("TNT" by AC/DC plays as we fade in to a tremendous fireworks extravaganze, with tons upon tons of English people pounded in to the London Wembley Stadium out in London, England. It's the IWO Worldwide Tour, with PPVs around the world, and fans here are just going completely nuts over the fact that the Internet Wrestling Organization has finally hit their country. Flags are being flown all over the place, people are yelling and screaming and doing other such random manical acts...it's quite a funny site, actually. It's too bad we don't have a picture. Oh well. Anyway, the camera zooms in on a sign that says "I'm American!" The people next to that guy notice him and start to beat the crap out of him. Nice. JT, Greg Parker (GP), and Johnny Shallow (Shallow) are sitting at the announce booth at ringside.)
Shallow: ....... ....... ....... ..... LOUD IN HERE!
GP: I CAN'T EVEN HEAR MY.... TALK!!
Shallow: I DIDN'T KNOW ...... COULD BE SO LOUD!?
JT: I DIDN'T .... ANYTHING COULD BE THIS ...!!
GP: WELCOME TO DESPERATE MEASURES 2000 FOLKS!! WE'RE HERE LIVE (on just a TINY tape delay for you Americans) FROM LONDON, ENGLAND! WE'VE GOT A CARD THAT'LL BLOW YOU AWAY TONIGHT!!
JT: WE'VE GOT TONS OF BLOODY MATCHES!
Shallow: Whew...it's calming down a tiny in here...I can finally speak...
JT: Yes! It's finally bloody quiet in here!
GP: You're going to get smacked.
JT: Bloody try me!
(GP takes a TV and swings at JT. JT dodges...Shallow also has to duck.)
Shallow: If you had been 2 inches closer it would've been bloody YOU that was bloody!
GP: Enough with the bloody already! It's bloody corny!
JT: Yes, now it's definetely bloody overused.
JT:.............BLOODY! Ok, I'm done now.
Peanut vs. Altoid
GP: I've just gotten word that we're ready for our first match of the
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Desperate Measures!
("When Doves Cry" by Prince plays.)
Ring Announcer: He is a monster in his own right, weighing in at a
(Silence. Total silence.)
Shallow: This guy is a chump! Listen to these fans!
JT: What fans??
(JT and Shallow laugh.)
GP: Come on, give him more credit than that, this is his first IWO
JT: But he weighs only 79 pounds!!
Shallow: He's a beanpole!!
(JT and Shallow laugh again.)
GP: Oh well... I guess you two will be in your own little world
Ring Announcer: And his opponent...
("Peanut on the Brain" by DJ Ice begins.)
Ring Announcer: Hailing from the well-known town of Mobile, Alabama,
(Peanut comes out to laughter. He's also eating a candy bar.)
JT: AND I THOUGHT ALTOID WAS FUNNY!!!!
Shallow: DOES HE EVER STOP EATING??!?!?!?!!
JT: Don't worry about this Greg. Well take this match.
GP: Go right ahead... I probably couldn't stop you anyway...
JT: ALRIGHT!! I GET TO CALL THE MATCH!!!!
Shallow: GO JT!!
JT: HELL YEAH!!!
Shallow: All right, ring that damn bell!!
JT: Here we go! Peanut is in the ring, eating a candy bar.
Shallow: This is boring man. We need some life to this thing.
Jt: Well, Altoid decids to start attacking Peanut, but do you really
Shallow: Does Peanut even know he's in a match?
JT: I don't think so. It's kinda funny, isn't it?
Shallow: Yeah, look at Altoid, what's that, five dropkicks?
JT: Something like that. And he can't even move the big fellow!
Shallow: And Altoid is spent!
JT: He better pick a better gameplan, or just give up. There's
Shallow: Hey, where's he going?
JT: Altoid's heading to the stands! The ref starts the count,
Shallow: Damn, he's bringing out the heavy artillery! He's going
JT: Altoid back in the ring at an 8-count, and he flashes the hot dog
Shallow: Oh, that's sick! Look at the drool hanging from Peanut's
JT: Peanut gets up! He's walking for the hot dog! And Altoid
Shallow: We're all gonna die!!!!!!!!!!!!
JT: WHAT A FALL!!! I'M SUPRISED THE RING DIDN'T BREAK!
Shallow: Altiod better make the most of this oppurtunity he's been
JT: I think Altoid realizes this, and I think he also realizes that
Shallow: I guess all that cappuchino wasn't that bad of an idea anyway!
JT: Altoid still trying to turn Peanut over, but it's not going to
Shallow: Time for a new game plan.
JT: And he's now going for some sort of submission move, he's going
Shallow: Altoid probably feels like a real dick out there!
JT: This is great! Hey Greg, you enjoying this as much as we are?
Shallow: Um, JT, I think Greg's asleep...
JT: Oh, this is great! I'll be right back!
Shallow: What, you're leaving me alone?? Damn damn damn, this
JT: Phew, what a run, what did I miss!
Shallow: Look in the ring! Altoid hit Peanut in the back with
Shallow: This is great!! What'd you leave for?
JT: I had to get some stuff.
Shallow: Whipped cream and a feather? Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!
JT: You got it! A little bit of whipped cream on his hand, and
Shallow: Hah, look at Greg! He's got whipped cream all over his face!
JT: He's gonna be so pissed at us!!
Shallow: Hey, you're the one sitting next to him!
JT: Huh? HEY, NO FAIR!!!
Shallow: HAHA!! GREG'S GONNA BEAT YOUR SORRY ASS!!
JT: NOT FAIR, NOT FAIR!!
Shallow: Hey, JT, wait a second...
Shallow: What the hell is everybody pointing at?
JT: Where? Wait, I see... But I have no clue!
Shallow: I think something's falling...
JT: In the ring! It fell in the ring... Wait, IT'S DAN KORDIC!!
Shallow: DAN KORDIC'S BACK?!?!?!
JT: DAN KORDIC HAS RETURNED! AND HE'S RIGHT NEXT TO PEANUT!!
Shallow: Hey, and Peanut's standing up!
JT: Why is Dan Kordic here? Has he come to help Altoid?
Shallow: OH NO!!! HOW COULD HE DO IT??!?!!?!?
JT: PEANUT JUST ATE DAN KORDIC!! HE ATE DAN KORDIC, THE FINGER
Shallow: Well, at least until he craps him out.
JT: Good point.
JT: Hey, look at Peanut! He's pissed at Altoid for teasing him
Shallow: PEANUT JUST FARTED IN ALTOID'S FACE WHILE SITTING ON HIM!!
JT: Oh wow, was that ever fun? At least Goopy didn't come out,
GP: Huh? *Groggily* What's going on? AAHHHHHHHH!!!!
GP: JT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER, I HATE YOU!!!! YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO
JT: Greg, man, I'm sor...
JT: OWWW! DON'T PULL A NIKKI ON ME MAN!!
GP: Gimme something to wipe me face off bitch, and let's get to that
JT: Peanut. It was hilarious. You better get the replay
and watch it.
(a replay is shown of Peanut eating Dan Kordic.)
Mad Max v. Sam Potright
GP: We're back and what a match that was!
JT: We're back? We never left. This is a PAY PER VIEW. We DO NOT leave. We stay here the whole time. We keep the viewers at home company. If we left, they'd be playing with their dingies by now.
Shallow: You're soooooo funny JT.
JT: I don't like you Shallow. I've been here longer then you. So hows this...Your Role - Know It. Your Mouth - Shut It.
Shallow: I'm shakin'.
GP: All right enough you two. I'm getting word that there is something going on in the back, lets get our camera out there.
[Cameras switch to the inside of Zombie's locker room. But Zombie is no where to be found. Suddenly, a closet door swings open and Zombie falls out face first onto the floor. A pool of blood starts to ooze out from under his body.]
GP: OH MY GOD! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ZOMBIE! IN GODS NAME IN HELL ON EARTH WHAT HAS HAPPENEED TO HIM!?!?!?
JT: He's just bleeding a little. CHill out Greg.
Shallow: Yeah Greg, chill.
JT: Do you ever speak for youself!!?!?! Do you always have to feed off of my comments?? I'm warning you Shallow you better watch your steps tonight son or you might take your last one.
Shallow: Hey...the rhymes!
GP: WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!?? WE ARE GETTING SOME MEN TO CHECK ON ZOMBIE!
JT: And I care because?
GP: You care because it's YOUR DAMN JOB TO CARE!
JT: It's my job to act like a fucking jerk on television. It's your job to be a moron. And it's SHallow's job to try and be and act like me all night long.
Shallow: Ya know something JT...
JT: What? WHAT BITCH!?!?
JT: That's what I thought...chump.
GP: You just gonna take the from him SHallow?
GP: What a pansy!
JT: GREG! You said something hurtful and funny. CONGRATULATIONS!
GP: Awww shucks. Thanks JT. IT SEEMS WE HAVE FOUND THE MEN WHO HAVE DONE THIS TERRIBLE HORRIBLE ACT TO ZOMBIE. OUR CAMERAS ARE RIGHT THERE.
[Cameras cut back to a dark hall way. The screen is all fuzzy and the words "GPTV" appear in big letters. Then the letter fade and the screen becomes clear and focuses on Michael Dudley and Psycho Jay]
GP: I KNEW IT!!!
Psycho Jay: Zombie payed for not keeping his mouth shut.
Michael Dudley: Hell yeah he did!
Psycho Jay: Now I'm gonna win the world title.
Michael: No you're not, I am!
Jay: No, I AM!
Michael: No, I AM!
Jay: No, I AM!
Michael: No, I AM!
Jay: No, I AM!
Michael: No, I AM!
Jay: No, I AM!
Michael: No, I am!
[The cameras fade back to the announce booth as the two keep arguing]
JT: What penises those two are.
GP: They shouldn't have hurt Zombie like that. Something must be done.
Shallow: Lets go beat them up guys. The would be cool.
JT: Are you fucking 5 years old??!? Do you ever say anything 5 percent intelligent!?!? Jeezus!
JT: You're dam right you're sorry! Now be quiet!
GP: Well our next match is scheduled to be Mad Max versus Samuel Potright. Favorites anyone?
JT: Well, my pick is Mad Maxy pad. He's a crazy sun of a bitch. I think Samuel Potright is just out of his league on this one.
GP: What do you think SHallow?
JT: SHALLOW YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
Shallow: Yes sir.
GP: Well I think Samule Potright is gonna pull this one out. He's a rising star here in the IWO and Mad Max is just another guy he has to beat on the way straight to the top.
JT: Well said GP.
GP: Thank you. Now let's see if we can get to the introductions.
"Eye of the Tiger" plays over the sound system. Ladies and gentlemen, standing 6 feet 2 inches tall, weighing in at 207 pounds, he's from parts unknown, master of the 5-Star Frogsplash, accompanied by beth Potright....HE IS "THE SHRIMP" SAMUEL POTRIGHT!!!!!!!
GP: Potright is making his way out with his wife Beth.
JT: It could be his sister, we don't really know do we.
GP: It seems Potright is wearing sweatpants and a head band. He is jogging in place as fast as he can as "Eye of the Tiger" still blasts over the PA system.
JT: What the hell is the pissant doing?
GP: He finally jogs his way to the ring steps, and when he gets to the third one, he turns around and thrusts his hands in the air and starts to cry. Keep in mind "Eye of the Tiger" is still playing.
JT: This guy has some problems.
"Stubb (A Dubb)" By Mr. Bungle beings to blast throughout the arena. Ladies and gentlmen, he stand and astonishing 6 feet 9 inches tall, he weighs in at 298 pounds, hailing from Mego City, Mego, he's the master of the Mania....HE IS MAAAAAAAAAAAAD MAAAAAAX!
GP: Mad max appears at the entrance way and he is getting a huge pop from the crowd. They seem to like him here in London.
JT: Here in London they like everything. They don't even understand the english language.
[JT stands up turns around and gives the entire London audience the finger and yells out "FUCK YOU!" The crows begins to cheer and scream chants of JT JT!]
JT: See! I just insulted them and they are idolizing me for it. What morons. I'm never coming back to this city again.
[JT JT JT!]
JT: Well, on second thought, maybe just for a few days.
GP: All right our wrestlers are in the ring and I think I just heard the bell.
GP: No wait, now I just heard it. Lets get things going. (Max = Mad Max. Sam = Samuel Potright)
Max and Sam circling each other in the ring. They get into a huge staredown. SAM PASSES OUT! Max starts to laugh and grabs hims, takes him up top, and delivers the MANIA!
GP. Mad Max delivers the MANIA! THIS COULD BE ALL OVER RIGHT NOW!!
MAD MAX GOES FOR THE COVER! 1!!!!!! 2!!! 3!!!! NO!!!! SAMMY KICKED OUT!!
JT: He kicked out! Damn!
GP: Potright is still in it. Lets hope he doesnt pass out again.
Max picks Sam up ans swings him into the ropes. Sam comes running back and Max hits a spine buster. He drops and leg on Sam. Then another. AND ANOTHER. Then Max goes up top, HUGE FROGSPLAH NO! Sammy moves and MAx nails the mat and screams out in pain.
GP: Finally. Potright should take the offensive now.
JT: Come on MAx get your as up.
Shallow: Can I say something?
JT: Let me think...ummm...NO!
Sam goes outside and grabs a chair. Max is up. Max flies off the ropes and Sammy goes to nail him with chair. BUT MAD MAX DROP KICKS THE CHAIR RIGHT INTO THE FACE OF SAMUEL POTRIGHT AND POTRIGT IS DOWN ONCE AGAIN!
GP: OH NO! NOT AGAIN!
JT: YES AGAIN! YES AGAIN!
Mad Max picks Potright up and locks on the Angeldust!
GP: No! This could be it for Potty! Mad Max has locked on his ball and chain submission and Potty is fading fast.
JT: The referee lifts his hand.
JT: He lifts it again!
JT: He lifts it the last time! IT STAYS UP. ELBOW TO THE CHEST. ELBOW TO THE CHEST! POTTY FLIES OFF THE ROPES AND COMES BACK AND NAILS MAXY WITH A CLOTHESLINE THE KNOCKED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM!
GP: Potty is back baby!!
Potty goes back and gets that chair and starts to work on the leg of Mad Max with it. Potty throws the chair to the side of the ring. He goes up top. He signals for the FROZEN TIME!
JT: OOHHHH...NOT THE FROZEN TIME. GOOOOD NOOO! NOT!
Potty comes down hard with his 5-Star Frogsplash and makes the cover! 1!! 2!!!!! NO!!! Max kicks out within a heart beat of three!!!
JT: POTTY HAS NOTHING ON MAD MAXY PAD. GO MAXY GO!
Shallow: Can I...
The match continues as is goes back and forth. Max hits a clothesline. Potty hits a ddt. And then 5 minutes later...
[Jt looks over and Shallow]
JT: Are you crying!?!?!
[Shallow doens't say anything. Jt looks down]
JT: OH MY GOD. YOU PEED YOUR PANTS YOU SICKO! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST GET UP AND GO THE BATHROOM YOU SICK FUCK!!?!?
Shallow: You told me "NO!"
JT: That's right. I did didn't I. Well, go clean yourself up then.
[Shallow leaves the announce table]
JT: What a headcase.
GP: Lets get back to the action!
Mad Max has Potty set up for a huge suplex! No! REVERSE SNAP SUPLEX RIGHT INTO THE CENTER OF THE RING.
JT: I Heard that one from way over hear! SHEESH!
Potright hits the ropes and comes flying back with a huge sunset flip into a pin!!! 1!!! 2!!! NNOO!
GP: SOO close!!!
JT: YES SO FAR AWAY!
Potty picks Max back up. He sets him up, huge sidewalk slam! He follows with a an ever bigger pump handle slam!!!
GP: Potty on a roll baby! WHOOOO!
JT: We'll see how long that lasts.
Potty goes up top. He's going for the Frozen Time once more! He leaps, NO!!! Max moves out of the way!!!
JT: HAHAHAH! YOU SUCK POTHEAD!
Mad Max springs up. He gets that chair from the other side of the ring and throws it in the middle. He picks Potty up and flings him into the ropes. SAMOAN DROP! HUGE SAMOAN DROP RIGHT ONTO THAT CHAIR!!! Mad Max picks Samuel Potright up and takes him over to the corner. He moves him up onto the last turnbuckle!
GP: OH MY GOSH!!
JT YES YOUR GOSH!
Mad Max IS GONNA GO FOR THE MANIA FOR A 2ND TIME. NO! POTTY REVERSED IT! TOP ROPE BACKDROP ONTO THAT CHAIR!!
GP: Potright goes for the cover.......1!!! 2!!!!! 3!!!!!! IT'S ALL OVER. POTRIGHT WINS! POTRIGHT WINS!
JT: OH yeah. Who was right? WHO WAS RIGHT GP?
GP: I was.
JT: That's what I thou....wait...shit.
GP: Well that was a terrific match.
JT: I agree there Greg. But I wonder what's keeping Shallow.
(Shallow comes back in sweat pants.)
Shallow: I'm back.
JT: Heh, peed-your-pants man. What'd you do with your old pants?
Shallow: Threw them in your rental car and set them on fire.
GP: Stop it you two! Who cares about your car anyway, its not like you know how to drive on the other side of the road! Besides, it's not like EVERY SINGLE car you've ever brought to an IWO has been destroyed before! Aren't you used to it?
JT: Good point.
GP: Exactly. Anyway, our next match is a Beginner's Battle Part Two between Jacob Gryn and Trent McFarlene, this should be a terrific match!! Let's go to the ring..
Jacob Gryn v. Trent McFarlene
("What Lurks On Channel X" by Rob Zombie begins to play..)
Ring Announcer: Introducing first, a part of the Usual Suspects, he weighs two-hundred and twenty-six pounds and stands six-feet one-inches, he is JACOB..GRYYYYYYYYYN!!
("Dropping Anchor" by Jimmies Chicken Shack begins to play as Trent McFarlene comes out..)
Ring Announcer: Introducind last, he is a member of the Corrosion of Confirmity, he is.. TRENT MCFARLENE!!!
*Ding, Ding, Ding*
GP: This match is underway as both men meeting in the center of the ring and the two wish each other luck with a token handshake and a brief embrace. And with that out of the way, we're ready to go. Buckle up folks, this should be a classic!!And we're underway!!! Trent & Gryn lock up with a collar and elbow tie-up in the middle of the ring, and McFarlene gains the advantage with a top wristlock, Trent now working Gryn over, but Gryn quickly escapes into a drop-toe-hold which takes Trent McFarlene to the canvas!!
Shallow: McFarlene gets to his feet and waits for Gryn to get up, as we're in the beginning stages of the match-up, they lock up again and this time Gryn gains the advantage with a side headlock, and like McFarlene did just seconds ago, Jacob Gryn takes him down with a drop-toe-hold!! Gryn and McFarlene back to their feet and now Jacob looks a little angry that Trent essentially copied what Jacob Gryn did...
GP: Gryn gave just a glare to McFarlene, I don't believe he said anything to him though, now both men lock-up here again and now Gryn with another top wristlock, but Trent quickly escapes into an armbar, but Gryn counters into a hammerlock, and now Trent with a go-behind into a waistlock!! McFarlene hops up onto the back of Gryn and it seems as if he's going for a victory roll, but as Gryn heads towards the ropes to prevent a roll from happening, McFarlene steps onto the top rope before sprinting into the closest corner and flying off with a high cross body!! The Pin!! 1..2..TH!! NO!!! Kickout by Gryn!!
JT: Just two. That was close, so close, I believe McFarlene really caught Gryn off-guard with that one.
Shallow: That was a very innovative move on the part of the brash Trent, who still is just a month or two since he debuted here!! Trent used the top rope to walk over to the corner, and that's just a amazing feat by this rookie here!!
JT: I bet the CoC is watching!! They really want to see what this man could do, as our camera moves towards the face of Phelen Kell who is watching on...
GP: Both men locking up again, and this time Gryn gains the advantage with a headlock takeover, taking Trent down to the mat. Trent McFarlene however counters out with a rollup into a pin!! 1...2...THR!! NO!!! A Kickout!! Both men to their feet and another collar and elbow tie-up, this time Gryn takes McFarlene down with a armdrag takedown, now into an armbar, but Trent back to his feet as Jacob Gryn keeps the hold locked in, McFarlene hauls off with a hard chop to the chest, and another, before backing Jacob into the ropes despite the fact Jacob has the hold locked in....
Shallow: He sends Trent into the ropes and Trent returns, Gryn for a superkick, but Trent ducks and bounces off the other set of ropes before returning into a nicely done hurrancanrana on the part of Jacob Gryn!!
GP: No pinfall attempt this time as both men back to a standing position. Gryn charges and Trent takes him down with a hiptoss. Gryn back up and this time Trent takes him down with a powerslam. Cover!! 1..2..TH!! NOO!!
JT: That was close! Both men back up now, and Gryn seems taken back by the early domination by Trent! Oh my!
Shallow: Gryn with an eye gouge, before following it up with a knee to the solarplex! Gryn now with a quick snap suplex, and he keeps the suplex position locked in before bringing McFarlene up and hitting another.. and, it looks as if he's going for another!! He does!! Three consecutive snap suplexes, wow!! McFarlene is goin through alot of pain!! And the pin, 1..2..THR!! NO!! MCFARLENE KICKS OUT!!
GP: Just a two count, and the pause may have in fact cost him! Jacob
Gryn is frustrated, but realizes his own mistake, he brings McFarlene up
by the hair and takes him back down with a quick snapmare takeover!!
JT: Two count only! Gryn stands up and McFarlene bulldogs him!! McFarlene now on the offensive brings Gryn up and there's a shot to the jaw with a forearm!! He sends Jacob Gryn into the turnbuckles and..there's a beautiful cartwheel handspring into an elbow, but Grynn catches him in a waistlock!! He walks him out to the center of the ring, and there's a beautiful back suplex into a bridge! The pin again by Gryn!! 1..2..TH!! NO!! MCFARLENE SURVIVES!!
Shallow: That was close, VERY close!! Gryn up first, and he kicks McFarlene several times before backing him into the corner while he's in a sitting position. Gryn now with a knee to the face, and another, and now he backs up, and with a head of steam he baseball slides both feet right into..no!! Kell trips Jacob Gryn..why did he do that?? Kell rarely ever cheats anymore!!
GP: Grynn arguing with Phelen allows McFarlene to get up, McFarlene goes over to Gryn, and grabs Jacob up by the hair and whips him to the ropes. Jacob returns and as Farlene goes for a body slam of some sort, Trent counters into a small package!! 1..2..THR!! NO!!! KICKOUT BY JACOB GRYN!!
JT: McFarlene gets up quickly and so does Gryn, and now McFarlene charges and takes Gryn down with a leg lariat. Trent brings Gryn up and whips him into the ropes, Jacob returns and Trent goes for a Samoan Drop..no..a Death Valley Driver!!! This could be all!!! 1..2..No! Two count only!
GP: McFarlene now is undaunted, contemplating where to go from here, he brings Gryn up and hits a fallaway slam! McFarlene now walking over to the corner, he goes to the top rope now and flies off with an elbowdrop!!!
Shallow: McFarlene now with another cover, and a kickout by Gryn at two. McFarlene pacing himself here, catching up with his breath, he brings Gryn up and sends him into the ropes for an umpteen time here tonight. Gryn returns and Trent goes for a superkick, but Jacob Gryn ducks into waistlock! He hops upon to the shoulders of Trent McFarlene for another victory roll attempt, but McFarlene counters by moving closer to the ropes. This time Gryn steps onto the top rope. McFarlene is up and is climbing the top rope..AND A MOONSAULT RIGHT ONTO GRYN!! THE PIN!!
JT: HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT!! 1..2..THRE!! NO! HOW THE HELL DID HE KICK OUT!?!?!
GP: McFarlene up, he is measuring up Gryn, they both run off th ropes, and a double clothesline!!!! Both men out cold!!.... McFarlene starting to move here, and he ets one arm draped over Gryn!! 1..2..THR!! NO!!!
JT: I'll be damned!! Grynn kicks out, but I think that's only because McFarlene couldn't get over sooner to pin him!! Both men now struggling up to their feet, Frenchie with aid of the ropes, Gryn from behind for a back suplex!!! No!! McFarlene positions him on the top rope, and now shaking off the cobwebs!!
GP: But Gryn is starting to get up and now he's standing on the top rope, McFarlene quickly joins, and there's a Russian Legsweep off the top rope by Trent McFarlene!! Good god almighty!! This is one hellashish match!! The pin by McFarlene!! 1..2..THR!! NO!!! Gryn gets the shoulder out of it, and now McFarlene sensing he should go for it all here. He brings Gryn up and there's a fisherman's suplex!! 1..2..THR!! NO!! Gryn shoulders out of it again!!
Shallow: McFarlene picks Gryn up to his feet and nails him with five consecutive chops, before a quick scoop slam. He charges over and propels himself off the middle rope with a Asai moonsault! The pin!! 1..2..NO!! AN EASY KICKOUT BY GRYN!!
GP: Trent picks Gryn up and whips him into the turnbuckle, and Gryn now reverses it and McFarlene crashes into the buckles. Gryn now backs up, and there's the cartwheel into a handspring elbow! This time he hit it.
JT: As Trent staggers out from the corner, Gryn goes for the superkick, and he hits it! Earlier he missed, and now Jacob Gryn is going to the top rope!! What could he be going for here?
Shallow: The legdrop!! That's it!! It's over!! 1..2..THR!!NO!!! Trent McFarlene just barely kicks out of it!! Lucky bastard!!
GP: Both men are seemingly running on empty here as it were, and now Gryn is frustrated and rightfully so. McFarlene kicked out of every pin from Gryn, now that is alot!! Gryn is in amazement, and can't believe it, and neither can these fans!! Gryn has used almost every move in his book, and the challenger has managed to stay in it through it all!! Gryn picks up McFarlene, and hits another fallaway slam!! Gryn going to the top rope now, but he's taking too long, hurry up!! I can hardly call the action here, I'm losing my voice!! Give me some water!!
JT: Hell no, you probably have Chlymidia!!
GP: Shutup JT!! Atleast I'm able to get an STD!! McFarlene now up, and Gryn is up as well, McFarlene now climbing up, and McFarlene nails him with a forearm before bringing him up to the second rope!! He now he hooks him for a bodyslam??? NO!! He brings him up, and there's a Michinoku Driver off the top rope!!! WOW!! Rather than going for the cover, however, McFarlene telling the crowd that it's definitely over now!! He's going for the "The Latest Craze"!!!
Shallow: He goes for it, but wait, Gryn gets up to his feet and staggers into the ropes, and McFarlene is crotched!!!
JT: Ahh!! The family jewels!! There must be a continuation in the family of Jacob Gryn!!! And look at Phelen Kell yelling at Trent to quit slacking, cause Trent is favored to win this match!
GP: Good lord, we don't need little Gryn's running around, that would be terrible!!
Shallow: But it's not as bad as little Vincent's!! AHH!!
GP: That would be terrible!! Now McFarlene hooks Gryn under his arm, and there's a hip toss off the top rope!! Trent for the cover, but instead he brings Gryn up by the hair, and now he hooks him between his legs, he's going for it, and if he hits it, it's all over!!! That Latest Craze!! He hit it!! This one's over!! Phelen is climbing the ring!! 1..2..THR!!
JT: WHAT!??!! JACOB GRYN BREAKS OUT OF THE LATEST CRAZE!! THIS IS NOT RIGHT AT ALL!!
GP: McFarlene and Phelen Kell are both screaming at the ref, allowing Gryn to get up, he runs and clotheslines Phelen out of the ring, McFarlene turns around, Gryn goes to drop kick him, but McFarlene ducks!! He turns around again, he whips Trent into the corner, and starts to pick him up, and they are now both on the top rope!! He's signalling for The Branch Dividen!! It's over!! 1..2..3!! JACOB GRYN UPSETS TRENT MCFARLENE!!
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner, JACOB GRYYN!!!
Apollo v. Ken War
GP: And we are ready for another great match here at Desperate Measures!
Shallow: Yeah, Apollo is going to go against Ken War. Oh wow, who really cares anyway? I think everybody is waiting for the World Title tournement.
JT: I'm waiting for some hardcore nudity!
GP: So ... anyways, I have a list of stipulations given to me that were announced just this morning so let's take a look.
Shallow: This is what they call an Ultimate Cage of Death! Oooh, scary! HA!
GP: First order of business is that the ring is outside of the arena. A cage made of crude metal poles bent into the form of a cage is around the ring. The other two sides of the ring are covered with electrified chain link fencing.
JT: Sounds like its going to be a bloody-ass match!
Shallow: Yep, but there is more. Give me that ... Hmm... The crude metal bars have razor-wire interwined in them and this "cage" goes about 5 feet up. There are no ropes and the regular turnbuckles are replaced with cactii!
JT: Cactii? Ha! Cactuses!
GP: No, I think Cactii is the right term ... oh, who cares? Anyway, to go on with these stipulations. Each of the four turnbuckles there is a a material that will cause pain. These are land mines, lemon juice, salt, and sedative filled needles.
GP: There is a scafold like structure about three quaters of the way up made of chain link fencing and metal poles. You win by KO only, but you better climb on that scaffold and get out of that cage before 10 minutes because well ... the ring will explode in ten minutes.
JT: This is just crazy.
Shallow: You forgot to mention that the ring will be scattered with weapons.
GP: Oh who cares? Both guys are going to die! This match is insane. We should just go on with the other matches!
JT: Oh quit your jabbering.
GP: I've been informed that the wrestlers are ready to go so let's go right outside of the arena and witness the death of two IWO wrestlers.
JT: You worry too much GP.
(We go outside the arena where we see the ring outside and we see Ken War by one corner and Apollo by the other. The bell rings.)
GP: Here we go, Ken War charges and knocks Apollo down. Apollo climbs back to his feet and hits him with a hard right. Apollo takes Ken War and throws him into those unforgiving metal poles!
JT: Ken War is already cut up from the razor wire on those poles. Apollo takes Ken War's head and rams it into those poles! War's head is busted open! Apollo now with a kick to Ken War, powerbomb!
Shallow: Wow, I never got what people see in these way hardcore matches.
JT: Shut up, we see BLOOD!
Shallow: You are truly a sad little man.
GP: Apollo picks up a chair. He swings for War and connects right to his face! Oh jeez, Ken is being manhandled in the early goings.
Shallow: Apollo picks Ken War up, Irish whip right into those electrified razorwire fences! OUCH! Kenny's smoking now. Apollo starts stomping away on Ken War. He backs off and the ref outside the ring starts the KO count. One ... Two ... Three ... Four ...
JT: Ken is slowly starting to get back up. Apollo picks up a baseball bat and rams it right against Ken's back! Ken goes down again!
GP: The ref with the count once again. One ... Two ... Three ... Four ... Five ...
JT: Ken tries to get up, he grabs at one of those metal poles and pulls himself up. His hand is now cut up from razor wire. Apollo now charges, Ken War sidesteps and throws Apollo right into the cactus turnbuckle!
GP: I guess that was the one with the land mines. Apollo is knocked down to hell from that explosion!
JT: HAHA! This is great! Come on! Ken War is now getting into the groove of things. He finds a garbage can and rams it into the head of Apollo. The ref now starts the count. One ... Two ... Three ... Four ...
Shallow: Apollo climbs up to his knees, Ken with a chair right to the back of Apollo's head! Ken picks Apollo up, kick, piledriver on the chair!!
GP: Ken picks Apollo up, Irish whip, reversed, Ken goes flying into the cactus turnbuckles with the sedative needles! Ken is numb now! I am being informed that there is 7 minutes left before the ring blows up. Apollo comes from behind, inverted DDT!
Shallow: The ref starts the count, one ... two ... three ... four ... five ... six ... Ken is fighting back up! seven .... eight ... he's on his knees ... nine ... Ken is up! Apollo can't believe it! He charges Ken, back body drop into the electrified razorwire fence! MY GOD THAT COULD HAVE KILLLED APOLLO!
JT: Oh, pish posh! You're going to die of a heart attack because you worry to much!
Shallow: Oh go to hell.
GP: Both of you shut up!
Shallow: He started it.
GP: Who cares! Back to the match at hand, the ref is starting the count on Apollo. One ... Two ... Three ... Four ... Ken just picked Apollo up! He could have won the match.
JT: He wants to cause more damage! He throws Apollo into the metal poles. He take a barbed wire baseball bat and rams it right against the head of Apollo's head. He now takes Apollo and whips him into the turnbuckle of salt!
Shallow: Apollo has to be in a WORLD of hurt right there. Three minutes until the ring blows up! Somebody has to win and they have to get outta there! Apollo is trying to muster the strength to get up. He somehow crawls to his feet and ducks a Ken War punch. Low blow, DDT! Both men are down! We've only wrestled for about 7 minutes, but this has had to be a tough physical match for these guys.
JT: The ref is now conducting the KO count. One ... two ... three ... four ... five ... six ... seven ...
GP: Apollo rolls around and puts his hand over Ken War! This isn't a pins fall match! One.. Two.. Three!!! Apollo would have won but this is not a pins fall match! Ken War now rolls back to his feet. The ref is shouting at them that there is only a minute left before they have to get out of there. Apollo doesn't want to be blown up. He gets on one of the ladders and climbs to the scaffold!
JT: Ken War is right behind him and they are fighting on the scaffold. Apollo with a scoop slam onto the scaffold. Apollo now jumps out of the cage! War follows with a huge splash! War just splashed Apollo on that hard concrete!
Shallow: They are out of the ultimate cage of death! The referee doesn't know what to do? Well, the rules say that the match goes on until a KO so we keep on fighting! The ring is going to blow! Ken War and Apollo start running for their lives!!!
GP: WAR AND APOLLO HAVE JUST GONE FLYING!!! THAT EXPLOSION WAS BIG!!! MY GOD THIS IS INSANE!
JT: I, ALONG WITH ALL THE FANS LOVE IT!
GP: Ken climbs back to his feet and starts exchaning blows with Apollo. Ken grabs Apollo and throws him to the arena wall! Apollo staggers back and we are now in the parking lot! Apollo blocks a punch from War, and delivers a hard right to War. War stumbles back onto the hood of MY CAR! GET OFF MY CAR! Oh jeez!
JT: Apollo steps back and drop kicks Ken War right through the windshield! HAHAHA! Your car is wrecked!
GP: Oh shut the hell up please!
Shallow: Ken is cut up pretty badly. He gets out of the car and is nailed back to the floor by an Apollo clothesline! Apollo picks Ken War up and takes him into the arena!
GP: Apollo and Ken War are now in the backstage area of the arena. By the locker rooms. Apollo rams Ken War to the wall! Apollo now leads Ken War into the fans! They are now fighting amongst the fans!
Shallow: This match has just gotten everywhere. Ken War blocks an Apollo punch, kick, powerbomb! Ken War now brings Apollo over the guard rail and we in the regular ring! This is insane!
JT: Stop saying that! War grabs a table and a chair. He whacks Apollo in the head with the chair. He sets up the table, powerbomb through the table! Apollo may be out! War now stomping the hell out of Apollo! He applies a boston crab! Oh this is a smart maneuver! Even if Apollo taps it won't mean anything. He has to be knocked out for War to win!
GP: It's sick! War just wants co cause pain!
JT: Nothing wrong with that. Apollo is screaming out in pain with blood just gushing down his face. War lets go, but why? He grabs the chair and rams it into Apollo's knee! Oh this is good! And he rams it into the knee cap once again! Apollo's knee could be bashed up good! Ken War now applies a figure four!
Shallow: OK, this has gone far enough, will somebody please just get knocked out?
JT: WHY? It's just getting fun now! Apollo is screaming in pain. He's begging War to let go of the figure four.
Shallow: But Apollo is gaining some strength. He flips around and reverses the figure four! War is the one in pain now! War flips him back around and lets go of the hold.
GP: War picks Apollo up, knee drop! War is just trying to destroy the knee of Apollo. War now sends Apollo to the ropes ... Apollo collasped! He can't handle the pressure on his knees anymore!
JT: This could just be over for Apollo. Ken picks him up, with a punch, blocked by Apollo! Apollo now slaps Ken War right against the chest! He picks Ken up for the Canibuster ... War flips around and delivers his own tombstone on a chair! Apollo is out!
GP: Things don't look to good for Apollo. War now goes up to the top with Apollo ... THE BLACK DIAMOND! THE BLACK DIAMOND! THIS SHOULD BE ALL FOR APOLLO!
Shallow: The ref counts, one... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... ten!!! Ken War wins! Ken War wins!
("Uh, All Night" by Kiss starts to play.)
Ring Announcer: The winner of this match, KEN "THE WAR MACHINE" WAR!!!!!
Shallow: What a match.
I/C Tag Title Match
GP: Ok, our next match is between The Prime Time Soldiers and The Usual Suspects, for the I/C Tag Titles, which the Suspects currently hold!! "Scott's A Dork" by Reel Big Fish has already begun to play, and here come the former tag team champions!!
Ring Announcer: Introducing first, the challengers, first from Scranton, PA, he weighs two-hundred and forty pounds, and stands six feet 4 inches tall, he is accompanied to the ring by the lovely Ariana..he is Scott Stone!! And his partner, being accompanied to the ring by Lil' G', he weighs two-hundred and thrity nine pounds and is also six feet four inches, he is Tyler Johnson!!
GP: Here come The Suspects, they don't even care!! They run down, and this match is underway!! Tyler and Chris Davidson start it out, they lock up, Tyler pushes Davidson back and gets up slowly staring down Tyler Johnson. They get up and lock up again, Ty whips Davidson to the ropes, he picks him up and a back breaker from Tyler Johnson!! Ty run over and tags in Scott Stone, Scott runs over and starts to stomp away on Chris Davidson. Chris gets up
and charges at Stone, drop toe hold by Scott Stone!! Chris goes down hard, and hits the mat face-first. But he's quickly up, and Stone takes him back down with a dropkick!
JT: Davidson back up to his feet, and Scott Stone stomping away at the leg now. Davidson falls back into the corner for support, and Scott Stone with a dropkick right to the knee!
GP: Scott Stone now whips Davidson across and Davidson hits hard!! Scott Stone charges in, slides to the outside, and trips Davdison on his way out!! Stone quickly grabs the legs of Chris on the outside, pulls back and crotches him on the post!!!
Shallow: Scott grabs the leg of Chris, and slams it into the steel!! And again!! Stone quickly rolls back into the ring now, and a tag to Tyler Johnson!!
GP: Tyler's now going to work on Davdidson. Johnson quickly brings him up, and rolls through into a leg lace!! Davidson in deep trouble here! Davdidson trying to make the ropes here, BUT JOHNSON'S GRIP IS TO STRONG!!
JT: Wait a minute, Gryn just dropped from the apron, and he's over to place the hands of Davidson on the ropes!! C'mon!! The ref now notices the positioning of Davidson's hands, and he's giving him a five count to break it..and he breaks at four!!
Shallow: Johnson quickly up, and takes a swipe at Davidson, who falls for it and rushes out of the ring!!!
GP: Stone quickly in, and now they both bring Davidson up, and trip him right back down, wishbone!!! And again!! The referee finally clears Gryn from the ring now, and Johnson now has the leg of Davidson again, leaps over Davidson and snaps it behind his head!!! Dear God!!
JT: Davidson sits up and clutches at his leg here, and Johnson arrogantly kicks him right in the back!
GP: Johnson brings Chris up and shoves him back into the corner. Unloads a hard chop!! Tyler chopping away at the chest of Davidson now, and now takes the leg of Davidson and wraps it around the ropes. He's pulling hard on that leg, and the ref giving him a five count to break it, and Johnson breaks it at four.
JT: Johnson now brings Davidson back into the middle of the ring, whips him into the ropes, and catches him coming off with a dropkick to the knee that sends him for a flip! What a move!
Shallow: Davidson quickly headed to the top now, he's gonna nail that leg!! And Scott Stone shoves Davidson off the top rope!!!
GP: And Scott flies off the opposite turnbuckles with a frog splash to the knee behind the ref's back!!! Johnson now makes a legal tag to Scott Stone, and the ref turns and sees it, Stone brings Davidson up, lifts him onto his shoulders, and a flapjack!!!
JT: Stone brings Davidson up again, and whips him into the ropes, reversal by Davidson, into a reversal by Scott Stone!! And a doubleg trip! Stone hooks the right leg, and he's got on a single-leg boston crab!! Stone showing great wrestling ability here!!
GP: Davidson is in great pain here, taking quite the beating, but he's close to his corner, and I don't think Scott Stone realizes this!!.... and Davidson reaches out and tags in Jacob Gryn!! Johnson's trying to alert Stone, but I don't think he hears him!!! Gryn climbing to the top rope now!! FLYING DROPKICK!! And the pin by Jacob Gryn!! 1..2..THR! NO!! STONE BARELY KICKS OUT!!
Shallow: Stone crawls back into his corner, and Gryn picks him up and unloads on him!! He's pounding on him with rights and lefts!! Gryn whips him into the ropes, spinning spinebuster! Gryn hooks both legs from behind!! Another pin!! 1..2..THR!! NO!! STONE KICKS OUT!!
JT:Gryn picks up Stone, kick to the stomach, he's going for a powerbomb!! Yes he connected!! He lifts him up onto his shoulders, and Scott hammering away on him!!
GP: Stone slides down the back of Gryn, quickly off the ropes, Gryn reaches back and picks him up into a sidewalk slam!!! Another pin!! 1..2..THR! NO! STONE KICKS OUT!! Once again he picks up Stone, and a snap suplex!! Gryn holds on, another!!! And another!! What charisma by Jacob Gryn!!
Shallow: And he's not done!!! Gryn *again* brings him up, go-behind, and a german suplex right on his head! Gryn quickly covers!!! 1..2..THR!! NO!!
GP: Grynn picks Stone up again, whip into the ropes, powerslam and a pin!! 1.2...THR!! NO!!
JT: Gryn once again picks Scott Stone up, brainbuster!!! He's heading to the top now, takes a moment to taunt towards Tyler Johnson, and flies off with a huge splash!!! He hooks the leg! It's over!! 1...2...THR!! JOHNSON BREAKS THE COUNT!! Johnson and Gryn now fighting!! And Gryn clotheslines him outside the ring! Gryn turns around and a swinging neckbreaker by Scott Stone!!
GP: Stone has recovered somewhat, and he's in the ring with a chair!!! Stone's holding Gryn up, Stone swings and hits Gryn!! Wait..Gryn dropkicks the chair into the face of Stone, who falls out of the ring and lands awkwardly on his knee! Gryn covers Stone, but the ref is arguing with Tyler Johnson!! He notices!! The pin!! It's over!! 1..2..NOO!!
Shallow: Gryn's still shaking off the effects of Stone's attack here, leaps onto his shoulders for a hurricanrana!! But Scott reverses, slides down, SUICIDAL TENDENCIES!! THE PIN!! NEW I/C TAG CHAMPS!! 1..2..THRE!! OH MY GOD!! GRYN KICKS OUT OF THE SUICIDAL TENDENCIE!!
GP: Stone picks Gryn up, whip into the ropes, blind tag by Gryn!! Stone catches him coming off with a big back elbow!!! Johnson is still down on the outside!! And Davidson just spun Stone around to face him!!! Trading words now, slap by Davidson!!! Stone fires back with a right hand!!! Now Stone is hammering away at Davidson, backs him into the ropes with a series of fists, and a whip across by Scott Sont!! He spins, and catches Davidson coming off with a rolling elbow!!! Cover by Stone!! 1..2..NO!!
JT: Stone brings Davidson up to his feet, whips him into the ropes again and puts his head down, Davidson hooks him up!!! He's going for the sitdown crucifix powerbomb!! He connects!! 1..2..THR! NO!!
Shallow: Davidson picks him up, and throws him to the outside!!! Davidson follows him out, and whips him hard into the guardrail!!! Stone flips over it into the crowd!! Davidson follows him out there also, and they're brawling among the fans! And of course by now you all know that thing about not being responsible for the results of the actions of rampaging talent and all that.
JT: Davidson grabs Stone, attempts a whip, and Stone reverses it and sends Davidson into a fan!! The fan falls backwards and hits another fan, causing a comical domino effect!! This is histarical!! HAHA!! Stone now has Davidson, and he's bringing him back over to the French announce... and now Stone climbs over the guardrail and onto the table! He's telling the announcers to clear out, and they're scattering.
GP: Stone reaches back over the guardrail, and now pulls Davidson up and over it, but Stone fires back with a right hand and Davidson is staggered!!! Davidson climbs onto the guardrail now, and he's standing on top of it! Davidson leaps off onto Stone and tries a hurricanrana!!! Stone catches him!!! He's gonna powerbomb him off the table!!! Davidson firing back with rights, and now he slips off and lands on the table in front of Stone!! Davidson tries a lariat, Stone ducks, and catches Davidson with a boot to the stomach! Lifts him up, and he's going for that powerbomb again!
JT: Wait!! Gryn and Johnson are now in, Gryn whips Johnson to the ropes, Gryn goes up, THE BRANCH DIVISION!! HE THROWS JOHNSON OUTSIDE!!
GP: Now look, Stone and Davidson are on the top, battling it out, Stone is going for the Suicidal Tendencie off the top rope, blocked by Davidson, Davidson going for The Seven-Second Delay, but that's blocked, Davidson has the positioning, but just can't move!! Wait, Johnson nails Davidson, and he falls countering the Seven-Second Delay!! Johnson is celebrating, but what he doesn't know is Davidson connected it!! Johnson grabs the belt, but Davidson covers Stone..1..2..3!! THE USUAL SUSPECTS SURVIVE!! WHAT A MATCH!!
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner and STILL I/C Tag Champions, The Usual Suspects!!
World Tag Title Match
GP:Well this one certainly should be interesting...two of the best tag teams in IWO history going at it here folks!
JT:AHAHAHHAA! I love TPK...Randal McCloud and Jordan Howitt baby...they are easily the best tag team ever. Who haven't they beat? Let's see they've beaten The Beverly Hills Bruisers, the Foregin Legion, and if memory serves me right even the infamous Doomsday Express.
Shallow:Yes they certainly have accomplished quite a bit...but I think you'd have to go a long ways to beat Era of Our Kind. EOOK is possibly one of the best teams in IWO history....Kenny Friska AKA Master Mage is just returning off an injury and well Rodney Phoenix has had quite a singles career as well as a tremendous tag career...so their is no telling what is gonna happen hear <lip smack noise like always made on RA show> I don't even know...just....I don't even know.
GP:Thank you Shallow for your articulate comments....let's go down the ring for introductions...
Ring Announcer:Ladies and gentlemen the following match is set for one fall and is for the IWO World Tag Team Championship...Introduceing first the challengers at a total combined weight of 465 pounds...hailing from Los Angelous...one of the best damn tag teams ever...."Master Mage" Kenny Friska...."Phantom" Rodney Phoenix...ERA OF OUR KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!
::"Where ever I may Roam" by Metallica begins to play as EOOK make their way out to the ring. Rodney Phoenix has the mic as he stands in the middle of the ring.::
Phoenix:Ladies and gentlemen...Kenny and myself have been patient...we have waited for our chance to regain our prize we lost too Hostile Youth months and months ago...So it has been said that we are going to regain those titles here tonight! <Crowd cheers> We are the best team the IWO has ever had...we have the most experience...we have the best finisher...and we are just the fucking best! So Prep Kids....march on out here and face the music. We shall regain our titles here tonight...Why? <points mic to crowd> BECAUSE WE ARE THE ERA!
Ring Announcer:And introduceing next the champions....first from Los Angelous Ca....weighing 233 pounds here is "The Phoenix" Randal McCloud! And his tag team partner from Anaheim Ca.....weighing in at 222 pounds here is the "Super Star" Jordan Howitt...together they from THE PREP KIIIIIIIIIIIIDS!
::"Wake up" by Rage Against the Machine plays as TPK make their way out to the boos of the crowd.::
Randal:If you idiots would shutup for just one second and let someone important talk you might just learn something. <boos> Now Era of Our Kind....you think your winning tonight? I THINK NOT! You see we ARE tag team wrestling here in the IWO..you are nothing more then a second rate washed up HAS BEEN team!
Jordan:As my partner was saying...TPK is what tag team wrestling is all about here in the IWO...like it or love it gentlemen we are the team right now in the IWO. Hostile Youth...no more...The Beverly Hill Bruisers...HA! We ran them out of the IWO already. The only two teams that could ever even come close to standing up to us are gone....tonight EooK...TPK will once again prove why we are the best their was...best their is...
Randal:FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T FINISH THAT BUDDY!
Jordan:Oh haha whoops....I mean...We are the best damn tag team in the world today! And no matter what....
GP:OH! ERA HAS HAD ENOUGH....MASTER MAGE DECKS MCCLOUD AND JORDAN GOES DOWN FROM A STIFF FOREARM BY PHANTOM THE CROWD IS GOING WILD!
JT:UNFAIR! UNFAIR! WHAT A CHEAP SHOT...BUT WHAT CAN I EXPECT FROM EOOK! THEY NEVER HAD THE BALLS TO DO ANYTHING REMOTLEY RESEMBLEING WRESTLING!
GP:Mage just launched McCloud on the outside and Phantom is going to work on Howitt....Phantom whips Howitt into the ropes....THROWS HIM UP IN THE AIR....3/4 NECK DROP! Phantom now goes off the ropes...spring board leg drop but nobody home! Howitt up fast drops Phantom with a drop kick....Phantom rolls and both men are up....Howitt runs at Phantom...arm drag! Up...and ANOTHER one!
JT:Meanwhile on the outside...Mage just sent McCloud head first into the ring post....and has him up..PILE DRIVER on the cold cement floor! McCloud rolls off and is seeking salvation...NO! Mage grabs a steel chair and smacks him in the head! Wheres the DQ ref! Where's the DQ!
Shallow:Told you EOOK was gonna win this one....they are kicking some heavy duty booty!
GP:Phantom has Howitt up and whips him out over the top. Phantom goes up top....SUICIDE PLANCHA TO THE OUTSIDE! Howitt goes down hard!
JT:EOOK are cheap! They are nothing more then street fighters!
GP:They can wrestle...but they are now just beating the ummmm...well it's PPV and theirs no Chairman Dane anywhere to be seen so I'll say it...they are beating the fuck out of TPK!
Shallow:That they are...that they are...now Mage has McCloud up and just tossed him into the crowd...Mage grabs a chair and WAM! Nails him with it! McCloud has been busted wide open. Mage is leading McCloud through the crowd and just slammed him into the far wall of the arena!
GP:Mage has a table now and just nailed McCloud with a DDT and then laid him on the table. Meanwhile Phantom has Howitt in the ring and they are declared the legal men. Phantom has Howitt up for a powerbomb...NO! Howitt slips out the back and nails Phantom with a face buster! Howitt now goes up top.....FROG SPLASH! Cover...1.....2....NO!
Shallow:Wow this match is really heating up....
JT:Fuck that...Mage is up in the balcony now and Howitt is laid out on the table....OH MY GOD MASTER MAGE JUST NAILED A 450 SPLASH OFF THE LEDGE THROUGH THE TABLE TO THE FLOOR! THIS EVEN IMPRESSESS ME!
GP:AND JUST THINK FANS A FEW SHORT MONTHS AGO WE THOUGHT WE WOULD NEVER HAVE THE HONORS OF SEEING MAGE IN THE RING AGAIN...BUT IT LOOKS LIKE HE MIGHT HAVE JUST HIT A MOVE THAT COULD ENABLE EOOK TO WIN THE TAG TEAM TITLES!
Shallow:OUCH THAT'S GOTTA HURT!
GP:McCloud has Phantom up in the ring and scoop slams him....no he turns it...into a reverse DDT! Wow that was a hard hitting move. McCloud grabs Phantom....stunner! that sent Phantom flying!
JT:Neither Mage nor Howitt have moved yet...I think and hope they're dead....that would be funny!
GP:McCloud grabs Phantom...Indian Deathlock.....this is a very painful submission folks.
Shallow:Phantom is screaming and reaching for the ropes...but so far no sucess McCloud has it REALLY locked in...wow that looks like it hurts....ewww this is almost as painful as watching a Dane Wilt match.
GP:That was lame Shallow...
GP:McCloud is almost to the rope...he has been struggleing and struggleing but finally has the rope...YES! The hold must be broken!
JT:AHAHAHAHHA! Master Mage is up and is stumbleing towards the ring...man he has seen better days.
GP:Phantom has McCloud up and whips him into a corner....he puts him on the top rope....OH! Cheap Shot by McCloud.....McCloud grabs him TORNADO DDT! WOW that may have been the hardest Tornado DDT I have ever seen! What a move!
Shallow:Mage just stumbled over the security railing and is heading towards the ring....and oh my...I don't beleive it but Howitt is actually crawling off the broken table...
GP:McCloud has Phantom up....has him in a front face lock...OH! Into the twist of fate! Cover...1....2...NO! Phantom kicks out with ease...McCloud picks him up again....Rocker Drop! McCloud goes up top....SENTON BOMB INTO ELBOW DROP...NO TO THE CHEERS OF THE CROWD MASTER MAGE PULLED PHANTOM OUT OF THE RING BY THE FOOT AND MCCLOUD HITS HARD!
Shallow:Wow that would have been match to....
JT:BULL SHIT! That's illegal! EOOK CAN'T FIGHT FAIR!
GP:Well...who cares!?! Master Mage has McCloud up....POWER BOMB ONTO MCCLOUDS NECK! DAMN HE FOLDED HIM LIKE A PEICE OF PAPER...Cover...1....2...3NO! Wow what a close count. Mage had some power behind that one!
JT:That's illegal! Call for the bell...
Shallow:JT...SHUT THE HELL UP!
GP:Phantom is in the ring again....they whip McCloud into the ropes...H-BOMB! What force!
JT:AHAHAHA! Look at McCloud he is crawling back to the ring....what testicular fortitude!
JT:Hey Greg...my nuts your chin!
JT:My nuts your chin....
Shallow:Well my wang your ass....
GP:Oh what a hard left by Phantom that sent McCloud back to the ground. McCloud is takeing a serious beating here tonight folks. Phantom whips him into the ropes....DUDLEY DEATH DROP!
JT:Wow that was original.
GP:Cover by those Damn Dudleys...I mean Phantom...1......2......NO! Man how much more can McCloud take!?!
Shallow:Howitt has made it to the security rail and is twisting his body over the top...I don't even know if he can stand to be honest with ya.
GP:Master Mage whips McCloud into the ropes again...SPINE BUSTER SLAM! 1...2...NO! GOD DAMN IT! EOOK HAS TO WIN THIS!
Shallow:Howitt just rolled into the ring and has a gulf club....Phantom has McCloud up in a powerbomb....and Master Mage is putting on a neck breaker....OH! Howitt just busted that Gulf Club on Phantoms knee! Wow what force! McCloud falls and MAster Mage turns...Howitt scoops him up....PREP DROP (DVD)! Howitt is getting McCloud jup....McCloud is up and is slowly going up top....he flys...SENTON INTO ELBOW AGAIN CONNECTION THIS TIME! Cover....1......2.....3!
GP:OH MAN! EOOK LOST! DAMN IT!
JT:YESS! TPK! TPK! TPK!
Extreme Title Match
Shallow: Well we finaly got our link up to antartica, as we are about to wait for TRO, Ashton Kane, Chrome thunder and the split one. I just want one of these three crazy individuals to freeze their asses off.
GP: This shall be an interesting one, we have had our share of interesting matches, but this one is truely a first in IWO history. The four men must fight until they reach a plane and the one who makes it there is obviously the winners.
JT: and the rest of them can huddle in the snow and freeze their asses off, but all I am hoping for is blood.
GP: I see the four combatants are finaly being seen via satelite and the match is under way. Chrome thunder has a broken piece of board, ashton kane has a lead pipe, TRO has an ice pick, and split one has a bat in hand. Ashton kane has just ran after the split one and chrome is going after TRO.
Shallow: Chrome attacks TRO with that board but takes the ice pick to the stomach. Tro is working chrome with the ice pick on the forehead. Chrome is already busted open. And the blood is freezing to his forehead. TRO is still digging away at crome's head. Crome is screaming bloody murder right now.
GP: Wile chrome is getting his from TRO, the split one is working over the extreme champion with his bat. The split one is just pummleing the champion in the chest with the bat. But ashton is fighting back folks. He just crowned the split one in the head with the pole. And the pole has dented on the split one's forehead. Ashton is now at his feet now and exchanging blows with the split one. They are fighting on to the plane hanger. Now fans all that is, is ice, tar, and various weapons. The plane is also near by, if one of these two men can make it to the plane then they will be the Extreme champ. Ashton grabs a chain and is just pummleing the split one's face with that chain, the split one is now busted open as well.
JT: this has got to be one of the coolest things I have seen in my life.
Shallow: Shove it jt.
JT: bite me asshole
Shallow: don't make me hit you
GP: ok ladies calm down now, we have an extreme match to call
JT: oh yea, I forgot.
Shallow: TRO has spotted ashton kane and the split one on the hanger and has joined the frey. Chrome thunder is trying to rally himself back to his feet, but he has lost a lot of blood after the brutal ice pick shots that have juiced him like a grape. TRO and kane now are exchanging rights and lefts, and TRO has just dug the ice pick into Kane's forehead. The champ is now bleeding. The only man not busted open now is TRO. The split one broke of a 2/4 from one of the crates in the hanger, and has cracked TRO in the face with it. Oh god a nail from one of the boards is stuck inside his eye. TRO is bleeding heavily and is screaming bloody murder.
GP: Chrome thunder is back to his feet, and is running to join the four men on the runway. He runs and tackles the split one. Chrome picks the split one up and piledrives him onto the runway. Chrome has gotten his much needed second wind now. Kane is also going after the left eye of TRO. TRO is still bleeding from his eye socket after that shot to the face with the 2/4. Chrome is walking to the plane he is getting closer and closer, but the split one stops him in his tracks with a shot from that 2/4 to the back of the head. Chrome falls just short of the plane. Split one might just win this one, if he could just make it on to the plane. But what is he doing. Split one has just climbed onto the roof of the plane. Looking down at the semicontious chrome thunder. 450 MOONSAULT ONTO THE FALLEN CHROME THUNDER. The split one picks up chrome thunder now, and is trying to push him into the propelers of the plane, but chrome is barely braceing himself now. Chrome kicks back and in an act of desperation kicks the split one right in the nuts.
JT: ouch, but when you are about to die, you will do anything not to have it happen.
Shallow: no shit jt, anyways, ashton kane and TRO are fighting closer to the plane now. TRO has seemingly forgot about his busted eye, and is going tooth and nail at Kane. Blow for blow. Punch for punch. TRO goes into the crate, and grabs an sheet of glass, and shatters it over the head of Kane.
JT: I didn't know they needed glass in antartica
Shallow: don't you remember that woman who had cancer and was a doctor?
JT: yea, whats your point,
Shallow: that's probably the left over suplies she needed. I don't know, anyways, Kane is now bleeding even worse, and is laying face down on the tar mac.
GP: Chrome is now on top of that plane, and the split one is with him. Both men are exhangeing left hands on top of the machine. One false step and one of those two men will be out of this matchup. The split one has Chrome thunder up, and attempts a powerbomb REVERSAL, AND CROME HITS A HURACARANA OFF OF THE PLANE ONTO THE RUNWAY. The split one has just broken his skull and is uncontious, hell I think he is dead.
Shallow: what about chrome thunder? He just about as uncontious from bloodloss, as the Split one is from head trauma. But chrome thunder is some how getting to his feet. And is crawling to the plane. But TRO has stopped him. TRO is now putting the boots to chrome thunder. TRO has found a crowbar in one of the workmen's toolbox and is now using the forked end to work on that previous laseration on Chrome thunder's face. Chrome is now screaming bloody murder, and Ashton kane is just watching and laughing.
JT: if Ashton was smart he would have been on that plane by now. But instead he much rather watch TRO beat the fuck out of Chrome thunder.
GP: good point
Shallow: anyways, Chrome is fighting to his feet now, and hits a low blow on TRO. TRO isnt fased, and as a recept has just smashed chrome thunders head into the floor of the plane. Chrome may be out on his feet because he is just standing there grogy. TRO puts Chrome's head right in the cavety of the door, TRO grabs the doorhandle, and SLAMS THE DOOR RIGHT ON CHROME THUNDER'S HEAD, AND ANOTHER, OH MY GOD THIS IS JUST BRUTAL. ANYTHING FOR THE EXTREME TITLE.
JT: Nice touch of bloodlust
GP: TRO is dragging chrome thunder onto the wing of the plane now. Chrome somehow shakes off the brutal door shots, and is now swinging at TRO, TRO is on the edge of the wing now, right above a crate of old mines. Chrome goes for a punch. But misses
Shallow: I didn't know the army stored old weaponry down in antartica?
JT: that sure is intertesting
GP: TRO goes low on chrome thunder, AND THE HAMMER OF GOD OFF OF THE WING THROUGH THE CRATE, THE GRATE JUST EXPLODED INTO A BALL OF FIRE AND WOOD, BOTH MEN MIGHT BE DEAD. Chrome thunder is out cold and TRO is shuddering in pain. Ashton is now making the most of this situation and is heading for the plane, but TRO is gathering up all of his strength and is limping to the plane door as well. TRO and ashton kane have made it to the door of the plane, and both men have entered the plane. But what is the ruling, the match clearly states that whoever is the first man who gets to the plane, wins the match.
Announcer: Seeing that both TRO and Ashton kane have made it to the plane, this match will continute till only one man in the plane is there. And the door will be kept open.
JT: the plane is taking off with both men in there.
GP: Ashton kane is taking the upper hand and put the thumb right in the eye socket of the busted left eyeball of TRO. TRO drops to one knee. And Ashton picks up TRO for a powerbomb, the plane is taking off now, there probably a good 50 feet up by now. TRO reverses it and Ashton hits head first on the plane floor, just inside of the door. TRO picks up Ashton and POWERBOMBS HIM OUT OF THE PLANE, ASHTON IS NOW A GOOD 100 FEET AWAY FROM THE RUNWAY, AND IS FREEFALING ONTO A PATCH OF ICE, I THINK ASHTON IS DEAD AS WELL.
Announcer: Your winner and new IWO extreme champion THE RAGING ONE!!!
Al Coholic v. Rob Kestler
JT: WOW, that was one violent match,
Shallow: I have never seen a man powerbombed out of a moving plane in my life, just another first for the IWO.
GP: well men I don't know what to think after that one. Two men are possibly killed right now, and the third one is probably gonna freeze his nuts off, unless the navy can get there soon.
JT: And now we come back to boring wrestling matches against two untalented wrestlers Al Coholic and Rob Krestler!
GP: Yeah, whatever.
("Guerilla Radio" by Rage Against the Machine starts to play as Al Coholic comes down to the ring.)
Ring Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a twenty minute time limit! First coming down to the ring, at 269 pounds, AL COHOLIC!
("Stayin' Alive" by Ozzy Osbourne starts to play as Rob Krestler walks down to the ring.)
Ring Announcer: And his opponent, weighing in at 313 pounds, ROB KRESTLER!
(Ding Ding Ding)
Shallow: And here we go. Krestler knocks Al down with a shoulder block. Al rolls right back up, Krestler whips Al to the ropes back body drop! Al gets up again and knocks Krestler down with a clothesline. Krestler back to his feet, Al with a drop kick that sends Krestler down.
GP: Krestler now gets up and blocks an Al Coholic punch. Kick to the sternum, DDT! Krestler off the ropes, leg drop! Nonchalant cover, one... two... kickout by Al!
JT: BORING! BOOO!!!
Shallow: Will you please shut up?!?
JT: Sorry Mr. PMS!
GP: Back to the match at hand, Krestler has sent Al to the ropes and locked in a sleeper. Al is slowly fading.... wait, Al elbows Krestler! Krestler releases the hold, Al now runs off the ropes, Spinning Heel Kick! Al with a quick cover, one... kickout by Rob Krestler.
JT: Krestler now gets up and ducks a clothesline. Krestler off the ropes, elbow to the head of Al. Krestler picks Al up, scoop slam!
Shallow: What?!? Could it actually be JT announcing a match? Why yes it is!
JT: Oh shut up you asshole.
JT: DAMN IT!
JT: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?
JT: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
Shallow: Just shut up!
JT: DAMN IT!
GP: Anyways, Krestler in the ring is stomping away on Al. He picks Al up, kick, POWERBOMB! Cover, one... two... kickout!
Shallow: Al got his shoulder up. Krestler now whips Al to the turnbuckles, no reversed by Al. Al charges Krestler and splashes him on the turnbuckle! Al now goes up to the second rope, TORNADO DDT!
GP: Al goes for the cover, one... two... kickout by Krestler!
JT: Can I talk now?
JT: Ouch, I take that as a no.
Shallow: Some people never learn.
GP: Krestler now has taken some control back from Al Coholic. He nails Al with hard rights and lefts. Kick, vertical suplex! Cover, one... two... kickout by Al!
Shallow: Krestler now picks Al up, kick, DDT! Another cover, one.. two.. three!
Shallow: I told you to shut up!
JT: *Whimper* Why are you so mean?
Shallow: Shut up!
GP: In the ring, Al Coholic, kick, HAPPY HOUR! Cover, one... two... three! Wait! Krestler just got up and is walking away? What the hell?
JT: I don't know...
Shallow: If Kestler just got up right after that count...
JT: ...doesn't that mean he could've kicked out no problem?
Shallow: *shrugs* Guess he didn't like that title.
AIWF/IWO Internet Title Match
GP: Here we go fans, itís time for our big AIWF/IWO matchup!
JT: Itís about time Creeping Death gets whatís coming to him!
Shallow: Once again, nobody really cares, we just want to see who wins
GP: Whatever Johny, every match here in the IWO is an exciting one!
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following matchup is scheduled
::"Take The Power Back" by Rage Against The Machine plays, and out walks
Ring Announcer: Weighing in at 255 pounds...accompanied by Goopy the
::?¿? slides into the ring as Goopy walks around outside.::
Ring Announcer: And his opponent...
::"Creeping Death" by Metallica starts up as Creeping Death walks out.::
Ring Announcer: Weighing in at 210 pounds...representing the AIWF...CREEPING
GP: Well thatís odd.
GP: Creeping Death has some sort of title belt around his waist.
CD: Hey Question Mark Boy! Youíre lookiní at the NEW AIWF/IWO
::?¿? starts laughing.::
CD: Iíll prove it to you tonight! Laugh it up Marky, but Iíll
have the last
Shallow: I feel stupider just listening to him talk.
GP: CD slides into the ring and ?¿? jumps him right away!
::Ding Ding Ding::
JT: CD is retarded...I bet he wonít even bleed.
Shallow: On the bright side, ?¿? is in this match. If it
were CD taking on
GP: The Mysterious One sends CD into the ropes, but he telegraphs the
JT: Look at that dumbass try to get the crowd behind him.
GP: ?¿? back on his feet. He delivers a dropkick to the
back of CD's head,
Shallow: Where do they get these people?
GP: ?¿? off the ropes, Cross Body Block onto Creeping Death!!
GP: ?¿? picks CD up off the floor, and whips him into the guardrail!
GP: ?¿? could be hurt!
Shallow: Parker, answer a question for me. Seriously.
GP: Can it wait? Have you no heart?! ?¿? hit the rail awfully damned hard!
Shallow: He's on his feet, Parker. He's doing the usual, beating
GP: Okay...what's your question?
Shallow: How can you possibly care about this match? Two thirds
::GP just stares at Shallow, JT holds back giggles, and ?¿? continues
JT: He sure told you, didn't he Greg!
::GP shoots JT a look and JT shuts up like the little bitch he is.::
Shallow: I'll show you how a match like this should be announced.
::He sits there silent.::
Shallow: Wow. ?¿? slams CD's head into the pole.
Who would've thought that
JT: (whispering) Is he being sarcastic?
GP: YES YOU DUMB FUCK!
::JT rushes to get a change of pants.::
Shallow: ?¿? throws CD back into the ring. He follows him
in, and mounts
GP: MY GOD! ?¿? COULD HAVE SERIOUSLY HURT HIMSELF!!!
Shallow: There you go again, with your inane outbursts of emotion.
?¿? is a
GP: ?¿? picks CD up, and he sends him into the corner.
He runs in after him
GP: ?¿? kicks out! Whew! That was a close one there.
?¿? back on his
GP: CD kicked out at the last moment. ?¿? picks him back
up, and DDT's him
::"Uh, All Night" by Kiss starts to play.::
GP: That's...that's Ken War's music?! ?¿? ignores it, and
locks CD between
::?¿? looks around, expecting War to come running down the ramp
GP: Well War's nowhere to be seen...MYSTERY DEATH DRIVER! HE GOT
GP: KEN WAR! IN FROM THE CROWD! PULLS THE REF OUT OF THE
RING! HE GRABS
Shallow: Is it just me or does Parker need to lay off the caffiene?
JT: I'd say so...man it sure feels good to be in clean pants again.
GP: War takes the unconsious CD and puts him on top of ?¿?!
He rolls the
GP: Ken War, the extremist bastard has cost our beloved ?¿? the
::Shallow and JT come back to the announcers booth, unseen by the camera.::
Shallow: Sorry about earlier Parker, I get carried away sometimes.
JT: SWEET! ?¿? IS BLEEDING! YEAH! I LOVE KEN WAR!
GP: Somebody call 911! ?¿? is hurt! War won't stop!
Shallow: Maybe this match wasn't so bad afterall...it's about time a
GP: Actually, CD won. So I guess he's not so much of a jobber.
Shallow: You know as well as I do that ?¿? had it won.
If not for War...but
JT: Adds blood too.
Shallow: True as well.
GP: Can't argue with you there. Well War seems to have finished
JT: Hehe...?¿? is bloody.
GP: As soon as they get him out of the ring, we will bring you the next
World Title Tournament
GP: Fans, what we are about to see is sure to be a classic bout no matter how you look at it. We're going to get to see Billy Larson go against Dane Wilt in a match that has been building FOR MONTHS!
JT: Now, pardon me for asking Greg, but how do you see that?
Shallow: I'm with JT. How has this been building for months?
GP: Let's go to the tape!
(Just then Harlequin makes his way out... He has a clown... NO.. THAT'S
Dane Wilt - Tonight...something amazing, spectacular, and
(An airplane flies over head. It has a banner, it reads, "Way to go
JT: Um....wow. I forgot about that.
Shallow: I forgot about that, but I wasn't here then, so that's understandible.
GP: Wait! There's more!
(Dane Wilt gets up. He high fives Phelen Kell. Just then Summer manages
Phelen Kell - Hey Cowboy, don't blame me, Harlequin has a mind of his
(Larson charges the ring but Summer grabs him by the arm.)
Summer - No... Let them be... Just get me out of this stupid costume...
(Summer starts crying. Larson takes her to the back.)
GP: And you KNOW Larson, unlike Shallow and JT, has yet to forget about that day at Beach Party. He's going to want to get some revenge for that. Of course, there is also all the problems that Dane Wilt and the Billion Dollar Promotion caused Larson.
JT: Yeah. Remember when they auctioned off Summer to Quake? Or what about when they dropped gallons of piss on Larson and Summer in the ring?
GP: Yeah. He wasn't too happy with that.
Shallow: Well, I've got some footage from Conspiracy Theory of my own. Let's take a look.
JT: Dane now rolls Billy Larson over for a cover....1.....2.....3!
GP: Oh yeah. I forgot about that one. That is an important point, that Dane Wilt emliminated Billy Larson at Conspiracy Theory. Not to mention all the matches over the months that they've had. They've really had their own feud going for a long while.
JT: Should make for a good match. Well, let's go to the ring!
Ring Announcer: The following contest, schedueled for one fall, is a world's title tournament match!
(The fans pop.)
Ring Announcer: First! Accompanied to the ring by Summer! He stands 6 foot 6 and weighs a 240 pounds! He is a former IWO world's champion and the master of the Armaggedon! HE....IS....BILLY....LARSON!
("Nobody Loves Me" by Limp Bizkit starts as Billy Larson and Summer make their way to the ring. The fans give them a mixed reaction. How can a man not like Summer?)
Ring Announcer: NEXT! He stands 5 foot 11 and weighs a 230 pounds! He is a former two time IWO world's champion and the master of the Face Lift and the Box Office Smash! HE IS....DANE...WILT!
("All Right (Oh Yeah)" by Local H starts as Dane Wilt makes his way to the ring with boos from the fans following him.)
JT: I don't think these two guys like it each very much.
Shallow: Well, when you dress up someone's manager and love interest like a clown, auction them off to a tub of lard with the capacity of a five year old, and dump piss all over them, I doubt he's going to like you very much.
JT: So, you're saying that they are against each other?
Shallow: YES! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING!
GP: AND WE'RE OFF! Dane Wilt and Billy Larson tie up in the middle of the ring....Larson puts Wilt in an arm bar....Wilt trips up Larson and drops an elbow on him!
Shallow: Wilt now pulls Larson up and throws him into the ropes......Larson bounces back...DROP KICK! Right on the chin of Larson! Wilt covers!
Shallow: Did Wilt actually think he was going to beat Larson with just a drop kick?
GP: No, of course not. That's more of Wilt's cockiness than anything. He's try to show Larson that he has the upper hand and that he has the abilty to cover him at this point. More of a scare tactic than an attempt for the win.
Shallow: Wilt now runs into the ropes...HURRICARANA ON LARSON....LARSON DROPS HIM FOR A POWERBOMB!
GP: That really does show you the experience of Larson. He's scouted out Wilt, and knows his style. Wilt has to try to get away from his high flying, fancier moves if he wants to get the upper hand tonight.
Shallow: Larson now runs into the ropes....ASYI MOONSAULT!
JT: Wilt pulls his legs up! That has to KILL Larson's ribs.
GP: Wilt now has the upper hand.....he grabs Larson by the leg...and DRIVES that knee into the mat! Wilt's trying to find a body part and work on it. I would have thought he would have gone for an arm though.
GP: Think about it. If Larson can't use an arm, that Armageddon is really out of Larson's list of moves. Just what Wilt wants. Well, just as soon as I say that, Wilt drops an elbow on the shoulder of Larson!
Shallow: Wilt now pulls Larson's arm under the ropes...AND JUMPS RIGHT ON IT! Larson is in a lot of pain!
JT: Wilt now pulls Larson to the ring post....Wilt goes outside.....HE THROWS LARSON'S ARM INTO THE POST! HE DOES IT AGAIN!
GP: That's what I was talking about. Larson is using the fact that Larson MUST have his arms to win this match against him. Great scouting on the part of Wilt.
Shallow: Dane now grabs onto Larson's arm and starts pushing his feet against the post! He's just hanging there, which is pushing Larson's shoulder into that post! Good move!
JT: HERE COMES SUMMER! TAKE IT OFF BABY!
GP: Summer is now gouging at the eyes of Dane Wilt....and Wilt lets go. If Summer hadn't been there, Wilt would have seperated Larson's shoulder!
Shallow: Wilt now goes toward Summer! Larson isn't going to like that!
GP: Wilt is saying something to Summer....Summer's struggling to get away.....WILT KISSES SUMMER!
JT: LARSON'S GOING TO BE PISSED!
GP: Wilt seems pretty happy with himself.
JT: Well, if you had kissed Summer, you'd be pretty happy yourself!
GP: WAIT! LARSON TO THE TOP.......MISSILE DROP KICK TO DANE WILT! WILT IS DOWN AND OUT OUTSIDE THE RING!
Shallow: YES! GO LARSON! BEAT THE MAN HE CHEATED ME!
GP: You know Shallow, it's YOUR fault we're having this tournament right now! If YOU hadn't had Wilt arrested, we wouldn't be here right now!
Shallow: Well, HE SCREWED ME OUT OF SOME MONEY AND HAD ME THROWN IN JAIL!
JT: Maybe if Shallow wasn't so cheap, we could be watching Wilt defending his title right now.
Shallow: I SAID I WAS SORRY!
GP: Sorry isn't good enough this time Shallow.
Shallow: BACK TO THE MATCH! Larson lifts Wilt up...and drops him over the retaining barrier! Wilt's mouth is busted open!
GP: Larson now pulls up Wilt....he lifts him over his head....HE CHARGES.....LARSON THROWS WILT INTO THE RING POST HEAD FIRST! WILT'S HEAD IS COMPLETELY BUSTED OPEN!
JT: Larson now rolls Wilt back into the ring. Larson covers!
JT: WILT IS STILL IN THIS THING!
GP: Larson now lifts up Wilt....he sets him up...JACKHAMMER! LARSON COVERS!
JT: Larson HAS to be getting annoyed. His valet Summer has been once again violated by Dane Wilt, and it seems like he can't do anything about it! HAS to be annoying.
Shallow: Larson pulls Wilt up again....he sets him up for a pile driver....WILT LIFTS LARSON AND UP AND THROWS HIM DOWN!
GP: WILT HAS TO CAPITALIZE!
JT: Dane slowly gets to his feet.
Shallow: BUT SO DOES LARSON!
GP: Both men are up....LARSON CHARGES FOR A CLOSELINE.....WILT DUCKS...FACE LIFT!
JT: YES! WILT WINS!
GP: DANE WILT COVERS!
1.......2........SUMMER PUTS LARSON'S FOOT INTO THE ROPE!
JT: DAMN IT! WILT SHOULD HAVE WON AND MOVED ON!
Shallow: YES! GO LARSON! DON'T LET WILT WIN IT!
JT: YOU'RE JUST MAD BECAUSE OF SPITE!
Shallow: HEY, I'M A VERY SPITEFUL PERSON!
GP: Wilt now goes to the top rope....SENTON BOMB! MICHAEL DUDLEY HAD TO SHOW HIM THAT ONE! WILT COVERS!
GP: WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE TO STOP ONE OF THESE GUYS!?!
JT: Wilt's staying on him! Wilt grabs both of Larson's legs.....HE SLING SHOTS HIM INTO THE BOTTOM ROPE!
Shallow: Wilt now pulls up Larson.....he sets up Larson......POWERBOMB.........WILT HANGS ON....POWERBOMB.....HE STILL HANGS ON....POWERBOMB! WILT COVERS!
GP: LOVE HIM, OR HATE HIM WILT KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING IN THERE! BUT LOVE HIM, OR HATE HIM, BILLY LARSON IS ONE TOUGH MOFO!
Shallow: I DON'T CARE! I HATE DANE WILT, AND I ALWAYS WILL!
JT: Dane climbs to the top turnbuckle.....450 MOONSAULT ONTO LARSON! WILT COVER!
GP: SO CLOSE TO A WIN THERE!
JT: Wilt now pulls Larson up...Wilt runs into the ropes....HURRICARANA...WAIT! LARSON HOLDS ON AND SITS BACK! HE'S GOT WILT IN A BOSTON CRABS! HE'S LEANING BACK ON THE NECK!
GP: Yeah. That's more of a liontamer than anything, and Larson has it on perfectly! WILT WON'T TAP THOUGH!
Shallow: YES HE WILL! HE WOULDN'T GIVE ME ANY MONEY, AND HE'LL TAP OUT TO THIS!
JT: WILT'S CRAWLING TOWARDS THE ROPES! GO DANE!
Shallow: YOU CAN'T MAKE IT WILT! YOU'RE A BUM AND YOU SUCK!
JT: WILT IS STILL CRAWLING!
Shallow: STOP AND TAP OUT WILT!
GP: WILT MAKES IT TO THE ROPE!
Shallow: DAMN IT!
GP: Larson is really using his size advantage in this one, and we just saw that with that liontamer.
JT: Larson now sets up Wilt....AWESOME BOMB TO THE OUTSIDE!
GP: And to add insult to injury, Summer's starting to kick Wilt!
Shallow: HA! GOOD FOR SUMMER!
JT: Larson's now celibrating with some fans! LARSON! YOU'VE GOT TO GET THE PIN FIRST!
GP: Summer keeps kicking Wilt....AND WILT SPRINGS TO HIS FEET!
Shallow: LARSON! SUMMER'S IN TROUBLE!
GP: Wilt grabs Summer and puts her on his knee! HER SKIRT IS PULLED UP AND HE'S SPANKING HER!
JT: THONG! THONG! SHE'S WEARING A THONG! I CAN DIE NOW!
Shallow: HERE COMES LARSON! GET THERE LARSON!
GP: AND WILT THROWS SUMMER TO LARSON!
JT: WILT SLIDES INTO THE RING! YOU'RE THE MAN DANE!
Shallow: Larson now tends to Summer. LOOK OUT LARSON!
GP: SUICIDE DIVE BY WILT! HE TAKES OUT BOTH LARSON AND SUMMER!
JT: WOW! SUMMER'S BREAST POPPED OUT! THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE! SOMEONE GET A PICTURE OF THAT AND SEND IT TO ME! YES! I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW!
Shallow: You will die if Larson hears you say that.
JT: I DON'T CARE! SUMMER'S PUPPIES! YES! PUPPIES! PUPPIES!
GP: Wilt is now just waiting for Larson to get back into the ring at this point.
JT: AND HERE COMES LARSON!
GP: Larson charges at Wilt....HURRICARANA! WILT HIT IT AND COVERS!
JT: LARSON JUST WON'T DIE!
GP: Wilt now pulls up Larson....ARMAGGEDON BY LARSON! HE'S GOT IT HOOKED ON WILT!
Shallow: YES! LARSON'S GOING TO WIN! BEAT HIM LARSON! YOU SUCK WILT! YOU SUCK!
JT: WILT'S GOING OUT! STAY UP WILT! YOU CAN TAKE IT!
GP: WILT'S ABOUT TO GO OUT...MY GOD! HE LIFTED LARSON UP AND HIT A BRIDGE SUPLEX!
JT: WILT BEAT OUT LARSON'S FINISHER!
Shallow: BUT LARSON DID THE SAME FOR WILT!
GP: WHAT'S IT GOING TO TAKE FOR ONE OF THESE MEN TO WIN THIS THING!?!
JT: Both men now slowly make it to their feet......both trade blows, but neither had much behind them.
GP: Larson now grabs Wilt....DDT!
JT: Larson covers!
Shallow: THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE! SOMEONE WIN THIS THING!
JT: Larson pulls up the fallen Wilt.....he puts him in a suplex....he walks him to the ropes....AND DROPS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!
GP: WILT'S JUST HANGING THERE!
Shallow: Larson runs into the ropes.....HE DROP KICKS WILT OVER THE TOP ROPE!
GP: Larson now goes to the top rope and just stands, stalking Wilt.
Shallow: FINISH HIM OFF LARSON!
JT: WILT IS OFF AND LARSON JUMPS...WILT MOVES AND LARSON LANDS RIGHT ON THE RETAINING BARRIER! LARSON'S MOUTH IS BUSTED OPEN!
GP: Wilt rolls Larson into the ring.....Wilt goes to the top....BOX OFFICE SMASH! HE HIT IT PERFECTLY! WHAT A MOVE!
Shallow: DAMN IT!
JT: YES! WILT'S GOING TO WIN! WILT COVERS!
1......2....3PSYCHO JAY MAKES THE SAVE!
JT: PSYCHO JAY! DAMN IT!
Shallow: WHAT'S HE DOING OUT HERE!?!
GP: Jay grabs the already hurt Wilt and takes him to the top rope.....SUPERBOMB!
JT: OH BIG DEAL! WILT WAS ALREADY HURT! THIS IS JUST JAY STEALING THE GLORY FOR BOTH THESE GUYS!
Shallow: Well, Wilt's down and out, so I can't complain.
GP: Jay now grabs Larson and takes him to the top rope....SUPERBOMB! I'D LIKE TO SEE JAY DO THAT ON THESE GUYS WHEN THEY ARE FRESH! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS!?!
Shallow: Summer's now in to check on Larson. OH NO!
JT: JAY HAS SUMMER AND IS TAKING HER TO THE TOP......SUPERBOMB TO SUMMER! JAY HAS GONE TOO FAR!
GP: Jay's now walking away laughing. What a pecker!
JT: We've now got Larson, Summer, and Wilt both laying in the ring. I guess this match is done with.
Shallow: BUT WHO MOVES ON!?!
GP: That's a good point. There's no winner here, so who moves on? WHAT HAPPENS TO THE MAIN EVENT!?!
Shallow: Beats me.
JT: I've got nothing on this one.
GP: Well, let's show you what Jay did to Summer ONE MORE time.
Shallow: Summer's now in to check on Larson. OH NO!
JT: JAY HAS SUMMER AND IS TAKING HER TO THE TOP......SUPERBOMB TO SUMMER! JAY HAS GONE TOO FAR!
GP: Jay's now walking away laughing. What a pecker!
GP: HOW COULD JAY DAY THAT!?!
JT: I really don't know. Even I don't like to see things like that. What gets me is, we still don't know what's going to happen to the main event.
Shallow: I guess that's why we don't work in the back.
GP: I'm going to have to assume that we're only going to have two men in the main event tonight.
JT: Well, you're only assuming that. You don't really know.
(President Jamie walks out.)
Jamie: I'm going to make this short and sweet. Both you losers failed to get the win...so niether of you are in the match! Now...Psycho Jay and Zombie are gonna beat the sh*t outta each other, and the winner of that will fight Michael Dudley and Tony Davis. And that's that!
World Title Tournament
GP: WOW! What an announcement! Here we go! It's time now for our second
Shallow: Hmmm.. not much of a comparisson when it
JT: Zombie always beats Jay. He's beaten him like ten
GP: Zombie does have the upper hand when it comes to
Shallow: Yeah, the knee bar submission.
JT: I can't wait to see the greatest IWO wrestler ever
Shallow: I have to agree with JT. I'm going to pick
GP: Zombie looks good to me, but I think I'm going to
Shallow: HA! You're out of your damn mind, Parker.
JT: Yep. Shallow and I are going to get along for this
GP: Oh brother.
Shallow: Want to get a beer later JT?
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the following
::"Divine" by Korn plays.::
Ring Announcer: Introducing first, from Philadelphia
::Jay comes out. The fans hate him.::
Ring Annoucer: And his opponent...
::"Forty-Six and Two" by TOOL plays::
Ring Announcer: fighting out of Manhattan... weighing
::Zombie comes out. The fans hate him too.::
GP: HERE WE GO! A huge matchup is about to begin right
JT: This will take about.. five seconds.
Shallow: No shit. Like I've been saying all along,
GP: The bell has sounded! Jay and Zombie meet in the
Shallow: Here's when Jay taps out.
GP: Zombie pulls him up and whips him into the corner!
JT: Any minute now... Zombieplex,1,2,3! Any minute.
GP: Jay stands slowly and Zombie hits him with a
JT: That's the way it's going to stay for the entire
Shallow: Absolutley my man. Jay doesn't stand a
GP: Zombie picks Jay up and hammers him with a right,
Shallow: Heh! Getting him ready for the kneebar
GP: Another stomp by Zombie! Jay howls out in protest
Shallow: Ohhh. Jay might not even need the submission
GP: Zombie still in control here, fans. He pulls the
Shallow: That's cause Zombie eats pieces of shit like
GP: Jay can't take much more, but Zombie keeps on
JT: HEY! You never said he has to fight fair! He just
Shallow: Win by whatever means neccessary. I love it!
GP: Well, these fans don't, Jay doesn't and I sure
Shallow: See! He doesn't need to attack only the...
GP: Zombie is back to Jay's knee now. THIS IS AWFUL!
GP: Another handstand knee smash by Zombie! Now the
JT: Stop being so 'honorable' Greg! This is the best
Shallow: ETHICS are the things that have no place in
GP: You two disgust me. Zombie pulls Jay up and whips
JT: How? I don't understand!
GP: Now Jay comes off the top with a driving elbow to
JT: Get it back Zombie, you've got to get it back!
GP: Jay goes out after Zombie and punches him in the
Shallow: HEY! He can't use that, it's CHEATING!
GP: NOW you want to talk about cheating, and unfair
Shallow: Hey, it's one thing to use STRATEGY to win a
GP: Sure it is! Well, like it or not, it's outside the
JT: This won't last! Zombie's LETTING him win right
Shallow: Yeah, he just didn't want to dissappoint
::Camera shows Psycho Jay's fan, holding a JAY sign,
GP: Jay smacks Zombie across the chin again, and now
JT: Told ya so!
GP: Zombie grabs that chair and follows Jay out into
JT: Don't worry, I once felt that way too. You'll get
Shallow: Eventually, GP, watching this will be as good
GP: Maybe for you two twisted perverts, but I'd prefer
JT: He doesn't know what he's missing
Shallow: Aint that the truth
GP: Now Zombie tosses Jay back over the guardrail and
Shallow: Look at the look on Parker's face JT, he's
GP: This is truly disgusting fans. Now Zombie
JT: HA! Look at that! Jay has no windpipe left!!!
::The camera pans back to JAY's fan, who is crying and
GP: This HAS GOT TO BE STOPPED!! Zombie taking
JT: WHAT?! The Ref calls that counting to three? I
Shallow: What's up with this biased officiating?
GP: Zombie is in total control of this match up! Jay
Shallow: Relax, Zombo will just turn around and pummel
GP: Zombie turns around and throws a punch, but Jay
JT: C'mon Zombie! Don't take that abuse from Pyscho
GP: You know, I don't think Zombie has much say in the
Shallow: Zombie is just taking a break right now,
GP: Zombie is down, and Jay is taking a rest, kneeling
JT: As Jay has just shown us, you can't "stop to rest"
GP: Zombie chops Jay in the leg now! Jay stumbles and
Shallow: Zombo is the MAN! Jay looks like he is going
GP: Zombie back in the drivers seat and he's going
JT: Zombie makes it look easy!
GP: OR NOT! JAY KICKS ZOMBIE RIGHT WHERE IT COUNTS!
JT: See, Zombie is the master.
Shallow: What Jay doesn't see is Zombie sneaking up
GP: No he doesnt, and Zombie makes good on that!! He
JT: This sucks.. it was such a good match a little
GP: Jay stands Zombie up and leans him against the
::JT looks smug::
GP: Now Zombie rolls Jay into the ring and climbs the
JT: No way... NO WAY in HELL is Zombie going to lose
GP: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT JT, BECAUSE WE'RE ABOUT TO
JT: I can't believe this!!!
Shallow: It's not really happening...
GP: Jay covers...
JT: No way...
::JT's eyes well up with tears::
JT: C'mon Zombie....
GP: O MY GOD!!!!!! ZOMBIE GOT HIS SHOULDER UP! JAY IS
JT: Zombie is beating Jay like a rented mule!!!!
GP:Jay looks like he's lost his marbles!! he's lying
JT: You know what this means...
Shallow: HAHAHA! Here it comes...
GP: KNEEBAR SUBMISSION BY ZOMBIE!!!!!!!!!!! JAY IS
JT: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!
Shallow: NEITHER CAN I!!!
GP: Zombie is looking VERY pissed off.. he rolls back
Shallow: That was GROSS!!!
::Cleaing crew and EMT's flood the ring and Zombie
World Title Tournament Finals
GP - This is it fans. The main event. The match to finally declare an
JT - This match should not even be taking place. Jamie has screwed
Shallow - He is the IWO President JT. He can do whatever he wants.
JT - Yeah.. but just to put Dudley and Davis into this match. What about
(President Jamie comes from the back. Half the crowd boos, half the
President Jamie - First off... Shut up JT. I heard you telling me how
(A disturbance is happening out in the crowd. The fans are going crazy.
Jamie - What's going on here? What is this mess?
(The camera catches PSYCHO JAY!!! He is coming through the crowd. Jamie
Jamie - Anyway... May the best man win. I think these are the three
(Psycho Jay leaps the guardrail almost near the entrance way. He is
Jamie - WHAT...
(Psycho Jay gets in Jamie's face. He grabs the microphone.)
Psycho Jay - I broke the shitty rules, so I lost my chance, now I'm
(Jamie actually has a smile on his face. He takes the microphone back
Jamie - Now J... Before you go around and give yourself a career ending
(Jamie points to the TIT-ron. We see The Usual Suspects being held back
Psycho Jay - What's this bull shit?
Jamie - You know J... I'm not stupid. I knew you would try some shit.
Psycho Jay - Ruin your mother fucking show? I think I'd rather ruin
(Psycho Jay decks President Jamie sending him down to the floor. He
GP - I don't think Psycho Jay is going to like this too much. Wilt and
JT - Don't ever count Psycho Jay out. He can take these two. They are
Shallow - Larson and Wilt are going for revenge, it doesn't really
(Psycho Jay has been taken down by both men. They are pounding away
GP - This is totally insane. We don't even have the three guys going
JT - Wilt and Larson are stupid! They are fighting with each other now.
("Degenerate" by Blink 182 begins to play. The crowd looks to the
Shallow - Pay backs are a bitch!!! Tony Davis has wanted at Psycho Jay's
(Tony Davis continues to drive the bat into Psycho Jay's now motionless
GP - Someone get their ass out here now!!! This is not right!!! Psycho
JT - See.. They take this damn thing too far. Jay does not deserve
("Forty-Six and Two" by TOOL begins to play. Zombie comes running out.
Shallow - HIT HIM!!! HIT HIM!!! COME ON!!!!
(Davis still has the bat firm in his hand. He still has the rage in
GP - Thank god for Zombie. If he had not of come out here, Psycho Jay
JT - Where are the paramedics that usually rush their ass out here?
("Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)" by the Offspring begins to play. Out
GP - Where is the damn refree?!?!
JT - I dont think we have one yet!!! This is so damn unorganized!!
Shallow - Lets flip a coin and the loser has to go be the refree...
JT - umm... NO!!!
(Zombie is getting up.. But Dudley has the bat. He sends the bat right
Michael Dudley - I don't need this baseball bat to kick your asses.
(Dudley drops the microphone and the bat. He walks over to Zombie. He
Zombie - I can kick your ass myself.. But I'd rather kill your ass..
(Zombie drops the microphone and grabs the bat. He goes over... WAIT!!!
JT - This is going to change Caren Dudley's life!!! She is gonna turn
Shallow - Lame joke my friend.
JT - Yeah.. Well.. You do better..
Shallow - Ok... That kiss from Zombie is gonna make Caren Dudley come
JT - The dead side of life?
Shallow - Ummm.. Well. I guess that was lame too.
GP - MY TURN!!! THAT KISS BY ZOMBIE IS GONNA MAKE HER MORE WET THAN
JT & Shallow - HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!
(Zombie finally pulls back from the kiss. He still has Caren by the
GP - Oh...
JT - My...
Shallow - Nuts...
(Tony Davis is up and looking over the damage. Still no refree. Tony
GP - No.. he can't do it!!! He can not hit Psycho Jay anymore!!!
JT - If he does he could kill him!!!
(Tony Davis slowly goes over and picks the baseball bat up. WAIT!!
Shallow - There's just too much shit going on here. These three guys
GP - I think the best man will come out on top. IF we ever get a refree
JT - Do you think Jamie was gonna be the ref before he was taken out
GP - Where did Jamie go anyway?
JT - Oh.. you didn't see him crawl to the back earlier?
GP - NO!!!
JT - Oh.. well.. he did...
Shallow - I was wondering why he hadn't got up yet.
(Larson continues to pound away on Davis. But from behind. DANE WILT!!
GP - That bat is gone!!! Larson and Wilt are gone!! The match is going
JT - Yeah.. Well.. We still don't have a refree so I don't see how
Shallow - I still say one of us should go be the refree.
(Davis is looking around. He goes over and pulls Michael Dudley up.
JT - HEY!!! I just remembered something! This thing CANT possibly be
Shallow - You have a point JT.
(Davis gets in the ring. He looks out and sees that Zombie is down and
Shallow - Dudley is defenseless here guys. This does not look good for
JT - No kidding...
GP - But guys... think about it.. Zombie is not just going to let Tony
Shallow - Well currently Zombie is outside the ring with bitten nuts.
JT - Bitten nuts?
Shallow - Yeah.. nuts that have been BITTEN!!!!
JT - *sigh*
(Davis is now working Michael Dudley over with the chair. Caren Dudley
GP - MY GOD!!! I CAN NOT BELIEVE HE JUST DID THAT!!!
JT - WHAT A BASTARD!!!
Shallow - SO UNCALLED FOR!!!!
(Tony Davis is standing over Caren Dudley holding the chair up high
GP - This has totally lost control... They need to get Caren Dudley
JT - This match is no place for a woman to be.
Shallow - Wow.. I can not believe that you just said that JT!!!
JT - Well.. It is the truth. These three guys are going after ONE goal.
(Dudley is trying to hold Zombie back from getting to Caren Dudley.
GP - I don't like where this is going guys. Zombie is thinking more
JT - He knows as long as he is after Caren Dudley, Michael Dudley will
Shallow - You really think he knows all this?
JT - No...
Shallow - Heh.
(The cameras cut to the back. The paramedics are putting Caren Dudley
GP - This is OJ Simpson all over again!!! AH!!!
(Michael Dudley gets into his car and drives off. He is headed after
JT - Where the hell are they all going!??!? Zombie has never been here
Shallow - St. Patty's day was about a week ago. I guess that would be
JT - *sigh*... Not with that ambulance!!!
Shallow - Oh yeah... Gotta love these High-Tech British engines!!!
(Zombie continues on... and on... and on... The cops are behind him.
GP - Welcome to the IWO parade of idiots!!!
(Zombie is coming up on a familar British tour attraction...
GP - Can't Zombie go to jail for this?
Shallow - No... The only thing you go to jail for over here is if you
JT - TEA TIME!?!?!
Shallow - Uh-oh... Look at the time... It is almost tea time.
JT - DO I HAVE TO DRINK TEA???
(Zombie is holding a needle full of sodium-acidate-death-chemical-thing
Jamie - ZOMBIE!!! This is JAMIE!!! You have to let Caren Dudley go or
(Zombie doesn't believe Jamie.)
Jamie - I'm serious... This has gone way too far. The special guest
(Zombie comes bolting out of the ambulance and goes right after Michael
GP - MR. BEAN IS GOING TO BE THE SPECIAL GUEST REFREE!!! MY GOD!!! THIS
JT - What is this? British TV takes over the IWO?
Shallow - The only way the british would let us have our PPV here was
JT - Didn't mad cow disease start over here?
Shallow - Yeah.. It did.
JT - Damn them all to hell...
(Big Ben makes a loud ass noise.. Signaling that it is TEA-TIME!!!
GP - I LOVE THIS TEA!!!
JT - TEA IS GREAT!!!
Shallow - TEA!!!!
(Big Ben makes another loud ass noise and tea time is OVER. Tony Davis
GP - What the hell are they going to do?
(All of a sudden Zombie gives some kind of sign. Then we hear a large
JT - OH MY GOD!!! They really hate Michael Dudley that much.
Shallow - NO.. They just want the IWO World Title that much. But I can
GP - Guys.. I've just been informed that if ANY damage is done to the
JT - I don't think Phelen Kell knows that!!!
Shallow - Is there such thing as ATTEMPTED DAMANGE TO A NATIONAL
GP - Acutally I think so!!!
(Kell is getting closer to the rock and Dudley. Phelen Kell kicks the
GP - I think faith says that Michael Dudley is going to be the IWO World
JT - Where the hell did that thing come from!?!?!?
Shallow - THE SKY silly!!!
(Dudley has gotten free from the rope!!! The big ass hole from the
GP - This is insane...
(Mr. Bean is trying to keep up with them in his little yellow car.
GP - I wonder how long he will be in jail...
Inspector Nigel - THREE TO FOUR DAYS GOOD CHAP...
JT - Where did he come from?
Shallow - The fruit loops box?
(Zombie and Tony Davis have caught up to Michael Dudley and are beating
GP - We knew this would have to happen! They can not let the other win.
JT - How do you think they can go without hitting each other?
(Zombie shoves Tony Davis down to the grass.)
Shallow - Not long... heh...
(Tony Davis hops up and gets right up in Zombie's area. He shoves Zombie
GP - So much for the stablemate brawl!!!
JT - They are going to get lost out here!!! I don't think any of them
Shallow - Who cares? Let them get lost!! We have cameras following them.
(The three guys are running up a country road. All of a sudden a tour
GP - How do we get cameras on this bus!??!?!
JT - WHO CARES?!?! All that matters is that the bus is going at a HIGH
Shallow - THATS WHERE WE ARE!!!
JT - NO SHIT!!!
(Zombie and Tony Davis rush to the front of the bus. They see what is
Tony Davis - HIT THE FUCKING BRAKES!!!
(Zombie slams on the brakes.. Brake locking the bus.. It goes skidding
GP - Fans... We don't know what to say... Ummm...
JT - LOOK!!!
(Someone has just busted out a window. Someone is climbing out.. IT
Shallow - What is Zombie doing?
JT - I don't know.. But we all know that Zombie is one weirdo. He could
Shallow - Maybe he has never seen a crane before.
(Zombie continues to stack cars up... He has 3 now... Davis and Dudley
GP - This does NOT look good for Michael Dudley. There is a reason those
JT - I think he REALLY needs help now.
(They are out on the roof. They drag Dudley over to the edge. They look
GP - HOLY SHIT!!! GET SOME HELP!! MY GOD!!! NO!!!!
JT - Jesus...
Shallow - This could be the last time we see Tony Davis guys.
GP - Zombie did not do that on purpose...
(Paramedics, IWO officials, and police rush to the aid of Tony Davis.
GP - I hope Tony Davis is ok.
JT - My god... How can he be? That was the worst thing I've ever seen
(Dudley has taken Zombie back into Wembley Stadium. They are about to
GP - I really think this might be it for Tony Davis. That was a huge
JT - Yeah.. There is no telling how bad Davis is hurt. This could be
Shallow - I've never seen anyone go through that and come back from
(Dudley brings Zombie out. They are headed to the ring. Dudley rolls
GP - He is going for BLACK THURSDAY1!! This could be it!!! THROUGH A
(Dudley leaps!!! HE HITS IT!!! BLACK THURSDAY THROUGH A TABLE!!! Dudley
Shallow - I thought that would be it!!! I just knew it!!! Zombie is
JT - He is lucky!!! But he is going to win damn it!!!
(Dudley slowly gets up. He tries to pull Zombie up... NO!!! Zombie with
GP - This is still anyones match... Even after that move from Dudley.
JT - I think Zombie just took the advantage.
(Zombie is slowly getting up on the outside. He pulls a table out from
GP - I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT!!!!
JT - This is UNREAL!!!
(Zombie just shakes his head. He is give out... Mr. Bean starts a ten
Shallow - There has to be a winner here. What is going to happen?
(President Jamie makes his way out AGAIN. He has a microphone.)
Jamie - This match HAS to go on. Mr. Bean.. continue the match.
(Mr. Bean sits back and waits for someone to get up. Both men are moving
Jamie - WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!!?
(Zombie flips Jamie off. Jamie runs to the ring.)
Jamie - Fine... Ill be the damn refree.
(Jamie gets in the ring. Zombie gets all up in his territory. Jamie
GP - I can't see a damn thing!!! This is insane!!! Why does it do this
JT - Zombie is going to get screwed!!! I smell it!!!
Shallow - How can the lights go out in a big ass outdoor stadium?!?!?!
(The lights come back on... ZOMBIE IS OUT COLD!!! On top of him is a
GP - WHAT THE HELL?!?!
JT - A damn Pokeshit?
Shallow - Who did this? What is it all about?
(Jamie gets back in the ring. He pulls out his presidental pocket knife
Winner and NEW IWO World Champion - Michael Dudley
(Jamie hands Dudley the world title belt. The two are celebrating.)
JT - Why the hell is Jamie celebrating with Michael Dudley?
Shallow - I don't understand this. Why did Jamie screw Zombie?
(Jamie has a microphone.)
Jamie - Zombie... Zombie... I'm so sorry. Lets be honest with each
GP - I can not believe this.
Jamie - And now that I have my champion.. The IWO is going to turn
(The crowd is actually booing.)
JT - This is a rip off....
Shallow - Jamie is too damn picky!!! He hates too many people! This
(Jamie hands Michael Dudley the microphone.)
Michael Dudley - Caren baby... I finally did it!!! I'm coming to see
(All of a sudden Zombie gets up.. He has heard everything. He charges
GP - Psycho Jay is alive!!! And he wants the damn world title!!! And
JT - Psycho Jay wants his time... Now is his time... And he is making
Shallow - WHAT A STUPID SAYING!!! BUT LOOK AT HIM DESTROY ZOMBIE!!!
(Michael Dudley is getting up. He sees what is going on. He looks around
GP - HOW THE HELL CAN THEY CHEER HIM ON!?!? HE IS A DAMN COMPANY SON
(Caren gets in the ring. She gives Michael a big hug. Fire works are
JT - WHAT A RIP OFF!!! THIS MAIN EVENT WAS CHEAP!!! TONY DAVIS GOT HURT
Shallow - I think the IWO faithful are going to be REALLY pissed at
GP - BUT THE PAY PER VIEW IS OVER!!! We will see you Friday night at