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From San Diego, California
("Forty-Six and Two" by Tool begins to blast throughout
the arenas sound
system and the crowd gives Zombie a mixed reaction? The lights in
go off and a purple spotlight pans the ramp as a huge explosion
Zombie steps out as the crowd cheers and boos. He has a steel
chair in his
hand. He walks down methodically to the ring and steps in over
the top rope.)
Co-VP John - Wow.. this is lame.
(He grabs a microphone.)
Zombie - Y'know, I'm here for one reason... one reason alone. A
great man is
retiring after our next pay-per-view Desperate Measures due to an
suffered accidently at my hands at the Broken Hearts, Broken
pay-per-view a short time ago.. his name is Capital Punishment.
(The fans pop. Zombie has a sad look on his face.)
Zombie - Capital Punishment is truly a great in this sport.. he
underrated his entire career and never truly got the respect he
what I'm going to ask right now is for Capital to come on out.. I
want to say
(Nothing happens for a good ten seconds until "Sugar"
by System of a Down
begins to play. The crowd goes absolutely insane. Capital
out. He is on crutches and hobbles to the ring, aknowledging the
stand up and give him a standing ovation. Cappy looks touched.
open the ropes for him as he steps in and gives him a hug.)
Zombie - Cappy, it's sad to watch you retire at such a young age.
Capital Punishment - Thanks... this means alot to me.
Zombie - But you know Cappy.. you STILL might win the World Title
Capital Punishment - Yes, I know!
Zombie - You stand in my way.. and I'm not gonna let that happen.
(ZOMBIE DRIVES THE CHAIR INTO THE KNEE OF CAPITAL PUNISHMENT!!!
THE FANS ARE
GOING CRAZY!! HE DOES IT AGAIN!! AGAIN!!! HE PUTS CAPPY'S KNEE ON
ROPE!! CHAIR SHOT! ZOMBIE SLAPS ON A HALF CRAB!! CAPPY IS
SCREAMING IN PAIN!!
ZOMBIE IS WRENCHING BACK ON THE LEG!!)
Co-VP John - WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING??
Scott Russell - This is bad.. even on my standards...
(Zombie won't let go!! EMT's flood out! They are trying to pull
Capital Punishment but he won't let go! He is still pulling
the EMT's get him off!! Cappy is nearly in tears he is in so much
Little children in the audience are crying. Zombie slides out of
with the chair raised high in the air. "Forty-Six and
Two" by Tool hits up
again as the fans give huge heat.)
Co-VP John - Capital Punishment won't make it to Desperate
Measures!!! Whats going to happen!!! WE WILL BE BACK!!!
Fenix vs. "The Anarchist" Alex Deherrera
SR: And welcome back to Monday Night Meltdown! This card promises
to be a
good card but for now we have Fenix facing Alex Deherrera!
Meygon: Isn't he that Da Bronx Bro replacement or something?
John: Hmm, I don't know, maybe, probably.
SR: Well, let's get it going then. Take it away Chairman Dane!
(The camera pans over to Chairman Dane in his thong.
"Nastradamus" by NaS
starts to play as Fenix starts walking out.)
Chairman Dane: First coming down to the ring, weighing 246
pounds, from the
Mojave Desert, here is Fenix.
John: Oh come on! Put energy into it!
Meygon: HAHAHAHA! Jeez, seeing Dane in that thong just gets me
John: Doesn't it?
SR: Yeah, it does.
(Alex Deherrera suddenly jumps from the crowd and rolls into the
Meygon: Alex comes into the ring in a suprise entrance! I wonder
John: Who knows?
SR: Alex jumps Fenix from behind with a big forearm to the back.
on one knee. Alex picks him back up and nails him with another
the face. Fenix leans against the ropes, Alex with an Irish whip,
ducks a clothesline, kick, DDT by Fenix!
Meygon: Deherrera gets back up, ducks a big punch by Fenix.
suplex to Fenix! Fenix lands right on his neck. He slowly rolls
out of the
John: Alex runs to the ropes, he dives for a cross body block,
sidesteps and and rams Alex's head onto the guard rail! Ouch!
SR: Fenix now picks up Alex and rolls him into the ring. Fenix
rolls in with
him and whips him into the turnbuckle. Fenix backs up and
delivers a big
splash to Alex. Fenix now whips Alex to the other turnbuckle.
Meygon: Fenix charges and drop kicks Alex right under the chin
to flip over the ropes onto the floor!
John: That had to have hurt Alex's neck. Fenix now rolls to the
picks Alex up.
SR: And Fenix rams Alex's head right into our announcing table!
John: Hey hey! We'll have none of that! Dane, come over here and
guys away from us!
Meygon: And here comes Chairman Dane!
Chairman Dane: Come on guys, we don't want to break the
John: Fenix just decked Dane! He kicks Alex, Vertical Suplex.
picks Alex Deherrera up and throws him into the ring. Fenix
climbs the top
rope, and nails a leg drop!
SR: Cover, one... two... kickout by Alex! Fenix picks Alex up and
to the ropes, no reversed by Alex, spinning heel kick to the face
Alex Deherrera is trying to mount a comeback now. Alex runs to
springboard moonsault on Fenix. Hooks the leg!
Meygon: One... two... kickout by Fenix!
John: Fenix slowly gets up, Alex is waiting for him, superkick
Both charge, double clothesline!
SR: Both men had the same move in mind. Alex grabs on to the
slowly pulls himself up. Fenix is also climbing to his feet. Alex
right hand, and another one! Fenix now blocks a right and
delivers his own!
Alex Deherrera and Fenix are exchanging blows! Fenix with a kick,
John: Hey slave.
Chairman Dane: Yes?
John: This is getting a little boring. Go in that ring, and strip
Chairman Dane: But I only have this thong on anyway!
John: Hey! Shut up and go up there!
(Chairman Dane slowly goes to the ring and techno music starts to
Chairman Dane slowly begins to remove his thong to once again
show his small
penis. The crowd starts laughing.)
Meygon: Oh, this will NEVER get old!
John: No, I don't think it will.
SR: Nope, never will get old.
John: Krestler's right nut is bigger then that thing.
Meygon: I could have a penis bigger then that!
SR: That is just wrong on so many levels.
Meygon: Yeah, it is isn't it?
John: Well, what can you do?
Meygon: Oh well, you can't stop what happened in the past can
SR: No, you can't ... unless ...
John & SR & Meygon: BACKSPACE!!!!
(The two wrestlers start moving backword as we look at the
British Guy: hard down goes Alex !clothesline ,ropes the to off
Other British Guy: !match a What
(Back to John and company.)
Meygon: Oh, this will NEVER get old!
SR: Eh, I give it a week.
Meygon: Why must you ruin my fun little dreams?
SR: What are you talking about?
John: Anyways, in the ring Fenix sends Alex to the ropes,
goes down hard!
SR: Alex gets back up, Fenix with a kick, powerbomb! Fenix climbs
now, FENIX FLYER! One... two... three! Fenix wins!
John: Dane get up there and announce who won!
Chairman Dane: And the winner of the match, FENIX!
(All of a sudden from the ceiling drops the ghost of Dan Kordic.
He pulls down his ghost pants and moons Fenix! Fenix is disgusted
staring at the ghostly ass.)
(The Tit-Ron goes black.. Then all of a sudden we hear this
blaring out throughout the arena: IF YA FEEL.. WHAT THE COCK.. IS
COOKING... THE COCK SAYS.. THE COCK SAYS.. GET ON YOUR KNEES..
KNOW YOUR ROLE.. AND SUCK MY COCK... The Cock is making his way
down to the ring. The fans are going crazy. He gets to the ring.
The fans are chanting "WE WANT COCK" "WE WANT
COCK". The Cock has a microphone.)
The Cock - FINALLY.... THE COCK... HAS COME BACK.. TO SAN
*The crowd goes crazy*
The Cock - Tonight.. The Cock makes The Cock's Monday Night
*The crowd starts chanting "WE WANT COCK!"*
The Cock - LISTEN!!!
*WE WANT COCK!*
*WE WANT COCK!*
The Cock - Can you hear the MILLIONS..
fans - AND MILLIONS...
The Cock - Of the Cock's fans chanting they want The Cock? Now
why has The Cock come to San Diego? IT DOESNT MATTER WHY THE COCK
HAS COME TO SAN DIEGO.. Oh wait.. yes it does matter. You see...
The Cock is here for you G-Dogg... The Cock is here for you
Michael Dudley. So lets have our three way match right here..
Right now.. In the middle of The Cock's ring. And then finally..
The Cock will walk away with The Cock's North American Title!!!
("Hot to Death" by Everlast begins to play. G-Dogg
makes his way out. He has the North American Title over his
shoulder. He gets in the ring and takes the microphone.)
G-Dogg - Is this some kind of joke? I never agreed to defend my
belt here tonight against you or Dudley. What is this BS?
(Co-VP John gets up from his seat and grabs a microphone.)
John - Umm.. G-Dogg.. Man.. I sent you the fax this morning. I'm
sorry you didn't get it man. But yes.. You are gonna defend your
belt tonight against The Cock and Mike Dudley.
G-Dogg - That is bull shit! You can't do that!!!
("Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)" by the Offspring begins
to play. Michael Dudley makes his way out. He gets in the ring
and goes right after G-Dogg. A refree runs out and calls for the
Michael Dudley is pounding away on G-Dogg... G-Dogg is now
fighting back. WAIT!!! FROM BEHIND!!! The Cock taps G-Dogg on the
shoulder! G-Dogg turns around... COCK BOTTOM!!! COCK BOTTOM!!!
G-Dogg is down! The Cock is now standing over G-Dogg!!! HE PULLS
DOWN THE PEOPLE'S PANTS!!! HE THROWS THEM TO THE CROWD!!! He
bounces off the ropes... HE COMES BACK!!! THE PEOPLE'S PENIS!!!
RIGHT TO THE HEART!!!! THE MOST ERECTIFYING MOVE IN SPORTS
ENTERTAINMENT!!! The Cock gets up and leaves!!! Mike Dudley makes
Winner and NEW NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION - Michael Dudley!
Scott Russell - I think G-Dogg was cheated!
John - Oh well... Tell him to stand in line with all the other
piss cry babies.
(The Cock is headed to the back. He turns around and looks in the
ring. He raises The Cock's eyebrow.)
John - Welcome back to Monday Night Meltdown. This is the part of
the show where we were SUPPOSED to have an Al Coholic versus High
Flyer. Well... It seems that Al Coholic's fat ass mom has some
sort of bacteria growing on her fat ass and Al Coholic is at home
tending to her. Again.. We apology to all three of our fans that
tune in to see Al Coholic and High Flyer!
Scott Russell - So what do we do now?
Meygon - I'm bored...
John - Well the catfight is next. So we have to wait a while for
Scott Russell - So what do we do?
John - I KNOW!!!
(John gets up and heads into the ring. He has a microphone.)
John - Tonight... It gives me GREAT pleasure to announce... THE
END OF THE PATH OF RAGE!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Evan Levine... when you
come back. I hope you rethink your plans BEFORE fucking with my
show. And so with that out of the way. I would like to direct
your attention to Commish Dane. He is modeling his leopard skin
thong. HIDE THOSE NUTS DANE!!!
(The camera pans down to Dane. He is holding his hands over his
John - That's right... Hide them balls bitch!!! We will be back
Caren Dudley vs. Tara
SR: Well, here comes what will certainly be the match of the
VP John: That's right! Right now, we're going to see a HUGE cat
Caren and Tara! Not only that, but it will be a MUD WRESTLING
SR: How could life get any better John?
VP John: I don't know. It just makes you proud to live in a
allows this kind of thing to go on.
SR: Yeah. China would shoot people who even WATCHED this kind of
Meygon: Well, I personally don't care for this kind of thing. I
SR: Too bad, because if you did, you'd LOVE this.
Meygon: Why can't we have any hot men do this kind of thing?
VP John: Well Meygon, we've got more men than women watching this
most of the women who do watch are lesbians.
SR: HE SAID LESBIAN! RATINGS ARE GOING THROUGH THE ROOF!
VP John: Well, let's go to Chairman Dane in the ring!
(We cut to Chairman Dane wearing a thong in the ring.)
C. Dane: Well, I don't want to announce this, but up next is the
C. Dane: Both of the ladies are in the mud already. First, she
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania! She is the valet of Evan Levine!
(The shot cuts to Tara wearing a red bikini. The fans pop.)
C. Dane: NEXT! She hails from Beverly Hills, California! She is
the valet of
Michael Dudley and is the undefeated woman's champion! CAREN!
(The shot cuts to Caren. She wears a white string bikini. The pop
SR: And here we go!
VP John: Caren and Tara wade toward each other. Tara grabs Caren
by the hair!
Caren starts scratching Tara! WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A REAL CAT
SR: Caren dunks Tara under the mud! Tara pulls Caren down with
her! THIS IS
VP John: Both women now come back up with mud all over them, but
bikinis coming off! YES! I LOVE RUNNING THE SHOW!
SR: Tara is now pulling on Caren's top! DO IT! PULL IT OFF!
VP John: IT'S ABOUT TO COME!
SR: RATINGS THROUGH THE ROOF!
(The fans boo.)
VP John: DAMN IT! MICHAEL DUDLEY JUST CAME OUT AND STOPPED THE
SR: There is no way to measure the amount of sorrow in my heart
right now. I
may need to leave in a second.
(Scot starts sobbing.)
VP John: And here comes Evan Levine now!
SR: Evan and Michael are now having a words.
Michael: CAREN'S BREASTS ARE FAR BIGGER THAN YOUR SLUT'S!
Evan: OH YEAH!?! WELL, AT LEAST TARA'S ARE REAL!
Michael: YEAH! ASSUMING REAL MEANS LOADING THEM WITH SILICON!
Evan: THAT DID IT!
VP John: EVAN PUNCHES MICHAEL! MICHAEL FALLS IN!
SR: BUT MICHAEL GRABS EVAN! BOTH MEN FALL INTO THE MUD!
Meygon: NOW THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
VP John: Both men are completely covered in mud! I can't tell
which is which!
SR: Well, that was the purpose of the mud. It gives it more of
the cat fight
Meygon: And Tara is now helping Evan up from the mud. They
embrace and now
kiss. What a touching moment.
SR: WELL! It's not SO touching!
Meygon: What do you mean?
SR: Well, look who Tara just kissed!
Meygon: IT'S MICHAEL!
Tara: AH! IT'S YOU!
Michael: Calm down Tara. You know you want me.
Tara: I DON'T! AH!
Meygon: TARA JUST FAINTED!
Michael: I guess my hot looks were just too much for her. Well,
Caren. At least you can take my goods.
(Caren and Michael walks away. Evan stands over the fallen Tara.)
SR: Well, Michael's said in the past that Tara wants him badly. I
proves it tonight.
Meygon: SHE DIDN'T MEAN TO KISS HIM!
SR: THAT is a matter of opinion.
VP John: Fans, we'll be right back.
(Ariana and Caren Dudley are brawling in the back. Ariana is
ripping at Caren's hair. IWO security rushes in and breaks them
Co-VP John - Folks, we still don't have word on the condition of
Punishment after the vicious assault by Zombie on his already
Meygon - That bastard...
("Alright (Oh Yeah)" by LocalH blasts up as the crowd
cheers. Corrosion of
Conformity walks out!! The fans go nuts!! They all get into the
Wilt has a microphone.)
Dane Wilt - Alright, I'm out here for one reason and one reason
only. That is
to say.. Zombie.. you fucking cock..
Co-VP John - LAME!
Dane Wilt - Your ass belongs to us tonight. You won't get away
(Out of nowhere, "Divine" by KoRn hits up. The Usual
Suspects!! Psycho Jay
has a mic.)
Psycho Jay - Shut up Wilt.. even though I do hate your faggy ass,
with you.. but it's gonna be US tearing Zombie apart tonight!
Rob Kestler - Zombie resorts to attacking an injured man to get
yeah.. tonight, you are finished Zombie.
(The Usual Suspects leave, followed by CoC.)
World Tag Title Match
The Prep Kids vs. The Prime Time Soldiers -c-
VP John: Now it's time for our tag team title match... the
rematch between The Prep Kids and The Prime Time
Soldiers. TPK is coming into this one with the
momentum, I think, as they just came off a win over
the tough to beat Era of our Kind, while the PTS have
not wrestled a match since BhBB II.
SR: I gotta go with John on this one. The Prep Kids
are working at the best of their ability right now,
and they are looking about as good as they've ever
Meygon: This is going to be their opportunity to make
their careers, I can feel it!
VP John: Let's not delay any further..
C. Dane: (in a thong) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.. THE
FOLLOWING MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL, AND IS FOR
THE IWO WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES!
::pop from the crowd. "Back that azz up" by Juvenile
starts to play.::
C. Dane: INTRODUCING FIRST.. THE CHAMPIONS... at a
total combined weight of 479 pounds.. they are Scott
Stone and Tyler Johnson, THE PRIME TIME SOLDIERS!
::pTs come out.::
C. Dane: And their opponents..
::"War Nerve" by Pantera hits.::
C. Dane: Being accompanied to the ring by the Weapons
of Mass Destruction.... from California... at a
combined weight of 396 pounds... 'The Phoenix' Randal
McCloud, 'The Superstar' Jordan Howitt.... THE PREP
::The crowd cheers loudly as G-Dogg, Ashton Cain and
The Prep Kids walk out.::
VP John: There you have two more reasons to pick The
Prep Kids in this match.
SR: You aren't insinuating that WMD will be involved?
Meygon: That's exactly what he's insinuating, dumbass.
Not that TPK needs any help polishing off these two
VP John: Randal McCloud starting off against Tyler
Johnson... They lock up, and Johnson whips Randal to
the ropes, no, reversed and Tyler gets plowed by a
clothesline from the challenger McCloud! McCloud hauls
Johnson to his feet and drop kicks him into the ropes,
SR: Offense is key to winning matches like these,
Meygon: Pointing out the obvious is your strong point,
VP John: McCloud springboards off the ropes and
catches Tyler with a back elbow to the face! Nice
move! Now Randal McCloud tags his partner, Jordan
Howitt, and we have a changing of the guard. Howitt
kicks Johnson in the stomach, double underhook
powerbomb! Here's our first pin! 1...2... kick out!
SR: Only a two count! but very close.
Meygon: PTS is getting down early.. heh.
VP John: Howitt pulls Johnson up and whips him into
the corner.. clothesline! Now Howitt puts TJ up top..
HERE WE GO FOR THE SUPERPLEX! Another pin by Jordan
Howitt. 1....2.... another two count! Howitt makes the
quick tag to McCloud, who comes in via The TOP ROPE!
SPLASH! The count! 1.....2......3no! Already, Tyler
Johnson is in way over his head! The Prime Time
Soldiers NEED to tag out! Johnson gets to his feet and
goes for a clothesline but McCloud ducks.. NECK DROP!
Now McCloud tags in Howitt, and then gets on Tyler's
back.. Super Camel Clutch! Oh oh.. I know what this
SR: This is my favorite part!
VP John: Howitt dusting off his boot toe.. OH!
Meygon: PREP KICK!
VP John: Jordan Howitt just kicked Tyler Johnson RIGHT
IN THE FACE! McCloud keeps that Camel Clutch in for a
few more seconds before leaving the ring, and Howitt
makes the lazy cover for 1......2.....no! Johnson just
gets his shoulder up in time, Jordan Howitt should
have put more effort into that cover.
Meygon: I guess he thought he had him beaten.
SR: If somebody kicked ME in the face that hard, I'd
Megyon: Heh, I wish somebody WOULD kick you in the
face that hard...
SR: That hurts, Meygon.
VP John: Let me tell ya man, what she just said
doesn't hurt you nearly as much as getting the Prep
SR: Point taken.
VP John: Jordan Howitt is taking a breather now, to
showboat for the fans, who are loving it. This could
prove costly though as Tyler Johnson is getting up..
here he comes but NO! Howitt turns around and DECKS
Johnson with a right hand! What a shot! The Prep Kids
still in control as Jordan Howitt delivers a standing
leg drop to Johnson before making ANOTHER cover!
1...2... and Scott Stone makes the save to be sure!
SR: That little bastard! TPK had it won!
VP John: Now Howitt is taking offense to Stone's
actions, he goes for a right hand, but it's blocked by
Scott Stone! Stone whips Howitt into the ropes and
then clotheslines him over! Scott Stone is going
outside to deal with Howitt, and Randal McCloud has
come in to take over on Tyler Johnson.. JOHNSON WITH A
Meygon: Had to get ahead somehow I guess.
SR: Yeah.. figures, they would go for the nuts.
VP John: Scott Stone has a chair on the outside and he
LEVELS Jordan Howitt with a shot! Howitt is bleeding
from the nose after a second shot and Stone jams the
chair into Howitt's rib cage to slow him down. Now
he's going in to help his partner deal with the other
half of TPK. Stone is in the ring with the chair and
he prepares to blast McCloud but the ref won't let
him! McCloud has Johnson up, Samoan Drop! Now Randal
McCloud nails an elbow drop on Tyler Johnson but Stone
gets that chair free and takes Randal out! The ref is
ORDERING Stone to get back in his corner and Howitt
rolls back into the ring.. now both men are out in the
SR: Come on, come on.....
VP John: Johnson makes the tag first and now Stone is
in and he is stomping on Jordan Howitt, who is still
the legal man from The Prep Kids. Stone pulls Howitt
up and delivers a short arm clothesline that nearly
takes the head right off the shoulders of the
challenger! Now Stone delivers a massive knee smash to
Jordan Howitt, and then tags in Tyler Johnson, who
goes straight to work on Howitt's leg with a knee
Meygon: What a pair of cheap asses!
VP John: Howitt doesn't like it either, Meygon, he's
screaming bloody murder in there! Johnson pulls the
hobbled Prep Kid to his feet and drops him with a
tilt-a-whirl side slam! Now a cover! 1....2....kick
out, and there's a near fall for the champions! This
one has been close so far folks!
Meygon: What are you talking about? The Prep Kids have
totally kicked ass.
VP John: Tyler Johnson with a vertical suplex! Now he
is going to lock in the sharpshooter! NO! Howitt kicks
free and scrambles to his corner to make the tag!
McCloud comes in with A VENGEANCE! RIGHT HAND TO TYLER
JOHNSON! Stone comes in but McCloud floors him with a
right as well! Johnson is back up but he gets taken
out by a superkick! McCloud scoops Johnson up and hits
a chicken wing suplex for the pin! 1.....2.....kick
out! But very close! Things have gotten very hot in
the ring now that The Phoenix Randal McCloud is doing
his best work!
SR: It's nothing but a pleasure to watch this AMAZING
IWO talent work! This guy is just incredible!
Meygon: Uhm no.. he's actually Randal McCloud.
SR: What the hell are you talking about?
Megyon: You said he was Justin Credible...
SR: You stupid... I MEAN HE'S JUST.... INCREDIBLE!
VP John: Smirk. McCloud pulls Johnson to his feet and
sends him into the corner and now he mounts him and
begins to hammer away on him with right hands to the
head! 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10! McCloud tosses
Johnson to the ground and then does a back flip
moonsault onto him for a cover! 1...2....kick out!
Meygon: What the? That was a three count!
VP John: McCloud is complaining to the ref about the
count speed, and Scott Stone sneaks up behind Jordan
Howitt who is trying to get in the ring..Stone with a
low blow to Howitt! Jordan winces and turns around..
Stone delivers a fameasser to Howitt and tosses him
out of the ring! Now Stone and Johnson are double
teaming Randal McCloud! Kick to the stomach! Kick to
the face! They are stomping a mudhole in his ass! The
referee has gone to the outside to see what happened
to Jordan Howitt... oh my god! Here comes G-Dogg! He
grabs Stone, Ashton Cain has Johnson and it's a WAR!
G-Dogg hits a Dogg Death Drop DDT on Stone! Ashton
Cain body slams Johnson and then rakes his eyes across
the bottom rope! G-Dogg grabs Scott Stone and takes
him up top... DOGGINATOR! Now WMD are rolling out of
the ring and Randal McCloud comes too.. he drops an
arm across the chest of Scott Stone.. 1......2......
SR: What the hell?
VP John: The ref has stopped counting! Stone isn't the
legal man! The crowd is OUTRAGED but the referee made
the righ decision. Now Tyler Johnson pulls the dazed
McCloud up... NIGGA ABOUT TO DIE!! THAT'S THE END OF
THE MATCH RIGHT THERE! THE COVER!
SR: HE KICKED OUT!
Meygon: HE KICKED OUT!
VP John: McCLOUD KICKS OUT OF NIGGA ABOUT TO DIE!
JOHNSON CAN'T BELIEVE IT! HE PULLS McCLOUD UP AGAIN..
NO! REVERSED! McCLOUD LANDS THE BACK BODY DROP
INSTEAD! HE NEEDS TO MAKE A TAG!
SR: Come on Randy! YOU CAN DO IT!
VP John: DONE! Howitt is in the ring! He grabs Scott
Stone who is still on the apron and nails him into the
turnbuckle! He turns around and catches Tyler
Johnson.. ROCK BOTTOM! Now Howitt is setting Johnson
up in the middle of the ring... he locks on THE
HOWITTZER! THAT'S HIS NEW SUBMISSION MOVE! JOHNSON IS
CRYING OUT! HE CAN'T TAKE IT MUCH LONGER! STONE IS
GETTING UP! HE GETS IN THE RING... McCLOUD HITS THE
PREP DROP ON STONE! THE REFEREE IS TRYING TO SEPERATE
STONE AND McCLOUD!
Meygon: COME ON REF! Turn around! He's TAPPING!!
VP John: Tyler Johnson tapped out to the Howittzer but
the referee didn't see it! Jordan Howitt hops up and
goes to talk to the referee! Stone and McCloud have
taken their heated brawl to the outside.. Johnson
sneaks up behind Howitt! LOW BLOW! Howitt stumbles
forward and Johnson rolls him up with a schoolboy!
VP John: PTS WINS IT! PTS WINS IT!
Meygon: THAT ISN'T FAIR!
SR: JOHNSON TAPPED OUT!
VP John: Randal McCloud polishes Scott Stone off on
the outside with a drop kick and he's gone into the
ring to take up the decision with the referee... but
the ref is having none of it!
C. Dane: YOUR WINNERS.....AND STILL IWO TAG TEAM
CHAMPIONS...... THE PRIME TIME SOLDIERS!!
VP John: The Prep Kids turn to eachother and now they
are laying a beating on pTs! American Dream to Stone!
American Dream to Johnson! Now the defeated
challengers are heading back up the ramp.. hey!
Meygon: Another ref is coming down!
SR: This is starting to look good!
VP John: The second ref is showing the first ref the
video replay of Tyler Johnson tapping out! The first
ref nods his head... he goes over to Chairman
Bitch..er Dane and says something to him.
C. Dane: THE REFEREE HAS JUST INFORMED ME THAT DUE TO
TYLER JOHNSON'S TAPPING OUT... THE PREP KIDS ARE YOUR
::The crowd cheers::
C. Dane: AND THEY ARE THE NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF
with special guest refree: THE COCK
Psycho Jay, Chris Davidson, Jacob Gryn, & Rob Kestler vs.
Mike Dudley, Ken
War, Capital Punishment, & Ashton Cain
(The TIT-ron goes blank. Then we hear: IF YA FEEL... WHAT THE
COCK... IS COOKING... THE COCK SAYS.. THE COCK SAYS.. GET ON YOUR
KNEES.. KNOW YOUR ROLE.. AND SUCK MY COCK...)
John - THE COCK IS HERE!!! MY GOD!!! MY GOD!!! HE IS GOING TO
Scott Russell - HAHAHAHAHHHAA!!!
(The Cock gets in the ring. He has a microphone. He raises The
The Cock - Lets bring out the ROODIE POO...
fans - CANDY ASSES...
("Uncle Fucka" by Terrance and Philip begin to play.
Out walks Ashton Cain, Mike Dudley, and Ken War. They have a
weird look on their face as this music plays. They turn around
and look up at the TIT-ron and see gay dogs having sex. They get
to the ring.)
The Cock - Before The Cock brings out your opponents for this
match. Let me give you the rules. Rule number one.. The Cock
says... You three touch The Cock and you will suffer a white
darkness... IF YA FEELALALALALALLALALALALLALALALALALA.... WHAT
THE COCK.... IS COOKING...
(Ken War grabs the microphone from The Cock.)
Ken War - Is this supposed to be funny? Are you trying to make us
laugh? Because you really are doing a horrible job at it.
(The Cock grabs the microphone from Ken War.)
The Cock - You... Jabronie... You are making fun of The Cock?
(Ken War nods.)
The Cock - In that case...
(The Cock signals for the bell.)
The Cock - THE COCK SAYS... YOUR WINNERS BY DISQUALIFICATION...
THE USUAL SUSPECTS!!!
(The crowd is in shock. Ken War, Mike Dudley, and Ashton Cain are
John - HAHAHHAHA!!! THIS IS GREAT!!!
(Ken War swings at The Cock!!! THE COCK DUCKS!!! COCK BOTTOM!!!
COCK BOTTOM!!! Ashton Cain goes after The Cock!!! WAIT!!! ON THE
TIT-RON!!! PSYCHO JAY IS IN THE BACK HUMPING THE EXTREME TITLE'S
HEAD!!! Ashton runs to the back! Now The Cock is up!!! HE GRABS
MIKE DUDLEY!!! COCK BOTTOM!!! COCK BOTTOM!!! THE FANS ARE GOING
John - FANS WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK!!! STAY WITH US!!!
John - The Cock.. has left the building...
Meygon - I miss Cock...
Scott Russell - You mean... THE COCK?
Meygon - Sure...
Co-VP John - So where is that coward Zombie hiding..
("Forty-Six and Two" by Tool hits up again and the fans
boo like hell!!)
Scott Russell - Whoa whoa whoa hold on a second!! He's actually
HERE when both the Usual Suspects and CoC said they were gonna
punk him? This
guys got balls!
(Zombie steps out with the same chair he used to injure Capital
The fans boo like hell. He slides into the ring with a mic.)
Zombie - So.. come out and get me..
("Sugar" by System of a Down plays!!! THE FANS GO
INSANE!! CAPITAL PUNISHMENT
IS OUT!! HE IS BEING HELPED TO THE RING BY KEN WAR!!! WAR PUSHES
THE RING AND GETS IN!! KEN HAS A MIC!)
Ken War - Face him for yourself!!
Capital Punishment - Now fight me like a MAN!!
(He looks like he is in alot of pain.)
Scott Russell - Zombie's going to deck him again!!
(Zombie plasters Cappy with a right hand! The fans gasp! Ken War
Zombie who grabs him by the throat and BLASTS him to the mat with
chokeslam! Zombie squats down a bit and holds out his hands.)
Zombie - Come and get me!!
(OUT RUN THE USUAL SUSPECTS AND COC!! AT THE SAME TIME! THEY ARE
ALL IN THE
RING!! Zombie has Cappy's body!!)
Psycho Jay - Give us Capital or we're gonna KILL you!!!
(The fans pop!)
Zombie - Okay.. no funny stuff..
(Zombie throws Cappy. DANE WILT RUNS AND HITS A FACE LIFT
CAPITAL!!! HIS TEETH JUST FLEW OUT!!! COC IS ATTACKING THE USUAL
ZOMBIE IS JOINING THEM!)
Co-VP John - OH WHAT THE FUCK! ZOMBIE HAS JOINED COC!! THIS IS
(Zombie lifts up Chris Davidson.. POWERBOMB!! Trent McFarlane
hits the Trend
Setter on Jacob Gryn!! Wilt to the top rope.. BOX OFFICE SMASH on
Kestler!! Tony Davis with the Equalizer on Psycho Jay! Micheal
Dudley to the
top rope! BLACK THURSDAY ON PSYCHO JAY!!! Zombie to the top
CHAIR DRIVER TO THE KNEE OF CAPITAL PUNISHMENT!!! PHELEN KELL IS
IN THE RING
NOW!! HE APPLIES THE MALICIOUS INTENT ON CAPPY!! HIS KNEE IS
DESTROYED!! THE FANS ARE THROWING STUFF INTO THE RING!!)
Zombie - I TOLD YOU ASSHOLES ONCE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN... WE MAY
NOT BE THE
STRONGEST.. WE MAY NOT BE THE FASTEST.. AND WE MIGHT NOT BE THE
DO YOURSELVES A FAVOR, AND FEAR
(Zombie puts the microphone to the crowd.)
Crowd - CORROSION OF CONFORMITY!
(Zombie picks up Psycho Jay on his shoulders.. ZOMBIE BOMB
OVER THE TOP ROPE AND THRU THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!! JAY IS
Zombie - Fear US!!!
(The camera fades as they all stand in the ring together
(Co-VP John is in the ring.)
John - THATS FINE... ZOMBIE... DANE WILT... TONY DAVIS... AND THE
OTHER MOTHER FUCKER. I'm gonna ruin your mother fucking show.
Since Capital Punishment was leaving anyway... He does NOT
deserve to be in the tournament. And he is hurt too damn bad
anyway. So... Michael Dudley... You are in... You will take
Capital Punishment's place... AND TONY DAVIS. Guess what man. I
think you might want to get some more NADS really quick.. Love
him, hate him.... Dudley is gonna kick your sorry ass. Dane
Wilt... Larson is gonna destroy your ass... And I PERSONALLY know
that Psycho Jay is going to make Zombie look like a tit baby. So
that's the end of my fucking show!!! And if you complain... The
next Monday Night Meltdown will be called... "CUT OFF THE
BABIES WEE-WEE's NIGHT"... So fuck off...