Live from the Hara Arena in Dayton, Ohio
November 9th, 2001
North American Title Match
Matt Rivers -c- vs. Nuke
Tag Title Unification Match
IWO World Tag Titles v. IWO Black Tag Titles
The Suicide Kings -c- v. Those Damned Mexicans -c-
Sebastian Leifel v. Evan Levine
To Bid You Farewell" by Opeth quietly plays.
We are given highlights of Fear the Darkness. We see Harold Hash finishing Bryan Fury with his version of the Diamond Dust. We see bits and pieces from Mega Job's parody of jOlt Wrestling's erØn, just hours before erØn announced his retirement in jOlt. We see highlights of the following match between Mega Job and TDM. We see Beef's ill-fated swing from the entryway. We see the "Clothesline From Shanghai". We see the Rice-A-Rooni from Beef, followed by the Epic Beef Drop. Then we see Edguardo taking out Beef with the Spick Kick at the same time Steve the Rambling Communist takes out the Gap Worker with the Iron Curtain.
We see a few highlights from the following Ben Archer/Rob Kestler match. We see Kestler making a conversation with his picture of Ben Archer, Archer trying to hit the ArC and failing, then Archer trying to his something off the top rope, but it's countered with a super Call From Beyond that hurts the hell out of Ben Archer for the pinfall victory.
We see highlights of the Levine/HIT match. We see Levine driving HIT through a table with the Conceptual Perfection. We see HIT nailing the Parallel Bases. We see HIT nailing Gunnar Smith's Perfectionator. Then we see Levine hitting two Game Times before trying a top rope Game Time and getting dropped on his head off the top before HIT hits Kent Anthason's Abandon Fate(Sweet Serenity) for the win.
I am awaiting the sunrise,
Gazing modestly through the coldest morning,
Once it came you lied,
Embracing us over autumn's proud treetops...
We see highlights of the tag title match. We see the springboard hurricanrana from Ryan King to Jack Breaker. We see the "Confishto" from the Jack Daniels Connection to Jeff King. The Tequila Sunset being reversed into a double bulldog. Rodeo Daniels hitting a Cactus Suplex on Jeff King. The Tequila Sunset is hit, but Jack Breaker eats the Flip the Switch. Jeff King is thrown off the entrance ramp, the "holy shit" spot of the match. Ryan King hits a super brainbuster for a near fall, but Jack Breaker gets the Clockwork DDT, then the Heartbreaker, but Jeff King breaks it up. The Kings hit their old finisher, Underestimation, for another near fall, but the JDC pull out the Wrath for another near fall, then they try the Degrees of Sin, but it's countered, and the Kings pull out the narrow victory with the Flip the Switch.
We see the (very few in number) highlights from the blast-o-rama that was Scott Styles and Erik Blake. Blake lowblows Styles, and tries to bring a chair in, but the referee is all YOINK, so Blake shoves him down, disqualifying himself.
I stand motionless,
In a parade of falling rain,
Your voice I cannot hear,
As I am falling again...
We see the highlights from AWS Man/Nuke's 98 Disease/Bathroom Brawl match. We see midget Nuke with his sawed off shotgun dragging disease-riddened individuals into the pit. We see AWS Man (also known as Bill) smacking Nuke with the Knock Your Freakin' Head Off. We see Nuke go to town on AWS Man (also known as Bill) with a metal door. We see Nuke try the Paranoia, which is reversed into the Drop You On Your Freakin' Face. We see the Von Freakinator being deployed on Nuke's face. Then we see the "holy shit" spot of the night, as AWS Man (also known as Bill) reverses Nuke's Aerial Insanity into the Break Your Freakin' Neck. We see AWS Man (also known as Bill) try the Win the Freakin' Matchifier, but missing. We see AWS Man (also known as Bill) counter the Burning Psychosis into a back body drop into the pit, for the victory and the title.
We see highlights from Rivers/Extreme, for the North American championship. We see Extreme powerbombing Rivers on a table that doesn't break. We see Rivers hitting Dazed and Confused through a table, then throwing him into a dumpster for the win.
And in sadness I lumber,
In my own ashes I am standing without a soul,
She wept and whispered: "I know..."
Finally, we see highlights of the main event. We see Flyer taking a nasty spill to the outside, landing him on his injured knee. We see Seaman kicking Flyer's leg out from under him. We see Flyer hitting Cold Snow. We see Seaman applying a spinning toe hold, which is countered into a knee clip of Flyer's own. We see Seaman applying a figure four leglock, then the pressure is reversed. We see Flyer hitting a double arm DDT, then a catapult DDT. We see Seaman stopping a tornado DDT, then hitting rolling fisherman's suplexes, shades of Zombie at Mayhem `99. Then we see Flyer hitting a shooting stars hurricanrana on Seaman, seemingly taking Seaman out of the game. We see Seaman hitting the Silencer, but it only gets two, so Seaman grabs a chair. But Flyer hits him with Hypothermia. Then, Seaman manages to hit a tornado Cold Snow onto a steel chair, and then apply a sharpshooter on a passed out Flyer, to take the win.
We walked into the night,
Am I to bid you farewell?
Why can't you see that I try,
When every tear is shed,
Is for you?
The cameras fade into the Hara Arena in Dayton, Ohio, as fireworks go off near the IWO's entryway. The place is sold out, surprising for an IWO show these days. We see fans with signs such as "Seaman is the true champion?", "Mega Job 4 Life!", "Scott Styles doesn't like it? Tough.", and one confused fan has a sign that says "erØn likes gravy". We cut to our ring announcers, Greg Parker and JT.
GP: Hello, and WELCOME to Hostile Takeover! We're just nine days removed from a shocking pay-per-view. New champions were crowned, new heroes were born, but in the light of a great pay-per-view, a man's career has been ended.
JT: Oh, boo hoo hoo. Like I'm supposed to care what happens to a maniac who sold snow to random people. Face it, Parker. Simon Seaman is THE champion of the century! Forget Malone, forget Fission, forget all of those people! Simon Seaman is the man!
GP: Well, that can be questioned. Anyway, we've got a thrilling show for you, tonight...
The IWOTron shows Matt Rivers, North American Title over his shoulder, standing on the left, and Nuke standing on the right.
GP: Tonight, we've got the reigning IWO North American Champion, who's been on one HELL of a comeback since losing the IWO World Title to Joey Malone all the way back in May, set to go one-on-one with a man who lost the Extreme championship in probably the most fucked up match I've seen in a while, Nuke.
JT: No doubt, Nuke's gonna take out Rivers, and be on his way to glory!
GP: Also, tonight...
The IWOTron shows Jeff and Ryan King on one side of the Tron, with the IWO World Tag Titles around their waists, while it shows Diablo and Edguardo on the other side, with the IWO Black Tag Titles around their waists.
GP: The new IWO World Tag Team Champions, the Suicide Kings, will be fighting to unify the IWO World Tag Titles with the IWO Black Titles, as the new IWO Black champions, Those Damned Mexicans, take them on.
JT: Is there any real point to the IWO Black Titles?
GP: I think Mega Job just found them one day and said they were champions.
JT: Do the Corruption System know that they took the titles, anyway?
GP: Um, no, since they're probably too busy working with TNM Tournaments.
JT: Anyway, we're going to...
Relax" by Powerman 5000 hits the speakers as a loud chorus of boos fill the entire arena as every fan in attendance stands up awaiting the champ's appearance.
JT: ...WOO! YES! MY HERO HAS ARRIVED!
As red and blue strobe lights eminate from the entranceway, Simon Seaman shows up in his wrestling attire with an IWO shirt on and his world title around his waist. Slowly walking down to the ring, he starts exchanging words with some of the fans at ringside.
JT: There he is! The man of the hour. Quite possibly of the entire century.
GP: You make sucking up an art.
JT: Thank you.
As he walks up the steel steps and into the ring he looks around him and slowly climbs up to the second turnbuckle as he simply eats up the fans hatred for him. Jumping off the turnbuckle, he stands in the middle of the ring about to speak.
Simon: October 31, 2001 will be a day that will live in infamy. For on that day, a sad and unfortunate event occurred.
A quiet hush fills the arena.
Simon: Oh screw it. I ENDED HIGH FLYER'S DAMN CAREER.
Several heckles from the crowd are heard along with more boos.
GP: Why can't he just be quiet?
JT: Be quiet? That's just like telling Santa Claus not to be jolly. That's like telling the Ramseys not to act suspicious.
Simon: Just like every worthless employee of this company who are most likely scratching their asses with a stick right now in the back getting high on powdered donuts and caffeine, but that's not the point. Just like every worthless employee back there, High Flyer was a "loser" at Fear the Darkness. He underestimated me, he tried to use illegal tactics to defeat me, but I didn't wait one year in the IWO to become champ and end up losing to someone like him.
Simon: I proved to all you fans sitting pretty in your seventy dollar seats and all you cheapskates up in the nosebleeds and all you couch potatoes at home that this. You see this image on your television screen? Could you get a close-up of this?
The cameraman in the ring walks up to him and zooms in on Simon.
Simon: You see this image? Simon Seaman, IWO World Heavyweight Champion. Do you see it? Can you see this vision clearly? You can? Well good. GET USED TO IT. For there is no one that can push me down, push me down the ladder anymore. There is no one that can tell me "It's not your time yet". There is no one that can say "There will come a day for you". You know why? That day, that time...is now.
Pacing around the ring, he looks up rarely to acknowledge the few followers he has left.
Simon: I could go on and on about how I drove High Flyer out of the IWO for good and how you will never see that fu...ug..."Fugly" face again, but I won't. I am a considerate human being. So I'd like to tonight live on Hostile Takeover pay tribute to High Flyer, his career, and his accomplishments the only way I can. To everyone watching this broadcast, I wish for you to join me in this tribute. Once again, this is dedicated you to High Flyer.
Pointing up above him, he signals to someone off camera. As soon as that happens, a large banner featuring High Flyer is unwrapped and presented. Covering most of the background in the shot, Simon looks behind him with a content expression on his face. From the entranceway, we see several individuals come down to the ring carrying four sculpted statues of High Flyer. As each one walks up the steel steps and enters the ring, they begin to place a statue on each corner of the ring. Exiting the ring, Simon acknowledges the gracious volunteers who took time out of their lives to help Simon out.
Simon: Thank you oh so much. Remember, gift baskets are in the mail.
GP: Tribute my ass.
JT: Tribue your ass? Maybe in Playgirl Magazine, but not here, Parker. This is a kids' show. How could you say something like that?
As "The Best of High Flyer" is played on the IWOtron, the lights are dimmed as Simon stands in the middle of the ring pretending to be weeping. As the screen shows a series of snipets of matches invloving Flyer along with several promos, a familiar voice is heard doing the voice-over.
Simon (voice-over): High Flyer accomplished many things during his long stint in the Internet Wrestling Organization. Capturing every IWO title imaginable and becoming one of the greatest performers' in the company's history. He also lost horribly to Simon Seaman.
GP: Oh good god.
JT: Quiet, Parker! I'm trying to jot down his history. If I could make this into a book, it could sell millions. No, thousands! Maybe even hundreds or quite possibly tens.
Several dramatic photos of High Flyer in action on the screen are viewed.
Simon (voice-over): When you think of the name, the personality, the individual known appropriately as High Flyer, you think of many things. Courage. Bravery. Determination, but most importantly, you think of him as this. A fart in his church.
GP: Could we stop this horrid tribute? Do you hear me back there? Can you stop this now?
JT: You should shut your mouth. This is touching. What a great way for Flyer to go out of the IWO with. It's not with a bang, but it is sure as hell close to it.
GP: Oh please.
JT: Hold me.
GP: Damn it no! Hold yourself. It won't be the first time.
JT: Oh you don't want to know.
A final oil painting of High Flyer appears on the screen. As the fans start to show their appreciation for this montage and for the world champion, it continues nonetheless as the camera catches Simon with a sad look on his face shaking his head.
Simon (voice-over): High Flyer. Low class person. High class ass face. Tonight, we pay tribute to him in the only way we can. So goodbye, High Flyer. You will be sorely missed. Simon will try next time not to kick your butt so much when he sees you begging for spare change on the street corner.
GP: That is just sick. What kind of person is Simon Seaman?
JT: I think everyone should stand up and applaud this man for portraying one of the greatest performers ever to step foot in an IWO ring so adequately.
GP: Okay, that's true. Plus did you know that pigs fly?
JT: WHAT?! You mean they don't. My whole world has turned upside down and inside out. How could you, Gregory Moon Unit Parker?
GP: Moon unit?
As the tribute segment ends on the IWOtron, the lights are once again turned on as the fans sigh in relief, thinking that this whole part of the show is finished. As the High Flyer banner is still proudly shown in the background, we see Simon put his mouth up to the mic and continue to speak.
Simon: You can thank me later, folks. You can thank me later. Anyway, to close this great tribute, I'd like to show you something. A memento if you will that will symbolize this tragic day.
Walking out of the ring, he walks by the broadcast table as the two commentators stare at Simon in confusion. Near the timekeeper's table, Simon grabs a golden sledgehammer and raises it high above his head. Walking up the steel steps and back into the ring, he raises the object over his head in one hand and talks on the mic with the other.
GP: What is he doing?
Simon: This golden sledgehammer represents you High Flyer. You were a great winner, but even a better loser. You will not be forgotten for on this very sledgehammer lies a special engraving. It reads "High Flyer, doesn't it feel great to lose to Simon Seaman?".
Dropping the mic down, he takes one of the High Flyer statues standing on one corner of the ring and drags it into the middle of the ring. Laying it down on it's side. He raises the sledgehammer high above his head as he is about to drive it down about to shatter it into several pieces. Just as he is about to execute this, "Makin' Money" by Handsome Devil hits the speakers as the fans erupt. Dropping the sledgehammer onto the canvas, he sets the statue aside as Matt Rivers makes his appearance. With the IWO North American title presented over his shoulder, he looks around the arena and then at Simon, who picks up his mic. As the music stops, Simon eagerly expresses his reaction to the impromptu appearance. With Rivers standing at the top of the ramp, Seaman starts to speak.
Simon: Matt Rivers. Let me tell you a little something. How dare you come out here on my television time, MY time with that sorry excuse for that face walking around here like you got to go to the bathroom and can't find your way there. What are you trying to do to all these fans? They came here to see me. You know that. I know that. Even that guy in the audience staring at that chick's ass knows that and he's not even paying attention.
Looking straight at him, Matt addresses him as he takes a few steps closer to ringside.
Matt: Sorry, "champ". I was just trying to address to you something very important. You may not have heard of this, so I will speak slowly so you can understand. It's a little thing that most people have that's important if you are to be successful in this business. It's called "talent". Have you heard of it before? No? Well then I suggest you go get some.
Simon: Quite amusing, quite amusing. It's really something to get advice from an individual who can't even decide on what to call himself. Donnie Daze, Matt Rivers, how about I call you a name that you really deserve. Isn't that right, Ronald McLoser?
Scratching his head, Matt looks up at the sky possibly thinking of something.
Matt: Hmm...something stinks. I think it was my joke. Wait, it wasn't? Oh, that's right. I guess it must be you.
Absolutely appalled from Matt's previous remark, Simon walks over to the set of ropes facing the ramp glaring somewhat madly at him.
Matt: Forget all about this stuff. I came out here because I am sick and tired of you degrading that world title belt. I tired of you making jokes all the time. This isn't funny. You may have retired High Flyer at Fear the Darkness, but the only reason you are doing this is because he isn't here tonight and if he saw this, he would come down to that ring right now and beat the living crap out of you. You know that for a fact.
GP: Amen to that.
JT: Amen to nothing. Amen to your mother, that's what. This is bull. This is so much bull, we're probably in Spain right now.
Simon raises his right hand and pretends to shake it wildly.
Simon: You see this? Do you see it? My hand is shaking. Oh no, High Flyer is going to get me. Oh no, I'm scared, so scared, shaking in my boots, oh no....so shut the hell the up.
Several boos from the crowd are heard as Simon just shrugs his shoulders and continues.
Simon: You're pretty hilarious, Rivers. You should write for "Emeril" because we all know that show gets big ratings.
Simon: Tell you what. Since you're out here, why don't you come down to this ring? If you want to tell me something, you walk up and tell me what you just told me a minute ago as you look into my eyes. That's right, take your butt, waddle down the ramp and tell it to my face. If you mean what you mean, you better let me know.
The fans begin to get riled up as Matt walks down to the ringside. Walking up the steel steps, Simon greets him and sits on the second rope, inviting him into the ring.
JT: You see that? Simon Seaman might despise Matt Rivers right now, but he is showing courtesy. A stand up guy that man is.
Instead of entering between the ropes, Matt walks to the other side and enters that way. As Simon looks confused, he walks up to standing in the middle of the ring. As they stare at each other face to face, they say nothing as the crowd urges them to fight. Matt is the first one to talk as he pokes Simon in the shoulder assuring how serious he is.
Matt: You might be sitting pretty with that IWO World Heavyweight Title around your waist. You might now be afraid of me, but just to jog your memory a little bit. A couple of weeks ago, I pinned you one, two, three in that ring. You think you're all big and mighty? Well, I bet that loss just burns a hole through you. You can't take it, can you? Knowing that if that title was on the line in that match, it would've been mine.
The fans applaud and cheer as Simon simply smiles and looks down at the ground. Looking at Rivers right in his eyes, he pokes him in the shoulder with his finger in retaliation.
Simon: Allow me to clue you in on something. You wanted a title match? Matt Rivers wanted a title match? Let us take a stroll down memory lane as we are at it and go back to Autumn in Hell. You had your chance to become the world champion, have this belt, but it didn't happen did it? You look at me and you see Simon Seaman as the world champion. You know damn well if I lost that belt, there would be no second chance. I had to work my ass off for every single thing I got in this company and if I were to be defeated, I wouldn't get another shot. Do you know why that is? The high and mighty IWO staff wouldn't have any of that. For they know that the only way they can prosper, the only way they can feel secure about themselves and this company is if this belt is off my waist. That won't happen. This image you see in front of you is going to be an image you are going to see for a long, long time.
Rivers to the left and right of him before locking his eyes on Simon.
Simon: You may think that losing to you is something that goes through my mind each and every day. I won't blame you, it does. You may have pinned me in the middle of that ring, but you didn't do it by yourself. Fan favourite High Flyer had to do it for you. You couldn't do it alone because you knew in your mind that you couldn't. In the back of your mind, you never really defeated me. That victory in the history book means nothing because it simply isn't true. For that victory has a big asterisk beside it. A good person helped out a good person. High Flyer helped you. You know where good people go, Rivers? You know where they go? They get retired. Especially by me.
With the fans heckling once again, Simon stares at them for a second, then looks back at Rivers.
Simon: Now let's get to the truth. You never wished to come down to this ring just to express how disgusted you were at me. Everyone says that. I get that all the time. The truth is Matt Rivers is that you interrupted my "tribute" because you want my title. You want to face me for the IWO World Championship.
Nodding his head slightly, Rivers grabs Simon's mic, realizing that his is not working.
Matt: I was supposed to face you at Fear the Darkness. All this High Flyer stuff wouldn't have happened if it was myself versus you.
Grabbing the mic back from Rivers, Simon responds.
Simon: You were "supposed" to face me, but you didn't. If you are so eager to face me, why don't you go ahead and we can have a title match tonight. How about that? You'd like that wouldn't you. I hear the fans screaming. They want this. Why don't you just give them what you want? I've been doing that ever since I came into the IWO and you know what I got in return? I got nothing.
Speaking into Simon's mic, Rivers replies as if he trying to prove a point.
Matt: Maybe you received nothing was because you deserved nothing.
Simon: It's on now.
GP: This could be it.
JT: Hold your horses there. Simon won't give in that easily to a half-wit like Rivers.
Simon:Oh wait, I forgot. You already have match tonight with that title on your shoulder on the line. Oh well, maybe next time, but as long as you are here in this ring, I'll make this loud and clear. You might have beaten me once. Let me emphasize this. ONCE. Though the fact of the matter is that there is no way you are going to beat me twice. Isn't that right, Matthew?
Shoving Rivers backwards, the fans start to boo incessantly. Staring down at the canvas, Rivers responds and retaliates after picking up his North American title on the mat.
Matt: I'm sure there will be a way.
He shoves Seaman back as the fans interest in this confrontation increases.
GP: Hold on, they might go at it right here, right now.
JT: Let them go at it. It'll be the same result in the end. Seaman will make an example of Rivers like High Flyer at Fear the Darkness.
Referees and IWO officials sprint from the back and into the ring and they try desperately to separate the two. As the fans get into this odd confrontation wishing for two to attack each other, the camera catches Seaman and Rivers' yelling at each other from opposite corners of the ring as the High Flyer statues left standing are toppled down and then rolled onto the arena floor. As Simon gives the signal that he has calmed down, the refs back away, but instantly prevent Simon as he tries to make his way through the crowd of people to get to Rivers. As the fans cheer them on, the two wrestlers continue to mouth each other off. Finally, Seaman makes his way out of the ring as several refs and officials escort him to the back. As "Relax" by Powerman 5000 blares through the speakers, Simon turns back as he glares at Rivers in the ring with a furious expression on his face. Pausing in the middle of the ramp, he says something under his breath as Rivers is surrounded by the remaining refs and officials.
GP: We need to get some order in here.
JT: No we don't. This is fun like "Hungry, Hungry Hippos".
GP: We'll be back right after the break folks. Stay tuned for more Hostile Takeover!
** COMMERCIAL BREAK **
We go backstage, where Beef the Slightly Annoyed is talking to an young female aide of Thomas Ford's, backstage.
Beef: So, um, listen... we're not booked for tonight. Janito, Steve, and I, man... we like to wrestle and get our asses kicked! We're MEGA JOB! It is our duty as superheroes to be the very best in jobbing entertainment, today!
Ford's Aide: So why are you coming to me? Why not see Ford, himself?
Beef: Ford scareded me. :-( Plus, you're purdy... wanna go out?
The aide walks away, disgusted.
Beef: Hey, wait! Can't you give me your number!?
The aide walks out of earshot just as Beef said those words.
Beef: Awh... I'll NEVER get laid.
Scene cut back to the ring.
** COMMERCIAL BREAK **
Scene cut to the backstage area, where Beef is standing in front of Thomas Ford's office, nervous about opening the door. Finally, he gets the guts to knock on the door. Ford says "Come in", so Beef comes in. Ford isn't looking, he's working on paperwork.
Beef: Mi-mi-mister Ford?
Ford: Hold on.
Beef waits impatiently, then Ford looks up.
Ford: Now, what do you wh- ........who let YOU into the building?!
Beef: Wait! WAIT! Don't throw me out! I'm only here because we're bored and we want a match!
Ford looks at Beef oddly.
Ford: Wait... wait... you mean you're on CONTRACT?! HERE?! IN THE IWO!? My god...
Beef: Yes. That's right. Can we please have a match, now?
Ford: Well, I don't see why not... this stupid Sean person, he's like this annoying little nerd guy, right? He complained to me about how we had too few matches on the card. So I'll have you face... a mystery team of my choosing!
Beef: Awh, mystery teams are about as fun as watching Styles and Blake.
Ford: Well, alright. I'll have you fight... THE REMAINING MEMBERS OF THE EMPIRE!
Beef: ACK! That's... evil! I thought they all died in a tragic accident involving a duck, a stapler, and a plastic toaster!
Ford: Shut up and get out of here, I have more important things to do.
Beef: ...you're reading a porno magazine.
Another awkward pause.
Ford: Do you want the match or not?
Beef: Fine, I'll leave.
Ford: *sigh* Bastards...
The camera cuts to the locker room of Those Damned Mexicans, the IWO Black World Tag Team Champions. The fans start to massively boo. TDM is currently making plans for...something. What could these plans be?
Diablo: E, we've got to go out there and kick some ass, and this is the best way to ensure a slight tilt in our favor for the match!
Edguardo: Eh, I'd rather hump something.
Diablo: Dammit, E, you're never serious!
Edguardo: I'm ALWAYS serious...about humping something! Gimme a damn break!
Just then, there is a knock at the door.
Voice on the Other Side of the Door: PIZZA!
Diablo: Did you order pizza, E?
Diablo: Whatever...it's ours anyway.
They open the door. They find...THE SUICIDE KINGS! The crowd goes absolutely crazy as The Suicide Kings kick the living shit out of TDM! Jeff and Ryan spike-powerbomb Diablo, and then do the same to Edguardo.
Jeff: THOSE TITLES ARE OURS, MEXICANS!
Ryan: We've soooooooo got this one won!
Jeff and Ryan walk away. The camera catches them, when they are suddenly lifted off the ground! Mongolian Fred floats from around the corner, and then drops them. Fred floats away as the camera fades to the announcers.
GP: Lots of bad blood there...
JT: No shit, need a magnifying glass?
GP: Shut up. It's time for another match.
Meygon: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring first, in his IWO debut, Sebastian Leifel!
Turning Inward (Hardcore Remix)" by Boy Hits Car plays as he walks out from backstage and slides into the ring.
GP: Well, Sebastian's looking to make a big debut here in the IWO, and he's being considered the favorite in this match.
JT: But then again, the general consensus backstage is that a powdered donut could kick Evan Levine's ass, so we'll see about that.
Meygon: Making his way to the ring next, please welcome Evan Levine!
I'm Your Boogieman" by White Zombie hits and Evan materializes from behind a cloud of garbage being thrown from the fans. He slides into the ring as the crowd screams out death threats.
*DING DING DING!*
Sebastian starts off with a collar and elbow lockup on Evan, sprawls down into a front facelock, and suplexes Evan. He quickly mounts the turnbuckle and acknowleges the crowd, giving Evan time to crotch him on the top rope. Sebastian hits the mat, and Evan locks in a reverse chinlock. Sebastian instantly gets his boot on the bottom rope, and the ref breaks the hold up.
JT: Is it just me, or does that ref bear a striking resemblance to Al Roker?
GP: You're right!
Evan pulls Sebastian to his feet and starts off with a few right hooks, sending Sebastian reeling into the corner. Evan steps back and charges in with a shoulder block. Sebastian hops up on the turnbuckle and flips over Evan, rolling him up for a quick two count before Evan kicks out.
GP: Well, Sebastian's off to a good start here!
JT: Sebastian Crow!? Where?
GP: No, Sebastian Leifel.
JT: Psh. Like there's a difference.
Sebastian sends Evan into the turnbuckle with an irish whip, then charges with a strong clothesline, sending Evan over the top. Sebastian hits off of the opposite ropes and dives over at Evan, connecting with a body splash. Sebastian pulls Evan up and hooks for a suplex, holds for a second, then brings Evan's midsection down on the crowd barrier. Evan rolls off into the crowd, clutching his stomach. He rolls around on the floor for a second, then gets up slowly. Sebastian hops up onto the barricade and delivers a missile dropkick to Evan's face, driving him to the concrete ground. He pulls Evan up and throws him back over the barricade. Evan pulls himself up and rolls into the ring, and Sebastian follows up by kicking Evan into the corner. He jumps up onto the turnbuckle and executes a perfect Tornado DDT, driving Evan to the mat. Sebastian then picks up Evan and hooks in the Paranoia.
GP: Leifel's got in a dragon sleeper of sorts!
JT: LEVINE'S TAPPING!
GP: Oh, goodie.
*DING, DING, DING*
Meygon: Here's your winner, Sebastian Leifel!
GP: Wow! What a debut for the young rookie!
JT: I still think he's Sebastian Crow wearing a mask. Haven't you ever seen Mission Impossible?
GP: Shut up. We'll be right back.
** COMMERCIAL BREAK **
JT: Well, I still say your wrong...
GP: Man, it's not that hard of a concept to grasp... oranges are ORANGE...
JT: Ehhh...I don't know...
Between Angels and Insects" suddenly plays as the sold-out crowd at IWO's Hostile Takeover hit their feet as the IWO-Tron plays the entrance video of the IWO Tag Champions, the Suicide Kings.
GP: Well, an un-charted visit by the Suicide Kings here JT, who just a short while ago, brutally attacked their opponents for tonight.
JT: Quit making it sound like savagery GP, the Kings are just finally realising that it's gonna take cut-throat emotions to stay on top here. Remember...nice guys finish last.
GP: Yeah yeah....
The Kings come out with broad smiles as they showboat their titles in the ring then call for a mic from the announcer as the music ceases.
Ryan King: Hello, fans of ours...it is I...Ryan King, 1/2 of YOUR IWO WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!
The crowd cheers
Ryan King: As you may have already seen...earlier tonight we heard that TDM was still talking about us, against our will. Now, we felt it was time for action...the time for warnings have ended, so we proceeded to whoop their asses.
Jeff King: Yes, and it was soo stress relieving. But, that's not what we're out here about.
Ryan King: Yes it is...
Jeff King: No, we're out here because we were out of Apple Shampoo and we demand we be refurnished.
Ryan King: Man, that's Bath and Bodyworks...stupid! We are doing that, AFTER, the show!
Jeff King: Oh yeah, well...what are we doing again?
Ryan King: Well besides the fact of making TDM looking more like the honey nut stupidos like they are...we are giving the fans who just tuned in...a special treat!
Jeff King: Hehe, oh yeah.
Ryan King: Fans, if your just tuning in...we'd like to re-inact what went down earlier in the night between us and TDM. So, if you please...BRING ON THE MIDGETS!!!!!
A circus tune plays as a little motored car puts down the ramp as the fans laugh and it does a few cirlces before opening it's doors and multiple midgets getting out. 2 look like TDM and another like Nikki. The Nikki midget is dressed slutty, has big breasts and an ass that is...KAPOW!
GP: Now this is just degrading, tasteless humor...
The midgets enter the ring and jump around, making fools of themselves.
Ryan King: Ok, let's start this from the top shall we?
Midget Nikki: I'm here with TDM, so tell me fellas...the feud between you and champs has really "grown" over the past week. Care to... empha"size"?
Midget Diablo: Obviously Nikki, my border senses detect your sarcasm, because I'm just so smart and cool.
Midget Edguardo: PHALLIC!
Midget Diablo: As for your questions...I guess we'll just try our best because we have Mexican Power!
Midget Edguardo: PHALLIC!
Midget Nikki: Ok, well...rumor has it that you guys are expected to come up a "little short" where the Kings will be standing "tall."
Midget Diablo: Once again...your petty comments pahze me none, because I'm a Mexican.
Midget Edguardo: PHALLIC!
Midget Nikki: What's his problem?
Midget Diablo: I dunno, he's been like that after he drank the weed killer at home.
Midget Edguardo: PHALLIC MEANS PENIS SHAPED YOU STUPID DUM DUMS! I WOULD KNOW, BECAUSE I MAJOR IN PENIS...IT'S MY LIFE...I LACK ONE...BUT A MEXICAN CAN DREAM CAN'T HE!?
Midget Nikki: Sure...
Midget Edguardo: PHALLIC!
Midget Nikki: That's getting annoying...
Suddenly the Kings walk over to the midgets and hold their palms to the midgets heads as they swing wildly, but try as they might, still can't quite reach their mark. The Kings are laughing aswell the fans are...having a good time when suddenly a part of the crowd makes some weird comotion. TDM leaps from the crowd behind the ring and slides in and spins the Kings around and goes to work!
GP: OH MY! TDM HITS THE RING AND WE'RE BRAWLING AGAIN!
JT: Man, these 2 teams hate each other, and they just met this week.
GP: HAHA, I know...TDM tosses Ryan out of the ring and set Jeff up...oh they drop him with a double brainbuster!
TDM starts jawing to the Kings who are down then slowly look over at the midgets portraying them. The midgets start running around the ring as TDM chases them. Ryan slowly gets up and grabs a steel chair and waits on the side as one midget tries to leave the ring and Diablo bends down to get him and gets introduced to a steel chair! Edguardo turns around from where he was about to body slam the midget and looks on as Jeff appears from the side of them ring and starts brawling with him again. Refs hit the ring and break it up as Edguardo slides out and helps Diablo up as both teams start pointing and the Kings laugh and raises their titles.
GP: Well, this situation has certainly reached it's boiling point fans! There's no telling what will come of it later when the Kings defend their titles against TDM.
JT: It might be the best match of the night, which is seriously uncommon for tag matches.
GP: You got that right...well fans moving on...
GP: *sigh* ...we are cursed, JT.
JT: You're talking about the next match, right?
GP: YES. God, as if Mega Job was bad enough, we have to deal with the god damn Empire making a one-night only appearance, just so some idiot can get in his jollies by having two horribly bad jokes facing each other in the ring.
JT: Hey, at least Kefka can't get involved! Remember what Syphon Fission did to him at last year's Ice Age?
GP: Yeah! That was pretty cool.
One Winged Angel" by Yasunori Mitsuda hits, as Sephiros, Dalton, and Magus head to the ring. Dalton is wheeling Kefka out in a wheelchair.
Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is an insult to your intelligence, and we here in the IWO apologize for this sudden drop in IQ that everyone in the audience must be expierencing. As a matter of fact, might I just say "FUCK YOU" to whomever came up with this gimmick and may they be eaten by a group of rabid weasels. Oh yeah, and here's the Empire. Fuck you, too.
Meygon leaves the ring, as the three remaining members of the Empire look distraught.
GP: DAMN STRAIGHT, Meygon!
JT: Wow, I haven't agreed with anything Meygon said since I said "yes" to a blowjob.
GP: ...way... WAY more information than I needed, JT.
Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim hits. The crowd pops. We don't know why.
Meygon: *sigh* Do I HAVE to introduce these guys? *sigh* They hail from Beefville. They suck. Really badly. Though they don't suck as horribly as the Empire. They're Mega Job: The Epic Tag Team. I need a fucking vacation.
Meygon sits back down, as Mega Job head to the ring. All three members of Mega Job enter.
GP: God, just ring the bell, let someone pin another, and let's get on with this show.
*ding, ding, ding*
All three members of Mega Job: The Epic Tag Team stare at the three members of the Empire. Then, all three members of Mega Job turn around, bend over, and moon the Empire, to a tremendous, yet incomprehensible pop from the crowd.
GP: They actually CHEER this crap?
The Empire don't take this kindly at all, as Sephiros, Dalton, and Magus charge in on Mega Job. However, Sephiros has a nice, kind meeting with Steve the Rambling Communist's amazingly powerful "Clothesline From Shanghai", which causes Sephiros to clutch his nuts in agony. Meanwhile, the larger members of Mega Job manage to backdrop Dalton and Magus to the outside of the ring. Steve tags in El Janito, who enters the ring and taunts Sephiros.
El Janito: Yo, esse! You're a feminine-looking waif! Ha ha!
Sephiros responds with a punch in Janito's stomach, which staggers everyone's favorite Mexican Stereotype. Sephiros gets to his feet and goes for the Shadow Flare, but Janito flips out and shoves Sephiros into a corner! He begins stomping away at Sephiros.
El Janito: This one's for that chick in the pink dress you impaled!
El Janito: This one's for that town you burned down in your rage over not being human!
El Janito: This one's for President Shinra!
El Janito: This one's for Pringles the Puppy, even though you didn't do anything necessarilly WRONG to Pringles, I figure that Pringles would enjoy the shoutout!
Janito tags in Beef. Beef goes for the Piebuster in the early goings, but Sephiros backdrops out of it, and then tags in Dalton. An orchestra begins playing his entrance.
Dalton: No, no, no, no...
Dalton: Stop the...
Beef kicks him in the nuts.
Dalton falls over and clutches his nuts.
Beef: No, sorry, I happen to LIKE opera!
Beef picks up Dalton and sends him off the ropes, but Dalton manages to slam Beef onto the back of his head.
JT: Is it even worth calling this match?
GP: No. Let's go get a soda.
JT and Parker go to the back for a soda. Meanwhile, in the ring, Dalton and Magus double-team Beef, while on the outside, Steve the Rambling Communist brings a stepladder into the ring. He sets it up, as Dalton and Magus put their heads down for a double flapjack. Beef stops, hooks the arms of Magus, and drives his back onto his knee with the Piebuster. Meanwhile, afterwards, Beef kicks Dalton in the head, allowing Steve to grab him by the nuts and ascend the ladder.
Dalton: LET GO OF MY AERO-DALTON IMPERIAL!!
Dalton: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, YOU SICK MIDGET?!
Steve leaps, effectively jarring Dalton's "Aero-Dalton Imperial" in a position that causes the male members of the audience to groan in pain. As Dalton stumbles about, holding his nuts, Beef comes off the ropes with his horribly drunken-looking version of the jumping roundhouse kick, called the Pork Rind Infinity. Sephiros gets into the ring and surprises Beef with the Shadow Flare. Unfortunately for him, Steve has the stepladder and he throws it at Sephiros. Sephiros catches it.
He also catches a missile dropkick by Janito. GP and JT come back to the broadcast booth, popcorn, chips, and sodas at hand.
GP: Dammit, this match is still going on.
JT: Sucks to be us, Greg.
El Janito goes to the outside, and grabs a nearby bottle of tequila. He begins to drink at least five shotglasses of it.
JT: What the fuck is he doing? This is no time to be drinking!
GP: No, JT! He's setting up for...
Janito drunkenly jumps off to the top rope.
GP: ...THE FIVE...
Janito measures, despite the blurs he's getting trying to measure Sephiros.
Janito leaps off, nailing a high, yet incredibly fucked up frog splash on Sephiros, the impact of which makes him bounces right off of Sephiros.
GP: ...FROG SPLASH!
JT: ...when did YOU get into this match?
GP: Well, I wanted to sound all epicy. It didn't come out right.
JT: I should say not!
As Janito drunkenly rolls out of the ring, Beef suddenly breakdances to his feet, all while yelling "RICE-A-ROONI!".
GP: OH MY GOD! IT'S THE RICE-A-ROONI!
JT: Settle down, JR. It's only Beef the Slightly Annoyed.
GP: Eh, true.
Beef hops over to the head of Sephiros, as Steve the Rambling Communist helps El Janito take care of the other two members of the Empire. Kefka's wheelchair gets knocked over.
Beef tries, with some difficulty, to get his knee brace off of his leg, but he does it, and throws it into the crowd. He waves his arms like an idiot before running off. On his first rebound, he does a hop, the crowd yells "B". Another one. "E". Another. "E". The last one sends him over Sephiros. "F". He stops running and begins performing the macarena, ending with him pulling an egg from out of his weird hairstyle and throwing it into the crowd. He turns on his heel and sticks his leg out like he's going to legdrop Sephiros, but instead, he moonwalks backwards, all while flapping his arms like a chicken. He then bounces off the ropes when he reaches them and legdrops Sephiros, drawing a huge pop from the crowd.
JT: It's the most jobberifying yadda yadda move. We know.
GP: Beef makes the cover! One... two... three!!
*ding, ding, ding*
JT: Thank god.
Meygon: Your winners... MEGA JOB! ....can I go home, now?
GP: ...please, God, let the rest of the card be better than this.
Beef rolls out of the ring and sees that Janito is drunkened beyond belief and he's trying to make out with a hairy guy that he thinks is a beautiful woman. Beef guides Janito to the back, while Steve retrieves his trademark stepladder and follows them out back. The Empire sulks and heads to the back, hopefully to never be seen in the IWO ever again.
GP: *sigh* What now?
JT: COMMERCIAL BREAK!
** COMMERCIAL BREAK **
Backstage, a huge chorus of boos are heard as Simon Seaman stands backstage about to be interviewed by IWO personality Nikki. Looking up at the ceiling, Simon awaits her first question.
Nikki: Simon Seaman, what is the deal with you and North American Champion Matt Rivers? You were practically at each other's throats.
Glaring at her with a blank expression on his face, he speaks into the microphone.
Simon: First off, just because I didn't say so doesn't mean you don't have to do it. You refer to me as ".". That's right. ".". Do I have to spell it in the sky for you. Second, why must you ask such a stupid question like that? Are you mad? Are you crazy? Are you mad and crazy at the same time and when you try to be mad, you're crazy and when you try to be crazy, you're mad?! Are you mad you mad and crazy person?
Grabbing the mic, Simon looks into the camera as he uses hand gestures to interpret the day's events.
Simon: Matt Rivers had the gall to make an appearance during my segment and absolutely stink it up. Just because he wants something that badly doesn't mean he is allowed to annoy me like that. That'll get zip from me. Nada, big goose egg, zero, population of Dayton that likes living here.
As he pauses for a second, he puts his hand up to his ear as he receives jeers and heckles of a lifetime. Nodding his head, he smirks.
Simon: Excellent. My point is this. Matt Rivers, if you want something from me, all you have to do is say please. Did I stutter or is there a big chunk of stupid lodged in your ear? You didn't say please and you didn't ask politely.
Nikki: If I may interrupt, will you give Matt Rivers at shot at your belt if he asks you again?
Simon: Listen here "Nikkola", throat lozenge of the IWO. They'll be no individuals standing on top of a mountain yelling your name for the purpose to sell candy, but I will tell you this. The moment I say Matt Rivers is worthy of a shot will be the moment I give him his shot. Let me make that loud and clear. I'll give him one when I say so. Now if you'd excuse me, I'm going to stand over here and have fun.
As the interview ends, Greg Parker interjects.
GP: When he says so. Give me a break.
JT: Damn it, Parker. You'll get you Kit-Kat bar when you're good and ready.
We go backstage, where we see Gunnar Smith walking down the hallway. We see somebody walk up to him and tap him on the shoulder. From the angle the camera is at, we can see the guy from behind, but can't make out who it is.
Guy: Hey there... I think you have my watch. I left it here back in 1999. Can I have it?
Gunnar Smith (quietly): I don't have your watch, sorry.
Guy: Listen, I know you have it, jerky. So give it.
Gunnar Smith (rolling his eyes): Hold on, let me check You know, I have better things to do than this. This isn't in my job description.
Smith walks over to a table, and picks up three boxes labeled "Lost and Found: 1999". He finally turns around and is face-to-face with the man.
Gunnar Smith: Hey! Wait a minute, you're-
The guy backs up and knocks Smith cold with a superkick before he can finish. He walks off, but not before reaching into the box and pulling out a watch. He smiles as he turns and walks out of the hall.
Man: Who the heck was that guy... (holds watch up to ear)... hey, excellent, it still ticks!
Gunnar Smith starts moaning from the floor as the camera cuts back to ringside.
JT: Who the fuck was that?
GP: I have no idea, but next up, fans, we got an IWO Tag Team Title Unification matchup!
JT: Awwww, I hate tag team matches. The competition has really went to hell.
GP: Well word is, it will be sparking up shortly.
JT: Bah, they have been saying that for a year now...just wake me when it's over...
Johnny" by System of a Down kicks up, almost making JT fall back in his chair. The fans begin booing and throwing anoymous objects at the ramp as the IWO Black Tag Team Champions come out with the titles perched over their shoulders.
Meygon: Coming to the ring first, in this one-fall, IWO Tag Team Title Unification match...at a combined weight of 425 pounds...hailing from Mexico...they are the IWO Black Tag Team Champions! THOSE DAMN MEXICANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They continued onto the ring and Edguardo slides in as Diablo climbs up. They get in and walk past Meygon to their corner and show their titles before handing them off to ringside.
GP: Well TDM has hit the ring, now all we like is the other champions.
The lights dim then shortly after "Between Angels and Insects" begins to play and the fans hit their feet, welcoming the new, IWO World Tag Team Champions!
Meygon: And their opponents...a combined weight of 470 pounds, hailing from New York, New York...the 3-Time IWO World Tag Team Champions!!!!!! THE SUICIDE KINGS!!!!!!!!
The fans continue to cheer as Jeff and Ryan strut out from the back with their titles, all nice and shiny around their waists. They make it down the ramp, when they stop and look towards the ramp...a few sparks shoot up then some roman candles begin firing short, crappy balls of color into the air as the Kings get awkward looks on their face.
JT: Is that the pyro Ford promised them?
GP:...Uh...it would appear so?
GP: I don't think they are gonna be too happy bout this.
The Kings get into the ring and raises their titles and point them towarda TDM and begin jawing back and forth. The referee calms them down and gets it under control. He sounds the bell as Jeff and Diablo start things off.
DING DING DING!
GP: Here we go...
JT: I'm all out of witty, funny comments...so just call the match and I'll do my thing
JT begins punching buttons on his Gameboy as the 2 men in the ring circle. Jeff tries to snatch Diablo's leg, but he yanks it back and they continue to cirle. They stop then lunge in with a lockup that Diablo takes quick advantage of. He pulls Jeff into a side headlock, but Jeff counters with a back suplex. Diablo bounces up and telegraphs Jeff who comes in with a clothesline that Diablo turns into an arm ddt.
GP: Quick action from both men, neither side is looking to make many mistakes here.
JT: Shaddup, I'm on level 3 god dammit!
Diablo holds onto the arms of Jeff after that visious arm ddt and turns it into an arm bar. They are in the center of the ring and Jeff is cringing in pain. Edguardo cheers on from the apron as Ryan tries to get Jeff up. Jeff slowly raises up and shortly gets to his feet as Diablo holds onto the arm. Jeff swings around with his free arm, but Diablo ducks and pulls the arm behind Jeff's back and drops with a reverse arm ddt of sorts! Jeff cries out in pain as now Diablo holds onto the arm from behind with the armbar.
GP: We could be looking at an early win for TDM right here.
JT: And I care, have you played this game...it's the shit!
GP snatches the Gameboy
JT: Thats the spirit.
Instead of playing rather, GP hurls it at the ground, as it explodes into thousands of pieces....
JT: Diablo is really putting the works over on that arm of Jeff Kings.
Diablo wrenches it in even tighter, when Ryan comes out from his place in the corner and kicks Diablo off, who rolls outside to the apron. The ref draws his attention to Ryan and getting him back into the corner while Edguardo jumps in and picks up Jeff and plants him with a backbreaker as Diablo flies over ropes with a legdrop! Ryan screams as he gets back onto the apron and the ref turns and slides over for the count!
JT: Close call by that splendid double team work.
GP: You forgot illegal...
JT: Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Diablo gets up, pulling Jeff with him and makes the tag to Edguardo. Diablo holds up the arms while Edguardo lands some hard, closed fists to the exposed rib area. Diablo lets go and Jeff tries to stumble to his corner, but he falls to his knees and Edguardo snatches him by his hair, yanks his head back and drops a forearm to the face. Jeff rolls over onto his back as Edguardo puts the stiff boots to him. Ryan is yelling at the ref who warns Edguardo. Jeff crawls over to the ropes and starts up using the bottom rope. Edguardo smiles and bounces off the ropes and comes back flying, stradling Jeff into the ropes and to the outside. The fans boo as Edguardo taunts Ryan who loses his temper and jumps in and tries to break past the ref. Meanwhile Diablo makes his way around the ring, un-noticed.
GP: Where's Diablo off too?
Diablo grabs one of the fold-up chairs and bangs it on the ground as Jeff slowly gets up. He turns around and ducks just in the nick of time as Diablo home-run swings that chair! Diablo quickly turns back around but catches a superkick, sending that chair right back into his face as the ringside fans cheer. Ryan is getting to his corner as Edguardo turns his attention to Jeff who is bent down over the ground. He backs up and springs off the ropes and suicide planchas over the rope with a senton splash, but Jeff rares the chair from the gound and smashes it right into Edguardo!
JT: Holy shit!
GP: I have never seen that done...ever! Edguardo was folded up and Jeff connected with that steel chair right in the spine!
JT: I think I heard it shatter!
Jeff grabs Edguardo and and rolls him into the ring. He mounts the apron and gets in position and leaps to the top rope waiting for Edguardo to get up. Behind him, Diablo stirs and gets up slowly...he notices Jeff about to go into his partner, so he reaches up with instinct and pushes Jeff off the ropes right into a dropkick from Edguardo! King crashes right on his back as Edguardo rolls over for the pin attempt...
3!! No! Kickout!
GP: Another near fall!
Ryan is literally having a fit, to make the tag to his brother. Edguardo is the first one to his feet and he pulls Jeff up with him to his feet. He irish whips Jeff off and bends over, but Jeff teleports it and goes for a powerbomb, but Edguardo fights out and they lock up. Diablo gets onto the apron and prepares to slingshot over, but as he does, Edguardo shoves Jeff off him, and Diablo splashes Edguardo! Both men get back up in a weird daze and Jeff levels them both with clotheslines! Edguardo gets back up, and goes for a haymaker, but Jeff counters and spins him around, stomps his toe and lifts him into a fireman's carry driver! Jeff bounces back up as the fans begin stomping and getting behind him! Diablo comes over and they trade a few fists before Diablo sends him off the ropes and drops down to his stomach. Jeff puts on the brakes and drops a sharp elbow to the back of Diablo! Jeff gets right back up and looks over as Ryan who is going apeshit! The fans cheer as Jeff reaches out for the tag, but suddenly Edguardo grabs his leg and begins pulling him away! Jeff stretches out for all he's worth and Ryan nearly leaps off the ropes to smack his head, and the fans lose it! Ryan shoots in and snatches Edguardo who was trying to get up and lands a textbook ddt! Ryan leaps right back up and turns to see Diablo charging, but he just ducks and body drops Diablo all the way to the outside! Jeff wastes no time going straight for him as the ref pays attention to the 2 in the ring!
GP: It's starting to hit the fan now JT. These guys never did have a good history together!
JT: I remember when they did that DEA skit, hilarious!
GP: Ryan looking for some major offense in the ring while Jeff heads over to Diablo at ringside!
Ryan picks up Edguardo and executes a fisherman's suplex for the quick pin!
3!! Kickout by Edguardo!!!!!!
GP: Close...too close!
On the outside, Jeff has been stomping Diablo against the steel steps. Now he picks him up and lays him across the top of them and climbs up onto the barricade! As his back is turned, Diablo gets up and low blows him from behind much to the boos of the fans! He then grabs a wounded Jeff and press slams him right onto the steel steps, and Jeff bounces off and to the hard floor at ringside!
JT: MAN! Jeff has got to be broken in half!
GP: You got that right JT!
Diablo moves over for some more action, while back inside the ring, Ryan is working in a sleeper hold, but Edguardo fights up and gets himself out of it! They stare each other down, then lock up, but Edguardo drops low and pulls the leg out from under Ryan and drops down on that bad knee! Ryan cringes in pain as Edguardo laughs while holding the leg out and giving the knee a bootjob! He calls for Diablo to get in, who is just finishing a snap suplex to Jeff on the outside. The ref tries to stop Diablo, but he just pushes his way right by over to Edguardo. Edguardo tells Diablo to turn Ryan sideways and hold the leg out as he climbs to the top rope! Edguardo gets set as Diablo does his part, the fans boo heavily as he signals the comes off with a huge frogsplash across the knee which sends Ryan into a wailing frenzy! Edguardo laughs and shakes his head as he falls over onto Ryan for the cover!
Diablo is over by the otherside looking down for Jeff's lifeless body! Jeff appears outta nowhere from beside the ring, with that steel chair in hand!
Jeff smashes it with all his might into Diablo who explodes over across the ring right into the pin, which breaks it up! The fans go absolutely balistic!Z
GP: WHAT A SAVE! JEFF JUST SAVED THEIR MATCH!
JT: That should be a DQ right there, those damn cheaters!
GP: Oh get off it!
Before Edguardo can get up and fully function what happened, Jeff spears him almost out of his boots! He brings Edguardos head up from his down position and lays in with the right hands, one after another! The fans try to count along, but Jeff is giving his head hell! From behind Diablo kicks Jeff and picks him up, whipping him into the ropes! Diablo bends over and and Jeff just kicks him right in the chest! He stumbles back into Ryan who nails the Roll the Dice! The fans begin cheering as the ref motions Jeff out and Diablo rolls out on his own! Ryan stumbles over to Edguardo who is sitting in the corner, and puts his good leg against his throat and uses the ropes as pushing leverage! The ref warns him and begins counting as Ryan releases at the last second. Edguardo flops over limp in the corner as Ryan hobbles to the opposite corner and takes off with a dropkick, but Edguardo rolls out of the way and Ryan smashes legs first into the corner!
JT: Ohhhhh, a costly error right there on the part of Ryan King...
GP: I can tell you, that won't be good for the knees.
Edguardo pulls Ryan up who can barely stand on his own two feet. Edguardo sizes him up and goes for the Spick Kick, but Ryan ducks, as Edguardo spins all the way around and gets the knees with a sweep! Ryan hits the mat with a thud as Edguardo drops for the cover!
3!!! Nooooo!!!! Kickout at the last second!!!!!
Edguardo is in utter dismay as he watches Ryan roll over to his stomach and clinch his knee. Edguard reaches over and tags Diablo who stands by the corner as Edguardo sends Ryan into the ropes and back drops him up and over right into Diablo who catches him with a falling powerbomb in one quick motion!
GP: What a move, very well executed!
JT: Yes, I admit that was quite nice!
Diablo follows the powerbomb with a flip over pin! Jeff wastes no time hitting the ring!
He runs over, but Edguardo goes for the clothes, but literally jumps through it!
The ref's hand goes up and begins to drop when Jeff turns the pin into a dog-pile! The ref's hand stops with a jerk for only a two count!
GP: Here we go again!
Jeff gets up and trades punches with Edguardo and gets the upper hand and tosses him through the ropes to the outside. Diablo gets up and looks at Jeff who is looking over the ropes, but Ryan snatches Diablo's foot as Jeff turns around and chops him back into the corner! Jeff helps Ryan up and calls for their move, but Ryan points to his knee and shakes his head! Jeff yells something else and Ryan pulls Diablo out and sends him into the ropes and lifts him over his shoulders near the ropes as Jeff catches the neck with a 3-D across the top rope!
GP: THE CUT-THROAT!!!!!! THEIR OLD MOVE! Ryan coulnd't get Diablo up for the Flip the Switch, so they had to resort to old tactics! Edguardo is still down in front of us and Diablo just went throat first across the top rope!
JT: Ryan is looking for the win GP!
Jeff is already outside heading to the bellkeepers table as Ryan rolls on top of Diablo and pulls one leg up.
Unfortunately, Edguardo manages to get back into the ring and break up the pin. As Jeff King turns to see this, he grabs a chair from the timekeeper and heads into the ring. He swings at Edguardo, but Edguardo ducks and pulls Ryan King toward Jeff King. The stray chairshot hits Ryan King, instead. Jeff King drops the chair in shock, but the ref doesn't go for the DQ, since it was partner attacking partner(albeit, accidently). Suddenly, Edguardo rolls up Jeff King!
Edguardo puts his feet on the ropes for additional leverage, unbeknownst to the referee.
*ding, ding, ding!*
GP: WHAT THE HELL!? NO!
The crowd is up on their feet and starts to openly boo this, and begin to throw trash into the ring. Edguardo quickly rolls to the outside and pulls Diablo to the outside as well.
Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen... the winners of the match... and NEEEEEWWWW IWO WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... THOSE... DAMNED... MEXICANS!!!
Those Damned Mexicans take the IWO World Tag Titles, as well as the IWO Black Tag Titles, and they hold them up proudly. Ryan and Jeff get back to their feet and head after TDM, who take the hint and run away, all while "Johnny" by System of a Down is playing.
GP: I can't believe this travesty! TDM robbed the Suicide Kings blind!
JT: Ha ha! THIS IS GREAT! *FINALLY*, after a year of being in this federation, off-and-on, the Mexicans finally get what they deserved!
GP: Well, they might deserve a kick in the teeth from the Suicide Kings, if this keeps up.
Abruptly, "Destro's Secret" by Dillinger Escape Plan plays over the speakers. Mad Max comes out. What was that I just typed. That's right... MAD MAX! Nikki comes out to randomly interview him.
Nikki: What are you doing out here Mad Max? Have you come back to the IWO?
Mad Max: Hyakugojyuuichi!!!
Mad Max: Give me my sweater back!
Mad Max: You have forced me to play the guitar!
Mad Max begins to play the air guitar
Nikki: What is going on? I don't understand.
Mad Max: Hyakugojyuuichi!!!
Mad Max leaves the ring.
JT: Just what the IWO needs... MORE idiots...
GP: Heh. We'll be back!
** COMMERCIAL BREAK **
GP: Now for the main event.
GP: We just started the match in a highly predictable way.
Meygon takes center ring for the match introductions.
Meygon: Now for our main event...
JT: Hey didn't you just say that Greg?
Meygon: Would you shut up!
JT: Sorry :-(
Meygon: Like I was saying. Tonight's mainevent set for one fall for the IWO North American Championship title.
The fans give a small pop, cause a midget in a Jason mask off screen holds up cue card which reads "POP OR I'LL HAVE THIS PLACE FLOODED WITH LETHAL NERVE GAS SO FAST IT'LL MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN"
JT: Hey isn't that Nuke's manager midget Nuke?
GP: Unfortunately yes. It seems or security guards refuse to abide by the "No letting genocidal maniacs on nationally televised wrestling shows" clause of their contracts.
Meygon: Coming to the ring first is the challenger. Weighing in at 240 pounds, a former IWO Unified and IWO Extreme Champion, master of the Burning Psychosis, it's...NUUUUUKE!!
American Psycho" by D12 hits as Nuke makes his way to the ring, to a predominantly mixed reaction. He slides into the ring, and eagerly waits for his opponent to arrive.
Meygon: Now coming down to the ring, a former IWO World Champion and several other IWO related accolades. He is the master of the "Dazed and Confused", He's your IWO North American Champion!!....MAAAAATTTT RIIIIIIIVEEEERRRSS!!!!
"Makin' Money" by Handsome Devil hits as the fan explode in a deafening chorus of cheers, as Matt River walks out onto the ramp leading to the ring, the North American Title slung over his right shoulder and rolls into the ring. He hands the ref the title belt, and stares down Nuke.
the referee calls for the bell
At the sound of the bell, the 2 wrestlers lock up. Rivers seems to be gaining the upper hand in the lock up, but Nuke knees him in the gut, and plants him with a double arm DDT.
Nuke sits on top of Rivers, and unleashes a fury of mounted punches to the face of Rivers. Nuke lets up and pulls Rivers to his feet. Nuke takes Rivers to the corner and slams him back first into the turnbuckle. Nuke then goes for a right hand on Rivers, but Rivers blocks and answers with a left of his own, which sends Nuke reeling. Rivers then hops to the second rope, and takes Nuke down with a springboard dropkick to the face.
GP: Nice move by Rivers.
JT: Finally. I thought he'd never get some freaking offense in this match.
GP: He's about to get a lot more offense.
Nuke gets up to his feet, but Rivers is waiting for him. Rivers charges in and topples him with a clothesline. Rivers then stomps on Nuke's ribs a few times before pulling him to his feet. Rivers irish whips Nuke into the ropes, Nuke is able to reverse and send Matt Rivers bouncing off the ropes. Nuke goes for a clothesline, but Rivers ducks, and drops Nuke with a neck breaker.
River pulls Nuke to his feet once again. Rivers grapples Nuke and dumps him over in a snap suplex. River holds on to Nuke's tights and gives him another. River hoists Nuke for a third, sending Nuke crashing to the mat back first.
GP: Rivers floats over for a pin!
Nuke kicks out. Nuke begins to raise to his feet, but Rivers gives him a boot to the ribs sending him back down. River gets Nuke back up to his feet, and goes to Irish whip Nuke into the ropes, but Nuke short arms him, applies a front waistlock and dumps him over with a belly-to-belly suplex.
Nuke gets a quick breather, then goes on the offensive as he notices River getting up to his feet. Rivers is just about to stand upright, when Nuke charges in with a running knee lift to Rivers face, sending him back down. Nuke gives Rivers a boot scrape to the face for good measure.
GP: That was a cheap shot there by Nuke!
JT: *sarcastic* No shit! Geez, Greg I thought *I* was supposed the be the idiot of us two.
GP: You still are. Nothing I can do will ever rob you of that title JT.
JT: Oh...good :-)
Nuke has Matt Rivers in the corner, and mudhole stomps him into a sitting position. He then presses his boot against Rivers throat, effectively choking him. The ref makes a 5 count, and orders Nuke to release the hold. Nuke grudgingly complies.
Nuke raises Rivers to his feet, and give him a Northern Lights Suplex bridging for the pin.
Rivers kicks out. Nuke shoves him back down and goes for another cover but only gets a two count. Nuke pulls Rivers to his feet, but before he can do anything Rivers buries his fist in his gut, and DDT's him to the mat.
Nuke pops up quickly however, and the two begin to trade punches. Nuke and Matt Rivers brawl toward the ring ropes. Nuke goes for a right hook but Rivers doges and nails him with a "Mental Anguish"(reverse full nelson sweep)
JT: HE JUST HIT THE MENTAL ANGUISH ON NUKE!!
GP: This could be over.
Rivers is thinking along the same lines, and drops down for a cover. The ref is about to administer the count, when he notices Nuke's foot on the bottom ropes. The ref tells Rivers it's a rope. Frustrated Rivers gets up, and rips Nuke to his feet.
Rivers takes Nuke to the corner, and delivers a series of chops to the chest of Nuke which echo throughout the arena. Rivers then places Nuke on the top turnbuckle, and gives a devastating superplex. Rivers hooks the leg for the cover.
Kick out by Nuke!
GP: How the hell is he kicking out of THAT!?
JT: Nuke's a tough guy. He was Extreme Champion you know.
JT: And according to a promo he did this week, he overcame the virus that causes AIDS with Tylenol. Now THAT'S tough.
GP: ...That's just not right.
Rivers pulls Nuke up once more, and goes for the Mental Anguish once more, but Nuke counters hitting a Paranoia(downward spiral) out of no where. River is down, and Nuke rolls out of the ring to shake the cobwebs a bit from his head.
After a short while Rivers pulls himself up to his feet, and sees Nuke resting by ringside. Rivers rushes to toward him and suicide dives over the ring ropes, but Nuke is able to catch him mid air and stungun him on the metal guardrail.
Rivers drops to the padded concrete on the outside, grabbing his neck in pain. Nuke grapples from behind, and gives Rivers a pumphandle drop, as the ref finally starts to count both men out.
Nuke mercilessly stomps down on Rivers body. Nuke then mounts him, and wails away with lefts and rights to the face of Matt Rivers
Nuke then rolls Matt Rivers under the ropes back into the ring. Nuke climbs to the ring apron to re-enter the ring himself, but River is up to his feet, and stunguns him on the ring ropes sending Nuke back down to the outside. Nuke begins to scramble back to his feet, but is taken back down with a spring board plancha to the outside.
Rivers pulls Nuke to his feet, and goes to irish whip him into the ring steps, but Nuke reverses sending Matt crashing into the steel steps jarring them loose. As the ref is in the middle of counting them out again
Nuke charges in, looking to slam River's face into the steps once more, but River drop toe holds him, sending Nuke face first into the steps.
Rivers quickly gets back into ring, as the ref continues the count.
Nuke hurriedly gets into the ring, but brings a little "present" with him.
GP: Nuke has a chair!! Com'on ref!
JT: YEAH!! BLOOD!!
Matt Rivers was resting up in the corner so he didn't see Nuke approach behind him. Nuke raises the chair high above his head, ready to smash the steel chair on River's head...but the ref grabs the chair from behind.
The ref is yelling at Nuke to throw the chair out of the ring, or be disqualified. Nuke is arguing with the ref when Rivers bulldogs him from behind, driving Nuke face first into the mat. River lifts Nuke to his feet and whips him into the corner. Nuke slams into the turnbuckle and fall to his back. Rivers lifts him again, and places his face on the second turnbuckle ball...thingy. Rivers backs up, then charges into the turnbuckle nailing Nuke in the back of the head with a nasty dropkick.
Nuke fall back, and Matt covers.
th-no! Nuke just barely gets a shoulder up. Matt rips Nuke to his feet, and goes for a DDT but Nuke counters with a release Northernlights Suplex. Matt pops back up to his feet, but is greeted with a knee to the gut by Nuke. Rivers bends over in pain, Nuke gives him a fame-ass-er, smashing his face into the canvas.
JT: We haven't talked in a while.
GP: I know.
JT: They don't take out of our paycheck when we don't to play-by-play do they?
GP: Nope. You're in the union.
Nuke pulls Matt Rivers to his feet, and backs him into the ropes with punches to the face and body. Once he has Rivers by the ropes, Nuke entangles both of Matt Rivers arms in the top and second to top ropes, leaving him virtually trapped and vulnerable to attack.
Which is exactly what Nuke does with ruthless barrage of knife hand chops to the chest, which leave Rivers chest area red. Nuke then grabs Rivers legs, and pulls back wrenching both of Rivers arms, in the tangled ropes, while doing so. Rivers grimaces in pain.
GP: Rivers' arms are on the ropes!! That's an illegal move!
JT: Oh would you shut up and let Nuke have his fun. Can't you see he's having a wonderful time?
GP: ...That was so gay.
The ref is telling Nuke to break the hold, but Nuke refuses. The ref pleads with him for a while longer, and Nuke finally releases Rivers, and lets him free from the ring ropes. Rivers rolls on the mat in pain. Nuke drops a down, and makes the cover.
th...no! Rivers kicks out.
GP: We could've have a new North American Champion right there!
JT: There you go again. Pointing out the painfully obvious.
Nuke gives Rivers a few punches to the face, before raising him to his feet and delivering a knee smash which sends Rivers back down to the mat. Nuke lifts Rivers again only to dump him to the canvas once more with a Gargoyle Suplex. Nuke goes to pull Rivers up again, but Matt rolls him up for a quick pin.
Nuke kicks out. Rivers gets to his feet, grabs Nuke, and damps him over with a Dragon Suplex which gets a two. Rivers charges at Nuke and takes him down with a fling forearm smash to the forehead. He lifts Nuke to his feet, and goes for an irish whip, but Nuke turns it into a short arm clothesline.
River pops back up to his feet quickly, only to be taken down once again courtesy a superkick by Nuke. Nuke gets Rivers to his feet, and applies a standing head scissors. Nuke then gives Rivers a pulling piledriver, and Rivers lands on his neck and head awkwardly. Nuke climbs to the top rope, and goes for a guillotine leg drop, but Rivers rolls out of the way.
Rivers kicks Nuke in the back of the head sending him down to the mat. Rivers rips Nuke to his feet, and goes for the Dysfunction Conjunction(Reverse double underhook DDT (Tomikaze) with 360 horizontal spin (parallel to the ring), but Nuke shoves him off sending Rivers into the ropes. Rivers bounces off, and Nuke catches him in the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Nuke covers.
Rivers gets a shoulder up.
GP: What a great showing by both wrestlers in the match.
JT: ...You said that just to say something didn't you.
GP: Well...I don't like long blocks of silence :-(
Rivers and Nuke begin to exchange blows. Rivers eventually comes out on top, landing punch after punch to the face of Nuke. Rivers Irish whips Nuke into the ropes, and nearly takes his head off with a spinning heel kick to the face. Rivers rips Nuke to his feet, looking to finally end this goes for the Further Paralysis(Cradle DDT), but Nuke is able to escape the maneuver with a low blow, which went unnoticed by the referee.
GP: Oh com'on ref! That was cheating!
JT: It's only cheating if he gets caught.
Nuke applies an inverted facelock on Matt Rivers, runs to the 2nd rope, and nails Rivers with a Silent Screams(flying summersault DDT) spiking Rivers head off the mat.
JT: Yeah! This could be over!!
The ref, thinking along the same lines prepares to make a 3 counts, but Nuke, rather then cover climbs to the top turnbuckle and waits for Rivers to get up.
JT: What the hell is this lunatic's doing?
GP: Oh, Rivers is gonna make him pay for this mistake. He shouldn't attempted to put Rivers away the second he had the chance.
Nuke, perched atop the turnbuckle watches Rivers slowly get to his feet. Rivers gets to his feet, and Nuke leaps off with a missile dropkick, aimed at Rivers' face, but Matt Rivers ducks at the last second. Nuke continues to fly threw the air, and dropkicks the ref! The referee is out cold.
GP: He took out the damn ref!
JT: Greg. What did we say about pointing out the obvious?
GP: Oh shut up, and call the match.
Nuke pops up to his feet quickly, but Rivers is waiting. The second Nuke turn around, Rivers is on him, and hits a Dazed and Confused(Inverted face buster), laying Nuke out on the mat.
JT: HE HIT THE DAZED AND CONFUSED!! IT'S ALL OVER!!
Nuke is out cold. Rivers hooks the leg, but doesn't hear a count. He lets go of Nuke to realize the official is still out. Rivers goes to revive the referee, when the arena erupts in a chorus of boos.
GP: IT'S THE IWO WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION SIMON SEAMAN!! THE FANS ARE GIVING HIM MAJOR HEAT!
JT: Yes! He's gonna fuck someone up!
Simon Seaman enters the ring, unbeknownst to Matt Rivers with a steel chair in his hands. Rivers finally turns around, to see what the fans are booing at and...
Seaman nearly decapitates him with a wicked chairshot to the head which busts Rivers open. Seaman lays on a few more vicious chairshots until the chair is dented and covered in Rivers blood. Simon Seaman then leaves the ring, to boos and jeers from the crowd.
Nuke finally recovers, and pulls himself up to his feet. He notices Rivers out cold, and the steel chair laying next to his body. Nuke rips Rivers to his feet, and implant DDT's on the chair, for good measure, and kicking the chair out of the ring.
GP: Oh now, that was just unnecessary.
JT: Hey! More blood is NEVER unnecessary.
Nuke slaps around the ref a few times until the official gets to his feet. Nuke then covers the unconscious Matt Rivers.
JT: Nuke won!
GP: After Simon Seaman sneaked up on Rivers and bashed his head in with a steel chair.
JT: ...but still he won.
Meygon: Your winner, and NEW IWO North American Champion...NUUUUUUUUUKE!!
GP: What a disgraceful showing by the IWO Champion, costing Rivers the title.
JT: Yeah, well tough.
Nuke rolls out of the ring with his newly-won title, while Seaman stands in the aisleway with a smirk on his face, looking at the bloody and defeated Matt Rivers, who's just now coming to and seeing the IWO World Champion smiling at him.
GP: Man, you've got to believe that Rivers is going to want to get back at Seaman for this.
JT: Shut up, Captian Obvious.
GP: Well, from JT, I'm Greg Parker... see you next week!
--- fin ---