(a heartbeat. "Internet Wrestling Organization" fades in and out on the screen.)
(again. This time, the words stay.)
(A bolt of lightning comes from the upper left corner of the screen, igniting the words into a firey blue blaze. They burn slowly, then fade away...)
("Born of a Broken Man" by Rage Against the Machine plays as the lights come on to a screaming- jam- packed- running- out- of- breathing- room- the- place- is- so- full Sundome in Tampa, Flordia. Fireworks go off like crazy as the Utter Obliteration logo is shown on the IWOtron. The song runs through, the fireworks run out, but the fans continue to shout and scream as our announcers, 'Big' Scott Weber (BSW), Angel, and JT sit in awe at the announce booth. Two or three minutes after the song has ended, the announcers get their first chance to speak.)
JT- HOLY SHIT.
Angel- IS HE ALLOWED TO CURSE?!
BSW- APPARANTLY SO!! THIS IS PAY PER VIEW AFTER ALL!!
JT- HOLY F*CKING SHIT.
Angel- AHA! THEY CENSORED THAT ONE!
BSW- WELCOME EVERYBODY TO TAMPA, FLORDIA!! WELCOME TO UTTER OBLITERATION '99!!
JT- HOLY F*CKING DOG SHIT.
Angel- WHY DO THEY CENSOR ONE WORD AND NOT THE NEXT?!
BSW- WE'VE GOT QUITE THE HISTORY MAKING CARD TONIGHT, LADIES AND GENTS!! WE'VE GOT EVERY SINGLE TITLE ON THE LINE!!
JT- HOLY F*CK-
Angel- WE GET THE F*CKING POINT!
JT- OK OK SHEESH!!
BSW- Things are calming down a bit finally...we can stop screaming. Whew. My voice is almost gone already. Anyway, we've got such a great lineup for you tonight, I can't even begin to describe it.
Angel- Phelen Kell's offical anniversary of joining the IWO is tonight!!
BSW- Speaking of Kell, he'll be facing Zombie tonight for the World gold!! What a match that'll be!! The title is hidden already somewhere within this arena...whoever finds it first is the winner and rightful champion.
JT- Kinda like a ladder match, but more fun.
Angel- Yup. Plus we've got our new IWO favorite, the Tickle Monster match!
BSW- And a Hanging Death Match...this night is jam packed!!!
JT- Well why the f*ck are we sitting here talking?! Let's get this show on the road!!
(Dyer's Eve by Metallica plays as Exx comes out....)
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentleman welcome to Utter Obliteration!!!
(the crowd pops.) Coming to the ring at this time, he is
(Ambitionz Az A Rydah by 2Pac plays....)
Ring Announcer: And his opponent, he is 6'10" 245 pounds, HE IS RUFF RYDA!!
BSW:WOW!! THIS CROWD IS READY FOR THIS FIRST MATCHUP!! The bell
JT: Exx starts to attack Ruff Ryda, whips him to the ropes, AND
Angel: You can't go for a pin this early on, it really can't happen!!
JT: I agree Angel....Ruff is taking abuse from Exx, Exx is not
BSW: Ruff Ryda charges at Exx, AND A TAKE DOWN BY
Ruff Ryda!! Ruff starts
Angel: Ruff Ryda now applies a head lock to Exx, Exx starts
to pass out,
JT: CHINESE TORTURE!! Exx breaks the hold on throws Ruff to the
ropes, AND A
BSW: Exx is getting up, and Ruff is still out cold,
JT: HANG HIM HANG HIM!!!! Exx stands up, places Ruff on the table,
Angel: The ref starts the count, Exx is the first to get up,
BSW: Both men starting to get up slowly, ref restarts the count,Exx
Angel: Ruff Ryda is going insane!! Ruff picks up Exx...POWERBOMB
JT: Ruff rolls Exx back in the ring, and Ruff climbs in himself..
BSW: Ruff and Exx are now both in the ring, getting up slowly,
JT: And Exx has been knocked out by Ruff Ryda. Exx gets up, Ruff
Angel: Get up Exx!!
BSW: And Exx can hear the roar of the fans. He get's back to his
JT: Woah! That's the sort of talent that will get you to the top!
BSW: But Ruff Ryda has reached the ropes. Certainly he appears
to be hell
Angel: And very proud we are too!
BSW: Getting back to the match up, Ruff Ryda has Exx in a Sleeper.
JT: The referee has to check the arms of Ruff Ryda. That's one
Angel: Oh no!
BSW: If his hand drops again then this grudge match is over already-
JT: And Exx does not like how this match has been going. He throws
Angel: He's really milking this crowd, and he bodyslams Ryda into
JT: WOW!! This match is battle of the morons!!
BSW: Ruff Ryda now on the offensive, with a punishing roundhouse
kick to the
JT: Certainly these two men know how to wrestle. Exx appears hurt
Angel: Ruff Ryda struggles to reach the ropes.....and does! But
Exx is not
BSW: Well, in my book a true champion is one who doesn't cheat
and Exx has
Angel: Shut up!
BSW: He's not braking the hold, Exx refuses to release the hold!
JT: The ref said he's gonna DQ him!
Angel: He's going to snap his leg! Man I love this game.
JT: But thank God the ref has now broken the lock. Ruff Ryda can't
BSW: And Exx going to the top rope. He turns to the fans, they
cheer, and he
Angel: And the fans are telling him to hang him...Exx decides
to try do
JT: RUFF IMMEDIATELY SQUIRMS OUT!! HE IS VERY LUCKY!!
BSW: Well JT, when there's pride at stake you just fight through
Angel: Right. Pain. How I love it. Anyway, both wrestlers now
to their feet
BSW: Oh Angel make him stop! He's hurting Exx!!!
Angel: Don't worry man, I'm here.
BSW: Thanks man. Hey, what the hell am I doing? I could take you out!
JT: Well, we couldn't have a pay per view here without any of
Angel: You can see Exx can't take the pain on his face.....but
BSW: Well, that's weird, I'd just get up.
Angel: Shut up.
JT: Anyway, Exx uses his monentum to swing Ruff Ryda into the
ropes, and he
BSW: What the hell happened there?
JT: I'm just straining to see what's going on....Exx pulls Ruff
Ryda up and
Angel: He is! Drops him right on his head!
BSW: That was sick but necessary, I feel. And he still doesn't
JT: He rolls him into the ropes, kicks him in the crotch-my God
he went for
Angel: And missed, might I add!
JT: Yes, he missed and ended up on the floor, but he's up now
BSW: And Ruff has a chair while the ref looks at Exx!
JT: No disqualification here I'm afraid, this could get ugly!
BSW: Exx goes for the chair shot......He misses and hits the ropes
JT: Well, I don't think we'll be seeing anything else from him
again. A fair
BSW: Exx up again, holding his neck after the chokeslam. He runs
JT: Yes, the IWO a truly global force these days. But people from
Angel: Your rambling again mate.
JT: Sorry. Ruff Ryda recovers and get's himself back into the
ring. He's met
BSW: Exx sees the chair and turns the ref around so he don't see
Angel: That cheatin'
JT: Save it for the courts! Ruff Ryda now on top!
BSW: And Ruff picking up Exx, rolls him into the ropes, now on
JT: Look, Exx pushes Ruff away....Exx sends Ryda off the ropes
and takes him
BSW: Ruff Ryda wants this match very badly!! Oh! Exx with a beautiful
Angel: Exx begins to stomp on Ruff Ryda. Now, Exx takes Ryda by
the hair and
JT: Exx throws Ruff to the corner, AND HE HITS THE REF!! Exx now
BSW: Exx is taking Ruff Ryda to the corner. He places him on the
Angel: This is the most devastating move in wrestling..here it
JT: And he connects, and Ruff lands on the outside, It looks like
BSW: Ruff grabs a chair! Exx has his back turned setting up the
JT:My god! Ruff just cracked Exx across the back of the head!
BSW: Both men are still out. The referee steps out of the ring
and checks up
JT: Folks, what just happened was Ruff Ryda pushed the referee
Angel: Just shows you how far Ruff Ryda will go just to win a
JT: It looks like Ruff Ryda isn't finished yet. He grabs the top
BSW: Ruff takes over with a slam. Ruff picks Exx up and
gives him a whip to
JT: Did you see that Exx put his boot up into Ruff Ryda as he
Angel: Oh no Ruff is takeing Exx to the outside once again...for
JT: Oh my god. Exx just through Ruff Ryda in the ring and is looking
BSW: Oh no Ruff with a elbow drop onto Exx who is out of it on
BSW: Exx is one of the greats here in the sport. Ruff with a piledriver
JT: Have you ever seen anything like this Angel?
Angel: Yes there was the match with......
JT: There answer was no Get it right stupid!!
Angel: No it wasnt. But lets get back to the match. Ruff and Exx
are in the
JT: This is one hell of a opening match to Utter Obliteration!!
Ruff is up
JT: Riff whips Exx against the rope.....Powerslam. Ruff nails
a leg drop
BSW: Can you believe that there both down.
JT: HERE COMES TYLER JOHNSON!! HE HAS A SHOVEL!! HE NAILS EXX!?!?!
BSW: Ruff Ryda gets up..and notices Ty, they go face to face,
Tyler Johnson: Everyone..pTs is baaa....
JT: EXX JUST NAILED TYLER JOHNSON WITH THAT SHOVEL....RUF TURNS
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner...EXX!!!
JT: WHAT A MATCH!! Ruff Ryda put 1 hell of a excellent showing,
and now who
Angel: What we do know, is that pTs is back...Tyler Johnson and
BSW: What a last match that was in the Texas Hanging Death Match!!
JT: Yes..Ruff Ryda put up a great fight!!
BSW: Yes he did JT, Now it's time for our second match of the
JT: WHAT IS HE THINKGING!! Especially against the calibar of the
Angel: And look, what else is new..HE HAS A MIC!! And he has 2
Dane Wilt: Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to a Billion Dollar PPV!!!
(Foreign Legion Music plays and out they come...)
Dane Wilt: Alright, first off, you guys...are the greatest,
I mean, do you
(The crowd doesn't fall for it and starts to chant....BEAT HIS
Dane Wilt: Ahh..those aren't true American's, don't listen to
Brother Al: Canuck...think he's lyin??
Crazy Canuck: Well, he did bring down Candian and British Flags!!
Brother Al: But look, he's a filthy American, what do we do to them??
Crazy Canuck: We whoop there asses!!!
Dane Wilt: Ok, I know you guys hate us Americans, but I'm no American,
Brother Al & Crazy Canuck: SIT ON IT AND ROTATE!!!
BSW: OH!! Crazy Canuck with a hard left to Dane Wilt, and both
JT: Brother Al once again whips Dane to the ropes...goes for a
Angel: Damnit...c'mon Ref..was that count regulation speed or what!?!?!
BSW: I know what you mean...I think..now Dane taking it to Brother
JT: Dane now getting in the face of Brother Al, but Al just ignores
Angel: He knows better....
JT: I dunno...it's 2 on 1...
Angel: But look, you got Dane Wilt, he's like Bad LeRoy Brown!!!
BSW: Alright Beavis and Butthead, let's do some "color' commentary
JT & Angel: Sorry...
BSW: Ok, Dane still taking it to Crazy Canuck....ok..Dane's climbing
JT: Wonder what he's gonna do with that...maybe you should go
in and help
BSW: No thanks...ok, Dane poors some gasoline in the garbage can,
and on his
Angel: YES!! DANE IS GONNA LIGHT THE CANADIAN AND BRITISH FLAGS
JT: NO!! HE DID IT!! THE 2 FLAGS ARE ON FIRE!!
BSW: What an asshole!! Dane Wilt is an asshole, he just lit those
Angel: Hey, I gotta rhyme..DANE HAS GONE INSANE!! HAHAHAHA
JT: HAHA!! GOOD ONE!!!
BSW: Yes, it was...Dane throws Crazy Canuck to the outside, and
BSW: DANE JUST GOT NAILED 2 TIMES IN A ROW BY CRAZY CANUCK!! Canuck
JT: The ref won't count cause Crazy Canuck is not the legal man!!!
Angel: Yes....Dane carried HY2 through all those title reigns,
BSW: I don't know about that!!!
JT: I know...fool, Brother Al continues to take out Dane,
whips Dane to the
BSW: DANE JUST GOT NAILED WITH A CHAIR!! Now Canuck comes running
Angel: Canuck is starting to get up....AND CANUCK IS UP!! BUT
HE ISN'T THE
JT: I DON'T THINK EITHER OF THEM ARE GETTING UP!!!
BSW: GET UP!!! GET UP DAMNIT GET UP!!!
Angel: C'mon Dane, get up...GET UP!!
BSW: Dane gets up...AND CANUCK JUST HIT HIM WITH A STEAL CHAIR!!
AND THE REF
Angel: Yes there is!! Dane is my prediction to become the next
IWO I/C Tag
JT: AND IT'S ONLY THE 2ND MATCH!! HA HA!!
BSW: HAHA!! That is pretty funny!! Now Canuck really laying a
Angel: Yeah yeah, but we all know who will be the winner of this match...
BSW: Well, if you had a brain, you would think it would be The
BSW: It's 2 against 1..you know what, nevermind!! Now, they get
JT: Canuck continues his assault, and calls in Brother Al into
Angel: Not a good position!!
JT: WILT WITH A CHEAP SHOT ON AL, he turns around and A CLOTHESLINE
Angel: I think it was from the move earlier that Canuck hyperextended
BSW: Well that's his leg, I don't think it would affect his ankle!!
Angel: Sure it would...show's how much you know!!
BSW: Ok, whatever, this is the PPV, this is bigtime, no arguments,
Angel: We both get payed peanuts if we arg....
BSW: SHH!! Back to the match, finally they are back in the ring,
Crowd: DO IT DO IT DO IT!! YEAY!!!
Angel: DON'T DO IT DON'T DO IT!!
JT: WOAH!! HE DID IT!! DANE GOES FLYING THROUGH THE ROPE WITH
BSW: Canuck continues his assault on Dane Wilt on the outside,
and he has
Angel: AND DANE BLOCKS IT, AND BOTH MEN ARE NOW LAYING THERE KNOCKED
JT: Wilt is making ONE HELL OF A COMEBACK!! I think that
he will walk out
BSW: You'd never know, this is the IWO, anything could happen
Angel: ONLY IF HE COULD GET IN THE RING...AWWW LOOK AT POOR OLE'
BSW: Would you be quiet, and Dane is getting ready to finish this one....
Angel: NO!! Canuck reverses it, starts to throw punches,
hits and hits
JT: CHEAP SHOT!!!
Angel: Wilt with a cheap shot on Brother Al, and the ROLL-UP PIN...1..2..THR
JT: Here comes Crazy Canuck to help double team Dane Wilt....Canuck
Angel: Stupid Foreign Legion, how could you collide!?!?
JT: They aren't stupid, they just are...well they get confused
Angel: YEAH!! C'mon Wilt...look at him, that is why he is getting
BSW: IT DON'T MEAN JACK SHIT!!
Angel: Sure it does!! Eat shit and die!!!
JT: YO!! Don't you 2 remember what Jamie said!!! Now we might get fired!!!
Angel: Sorry...didn't mean it...*chuckling*
JT: Dane starts to attack Brother Al, whips Al to the corner,
and goes for a
BSW: And hey! Here comes Exx, he measures up Canuck, ETERNAL MARKINGS!!
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner..AND NEWWWW IWO I/C TAG CHAMPION....DANE
Angel: I TOLD YOU SO!!!
JT: Yes, we were both right Angel....
BSW: Well, I don't care...but anway...FOLKS, WE GOT A NEW I/C
Angel: Well this is going to be a exciting match up. These two competotors
JT: Not only will these two step into the ring for another good
BSW: Well we all now that Psycho Jay is a damn good wrestler,
but will it be
Angel: Well guys, I think Jay has come prepared and ready for
JT: Yea, he is probably ready, and prepared, the question is did
he train for
BSW: Well we all know Psycho Jay and he isn't stupid, he is prepared
JT: Well, how about the rules of this match. It's just a regular
Angel: Well lets go to the ring.
(The announcer stands in the middle of the ring.)
Announcer: This match is scheduled for one fall. It is also for
(The lights start to dim and the music of Dan Hopkins plays over
Announcer: First making his way to the ring. He weights in at
256 pounds and
(Hopkins makes is way up the steps of the ring. He raises his
hands and the
JT: That's my pick, Dan Hopkins!
Angel: You're crazy!
JT: No I ain't. You watch him win! Man, Even Nikki is better than
JT: Oww!! Can't I at least see 'em or touch 'em?!
JT: Damnit! I take that as a no.
("Divine" by KoRn plays over the speaks and the fireworks erupt
Announcer: Making his way down to the ring. He weights 323 pounds,
He is the
(Psycho Jay climbs up on the apron and climbs into the ring. He
Angel: Psycho Jay looks ready!
JT: Well, we will see if Psycho Jay can defeat The GOOD Boy.
BSW: Psycho Jay is testing out the ropes.
Angel: There is the bell.
BSW: The two men walk to the center of the ring. Look at the eyes on Hopkins.
Angel: Jay is not backing down though.
Jt: Hopkins takes a swing.
BSW: Psycho Jay blocks and hits Hopkins. Jay and Dan are going
at it head to
Angel: Psycho Jay gets up and looks amazed at the ability of Dan Hopkins.
JT: Hopkins is a pretty big man but don't let that fool you. This
guy can do
BSW: Psycho Jay circles Dan. They lock up. A knee to the midsection
JT: Oh! Perfect position for a tombstone piledriver!!!
BSW: No, he does a powerslam with tremendous force. Jay arches
his back and
Angel: No! Psycho Jay blocked and he is coming back with a fury
JT: Hopkins simply refuses to go down. He starts walking back
Angel: Jay can't believe that didn't take the big man down.
BSW: Psycho Jay picks him up. Scoop slam on the concrete floor.
JT: That had to hurt.
BSW: Look at that! Hopkins rises back to his feet.
JT: I told you! Psycho Jay can't beat him. Hopkins tear his head
Angel: Dan Hopkins delivers a kick to the stomach. Psycho Jay
bends over in
BSW: Hopkins grabs him and throws him over the gaurd rail into
JT: There is no forgiveness there. That's a concrete floor. That
BSW: Hopkins picks him up. He is leading him by the hair towards
Angel: Psycho Jay turns lose and Hopkins falls to the ground.
(The fans are chanting the name 'Psycho Jay' over and over again.)
JT: Scott, get these fans to shut up!
BSW: JT, be quiet and watch the match.
JT: Jay leads Hopkins through the exit doors into the back halls
JT: I hope he's seriously hurt. Get him GOOD Boy!
BSW: Hopkins walks over and grabs a steel chair.
JT: Did you see that? I love it!
BSW: What a shot! GOOD Boy just about took his head of with that one.
JT: What was that number 67 or 68?
BSW: Jay is laying on the ground motionless. What is Hopkins doing?
JT: He is looking to end it all right here. What was that? A water line?
BSW: Hopkins walks back over to Jay. He draws the pipe back over his head.
JT: Hit him! Do it! End it right here.
BSW: He comes down with the pipe. No! Psycho Jay rolled out of
the way at the
JT: Move Hopkins. Get out of the way! Psycho Jay IS Psycho!!
BSW: OH! He just conneceted. Hopkins crumples upon connection.
He falls to
JT: That's right! He's the champ he'll get back up. And I told
you this match
BSW: Psycho Jay looks to be exhausted. He drops the pipe and tries
JT: Hopkins is sitting up. See I told you Scott. Hopkins is the
BSW: Psycho Jay doesn't see that Hopkins has gotten back up. He
tapes Jay on
JT: This one is over no kicks out of his choke slam.
BSW: The referee starts the count one, two and thr NO! Psycho
Jay kicked out
JT: What I can't believe he kicked out of that. NO! Get him Hopkins.
BSW: Hopkins and Psycho Jay both are back to their feet. They
JT: Look at Hopkins. He just will not stay down.
BSW: Dan back to his feet. They start exchanging rights and lefts
JT: Psycho Jay rolls Hopkins back into the ring.
BSW: This is where Psycho Jay has the advantage.
JT: No it isn't, Hopkins will crush him.
BSW: Jay just throwed Hopkins against the cornerpost. He climbs
(The fans are counting the shots 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!!!)
BSW: Jay climbs back down. He tries to throw Hopkins to the opposite
JT: Hopkins drags Jay back to the middle of the ring. He sets
him up. Yes! A
BSW: The ref slides into position. 1...2....3! No, the ref said only 2.
JT: I can't believe that.
BSW: Hopkins climbs outside and grabs a chair. He tosses it in.
While he is
JT: Get up! NO! It can't be.
BSW: Psycho Jay motions for the SUPERBOMB. He grabs Hopkins and
brings him up
JT: NO!! NO!! IT CAN'T BE!!! Psycho Jay signaling that he's going
BSW: Psycho Jay getting back up. He's is going for the cover.
JT: The ref starts to count......1.....2.....3. NO!! NO!! PSYCHO
JAY IS THE
*DING DING DING*
Angel: Lets get the official decision.
Announcer: Here is the winner and new IWO Television Champion....Psycho Jay!!
JT: No!! NO!!!
BSW: Hopkins isn't going to be to happy when he gets up.
JT: Yea, losing the title! That's not good.
Angel: Yea, he won't be happy.
BSW: This is one of the most waited matches of the night. We will
JT: Ken War is probably in the back planning his game plan. He's
Angel: Well, Ken War is definately gonna put up a great showing
JT: The IWO United States title is also on the line. Ken
BSW: Well, let's go to the announcer for the ring introductions of the match.
(The lights go out and High Flyer's music plays over the speakers.
Announcer: This match is scheduled for one fall. This match
is also for the
(High Flyer slowly walks up the steps and enters the ring.
He raises his
JT: Well, Ken does look one hundred percent.
Announcer: And his opponent, weighing in at 270 pounds.
One of the best
(Ken War is walking down to the ring. The fans are going
wild for Ken War.
(War turns around and stares High Flyer down. High Flyer
takes the United
BSW: Well Ken War turns towards the crowd. Wait, High Flyer
doesn't wait for
JT: Wait, War turns around and ducks out of the way. Ken
and High Flyer are
Angel: Ken War walks over to the High Flyer and starts to repeatedly
BSW: War let's High Flyer go and turns around and decks the ref.
BSW: OUCH! High Flyer starts to choke Ken War. Is he probably
out cold? Ken
BSW: High Flyer picks up Ken War and sends him into the steel
BSW: High Flyer won the match, but I don't think the war is over.
I guess we'll
BSW: Next up we have the World Tag Team Title Match between
JT: Does everybody have to have a catchy name nowadays? It makes me sick.
Angel: Both of those teams are a lot more creative than you'll ever be.
JT: Well why don't you come back to my hotel tonight and
I'll show you how
BSW: Wow, just like Nikki. Well Al Coholic and Rodney
Pheonix have been on
Angel: I don't think they can pull it off Scott, The Bruisers
have been on
JT: Billion dollars my ass. Dane Wilt is the man,
he shouldn't be hanging
Angel: A name doesn't make you gay JT.
JT: It doesn't help.
BSW: I agree with that.
JT: Nobody gives a rat's ass what you care about Weber.
BSW: Hey, you better watch yourself JT, I ain't Parker,
I'll slap the taste
JT: Ohhh, now I'm f'n scared.
Angel: Settle down guys, we've got a match to call.
JT: Screw calling a match, I'm not even watching unless
there's blood and
BSW: Well you know the IWO prides itself on entertaining
and very gory
JT: What the hell are you talking about? We pride
ourselves on sex,
BSW: Anyway, let's get down to ringside for the announcements.
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest
is scheduled for
("Guerilla Radio" by Rage Against the Machine blasts through the
JT: That's a cool song.
Angel: Be quiet.
JT: Eat my ass.
Ring Announcer: And they're opponents, they are the IWO
WORLD TAG TEAM
("Pretty Fly for a White Guy" by the Offspring blasts as The BHB
BSW: The Bruisers are discussing things outside of the ring with Caren.
JT: Just get in the ring and fight!
Angel: Al Coholic and Rodney Pheonix snuck out the other
side of the ring.
BSW: Bam! Coholic just leveled Michael Dudley from
behind with a
Angel: S3 aren't fooling around tonight!
JT: Did you say you wanna fool around later?
BSW: Al Coholic picks up Michael and Pheonix picks up Brian.
Angel: Brian reverses it! Pheonix and Michael Dudley collide!
JT: Awww, what a f'n shame.
BSW: Coholic grabs a chair! He charges Brian!
DROPKICK! BRIAN DUDLEY
Angel: Now Brian's on the apron. Flying elbow connects!
BSW: Michael Dudley is on his feet. Him and Brian
grab Al and DOUBLE
JT: Who cares what the rules are, these guys aren't obeying
Angel: What is it with you and blood JT?
JT: Umm, it's fucking blood.
JT: BLOOD IS AWESOME!
Angel: You are sick.
JT: Thank you.
BSW: The Dudley's are stomping Coholic. Rodney Pheonix
is up. He's
JT: Well that was stupid, it just cushioned the blow.
Angel: Yeah, but not for Michael.
JT: Geee, you're right. A woman that says something
worth while. I think
Angel: That was almost sweet.
JT: So you'll go down on me under the table now?
Angel: Pig, I'm not Nikki.
JT: Hey, Nikki doesn't give me head under the.....I mean,
why yes, yes she
BSW: The Stoners are keeping this on the outside so they
can put their
JT: Brawling isn't a technique you moron.
BSW: Sure it is. Look, Pheonix has Michael in a headlock
JT: Wait a second, MICHAEL'S BLEEDING! THAT
IS SKILL! BLOOOOOD! GOOD
BSW: Rodney looked away because of JT's distraction and
Michael Dudley just
Angel: Good job JT.
JT: Screw you bitch, I want S3 to win.
BSW: Al Coholic is repeatedly smashing Brian's head into
the ring post!
JT: YES! I don't like the BHB, but I LOVE the fact they bleed so easy.
Angel: Brian reversed it and is bashing Al's head now.
We'll see if he
BSW: Here comes Michael Dudley! Both the BHB are smacking
Angel: Rodney just pulled a 2x4 out from under the ring!
He slams Brian
BSW: PHEONIX BREAKS THE 2x4 OVER HIS HEAD! Pheonix
covers. The ref
JT: Just count you stupid prick!
BSW: Like I said, this isn't an anything goes match.
JT: Well it should be!
Angel: Pheonix rolls Michael into the ring while Al Coholic
Angel: That was close.
JT: No it wasn't, BSW over here just made it sound close.
By the Way, what
BSW: It's Big Scott Weber. What does JT stand for?
JT: I dunno.
Angel: You don't know what your own name stands for?
BSW: OK, now Pheonix has Michael up, VERTICAL SUPLEX.
Angel: Hey, didn't Pheonix used to be Phantom?
JT: No shit.
Angel: Just wondering.
JT: Some dumb sluts are stupid.
BSW: Pheonix grabs Michael and hooks him up, FISHERMAN'S
Brian Dudley came out
BSW: All four men in the ring together now!
JT: You like that huh Big Shit Wad?
BSW: Shut your mouth JT. Rodney and Al whip Brian
to the ropes, DOUBLE
Angel: He just grabbed Caren Dudley and kissed her! She slaps him!
JT: She's a lesbian! What the hell is he doing, she's
probably got fish
BSW: He just grabbed her breasts! He top comes off!
JT: YES! TITS! TITS!
JT: I'm surrounded by lesbians!
BSW: Caren just jumped up and nailed Frishka with a hurricanrana!
Angel: That was close. Is it hot in here?
JT: You're just horny from seeing Caren's big sexy tits!
BSW: They are very veluptuous.
Angel: They sure are.
JT: Ahhh, just call the match. I'll take care of the boobs.
BSW: Pheonix and Brian are going shot for shot! Brian
UP! Brian is
JT: Wow those are great tits.
BSW: The ref is finally gaining control and it's only Brian
and Al in the
Angel: Pheonix tries to get in, but the ref cuts him off.
BSW: Bad move, now the Bruisers are choking the life out
of Al. Al's
JT: It must have been a real quickie, I didn't see it and
I've been looking
Angel: The Dudley's just double clotheslined Frishka off the apron!
BSW: But the distraction allows Al Coholic to nail the BHB
with a double
Angel: Al makes the tag!
JT: Those tits make me horny.
Angel: They're not even showing anymore JT!
JT: Yeah, but it's like the flash of a camera, you can still
see them in
BSW: How come I can't.
JT: Because your a gay bastard.
Angel: That wasn't nice.
JT: Big Shit Wad getting a woman to do his dirty work.
BSW: Brian Dudley charges Al, but goes down to a shoulder
JT: Good thing those were there to break his fall.
Angel: But nobody broke Caren's fall, she's hurt. I should go help her.
JT: I think she's fine Angel.
BSW: Al picks up Brian, Northern lights suplex, he covers,
Angel: Another close one.
BSW: Coholic tags in Pheonix, they send Brian to the ropes,
JT: That had to hurt. Especially cause he's already bleeding.
Angel: I thought we could get through the rest of the match
JT: But blood is awesome.
Angel: Yes I know we've been through this already.
JT: But you don't understand. It's blood! I saw it! It was...blood.
BSW: Yes JT, that's what we've been telling you.
JT: No, but I saw it. Blood. Blood I tell ya!
BSW: Ok, enough Slepy Hollow spoofing. Rodney Pheonix
picks up Brian and
JT: From behind?
Angel: Get your mind out of the gutter.
JT: I would do you from behind Angel. That way I don't
have to look at
Angel: And I could pretend that it wasn't a loser with a
2 inch cock doing
BSW: Ouch, a slap and an insult. All four men are
in the ring again! Al
Angel: Who's that coming through the crowd?!
JT: Holy shit! It's Zombie!
BSW: It's Zombie and he has a chair! Zombie hops the
guardrail and blasts
Angel: Oh my god! I've gotta see if she's OK.
JT: Just stay here Angel, he might hit you too.
Angel: Oh, that's so nice of you JT.
JT: So you'll let me poke you in the ass now?
JT: Guess not.
BSW: Now Zombie slides into the ring with the chair!
HE BLASTS THE REF
BSW: Zombie just whaled Michael Dudley with the chair.
Al Coholic laughs
Angel: Zombie just hit Coholic too!
BSW: Oh my god! Brian Dudley just standing side kicked
the chair into
Angel: Here comes Capital Punishment through the other side
of the crowd!
BSW: Punishment just nailed Kenny Frishka with the bat and
slides into the
JT: Cappy is nuts! He's beating Brian down with the
bat! Pheonix is
BSW: LOOK! HERE COMES DANE WILT! DANE WILT!
DANE WILT! BEING FOLLOWED
Angel: Dane and Thunder hit the ring and are met by Zombie and Cappy.
BSW: All hell is breaking loose!
JT: I love it!
BSW: Dane and Chrome Thunder are just swinging those clubs
Angel: Michael and Brian are up! They grab Al Coholic.
Michael picks him
BSW: AL COHOLIC JUST REVERSES THE SUPLEX IN THE HAPPY HOUR!(brainbuster)!
JT: Isn't it break the wall down?
BSW: It's not Chris Jericho's music, it's Pheonix's finisher!
Angel: Chrome Thunder broke the pin! He grabs Pheonix,
BSW: Chrome Thunder goes outside with a baseball slide right
JT: I'm speechless, I've seen blood, action, sex, violence. I'm in heaven.
BSW: And this match isn't even over yet! Officials
are out to break things
JT: Damn he almost kicked his head off!
Angel: That was vicious!
BSW: Dane gets pulled out of the ring by security.
Al Coholic is out cold.
Angel: Both the Bruisers are up! Michael lifts Rodney
in a vertical
BSW: SUNSET IN BEVERLY HILLS! SUNSET IN BEVERLY HILLS!
BRIAN HOOKS THE
Angel: I told you they weren't ready to lose yet.
JT: They suck. Screw the BHB.
Angel: They won didn't they?
JT: They cheated. I'm a big fan of cheating and all,
but not when it makes
BSW: That was indeed an insane match. All hell broke
loose and in the end
JT: Yeah, whoopdie f*ckin' doo.
BSW: Next up we have a very....unusual to say the least, match.
Angel: Tickle Monster Match?
JT: Oh great, I had to sit through one of these already
at the last HT.
Angel: Sounds, interesting.
BSW: Sounds pretty funny, it should be pretty entertaining.
JT: Yeah well last time the match didn't really happen.
We had Elmo out
Angel: Is Elmo gonna be here again? He's so cute.
JT: Then you don't wanna know what he did to Nikki.
BSW: We're about ready to go guys, the tickle monsters are
on their way
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest
is a special
JT: What the hell kind of a rule is that?
Ring Announcer: Introducing first, the challenger, standing
at 6'4" and
("Macho Man" by the Village People plays as Justin Shack comes
JT: Haha! Shack's a flamer!
BSW: He's grabbing a mic.
Justin Shack: Ok, this is getting ridiculous, first I'm
booked in this
Sound Man: No Mr. Shack, on your personal page
on the roster it
Justin Shack: You're a moron anyway!
Sound Man: And your theme music is Macho Man, sung by very gay musicians.
Justin Shack: Well you better....
(Shack's mic is cut off by the sound man.)
JT: Damn, Shack's getting dissed by the sound man. That's sad.
BSW: Sure is.
Ring Announcer: Introducing next, the champion, he represents
("God of Thunder" by Kiss blasts as Chrome Thunder makes his way
BSW: We are about to get underway here. I wonder who
all the tickle
JT: Probably some losers who won a contest.
Angel: Why is there one group of 5 tickle monsters cuddling
in near the
BSW: And there's a few of them raising their fists.
JT: As long as that little bastard elmo isn't here then I'm fine.
BSW: We're underway now folks as Shack just attacked Thunder
Angel: Bad move!
JT: HAHAHA! He's being tickled by the 5 tickle monster
who were cuddling!
BSW: This is bad.
Angel: Look, Chrome Thunder is fighting back, he's taken
the mask off of
JT: It's all the backstreet Boys! Those flamers!
Hey you fucking queers
Angel: JT watch your language!
JT: But they're gay!
BSW: I happen to like the Backstreet Boys.
JT: That's cause your a queer!
Angel: Play nice boys.
BSW: Now the Backstreet boys are hightailing it to the back.
JT: Shack and Chrome Thunder are being tickled!
Angel: They're both very ticklish. Look at them laughing! Haha.
JT: I still say this is the dumbest match in the history of the IWO.
BSW: The tickle monsters roll Thunder and Justin Shack back
in the ring.
JT: Like he's gonna get a pin after a devastating tickle.
BSW: Shack picks up Thunder, belly-to-belly suplex!
Thunder is back up,
Angel: Did you see Thunder clinging for dear life?
He sure didn't wanna be
JT: Who would, this match is stupid.
BSW: Hold on, we are being joined by a tickle monster at
Tickle Monster: I'm fine, there's some good tickling going on out there.
BSW: May I ask who you are?
Tickle Monster: I'm Psycho Jay. I figured
since I created this match I
Angel: JT is a big fan of this match Jay, he was just saying
how much he
JT: Ummm, yeah, I love it, it's like the best idea ever!
Psycho Jay: Thank you. It would have never came about
if it wasn't for
BSW: Who are you picking in this match Jay?
Psycho Jay: I dunno, it doesn't really matter. I'm
just here to have fun
BSW: Excellent, well Shack is trying to dump Chrome Thunder
out of the
Psycho Jay: He wants us tickle monsters to do all the work
for him. What a
JT: But all you do is tickle them.
Psycho Jay: Being tickled takes a lot out of you. Observe.
(Psycho Jay starts tickling Angel.)
Angel: HAHAHAHAHAHA, HEY STOP, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, THAT TICKLES!
Psycho Jay: See, she's getting all out of breath.
JT: Well I think this was all started by that little red
furball Elmo, he's
Psycho Jay: Elmo is out there right now, he's a tickle monster!
(Elmo laughs and runs over to tickle JT. JT starts laughing
JT: Get the fuck off me you little freak! Jay, get
him off! AHHH! I
Angel: Haha, now you know how it feels.
BSW: Chrome Thunder is back on the offensive in the ring.
He has Shack in
Angel: Who are the othet tickle monsters Jay?
Psycho Jay: Well, the one that tried to grab Chrome Thunder
was OJ Simpson.
BSW: What a bunch.
Psycho Jay: Yeah, the KKK's out there too.
BSW: They are, I hope they don't go after OJ.
Psycho Jay: No, not that KKK, the three chicks that Titan had as the KKK.
BSW: Oh. Now Chrome Thunder sends Shack into the turnbuckle
and follows in
Psycho Jay: Whoops, gotta go, there's somebody in need of tickling! Bye!
(Psycho Jay runs off to tickle Justin Shack.)
BSW: He is a very strange fellow.
JT: HAHAHAHAHAH! AAAAHAHAHAHA! STOP FUCKING TICKLING ME YOU DAMN MUPPET!
Angel: Elmo, stop tickling JT, there's someone else that
needs to be
Elmo: Elmo love you Angel. Elmo want to shoot Elmo sperm on your face.
BSW: Dear God Angel! You just slapped Elmo's head off!
JT: I told you that little shit was a pervert!
BSW: Justin Shack is being tickled on the ground!
He cannot get up!
Angel: What a great move!
JT: Ok, don't cream yourself. He had lots of tickle monsters to land on!
BSW: And now the tickle monsters are tickling Thunder and Shack!
Angel: Shack and Chrome Thunder are fighting back!
BSW: They're double teaming the tickle monsters! Goopy
just went over the
Angel: Psycho Jay gets RAIN DROPPED!
JT: Shacked 4 Life on OJ! Serves him right!
BSW: Now Shack slides back into the ring along with Chrome
JT: Why do people always forget what match they're wrestling in?
Angel: They must have been distracted by my beauty.
JT: Yeah Ok, I still wonder why they forget what match they're
BSW: Shack picks up Thunder and plants him with a michinoku driver!
JT: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!
BSW: Holy christ! The head of Elmo is floating through the air!
Angel: I'm sorry! I didn't mean too!
Elmo's head: Elmo just want to make nookie on your face, but you kill elmo.
Angel: I'm sorry, but I don't do that kinky stuff.
JT: Yes you, do, what about last night.
BSW: Elmo, we are trying to call a match, please discuss
this at another
Elmo: Screw you Big Stupid Whitey!
Elmo: You shut up too. Your name is JIT without the I. You're gay!
JT: That's it, your a dead muppet!
(JT gets up and starts chasing after Elmo.)
Angel: I feel bad for the horny little guy.
BSW: You broke his heart. Now Shack piledrives Chrome
Thunder and slaps on
Angel: He doesn't have it locked on good! Chrome Thunder
BSW: Shack is trying to reach the ropes but Thunder pulls
him back! Shack
Angel: Thunder is dazed, Shack boots him in the stomach,
he hooks him up
BSW: Now Thunder grabs Shack's legs, TEXAS CLOVERLEAF!
RIGHT IN THE CENTER
Angel: JT is still chasing Elmo.
BSW: Shack is still dazed after that Rain Drop, I don't
think he's gonna
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner..............CHROME THUNDER!!!!!
Angel: Chrome Thunder wins the first ever Tickle Monster submission match!
BSW: And what a match it was. There are tickle monsters
laid out all over
Angel: This is insane!
BSW: A big win for the Billion Dollar Promotion tonight!
BSW- Well, fans, all I can say is that Utter Obliteration is the most
Angel- The pacific title is one that has been somewhat abbadoned
as of late.
JT- You know what I would like to rekindle???
BSW- As of right now Samuel "The Shrimp" Potright is the champion,
JT- Whopde fricken doo!!! Like I even care!
Angel- No one cares if you care!
BSW- Allright, lets go over the rules for this Iron Man Match.
JT- Lets not and say we did!
BSW- Shut up JT
BSW- Allright, this match will have a 60 minute time limit. The
JT- I don't get it!
Angel- Doesn't surprise me!
JT (under his breath)- Surprise this bitch
Angel- I heard that
BSW- Lets go down to the ring
Announcer- Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now ready for the 60 Minute
Announcer- Making his way down to the ring, the challenger, he
ways in a
(Bad Habit by Offspring explodes over the P/A and G-Dogg makes
his way to
Announcer- and now, the Pacific Champion, he stands at 5 foot
9 and weighs
(No Shelter by Rage Against the Machine blares over the P/A system
BSW- And this match is underway, the two men lock up and G-Dogg
JT- OH MY GOD, an arm drag takedown, these men are insane!!!!!
Angel- JT, why are you such an idiot??
JT- I don't know, probably for the same reason that you are such a bitch!!
BSW- G-Dogg grabs Potright and whips him to the ropes, clothesline!
BSW- G-Dogg comes off of the ropes and nails a leg drop.
Angel- Shut up moron!!
JT- Takes one to know one!!!
Angel- EXACTLY, I know you and you are a moron!!!
Angel- Good boy
BSW- G-Dogg picks up Potright and whips him to the outside.
JT- Now the fun starts!!!
BSW- G-Dogg goes to the outside but Potright has a chair
BSW- OOOO, thats gotta hurt!! G-Dogg goes falling to the floor in a heap.
JT- A heap of what???
BSW- Potright grabs G-Dogg and whips him to the guardrail but
BSW- G-Dogg is going in after him!!!! Potright grabs a man's beer
Man- What the hell??
BSW- The man grabs Potright, he gives him a right hand right in the mush!!
JT- In the mush huh?
Angel- Am I going to have to hit you again?
JT- No mam!
BSW- The two men are brawling towards the back of the arena!!!
BSW- Wait!! G-Dogg grabs Potright, Dogg Drop DDT off of the guardrail
BSW- Thats it!!! G-Dogg draws first blood!!! But remember, its
Angel- That was quite the move!!! I guess he calls that the 3D!!
JT- Can you say ripoff??
Angel- Can you say moron?
JT- Can you say skank??
G-Dogg grabs Potright, he goes for the 3D again, but Potright
BSW- G-Dogg kicks out at the last second!
Angel- Close call!!!! Potright almost evened up the score with that one!!
JT- Good math there Angel!!!
(Angel swings at JT but he ducks)
Angel- Now, what were you saying??
BSW- These two men have gone to the back of the arena!!! G-Dogg
has a window
JT- That was great!!!
Angel- Do you know what would be great??
JT- If you would shut the hell up!!
BSW- Both men are busted wide open, G-Dogg from that window pane
BSW- He just layed out Potright, he and G-Dogg are teaming up
BSW- We know that the BDP and High Impact do not like eachother
BSW- OH MY GOD!!! The BDP have just put Potright up 2-1 on G-Dogg!!!!
BSW- The refs have cleared the BDP and High Impact out of the
BSW- WAIT!!!! Its High Flyer!!! Flying Moon Shot on to War!!!
The ref stops
BSW- The refs are finally getting the two bloody men back into the arena
Angel- God, with all of this blood you would think they were fighting
JT- That was lame
BSW- The two men are back in the ring, Potright nails a flying
BSW- G-Dogg just barely escaped that one!!!
Potright is going under the ring, he brings out two tables, a
chair, a reel
JT- No, thats Angel!!!
BSW- He brings the things into the ring but G-Dogg is waiting
BSW- He nailed Potright with the chair!!!! He is going for the
BSW- OH MY GOD!!!! Potright has just pinned G-Dogg to up 3-1!!!!
Angel- That was an amateur mistake, he went for the Dogg Drop
DDT one too
JT- Only 30 minutes left and G-Dogg has to get 3 straight pins to win!!!
Angel- You can add!! I'm impressed!!!
JT- You would be!
BSW- I don't think G-Dogg has it in him to win this!!! Potright
JT- He must be building some sort of building!!!
Angel- YEA THATS WHAT HE IS DOING!!! moron
BSW- He grabs Potright, he puts Potright on top of the second
tablE!! OH MY
BSW- There is a huge pile of rubbish in the ring, wait!!! I see
a hand, its
BSW- GOOD LORD!!!! G-Dogg somehow is still alive from that flying
JT- That was unbelievable!!!
Angel- I agree!!!
JT- DID YOU JUST SAY THAT YOU AGREE WITH ME????
Angel- There is a first time for everything!
BSW- Both men are down and almost unconscious!! WAIT, Potright
is moving, he
JT- OOO, I see blood!!!!
Angel- OOO, I see moron!!
JT- You must be looking in a mirror!!!
BSW- Both men are down and I don't see much movement going on!!!
BSW- G-Dogg is slowly getting up, he grabs Potright, GERMAN SUPLEX!!!
BSW- NO, NO, The champ kicked out at the last second!!!
Angel- That was close
BSW- You're telling me!!!! WHAT THE HELL??????????
BSW- The damn lights just went out!!!! WAIT, look at the IWO-Tron,
(all of a sudden the lights turn back on)
BSW- OH MY GOD!!! IT IS!!! Its the Billion Dollar Promotion!!!!
BSW- What the hell???????? The lights went out again!!!!!
(all of a sudden, the lights come back on)
BSW- GOOD GOD!!! Its High Impact!!!! War and Shack!!!! They are
BSW- Shack nails the BHB and Dane
BSW- War nails Chrome!!!!
BSW- Everyone goes to the outside and continues to brawl!!
BSW- The ref is on the outside trying to break the fight up!!!!
JT- Come on ref!!! Turn around!!!!
BSW- WAIT!!!! G-Dogg reverses in the hold into a small package!!!!
BSW- YES YES YES!!!! G-Dogg just pinned Potright with a small
package out of
BSW- We are getting down to the wire and its all tied up!!! The
BDP and High
JT- We get it!!!
Angel- I don't think you get anything!!
BSW- Potight grabs G-Dogg, fisherman's suplex!!
BSW- G-Dogg kicks out!!! Potright picks up G-Dogg, he is going
BSW- NO, Potright got the shoulder up at 2 3/4!!! What a damn match!!!!
Angel- They have been fighting for 54 straight minutes!!!
JT- Actually 53 minutes and 16 seconds!
Angel- Shut up
JT- Make me!!
BSW- Both men can barely stand!!! G- Dogg is going up top, missile
Angel- You can say that again!!!
JT- What a move!!!!
Angel- Thank you
BSW- We have reached the two minute warning!!! G-Dogg is on the
BSW- G-Dogg nails the Dogg Drop DDT on High Flyer!!!! MY LORD!!!!!!
BSW- He covers!!!!!!
BSW- HE DID IT!!!!! G-Dogg pinned Potright with 2 seconds left
in the match
JT- Hell yes!!!
BSW- Here comes High Impact to celebrate with G-Dogg who can barely
Angel- Damn right BSW!!!!!!
BSW - And welcome back to Utter Obliteration! Aren’t you glad
there is no
JT – Yeah, just thrilling. So what’s the next match?
Two more jobbers I
BSW – Actually, we have a North American Title match between Capital
JT – Oh God! Not that freak again!
Angel – Which one?
JT – The vampire one! Haven’t you been paying attention?
He has two
Angel – Two personalities?
BSW – He’s serious. One is gay and was born in Key West
and the other is
JT – Yeah, two freaks for the price of one!
Angel – Great, all this fed needs! Another freak!
BSW – I have to agree with you there!
JT – I don’t! More freaks, the better! Just not that
one! Gay freaks, we
Angel – Hey, we don’t need any gay bashing assholes here!
JT - *whimpers*
BSW – Anyway, there is a lot of controversy surrounding this match.
Angel – Right you are Scott! Jay was seriously pissed off
in the recent
JT – I know something you could screw!
Angel – You dickless bastard!
BSW – Oooh, harsh! Also, Capital Punishment and Vampyre
have some history
JT – Ummm…
BSW – Ahem, yeah. Anyway, early in Vampyre’s career these
two met in an
Angel – Yes, Cappy does know Vampyre, however, he does not know
JT – Hey! I thought you said we shouldn’t say anything about him being gay!
Angel – I said YOU couldn’t, not me!
JT – Stupid whore…
*smack smack smack*
BSW – Let’s just get to the match before JT is killed out here!
JT – (moaning) Good idea…
(The camera cuts to the ring as a half naked announcer gets into
Hot Ring Announcer Lady – The following match is scheduled for
one fall and
(“Mouth” by Bush (Disco Edit) blares over the PA system as the
man steps out
JT – DAMN HIM!!! He should have kept her out here!!!
Hot Ring Announcer Lady – Now coming down to the ring is our North
(“Sugar” by System of a Down blasts over the system, but is drowned
BSW – Oooh! That is one thing that you don’t do. You
never turn your back
JT – What an idiot going for the cover this early! That
must be the gay
Angel – (hesitates and shakes her head) Nah…
BSW – Anyway, Vampyre, or maybe it is Vampress, anyway, let’s
just call him
JT – I don’t know, I’m gonna root for the freak! He needs
all the help he
Angel – Cappy jumps on top of The Split One’s back and begins
JT – Look me in the eyes and tell me that a straight man would
BSW – You do have a point there! Anyway, that use of The
JT – What an idiot! Give up you fool! You know you’re
gonna lose anyway!
Angel – Anyway, Cappy keeps shaking his head! He just won’t
give up! The
JT – Damn! We almost had a new champion!
BSW – Yeah, really! A few more seconds of that, and he would
JT – Come on ref! LET HIM GO! WE WANT BLOODSHED!!!
Angel – What? The ref is… listening to JT… What kind
of crack has he bee
JT – Hey, Nikki listened to me when I told her to suck me off!
*smack smack smack smack*
Angel – Just doin’ what I think she would do if she were here.
BSW – Actually, she would’ve don it much more than that, but ok!
Angel – Oh, ok. I’ll remember that next time!
JT – DAMMIT!
BSW – Anyway, The Split One has jumped out of the ring in search
JT – What an idiot! Splitsie Boy’s gonna pounce on him!
BSW – I think you’re right! The Split One creeps closer
and closer to
JT – BOOO!!! Cheap shot! BOOO!!!
Angel – Dammit! He’s right over here! You want him
to come over here with
JT – Oh, well… no, actually.
Angel – That’s what I thought! That chair to the face leveled
BSW – Cappy also jumps in and places a foot on The Split One’s
BSW – You’re not gonna get a pin of that madman like that!
Angel – He does now! He went for two elbow drops and is
now going for a
BSW – How’d he kick out of that one?!? He must REALLY want that belt!
Angel – No, he’s just being an idiot! See what I mean, Cappy
goes for some
JT – If you noticed, he took a little longer than most to pull
his head from
BSW – That’s just sick, JT.
JT – Well, he did! I’m only calling the match how I see it!
BSW – Just don’t call things like that anymore. Anyway,
The Split One has
JT – You gotta risk a lot to get a big payoff! HAHA!!
This is great!
Angel – Wait a sec! What’s he doing? He’s coming this
way! AHHH! Stop
JT – Come down, he probably just wants to say something like every
(The Split One picks up the microphone from the announcing desk)
Vampyre – WHO’S THE BLOODY SPLIT ONE NOW, HUH?!?!?
Vampress – Calm down, silly! We all know we split him open!
Vampyre – Oh, ok…
(Vampyre puts the mic down and goes back to kicking the crap out
BSW – Well… that was… weird.
Angel – You can say that again! Anyway, The Split One slings
Cappy into the
BSW – I wonder who you could be talkin’ about! However,
let us not engage
JT – Yes, let’s! Unlike the idiotic piece of crap that we
all love to hate,
Angel – Good God, you little prick! Calm the hell down!
JT – HEY! I thought you said you wouldn’t say anything…
BSW – That is more than the audiences at home need to know!
Well, The Split
Angel – That’s over 300 pounds of human flesh he’s throwing around!
JT – Well, he did say he was gonna go all out for this match!
BSW – The Split One follows Cappy into the ring by climbing to
JT – He’s too damn big to be a luchador!
BSW – HE JUMPS!!! OH MY WHAT A MOVE!!! He just jumped
off, spun around,
JT – Didn’t I tell you he would win?
BSW – As much as I hate to say it, you did! The Split One
goes for the
BSW – He looks dead in there! How did he kick out of that?!?
Angel – He must really want to keep this belt!
JT – Why not? He keeps the belt, he keeps the big bucks!
Angel – Not everything in this sport is the money, you know!
JT – That’s not what you said before this match started!
Angel – Huh?
JT – Remember? “Oh, JT, yes, I wold love to suck you off for that much!”
*smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack
JT – (collapses to the floor, passed out)
Angel – Dammit! That little bastard hurt my hand! (kicks JT in the gut)
BSW - Oooh, viscious!
Angel – You damn skippy!
BSW – (looking back at the ring) What the fuck?!?
(During that little smacking session, somehow Cappy got up and
now he and
BSW – How the hell did that happen? He was just basically
dead a few
Angel – I don’t know, but now it’s getting’ good! Cappy’s
battling back and
JT – (mumbling in his unconscious state) Blood? (he begins
to get up)
Angel – Did I say you could get up?!? (kicks JT in the face,
JT – (blood gurgles out of his broken mouth) Blood…
BSW – Well, ummm, ok. Anyway, The Split One has picked up
Cappy and… what’s
Angel – He is! He’s setting Cappy up for the Death Penalty!
BSW – OOOH!!! He connects!!! The Split One for the cover again!
BSW – Something’s wrong with this! There is no man alive
who could have
Angel – It must all be instinctive by now!!! He’s not thinking,
BSW – You’re right about that! Anyway, The Split One goes
back to try that
Angel – What’s happening? He has the move locked on, and
BSW – And The Split One is pissed! He goes up to the ref
and shoves him
Angel – I’m not sure if he is a man anymore!
BSW – I know, he got destroyed here tonight! Almost like
the last time
Angel – Psycho Jay runs down to the ring with a huge wooden…cross?
BSW – There he is! He’s being distracted by Jay Taylor who
is dressed up as
Angel – On the other end of the ring, Psycho lifts the cross to
BSW – CAPPY IS DEAD FOLKS!!! THERE IS NO WAY HE COULD LIVE
Angel – Really, Scott, get a life! When was the last time
BSW – Good point. Anyway, Jay realizes he missed and goes
to smack Vampyre
BSW – This is pure bullshit!!! The Split One had this match
Angel – He may have had this won, but Jay turned that all around!
WINNER – CAPITAL PUNISHMENT
JT – (waking up again and spits out a couple of teeth) Wha-what
Angel – Yeah, Cappy won again!
JT – HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!? Everyone here and at
BSW – We know, but Psycho Jay ran in and…
JT – THAT DIRTY SON OF A BITCH WHORE!!!
Angel – For once, I agree with you!
BSW – I’m sorry to say it, but I do too… Anyway, we’ll see
you in a few
BSW: Well, it all has come down to this.
JT: THE UTTER OBLITERATION MATCH! YEAH!
Angel: This should turn out to be a classic main event.
JT: THE UTTER OBLITERATION MATCH! YEAH!
BSW: Um, okay! Let's get to the ring.
("Alright (Oh yeah)" by Local H starts as Dane Wilt walks out.
The crowd boos
Wilt: Well, I thought I would join you for this match. You guys don't mind.
JT: Of course not Dane. I can call you Dane, right?
JT: Right Dane.
BSW: Well Dane, why are you here?
Wilt: Well, as EVERYONE knows, I'm next in line to get a world's
Wilt: Hey, Angel. You, me, after the show.
Angel: Um....we'll see.
JT: How come I never get that reaction?
Wilt: Because you don't have a nine inch dick.
JT: Hey, it's not size that matters. It's what you do with it.
Wilt: HA! Yeah. Sure. Whatever.
BSW: Well, let's introduce the wrestlers!
Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen. It is now time....FOR THE UTTER
(The fans cheer.)
Meygon: First, coming to the ring, standing 6 foot 11 and weighing
("Come as You Are" by Nirvana plays as Zombie walks out. The fans
Wilt: Hey man! THE BHB PINNED YOU FAIRLY! ONE, TWO, THREE! AND
IF YOU BEAT
BSW: You don't really like Zombie do you?
Wilt: What do you think Webber?
Meygon: Next, coming to the ring. He stands 6 foot 2 inches and
("Sober" by TOOL starts as Phelen Kell walks out to a HUGE pop
Wilt: Hey man. Your chick wanted ME! I can't help it if she talks
BSW: You don't like Phelen Kell either, do you?
Wilt: What do you think idiot.
*Ding, Ding, Ding!*
Wilt: Here we go as both jobbers tie up in the middle of the ring.
JT: Yeah Dane. YOUR title.
Wilt: Don't call me Dane.
JT: Sure Da, uh, Mister Wilt.
Wilt: That's better.
Angel: Well, Phelen Kell and his hot ass slide out of the ring
and go after
JT: Hey, I've got a hot ass too.
Wilt: God JT, you come out seeming SO needy. If you ever want
to pick up
JT: Hey, I'm taking notes Dane.
Wilt: That did it.
(Dane Wilt stands up and kicks JT in the ribs. He then grabs him
and puts him
Wilt: Hey, sorry guys. I'm going to go and follow these two with
(Dane Wilt walks off.)
BSW: I thought you hated JT?
Angel: Yeah, but he didn't have to do THAT!
BSW: Well, back to the match. We now have Zombie and Kell battling
(Dane Wilt approaches the hot dog stand.)
Wilt: I'll take it from here. Kell, the jobber, just tossed Zombie,
Angel: No duh!
(We see a Dane Wilt super fan run up and hand him a fire extingusher.)
Super Fan: Here you go champ.
Wilt: Thanks, you jobber.
Super Fan: HE CALLED ME A JOBBER! AWESOME!
(The super fan runs off.)
BSW: What the f*ck was that?
Angel: Don't ask me. I just work here.
Wilt: Back to the match. (Dane Wilt puts the fire with the extinguisher.)
BSW: Uh, Dane.
Wilt: Yeah Scott?
BSW: I don't think anyone is too grateful. You just put out a
Wilt: SHUT UP WEBBER! You are just jealous of my nine inch dick.
BSW: Whatever you say Wilt.
Wilt: Hey, when I'm champ, you're DEFFINENTLY getting fired! We
now have Kell
Angel: Zombie gets up and staggers after Kell.
Wilt: Hey, Zombo! You forgot something!
(Zombie turns around and throws some relish in his eyes.)
BSW: ZOMBIE HAS BEEN BLINDED BY DANE WILT! HE CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!
Angel: I think the crowd knows what blinded means Scott.
BSW: That was low Angel.
Angel: I'm sorry. This whole JT thing has gotten me messed up.
BSW: This is totaly messed up.
Wilt: Well Zombo, no for you to get yours.
BSW: GOOD GOD! Dane Wilt dives onto Zombie and starts delivering
Angel: He pulls Zombie up and throws him into the T-shirt table!
He grabs a
Wilt: There you go Zombo! Nobody cares about you OR your shirt!
Angel: Wilt lifts Zombie up. ZOMBIEPLEX THROUG THE TABLE! WILT
BSW: Insult to injury!
Wilt: Come on Zombo! Get up! Kell is about to get the belt!
BSW: Zombie staggers up and runs after Kell. AW! Wilt put his
foot out and
Angel: That can't be good for Zombie's ego.
BSW: Well, Zombie gets up and races down the hall. Dane Wilt,
with his remote
Wilt: Yes, that's right. We are now chasing after Zombie who is
BSW: That's pretty mean Wilt.
Wilt: Hey, I'm the future champ. I can do what I want and no one
Wilt: Hey, it makes for a longer match!
BSW: Well, we now have both men fighting in the general managers
Angel: Nice move. WAIT! We have security coming in now!
Wilt: Yeah, that's right. I took the liberty of calling in security
Angel: They just threw tear gas onto Zombie! That could really
BSW: You think?
Wilt: Well, we now have Kell looking around for the rafters. Let's
Kell: Leave me the hell alone Wilt!
Wilt: Just a few questions. How does it fell to know that your
Kell: Shut up!
BSW: Kell tries to punch Wilt, but Wilt ducks and kicks him in
the ribs. FACE
Wilt: Well, we now have Zombo and Kell knocked out, thanks to
Angel: Well, Wilt just went back into the general managers office
Wilt: ZOMBO! YO! ZOMBO! (Wilt checks Zombie's face.) OH NO! He's
BSW: OUCH! Wilt just poured that entire pot of burning hot coffee
Angel: Poor Zombie!
Wilt: Well, it looks like Zombo still isn't up. Damn! Hmmmm, how
can I wake
BSW: Wilt pulls Zombie up. FACE LIFT! If Zombie wasn't knocked
out before, he
Wilt: MAN! He's STILL knocked out! How to wake Zombo up......I'VE
Angel: It looks like that comment has revived Zombie!
Wilt: Well, Zombo is FINALLY up! Now, to take him out. AGAIN!
BSW: OOH! Wilt just closed lined Zombie over the table. Wilt now
Wilt: Well, now that we have Zombo up, time to check to be sure
Kell got his
(A really UGLY woman approaches Wilt.)
Cristi: Yash swat thang?
Wilt: Kell here thinks your hot.
(The woman kisses Kell.)
Kell: (Opening his eyes.)
ANGEL: GOOD GOD!
Wilt: Cristi, get lost.
Cristi: OK swat thang!
(The woman walks away.)
Wilt: Well, now that I have single handedly saved this match,
let's let the
BSW: Finally, Zombie and Kell meet up again. Close line ducked
Angel: The ladies room!
BSW: Man, I bet JT is going to hate being knocked out!
Wilt: That's right, we're now in the ladies room. For all those
people at the
BSW: Kell now has Zombie and lifts him up. He takes him into a
stall. HE JUST
Angel: That has to bruise Zombie's ego.
Wilt: Well, it looks like Kell has succesfully embarved Zombo.
Zombie: AHH! MY EYES!
Wilt: You guessed it! I'll squirt this stuff into Zombo's eyes!
God, with all
Angel: Does IWO health insurance cover becoming blind on the job?
BSW: It covers alien abduction, so I guess it'll cover someone
BSW: Pretty much.
Wilt: I am now following Phelen Kell who is STILL searching for
the door to
Kell: What is it Wilt?
Wilt: We can play of game of warmer/colder. I'll tell you when
Kell: shut up!
Wilt: Well, you're pretty warm at this point.
Kell: I don't care!
Wilt: Gee, and I was going to tell you where the door was. Now,
I feel hurt.
BSW: Well, in case you are just joining us fans, Dane Wilt has
hidden all the
Angel: AND JT IS KNOCKED OUT!
BSW: Yes, and Dane Wilt knocked out JT.
BSW: I'm afraid it's true.
Wilt: Yeah. Now I'm here reporting LIVE from the ladies room.
We have Zombo
Zombie: I'm gonna get you you son of a bitch!
Wilt: I'll take that as a, "Pretty bad Dane."
Zombie: Where are you! CAN'T......SEE.......ANYTHING!
Wilt: Hey, this could turn out to be pretty fun!
(Wilt taps Zombie on his shoulder. Zombie swings, but Dane ducks.)
Zombie: Damn! I'm gonna get you Wilt!
Wilt: Hmmm, how to annoy Zombo now. Let me think.
BSW: Dane Wilt with a Face Lift to Zombo, uh, Zombie!
Angel: He puts Zombie's head in the sink and turns on the water!
Wilt: I'm just going to leave him alone till he wakes up.
BSW: Dane Wilt leaves the ladies room and locks the door behind him.
Angel: And he left the water running!
BSW: Well, it appears Wilt had caught up with Kell again.
Wilt: Gee Phel, you have no idea where you are going, do you.
Kell: Not really! Thanks to you taking all the signs!
Wilt: Hey, this is not my fopa. It's your fopa.
Wilt: Big hefty stinking fopa! You doing all the stuff you have
to me caused
Kell: Excuse me!?! You've done all the stuff to me!
Wilt: Oh yeah! I did, didn't I! OOPS!
Kell: Screw you. I'm going to go find the rafters.
Wilt: Good luck!
Kell: SHUT UP!
Wilt: Well, seeing has Kell has COMPLETELY blown me off, I'm going
BSW: You know, Wilt has succesfully split these two wrestlers
apart in this
Angel: I guess it's all part of some evil plan of his.
BSW: Could be. Well, he is no to the women's room door. WHERE
WATER IS COMING
Wilt: Hmmm. I wonder what's up with this?
(Wilt opens the door. Water shoots out from the door and begins
to flood the
Zombie: I'm gonna get you Wilt!
Angel: Well, we now have the arena flooding and Zombie along with
BSW: Wouldn't you?
(Wilt runs by Kell.)
Kell: What's the rush?
(Kell turns around and sees all the water coming at him.)
BSW: We now have Kell and Wilt running for their lives!
Angel: Hey, we are safe from the water.
BSW: Well, I would think so, but just in case.
(BSW hands Angel a rain coat and hat. He puts some on himself.
He then pulls
Angel: How long is that going to take?
(BSW continues to blow up the raft.)
Angel: Umm, go to Wilt and Kell.
(We see Wilt and Kell running down the hallway. They are followed
by a large
Wilt: Hey Kell!
Kell: What is it....Wilt?
Wilt: Go to hell!
(Wilt trips Kell and Kell flies backward. He crashes into all
Wilt: That's how I get things done!
(We go back to Angel and BSW. They sit in the fully inflated raft
Angel: Well, we now have found out that, yes, the entire arena
BSW: Hey, I'm an Eagle Scout. Remember, be prepared.
Angel: A raft for a commentating a Pay-per-view?
BSW: I'M AN EAGLE SCOUT!
Angel: We now go to Dane Wilt is, um, somewhere.
(We see Dane Wilt run into the Billion Dollar Promotion locker
room. We see
Wilt: Guys! The arena is flooding!
Brian: We've got to get to the luxury box!
Chrome Thunder: Run!
Michael: WAIT! Shouldn't we warn the other wrestlers.
(The Promotion looks at each other.)
(They all run out of the room.)
BSW: AW! Very HEROIC there!
(We look at the arena floor again. The water has covered the ring
and most of
Angel: As you can see, the arena is almost completely flooded.
(The camera starts shaking and we hear vibrations.)
BSW: What's that?
(Just then, part of the wall of the arena explodes and water bursts
Angel: And to think, this whole thing started when Dane Wilt left
BSW: Hey, is JT covered in all that water?
Angel: OH MY GOD!
(Angel dives into the water and swims to water covered floor.
She goes to the
Angel: Is he....dead?
JT: (Gasping.) Hey? Don't I get mouth to mouth?
BSW: Well, JT is back. Finally!
JT: What have I missed?
Angel: The whole match pretty much!
JT: Why is the arena flooding?
Angel: Well, Dane Wilt left the water running!
BSW: It's a REALLY long story!
JT: I'd love to hear it.
Angel: We'll tell you later!
BSW: Let's see. We have and unconsionce Phelen Kell and Zombie
(We got to the luxury box and see the entire Billion Dollar Promotion
Wilt: This is awesome.
Michael: Yeah. Next month, you get your title shot and you get
to face the
(Just then, the glass in front of the luxury box begins to crack.)
Brian: What the f*ck is going on?
(We see the window is covered with water.)
Chrome Thunder: Damn. Gentlemen, meet after this thing is done
for some Cuban
Wilt: Cool. Well, until then.
(The window smashes open and the room is filled with water. All
JT: I WANT A CUBAN CIGAR!
BSW: You can get one later.
JT: I WANT ONE NOW!
Angel: Well, we are now at the very top of the arena with water!
JT: This could be bad.
Angel: WHY DIDN'T HE TURN THE WATER OFF!?!
(We go to the outside of the arena. Just then, a large hole pops
from one of
JT: We've got our remote announce system set up now, and here we go!
BSW: Zombie tries to spear Kell, but Kell jumps up! Kell lands
and delivers a
Angel: Kell lifts Zombie up. PILE DRIVER!
JT: HE LANDED HIM ON A MOTIONLESS DRUNK FAN!
BSW: Well, that's the drunk fan's problem. Zombie Jumps up and
delivers a low
JT: That can't be good for Kell. Zombie sets him up for a powerbomb.
Angel: Kell grabs Zombie's legs and puts him in a scorpian death
BSW: We now apparently have looters among the fans. They are looking
Angel: Good God! What has the Wolrd come to?
(Just then, a looter grabs Zombie's boot and rips it off.)
Looter: I have Zombie's boot! THIS SHOULD BRING IN AT LEAST 25 DOLLARS!
BSW: Zombie grabs the looter and puts him in a ZombiePlex! He
gets the boot
JT: The looters are now going after the ring. Amazingly, the ring
Angel: Well, the looters just stole the ring canvas and ring apron.
BSW: OH NO! THEY JUST SPRAYED ZOMBIE WITH TEAR GAS!
Angel: THAT MARKS THE SECOND TIME ZOMBIE HAS BEEN SPRAYED WITH
JT: Poor guy!
BSW: Kell grabs Zombie again and puts him in a Walls of Jericho
JT: Well, these aren't regular rules, are they Scott!?! Zombie
will win this
Angel: Kell let's go and grabs what appears to be an empty can
of tear gas.
BSW: Wait a minute! Someone just handed Kell a can of lemon juice!
JT: Excuse me?
BSW: Someone handed Kell a can of lemon juice!
JT: Who in Hell would do that?
(We go into see some drunken fan who has cans and cans of drinks.
Why are all
Angel: Well, we've got some juice fan. Maybe he's a looter who
BSW: Could be. Well, Kel opens the can of lemon juice AND POURS
IT ALL OVER
JT: That will really make those wounds hurt!
BSW: Kell pulls Zombie up. Running powerbomb! Shades of the original
JT: Kell's calling for something. He hooks the legs. MALICIOUS
BSW: He has no way to defend himself! Kell finally releases, but
Angel: It's payback time! Kell lifts Zombie up. DVD!
JT: Somebody stop this!
BSW: Kell lifts him up again. Belly-to-belly!
JT: This can't happen!
Angel: Kell pulls Zombie's head up. LOOK AT ZOMBIE! He has like
BSW: He could die!
BSW: MASSIVE RIGHT TO ZOMBIE'S FACE!
JT: There is a pool of blood under Zombie! He must have lost gallons!
BSW: I seriuosly think Zombie could die here, right now! This needs to stop!
Angel: We've got soem paramedics coming out. They have just put
Zombie onto a
BSW: Kell looks pretty mad! He wasn't done with Zombie!
JT: The paramedics have just loaded Zombie into the ambulance.
BSW: They just attacked the ambulance driver! They've knocked
him out! The
JT: NO! THEY'VE DRIVEN THE AMBULANCE AWAY! ZOMBIE NEEDS MEDICAL HELP!
BSW: TOO BAD! Kell grabs Zombie by the throat and is choking him to death!
Angel: Kell pulls Zombie up. DOUBLE ARM DDT!
BSW: Kell grabs Zombie from behind. RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!
Angel: Kell now has a folding chair. HE DRIVES IT INTO ZOMBIE'S THROAT!
BSW: He puts Zombie's head between the chair. HE STOMPS IT SHUT!
JT: That could crush Zombie's skull!
BSW: I think there is blood coming from Zombie's eye!
JT: HE IS DEAD!
Angel: No, but he's pretty close!
JT: What does Kell have now!?! OH NO!
BSW: IT'S THE HISTORY BOOK! THE SAME BOOK USED BY ZOMBIE LAST
Angel: WAIT! ZOMBIE IS SAYING SOMETHING!
Zombie: I...I...I give up.
(Zombie passes out.)
JT: HE GAVE UP!
BSW: BUT THE MATCH DOESN'T END UNTIL ONE OF THEM FINDS THE BELT!
Angel: Kell now has a, a, a bat! HE DRIVES IT INTO ZOMBIE'S RIGHT
BSW: HE JUST TOOK OUT BOTH KNEE CAPS!
JT: NO! NOW KELL JUST SPIT ON ZOMBIE!
BSW: What can Kell do now!?! He's nearly killed Zombie!
JT: HE'S DOING SOMETHING!
BSW: Kell grabs Zombie and takes him onto what remains of the
ring. He pulls
Kell: Now, to find that forsaken belt!
BSW: Well, Kell is now looking through all of the knocked out,
um, drunk fans
JT: I wouldn't know. I was knocked out.
(Cristi looks pretty bad. Yeah, even worse then before. She has
some blood on
Cristi: Hey, doesh anywan mend if A pawn tish?
(Kell runs up to her and pulls the title out of her hands.)
Kell: Give me the damn belt!
Cristi: O KAY SWAT THANG!
JT: KELL WINS!
BSW: KELL WINS!
Angel: KELL WINS!
Meygon: (Gasping.) Ladies and gentlemen. The winner...AND STILL
BSW: HE DID IT!
Angel: HE FOUGHT TWO MEN! HE FOUGHT THROUGH A DESTROYED ARENA! BU HE DID IT!
BSW: LET'S GO TO KELL!
(We go to Phelen Kell holding his title. Just then, we hear a
(Kell turns around only to receive a Face Lift from Dane Wilt.
Wilt: You may have won this match Kell, but I'm better than Zombo.
(A limo pulls up and honks at Wilt. The door opens and we see
Michael: Come on Dane. We've got to go!
Wilt: Cool. Let's go.
(Dane Wilt jumps into the limo. The limo speeds off into the night.
BSW: What a night! We have Kell STILL the champ and a destroyed arena!
JT: Well, Dane Wilt attacked Zombie!
Angel: Sorry JT! He attacked Kell just as much if not more! Zombie
JT: Yeah, but for how long? Dane Wilt does have a shot coming!
BSW: Indeed he does. Well fans, for JT, Angel, and myself. I'm
JT: Now, explain to me what happened.
(The scene fades to black and a promo for the next IWO PPV.)
NOBODY THOUGHT WE'D MAKE IT THIS FAR.
EVERYBODY THOUGHT WE'D DIE OUT.
BUT WE'RE STILL HERE.
THE PPV THAT MADE KICKED THE IWO BEYOND ANYONE'S IMAGINATION IS BACK.
IT'S GONNA BE A COLD, COLD NIGHT.
ICE AGE 2.
LIVE, DECEMBER 26TH, 1999
WORLD TITLE MATCH: DANE WILT V. PHELEN KELL -C-
The End (for real).