilled to be there," so to say.
And then, Simon Seaman walked up to him, staring the now alert Flyer in the face. Neither man blinked, neither man moved out of the stare. It was almost as if time had froze.
Simon Seaman: Hey Flyer, seems like someone's back a little sooner than never. I guess even the old folks home didn't want you.
Flyer and Seaman continue their staredown... barely flinching.
Simon Seaman: Didn't you retire your ass last month? Oh wait, I guess that must be me.
Seaman goes to walk away, almost feeling victorious over Flyer in a battle of words.
High Flyer: Hey Simon...
Seaman turns around, looking straight at Flyer, eye to eye.
High Flyer: Didn't I kick your ass last month? Yeah, I think that was the case.
The crowd let out a few cheers as Flyer reaches over, grabbing the crusier weight championship to his side, and walking away.
GP: Simon Seaman and AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) NEXT!
Seaman stands there, fuming, looking where Flyer once was. Seaman then slowly turns around, and walks down another corridor, before fading out to a commercial Break.
GP: Well fans, you saw the promo earlier today made by Dane Wilt...
JT: He says there's going to be something HUGE going down tonight! Oh man, what do you think it is?
GP: If you ask me, I think it's-
JT (interrupting): I think it's a slut!
GP: A what?!
JT: A slut! I think his big surprise is a slut that's gonna pop out of a cake!
GP: You're a real peculiar man, don't you know th-
JT: A slut just like your wife!
GP: Okay now, hey hey hey, that's enough!
JT: Ha... your wife was easy, Parker.
GP: At any rate... Dane Wilt is scheduled to come out here tonight any second...
As if on cue, "All Right (Oh Yeah)" by Local H starts blaring through the arena's PA system, and the fans get up on their feet. Maybe its just their curiousity causing this, but the fans seem to be cheering for Dane Wilt much more than they should.
JT: This is going to be huge, I can feel it!
Dane Wilt steps through the curtain and starts walking down the ramp... in his hands is a rather large videocamera.
JT: Heh... that videocamera reminds me of the time me and your-
GP: I swear to God, JT!
Once Dane Wilt enters the ring, his music fades out quickly and he is tossed a ringside microphone from Meygon. He clears his throat, places the videocamera on the mat gently, then begins to talk.
Dane Wilt: Let's get right down to business, shall we?
Scattered cheers from the fans, but mostly excited murmurs.
Dane Wilt: Let me run down the past couple weeks for everybody who needs to catch up. I came back to the IWO for one reason and one reason only - to get my watch back. Once I got that back though, punks like Gunnar Smith and the rest of the nobodies of the IWO started to bug me, just because they suck and they're getting away with being the headliners of a promotion in dire straights. So, I decided to punk out Gunnar a few weeks ago - to little or no fanfare, might I add - and Gunnar, the honorable man that he is, decided to blow my cover and reveal me... to be me.
Dane Wilt: So that takes up up to Utter Obliteration 2001. Me and Gunnar Smith had a crapfest of a match that ended in a double countout. But you know, the ending of that match left everybody scratching their heads - I mean, when was the last time you saw a pay-per-view match end in a DOUBLE countout? None! So of course, some of you - ahem... smart fans... decided to do a little investigating. You know the people I'm talking about - the "insiders", the Internet dirt sheet writers... they decided to get ahead of themselves. And you know what they did?
The fans respond with a somewhat unintelligible murmur.
Dane Wilt: Nope, you're all wrong.
Another brief pause.
Dane Wilt: They came to the conclusion that Dane Wilt and Gunnar Smith have been in cahoots all along, and they're ready to kick some ass in the IWO together!
Unexpected cheers rise up from the crowd.
GP: What is Dane talking about...?
JT: It's a shoot!
Dane Wilt: Yep, that's right. They fired up their little laptops, got their fingers moving, and came to the undeniable conclusion that myself and Gunnar Smith are in cahoots! And yes, it does make sense, people...
JT: Haha, shoots are great!
Dane Wilt: I mean, COME ON, this is a classic wrestling swerve we're talking about here. Two guys that have been off TV for a long time somehow get pissed at each other over a WATCH? Well, DUH... of COURSE they're faking a feud in order to swerve the fans!
The crowd responds with unbridadled enthusiasm.
Dane Wilt: So there you have it! The cat is out of the bag!
GP: Was that it? Was that the big "shocker" Dane Wilt promised us all?
Dane Wilt: But you want to know something?
A pretty loud chorus of "what?" echoes through the arena.
Dane Wilt: Those smarts out there...
Dane Wilt: They were, ah...
Another pause, for effect.
Dane Wilt: WRONG.
JT: What is he babbling about now?
Dane Wilt: You see fans, throughout my illustrious wrestling career, I have never been about doing things the "easy" way, especially when it comes to swerves and whatnot.
Yet another pause.
Dane Wilt: And you want to know WHY?
The fans don't know what to say, they don't know what Dane Wilt is getting at.
Dane Wilt: BECAUSE I'M NOT DANE WILT!
The fans in the arena are obviously shocked.
Dane Wilt: Yep, that's right! You see, this is what I like to call the "Classic Double Swerve of Death". It involves no death, thankfully... but it does throw you smart fans out there for a loop. So if everybody would draw their attention to the entranceway right now, it would be much appreciated.
All at once, the entire arena turns their head to the entranceway, where an overweight man in overalls starts walking down the ramp, and into the ring. The man has a black hood over his head, so the fans don't know who this man is. However, there is now an excited buzz going throughout the arena, as a couple of older IWO fans start to catch on...
GP: Wait a minute...
Dane Wilt: Excuse me, sir... would you mind picking up that videocamera for me?
Dane Wilt points to the videocamera on the mat, and the hooded man picks it up, and turns it on.
JT: No way...
GP: Could this really be happening?!
The fans all get on their feet in rapid fashion - they know what's about to happen at this point.
Dane Wilt: Please zoom in on me... thank you. Anyways fans, like I was saying - I AM NOT DANE WILT!
The entire arena starts shaking with the cheers, as the fans anticipate what is going to happen...
Dane Wilt: I AM...
Dane Wilt strangely starts picking at his chin, and amazingly enough, he starts peeling away his own skin!
GP: What in the world?!
He continues peeling away his skin, as the arena gets downright rowdy.
JT: It's a... it's a MASK!
Finally, he finishes peeling away his "face", and reveals himself to the crowd in dramatic fashion.
Man: JOEY RAPPOPORT!
Without warning, the familiar riff of Lit's "My Own Worst Enemy starts completely blasting through the arena's PA system. The entire arena explodes in celebration, and a huge smile crosses over the face of Joey Rappoport.
GP: OH MY GOD!
JT: He's RETURNED!
Joey Rappoport: And let me tell you... this is the REAL me! WHOOOOOOO!
The overweight man holding the videocamera decides to take off his hood, and presents himself to the crowd.
Joey Rappoport: Oh, and ladies and gentlemen, I hope you all remember this guy... my best bud in the whole entire world... BENNY THE CAMERAMAN!
GP: This is unbelievable!
As he talks, Joey Rappoport is visibly pumped up, reminiscent of Ric Flair when he returned to Nitro a few years ago.
Joey Rappoport: WHOOOOOO! Haha, I told you this was going to be a shocker! I told you! And on top of all of that... I'M HERE TO STAY. Yep, no more backstage politics driving me away from this great sport anymore! And I guess you're wondering why I chose such an elaborate return route? Well, I just wanted to make things interesting! Haha, correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think the whole "wearing the face of another famous wrestler" schtick has been done yet!
The fans respond with a HUGE amount of cheers.
Joey Rappoport: I'm going to promise you fans something right here and right now. I swear to God that I am going to make a huge impact in the IWO... again. You all have seen the product lately, and it leaves a lot to be desired. Well, I'm going to take the golden opportunity that I have right now this time around, and you will see me rise to the top of the mountain in this sport ONE MORE TIME! YEAH!
HUGE amount of face heat for Joey Rappoport.
Joey Rappoport: Oh man... it feels so good to be out here, basking in your applause again. It's been such a long time, hasn't it? Thanks for the great welcome back, everybody... really, I mean it.
A very, very loud "Rappy" chant starts making waves through the arena, as Joey Rappoport and Benny the Camera start exiting the ring. However, the smile never leaves Rappoport's face, and instead of climbing out of the ring he heads right back to the center of it.
Joey Rappoport: Yeah, that's right! WHOOOOOOO!
JT: This is unreal...
Joey Rappoport: Oh, and in case everybody was wondering... yeah, me and Gunnar Smith kinda have an allegiance going on. I mean, after all... I figured I'd need some friends quickly since I decided to just walk right back onto the battlefield again.
Another pause, as Joey Rappoport continues to take in all the cheers, which haven't let up.
Joey Rappoport: Hey, Benny... you ready to get a little fan-friendly?
Benny the Cameraman: It's been a while... but I think I still have it in me!
Joey Rappoport: Alright, let's go!
Benny the Cameraman drops the camera, and he and Joey Rappoport exit the ring, but they don't leave via the entranceway. Instead, much to the delight of the fans, they jump the steel guardrail and take their celebration into the crowd!
JT: Yeah, no kidding. Wow.
Lit's "My Own Worst Enemy" still rocks throughout the arena as Joey Rappoport and Benny the Cameraman disappear into a sea of screaming fans. The camera cuts back to ringside to the announcers.
GP: Fans... that was a history-making moment. I don't think anybody can deny that.
JT: I think... I just crapped my pants!
JT: Dude... you probably did, too! I didn't think I'd see anything like this in a million years!
GP: Fans, in case you didn't take "Dane Wilt's" advice earlier today and you missed what just has transpired in that ring... none other than two-time IWO World Heavyweight Champion JOEY RAPPOPORT has officially made his return to the IWO!
JT: Yeah! All this time, everybody thought it was Dane Wilt who made his big return to the IWO, and it was really Rappoport all along!
GP: Wow... you know, although I can sit here all day and talk up Rappoport... we must move on...
The IWO logo, in silver behind a black background is shown. We then cut to footage of a silhouette of an individual walking up a ramp in the
middle of the screen. With the camera focused on that individual, it gradually pans away revealing a wrestling ring with a single spotlight shining down on it. A familiar voice is then heard echoing throughout the whole place.
"Some people say that I should get a life."
The camera is ran along the set of ropes, as the light from above begins to shine.
"They tell me that I don't deserve to be here."
From above the ring, an old style microphone is lowered down. With the camera circling, we get a view of the empty seats and the silhouette of
the individual that continues to stand in the background.
"They say I just don't have it."
The sound of chairshots, screams of pain, bodies hitting the canvas are heard as the camera gradually starts to zoom over to the silhouette.
"Get a life they say?"
A hush of silence occurs, as images of the IWO World Heavyweight Title, dramatic shots of pyro, as well as wrestlers in action in the ring are shown as finally the spotlight is focused on the individual standing before us. With the light shining down on him, Simon Seaman smirks as the IWO world title is projected and blown up on the large, white curtain behind him.
"I've already got one."
We segueway to scratchy, film-like footage of Simon standing on the second turnbuckle with the world title held high above his head as dramatic, opera music is heard over everything going on.
"Where superstars become legends..."
From that scene we move onto glimpes of Simon standing confidently on top of a large IWO logo. On top of the logo, he picks up a silver painted, steel chair and looks at it.
"Where legends become immortals..."
The screams of fans are heard as Simon takes that steel chair, stares at the word "legend" carved in stone above him, and proceeds to take that exact chair and strike the word with it, surprisingly shattering it into pieces.
"Where immortals become gods..."
From all around him, the turnbuckles, the ropes as well as the entire ring itself starts to freeze up. Icicles dangle from the microphone hanging above as everything turns to ice with Simon in the middle.
"I will simply be victorious."
As the scene suddenly cuts to a black screen, the Ice Age logo comes into view as the IWO logo appears above it.
Voice-over: A new age is upon us.
Voice-over: The IWO proudly presents Ice Age 4. Coming to you live and only on Pay-Per-View. Call your local cable company for details.
Returning from break, we fade backstage, as we see AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) in his locker room, watching porn, like his usual self.
AWS Man(Also known as Bill): Freakin' A man, that's some freakin' good porno...
The Nude, who's also in the room, nods his head in agreeance. But then, bursting into the locker room, is Schitzo Tod, former multiple time IWO Extreme champion. The crowd let's out a cry.
Schitzo Tod: HEY AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)! Let's reform Team Tampax!
AWS Man(Also Known as Bill): I freakin' would, but there's porn on, and then I gotta beat freakin' Seaman for his gold belt. At least, that's what Blade keeps telling me to do.
Schitzo Tod: Awh...
Schitzo Tod: How about after porn?
AWS Man(Also Known as Bill): After freakin' porn? You don't freakin' know me anymore...
Tod pouts again, before he leaves the locker room. Closing the door behind him, he slowly sulks away, slowly walking down the long dark corridor...
World Heavyweight Championship
Simon Seaman -c- vs. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)
GP : It's now time for our main event of the evening. AWS Man (also known as Bill), who just lost his Extreme title to Harold Hash at Utter Obliteration on Sunday, will be challenging Simon Seaman for the World title.
JT : Seaman beat AWS Man (also known as Bill) a couple weeks ago, and he'll easily do it again tonight.
GP : Well, it wasn't exactly easy for him a couple weeks ago, and one could argue that it looked like Seaman may have been about to lose if Hash hadn't come down and stolen Pen.
JT : Ha! Your puny powers of logic don't work on me, mortal!
GP : Uh ... yeah. Let's send it to Meygon for the introductions.
Meygon : The following contest is set for one fall, and is for the IWO World Heavyweight title!
The crowd pops. The Rice Krispies demons, or whatever those Snap, Crackle, and Pop things are supposed to be, file a lawsuit against the crowd for infringing on their cereal's gimmick. The crowd is sad.
Meygon : Introducing first, the challenger ... hailing from Freakville, North Carolina ... he is the second ever IWO Grand Slam champion, meaning he's won all of the company's titles at some point in his career ... he weighs in at 236 pounds, and stands at 6'1" ... he is the "Insane One," AWS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BIIIIILLLLLL)!!!!!
"Three Point One Four" by the Bloodhound Gang plays as AWS Man (also known as Bill) runs down the ramp, holding his arms out like a plane. The fans greet him with a mixed reaction, more cheers than boos since Blade's not with him and since he's fighting Seaman. He slides into the ring, then faces the ramp and motions to the back. After several moments, the Nude and Brian Blade come out, lugging the couch from AWS Man (also known as Bill)'s living room down to the ring. Don't ask me how they got it onto the plane, especially with all the new security these days. Between the two of them, they push the heavy couch down the ramp, Blade looking pretty ticked off as he does so. They position the couch about where Undertaker puts his bike, then head back up the ramp.
JT : Um ... what the hell is this?
GP : Er, I think they brought the Insane One's new inanimate manager, the George Foreman Grill, or something like that, down to the ring.
JT : But ... that's his couch.
GP : Actually, it's a spot on his couch.
JT : So ... he's replaced Pen the Spatula ... with George Foreman's Something-or-other the Spot On His Couch?
GP : Well, that's the gist of it.
JT : ...And remind me again why we hired this guy, let alone gave him a World title shot.
GP : Massive amounts of drugs?
JT : Works for me!
JT snorts a long line of coke that apparently came from nowhere off the desk and immediately passes out.
GP : And now that my partner has overdosed on cocaine and most likely won't live through the night, let's go back to Meygon for the rest of the introductions.
Meygon : And now, the IWO WORLD Heavyweight champion ... hailing from Los Angeles, California ... a Grand Slam champion in his own right, except that he's not ... he weighs in at 300 pounds with hair gel, which is a damn lie if I ever heard one, and stands at 6'1", which seems to be a popular wrestler height these days ... he is apparently not a fan of nicknames, SSSSIIIIIMMMOOOOONNNNNN SSSEEEEAAAAAMMMMAAAAANNNNNN!!!!
"Relax" by Powerman 5000 plays as Seaman struts out of the back, hair looking quite greasy fo' sheezy. The fans rise to their feet and boo the bajeezus out of him. He cockily walks down the ramp, adjusting his gelled-up hair as he does so. FAMILY GUY IS THE FUNNIEST SHOW EVER! ... Sorry, but that paragraph was getting boring. Simon slides into the ring and faces off with AWS Man (also known as Bill) as the bell rings.
GP : The two men are approaching each other for a collar-and-elbow tie-up.
The Insane One moves forward for the tie-up, but Seaman twists to the side and knees him in the gut. Simon then pulls AWS Man (also known as Bill)'s hair back and drops him with an inverted DDT.
GP : Reverse DDT by Seaman! He makes the quick cover!
Ref : 1 ... 2 ..
GP : AWS Man (also known as Bill) kicks out shortly after the two. I think the suddenness of the cover surprised him.
GP : (Glancing at JT's quivering body) Damn, now was when JT was suppose to say something insulting and/or retarded, and I was supposed to respond in my predictable fashion. Errr, I guess I'll just pretend like he's responding. JT, was that supposed to be an insult on AWS Man (also known as Bill)?
JT : ...
GP : Yeah, you're an idiot.
Seaman waits for AWS Man (also known as Bill) to start to scramble to his feet, then bounces off the ropes and comes in for a swinging
neckbreaker. The Insane One slips out of it as Seaman grabs his head, though, and hooks Seaman's arms with their backs facing each other. He bends forward for a backslide.
Ref : 1 ... 2 ...
GP : Seaman kicks out at two and a half! That really surprised him! I don't think he expected that kind of technical reverse from AWS Man (also
known as Bill).
JT : ...
GP : Say what you will, JT, AWS Man (also known as Bill) is a veteran, and does know his way around the ring.
Seaman rolls to his feet and charges the Insane One with a clothesline, but AWS Man (also known as Bill) ducks and mule kicks Simon with their backs still to each other. AWS Man (also known as Bill) then turns and dropkicks Seaman in the back, sending Simon stumbling face-first into the turnbuckle. He staggers back into a school-boy roll-up by AWS Man (also known as Bill).
Ref : 1 ... 2 ... 3-
GP : Oh, man! The Insane One almost had Seaman right there! One more fraction of a second and your precious Seaman would have lost his belt, JT!
JT : ...
GP : Now, come on, that was uncalled for!
AWS Man (also known as Bill) walks up to Seaman as the champ's getting up, but Seaman uses a low blow on the Insane One. As Simon moves his arm, though, AWS Man (also known as Bill) claps his legs together and catches Simon's arm between his legs. AWS Man (also known as Bill) then, in one fluid motion, grabs Seaman's head and flips all the way over Seaman's kneeling figure, landing on his back and driving Seaman's head to the mat in a modified neckbreaker.
GP : WOW! Did you see that?!
JT : ...
GP : What do you mean, it wasn't impressive?! You're really pissing me off, JT!
The Insane One springs to his feet, runs to the ropes, and bounces off with a springboard legdrop, which connects across Seaman's chest. He points to the top rope and gestures randomly with his hands.
GP : He's calling for the Win the Freakin' Matchifier (shooting star press)! But can he hit it this early in the match?!
JT : ...
GP : I think he can!
JT : ...
GP : Yes he can, you son of a bitch!
GP tackles the still passed-out JT, and the two begin brawling ... Well, GP begins brawling. JT just kinda stays limp. Back in the ring, AWS Man (also known as Bill) scales the top rope and stands up. He leaps for his finisher, but Seaman gets his knees up at the last moment. AWS Man (also known as Bill) rolls off of him, clutching his stomach. Seaman stands up and lifts AWS Man (also known as Bill) up by the hair, then begins pummeling him with right hands, backing him towards the ropes. He whips him off the ropes and runs after him, spearing the Insane One right after AWS Man (also known as Bill) bounces off the opposite side. The force of the spear sends both men tumbling through the ropes to the outside man.
GP : Take ... that ... you ... dirty ... heel-loving ... bastard!
JT : (Waking up) Hey, what the hell?! Ow! Owwww!!
Both men make it to their feet at roughly the same time. AWS Man (also known as Bill) takes a wild swing, but Seaman ducks and shoulder blocks AWS Man (also known as Bill), picking him up and running him into the ring post on the outside. The back of the Insane One's head smacks the metal pole, and AWS Man (also known as Bill) falls to the ground, holding his head and not looking too good. Seaman smiles out at the crowd, who respond with boos. Seaman walks over to the ring steps and takes the top part of the steps off, raising it above his head and obviously preparing to bring it down full-force on AWS Man (also known as Bill)'s noggin. Right before he does so, though, the ref reaches over the ropes from inside the ring and grabs the steps out of Seaman's hands. Right about this time, the announcers manage to compose
themselves somewhat and regain their seats.
JT : Damn, GP, what the hell was that for?!
GP : I didn't appreciate your comments.
JT : What comments? I was overdosed on cocaine, which I seem to have miraculously recovered from for no apparent reason!
GP : I still didn't appreciate them, and you'd better watch your mouth next time!
JT : O...K.
Seaman turns around to glare at the ref and begins jaw-jacking with him. Suddenly, Seaman jumps up on the apron and grabs the referee by the head, dropping down with a hangman onto the ropes. The referee falls down, out cold.
GP : My God! That was completely uncalled for! The ref was just doing his job!
JT : Job, schmob, he should have ... he should have ... Help me out here.
GP : Known better than to mess with Seaman?
JT : Known better than to mess with THE MAN, Simon Seaman!
GP : Nice touch.
JT : Thanks.
As Seaman turns back around, grinning at his accomplishment, he suddenly catches a swift boot between the legs from AWS Man (also known as Bill), who had recovered on the ground. The Insane One scrabbles to his feet and hooks Seaman in a suplex position, with Seaman's back, facing the crowd barrier. AWS Man (also known as Bill) lifts Seaman up for a vertical suplex until Seaman's back bounces off the ring ropes. The Insane One then takes a few steps forward and drives Seaman's chest down onto the barrier as the fans explode. A few janitors get out there to clean it up.
GP : You always hate to see that.
JT : Yeah, it's kinda nasty.
AWS Man (also known as Bill) grabs Seaman by the hair and flips him off the barrier. He picks him up by his hair and the back of his tights and rolls him into the ring, sliding in after him.
GP: Wait a second! Who's that coming down to the ring!
JT: It's Matt Rivers, and he's wearing a referee's shirt?!? This isn't very fair to Simon if this is allowed to go the way it seems!
Seaman slowly backs off, trying to regain his stature as AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) stands over top of him. Rivers slides in, as Seaman stands to his feet, and stares at Rivers' almost dumbfounded. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) grabs the dumbfounded Simon by his head, and picks him up, nailing him with Drop on Yer Freakin' Head.
GP: THERE IT IS! THERE IT IS!
JT: NO WAY! NO WAY!
GP: RIVERS WITH THE COUNT! ONE... TWO... THREE!!! THREE! WE HAVE A NEW WORLD CHAMPION! THE REIGN OF SIMON SEAMAN IS OVER! IT'S OVER!
AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) looks around, obviously dumbfounded, at least, that's what you can guess underneath his mask. He raises his hands in the air as Matt Rivers hands him the championship. Seaman rolls out of the ring, distraught, angry, everything at once.
Meygon: Your winner, and NEW...
Simon Seaman: Wait! Wait just one moment! This isn't right, this is justifible. FORD! GET OUT HERE, NOW!
The fans begin to boo Seaman, as AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) and Rivers looked on. Then, "Hail to the Chief" plays over the pa system, as slowly, out from the back walks Thomas Ford, wearing his suit, and carrying a microphone.
Simon Seaman: COME ON FORD! YOU KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED IS WRONG! You know that I was just screwed out of the championship.
Thomas Ford: ... Simon... shut up.
The crowd lets out a cry, as Seaman almost seems to cry at the thought, at the words coming out of Ford's mouth. Ford tried to get the crowd, and Simon, to calm down, a Simon walks up to Ford, pleading his case.
Thomas Ford: Listen, AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), congratulations on your World Heavyweight title win...
The fans let out a cheer, as AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) holds the championship high. Seaman begins to yell and scream, as Ford calms him down with one hand.
Thomas Ford: I am sorry about the short livedness of your reign however...
AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) lets out a weirdened stare, as Rivers looks towards Ford. Seaman seems to be relieved, to say the least.
Thomas Ford: You know, I want the World Heavyweight championship off of Simon's shoulders as much as the next man, but I'm not willing to lose what respectability the championship still has.And the decline, Mr. Rivers, was you, not being the official... official, racing down, and making the count. Your word means nothing in the books Matt, and I'm sorry to say, but that means that Simon is still the champion.
The crowd lets out a chorus of boos, as Simon begins to let out a sly smile. He begins to come down to the ring, and walks in. He reahes out for the championship, which was in AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)'s hands. He doesn't wait though, ripping the championship out of his hands.
Simon raises the championship to the crowd, as another chorus of boos is heard. Then, suddently, AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) nails SImon with "Knock yer freakin' head off," a superkick, backing Simon into Matt Rivers...
and Dazed and Confused.
The championship lay on top of a fallen Simon, as both men slowly exited the ring. The image fades out, Simon, fallen, the championship laying there, on a motionless body.