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Fear the Darkness


[The scene opens with a hart beating...then a flash of the IWO banner....
There is another hart beating and it starts to get faster as the IWO banner
Flashes again and again. Then all of a sudden there is a strike of lighting and the IWO banner shows up on fire. The IWO Symbol then turns into a pumpkin as 'Fear' by Disturbed starts to play! A face shot of Psycho Jay is shown as it pulls back to show all of COP behind him.....the camera then turns to a face shot of Tony Davis with the rest of CP behind him....as the two groups stand ready to attack a large figure of Evan Levine shows up as a shadow...a laugh is seen as the camera pans in on Evan's eyes and goes to black! The scene comes back on with pyro going off as the fans are on there feet going nuts!!! The camera pans all over the building! We get a close up of a fan with a T-shirt that says....'Plug my woman up TEAM TAMPAX'!!! Another guy has a sign....'CP will lose just like they did in World War II' The cameras then come in on are announcers! GP...JT....and Johnny Shallow!!!]

GP: FANS WELCOME TO THE IWO!!!! WELCOME TO FEAR THE DARKNESS!!!!

JT: I got to admit...even I am excited about this one!!!

Shallow: How odd!

GP: We have one hell of a card for you!!! Are mainevent...is one for the record books....Tony Davis..gets his last shot at the IWO world title...as he takes on Psycho Jay!!!

Shallow: That's right....if Tony doesn't win...He will retire from the IWO!!

JT: NO....just when I was starting to like him!!!

GP: That's right...Its a must win for Tony Davis!! Also tonight we have Nick Kostos Vs Evan Levine!!! ONE ON ONE!!! The leader of CP and the member of COP!!!

Shallow: Also...we have Phelen Kell Vs The Drunken master himself.....Al Coholic!! What a match that will be....both men hate each other and both men will kill each other!!!

JT: Please....with Evan in Al Coholic corner...we all know who will win!!

Shallow: Kell!!!

GP: Plus we have HIT taken on Potright for the Extreme Title!!! IN TRICK OR TREAT 2!!!! And the Hardcore Battle Royal for #1 contendership at the next IWO PPV!!!

Shallow: What a night this will be!!!

Mystery Tag Team Matchup

GP: Well fans...are first match of the night was added without us knowing, It is a Tag match witch was added only hours before the card!

JT: STOP TALKEN ABOUT IT AND GET TO IT!

Shallow: Sometimes I wounder why I even come here!

JT: Huh?

Shallow: Your a walken talken Headache!

JT: SHUT.....ummmm nevermind!

Shallow: Thats what I thought!

GP: Nonetheless fans...this match will be with a new IWO Tag Team witch signed a contract only a hour ago!

JT: Really?

GP: Really!

Shallow: This is news to me....who are they?

GP: They call themselves The Facts of Life!

Shallow: Really?

GP: Really!

JT: Who are the members?

GP: Toodie...and Blair!

Shallow: ARE YOU KIDDING!!! As in the same names from the TV show from the 80s?

GP: The very same....just guys!

Shallow: This is going to be a bad match....what was VP Evan thinking?

JT: Who knows....that guy has been on something eversince he made that match with Commish Tom!

Shallow: Who is the other team?

GP: We dont know....all VP Evan told me over the mic was that were going to enjoy this! SO lets GO TO THE RING AND MEYGON!!!

Meygon: Ladies and Gentalmen welcome to FEAR THE DARKNESS!!!

[Fans go nuts]

Meygon: We are ready for our first match.....introducing first from TV Land....and Nick at Night! Weighting in at....they wont say!....THEY ARE TOODIE.....AND BLAIR.....THE FACTS OF LIFE!!!!!

[The facts of life theme plays as two guys dressed in dresses come walking out to oddly cheers....one guy has a full beard and the other is a blackman with piggie tails! They get into the ring as the fans wait for the next team]

Meygon: AND THERE OPONETS!!!

['First Time' by Finger Eleven starts to play before Meygon can even get to it.....as the fans look confussed...then all of a sudden Jordan Howitt and Randal McCloud make there way out....THE FANS GO NUTS]

GP: THE PREP KIDS!!!! MY GOD!!! IWO TAG LEGENDS!!!!

JT: NOOO DAMN IT!!

Shallow: THERE BACK!!!! VP EVAN WAS RIGHT.....WERE GOING TO ENJOY THIS!!!

JT: DAMN IT....were are the Dudleys when you need them....BHB!!! BHB!!! BHB!!

Shallow: SHUT UP.....They ant ever comen back!!!

Meygon: Ladies and Gentalmen THE PREP KIDS!!!!

GP: The Prep Kids are back in the IWO and there LOOKEN GREAT!

Shallow: What a shocker!!!

JT: THIS SUCKS!!!

GP: There in the ring...LETS GET TO THE ACTION!!

DING DING

GP: Jordan Howitt will start for the Prep Kids as Toodie will for The Facts of Life! Jordan Howitt locks up with Toodie as he gets him...or her....whatever...into a headlock...he sends him into the ropes and he Toodie comes of hard! Jordan Howitt waiting and..BACK BODY DROP!!! Howitt picks Toodie up and....SUPLEX!!! Toodie is in pain!! Howitt picks him up and sends him into the corner....STINGER SPLASH!!! Toodie comes out of the corner right into the arms of Howitt.....Belly to Belly Suplex!!!!

JT: Damn...they think that a suplex will get them the win?

Shallow: SHUT UP!

GP: Toodie runs over and tags in Blair as Howitt smiles! Blair runs at Howitt closeline!! Blair gets up right away....body slam!! Toodie now gets in.....SPEAR!!!! McCloud jumped into the ring and nailed a spear on Toodie!!! now McCloud picks Toodie up and starts to nail left and rights in the corner...in the other corner Howitt has Blair...Now the two send The Facts of Life into each other! OH they fall right down!!

JT: GET UP!!!

GP: Howitt smiles as McCloud shackes his head....both run at Blair and Toodie...OH!!! SNAP MAR!!!! There necks are broken!!!

JT: NO!!!

GP: McCloud sends Toodie out of the ring as both Prep Kids call for THE AMERICAN DREAM!!!

JT: NO NO!!! NOT THIS MOVE!!!!

Shallow: Jorden gets him up on his shoulders as Randal goes to the top!!!! OH REVERSE DVD!!!! McCloud OFF THE TOP!!!! ELBOW DROP AND THE PIN!!! 1..............2....................3!!!!!!!

DING DING DING!!!

JT: NO DAMN IT NO!!!!

GP: TPK's DID IT!!! WHAT A COME BACK!!

Meygon: Here is your winner....THE PREP KIDS!!!

[as the bodies of Toodie and Blair are rolled out of the ring,
Randal McCloud heads over to the announce bench and calls for a mic. A ringside lackey grabs one up and tosses it to McCloud]

Randal McCloud - 'Back in the IWO. How long we been out Jordan?'

[Howitt shrugs and walks over to the mic, snatching it up from his partner]

Jordan Howitt - '6, 8 Months maybe, lots has changed here, eh?'

[McCloud nods, and grabs the mic back. Howitt walks to the corner and sits down]

Randal McCloud - 'Yeah, alot of new faces, like those two fuckoffs we just beat. Wow, I didn't even break a sweat. Which leads me to my next point, although the IWO has a revamped roster, it's still the same old shit, just a different pile. I can't imagine how this place stays afloat with guys like Psycho Jay holding the world title, and those two hacks wearing the tag titles, this place is starting to really remind me of the 'good ol' days'. Well no fear, IWO fans, because TPK is back.'

[Howitt hops out of the corner and walks to the mic]

Jordan Howitt - 'Not only are we back, but we're undefeated! And we won our debut. Not a bad start for a pair of rookies like us, huh Randy?'

[McCloud nods emphaticly]

Jordan Howitt - 'Now, not meaning to sound like Chris Jericho, but we are here, quite literally, to save the IWO. To save the federation from gimmicks like 'Team V.I.A.G.R.A', and just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, these two morons manage to lose to a pair of guys called 'Team Tampax'. Great, they lost to a team named after feminine hygiene products. What's their finishing move? Stop The Flow? Yeah, it's obvious this place is on the rise.'

[Randal motions to the lackey for another mic, and he recieves one. McCloud flips him a quarter]

Randal McCloud - 'Give that to team Tampax and tell them to buy a better gimmick, because we don't want to wrestle them until we do, and when you're the greatest tag team in IWO, sorry, World history, you have to eventually wrestle the World Tag Team champs. But somehow, I don't think that it would make a good marquee heading: 'The Greatest Tag Team ever, The Prep Kids vs The Leak Pluggers, Team Tampax' Great, sure to draw a crowd.'

Jordan Howitt - 'So, Team Tampax, if you don't change your name and become respectable, we're going to beat the stupid out of you with a rusty bat. And you don't want that, because there is a hole shitload of rust on that bat.'

Randal McCloud - 'It hurts. Believe us.'

Jordan Howitt - 'I hope you enjoyed having those titles while you did, because sooner than later, you're going to find yourselves sitting in one corner, staring across at me in the other, and on that night, you get a firsthand example of what real stars do when they restle Tampons.'

Randal McCloud - 'We beat the fucking shit out of them.'

Jordan Howitt - 'Prep Kid Beatdowns: They come with an easy aplicator.'

Randal McCloud - 'So, until next time don't forget.. we're the American Dream'

Jordan Howitt - 'And you guys are named after Tampons.'

['First Time' by Finger Eleven hits the speakers and TPK leaves the ring]

GP: The Prep Kids ARE BACK!!!

JT: Save the IWO? HAHAHAH!!! Hardly!

Shallow: WHAT ARE YOU ON? This team once beat BHB!

JT: So did Evan Levine...ALONE!!

Shallow: Oh who gives about that dumb ass!!! THE PREP KIDS ARE BACK!!!

{The scene fades into some black room where Tod is staring at the shadow man.}

Schitzo Tod: Who are you?

Shadow Man: Tod... You can't go to the PPV... I will stop you...

Schitzo Tod: What? Who are you?

Shadow Man: Tod, you should have stayed with the mongolian's!

Schitzo Tod: But poop sex is nasty!

Shadow Man: Tod... I won't let you get hurt again!

Schitzo Tod: What?

Shadow Man: Your father would be proud...

Schitzo Tod: You know my father?

Shadow Man: Tod... I am you father!

Schitzo Tod: That's not true, that's impossible!

Shadow Man: Is it?

Schitzo Tod: You and mom were killed by a soda machine!

Shadow Man: Damn, he remembered...

Schitzo Tod: Hey... You aren't my father! Your... (gasp)

Shadow Man: Thats right...

Schitzo Tod: ...El Goucho Dorro!

El Gouch Dorro: Yes... I am the guam champion! And you will fall! I am going to kill you!

{Goucho lunges at Tod with a knife, but he his the eaten... By Kilroy!}

Schitzo Tod: You... You saved me!

{Kilroy ducks back into the Shadows. Tod then leaves for the arena.}

T.V. Title Match
Vincent -c- vs. God vs. Schitzo Tod

GP: This next match should be interesting, it pits Mike Extreme against Schitzo Tod... and it was
originally schedualed for the TV title, but Tod recently lost the belt to Vincent.

JT: Well either way, this match is going to be bloody! It is a reinvented match from last years Fear the Darkness. The pumpkin patch from hell match!

Shallow: That rhymes!

GP: Well anyways, let's get to the announcements!

[All of a sudden 'Welcome to the Jungle' by Guns and Roses plays over the speakers as Vice President Evan comes out to a loud amount of boos from the crowd, as he gets into the ring and grabs the mic.]

VP Evan: This match will take place as planned... only I am adding the IWO Television Champion Vincent into the mix, and this match WILL be for the IWO TV TITLE!

[The crowd gasps as 'Welcome to the Jungle' starts up, but is cut off by 'Stayin' Alive' as performed by Ozzie Ozborne. Out from the back walks Rob Kestler and his female companion Cassie. They stare at VP Evan in the ring, as they make their way over to the announcers booth. They sit down as VP Evan leaves the ring, and Meygon begins the official match introductions.]

Meygon: This next match is a Pumpkin Patch from Hell Match!

Some guy in the crowd: That Rhymes!

Meygon: Introducing first, he is the challenger, he is a former two time IWO United States Champion, a former IWO Extreme champion... weighing in at 325 pounds and hailing from Chicago Illinois... MIKE EXTREME!

['In Vein' by The Haunted blares throughout the arena, as on the IWOTron we see the faded image of Mike Extreme's face. He stands there gloomily as he awaits his opponents.]

Meygon: His opponent, he is the other challenger, and is representing The Children of the Porn... he is the former IWO TV Champion, and current Tag Champion.... SCHITZO TOD!!

['Another Dick with no Balls' by Bloodhound Gang plays as on the IWOTron we see Tod standing there, joking around with a piece of grass.]

Meygon: Their opponent, and current IWO television champion... VIN... AHHHH!!

['Twist' by Korn plays as a long massive cock comes out and hits Meygon in the head, and on the IWOTron we see not Vincent... but his massive cock.]

GP: This match is going to be brutal, here's how this match works... A VERY Large cage with glass on the walls and ceiling is placed outside of the arena. Inside the cage on the edge all around(except for where the three doors are), are haystacks light on fire. There is a haystack maze and they follow it from their door, until they get to the center, the maze will eventually catch on fire though, :-) In the
center is a field of pumpkins, and inside each pumpkin, is some sort of extreme weapon. On the ceiling there are C4 explosives and two of them drop every minute. On the walls there are pumpkins covered in gas, and every two minutes, three of them light on fire and fall onto the haystack maze, after the 30 minute mark, the glass on the cage shatters, releasing ALL the C4 explosives, and ALL the pumpkins covered in gas, to catch on fire. Eventually, the winner is the man who either pins his opponent, makes them submit, knocks them out, or kills them and he survives, OR escapes. Because eventually, it will be one huge cage ingulped in flames.

*DING! DING! DING!*

JT: There's the bell, and all three men are making their way to the center of the cage, where they will
all meet... and then procede to beat the living hell out of each other!

GP: That's good and all, but what the hell is Tod doing?

Schitzo Tod: Marco!

[The scene cuts to the arena where Rob Kestler is sitting with Cassie, right next to the announce table, as he procedes to put on a headset, as does Cassie.]

Rob Kestler: Polo!

JT: Well it looks like Rob and Tod are playing Marco Polo, when they can't even hear each other! Mike Extreme has made it to the center and he looks around at the pumpkins! He grabs one and smashes it!

Shallow: He has a ... what the hell is that!?

GP: It appears to be a Spatula! I could of sworn they were supposed to be extreme weapons!

JT: The question remains... who the hell packed these pumpkins?

[The scene cuts to AWS Man(also known as Bill) sitting in the back with pen laughing at Mike Extreme.]

GP: I don't think Mike Extreme cares, because he just picked up another pumpkin, and he is now waiting. Tod comes around the corner yelling Marco... MIKE EXTREME SMASHED THE PUMPKIN OVER THE HEAD OF TOD!

Cassie: That's not silly! That man is a meanie poo!

JT: Umm... yeah Cassie, whatever you say... *Whisper* Stupid redneck.

Shallow: This is interesting, something just nailed Mike Extreme in the head! Wait! That's not something... THAT'S VINCENT'S COCK! HE JUST HIT MIKE EXTREME IN THE HEAD WITH HIS COCK!!

GP: What has the IWO come down too? [Long pause] Guys? [Another long pause] WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!

[Rob Keslter, Cassie, JT, and Shallow are all playing a game of 'tag team connect four', and all of them are ignoring GP, so he continues to do play by play without them.]

GP: Mike Extreme looks like he just got ran over by a train! Vincent's cock is massive, and a very bad safety hazzard to anyone who has an encounter with it! He now has Tod... COCK BOTTOM(ROCK BOTTOM)!! Mike Extreme is up, and wait! the first minute of this match are over! C4 is dropping from the ceiling!

*BOOM! BOOM!*

GP: That almost took these men out of action for good! Mike Extreme has Vincent... REVERSE DDT ONTO A PUMPKIN! Vincent is down, and Mike has Tod by the hair, he picks Tod up... GORILLA PRESS SLAM ONTO VINCENT!! Tod is back up and he charges Mike Extreme, who ducks, and hooks Tod in a standing Dragon Sleeper, but out of nowhere Vincent's cock comes flying to make the save! THE SECOND MINUTE OF THE MATCH IS UP! THOSE THREE PUMPKINS ARE ON FIRE AND FALLING FAST! [Long Pause] All three men hit the ground as the maze catches on fire, and begins to burn! The C4 is falling ALSO!

*BOOM! BOOM!*

GP: I don't really see how ANY of these men are going to survive this! With everything going on so far, thirty minutes of this, and they are all dead... LITERALLY!

Rob Kestler: CONNECT FOUR!

Cassie: Derp

JT: CHEATER!

Shallow: Your fault we lost... =(

GP: ALL OF YOU SHUT UP! THIS IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH HERE! THESE MEN COULD BE KILLED!

JT: BLOOD! Look at that! The C4 just about took off Tod's hand! Tod moved his hand out of the way in the nick of time as... WHO THE HELL IS THAT!?

GP: I think that's the husband of that blonde retarded girl that Vincent used a Vibrator on... from Hostile Meltdown!

Shallow: Whoever it is, he is challenging Vincent... TO A COCK DUEL! Mike Extreme and Tod are beating the living hell out of each other as these two men are about to have a cock duel!

GP: They both pull their pants down... THAT'S A 4 INCH COCK! VINCENT IS LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF! WAIT! DICKINATOR! NO! NO! THE PEOPLE'S COCK! NOW VINCENT IS MASSIVLY BEATING THE MAN TO DEATH... ANOTHER MINUTE HAS GONE BY!!

*BOOM! BOOM!*

JT: One of the C4 landed on that man... HE IS DEAD! *Whispers to GP* Can IWO get sued for this?

GP: I don't think so...

JT: Oh okay... Mike Extreme is really leveling away on Tod! HE SMASHED ANOTHER PUMPKIN OVER TOD'S HEAD! HE PICKS TOD UP! DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!

Shallow: DVD! DVD! OH GOD! ANOTHER MINUTE! THAT'S FOUR MINUTES! THOSE THREE PUMPKINS ARE FALLING EVERYWHERE AND NOW THE C4!

*BOOM! BOOM!*

GP: Vincent almost had some C4 land on his cock! HE IS A MAD MAN! HE HAS TOD! PENIS BOMB! PENIS BOMB INTO ONE OF THOSE FLAMING HAYSTACKS!! TOD IS ON FIRE, BUT HE HITS A JUMPING HEAD HUMP ONTO VINCENT! MIKE EXTREME MAKES THE SAVE AS HE LEVELS TOD WITH A CLOTHESLINE!!

JT: He kicks Tod in the gut... POWERBOMB INTO DDT(Tha Enforcement)!!! Now he has Tod up again... CUTTING EDGE(Outsiders Edge into Neckbreaker)!! THIS MATCH IS TRUELY HELL! HE HAS VINCENT AND NAILS THE EXTREMIST(Downward Spiral)!!!!

Shallow: This match is going to be one for the record books as... ANOTHER MINUTE!!

*BOOM! BOOM!*

GP: That C4 nearly took off Mike's head! HE CHARGES AT TOD WHO BACK BODYDROPS HIM INTO THE FLAMING HAYSTACKS!!! MIKE EXTREME IS ON FIRE BUT HE...

Cassie: Derp...

JT: Stops... drops... and rolls, as Vincent hits the FameCocker(FameAssEr) on Tod!! VINCENT COVERS, BUT MIKE EXTREME STOPS THE COUNT!

GP: This match is incredible! HEY! THE FIGURE COCK LEG LOCK ONTO MIKE EXTREME! WAIT! HE TURNS IT OVER!! VINCENT IS TAPPING! MIKE EXTREME HAS WON IT!

*BOOM! BOOM!*

JT: ROB! DON'T TOUCH THAT!

[Kestler pushes a big red button, and all of a sudden the sound of glass shattering is heard... on the
IWOTron we see the glass on the cage shatter, ALL the pumpkins catch on fire and fall, and all the C4 explode... the cage is now one big flame... as everyone stares at it in shock.]

GP: MY GOD! ARE THEY DEAD! OH MY FUCKING GOD! SOMEONE GET OUT THERE! HURRY!

Shallow: Well... I guess we can now move onto our next match after Meygon makes the announcement...

Meygon: Your winner.. and NEW IWO Television Champion... MIKE EXTREME!

JT: Now our next match... even though this one was incredible...

GP: Wait a second...Spaz is coming down to the ring now. What is going on now?

JT: Shut up! This could be serious!! Where's Sullivan! Where's The Cactus? Spaz has a mic and he doesn't look too pleased!

Shallow: How do you please a Spaz?

Spaz: Ladies and gentlemen, a great injustice has been committed tonight. On the way to the arena this morning, Sullivan and I had a little arguement. So Sullivan decided to take his own taxi over here and meet me here.

GP: What does this have to do with anything?!? Get to the point!

Spaz: Unfortunatly, Sullivan's taxi cab never made it here, as it was involved in a fatal accident, costing the life of the taxi cab driver, and costing Steve...his neck, once again.

JT: Hey wait, this IS serious! Spaz looks upset!

Spaz: Some of you may recall a few months ago when Sullivan had his neck broken while wrestling in the IML3. This isn't the first time this hard headed character has broken his soft neck. But I have been assured, that Sullivan will be appearing here in the IWO once he receives hospital leave.

Shallow: This is just plain awful. Can we get on with our next match already!!

Spaz: So in the meantime, I, Spaz, will be fighting for my friend. I will be fighting for your once favorite wrestler and I will be clearing out every taxi cab driver!...Well, maybe not ALL of them, but until my friend is able to wrestle once again, Spaz, is loose!

GP: Is Spaz joining the single's division??! He'll never make it!

JT: Hey, this is a sad moment! There is no more Spaz Event! Not for awhile anyway!! Sullivan may have been seriously injured!

Shallow: I'll believe it when I see it...

JT: I believe it…I DO!!

GP: Right…..

The Suicide Kings vs. ???

Shallow: Up next we've got some tag team action!

GP: Yep, It's the Suicide Kings, against a Mystery team!

JT: Ya know guys... I just love these Pay Per Views... Just us men. No stuck up cunts that slap allot **coushnikkithebitchcough**

Shallow: I'll have to agree with you on that one, JT. It's nice comentating for the IWO.

GP: Back to the match...

JT: It hasn't started yet!

GP: Well... I meant back to the openings!

JT: Oh, well my boys the Suicide Kings will be commin' out first!

Shallow: Your boys?

JT: Ya, you know... My homees...

Shallow: Homees?

JT: Arg! Nevermind!

{The Suicide King's theme starts up as the crowd gives a mixed reaction.}

JT: HERE THEY COME! MY BOYZ!

Shallow: Tough job...

GP: Very...

{The Suicide Kings get intot he ring. Then teo masked men come out. They take off the masks to become... The Carter brothers!}

(gasp)

{Shawn Carter and his brother get intot he ring and the Suicide Kings start pounding on them.}

***DING DING DING***

GP: Ryan King, with a DDT to Shawn, and Jeff, with a suplex to Shawn's brother!

JT: GO SUICIDE KINGS!

Shallow: I guess I'm going to have to provide color commentary for this match,s eeing as how JT is to wrapped up watching his 'bro's'.

GP: Oh, I turnaround! Shawn Carter just reveresed with a beutiful back body drop!

Shallow: So guys, who's your favorite in the VP Evan against Commish Tom matchup?

GP: I din't know, I personally don't think the board should be fighting like that...

JT: Wanna know what I think?

Shallow: No.

JT: Okay!

Shallow: The world wants to know what I think and I hope Evan beats the crap out of Tom!

JT: Mee too! Now... Can we be friends?

Shallow: Shut up.

GP: Tornado DDT by Jeff King to Shawn's brother!

'CAW CAW CAW! WARBLE WARBLE WARBLE WARBLE!'

JT: What the fuck?

GP: Oh god....

Shallow: What? Why the 'Oh god'?

GP: IT'S THEM! IT'S THE FECES THROWING FLYING MONKEYS!!!

Shallow: The who?

JT: AHH! TAKE COVER!!!!!!!!!!

{The Monkeys begin to throw feces all around, then 2 dirty smelly people come out.}

GP: The mongolian poop sexers!

JT: Ahh!

Shallow: Fuck?

Mongolian Male: ooooosh monkeyo give meshca caca!

Mongolian Chick: NUMMMINUMMIE! CACA MONKEY!!!!!!! I SKINNY NO FAT!

GP: The mongolian poop sexers are eating the feces!

JT: HAHAHA! The LOVE caca!

Shallow: You guys have no life!

GP: THE REF'S UP! THE REF'S UP!

Shallow: Was he ever down?

JT: ACK! CONCERTO (Edge and Christian chair thinggy) BY THE CARTER BROTHERS!

Shallow: Calm down!

GP: The ref's calling for the bell!

**DING DING DING***

RA: Your winner, an account of Disqualification, the Suicide Kings!

JT: SHIT!

North Dakotan Championship
Unrecognized by the Internet Wrestling Organization
Jack Night -c- vs. Pen vs. Janitor 7 vs. The Nude

GP: Oh, great, it's time for THIS match...

JT: Nooooo! We're gonna see a janitor defend a useless title!

Shallow: Well, let's go to ringside and get this over with.

Meygon: The following contest is a special attraction match for the Janitor Cleaning Federation NORTH DAKOTAN CHAMPIONSHIP! First... he was a straight boy without clothes and now he's a gay guy without clothes...

(Pause, so the 'Offical Gay Song' by the Offical Gay Band plays as the Nude, accompanied by Thomas Welsk, walk to ringside. They are booed, of course.)

Meygon: From the Offical Gay Town in the Offical Gay State, weighing in at some Offical Gay Pounds, he is THE NUDE!

(The Nude climbs into the ring.)

Meygon: Next... he is our hero, our lord, our saviour... the guy who makes his opponents wet their pants and cry themselves to sleep...

('The Theme from Ranma ½' plays as Team Tampax comes out to a huge pop. AWS Man (also known as Bill) is carrying Pen with him.)

Meygon: ...he is accompanied by Team Tampax... from the kitchen table in AWS Man (also known as Bill)'s house in Freakville, North Carolina and weighing in at a slim, trim, ripped, buff, cut, chiseled, hammered and JACKED 10 and a half ounces... he is the World's Most Dangerous Inanimate Manager... PEN!

(AWS Man (also known as Bill) puts Pen in his corner as we await the next person.)

Meygon: The next man that's about to come to ringside is a REAL asshole...

('Wake Up' by Rage Against The Machine plays as Jack Night comes to ringside with a microphone. He gets a couple of cheers from the old women in the audience, and some crying from the little children, as well.)

Jack Night: Hello my loyal, devoted fans... all three and a half of you! I would like to introduce my manager... he has survived many things in the IWO... so ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you... DAN KORDIC!

JT: OH MY GOD!

GP: NOT DAN KORDIC!

(Dan Kordic, the pinkie finger, hops out from the back and jumps on Jack Night's shoulder.)

Jack Night: Whee.

Meygon: ...from some place that I really don't care about, and neither do these fans... he weighs in at 323 pounds and we don't care about a single one of them... he is JACK NIGHT!

(Jack Night climbs into the ring while Dan Kordic hops below the bottom turnbuckle.)

Meygon: And finally...! He is the leader of the Elite Janitor Squad of Destruction and Cleanliness, the master of CAUTION: Wet Floor, and the World's Most Dangerous Janitor...

('Love, Peace, and Grease' by BT plays as Janitor Seven, accompanied by the Winds of Change, comes down to ringside with the JCF North Dakotan title... which is a cheap leather belt with fake gold attached. The crowd goes crazy, and Janitor Seven walks to the ring. Suddenly, we shift to the broadcast booth, where AWS Man (also known as Bill has just sicced Elian Gonzalez on Ashley, and Elian chases Ashley from ringside, while Janitor Eleven has jumped the rail and nailed Jason Storm with his dreaded scoop slam-elbow drop combo. Storm is out. And JANITOR ELEVEN
AND AWS MAN (also known as Bill) HAVE TAKEN OVER COMMENTARY DUTIES!
SMELL THE RATINGS!)

J11: Hello meanieheads!

AWS Man (also known as Bill): Freakin' freak!

GP: Umm...

AWS Man (also known as Bill): Greg freakin' RiotParker! Be freakin' honored that you are in presence of the Freakmeister himself!

GP: Er, okay...

J11: Well, meanieheads, it's time to get this meanieheaded match over with!

*ding, ding, ding*

AWS Man (also known as Bill): There's the freakin' bell!

J11: Look at that meaniehead, Nude, do his Offical Gay Dance to start the match off!

GP: Jack Night counters by doing the robot! A good, old school dance by the Extreme Mofo!

J11: That meaniehead, Janitor Seven, is doing the Worm!

Janitor Seven: HOO! HOO! HOO!

AWS Man (also known as Bill): Freakin' Jack Night nearly took Janitor Seven's head off with that freakin' pillow!

J11: Not the dreaded meanieheaded pillow!

MR: Umm... yes! The dreaded Interstate 90 Pillow Attack!

J11: Now that meaniehead, Jack Night is going to town on the Nude with the pillow!

AWS Man (also known as Bill): Call a freakin' ambulan- wait, no, this isn't Freakville.

J11: Damn meanieheaded straight it isn't!

GP: Now Jack grabs the Nude and... PILEDRIVER ON THE PILLOW! MY GOD!

J11: Holy meaniehead! The Nude may be out for good!

AWS Man (also known as Bill): Wait, the Nude is freakin' getting up!?!

J11: That meaniehead!

GP: The Nude catches Jack with a low blow!

AWS Man (also known as Bill): Well, of course! He's gay!

GP: But Janitor Seven catches the Nude with a VICIOUS rubber duck shot!

J11: Yeah! Go meanieheaded Seven!

GP: Seven goes to work on the Nude with the rubber duck!

J11: Now Seven puts the duck on the canvas and sends the Nude into the ropes... DROP TOE HOLD INTO THE RUBBER DUCK!

AWS Man (also known as Bill): Freakin' freak! The Nude might not have a freakin' face any more!

J11: Now that meaniehead Jack comes in with a VICIOUS step on Janitor Seven's foot!

GP: Ow!

AWS Man (also known as Bill): Freakin', now Jack grabs Pen! He goes to the second rope! Freakin' no!

(AWS Man (also known as Bill) leaves the broadcast position.)

GP: And AWS Man (also known as Bill) just moved Pen away from Jack JUST as Jack was about to nail Pen with a second rope senton!

(AWS Man (also known as Bill) comes back.)

AWS Man (also known as Bill): Motherfreaker!

GP: Well, Jack's hurting because he landed on the pillow!

J11: And now, that meaniehead, Janitor Seven, is just WAITING for Jack Night to get up!

GP: Jack's up!

J11: MEANIEHEADED CAUTION: WET FLOOR(kick to the shin)! That meaniehead,
Jack Night, is down!

AWS Man (also known as Bill): Janitor Seven is celebrating, but Jack's getting to his feet!

J11: Meanieheaded Seven! Turn the meaniehead around!

GP: Jack Night hits a DDT on Seven! Seven may be DEAD!

J11: Now the Nude hits a meanieheaded kneelift on Jack to send him down! He picks up that meaniehead Jack Night! MEANIEHEADED TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER ON THE PILLOW! HOLY MEANIEHEAD, HE'S HUMPING JACK'S HEAD!

GP: That the Streak, and it put Jack Night down!

(AWS Man (also known as Bill) leaves the broadcast position, picks up Pen, and blasts the Nude with him!)

J11: Holy meaniehead! Pen just bitchslapped the Nude!

GP: Wait! Here comes the Winds of Change! Malone's up on the apron! Pen bitchslaps him off! Phillips is up on the apron! Schitzo Tod pulls him down!

J11: Meanieheadingly wait! That meaniehead Dan Kordic hits the ring!

GP: Oh! But AWS Man (also known as Bill) meets him and hits him with Slap the Freak Around!

J11: Oh my meaniehead! Dan Kordic is not exactly getting a warm meanieheaded welcome back to the IWO!

GP: Now AWS Man (also known as Bill) grabs Jack Night! DROP THE FREAK ON HIS HEAD(Emerald Fusion)! Now AWS Man (also known as Bill) leaves Pen on Jack Night! The referee counts! One... two.... three! Pen wins! Pen is the new North Dakotan champion!

J11: Aww... that meaniehead Pen won!

(Janitor Eleven leaves, Jason Storm recovers, and Ashley comes back.)

JT: That SUCKED.

Shallow: I'll say.

Hardcore Battle Royal
21 Elite IWOers

GP: Well that was ummm different...lets get to are next match...THE HARDCORE BATTLE ROYAL!!!

Shallow: I CAN'T WAIT!!!

JT: God this fed and its willingness to do things over and over again!

Shallow: Shut up!

GP: Next up is our HardCore Rumble. The rules are a bit different from last year, as while elimination is still by pinfall or submission only, the athletes will be entering once every two minutes. Let's go up to Meygon to see who will kick this thing off.

Meygon: THIS CONTEST IS THE 21 MAN HARDCORE ROYALE!!! THE WINNER WILL RECIEVE A SHOT AT THE IWO WORLD TITLE AT THE NEXT PPV! AND NOW, THE MAN WHO DREW #1!



Meygon: GOD!!!

JT: HOW IRONIC! The first entity ever is the first man in the Royale, and he looks none too pleased as he steps into the ring.

Meygon: AND NOW, THE MAN WHO DREW #2!



DING DING DING DING MOTHER F'N DING!

Nikki: God and LiGiL size each other up quickly, to the collar and elbow they go, God with a nice hiptoss, LiGiL is up quick and throws a right hand, another, a third blocked by God into an arm dragon screw! LiGiL slow to arise, DDT by the Creator! God with a standing splash! He covers for not even one! LiGiL grabs God's arm, whips him into the ropes....

GP: Samoan Drop! Cover gets one! Two minutes is almost up, another man will be coming out here soon...but these guys just keep fighting! LiGiL stomping at God's body as God gets outside the ring, and he appears to be looking for something. LiGiL not going after him though, because the crowd is starting to count down to the third man in the match!

5..............................4........................3.......................2.....................1....0!

<'All in the Family' by KoRn f. Fred Durst plays as Donnie Daze runs out.>

Meygon: DONNIE DAZE!

JT: LiGiL and Daze go eye to eye...WAIT! GOD RUNS BACK IN THE RING! AND HE HAS THE HOLLY GRAIL!!! HE FINALLY FOUND IT AFTER ALL THIS TIME! IT WASN'T JUST A SPELLING ERROR! GOD NAILS DONNIE DAZE IN THE HEAD WITH THE HOLLY GRAIL! RIGHT INTO THE PALINDROME FROM LIGIL! LiGiL covers! 1...........2...............3!

Eliminated- Donnie Daze

Nikki: And we are back to LiGiL and God fighting each other tooth and nail! God nails LiGiL with the Grail in the kneecap, picks him up, and straddles him on the top rope! God goes up top now...HE CLOTHESLINES LIGIL OFF THE ROPES TO THE CONCRETE! BY GOD, THAT WAS A GREAT MOVE BY GOD! And it's time for another man in!

5..........................4.....................................3.................2........................1....0!



Meygon: LANCE MCNALLY!

GP: McNally has a McNally World Atlas with him! He runs and nails God with it on the outside! He picks up the fallen LiGiL...PILEDRIVER ON THE WORLD ATLAS! McNally now picking the Lord up and rolling him inside..... McNally sets God up............ JUST ROCKED! (Powerbomb to Neckbreaker) The former IML2 Champ may have God beaten! 1............2............

JT: NO! God escapes, but barely! LiGiL just now getting in after the piledriver, and he nails McNally in the head with a leaping forearm! God and LiGiL now putting the boots to McNally, wait, God shoves LiGiL, and those two go back to brawling! LiGiL manages to muscle up God....Death Valley Driver on God! McNally though waistlocks LiGiL.....time for a new man in....#5..

5..............4......................3..........................2.....................1...................0!



Meygon: NIGHTHAWK!

Nikki: GERMAN SUPLEX BY MCNALLY! MCNALLY HOLDS THE BRIDGE, 1, 2, BROKEN UP BY NIGHTHAWK! Nighthawk tries to pin LiGiL, 1, 2, but LiGiL escapes!
God and McNally pairing off, as are Nighthawk and LiGiL. God grabs McNally and throws him outside, as Nighthawk and LiGiL stay in the ring. Nighthawk leaps up and takes over LiGiL with a beautiful head scissors!

GP: And God throws McNally over the steel barricade! These two brawling in the crowd now! McNally gets a steel chair! He cracks God in the head with it! A referee is there! McNally covers! 1..............2..............no! God kicks out! He grabs the chair now! Nails McNally right between the eyes! HE covers, 1, 2, No! McNally escapes as well! The sixth man is on his way!

5...................4.......................3.......................2....................1....................0..



Meygon: WESLEY SANDERS!

JT: PALINDROME ON NIGHTHAWK! LIGIL NAILED THE PALINDROME! He's looking for his second elimination, 1, 2, and yes he gets it! 3!

Eliminated- Nighthawk

JT: Sanders runs up and nails LiGiL from behind! Kidney punches from the former Golden Gloves champion! Sanders rears back, right cross to the jaw downs LiGiL!
McNally tosses God over the barricade, these two wackos now fighting on the ramp!

Nikki: Sanders in the ring now taking LiGiL apart, he locks on a figure four! LiGiL screams in agony, but he is trying to reverse the move! Can he? LiGiL fighting hard....HE DOES! HE REVERSES THE FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK! Sanders quickly breaks the hold to prevent any damage to himself. #7 is coming now, the crowd starts the countdown....

5....................4...................3.................2......................1....................0...



Meygon: ANDREW!

GP: Andrew hits the ramp and joins in on the brawl between God and McNally! Andrew brought a porn video with him...he nails God in the head with the porno! Crack! He nails McNally as well! Andrew legdrops God! McNally grabs Andrew from behind...falling reverse DDT! God goes over to McNally now...full nelson.....FULL NELSON BOMB BY GOD!

JT: Sanders in the ring has LiGiL....cradle piledriver! Wes Sanders covers LiGiL! 1.......................2................................3! Wow! Sanders upsets the Central Powers stooge!

Eliminated- LiGiL

JT: #8 is waiting in the wings...but Sanders looks ready to face off against whoever shows up....Sanders motioning for the man to come out now, and here we go...

5...............4......................3....................2...........................1..................0!



Meygon: FENIX!!!!!!!

Nikki: Sanders backing up quickly as Fenix hits the ring! Fenix grabs him before he can escape! Angel's Wings by Fenix! Fenix goes up top quickly! Frog Splash by the 2000 Mayhem Match co-winner! Cover is made! 1..............2.................No! Sanders barely gets his right shoulder up off the canvas! Fenix complaining to the referee about a slow count..

GP: Back on the ramp Andrew charges God, and God backdrops Andrew into the third row! Wait! McNally charges God! FACECRUSHER ON THE STEEL RAMP!!! Wait! Andrew jumps on the barricade...SHOULDER TACKLE ON MCNALLY! Andrew jumps up for a hurricanrana on God...SITDOWN POWERBOMB! #9 is ready to roll! Here we go!

5............................4.....................................3......................2...............1.........0!



Meygon: CHRIS DAVIDSON!

JT: Two Children of the Porn members are out here! Davidson and Andrew grab God! Double hiptoss! McNally charges both men......DOUBLE BULLDOG! God and McNally now being forced to work together to fend off the Children! McNally and God grabs Davidson's legs! Double wishbone! That's GOT to hurt! McNally picks up Andrew...
GULLITIONES HIM ON THE RAIL! McNally covers! 1....2........3!

Eliminated- Andrew

Nikki: Fenix charges Sanders, Rolling Thunder Lariat by Fenix! It has been all Fenix here in the ring! Fenix with a floatover DDT! Fenix covers! 1............2................KICKOUT! Sanders is up though! And scoops up Fenix.....FIRE THUNDER DRIVER! 1...........2.........No! Fenix hasn't taken enough of a beating for Sanders to score a pin! #10 is coming out now!

5...................4..........................3.........................2...........................1.........0!



Meygon: AWS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BILL)!!!

GP: ANOTHER CHILD OF THE PORN IS OUT! AWS Man goes after McNally immediately, while God and Chris Davidson start brawling back towards the ring. McNally spears down (Also Known as Bill)! Lefts and rights from the former IWO Pacific Champion! McNally choking AWS Man hard as he kicks and screams for air desperately!

JT: Davidson rams God headfirst into the ring apron! Fenix picks up Wesley Sanders! Michinoku Driver! 1................2...............................................3!

Eliminated- Wesley Sanders

JT: HERE COMES MAN #11

5.........................4..................................3........................2........................1.......0!



Meygon: SYPHON FISSION!!!!

Nikki: Syphon Fission sets up the table in the aisleway! He grabs Lance McNally! He climbs up on the table! TOMBSTONE THROUGH THE TABLE! MCNALLY LANDED HEAD FIRST ON THE TABLE LEG! HIS HEAD HAS BEEN IMPALED!

JT LANCE IS DEAD! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LANCE IS DEAD!



Eliminated- Lance McNally

GP: Here comes #12!

5......................4.................................3...................2.............1..........................0!



JT: WOOHOO!!! MORE PORN! MORE PORN! AND A WHORE! YES YES YES YES YES! Kostos charges Syphon Fission and nails a knee to the gut! President Nick with a double arm DDT! He covers! Only gets two as Fission powers out! God scoop slams Chris Davidson on the steel stairs! AWS Man and Fenix are brawling in the middle of the ring!

Nikki: AWS Man with a hard right hand to Fenix sending him down! AWS MAN GOES UPSTAIRS! WIN THE FREAKING MATCHER (Shooting Star Press)! That should be it! 1........2.................3!

Eliminated- Fenix

Nikki: #14 coming up!!!

5...............4...........................3............................2................................1........0!!!!

<'Head' by P.O.D. plays as 'The Real Heel' Evan Levine walks out to a resounding chorus of boos, accompanied by Dischord.>

GP: Levine with a good draw! He could take this entire thing! He hits the ring and grabs AWS Man! GAME TIME! He grabs Chris Davidson! GAME TIME! Levine covers both men! 1...........2.................3!

Eliminated- Chris Davidson and AWS Man (Also Known as Bill)

GP: We are back to four men! Nick Kostos, God, Syphon Fission and Evan Levine! God immediately charges Levine, as Kostos and Fission begin a brawl. Evan Levine grabs God for Game Time...no! God twirls around into a double chickenwing! RELEASE TIGER SUPLEX! God dropped Levine on his head! God now gloating over the move... WAIT! MY GOD, IT'S JESUS CHRIST!!!

JT: JESUS CHRIST HAS THE TABLET WITH THE TEN COMMANDMENTS ON IT!!! HE SHATTERS THE TABLET OVER GOD'S HEAD!!! YES!!! NO MORE COMMANDMENTS! I CAN GO COMMIT ADULT- wait, I do that anyway. :-). Levine is down! God is down! And Jesus goes back into the crowd! #15 is coming down now!

5......................4...............................3......................2............1.........0




Meygon: AARON KAIN!!!!!!

Nikki: Levine crawling over.....he covers God! 1............2...................3! God made one hell of a showing, but the tablet was just too much!

Eliminated- God

Nikki: KAIN NAILS LEVINE FROM BEHIND WITH A SUPERKICK! Kostos cinches him up in an abdominal stretch, but Fission breaks that up! Full Nelson Slams Kostos down hard! Flipping senton by Fission! 1....2.....Kostos shifts his weight to put Fission's shoulders down! Two count again! Kain grabs Kostos........BRAINBUSTER! Kain folded up the former IML President!

GP: Evan Levine just now recovering from that amazing superkick...he grabs the young Kain from behind, he twirls him through......GAME TIME!!! Cover! 1.......2..........3!

Eliminated: Aaron Kain

GP: Here comes #16!

5............................4............................3..................2.......................1....0!



Meygon: MIKE MARCHESE!!

JT: Mike Marchese hits the ring! Marchese with a right to Levine! He punches Kostos in the skull! Jumping DDT on Syphon Fission! Cover! 1..............2..................3!

Eliminated- Syphon Fission

JT: We're getting to the end here! 5 guys left to come out! We've recieved word they are going to speed up the entrances! #17 is coming out now!



Meygon: MIKE EXTREME!

<'Stayin Alive' by Ozzy plays as Rob Kestler runs down.>

Meygon: ROB KESTLER!



JT: ALL 20 guys have entered...wait...weren't there supposed to be 21...?

<'Sugar' by System of a Down strikes up.>

Nikki: You have got to be kidding me.



Meygon: CAPITAL PUNISHMENT!

GP: PUNISHMENT CHARGES MARCHESE! HE HOOKS THE ARM! DEATH PENALTY! 1........2.........3!

Eliminated- Mike Marchese

Nikki: Rob Kestler grabs Scott Stone! THE CALL FROM BEYOND! 1....2......3!

Eliminated- Scott Stone

JT: Six men left! Tanja the Austrian Whore is up on the apron! She steps through the ropes! She goes ofr the White Mist of Doom! Cappy ducks! DEATH PENALTY ON THE WHORE! KOSTOS IS ENRAGED! INVESTMENT ON PUNISHMENT! 1......2......NO! Kickout! High Flyer has Extreme up! FLYERDRIVER! 1.........2..........3!

Eliminated- Mike Extreme

Nikki: Capital Punishment getting up from the Investment...he's up behind Flyer..High Flyer wheels around...DEATH PENALTY! 1.....2.....3! We're down to our final four!

ELiminated- High Flyer

GP: We're down to Nick Kostos, Rob Kestler, Evan Levine, and Capital Punishment of all people! Levine grabs Kestler, could be looking for Game Time...no! Kestler reverses it! GAYM TYME BY KESTLER! But Kostos with a low blow! INVESTMENT ON ROB KESTLER! 1............2..............3!

Eliminated- Rob Kestler

JT: YES! NICK COULD GO THE DISTANCE HERE! Punishment and Levine exchanging blows while Nick watches! WAIT! IT'S FORMER IML SUPERSTAR DEMISE! HE GRABS NICK! THE LAST RITES (Top Rope Pumphandle Slam)! Levine covers! 1.....2..........3!

Eliminated- Nick Kostos

GP: All thats left now is Cappy and Levine...who will be the number one contender?

Shallow: Levine and Capital Punishment standing toe to toe....they are looking into the eyes of each other....things are about to explode!!!

JT: Words are going back and forth......OH HERE WE GO!!!

GP: Left by Cappy...right by Levine...left right...left right...Cappy wins and sends Evan into the ropes....KNEE LIFT!!! Evan falls back into the ropes Capital Punishment runs at him....Evan ducks CAPPY OVER THE TOP....NO Capital Punishment lands on the apron....Evan turns around....Cappy nails Evan in the gut...Cappy jumps over the ropes and roles Evan up...1...................2...........NO!!! Evan kicks out as Cappy jumps to his feet! Evan and Capital Punishment stand eye to eye again!!

JT: This is DRIVEN ME NUTS!!!

Shallow: Evan nails Capital Punishment this time as Cappy falls back and....CROSS FACE!!! Capital Punishment has Evan in the Cross Face.....EVAN IS TAPPING!!!!!

JT: NO HES NOT!!!

Shallow: LIKE HELL HE ANT!!!

GP: The Ref hasnt called for the bell as Evan tries to get to the ropes!

Shallow: HE WONT GET THERE!!

JT: REACH REACH....HES GOT IT!! YES!!

GP: Capital Punishment lets go as Evan slowly gets to his feet....Capital Punishment smiles as he runs at Evan...Evan looks up and sees Cappy....Evan ducks the Closeline...and.....GAME TIME!!!! MY GOD OUT OF NOWHERE!!! GAME TIME!!!!! Evan pins 1...............2....................................................................................................................3!!

JT: YES....GOD YES!!!!!!! FINALLY!!! HES THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER!!!! EVAN DID IT!!!

Shallow: Damn it...now we will never hear the end of it!

Meygon: Here is your winner...AND NEW!!!! IWO Number 1 Contender....The Real Heel....EVAN LEVINE!!!!!!!!!

Shallow: This is a dark time!

JT: Finally after years of hard work…Evan will get a fair shot!

Grudge Match
High Flyer vs. Rob Kestler

GP: Up next, a battle fought over friendship. Ron Kestler, and High Flyer were both on each other's side, and team, until Kestler betrayed him.

{The scene cuts to a promo for this match. It shows Rob Kestler and High Flyer, having fun, then Rob Kestler and High Flyer fighting.}

JT: Tragic, tragic, story…

Shallow: What the hell are you talking about? That just showed them having fun, and fighting!

JT: It's all so sad!

GP: These two have had quite a history, and now it all ends here.

JT: You mean… It's a brawl tot he death?

Shallow: JT, you are an idiot!

JT: I know…

{Stayin' Alive as performed by Ozzie Ozborn hits as the crowd goes wild. Ron Kestle and Schitzo Tod step through the curtains, mooing at the crowd. Ron Kestler enters the ring, while Tod goes to sit next to JT for special guest commentary.}

JT: Oh no… Not this idiot…

{Tod puts on the head set.}

JT: Hey Tod! What's up?

Shallow: (whisper) ass kisser…

GP: Kestler's in the ring, now we wait for-

{Loco by Coal Chamber starts up and the crowd starts to boo wildly. High Flyer, along with 'The Real Heel' Evan Levine step through the curtains. They both make their way down the ramp. Flyer slides in the ring and both him and Rob Kestler begin to exchange punches. Evan Levine stands by Flyer's corner, glaring at Rob Kestler in an evil manor.}

GP: And the match starting off. Rob Kestler and High Flyer are brutaly punching away at each other!

Schitzo Tod: How are you guys doing?

JT: Great Tod! Great!

Shallow: Could be better.. So Tod, Mike Exreme really took you out in that match you guys had. How are you still able to be standing?

Schitzo Tod: Ah… Tis a technique I like to call… Sai Sai.

GP:Now, High Flyer, whipping Rob Kestler into the cornwer, he's charging with a back elboy, but- Nobody home!

Schitzo Tod: Ouch!

GP: And Rob Kestler, with a thunderous clothesline to High Flyer! And an early cover! 1! Oh! Flyer kicks out at the 1!

JT: Ha! A clothesline won't bring down a former IWO World Champ that easy!

Shallow: Wasn't Rob Kestler World Champ last month?

Schitzo Tod: Yep, that he was. So, JT, you can call him a former World Champ as well.

JT: Uh… Sure…

Schitzo Tod: :-)

GP: High Flyer with a DDT To Rob Kestler! And- OH! A standing senton splash! He's got the cover… 1.. 2.. Kickout!

Schitzo Tod: Yay Rob! You can do it!

Shallow: Now Tod… How do you feel about Mike Extreme?

Schitzo Tod: Well… I have a new found respect for him.

Shallow: Yeah…

JT: Hey, Shallow… Ya' know what's cool?

Shallow: No, what…

JT: Nikki, the cunt, is not here to mess with me! HAHAHA!

Shallow: That's nice JT.. But, I'm still keeping an eye on Evan Levine… He seems to be staring at Rob Kestler.

GP: OH! Nice back body drop by Rob Kestler!

JT: Hey Shallow, don't you think we should be talking?

Shallow: Huh?

JT: I mean, we should be talking about the match.

Shallow: Why?

JT: I don't know…

Shallow: JT, people can WATCH this on TV.

Schitzo Tod: What about all the people that don't buy the pay per view. You know, the ones that just get the static picture with the sound?

Shallow: Those stupid pricks! The IWO looses money because of them!

Schitzo Tod: Um.. Yeah!

GP: The ref is looking over hear for some reason.

Shallow: Go look somewhere else ref!

JT: Wait! Evan Levine with a chair shot to the head of Rob kestler! The ref turned back around!

GP: High Flyer to the top rope! FLYING MOON SHOT! FLYING MOON SHOT! And the cover… 1… 2.. 3!!!! High Flyer wins!

Schitzo Tod: That's not fair!

JT: Where's he goin'?

GP: He's yelling at Evan!

Schitzo Tod: Hey! That was a mean thing to do!

GP: Evan just hit him in the head with a chiar!

JT: haha

{'Loco' by Coal Chamber starts up again as Flyer and Evan head up the ramp.}

IWO Executive Board Match
Loser Leaves the IWO
Commish Ford vs. Vice President Evan

GP: And welcome to our next match, it's gonna be a loser leaves IWO Match!! It's between our beloved board members, VP Evan and Commish Tom!! Both men really have no music and no-one knows how much they weigh...

JT: Booo! I hate every board member but Jamie!! Jamie rules!!

Shallow: Yes! JT you are finally able to agree with!!

JT: Alright!!!

GP: Any predictions??

JT: Who cares, let's get this match on the way!! I'm tired!!! Let's go!!

Shallow: Agree again JT!!! Asshole.

GP: Alrighty then...

*Ding, Ding, Ding*

GP: And the match is underway with both men just circling each other..Evan slowly slides out of the ring..and his pants rip!!

JT: HAHAHAHAHA!! He wears underwear!! What a dork.. Come here Evan, I'll fix that for ya..

GP: JT come on sit down!!

JT: Look, he wears underwear!! HAHA! What a loser!!

(All of a sudden Tom comes up from behind JT and pants's him..expsoing underwear with a big brown stain in the back..JT get's REALLY embarassed..)

Shallow: Eww I can never agree with you again!! Hey JT what did your MOM dress you again!!

Shallow and GP: AHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

JT: Shutup.

GP: Now back to the match, Evan has fixed his pants and is now back in the match..he and his opponent, Commish Tom are still circling each other. Tom finally goes at Evan and Evan knocks him over! Tom get's up and slaps Evan in the face!!!!

Shallow: What a bunch of baby's, hey JT maybe you three can start a club! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

JT: Shutup.

GP: Well finally Tom takes control and is slowly kicking away at Evan...jeez if he goes any slower he might as well call in a stunt double!! HAHA!!

Shallow: Not funny Parker..dork..HAHA!

JT: Now that was funny!!

Shallow: Was I talkin to you..shutup pooper!

JT: Shutup.

GP: Two assholes! I hate my job. Remeber guys, these two do NOT know how to wrestle..Tom grab's Evan and whips him into the corner...Tom charges and Evan put's a boot up..Tom is stunned and falls over holding his wound..

Shallow: Now you see Greg, if that were any normal wrestler, they would just shake it off, and would be back in the match in no time, but these two...they are pathetic!!

GP: And like I said, these two do NOT know how to wrestle..pay attention dumbass.

('Rollin, the Urban Assault Vehicle version)' by Limp Bizkit start's to play..and Scott Stone come's out..)

GP: What's he doin out here!??!!? Tom see's this and turns around and Evan comes flying at him and starts pounding away on Commish Tom! Evan grabs him and tosses him against the ropes, and a flip! Tom gets up and Evan with a BIG right hand and Tom backs up, Evan bounces off the ropes and leaps but Tom catches him and a power slam!!

JT: Hey Scott is just watching the match..he's a nice man!!

Shallow: Shutup pooper.

GP: OOOH! Tom stands up and starts kicking away at VP Evan!! And Evan get's out of the ring!!

Shallow: Booo what a chicken! Evan is walking around the outside taking a break..he makes his way back up the stairs and get's in..Tom waits for him and charges! Tom starts punching away at VP Evan! This is turning into a brawl!!

JT: Evan stands up and delivers a right hand!

VP Evan*Touches nose, noticing blood..*: It's on bitch!

GP: OH MY GOD! THESE TWO ARE REALLY FIGHTING!! Evan slaps Tom in the face, and Tom slaps him back! Evan delivers a punch!! Tom holds his face in pain and Evan hits him again!! They are really fighting!! I can here a few 'I hate you's' with a ton of 'your a little bitch' in there. Wait, now look up on the ramp, Scott Stone and LiGiL are face to face arguing!

JT: End of the CP?!?!?!

Shallow: SHUTUP POOPER!!

LiGiL: Evan's gonna win!

Stone: No… Tom will!

LiGiL: EVAN!

Stone: TOM!

LiGiL: Damn, we'll just decide this when we get down there!

StoneL Ok…

Shallow: What the hell is this?

(Stone and LiGiL come stand by the ring, watching the two fight.)

Commish Tom: Bitch… Your gonna feel the pain of the russiandominatorlegpipekneegrind!

VP Evan: What?

Commish Tom: My moves are waaaaaaaay better then yours!

VP Evan: I don't think so!

GP: OH MY GOD!

Shallow: This is like a bad episode of 'I love Lucy'…

JT: Um… Right… You would love Lucy…

GP: The two are just rolling around the ring! When will it end!

LiGiL: You getting tired of this?

Stone: Man, 'm getting SO tired of this…

LiGiL: Fine..

GP: What the hell is Scott Stone and LiGiL doing?!

JT: It looks like they are going into the ring!

Shallow: And it looks like I'm tired, this is getting old!

JT: A punch to Evan by Scott Stone, and a kick to Tom by LiGiL! And they both are down!

GP: Now LiGiL is trying to put Evan on Tom, but stone is trying to put Tom on Evan!

LiGiL: Damnit!

Stone: Shit, I'm getting tired, lets just do both!

LiGiL: Both?

Stone: Both…

GP: Well… It looks like… Evan is pinning Tom… And Tom is pinning Evan!

Shallow: The ref's counting! 1… 2… 3!

JT: Who won?

RA: You winner of this match.. By pinfall… Nobody!

JT: WHAT!!!!

RA: But instead.. You LOOSERS.. Are Commish Tom, and VP Evan! They are both, as a result of this match, OUT of the IWO!

GP: Fuck! No Board! No Board!

Shallow: Well… There si if you count Jamie and Eddy…

GP: Like I said.. NO BOARD! NO BOARD!

JT: AHH!

Tag Team Championship Match
Title For Title
Winds of Change -c- vs. Team Tampax -c-

GP: WOW! what a night! That brings us to our next match, it's Team Tampax vs the Winds of Change in a title for title match!

JT: Let's go Team Tampax!! WOO!!

('Whipping Post' by the Allman Brothers begins to play..)

Ring Announcer: Coming to the ring first, both from Pheonix, Arizona, at a total combined weight of 480 pounds, they are the CURRENT IWO Intercontinental Tag Champions..they are Joey Malone and Daniel Phillips..THE WINDS OF CHANGE!!

GP: Wait there is Team Tampax behind them!! Tod and AWS Man charge to the ring and take out the Winds of Change!! Shitzo Tod and Joey Malone are going at it throwing lefts and rights, Phillips and AWS Man are also going at it!! AWS Man and Phillips go into the ring while Tod and Joey Malone are still going at it on the outside!

Shallow: This is gonna be one hell of a match guys! These two teams hate each other with a passion! Believe me, nobody wants to see either one of these teams with the tag titles!

JT: Oh shutup Shallow! Your always wrong!

Shallow: Grr..Your gonna get it JT..just wait.

GP: Back to the match..Malone and Tod are now fighting in the ring as the fighting on the inside has stopped, and the Winds of Change had a double team going on Shitzo Tod til the ref broke it up. Malone picks up Tod and a scoop slam! Tod hits the mat hard as Malone tags in his friend and tag partner Daniel Phillips!!

Shallow: Look at Phillips and Malone double team Tod!

JT: And look at AWS Man try to get in the ring! C'mon ref turn around and take control of this match! Damn you!

GP: And your wish is granted JT as the ref turns around and sends Joey Malone to the outside as Daniel Phillips is continuing the beating of Shitzo Tod! AWS Man trying to get the tag but Tod just can't get anywhere near him. Phillips picks up Tod and whips him into the corner, AND A SPLASH from Shitzo Tod!!

JT: Ah shit! Damnit c'mon Tod!! Get the tag!

GP: Tod on the ground and Phillips is going to the top rope, he is gonna jump and AWS Man shakes the ropes!! Phillips falls off!! Tod is awakening and AWS Man is trying to get Tod to hurry! Phillips was near Malone when he fell and he's gonna make his tag now!! And he does!! Joey Malone comes in and Tod is right by AWS Man, AWS Man slaps Tod's hand but the ref charges in and doesn't let him come in!

JT: WHAT!?!?!

Shallow: Noo, it isn't like that. Tod had to tag AWS Man, not the other way around!

JT: Oh that's bullshit!

GP: Well Malone and Phillips are once again double teaming Shitzo Tod and AWS Man is in the corner arguing with the ref! Wait he get's by and A CLOTHESLINE on Daniel Phillips!! Phillips goes down hard!! But Joey Malone is the legal man!! Malone bulldogs AWS Man and Phillips and AWS Man are out cold!! Phillips rolls on top of AWS Man!! The ref see's this!!!

JT: Wait Tod hits his finisher on Joey Malone!!! 1....2....3.!!!!! Who won!?!??!

GP: And we will eventually find out, but what board member is gonna come out???

Shallow: It's My Dick!!!

JT: Eww you sicko!! Your dick can't be a board member!

Shallow: Noo!! Not my dick..MY DICK!!

JT: I don't see any difference Shallow.

GP: Argh shutup! He's gonna speak!

My Dick: Now I see there is quite a problem here, and that is why My Dick has come out to decide the NEW tag team champions of the IWO!!

(Winds of Change start celebrating..)

My Dick: Don't get to excited yet there, cause I didn't say you won!!

(Team Tampax start's celebrating..)

My Dick: And hell I didn't say you guys won either, so calm down! So my announcement is, there is no winner, you each pinned the wrong legal man, the match continue's!! Ring the bell..wait for me to get out though..

*Ding, Ding, Ding!!*

Shallow: What an announcement by My Dick!!!

JT: Your dick talks too?? Damn your talented. First it comes out and now it talks! How do you do that?

Shallow: Your an idiot.

GP: And AWS Man quickly charges at Joey Malone and takes him down!! AWS Man stomping away at Malone, he lifts him up and whips him into the corner and runs in at him and clotheslines him against the turnbuckle!! AWS Man now giving big boots to Joey Malone, he kicks him in the gut hard, and again and harder and again and even more harder!

JT: Geeze sounds like your havin sex with Shallow's Dick..you know his Dick can talk!

GP: Oh geeze. Now AWS Man grabs Joey Malone, and a DDT!!!! AWS Man goes for the pin!! 1...2...THR!! NO!!! AWS Man is mad but ignores it and picks up Malone again, and a body slam onto the mat followed by a knee drop to the face of Joey Malone! He is pounding away on the face of Malone trying to get him to bleed!!

Shallow: Like JT said, these two teams HATE each other! And I can't imagine this match going any longer without any blood!

JT: That's right Greg, I SAID THAT! Not you..I!!

GP: Shutup. And AWS Man has Joey Malone bleeding from the nose!! He is now pounding his head off that turnbuckle!! Malone might have a broken nose!! AWS Man tags in Shitzo Tod to take control and Tod does so. Tod kicks Malone in the gut..DDT!!! The second time Malone has been hit with the DDT!! Tod run over and knocks Daniel Phillips off the turnbuckle! Tod runs back over and clotheslines Joey Malone who was about to charge at Tod!!! Tod kicking away at Joey Malone!!

JT: Yes! Finally! They are gonna win!

Shallow: You don't know that JT, the Winds of Change are a very very talented team, but not as half as talented as yours truely..JOHNNY SHALLOW!

JT: Uhh, your so conceited..jerk!

Shallow: And I think your gay! Queer boy!!

GP: HEY! Guy's let's calm down and watch this match ok? Good. Tod grabs Malone and tags in AWS Man. Bill comes in and they start the double team on Joey Malone!! Tod hoists Malone on his shoulders, AWS Man climbs the apron, jumps off and bulldogs him off of Tod's shoulders!! Tod climbs the ropes and executes a guillatean leg drop off the top rope!! Here comes Daniel Phillips!! He charges at Tod!! And connects with a spear!!

Shallow: Ouch that had to hurt!!

JT: I bet it did!

Shallow: Was I talking to you?? Hey Greg I wanna do some comentary..

GP: Umm..no.

Shallow: Why not? Please?

GP: Fine fine..

*JT in the background: Aww c'mon*

Shallow: Now it's my turn!! As Tod and that Phillips guy go to the outside, Malone and AWS Man, or as Scott Stone calls him..ASS Man are going at it..again. And AWS Man is winning. AWS Man grabs Malone and hurls him into the corner and run at him, but Malone throws his boot up and SMACK right against AWS Man's face. That hurt.

JT: *Whispering to GP* He sucks! Please let me do the job!!

GP: Hey Shallow, how abot you let JT do some mic work..

Shallow: Fine fine!!

JT: YEAH!! AWS Man tags in Shitzo Tod and Tod comes in!! Tod grabs Malone, throws him into the corner, and connects with a Todigree!!

GP: Todigree??

JT: Yeah a parody of the Pedigree! Just edited..

Shallow: *Sounds upset* What's so edited about it...the name.

JT: Yes. How'd you know? Damn. Well anyway, Tod goes for the pin! But Malone kicks out at two and now Tod with a scoop slam he lifts Malone up AND GETS HIM IN THE TODDMISSION!!

GP: Toddmission?

JT: Yeah, it's a parody of the Tazmission, edited.

Shallow: Let me guess, the name is different is it's only change.

JT: Damn your smart Shallow.

GP: WAIT! MALONE IS IN THE CORNER!! TOD IS SIGNALLING FOR A HEAD HUMPING ON JOEY MALONE!!

JT: YESS HURRY UP TOD!!

Shallow: C'mon ref stop this!!

JT: YESS!!! Tod delivers a head hump to Joey Malone!! Look at him hump his head!! Malone has just been publicly head humped in front of millions!! Tod waves to the crowd but Daniel Phillips is right behind him with a chair shot!!

GP: And the ref didn't see it! He was checking up on Joey Malone!! Phillips turns around and he gets nailed with a clothesline from AWS Man!! He throws him over the top ropes and AWS Man follows!! Malone is up now and the ref see's Tod on the ground..the ref is shocked!

Shallow: Tod is now getting stomped on by my man Joey Malone!! Look at Malone stomp Shitzo Tod!!! Tod can't do a thing about it!! C'mon Tod!!!

GP: Malone lifts Tod up and throws him into the corner, Tod bounces off hard and Malone leaps with a clothesline at Shitzo Tod!!! Malone grabs Tod and throws him into the corner again and lifts his throat to his foot and is choking Tod! The ref starts the five count and he let's go at four. Malone chokes him again and once again let's him go at four!! Tod goes down and just about passes out!!

Shallow: Oh good! C'mon Malone don't goof around!

GP: Malone lifts him up, and a Inverted DDT!! Tod goes right down and Malone tags in his recuperated partner Daniel Phillips. Phillips comes in and immediately takes over where Malone left off. Phillips lifts Shitzo Tod up from the mat and sets him up for a powerbomb..AND HE CONNECTS!! Phillips going for the pin!! 1...2...no!!

JT: Phew! That was a close one!! Phillips get's up and starts to yell at the ref, Tod is starting to wake up!! Malone is yelling at Phillips to turn around, but Phillips doesn't here him! Tod get's up and see's Daniel Phillips yelling at the ref!!

Shallow: No c'mon Daniel turn around! Quickly!!

GP: OHHH!! And Shitzo Tod with a clothesline on Daniel Phillips, he starts wailing away with lefts and rights to the face of Daniel Phillips!!! The crowd is going nuts!! Tod get's up and tags in AWS Man who is full of energy! AWS Man get's in and him and Shitzo Tod double team Daniel Phillips, but here comes Joey Malone!! The ref is holding him back!! The ref won't let Joey Malone through!! Malone swings at the ref and connects and the ref goes down!! He comes in and double clotheslines Tod and AWS man from behind!!

JT: NOO!! C'mon damnit! Let's get another ref down here!!

Shallow: No! Ref's stay back there! It's too dangerous out here..

(Camera cut's to the back..where all the ref's are sitting around playing poker...)

Referee 1: Damnit! You won again Rex!!

Referee 2(Rex): Yes!! I rule, you suck!

GP: Umm..I don't think they are interested Shallow..

JT: Damnit what's wrong with those ref's!! They are back there playing poker and one of there friends is unconscious!

GP: Alright JT calm down!! Anyway..Malone and Phillips are taking care of Team Tampax..they grab Shitzo Tod and throw him into the corner they grab AWS Man and throw him into the corner as well! They grab a chair and put it up in AWS Man's face, Phillips runs and delivers a drop kick to AWS Man and Joey Malone comes from behind on Shitzo Tod and connects with a Bulldog!!

JT: NOO! This can't be!! The Winds of Change are gonna win!!!

Shallow: Yess!! Amazing! Oh Team Tampax is so good right JT?? AHHAHAHAHA!!

GP: Malone and Phillips are now in the ring celebrating thinking they haev won the titles. AWS Man get's up quick, DOUBLE CHEAP SHOT!! MALONE AND PHILLIPS GO DOWN!! AWS Man get's up..

JT: Yes yes yes yes!!

Shallow: Fuck you JT!

GP: Wait, AWS Man is goin for the 'Win the freakin matchifier'!!! He connects! But the ref is still out! Wait he comes Rex from the back!!! He slides in the ring!! He falls! 1..2..he stops counting!! He runs outside and grabs his glasses..

Refere #2: I forgot my glasses..sorry.

JT: OH COME ON!!

GP: Wait the ref is up!! 1...2...no!! Phillips get's up quickly!! AWS man grabs Phillips, throw's him into the corner..and a splash from AWS Man!!!

JT: This one is almost over!! I can tell!!

Shallow: And how is that??

JT: Ummm..I just can!!

Shallow: Idiot.

GP: Wait! AWS Man is goin up to the top again for the 'Win the freakin matchifier!' He connects!! He goe for the pin!! 1...2...NO!!! JOEY MALONE BREAKS IT UP!!

JT: NOOO!!

Shallow: Oh come on Winds of Change you can do it!!

GP: AWS Man tags in Shitzo Tod and he comes running in and knocks Malone out of the ring!! He goes over and immediately grabs Daniel Phillips, Phillips hit's him in the gut but Tod shakes it off..Tod grabs Phillips again, DDT! DDT!! THAT'S THE SETTUP!! He is callin for it!!

JT: THE POWERTOD!!!! YEAHH!!

Shallow: Get up Malone and help your partner! Get up get up!!

GP: He connects!! He connects with the Power Tod!!!!!!!! 1....2....3!!! TEAM TAMPAX WINS IT!! WOW WHAT A MATCH!!!

Ring Announcer: Here is your winners, and NEWWW IWO I/C tag champs, and still IWO tag Champs...TEAM TAAAAAAAAAAAAMPAAAAAAX!!!

Former IML President Nick Kostos vs. Evan Levine

JT: So what match is next?

GP: Evan Levine is...wait a minute...

Shallow: What?

GP: This match isn't on the card!

JT: Does that mean we can skip over it? I'm hungry.

Shallow: What match is next?

GP: I have word that it's Evan Levine versus Nick Kostos, the former IML President...

Shallow: Yeah, that defientely was NOT on the card that I read.

JT: Fans everywhere, give a round of applause for the stupendous booking of the IWO Executive Board!

Shallow: Like you could do better?

JT: Hell yeah!

GP: Whatever. Apparantly this last match has been added last minute folks, so...

*'I Am Your Boogie Man' by White Zombie starts blasting.*

GP: Looks like I'm too late!! Here comes Evan Levine!!

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first: Hailing from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania...weighing in at 249 pounds...Evan Levine!!!

Shallow: Levine is involved in a slew of matches tonight, managing all sorts of people from his stable.

JT: Yeah, but his opponent tonight is no easy victim!

GP: I wonder if Nick even knows how to wrestle...

Announcer: His opponent: Hailing from the IML offices in the IWO Headquarters, the former IWO Minor League President, Nick Kostos!!!

JT: Nick looks...prepared?

Shallow: Prepared is about as good a word as you can give him...

GP: I wouldn't be surprised if Nick has something up his sleeve though. He was very cunning during his career in the IML, he's probably got something in his bag of tricks.

Shallow: It better be something like a shovel or a trash can...

*the bell rings*

GP: And they're off! Nick is on the outside jabbering away at Evan. Evan's just begging for him to step in the ring...he can't wait to get his paws on Nick! Nick is motioning for Evan to step outside...apparantly Nick doesn't trust Evan.

Shallow: With good reason.

JT: You can't trust either of those bastards. I love it.

GP: Evan obliges to Nick and steps outside. Nick is now in the ring...Evan climbs to the ropes and Nick attacks him!! Nick punching away at Levine, trying to stun the superstar before he can get his feet through the apron! Levine is stunned...

Shallow: I'm impressed!

GP: ...and Nick brings grabs him by the neck and throws him into the ring through the middle rope. Nick goes right for a headlock, but Levine gets right to his feet and just completely shoves Nick off of him! Levine charges after Nick, DROP TOE HOLD! Nick just planted Levine, there's no way Evan could've expected that!

JT: Surprising wrestling prowess by the former IML Prez!

Shallow: So far he's in control of this match!

GP: Nick sits on top of Levine and puts him into a camel clutch! Nick is trying to weaken Levine with a series of good wrestling grapples before Evan can get a good feel for the match. Pressure being applied here...but he's too close to the ropes, and Evan uses them to break the hold. The ref backs Nick off, giving Evan a chance to get to his feet...Nick runs right after him, CLOTHESLINE and both men go over the top to the floor!!

Shallow: I'm surprised at how well Nick has faired thus far!!

GP: I think the world is! Evan is the first one to his feet though, and he stomps Nick down before the former IML Board member can get back up. Levine pulls Nick to his feet, sets him up for a suplex...BLOCKED! Levine tries again...BLOCKED AG...NO! Levine jabbed Nick in the ribs and pulls him up!! Standing there...holding Nick, letting the blood rush to his head...and down!! Nick landed with a 'thud' on the concrete!

JT: Levine has got him now, this match is as good as over!

GP: Levine stands up and brushes himself off...he grabs a fan's chair from over the guardrail...the fan is yelling at him...HE NAILED THE FAN WITH THE CHAIR!! THAT WAS TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR!!!

Shallow: Looks like Levine isn't trying to win anyone's heart over today.

GP: Nick is crawling to his feet, CHAIR SHOT TO THE BACK! Down goes Nick!! Levine throws the chair down on Nick's head...measures him up, legdrop onto the chair!! Nick has got to be out of it!!

Shallow: Levine is showing no mercy to Kostos!

JT: Here comes High Flyer and Scott Stone!!

Shallow: The Central Powers apparantly want to make sure things are running smoothly...this can't be good for Nick!!

GP: Flyer and Stone surround the ring while Levine throws Nick back into it...Nick is trying to get to his feet...Levine is right after him...NICK HITS HIM WITH A LOW BLOW!! Levine is down!! Cover by Nick!! 1...2kickout!!

JT: Even with the low blow, there wasn't much on that cover.

Shallow: Stone and Flyer have grabbed chairs now!!

GP: Nick whips Evan to the ropes, reversed, BASEBALL SLIDE ON STONE!! Nick saw the chair and just wiped Stone out with a surprise baseball slide!! Nick grabs the chair, Evan is rushing him and HE JUST GOT CLOBBERED WITH A CHAIR!! Here comes Flyer, he has his chair in the air, VAN DAMMINATOR BY NICK ON FLYER?!?!

Shallow: HOLY @#$@!! I CAN'T BELIEVE NICK JUST PULLED THAT OFF!

GP: Nick pulls Evan to his feet, jabs him in the ribs with that chair and baseball swings it to Evan's head!! Evan's on the ground again!! Nick is in total control right now...he lines up again on Levine's head but FLYER LOW BLOWS HIM USING THE OTHER CHAIR!

JT: Ugh...too many low blows.

Shallow: If Nick had hit that chair shot it could've been over for Levine's career!

GP: Levine gets up...pulls Nick up and throws him back into the ring...sets him up in the corner...charges and nails a forearm smash! Wow! Nick just falls flat on his face!! Cover by Levine!! 1...2...3no! Kickout! Close call!! Levine is arguing with the ref about a slow count...Nick is trying to get up behind his back...Stone grabs him and hits a jawbreaker over the top rope!

Shallow: Levine is pretty pathetic...its takin' 3 people to beat up the former president of the IML...he should be able to take Kostos on his own!!

GP: Well he's not...what can you do about it?!

JT: Nothing.

Shallow: Oh well.

GP: Nick looks pretty finished off...Levine is calling for the Concepetual Perfection! Levine picks Nick up but Nick jabs Levine in the ribs! He's fighting back! Nick whips Levine to the ropes backdrop NO!! DOUBLE UNDERHOOK FACESLAM BY LEVINE!!

JT: For you losers in TV land who don't know what that is, it's a pedigree.

GP: Levine goes for the cover again!! 1...2...no!! Kickout again!! Levine is really getting pissed! He pulls Nick up again...sets up for a samoan drop, but Nick squirms free...he holds onto Levine's neck and falls behind him..inverted DDT! A desperation move by Nick buys him some recovery time!!

Shallow: Nick has handeled himself really well in the ring. It's 3 on 1, but he's still holding his own!

JT: Can he really last against a wrestler the caliber of Levine though?

Shallow: I don't know...

GP: Nick is going to the top rope...what the hell is he doing up there?!?! Levine is starting to stir, here comes Stone!! Stone is on the apron, NICK BLOCKBUSTERS SCOTT STONE TO THE GROUND!! Nick is insane!! Nick is wobbily getting up, HIGH FLYER COMES OUT OF NOWHERE AND DECKS HIM WITH A CHAIR!!! LORD!!!

JT: The Powers are doing whatever it takes to take Nick down!! He can't possibly take this forever!!

Shallow: Stone is up on his feet...he picks Nick up...SUICIDAL TENDENCIES!!! Nick is out cold on the concrete!!

GP: Evan Levine is on the top rope and he's motioning for Flyer and Stone to do something...the two of them are picking him up over their heads...Flyer is holding Nick by his head, Stone by the feet...they've got him raise way up...Levine is on the top, no...NO..NO OH MY FRIGGEN GOD HE JUST SPLASHED DOWN ONTO NICK!! FLYER AND STONE LET GO OF NICK AS SOON AS LEVINE TOUCHED AND LEVINE JUST CRUSHED NICK DOWN WITH A SPLUT!! NICK IS OUT!! THAT'S IT!!

JT: Holy shit! That was crazy!!

Shallow: Damn right!!

GP: Levine rolls Nick back into the ring...he covers...1....2...Levine picks him up! What else can he do to Kostos? Levine pulls Nick up...SMALL PACKAGE!! 1...2...LEVINE KICKS OUT!! THAT WAS DAMN CLOSE!! Levine pulls himself up, Nick is also somehow trying to get up...Levine charges, Nick dodges, BACK SUPLEX BY NICK! Nick is trying to get up again...so is Levine...Nick using the ropes to his advantage, HIGH FLYER TRIES TO DECKS HIM WITH A CHAIR BUT MISSES!!! ROCK BOTTOM!!! NICK HAS LEVINE!!!! 1.............2.........NO!!! Stone just pulled The Ref out of the ring...OH!! He nailes him....CP now jump into the ring and are destroying Nick!!! WAIT THE REF IS UP THERES THE BELL!!!
*bell rings*

Announcer: Here is your winner!! By DQ.....Nick Kostos!!!

*'I Am Your Boogie Man' by White Zombie plays as the CP celebrate by beating the hell out of Nick.*

GP: The Powers are taking out this frustrating match on Nick now! Sore winners!!

JT: Nick put on a f@#$ing awesome match considering he's not really a pro wrestler!!

Shallow: Yeah, but now he's getting triple teamed and he's already out cold!!

*'Judgement Day' by Method Man starts to play*

JT: What the @#$#?? Who's music is that?!?!

*strobe lights start going nuts all over the arena as someone runs down to the ring.*

GP: Who is that?!?! I can't tell who it is?!?!

Shallow: There's some kind of commotion in the ring!!

*the strobe lights stop. The man is gone. On the IWOtron is says 'Judgement Day is coming...*

JT: Is this some kind of cheap Undertaker remake?!

Shallow: What the hell just happened?!!? Levine, Stone, Nick and Flyer are all out cold in the ring!!

GP: I have no idea...

*the FTD Promo plays while the ring gets cleared of the big mess.*

North American Championship Matchup
Chris Davidson -c- vs. Aaron Kain vs. Rob Riot vs. Scott Stone vs. Wesley Sanders vs. LiGiL

GP: Get ready… FOR THE NORTH AMERICAN TITLE MATCH!

JT: How can you be so energetic?

Shallow: Yeah, I'm tired as hell…

JT: Hell is tired?

Shallow: Nevermind!

GP: This is a big matchup for the NA title. 6 men will be in that ring at the same time. All fighting for one belt.

{Aaron Kain's music starts up, and the crowd gives a mixed reaction. Kain enters through the curtain, then walks down the ramp.}

GP: Here comes Aaron Kain.

JT: I haven't seen a promo from him in a while.

Shallow: I haven't seen a promo from most of this men in this match!

GP: Yeah, people ned to cut more promos. I really don't want to have to see mongolian poop sex 24/7/

Shallow + JT: EWWWWWW

{Aaron Kan enters the ring and does some Aaron Kain stuff.}

GP: NEXT!

{Chris Davidson's music starts up as the crowd cheers. Chris Davidson floats down into the ring. And just sits in the corner. The Rob Riot's music starts as the crowd pops. Riot runs into the ring. Whoopdiedoo!}

JT: I'm hungry.

{Wesley Sanders music hits and the crowd boos. Sanders comes out with his hoe detector. He turns it on, and detects a hose (the kind you use do pump water.) He enters the ring with the hose and starts being nasty with the hose.}

GP: Man, this is going to be long…

JT: SHIT!

Shallow: Man, I've gotta rest my eyes…

{The Central Powers theme starts and the crowd boos. Finally, LiGiL and Scott Stone walk down to the ring.}

JT: Guys, I can't do this!

Shallow: Yeah, I have to take a nap if want to announce 2 more matches!

GP: Fine!

{GP JT, and Shallow all leave to take a nap.}

***DING DING DING DIN***

{What? Oh… You want ME to announce? NO fucking way! Now… Go AWAY!}



{Oh.. Fine! I'll get you an announcer!}

:-)

{Prof IQ comes down to announce because he'll get paid allot of money to do so…}

IQ: Ahh… Allot of stuff is taking place. Everyone is brawling inside the ring. Chris Davidson is meditating, though. Aaron Kain is getting beat up on by LiGiL and Scott Stone. Wesley Sanders is having sex with a garden hose. Rob Riot is now beating away on LiGiL. But… Wait a second! It's the Pillsburry Dowboy! 3 minuts into the match!

{The PDB runs down into he ring. He starts to fight with Chris Davidson.}

IQ: Final giggle! Final Giggle to Chris Davidson! AHH! Wesley Sanders is trying to eat the dowboy!

PDB: Heehee!

IQ: This is mad! And… Oh no… Plandeux!

Plandeux: IQ! You must stop showing Ron Kestler how to defeat me! He will never win!

IQ: Go away you ninny!

Plandeux: I am no NINNY!

Japanese Child: (badly re-dubbed) ohnoit'splanduexwillryuujinsaveus?

IQ: Now Plandeux is trying to win the match! He pinned the PDB! But wait! The PDB is fighting back! But wait! Scott Stone with some cool move on Rob Riot! 1… 2… 3!!!!! Scott Stone has won the…

{Who let My Dick out starts to play as My Dick enters.}

My Dick: Since Tom and Evan are gone… This is MY Card! MWAHAHA! And I say… Scott Stone! You can't have that title! You didn't cut a good enough promo for My Dick's card! I strip you of the North American Title.. There will be a 12 man tourney for it on another one of MY cards! MWAHAHA! Have a great day, and starts sucking up.. To My Dick!

IQ: Wow…

{JT, GP, and Shallow come back form sleeping.}

JT: Wow, what a great nap.

GP: I feel excellent!

Shallow: I still feel like crap, you guys suck!

IQ: Bye!

(Shallow and IQ leave, as Nikki joins the broadcast team.)

JT:Nikki! Stop by to give me head I see... well... procede...

(JT begins to unzip his pants, however Nikki catches him low with a kick. Greg Parker goes on, unnoticed.)

GP: Guys......this one could be the showstopper.

Nikki: I don't think I'm ready for this....

(JT gets up, realizing blood is about to come.)

JT: WELL I AM!! BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!

GP: JT's right...there will be lots of blood shed. Nikki, JT....we've seen lots of Extreme Title Matches...but nothing like this should be.

Nikki: Trick or Treat II....the ante has been upped for this year. You must win three out five matches as opposed to last year's two out of three.

JT: Samuel Potright, Lunatic Pandora, whatever you want to call him, he has the definite advantage tonight. HIT may have been a world title contender, but despite his name, he hasn't been in any hardcore matches, while Potright's been fighting the best.

GP: Yeah, but remember, HIT won May Mayhem II. He survived over 40 competitors. And that is what this match will be.Survival. Let's go up to Meygon...

Meygon: This contest is for the IWO Extreme Title.......It is the Trick or Treat II Match!



Meygon: INTRODUCING FIRST.........

<'I'm Gonna Kick Yo' Ass' by the HIT plays as the HardCore Isosceles Trapezoid is walking outside the building to a giant structure covered in a cloth.>

Meygon: From Salt Lake City, Utah.......the co-winner of May Mayhem II....The Sultan of Sides.....the Archbishop of Angles......he is the challenger.......THE HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID!



Meygon: AND.........HIS OPPONENT.....

<'Born of a Broken Man' by Rage Against the Machine plays as Beth Potright leads her husband Sam to the structure.>

Meygon: From Salem, Massachusetts......the IWO's current schitzoprhenic....HE IS THE REIGNING IWO EXTREME CHAMPION......Accompanied by Beth Potright.....SAMUEL POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTRIGHT!



JT: Chutes!

Nikki: And ladders!

GP: And tables!

All: OH MY!

Trick or Treat II Match
Fall 1:
Chutes, Ladders, and Tables:
Match takes place in a giant playplace type environment fifty feet high. The netting surrounding it is wrapped in razorwire. The ball pits are filled with thumbtacks instead of balls. Other weapons are
throughout the place. Tables of various types are strewn throughout the playplace.Both men start at
the top in different holes, and to win, you must fight your way down to the bottom and out to escape.

GP: We haven't seen this since the NWF days! A Chutes, Ladders, and Tables match! Both men being airlifted to the top of this structure by helicopters. The HIT is up top, and poised to enter through his hole. Potright now lands...and he's getting ready to climb in....and Jesus God here we
go....

Nikki: Both men now descending into the structure....there's a long straightaway on this first level...Potright and HIT hit, and they charge one another! They open up on one another with right hands, Potright chops the HIT! Trapezoid responds with a chop of his own! Both men slugging away, wait, Potright catches HIT and Irish whips him to the razorwire netting! He leans over and blows his wife a kiss! How touching!

JT: Yeah yeah yeah, I want blood! And yes! We have blood! The Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid's already bleeding 25 seconds into the match! That doesn't slow him down though, as he comes back and kicks Potright in the stomach, he sets him up for a piledriver, no, Potright tries to backdrop him,
but HIT lands on his feet, and hooks Potright, back suplex... AND BOTH MEN FALL THROUGH THE FLOOR!

GP: Potright and Trappy just fell about six feet into a new level of this place! They are now in a circular room with three ladders descending down. Trapezoid throws a kick at Potrgith, but he catches it, Ocean Cyclone Suplex! Streaks of blue are starting to show in Potright's hair, and it looks
like Lunatic Pandora is going to take this fight over!

Nikki: Pandora goes over and grabs a chair he found over in the corner, and he sets it up on the ground...HIT swings at him, but Pandora floats over....floatover DDT on the steel chair! Pandora now grabs the chair, HIT back to his feet.....AND LUNATIC PANDORA DESTROYS HIM
WITH A CHAIRSHOT! ANOTHER! ANOTHER! PANDORA CHAIRSHOTTING HIT REPEATEDLY IN THE HEAD!

JT: Pandora now going to leisurely walk down a ladder..and at the bottom is... a pit of thumbtacks! Pandora now trying to climb back up... wait! HIT runs over! He dives down the hole head first! He grabs Pandora....SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB INTO THE THUMBTACK PIT! Pandora and
Trapezoid are exchanging rights and lefts waist-high in thumbtacks! Pandora throws a handful of tacks into Trapezoid's face...

GP: Ultimate Temptation!! (Inverted FalconArrow) Lunatic Pandora takes the HIT face first into the tacks! He's now scooping as many as he can onto HIT before he exits this pit via a ladder.. HIT is back up! HE CHARGES!!! TWISTING CORKSCREW THUMBTACK PLANCHA AND BOTH MEN ARE COVERED IN TACKS! HIT bleeding from his forehead, and he appears to have opened up a cut on his right hand.

Nikki: Pandora still not busted open yet, no wait, he's bleeding now from a hellacious chairshot by the HIT! Trapezoid sets the chair down, he could be looking for his Parallel Bases move here...He has the gutwrench, up goes Pandora, but he counters to a hurricanrana on the chair! Lunatic
Pandora back in control.... He sets up the HIT for what appears to be a powerslam..but no,
the HIT counters! He has Potright in a reverse facelock..

JT: AND HIT ROLLS THE DICE! Pandora's head bounces off the chair! HIT may beat the multiple personality disorder right out him!HIT nails a somersault senton on the prone Pandora, and he's found a broken piece of table! He Irish whips Pandora...no, Pandora reverses it! HIT STUCK IN THE BARBED WIRE NETTING! Pandora picks up the piece of table.....WHACK! HE NAILS TRAPEZOID BETWEEN THE EYES!

GP: PANDORA HAULS BACK AGAIN! ANOTHER SHOT! HE REARS BACK FOR NUMBER THREE.... BUT TRAPEZOID GETS A LEG FREE AND KICKS IT RIGHT BACK IN HIS FACE! The streaks in Pandora's hair have faded, and now we have Potright trying to
climb back to his feet! HIT grabs him from behind, Rude Awakening neckbreaker by the Trapezoid!

Nikki: Potright is trying to roll away from the Trapezoid....he's found a chute which he backs up against...TRAPEZOID CHARGES WITH A SPEAR! BUT POTRIGHT JUMPS OVER HIM!! HIT HURTLES HEADFIRST DOWN THE CHUTE....AND RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE AT THE END! Potright slowly and cautiously goes down the slide and lands next to Trapezoid, trying to figure out what to do now.

JT: Potright observing the scene.. and he's found a regulation style metal ladder! No rope ladder crap now! He sets the thing up against a wall...HIT charges again....POWERSLAM INTO THE STEEL BY POTRIGHT! Potright now sets the ladder up vertically, and starts to climb. He's almost
up top...HIT JUST DROPKICKED THE LADDER! POTRIGHT CRASHES THROUGH THE
BARBED WIRE NETTING AND IS HANGING OUT OF THE STRUCTURE CLINGING TO THAT LADDER! He's going to take the first fall!

Nikki: How do you figure that?!

JT: Once he falls, he'll be out of the structure!

GP: BUT IT'S A 40 FOOT FALL FROM THERE!

JT: Oh well!

GP: Potright is holding on to that ladder desperately!HIT grabs the end of it and pulls it back in the structure. He must have heard JT! The HardCore Isosceles Trapezoid grabs Potright in a double
underhook.. PEDIGREE ON THE STEEL LADDER! Trapezoid now crawling through a long
tube...and he comes out in a new room! This room has one of those zipline thingies over a pyramid of three tables!

Nikki: HIT grabs it and glides over easily, and then throws it back to the other side. Potright now grabs it and slides... AND THE HIT JUMPS AND SPEARS HIM THROUGH THAT PYRAMID OF TABLES! BOTH MEN HIT HARD! THE FLOOR IS OPENING UP! BOTH MEN FALL THROUGH ANOTHER TRAPDOOR! AND THEY LAND.... In a pile of pillows?!

JT: PILLOW FIGHT!!! Potright nails HIT with a pillow shot! HIT responds in kind! Potright grabs two pillows......CONCHAIRTO WITH THE PILLOWS! HIT GOES DOWN LIKE A TON OF BRICKS! Potright smiles and reveals the two chairs inside! The blue streaks are coming back, so I guess Pandora is back! Pandora delivers a sledgehammer blow to HIT's back.

GP: Pandora rolls off the pile of pillows, and he's found a Coalminer's glove! He sneaks up behind HIT.......LOW BLOW WITH THE COALMINER'S GLOVE! NO CHILDREN FOR TRAPPY ANYTIME SOON! Lunatic Pandora lifts The Trapezoid up in the air.... THE PANDORA SYNDROME! Pandora dropped the Trapezoid on his head with his patented brainbuster!

Nikki: Lunatic Pandora now picks Trapezoid up, he throws a kick to the gut, but Trappy catches it! He spins Pandora around! Single underhook! Double underhook! TIGER DRIVER '91! PANDORA GOT DROPPED ON HIS HEAD AS WELL!! The blue streaks leave now, just as quickly as they came!Beth looks concerned outside this thing as her husband lies inside, taking
the measure of the challenger!

JT: HIT picks Potright up! RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEXES THE EX-SHRIMP INTO
THE BARBED WIRE NETTING! The HardCore Isosceles Trapezoid steps back, waiting on
Potright....who gets up....118 DEGREE SUPERKICK!! AND HIT CAUGHT HIM WITH
EVERY SINGLE DEGREE OF THAT OBTUSE ANGLED KICK TO THE HEAD! What a guy!

GP: They are now at the edge of a precipice...looks to be about eight feet. Trapezoid stuns Potright with a right, he jumps up, hurricanran- no! HIT couldn't rotate Potright over! HIT's head is hanging
down! Potright slashes his throat! NO! NO!! HE'LL KILL HIM IF IT HITS!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nikki: Oh my God.........Samuel Potright just Ganso Bombed the HardCore Isosceles Trapezoid off of that platform down onto the floor below...that may be padded...but it's still a guy's head crashing down from eight feet in the air.. Both Potright and Trapezoid are lying there nearly unconsious......we
have IWO announcer 'Big' Scott Weber down on the floorto get a word with Potright's wife Beth. Scott?

'Big' Scott Weber: Thank you Nikki. I'm here with Beth Potright. How are you right now?



Beth: How do you think I feel? How would you feel if it was your spouse up in that playplace of death fighting a guy who thinks he'sa GEOMETRIC SHAPE, Scott?

'Big' Scott Weber: Well be that as it may...there is still much more of this match to go..



Beth: No. That's where you're wrong. This match is going to end now, before someone gets permanently injured.

'Big' Scott Weber: I'm sorry, I cannot allow you to-

JT: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! SHE JUST KICKED SCOTT IN THE WEBERS! She's walking
over to our technical area, SHE HAS A PAIR OF BOLT CUTTERS!She's cutting away at
that razorwire netting... IWO Security is coming over there to stop her......BUT SHE WHACKS A GUARD IN THE KNEE WITH THE BOLT CUTTERS! BETH POTRIGHT HAS GONE INSANE!

GP: The barbed wire netting has fallen down! Nothing now seperates the combatants from a fall! Beth has accidentally raised the danger level up a notch! Now she's going over to the side...SHE HAS AN AIR BAG! SHE PLACES IT AT THE SIDE OF THE STRUCTURE!

Beth: Jump out! End this crazy thing!

GP: Oh my God.....his hair's blue again.......

Lunatic Pandora: Destroying the dreams of men.......watching the angels fly....only to be dropped into an everlasting gloom...

Nikki: Pandora stomps HIT! Pandora has no desire to leave this thing! He wants to punish HIT! Trapezoid is trying desperately to crawl off the edge, as he wants to win! But Pandora seems more intent on injuring the Trapezoid! He pulls HIT back from the edge, Tiger Suplex from Pandora! Lunatic Pandora now sets HIT up... but HIT manages to counter, and take down Potright, Liontamer locked on by the HIT!

JT: Pandora trying to fight the Tamer....AND HE BREAKS IT WITH HIS AWESOME
LEG STRENGTH! PANDORA SENT HIT HURTLING DOWN ANOTHER CHUTE! Pandora
slides down...BUT HIT IS THERE! HE CATCHES HIM BY THE LEGS AND RE-APPLIES THE LIONTAMER! This is great strategy by HIT! If he can stop Pandora's movement it will hamper him not only for this fall, but for there mainder of the match!

GP: For once JT actually makes a good point! But again Pandora is able to break the Liontamer! HIT and Pandora both back up,Pandora drills HIT down with a DDT! Pandora now ascending a vinyl mountain.....Moonsault press on Trapezoid! Pandora smiling evily. All he has to do to win is jump! BUT HE WANTS TO HURT HIT! DAMNIT ALL TO HELL!

Nikki: PANDORA SIGNALS FOR THE END! BUT HIT JUST GRABBED A PICTURE OF
MATHEMATICIAN RENE DESCARTES! HE DIVES AND SHATTERS THE DAMNED THING OVER PANDORA'S SKULL!!!! THE HIT IS KNEELING BY THE SIDE OF
THE DOWNED LUNATIC PANDORA! HE'S GOING TO TALK!!!

HardCore Isosceles Trapezoid: THE POWER OF THE TRAPEZOID COMPELS YOU!



JT: OH MY GOD!!! A SPIRIT IS RISING UP FROM POTRIGHT'S BODY! THE HIT
HAS EXORCISED LUNATIC PANDORA FROM SAM POTRIGHT! POTRIGHT GETS UP!!! WAR WITHIN A BREATH ON LUNATIC PANDORA! LUNATIC PANDORA IS
DISENTEGRATING SAMUEL POTRIGHT HAS...Oh man...that must have been some bad crack Isnorted today...



GP: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Anyway, Potright does look to be back to normal! He's going to jump! BUT HE CAN'T! WHILE JT WAS BEING A CRACKHEAD, THE IWO CREW GOT THE BARBED WIRE NETTING BACK UP AROUND THE PERIMETER! THE ONLY ESCAPE IS OUT THE BOTTOM! Potright and Trapezoid are already exhausted...but they have more matches to go ever after this one is finished!

Nikki: Potright beales HIT down another level in this place! They are down to only about 20 feet above the ground, but they still have a ways to go! Potright jumps off the ledge! Frog Splash on the
Trapezoid. Potright now hooks HIT in a front facelock, Twist of Fate... no, HIT doesn't rotate,
and he locks Potright in a full nelson...Dragon Suplex on Potright!

JT: Potright in trouble now....it's been a while since we've seen a table, and HIT has found one of the glass variety! He sets the table up, and he lays Potright out on the table, but Samuel's back on his
feet, HIT climbs up on the table! Potright with a low blow! X-FACTOR BY POTRIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE! Shards of glass sticking into the flesh of both men!

GP: HIT slowly crawling to his feet.... Potright starts to punch away with solid left hands, but Trapezoid manages to catch the arm, and pulls him in, rolling fireman's carry by the HardCore Isosceles Trapezoid! Potright up relatively quickly though, and he lifts HIT up onto his shoulders in
inverse rack position....he reaches another hole...he smiles,charges....

Nikki: AND POTRIGHT NAILS HIT WITH A SOMERSAULT FIREMAN'S CARRY! Both
men now on the ground writhing in pain! But they are on the second to last level! They have almost managed to escape the funhouse of death! So close, but yet so far! Potright now starting to stagger down the corridor...HIT has a roll of dimes...he rears back! AND THE ROLL SHATTERS OVER
SAM POTRIGHT'S HEAD!



Beth: Come on Sam! Get up! Please get up!

Referee: Beth! This is too dangerous! Get out of here!

Beth: MY HUSBAND IS IN THAT DAMNED THING!

JT: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! BETH KICKS HIM IN THE NUTS AS WELL!!! Beth now
tying the door open with some rope, so now if they can get down there all they have to do is crawl! They are one chute away and a long straightaway away from being out of it! But the problem is that straightaway is basically a swimming pool, with foam floaty toys on it! WHAT A LAME WAY TO
END THE MATCH!!

GP: Not really JT! If they fall in that chlorinated water will play hell with their wounds! Both men now slide down the waterslide! They land on an inflated alligator! Both men exchanging blows on an
alligator! Potright reaches into the water and nails HIT with a Funoodle! HIT GOES FLYING
INTO THE WATER! The water immediately turns blood red! This has been a war!

Nikki: HIT pulls Potright into the water with him! HIT tears at Potright's shirt, and fires off with a chop! Hmmm......he's not bad at all.......

GP: He's taken Nikki. Why don't you go out with JT?



GP: Or not....

JT: HIT picks Potright up...Powerbomb on a inflatable shark! HIT now jumps on an inflatable raft and starts paddling down the route! Sam Potright now paddling the inflatable shark... HIT reaches the end! The door is mere feet ahead! HIT LUNGES FOR THE DOOR! HE'S HALFWAY OUT!
WAIT!! POTRIGHT IS OUT AND GRABS HIT'S LEG! HE CAN'T GET OUT!!

GP: Beth Potright has a chair! MY GOD SHE CRACKS THE TRAPEZOID RIGHT IN
THE HEAD WITH IT! HIT FALLS DOWN LIMP! She now is trying to physically pull
her husband out of the cage! But HIT has an ankle of Potright in his hand. The Trapezoid and Beth Potright playing a game of tug of war! HIT YANKS BACK! THE FORCE SENT BETH CAREENING INTO THE BARBED WIRE NET!

Nikki: POTRIGHT IS LIVID!! HE TACKLES HIT DOWN AND STARTS PUMMELING HIM
WITH LEFT AND RIGHT HANDS! Potright whips HIT into the barbed wire! Again!
AND A THIRD ONE BREAKS THE NET! THE HIT IS FALLING OUTSIDE! BUT POTRIGHT GRABS HIM! FULL NELSON SLAMS HIM BACK INSIDE! NOW POTRIGHT
MARCHING TOWARDS THE DOOR!

JT: Potright is headed out...HIT GRABS HIM BY THE HAIR! Falling reverse DDT by the Trapezoid! HIT crawls over the downed Potright....HE'S OUT! BOTH FEET HIT THE FLOOR! THE HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID HAS TAKEN FALL NUMBER ONE!

Meygon: YOUR WINNER OF THE CHUTES, LADDERS, AND TABLES MATCH...THE
HARDCORE........ISOSCELES..........TTTTTTRAPEZOID! He is up one fall to zero!
The next fall will start as soon as both men can get to the next venue!

GP: What a first fall! HIT takes it!

JT: Yeah, but Potright cost himself that fall when he went after HIT after Beth went into the barbed wire.

Nikki: He was trying to get revenge on behalf of his wife!

GP: Maybe, but it's not like HIT was trying to put her into that net! Beth interjected herself into the matchup. And in a match like this, that's tantamount to suicide..especially for a non-wrestler!

Nikki: Wow....and we're not even close to finished yet.....Sam Potright is carrying Beth in his arms, and the HIT is walking,speaking to his barbed wire ruler as he heads towards what looks to be a
battlefield...

Meygon: Fall 2 will be an UNCIVIL WAR MATCH!

GP: A what?

JT: Please have blood! Please have blood!

UnCivil War
Match takes place in a battlefield type environment.Low power mines are buried in the dirt every so often. There are rolls of barbed wire and barbed wire wrapped objects meant to impede progress. Old (unloaded) guns and knives also litter the battlefield, along with old helmets,backpacks, etc.
Both men start at opposite ends. To win, you must get to your opponent's side of the battlefield and capture his flag.

GP: My God..... the odds of this thing getting more violent have just increased...



Beth Potright: Please stop....it's not worth it....

Sam Potright: Yes it is Beth. I have to do this. That geometric shape and I have been fighting for a month. WE HAVE TO SETTLE THIS. If you don't want to watch, just look away....please....just look away...



GP: Both of these guys are bleeding profusely from their foreheads, but other than that, no major damage early, which is good for both men...but based on the rules for this, that should change in a hurry.BOTH MEN GO OVER THE TOP OF THEIR TRENCHES! POTRIGHT AND HIT CHARGE EACH OTHER!POTRIGHT LEAVES HIS FEET! SPEARS HIT.........

Nikki: Right onto a mine! HIT's back absorbed the explosion, and Samuel Potright is now opening up with rights and lefts tothe head of the Trapezoid. Potright picks up HIT, Michinoku Drivers
him down hard onto the cold earth! Potright taking some barbed wire and wraps it around his
fist.....he goes for a fistdrop.....but he misses! The barbed wire drives into Samuel's right hand!

JT: Trapezoid has some barbed wire of his own.....he wraps it around Sam's throat! HE THROWS HIM OVER HIS SHOULDER! HIT HAS POTRIGHT IN A HANGMAN! POTRIGHT KICKING AND FIGHTING WITH ALL HE HAS, BUT IT IS INEFFECTIVE! HIT is
choking out Samuel Potright with a strand of barbed wire...THE BARBED WIRE BROKE! Potright falls to the ground....AND ON ANOTHER MINE!

GP: Potright being destroyed in the early going of the second fall... but he manages to get back to his feet and start crawling towards HIT's flag. HIT follows....POTRIGHT THROWS A BARBED WIRE WRAPPED WOODEN THINGY INTO HIT'S HEAD! Potright now ramming HIT's head into it repeatedly! Potright setting the object down and stomping away!

Nikki: Samuel Potright grabs Trapezoid in a front face lock..... WAR WITHIN A BREATH! POTRIGHT TOOK TRAPPY HEADFIRST TO THE BARBED WIRE WITH THAT IMPLANT
EVENFLOW DDT! Sam Potright now crawling over to the flag.. he is ascending the barricade.....WAIT! THE HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID IS CHARGING POTRIGHT!

JT: Potright mere inches from that flag....but HIT pulls him back! He gets a double leg takedown on Potright...flips him over, up......VERTICAL ANGLES (Wheelbarrow Powerbomb)! Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid is now trying to drag Potright back over to his flag so he can retrieve it.
But Potright will have none of it! Potright grabs HIT's leg, dragon screw legwhip! And he takes the
move into a Texas Cloverleaf!

GP: Potright rearing back, torquing HIT's back for all it's worth with the Cloverleaf! Trapezoid reaches out and grabs a pith helmet! He nails Potright with it breaking the hold! Jeez, that thing looks like it's been around since World War II! HIT sets it down on the ground. He doubles Potright over,
LEAPING PILEDRIVER BY THE HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID SENDS POTRIGHT DOWN!!! WHAT THE?! OH MY GOD!!!

Nikki: THE HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID JUST GOT SHOT! HE TOOK ABOUT 12 BBs TO HIS CHEST AND TORSO AREA! HIT DROPS TO THE GROUND! HE'S IN DIRE STRAITS! BY GOD, IT WITH BETH POTRIGHT WHO SHOT HIM! HIT trying
to shake the effects off......he's back to his feet...Beth taking aim.......she fires once...

JT: MOTHER OF GOD SHE HIT HER HUSBAND IN THE FACE WITH A BB!! HIT GRABS
POTRIGHT FROM BEHIND AND GIVES HIM A FACEBUSTER ON THE PITH HELMET! The Trapezoid turns towards Beth! He's absolutely shocked!Beth is apologizing profusely......this match must be getting to her. Potright is back to his feet! HE NAILS HIT WITH A DIVING PITH HELMET SHOT TO THE BACK OF THE SKULL!

GP: And Sam Potright picks up a container, AND HE CHUCKS IT AT HIT! HIT dodges...the container split open on a rock! AND A GREENISH GAS STARTS SPREADING ALL OVER THE PLACE! WHAT IDIOT PUT A FULL CONTAINER OF CHLORINE GAS HERE?! Potright and HIT quickly find and put on gas masks, as has Beth! Jesus God its the Battle of Ypres out here!

Nikki: Potright kicks HIT in the stomach, swinging neckbreaker by Potright! AND WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!



GP: HOLY GOD! THAT'S A GERMAN BOMBER! THAT THING'S FROM THE DAYS OF THE LUFTWAFFE!! IT OPENS ITS BOMB BAY!!!!! PLASTIC EXPLOSIVES COME FLYING OUT OF THE DAMN BOMB BAY!!! THEY'RE GOING TO HIT!! BOTH MEN
CHARGING FOR THEIR RESPECTIVE TRENCHES!! BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! MY LORD,THE BATTLEFIELD HAS BEEN RAZED!

Nikki: They both emerge though! They charge back into no man's land! FIREWORKS NOW GOING OFF ABOVE THEM!

JT: And the rocket's red glare......the bombs bursting in air......gave proof.......through the night...........THAT THE BLOOD WAS STILL THERE!! AHHAHAHAHHAA!!

Nikki: You're sick! Potright now charges HIT, HIT DELIVERS A SPINEBUSTER ONTO
A MINE! SPINEBUSTER ON A MINE! HIT NOW CLIMBING UP ON TOP OF A PILLBOX! He could be looking for his signature move! He points to his elbow and shows his parallel bases! HERE HE GOES! THE TRAPEZOID JUMPS FROM THE SEVEN FOOT
PILLBOX!!

JT: ONE HALF BASE ONE PLUS BASE TWO TIMES HEIGHT!!! TIMES HEIGHT!! THE
ELBOW FROM SEVEN FEET IN THE AIR, AND IF HIT'S HEAD IS A HALF FOOT LONG, AND HIS LEGS ARE TWO AND A HALF FEET APART, THE AREA OF THAT ELBOWDROP WAS 10.5 SQUARE UNITS! WHAT A MOVE BY THE TRAPEZOID! THAT
SHOULD BE ALL!

GP: Both men lying on the cold earth. They are giving it everything they have! They are fighting for the IWO Extreme Title!They are fighting to prove who the better man is! They fight for personal pride, but first and foremost, they are fighting to survive this thing! HIT making a move towards
Potright's flag, crawling slowly towards it inch by inch by inch.....almost to Potright's flag... closer...
closer... WHAT THE HELL?!!

(A high heel shoe bounces off of HIT's skull. He rubs the wound with his hand.)

JT: GEEZ, IT'S BETH POTRIGHT AGAIN!!

GP: She has ONE SHOE ON, and she's screaming at HIT! This woman truly is crazy! Just like her husband!

JT: Now I see why they're attracted to each other.

GP: HIT is getting to his feet, and he's RIGHTFULLY PISSED! HIT is going after the female Potright, and she's hauling ass!

JT: Yeah baby, shake that booty!

Nikki: You chauvinistic pig.

GP: Children, children... HIT has forgotten about the flag, and maybe that's what her plan was! She has once again saved Sam Potright from a loss!

JT: I think I know who wears the pants in this family!

Nikki: I know who wears the pants at this announce table, and it sure isn't a man!

JT: How can you be totally sure?

*SMACK!*

JT: OWOWOWOWOWOW!!!

GP: Well, Beth Potright hops over a hill... AND THE HILL BLOWS UP IN HIT'S FACE!!! IT WAS A LAND MINE!!!

JT: That must've hurt like my cheek!

GP: You idiot.

JT: Shut up.

GP: Make me. HIT is laying down... and Sam Potright is nowhere to be seen. Hold on... there he is! Crawling along the ground like a grunt!

JT: *Grunt*

GP: Not that grunt, you moron. Did Nikki's slap shake something out of your head?

JT: *Grunt*

GP: Forget it... well, Potright is crawling along the ground slowly... he's been through hell.

JT: *Grunt*... War is hell! WOO-HOO!!

Nikki: I liked him better when he grunted.

GP: Potright is now just starting to get to his feet... he sees HIT sprawled on the ground... he covers!

JT: THAT MORON! THERE AREN'T ANY PINS IN THIS THING!!

GP: Well, if there were pins... Potright'd have taken this match a couple times. HIT KICKS OUT!!

JT: Kicks out of WHAT?

Nikki: Yeah, what?

GP: Well, he did kick out of the pin.

JT: So? THE PIN DOESN'T COUNT!!

GP: I have to call it! HIT getting to his feet! HIT IS BACK ON HIS FEET!!! HE AND POTRIGHT ARE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH OFFENSIVE MOVES!!! POTRIGHT SETS HIM UP, AND GOES FOR A... POWERBOMB INTO A FACE CRUSHER!!!POTRIGHT GRABS HIM AGAIN... DOMINATOR!!!

JT: HIT is slowly losing the advantage...

Nikki: SLOWLY?!! He's completely bruised and beaten at the feet of Sam Potright! Potright picks up HIT... he's looking around for something to use on HIT... he sees a backpack! Potright opens it up... there's a canteen in there, along with a map and stuff!

JT: Well, there's a portable oven in there as well... Potright also pulls out some gloves. HIT with an elbow to the gut, Potright drops the gloves! HIT with another elbow to the gut, he HITS A FAMEASSER ON THE GROUND!!! HE ROLLS POTRIGHT OVER FOR A COVER!!! Can...
do these guys have brain damage or something?

GP: I wouldn't be surprised. HIT getting the advantage back... he smacks Potright with the canteen! Hold on... HIT grabs the canteen again, shakes it....there's water in there! He sees the portable oven... he turns it on to full temp! He puts the canteen on the oven! This could get ugly...

JT: Ugly's not the word for it. Try... FUN!!! HIT now returns to Potright, and pulls him up by the hair... DOUBLE UNDERHOOK PILEDRIVER!! He's laying the boots onto the fallen champ... HIT grabs Potright and tosses him into some barbed wire!

Nikki: OW!!! Potright must be hurting again! HIT picks up a barbed-wire helmet... HE'S RUNNING IT AGAINST POTRIGHT'S SKULL!! DISGUSTING!!

JT: It's not disgusting... it's fun!

Nikki: Just like watching a car accident or something... this is horrible. HIT is running a HELMET
on A HUMAN SKULL! He tosses it away... now he's going back towards the canteen... what the?

GP: Where's the canteen?

JT: More importantly, where's... OH MAN, THAT'LL HURT!!!! BETH POTRIGHT PUT ON THE GLOVES AND TOSSED HOT WATER IN THE FACE OF HIT!!! HIT IS BLINDED!!!SHE'S PULLING HER HUSBAND FROM THE BARBED WIRE!!

Nikki: Good thing she had those gloves on.

JT: She's not as dumb as you, Nikki.

*SLAP!*

JT: GEEEEEEZ! It's the truth, ain't it?

*SLAP!*

JT: I think I'll shut up now.

GP: Well, Potright is free from the barbed wire... he's crawling around... HE HAS THAT PORTABLE OVEN!!! HE'S GOT A PORTABLE OVEN, AND HE'S.... OW OW OW OW OW!!!! HE'S PRESSING THAT OVEN LIKE A BRANDING IRON ON THE CHEST OF HARDCORE IPOSCELES TRAPEZOID!!!!

JT: But HIT lands a low blow! AND THE OVEN DROPS ON HIS CHEST!!! AHHHH!! THAT'LL LEAVE RINGS ON HIS CHEST FOR WEEKS!!! HIT quickly pulls it off... he does not look happy. Beth Potright is smartly staying away... but can she run off? She has such a nice ass.

*SLAP!*

JT: I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT YOU, GREG!!

GP: Yes, but women are NOT objects.

JT: Why the hell did you slap me?

GP: I don't know. I chose not to put my fingers in a fist. Well, Sam Potright is clutching his nuts... and HIT has the oven... HIT turns Potright around, NO NO NO!!! HE WOULDN'T EVEN!!! NOT TO THERE!!! POTRIGHT TRYING TO KEEP HIM AWAY, BUT... NO!!!! OH, SWEET LORD!!! THAT'S A PORTABLE OVEN TOP, HEATED, RUNNING ONA MAN'S FOREHEAD AND FACE, PEOPLE!!! HIT IS SICK!!!

JT: I LOVE a sick person! This is great! I'm gonna get popcorn.

(JT leaves to get popcorn.)

GP: Dammit... Sam Potright's head is probably bubbling!!! Beth Potright is screaming!

Beth: YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH!!! STOP IT!! STOP THIS, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!

Potright(in between deep breaths): Beth... I... can't........ I have to... beat him.

HIT: SHUT UP!!!

GP: DAMMIT, NOT AGAIN!!! HE'S RUNNING THE OVEN TOP ON POTRIGHT'S CHEST, AND THE SICK BASTARD IS LAUGHING!!! HE IS ENJOYING GIVING PAIN!!!

HIT: You said YOU'D give ME pain?!!

GP: NOW HE'S BURNING POTRIGHT'S LEG!!! HE'S PUTTING PRESSURE ON THE DAMN OVEN!! THIS IS BEYOND INSANITY!!

(JT just returns with popcorn.)

JT: *Munch munch*... Ooh, what'd I miss?

GP: 'Ooh, what'd I miss'? That's ALL you can say? HIT IS BURING POTRIGHT'S F'N BODY UP WITH AN OVEN!! THAT'S A HUMAN BEING UNDER 150 DEGREES OF HOT METAL!!!

Nikki: BETH POTRIGHT IS PULLING HIT OFF OF POTRIGHT!!! SHE'S SEEN ENOUGH, SHE TAKES SOME MUD, AND THROWS IT IN HIT'S MOUTH!! AND SHE SCRATCHES AT THE EYES!!! YOU GO, GIRL!! YOU GO!!

JT: Geez... *munch munch*... this is kind of like watching a chick flick.

GP: ... JT... I'm not even going to say anything. Beth Potright with a knee to HIT's back, HIT howls with pain, but he flips Beth Potright over!!

JT: (spits out popcorn) PANTIES!! PANTIES!! PANTIES!! BLACK PANTIES!! I L-O-V-E LOVE BLACK UNDERWEAR!!!

HIT: Say, weren't you wearing these LAST NIGHT?

Beth: FUCK YOU!!!

HIT: HAHAHAHA... say, where's Potright?

(He looks to either side.)

HIT: Oh fuck...

GP: POTRIGHT... NO... IT'S PANDORA!!! PANDORA WITH THE OVEN!!!

JT: How the hell did he get back?

GP: I guess he wasn't actually exorcised... he must not be a possessing spirit... he must be something
else.

Lunatic Pandora: 'Day, is here fading... That's when, I would say... I flew with suicide, Sometimes kill the pain... I can always say 'It's gonna be better tomorrow'... Falling away from me, Falling... away from me!'

GP: HE RUNS THE OVEN DOWN HIT'S BACK!!! OH, MAN!! HIT WILL HAVE TO SLEEP ON HIS STOMACH FOR A LONG TIME!! AND PANDORA IS RUNNING THAT DAMNED OVEN BACK UP AND DOWN HIS BACK LIKE A PAINFUL IRON!!

Pandora: WE RODE ACROSS THAT BRIDGE ALL NIGHT... WE TALKED THROUGH CITY LIGHTS... TILL THESE ROOFTOPS... AND I JUST HOPED THAT CAR WOULD NEVER STOP... WE DROVE AROUND THIS PLACE ALL NIGHT...

GP: HE IS GOING TO LEAVE PERMANENT SCARS ON HIT'S BACK!! I CAN'T SAY HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT, BUT HE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS MUCH OF IT!!! NO ONE DESERVES THIS MUCH PUNISHMENT!!

JT: *Munch munch*... BOOOOORRRRING...

Nikki: You are an ass. Plain and simple... a pure ass.

JT: You like sticking this ass, don'cha?

*SLAP!*

JT: OW!!

Nikki: And by the way, what you just said made no sense.

GP: Yeesh... Pandora slams that oven into the snow... now he needs something new, apparently, because he's looking around. HE HAS A BOOT!!

JT: A boot? *Munch*

GP: Yes, a BOOT! AND HE TOSSES IT AT HIT'S SKULL!!! HIT MOVES OUT OF THE WAY, BUT HE ROLLS ON HIS BACK!! PANDORA IS LAUGHING!!!

Pandora: You're not a pretty person... no siree... not a pretty person at all! You're ugly... deep down
inside! I'll make that ugly all rise up and boil on your skin!!! HEE HEE!!

GP: That boy's fucked up.

Nikki: GREG!! YOU CAN'T SAY FUCK!!! OH, FUCK, I JUST SAID IT!!

JT: Twice! *Munch munch*

GP: HIT is rolling back on his stomach... Pandora is heading off somewhere. But the flags are the other way! WHERE THE HELL IS HE GOING??!!!

(A few long moments pass... there's a rumbling sound...)

GP: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! LUNATIC PANDORA HAS A TANK UNDER HIS CONTROL!!!! WHAT IN SAM'S HILL IS HE GOING TO DO?

JT: He's got that... *munch*... I think that's an antique. Looks like a 1956 one. Those sucked...

GP: Mr. Tank-man, listen to you! Potright's driving the tank straight TOWARDS HARDCORE IPOSCELES TRAPEZOID!! HE'S GOING TO RUN OVER THE MAN!! HE'S GOING TO...

*Sputter*

JT: *Munch munch munch*... Told ya they sucked.

GP: Well, Pandora's rightfully pissed, jumping up and down on the tank like that. HIT is up... AND THE TWO ARE BATTLING ON TOP OF A TANK!!! HIT PUSHES PANDORA OVER, PANDORA HITS HIS HEAD! HIT WITH HIS HANDS RAISED IN VICTORY!! YOU'RE NOT THERE, YOU GEOMETRIC MANIAC!!

JT: Yeah, really... I give him two thumbs DOWN. *Munch*

GP: Can I have some popcorn?

JT: No.

GP: Hmmph... well, HIT is heading towards the flag again... Beth Potright is climbing on the tank...
she's checking up on her split personality husband... WHAT THE HELL, THE TANK IS MOVING AGAIN!!! IT'S ROARING, ACTUALLY!!!

JT: What the....? 1956 tanks never DID THAT!

(JT tosses his popcorn away. HIT is running full-speed towards Potright's flag... the tank is roaring towards HIT's flag. HIT is at the flag area... he goes to lift... and nothing happens.)

GP: OH, GREAT!!

JT: HAHAHAHAHA!! IT WAS SO COLD, THE FLAG STUCK TO THE GROUND!!!

HIT: DAMMIT!! I HAVE THIS THING WON!!! MOVE, YOU STUPID FLAG!!!

GP: The tank is almost there... POTRIGHT ALMOST FALLS OFF!!! BETH POTRIGHT IS HOLDING ONTO POTRIGHT'S LEG, AND POTRIGHT'S HEAD IS FIVE INCHES FROM THAT TREAD!!! THE TANK'S NEAR THE FLAG... POTRIGHT OPENS HIS EYES, HE HAS THE FLAG!!!! POTRIGHT WINS WITH THE HELP OF A TANK!!

*Sputter*

JT: Okay... maybe that IS a 1956.

(Beth drops Potright, and he lands on the muddy ground, splashing water around.)

*DING DING DING*

Winner of Fall 2 - Sam Potright

GP: Samuel Potright has managed to knot this thing at one fall apiece! Both men now staggering over to another giant structure...the majority of it appears to be indoors..but the first portion is a barbed wire cage! That looks like the cage used in the old Scorpion Death Match! What the hell have they come up with for fall 3?

Fall 3
Legends of Extreme Match
This match is a combination of the trademark matches of the Legends of Extreme. Portion one is a Scorpion Death Match cage (King Sting), which leads into a Meat Locker (The Raging One), which leads into a Dome of Terror (Ken War) and culiminating in a Bat Deathmatch (Mad Max) Once both men get into the Bat Deathmatch room, the door will be locked in the room with a single
barbed wire baseball bat. To win, you must hit your opponent with the bat and keep him down for a 10 count.

Nikki: Wow.....this thing just keeps getting worse and worse....both men get into the Scorpion Death Match cage, and they lock up.....

<'Paint it Black' by the Rolling Stones plays.>

JT: What the hell? That's...........no. It can't be, there's no way in he-



GP: HOLY SHIT! THAT'S KING STING! WE HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN AGES! HE CLIMBS INTO THE CAGE! HE CLOCKS SAM POTRIGHT WITH THE BARBED WIRE SCEPTER! HIT draws his barbed wire ruler! It's scepter vs. ruler! And the scepter wins with a shot
to the side of the Trapezoid's head! KING STING RAISES THE SCEPTER OVERHEAD IN VICTORY!

Nikki: Wait, Potright comes from behind and knees King Sting in the spine of the back! Potright nails a beautiful inverse DDT on King Sting! HIT now up behind Potright! IRISH WHIPS HIM INTO THE ELECTRIFIED BARBED WIRE CAGE! King Sting now going eye to eye with the HIT....both men staring into one another's eyes. Potright now grabs HIT's barbed wire ruler...WHAT A SHOT TO THE HEAD OF HIT! POTRIGHT NOW GOES EYE TO EYE WITH KING STING!

JT: King Sting now......leaves? Why would he leave?

GP: He seems satisfied with his quick incursion back in the IWO...I think he was looking to see just who would possibly lay heir to his status as extreme legend! King Sting now hops into a limo to a standing ovation as he drives off!

Nikki: Trapezoid and Potright now going to face off again, Trapezoid hooks the head, vertical suplex by the HIT! HIT reaches over and pulls a television set off the cage! HIT READIES THE TV SET! Potright back up.........AND HIT HITS HIM IN THE GUT WITH THE TELEVISION SET! AND OVER THE HEAD! The TV set looks dented as HIT tosses it aside!

JT: HIT is now celebrating...very prematurely.....wait, the blue streaks in Potright's hair are back! Pandora rolls outside the ring and grabs a shard of broken glass! He runs back in and knocks down HIT!

Pandora: Well I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind....

GP: PANDORA IS TEARING AT THE FOREHEAD OF THE TRAPEZOID WITH THAT SHARD OF GLASS! PANDORA STOMPS HIM HARD ON THE HEAD!

Pandora: I LEFT MY BODY LYING SOMEWHERE IN THE SANDS OF TIME.........I
WATCHED THE WORLD FLOAT TO THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON..........hahahahah......and there was nothing I ca-

Nikki: HIT JUST CUT OFF PANDORA'S SINGING WITH A GLASS PITCHER SHOT TO
THE BACK OF LUNATIC PANDORA'S SKULL! The Trapezoid looks much worse off
than Pandora!

JT: THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT! HE'S FIGHTING THREE PEOPLE! It's not bad
enough he has to fight Potright! He also has to contend with Potright's psychotic alter ego Lunatic Pandora, who doesn't seem to show any evidence of the pain HIT inflicted upon his body as Potright, and then to top all of it off he has to fight the man's wife! I'm shocked HIT isn't down 0-2 at
this point!

GP: It's not like Potright WANTS to be Pandora y'know..

JT: SHUT UP! THIS IS A TRAVESTY! ALL OF HIT'S POOR KIDS ARE GOING TO
HAVE TO HAVE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MONTHS AFTER THIS MATCH! COME ON HIT! YOU CAN DO IT! BEAT ALL THREE OF THEM!

GP: JT's losing it...man, this thing is even getting to him...Pandora up to his feet, and charges HIT, HIT BACKDROPS PANDORA INTO THE ELECTRIFIED BARBED WIRE CAGE! HIT smiles as the blue streaks leave Pandora's hair....and Potright now gets back to his feet.. Jumping Knee by Potright catches the HIT off guard! Potright setting HIT up......BLUE THUNDER
POWERBOMB ONTO A STEEL CHAIR!

Nikki: Potright grabs the chair now...he bangs it on the ground a few times...HIT to his feet, AND POTRIGHT PASTES HIM WITH A CHAIRSHOT! Potright drops the chair, and picks HIT
up................EXPLODER SUPLEX! HIT'S HEAD HIT THE MAT HARD! Sam Potright grabs the HIT, he sets him up, crucifix powerbomb position...HIT SLIPS OUT! He picks Potright
up in crucifix powerbomb position.......

JT: AND HE FLIPS HIM FORWARD INTO A DOUBLE ARM DDT! HE CALLS THAT MOVE THE SLOPE FORMULA! THIS GUY HAS A NAME FOR EVERYTHING! HIT
starts to crawl for the door..but Potright pulls him back! Potright with a full nelson facesweep
onto the mat! HIT down and in trouble! Sam Potright ascending the turnbuckles..

GP: Potright nails a somersault legdrop onto the battered body of the HIT! Potright now easily crawls for the cage door....and he makes it out! HIT follows him slowly, and they have reached a new room!

Nikki: Now where are they?

GP: It's the meat locker!

JT: You mean The Raging One's specialty match?

GP: YES!!

(Long, lean pieces of meat hang from everywhere as Potright and HIT stumble into the room after the beatings they've given each other.)

GP: Look at all this meat...

JT: I said it before, and I'll say it again... MEAT HOOKS!! MEAT HOOKS!! YESSSSSSS!!!

GP: Very nostalgic, JT.

JT: Thank you.

GP: Well, Potright tosses Trapezoid into the meat! Trapezoid doesn't feel a thing, though, and bounces right back at him!Potright's head slams against the cold metal floor of the meat locker... Trapezoid picks up a heavy-looking piece of meat... HE DROPS A SIDE OF SOME COW ON TOP OF POTRIGHT!!

JT: MOO MOO!

GP: Dude! That's Schitzo Tod's gimmick... you can't use that.

JT: Crap.

GP: Well... it appears that HIT has no idea what to do now.

JT: Can you blame him? HE'S GOT A GUY UNDER FIFTEEN POUNDS OF MEAT!!

GP: Well, HIT walks off somewhere...

JT: Hee hee...

Nikki: What's so funny?

JT: Suppose Potright ate through that meat...

Nikki: You've got problems.

GP: Well, HIT is back... and he has a... LAPTOP COMPUTER?!

JT: I guess the internet really is WORLD-WIDE... even in meat lockers!

GP: He pulls the hunk of meat off of Potright... he opens the laptop... he puts it on Potright's face... now where's he going?

(HIT returns with a golden golf club.)

JT: Ooooh! Someone's been in Trump's golf bag, apparently!

GP: HIT gets set... HE SWINGS... HE SMASHES THE LAPTOP RIGHT INTO THE
SIDE OF SAM POTRIGHT'S FACE!!! HIT picks up the laptop... HE SMASHES IT ON
POTRIGHT'S HEAD!!

JT: Interactive, no?

GP: That is SO old.

Nikki: Tell me about it.

JT: Shut up!

GP: Well, HIT is completely overtaking this match... where is he going now?
It looks like he's going to look for the door out of here...

JT: Smart man. That's why he knows geometry.

GP: HIT looking around... he sees a door... he walks towards it... AND POTRIGHT IS BACK UP, AND HE TACKLES HIM TO THE GROUND!! POTRIGHT HAS THAT GOLDEN GOLF CLUB, AND HE SWINGS FOR A HOLE IN ONE AT THE BURNT, PAINED
BACK OF THE TRAPEZOID!! POTRIGHT GOING INSANE!!

JT: When you say insane, he says...

Lunatic Pandora: Me with the floorshow, kickin' with your torso, boys getting high and the girls even more so... wave your hands if you're not with the man, can I kick it (yes you can)! I got (funk), You
got (soul), we got everybody! I've got the gift, gonna stick it in the goal, it's time to move your body! Babylon back in business, can I get a witness, every girl every man, Houston can you hear me ground-control can you feel me need permission to land! I don't wanna rock, DJ, but you're making me feel so nice! When's it gonna stop, DJ, cause you're keepin' me up all night!

GP: Yup, he's certainly Pandora now. AND HE SWINGS A HARD ONE!! HIT GRABBING HIS CROTCH IN PAIN!!

JT: This match has had a lot of crotch shots, has it not?

Nikki: He's kind of right there... but I don't recall that many.

JT: Dumb blonde.

*SLAP!*

GP: Ha! Pandora still swinging... I think this could get ugly real quickly. Pandora drops the golf club, CAMEL CLUTCH!!! HE'S GOT A CAMEL CLUTCH ON HIT!!!

JT: This is WAY too much like TRO/Ken War.

(Almost on cue... 'Keep Away' by Godsmack hits. It vibrates through the meat locker...)

GP: OH CRAP, IT COULDN'T BE!!

JT: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! THE RAGING ONE IS HERE, AND HE GRABS
POTRIGHT OFF OF HARDCORE IPOSCELES TRAPEZOID!!!

TRO: You're no pygmy! You're NOTHING!

GP: TRO PICKS UP POTRIGHT... PANDORA... AH, WHO GIVES A CRAP, AND HITS
A BRAINBUSTER ON THAT METALLIC FLOOR! Picks up Potright again... PYGMY'S
PAINSTICK!!!! PYGMY'S PAINSTICK!!! THE BEST VERSION OF THE IMPLANT DDT
OUT THERE, THE PYGMY'S PAINSTICK!!! TRO picks him up again... he drops Potright/Pandora down. HE'S GOT HIT!!! HE STANDS HIM UP, HAMMER OF
GOD!! HAMMER OF GOD(Tornado DDT)!!!! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN, AND
TRO IS RAISING HIS HANDS IN VICTORY OVER THESE TWO COMPETITORS!! THE
RAGING ONE HAS BUSTED ASS!!!

JT: OH HELL YEAH!!

(The Raging One goes and picks up the golf club...)

Nikki: Oh, no! He's not even done yet!!! He's got a choice between Potright and HIT... which one will he choose! It looks like Potright!

JT: He must have a thing against this guy.

GP: Obviously. TRO measuring up Potright... he gets ready to swing... WHAT THE --?!

JT: Not HER again! She's holding that golf club!

GP: Yes, it's HER! Beth Potright saves her husband from a beating yet again! TRO is not happy... IT'S FLAME!! FLAME IS BACK!!! SHE PULLS BETH OFF OF THE GOLF CLUB!!!

JT: CATFIGHT!!!!! CAAAAAAT FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!! THEY'RE GONNA TEAR EACH OTHER'S CLOTHES OFF!!! I LOVE THE IWO!!

GP: TRO cheering on Flame's crazed attack... POTRIGHT WITH A LOW BLOW!!! HIT GRABS TRO, PICKS HIM UP, AN OLYMPIC SLAM!!! HIT JUST HIT KURT ANGLE'S
MOVE ON THE RAGING ONE!!! AND HIT IS CELEBRATING!!

HIT: WHOOO!

(He does the spread-arm kneeling move.)

GP: POTRIGHT KNEES HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!! POTRIGHT PULLS FLAME
OFF OF BETH, WAR WITHIN A BREATH ON FLAME!! EVERYONE'S GONE NUTS, I TELL YOU!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

JT: Greg, GET AWAY FROM MY CRACK STASH!!

GP: Wha wha!!! Wha WHHAAAA!

Nikki: I think I'll take over.

JT: Greg...?

GP: AIIEEEEE!!!

Nikki: Potright going back to HIT... HIT with a low blow to Potright, and drives his head into the wall! HIT sees Beth... no....HE'S CLIMBING ON A LARGE MEAT HOOK!!! HE'S GOING TO JUMP ON BETH!! HE'S GOING TO DO THE Y-AXIS TRANSFORMATION!!

GP: I AM CORNHOLIO!!! YOU SHALL BOW DOWN TO MY BUNGHOLE!!! I NEED T.P.
FOR MY BUNGHOLE!!!

Nikki: POTRIGHT DIVES AND PUSHES BETH OUT OF THE WAY!! POTRIGHT HAS
JUST TAKEN THE Y-AXIS TRANSFORMATION(Moonsault) FROM TRAPEZOID!!!! HIT IS HAPPY WITH THE RESULTS, THOUGH!

JT: Geez, HIT, MOVE IT!! You can win it, buddy!

GP:
CORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNHOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIO!!!

Nikki: HIT IS HEADING FOR THE EXIT!!! HIT IS GOING TO WIN THIS, AFTER
ALL!! BUT BETH POTRIGHT GRABS HIS LEG, AND TRAPEZOID FALLS ON THE FLOOR! HE'S TRYING TO KICK HER OFF, SHE WON'T LET GO!!!

Beth: I WON'T LET GO UNTIL YOU TWO STOP THIS!!!

HIT: GET OFF ME, BITCH!!!

Nikki: SHE BIT HIM!!! YEAH, YOU DO THAT, GIRLFRIEND!!! DON'T TAKE CRAP
FROM ANYBODY!! BETH POTRIGHT IS BITING INTO THE THIGH OF HIT!!! NO ONE CALLS HER A BITCH AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!

GP: MY BUNGHOLE IS GODDDDD!!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Nikki: HIT GETS HER OFF HIS LEG, AND SHE MADE HIM BLEED! SHE MADE THE HARDCORE IPOSCELES TRAPEZOID BLEED!!!

JT: Boy, would I hate getting head from someone like that.

*SLAP!*

JT: OW!

Nikki: You are SICK!! Anyway, HIT is now CRAWLING towards the door, and it's only about six feet away!!! But Sam Potright is up...he's stumbling towards him... HE'S GOT HIT!!! HE TURNS HIM OVER, CROSSES HIS LEG OVER THE BLEEDING ONE, TWISTS THE OTHER LEG ON, TURNS OVER, IT'S THE WALL BREAKER(Sharpshooter)!!! SAM POTRIGHT'S OLD FINISHER, THE WALL BREAKER!!!

JT: HIT IS SCREEEEAMIIIING! LITERALLY SCREAMING IN PAIN FROM THE MOVE!
POTRIGHT ISN'T LETTING GO, EITHER!!! HIT HAD IT IN THE BAG, IF IT
WASN'T FOR THAT DAMN SHREW, BETH!!!

Nikki: THERE'S TRO AGAIN!!! HE TRIES TO TAKE POTRIGHT'S HEAD OFF WITH A
LARIAT, BUT POTRIGHT DUCKS, LETS GO OF HIT'S LEGS, HE HITS A HURRICANRANA ON THE RAGING ONE!! HURRICANRANA!!! SAM POTRIGHT IS
MONEY!!

JT: YOU JACKASS!

GP: CORNHOLIO WANTS TP!!! MY BUNGHOLE WILL NOT SURVIVE WITHOUT TP!!

(Greg gets up with his shirt pulled up like Beavis and runs around the announce table.)

JT: This is cra-zy.

Nikki: HIT IS GOING TO GET OUT OF THE MEAT LOCKER FIRST!!! HIT MIGHT
GET TO THE HELL'S DUNGEON FIRST!! HE'S OPENED THE DOOR, HE'S ALMOST OUT, BUT POTRIGHT COMES FROM BEHIND, BULLDOG --

GP: BUNGHOLE! BUNGHOLE! BUNGHOL-- Damn, JT, that was some bad crack....anyway, Potright bulldogs him into the Hell's Dungeon! Wait! THE WHOLE FLOOR TO THE DUNGEON IS VIBRATING!

Nikki: You have got to be KIDDING me.

JT: NO HE'S NOT! A CRACK JUST OPENED IN THE FLOOR!

IWO-Tron shows a pentagram, the symbol of Hell.>

GP: THE CRACK IS WIDENING! HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE ARE EVERYWHERE! A
POOL OF LAVA IS NOW FORMING.....



Nikki: No. Not that. After all of this......this is the last thing we need.....



JT: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! IT'S KEN WAR!!!!! THE
ONLY THING THAT COULD MAKE THIS MATCH BETTER HAS JUST HAPPENED! KEN WAR HAS COME BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!! AND HE HAS HIS SCYTHE!!! YES!
SHARP METALLIC OBJECTS! KEN WAR!!!! WOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHOOOOO!!!! COME ON WAR! I WANT MORE BLOOD!!

Nikki: HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?! HE'S FUCKING DEAD!!!

GP: Um, Nikki...this is the IWO. Home of guys like Dan Kordic the fighting bone. Half of our old roster was killed in the FWL Arena debacle. THIS ISN'T EXACTLY AN UNUSUAL OCCURRENCE! But I must say I am a bit shocked. AND AS HE ALWAYS DOES, WAR CHARGES RIGHT INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE FIGHT!

Nikki: Ken War swings with the scythe, but HIT ducks, and HIT fires off a right hand! Another! War comes back and knocks down HIT with a clothesline! Potright now goes after the War Machine! War cinches him up with a double underhook, double arm powerbomb! Ken War climbing up onto a Dungeon platform.......he sets up....here comes a War trademark!

JT: SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP ON POTRIGHT BY KEN WAR! HIT now ascending
the platform....War recovering from using the handspring somersault senton.....HIT charges.......CIRCUMFERENCE OF THE CIRCLE (Somersault Dropkick) ON KEN WAR! Potright now recovering from War's amazing move...he has a rock! He throws the rock at HIT and connects with his knee!

GP: Ken War goes over to HIT, and he picks up the Sultan of Squares.. Double Arm DDT's the Trapezoid down hard to the floor of this Hell's Dungeon! Samuel Potright grabs a wooden chair...and he sets it on fire! AND HE BREAKS THE FLAMING CHAIR OVER THE WAR MACHINE'S HEAD! BUT KEN WAR IS STILL STANDING! Potright jumps up and dropkicks War!

Nikki: Still no effect! Potright now grabs Ken War..Fameasser on War drives his head down into the rock ground! HIT now running over and grabs Potright! He picks him up over his shoulder, and he starts running! HE'S RUNNING TOWARDS THE LAVA!!! NO!!! THE HIT IS TRYING TO AWESOME BOMB SAM POTRIGHT INTO A POOL OF LAVA!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

JT: YES YES YES! GODDAMNIT! STEVE ALLEN JUST CLIPPED THE HIT'S RIGHT
KNEE OUT! Steve Allen of the PTC is here! And he is getting lustily booed by this crowd! WAIT! KEN WAR RUNS OVER TO STEVE ALLEN! HE LIFTS HIM UP!!! THE DROP! KEN WAR JUST GAVE STEVE ALLEN THE DROP INTO THE LAVA PIT! STEVE ALLEN
IS BURNING IN HELL, RIGHT WHERE HE BELONGS!

GP: HIT now turns his attention to War, he knees the War Machine in the gut, picks him up on his back....Kryptonite Krunch! HIT now charges Potright...who catches him with a Mountain Bomb! Potright picks HIT up, Double Underhook Backbreaker by Potright! These guys have got to be
running out of moves by now, so HIT just goes to the old standby, the rake to the eye.

Nikki: HIT now grabs the arm of Potright, arm wringer................INTO A LARIAT! HE CALLS THAT THE SEGMENT BISECTOR! HIT nearly tore Potright in half!

JT: NO! HE NEARLY BISECTED HIM!

Nikki: You know, you're REALLY annoying me today.Hmmm...how to annoy JT.....oh Greggy poo!

JT: Oh God....

GP Woohoo! I'm going to get some again!This happens every couple of PPVs...



JT: GODDAMN! This is going to KILL my sexual fantasies for weeks...WAIT?! WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING! I'M JT! I'M ALWAYS HORNY!!!Think good thoughts...naked women.................blood.............the Lingerie Rumble...........Jennifer Love Hewitt....Yay! I'm hard
again! Hello penis! Nice to see you again! YES! WAR DDTS POTRIGHT ONTO A ROCK!



JT: OKAY! PRODUCTION! GET ME LIKE 18 ANGLES OF THIS ON TAPE!



JT: OWW!!!! How am I supposed to announce on my own? Potright grabs HIT, and an atomic drop by Potright sends down the Trapezoid--



Pottie Mouthed Clown: HOLY FUCKING SHIT SHE'S ON HIS FUCKING FACE! DAMN
SHE HAS A FUCKING NICE ASS!

Eye Suk: And Potright-san take down HIT-san with a Japanese arm drag!

Hung Lou: Wow. My penis is huge. It's much bigger than Greg's.



GP: Damn that was good.......Potright gets grabbed by the HIT! Flapjack! Wait.....Beth Potright grabs HIT bu the legs! Double leg takedown! She lifts him in the air! POTRIGHT NAILS A LEGDROP! THE COUPLE JUST EXECUTED THE SALEM TRIAL! That's the first ever manager/wrestler finisher I've ever seen! HIT looks down and out...BUT THE WAR MACHINE CHARGES SAM! HE NAILS HIM WITH A JUMPING KNEE!

Nikki: Ken War picks up HIT! ORANGE CRUSH POWERBOMB! War on fire, and he
nails the Trapezoid with a standing moonsault! Potright now leaning towards the exit...as is HIT.....BUT WAR FOLLOWS THEM! ALL THREE MEN ARE NOW IN THE
BAT DEATHMATCH ROOM! ALL THE DOORS ARE LOCKED! War, HIT, and Potright
now having a three way fracas....

<'The Frayed Ends of Sanity' by Metallica picks up as the crowd again loses it.>

JT:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

GP: GOOD LORD! IT'S MAD MAX!!! THE MOST INSANE MAN IN IWO HISTORY IS
HERE! AND HE HAS HIS OWN BAT, AND A FACIMILE OF THE IWO EXTREME BELT! HE CALLS IT BOB! HE CHARGES KEN WAR! WAR TAKES BAT TO THE HEAD!
HIT kicks Mad Max in the gut! Piledriver!

Nikki: BUT POTRIGHT FROM BEHIND WITH A BAT OF HIS OWN! TAKES OUT HIS FORMER FOE, MAD MAX! KEN WAR LIGHTS THE BAT ON FIRE! AND POTRIGHT BRINGS IT DOWN ON HIT'S HEAD! AGAIN! AGAIN! HE'S BEATING THE HELL OUT OF HIT!

(1.... 2.... 3.... 4.... 5..... 6..... 7....)

JT: NOOOO!! COME ON HIT! DON'T LET THE SHRIMP BEAT YOU!!

(8..... 9.....)

JT: NOOO!

(10!)

Winner of Fall 3 - Sam Potright

GP: POTRIGHT'S ONE FALL AWAY FROM WINNING IT! AND NOW THEY GO TO
A..A.....WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!

Meygon: FALL FOUR IS AN ANCIENT CIVILIZATION MATCH!

All: A WHAT?!

Ancient Civilisation Deathmatch

Match takes place on a Hollywood reconstructed set of the ancient Greek, Roman, and Egyptian civilizations, with time period weapons strewn all over the place. Hidden somewhere is a crown. To win, you must find the crown and crown yourself Emperor Potright I or Emperor Trapezoid
I, thus winning the Match

GP: Aww damn, here we go again.. Potright and Trapezoid walking onto this reconstruction of the center of Greek civilization, Athens! HIT grabs the arm of Potright, and wrings it, following with a quick elbow that sends down Potright. HIT picks up Potright, snap suplexes him down on the crudely paved road!

Nikki: HIT now has a stone! He throws it at Potright!Potright dodges and catches the HIT with a low blow! Potright Irish whips HIT into a house! Potright catches the Trapezoid off the rebound....The Bareback on the HardCore Isosceles Trapezoid! Potright now to his feet, he picks up HIT, but HIT breaks his grip! Jawbreaker by the Trapezoid! HIT takes back control.

JT: Trapezoid grabs another pot and sets it on the ground! He picks up Potright. GEOMETERY 101 (DVD) ON THE POT! HIT SENT POTRIGHT HEAD FIRST THROUGH THE POT! Potright gets the pot! POT POT POT POT POT!

GP: JT, I thought you were corny before... but now, I'm just speechless.

Nikki: I'm not. THAT SUCKED!

JT: Oh shut up, whore.

*SLAP!*

JT: DAMMIT!

GP: Potright clutching his head in severe pain... HIT picks up Potright by the hair and tosses him towards a mace.

Nikki: A mace? I carry mace.

JT: You dumb blonde, the WEAPON, not the self-defense tool!

Nikki: Ohhhhhhhhhh.

GP: This is going to hell. Potright clutches the mace... Trapezoid picks up an Egyptian slave whip and cracks it! Roman vs. Egyptian... time to find out which was the more war-ready civilization. Potright swings the mace... MISS! TRAPEZOID WHIPS POTRIGHT ON HIS BACK! AGAIN!! POTRIGHT IS BECOMING HIT'S SLAVE!

HIT: Ha ha ha! Pick up a weapon for me to hit you with!

Nikki: Potright walks off... is he listening to Trapezoid? NO! HE COMES BACK WITH A HARD LEFT!! BUT TRAPEZOID QUICKLY TIES THE WHIP AROUND POTRIGHT'S THROAT!! TRAPEZOID IS CHOKING HIM OUT!! POTRIGHT TRIES TO ELBOW HIM IN THE GUT... HIT DODGES IT! PUTS IT ON TIGHTER!

JT: YAHOO! HE'S GOING TO KILL POTTY!

GP: HIT's got it on as tight as probably a boa constrictor could get on a neck... Potright starting
to lapse out of consciousness... Potright's going to go out... WHAT THE HELL?!! SOMEONE FOREARMED HIT IN THE SIDE OF THE HEAD WITH AN ARMOR GUARD!!

JT: IT'S DONNIE DAZE!! HERE COMES MIKE EXTREME!! POTRIGHT'S 'MISUNDERSTOOD FAMILY' IS TAKING OUT HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID! They beat him down... it's amazing how Potright has set all of this up... is it a setup?

Nikki: Good lord, who knows. All I know, Potty is lucky that his listeners came to save him. HIT thrown into the side of that house... HIT falls back on the ground... HOLD ON!! IT'S THE CHILDREN OF THE PORN'S NICK KOSTOS AND SETH WEILAND!!! KOSTOS AFTER DAZE IMMEDIATELY!! WEILAND AND EXTREME IN A PUNCHING CONTEST!! Potright is getting up... HIT is getting up... THEY'RE HEADING TOWARDS EACH OTHER!

JT: Great! Now we can't see what the hell is going on! It looks like Potright and HIT are in the middle of a brawl between The Misunderstood Family and the Children Of The Porn! This is crazy.... YAHOO!

Nikki: Do you get paid every time you say that?

JT: Yes. YAHOO!

GP: What a shiller. Speaking of shillers, go buy an IWO tee shirt! Only $20.99, the same amount as an ECW payday!

Nikki: Am I the only one not being told to sell stuff? Daze has the Marco Polo Submission (Kata Hajime) on Kostos, but Kostos with a low blow to counteract it! Extreme is climbing onto the steps to the throne... HIT heading towards Extreme... it looks like Extreme's going to hit a top of the steps Tombstone on Seth Weiland! BUT HIT GOES FOR A DROPKICK, AND EXTREME FALLS BACK INTO THE THRONE! WEILAND FALLS ON THE STEPS, AS DOES HIT!! Kostos with a DDT on Daze! Potright is nowhere to be found!

('Shroomz' by Eminem plays over the set's speakers.)

GP: What the hell? And did I just hear horses neighing?

JT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POTRIGHT OR PANDORA HAS JUST OVERTAKEN A CHARIOT!!

Pandora: 'If it wasn't for your lip I'd have nothing to strip... if it wasn't for a wrist, I'd have nothing
to slit... if it wasn't for shroomz, I'd have nothing to chew... I'm just fucking with you, because I have
nothing to do!'

GP: Psycho.

JT: Damn straight.

Nikki: I don't know. Pandora seems a little... charming.

(The table goes quiet as Pandora circles the fighting with the chariot...)

GP: Um... PANDORA HAS A TWO-BY-FOUR!!! HE'S PASSING BY KOSTOS, AND THWACKS KOSTOS WITH THE TWO-BY-FOUR!! WEILAND GETS UP, RUNS DOWN, HE GETS ONE, TOO! LUNATIC PANDORA HAS CLEANED HOUSE, BUT HIT IS UP!! HE JUMPS ON THE CHARIOT!

JT: PANDORA SWINGS AT HIT, HE DUCKS, TRAPEZOID TRIES TO CLOTHESLINE PANDORA OFF, PANDORA DUCKS, PANDORA GOES FOR A SUPERKICK, MISSES, HIT GRABS THE FOOT, PICKS UP PANDORA, OTHER FOOT ON HIS OTHER SHOULDER, GOES FOR A POWERBOMB, PANDORA HITS A HURRICANRANA!

Nikki: Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid recovers quickly... Pandora picks him up, he's going to toss HIT out! He goes for it, but HIT falls, DROP TOE HOLD AND PANDORA NEARLY FALLS OFF!! HIS FACE IS HANGING ABOVE THE FAST-MOVING GROUND! TRAPEZOID PICKS HIM UP BY HIS PANTS, HE'S GOING TO TOSS PANDORA OUT... HE GOES, PANDORA GOES OUT, BUT HE SNATCHES ONTO THE SIDE AND SWINGS AROUND!

GP: HE IS HOLDING HIMSELF UP ON THE SIDE OF A CHARIOT, ABOUT THREE INCHES FROM A MOVING WHEEL! HIT GOES FOR A HEADBUTT, PANDORA ALMOST FALLS OFF... HIT SMACKS HIM WITH A RIGHT... PANDORA'S GOING TO FALL... TRAPEZOID IS GOING TO HIT PANDORA WITH A SUPERKICK!! HE GOES FOR IT, MISS! PANDORA GRABS A SHEILD FROM THE DECORATIONS AND GONGS HIT WITH IT! Pandora rolls on, tosses the shield to the dizzy Trapezoid... A KAMIKAZE KICK FROM PANDORA! HIT FALLS OUT!

JT: AHHHH! NO!

Nikki: PANDORA CLIMBS ONTO THE EDGE, SHOOTING STAR PRESS FROM THE MOVING CHARIOT ONTO HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID, BUT TRAPEZOID GETS HIS KNEES UP!! PANDORA MUST'VE SNAPPED EVERY RIB! DAMMIT!

JT: YES! TRAPEZOID, GET UP! GET UP!

(The chariot disappears as the horses run off...)

GP: Well, now both men are down. Pandora's lost the streaks... apparently... Potright is back. HIT is down... Potright is down... and HERE COMES JOE LIEBERMAN!

JT: Al Gore's VP choice?

GP: Yup... and guess what he's a part of?

JT: Jews of America?

GP: NO, YOU MORON!! HE'S A PTC MEMBER!!

JT: Um... what does that have to do with Jewish people?

GP: NOTHING!

JT: So he's not really a Jew?

GP: YES, HE'S A JEW, BUT HE'S A PART OF THE SAME GROUP AS STEVE ALLEN!

JT: So... Steve Allen's a Jew?

GP: *Sigh*... forget it, JT. Forget it. Well, Lieberman is standing above the fallen athletes...

Lieberman: You see, America, this is the problem with Hollywood! Gratuitous violence is bad, m'kay? M'kay. Now, we should blow up this place... it's better than watching this place exist. Boys?

JT: Oh, you're SHITTING ME! THEY'RE GOING TO BLOW THIS PLACE UP! COOOOL!

Nikki: ARE YOU NUTS? TWO MEN ARE IN THERE! AND THERE'S SECRET SERVICE AGENTS PUTTING DYNAMITE AROUND THE PLACE!

JT: All right... FIREEEE!

GP: Dammit, why can't the PTC leave us alone? Well, Lieberman's been handed a match...

Lieberman: Now, kids... before I do this, remember... fire is bad. M'kay?

GP: Did he suffer a South Park Syndrome or something? What's with the constant 'm'kay' saying?

Nikki: Who knows? All I know, is HE LIT THE MATCH! HE'S LIT THE FUSE!! AND POTRIGHT AND TRAPEZOID ARE BOTH STILL DOWN IN THE SET!! LIEBERMAN RUNS OFF, BUT... SOMEONE HITS HIM!! SOMEONE HITS HIM!! IT'S BILL CLINTON!!! BILL FRICKIN' CLINTON IS AT FEAR THE DARKNESS!

Bill Clinton: I support my old buddy, Al... BUT YOU, I DON'T WANT!! I HAPPEN TO LIKE HOLLYWOOD!

JT: BILL CLINTON IS DRAGGING JOSEPH LIEBERMAN TO THE SET!! BUT THERE'S AL GORE!!! AL GORE TAKES DOWN THE COMMANDER-IN-CHEIF!

GP: DAMN YOU, AL! DAMN YOU! HE TURNED ON HIS OWN PRESIDENT! THE GUY APPOINTED HIM VP, AND THIS IS HOW HE THANKS HIM?!

Nikki: CHELSEA CLINTON! CHELSEA CLINTON IS HERE! SHE LOW BLOWS GORE, GRABS HER DAD, AND RUNS OUT OF THERE!! THE FUSE IS GOING TO BLOW! THE FUSE, THE FUSE!

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....m!*

GP: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! AN ENTIRE $700,000 SET WITH FOUR PEOPLE INSIDE JUST BLEW UP!!

JT: And there goes the Emperor's crown! One of the agents must have put dynamite underneath it! Now the damn thing's in the studio lot somewhere! This just got funner.

GP: There's debris everywhere... WAIT! IT'S HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID! HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID HAS SURVIVED THE EXPLOSION!! HE'S BRAWLING FROM THE WRECKAGE OF THE STUDIO SOUND STAGE! POTRIGHT'S RIGHT BEHIND HIM!! And... AL GORE IS STILL ALIVE!! BUT...

JT: HOLY SHIT!! I KNEW AL GORE WAS A ROBOT, BUT... A TERMINATOR?

Al Gore Terminator: Hasta la vista, Bush.

GP: And he actually sounds more human now than he did when he campaigned.

JT: HIT turns around...

HIT: WHAT THE...?

Al Gore Terminator: You are hearing me talk.

HIT: Oh, shut up!

GP: TRAPEZOID WITH A 90 DEGREER(Moneymaker)!! He tears out wire from Al Gore's robotic abdomen!! He tears a leg off, and he's after Potright!

JT: Where is that bumbling moron?

Nikki: HIT has a leg... he's looking for Potright... he could've gone anywhere. Literally ANYWHERE... Trapezoid enters a studio with... is that a 'Lord Of The Rings: Fellowship Of The Ring' poster painted on the side?

GP: OOOH!! LORD OF THE RINGS!! COOL!

JT: You geekboy.

GP: LOOK! A HOBBIT!!

Nikki: That's Elijah Wood, Greg.

GP: NO! IT'S A HOBBIT, I TELL YOU!

Nikki: All right then...

JT: HIT looking around... POTRIGHT FROM BEHIND A CAMERA!!! HIT FALLS INTO A SCENE!!

Director: CUT CUT CUT! Okay, who put a pro wrestler in this scene?

Producer: I don't know, but he adds a little mystique to the film...

Director: But he doesn't belong!

Producer: So? It's a cameo!

Director: Oh, c'mon.

Producer: Well, you can suck it if you don't like my ruling... this guy stays.

HIT: Can I win an Oscar for this?

Director: NO!

Producer: YES!

Potright: SHUT UP!!

Nikki: Potright picks up HIT, tosses him into a matte painting of waterfalls! THE PAINTING FALLS!!

Director: YOU BASTARD!! THAT WAS A $500,000 MATTE PAINTING!!

Nikki: POTRIGHT PILEDRIVES HIT THROUGH THE PAINTING! TRAPEZOID'S UPPER HALF IS HANGING IN A MATTE PAINTING!

GP: NO! HE RUINED THE LORD OF THE RINGS!

JT: Who gives a flying crap?

GP: THE BOOK ROCKS!

JT: It does not. ROBOTECH RULES!

Nikki: Boys and their fandom. What a world we live in. Potright grabs something... it looks like a cane for a Hobbit or something, and he snaps it over HIT's leg! Trapezoid falls through the painting! Potright goes in after him...

Director: ACCH! My movie's ruined. That's it, I quit.

GP: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

JT: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Nikki: *Sigh*. Well, Potright and Trapezoid are crawling beneath a matte painting... HIT gets out
first, he exits the door! The two of them are back outside, and Potright is chasing after HIT! Trapezoid runs into a studio sound stage...

JT: BLAIR WITCH 3?!!!

Nikki: Oh man... can we get a feed from the camera in there?

(The scene changes to the view of someone's digital camera. It's dark as hell out, and they're running...)

Girl: AIIIIIIIIIEEE! RUN! IT'S SOMETHING WE CAN'T SEE BUT IS AFTER US!! AIIIIIIE!

(HIT runs across screen.)

HIT: BLAIR WITCH! BLAIR WITCH!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I SAW HER!!!

(A few seconds later, Potright chases after HIT, dressed up in a Blair Witch costume.)

Potright: I AM THE BLAIR WITCH!!

GP: These two are fucked up.

Nikki: Yeah...

JT: I agree.

GP: Well, the camera holder is following these two... isn't this a set?

Nikki: Yeah?

GP: Why the hell's there shrubbery and trees and stuff?

Nikki: It's the Blair Witch Project, Greg.

GP: Oh yeah.

JT: Well, HIT and Potright are going at it... and this camera's making me sick. Can we switch to another one? Whadda ya mean, that's the only one? DAMMIT!... *gurgle*... well, Potright and HIT are duking it out, mano y mano. Face to face. Potright with a knee to the ribs... but HIT tackles him to the ground! HIT now rubbing Potright's face in the dirt!

GP: Trapezoid now just humiliating Potright... slams his head into the ground! Slams it again! HIT now picks up Potright... he's climbing up a tree... looks like he's going for the Y Axis Transformation... BUT THE TREE IS FALLING OVER!! IT'S A FAKE TREE THAT JUST FELL OVER!! HIT IS DOWN!

Nikki: Go, Potright, go! Potright racing to the falling point! He dives on top of HIT! Beating him down!

JT: He already sang that.

Nikki: Who cares? Potright pulls Trapezoid from the tree that fell... the two are heading out of the
studio.

JT: YAHOO! A normal camera shot!

GP: Potright and Trapezoid heading along... Potright tosses HIT into the side of a studio! Isosceles
Trapezoid holding his head! Potright drives it in there again!

JT: This match hasn't been hardcore...

GP: Oh, c'mon. They've battled over an entire studio lot. Now Potright tosses him into a door!

(Familiar horror music plays...)

JT: Well, Halloween's in two days. HOW BETTER TO SET IT OFF?

GP: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

JT: FRAIDY-CAT!

GP: I can't help it! I saw Halloween when I was a kid... it creeped me out!

Nikki: Wuss. Potright and HIT are on the bottom floor of a house... boy, it's dark... AND THERE'S THE CROWN! THERE'S THE CROWN!

(Sure enough, resting on the top of the stairwell, hanging like a hat, is the IWO crown for one of the
competitors to put on their head.)

Nikki: Potright drops HIT and is going for it! He's climbing up the steps... HIT is crawling after him...
Potright has the crown... he raises it above his head...

Potright: I, IN THE NAME OF THE IWO, DECLARE MYSELF EMPEROR POTRIGHT --

GP: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEE! IT'S MICHAEL MYERS!!

Nikki: MICHAEL MYERS JUST KNOCKED POTRIGHT DOWN THOSE STEPS! HIT IS CLIMBING UP... HE HAS THE CROWN! HE SHAKES MYERS'S HAND!! DAMMIT, IT WAS A SETUP!

HIT: I, in the name of the IWO... declare myself EMPEROR HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID I!!!

*Ding Ding Ding*

Winner of Fall 4 - HIT

GP: NO! HIT WINS THANKS TO MICHAEL MYERS! HIT WINS THE MATCH, AND NOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

(HIT jumps down the steps and heads off for the arena. Potright is helped up by film school students and eventually gives chase. People go to get stuff as they run back. Finally, the two show up backstage. People race to their seats.)

Final Match:
Sinners To Saints Match
You fight back into the arena. Once you reach the ring area, the ring barricades and ring ropes are lit
afire. A 20 foot ladder stands in the middle of the ring leading up to a 30' X 30' scaffold. Every few minutes, a 1' X 1' section of scaffold will plummet to the ring below. Two eight foot ladders are on this, and they lead up into a 30 foot high four level cage. Level one is full of tables, level two filled with chairs, level 3 has electrified and flaming sides and ceiling, and level 4 has a 20 foot ladder in it which reaches up to the rafters, painted white to resemble heaven. A final 20 foot ladder reaches up to the IWO Extreme Title, a good 100 feet above ground.

Nikki: DAMN! This sounds insane, does it not?

GP: You're damn right it does!

(Potright and HIT come battling through the curtain, and HIT tosses Potright into the ring. A ring crew turns on their fire tools and starts burning the ropes. The ladder stands in the center.)

GP: POTRIGHT AND HIT GOING AT IT, SURROUNDED BY FLAMES! HIT WITH LEFT AFTER LEFT AFTER LEFT! POTRIGHT FALLING BACK TOWARDS THE ROPES... NO! POTRIGHT KEEPS ON STANDING!

JT: Dammit! I want burn wounds!

GP: JT, they've already been burned horribly! How sick are you?

JT: Sicker than yo' momma!

Nikki: HIT goes after Potright... POTRIGHT BACK-BODY DROPS HIT INTO THE BURNING ROPES! MY GOD! HIT IS GETTING WRAPPED UP IN FLAMING ROPES!

GP: AND POTRIGHT IS CLIMBING UP THE LADDER! POTRIGHT IS CLIMBING UPWARDS! HIT IS WRAPPED UP... POTRIGHT LOOKS DOWN... POTRIGHT IS GETTING OFF THE LADDER! HE'S GETTING HIT OUT OF THE FLAMING ROPES! POTRIGHT DOES NOT WANT TO WIN THIS EASILY, WHILE A MAN BURNS TO
DEATH! HIT standing up... Potright extends a hand... HIT takes it! AND HE THROWS POTRIGHT INTO THE FLAMING ROPES!

JT: YEAH-HEA! DON'T SHOW ANY SPORTSMANSHIP! SPORTSMANSHIP IS FOR LOSERS!

Nikki: HIT is a sick son of a bitch. First he makes fun of Mormons, and now he tosses his fellow man into ropes after he's saved from them.

GP: Potright is doing the stop, drop, and roll to get the flames off his back... as HIT climbs the ladder. It looks like HIT has just gotten a major advantage... but Potright's right after him!

(A buzzer resounds through the arena. A 1'x1' section falls off the scaffold.)

GP: THE SCAFFOLD'S BREAKING APART!

JT: HOT DAMN!

GP: HIT barely avoids getting hit in the head with the scaffold!

Nikki: Waitaminute... this was more than a minute into the match! How is that possible?

GP: The paper said, 'every few minutes...'

(The buzzer again. Another 1'x1' section falls off.)

GP: WHAT THE HELL?! That wasn't even a minute! And HIT gets on the scaffold! Potright right after him, AND HIT GRABS POTRIGHT! HE BELLY-TO-BELLY OVERHEAD TOSSES HIM! POTRIGHT LANDS ON THE SCAFFOLD, IT'S SHUDDERING!

JT: HIT grabs Potright, and begins delivering punches and punches to the head of Potright! He drives his head into the scaffold! Potright already bloody... so is HIT... but neither man cares! HIT grabs an eight-foot ladder, and he tosses it on Potright! HIT looks around... he has the second one! HE DRIVES IT INTO THE OTHER LADDER! RIGHT ON POTRIGHT'S HEAD! GOOD LORD, THAT KICKED ASS!

GP: HIT picks up the ladder... he's setting it up. Where's he going?

JT: Up, you idiot. That's the only way ladders go!

GP: HIT climbing to the top... he signals for something... spins around, Y AXIS TRANSFORMATION (Moonsault) FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER! Y AXIS TRANSFORMATION! HE KILLED SAM POTRIGHT!

Nikki: Somehow, I doubt that even fazed either man after what they've gone through. HIT pulls the ladder from Potright's body... HIT throws it away. He grabs Potright... 90 DEGREER (Moneymaker)!! Potright's out... and HIT picks up the ladder again.

*Buzz*

GP: There goes another section... that's four sections.

Nikki: Four? I thought that was three.

GP: You must've not heard the other one go off. Anyway, Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid is climbing that eight-foot ladder to the tiny trapdoor that will lead to the first floor of that four-level cage...AND HE GETS SPIKED WITH A HIGH-HEEL SHOE!

Nikki: What?

JT: DAMMIT! THE BITCH IS BACK!

GP: BETH POTRIGHT TOSSED HER HIGH HEEL SHOE ON HIT'S HEAD! HIT IS WOBBLY, AND SHE PUSHES HIM OFF THE LADDER! HIT GOES EIGHT FEET DOWN TO THE SCAFFOLD!

Nikki: Beth Potright was probably there the entire time during the Ancient Civilizations match! She's
climbing down...

JT: HER DRESS IS UP! YAHOO! MORE BLACK PANTIES!

Nikki: I feel so embarassed for her...

(Beth looks at the cheering men in the crowd... she shrugs... AND MOONS THE CROWD!)

JT: HOLY JEBUS CRACKS! I'M IN HEAVEN!

GP: A nice little peep show there... heh heh. JT has jack-off material in his brain for months.

JT: You're damn straight!

GP: Beth Potright has made her way down... and she's waking up her husband! Sam Potright is back in it! Potright is on his feet! He grabs a ladder... and drags it away from the trapdoor! Beth yelling for him to put it under the trapdoor and go... but Potright isn't listening! He's climbing to the top! He's up there... HIT is like ten feet away!

JT: He'll never make it, whatever he's doing! That is an insane amount of feet to fly!

Nikki: Potright puts his arms out in a crucified position... what is that a signal for... HE JUMPS!

JT: OH MY GOD! HE MADE IT! CHRIST AIR (Crucifix-style Hangover Shooting Star Press) TO HIT, TEN FEET AWAY! HE FLOATED LIKE A BIRD! AMAZING! THAT WAS COOL!

GP: I have never, EVER seen a man fly like that! But Potright is clutching his ribs! Well, I doubt anyone can make their way across something and land that hard on wood without problems occuring! HIT is rolling around, though... he's crawling over to Potright...and covers him for a pin! But there's no pins, submissions, countouts, or DQs!

Nikki: He got hit pretty hard, Greg... I don't think he remembers what match he's in.

GP: Makes sense. HIT crawls off Potright... and is on his knees.

(A buzzer sounds... and a scaffold piece next to HIT falls.)

GP: SO CLOSE! HIT crawls... and he's to his feet! Potright is getting to his feet... Potright grabs a
ladder, gets on his own two feet, charges HIT, HIT HITS A 118 DEGREE SUPERKICK TO POTRIGHT! THE LADDER LAUNCHES OUT OF POTRIGHT'S HANDS, AND HITS TRAPEZOID N THE HEAD! BOTH MEN DOWN AGAIN! BOTH MEN DOWN AGAIN!

Nikki: These two have been put through hell, and the World title isn't even at stake! HIT shaking off the ladder's injuries... and now he has the ladder again! HIT climbing up to the top... he realizes the ladder isn't even close to the trapdoor!

JT: What a maroon!

Nikki: HIT wondering how he could've screwed up THIS bad... we're all thinking the same thing. Well, HIT is climbing back down. Now he's dragging the ladder along...

*BZZZ*

Nikki: ... And another piece falls. HIT now underneath the trapdoor... Beth trying to wake her husband up... and HIT is making his way back up! He's almost there... he puts himself halfway through the trapdoor! HIT is hanging out of the trapdoor!

('Responsibility' by MXPX hits.)

GP: Huh?

(A man is on top of the IWO TRON! He has a mask on his face.)

GP: WHO THE HELL IS THAT?

JT: Wait, I saw this guy on WrestleCrap.... IT'S RUN-IN MAN FROM THE EARLY 90'S WWF!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! ED LESLIE IN THE IWO!!

GP: Well, Run-In Man is swinging across the arena on a cord! He lands on the scaffold! He's climbing up the ladder after HIT! He pulls HIT back down! RUN-IN MAN HEADBUTT O' DOOM! HIT FALLS DOWN AGAIN!

JT: I guess HIT is the heel in this match!

GP: Must be... wait, that can't be Ed Leslie! He's too well-built... I KNOW WHO THAT IS!

JT: Who then, hotshot?

GP: IT'S EDDIE SCOTT POSER! THE INDY WRESTLER EDDIE SCOTT POSER!

JT: ... Who?

GP: He's the King of Poland, you know.

JT: OooooOooooo! The King of Poland? That's nothing! I'm the King of LayMeSia!

Nikki: That doesn't exist, does it.

JT: .... no.

Nikki: Good to know. Now, 'Run-In Man' Eddie Scott Poser heads off again! What a weirdo.

JT: Must be related to High Flyer.

Nikki: Anyway, HIT and Potright are both on the ground... and Beth re-awakens Sam Potright! Potright back up! And he goes to the ladder now! Potright climbs up... AND HE GETS INTO THE FIRST FLOOR OF THE FOUR-TIER CAGE! Beth is following her husband up...but HIT gets to his feet and pushes her away! HIT, blood in his eyes, is after Potright!

JT: HIT is a pissed-off guy right now! He just got taken down by the worst WWF gimmick in history... I wonder why!

GP: HIT is up there with Potright... it's the table level! Potright sets up a table! HIT chases him...
POTRIGHT FLAPJACKS HIT THROUGH THE TABLE! THE CROWD GOES NUTS!

(some mystical music plays.)

GP: What the...?

Voice: WELCOME TO OZ! WELCOME TO OZ!

GP: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THAT!
ANYTHING BUT... BUT...

JT: WHAT THE HELL?!

GP: IT'S OZ-- SHOCKMASTER --YETI -- BLACK SCORPION --THE DING DONGS -- IT'S THE WCW DUNGEON OF CRAP, THAT'S WHAT IT IS! AND THEY'RE ALL TRYING TO CLIMB THEIR WAY INTO THIS MATCH! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Nikki: They're scaring Beth Potright! More scaffold pieces fall! The thing's becoming one big clusterfuck! Beth has climbed up to the... the Dungeon of Crap is shaking the ring apart! Too much crap at once!

(Shockmaster runs around the ring and trips.)

GP: My god... there goes our buyrate.

JT: This is getting ugly...

(Suddenly, a giant hole opens in the ring and swallows the WCW Dungeon of Crap whole.)

GP: Thank god. Now the match can continue. Well, during the confusion, HIT has gotten the advantage! HIT takes a piece of a table and slams it on Potright's head! Potright wobbly... HIT SPINEBUSTERS HIM THROUGH A TABLE! HIT holds on, SPINEBUSTER AGAIN!!! HE'S GOING FOR ANOTHER ONE, NO, HE FLOPS POTRIGHT ON HIS BACK, NOVACAINE THROUGH A TABLE!! THREE TABLES IN A ROW! THREE TABLES IN A ROW! AND HIT GOES FOR THE SECOND FLOOR LADDER!

JT: Hold on for a second...

Potright: IF I GO CRAZY, THEN WILL YOU STILL CALL ME SUPERMAN?!!

JT: Uh oh.

GP: Lunatic Pandora is back! Pandora is up! Pandora doesn't feel pain, and if he does, the damn psycho ENJOYS IT! HE'S GOING AFTER HIT, WHO'S ALMOST TO THE CHAIR FLOOR! HE GRABS HIT FROM BEHIND, RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!!! HIT GOES THROUGH A TABLE!

Nikki: Pandora gets up... pulls another table under the ladder! Pandora climbs up... HE TOSSES HIMSELF THROUGH A TABLE! WHAT A NUT!

JT: This guy is sick. And I love it! HIT down... Pandora giggling in that debris of a table... and Beth
Potright is below the trapdoor, which for some reason has been locked and shut... how did that happen?

Nikki: Must have happened during the great WCW Dungeon of Crap moment.

GP: Well, that makes sense... maybe HIT did it, we'll never know. Pandora pulls himself from the wreckage... and stands himself up. He goes over to HIT... HIT LOW BLOWS HIM, HITS A FACEBUSTER ON HIM! HIT PLAYED POSSUM! HIT WAS PLAYING POSSUM! HIT SETS UP A TABLE, GRABS PANDORA, BUTTERFLY POWERBOMB THROUGH IT!!! HIT RAISES HIS FIST IN THE AIR!

(Meanwhilst, below, during the action... more than 3/4ths of the scaffold has destroyed itself. The ladder is becoming wobbly... AND IT FALLS!)

Beth: EEK!

(Beth clings to the bottom of the cage by her fingers.)

GP: Oh no! Beth Potright is hanging by the bottom of the cage, and Potright isn't even around to help
her... HIT going for the second level now... and Beth is screaming for help. HIT climbing up... and he sees Beth! C'mon, man! Do it! Potright saved you from the flames... you can at least pay him back for this!

(HIT is pondering his choices...)

Nikki: Be a man, HIT! Be a man!

JT: Ah, go for the gold! This is your only chance! JUST LEAVE THAT BITCH HANGING!

GP: No! Don't!

(HIT...)

GP: YES! HE'S GOING DOWN! HE OPENS THE TRAPDOOR, PULLS BETH UP! YES! HARDCORE ISOSCELES TRAPEZOID DOES HAVE A HEART! BUT BETH SCRATCHES THE SIDE OF HIS FACE! PANDORA FROM BEHIND, FULL NELSON SLAM! The blue
streaks disappear... Potright pulls up his wife, hugs her! And he goes for the chair level! Potright gets up there, and HIT is soon to follow... BUT POTRIGHT SLAMS HIM AS SOON AS HE GETS IN!

JT: There must be a million chairs in there! Yeesh, this is Edge & Christian's wet dream. Potright with another hard swing! HIT blocks it, forearms the chair into Potright's face! HIT grabs another chair and smashes Potright's chair with it! Potright goes down! HIT raises the chair above his head, but Potright hits a low blow with his chair! HIT bent over... Potright kips up, ARABIAN FACE BUSTER ONTO TRAPEZOID, SANDWICHING HIM BETWEEN TWO CHAIRS! Potright overcomes HIT in that round of chair shots... and he's waiting for HIT to get up....

(A few minutes pass...)

GP: HIT's UP!

JT: Huh?

GP: HIT IS UP! HE HAS HIS CHAIR, GOES AFTER POTRIGHT! HIT MISSES, POTRIGHT SWINGS, MISSES, HIT GOES, ANOTHER MISS, BOTH SWING!

*CLANG!* *CLANG!*

Nikki: Neither man getting the advantage! HIT with a boot to Potright's stomach, gives him a shot to the head! Now HIT climbs up the ladder.... he signals... FORWARD FLIP AND HE CRACKS THE THING OVER POTRIGHT'S SKULL! HIT with the advantage... he lays the chair on top of Potright... climbs the ladder... 360 DEGREES PLUS 90 DEGREES TWIST (450 Splash)!!

JT: Go, HIT!

GP: HIT climbing up that ladder again... he's almost to Level Three: the Electrified and Flaming cage! And he gets in there, but... HE DROPS THE CHAIR! AND POTRIGHT MOVES OUT OF THE WAY! My god, that could have killed Potright!

JT: It should have, too. Maybe HIT could get what he deserves!

Nikki: Oh, shut up. HIT is on floor three... and Potright is after him, and he has a chair! HIT leans
over, beckons to him... POTRIGHT TOSSES THE CHAIR AT HIT! IT HITS TRAPEZOID, AND MIGHT HAVE BROKEN HIS CHEEKBONES!

GP: THIS IS ONE HELLACIOUS MATCH!!

JT: I'll admit that much! These guys have gone through hell!

GP: It's been crazy, ladies and gentlemen... and Beth Potright is on the bottom of that four-level cage, watching her husband on the third floor, battling HIT in that electrified and flaming cage. Potright gets ready to irish whip HIT into the cage side... NO! TRAPEZOID REVERSES, AND POTRIGHT GETS FLAMED AND FRIED!!

JT: SIZZLE SIZZLE SIZZLE!

GP: Potright stumbles out of the cage... HIT WITH A ROCK BOTTOM CHOKESLAM ON THAT WIRE MESH! POTRIGHT IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT, AND HIT IS LOOKING TOWARDS THAT TINY TRAPDOOR WHICH WILL LEAD TO LEVEL FOUR!

JT: Greg's a poet and he didn't even know it!

GP: JT, don't be gay. HIT is climbing up to that trapdoor with a ladder... he's opening the trapdoor...
these two are like well over 50 feet in the air... if something happens to them, there's NO TURNING BACK.They might as well die... HIT trying to get his hands into the trapdoor, so he can pull himself up... wait, Potright's up, HE PUSHES THE LADDER OVER, AND HIT GOES INTO THE WALL!! OH MY!!!

JT: HE'S BURNING LIKE A MARINATED CHICKEN!! GOD, YOU'VE GOT TO LOVE THE IWO!!! POTRIGHT NOW SETTING UP THE LADDER!!! HE'S CLIMBING UP THERE AS FAST AS HE POSSIBLY CAN!! Which... is like a tortise.

Nikki: Do you even know what a tortise is, you knucklehead?

JT: Sure I do! They're big, green, and ruled back in the prehistoric era!! I saw two of them fight in a
monster movie, once! It was a long-neck tortise versus a tyrana-tortise...

GP: You are a complete idiot.

Nikki: Well, Potright is working his way up, and HIT is right after him... talk about amazing healing
powers. Potright is crawling through that trapdoor, and HIT has his foot! Potright trying to kick him off! HIT keeps a steady grasp... OH NO!!!

JT: OH YES!!

GP: THE LADDER'S GONE!! THE LADDER IS GONE!! HIT IS HANGING BY THE LEG OF SAM POTRIGHT!! HE COULD FALL AT ANY MOMENT, AND A FALL THIS HIGH WOULD KILL HIM!!! KILL HIM!!! SAM POTRIGHT TRYING TO SHAKE HIM OFF, BUT
NOW... HIT IS CLIMBING UP SAM POTRIGHT, USING HIM LIKE A ROCK TO CLIMB!!! THESE TWO ARE REALLY AND TRULY OUTSIDE OF THE NORMAL SPECTRUM OF SANITY!!!

Nikki: HIT has gotten onto level four with Potright! All that's up here is a ladder... HIT races for the
ladder, but Potright grabs his boot, and HIT falls on the mesh! He kicks Potright off, and is CRAWLING to the ladder! Potright is up, he goes and pulls HIT up, WAR WITHIN A BREATH ON THE TOP LEVEL OF THIS CAGE!!!

GP: Good lord! Now Potright is going towards that twenty-foot tall ladder... HIT behind him... HIT
BEHIND HIM... HIT PUSHES POTRIGHT FACE-FIRST INTO THE LADDER!!! The ladder falls over! HIT hitting boots to Potright's back, and... BETH POTRIGHT IS GOING AFTER
THESE TWO!!! SHE'S ALREADY CLIMBING THE LADDER FOR LEVEL TWO!! SHE'S ON THAT TABLE LEVEL, AND SHE'S HEADING THROUGH THE WRECKAGE LIKE A MASTER!

Nikki: You go girl! Stand by your man!

JT: First you hate men, now you want her to stand by her's? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Nikki: Nothing... she loves her husband, and she wants him to be okay. IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT?!!

JT: YES!! LOVE SUCKS!!!

*SLAP!*

JT: DAMN YOU!!

GP: Well, emotions running high at this table, at least... HIT grabs Potright, sets up the ladder,climbs up it... Y-AXIS TRANSFORMATION ON POTRIGHT!!! Y-AXIS TRANSFORMATION TEN FEET UP ON A LADDER ON A HUMAN BEING!!

*SNAP! SNAP!*

GP: What was that?

Nikki: THE SUPPORTS FOR SOME OF THE MESH SQUARES ARE BREAKING OFF!! THE MOONSAULT MUST HAVE DONE IT!!

JT: AND THAT CRAZY BITCH IS IN THE THIRD FLOOR, CLIMBING AFTER THESE TWO!! SHE'S ALMOST ON THE FOURTH FLOOR!

('The Sesame Street Song' plays.)

GP: WHAT THE HELL NOW?!!

(L. BRENT BOZELL IS COMING DOWN FROM THE RAFTERS!!!)

GP: DAMMIT, IT'S THE LEADER OF THE PTC!!! THAT DAMNED PARENTS TELEVISION COUNCIL IS BACK AGAIN!!!! HE HAS A CLOAK ON, HE MUST THINK HE'S DRACULA! HE THROWS THE CLOAK AROUND POTRIGHT AND IS CHOKING HIM DOWN!! BETH POTRIGHT IS UP, SHE RUNS AND PUSHES BOZELL OFF OF HER
HUSBAND!

L. Brent Bozell: YOU LITTLE...

GP: BOZELL IS UP, BETH'S RIGHT IN HER FACE, HIT GRABS POTRIGHT WHILE HER BACK'S TURNED, SAS POSTULATE (Emerald Fusion) ON THE CAGE TOP!!!

*SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!*

GP: NOW THE GODDAMNED CAGE PART IS BENDING DOWNWARDS!! THIS IS NOT GOOD... BETH POTRIGHT SLAPS BOZELL, BOZELL PUSHES HER, OH MY GOD!!!

*SNAP!*

*SNAP!*

*SNAP!*

*SNAP!*

*CRASH!*

GP: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO!!

Nikki: THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN TO HER!!!

JT: YES IT DID, AND THAT WAS THE SINGLE SICKEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!!

GP: THAT SON OF A BITCH JUST MIGHT HAVE KILLED SAM POTRIGHT'S WIFE!!! THAT LITTLE...

(GREG TOSSES OFF HIS HEADSET!!)

Nikki: GREG, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!

GP(Barely audible): I'M GONNA GET THAT SON OF A BITCH!!

Nikki: You have got to be kidding me...

JT: No, he's dead serious! Greg Parker is getting into the ring and is dodging the flames! He's definitely lost it. I told the front office, 'You know, Greg will eventually go crazy one of these days...'

Nikki: Sam Potright has just shaken off the effects of the SAS Postulate... he sees what just happened...

Potright: '..............to rise above the flames! Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me...'

Nikki: Is he singing Incubus?

JT: Yes, he is... that must mean...

Nikki: LUNATIC PANDORA GOES AND GRABS BOZELL BY THE THROAT!!

Pandora: You're sick... twisted... I normally LOVE that in a person... BUT NOT TODAY, ASSHOLE!!!

Nikki: PANDORA PUSHES BOZELL DOWN!! GREG PARKER HAS GOTTEN UP TO THE TOP FLOOR! Pandora steps aside... GREG PARKER IS PUNCHING AT L. BRENT BOZELL!!

('Dare to Be Stupid' by Weird Al Yankovic blasts over the speakers as HIT's class comes out, everyone wearing backpacks. They must think this is a field trip.)

HIT's Kids: DARE TO BE STUPID!!

JT: THE LITTLE URCHINS HAVE PROTRACTORS, AND THEY'RE RACING UP THE DAMN STRUCTURE, TOO!! UP IN THE TOP, PANDORA SETS UP THE LADDER AND GOES UPSTAIRS!!! HE JUMPS OFF, TORNADO DDT FROM THE LADDER ONTO
TRAPEZOID!! THE KIDS ARE WORKING THEIR WAY UP THERE...

Nikki: WILL SOMEONE HELP BETH?!!! SHE COULD BE DEAD!!

JT: You know what? I think I could have sex with her, she'd never realize it, and that loon on the top floor would never do anything about it!

(JT takes off HIS headset...)

Nikki: Oh, OH NO YOU DON'T!!

*PUNCH, KICK, SLAP SLAP SLAP, POWERBOMB!*

Nikki: You little PRICK!!

(She has taken JT out of the match.)

Nikki: Now, Pandora POWERBOMBS HIT ON THE CAGE!! And he falls back... don't tell me... he must be Potright again! Potright is getting to his feet... he looks down... HIT'S KIDS ARE ON THE TOP OF THE CAGE, AND THEY JOIN GREG IN ATTACKING BOZELL! THEY'RE SLICING BOZELL UP WITH THEIR PROTRACTORS!! BOZELL IS BLEEDING...

Bozell: GET OFF ME, YOU LITTLE FUCKING BRATS!!

HIT's Kid (Male): He said the 'f' word!

HIT's Kid (Female): You know what Mr. Trapezoid says about people that say the 'f' word and they don't mean it!

HIT's Kids(All): THEY MUST DIE!!

GP: Let me, kids...

(GP picks up Bozell...)

GP: IN THE NAME OF WRESTLING, I DECRY YOU TO HELL!!!

(Down down down at the bottom...a hole in the earth opens up beside the ring... there's Ken War, rubbing his hands together, just waiting to get his hands on Bozell.)

GP: BEGONE!!!

Nikki: BYE BYE, BOZELL!!!

JT(groggy): *groan*... Where am I?

Nikki: You again?!

(She elbowdrops him. He's out again.)

Nikki: Hee hee, that's better. BOZELL IS IN HELL NOW!! BOZELL IS GOING TO ENJOY ETERNITY WITH THE DEADEST PSYCHO ON THE PLANET, KEN WAR!!

(GP and HIT's Kids are now leaving the structure...)

HIT's Kid (Female): Now, let's do what Mr. Trapezoid told us to do!

(They all jump off the structure...)

Nikki: THEY HAVE PARACHUTES!! THE KIDS ARE LEAVING BY PARACHUTE!!

(A rope drops down in front of Parker...)

GP: Oh, well...

(He jumps on the rope and slides down to the bottom of the arena. He jogs to the announce booth and sits down. He puts his headset on.)

GP: Well, I'm back.

Nikki: And Potright, during all of this, has raced down the structure as fast as he can! He's getting to
the bottom... he drops to the ring! He looks down at his wife...

GP: This is what a real man does... it doesn't matter about titles to him, anymore...

Nikki: Look at him... he's trying to wake her up. He's running a finger through her hair... this wasn't
supposed to happen, even. Potright doesn't care about anything else right now...

GP: But HIT is up, and he's climbing that ladder! There's no way Potright could even get up there at any point in time!

Nikki: Well, does it matter? Potright picks up his wife... he's bleeding, he's broken, and he's been
beaten to a pulp... but he is carrying his wife to the back.

GP: HIT on the rafters.... WAIT!! HIT JUST GOT PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY SOMEONE!

Nikki: Who now?!!

GP: GUNNAR SMITH!!! IT'S 'GENETIC PERFECTION' GUNNAR SMITH!! HE HITS A GUTWRENCH ON HIT ON THE RAFTERS, AND HE LOCKS ON THE DOGG COLLAR(Rings Of Saturn)!!!! HE IS SAM POTRIGHT'S OLDEST AND BEST FRIEND, AND HE IS
SAVING THE TITLE FOR HIS OLD BUDDY!

*Backstage*

(Sam Potright has laid Beth onto a bed somewhere backstage.)

Beth: .... Sam.... oh.... stop fighting... please.

Potright: Beth, I can't.... this is my pride, my integrity... I know why you're putting yourself in the
line of fire... but this is my match. This is my problem, my obstacle... I never want you to be hurt...
you know I love you...

Beth: Then go get him... for me...

Potright: You know I will.

(He kisses her on the forehead and races out of the room.)

*Back At The Arena*

GP: SMITH RELEASES THE DOGG COLLAR!! HE COULD'VE BROKEN HIT APART WITH THAT!! AND HERE COMES SAM POTRIGHT!! SAM POTRIGHT IS BACK IN THIS MATCH!!! HE'S GETTING IN THE RING, AND HE'S CLIMBING UP THE SIDE OF
THE STRUCTURE!!! HE'S GOING UP WITH A NEW LIVELINESS IN HIM!!

Nikki: He's got wind #554324322!!

GP: Potright at the top in record time, and he's climbing up the ladder towards those heavenly rafters! He's up top now, and he high-fives Gunnar Smith! Smith into the shadows... Potright has an easy opening to the win now. He climbs over HIT's fallen body... Potright heading towards the ladder... he's looking at it. It's suspended between two rafters... and he's climbing it! But HIT is getting up... HIT is almost to his feet...

Nikki: And HIT is gotten up! He sees Potright making the climb upwards... HE JUMPS ACROSS THE RAFTERS!! HE CLIMBS UP, RACES DOWN, AND IS CHASING POTRIGHT UP!!!
THEY'RE 100 FEET IN THE AIR, AND THEY'RE NEAR THE TITLE!! HIT PUNCHES POTRIGHT!!! POTRIGHT PUNCHES BACK! THEY'RE BRAWLING 100 FEET ABOVE THE GROUND!!

GP: POTRIGHT SLAMS HIT'S HEAD ON THE LADDER!! HE GOES FOR THE TITLE, HE HAS IT IN HIS GRASP... HIT PUSHES HIM BACK, POTRIGHT STILL HAS THE TITLE!!! THE LADDER'S TIPSY!! IT'S TIPPING BACK AND FORTH... POTRIGHT STILL HAS A GRIP ON THE TITLE, AND NOW HIT GRABS IT!! THE LADDER FALLS!! IT'S GOING DOWN, DOWN, DOWN!! HITS THE OTHER LADDER!! AND TWO MEN ARE HANGING BY A LEATHER STRAP!!

Nikki: SOMEONE HAS TO FALL... SOMEONE HAS TO GIVE IT UP... Sam FALLS!! Sam Potright HAS FALLEN!! HiT TAKES A HAND, HE PULLS THE BELT OFF THE RING!!! HE FALLS, BUT HE WINS!!!!

GP: HIT HAS JUST WON THE TRICK OR TREAT 2 MATCH!!!

*Ding Ding Ding*

Meygon: YOUR WINNER... AND NEW IWO EXTREME
CHAMPION... HARDCORE ISOCELES TRAPEZOID!!!!!

GP: HE DID IT!!! With everything thrown at these two men... they took their souls, their bodies, their hearts, their entire existence... and threw caution out the window... and HIT managed to come out on top. He has that title belt... and he is holding it up for all to see. Both men should be damn proud of what just happened tonight... we have witnessed history in perhaps the craziest match in IWO history.

(People are standing and applauding the two of them. Every person in the arena is showing respect for these two athletes.)

GP: Ladies and gentlemen... we still have a PPV to continue on with. Let us get to our next match...

(JT wakes up.)

JT: Did I miss nudity?
Graveyard Match
Al Coholic vs. Phelen Kell

{ Switch to a graveyard promo.}

GP: Fear The Darkness, has been everything and much much more! Now, this has got to be the most anticipated match-up on the pay per view card. I mean, Al Coholic, and Phelen Kell.. These two have headlined pay per views for two years and more! Now they headline the scariest, Automn pay per view feature. I mean, when you think of Automn, and October in general, you think of Fear The Darkness..

Shallow: That's right.. And it was just a month ago, at Automn In Hell, when 'The Legend' Phelen Kell, returned to the IWO. Here is a little piece on Phelen Kell..

(...The fotage is shown with, 'Dragula' by Rob Zombie as the backround music..)

~- Automn In Hell -~

JT: HE'S CALLIN' FOR IT! THE CALL FROM BEYOND (Double Underhook Suplex) THIS COULD BE IT!!! THIS COULD BE IT!!!

GP: Wait....the lights just went out!

::The lights throughout the building shut off suddenly. Rob Kestler drops Psycho Jay and begins looking around. The lights return on to a dim gray as a familiar bass line begins to play. The fans explode on a moments notice at the sound as 'Sober' by TOOL rings throughout the arena. Cut to a camera close up of Kestler in the ring, eyes wide. Outside the ring Evan Levine is going crazy, pulling at his hair. Appearing on the rampway as the howling guitar solo begins...we see a man who has been gone for some time. 'The Legend' Phelen Kell, in full wrestling garb.::

GP: OH MY GOD! MY GOD ITS PHELEN KELL! PHELEN KELL IS BACK! PHELEN KELL IS BACK! 'THE LEGEND' HAS RETURNED!!!

JT: NO! NO! NO!

Nikki: HE IS SO HOT!

JT: SHUT UP YOU WHORE!

GP: HE'S COMING DOWN TO THE RING! HE'S JUST WALKING CALMLY DOWN TO THE RING! KESTLER IS JUST STARRING AT HIM!

JT: HERE COME THE CENTRAL POWERS! SYPHON FISSION SWINGS AT KELL! KELL DUCKS! A RIGHT! A LEFT! ANOTHER RIGHT! SYPHON FISSION GOES DOWN!

GP: LIGIL ATTACKS FROM BEHIND! KELL SWINGS AROUND WITH A ROUNDHOUSE KICK! LIGIL GOES DOWN! THIS IS INSANE! THE FANS ARE GOING NUTS!

JT: THIS SUCKS GIANT ASS! DAMN YOU KELL! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST STAY RETIRED!?!?!

GP: HERE COME THE PRIME TIME SOLDIERS NOW! SCOTT STONE SWINGS A MIGHTY FIST! KELL BLOCKS IT AND KICKS STONE IN THE STOMACH! HE GRABS HIM BY THE HAIR AND THROWS HIM INTO THE GUARD RAIL! NOW TYLER JOHNSON COMES FROM BEHIND AND NAILS KELL ON THE BACK OF THE HEAD! KELL STUMBLES BUT TURNS AROUND AND SPEARS TYLER INTO THE CONCRETE! HE'S POUNDING ON JOHNSONS FACE! PHELEN KELL IS LAYING OUT THE CENTRAL POWERS!!!

JT: KESTLER IS WATCHING IN THE RING! HE'S JUST STARRING!!!

GP: HERE COMES EVAN LEVINE FROM AROUND THE RING! HE HAS A CHAIR! PHELEN DUCKS
A CHAIR SHOT AND STEALS IT OUT OF LEVINES HANDS! HE JUST MASHED IT OVER EVAN LEVINES SKULL!!!! PHELEN STANDS AND LOOKS TO THE RING! KELL AND KESTLER MAKE EYE CONTACT! KELL IS HERE FOR PAY BACK! HE SAW THE CENTRAL POWERS TAKE TRENT OUT AND HE'S HERE FOR THEM!

::A perfect camera angle showing Phelen Kell on the outside of the ring and Rob Kestler on the inside of the ring starring at eachother is on the screen. The fans are still going nuts as 'Sober' continues to play. A close up
of Kells face is shown and snaps quickly into the ring as we see Psycho Jay roll Rob Kestler up!::

GP: PSYCHO JAY JUST ROLLED ROB KESTLER UP FOR THE PIN!!! THIS COULD BE IT!

1...........2.........3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GP: MY GOD! WE HAVE A NEW WORLD CHAMPION! WE HAVE A NEW WORLD CHAMPION! PSYCHO JAY HAS DEFEATED ROB KESTLER!

::Inside the ring as Psycho Jays music 'Divine' by Korn begins to play we see a bewildered Rob Kestler sit straight up in the center of the ring. He looks at Phelen Kell who is standing on the outside of the ring looking back at him. Kell mouths something.::

Phelen Kell: An eye....for an eye.

::Kell walks off.::

(...The echoed words... An Eye, For An Eye....the backround music is still playing..It stops and goes back to the ring announcers.. )

JT: And then, the return.. Of, the now...'Cult' Al Coholic..

(....'Out From Under' by Incubus is playing softly in the backround..)

~- Hostile Takeover The Week After AiH ~-

Phelen Kell:Well, it seems like Evan's little surprise doesn't seem to be going down tonight. Due to the police force here in Scranton arresting Evan, it seems as if the surprise is on Evan's shoulders. However, I want to know who laid me out in the back. Flyer, Davis, I think it's you, but I have no proof. I have no chance to tell if it was you two or not, but I want to know who hit me over the head with that beer bottle!

GP:That's right! I want to know too!

(All of a sudden, 'Rollin'' by Limp Bizkit plays over the pa system as out from the back races the Prime Time Soldiers. Scott Stone and Tyler Johnson slide into the ring, as Kell immediatly drops the microphone. Kell tries to fight the two men off, but it doesn't seem to be working.)

JT:They couldn't have done it! Why in god's name would they have attacked Phelen Kell!

GP:They are in Evan's little stable, why wouldn't they?

('Hot Dog' by Limp Bizkit plays over the pa system as the fans being to look towards the entrance ramp way.)

GP:What the... IT'S AL COHOLIC! COHOLIC RACES OUT HERE! WHAT IN GOD'S NAME! I THOUGHT HE WAS INJURED!

Nikki:COHOLIC SLIDES IN, CHAIR SHOT TO SCOTT STONE! STONE GOES FLYING! COHOLIC THROWS THE CHAIR AT TYLER JOHNSON! JOHNSON GOES FLYING OUT OF THE RING!

GP:AL COHOLIC JUST HELPED PHELEN KELL! MY GOD!

(Coholic and Kell are seen looking face to face, eye to eye. They shake each other's hands, as they both appeal to the fans. They receiving one of the loudest pops of all time, until a shatter of glass cuts through the fans cheer.)

Nikki:AHH!!!!

JT:DEAR GOD! AL COHOLIC JUST LAID OUT PHELEN KELL WITH A GLASS BOTTLE!

GP:COHOLIC JUST LAID OUT KELL! DEAR GOD! WAS IT COHOLIC ALL ALONG?!?!?!

(The camera fades out to Al Coholic standing over a fallen Phelen Kell, half of a glass bottle left in his hand.)

(...The music stops as the crowd just saw those two pieces as it is silent.. Then 'Bombtrack' by Rage Against The Machine play as... 'MNM, 10-9-00' show up on the IWOtron.)

~- MNM 10-9-00 -~


Phelen: All right, you FUCKING...drunk piece of shit. What...THE...FUCK....was that about on Friday night huh? You all know who I'm talking about to. I'm talking about AL COHOLIC!! You come out here right now. Because if you don't then these people and those at home are gonna be staring at my ugly mug the entire night cuz I aint leavin' the ring til you and I talk face to face. Man to man. You had the nuts to stand face to face with me Friday night....come do it again.


:: All of a sudden 'Hot Dog' by Limp Bizkit starts to play as the fans give a mix reaction!::

::The Fans confused look around as Al Coholic makes his way out to the ring dressed in all black! He jumps into the ring as the fans still seem to be confused over his looks! Phelen walks up to him and gets in his face.::

Phelen: Well are you gonna explain yourself boy or am I gonna have to beat it out of you?

Al: ..........

Phelen: Come on Al don't be stupid. You know what I can do now fucking answer me before I have to do it.

Al: ..........

Phelen: Okay then...if thats the way you want it!

::Phelen winds back for a swinging punch when all of a sudden 'I am your BoogieMan' By White Zombie starts to play as the fans fill the building with boos!!! As the fans give a monster heat reaction Discord walks out with a smile on her face...right behind her is the leader and the 'Real Heel' Evan Levine! With mic in hand Evan walks to the bottom of the ramp and stops! He looks around as the fans are deafening!::

~- Later That Night -~

MR: Keslter now picks Kell up and OH!!!!! BRAIN BUSTER!!! AND THE PIN!! VP Evan goes to make it...BUT this time Ford pulls him out of the way and makes the count! 1...............2...........3!!! NO!!! Jay in to make the save!!

AK: has anyone noticed that Al hasnt dont anything?

MR: Jay takes out Davis....Kestler gets in...BODY SLAM!!! Flyer is now in...BODY SLAM!!! Davis is now up OH!!! Slide Walk Slam!!! Kestler gets up now and into the ropes he goes and....OVER THE TOP!!!! Flyer gets back up and......into the corner he goes....JAY IS GOING TO TAKE HIM UP!!!! Jay gets him into the corner as he is going to nail the SuperBomb!!! And......NO!!!! Levine just shook the ropes as Jay falls hard to the mat!!! Flyer now stans up on the ropes...takes Aim and.......YES!!!!! 480 SPLASH!!! The cover!!! Both Evan and Tom count. 1.........2...........NO!!! KELL WITH THE SAVE!!! Keslter is back in!!! but NO!!! STEEL RAIN!!! Keslter is out!!! Jay is now up and its VIAGRA vs Kell and Jay!!

JS: EVAN DO SOMETHING!!!

AK: WHAT CAN HE DO?

MR: Davis and Jay lock up as Kell and Flyer now do!!!

AK: WHAT THE HELL Al Coholic has not moved from the ring apron at all during the match!!!

MR: Levine runs at Kell....NO!!! KELL SEES HIM!!! KELL DUCKS THE CHAIR AND NAILS LEVINE IN THE MIDSECTION!!!! LEVINE DROPS THE CHAIR!!! YES YES!!! KELL HAS LEVINE UP AND READY FOR STEEL RAIN!!!

AK: WAIT!!! AL COHOLIC IS MOVING!!!

MR: Kell is about to drop Levine as he turns around....OH NO MY GOD!!! AL just nailed Kell in the midsection droping Levine....BITTER BEAR FACE!!!! BITTER BEAR FACE!!!!! Levine is back up and screaming into the face of Kell!!!

JS: HES TAPPING!!!! HES TAPPING!!

AK: NO REF!!!

MR: AL has Kell in the Bitter Bear Face....NO...Kell has blacked out from the pain!!! Al lets go and pulls Flyer on top of Kell....Commish Ford gets into the ring.....and the count.....1................................2...............................................................................................
...
......3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MR: What the hell....Al Coholic just turned on his team mate by putting him in the bitter bear face!!!! The fans are booing Al as Levine and him are now looking right at each other.....wait...Levine puts out his hand........Al looks at it.........NO DAMN IT NO!!! THEY SHAKE!!!!!!

JS AL IS CP!!!!!!! AL IS CP!!!!!!! AL IS CP!!!!! MY GOD!!!!!

MR: MY GOD ITS ALL BEEN A PLAN!!!! AL HAS JOINED EVAN LEVINE!!!!!

AK: This is a dark day for the IWO....

JS: TEAM VIAGRA, PRIME TIME SOLDERS, LIGIL, SYPHON, AND NOW AL COHOLIC!!!!!!!!! CP RULES THE IWO!!!!!

MR: DAMN IT....FANS WERE OUT OF TIME.....JOIN US FOR HT!!!!

[The scene dies out with CP celebrating in the ring but with Al just standing there.]

(Then the announcers begin to speak..)

GP: Highly anticipated. Both of their returns. The Bad Blood that is within the two.. The attacks that were handed, is just amazing. This is a graveyard match.. The way to win is to bury your opponent in a tombstone, shut it, and put it in the grave, six feet under.

JT: And then put all the dirt back on..But the odd part is, that they start in the ring and have to fight back there!! So this is going to be a good one.. Phelen Kell, Al Coholic.. I am really looking foward to it.

Shallow: This has to be the biggest match of both of their careers.. Well, let's head down to the ring announcer in the ring..

(Camera goes to the ring announcer in the ring..)

Ring Announcer: This match.. is a Graveyard Match....

(Crowd goes nuts..)

Ring Announcer: The rules are simple.. As they appear on the IWOtron..

(The rules appear on the IWOtron..)

Ring Announcer: Introducing first...

('Hot Dog' by Limp Bizkit blasts... The crowd automatically reacts with a chourse of very very very loud boo's.. They dispise of him.. The lighs dim to black.. Then, out walks Al Coholic.. with black sunglasses on...Long black wrestling tights, black boots, a black shirt that reads in white..'CuLt'.... And he is wearing a black trench coat...He gets in the ring and just goes to the corner and leans on the ropes.. The crowd is booing extremely loud..Then Evan Levine comes down to the ring by Al's side..)

Ring Announcer: Coming down to the ring first... Accompinied by Evan Levine... Standing at six foot seven, and weighing in at a sick, two hundred sixty nine pounds.. The master of The Bitter Beerface... Former three time Extreme Champion, former two time, North American Champion, former Intercontinental Tag Team Champion, former United States Champion, and THE FORMER...IWO WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...

(The crowd is booing the hell outta Al... He just has a blank look on his face...)

Ring Announcer: His opponent...

(The crowd is nuts.. and on their feet...Chanting..'LEGEND! LEGEND!'... Then..'Sober' by TOOL pumps throughout the arena! Out walks, 'The Legend' Phelen Kell.. Sporting his usual ring attire and wearing sunglasses to the ring with a slight grin on his face. Al gets out of the ring and Kell slides in and walks around and puts his arms in the air. The crowd is going nuts. Every move he makes, the pay per view crowd, and the viewers watching on television are watching him...)

Ring Announcer: Introducing now...Standing at six foot, two inches, weighing in at two hundred seventy pounds..The master, of Silver Rain and Malicious Intent!! The former Television Champion, former three time Tag Team Champion, and THE FORMER RECORD THREE TIME IWO WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... 'THE LEGEND' PHELEN KELL!!!!

(Crowd goes insane! They are chanting Legend.. Coholic slides in the ring.. And just stands in the corner..)

GP: The crowd is silent.. Coholic, 'The Cult' Al Coholic... may we say is a crazy, hopeless man. He just turned from being that fun, out-going beer drinker.. to this! A cold hearted, heel, and as black as a soul there can be. Look at him! His hair is dyed black, he's wearing a black trench coat and his nickname is 'The Cult' come on now!

JT: Ok, lets get this baby started!

{DING, ding, DING}

Shallow: We are started! Woah! Coholic and Kell just go to the middle of the ring. They are staring at each other, eye for an eye! Kell has to look up, he is five inches shorter then Al but still. Kell makes the first move with a boot to the gut of Al and whips him to the ropes, Al follows back and is met with a huge forearm to the chest.. Al is on his knee, and Kell follows with a rocker dropper! The crowd erupts, as Al comes quickily back up and the two just go to opposite corners as they get a standing ovation, well basically for Phelen. Coholic just goes leaning on the corner and scratches his head.. 'The Cult' now enters back in the middle of the ring.. Kell comes and they lock up. Coholic picks up Kell by the neck.. And just is holding him up there.. He kicks Kell right in the nuts.. Kell just falls out of Al's grip and is down. The crowd is booing. Coholic is just having a blank look. He stomps on Kell, once, twice and again! 'The Cult' is just whooping 'The Legend'!! But Kell gets back up! And grabs Al and throws him out of the ring. Al lands kind of hard!

GP: Look at Evan Levine looking on, in grief.. This whole CP thing.. Just the thought of it brings shivers to my spine. To think, the once fun loving Al Coholic, turned to a disgrace. Kell whips Coholic into the saftey rail and Al lands hard! Coholic now in some pain and Kell throws him back into the ring. Kell goes to the top turnbuckle and makes a signal to the crowd as they go nuts.. Lookkkkk outttttt, MISSLE DROP KICK! NICE MOVE! There are no pins though.. They have to fight to the grave yard! Kell now is feeling it as the crowd is just going nuts! Coholic is slowly getting to his feet.. He puts his head on the turnbuckle for a short rest, I guess.. Kell grabs Al's trench coat... Brings Al toward him and a German Suplex! There it is! What a move! That was great... Kell now lets go and gets 'The Cult' back up... Coholic is a little weary and Phelen Kell jabs him with an inside right, and a left.. and a right and a left! Kell is going midevil on him!

Shallow: All luck, Coholic will come back! This match has a certain ammount of intensity to it.. KELL CLOTHELINES AL OVER THE TOP ROPE AND AL FALLS HARD ON THE OUTSIDE! Kell, now see's an opportunity and runs the ropes, comes back and does A SPRINGBOARD, CORCKSCREW MOONSAULT TO AL COHOLIC ON THE OUTSIDE! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN!! WHAT A MOVE FROM 'THE LEGEND' PHELEN KELL! CAN AL COHOLIC GET UP AFTER THIS!? The referee looks on, but he can not count! Kell is moving and so is 'The Cult'... Kell gets Al and grabs his head.. And throws it onto the Spainish Announce table! Total domination so far from 'The Legend'.. Coholic is standing straight up and just a little smirk! Woah! He made a movement.. HAHA..

GP: Al Coholic, grabs Kell and slings him toward the steel steps! BAMM! Kell goes head first!! This is insane.. Coholic now goes back and gets a chair. The crowd is really booing him now! Al rares the chair back... AND....*CRANNNNK* NAILS PHELEN KELL WITH THE CHAIR AND A HUGE DENT IS LEFT IN THE CHAIR!! KELL'S WOUND HAS BUSTED OPEN AGAIN!! BLOOD IS JUST TRICKILING OUT!! THIS IS NOT RIGHT!! The crowd makes an 'eww' sound as they are trying to get behind Kell to bring him back in the match! Kell is just unconscious maybe! He is not moving.. Just knocked out.. Coholic with a blank face puts the chair down, makes it so you can sit in it.. Gets Kell and throws his head into it! Kell is done.. Coholic is stomping on him and just slides in and is just near the turnbuckle..

JT: GET AFTER HIM YOU FREAK!!

(Coholic turns his head and is in a deep stare at JT..)

JT: Ohhh shit!!

(Coholic goes out of the ring and gets in JT's face.. He is just staring.. He turns around and Kell is trying to get up.. Coholic just kicks Kell as hard as he can in the stomach.. Kell drops..)

JT: PHEW!

Shallow: Damn, your ass is lucky! Coholic now gets Kell up and rolls him in the ring.. He gets Kell up.. But Kell falls back down.. He tries again; to no avail. He tries once more.. KELL LOW BLOWS COHOLIC! THE CROWD IS GOING NUTSSSS!! THIS IS AWESOME!! I mean, it sucks! Come on Al! The crowd is chanting 'Hostile, Hostile'.. This is not looking good for Al... Kell gets up.. he has the eye of a tiger!! He gets Al... Drops him with a belly-to-belly suplex!! He is calling for it!

GP: MALCIOUS INTENT!! THE INVERTED STF!! HE HAS IT LOCKED!!!! THE CROWD IS GOING NUTS COHOLIC IS IN PAIN BUT ISN'T SCREAMING! HIS FACE IS NOT EVEN SEEMING IT! BUT YOU CAN TELL! KELL IS SNAPING IT BACK!! COHOLIC CAN'T TAP! THAT'S NOT THE MATCH! Finally, Phelen Kell releases the hold.. He rolls Coholic out of the ring.. Al is just on the outside.. And Kell is bringing Al to the back! The crowd is cheering.. Kell and Coholic are in the back and Kell is just throwing fists at him.. They are fighting and now Kell throws Coholic out the door and they are fighting in front of the arena! This is crazy! Kell now kicks Coholic in the gut and now he DDT's him on the cement! LOOK! THERES THE CEMETARY! Kell see's it and starts to run toward there with Coholic in his arm! HAHA!

JT: He has his head.. They are at the cemetary gate now! Kell throws Coholic's head into it as it opens and Coholic's head is bloody.. the crowd in here, the arena, is going nuts!! AHHH! They are in the cemetary. The crowd is now quiet, you can hear a pindrop.. They are watching the IWOtron.. HERES The ref. He finally arrives to the Cemetary.. They are now at the graveyard and Kell throws 'The Cult' down.. Al tumbles around until he finally gets up and just stands up with no emotion! Coholic and Kell are in a drastic stare down now! This match has been one for the ages!

Shallow: Kell shoves Coholic But Coholic gets right back in Kells face...Kell shoves Al again...but once again the stiar down goes on as the two keep getting closer and closer to that grave! Kell says something to Al as Al's eyes widen....then all of a sudden from out of nowhere comes........THE MYSTEROUS ONE!!!!!!! MY GOD!!!

JT: NO WAY!!!

GP: That doesnt look like him!

JT: HELL NO!!! NO DAMN NO!!!

GP: A man in a ?¿? outfit comes out from the dark and nails Coholic in the back of the head!! Kell steps back as this man in the ?¿? mask beats on Al....

JT: Kell now grabs the man and tosses him off of Al as the man gets right up and jumps on Kell...Kell tosses him off and nails him with a DDT on the hard ground!!! As Kell looks at the man, Al gets to his feet and....OH nails Kell in the back. Kell falls forward....right into the waiting man in the ?¿? mask...OH He just knocked Kell out with a shovel shot to the head....KELL IS OUT!!! Al looks up and runs at the man....The man ducks and OH!!!! HE JUST TOOK AL OUT WITH IT TOO!!!

Shallow: Who is this? Superman?

JT: ?¿?!!!!!!

GP: Well the soo called ?¿? drags both men into the grave AND IS FILLING IT IN!!!!

DING DING DING!!!

Shallow: THE REF IS CALLEN FOR THE BELL!!!

JT: HAHAHAHA!!

Meygon: This match is ruled....A NO CONTEST!!!!!

GP: The man as fully covered both men....BUT WHO IS HE?

JT: WAIT HES TAKEN OFF THE MASK!!!!

Shallow: WHO IS IT?

GP: BILLY RAY!!!! MY GOD ITS BILLY RAY!!!

JT: HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

GP: THIS IS NUTS.....

[cuts to a PPV Promo]

World Heavyweight Title Match
Psycho Jay -c- vs. Tony Davis

GP: Ladies and Gentlemen it's time for the Main Event where Psycho Jay will defend his title against The new IWO Hall of Fame inductee TONY DAVIS!

JT: If you ask me Davis doesn't deserve this shot, he doesn't have what he used to have.

Nikki: Well Jay gave him the match, and these two have had a lot of history together.

JT: Yeah which basically consisted of Jay screwing Davis in that botched Kilroy stable and then beating him in a match.

GP: There's a little more to it then that. It's odd that Psycho Jay offered Davis the title just weeks after saying that Davis would never get a shot at him because when Davis was the champion he refused to face Jay.

Nikki: Davis was doing it to spite Jay after he fooled Davis and the world with that Kilroy screw job.

JT: Then when Jay finally did get his match with Davis there was no belt on the line.

GP: Yes and Jay did get the win in that match and now things have come full circle and it all comes down to this match with Tony Davis' career on the line!

Nikki: It doesn't seem fair that Davis' career is on the line but Jay only has to put the title up for grabs.

JT: Jay's title is worth more than Davis' career you wench!

*SMACK*

JT: Damn!

GP: Settle down you two. Now in the past few weeks things have really heated up between Davis and Jay. With Psycho Jay's formation of the Children of the Porn and Davis aligning himself with the Central Powers the two have butted heads frequently.

JT: Well if you remember back then you'll know that Davis started with Jay first.

Nikki: That is true, in a 6 man tag match on Monday Night Meltdown featuring names like Phelen Kell, Al Coholic and Evan Levine, Team V.I.A.G.R.A. attacked Jay.

GP: Yep and then on the following Hostile Takeover Psycho Jay cost V.I.A.G.R.A. the World Tag Team Titles along with Rob Kestler, then formed the Children of the Porn later in the night.

JT: Yeah and on the Meltdown after that Davis attacked Jay along with Evan Levine.

GP: Speaking of Levine, after that Hardcore Battle royal win earlier in the night he is the number one contendor for the IWO World Title and will recieve his shot at tyhe next Pay-Per-View.

JT: Great, Evan rules!

GP: After a lot of bickering back and forth and sneak attacks, Psycho Jay said he had enough and wanted to put an end to Davis once and for all, hence this match.

Nikki: But the big news in this one is what will happen to Tony Davis if he loses.

JT: He'll finally retire!

GP: And that would be a sad day in the IWO, to lose one of it's greats.

JT: Who cares, he's already in the hall of fame, I bet he doesn't even care if he wins or loses.

Nikki: That's ridiculous JT, we all know how much Davis hates Psycho Jay. This match could be brutal.

JT: It can't be that brutal, it's a regular match.

GP: Well you know that any.....

(Just then 'Sucking Up To My Dick' by the Dickettes blasts as My Dick steps onto the top of the ramp.)

My Dick: Hello you crazy, loyal, loud, and annoying fans!

(Crowd pops, then boos as the annoying part.)

My Dick: Oh stop being marks. Now My Dick has people in the back trying to suck up to My Dick and you people making all this noise isn't helping! So I'm gonna make this quick. I want to see Psycho Jay and Tony Davis beat each other half to death just as much as you all do. So in Evan and Tom's absence, I am changing the World Title match to Eye Suk vs. Pen for the IWO World Title.

(Crowd boos loudly.)

My Dick: I'm kidding! Jeez. I am not changing the match......just the stipulations. Tonight Psycho jay and Tony Davis will still go at it, except it will be a FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE, NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH! They can fight ANYWHERE! It doesn't matter to me and I'm sure they'll have no problem with it. Now if you'll excuse me I have a Hostile Takeover to book so just remember one thing....the only way to get ahead in this business is to suck up to My Dick! Thank you!!

(My Dick exits.)

GP: Did you hear that?

JT: Nooooo, I'm not sitting right here fat ass.

GP: Oh shut your mouth. This is a HUGE announcement.

Nikki: Ok well enough of us talking about it, let's get this thing started.

Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Fear The Darkness MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING!!! The following contest is a Falls Count Anywhere NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH scheduled for one fall!! It is for the IWO WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE!!! Introducing first, hailing from Sydney, Australia, standing at 6'2' and weighing 237 pounds, a proud member of Team V.I.A.G.R.A, here is.............TOOOONNNYY DAAAAAAAAAAVIS!

('Degenerate' by Blink 182 blasts as Davis emerges from the back to a chorus of loud boos from the crowd. He mocks the reaction of the crowd and walks down the ramp towards the ring.)

GP: Davis looks to be all business tonight.

JT: You have to be all business when your headlining a Pay-Per-View, unless you wanna look like an idiot in front of the entire world.

Nikki: Well JT, we all know looking like an idiot in front of people is your specialty.

JT: Whatever, we all know that getting gangbanged is your specialty.

*SMACK*

JT: She starts with me, yet I still get slapped.

Ring Announcer: And his opponent, he is the INTERNET WRESTLING ORGANIZATION WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!! From South Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, standing at 6'8' and weighing in at 320 pounds, he is the leader of the Children of the Porn, here is.........PSSSSYCHOOOOOO JAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!

('Divine' by Korn blasts as Psycho Jay comes out from the back. The crowd pops for the champion. Jay has a microphone in his hand as he eats up the applause.)

JT: Typical champion, all of a sudden he loves the fans.

Nikki: Typical you to change your opinions on someone in 3 seconds flat.

JT: I think your confusing me with your record of pulling out a guys cock in 3 seconds flat.

*SMACK*

GP: The crowd is going berzerk and Jay is just waiting for them to settle down.

Psycho Jay: Ok, ok enough already. I've got something to say. From the moment I entered the IWO, I was treated as a joke. Because I acted a little whacky in the ring, because my interviews were odd, my out of ring actions down right humorous. And of course I was pushed aside for the longest time. But I stuck around, I fought past that stupid ass CGI tyrant Jamie Kosoy attempting to fire me, I won belts, I defended them, I've fooled the fans and guys in the back countless times, I've humped nearly everyone's head. Finally I won the IWO World Title........and what happened? It was a joke. Jamie didn't want me holding the belt. He was ashamed to have a so-called 'head-humping imbecile' parading around as the World Champion, representing the greatest federation on earth. So he held me back, I wanted to defend the belt at every card......I only ended up defending it twice in my month and a half reign. And one of the friggin defenses wasn't even televised. So I eventually lost the belt without even being pinned......and my title reign was dubbed the worst of all time. I got tagged as being the least worthy champion ever. And now, I've finally battled my way back to the top and they're trying to do it to me again. How the fuck am I supposed to gain credibility by going up against a washed up underserving Hall of Fame Inductee with no talent?

(The crowd goes nuts as Jay's tone changes from serious to mocking, and Davis gets pissed off in the ring.)

Psycho Jay: I see you there Davis don't get your panties in a bunch. The stupid ass critics wonder why I rarely defend the belt, and they call me a paper champion? LOOK AT MY DAMN COMPETITION. There is none! So now I've got to defend against Tony Davis, and I can tell you right now the only good thing that's gonna come out of this is the end of this idiot's career. You knowDavis is so goddamn horrible.....

(As Jay talks Davis leaps over the top ropes, grabs the time keeper's chair and charges up the ramp.)

GP: We're under way folks! Davis charges up the ramp with the chair and swings it at Psycho jay, but Jay ducks and blasts Davis in the forehead with the microphone! Davis stumbles back down the ramp, Jay grabs him by the head and smashes him face first into the guardrail!

JT: Yes I can tell this is gonna be bloody already!

GP: Jay repeatedly slams Davis into the railing! Now he's grinding Davis' eyes along the top! Davis catches Jay with an elbow to the stomach and slams Jay face first into the railing. Jay backs away and Davis levels him with a clothesline!

Nikki: Davis is stomping Jay all the way down the ramp now. Jay rolls down and hits the ring apron.

GP: Davis picks Jay up and....JAY NAILED DAVIS IN THE HEAD WITH A CRUTCH! HE PULLED THE CRUTCH OUT FROK UNDER THE RING AND BROKE IT OVER DAVIS' HEAD!

JT: Why the hell was there a crutch under the ring?.....then again, WHY THE HELL NOT!

Nikki: Nothing has to make sense in the IWO JT. Just like Tony Davis getting to his feet already after that crutch shot! Now Jay hops onto the apron, gets a running starts and leaps off for a double axhandle shot, but Davis side steps him and nails him in the gut with a forearm!

GP: Davis runs and nails Jay with a bulldog onto the concrete!!

JT: Both of these guys are taking heavy head shots and no blood yet? Come on!

Nikki: Davis is rummaging under the ring for a weapon. He seems to have found something.

JT: Yes! A 2x4 with nails sticking out of it!

GP: Davis is sizing Jay up......DEAR GOD! DAVIS JUST NAILED PSYCHO JAY RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH THAT 2x4! JAY IS BUSTED OPEN BIG TIME!

JT: YES! NOW DAVIS IS BEATING DOWN JAY WITH SHOTS ACROSS THE BACK! LOOK AT THE CHUNKS OF SKIN STICKING TO THE WOOD!

Nikki: That is sick. Jay is able to leg sweep Davis! Tony dropped the 2x4!

GP: Davis is getting up....SPEAR BY JAY! Jay's pummeling Davis with lefts and rights! Now Jay pulls Tony to his feet and runs him into the ring post! Jay picks up the 2x4 with nails! He places it on the ground and shoves Davis' head between his legs....Jay hooks Davis' arms! DOUBLE UNDERHOOK PILEDRIVER ONTO THE NAILS!! OH MY GOD! THAT'S DAVIS' FINISHER!

JT: YES! ONE OF THE NAILS IS STUCK IN DAVIS' HEAD!

Nikki: Gross. Jay rolls Davis into the ring now.

JT: Aww come on don't get civilized now!

GP: Jay pulls Davis up, who still has that nail in sticking out of the top of his head! Jay sends him to the ropes and nails him with a powerslam! The nail flew out of Davis' head!

Nikki: Davis and Jay both have blood running down their faces.

JT: Well jay's leading in the blood bath race, his back is torn to shreds too.

GP: He may be bleeding more, but he's in control right now. Jay picks Davis off the mat and plants him with a brianbuster! He covers and this one could be over! 1...............2.................KICKOUT! Davis isn't gonna let his career end that easily.

Nikki: By the look in Psycho Jay's eyes Davis' career is gonna end soon if it's up to him.

GP: Jay leaves Davis in the middle of the ring and heads to the outside. He's going towards the Witch Doctor's announce table! He just took a large Tony Davis doll from them!

Witch Doctor announcer: WHICITA SUKA NABA FOO!

JT: HAHAHAH! Psycho Jay's humping the witch doctor's head! That's great!

Nikki: Can't we go one match without Jay humping a head?

GP: I guess not. Now Jay rolls back into the ring with the doll. Davis is back to his feet, Jay swings but Davis ducks! He grabs the doll from Jay and smacks him upside the head with it! Jay's down!

Nikki: That doll tore apart and a rock fell out of it!

JT: A booby trapped voodoo doll? What's next?

GP: A toaster just flew out of the crowd and into the ring. Davis picks it up and slams it on jay's knee! DAVIS IS REPEATEDLY BASHING PSYCHO JAY'S RIGHT KNEE WITH THAT 4 SLICE METAL TOASTER! JAY'S SCREAMING OUT IN PAIN!

Nikki: If Jay's leg is bad he's not gonna be able to get Davis up for a Superbomb.

JT: No really? Great observation genius.

*SMACK*

GP: Now Davis picks Jay up and whips him to the ropes, Davis with a knee lift right into Jay's face! Davis heads to the outside and pulls a table out from underneath the ring. Davis slides the table into the ring and sets it up. Tony picks Jay up and drags him onto the table. He's setting him up for the Equalizer(double underhook piledriver)!

Nikki: If he hits this then we're gonna have a new champion!

GP: Davis hooks Jay's arms and tries to pikc him up, but Jay resists! Now Jay lifts with his back and flips Davis over....DAVIS IS HOLDING ON TO JAYS BACK. JAY JUST DROPS BACKWARDS ONTO OF DAVIS PUTTING BOTH ME THROUGH THE TABLE!! JAY IS ON TOP OF DAVIS FOR THE COVER, 1.................2.....................THREEEEEEEEENO!!! Davis got the shoulder up at the last second! Both men are slow to get up now.

Nikki: Any normal human being wouldn't be able to move right now, but these IWO wrestlers are the top athletes in the world today.

JT: It looks like Jay's getting to his feet first. He pulls davis up with him and tosses him over the top ropes. Jay follows to the outside and dumps Tony over the guard rail!

GP: Both men are exchanging blows through the crowd. Hey that guy looks familiar.

Nikki: It's Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam!

GP: Psycho Jay just grabbed the Ukulele from Eddie Vedder and breaks it over Davis' head!

JT: Poor Eddie! How's he gonna play Soon Forget now!

Nikki: Who cares we've got an amazing match going on right now!

GP: Now Jay is pounding Davis up the steps! They're onto the concourse now!

JT: What the hell?

Nikki: Is that what I think it is?

GP: IT'S A STUFFED GOAT! JAY RAMS DAVIS HEAD FIRST INTO THE GOAT. THAT POOR GOAT! THIS IS WRONG!

JT: The goat was already dead who cares?

Nikki: We're gonna have animal rights people all over us now.

GP: Now Davis nails Jay in the face with an elbow and throws him through the bathroom door! Davis tosses Jay into the first staul and slams the door on his head. Davis takes him to the second staul and does the same thing. Now to the third staul.....wait a second, that's Janitor Nine from the Winds of Change's janitor squad!

JT: He's cleaning the toilet!

Janitor Nine: Hey, do you mind >;o{?

Davis: Shut the hell up!

Janitor Nine: No! :-(

GP: Davis takes the janitor's plunger and gives him a swirlie! Now Davis is beating on Jay with the plunger.

Nikki: That is disgusting, who knows where that could have been.

GP: Now Davis throws Jay out of the bathroom. Jay bumps into a girl dressed in leather and chains?

JT: A Bondage Chick!

Nikki: Why?

GP: I don't know why, but Jay just picked up the bondage chick and low blowed Davis with her! Davis doubles over in pain and Jay DDT's him on the floor! Now Jay throws Davis up on top of a snack truck! Jay is climbing up with him and they're on the hood! Jay hoists Davis up with a Gorilla Press and tosses him onto the roof of the truck!

JT: This is not going to turn out good.

Nikki: They're battling on top of the truck, nearly 20 feet in the air.

JT: That's a big truck!

GP: Now Davis gainms the advantage on Jay, he boots him in the stomach and nails him with the EQUALIZER!!! IT'S OVER! DAVIS COVERS, 1..................2...................THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENO! JAY KICKED OUT! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

JT: Neither can Davis!

Nikki: Neither can I!

GP: Now Davis is picking up Jay for another one, he hooks his arms.....Jay blocks it! JAY GRABS DAVIS AND LOCKS HIM IN.....HUMPINATOR(spinning death penalty)!!! DAVIS' CAREER IS OVER! JAY COVERS, 1.......................2..................................THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENO!! OH MY GOD DAVIS KCKED OUT OF THE HUMPINATOR! JAY IS STUNNED! HE PICKS DAVIS BACK UP.......HE SHOVES HIS HEAD BETWEEN HIS LEGS.....HES GONNA SUPERBOMB HIM OFF THE TRUCK! NOOOO!

JT: Yes!

GP: JAY LIFTS DAVIS UP, TONY'S PUNCHING JAY! JAY'S ROCKING BACK AND FORTH WITH DAVIS STILL HELD UP FOR THE POWERBOMB! OH MY GOD! THEY BOTH FALL BACKWARDS OFF THE TRUCK! WHAT HAPPENED?

JT: We couldn't see it! The camera's view was blocked!

GP: DO WE HAVE ANOTHER CAMERA ANGLE? GET ANOTHER CAMERA ANGLE!

Nikki: The camera is around the back of the truck now.....The ref slides underneath the truck.

GP: Psycho Jay is on top of Davis! THE REF COUNTS, 1..................2...................................THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! IT'S OVER! PSYCHO JAY RETAINS HIS BELT! TONY DAVIS' CAREER IN THE IWO IS OVER! ONE HELL OF A MATCH!

Nikki: We've got the camera angle now!

GP: LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENED.

(The alternate camera angle shows Psycho Jay and Davis falling off the back of the truck. As they fall they each do a 360, but Psycho Jay is able to connect with the Superbomb somehow and stay on top of Davis.)

GP: I cannot even describe what just happened! I do not know how two human beings could have managed to survive that and how Psycho Jay contorted his body enough to maintain the powerbomb through that fall! That was simply amazing.

JT: You're telling me! That match kicked ass!

Nikki: I guess Psycho Jay is a good champion after all!

GP: Well that'll do it for the IWO's Fear The Darkness............

[All of a sudden 'I am Your Boogie Man' By White Zombie starts to play as the fans start to boo!! ]

GP: DAMN IT…. I AM SICK OF THIS GUY!!!

JT: Get used to it…HES ARE NEXT WORLD CHAMP!!!

Evan Levine: Jay….Good win….Too bad it had to be with such a damn LOSER!!! Davis…IM damn glad your leaven this fed for good!!!

[Evan looks around at the wreckage at the truck, as he circles the truck.]

Evan: You have always been a loser…AND WILL ALWAYS BE A LOSER!!! I should have known better to let you of all people run at the World title….WELL NO MORE!!! Its time I take actions into my own hands….Jay….IM going to take that belt from you and you will never see it again.

[Evan gets close to the wreckage morso, as Tony gets to his feet]

Evan: As for you Tony…..get ready to wash a car….because your out of a job…you lose!!! AND YOUR FIRED!! YOU'RE GONE FROM CP, and YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE GONE FROM THE IWO, BECAUSE NO WONDER CARES ABOUT YOUR SORRY ASS ANYMORE! HAHAHA…..once a loser always a loser!

[As the fans boo as Tony lowers his head Evan starts to laugh…then all of a sudden….Tony turns and NAILS EVAN!!! Evan falls back into the arms of Psycho Jay…WHO HUMPS HIS HEAD!!!! THE FANS GO NUTS as Evan pulls way. RIGHT INTO THE ARMS OF TONY DAVIS!!!!]

JT: NO….SOMEONE HELP HIM!!!

[Tony yells out to the fans as he NAILES THE EQUALIZER ON EVAN!!!! ON THE OUTSIDE!]

GP: Fans were out of time…..for JT and Shallow….IM GP……JOIN US FOR HT THIS FRIDAY!!!!

[The scene dies out with Tony Davis yelling out to the fans hand and hand with Psycho Jay!!!]


FINALLY EVAN LEVINE GETS HIS SHOT
BUT WILL GAYM TIME PREVAIL?
Fear the Darkness
Psycho Jay vs. Evan Levine
Team Tampax vs. the Prep Kids
PLUS MUCH MORE!
November 26, 2000
Live from Philadelphia, PA