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Broken Hearts, Broken Bones II


*The following is intended for a pay per view viewing audience. If you do not like Mature subject matters then please do not read*

(a black screen.)

(a heartbeat. "Internet Wrestling Organization.")

(same thing. again. again.)

(The words stay on the screen. A crash of lightning, and they light into flames.)

("Put Your Lights On" by Santana (featuring Everlast) plays as the Pay Per View promo (which was never made, in real life) runs through on the screen. When it finishes, the camera fades in to a live Greensboro Coliseum, where tens of thousands of screaming fans are doing just that...screaming as JT, Johnny Shallow (Shallow), and Greg Parker (GP) come live onto the air).

Shallow: WELCOME EVERYONE, TO BROKEN HEARTS BROKEN BONES II!! THE END OF DANE WILT'S PROLONGED WORLD TITLE REIGN IS AT AN END!

JT: WE HAVE YET TO SEE OF THAT!

Shallow: TRUST ME, JT...IT'S GONNA F'N HAPPEN!

GP: WE HAVE A FANTASTIC LINEUP FOR YOU TONIGHT FOLKS!! THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO IN SUCH A LITTLE TIME!!

JT: THE BEST MATCH OF THE NIGHT WILL HANDS DOWN BE THE FIRST ONE!!

Shallow: OF COURSE! WINKY THE PENGUIN ONE ON ONE WITH ARNIE THE AARDVARK?! HAHAHA!

GP: PLUS WE HAVE THE PRIME TIME SOLDIERS AND THE PREP KIDS! CAPITAL PUNISHMENT, BILLY LARSON, AND ZOMBIE!

JT: HIGH FLYER V. KEN WAR!

Shallow: AND THE END OF DANE WILT'S TITLE REIGN!

JT: LETS GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!!

Extinction Match
Losers species is declared legally extinct.
Winky the Penguin v. Arnie the Aardvark

GP - Whew...things finally quieted down a little bit. What a way to start the pay per view. We have two animals... Close to
extintion.. And tonight, one of the two will become extinct.

JT - Doesn't that mean someone has to die? Extinction means NO MORE... So
basically this is a death match?

Shallow - He has a point Greg.

GP - I didn't make the match JT. We are just out here to call it.
Technically you are right... But the last thing Jamie wants is some animal
rights group breathing down his neck. I'm sure killing off a penguin or an
Aardvark would cause a lot of... how do I say it?

JT - Problems?

GP - Yeah.. That sounds about right... Anyway, I honestly don't know how
this match is going to take place. From what I here no one knows anything
about this match except the two... things... animals.. involved in it.

Shallow - I think Arnie has the advantage here guys.

JT - Why is that?

Shallow - Penguins like the cold... Greensboro, North Carolina isn't famous
for its ice ponds.

JT - True... But what kind of a climate do Aardvarks like?

GP - With so many questions about these animals... we now take you to a LIVE
feed of Doctor Wanna Sukka Pecka... Doctor Pecka, can you hear me?

Doctor Wanna Sukka Pecka - I do hear you Mr. Greg Parker son.

JT - Oh great.. a damn chinese.

GP - The fans of the IWO have all been wondering just what makes up the
aardvark and the penguin.

Doctor Wanna Sukka Pecka - I can tell you all you want to know about the
aardvark and the penguin Mr. Greg Parker son.

GP - Yes... That is why the IWO called on you. After all, you are a
aardvarkeun/penguinyologist.

Doctor Wanna Sukka Pecka - Yes I am Mr. Greg Parker son.

GP - So....

Doctor Wanna Sukka Pecka - You want me to tell you all about aardvark now
Mr. Greg Parker Son?

GP - That would help us move on... yes...

Doctor Wanna Sukka Pecka - An aardvark is an African mammal that eats
termites and ants.  It has sharp claws that it uses to rip open the ant and
termite nests.  It catches the insects with its long, sticky tongue.

GP - Very interesting...

JT - I thought only Chinese knew about our nuclear weapons.

Shallow - *rolls eyes*

GP - Anything else you want to add about the aardvark?

Doctor Wanna Sukka Pecka - No.. Not really Mr. Greg Parker son!

GP - Ok... Now...

Doctor Wanna Sukka Pecka - The penguin Mr. Greg Parker son?

GP - Yes the penguin doctor.

JT - SUN!!!

Doctor Wanna Sukka Pecka - Penguins are bird like creatures that have a
microchip placed into their heads at birth and are sent to the United States
of America to spy on the government and send the information back to China.

GP - Ummmm...

Doctor Wanna Sukka Pecka - What you want now you stupid america idiot.

JT - Wow... This has gotten out of hand.

GP - I can't believe what you just said Doctor. You've basically ruined our
night here.

Doctor Wanna Sukka Pecka - FUCKA YOU MISTER GREG PARKER SON!!!

(The live feeds shuts off. Then all of a sudden another person appears. We
see a Panda bear. He is waving a Canadian flag.)

GP - What the!?!?

Panda - ALL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!!! I AM "YOUR LORD AND MASTER" PETER PANDA!!!

GP - This is too f'n weird.

Peter Panda - TONIGHT.. THE IWO HAS GIVEN ME REASON TO DESTROY IT!!! YOU
SHALL NOT HAVE MY FELLOW ANIMAL FRIENDS FIGHT!!! I WILL STOP YOU!!! ALL HAIL
PETER THE PANDA AND CANADA!!!

(The live feed cuts off again. The crowd is in shock.)

GP - This could be a slight problem.

JT - Yeah... A Canadian Panda Bear with evil thoughts in his mind. What is
more dangerous than that?

Shallow - A Canadian Slut with her legs spread?

JT - Good point...

(All of a sudden the lights in the arena go out. Blue and white dust starts
falling from the ceiling. The temperature in the arena drops to like 10
below zero. The fans are screaming in horror... From the entrance way
waddles Winky. He is holding up what appears to be a gold belt. On the belt
it reads "Animal World Title".)

GP - I'm freezing.

JT - How the fuck does he get away with this?

Shallow - He knows all and sees all.

GP - I think I need my jacket.

JT - I think I need a penguin gun.

Shallow - I think I need a cow.

GP - ????

Nikki - Wasn't me talking... Someone made me say it. I don't know who
though. Weird.

(Winky is headed to the ring. He makes his way up to the ring steps.
Something is strangely different about him. He looks more... Ummm... Human
like?)

GP - I think Winky has been working out guys...

("Ain't Gonna Burn Yo Barn" begins to play as the lights in the arena come
back on and everything heats up. It is now like 100 degrees. The fans are
screaming in horror. All of a sudden we see this butt ass ugly creature come
from the back. It is Arnie!!! He is making his way down to the ring. He is
pointing at Winky. He looks pissed.)

GP - I'd hate to be Winky right about now. I don't think Arnie wants to be
killed off just yet.

JT - I give the advantage to Arnie. He looks fired up for this match. And I
just don't think Winky can take this heat.

(Arnie gets in the ring.)

(The refree is telling both men the rules. He asks for the bell.)

*DING*

GP - And we are about to kick this thing off!!! WAIT!!!

Winky pulls out a gun!!! Arnie is in shock.. He falls back!!! TOO LATE!!!
BANG!!! BANG!!! BANG!!! Arnie goes down to the mat... Winky raises his hands
up in the air.

JT - He just made Arnie extinct!!! Arnie has been shot!!! MY GOD!!! What a
way to start the show.

Shallow - I can't believe he did that! That was cheap!!!

(The refree is calling for the bell)

Winner: Winky
Extinct: Arnie

(Winky grabs his World Animal Title and holds it up high for everyone to
see. All of a sudden the lights in the arena go out. The Canadian flag
appears on the Tit-Ron... The Canadian National Anthem begins to play... Two
zebras come out.. They are holding up what appears to be some kind of
symbol. The symbol is "PP".)

GP - Oh no... It can't be...

JT - IT IS!!!

Shallow - PETER PANDA IS HERE!!!

(Two goats come out with two praire dogs riding on their backs. They are
followed by two turtles and a Scandanavian weasel. Then the Tit-Ron goes
black... A white "PP" symbol starts flashing... Fireworks go off in the
arena... "Of Wolf and Man" by Metallica begins to play. Peter Panda comes
walking out!!! He is carrying a semi-automatic and a shovel. By his side is
a female animal... a horse... The horse has a saddle on her. They all head
to the ring!!!)

GP - I'm scared.

Shallow - Grow up!!! This is just some stupid stunt. Give me a break. I'm
not scared at all.

JT - Lets hope nothing happens.

(Peter and his "Canadian Army" get into the ring. They are surrounding
Winky. Winky looks scared... Scared for his penguin life.)

GP - This doesn't look good.

JT - We can't have two extinctions in one day!!!

(The lights come back on... The Canadian Army is getting closer to Winky.
Peter Panda has the microphone.)

Peter Panda - You would think... That with my warning earlier... You people
wouldn't let this match go down.

(The crowd is giving Peter Panda some heat.)

Peter Panda - I've been watching the IWO for a while now... Seeing how
stupid it has become. Injuring my fellow animals... And now it is time for
the IWO to pay the ulitmate price.

(One of the praire dogs picks up the gun Winky used.)

Peter Panda - We are going to KILL Greg Parker, JT, and Johnny Shallow!!!

GP - WHAT?!?!

JT - NO!??!?!

Shallow - This is all just an act. Don't buy into it.

(The praire dog gets out of the ring and heads over to the announcers'
table. He aims the gun right at Johnny Shallow.)

GP - NO!!!! SOMEONE HELP US!!!

Peter Panda - Now.. The IWO will pay the ultimate price!!!

(The lights in the arena goes out... Everyone is screaming... A GUN SHOT!!!
WE HEAR A GUN SHOT!!! The lights come back on... MY GOD!!! PETER PANDA HAS
BEEN ASSISINATED!!! SOMEONE HAS KILLED PETER PANDA!!! LOOK UP ON THE GRASSY
NOLE!!! WHO IS THAT!!! MY GOD!!! IT CANT BE!!! IT IS!!! IT IS DOCTOR WANNA
SUKKA PECKA!!! AND PEOPLE FROM THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT!!! MY GOD!!!)

GP - What is going on here?!??!

(The prairie dogs drops the gun and gets back in the ring to look at his
fallen leader.)

Shallow - WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON... I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED BY A DAMN
PRAIRE DOG!!!

(The Chinese Government starts marching down to the ring... They have
bazookas!!! WAIT!!! NO!!! THE LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN!!!)

GP - This is total chaos!!!

("Natural Blues" by Moby begins to play. It plays for like 30 seconds... The
lights come back on... EVERYONE IS DEAD!!! THEY ALL HAVE DIED!!! THE SONG
KILLED THEM!!! MY GOD!!! GP, JT, and Shallow are passed out on the
announcers' table. Their hands are over their ears. The song has knocked
everyone unconcious.)

(WAIT!!! IN THE RING!!! ARNIE AARDVARK?!?!! HE IS GETTING UP!?!?! HE HAS A
MICROPHONE... WINKY IS IN SHOCK!!!)

Arnie - You thought you killed me didn't you? You bastard???

(Arnie rips off his fur to reveal a bullet proof vest.)

Arnie - You think I'm that stupid? You think I am just gonna let you kill me
that easily? I know what this is all about... It is all about our slut
mother... That's right.. I am your brother!!!

(The crowd is in shock.)

Arnie - Our mother came out here to Hollywood and worked in some shitty
movies and became a hooker and fucked a lot of horses and bulls. I am going
to make EVERYONE pay!!! They did this to our mother!!! And once I kill your
ass... Everything will be avenged!!!

(The crowd is still in shock.)

Winky - Your my brother?

Arnie - That's right brother!!! And now you are going to die!!!

(Arnie pulls out a gun of his own. He shoots Winky!!! HE SHOOTS HIM AGAIN!!!
AND AGAIN!!! AND AGAIN!!! WINKY IS DOWN!!! WINKY IS OUT!!! We hear someone
trying to get into the arena. The scene cuts to the back and we see Deputy
Dawg and his Reporter friend trying to get into the arena screaming Winky's
name. GP, JT, and Shallow wake up.)

GP - What is going on!?!?

JT - I dont know!!!

Shallow - What happened to us?

(Arnie is standing over Winky laughing... He has finally won. He has
destroyed Winky... On the third try...)

GP - Winky is dead!?!?! So he is extinct? I guess everything has changed.
This is totally wild.

(NO!!! WINKY!!! WINKY!!! WINKY IS UP!!! ARNIE IS IN SHOCK!!!)

Arnie - HOW?!?! HOW?!?!?!

(Winky rips open his penguin chest to reveal... HE IS REALLY AN FBI AGENT!!!
IT IS AGENT MULDER!!! MY GOD!!! He is now arresting ARNIE!!!)

GP - WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT!?!?!

(WAIT!!! The lights go out again!!! They flicker... They come back on...
LOOK!!! LOOK!!!! MY GOD!!! IT CANT BE!!! JAMIE THE JAGUAR!!! AND SHAUN THE
CENTIPEDE!!! THEY HAVE ARRIVED!!! NO!!! IN THE RING!!! THE GHOST OF DAN
KORDIC HAS INVADED PETER PANDA'S BODY!!!)

JT - Ok... I refuse to call this anymore. I'm scared.

(Peter Panda is now floating around the ring smacking people in the head
with a catfish. Shaun The Centipede crawls to the ring only to get
accidently stomped by Jamie the Jaguar. Three vultures swoop down from the
rafters and grab Jamie the Jaguar and take him away to devour his flesh.)

Shallow - I'm scared too!!!

(All of a sudden a hawk flies overhead and drops a 10-ton anvil down onto
the head of the ghost of Dan Kordic inside Peter Panda. Dan Kordic's ghost
flies out of the Peter Panda's body and away... far far away... The ring is
a mess. IWO cleaners run from the back out to the ring. They are trying to
clean the ring in time for our next match.)

GP - Thank god that one is over. So who won?

JT - I think Winky won. I'm not really sure. There was just too much chaos
with all those damn Chinese and Canadians.

Shallow - Atleast there weren't any mexicans.

(A logo appears on the screen. It says "The IWO supports foreigners in
America. We are here to support them in their endeavours as they take over
our great country.")

GP - So what do we do now?

JT - We can't go to our next match. The ring is full of animal feces.

Shallow - I know what we can do.

GP - What's that?

Shallow - Lets play paper, rock, scissors.

JT - ummm... no...

GP - Well what then?

JT - IDEA!!!!

(JT claps his hands together. The lights in the arena go out. They stay off
for about a minute... They come back on and we see a huge ass twister board
in the ring. JT is in the ring. He has a microphone.)

JT - Broken Hearts.... and Bones.... Isn't that just MEAN? We need to make
this Pay Per View something we ALL can remember!!! And it has nothing to do
with beating each other up... Lets make this... more like LOVE!!!

(The crowd cheers having no fucking clue what he is talking about.)

JT - We all want to see some.... dare i say??? BOOBIES?!!?

(The guys and the lesbians cheer. The ladies BOO. Damn the ladies.)

JT - That's right... It is time for the first annual IWO Bikini Twister
BlastoRama!!!

(The guys and lesbians cheer louder. "I Wann Suck Yo Cock" by The Whores
begins to play.)

GP - What is this all about?

Shallow - BOOBIES!!!

(5 HOT women in bikini's come walking out. Wearing NOTHING but bikini's. The
guys and lesbians are now going even more crazy than before. The ladies are
waving to the crowd. What breasts.... WOW.)

GP - Now this is what I call a show!!! And it is free... For us!!!
HAHAHHAHAhA!!! YEAH!!!!

(The five ladies get into the ring. They are all ready for action. A big
"spinny thing" is in the ring. The first lady steps up. She spins the spinny
thing and it lands on... Right hand... Green... She moves over to the board
slowly and puts her right hand on green. The next lady steps up. She spins
the wheel. It lands on... Left foot on red... She puts her left foot on red.
The next girl spins the wheel... Right foot on green.. She puts her right
foot on green... Next girl.. Right hand on blue... Next girl left hand on
red...)

GP - Well.. I guess we are ready for the next spin!!! HAHAAHHA!!!

(JT spins the wheel for the first girl. It lands on left foot blue. She puts
her left foot on blue. This puts her ass right in girl #3's face. The crowd
cheers. JT spins it again for girl #2... It says right hand on yellow. She
puts her right hand on yellow sprawling out over girl #4 with her boobs on
her back. The next spin goes to left foot on yellow. She pulls her left foot
over to a yellow dot and her vaginal area is right in girl #2's face. The
crowd is going crazy... WAIT!!! NO!!! SHE KISSES HER BIKINI BOTTOMS!!! THEY
ALL 5 DROP TO THE BOARD AND START MAKING OUT WITH EACH OTHER!!!)

GP - YES!!!

Shallow - YES!!! A DREAM COME TRUE!!!

(IWO officials come storming out as Girl #4 reveals Girl #1's breasts and
begins to suck on her right nipple. The IWO officials are trying to get the
girls out of the ring before anything else happens.)

GP - DAMN THEM!!! I CANT BELIEVE THIS SHIT!!! DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!!!

(Girl #5 and Girl #3 are now french kissing while Girl #2 slowly moves her
hand over Girl #3's vaginal area. IWO officials are pulling each girl off of
each other. They are screaming and yelling. The girls just want to be with
each other and are trying to fight the IWO officials.)

Shallow - This is such a shame. The IWO has gone WAY too far.

(The cameras cut to the back where we see Britney Spears dressed a whore.
Meygon is standing beside her with a microphone.)

Meygon - I'm here with Britney Spears. She sang the National Anthem before
the Pay Per View went on the air tonight... Thanks for coming here tonight
Britney.

Britney Spears - It's great... I'm glad to be here.

Meygon - Do YOU like the IWO?

Britney Spears - Oh no! I don't like wrestling at all! I hate fake things.

(The camera pans down to her breasts.)

Meygon - Oh... Really?

Britney Spears - Yeah.. I think a person should be as REAL as possible.

(The camera zooms in on her breasts.)

Meygon - So I take it you are a REAL person?

Britney Spears - Hell no, look at my boobs. You think they got that way
overnight? Duh...

Meygon - But I thought you said you didn't like anything fake?

Britney Spears - Look... The record label said I either had to give all the
Presidents, Vice Presidents, and associates of the company head OR get a
boob job to mantain my position with the label. I wasn't ready to become a
FULL fledged whore just yet.

Meygon - So you got the boob job instead?

Britney Spears - YEP!

Meygon - Well... I think I would have given them all head.

Britney Spears - Thats what my parents wanted me to do, but I figured I can
do that when I'm 23. I know I'll suck at music on my next album so I figured
I'd go into the porn business. I already have plans of my first movie.

Meygon - Oh yeah... What is it?

Britney Spears - Fuck Me Baby One More Time.

Meygon - That's original.

Britney Spears - Either that or Britney and the Three Big Dicks.

Meygon - Wow... So. You gonna be in any lesbian scenes?

Britney Spears - I was hoping to get Christina to join me.. After all her
next album will probably suck too... So that would be cool. We could do this
theme where she is a genie in a bottle and I rub her the right way and we
make love all night long to a song by Jewel or something.

Meygon - Had any lesbian experiences yet?

Britney Spears - No... But I want to.

Meygon - Ok.. Lets go...

(Meygon and Britney walk off hand in hand to have Lesbian sex.)

(The cameras cut back out to the ring area where we see GP, JT, and Johnny
Shallow with their hands under the table. They have a funny expression on
their face. They see the cameras are back on them. GP jerks his hand out
from under the table.)

GP - Welcome..... Uh... Back...

(All of a sudden the tables starts bouncing up... JT and Johnny Shallow fall
back in their chairs.)

GP - Well... Now... Uh....

JT - Oh damn... We need a clean up out here!!!

Shallow - Yeah.. We do...

GP - So... I'm not going to comment on that because actions speak louder
than words... Anyway. What's next?

(GP looks at a piece of paper on the table.)

GP - It looks like we are now set to go to our next match here tonight. BUT
before we do that we are supposed to take a look at what is going to happen
on Monday Night Meltdown tomorrow night!!! Check this out!!!


--Monday Night Meltdown--
Live!!!
Tomorrow Night!!!
With new announcers!!!
A new Monday Night!!!
8 teams...
1 goal...
to become...
FUCKED UP...

Zombie & Evan Levine vs. Michael Dudley & Apollo

G-Dogg & Billy Larson vs. Capital Punishment & Da Bronx Bro

Jack in the Box & Fugite vs. The Raging One & Rob Kestler

Chris Davidson & Jax Stone vs. High Flyer & Mad Max


Shallow: Ok, I'm gonna go take a potty break now.

JT: SINCE WHEN ARE WE ALLOWED TO DO THAT?!

GP: I don't know...but Shallow already left. SO I GUESS WE ARE!

JT: COOL!!

(Nikki comes out to replace him)

Nikki: Hi guys! Mind if I join you?!

JT: YES!!

*smack*

JT: OK! YOU CAN JOIN US!

Nikki: That's better.

GP: Glad to see we're all friends.

Hot Action!
Da Bronx Bro & CyberCyclone v. The Foreign Legion

JT: NOW WE HAVE A JOBBER TAG TEAM MATCH!!! WHOOPIE DO!!!!

Nikki: For once, I have to agree with JT. This is going to suck donkey balls.

GP: I agree as well. This will blow.

Ring Announcer: THIS CONTEST IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL!!! ON THEIR WAY TO THE RING................

<"The British and Canadian Anthems" mixed play as Brother Al and Crazy Canuck, the Foreign Legion, come down to the ring accompanied by Braniac.>

Ring Announcer: THEY ARE FORMER IWO INTERCONTINENTAL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!! THEY ARE THE MASTERS OF THE DECLARATION OF WAR.........CRAZY CANUCK........BROTHER AL....THE FOREIGN LEGGGGGION!! AND, THEIR OPPONENTS!!

<A guy walks out in a penis suit.>

Ring Announcer: HE IS A CREATION FROM THE SICK AND TWISTED MIND OF NEIL "NOT SO" PRETTYMAN. HE IS, WELL, "BIG" HARRY PENIS!!

<OH MY GOD!! THE FANS ARE BOOING LIKE HELL!!!! NO ONE LIKES THE PENIS!! DAMN YOU!! DIE!!!!>

Ring Announcer: AND..........HIS PARTNER.................DA BRONX BRO!!!

<DING DING F'N DING.>

JT: Harry and Crazy Canuck will start this one out. Canuck grabs Harry and he smacks him in the head with a right hand. And he strikes him again, this time with a left. Canuck opening up on the dick with right and left handed shots.........AND HARRY POKES HIM IN THE EYE WITH HIS SUIT!!! "Big" Harry now whips in Canuck, Clothesline!

GP: Harry now picking up Canuck, he scoops up Canuck for the body slam!! Canuck up quickly, and he headbutts the Crazy Canuck! Harry swings, but Canuck blocks!! He fires back with a double hand shot! Crazy Canuck with a big right, a left, he sets up Harry, and suplexes him down to the canvas! Canuck bounces off the ropes!! KNEEDROP!

Nikki: Crazy Canuck has control..He punches Harry in the stomach, and he delievers a DDT! He spiked the Penis right on the helmet! Big Harry is in dire straits here! A RIGHT!! A LEFT!! CRAZY CANUCK LIFTS HIM UP!!! HE GOES OUTSIDE!!! HE HAS OL' BESSIE!!! OH MY GOD!!! HE JUST HIT "BIG" HARRY IN THE HEAD WITH OL' BESSIE!! BIG HARRY IS DEAD!!!!

JT: Da Bronx Bro is now in serious trouble! He has to fight both members of the Legion on his own! Brother Al comes into the ring! But Da Bronx Bro nails him with a huge right hand! Canuck jumps back into the ring, he gets drilled by Da Bronx Bro! Da Bronx Bro goes outside! He gets a chair! He slides back in! He whacks Brother Al! He goes down!! He hits Crazy Canuck! Canuck is smiling!

GP: Da Bronx Bro bounces off of the ropes! Chairshot! But Canuck will not go down! Da Bronx Bro goes up top now! Wait, Brother Al back in the ring, Canuck drops down to all fours, Brother Al runs up.. HOLY SHIT!! BROTHER AL DROPKICKS THE CHAIR BACK INTO DA BRONX BRO'S FACE!!! HE'S TEETERING UP THERE ON THE TOP ROPE!! HE FALLS!!!! HE FALLS THROUGH THE FRENCH ANNOUNCE TABLE!!

Nikki: Wait, Crazy Canuck's going for his hammer again! He has Ol' Bessie! HE'S GOING UP TOP!!! NO!!!! NO!! HE'S NOT! HE CAN'T!! HE COMES OFF THE TOP AND SWINGS!!!! OH MY GOD!! DA BRONX BRO GOT OUT OF THE WAY IN THE NICK OF TIME! THE HAMMER SMASHES THROUGH THE REMAINS OF THE TABLE! Da Bronx Bro kicks Crazy Canuck in the stomach! DDT on the concrete!

JT: Well, it looks like Brother Al is going to be content to let Canuck do the work here, he's going into the ring with Braniac....THEY ARE SETTING UP A CARD TABLE!!!! THEY HAVE TEA!!! IT'S TEA TIME FOR THE FOREIGN LEGION HERE AT BROKEN HEARTS, BROKEN BONES II ! Brother Al has a microphone!

Brother Al: Nikki.....care to join us for a spot of tea?

Nikki: Certainly....anything to get away from JT.

<Nikki leaves to go drink tea and play whist.>

GP: Oh great, what the fuck do we do now?

<OH MY GOD!!! HERE HE COMES!!! THE POTTIE MOUTHED CLOWN!!!>

PMC: FUCKING BITCH ASS WHORE LEFT THE SHIT ASS ANNOUNCE TABLE AND MAKES ME DRAG MY FAT FUCKING ASS OUT HERE!!!

GP: Riight. Anyway, Crazy Canuck is now left to do all the work, as Al, Braniac, and Nikki are now sipping tea? Canuck goes under the ring, he grabs a barbed wire wrapped 2X4! He winds up, and he hits Da Bronx Bro right between the eyes with it! Da Bronx Bro has been split open by the barbed wire! NOW WHAT THE HELL IS CANUCK DOING?!

JT: HE'S WRAPPING THE ROPES IN BARBED WIRE!!! THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE FIRST EVER BARBED WIRE TEA PARTY DEATH MATCH!! CANUCK NOW GETS SOME C-4 EXPLOSIVES!!! HE PUTS THEM IN THE CORNERS!! HE LIFTS NIKKI UP! PUTS HER ONTO THE FLOOR! HE DOES THE SAME WITH AL AND BRANIAC!! HE SLIDES BACK UNDER THE ROPES!

GP: WHAT THE HELL?! HE FOUND A BED OF THUMBTACKS UNDER THE RING! HE SLIDES IT INTO THE RING AS WELL!! DA BRONX BRO STARTING TO GET BACK UP! CANUCK GETS THE 2X4!! HITS HIM IN THE KNEE WITH IT!! CANUCK SLIDES IN A LADDER!!! THIS IS SICK!! WHAT ELSE CAN CANUCK FIND!!! A BARBED WIRE WRAPPED BOARD!!! IT GETS THROWN IN!!

JT: WOOHOO!! THIS THING IS TURNING INTO A JAPANESE DEATH MATCH! THAT MEANS BLOOD!! CANUCK AND DA BRONX BRO GET INTO THIS DEATH TRAP, AND THEY START SLUGGING IT OUT!! This is gonna be great! Canuck with a right! A left! He grabs that barbed wire wrapped board! But Da Bronx Bro won't let him get it! Double axhandle to the back!

GP: He sets up Crazy Canuck.....no! NO!!!! HE'S NOT!!!!!!! DA BRONX BRO PILEDRIVES CRAZY CANUCK ONTO THE BARBED WIRE BOARD!! Da Bronx Bro covers! The referee slides in under the barbed wire wrapped ropes! 1, 2, kickout by Crazy Canuck! How the hell did he kick out of a piledriver on barbed wire? Da Bronx Bro smiles!! He's pointing to the bed of thumbtacks!

JT: Da Bronx Bro scoops up Crazy Canuck!!! He's going to slam him on the bed of tacks! No! Canuck slips out! German Suplexes him onto the ladder! Da Bronx Bro's head bounces hard off of the steel!! Canuck picks up the ladder! He rams it into Da Bro's stomach! Canuck jumps into the air! He drops an elbow...NO! DA BRONX BRO GOT A CHAIR UP AND CANUCK'S ELBOW HIT THE STEEL!!

<We go over to see where Nikki, Braniac, and Brother Al are enjoying some tea.>

Nikki: You two are so nice.....you really know how to treat a lady...may I have some more tea?

Braniac: Certainly! We have plenty!!

<Back to the match.>

JT: CRAZY CANUCK IS MY NEW HERO!! DA BRONX BRO TRYING TO CLIMB THE LADDER!!!! HOOOOOLLLLLLLYYYYY SHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIT!!!!! HE SHOVED THE LADDER DOWN!!! THE LADDER FELL ON TOP OF DA BRONX BRO, WHO FELL DIRECTLY ONTO THAT BED OF THUMBTACKS!!! THOUSANDS OF SHARP METALLIC OBJECTS ARE STICKING INTO DA BRONX BRO'S FLESH!!!

GP: Crazy Canuck is smiling! He grabs a microphone!

Crazy Canuck: Hey JT...you seem to like blood...want to give this a shot?

JT: SURE!!!

<JT leaves to go fight Da Bronx Bro with Crazy Canuck.>

GP: THIS IS JUST F*CKING WONDERFUL!!! ONE OF MY BROADCAST PARTNERS IS SIPPING TEA WITH THE F*CKING TALENT, AND THE OTHER ONE IS GOING TO GO FIGHT DA BRONX BRO IN AN RING WITH F*CKING BOMBS AND BARBED WIRE! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!

<Angel comes out. This is like the fifth announcer of the MATCH.>

Angel: Hello there Greggie-poo!!

<Greg just shakes his head slowly.>

GP: OK.......anyway JT has gotten into the ring. He picks up Da Bronx Bro, and a suplex! Oh my God!! JT CAN WRESTLE!! JT picks up that ladder! He hits Da Bronx Bro in the head with it! He picks him up!! Irish whips him into the barbed wire ropes!! There are Lacerations all over Bro's back!! JT IS CALLING FOR THE ORGASMO!!

Angel: He's putting him in the corner..WAIT?! ISN'T THERE A C-4 EXPLOSIVE THERE?!

GP: Yes, but they are timed for 10 seconds.....

Angel: JT runs...THE ORGASMO!!! BRONCO BUSTER IN THE CORNER!!!! OH MY GOD!!! THE C4 WENT OFF!!! JT IS DEAD.. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! JT IS DEAD!! JT IS DEAD!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!! YEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!

GP: I hate to say this to you... BUT JT'S ALIVE!!! AND HE'S HAVING A BLAST!!!

<Crazy Canuck and JT smile.>

Crazy Canuck: Hey man, you want some Molson?

JT: Sure!!!!

Crazy Canuck: Hold on a second.....

GP: CRAZY CANUCK THROWS DA BRONX BRO OVER THE TOP RIGHT INTO THE CARD TABLE!!! BROTHER AL, NIKKI, AND BRANIAC SCATTER!! JT THROWS THE TABLE INTO THE RING! THEY SIT DOWN ON SOME CHAIRS!!! AND THEY ARE DRINKING MOLSON CANADIAN!!

JT: To Hardcore wrestling?

Crazy Canuck: Of course.

<They toast and drink some more.>

GP:........................This has got to be the absolute lowest point of my announcing career. WE'VE GONE THROUGH LIKE FIVE ANNOUNCERS!!! NIKKI IS SITTING WITH BROTHER AL AND BRANIAC DRINKING TEA! JT IS DRINKING MOLSON CANADIAN WITH CRAZY CANUCK AFTER KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF DA BRONX BRO! NTHE POTTIE MOUTHED CLOWN IS LYING HERE UNCONSIOUS, AND ANGEL IS HERE WITH ME, AND WE ARE LIKE THE ONLY COMMENTATORS LEFT!! AND THIS IS ONE OF THE MIDCARD MATCHES!!

Angel: Calm down Greggie poo!

<OH MY GOD!! ANGEL KISSES PARKER!!! BILLY LARSON WAS RIGHT!!! ANGEL IS A WHORE!!! WHORE!!!! THEY'RE STRIPPING!!!!!!! NO!!!! THIS IS A FIRST FOR AN IWO PPV!!! THEY ARE MAKING LOVE ON THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!!!! HERE COMES SHALLOW!>

SHallow: AHAHAHAHAhaHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU GO GREG!!!! Crazy Canuck dragging Da Bronx Bro over here!!! HE SETS HIM UP!!! NO!!! HE POWERBOMBS DA BRONX BRO THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE WHICH ANGEL AND GREG PARKER WERE HAVING SEX ON!!! CANUCK COVERS! 1, 2, 3!!!!

::Suddenly the lights go out, and then come on to a dim gray color. "Sober" by TOOL begins to play. The fans go crazy at the sound of this, because it signifies the entrance of the "legend" of the IWO himself "The Legend" Phelen Kell. Sure enough Kell walks out onto the rampway wearing a leather jacket with a blue and white IWO shirt underneath. He looks out over the crowd, his face is serious as it has ever been before for some reason. He enters the ring and pulls out a microphone from his jacket pocket.::

Phelen: Ladies and gentlemen....I come before you tonight...

::Phelen pauses as the fans go crazy again. You can see Phelens lower lip begining to tremble.::

Phelen: I......I come before you tonight....to make an announcement...

::The crowd has gone silent suddenly. Phelens facial expressions plainly show the look of pain on his face. A tear streaks down his cheek.::

Phelen: As of yesterday night.....I have officially been placed into retirement...doctors orders.

::The fans are stunned...they sit quiet, not moving. Many wrestlers from the back run out onto the ramp in shock. They all stand watching Phelen in the ring.::

Phelen: I have suffered severe back injuries...and I've been informed....if I don't stop wrestling...I could spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair...with no function in my arms or legs...so I come before you tonight....a humbled man...with many things to say...

::Commentators.::

GP: He can't be serious....

::In ring.::

Phelen: First of all...I'd like to say a few names in the IWO roster....starting off with a man that I feel to be my equal...a person I have...<begining to cry>....more respect for in this business than anyone else. And even though you all don't have many good things to say about him....I do....Zombie.....it has been the greatest honor...and privilege to have been able to work in the same ring with you. And I'll remember it forever....another person....whom I'd like to thank.....Mysterious One......man...without you.....without you the IWO just wouldn't feel like the IWO. Your a true great in this sport...and lets just hope that nothing like this ever happens to you brother...because it'd be happening to a good person that didn't deserve it.

::Phelen pauses, he wipes tears away from his face as the fans begin to cheer.::

Phelen: Tony Davis....you put the spunk and fun into every IWO show you have ever been on....its been a pleasure working with and against you over time....you deserved every minute of that world title holding...and you deserve alot more in my opinion!............<sniffling he looks out over the crowd> Mad Max....I feel the same way about you....you deserve to be champion...you've always been a great sports hero....and getting into this further....I'd like to say something to one Capital Punishment.....Cappy......you my friend....are the reason this sport stays alive. You get so close....over and over again...and even if you fall short...even by a hair...you get right back up...and you strive for the gold...and Cappy one day you'll have it. And I"ll be the first man to call you and congratulate you my friend. Because you've more than earned it! More!

::Phelen stops again, and leans on a rope, looking down to the ground so the camera can't see his face turning red as he tries to hold back the full on cry.::

Phelen: And to the new guys....or to those who've been here but haven't gotten your break yet....to everyone in the IWO from my friend G-Dogg to Michael Dudley even....your all the greatest group of atheletes I've ever worked with. I may have said otherwise....but I mean this....its been the greatest pleasure of my life to have worked with you all...and you'll all forever be in my thoughts.....and that brings me to the final...and most important thank you....to you all here....and you all at home...the fans of the IWO....the fans of wrestling in general...

::The crowd errupts once again.::

Phelen: Without you all there would be no professional wrestling.....through the good times and the bad times...from pool halls to stadiums you've all been there...you've all been entertained...and you've made every minute of my career worth it....worth every drop of blood...worth every bead of sweat...worth every broken bone....its because of you....that I enjoyed my job....so much. From while Ashton Cain and I were the tag team champions...to way, way back in the day when my face was burnt in the EWF...you fans cared about me..you sent letters...you sent emails.....and it helped me through.....and I thank you from the very bottom of my heart......well......I suppose.....thats that...my career as a wrestler....its.......its <crying fully> its over..............<looking out to all the fans> your the greatest guys....your the greatest.......

::"Sober" by TOOL plays one final time as "The Legend" Phelen Kell walks solumnly into the back. On the ramp he is greeted by many, many IWO stars. He stops to say thank you, and to hug eachother. The wrestlers leave and leave Phelen standing on the ramp. He turns around for one final look at the people. He smiles and waves, turns and walks off into the back. The fans at this point are not simply cheering. They have all risen out of their seats and are clapping...giving a standing ovation to a man who poured his heart and soul into the sport..."The Legend" Phelen Kell.::

Flaming Dawg House Match
Winner gets a Pacific Title Shot the MNM after the PPV.
Dan Hopkins v. G-Dogg

GP: A stunning announcement by Phelen Kell...

Shallow: Well, that sucks.

JT I'll-

*all of the sudden the screen goes haywire...*


AIWF RULES!! IWO IS GOING DOWN!!! ALL YOU LITTLE COMPUTER GEEKS BETTER TUNE THE F*CK IN, OR YOU'RE GONNA PAY!! HTTP://WWW.TRAX.TO/AIWF!! GO THERE OR DIE!!

*a blank screen with the IWO logo with a cross over it fills the screen for about 10 minutes.*


GP: G-DOGG JUST HIT THE DOGGINATOR!! 1...2..3!!! UNBELIEVABLE WIN!!!

JT: Ummm...I just got word that we recieved some technical difficulties...

Shallow: What the f*ck?

JT: The AIWF just stole 10 minutes from our Pay Per View?

GP: I guess so...

Shallow: ?¿? is gonna be livid.

GP: THE WHOLE F'N IWO EXECUTIVE BOARD IS GONNA BE LIVID!!

JT: We apologize to both wrestlers and all our fans out there...this inconvinence is not our fault, but pirating by the AIWF. In all seriousness, this wasn't supposed to happen...but this really sucks.

GP: Well...I guess we have to go on with the PPV.

Shallow: Right.

GP:  Ok we've had some hot action so far tonight...it's too bad the fans watching missed some of it...but now we're gonna take a  break in the action for a special ceremony which will be M.C.ed by the North American Champion, Psycho Jay.

JT:  Oh great.  I used to like this guy, and the head humping thing is funny, but not when he does it to me.

GP:  I had my head humped as well JT, don't feel bad.

JT:  Yeah, but you enjoyed it.

Shallow:  Well it sucks to be both of you cause I never had my head humped and never will.

GP:  We'll see about that.  Now here comes Psycho Jay!

("Divine" by Korn blasts as Psycho Jay comes out with Vincent by his side.  They walk down to the ring and get in.  Jay has a microphone.)

Psycho Jay:  Hello!  Hello to all of my wonderful fans!  And hello to all of my fellow IWO co-workers in the back.  Now sadly, due to some sort of brain annuerism on Jamie Kosoy's behalf, I will not be in action here tonight.  Now I tried to tell Jamie to give me a match, I warned him that NOBODY would tune in and order this Pay-Per-View if I wasn't on the card, but he didn't believe me.  So early yesterday when NO ONE had ever purchased the PPV yet, Jamie came calling.  He said please put something together so people will actually buy my patheticly put together event!  Please!  So I asked Vincent for some personal guidance, and you know what he said?  Well, I'll let him tell you.

Vincent:  FUCKING FUCK JAMIE IN THE MOTHER FUCKING ASS THAT FUCKING PRISSY ASS FUCKING FAGET FUCKS JOHN IN THE FUCKING EAR FUCKING MOTHER WHORE SLUT COCKMEISTER MOTHER FUCKING BASTARD.

Psycho Jay:  And I said, but what about the fans Vincent?  And he said.

Vincent:  FUCKING FUCK THE FANS IN THE MOTHER FUCKING ASS THOSE FUCKING PRISSY ASS FUCKING FAGETS FUCK THE OTHER FANS IN THE FUCKING EAR FUCKING MOTHER WHORE SLUT COCKMEISTER MOTHER FUCKING BASTARDS.

Psycho Jay:  So I said, well what about us?  We deserve to be on the PPV dammit, I am the IWO North American Champion, and you are the AWF Champion.  We're being screwed if we're not on TV.  And Vincent kindly replied.

Vincent:  FUCKING RIGHT!  MOTHER FUCKING JAMIE AND FANS CAN SUCK VINCENT'S FUCKING 18 INCH PENIS AND FUCKING LICK VINCENT'S FUCKING BASKETBALL FUCKING SIZED NUTS!  LET'S FUCKING GO OUT AND FUCKING DO SHIT!

Psycho Jay:  Good idea I said.  And so here we are.  Now I was thinking abou t what I should do out here.  Should I verbally berate Zombie for being a liar and also tearing my boot off a few months ago and tickling me?  You know I still never got that boot back that he tossed in the crowd.  But I decidied not to bother with Zombie because....well look at the guy.....he must have a hard enough life just being himself.  He doesn't need me to remind him of how much he sucks.

Vincent:  FUCKING YEAH ZOMBIE IS A FUCKING UGLY BITCH WITH FUCKING 5 BALLS!

Psycho Jay:  Right.  Now I was gonna talk about Tony Davis, but he must be preoccupied worrying about his "death defying" scaffold match of doom match with one of the IWO's TOP, and I mean TOP names Chrome Thunder, who I think dropped off the face of the earth so I think he can handle a drop off a scaffold.  I don't wanna worry Davis any more with that imminent threat he's facing, so I'll let him be.

Vincent:  TONY FUCKING DAVIS SUCKS FUCKING RAT COCK AND FUCKING ELEPHANT TITS MOTHER FUCKER!

Psycho Jay:  Then I thought I would bash that jackoff Jamie for not even giving me, his biggest fucking draw a match on the PPV.  And he also didn't give Chris Davidson, another top star around here, a match.  But I also know that Jamie has been slapped around by a Portugese chimpanzee a few times and might not be able to think straight sometimes, so I came this this conclusion.

Vincent:  FUCKING WHAT'S THAT MOTHER FUCKER?

Psycho Jay:  I am going to pull a random fan out of the crowd, and give he or she a first class HEAD-HUMPING!  That's right, tonight in this very ring, one lucky fan will have their head humped thoroughly by Psycho Jay, the innovator of head-humping.  Now as you all know, I am now marketing a kit in the IWO catalog which will give you detailed explanations about any questions you have on the subject of head humping.  It will also teach you to hump heads at home.  These are available at the souveneers stands for a low low price of 49.95 while supplies last, so everyone get yours soon!  The best time is probably during the Prime Time Soldiers and Prep Kids match because you know everyone will be REALLY interested in that one.  Now....who wants to have their head humped?!?!

(The crowd stares, but says nothing.)

Psycho Jay:  Come on.  There has to be SOMEONE out there who needs a good head humping.

Vincent:  FUCKING YEAH BITCHES ONE OF YOU MOTHER FUCKER BETTER SPEAK THE FUCK UP OR VINCENT WILL FUCKING COME OUT THERE AND FUCKING PIMP SLAP YOU WITH HIS FUCKING DICK FUCKING SHAFT SHIMMIERS!

(The crowd remains silent.)

Psycho Jay:  What's that?  I think I hear someone in the back requesting a head humping.

(Just then Chris Davidson and Rob Kestler come out onto the ramp dragging Jamie Kosoy's son, GARRETT KOSOY!!!!)

Psycho Jay:  Ahh, young Garrett, so nice of you to volunteer.  Too bad your father couldn't be here as well.

(Davidson and Kestler bring Garrett in the ring.)

Davidson:  We tried to get that bitch Jamie but he thew this little shit at us and locked himself in the office.

Psycho Jay:  Damn.  Oh well, I guess he'll have to do.

(Psycho Jay immeditely grabs Garrett's head and begins humping away!  Garrett is crying!  Psycho Jay lets him go.)

Psycho Jay:  You don't cry on my crotch dammit!  Vincent!

(Vincent steps foward and slaps garrett in the side of the head with his penis several times.)

Psycho Jay:  You see that Jamie, look what we did to your son and just be glad it wasn't you.  Next time you schedule a PPV extravaganze, you had better invite me or the next time you'll be the one getting bitch slapped by Vincent's penis.  HAVE A GREAT DAY:-)

("(Sic)" by SlipKnot blasts as the Usual Suspects leave the ring.)

GP:  Well that was interesting to say the least.

JT:  At least we didn't get our heads humped again.

Shallow:  I didn't!  Haha, it must suck for you two guys.

(Psycho Jay is about half way up the ramp and he still has a mic.)

Psycho Jay:  Did I just hear someone say they needed a head humping?

(Psycho jay walks over to the announcer's table.  JT and Parker just point at Shallow.)

Psycho Jay:  Ahhh, and who might you be?

Shallow:  I'm not falling for that.

Psycho Jay:  Falling for what?  I'm not the Rock.

Shallow:  Oh, well my name is...

Psycho Jay:  IT DOESN'T MATTER!!

(Psycho Jay then grabs Shallow head and begins HUMPING IT!  Psycho Jay finishes humping Shallow's head and continues up the ramp to the back.)

JT:  HAHAHAHAHA!

GP:  HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Shallow:  Screw you guys.

Scaffold From Hell Match
The ring is full of flaming tables.. Only way to lose
is to FALL from the scaffold to the ring. the scaffold
is 30 feet above the ring.
Tony Davis vs. Chrome Thunder

GP: Well fans we've had a SPECTACULAR card so far
tonight and more is on the way! Right now we've got an
extreme challenge...

JT: OH BOY!

GP:...featuring Chrome Thunder and Tony Davis. Chrome
has not been seen for some time in the IWO while Davis
is cooling off since his recent reign as World
Champion. Both of these men could use the opportunity
a win here would provide.

JT: I don't know how much of an achievement beating
Tony Davis is going to be for Chrome... he used to be
in BDP!

GP: Tony Davis is a former world champion you know JT.
You shouldn't count him out so quickly.

JT: Why not? I know Chrome is going to win! I don't
have to guess about this one, Parker.

GP: If you're so certain JT, then I'm happy for you.

JT: Idiot.

Ring Announcer: The following Scaffold from Hell match
is scheduled for ONE FALL... introducing first...

::"School" by Nirvana begins.::

Ring Announcer: From Miami, Florida... weighing in at
245 pounds... a former IWO Extreme Champion and master
of The Rain Drop... here is CHROME THUNDER!

::Chrome walks out. "Degenerate" by Blink 182
begins.::

Ring Announcer: HIS OPPONENT.. Fighting out of Mt.
Laurel, New Jersey... weighing in at 237 Pounds.. the
former IWO Champion of the World.... the only
Degenerate... HERE IS..... TONY DAVIS!

::Davis walks out to a HUGE pop. He gets in the ring
and glares at Chrome. They are then both taken up on
little magic carts to the scaffold, and the ring is
filled with tables that are set on fire. The bell
sounds.::

GP: Here we go, this INSANE match is about to get
underway. Da vis grabs Chrome by the hair and tosses
him to the scaffold, and now starts laying the boots
across the ribs of Chrome Thunder. Chrome staggers up
and Davis pulls him in, Underhook Belly To Belly!
Chrome is already taking a beating and this one just
began! Thunder gets to his feet and ducks under a
Davis clothesline attempt, and now retaliates with a
kick to the stomach of Tony Davis! Chrome slams Davis'
face into one of the suspension cords that are holding
that very scaffold in the air, and then nails a
VERTICAL SUPLEX!

JT: Way to go Chrome! Way to go!

GP: Thunder yanks Davis up and tosses him towards the
edge of the scaffold, giving him a little kick for
what looks like an early victory! But no! Davis
manages to regain his balance and now stands tetering
on the edge. He rolls aside as Chrome comes charging
and now Davis MONKEY TOSSES CHROME THUNDER! This one
could be over before it's even started! CHROME HAS THE
EDGE OF THE SCAFFOLD! He pulls himself up, in a hurry!
Now Davis seems to be in the drives seat again, he
hits a chickenwing suplex on Chrome Thunder! Thunder
rolls to his feet in a hurry and Davis advances in,
grabing Chromes arm and tossing him to the mat with an
arm screw. Davis steps on the shoulder of Chrome,
causing him to cry out in agony.

JT: CHEAP! Come on Davis, FIGHT LIKE A MAN YOU PUSSY!

GP: Tony Davis slams Chrome's arm into a suspension
cable and now he goes to the edge of the Scaffold to
take a breather. Thunder is fighting to get to his
feet, but here comes DAVIS FROM BEHIND! CHROME'S GOING
FOR THE RIDE.... REVERSE VERTICAL SUPLEX! MAN WHAT A
MOVE! Chrome's face slammed into that Scaffold, HARD!
I think his nose may be broken... JE-SUS.

JT: AWW MAN! Chrome's bleeding and he ISN'T WINNING. I
thought Davis would be a pushover for somebody who was
in the Billion Dollar Promotion.

GP: I guess you thought wrong, JT. Davis doesn't seem
to be letting up, I don't think he CARES what stable
Chrome was in! He grabs Thunder by the head and hoists
him up in the air... DROP SUPLEX! Nice move by Tony
Davis! He picks Chrome up again... ANOTHER DROP
SUPLEX! This is getting out of hand in a hurry here as
Tony Davis seems hell bent on causing Thunder SEROIUS
injury. He picks Chrome up by the scruff of his neck
and tosses him face first into the suspension cords
again. Now what the hell is Davis doing?

JT: He's going over to the elevator.. it's lowering
him to the ground! DAVIS LOSES!

GP: Um, no, I think Tony has found a slight
technicality. He didn't actually FALL to the ring,
therefore he does not lose. He grabs a steel folding
chair from ringside and now he's hoped the elevator
back to the scaffold. HEY! Where the hell is Chrome
Thunder??

JT: He's gone! How?

GP: I don't see him on the ground.. WAIT! Look up in
the rafters! It's Chrome! Davis doesn't see him, he
has NO IDEA where Thunder went. Now Chrome drops the
rafters.. FLYING LARIAT! MY GOD! CHROME THUNDER HAS
TONY DAVIS THINKING THAT THE SKY IS FALLING!!! IF HE
MISSED THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN OVER!!

JT: HOLY SHIT!

GP: Davis is down and Chrome has the chair, and the
momentum. Beckoning now for Davis to get up.. WHAM!
Thunder blasted Tony right across the back with that
steel chair, and now he's placing it on the ground..
FAMEASSER on to th chair! Davis rolls off towards the
edge of the scaffold and Chrome follows him with that
chair, SMASHING IT down on the knee of Davis! Oh man!
Chrome is trying to destroy Tony's knee and it isn't
fair, nor is it right! Chrome takes the chair and
smashes Davis' knee again and again, causing Tony's
face to contort in pain. Now Chrome is setting up the
chair, and he takes Davis' foot and rests it on the
seat.. KNEE SMASH! OH JESUS!

JT: THAT is how it's done! Whose your daddy, Davis??

GP: Now what is Chrome Thunder doing? It appears he's
rididing the ropes down the the ring.. WHAT A MANIAC!
If he falls, Davis wins! Chrome makes it down
successfully and he's grabbed on of the flaming
tables! He puts it on the elevator!! That table is
going up to the scaffold... Chrome now climbs back up
the suspension cable. He's in the ring and he sets up
the flaming table.. He's got Davis! He's going for a
VERTICAL SUPLEX! NO! Davis BLOCKED! Now Davis with a
vertical suplex of his own! Chrome is down! Davis is
down!

JT: CHROME YOU MUST GET UP!

GP: Davis and Chrome are both getting to their feet.
Davis has that chair and he takes a swing at Thunder,
who ducks! Thunder punches Davis in the face.. Tony
punches Chrome! They're exchaning rights and lefts..
now Davis with a spear! Chrome staggers backwards into
that flaming table... DAVIS DROPKICKS CHROME THROUGH
THE TABLE! MY GOD! CHROME THUNDER IS ON FIRE!! DAVIS
GRABS HIM AND TOSSES HIM INTO THE ELEVATOR CABLES!! O
MY GOD! THERE'S A 30 FOOT FALL WAITING FOR CHROME!

JT: I Can't beat to watch this!!

GP: Davis climbs up onto the elevator and punches
Chrome in the face, and then slams his head into the
roof of the lift.  He kicks Chrome Thunder in the
ribs.. what's he doing now?  It looks like he's
screwing with the bolt that holds the chord to the
elevator.

JT: CHROMEY! GET UP MAN!!

GP: Davis is UNDOING THE ELEVATOR CHORDS!! THAT LIFT
IS GOING TO FALL! AND CHROME THUNDER IS STILL ON
TOP!!! O MY GOD!!! DAVIS JUMPS OFF AS THE ELEVATOR
PLUMMETS 30 FEET!!! JESUS CHRIST!

JT: IT'S GOING TO BLOW! CHROMEY!!

GP: THE ELEVATOR SLAMS INTO THE GROUND! THUNDER GOES
FLYING OFF!! HE'S GOING TO HIT THE TABLES!! O MY GOD!!
NO!!! CHROME GRABS THE CHORD!  HE'S RAPPELLING BACK UP
TO THE SCAFFOLD!

JT: Look at the power of Chrome Thunder! BDP RULES!

GP: Davis thinks he's won!  He's showboating for the
fans and he doesn't see Thunder sneaking back up
behind him.  Chrome Thunder limps over to one of the
halves of that flaming table.. he picks it up..
CHARGES TONY DAVIS FROM BEHIND!! DAVIS GETS KNOCKED
OFF THE SCAFFOLD! THUNDER HAS WON!! NO!! WAIT! DAVIS
GRABS CHROME'S LEG! NOW BOTH MEN ARE GOING OFF!!!

JT:  Who wins?  Who wins?!

GP: BOTH MEN HAVE CRASHED THROUGH THE TABLES!  The Ref
doesn't know what to do! Do we have a winner here?

JT: What's he saying?

GP: Look's like he's ordering a restart!! Technicians
have repaired the lift and Tony and Chrome are being
sent back up.. I think thier both unconcious!  The
bell rings.

JT: LOOK! Chromey is the first to his feet.. and he's
got that chair!

GP: Davis still isn't moving.. O!! THUNDER SLAMS THE
CHAIR ACROSS THE BACK OF HIS HEAD!  That won't help
Tony at all!  Chrome scoops Davis onto his shoulder..
he limps to the edge of the scaffold.. Davis is going
off...NO! HE ROLLS OFF OF CHROMES SHOULDERS AND PUSHES
HIM!! CHROME IS TEETERING ON THE EDGE.. DAVIS SPEARS!!
THUNDER GRABS THE EDGE OF THE SCAFFOLD AND PULLS
HIMSELF BACK UP!! TONY DAVIS WITH A LEAPING
CLOTHESLINE.. THUNDER GRABS HIS ARM AND HIPTOSSES HIM
ONTO THE METAL SCAFFOLD!

JT: O YEAH! GOOOOOO CHROME!! Look! He's putting the
boots to him!

GP: Thunder is stomping Davis in the face! Tony rolls
away to escape the attack but Chrome grabs him by the
hair and hauls him to his feet.. VERTICAL SUPLEX INTO
A DROP!  DID YOU HEAR THE SOUND OF THAT SCAFFOLD?

JT: CHROMEY! CHROMEY!

GP: Now Thunder picks Davis up and Dropkicks him in
the knee! Davis' leg gives in like a cheap piece of
glass.  Thunder grabs Tony's leg and lifts it high in
the air.. SLAM!! RIGHT INTO THE SCAFFOLD!! DAVIS' LEG
LOOKS LIKE MASHED POTATOS!!

JT: O YEAH! LOOK AT THAT!

GP: Now Thunder picks Davis up and sets him up on his
shoulders... SAMOAN NECKBREAKER!! TONY DAVIS' HEAD
SNAPPED BACK SO FAR HE CAN ALMOST TOUCH THE SMALL OF
HIS BACK! THIS IS DISGUSTING! Thunder takes that chair
and SMASHES IT INTO DAVIS' STOMACH!  Tony doubles down
and CHROME DRIVES THE STIFF EDGE INTO THE BACK OF
TONY'S NECK!  He picks Davis up.. SEATED PILEDRIVER!
DAVIS' NECK IS STARTING TO RESEMBLE HIS KNEE!

JT: IT's ALL CHROME THUNDER NOW!

GP: Davis on the shoulder of Chome now.. He's RAMMING
HIM INTO THE ELEVATOR! O GOD.. Now Thunder opens the
elevator door.. he put's that badly injured knee in
there.. O NO.. O NO!!! O GOD HE CLOSES THE ELEVATOR ON
TONY DAVIS' KNEE!! O MY GOD.. Chrome opens the door..
he steps over the fallen Davis and... O MY GOD HE's
LOWERING THE ELEVATOR!! THE DOOR CLOSED ON TONY's
LEG!! TONY DAVIS IS HANGING BY HIS KNEE!! THIS IS
DISGUSTING!! SOMEBODY HAS TO STOP THIS!

JT: HOLY MOTHER F*CKING SH*T!

GP: I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE LETTING THIS
CONTINUE!! Chrome bringing the elevator back up to the
scaffold and opening the door.. UH! F*CK! Davis'
knee.. THAT'S DISGUSTING.. Aw..uh..

::GP Looks rather sick::

JT: BDP! BDP! BDP! See Greg! Tony Davis sucks!

GP: Chrome drags Tony back on the scaffod and sets up
the chair.. KNEE DROP FROM THE CHAIR! RIGHT ONTO THAT
SQUASHED LEG..Chrome going back up again.. DAVIS
MOVES!! CHROME THUNDER JUST RAMMED HIS OWN KNEE INTO
THE SCAFFOLD!!

JT: WHAT?! NO!!!

GP: Davis getting on one knee.. he grabs the chair and
uses it to stand up.. He grabs his sore leg... and..
POPS IT BACK INTO SOCKET.. O.. look at the look on
Davis' face! But he's up! He's up! Chrome Thunder
holds his knee in AGONY but HERE COME DAVIS! He's MAD
AS HELL! He headbutts Thunder! Chrome staggers
backwards, limping badly.. I think his kneecap is
shattered! Davis presses his advantage, picking
Thunder up... SIDEWALK SLAM!

JT: I don't BELIEVE this is happening!

GP: Well Believe it JT, because Tony Davis seems to
have some fight left in him! He's on his feet again,
punching and kicking like a wildman at Chrome Thunder,
who appears to have no clue as to what he's going to
do with Davis. Tony's face is red as he scoops Thunder
up.. PRESS SLAM! Davis is taking Chrome Thunder to
town and Thunder is HELPLESS to stop it! Chrome
scrambles to his feet and barely moves out of the way
of a crazed Davis, who misses with a clothesline!
Davis whirls around and takes a shot from the chair,
right in the face!

JT: YES!

GP: Davis staggers backwards, then looks up at Chrome
with that same insane look. Chrome takes another
shotl.. WHAM! He's sending Davis towards the edge of
that scaffold but Tony just keeps walking into.. OUCH
another shot.. Davis just keeps taking them on the
chin, he doesn't seem fazed.

JT: COME ON YOU FREAK! FALL OVER! WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS
NOT POSSIBLE!

GP: Apparently, IT IS possible! Davis ducks now and
the chair misses.. DAVIS WITH A THREE POINT CHARGE! HE
JUST DROVE THAT CHAIR INTO THE FACE OF CHROME THUNDER!
THUNDER FALLS BACKWARDS! WILL HE TOPPLE OFF THE
PLATFORM?

JT: I HOPE NOT!

GP: NO! THUNDER KEEPS HIS BALANCE! HE'S STILL ON!
Davis grabs him and tosses him across the scaffold,
and now an ELBOW DROP. Thunder winces as Tony's elbow
slams into his spine. Chrome is getting to his feet
and somehow he manages to duck under a wild swing by
Davis and now Thunder throws a right hook that catches
Tony square on the chin. Chrome's had enough! He's
fighting back! Another punch to the chops! Davis is on
the run now! Chrome takes Tony to the elevator and
slams him into it.. now Thunder has Davis... MY GOD!
HE'S CLIMBING INTO THE RAFTERS! WITH TONY DAVIS ON HIS
SHOULDERS! THIS IS INSANE!!! INSANE!

JT: CHROMEY'S LOST IT! HE'S GONE TOTALLY CRAZY!

GP: Chrome is up in the rafters of the arena now! He
puts Davis down.. right hand! Chrome Thunder grabs
Davis by the back of the head and bangs his face
against one of the steel poles that ARE ACTUALLY
HOLDING THIS ARENA UP! Davis woozily staggers towards
the edge.. he's not goign to make it! At the last
second Davis rights himself.. WHAT THE FUCK IS CHROME
THUNDER DOING??? He kicks Davis in the face! HE'S
TRYING TO KILL HIM! IT'S NOT ABOUT WINNING FOR CHROME
ANYMORE, HE IS TRYING TO KILL TONY DAVIS! THIS IS
INSANE!

JT:I'm.....actually starting to kind of like it.

GP: YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS?? YOU'RE SICK TOO JT! HAS THE
ENTIRE WORLD LOST ITSELF WITH THIS MADNESS? IS NOBODY
SANE THESE DAYS? CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS ISN'T
ENTERTAINMENT, IT'S MURDER??? THIS RIDICULOUS MATCH
WAS MURDER FROM THE START!! (mocking voice)'I have a
great idea guys! Let's put two wrestlers on a scaffold
30 feet in the air and tell them to throw the other
guy into a ring full of burning tables!' 'Great idea
Prez Jame, you're really smart!'

JT: HEY! Don't knock it GP! I bet the fans are loving
this.

::Camera shows fans. Most of them are eating this up.
Only a few are stricken with horror like GP.::

GP: I CAN'T STAND THIS ANYMORE! YOU CALL THE MATCH NOW
JT, I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

::GP runs away.::

Shallow: What a looney.

JT: HEY! How long have you been here?

Shallow: Not long.. the writer just realized I'm
supposed to be on this announce team. He's a real
dickhead.

JT: No shit. Well.. good to have you on board.

Shallow: We're supposed to calling this match, right?

JT: I guess so. I've never done that before.

Shallow: Don't worry, it's easy. Watch. Chrome and
Davis are still in the rafters but it looks like
Chrome has something planned here.. he slams the face
of Tony Davis into that steel post at least a dozen
more times and Davis is bleeding all over the place!
That's a nice touch. Chrome looks like he's ready to
put the finish on this...

JT: I hope so, I need to pee.

Shallow: Thanks for sharing JT. Chrome pounds on Davis
somemore, laying in the rights and lefts across Tony's
back. Ouch!

JT: So, Johnny, how's the RA show going? I noticed you
haven't been on air in awhile.

Shallow: I just got another one done today. You should
check it out JT. It's a GREAT show.

JT: Am I mentioned?

Shallow: Uh... tune in next time. Next time I'll say
your name on the air.

JT: REALLY? WOW!

Shallow: Anyway... back to this match. Chrome has
Davis in a bad way. He goes for another right.. geez,
is that all this guy does? Punch? WOW! Davis BLOCKED
IT! Now he's doing the punching! Man, is he ever
beating the HELL out of Chrome. He pushes Thunder up
against one of the steel posts and starts hammering
away at the mans kidneys.. now come on, that's JUST
CHEAP! You know, I can usually respect a guy.. but
COME ON! Those kidneys are SENSITIVE! Davis has Chrome
now... HOLY SHIT!

JT: MOTHER FUCKER!

Shallow: DAVIS.. CHROME.... DAVIS JUST VERTICAL
SUPLEXED CHROME THUNDER! I GUESS HE FORGOT THAT THEY
WERE STANDING ON THE RAFTERS! BOTH MEN ARE FALLING
NOW! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! DAVIS' HEAD JUST
SLAMMED INTO THE SCAFFOLD ON THE WAY DOWN! CHROME
THUNDER'S HIT THE OTHER SIDE! THEY BOTH FALL, SMASHING
INTO THE BURNING TABLES!!!

JT: WHO WON, WHO WON?

Shallow: I hope there isn't another restart!

JT: AWW MAN!

Ring Announcer: Upon video replay inspection, the IWO
has decided that CHROME THUNDER....

JT: CHROME WON! YES!

Ring Announcer: ...hit the ground FIRST. This means
that your winner is TONYYYYYYYYYYY
DAAAAAAVVVVIIISSSSSSSS!!!!

Shallow: WOW! What a match!

GP: I'll say!!

JT: Yes...but we've got our live satalliete feed ready...so now we're up for some REAL fun!!

Extreme Title Match
Fatal Fourway Freeway Match. Match takes place on the Freeway!
King Sting -c- vs. Jax Stone vs. The Raging One vs. Apollo

Shallow: I wonder how Jamie got this one cleared?

GP: He probably bribed someone.

JT: Wouldn't shock me.

GP: Yeah. Jamie has enough money. The town counselmen of this town are a few thousand dollars richer tonight.

Shallow: Well, we over look that this is for the extreme title. A title that, in reality, has not seemed as important in a long while.

GP: Absolutely. I mean, at a few points, the board was considering dropping the title all together. I mean, sure, King Sting is a good extreme champion, but where are all the extreme matches of old?

JT: Well, I think this match could revive the title. I mean, let's face it. PEOPLE WILL BE HIT BY CARS! THAT is extreme!

GP: While it will be extreme, the question is, will King Sting or the new champion be able to maintain the extremeness of it?

JT: We'll just have to wait to find out.

Ring Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! IT IS NOW TIME, FOR THE FATAL FOURWAY FREEWAY MATCH!

(The fans pop.)

Ring Announcer: FIRST! HE STANDS 6 FOOT 7 AND WEIGHS A 280 POUNDS! HE HAILS FROM SEDONA, ARIZONA! HE IS THE MASTER OF THE TORTURE CHAMBER AND IS THE CURRENT EXTREME CHAMPION! HE.....IS.....KING.....STING!

(The shot cuts to King Sting on the freeway. The fans pop.)

Ring Announcer: NEXT! HE STANDS 6 FOOT 6 AND WEIGHS A 259 POUNDS! HE HAILS FROM KALAMAZOO, MICHIGAN! HE IS THE MASTER OF ELIMINATION! HE....IS....JAX......STONE!

(The shot cuts to Jax Stone. The fans give a mixed reaction for him.)

Ring Announcer: NEXT! HE STANDS SIX FOOT EVEN AND WEIGHS A 245 POUNDS! HE HAILS FROM MOUNT LAUREL, NEW JERSEY! HE IS THE MASTER OF THE HAMMER OF GOD! HE......IS......THE......RAGING.......ONE!

(The shot cuts to TRO. The fans pop.)

Ring Announcer: FINALLY! HE STANDS 6 FOOT 4 AND WEIGHS A 267 POUNDS! HE HAILS FROM BALTIMORE, MARYLAND! HE IS THE MASTER OF THE RAY OF LIGHT! HE......IS......APOLLO!

(The shot cuts to Apollo. The fans give a mixed reaction.)

GP: AND HERE WE GO!

Shallow: It looks like TRO has a jack.

JT: A what?

Shallow: A jack. The thing that lifts cars.

JT: Oh. I always called them the thing that lifts cars.

Shallow: Good for you.

GP: Well, TRO is now trying to stop cars and lift them up. Doesn't he know there is a match going on?

JT: I doubt he even knows he's a wrestler.

Shallow: Well, Apollo and Stone are now going after King Sting. They both deliver a double closeline to the champ!

GP: Apollo is now getting some stuff from the side of the the road....he's got a bottle of coke!

JT: That's a glass one too!

GP: Now, explain to me how someone threw that out of a car and it didn't break.

JT: Hey, I just work here.

Shallow: Apollo takes the bottle....he breaks it over King Sting's head!

GP: Apollo now pulls up King Sting....DDT!

JT: Apollo is now standing over a downed King Sting.....Jax Stone with a release German suplex to Apollo!

GP: And Apollo's head is now busted open! You can't have your head hit that hard against asphalt and nothing happen!

Shallow: Jax covers Apollo!

1........2.......JAX GETS HIT BY A NEW BEETLE!

GP: MY GOD! THAT CAR NEVER STOPPED!

JT: Well, lucky for Apollo, Jax was in the way of the car and shielded him from the oncoming beetle.

GP: And TRO has now stopped the beetle....he's cleaning off the grittle in the front!

JT: What a nice guy! That grittle had some Jax Stone on it!

GP: What's this? TRO is now charging the beetle for his services.....and the beetle speeds off without paying!

JT: Cheap skate!

Shallow: King Sting now has Stone up.....he puts him on his shoulders....DVD!

JT: KING STING COVERS!

1......2.....NO!

GP: Stone just won't stay down!

JT: Well, I guess it's going to take more than a small car hitting him and a DVD on concrete to put him away.

Shallow: Apollo is now up. He's eyeing up King Sting.

GP: Drop kick to the back of King Sting's head!

*CRASH!*

JT: And King Sting stumbles into the oncoming traffic. Drat!

GP: And the owner of that 1999 BMW is now on the street. It's some teenage girl.

Teenage Girl: Hey ya'll! Uh, I didn't see him coming!

Apollo: Hey, that's besides the point. How in hell did you get a 1999 BMW?

Teenage Girl: Well, my daddy bought it for me. He's rich.

Apollo: OH DON'T TELL ME THIS IS YOUR FIRST CAR!

Teenage Girl: Well, yeah, it is.

Apollo: Just get back in your 1999 BMW and keep driving!

Teenage Girl: K. BYE YA'LL!

GP: And that teenage girl gets back in her undeserved 1999 BMW that her rich daddy bought her and drives off.

JT: Man, if we could all be so lucky to have people buying us BMW's.

Shallow: Apollo covers the downed King Sting!

1........2.......3NO!

GP: It's going to take a lot for anyone to win this one!

JT: Look at this! TRO is cleaning the windows of some Suburban! HEY! HE JUST GOT PAID!

GP: Well, after all his hard work, I guess he deserves the buck fifty.

Shallow: And Jax Stone closelines TRO from behind!

JT: TRO DROPS HIS MONEY! HE DOESN'T LOOK HAPPY!

TRO: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jax Stone:.....Oops.

GP: TRO has Stone by his neck! He's choking the life out of him!

JT: TRO is now on top of Stone....he's laying his fists into him!

Shallow: All over a buck fifty too.

JT: TRO pulls up Stone....POWERBOMB ONTO THE FREEWAY!

*CRASH!*

GP: And Stone gets run over by pick up truck! AND WE HAVE ANOTHER HIT AND RUN!

JT: TRO covers!

1......2......SAVE BY APOLLO!

Shallow: Apollo pulls up TRO...he delivers a chop to the chest. IT HAS NO EFFECT ON TRO!

GP: TRO punches Apollo in the face......HE DROP KICKS HIM IN HIS SPECIAL NO NO PLACE!

JT:.......What the hell was that?

GP: I don't know. I was out of ideas.

Shallow: You're starting to sound like Wizzlecheeks.

GP: I know. It's scary.

JT: TRO pulls up Apollo....NAIL IN THE COFFIN!

GP: TRO COVERS!

1......2.....SAVE BY KING STING!

Shallow: Man, TRO is just not having any luck tonight!

GP: King Sting and TRO are now duken it out! We've got two men who should be in an asylum going at it right now!

JT: Spear by TRO! King Sting is down!

Shallow: TRO now pulls King Sting back up....HE THROWS HIM INTO THE TRAFFIC!

*CRASH!*

GP: King Sting just hit the window of an 18 wheeler...AND IT DOESN'T EVEN STOP! WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO!?!

JT: Apollo covers King Sting!

1.......2.....SAVE BY TRO!

GP: That would have been a cheap win by Apollo! TRO did all the work, and Apollo tries to win by it!

JT: Hey, it's great strategy!

Shallow: TRO grabs Apollo....he sets him up for a suplex......HE TURNS IT INTO A PILEDRIVER!

JT: TRO now lays his fists into Apollo!

GP: Let's cut to Stone and King Sting.

JT: Stone grabs King Sting...inverted DDT!

GP: Stone covers!

1......2.....3NO!

GP: King Sting just won't die!

JT: Stone now grabs King Sting.....he funs towards the traffic......ACID DROP! HE USED THE SIDE OF AN 18 WHEELER TO PROPEL HIMSELF BACK! WHAT A MOVE!

GP: Stone covers!

1.......2......3NO!

GP: King Sting is just too resiliant!

JT: Stone now sets up for a piledriver....KING STING LIFTS HIM UP AND DOWN GOES STONE!

GP: King Sting now grabs Stone......HE SLING SHOTS HIM INTO THE RETAINING BARRIER ON THE FREEWAY!

Shallow: King Sting now lifts Stone up....HE DROPS HIM NECK FIRST ON THE BARRIER!

GP: King Sting sets up Stone again......PUMP HANDLE SLAM! KING STING COVERS!

1.........2......3NO!

JT: Stone isn't out yet!

GP: King Sting is looking on the side of the road for a weapon...HE HAS A TIRE IRON!

JT: Stone is up......AND KING STING NAILS HIMS WITH THE TIRE IRON!

GP: Stone had been busted open.....AGAIN!

JT: King Sting now DRIVES that tire iron into Stone's throat. How can Stone keep going in a match like this?

Shallow: He has to be in great shape to deal with this kind of punishment.

JT: I'll say.

GP: King Sting now goes for another cover!

1......2.....3NO!

GP: Stone is a man determined to win that title!

JT: King Sting now sets up Stone....POWERSLAM.....STONE PUSHES KING STING FOWARD AND INTO THE TRAFFIC!

*CRASH!*

Shallow: A JEEP! KING STING WAS HIT BY A JEEP! HE WAS THROWN ABOUT FIFTEEN FEET!

GP: Stone now grabs King Sting.....he sets him up....TOMB STONE PILEDRIVER! KING STING IS OUT COLD!

Shallow: STONE COVERS!

1......2......3NO!

GP: Let's cut to Apollo and TRO.

JT: Apollo is on the end of a severe beating from TRO.

GP: TRO sets up Apollo...INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!

Shallow: TRO sets up Apollo again...FLAT LINER!

GP: TRO COVERS!

1.....2......3NO!

GP: Apollo won't lay down either!

JT: TRO pulls Apollo up.....he sets up for a suplex!

*CRASH!*

GP: TRO WAS JUST HIT BY A CAR!

JT: Apollo now has the upper hand!

Shallow: Apollo sets up TRO.....PILEDRIVER!

GP: APOLLO COVERS!

1.......2....3NO!

JT: Apollo has got to keep the momentum going to win this thing!

Shallow: Apollo sets up TRO...SUPLEX INTO THE TRAFFIC!

*CRASH! BANG! BOOM!*

GP: WELL, NOT ONLY WAS TRO HIT, BUT WE HAVE A SIX CAR PILE UP BEHIND OUR WRESTLERS!

JT: Well, I don't even know if Jamie's bribe is going to cover this one!

GP: I doubt it.

Shallow: Apollo covers TRO!

1.......2.........3NO!

GP: TRO JUST WON'T DIE!

JT: WHY NOT!?!

GP: Beats me.

Shallow: Well, now we have King Sting and Jax Stone making their way over to TRO and Apollo.

JT: Stone runs at Apollo...CLOSELINE AND APOLLO IS DOWN!

GP: King Sting grabs TRO.....he goes for a DDT...BRIDGE SUPLEX BY TRO!

1.....2......3NO!

GP: INCHES WAY FROM A NEW EXTREME CHAMPION!

Shallow: Stone now throws Apollo into the retaining barrier.

GP: Stone runs at him...APOLLO DUCKS AND STONE IS GOING DOWN A CLIFF!

JT: LOOK AT THIS! STONE GRABBED APOLLO ON THE WAY DOWN! BOTH MEN WENT DOWN THE CLIFF!

GP: I guess this just leaves King Sting and TRO!

JT: King Sting is now up and going after TRO.

Shallow: King Sting grabs TRO...REVERSE SUPLEX ONTO A CAR!

JT: King Sting now goes to the top of the car with TRO.....DDT ONTO THE CAR BY KING STING!

GP: KING STING COVERS!

1......2.....3NO!

JT: TRO is just too strong to go down yet!

GP: King Sting now grabs TRO....TORTURE CHAMBER (Sharp Shooter) ON THE TOP OF THE CAR!

JT: TRO IS GOING TO TAP!

Shallow: TRO IS FIGHTING IT!

JT: NO ONE ESCAPES THE TORTURE CHAMBER! NOT EVEN A NUT LIKE TRO!

Shallow: TRO IS STARTING TO SWERVE! BOTH MEN FALL OFF THE CAR!

GP: Well, that's a good way to break the hold!

Shallow: TRO is now to his feet...he grabs King Sting......POWERBOMB ONTO THE FREEWAY!

GP: TRO COVERS!

1......2.....3NO! YES! NO! YES! NO!

GP: SOOOOOOO CLOSE!

JT: Yet so far.

GP: King Sting is now staggering to his feet.........

Shallow: TRO now goes to the top of the car..........

GP: HAMMER OF GOD (Tornado DDT) ONTO KING STING! WHAT A MOVE!

JT: OH NO!

GP: TRO COVERS!

1......2.......3!

GP: NEW EXTREME CHAMPION!

JT: NOO!

GP: WHAT A MATCH!

Shallow: Yeah. And now, TRO is the TWO TIME extreme champion!

JT: Yeah. He'll probably lose it the first time he defends.

Shallow: I don't think he will.

GP: The same goes for me. I think TRO will bring the respect that was once in the extreme title BACK!

TV Title Match
Fugite v. Jack in the Box

GP: Well, our next great match here at IWO's Broken
Hearts Broken Bones two is the Television Title
Match!! It's between the current champ..Fugite and the
challenger, Jack In The Box!! Let's go to the ring...

("Enter Sandman" by Metalica begins to play..)

Ring Announcer: Coming to the ring first, the
challenger from Islamorada, Florida, weighing in at
two-hundred and twenty pounds and stands at six-feet
four inches, he is JACK IN THE BOX!!

("What You Must" by No More Would now starts to
play..)

Ring Announcer: And the champion, hailing from
Wisconsin, he is the current Television champion, he
stands at six-feet 7 inches and is two-hundred and
eighty-nine pounds, he is FUGITE!!!

*Get's a mediocre pop!*

*Ding, Ding, Ding!!*

GP: This match is underway,  Jack In The Box charges
at Fugite with a clothesline, but Fugite ducks, spins
Jack around, and NAILS him right in the face with the
microphone!!! Fugite tosses the mic into the stands
and goes right to work on the Jack In The Box!!

Shallow: I have a feeling this match is gonna be a
thumbs DOWN tonight..

JT: I agree..it sucks so far!!

GP: Well we will just find out!! Fugite is hammering
on Jack In The Box, backing him into the corner! Jack
is dazed, and Fugite rears back- KNIFE EDGE CHOP!! And
another!! OUCH!!

Shallow: Fugite grabs the arm of Jack and whips him
hard across the ring, sending Jack goes face first
into the opposite turnbuckle!!! Jack In The Box in a
world of hurt here, staggering backwards out of the
corner- Fugite with a head of steam- RUNNING DROP KICK
RIGHT TO THE BACK OF JACK'S HEAD!!!!!

JT: JACK'S FACE SMASHES RIGHT INTO THE TOP
TURNBUCKLE!!!! Jack In The Box is down and out!!
Fugite rolls him over and covers 1...2...THR NO, JACK
GOT THE FOOT ON THE ROPES!!!

Shallow: What did I tell you? Nobody gives Jack In The
Box enough credit for being a mental mastermind in
there.. look at that ring position, he knows right
where he is!!!

GP: I'm not so sure Jack knows where he is but Fugite
pulls him up by a handful of hair, and he's setting
him up for a piledriver!!!! He's going for the
piledriver on a 300-plus pound man- JACK IN THE BOX
BLOCKS IT!!! FUGITE TRIES TO GET HIM UP ONCE MORE BUT
JEFFERSON BLOCKS AGAIN, AND POWERS OUT OF IT WITH A
BACK BODY DROP ON FUGITE THE TELEVISION CHAMPION!!

Shallow: Jack In The Box had this match under control
the whole time!! Look at him now, he picks up Fugite
and slams him right to the canvas!!! Jack is stomping
away at Fugite's head, softening the little bastard
up, and JITB off the ropes, LEG DROP ACROSS THE FACE!!

GP:  Fugite just had a gigantic hamhock dropped right
across the bridge of his nose!!! Jack In The Box drops
down into a pin, 1...2.. kickout by Fugite!! That
wasn't even close!

Shallow: Give it time, he knows what he's doing!!! He
picks Fugite up and clotheslines him over the top
rope!!! Smart move, it's time someone got hardcore on
uppity Fugite!!

JT: Jack is about as hardcore as he is slim!! He has
Fugite up and goes for the irish whip- NO, reversal,
AND FUGITE SENDS JACK IN THE BOX BARRELING RIGHT INTO
THE STEEL STAIRS!!!!! SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE AND I'VE
GOT A FEELING IT WAS JACK'S FACE!!!! Fugite follows it
up with closed fists to Jack's skull, and a double
axe-handle!!!

GP: Don't look now, but Jack is fighting to his feet,
what resiliancy!!! Fugite unsuccessfully trying to
beat Jack down, but I guess he just isn't tough
enough! Wait a second, Fugite hooks Jack for a suplex
on the outside..

Shallow: Fugite goes for the suplex, but he can't get
Jack In The Box over!!! Fugite drops to one knee,
grasping for his spinal cord, he may have thrown out
his back!! Jack is laughing now, FUGITE LOOKS UP AND
LOW BLOWS JACK IN THE BOX!!!! JACK FALLS TO THE
FLOOR!!

GP: Fugite is rolling Jack In The Box back inside the
ring, and follows him in, but the Jack is right back
to his feet, and is there to put the boots to Fugite!!
Jack delivers rights and left to the cranium of
Fugite, and now he fires him against the ropes, Jack
ducks his head for the back body drop, NOTHIN' DOIN',
FUGITE HITS THE DDT ON  JACK IN THE BOX!!! Fugite now
going outside, he grabs a chair, he comes in, Jack is
standing, he swings, Jack ducks and he nails the
referee!!! Jack going up top with Fugite, he is going
for THE JACK!! HE CONNECTS!! THE PIN......WAIT!! THERE
IS NO REF!! THIS ISN'T GOOD!! GET UP REF GET UP!! Jack
gets up to go help the ref, he turns around, AND
FUGITE CONNECTS WITH THE LOST TIME, THE REF HERES THE
BANG AND TURNS AROUND FOR THE PIN..1.....2....THR!!
NO!! JACK IN THE BOX KICKED OUT!! AMAZING!!

JT:Both men up and circle each other, collar and elbow
tie-up by Fugite and Jack..

Shallow: Fugite gets the advantage and delivers a firm
shot to the arm of Jack In The Box.. Fugite seems to
be working early on the arm of Jack, he's got an
armbar applied and is attempting to wear down the arm
of the slightly smaller Jack In The Box… a series of
shots to the arm by Fugite!!

GP: The armbar is the cowards way to fight… you need
to go after a man and attack him with none of this
technical submission crap…Fugite now attempting to
lock in that armbar but Jack is at the ropes and the
ref is signaling for a break. Fugite backing off now
and Jack thanks him by delivering a rake to the
eyes!!! WOW!

Shallow: Looks like Jack is tossing out the rulebook
early in this match! When someone has you in a hold
theres nothing better than a rake to the eyes!! Good
move Jack!

GP: The ref is warning Jack, who is saying "he didnt
do it". Jack now right after Fugite with a series of
kicks, tossed into the ropes is Fugite, and a hard
clothesline by Jack In The Box!! Fugite tried to get
under that stiff arm of Jack but couldnt get down fast
enough. Now it looks like Jack is trying to set Fugite
up for a suplex!!

Shallow: It's pretty early to go for a suplex with a
larger man like Fugite, and Jack pays for it with a
quick reversal by Fugite!! Fugite now, has Jack up and
slams him hard down to the canvas!!! Fugite on Jack
for a pinfall attempt!! 1..2..thr!! NO!!

GP: Back to the arm goes Fugite, if Fugite damages the
arm its going to be difficult for Jack to execute alot
of his moves!! Fugite just all over Jack here
attacking the arm with a series of brutal knee drops!!
Fugite going to the turnbuckle, he's climbing to the
top rope!!! Hes signaling to the crowd, if he catches
this it could be all over!!! fugite flies through the
air but Jack In The Box is able to get out in the nick
of time!! And that may have really taken the wind out
of Fugite!! Jack going for the pin…1..2..THR!! NO!!
FUGITE BARELY, JUST BARELY KICKS OUT!!

JT: Back to the attack goes Jack, Fugite really came
down hard and Jack is now all over him, he's setting
Fugite up… Oh!!! Hard full body suplex into the mat!!!
What a move!!

Shallow: Thats going to take a toll on Fugite, and
look… Jack In The Box knows it, he's signaling to the
crowd that its all over and hes going for The Jack!!

GP: I'm not sure if thats a good move by Jack In The
Box, his arm is still hurt from the beating it took
earlier, but hes setting Fugite on the top rope,
smiling to the crowd, but he's taking too much time
here!! Fugite knows it! He throws Jack off the top
ropes, and a elbow to the gut, this could be
it..1....2...THR!! NO!! JACK BARELY KICKS OUT AGAIN!!

JT: Now Fugite takes the advantage as he applies an
armbar to Jack, and snaps that arm using his height as
leverage! Jack doesn't seem to be having any of it
though, as he reverses and lays some weight and
pressure into the arm of Fugite!! Jack using some
stiff shots to weaken the back and arm of Fugite, who
appears to be taking quite a lot of punishment in the
center of the ring!!

GP: Jack trips Fugite up using a leg sweep and takes
him down to the mat, cinching in a neck hold right in
the center of the ring. Fugite is going to have
trouble getting out of this. Jack driving the knee
into the back of Fugite while keeping the neck hold
tightly locked in. Thats going to make it difficult
for Fugite to stand, let alone execute any of his
moves. Jack In The Box showing that he has studied
some tapes of Fugite before coming into the match!! He
might be the new T.V. Champ by the end of the night!!

Shallow: Jack standing up now and dropping the elbow
onto the head of Fugite!! Jack not letting up here,
and Fugite unable to mount any kind of offense... I
think Jack's looking to put this one away already! He
goes for the pin… 1… 2… but wait!!! Jack pulling
Fugite up by his hair!!! What is Jon planning now?!?!

JT: Jack signaling to the crowd, and landing the
atomic knee square into Fugite, and he rolls him over,
he's done!! Ref is down for the count…1..2..THRE!!
NO!!! NO!! FUGITE BARELY KICKS OUT, AND JACK IN THE
BOX CAN NOT BELIEVE IT!! The two men are now up...

GP: They now lock up again, but its Fugite who takes
the easy route and kicks Jack in the midsection!!!
Thats the way to get on top of a man, if you can't
beat them in power, kick them in the breadbasket!!
Fugite now staying on top of the Jack In The Box, he's
delivering a hard elbow into the back of Jack, who
desperately wants to get to his feet, but Fugite
helping him up now, there is a show of
sportsmanship!!!

Shallow: Not for long!! Fugite shoving him back down
now and taunting the downed man. What a disgusting
act!!

GP: Fugite all over Jack here in the middle section of
this match, tie up, and Fugite driving his knee into
the back of Jack In The Box, bringing the man to his
knees! Fugite now slapping Jack in the head, can you
believe the arrogance of this guy? Yeesh!! This crowd
does not Fugite as he takes Jack down to the mat once
again with a suplex, Jack just can't seem to mount an
offense here in the early going of this matc!! Fugite
now looks to be setting Jack up for a snap mare
takedown…

JT:  But Jack lashes out and catches Fugite with a
hard right hand!! Fugite falls to the outside of the
ring!! But wait, Jack goes out there after him!! He's
got Fugite by the neck and is going to drive him into
the steel steps!!!

Shallow: Fugite slammed hard into those steel steps
and thats going to seriously hurt his mobility… Fugite
being rolled back into the ring now, Jack has really
got some adrenaline flowing now! Hes signaling to the
crowd that he's going to DDT Fugite!!

GP: But no! Fugite escapes with a shot to the groin
and thats going to put the big hurt on Jack..Jack is
really sucking wind now, and Fugite looks to be about
to pull something dirty out of his bag of tricks!!
Fugite climbing to the top turnbuckle now and getting
ready to jump Fugite from that top rope.

JT: Fugite with an amazing variation of the flying
lariat from the top rope! And Jack is down and out!!
1..2..THR! NO!! JACK BARELY KICKS OUT!!

Shallow: Both men catch there breaths.. and Fugite
coming right after Jack here, he's not letting Jack
catch his breath!! Fugite now with Jack backed up into
the corner, but Jack slides out underneath the ropes
to regroup. Fugite outside now after Jack In The Box!!

GP: Jack In The Box really trying to get out of the
way as Fugite shoves cameras, chairs and people out of
his way. This is one unhappy man!! Jack back into the
ring now.. Fugite follows but Jack catches him with a
boot to the head!! Jack now with a headlock, Fugite
reverses, both men with quick back and forth neck
holds and arm breakers, both men attempting to take
the other off their feet, but Jack back to the ropes,
and Jack In The Box with a running drop kick that puts
Fugite down!!!

Shallow: Fugite seems surprised by that, and he may be
in for more of a fight than he expected!

GP: And Fugite catches Jack from behind with a
standing lariat that takes the smaller man off his
fee. Both men trading punches now, but this is a
battle that Jack nees to win!! Jack backing up dazed
now, and Fugiter after him with a kick to the
midsection that sends the Jack to the mat once more!!
Fugite with a cover here 1..2..THR!! NO! And Jack In
The Box kicks out!! I think Jack was conserving his
energy there like a good veteran of the ring. He's
small for a frog, but wily.

JT: Fugite pulling Jack up into some kind of
submission hold now, it looks like a modified version
of the Camel Clutch!! Will Jack In The Box tap out??
He's going for the ropes..and..he makes it!! He has
the ropes nad Fugite let's go of the hold and is
arguing with the ref!!

GP: Jack In The Box quickly gets up and clotheslines
Fugite to the outside!! Fugite getting his wits about
him as Jack follows him out, Jack now removing the
ringside mat, he looks like he is going to attempt to
piledrive Figote onto the hard floor!! Jack sees what
Fugite is planning and climbs to the ring apron, and
lands a splash onto Fugite!! Fugite falls to the
concrete! Jack now dragging the mat on top of him!!!
JITB stomping on the helpless Fugite who is trapped
under that mat!!!

Shallow: That is going to take a lot out of Fugite, as
JITB is using the time he has to catch his breath! He
finally catches his breath and throws Fugite back in
the ring and climbs in after him!!

JT: Jack gets Fugite and applies a arm bar on
him...this could really take alot out of Fugite,
Fugite trying to reach the rope, c'mon Fugite you
could do it, the ref moves in front of Fugite to see
if he taps out, FUGITE HAS PASSED OUT!! THE REF IS
GOING FOR THE ARM DROP COUNT, 1.......2......WAIT!!
FUIGTE PUNCHES THE REF IN THE FACE, THE REF IS DOWN,
NOW FUGITE STARTS ELBOWING JACK IN THE GUT, HE FINALLY
BREAKS OUT AND CLOTHESLINES JACK IN THE BOX!!

GP: That cheap bastard!! Fugite goes outside to grab a
chair!! He is gonna take out Jack In The Box!!!! He's
measuring up Jack In The Box, he swings, misses, Jack
with a face smash and Fugite connects with the chair,
Jack now going for the win!! BUT THERE'S NO REF!!
AGAIN JACK IN THE BOX IS SCREWED OUT OF THE TITLE!!
Jack is going to go wake the ref up...

JT: The ref is up, Jack covers Fugite, the
pin..1...2...THR!! NO!! FUGITE BARELY KICKS OUT!! WOW
THAT WAS CLOSE!!

Shallow: Aww man, this one is tough to predict, it's
gone back and forth all match, I am gonna have to
stick with Fugite, he is putting up one hell of a
fight!!

GP: I'd have to agree Johnny!! Now JITB is really
handing it to Fugite, he picks him up, IRISH WHIP!! HE
CHARGES AND FUGITE PUTS HIS BOOT UP, HE CLIMBS THE
ROPE..FLYING BULLDOG!! He's going for the pin!!
1...2...THR!! NO!!! Jack barely kicks out!! Fugite now
angry and starts to pound away on Jack In  The Box, he
whips Jack to the ropes, AND A GERMAN SUPLEX!! HE
THROWS HIM TO THE ROPES AGAIN, AND A SPINNING HEEL
CLICK, HE BOUNCES OFF THE ROPES, AND A LEG DROP!! He's
now gonna end this one off!! He climbs the ropes, and
a Lost Time!! He goes for the pin, 1...2...THRE!!
He..KICKED OUT!?!?!

JT: WOAH!! SOMEONE KICKED OUT OF THE LOST TIME!!

Shallow: And Fugite is really angry about that one, he
starts to shove the ref, Jack up, and a inside
cradle!! This one could be it!! 1..2..NO!! Quick
kickout by Fugite!! Fugite and Jack quickly get up and
a clothesline by Jack In The Box!! He picks up Fugite
and they lock up, JITB gets Fugite in a headlock,
whips him to the ropes..SWINGING NECK BREAKER!! He is
now signalling for the Jack!! He picks up Fugite, and
is bringing him to the ropes!! He sets him up, wait,
Fugite reverses it!! They are punching each other on
top of the turnbuckle!! LOOK OUT!!

(Fugite and Jack In The Box go flying through the
Spanish announce table..)

GP: OH MY GOD!! THEY JUST FELL THROUGH THE SPANISH
ANNOUNCE TABLE!! Both men are laying there moving
around slightly, Jack is the first to get up and he
grabs the T.V. Belt, he swings at Fugite, and
connects!! Jack now grabs a chair, and he's attacking
Fugite on the  ground!! He picks him up and whips him
into the guard rail!! AND HE RUNS AND SPLASHES HIM!!
Jack quickly gets up and throws Fugite into the ring,
he slides in, he throws Fugite to the ropes, and a
clothesline!!

JT: HE'S SETTING HIM UP FOR THE JACK!! HE IS CARRYING
HIM TO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!!

GP: He has him settup, and he connects!! This is it!!
1..2..3!!! JACK IN THE BOX IS THE NEW TV CHAMPION!!

Ring Announcer: Here is your winner, and NEW
Television Champion..JACK IN THE BOX!!

World Title #1 Contenders Singles Match
Elimination Style Match
Zombie v. Capital Punishment v. Billy Larson

GP: Well it's time for one of the most anticipated matches of the night!! It's the #1 Contendership match betwen Billy Larson, Capital Punishment, and Zombie!! Let's go to the ring!!

("Forty-Six and Two" by TOOL starts to play...)

Ring Announce: Coming to the ring first, he is from Manhattan, New York, he weighs three hundred and fifty pounds and stands in at six foot eleven, he is a former IWO World Champion, and a legend here to the IWO, he is ZOMBIE!!!

*Crowd Cheers, giving a LOUD pop..*

("Nobody Loves Me" by Limp Bizket begins to play...)

Ring Announcer: And the second opponent, another legend to the IWO, also a former champion from Malibu Beach, California, he weighs two-hundred and forty pounds, and stands in at six feet six inches, he is also being accompanied to the ring by SUMMER, he is BILLLLY LARSON!!!

("Sugar" by System of a Down begins to play loudly...)

Ring Announcer: And lastly, another legend once again here in the IWO, he is from Washington D.C., he weighs three-hundred and twenty-one pounds and is six-foot nine inches, he is a 5 time North American Champion, he is CAPITAL..PUNISHMENT!!!!

*Gets a VERY VERY loud pop, louder then the other two!!*

*Ding, Ding, Ding*

GP: This match is now underway!! Cappy and Larson start off by double teaming Zombie, they are attacking him with rights and lefts, and Zombie is now onto one knee, and Cappy nails Larson and starts to take care of Zombie by himself!! He picks up Zombie, throws him to the ropes and a spear!!! Cappy going for the early pin, 1...2...THR!! NOO!! HE BARELY KICKS OUT!! Cappy stands up and gets thrown outside by Larson, Larson turns around and gets clotheslined by Zombie!! Zombie climbs out of the ring!!

JT: Look, the three are battling it out outside the ring!! Zombie grabs a chair and is about to hit Larson, but Cappy grabs it throws it on the ground and DDT's Zombie!! he turns around now and gets DDTed by Larson!! HAHA!! Larson now stomping on the two!!

GP: They are now back in the ring, and start throwing punches at each other, Cappy throws Larson to the ropes, BACK BODY DROP!! Cappy now whips Zombie to the ropes again and A SWINGING NECK BREAKER!! HE GOES FOR A QUICK PIN..1..2..THR!! NO!!!

Shallow: Cappy now handing it to Zombo, neither of these three are yet bloody!!

GP: Zombie is down and Larson and Capital Punishment lockup, Larson with a knee to the gut, AND A SNAP SUPLEX!! He picks him up again, and he throws him to the ropes but Cappy roles right out of the ring!! LOOKOUT!! ZOMBIE GOES AIRBORN RIGHT OVER THE TOP ROPE!! Zombie now pummeling Capital Punishement, WITH LOTS OF ANGER!! He gets Cappy, and whips him into the guard rail, grabs him again, reverse by Cappy, and WHIPS ZOMBIE INTO THE STEEL STEPS!! ZOMBIE IS DOWN!! Larson struggling to make his way to the outside of the ring!!

JT: WOW!! What a great match this is turning out to be!!! I wonder who is gonna win, who do you say Johnny?? I say Billy Larson...

Shallow: I say Zombie, these two have more experience in big situations then Zombie!! How about you Greg??

GP: I think...

JT: IT DOESN'T MATTTER WHO YOU THINK!! I ASKED JOHNNY!

Shallow: Your a rip-off JT, you should go to hell!!

JT: HUH??

GP LOOK OUT!! Zombie throws Larson onto our announce table, he's gonna jump!! But wait, Cappy is there to stop him and a Outsider's Edge off the top rope!! The pin..1...2...THRE!!! NOO!! Cappy was a half a count away from being the number one contender for Dane Wilt!!

Shallow: Now Capital Punishment going to the top ropes, AND A FROG SPLASH RIGHT ONTO ZOMBIE!!! HE IS GOING FOR THE PIN AGAIN!!1...2...THR!!!!! NO!!!  Cappy gets up and starts flipping out, he grabs Zombie, whips him into the corner, GOES FOR A SPLASH BUT NO!! LARSON KNOCKED HIM OFF THE TOP ROPE, AND NOW HE IS GOING FOR A FROG SPLASH, HE CONNECTS!! HE'S GONNA PIN CAPITAL PUNISHMENT..1...2...NO!! ZOMBIE BREAKS UP THE PIN!!

JT: DAMNIT!!! Now Zombie is taking the lead, he grabs Cappy, throws him into the turnbuckle, he climbs and starts pounding away on him!!! 1...2....3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10!! WOW!! He grabs him again, goes to throw him into the other turn buckle but Cappy reverses it and throws him to the ropes, AND A HEAD SCISSOR TAKE DOWN!! Now it's still very early in this match and there has been quite a few pins!!

GP: Larson charges from behind and Ax-Handles Smash's him in the back of his spine!! Cappy is down!! Billy Larson picks him up by his head and tosses him in the corner...

JT:Come on Ref, don't call anything..that was legal,wasn't it?

Shallow:I dont know...

JT:COME ON LARSON, YEAH Larson is now pounding away on Zombie in the corner, kicking him reapeatly in the stomach, and now Zombie is own his AAA heh, I mean, his butt!!

GP:I am shocked, you didnt say a bad thing?

JT:Oh my god, You are right, what the fuck is happening to me?

GP: Wups, still the same JT!!!

Shallow: Yes, will he ever change?? Wait, what is Larson doing??

JT:He is climbing the turnbuckle you stupid fuck!! DUHHHHH!!!!! I ought to slap you for that!!

Shallow:Touch me, and I make sure that Jamie fire's your pathetic.....

GP: LARSON IS ON THE TOP, AND, what is he doing, Zombie is in the coner where Larson is standing in..

JT:What the hell is he doing!?!

GP: Zombie is getting up now, and he is now standing and, OH YEAHHHHH!!!!!!

JT:Who are you the Macho Man Now?

GP: Larson just did a Flying Bulldog from the Top rope onto Zombie! He is going for the pin once again!!1...2...KICKOUT!! Cappy is sitting in the opposite corner resting, taking a little breather.. Larson now, picks up Zombie and ohh!! A low blow by Zombie!! And the ref didnt see it!! Larson is in pain, but now he is standing right back up, and so is Zombie!! A punch by Zombie, and Larson is dazed, Zombie runs against the ropes and a clothesline to the outside!! They both landed to the outside.....

JT:The ref is Counting...1.....Zombie just grabbed a chair.....2...no wait, Larson just took it away from him...3......*SMACK*....4.....Zombie just got whacked by the chair.....5...but he is still standing...he throws a punch at Larson...6...Larson throws a punch back.....7....Zombo throws one.....8.....now Larson, ITS A SLUGFEST!!!!!!!.....9....OH NO!!!.....GET IN!!

GP: And Cappy comes rushing at the ref, and knocks him over the ropes, Capital Punishment goes outside and comes charging at Zombie!! Knees him in the gut, throws him to the ropes and A FRONT BODY SPLASH!! He quickly gets up, throws Larson to the corner, climbs the top rope and starts to punch away at him, but Larson grabs him and drives him into the mat!!

Shallow: Oh my god!! Larson just through Cappy to the outside!!! Now he goes out to get them, and Zombie flicks Larson's ear, Larson gets pissed and starts to chase Zombie around the ring, Zombie slides in, he ducks, AND CAPPY NAILS LARSON WITH A CROW BAR!!! RIGHT SMACK IN THE FORHEAD!! Zombie climbs in, the ref turns around from arguing with Capital Punishment, Zombie picks up Larson, ZOMBIE PLEX!!! HE IS GONNA WIN!!! THE REF TURNS AROUND He goes for the pin..1...2..CAPPY PUSHES THE REF OUT OF THE WAY AND NAILS ZOMBIE!! WHAT A SAVE!!

GP: Cappy picks up Zombie, places him on the top rope, HE IS GONNA GIVE HIM THE DEATH PENALTY HIM RIGHT OFF THE TOP ROPE, BUT WAIT, ZOMBIE REVERSES IT AND SUPLEX'S IS HIM..LOOK OUT RUSSIAN ANNOUNCE TABLE!!!

JT: OH MY GOD!!! They both just went right through the Russian Announce table!??! Now we have the Greenland Annouce Table, and the Newfoundland Announce Table left!!

GP: Zombie and Cappy now fighting there way to the ramp!!  Zombie grabs the head of  Cappy and attempts to ram it into the railing, but Zombie blocks it and elbows Cappy in the gut!! Cappy doubles over, allowing Zombie more than enough time to hook him and suplex him onto the steel rampway. Cappy arches his back in pain upon landing. We go to the ring area where Larson is  finding his booty, the former world champion pulls out a table and sets it up at a slanted angle against the side of the ring. Zombie, meanwhile, has gotten to his knees!!

JT: Gee, wonder what he's gonna do there!! WOO EE!!

Shallow: You perv!!

GP:Zombie grabs Cappy by the head and brings him over to the ring, where he throws him headfirst into the table!! Cappy slumps to the arena floor before the table while Zombie recieves a chair shot from Larson, and a suplex through the table!! Larson turns around and gets nailed with a fist to the face!! Cappy then sets a dazed Larson's head up against the table and catches him between metal and wood with a wicked chairshot!! OUCH!!

JT: Larson pops out of his stunned state in extreme pain, holding his head and rolling about the ringside floor, while the crowd oohs and ahhs. Capital Punishemnt shows no mercy, however, and brings Zombie to his feet!! The 5 time North American Champ then irish whips Zombie right into the table, shattering it. A beaten and bloody Zombie drops to the floor where Cappy!! makes a cover. 1...2...THR!! NO!! ZOMBIE KICKS OUT!!

Shallow: Wait, Larson now in the ring pulls Cappy back up and rolls him into a small cradle, a 1...2...TH!! NOO!! Cappy kicks out!! Cappy gets a seconds wind and scampers to the corner, begging off all the while. Larson now goes over to Zombie, looks to the crowd, who pop, and then lays into the challenger with kick after kick. Larson heaves Zombie to his feet and whips him to the corner, where Zombie hits with such force that he bounces back out into the center of the ring!! Larson intercepts him with a lariat that turns Zombo end over end. Zombie raises his arm to the crowd and yells, and the crowd cheers in return!! Larson then lifts up Zombie once again and drops him with a sit-down powerbomb!!

GP: Zombie's head bounces off the canvas as the ref makes the count, but Zombie gets the shoulder up in the nick of time!! Larson rolls his opponent off of him and slides to the outside where he sets up a table for the second time tonight!! Then, Larson heads back inside and lifts Zombie into a back suplex position, but deposits him backwards on the top turnbuckle. Larson steps through the ropes onto the apron, and then climbs the turnbuckle from the outside and hooks Zombie for a superplex through the table. Larson hooks his challenger, then heaves him back... but Zombie blocks it!! Larson tries again, and again it's blocked by Zombie!! Zombie then lifts Larson and here comes Capital Punishment off the top ropes and dives off the top turnbuckle, landing Larson stomach first across the barricade and driving himself through the table which is demolished!! What a move!! Now all three men are bleeidng badly!!

Shallow: That ceases all movement, as does Zombie who remains hung across the railing. Then after about a half a minute, Zombie slowly sides off the railing and onto his feet as Cappy gets to a knee!! Zombie throws back his hair and attempts to climb over the barricade, but as he does a chair is brought down across his head!! Zombie falls to the floor as Larson stands there, mocking him. Cappy moves to attack Larson, but Zombie, nails him with a chair!!Larson goes down as well!!

GP: Larson, meanwhile, piledrives Zombie onto the chair and concrete to a negative response from the crowd!! And here come the EMT's!! Zombie can't get up, Larson and Cappy continue to battle!! The EMT's are now loading Zombie onto the stretcher, what a chance it was for him, guess he'll have another chance some other time!! Cappy now battling with Larson IN the ring for a change, Larson pounds and pounds on Capital Punishment, he whips him to the corner, and a splash!! He puts on a toe hold!! Will Cappy tap out!! The ref is checking, and he isn't!! He is now reaching for the ropes!! And....he makes it!! Larson let's go of the move, Larson setting up Cappy, Cappy gets up and Larson goes for a clothesline, Cappy ducks, THE DEATH PENALTY!! HE GOT IT HE GOT IT!! BUT HE JUST FALLS AND PASSES OUT!! BOTH MEN JUST LAYING THERE!! ZOMBIE HOLDING HIS HEAD DROPS HIS ARM, AND A PIN!! 1....2....THRE!! NOOO!! LARSON BARELY KICKS OUT!! Wait!!

JT: Zombie has come into the ring with a garbage can!! But Larson throws the garbage can in his face, stunning Zombie and spilling out the contents!! Zombie stumbles back towards the ropes and drops his belt as Larson charges in return, clotheslining Zombie over the top rope and to the arena floor!!

GP: As Zombie gets to his feet Larson grabs a 2x4 from the pile of contraband in the ring!! He is gonna hit him with it!! Larson slides to the outside and swings at Zombie with the weapon, but Zombo blocks it and kicks Larson in the stomach!! Larson doubles over, allowing Zombie to rip the 2x4 from hi hands. Zombie whacks Larson with the 2x4 over the back, breaking it in half and eliciting a sizable pop from the fans!! This is not good!!

Shallow: Zombie neglects to go for the cover, however, and instead pulls Larson to his feet and whips him into the guardrail!! Larson hits the barricade with such force that he topples right over to the other side!! Zombie reaches into the ring and pulls out the empty garbage can, then follows Capital Punishment who is now up.. to the other side of the railing... Cappy, though, has gotten to his feet and meets Zombie with a spin kick to the garbage can!! The metal can is sent into Zombie's face!! Zombie goes down!! Yeah!!

GP: Larson now up and grabs the can and, as Zombie pulls himself to all fours, lets loose on Larson with shot after shot. Zombie refuses to go down easy, though, and counters with a low blow!! Larson shoots Zombie a weird look... Zombie looks back apologetically, and Larson lays into his forehead with another trash can shot!! What a painful match!!

Shallow: Larson now gets Cappy and brings him back to his feet and throws him on top of the entrance ramp. Cappy gets to his feet and begins a slow retreat as Larson pulls himself onto the ramp. But, before Cappy can go anywhere, Larson rams him in the back of the head with a stiff forearm. Cappy goes down to one knee, but Larson quickly heaves him back up and rams him into the entrance way support. Cappy stumbles forward a little more as Larson follows him into the backstage area, prompting the cameras to cut to a backstage shot. With wrestlers scrambling for safety Cappy offsets Larson with a couple of elbows to his stomach, then sends him headfirst into several piled up boxes!! This is hardcore god damnit!!

GP: And finally the cops come down and tell them to go back to the ring!! They are making there way back beating on each other..LOOK OUT!! ZOMBIE JUST NAILS CAPPY WITH A LIGHTNING ROD!! HERE COMES LARSON AND HE GETS NAILED ALSO!! BOTH CAPPY AND LARSON ARE BUSTED OPEN RIGHT DOWN THERE SKULL!! Zombie is now bringing both these men back to the ring..Zombie throws Larson in and starts to kick away, he picks him up..ZOMBIE PLEX!! THIS COULD BE IT!! WAIT, HERE COMES CAPITAL PUNISHMENT, AND HE NAILS HIM WITH A ICE PICK!! DEAR GOD THAT COULD HURT!! Larson comes from behind and chops Cappy, Cappy is on one knee, AND HE HITS LARSON WITH THAT ICE PICK RIGHT IN THE KNEE!!

JT: Cappy is just standing there, the way it looks, Capital Punishment is the number one contender!! He picks up Larson, and he is setting him up for The Death Penalty!! But look out behind, Zombie nails him with a kendo stick!! Cappy goes down!! Zombie grabs Larson, ZOMBIEPLEX FOR THE FOURTH TIME!! HE IS GONNA WIN IT..1..2...THR!!! NOO!! LARSON KICKED OUT OF THE ZOMBIE-PLEX!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Shallow: Obviously it's not if "Larson" kicked out of it you stupid ass...

GP: Larson now taking a beating from the hands of Zombie, Zombie throws him up, sets him up for a back body drop, but Larson stops, AND A JAW BREAKER!! LARSON GOING FOR THE PIN, 1...2...NO!!! ZOMBIE BARELY KICKS OUT, BOTH MEN ON THE GROUND COLD, CAPPY NOW COMES OVER AND STARTS TO TAKE ADVANTAGE, he picks up Zombie and whips him to the ropes, and DELIVERS A POWERBOMB!! Cappy now going for the win..1...2...THR!!! NOO!!! ZOMBIE BARELY KICKS OUT!!!

Shallow: Now Cappy taking advantage, and Larson stands up, and Cappy throws Zombie out of the ring...

GP: Now Cappy saying something, and Larson smirks and jaws back at him... Cappy and Larson exchanging hard words, and now Larson shoves Cappy backwards. Larson turns and delivers a closed-fist punch to the face of Capital Punishment!! Cappy holds his jaw as he stumbles backward and grabs the hopes for support. Larson charges at Cappy, Cappy ducks down and Larson goes into the ropes, but Larson saw that coming and is able to reverse around, and grabs the leg of Capital Punishment!!! Side Russian legsweep and Cappy is on the mat and Larson on top, hammering away with great lefts and rights!! Larson grabs one of the wildly swinging arms and brings it around, turning Cappy over and bridging the arm, working it around and applying a kneeling shoulder block, and trying to turn it over into a bridged upward back submission hold!!! WOW!!

JT: Cappy swings backward with the elbow trying to catch Larson in the face, but to no avail. Larson releases the hold, and as Cappy stumbles up to his feet Larson meets him with a quick scoop and a slam to the mat. Larson showing some real aggression here!!

Shallow: He's going to have to be aggressive!! Cappy will take control of the match and beat the money out of him... say, if that does happen then it's a good thing I've got my money bucket, isn't it?

GP: Umm..ok!! Hey Johnny, your wrong, Larson still has control, but look out!! Zombie comes from behind and nails him with another kendo stick!! He is now going into the can..and he finds a ironing board?? Cappy, getting up slowly, HE'S GONNA HIT HIM WITH IT!! HE SWINGS AND CONNECTS!! ZOMBIE JUST FALLS TO THE GROUND, AND THESE THREE MEN ARE BLOODY AS ALL HELL!! THIS IS THE BLOODIEST AND BRUTALIST MATCH I HAVE EVER SEEN!!

JT: Same...here.

Shallow: The ref is saying something to the ring announcer, we have no idea what it is!! Cappy now standing there, looking at the damage he has done, he picks up Larson..DEATH PENALTY ON LARSON!! THE PIN 1..2...THR!! LARSON KICKS OUT BECAUSE OF ZOMBIE, ZOMBIE PICKS UP LARSON, AND A ZOMBIE-PLEX ON LARSON!! CAPPY GOES OF THE TOP ROPE AND FROG SPLASHES LARSON!! ZOMBIE PUSHES LARSON OFF, 1..2..LARSON PUSHES ZOMBIE OFF!!1..2..ZOMBIE PUSHES LARSON OFF AGAIN!! The two are now up and arguing, Larson comes from behind and rolls up Zombie!! The pin, 1..2..THR!! NO!! Zombie gets up and gets clotheslined by Capital Punishment and runs right into the referee!!

GP: ZOMBIE-PLEX ON CAPPY!!AND LARSON WITH A DDT ON ZOMBIE!! ALL THREE MEN ARE KNOCKED OUT, AND THERE IS NO REF!! WAIT..HERE COMES A SPECIAL REF, HE IS WAKING UP THE OTHER REF!! HE FORGETS IT..WAIT!! THE OTHER REF WAKES UP, AND THE TWO ARE MAKING THE PIN!!! 1...1...2...2...3...3!! The first ref holds up Zombie's arm while the other holds up Cappy's arm!! What?? The ref's are now arguing, they are trying to discuss who the winner is, now here comes Jamie..

JT: He will tell us who the winner is!! Look at him...he grabs a mic shh!!

Prez Jamie: Well, after a fair judgement, the only FAIR judgement I could make, is a no-contest!! Good fight you three, maybe I'll have plans later on in the night!!

United State Championship Match
Rob Kestler vs. Evan Levine

GP: Before we get the next contest under way I just have to as you JT, any thoughts on what's gone down here tonight?

JT: It really doesn't make a difference to me I get my pay check this week either way but I'm hoping this next match can pick up the pace.

GP: I sure would like to know what show you're watching, this show has been extraordinary and it shows no signs of slowing at all. Next up is US title action Rob Kestler of The Usual Suspects defends against Evan Levine.

Shallow: You know what that means Psycho Jay will be out here.

JT: I know, I can't wait you think he'll do it?

GP: Do what you soft headed slacker?

Shallow: You know what the man's talking about I predict the head humping era continues in just moments.

GP: God, let's hope not I'm sorry people but watching a grown man molest another grown man's head ... something just doesn't sit right with me about it. Let's just go to the ri....what the hell is this about?

{Kid Rock's "Fuck Off" echoes through out the arena as Chris Davidson, Psycho Jay and Vincent make their way to ringside to a mixed reaction. Davidson draws the most heat when he thrust his arm into the air to show everyone his "world title" belt, Davidson sits down at announce booth while Jay and Vincent take it upon themselves to rob the ring announcer and the time keeper of the chairs they were sitting on. Now that everyone but GP is comfortable the show may began.}

JT: Chris, how are you my brother?

Davidson: Oh I could be better I suppose I could be dancing on Chairman Dane's shallow grave/

GP: What in the hell are you three doing out here? You for one are not even on the show...

Davidson: I'm sure that was just an oversight by the geniuses that run this company and don't worry about what I'm doing out here. I don't go around sticking my nose in you business do I?

GP: Oh come on Davidson, please tell me you're not going to come out here and cry again like you did in that recent interview. Besides we don't have time for you to cry Evan Lavine is on his way to the ring.

Meygon:  FIRST! HE STANDS 6 FOOT FIVE AND WEIGHS A 254 POUNDS! ONE HALF OF THE INTERCONTINENTAL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS.... EVAN LEVINE

{"P. O. S. " by Head plays as Evan, Tara, and "Badboy" Johnny Allen make their way to the ring}

GP: He looks great

JT: Watch it Gary these guys aren't the most sane bunch you don't want to set one of them off.

GP: Evan sure has been making a lot of noise here in IWO as of late how about you Chris?

Davidson: Parker, consider yourself lucky that I'm in a good mood all I want to do right now is sit back and watch my boy Rob Kestler destroy this certain jerker opponent of his. In fact I'm going to go make myself special guest ring announcer.

Shallow: Can he do that?

{Chris stands up and makes his way into the ring from the announce position where Meygon is standing waiting for her cue. We cannot pick up any actual sound but it looks like on Davidson's orders Meygon has given up the microphone and is holding Davidson's belt for him.}

Chris Davidson: When I come into this ring that is all your cues to shut your mouths, get your heads up and place your eyes directly on the star of the show Chris Davidson. Rob Kestler has a special treat for every one of you just for shopping at the Psychic Porn n' Go. So get your eyes of your sister's breasts... I'm talking to you Dudley and take a look at the big screen.

{The Tit-Ron flashes to Rob Kestler and Vagrond from an undisclosed location that looks a lot like the Porn n' Go's storage room. Vagrond is wearing the IWO US title around his upper arm...}

Kestler "Well Vagrond, it looks like it's time for me to go out and defend the mid-card gem known as the IWO United States title.  Please Vagrond, do me the honors and hand me the US title."

{Kestler coughs and puts his hand out, waiting for Vagrond to hand him the title.  Vagrond takes the belt off of his arm and proceeds to put it in his mouth and chew!  Vagrond is chewing on the US title!  He spits it on the ground like a Gorn hair ball...}

Kestler "Uh-oh."

{Kestler stares blankly at the screen as it fades...}

Chris Davidson: It is my honor and privilege to bring you the owner of the best damn porn shop on planet Earth. He hails from Minneapolis, Minnesota.  He is a best selling author and a self-proclaimed mid-card star.  He is the current IWO United States champion. He's accompanied by Rick Rockwell ROB KESTLER!

The lights then dim down and a midget carries a small boom box out on the ramp.  He sets it down and presses a button and the familiar sound of Ozzie Ozborne playing "Stayin' Alive" blasts through the arena.  Disco lights begin to swirl around the arena as Rob Kestler steps out on to the ramp wearing pieces of cardboard pizza boxes cut into the shape of a title belt.  Written across the front in magic marker are the words "Ooknighted Stæts Whirled Champyun."  He stands proud for a second before moon-walking back behind the curtain.  Twelve and a half seconds later, he emerges carried on a pagoda by six midgets, all dressed like Evan Levine's old boyfriends.  They slowly march Kestler down to the ring as "Stayin' Alive" continues to play.  The song fades as Kestler gets out of the pagoda and steps into the ring, giving Evan Levine a complimentary Vagrond "Gorn Eat People" T-shirt.  Even Levine throws the shirt on the ground and begins to fight Kestler with a lariat}

GP: Kestler is down what do you think of that big shot.

Davidson: That's not fair, he's kicking him with a closed boot.

JT: Yeah ref ring the bell this jack ass is disqualified

GP: Think about what you're saying a closed boot that's stupid, Kestler counters with a double leg take down

Davidson: Now you're going to see what he can do

GP: Kestler is on top of him what a violent flurry of punches for someone so apathetic...

Shallow: He's pretty damn aggressive the champion is going to town on Evan

Davidson: Oh come on ref don't break it up

GP: Both men are now on their feet they lock up, Evan strikes him with a knee to the stomach ... running knee lift by Evan that rocks Kestler he's got him on the ropes

JT: What a chop by the challenger it doesn't look good for your man Chris.

Davidson: First of all I'm not a Dudley so he's not "my man" and besides I got a guarantee he's going to win from Rob's father. The Divine Uri Geller saw it in a vision.

GP: You're so full of it that's as dumb as what your cohort did to the US title. He's not going to win if he can't get out of the corner Evan's nailing elbow smash after elbow smash.

Davidson: Uri told me things are going to turn around right about now...

JT: Oh my God he's right Kestler just blocked the elbow he's got Evan's arm what's he going to do with it? HE'S SMASHING IT INTO THE TOP OF THE RING POST THAT HAS GOT TO HURT.

Davidson: Just like we talked about if you take one of his arms away he can't hit his finisher.

GP: That elbow has got to be injured you can see it on Evan's face he's throbbing in pain

Shallow: He gets absolutely no mercy from Kestler though he's got him in an armbar. Kestler slowing down the pace getting Evan to one knee.

Davidson: This is where Rob is at his most dangerous he's dropped the armbar and now has Evan right where he wants him standing drop kick by the big man right to Evan's face that's gonna leave a mark.

GP: Tara looks in shock as Evan is face down on the mat the 300 pound Kestler drops a knee onto the elbow pain has got to be racing through his entire arm.

Davidson: Snap it buddy go ahead let him get back up this one's in the bag

Shallow: Evan back to his feet now Kestler is dancing around the ring like a boxer going for the knock out, he's got no rhythm at all.

GP: He winds up Evan blocks he's fighting through the pain punching with his one good arm they are trading blows. I don't know how he's doing it he knocked Kestler to his ass with one solid punch.

Chris Davidson: Holy shit, but look he can't follow up he's too busy licking his woonds

JT: He went to his corner Johnny just handed him something ... this doesn't look good.

Chris Davidson: Chop block by Kestler how do you like that Parker? He caught Lavine sleeping.

GP: Kestler has got him by the hair whips him into the corner Evan's on the turnbuckle what a Superplex by Kestler. Goes for the pin one, two....

Chris Davidson: Three damn it!

GP: He kicked out at the last second! I don't understand how he's doing it but he sure as hell is doing it.

Chris Davidson: Watch this he's about to kick it into over drive so shut your mouth and watch the man work.

{Kestler picks the injured Lavine up and hits him with a fall away slam and then follows that up with a brain buster. Evan looks to be out Kestler sets him up for a DDT but the streak is ended when Evan counters with a with a northern lights Suplex pin.}

GP: One, two, he got'em

Chris Davidson: No he didn't jumpy he couldn't hold the bridge his little arm is too banged up I wonder what happened to it.

JT: Wait a minute guys it looks like Kestler landed hard on his neck he is almost out of it.

Shallow: Well Evan is not wasting anytime putting the boots to him and he's going for it it's "Game Time" folks he's going to hit it. It'll be over...

GP: The ref stopped him out of concern for Kestler he's really hurt here guys as much as I don't agree with him you never want to see anybody be crippled in the ring.

Chris Davidson: He looks like a Dudley crawling around like that on all fours.

GP: Would you stop the childish crap your friend could be hurt, he just rolled out of the ring he looks really week what's he crawling to?

Shallow: He's crawling to Psycho Jay he's got a copy of his book he's sitting down reading his book.

Chris Davidson: He was faking it, he just wanted to read his book! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard bravo Rob, you've really topped yourself.

GP: Did you ever think your "freak show" isn't welcome here? I mean first the US title and now he's making a farce out of this contest. When I think that legends like Zombie, Titan and countless others have held that belt and then you guys treat it like garbage.

Chris Davidson: Excuse me gentlemen I'll be right back.

Shallow: Where is that yahoo going? This is insane, Evan is pissed off he's going after Kestler now Jay and Vincent are getting up to! "Badboy" Johnny Allen is joining the fray were about to have one hell of a confrontation and Rob is still reading his book!

GP: How can he totally ignore his surroundings? Vincent makes the first move he is chasing Johnny Allen with his penis.  He tripped over it DDT by Allen onto the ramp!

JT: This is fabulous Vincent is fighting with Badboy back to the dressing room area, Evan is out numbered. Psycho Jay is headed to the ring

GP: He's distracting the ref, he's got the refs attention wait a minute the ref is starting to count them out of the ring.

JT: Jay will put a stop to that.... HE'S HUMPING THE REF'S HEAD! I LOVE IT! and that poor bastard Lavine is yelling at Kestler telling him to wrestle.

GP: Well why the hell not? That's what he's paid for he's screaming at him! Davidson is behind him with a chair..... directly on the spine this is deplorable Jay is humping the ref and Davidson is fighting Kestler's battles while he reads his book.

JT: I love these guys Jamie and Chairman Dane are really missing the boat Davidson hits the a stun gun this is phenomenal.  Double armed DDT onto the chair. Snap Suplex BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD! Evan's busted open YES!

GP: You should be put away I really think something is wrong with you, Kestler has the microphone.

Kestler "And now from the comfort of my steel chair I'm going to read from the new Holy Bible also known as 'Look Who Dropped Their Pants. As I traveled down the highway the jack ass would not stop banging on my trunk...."

GP: Cut his microphone Davidson is rolling Evan back into the ring come on stop this he's dead in the water, stop the match.

JT: Well the ref didn't see a minute of it Jay just stopped having his way with him.

GP: Kestler goes for the pin it's academic one...two..thr......shoulder up HE GOT THE SHOULDER UP!

{Davidson makes his way back to the announce booth and sits on the same bent up chair he used to bust open Evan.}

Chris Davidson: Did you miss me gentlemen?

GP: Do you guys have any standards? I mean is there anything you won't sink to?

Chris Davidson: Honestly um let me be very careful with how I word this ... no.

GP: For all that damage you did Evan still kicked out amazing!

Chris Davidson: No, Rob's just going to play with him now.

JT: He's got a funny way of playing with him Evan has got Rob in a waist lock GERMAN SUPLEX!

Chris Davidson: I knew he was a Nazi

GP: Evan's not done, Rocker Dropper

JT: It's all over now he's setting him up for a Death Valley Driver!

Chris Davidson: No! No! fight it Rob!

JT: Were gonna have a new champion,

GP: No no damn it his back gave out on him Evan is down!

Chris Davidson: Put this bastard away Rob

JT: Here comes the Call From Beyond (Double Underhook Piledriver)

Chris Davidson: JT, Johnny it's been a pleasure

{Davidson gets up and starts on his way to ringside Jay is already on the ring apron}

GP: Yeah nice doing business with you coward. There's the cover 1-2-3!

JT: Rob wins it! Rob wins it! Rob wins it! I'm stunned

GP: The Usual Suspects beat Evan Lavine not Rob Kestler this was a no win situation and it makes me sick.

JT: You act like they killed your dog, it's not the end of the world.

{Chris Davidson and Psycho Jay go to the ring to congratulate hand shakes and such are exchanged before Chris Davidson grabs the microphone.}

Chris Davidson: And here is your winner and still US Champion... Rob "I've Got New Catch Phrase" Kestler!

{Kestler takes a theatrical bow}

Kestler "Buy my book!"

{Tit-ron switches to Michael Dudley with Caren Dudley and twenty to thirty SWAT team members standing outside the "Psychic Porn n' Go," Rob Kestler's porn shop...}

Michael Dudley  "Rob, I'm sick of you and that stupid lizard thing!  The fact is that he has been eating people, PEOPLE!  That is against the law."

Caren Dudley  "YEAH!  AGAINST THE LAW!"

Rob Kestler  "No, a Gorn eating midgets is funny.  Your interviews should be against the law."

Michael Dudley  "Rob, I've had enough of your stupid remarks and unintelligent babble.  As you can see I'm here to make sure that that lizard thing."

Rob Kestler  "You mean the Gorn."

Michael Dudley  "That it's taken into custody and prosecuted to the full extent of the law."

Caren Dudley  "YEAH!  FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW!"

Michael Dudley  "Don't worry, he won't be killed yet Kestler.  I'll save that until after our match so that I can kill him in front of every one of the fans who are firmly against lizard things.  Besides, I need to see your expression in person!"

{Rob Kestler runs out of the ring and to the back.  Michael Dudley continues...}

Michael Dudley  "Alright boys, let's get that stupid giant lizard thing!"

Caren Dudley  "YEAH!  GET THAT STUPID GIANT LIZARD THING!"

{The SWAT team busts into the porn shop.  An easy task since Vagrond threw a customer through the front window two months ago and Kestler never repaired it.  They surround Vagrond who is sitting on a giant throne made out of Gold, Diamonds, Platinum, and Pearls.  He is drinking Gorn liquor out of the Holy Grail...}

SWAT member #1  "Vagrond, you're under arrest for the murder of a number of unnamed midgets, assault, public drunkenness, and lewd behavior in front of the Queen.  Please come with us peacefully."

{Vagrond calmly sets down his Gorn liquor...}

SWAT member #2  "We're glad that you're a reasonable person.  We were expecting a more difficult job."

SWAT member #3  "Yeah, I would have thought that this gay jobber would have at least resisted arrest a little bit."

{Vagrond, enraged by being called the single worst wrestling insult, picks up his golden throne and throws it THROUGH one of the SWAT team members, leaving his lower body detached at the hip.  The rest of the SWAT team take out their guns and open fire on Vagrond!  Vagrond falls backwards and is motionless...}

SWAT member #1  "Remember our story.  We thought his bionic arm had a gun on it."

{Vagrond sits up and is unharmed by the 90 rounds of ammo that was just shot at him...}

SWAT member #2  "Good lord!  His Gorn body much be invulnerable to harm as we know it!"

{SWAT member #2 tries to run away.  Vagrond grabs him before he can and tears off his head!  Vagrond then walks outside and bends one of the SWAT cars into a hoop shape and slam dunks the decapitated head...}

SWAT member #1 "He leaves us no choice men.  Take out your mace and billy clubs, it's time to get rough!"

{They all attack Vagrond but he horribly mutilates all of them with a series of punches with his 200 pound bionic arm and by tearing at them with his immensely strong teeth and jaw.  Michael Dudley is still standing outside as Rob Kestler runs up from behind him.  Dudley is completely transfixed on Vagrond.  Vagrond, now bored and with a hunger for blood, looks up and sees Dudley.  Vagrond pounces and lunges for Dudley but Dudley sidesteps Vagrond and begins to run towards his limo.  Kestler catches Dudley by surprise and clotheslines him...}

Kestler  "You idiot!  Why didn't you listen when I talked?  You don't understand what a Gorn is!  I told you that he couldn't be harmed and not to try to kill him!  You didn't understand!  Now all of those innocent men died because you wouldn't listen!"

{Dudley stands up and begins to apologize before laying Kestler out with a massive punch to the face.  Kestler gets back to his feet and they begin to exchange punches back and forth.  Suddenly a masked man comes out from behind Dudley's limo!  It's the mysterious Teve Tobs!  He grabs Kestler from behind and holds him for Dudley...}

Teve Tobs "Come on Great One!  Give him all you've got!"

{Dudley begins to nail Kestler with a series of punches to the stomach.  Teve Tobs then begins to set Kestler up so Dudley can finish him with the "Black Thursday."  Just before the Dudley is ready to hit Kestler, a shadowy figure from inside the porn shop throws Kestler a flame thrower.  Kestler gets enough sense back to grab the flame thrower and fire towards Dudley.  Dudley quickly gets out of the way and jumps his limo and hurries Caren along to join him.  The limo takes off as Teve Tobs jumps onto the trunk of the limo...}

Teve Tobs  "Watch out Kestler.  I know where you got your money!"

Rob Kestler  "Oh yeah?  Well, I've got God in my pants."

Pacific Title Match
C4 Explosives Match
High Flyer v. Ken War

GP: What a fine PPV we're having! What a great show it's been!

JT: *cough cough*

GP: What?

JT: It just doesn't flow!

GP: What are you talking about?

JT: The script...these script writers just cannot make it flow match to match. I mean...think about it. Go through EVERY single IWO match in history and they always begin with "What a great match that was!" or whatever!

GP: Maybe you should wait till another time to talk about this...

JT: No, I think we should talk about it now! HELLO OUT THERE WORLD! CAN YOU HEAR ME?! THIS IS JT SPEAKING, AND I AM TELLING YOU NOW THAT THIS SCRIPT SHOULD FLOW MORE TO GIVE A MORE REALISTIC FEEL!

*Shallow grabs a rope and gags JT*

GP: Thank you.

Shallow: My pleasure.

JT: mpmhmpmph mpmpmmph mpmpph!

GP: Where'd you get the rope from?

Shallow: *shrugs* It was in the script.

*GP smacks his forehead in frustration.*

GP: ANYWAY...we have this *glares at JT* GREAT match for you now folks...it'll be even better since we won't have to hear JT for awhile. C4 explosives were being set up in the ring as we were debating the so-called "script"...I assure you, everything you see here is real...as I was saying, it'll be Ken War and High Flyer going nuts for Pacific Title glory.

Shallow: Should be a good match...but not as good as Dane Wilt's. I promise.

JT: MPMPMPH MMPPH MPHHPH!

GP: Oh will you shut up?!

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is scheduled to be a one fall, C4 explosives match for the IWO Pacific Title!!

*the crowd pops as "Uh, All Night" by Kiss blares throught the Greensboro Coliseum*

Announcer: Introducing first...weighing in at 275 pounds...from Los Angeles, California...The War Machine, Ken War!!!!!!

*Ken War walks out to the ring with a purpose. He makes certain not to touch the turnbuckles, as they are armed with the explosives. One he gets in the ring, his music fades and is replaced by "Loco" by Coal Chamber.*

Announcer: His opponent...accompanied to the ring by Kate Younng, and standing at 6 feet and weighing in at 204 pounds...from Bethlehem, PA...the IWO Pacific Champion, High Flyer!!!

*High Flyer walks out to the ring holding Kate's hands. How sweet.*

*the bell rings*

JT: MMPH!

GP: Shut your face!

Shallow: And we're off!!

GP: High Flyer has a definite advantage going into this match...Ken War has just returned from a vacation in Spain, so he's well rested...but Flyer has been training hard all this time. He's got the speed advantage, but Ken War definetely will try and keep this match at a slow pace.

Shallow: And here they go!! The two of them lock up in the center of the ring...now Ken War is pushing Flyer back, torwards that turnbuckle!! High Flyer spins him, and War hits him with a kick right to the LOWER LOWER abdomen area!! Flyer is on the ground holding his groin...remember, if any force is applied to one of the turnbuckles, it'll explode!!

JT: MMPH?! MPMMHPMPH MPMHH!

GP: Will you please BE QUIET?! God man, you won't even shut up when you can't speak!! Anyway...Ken War picks High Flyer of the ground...Inverted Atomic Drop!! War clearly in control, focusing on one particular body part of High Flyers!

Shallow: The one where he can do the most damage, too. Gotta give War some credit for that.

GP: War picks up Flyer...hip toss into the turnbuckle!! (*BOOM!*) Jesus Lord Almighty!! High Flyer just became High FIRE!! His hair just lit up!! High Flyer is running around in circles trying to get his hair out!!

Shallow: That smells SO DISGUSTING!! WORSE THAN PEANUT!!

GP: High Flyer launches himself at Ken War!!! A FLYING HEAD BUTT WITH FLAMING HAIR! I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE!!!

Shallow: War's chest is scorched red!!

GP: Kate Young has a fire extinguisher now...High Flyer scrambles to the outside of the ring and she put her boyfriend's hair out.

JT: mmph.

Shallow: I think he said "That's what she's good for."

GP: No, he said "mmph."

Shallow: Good point.

GP: Back to the match...High Flyer has rolled back into the ring now...His hair is quite a charred mess now. Ken War is on the ground writhing in pain. High Flyer picks up the big man...big chop across the chest!! That has to sting!! Another one!! Flyer with a boot to the midsection...BULLDOG INTO ANOTHER CORNER (*BOOM*)! KEN WAR JUST WENT FACE FIRST INTO THAT EXPLOSION!!

Shallow: COVER!! 1!!

JT: MMPH!!

GP: No, kickout after 2!! Close call!! High Flyer just pulls War right back up...kick to the stomach again...now Flyer bounces himself off the ropes, ROCKER DROPPER!!

Shallow: They call it the "Famasser" now.

JT: mmph!

GP: Good point Johnny...I just think Rocker Dropper is a more catchy sounding move.

Shallow: Actually, so do I.

JT: mmmph mmphmpmh!

Shallow: Do you hear something Greg?

GP: Nope. High Flyer has measured Ken War on the ground...standing leg drop! He pulls war up...has him set up...piledriver-NO! War hits him with a headbutt to the groin!! Backdrop!! NO!! Ken War holds onto High Flyers legs...and snaps him back on the ground!! What a spinebuster!!

Shallow: Flyer is looking pretty groggy now. Whiplash.

GP: Ken War grabs a handful of Flyer's hair...lifts him up...and faceslams him back down to the canvas!

Shallow: I think Flyer is busted open now.

JT: MMMPH!!!

GP: JT's right!! Kate Young just came outta nowhere and nailed Ken War with that fire extinguisher!! Ken War is out cold!!

Shallow: High Flyer with the cover again!! 1!!

GP: 2!!

JT: MMPH!!

GP: NO! He got a shoulder up in the nick of time!! What tenacity by Ken War!!

Shallow: High Flyer is cursing to himself right now...he pulls Ken War to his feet...sets him up near the turnbuckle...uh oh...what's he going to do?...High flyer gets a running start...HURRICANRA...NO!!!...KEN WAR IS HOLDING HIM UP....POWERBOMB INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!! (*BOOM*) GOOD LORD!!

GP: The force of that blast knocked High Flyer back to the center of the ring!! Ken War pulls High Flyer to his feet...he picks him up, carries him to near another turnbuckle...Sets him up for another powerbomb!! High Flyer is up and...wait...High Flyer is punching war in the head!! Fighting back!! War's knees are buckling....AND HE FALLS FORWARD INTO THE TURNBUCKLE (*BOOM*)!! THEY BOTH JUST GOT BLASTED!!!

JT: MMPH!!

Shallow: That used up all four corners...so we're outta C4 explosives.

GP: WE'RE OUT?!

Shallow: Yeah...wait, no...here comes the technical crew. They've got some sort of bleepy remote control thing! Here comes one down to us! Sir, tell us what the bleepy remote control thing does!

Tech Guy: The bleepy remote control thing now sets up 4 more C4 explosives, with a little more "umph" in each explosion, at random spots in the ring. Who knows when someone will go up now?! Heh heh.

JT: mmPh!!

Shallow: Thank you Mr. Tech Guy, for your explination on the bleepy remote control thing.

GP: Both men are just a pile of flesh right now...both trying to get up, though how or why is beyond me. They get to their feet at the same time...High Flyer nails Ken War with a huge punch! Ken War fires one right back! High Flyer nails him again! Back and forth, back and forth, we've got an old fashioned brawl here tonight!

Shallow: No one paid to see wrestling anyway!

GP: War nails Flyer, and Flyer reels back!! War hits him again! War kicks High Flyer in the stomach, sets him up...FRONT FACE SUPLEX!! (*BOOM!*) HIGH FLYER JUST LANDED ON ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE C4s!! KEN WAR WITH THE COVER!! 1...

Shallow: 2!!!

JT: MMPH!!!

GP: NO!!! HIGH FLYER GOT A SHOULDER UP!! WAR CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! He grabs High Flyer...brings him over to the turnbuckle...uh oh, he's calling for that Black Diamond of his!! War sets him up on the top...KATE YOUNG WITH THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER AGAIN!! WAR JUST GOT NAILED!! FLYER SHOVES HIM OFF THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!! (*BOOM!*) WAR JUST LANDED ON ANOTHER C4!! HIGH FLYER SETS UP...FLYING MOON SHOT!!! HE NAILED IT!! 1...

JT: MMMPH!!

SHALLOW: 3!!!

*bell rings*

Announcer: Here is your winner...and STILL IWO Pacific Champion...High Flyer!!!

Shallow: Wow...what a finish!!

GP: I'll say!!

JT: MMPMPH MPMPH!!

GP: Oh, yes...I guess we can ungag you now.

*they ungag him*

JT: Pricks.

Shallow: You deserved it!

World Tag Title Un-Unification Match
Prep Kids -c- v. Prime Time Soldiers -c-

GP: Well...so far the two of you have been embarassed thoroughly. I have yet to be. Ha Ha!

JT (to Shallow): Let's ceram wrap his car.

Shallow (to JT): Already did that. And I slashed his tires to.

JT (to Shallow): Why?

Shallow (to JT): I don't know. Precaution, I guess.

GP: AHEM!!

JT: What?

GP: Done flirting?

JT: Oh, you're gonna get it.

Shallow: I promise you, Greg...by the end of the night, you'll wish you had never had this entire conversation. I guarantee it. And I'm keeping all my guarantees tonight.

GP: Ooook....

JT: Well...when does this next match start?

GP: Right now! It's time to figure out how our champs really are!

Shallow: It doesn't really matter.  Finish this up so we can see Wilt get
his ass beat.

JT: I agree with Swallow.

Shallow: It's Shallow, retard.

GP: We have The Prep Kids facing off against the Prime Time Soldiers!

Shallow: Why?  Why must Jamie lower our intelligence by making us watch this
crap?

JT: Umm...that's just the way Jamie operates.  How else do you explain Evan
Levine?

Shallow: Good point.

GP: Let's go to the ring announcer to bring out our competitors.

JT: I'd rather not.  The pTs might try to ass rape me.

Shallow: Yeah, but you'd like it.

JT: Shut up Swallow.

Shallow: SHALLOW!

Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following matchup is scheduled for
one fall.  It is for the IWO Tag Team Titles of the World!

::The crowd pops.::

Ring Announcer: Coming to the ring first...

::"Back That Azz Up" by Juvenile plays as Tyler Johnson and Scott Stone walk
out, Johnson carries their tag belt and they climb into the ring.  Ariana
and Lil' G stand outside the ring.::

Ring Announcer: Weighing in at a total combined weight of 479 pounds...they
are the Co-Tag Team Champions of the World...Scott Stone and Tyler
Johnson...THE PRIME TIME SOLDIERS!!

::"AND YOUR WINNERS.....THE PREP KIDS!!!"  "Wake Up" by Rage Against the
Machine then starts up and out from the back come Randal McCloud and Jordan
Howitt.  They look focused on the task at hand, Howitt has their half of the
belts over his shoulder.::

Ring Announcer: Their opponents...weighing in at a total combined weight of
455 pounds...they are the other half of the IWO World Tag Team
Champions...Jordan Howitt and Randal McCloud...THE
PREP KIDS!!!

::They get in, and the four teams stare each other down.::

::Ding Ding Ding::

GP: There's the bell, and this match is underway!

Shallow: That IS usually what the bell means before a match.

GP: (Ignoring Shallow) McCloud and Johnson make their way to their
respective corners, and Howitt and Stone are going to start things off for
us tonight.  Stone comes charging at Howitt, but Howitt moves out of the way
and throws Stone into the ropes.  He comes off, and Howitt picks him up,
Samoan Drop!

JT: When do the Prisoners of Society come out?

Shallow: They aren't in this match you idiot.

JT: But Chairman Dane said last week on Hostile Takeover...

Shallow: Nobody cares what Chairman Dane said last week on Hostile Takeover.
  What Jamie says goes around here.

JT: But-

Shallow: No questions asked.

JT: But-

Shallow: Shut up.  You remember Ice Age?

JT: Yeah...why?

::Shallow pulls out his cell phone.::

JT: OH GOD NO!  I'll shut up...

Shallow: That's much better.  Anyway, what were you saying Parker?

GP: Howitt is stomping away on Stone now.  Ariana and Lil' G look worried.

Shallow: Actually, Ariana is giving some unlucky fan in the front row head,
and Lil' G is taking people's socks and humping them.

JT: Unlucky fan?

Shallow: It's Ariana.  She has more diseases then we have names for.

JT: Oh yeah...my bad.

GP: Howitt picks Stone up, and takes him over to his corner.  He tags in
Randal and holds Stone's arm up.  OUCH!  Randal McCloud with a vicious kick
to Stone's ribs!  McCloud picks Stone up, and he throws him into the ropes!
Stone just grabs the ropes and falls down.  He crawls over towards Tyler
Johnson but McCloud is all over him, dragging him back out to the center of
the ring.  He picks up his legs...leg drop right between the legs!

Shallow: Oddly, Stone doesn't look affected.

JT: Must be quite a man.

Shallow: Or not enough of one to have anything to hurt.

JT: That was cold.  I hope Stone comes out here and kicks your ass.

Shallow: I'd like to see him try.  He'd probably just start slapping me like
I was Oklahoma and he was Medusa.

JT: I thought we weren't allowed to mention other promotions on IWO
programming.

Shallow: You can't.

JT: But you just...

Shallow: Like Jamie's gonna fire ME?  HAHA!  I'm the biggest draw you'll see
tonight.

GP: Would you guys just shut the hell up?  I'm trying to announce a
#(!*(*#!@$ match here!

::JT and Shallow are in shock.  It's not every day we see Greg Parker lose
control like that.::

GP: Thank you.  Anyway, Stone is almost unconscious on the ring, and McCloud
goes over to his corner, he tags Howitt back in!  Howitt picks up Stone's
legs, and he locks him in the Figure 4!!

JT: He'll tap.

Shallow: He'll turn it over.

GP: You're both wrong!  Tyler Johnson comes off the top and nearly
decapitates Jordan Howitt with a dropkick!  McCloud tries to get into the
ring but is stopped by the ref!  Stone rolls out as Johnson takes his place
in the ring.  He turns back around, and Johnson tells him that a tag was
made...the ref doesn't believe him but he's gonna let it go.

Shallow: That ref is a pussy...just like JT.

::JT starts to object, but Shallow pulls out the cell phone again.::

GP: Johnson picks up Howitt now, and throws him into the corner.  He runs
in, he hits a version of the Stinger Splash!  Howitt stumbles out, and is
greeted by a Spinning Heel Kick from Johnson!  Johnson yells at Howitt to
get up, and Howitt low blows him!

Shallow: You see, Johnson is exhibiting pain, something that most males do
when hit in the groin.  Scott Stone, however, did not exhibit that much
pain.  Coincidence?  I think we all know who wears the pants in this tag
team.

GP: Howitt up on his feet, and he clotheslines Johnson!  He runs over and
clotheslines Stone off the apron!  Howitt on a roll!  He tags in Randal now,
and bounces off the ropes!  CROSS BODY BLOCK ON STONE!  HOWITT IS OUT!
STONE IS OUT!

JT: YES!  I SEE BLOOD!!

GP: Good observation, JT.  Scott Stone is bleeding...I think he hit his head
on the guardrail when Howitt leveled him.  Inside the ring, McCloud and
Johnson are trading punches.  McCloud blocks a Johnson right, and delivers a
right of his own!  He blocks a Johnson left, delivers a left of his own!  He
starts nailing Johnson with punch after punch!  He sends Johnson into the
ropes, and he back body drops him over the top rope!  McCloud mounts the
ropes, and he oblitterates Johnson with a Somersault Senton Splash!  Stone
and Howitt stirring now...Howitt is headed towards the ring.  He climbs up
in his corner as McCloud climbs into the ring.  He tags in Howitt, and
Howitt looks around for somebody to fight.  Stone is on the apron, and
Johnson is outside the ring, hurting badly.  Stone drops off and goes to
help Johnson up.  He rolls Johnson into the ring, climbs up onto the apron,
and slaps him.

Shallow: Smart move.  Smartest thing that Stone has done all night.

GP: Stone is now the legal man, and he runs at Howitt, who dropkicks him!
Howitt grabs Stone's arm, and he is dragging Stone towards the corner.  It
looks like he's going to climb to the top.  Could get ugly here.

JT:  Beautiful reasoning process there JT.  Did you learn that in journalism school?

GP:  Yes.

Shallow:  Please look at me.

GP:  Good lord, Stone staggered to his feet and into the ropes!  He just crotched Howitt!

JT:  Is that a technical term?

GP:  At least I'm paying attention to the match!  We've got a World Tag Team title match here and you're jealous of my journalism background!

JT:  Jealous?!

Shallow:  Look at me, I'm important too.

JT:  I am too watching the match.  Prep Kid number one is the on match grabbing his crotchtal area, I'm guessing because he hasn't had sex in a while and Prime Time Soldier number two is moving towards his corner, attempting to give his partner a high five, ghetto slap of some type.  Word, I'm down wit dat.

GP:  You aren't watching the match!  You're just watching that girl in row G who isn't wearing a shirt and making up a scene based on what I've described!

JT:  Blah, blah, blah.

GP:  Howitt is crawling towards McCloud, but Stone gets to Johnson and makes the tag!  Sweet Jack Juice!  Johnson just jumped over the crawling Howitt and speared McCloud through the ropes!  Both men are stunned on the outside and the referee is beginning to count them out.  What is going to happen if they get counted out?  This is supposed to decide who the true champs are supposed to be!

Shallow:  Please God, shine the light on me, let me be seen.

JT:  Hey baby, I've got a bottle of malt liquor and a C-note that says you can come over here and do more with that mouth than scream.

GP:  Leave the 15 year old girls alone!  We have something more important than sex going on here!  This is a classic match!  MY GOD!  Stone is in the ring beating the daylights out of Howitt!  He's really using the fact that the referee needs all of his mental power to count to his advantage!  On the outside both men are up, McCloud punches towards Johnson, Johnson ducks and swings back!  McCloud ducks!  He's grabbed Johnson and hurls him into the ring steps!

Shallow:  I'll do anything for attention.  Just let me talk.

JT:  McCloud slides back into the ring and points out that he shouldn't be counting out both men since he's not legal.  Wow, in an unheard of moment in wrestling, McCloud is distracting the ref while the now recovered Howitt is outside taking on Johnson!  AMAZING!

GP:  This kinda thing happens all the time.

JT:  I don't know what you've been watching then.  Hey, look...peanuts.

Shallow:  Even peanuts get more attention than me.

GP:  Both men are back in the ring and it looks as if things are getting straightened out here again.  Johnson and Howitt are grappling in the center of the ring.  Boot to the mid-section by Howitt!  He looks like he's setting up the larger Johnson for a powerbomb.

JT:  Did I just hear the words larger Johnson out of your mouth GP?  I though I only heard you say that when you were in the men's room with the magic lamp.

GP:  Are you delusional or something?

Shallow:  Don't get me wrong, I like peanuts.  I have nothing against them.  It's just that sometimes I would like to be heard too.

GP:  Back in the ring.  Johnson reverses and back body drops him!  Howitt is stumbling to his feet as Johnson strides over.  He grabs Howitt by the hair...LOW BLOW by Howitt!  Johnson goes down!

JT:  Did you just say Johnson goes down?

GP:  Johnson is his name, not just an innuendo for a penis.

Shallow:  Hmmmm...penis.

GP:  Howitt is crawling towards McCloud.  Johnson is recovering and is stumbling towards Howitt.  Howitt lunges forward and tags!  So close for Johnson but not close enough!

JT:  All of your talk about Johnson's is making me wonder about you GP.

GP:  What's wrong with you?

JT:  DAMN IT!  JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T GO TO A FANCY JOURNALISM SCHOOL IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN JUDGE ME!

GP:  What did I do to deserve this?  Wait!  McCloud has Johnson down and is laying the boots to him!  He grabs him by the right leg and turns him over.  McCloud has him in a half-crab!  One of the most exciting and devastating holds in the game today.  I'm not sure how long Johnson will be able to hold out!

JT:  Come on, I'm not the genius but even I know that no match has been won by half-crab in well over a decade.  And that's including the "Best of Backyard Wrestling" tape.

GP:  If you're so good then why aren't your initials GP?

JT:  DAMN IT!  I'M NOT YOU AND I'LL NEVER BE YOU!

(JT throws an used condom at GP)

GP:  I'll try to imagine that didn't just happen.  Johnson has managed to make his way to the ropes.  The referee is calling for a break.

JT:  Good, I could use a break.  All of this talking has made me thirsty.

GP:  A break as in for McCloud to break the hold!  Man, what's wrong with you?  Both men are now getting to their feet.  Wait a minute, what's that?

(Camera pans up to the rafters where Goopy is playing with a bag of 10 pound wenches.  Goopy drops some.  They fall and hit McCloud and Johnson, knocking them both out in the center of the ring.

Goopy:  OOGA BOOGA BOOGAAAAAAAAA.  OOO.

(Translation:  Opps.  My bad.)

Shallow:  Monkey.

GP:  My lord!  Don't they regulate this?

Shallow: WHAT A MATCH!

JT: Both men are down and out!

GP: Johnson slowly gets up and so does McCloud.......McCloud charges at Johnson......DDT!

JT: JOHNSON COVERS!

1......2......3NO!

GP: SOO close!

JT: Yet so far!

Shallow: Johnson is now crawling toward his corner......McCloud is doing the same though.

GP: They crawl.....BOTH MEN GET THE TAG!

Shallow: In runs Howitt and Stone!

JT: Howitt goes for a closeline......Stone ducks......CLOSELINE TO HOWITT!

GP: Stone goes to the outside......leg drop off the top!

JT: STONE COVERS!

1......2......NO!

GP: Howitt's up again....BELLY-TO-BELLY ON HOWITT!

JT: STONE COVERS AGAIN!

1......2.......NO!

GP: Howitt gets up.....Stone sets up for a suplex.....SMALL PACKAGE!

1.......2.....NO!

JT: What a match!

Shallow: Stone is now waiting for Howitt to get up....LOW BLOW FROM HOWITT!

GP: Howitt is now in control of this match.....Howitt sets up Stone....POWERBOMB!

JT: Howitt hangs on for the cover!

1.......2......NO!

GP: There have been SO many pin attempts tonight!

JT: Well, these guys want to get it done quick and to go home the champions. On the other hand, too many attempts will even wear the guy going for the pin down to an extent. It also allows the guy being pinned to rest.

Shallow: Gee, that's ALMOST interesting.

GP: Howitt now grabs the legs of Stone....SLING SHOT OVER THE TOP ROPE! AND STONE CRASHES INTO THE RETAINING BARRIER!

JT: Stone is slowly getting up. How is beyond me.

Shallow: SUICIDE DIVE FROM THE INSIDE ONTO STONE! GREAT MOVE BY HOWITT!

JT: Howitt hit his knee on the way down though. He's in a lot of pain outside the ring.

GP: Stone is now getting up and making his way back to the ring.....he gets up on the ring apron...AND MCCLOUD KNOCKS HIM OFF WITH A DROP KICK FROM THE TOP!

JT: GREAT MOVE BY MCCLOUD!

Shallow: And he lands on the apron. Now THAT'S impresive!

GP: WOW! JOHNSON DROP KICKS MCCLOUD ALL THE WAY OFF THE APRON ONTO THE RETAINING BARRIER!

Shallow: WHAT A MATCH!

JT: Johnson goes to the top.....GUITENE LEG DROP ONTO HOWITT!

Shallow: This is tag wrestling at its best!

GP: Johnson is still going....he grabs McCloud....DDT ONTO THE RAMP!

JT: Stone is getting up too.....he lifts up Howitt......up runs Johnson.....DUDLEY DEATH DROP ON THE OUTSIDE!

Shallow: Howitt isn't looking too good!

JT: Stone nows sets up Howitt....he holds the piledriver....JOHNSON PUSHES HOWITT'S SKULL INTO THE MAT!

GP: Howitt it busted open!

Shallow: How can he go on?

GP: Stone now pulls Howitt to the inside......he grabs Howitt.....SUICIDAL TENDENCIES (Rock Bottom)!

Shallow: HOWITT IS OUT!

GP: Johnson now pulls up Howitt.....NIGGA ABOUT TO DIE (Pedigree)!

JT: HOWITT COULD BE DEAD!

GP: STONE COVERS!

1.......2.......3!

GP: NEW TAG CHAMPIONS! NEW TAG CHAMPIONS!

JT: NO! THE PREP KIDS LOST! THIS CAN'T HAPPEN!

Shallow: DAMN STRAIGHT! THOSE BELTS ARE THE PRIME TIME SOLDIERS ONLY NOW!

JT: I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

GP: I CAN! CONGRATULATIONS TO THE NEW TAG CHAMPIONS, THE PRIME TIME SOLDIERS!

World Title Match
Dane Wilt -c- vs. To Be Announced

GP - Well... This is it... What we have been waiting for. The World Title...
Dane Wilt is going to defend his title...

JT - AGAINST WHO?!?!

Shallow - He isn't going to face anyone damn it. He is going to be put in
his place tonight. And it will not be pretty. I can promise you that.

GP - What do you have planned? How can you be so sure that Dane isn't going
to defend his belt tonight?

Shallow - HAHA... You'll see Greg. This is personal. He will pay the price.

JT - And they think that I am a bad guy. Sheesh.

(Dane Wilt makes his way out. No music plays. He has the world title on his
shoulder. The crowd is semi-cheering him. Since I don't know if someone is
good or bad I just put semi-cheer. K...)

GP - Well... Here he comes. I guess he is going to come down here. I told
you so Johnny.

(Dane gets in the ring. He has a microphone.)

Dane Wilt - So who is it? Jamie... John... Who is it? Who is this Mister To
Be Announced? Is it Zombie? Is it Cappy? Is it Larson? Is it Kell? Who is
it??? Send his ass out here so I can send him back crying.

(All of a sudden Johnny Shallow stands up. He starts laughing. He heads into
the ring.)

GP - What is he doing?!?!

(Shallow gets in Wilt's face.)

Dane Wilt - Look who it is! Davey Swallows!!! What are you doing in my ring?
Are you "To Be Announced?"

Johnny Shallow - Damn it Dane... You never learn... You see I've been
talking with IWO officials AND the lovely Greensboro police and we have all
come to an agreement.

Dane Wilt - WHAT???

Johnny Shallow - Tonight is going to be YOUR worst night EVER. You see Dane.
I told you I would get you... And this is my revenge!!! Come on and get him
boys!!!

(The Greensboro police make their way out. Dane and the fans are in shock.)

Johnny Shallow - Yeah.. He is the one.. He did it officers. Take his ass away...

(The police get in the ring. They handcuff Dane Wilt. He doesn't put up a
fight. Because he has no clue what is going on. President Jamie is now
making his way out. He has a piece of paper in his hand.)

JT - This doesnt' look good for Dane Wilt.

(Jamie gets in the ring. The police are reading Dane his rights.)

GP - No... It doesnt' look good.

(Shallow is laughing. Dane is mad. Jamie has a microphone.)

Jamie - I hate to do this to all the IWO fans.

(The crowd still has no clue what is going on.)

Jamie - I hate to do this to you Dane. But as of RIGHT NOW... You are no
longer the IWO World Champion..

(The crowd is in shock. Dane is mad. Shallow is laughing. Sam I am.)

Jamie - I'm sorry... But I do have some good news for you Dane. I know all
this crap is probably a lie... Shallow is really a jerk sometimes... So
Dane, I am giving you the benefit of the doubt. Next Month's pay per view...
The main event will be this... 4 men will have a chance for the World Title,
including you Dane. And NO... It will NOT be yet another Four-Way Dance. It
will be a TOURNAMENT... A 4-man Tournament. The 4-men involved in this
tournament will be you Dane, Zombie, Psycho Jay, and Billy Larson.

(The crowd is now chanting "REFUND". The police have started to take Dane
Wilt away. Shallow is laughing harder.)

Jamie - Hold up... Hold up... No Refunds here... Guys.. What will it take
for you to be happy???

(A dude from the crowd yells out... "WORLD TITLE MATCH")

Jamie - Ok.. Ok.. Fine.. We will have a WORLD TITLE MATCH... And the winner
will become the world champ!!!

(Shallow grabs the microphone from Jamie.)

Johnny Shallow - Hold up Jamie... Dont' give the fans what they want. I took
away their main event and they can suck my...

(Jamie jerks the microphone away from Shallow.)

Jamie - YOU RUINED MY SHOW!!!

Johnny Shallow - Cry me a river goat licker.

(Jamie decks Shallow!!! Shallow goes down to the mat!!! Jamie starts
stomping away on Shallow!!! WAIT!!! FROM THE BACK!!! HERE HE COMES!!!
GARRETT KOSOY!!! JAMIE'S SON!!! He has a plastic 2x4!!! He gets in the
ring... HE DECKS JAMIE WITH IT!!! WAIT!!! IT IS JUST PLASTIC!!! Jamie turns
around and looks. He sees his son tried to attack him... NO!!! Jamie can't
believe it!!! He is in shock.. Garrett SPITS ON HIS FATHER!!! OH MY GOD!!!
LOOK WHO IT IS!!! HERE COMES BESSIE KOSOY!!!! THE MOTHER OF GARRETT AND DARK
ENEMY OF JAMIE!!! Bessie comes out in her moo-moo. She gets in the ring and
confronts Jamie!!!)

GP - My god... Look at the size of that woman!!!

JT - They said Jamie was REALLY drunk.

(She slaps Jamie!!!)

Bessie Kosoy - WHY HAVENT YOU CALLED ME!!!

(She slaps him again!!!)

Bessie Kosoy - You're gonna pay!!!

(She slaps him again!!! GARRETT JUMPS ON HER BACK!!! HE IS PULLING ON HER
HAIR!!! Bessie drops to the mat!!! Garrett is pounding away on his own
mother!!! Wait!!! Jamie is now grabbing Garrett.. HE PULLS HIS PANTS DOWN!!!
HE IS SPANKING GARRETT!!! JAMIE IS FINALLY SHOWING HIS SON WHO IS BOSS!!!)

JT - This is great!!!

(From the back appears Zombie!!! He has a microphone.)

Zombie - Oh what a tangled web we weave... When first we practice to...

(Psycho Jay comes running out with a trash can and bangs Zombie in the back
of the head with it sending him down to the floor. Psycho Jay starts
stomping away on Zombie.. WAIT!!! CAPITAL PUNISHMENT!!! HE HAS A CHAIR!!! He
smacks Psycho Jay with the chair!!! Psycho Jay goes down!!! Now he is the
only one standing.)

GP - This is totally insane!!!

(From the back.. Billy Larson comes out on a forklift!!! He is headed right
for Capital Punishment!!! Capital Punishment starts running up the isle!!!
Larson is right behind him... Cappy slides into the ring. Larson and the
forklift hit the ring... The ring collapses. Larson gets out of the forklift
and gets in the ring. He starts pounding away on Cappy!!! Larson is outraged!!!)

JT - This has to add fuel to his already large fire. Larson could be in for
the ride of his career.

GP - Wow... You are very smart. You are almost intellecutal.

JT - Fuck that shit. What I meant to say was that he is fucking pissed.

GP - That's better...

(Larson is now pounding away on Capital Punishment. All hell is breaking
loose. Guys are now coming from the back brawling with each other.)

GP - Is this how this pay per view is going to end? In another brawl!??! My
god this is totally insane!!!

(Zombie is slowly getting up. He looks around. He sees what is going on. He
looks pissed. Zombie runs up to the ring. He gets in the ring and goes after
Billy Larson. He grabs Larson by the head and slings him in the corner.
Zombie goes charging in crushing Larson. Larson falls to the mat. Zombie
pulls Capital Punishment up.)

JT - These guys are picking up right where they left off earlier tonight!!!
This is great!! More blood!!!

(Zombie has Capital Punishment up.. ZOMBIEPLEX!!! Cappy is down!!! Zombie is
now standing tall in the ring over everyone.)

GP - You could be looking at the next IWO World Champion!!!

(The lights in the arena dim down. "Purity" by Slipknot begins to play. The
words "Extreme ICON" and "Greatest IWO Champion" appear on the Tit-Ron. The
crowd begins to go crazy. The lights slowly come back on and we see Titan
standing at the entrance way. The crowd goes even more crazy. Titan begins
to walk towards the ring. Zombie is waiting for him.)

GP - What is he doing out here?!?!

JT - Our PPV buyrate just shot through the roof!!!

(Titan gets into the ring. He gets in Zombie's face.)

GP - Are they going to fight!?!?!

(Titan extends his hand to Zombie! They shake hands!!! MY GOD!!! THEY
EMBRACE!!! Titan has a microphone.)

Titan - Everyone knows that Zombie and I have had our problems in the past.
But tonight... That all changes. We all know about my bad back and neck and
we all know that I may never wrestle again... But lets face it. Someone
needs to carry the IWO. God knows that ?¿? is too lame now... Everyone sees
that Phelen Kell is getting too boring... And Dane Wilt... Well.. he is Dane
Wilt. The IWO does not have one star capable of carrying it through the year
2000... EXCEPT.. Zombie!!!

(The crowd is in shock. But are cheering as well.)

Titan - Zombie... You are the man now. Make me, make everyone proud. Take
the World Title in March... And then you can take away my reign as the
Greatest IWO Champion of all time... Good luck my friend...

(Titan shakes Zombie's hand again... He then exits the ring waving goodbye
to the crowd.)

GP - That was sad.

JT - That sucked.

(The lights in the arena go out!!! THREE QUESTION MARKS APPEAR ON THE
TIT-RON!!! THE MIDDLE QUESTION MARK TURNS AROUND UPSIDE DOWN!!! THAT RAGE
AGAINST THE MACHINE SONG PLAYS!!! AND OUT WALKS ?¿?!!! He has a microphone.
The lights come back up. The crowd is going nuts.)

?¿? - AWWWWWW!!! Cry me a river... Titan... You tell me I'M lame? You are
the one coming out here making love to Zombie. Telling him how great he is.
And how he is going to carry the IWO... Blah.. Blah.. You make me sick. Just
because you have a little back injury? A little neck injury? Awww..

Titan - Hey you mother fucker... Did I ask you to come out here? You really
piss me off. I thought we were friends. But I guess your ego gets in the way
of your mind. And by the way... Last time I checked you were the little
freak that broke his neck and cried about it for 6 months.. I broke your
neck... I think you know how serious neck injuries are...

(All of a sudden from the back appears Fenix. He decks ?¿? from behind with
a baseball bat!!! ?¿? goes down!!! Titan starts laughing.)

Titan - BREAK HIS DAMN NECK AGAIN!!!

(Fenix starts driving the bat into the back of ?¿?. Titan walks over and
starts stomping away on ?¿?. NO!!! HE DECKS FENIX!!! Fenix goes down hard to
the floor. Titan picks up the baseball bat and points it down at ?¿?.)

Titan - Consider yourself welcome...

(Titan drops the bat and heads to the back never to be heard from again.)

GP - My god!!! Titan is gone!!! FINALLY!!! THANK YOU GAWD!!!

(Zombie is looking around the fallen Billy Larson and Capital Punishment and
Johnny Shallow and Jamie Kosoy and Bessie Kosoy and Garrett Kosoy. He shakes
his head and exits the ring.)

GP - Well.. what a night we have had here at Broken Hearts and Broken Bones.
This was one hell of a pay per view considering we didn't have a World Title
Match.

JT - That is all thanks to Johnny Shallow. That slimy little bastard. I hope
he realizes that he didn't ruin the pay per view after all!!! And look at
his ass...He is out in the ring!!! HAHAHAHAH!!!

GP - Well fans we will see you tomorrow night.. Oh wait... WE wont see you
tomorrow night.. But join us for a special Monday Night Meltdown... See you
then!!!
 




6 MEN
A WORLD TITLE
ONE WINNER
MARCH 26TH, 1999
LIVE FROM LONDON WEMBLEY STADIUM IN LONDON, ENGLAND
DESPERATE TIMES...