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Thursday, May 4, 2000
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("American Bad Ass" starts playing loudly over the PA Speakers. All of a sudden the words "HEAD HUMPING?" appear on the IML2-Tron. Then with "American Bad Ass" still playing the IML2-Tron shows scenes from Friday Night Frostbite a week ago.)

("Early Morning Stoned Pimp" by Kid Rock f/Joe C. and Tino starts up over the pa system as the fans
immediately pop.)

TB: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS! What is going on!

DJ: Why is the front office airing its dirty laundry on television! That's a disgrace!

(All of a sudden a man dressed in a black suit walks out from the back.)


DJ: Who the hell is that?

Lorin: I have no clue!

TB: It's former IML3 President Eric Yun!!! Eric Yun is here in the IML2! DEAR GOD! THIS IS GOING TO BE INSANE!

Chairman Jay Taylor: Hey boy, this is my scene. You're not supposed to be here. You're not worthy of the IML2...

Former IML3 President Eric Yun: And why is that? Do you even have any idea who I am?

Chairman Jay Taylor: Who cares who you are! Just get off my television!

Former IML3 President Eric Yun: I'm Eric Yun, the former President of the IML3... and, according to some office paper work that was filed by none other than Tom Ford himself, I am the new Vice President of the IML2, and therefore, that makes ME, better than YOU!

Chairman Jay Taylor: NO! You stupid son of a bitch!

(All of a sudden, Psycho Jay comes out from the back, receiving a huge pop.)

TB: Psycho Jay is right behind Eric Yun! Turn around!

DJ: LOOK! Psycho Jay just threw Eric Yun down and is humping his head! HAHAHAHA! This is pretty funny!

Lorin: You would think that.

TB: This is a disgrace! Eric's first day on the job and he's getting his head humped by the IWO World champion Psycho Jay! Jay and Jay leave...

DJ: You think they're related?

Lorin: Just because they have the same first name doesn't mean they're related!

DJ: Still! I mean, Psycho Jay is helping Taylor out a lot.

TB: I wonder what Ford has to say to all this...

DJ: It doesn't matter, because simply put, he might as well have been fired!

("Can You Feel The Love Tonight" by Elton John is suddenly heard all over the arena. From backstage Elton John comes rolling in on a piano singing the song. The lights go dim and a spotlight shines on Sir Elton John.)

DJ: This is pathetic.

Lorin: I like Elton John!

TB: This is a disgrace to everything the IML2 has worked for. I thought VP Eric would make things better, but we have freaking ELTON JOHN singing.

(All of a sudden the spotlight goes off. It is completely dark.)

Elton John: What the?!?


(Fireworks start spewing out of the four ring turnbuckles as Kid Rock has set up in the middle of the ring. With him is Joe C and Tino!)

Kid Rock: Hey hoes! Your VP Eric told me to sing one of my older songs that is now out on History of Rock my latest album with the hit single American Bad Ass! F*CKING HIT IT!

(Kid Rock starts playing "Early Morning Stoned Pimp" as the crowd starts going nuts. Elton John rolls into the ring.)

Elton John: (voice is drowned over music.) HEY THIS IS MY SPOT! VP ERIC HIRED ME!


Lorin: LOW BLOW!

DJ: Didn't we see this on another program on Monday or something?

TB: Deja Vu!

Lorin: Ahh this is boring. We did see all of this crap before.


(Music stops.)

Kid Rock: Wait ... you're a knight right?

Elton John: Why yes I am! I am Sir Elton John!

Kid Rock: Oh, why didn't you say so. Come on guys, let's go.

(Kid Rock's crew takes all his stuff down and goes off to the back.)

Elton John: Now where were we?

(Elton continues his song.)

TB: Vice President Eric has some explaining to do.

Lorin: But now remember ... if you change that channel ... Deuce and Tom will come right to your house and have GAY SEX!!!

(We are switched to a room with a chart with a line graph. On the paper it says IML2 Friday Night Frostbite Ratings. It shows the line going up until about 3/2/00 then it starts a steady decline ... then 6/9/00 is shown as ratings sky-rocket back up.)

Lorin: What a weird bunch of fans.

TB: Eww ... we'll be back after this.

*Commercial Break*

("Wasting Time" by Kid Rock starts to play as the crowd goes nuts. They start chanting BJ, BJ, BJ. BJ Smith runs out from the back and roll into the ring.)

TB: Jeez I love this guy.

DJ: He's messed up. Why do you people like him.


(Crowd cheers.)

BJ Smith: Now I bet all of you are wondering, what my big surprise is ... well really, I told Vice President Eric that had this great surprise, but I really don't have a clue.


BJ Smith: Just playing with you guys. Now the surprise is that I will be holding the first annual ROOKIES #1 CONTENDERSHIP BEAUTY PAGEANT!!!

Lorin: What the hell?

BJ Smith: That's right, all the rookies have got a bikini put in their locker tonight before the show. So all you rookies, go put that on and come on out!

(Vice President Eric comes out from the back.)


(Crowd goes nuts.)

(The rookies one by one start coming out reluctantly with their bikinis. The fans start laughing at them. Hiep Barmitzah, Azrael, Jack Harmen, Kris Kanton, and Fletcher Jamison III come out.)

BJ Smith: Now Eric ... who do you chose?

Vice President Eric: I choose ...

(A drum roll is heard.)

Vice President Eric: JACK HARMEN!!!

BJ Smith: Jack Harmen congratulations! You will fight ME next Friday for the Platinum Title! Now all you other guys ... turn around for your gift.

(Everybody turns around as BJ takes out a walkie talky and says something. From the ceiling all of a sudden dildos fall down on the contestants. They fall to the ground.)


TB: (Cut off by BJ)


*Commercial Break*

I'm Your B*tch Match
Donnie Daze vs Douglas Howland

TB: Welcome back to Friday Night Frostbite and we have a very unique match set up right here.

Lorin: Yeah, Vice Prez Eric sure is a little loony in the head.

DJ: Who cares, this should be good for humiliating the hell out of one man!

TB: Wait a second, in the back Donnie Daze and Douglas Howland have already started the match.

(Scene switches backstage.)

*Ding Ding Ding*

TB: Donnie Daze with a kick to Douglas Howland. Irish whip right into the wall! That has to hurt. Daze now turns the dazed Howland around, kick, DDT! Daze picks Howland up, vertical suplex! Cover, ref runs in, one, two, kickout by Howland.

Lorin: Daze and Howland lock up ... Daze breaks out, kick, double arm suplex!

DJ: Donnie Daze has been dominating this match in the early going. He jumped out to the fast start.

TB: Daze now is dragging Howland over back towards the ring. And there they are! Fighting on the ramp. Howland blocks a big right hand, missile drop kick sends Daze right into the crowd!

Lorin: Now Howland waits for Daze to get back up. Vertical Suplex over the steel guard rail back onto the ramp! Howland now mounting a come back. He sends Daze back into the ring. Up to the top rope ... flying clothesline! Daze is down!

DJ: Howland with the cover, one, two, kickout!

Lorin: Daze rolls out of the ring. Howland is following, Daze ducks a punch and rolls to the back of Howland, roll-up! One, two, kickout! Daze picks up a chair, he swings it ...

TB: Howland superkicks the chair RIGHT BACK IN THE FACE OF DAZE! Look at the dent in the chair! Holy cow!

DJ: That was sweet. Daze is busted open and Howland ain't finished. He is taking a microphone wire and choking the hell out of Daze. Daze is losing it ...

Lorin: In this match everything goes. If Daze gets knocked out from that illegal choke, then it's all over!

TB: Daze is starting to lose it. He drops down to his knees for a jaw-breaker! Howland lets go of the hold! Daze is mad now. He ties Howland legs and arms up! He is asking a crowd member for something. The crowd member just gave him a belt!

Lorin: Daze is whipping the hell out of Howland as he tries to roll out of the way of those vicious belt smacks!

DJ: Oh man, he'll have marks worse then a 6 year old catholic school girl!

Lorin: What the hell was that supposed to me?

DJ: I seriously have no clue.

TB: Howland is trying to bite his way out of those wires!


(Suddenly a big spark is shown as the lights flicker.)



Lorin: Daze unties Howland, cover ... ONE!


DJ: TH-NO! Kickout by Howland! HOW THE HELL DID HE DO THAT?!?

Lorin: I don't know! Howland is one tough customer!

TB: Daze can't believe it! He goes to the outside and has grabbed a table from below the ring and rolls it into the ring. He sets it up in the middle of the ring, kick to Howland, POWERBOMB .... REVERSED TO A HURRICARANA!!!!

DJ: Daze's head just went through WOOD!

Lorin: Howland is knocked out on top of Donnie Daze! The ref has to count, ONE, TWO, KICKOUT BY DONNIE DAZE!

DJ: Both of these men are NOT going to give up!

TB: Howland still doesn't know what is going on around him. I wouldn't blame him, he just got electrocuted. He's doing this on pure instinct.

DJ: Daze and Howland are both just laying down on their stomachs.

Lorin: This has taken the toll on BOTH of these guys.

TB: Whoever can get their second wind will win this match. Daze is using the ropes to get back up. Howland crawling back to his feet. Daze charges Howland .... He ducks under and sends Daze flying out of the ring with that back body drop!

DJ: Daze is down. Howland rolls down to the outside. Cover, one! Two! KICKOUT BY DONNIE DAZE! Both of these guys aren't giving up.

Lorin: What will take these men down?

TB: Howland has given up! He is shaking his head and is walking toward the back!


TB: Daze is trying to get up while Howland is walking toward the back. Daze up, he's looking around for Howland! He sees him walking away!

DJ: Daze grabs a chair, he gets in the ring and hurls it at Howland and it hits him square in the head!

TB: What a lucky throw! Howland is down!

Lorin: Daze rolls out of the ring and throws Howland back into the ring. He grabs a table from the outside and throws it into the ring. He sets the table up and puts a chair in the center of the table.



Lorin: One! Two! Three!!!

TB: Donnie Daze has done it! He has beat Douglas Howland and we will see Howland's bottom!

("Early Morning Stoned Pimp" by Kid Rock plays as Vice President Eric comes out.)

Vice President Eric: HEY! I signed this match, so let's get this thing going! Donnie Daze you get the brander, somebody pull Howland's pants down!

(Some officials hold down Howland as they pull his pants down. Daze puts the steel object on Howland and we here a sizzle and Howland screams in pain. The camera zooms in on Howland's ass as we see nicely centered in it, I'm Donnie Daze's Bitch.)

TB: What a match!


TB: Pay back from Donnie Daze right to Howland's ass! This feud is nowhere near over, recent rumors say they will go ONE MORE TIME, at the PPV!

Lorin: We'll be back after this.

*Commercial Break*

Hardcore Title #1 Contendership
Azrael vs Hiep Barmitzah

TB: Well, after those great matches, we're ready for our next bout of the night. It's Heip Barmitzah
against Azrael for the number one contendership to the hardcore championship. Any picks?

DJ: No one really cares, TB. Let's face it. These two are only fighting for number one contendership. I doubt we'll even see blood.

Lorin: That's where you're wrong. This match is going to be great! There's going to be blood, broken bones, barbed wire, missing teeth...

DJ: Shut your mouth woman! This match is going to blow donkey nuts because I say it will!


Lorin: Oh yeah?

DJ: Maybe I deserved that...

TB: Yeah, just a tad!

DJ: Shut the hell up. Let's get this match on the road!

Announcer: This match is for the #1 contendership to the Hardcore Championship and is scheduled for a
Hardcore Match! Introducing first........accompanied by his manager, Cara.......AZRAEL!!!

[The fans begin to cheer as Azrael walks down the ramp with the lovely Cara by his side. He is carrying
behind him, a 2'x5' wooden board wrapped in barbed wire. Azrael reaches the ring and tosses the board
into the ring and rolls inside. Cara meanwhile, goes under the ring and pulls out a baseball bat then waits
at ringside.]

Announcer: And now, introducing next..........HIEP BARMITZAH!!

[The crowd doesn't really react as Hiep walks to the ring while pushing a shopping cart. Inside that cart
is a staple gun, a broom, a chain, a fire extinguisher, and several other items. Hiep parked the buggy against the ring then, Cara came running from around the side of the ring, and landed a low blow to Hiep with the bat!]

*Ding, Ding, Ding*

DJ: OUCH! She just gave Hiep his bris!

TB: You can say that again! And look! She now slams the bat against his back! Then against his face!
YIKES! Now, Azrael springboards off the top rope, and lands a flying cross body block! Azrael now, goes
under the ring and pulls out....a trash can! And now...LADDER!?

Lorin: Oh yes! Azrael puts the trash can over Hiep's head and slams the ladder into his face! Again! And
again! EEWW! Azrael removes the can and begins to bash Hiep with it, before tossing him into the ring!

DJ: They aren't bleeding yet? What kind of hardcore match is this?

TB: A good one. While Azrael tries to pick Hiep up, Hiep gives him a low blow! And now, he lifts Azrael
and slams him down with a spinebuster slam! Wait! He converts the spinebuster into an elevated Boston crab!
Good move!

DJ: No one gives a shit about moves! This is a hardcore match! Give us blood! Gives us pain!

Lorin: Be patient. Hiep brings Azrael to his feet, and gives him an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. And now, while Azrael is dazed, Hiep sets up that board of barbed wire against the turnbuckle. Now, Hiep lifts Azrael up and whips him into the turnbuckle where the barbed wire board is!

TB: WAIT! NO! Azrael reverses and Hiep hits the
boatd! WOAH! Look! Cara now, tosses in the bat and
allows Azrael to take shots to the ribs of Hiep. But
now, Azrael lifts him back up and...AZRAEL BREAKS THE


Lorin: Scary?

DJ: Hell no! This kicks ass!

Lorin: Azrael now, goes to the outside and reaches
into the shopping cart. He pulls out the fire
extinguisher and tosses it into the ring. But, he's
not finished! He grabs the staple gun and tosses that
in! Then, the chain! And then he tosses in a ring

DJ: This is going to be great!

TB: Well, no so fast Azrael! Hiep lands and elbow to
Azrael gut as he was coming for a shot with the fire
extinguisher. And Hiep continues to shoot the white
mist on to Azrael! Now, Hiep is banging the
extinguisher on over the head of Azrael! Azrael is
busted wide open!

DJ: YES! Both are bloody!

Lorin: Wait! Cara just jumped into the ring, and is
pounding on Hiep on the back! He doesn't looked
slightly phased but, he is turning his attention
towards Cara. He has Cara by the hair...

DJ: I had Cara by the hair last night, if you know
what I mean!


DJ: Ow....

TB: WAIT! Azrael is back up, he spins Hiep around
and...BIG PUNCH TO THE NOSE! Azrael now, gives Hiep
an arm drag takedown and locks on a leg lock........is
Hiep going to tap out? No! Get to the ropes, just in
the nick of time. Meanwhile, Azrael picks up the
staple gun, as Hiep is grabbing his leg!

DJ: Uh-oh...I know what's coming...!!

Lorin: Azrael picks Hiep up...AND STAPLES HIS


TB: Azrael has taken complete control of this match,
and left Hiep in a pool of his own blood on the
canvas. Now, Cara has tossed in a chair to Azrael...

DJ: You know...in a match like this, a chair is going
to kick ass?

TB & Lorin: What? But, you hate chairs!

DJ: Yeah I know but...this match is good?

[TB and Lorin shrug at each other]

Lorin: Ok well...now, Azrael has Hiep back on his
feet. But wait, Hiep fired back with a right hand.
Then another. Now, another. Then, a forth right
hand! The bloody faced Hiep Barmitzah shoots to the
ropes, and spears Azrael!

TB: NO! Azrael holds out the chair, and Hiep slams
right into it!

DJ: Dumbass! How damn stupid can you be?

TB: Ask Hiep Barmitzah!

Lorin: Azrael has now tossed the steel chair aside,
and has now...pulled out a table from under the ring
apron! This is getting good!

DJ: Getting? This match has BEEN great!

TB: That's a first. Anyways, Azrael has that table
set up in the corner and has Hiep back on his feet.
Now, Azrael sets Hiep up, next to the table and goes
behind him. He attempts a German suplex but, Hiep
elbows him in the jaw!

Lorin: Now, Hiep goes behind Azrael....GERMAN SUPLEX
THROUGH THE TABLE!!! WOW! And Hiep attempts a
pin........1.........2.........A KICK TO THE GROIN BY

DJ: You can say that again! I thought Hiep Barmitzah
had this match won!

TB: I agree. But now, Hiep is laying on the mat,
holding his crotch as his face continues to bleed.
Check it out, Azrael is back on his feet, and he has
gone and gotten yet another table! But wait, what is
this? He has a gasoline can and a box of match?
Don't tell me....

some flaming tables at the pay-per-view for sure!

Lorin: Well, Azrael has Hiep back up and he whips him
HIEP..........1.............2...........3!!! AZRAEL

TB: No! He didn't!

Lorin: What? Why not?

DJ: Good question. Why not?

TB: Hiep kicked out! See?

[The ref was signaling that the match hadn't ended.]

Lorin: I don't believe it!

DJ: Niether do I! How could Hiep Barmitzah withstand
all of that punshiment?

TB: I don't know but, Azrael is fussing with the
referee and Hiep is staggering around. Look, Cara is
trying to attack Hiep but...Hiep pushes her out of the
ring! Now, Hiep grabs the steel chair...CHEAP SHOT TO

DJ: Cheap shot? It's a hardcore match...NOTHING IS A
CHEAP SHOT! You gotta stay focused, and Azrael wasn't

Lorin: Hiep is now stomping on Azrael and Hiep grabs
the chain from off of the mat. Hiep now, wraps the
chain around the face of Azrael! Hiep is tightening
that cold chain around the face of Azrael! He's also
choking him with it!

TB: That's creative. He's not only using the chain to
CHOKE Azrael, but he's also causing a lot of pain to
his face, by wrapping that chain around it. Anyways
though, Azrael reaches the ropes, and the ref has to
pry Hiep hans loose from that chain!

DJ: But, Azrael isn't out of it yet! Hiep is now
whipping him with the chain! OVER AND OVER AND OVER!
Azrael is going to be full of welts and bruises once
Hiep is finished.

Lorin: If he isn't already...now, Hiep picks Azrael
back up. Heip has the steel chair now, and he slams
it over the head of Azrael! AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND
AGAIN! Azrael falls backwards, and falls over the top

TB: Hiep follows Azrael, and he slams his face onto
the guard rail! Once more! And again! Now, Hiep
tosses Azrael into the crowd and throws him into a row
of steel chair! The fans are getting into this match!
Their pouring beer on Hiep and on Azrael!

DJ: Kick em out! Their interfering with the match!

TB: It's a hardcore match, ANYTHING goes!

Lorin: Well now, Hiep has beaten Azrael all the way to
an exit into the main hallway. Hiep tosses Azrael
through a steel door and Hiep makes his way to
Azrael...NO! Azrael slams that door right onto Hiep
as he is walking through!

TB: And Azrael grabs Hiep by the hair, and tosses him
onto the floor! Azrael picks Hiep up, and tosses him
into the wall! Then into the opposite wall! Now,
both men are out in the main hallway!

DJ: Look! Azrael just tosses Hiep into a beer vending
machine! Now, Azrael has grabbed a Budweiser,
JOB! Then, he tosses the can at Hiep. But, Azrael
grabs two more cans, and lands them right against
Hiep's head!

Lorin: Well look now. Azrael is taking Hiep into the
men's bathroom!

DJ: Maybe we'll be lucky, and they'll go into the
women's bathroom!

Lorin: I doubt it. Anyways, Azrael is banging Hiep
head now, against a urninal! Wait! he just put Hiep's
bloody head into a urinal full of piss! GROSS!


TB: That is pretty damn sick. But, it's not over.
Azrael has lifted Hiep up, and he's sticking his head
down one of the toilets in a stall! He's flushing it!


Lorin: And now, Azrael pulls Hiep out and lays him out
on the floor and goes for a pin....wait a sec. Is
that...what is that brown stuff of Hiep's face?



Lorin: AHAHAHAH!! Well now Azrael with the
cover..........1............2............3!!! Azrael has REALLY gotten the win!

DJ: AH! That's just gross though! He dipped Hiep's
head in sh*t and piss!

TB: Please, don't remind me!

Lorin: We'll be back ... after this.

*Commercial Break*

("Early Morning Stoned Pimp" by Kid Rock f/ Joe C and Tino plays as Vice
President Eric starts coming down to the ring.)

TB: And here comes the new vice president who has already made a big impact in
this federation.

DJ: I still have my droughts about this guy. Wouldn't he just be an IML3

Lorin: My sources say he's one of the most accomplished board members of IWO

DJ: Your sources also said that Gunnar Smith would be in the IML2 until the
year 2003.

Lorin: SHUT UP!

Vice President Eric: Well, well, well. I hope you guys are enjoying this show
so far. Entertaining I hope? Now there is something that has bothered me for
a while. Our IML2 World Champion Lance McNally is nothing but another asshole
that got that title on a fluke! He doesn't respect the title, and for all we
know, from his inactivity, he might as well be dead!

TB: He has a good point there.

Vice President Eric: So this is what I'm going to say to you Lance McNally. I
don't like you, and I'm going to make sure, that you are NOT world champion in
July! You will face hell till July, but for all I care ... you'll probably
lose at Die Viesh Tag!

(Crowd Pops.)

Vice President Eric: So this is what I'm going to say to Enfirno and J.J.
Nuclear. The person to knock him out of the Spiral Tournament will be given
500,000 dollars, plus a company luxury car. Lance, you will not be champ any longer!

DJ: I want in the tournament! I want to beat Lance and get the car and the

Lorin: Shut up.

Vice President: Now for this whole President Tom thing. If he quit, whatever,
I really don't give a damn! But I know one thing, Chairman Jay has been
running around like he runs things around here. NOT ON MY GROUNDS B*TCH! Friday
Night Frostbites will not have head humping EVER again! My head will NEVER be
humped again. So Jay, you just stay in the back and do the small tasks I order
you to do, and don't f*ck wit me.

*Commercial Break*

Tag Team Title Match]
Winds of Change vs Nucking Futs and Fletcher Jamison III

Winds of Change -c- vs. Fletcher Jamison & Nucking

TB:Here we go, the tag team title match at Friday
Night Frostbite. The Winds of Change going against
Fletcher Jamison and Nucking Futs!

Lorin:You know, Winds of Change works very well
together. I don't see them losing the tag team titles
any time soon.

DJ:Ha! Fletcher Jamison and Nucking Futs have made a
big impact with their new stable, Parental Advisory.
BJ Smith has the Platinum title, Kyle Kash has the
Atlantic, and now these two are getting the tag team

TB:Well, there's only one way to find out...

(Fade into the ring. Chris Astro stands there with mic
in hand.)

Chris Astro:This next match is for the IML2 World Tag
Team Championship! Introducing first, from the stable
of Parental Advisory. Weighing in at a combined weight
of an even 500 pounds! Accompanied by BJ Smith and
Kyle Kash, Nucking Futs, Fletcher Jamison the Third...
the tag team from the stable Parental Advisory!

("Solstice" By Caught-Inside starts up as the entire
Parental Advisory stable walks out. Fletcher slides
in, as Futs goes through the middle ropes.)

TB:I wonder what Kash thinks about all this, because
he's the one that wanted the tag team with Futs, but
the executive board threw Jamison into the mix.

DJ:Hey, he better just let Futs and Jamison win...

Chris Astro:And their opponents, they are the current
IML2 tag team champions, weighing in at a combined 494
pounds, they are called by some as one of the greatest
tag teams in IML2 history... Riot Phillips, Tempest
Malone, the WINDS OF CHANGE!

("Wherever I May Roam" by Metallica starts up as the
fans immediatly cheer. Riot Phillips makes his way out
first, holding the belt on his shoulder, as Tempest
Malone has the belt around his waist. Phillips and
Malone make their way to the ring, as the bell is

TB:And here we go. It's going to be Fletcher Jamison
starting off with Riot Phillips. Lock up in the center
of the ring, Fletcher turns it into a side headlock on
Phillips. Phillips pushes him to the ropes, and throws
Fletcher off, back off, Flether ducks the elbow, back
off ducks the back elbow, and Fletcher grabs the top
rope and slides down and out of the ring.

Lorin:Well, that was fast and furious, I don't think
Fletcher and Nucking Futs have been able to really
work on their stuff...

NUCKING FUTS AND JAMISON! Nucking Futs tried to calm
down Jamison, as Phillips caught both people without

DJ:NO! Come on guys!

Lorin:Look! Kyle Kash is on the apron, BJ Smith hits
the ring, he grabs Riot Phillips, TAKE A LOOK AROUND!
SPINNING DVD! Smith just laid out the tag team

TB:IT'S MAC D.! MAC D SLIDES into the ring, he grabs

DJ:Mac D. just laid out BJ Smith, and Tempest Malone
hits the ring, and knocks down Mac D. with a huge boot
to the face! Mac D. isn't one of those "good guys," he
just wants BJ Smith!

TB:Look! Nucking Futs has hit the ring, grabs Tempest
Malone from behind... places him on the top rope....

Lorin:KASH DROPS DOWN, Futs draps his arm on Malone,


Lorin:NO! That's not fair! Malone AND Futs weren't the
legal men!

TB:Parental Advisory hits the ring, and just starts
stomping down on both men! And Mac D. who's still down
and out. Kash grabs the microphone.

Kyle Kash:You know what? I showed EACH AND EVERY ONE
OF YOU that NO man can beat me! On Friday, I
eliminated my opponent for Die Vieh whatever. And now,
I look at the card, and it doesn't seem to have been
changed. You know what? There isn't a man in the back,
past or present, that can DEFEAT ME FOR MY

("I love Smooth Operator'z" plays over the pa system
as the fans immediately cheer.)

TB:Wait... I remember that music, somewhere...


(Former IML2 member T.Q. Smooth walks out from the
back. He has a microphone.)

Smooth:THE SMOOTH ONE HAS RETURNED. Kash, you say that
any man, past or present in IML2 history can't take
that title from you? Well, if you got the balls to
accept the challenge from the FIRST man promoted to
the IML, be MY GUEST!


("Early Morning Stoned Pimp" by Kid Rock starts playing loudly over the PA


TB: T.Q. Smooth is backing up, he knows very well who Eric is.

Vice President Eric: Why, hello T.Q. how's it going? Now I'm sitting down in
the back watching the great Tag Team Title match I signed, and all you guys can
do is cheat to get the titles? Screw that, by the power vested in me by ...
hmmm ... MYSELF, I give the Tag Team Titles BACK TO WINDS OF CHANGE!!!

TB: OH MY! Nucking Futs, and Fletcher Jamison are in total shock!!!!

Vice President Eric: So ... Pay-Per-View ... Tag Team Title Match, WINDS OF
CHANGE vs EASTSIDERZ vs PARENTAL ADVISORY! That's how it goes, good day.

T.Q. Smooth: WHAT ABOUT ME?!?

Vice President: You'll get yours soon enough ... just make sure you don't piss
me off.

Lorin: Jeez, what more can happen tonight?

*Commercial Break*

Platinum Title Match
Triple Threat
BJ Smith -c- vs Kurt Zoom vs Guff Daddy

TB: Well, now we get to the next match. For the past couple of weeks, BJ
Smith has been running around the IML2 has the Platinum champion. Now,
the rookie has to face two vets for the Platinum Champion.

Lorin: BJ Smith's gonna take this. For one thing, Kurt Zoom and Guff
Daddy aren't thinking about this match, they're thinking about the
Spiral Tournament at the pay-per-view.

DJ: Ha. Kurt Zoom IS the platinum man. He'll take this title once again.

TB: I'd have to agree, BJ Smith has only had one match in the IML2. But
the crazy bastard is going to make a name for himself, I don't think
he'll go down without a fight. For now, let's go to the ring announcer
and start this thing.

*ding, ding, ding*

Ring Announcer: The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is a
triple threat match for the IML2 Platinum Championship!

("F*ck you" by the Lox plays as Kurt Zoom comes out to mainly cheering.)

Ring Announcer: First, from god knows where, weighing in at 292 lbs.,
the self-proclaimed "Greatest Platinum Champion Ever", Kurt

TB: Look at that intensity. Kurt Zoom's focused for this one.

DJ: He may just take this match.

(Zoom enters the ring and climbs up on the second rope and raises his
arms up. The crowd pops.)

("Guerrila Radio" by Rage Against The Machine plays as Guff Daddy comes
out to a mixed reaction.)

Ring Announcer: Next, from Sulphur, Louisiana, weighing in at 245 lbs.,
Guff Dadddddddyyyyyy!!!

DJ: Scratch that, Guff's gonna win it. He looks like he could take on
the entire Pepsi Arena.

Lorin: He's no Vincent.

DJ: I am.

Lorin: Yeah, right. Go back to your "Your Penis and You" book.

DJ: ...

TB: Heh heh.

(Guff Daddy enters the ring and gets in a corner. He stares a hole
through Kurt Zoom.)

Lorin: Well, that leaves only one left.

("Wasting Time" by Kid Rock (IML2 Edit) plays as BJ Smith comes out to a
huge pop. He has a large bag of some sort and is bringing it to the
ring. He leaves the sack to his corner of the ring, drops the title on
the way in, and the match begins.)

TB: BJ Smith has been through a lot today. After all he just got knocked out
by Mac D earlier in the show!

Lorin: True, but I think he's ready ... he got that bag or whatever.

DJ: What the HELL is in that thing?

Lorin: Only God and BJ Smith know.

DJ: God?

TB: Not the IML2 God. The actual God.

DJ: Oh.

Lorin: Remember, BJ Smith stole the Platinum Title from Kurt Zoom, back
at Cemetary Gates. I don't think Zoom's forgotten this.

*ding, ding, ding*

DJ: And here we go! Zoom goes after BJ, but Guff Daddy cuts him off with
a clothesline!

TB: Guff Daddy wants to wear down Zoom, before the Spiral Tournament!

Lorin: BJ Smith is just hanging back and watching Guff Daddy beat the
hell out of Kurt Zoom!

TB: Zoom's up, Guff Daddy runs in, but oh! Sidewalk Slam by Zoom! He
goes for the cover! One...two...And, no! Smith just saved his title!

Lorin: Guff Daddy would've kicked out, anyway. Kurt Zoom is pissed off
at BJ Smith!

TB: Zoom charges at Smith with a clothesline! Smith ducks, spins Zoom
around, and, a DDT!

DJ: Guff Daddy's up, he runs to the ropes, springboard dropkick by Guff
Daddy to Smith! Smith's down! Guff goes for the cover! One...two...and,
Smith kicks out!

Lorin: All three men are back up, Zoom charges at Smith, Smith ducks and
Zoom goes to the outside!

TB: Guff Daddy has BJ Smith, now, and he throws him into the turnbuckle!
Guff now, with right hands to Smith, he whips him into the other corner,
and charges in! BJ Smith moves out of the way! Kick to the gut, off the
ropes, bulldog!

DJ: Smith's on fire! He comes off the ropes... suicide dive to Kurt
Zoom! Dear god!

Lorin: Zoom's down! Guff Daddy goes to the outside, grabs Smith, and
throws him back in! Guff now goes up to the top rope! He leaps... but BJ
Smith drop kicks him on the way down!

TB: He does movies, but he also does drop kicks! He's now up, and he has
Guff! Whips him in, tilt-a-whirl slam! He goes for the cover!

DJ: Zoom with the save! Zoom, now, picks up Guff... he's going for 100%!

TB: Smith gets up and hits and jumping sidekick to Zoom! Zoom gets
knocked through the ropes!

DJ: Kurt Zoom spends more time out on the floor than Lorin spends in


DJ: Ow!

Lorin: Bitch.

TB: BJ Smith has Guff Daddy, and whips him into the turnbuckle! Guff
rebounds, kick to the midsection by Smith, suplex!

DJ: Oh, god dammit! Where the HELL is the blood?

Lorin: Is it just me, or are you a direct copy of JT?

DJ: Mind your business, bitch.


DJ: Ow! You know, Lorin, you're a direct copy of every woman who slaps
JT, you know.

TB: Stop arguing and get back to wrestling!

Lorin: Zoom with a chair! Zoom's got a chair! He brings it into the ring
and oh! He hit BJ Smith in the back of the head!

DJ: Wouldn't that be a disqualification?

TB: Vice President Eric said that there MUST be a winner in this match.

DJ: Yes! Well, Guff Daddy's back up, Zoom aims for him, Guff with a low
blow! Now Guff's got the chair!


TB: Guff Daddy has left a dent in that chair! Zoom's still up!

DJ: Guff throws the chair at Zoom, superkick with the chair! Zoom's
down, and busted open! Yes!

Lorin: Guff goes for the cover! One... two... no! Smith stops the count!

DJ: Smith has Guff, and a jumping DDT! That's Guff Daddy's own move!

TB: Now, BJ Smith is going for the sack! He's got... he's got... what
the HELL!?

Lorin: BJ Smith has a horn! What does he plan to do with it?

DJ: Smith sneaks up on Guff Daddy... and he blows the horn! God damn,
that was a loud one! Guff Daddy jumped about ten feet in the air! Ha ha!

TB: Now BJ Smith hits Guff with the horn! He goes for the cover! One...
two... no!

Lorin: Kurt Zoom has saved the match! He has BJ Smith, and a powerbomb!
Now Kurt Zoom's going outside... he's got a table!

DJ: The crowd is cheering! They love this!

Lorin: Zoom has the table in the ring, and is setting it up!

TB: But Smith's gotten back to the sack! He's got... a tape player, and
a microphone!

BJ Smith: Hey, Zoom, Guff, I didn't want to have to do this, but I've
got a Barry Mannilow tape and I'm not afraid to use it!

TB: Dear god, no!

Lorin: He's planning to bore Kurt Zoom and Guff Daddy into submission!

DJ: Somebody stop this psychopath!

Lorin: Kurt Zoom charges in, but Smith hits the switch! Kurt Zoom covers
his ears! He seems to be in pain, almost!

DJ: Aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!

TB: But look at Guff Daddy! He looks like he was prepared! He has ear
plugs! He charges in on BJ Smith and hits a dropkick! The tape goes
flying out of Smith's hands and it shatters into a million pieces!

DJ: Thank GOD! Smith's now getting pummeled in the corner by Guff Daddy,
he whips him in, and bumps into Kurt Zoom! Zoom picks up Guff and... a
fisherman's buster!

Lorin: Zoom goes for a cover! One... two... no! Guff saves Smith!

TB: BJ Smith rolls out to the floor, leaving Guff Daddy and Kurt Zoom in
the ring!

DJ: Guff Daddy runs into the ropes, comes back, and gets a huge
clothesline from Zoom for his troubles!

Lorin: Kurt Zoom now positions Guff in front of the table, and...
100%(Dominator) through the table! Guff Daddy's out! Zoom goes for the
cover! One...two... no!

DJ: What the HELL!?

TB: BJ Smith got into his bag and sprayed Kurt Zoom in the face with
silly string!

Lorin: Zoom's blinded! He's punching wildly! And he just decked the

DJ: Guff Daddy is not moving! Smith goes back into his bag and pulls
out... a Nerf gun?

Lorin: Why would he want that?

TB: BJ Smith is shooting Kurt Zoom with plastic foam balls! Zoom charges
in the direction of the balls, and he runs into the turnbuckle!

DJ: BJ Smith is just toying with Kurt Zoom and Guff Daddy, now! Smith
shoots at Zoom again, Zoom charges... and gets decked by Smith's nerf

Lorin: Now Smith goes back to the sack!

DJ: I'm afraid to find out what else he has in there.

TB: Smith's got a... soda can!?

Lorin: Drinking on the job?

DJ: Smith shakes the can up, and throws it at Zoom's head! Dear GOD! It
just exploded in his face! Kurt Zoom's out!

TB: BJ Smith is cleaning house with the goofiest weapons in IML2

Lorin: Guff Daddy's staggering up to his feet! He's been out for a

DJ: BJ Smith is back to the sack and he has a bucket and a bar of soap!

TB: He's going to the outside and he has some water! He pours it in the
bucket! He drops the soap in!

Lorin: Guff charges at Smith, Smith pours the water on the canvas, and
Guff slips and falls!

DJ: Ha ha! BJ Smith is making the veterans look silly in this match!

TB: He is! And now, BJ Smith has got back to his sack!

Lorin: He's got a bag of marbles!

TB: Kurt Zoom's back up, but he slips on the water and falls again!

DJ: Smith hits Zoom in the balls with the marbles! That's almost funny!
He hit his balls with some balls! Ha ha!

Lorin: Now Smith drops the marbles to the canvas, and Guff Daddy slips
on them and falls on the back of his head! He may be out!

TB: This match is complete chaos, now! And it's all thanks to BJ Smith's
wacky weaponry!

DJ: Now Smith goes outside and he has some conventional weaponry, a

Lorin: He brings into the ring and sets it up!

DJ: Kurt Zoom stumbles into the vacinity and BJ Smith puts him on the
table! Smith goes up to the second rope, senton splash through the
table! Zoom has been put out of commission!

TB: Guff Daddy has stumbled back up and is carefully trying to make his
way to the carnage across the ring!

Lorin: Smith gets back up and goes back to the sack!

DJ: What the hell ELSE could be in there?

Lorin: Smith has a pet carrier! He opens it... dear god! It's a psycho
ferret! He goes after Guff Daddy! It's biting his nose! Guff Daddy's
screaming out in pain!

DJ: I can't BELIEVE this match! BJ Smith has turned this match into a
playground of pain and misery!

TB: Guff has knocked the ferret off and it's in the crowd! The crowd is
parting like the Red Sea!

Lorin: Smith grabs Guff Daddy! Diving powerbomb from the inside of the
ring to the outside! Guff Daddy is out! Again!

TB: How many times have we said that in this match?

DJ: A lot.

Lorin: Wait! Kurt Zoom is somehow back up on his feet! He grabs Smith
from behind! 100%! Smith landed face first on some of those marbles!

DJ: That took a lot out of Kurt Zoom, though! He's down! But all he has
to do is cover Smith and he's a two-time Platinum champ!

TB: Zoom rolls over! The referee is back up! But he slips and falls! The
ref gets back up and makes a count! One... two... NO!

Lorin: Dear god! Smith kicked out!

TB: You can thank the referee's slip for that.

DJ: Yeah, Smith would've been beat if it weren't for that! Zoom's
frustrated now! He picks up BJ Smith and takes him to the top rope!

Lorin: Oh god! He's going to try for the 100% off the top!

TB: No! Smith slips out! He trips Zoom on the top! Now he goes up with

DJ: Tornado DDT off the top rope and through the Mongolian Announcer's
Table! Everyone's out!

Lorin: This has been one hell of a match!

TB: Guff Daddy stumbles back up and he drags BJ Smith back into the

DJ: Low blow by Smith! Brainbuster! Guff may have hit some marbles on
the way down, too!

Lorin: And now, Smith's back at the sack! It's almost empty!

DJ: Smith's got... a pen?

TB: Guff's stumbled back up, Smith sprays ink in Guff Daddy's face!

Lorin: Smith grabs Guff Daddy and sends him off the ropes! He goes for a
back drop... no! Guff catches him! S my DDT! (Jumping DDT)

TB: Kurt Zoom is still down! Guff Daddy is down! BJ Smith is down! This
match has taken a lot out of everyone!

DJ: Yeah. Guff gets an arm over Smith and rolls him over! He goes for
the cover!

TB: One...two.... no!

Lorin: Smith's kicked out of two big moves in the last couple of
minutes! My god!

DJ: Guff can't believe it! He goes to the top rope, and waits for Smith!

TB: Smith's up, Guff leaps, no! Smith caught Guff in midair and hits a
diamond cutter!

DJ: Kurt Zoom's back in and charges at Smith! Smith moves and Kurt Zoom
obliterates the referee in the corner!

TB: Smith with a fisherman's DDT to Zoom!

(Suddenly, "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit plays.)

Lorin: What the...!?

TB: That's Mac D's music! Mac D and BJ Smith have been at odds with one
another since entering the IML2! BJ Smith stands waiting for Mac D to
come down! But Mac D comes through the crowd! He's behind Smith! Smith

DJ: Mac D meets him with a clothesline!

TB: Smith's back up! The two are brawling! Smith whips Mac D in, jumping
knee butt!

DJ: Smith throws Mac D outside the ring, now!

Lorin: Kurt Zoom's back up, he whips BJ Smith in!

DJ: Mac D's got the Platinum title!

Lorin: BJ Smith ducks Zoom's clothesline and whips Zoom in! Mac D hits
Zoom with the title!

TB: I think he meant to hit Smith! Mac D stares in disbelief!

DJ: Smith with an inverted diamond cutter to Zoom! He kicks Mac D out of the
way. Smith picks Zoom up ... TAKE A LOOK AROUND! Smith with the cover, one,
two, three!

Ring Announcer: The winner of this match, and still IML2 Platinum

("Wasting Time" by Kid Rock (IML2 Edit) plays. Mac D rolls back into the ring,
and hits Smith with the Fallen Angel

Lorin: Smith wins! BJ Smith retains the Platinum Title!

*Commercial Break*

-Main Event-
Atlantic Title Match
Steel Cage Match
Kyle Kash -c- vs Mac D.


DJ: This will be interesting. Kyle Kash going up against Mac D in one on one
action. But there's more, its in a STEEL CAGE!

("Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit starts to play as Mac D starts coming out to the

Lorin: Here comes Mac D. He's an underdog for this match, but there is a
small fan base who does not thing he can pull it off.

("Never Dies" by Creed starts to play as Kyle Kash walks out to a huge pop.)

TB: Kyle Kash gets in the ring with Mac D and we have a huge stare-down right
now. The cage is being lowered to the ring ... and as a nice touch, it's been
painted green, the color of IML2.

DJ: So thoughtful.

Lorin: The ref takes his position by the door of the cage.

*Ding Ding Ding*

Lorin: The bell rings and we are ready to go! Mac starts it off with a
hamerlock, that Kash reverses into a hamerlock, which Mac gets out of with a reversal
and locks in a headlock.


TB: Kash whips Mac to the ropes, Mac ducks a clothesline, puts on the breaks,
punch is caught and Kash applies an arm wrench. Mac flips out of that and puts
him into his own arm wrench. Mac pulls Kash to his body for a short-arm
clothesline but it's ducked by Kash. Kash with a kick, vertical suplex, blocked by

Lorin: Lots of technical moves here in the beginning of the match.

DJ: This sucks, I'm going to go get a hot dog.

Lorin: Buy, we won't miss ya.

(DJ goes up and leaves.)

Lorin: Finally he's gone!

("Wasting Time" by Kid Rock [IML2 Edit] starts to play as BJ Smith starts
walking down toward the ring. Mac D stops and starts staring at him.)

BJ Smith: Hey why don't you turn around numb nuts?

TB: From behind, Kash, inverted DDT! That has given Kash the edge in this
back and forth match.

Lorin: And BJ is joining us here at the booth.

BJ Smith: Look at this. Mac D actually thinks he can win. Kash will demolish
him. Look at this. Kash picks Mac D up, he sends him to the ropes ...
clothesline is ducked, Kash telegraphs a back body drop and gets hit with a spinning
neck breaker.

TB: You might not like him, but he has some talent to him.

Lorin: And he did knock you out earlier tonight.

BJ Smith: Dude, Mac D is nothing. Who can't knock out a guy after sneaking up
from behind? Anyways, Mac got his coming. And about Mac having talent? Don't
make me laugh! Mac D and talent DO NOT go together in a sentence unless no is
right before talent!

Lorin: Ha, that's very clever.

BJ Smith: Right ...

TB: What do you mean Mac will get his coming?

BJ Smith: If I told you then it wouldn't be as memorable now would it?

Lorin: No it wouldn't.

BJ Smith: Just wait and see.

TB: Anyways, Mac and Kash back in that deadlock. They are staring each other
down trying to think of a move that will wear their opponent down.

BJ Smith: Who cares about that? BEAT THE HELL OUT OF EACH OTHER!

Lorin: And that's what Kash has decided to do. He starts deliver rights and
lefts on Mac. Mac stumbles to the corner and covers his body up.

BJ Smith: WEAK!

TB: Actually, I think that's a very smart move. Kash whips Mac to the
turnbuckle ... no reversed by Mac. Mac charges Kash ... Kash gets a boot up and Mac
eats the bottom of Kash's foot!

BJ Smith: That could take out a few teeth.

Lorin: Kash now sends Mac to the ropes, tilt-a-whirl slam! Kash with the
cover, the ref opens the door and comes in the ring. One, two, kickout by Mac.

TB: Kash picks Mac up, vertical suplex! Kash going over to the cage. He is
starting to climb it.

BJ Smith: Look at this, Mac is coming up from behind.

Lorin: Mac pulls Kash right back down to the floor! Mac is now stomping the
hell out of Kash! Mac picks Kash up, POWERBOMB!

BJ Smith: This is a waste of time. Mac is so un-charismatic. How in heaven's
name did he get into the Main Event and I didn't?

Lorin: Well I guess Vice Prez Eric likes Mac and not you.

BJ Smith: What? You're talking crazy! You know what would cool you down?
SNOW! I still have some left over from whatever the last Pay-Per-View was!

TB: Oh dear god.

Lorin: Mac has Kash in a sleeper hold right now. Kash backs him in right into
the turnbuckle! Kash now grabs Mac's head and is slamming it into the steel
cage! That has to hurt!

TB: Kash turns Mac around, kick, DDT! Cover, ref jumps in,
one...two...kickout by Mac!

BJ Smith: Finish the sucka off!

TB: Kash picks Mac up ... kick, he's getting ready for TOO LATE! THIS COULD

Lorin: Mac with a back body drop! Mac D will not give up! He will not give
up his chance to become Atlantic Champ!

BJ Smith: Blah blah blah, that's what you'll say when he faces me at the PPV.

Lorin: He's got a point there.

TB: But Mac is giving it his all. Mac starts exchanging punches with Kash.
WHO WILL WIN A FIST FIGHT? Kash ducks a punch, LOW BLOW!

Lorin: Well, we still don't know who'd win a fist fight, but we do know who
will win a street fight! Kash ... fighting dirty!

TB: Kash now back on top, double arm DDT!

Lorin: Kash now climbs the turnbuckle to get out of the cage. Mac slowly up
follows him. He grabs Kash by the waist and throws him down!

BJ Smith: Oh boy, this just might be trouble. Kash should have trained just a
bit more I guess. Oh well.

Lorin: BJ is leaving toward the back. What the hell is this?

TB: Mac D picks Kash up, FALLEN ANGEL! It's over! Kyle Kash is out! Mac D
is starting to climb the cage. BJ SMITH RUNS BACK TOWARD THE CAGE! HE'S


TB: BJ Smith just cost Mac D the Atlantic Title! Smith picks Mac up, TAKE A
LOOK AROUND! MAC D IS DOWN! From the back, Fletcher Jamison III and Nucking
Futs. They are climbing the ring and Kash is back up! They are standing in the
middle of the ring standing tall.

Lorin: The crowd is going nuts! These guys are loved!



("Dark and Grey" by Kid Rock plays as all the members of Explicit Content
celebrate. VP Eric steps up at the entrance.)

TB: These guys cost Mac D the Atlantic Title! They are beating the hell out
of him!

("Early Morning Stoned Pimp" by Kid Rock f/Joe C and Tino plays as Vice
President Eric runs out. He opens the door and pulls Mac D out.)


(The crowd is not sure how to react.)

... MAC D!!!!

Lorin: Oh my goodness ... Eric pulled Mac out of the cage giving him the win!

Vice President Eric: This is what you get for trying to cheat your way into a
win. So you know what? Next Pay-Per-View .. a four corners match for the
Atlantic and Platinum titles. BJ Smith vs Kyle Kash vs Mac D vs T.Q. Smooth!
Elimination style ... the first two guys get nothing ... and once we're down to the
last two men, the loser gets the Platinum, and the winner gets the Atlantic.
How does that sound?


Lorin: Oh brother, be careful putting Smith in a high caliber match ... you
never know what kind of weapons he'll use!

TB: Vice President Eric laying down the law! What a show, for Lorin and Deuce
Johnson, I'm Tom Baines saying CIAO!

(Scene fades.)

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