[The scene opens with a heart beating sound as IWO banner fades in as words |
fly all around it. Pride, Honor pass the screen as the banner fades out. As
it fades in the words Phelen Kell and Zombie fly around the screen to another
heart beat. Then as a O fly's across the screen we see the words Hate and
Love fly around and fade in. With the last heart beat the O fly's in with the
names Mysterious One and Titan following it. Finally the IWO comes ablaze as
the IWO symbol fly's past it as it fades out.]
[We fade back in with "Seek and Destroy" By Metallica playing as the words
"Mayhem flash across the screen."
Voice(GP): FANS WELCOME TO IWO's MAY MAYHEM!
[We see the pyro for Mayhem as it goes black with white flashing everywhere.]
Voice(Evan Levine): IWO WHITE.....MY IWO WILL PREVAIL!!!
[The scene fades into white with black flashing in it. We then cut to Joey
Malone vs. Donnie Daze.]
Voice(Meygon): HERE IS YOUR WINNER......AND NEW IWO WORLD
CHAMP, JOEY MALONE!
[The scene cuts to show Joey holding the world title high above his head as
the scene dies out with the music.]
[The scene comes back with "No Leaf Clover" By Metallica playing. This time
the words "Monday Night Meltdown 1 week ago" Flash across the screen]
Voice(GP): FANS WELCOME TO MNM!!!
[The scene dies out to Evan Levine standing in the ring with the mic in his
Evan: TONIGHT THE IWO WHITE WILL SHOW HOW POWERFUL IT IS!!!
TONIGHT WE WIN
THE RATINGS......TONIGHT THE WAR ENDS BEFORE IT STARTS!
Voice(song): When it comes to be the silvery light at the end of your tunnel.
[We cut to seeing Shawn Arrows vs. Cyanide.]
Voice(Shallow): CYANIDE ROLES ARROWS UP! 1..........2..........3!!!
Voice(Meygon): Here is your winner and #1 contender CYANIDE!!
[The music starts to pick up as we see a shot of the cage sitting there with
fire all around it. It this flashes shots from the first ever Table, Ladder,
Chair, Inferno, Cage, Scaffold match. It then goes to the ending]
Voice(GP): THE CASE IS MOVING!!!
Voice(Shallow): THE REF IS DOING IT!!
[There are more flashes of AWS Man falling hard....DPS Man going off the
top....and then the flashes stop with Evan Levine holding the case up high]
Voice(GP): DAMN IT LEVINE AND CROW HAVE SCREWED EVERYONE!!!!
[The scene all of a sudden melts as "Welcome to the Jungle" By Guns N'
starts to play. We here the screaming out thousands of fans...as the beat
picks up and all of a sudden MELTDOWN EXPLODES ONTO THE SCREEN!
We then all
of a sudden see a huge pyro explosion as we cut LIVE to The Key Arena in
Seattle Washington! The fans are all on there feet as they hold up signs and
middle fingers. The scene cuts to the announcers table as we see GP, JT, and
Shallow sitting there ready to start an unforgettable night!]
GP: FANS.......WELCOME...WELCOME.....WELCOME TO THE IWO,
JT: YOUR DAMN RIGHT! For the first time since 1998 I am happy to be here.
because IM getting paid....but because im........getting paid.
Shallow: Geez....not even you can be excited. Fans this is one hell of a show
we have for you. You thought last week was big, this one is even BIGGER!
GP: HE'S RIGHT......And with that I am happy to report that......PHELEN KELL
IS HERE TONIGHT!
JT: He's going to over though Evan.....just like he did before.
Shallow: If that was going to happen, it really would be a great night!
GP: Fans Kell is here to be one thing and only one thing....he will be one of
the 5 gladiators in the second ever Gladiator match in the history of the IWO.
Shallow: Damn right....The first one was Levine vs. Kell, this one is going
to be Malone vs. Cyanide...I CANT WAIT!
JT: There is only one match I care about...Levine vs. Billy Ray!
GP: Fans he's right there are a lot more matches here tonight.......we have a
live feed from San Fran were LiGiL will take on Tony Davis
JT: Also Crow will take on AWS Man.
Shallow: And Nuke will take on Syphon Fission...IT IS A NIGHT FOR THE
GP: Damn right....and now we need to take a................
[All of a sudden "Sober" By Tool starts to play as the fans go NUTS!!! Were
talken jumping on the seats and crying from all the cheering they are doing.
Pyro goes off as the cheers are deafening. Then all of a sudden from the back
walks the 5 time IWO world champ.....PHELEN KELL!!!]
GP THERE HE IS!!! ITS KELL!!
JT: Yea its only been 6 months!
Shallow: That is 6 months too long!
GP: Damn I cant even hear myself think with as loud this cheering is!
Meygon: Ladies and Gentleman.....the former 5 TIME IWO WORLD
[The fans pop again as Kell gets into the ring taking the mic from Meygon.
Kell walks over to the side of the ring with the camera as he leans on the
ropes and smiles. He then takes the mic and speaks]
Phelen Kell: DAMN ITS GOOD TO BE BACK!
[HUGE POP FROM THE FANS]
Phelen Kell: You know, I have been sitting home for 6 months keeping an eye
on the IWO, and there is only one thing IM not happy about and that's that
Evan is still here....I retired his ass and he needs to leave......NOW!!
JT: No....I knew it!
Phelen Kell: But, I leave that job to the great IWO wrestlers. You see, I
didn't come here to talk about Evan....infact I hate talking about him. I
came here tonight to keep things alive....to make sure that the Gladiator
match is done right....after all I was in the last one.
Phelen Kell: Tonight...I will go into that ring and I will not team up on
anyone....I will not go out there to hurt anyone....but don't get me wrong, I
will go out there to do my job. So good luck to everyone there going to
[All of a sudden "I Am Your Boogie Man" By White Zombie starts to play as the
fans boo louder then they cheered]
JT: YES!!! THE BOSS IS HERE!!!
[Evan walks out onto the stage with a smile on his face and a mic in hand. He
looks at Kell and rubs his chin]
GP: Things are about to pick up here tonight.
Shallow: Does anyone feel like were back at Ice Age?
[Evan smiles into the camera as he talks]
Evan: CUT THE MUSIC!!!
[The music Stops as the fans start to chant "FUCK OFF"]
Evan: Kell.............haven't you had enough yet? I mean come on, I steal
Harlaquin, I beat you, I give your best friend Cancer.....OF THE BALLS!!! AND
I TORCHED YOUR HOUSE!
Evan: How his Trent by the way? Is he still a man?
Kell: Evan, I didn't come here to start up old shit...I came here to make
sure things are done right tonight...I came here to make sure you don't try
to screw things up here.
Evan: You didn't come here to start old shit up? WELL TOO FUCKING BAD....I
got some shit I need to be taken care of before I can lay our past to
rest....YOU CHEATED ME OUT OF MY BELT DAMN IT!
Kell: YOU CHEATED YOURSELF.....AND YOU KNOW IT. YOU SOLD YOUR
SOUL TO JUSTIN
GOLDMAN! AND I MADE YOU PAY FOR THAT!
[The Fans pop like they never poped before as the camera pans all around the
Evan: I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO......
[A stair down between Kell and Evan starts as the fans start to chant "Kell"]
Evan: You know what....I think its time that I do what I should have done
when you came back last summer......AND THAT'S BEAT YOU TO
[Evan drops the mic and starts to walk to the ring as Kell drops the mic and
drops and starts to take of his shirt. Evan jumps up on the side of the ring
as refs from the back run out. Evan gets up as Kell runs into Evan knocking
him off of the ring to the floor. The fans go nuts as Evan jumps up and tries
to slide into the ring, but he cant as the refs hold him back.]
GP: WHAT A SAVE!!
JT: Damn it, I wanted to see them fight! I WANTED TO SEE KELL AND EVAN
AGAIN!! LET THEM GO!!!
Shallow: You still might because the refs are not helping much.
[Evan breaks past the refs as all of a sudden the lights go out and "Paint It
Black" by the Rolling Stones starts to play. The fans go nuts as King Sting
runs out from the crowed. He jumps into the ring and then out of it diving on
Evan. The two role around as The refs try to break them up]
GP: MY GOD ITS KING STING!!! WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?
JT: WHY THE HELL IS HE ATTACKING EVAN?
Shallow: Because the last time King Sting showed up at MNM Evan screwed
out of his last match ever in wrestling! HE'S BACK TO GET REVENGE!
[Evan and King Sting are still fighting on the floor as Kell is just standing
in the ring looking on. The refs break the two apart as King Sting jumps over
them and cheap shits Evan. More refs from the back run out as they separate
Evan and King Sting.]
GP: Fans we need to take a break...will be back...WHAT A WAY TO START A
SHOW!!! MY GOD!
[The scene fades out to a Beach Party Promo]
[The show comes back on the air as we see a shot of San Francisco Bay. The
camera pans over to a long shot of Alcatraze. In front of it we see a boat
docking on the island. The boat has a IWO White flag on it as it drops
anchor. The camera view then changes to a front view of the boat. We see
LiGiL getting off the boat and onto the island.]
GP: Well, fans welcome back to MNM....as you can see now there is LiGiL
getting off the boat to his island get away with Tony Davis.
JT: I cant wait for that match!
[LiGiL looks around and walks off the camera. But before it cuts back to the
ring, we see a man far away hiding in the dark as it cuts back to The Key
Arena were we see a Black limo pulling up. The limo has a license plate that
reads "Black is better"]
[The fans pop at the sign of "IWO Black"]
GP: WHAT IS THIS?
JT: Oh no....like Evan doesn't have enough to worry about
Shallow: Evan is going to have one fun night
[The limo stops as the back door opens. The fans wait to see who it is as all
of a sudden.......ZOMBIE STEPS OUT OF THE LIMO!!!]
GP: MY GOD ITS ZOMBIE!!
JT: Why the hell do the fans pop for Zombie?
Shallow: Because he's IWO Black....and people like to root for the under dog.
[Zombie looks around as a worker walks by. Zombie grabs him by the arm and
pulls him back]
Zombie: Tell me something boy......did Phelen Kell arrive here yet?
Worker: Ye.......ye.......YES SIR!
Zombie: Good........good......very good.
[Zombie smiles and starts to laugh as he lets the worker go and walks off
camera as it cuts back to the ring]
GP: Fans what more can happen tonight?
JT: I don't know but IM not enjoying it.
Shallow: Zombie, Kell, King Sting......who else will show up here tonight?
GP: Welcome to Monday Night Meltdown's first match Erik Blake versus one
of the tag team champions... DPS Man (Also Known as Bob).
JT: Erik Blake... DPS Man... ptth. Losers.
Shallow: Like you, JT?
JT: Shallow, I ought to smack your head off your shoulders.
(Erik Blake's music hits the airwaves as he comes out clad in his wrestling
outfit. He looks pumped and ready to go. He gets in the ring and makes his
four corner rounds.)
Shallow: Erik sure looks ready to fight. Don't you think?
JT: No, now shut up.
Shallow: That time of the month, again, JT?
JT: SHUT UP, SHALLOW.
(DPS Man (Also known as Bob)'s music hits as he comes out to some boo's
yay's and some other random stuff. A beer can comes from the crowd and hits
DPS Man (Also known as Bob) in the arm. He shouts a little as he gets in the
GP: And Erik Blake attacks as soon as he get's in the ring. Erik Blake picks
up DPS Man (also known as Bob) and throws him to the ropes. Erik with a
spinning heel kick. Erik goes to the ropes again, and comes back with a leg
JT: Eh. Erik Flake... Where's *HE* when you need 'em?
Shallow: Off with your mom, JT.
JT: What's with making fun of ME, lately?
GP: Oh well. Erik pull DPS Man (Also known as Bob) back up. DPS Man (Also
known as Bob) With the lowblow, that sends Blake to the ground. DPS Man
known as Bob) pulls Blake up and delivers a small DDT.
JT: The irony. How predictable... DPS Man (Also known as Bob) goes to the top
rope. He jumps but Blake moves. DPS Man (Also known as Bob) hits his tail
side on the mat. Is this stuff too... too...
Shallow: Fast paced, intense, and breath taking?
JT: No, that's not what I was looking for.
JT: That's it.
(DPS Man (also Known as Bob) is thrown out of the ring and onto the announce
table which takes JT by surpise.)
JT: Holy mother of God!
DPS Man (Also known as Bob): This is fuckin' insane, man.
Shallow: DPS Man?
DPS Man (Also Known as Bob): ALSO KNOWN AS BOB!!! CAN'T YOU GET IT
(Erik splashes ontop of DPS Man (Also known as Bob)
GP: HIGH FLYING MOVE BY ERIK BLAKE WHICH SENDS DPS MAN (ALSO
KNOWN AS BOB) TO
THE FLOOR. Erik Blake pulls him up and sends him into the stairs. DPS Man
(Also known as Bob) hits them with extreme force. Blake gets back in the ring
as the ref makes the count.
Ref: One.... Two....... Three...... Four...... Five.......
JT: Well, he's moving. And trying to get in the ring.
GP: DPS Man (Also known as Bob) is going to the mat. Erik Blake attempts a
baseball slide, but DPS Man (Also known as Bob) pulls him out and slugs him.
Shallow: Erik Blake is out, and DPS Man (Also known as Bob) get's in the ring.
Ref: One.... Two....... Three........ Four.......
GP: Erik makes an attempt to get in the ring. But, DPS Man (Also Known as
Bob) jumps over the ropes and ontop of Erik Blake.
JT: *sigh* It seems to all be over for Erik Blake, whoopie.
Shallow: You're not into this match much, JT.
JT: Go figure.
Ref: Six..... Seven...... Eight....
GP: DPS Man taking a beating to Erik Blake. Erik kicks DPS Man (Also known
Bob) in the stomach and throws him into the ring. He follows and sends DPS
Man (also known as Bob) to the ropes. DPS Man comes back to spring board
Rana. I didn't know Blake had it in him.
JT: He never did. That's the move he practiced for hours and hours to use.
Shallow: Like you spend hours and hours thinking of witty catch-phrazes to
JT: Shut up, before I turn you upside down and beat you like a raw peice of
Shallow: My point exactly.
GP: Alright, guys. Erik Blake is putting on the heat. He slings DPS Man (Also
known as Bob) into the ropes yet again. He picks DPS Man and lands him with
side walk slam. Erik goes to the top rope, and leaps. He lands a big splash
on DPS Man (Also known as Bob) and covers.
Ref: ONE.......... TWO...........
GP: Kickout, by DPS Man (Also known as Bob). Erik pulls DPS Man (Also
as Bob) up by his hair, and lands a few punches to his face. He then throws
DPS Man to the ropes, and charges right after him. He hits DPS Man (Also
known as Bob) knocking him over the ropes. Blake falls with him and they both
hit the outside.
JT: The ref is starting to count as usual, as Erik and DPS Man go at it. DPS
Man grabs Erik and tries to whip him into the stairs. Erik reverses and DPS
Man hits the stairs knocking them off the ring post.
Shallow: Woah. DPS Man (Also known as Bob) get's up, and starts to stagger
little. Erik Blake runs, and throws himself on the iron post. He swings
himself around and nails DPS Man (Also known as Bob), knocking him back
JT: That was the only funny thing I've seen in this match.
Shallow: Two funniest things I've seen in this match. That, and you coming to
the announce table.
JT: HAH HAH HAH.... SHALLOW. SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS.
GP: Uhh, guys?
JT: DPS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BOB)!!! GET IN THE RING!
GP: He's not paying attention, and not looking at the ref, either. This could
be tragic for DPS Man (Also known as Bob) if they go into a draw.
JT: Oh god. DPS Man (Also Known as Bob) picks up Erik Blake and throws
the ring, he tries to follow but the ref hits...
(Meygon gets in the ring.)
Meygon: YOUR WINNER BY COUNTOUT......... EEEERRRRIIIIKKKK
JT: Doh... DPS Man.... Jeeze.
(JT puts his hand on his head and shakes it.)
JT: You know it
GP: Well be right back!
GP: Folks, we've just got word from backstage that a limo has just pulled up
outside the Key Arena. As always we've got a camera backstage. Lets go
(The scene cuts backstage outside the Key Arena, where hundreds of fans have
gathered and are cheering at the camera. The large limo is parked just
GP: Who could possibly be in that limo? I think I've seen all the IWO stars
backstage earlier tonight before the show...Perhaps this is one of those
five legends that will fight in the main event Gladiator match?
(As he is speaking, the limo's driver gets out, wearing a black tuxedo, and
opens the passenger door.)
GP: Who is that?
(A large man starts to get out of the limo, wearing a Roman armor
chest-plate, leather chain mail pants, two large metal guards on his arms, a
brass helmet which covers his face, and he has a shield on his left arm and
a sword in his right. He loses his balance from the bulk of the armor, falls
down to the pavement, and then stands up again.)
JT: What...the...fuck...is that?
GP: WHO is that?
(Two women gets out of the limo after him.)
Shallow: Wait a minute, that's Callista and Lydia...those are the valets of
JT: Ok, when he became insane and now he thinks he's a lifeguard, I
laughed...But now he's completely lost the plot.
(Callista takes the brass helmet off, revealing that it is indeed Cyanide in
the armor. As he raises the sword into the air in the direction of the fans
outside, they let out a big cheer. Murdoch Hitler gets out of the limo,
Tazer in hand.)
JT: And here's my favorite manager, Hitler...Murdoch, that is.
GP: Oh please, the man's a complete insult to the human race.
Shallow: Now who's that getting out of the limo?
(Another man gets out of the limo to a huge cheer from the crowd outside.)
GP: Who is that?
Shallow: That's Russell Crowe!
JT: Oh yeah?...What's he doing here?...
(Russell Crowe waves to the fans, and the five of them walk into the arena.
The camera is in front of them and follows them as they walk through
backstage of the arena till finally they walk through the curtain to a huge
cheer from the crowd.)
GP: I guess they're heading our way to the ring.
JT: Of course they're coming to the ring. What, you think they're coming out
here to buy a hotdog?
(The five of them reach the ring, and all walk up the steps and step into
the ring. Cyanide looks down towards the announcers area, and points the
sword down at the announce table.)
Shallow: What's he pointing that knife at us for?
JT: It's a sword, and he obviously wants you to get in the ring to interview
him, stupid bitch.
(Nikki leaves the announce table and gets into the ring with a microphone.)
Cyanide: Hello fans.
Russell Crowe: Yeah...G'day everyone, how's it goin'.
Nikki: Um...On behalf of pretty much everyone who's watching, What are you
wearing armor for?...and why's Russell Crowe here?
(Murdoch Hitler takes the microphone before he can answer, causing some
boos, and he points at Shallow.)
Murdoch Hitler: Woman...Be quiet...
JT: This guy kicks ass!
Murdoch Hitler: I think it's plain to see why Cyanide is wearing a suit of
armor...You see, because he defeated the pitiful Shawn Arrows last week, he
won the right to a title shot tonight against Joey Malone. Not just any
title shot, a god damned Gladiator match for the IWO Heavyweight Title Belt!
(A smart fan hurls a bottle of soft drink into the ring, and it hits Murdoch
Hitler in the side of the head, knocking him out to the relief of everyone
in the arena, including those in the ring. Cyanide pics up the microphone
and looks down at Murdoch.)
JT: Oh the humility...
Cyanide: He really is an annoying prat, isn't he...
JT: What? How can he say that?
(He looks back up to address the audience.)
Cyanide: Well, Shallow...fans...everyone...As was being said, tonight I've
the Gladiator match against Joey Malone. As you can see, I'm wearing the
correct attire for such a match...and I've brought along a fellow New
Zealander Russell Crowe, to give me a few tips for the match...since after
all, if anyone would know about being a Gladiator...It's him.
GP: What on earth?
(Shallow is handed another microphone from the announce desk.)
Shallow: But Cyanide, you do know that a Gladiator match has got nothing to
with fighting with swords and getting dressed up in armor?
(Cyanide pauses and looks confused.)
(He looks back towards Russell Crowe, Callista and Lydia, who all shrug.)
Shallow: Um, yeah...For a Gladiator match, you and Joey Malone fight against
five other wrestlers...Those are the gladiators...And then you fight a
normal match for the title.
(There is a long pause while Cyanide stares blankly at the ground.)
Shallow: You don't...You don't actually need the armor and...sword, and I
don't think they would let you use them anyway.
(There is another long pause while Cyanide stares blankly at the ground.)
Cyanide: ...I see...
(He looks back up and Shallow, and then back at the other three, as Murdoch
Hitler slowly gets back to his feet.)
Cyanide: I guess we'll be going now, then. Excuse me...
(Slowly, the five of them leave the ring, and make their way back up the
ramp to the backstage area of the arena.)
JT: It's official...In scientific terms, Cyanide is a loon.
GP: I wont disagree. Fans we need to take a time out. Will be right back
[The show comes back on the air as we see Zombie walking around the hall
looking for Kell. He opens and shuts all doors as he asks people where Kell
GP: Well, looks like Zombie is still looking for Kell.
JT: Ya think?
Shallow: MY GOD IS CYANIDE A DUMB ASS.
JT: How many times you going to say that. Ever since you came back from the
ring after that interview you have been complaining.
Shallow: Well he is!
GP- Folks we have an outstanding match-up next!
Shallow- I'll say....Al Coholic is back and facing Donnie Daze!
JT- Pfft! That faggot should have stayed retired. No one wants him.
Shallow- But he equals ratings!
JT- Is that all you people care about? Ratings?
GP- Um...the more the ratings the more we get paid...
JT- Bring these guys on out! Sheesh!
Meygon- Coming to the ring now....Weighing in at some unknown
JT- I seriously think that ring announcer is on crack.
[ Donnie Daze comes to the ring.]
Meygon- Introduction next.....weighing in at a weight...well he doesn't care
as long as he gets drunk....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL
[ Al Coholic comes to the ring.]
GP- Who do you guys have your money on?
Shallow- I say Daze because Al might be a little rusty.
JT- What are you bonkers?!? Al Coholic rules!
GP- Weren't you just trashing him earlier?
JT- Why you bringing up old shit?
*DING DING DING*
[Al and Daze slowly circle each other. Then they hook up and Daze ducks
for a arm bar. He yanks on the arm brutally as Al Coholic goes to one knee.
Al does a forward tuck roll and tries to pluck bck to his feet but tripes and
falls back down.]
Shallow- I think Al Coholic is still drunk! Haha!
JT- Don't say that about Al!
GP- What are you gonna do about it?
JT- Stop saying it or....or....OR I'LL RULE YOU!
Shallow- Daze still has Al Coholic in that armbar.
[Daze lets go of the armbar and starts delievering punches to Al. Punch after
punch Al Coholic is getting worn out. Daze sets him up for a suplex....and
connects! but he doesn't let go....he still has Al Coholic hooked in the
suplex...and connects with another one....and still has Al Coholic hooked and
connects with another!]
Shallow- Fucking Fuck-Face!
GP- Three suplexes by Donnie Daze which has Al Coholic in a bit of trouble.
Daze goes for the pin...
[A kickout by Al Coholic frustrates Donnie Daze and he is arguing with the
ref alllowing Al Coholic to regroup. Al sneaks behind Daze and delievers a
back-suplex! but HE doesn't let go...he picks him up again and connects with
another back-suplex and still doesn't let go. Al Coholic is going for another
suplex but switches it to a German Suplex.]
GP- German Suplex!
Shallow- That has to hurt...2 back-suplexes and a german suplex? Ouch....
JT in Singsong- I'm gonna win the bet!
Shallow- It doesn't matter you will lose it all in a crap game with a
JT- I'm playing Erik Blake! He can't shoot dice.
GP- If I know Blake he would hate to hear that....
Shallow- JT LOOK! THERE IS BLAKE!
[JT jumps and hides behind the table while GP and Shallow are laughing.]
[Meanwhile back in the ring Al Coholic is delievering punches like crazy to
Daze. A block by Daze and executes a back-body drop and Al coholic drops to
the mat. Daze is wobbling around trying to maintain himself as Al Coholic is
on one knee. Daze bounces off the rope and bulldogs Al Coholic into the
ground. Daze imeediately follows up with a Boston Crab and falls back on Al
Shallow- He is gonna break his damn back!
GP- OH THE HUMANITY! OH THE EXCITEMENT!
JT- Oh shut up!
[Daze sets up Al Coholic for a powerbomb...he gets him up...and......NO!!!!!
AL WITH THE FACE BUSTER!!! DAZE IS DOWN.....AL RUNS OVER TO
GP- BITTER BEER FACE!!! THE BITTER BEER FACE!!! HES GOT IT LOCKED!
JT: Ut oh Daze is in trouble.
Shallow: HES GOING TO TAP!
[The camera goes in on Daze and.......HE TAPS!!!]
DING DING DING!
*DING DING DING*
Meygon- The winner of this match....as result of submission,
watch me get my freak on!
Shallow- What the hell?
[Meygon starts to dance]
JT- What kinda shit is that?
GP- Goes to show that you never know what will happen in the IWO!
Shallow: Yea...time to take a break.
[The show comes back on the air with a shot of San Francisco Bay again. This
time we see a boat pulling up and Tony Davis is on it. He gets off the boat
and looks around to see LiGiL and a ref waiting for him.]
GP: Well Tony Davis has arrived on the ROCK!
JT: Shut up we can get in trouble for saying THE ROCK!
[As Tony walks off camera we see that dark figure in the back again. Then it
cuts back to the ring]
GP: Wait, did you see that?
JT: No? What?
GP: You don't see anything. What about you Shallow?
Shallow: I didn't see anything.
GP: Whatever I know im not going nuts.....fans are next.................
(All of a sudden, "Three Point One Four" by the
Bloodhound Gang hits the PA system, and AWS Man
(also known as Bill) walks out from the back, alone.)
GP : What the hell? Since when does AWS Man (also
known as Bill) come out and uhh... do ... stuff?
JT : Since tonight, apparently.
(The fans give the Insane One a mixed reaction as he
walks down the ramp : some boos because he's a
heel, and some cheers because he's the Insane One. AWS
Man (also known as Bill) takes a microphone
from Meygon and slides into the ring. AWS Man (also
known as Bill) pauses for a few moments before he
speaks - not for dramatic effect so much as he
probably forgot what he was gonna say.)
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : ...Trix are freakin'
(Some of the stupider fans boo, some even stupider
fans cheer, and most get confused looks on their
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : But that's not the main
reason I'm freakin' out here tonight. As some of
you may have noticed, lately that Scaredy Cow guy has
been doing some rather freakin' poopiepants
things. I was willing to forgive some of it, and
forget all about the freakin' rest ... until the main
event on Hostile Takeover. As a few of you may have
noticed, I had me a little old World title shot, and I
was doing pretty freakin' good, too. It was going
nearly exactly like my memory of the last time Malone
and I fought, except with out all the decapitation and
porn. But then Cow had to come in and run into me.
I think those people in that truck thingy in the back
have some freakin' footage they can play on the really
big magic box with really big moving people on it up
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) points to the Titan-tron
type thing, and footage plays of Crow's spear on
AWS Man (also known as Bill) during the Takeover main
Nikki:Wait! Levine just pushed Malone to his feet!
It's Sabastian Crow! He hits the ring! Crow SPEARS
THE HELL OUT OF AWS Man(Also known as Bill)!
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Now, I suppose that,
being the freakin' tard that he is, he probably got
last in the backstage and wandered out into the ring.
Then, I guess he must have freakin' seen a shiny
quarter on the ground and decided to run forward and
get it, because he kinda just plowed into me,
and I must say, it rather hurt. I didn't appreciate it
too much, and I was going to politely freakin' explain
my feelings to Cow, when I remembered that I'm the
most heeliciously heeltacular heel ever, so I decided
to be mean and freakin' attack him. Let's see that,
JT:Crow is celebrating, and him and Levine are
slapping high fives. Malone hasn't seen this, as AWS
Man(Also known as Bill) climbs to his feet. He turns
Crow around, and KNOCK YER FREAKIN' HEAD
OFF! DEAR GOD! CROW GOES FLYING TO THE OUTSIDE! AND
AWS Man(Also known as Bill)
follows him! Dear god!
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Heh heh freakin' heh,
yeah, that was fun and full of heely goodness, but I
got carried away, and my World title shot got all
messed up and freak. So, um, I'm not trying to blame
Cow here, but ... actually, yeah, I'm freakin' blaming
him. Seamonkey Cow, you're really not a very nice
person, so there! ... And I'll have you freakin' know
that I would be sticking my tongue out now, if it
weren't for my paintball mask.
[ ‚ÄúFuck All‚ÄĚ by Kid Rock starts blaring over the pa
speakers as the words (- CROW -) come onto the IWO
Tron Screen, followed by fire blazing over the text.
Then we see the cameras speeding through a large
hotel parking lot, through the city of Los Angeles,
[ Through the arena, the lights are dimmed as stroll
lights from above start flickering on and off. From
green to red to yellow to blue to many other different
GP: Oh boy ! Tension I think, Is about to get heated
JT: It‚Äôs Sabastian Crow !!! Sabastian Crow -vs- AWS
Man, later on tonight... but, could we be seeing a
slight preview In few moments ?
[ Sabastian Crow comes from behind the IWO curtains
with a microphone In hand. He wears his usual
black KIK pants and a plain white shirt. Sorry, but It
was too hot for the leather jacket. ]
Sabastian Crow: Billy... Billy... Billy... Where art
though, Billy ? Why, I do say, dear boy, why are you
hogging up the stage ? Heh. When, you do know that the
real pro‚Äôs have yet to come out. Such people,
like myself, Evan and I, and maybe a few In the back,
but I‚Äôm not counting Janitor Bob.
JT: JANITOR BOB ! HEHEHE !!!
Sabastian Crow: Instead, you have to waste all the
peoples fragile little minds, into listening to your
bullshit, In which, I do believe, you should‚Äôve all
ready been done with last Friday !!! Not that these
politic idiots can be any stupider !!!
[ The audience majorly heats up at Sabastian Crow. ]
Sabastian Crow: Just for the fact, that you‚Äôre out...
‚ÄúOh ! Sabastian Crow costed me my match. Sabastian
Crow costed me my match. Oh boo hoo !‚ÄĚ, oh shut up,
Bill !!! You worthless sack of pornolized shit. To
my view, you‚Äôre worthless. And, you made one of the
most common mistakes In professional wrestling
today. What did you do ? You pissed off the bigger
man. Oh, Cyanide Is damn right ! No !, you‚Äôre right.
Cyanide Is right. I‚Äôm not very happy. Bill, you‚Äôre
right, I‚Äôm not a very nice person, but do I give a
Ah, HELL NO !!! In the past weeks, I have put The Wild
Boars through Hell. Cyanide, struck with a steel
chair. AWS Man, yourself, struck with a spear. Costed
you the World Title. And still, *STILL*, you
attempt to match a grudge against me ? You‚Äôre
pathetic. Worthless, to say the least. And like I
last Friday, a member from The Wild Boars would be
taken out... and, I tricked you into knowing I was
leaving Ozzfest. Haha ! You incapable moron, you can‚Äôt
tell what‚Äôs real and what‚Äôs fiction. And, that‚Äôs
the whole fun part of playing *mind games*, because,
well, hehe... I always win. Just like I‚Äôm going to
defeat you, here, tonight !!!
[ More Audience Heat. ]
Sabastian Crow: =)
JT: Sabastian Crow has laid down to the law to that
idiot, AWS Man.
(AWS Man (also known as Bill), who had his head bowed,
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Huh?! Oh, freakin'
sorry, Cow, I must've dozed off when you were being
all boring and such.
[ The audience, sort of laughs. ]
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Well, I'm sure that
whatever you said was freakin' great, but I have
something to say now that's actually pretty important.
See, I know that you like to think you've been
playing (Makes quotation marks with his fingers) -
"mind freakin' games" with the Wild Boars, but I'm
just gonna freakin' say that those have ended now,
because usually at least one of us Wild Boars gets
when those happen, and we don't like that too much.
So, no more mind games, but we did like the whole
"hurting other people stuff," so we thought we'd
freakin' try some of that ourselves, if you don't mind
[ AWS Man points to the back as The Wild Boars
suddenly start walking out... with steel pipes. ]
Sabastian Crow: Wha-- ?
JT: Oh no ! Watch out Crow !!!!
[ Crow turns around and DPS Man strikes Crow down with
the steel pipe... ]
GP: OH MY GOD ! THEY GOT CROW !!!!
[ Crow stands back up and Seaman strikes Crow down
with the steel pipe... Crow Is laid out from the
Shallow: Sabastian Crow has been laid out !!!!
[ DPS Man and Cyanide start dragging Crow to the
ring... they roll him In and AWS Man stomps down
on him... the rest of The Wild Boars get In and start
stomping on him too... ]
GP: The Wild Boars, they‚Äôve finally got Sabastian Crow
JT: Not fair !!! AWS Man set up Crow !!!!
Shallow: The mind games are establishing faster !!!
They‚Äôre now running on both ends !!!
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : (While stomping) Hee
hee, this is pretty freakin' fun!
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : Yeah, we should do this
more funkin' often.
Bob Job : Agreed.
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : (Stops stomping and
backs up for a moment as the other Boars continue
to beat down on Crow) Well, Crow, this just goes to
show you : the Swedes make darn freakin' good
meatballs. YOU didn't want to believe that, did you?
DID YOU?! Well, maybe now you'll see the freakin'
error of your ways.
[ Suddenly, that Presidential music from The White
House starts playing over the speakers and Randy
Long runs down, pushing George W. Bush In a wheel
JT: WHAT THE HELL !?!?!?!?
Shallow: Since when does Randy Long come out on IWO
[ Randy runs George‚Äôs wheelchair into the ring as he
runs In with a 2x4 barb wire. The Wild Boars scatter
outside of the ring. ]
GP: Randy Long, has just made the save !!!
JT: Poor George.
GP: Randy Is threatening The Wild Boars with that 2x4.
Man !, I don‚Äôt blame those guys... I wouldn‚Äôt
want barb wire In my flesh either...
Shallow: Yeah ! Plus, AWS Man said, barb wire hurts
[ AWS Man and The Wild Boars start backing up the
rampway, staring up at Randy & a fallen Crow, who
Is trying to get up... ]
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Crow, you may think
that this has only freakin' begun between us, but
you know what? THIS HAS ONLY JUST FREAKIN' BEGUN! ...
Oh, wait, yeah, you already thought
that. Still, you'd be right! Although I'm sure I'll
have forgotten all about this and even who you
freakin' are by the time of our match. Pip pip
[ Suddenly, Crow gets the microphone from Meygan. He's
barely standing... ]
Sabastian Crow: AWS MAN !!!... WILD BOARS !!!...
[ This gets The Wild Boars attention. ]
Sabastian Crow: Just a note, another member will be
taken out, TONIGHT !!!!
JT: Oh shit.Shallow: Not good.
[ A look of concern Is on the face of The Wild Boars
as they continue there way up the rampway. A last
shot of Crow's face Is filmed. ]
GP: Sabastian Crow has stated, yet again, that another
member will be taken out from The Wild Boars !!!
Who will It be tonight !? Stay tuned.
[ We fade backstage to the locker room area of Evan
Levine. Sabastian Crow Is sitting on the black leather
couch, getting medical attention, holding an ice pack
to his head. ]
Sabastian Crow: Can‚Äôt believe this shit just happened
Evan Levine: They countered back !
Sabastian Crow: Duh ! I know ! It happened to me, you
Evan Levine: Ok ! What can I do to help ?
[ Crow takes the ice pack from his head, stands up,
slams his fist on Evan‚Äôs desk and gets In his face. ]
Sabastian Crow: Other than AWS Man, I want a Wild Boar
tonight ! And I mean, SOON !!!!
Evan Levine: Are you sure, that‚Äôs what you want ?
Sabastian Crow: Just book the match, Evan.
Evan Levine: Fine ! You got Bob Job. Sabastian Crow
-vs- Bob Job, here tonight !!!
Sabastian Crow: Thank you !
[ Crow sits back down on the leather couch, places the
ice pack on his head, and we fade back to the ring.]
GP: Well, looks like we have a 10th match here tonight on MNM. Bob JOb vs.
Crow...that will be good.
JT: Yea right.
(Suddenly, A Heavy Metal Remix of "The Superman Theme" blasts over
A. System as Doozer makes his way down to the ring. He is wearing a
T-shirt, black pants, orange Nike shoes, and an official Boston Red Sox hat.
Doozer casually walks down to the ring and slides in as the words ‚ÄėRed Sox
Rule‚Äô appear on the mat. Then, as he turns his hat backwards, red fireworks
blast out of each turnbuckle.
JT: Who is this guy?
GP: I don‚Äôt know, but I like the shirt!
Shallow: Well, I guess we‚Äôre going to find out just who he is‚Ä¶ He‚Äôs got
GP: But does he know how to use it?
Doozer: The Doozed Is In The House!!!! That‚Äôs right, you‚Äôre looking at
Innovation of Devastation‚Ä¶ The Master Of Disaster‚Ä¶ The Ruler of The Ring‚Ä¶
And all those other nice nicknames of mine that you will come to know and
love. But, now I am out here to introduce The Dooze to all you. Most of you,
the wrestling fans who keep up with many federations, will know who I am. I
was a Dream Wrestling Federation Star and Legend. Right now, I have a spot
in its Hall of Fame. Then, why did I come to IWO? Well, that‚Äôs easy. I
needed a challenge that I knew only IWO would be able to give me. So, that
is why I signed with IWO and that is why I will bring my Doozing and Abusing
over to the IWO and you great IWO fans!
*Doozer receives a cheap pop*
JT: What cheap pop‚Ä¶ It will be the only one he gets‚Ä¶
Shallow: Shut up, he seems like a face to me..
GP: All we need is another wannabe face‚Ä¶
Doozer: I‚Äôll promise you all now that I will fight for you and I won‚Äôt turn
my back on you. Plus, I can promise you wrestlers in the back watching me
out here that if you want to get in my way, I will shove your head so far up
your ass that you‚Äôll need to cut holes in your nipples just to see.
*Crowd laughs and cheers*
Shallow: There you have it, that wasn‚Äôt cheap, but it was a pop.
JT: Cheap, cheap, cheap, like your momma.
*Shallow slaps JT*
Doozer: But anyway‚Ä¶ I don‚Äôt have anything else to say so I‚Äôm out for
got a date with Flyer‚Äôs mom‚Ä¶ So, I‚Äôll catch all you later and until
(Doozed drops his microphone and steps out of the ring. He walks back up the
ramp and to the backstage area as he receives a good pop from the crowd and
his Rock ‚Äėn‚Äô Roll Remix of ‚ÄėThe Superman Theme‚Äô plays over the
IWO P. A.
GP: Well fans looks like the IWO has taken one of the DWF's best....
JT: HA....we took one of there guys!
(The scene opens up in the backstage area, where Syphon Fission is just
getting ready to head to the bathroom for his match with Nuke. He's
wearing his wrestling gear, obviously. He then almost bumps into Keri
Lindum in the hallway. Keri is wearing a seethrough black shirt over a
white tank top and a dark green skirt. She has a concerned look on her
Keri Lindum: Rashard...
Syphon Fission: Keri, I don't have time for this. Let me through.
(Syphon steps one way, but Keri gets in his way. He steps another way,
but Keri steps to get in his way.)
Fission: ...What do you hope to accomplish, Keri?
Keri: Rashard, don't persue this. Please don't.
Fission: What are you talking about?
Keri: You and Joey. Don't persue it. You two were such good friends, why
can't things be like they were, Rashard?
Fission: It's not my fault that your boyfriend has what I want. If I
have to crush his skull for his title, then so be it. It's just
Keri: And that's what bothers me, Rashard. You turned on Joey for such a
Fission: A meaningless cause? Are you saying I can't beat him?
Keri: N, no... that's not it...
(Fission calmly grabs Keri by the shoulder and pushes her aside and
walks away. Keri just sort of turns to where he's going.)
Keri: ...I'm sorry.
(She walks away, too, as the scene fades out)
[ ‚ÄúFuck All‚ÄĚ by Kid Rock starts blaring over the pa
speakers as the words (- CROW -) come onto the IWO
Tron Screen, followed by fire blazing over the text.
Then we see the cameras speeding through a large
hotel parking lot, through the city of Los Angeles,
[ Through the arena, the lights are dimmed as stroll
lights from above start flickering on and off. From
green to red to yellow to blue to many other different
Meygon: Introducing to the ring at this time, weighing
In at 300 pounds, at an exact height of 6‚Äô7. All the
way from Los Angeles, California... SABASTIAN CROW
GP: Crow demanded the match. He got the match. Could,
Bob Job be the next member for Crow to take
out, here tonight ?
JT: Hmmm... he could be. Crow tricked us with DPS Man,
though. Remember, last Friday night ?
GP: Oh, I remember. But, Crow really went after AWS
Man. Must‚Äôve had a change In heart, or
[ Sabastian Crow comes out to the ring, grabs hold of
the ropes, and climbs over. He brushes his short hair
back and waits for his opponent. ]
[ ‚ÄúSuperman‚ÄĚ by Gold Finger blasts over the PA
speakers as the fans come to a mixed reaction. Out
the back, walks Bob Job wearing his normal, usual
wrestling attire. ]
Meygan: Introducing next, his opponent... weighing In
at 121 pounds, standing at 5‚Äô4... BOB JOB !!!!!!!
JT: AHHH !!! I COMPLETELY FORGOT !!!!!
GP: What, JT ?
JT: This jobber Is a midget !!!!!
[ Bob Job approaches the ring and lifts up the apron.
Crow leans himself against the ropes and waits for
Bob Job to enter. ]
GP: What‚Äôs he doing ?
**Ding Ding Ding**
[ Bob Job reaches under the apron and starts tossing
In weapons. From a trash can & lid, steel chair,
Mickey Mouse CD Rom, to uhhh, baby diapers. ]
JT: Wonder what he‚Äôs going to use that shit for !?!?
Shallow: Hehe. You said shit. Once Bob Job has baby
diapers In the ring, you have to mention shit.
JT: Shut up.
GP: Crow, he picks up the lid from the trash can. Bob
Job slides In, he charges at Crow, and Crow knocks
him down with a shot.
JT: Heh. That didn‚Äôt take long.
GP: Crow brings Bob Job back up now, he bounces him
off the ropes, Irish whip, he sends Bob Job to the
ropes, Bob Job comes back, Crow with a drop toe hold,
and he slams Bob Job‚Äôs face, ramming, straight
into the trash can. What a shot !!!
Shallow: Crow brings Bob Job back up now. He slides
his head between his legs, he‚Äôs take him up, and
slams him back down with a powerbomb, straight onto
the trash can !!! That trash can Is bent with Bob
Job‚Äôs body marks !!!
JT: Sabastian Crow places his foot on Bob Job‚Äôs chest
now... the referee, he notices this Is a pin...
**Ding Ding Ding**
Meygan: And here Is your winner, SABASTIAN CROW !!!!!!
JT: Hehe. I knew that jobber didn‚Äôt stand a chance.
GP: And now, look at Crow. He‚Äôs stomping down on Bob
Job... but wait, he‚Äôs caught his attention
somewhere... something Is hanging high above, he‚Äôs
signaling for It to be lowered and... It‚Äôs a... a....
JT: A ROPE !!!!
GP: Oh my God ! Sabastian Crow, Oh my God !!! I hope
he doesn‚Äôt plan on doing, what I think he‚Äôs
going to do.
JT: HE‚ÄôS GOING TO HANG BOB JOB !!!! KILL HIM, CROW !
KILL HIM !!!!
GP: Crow has the rope now.. but wait ! There‚Äôs The
Wild Boars !!! They race into the ring, Crow slides
out and he‚Äôs out of here !!! The Wild Boars, they‚Äôre
surrounding the ring. They‚Äôre defending Bob Job...
and, Bob Job Is sleeping...
Shallow: Great, intense action. Folks, we got to a
GP: That‚Äôs my line.
Shallow: Fuck It. Let‚Äôs cut to a commercial break.
[The show comes back on as we see a shot of Zombie walking though the halls
again. This time Zombie walks into a door and standing there talking to Nikki
is the one and only Gunnar Smith!]
Gunnar: Hey Zombie.......what's up?
Zombie: Shut up.......have you seen Kell?
Gunnar: If I saw Kell I would ask for his autograph.
Gunnar: I hear it goes for a lot now adays.
Zombie: Look you IWO Legend wanna be, all I asked you was where he was. If
you dont have a answare then say so.
Gunnar: Wanna be? I am a IWO Champ!
Zombie: You sucked as a champ!
Gunnar: Hey fuck you buddy!
[Zombie jumps from the door way ontop of Gunnar as the two go at it rolling
around on the floor. Nikki runs out calling for refs as Zombie stands up and
tosses Gunnar into a door knocking the door down.]
GP: MY GOD!!! ZOMBIE IS GOING NUTS!
[The refs run in pulling Zombie off of Gunnar as Gunnar rolls on the floor
holding his ribs.]
Shallow: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
JT: Zombie will do anything to find Kell!
Shallow: That's right.....but can we get are next match going?
GP: Fine...ok now for the Roof Top 3 match, where the president of IWO Evan
Levine will fight ‚ÄúThe Drunken Bastard‚ÄĚ Billy Ray.
JT: Well let‚Äôs just hope both men get seriously injured.
Shallow: How could you say that JT? How can you possibly find pleasure in
the suffering of others?
JT: It‚Äôs very simple really. I find matches where both men don‚Äôt get a
near fatal injury to be quite boring.
Shallow: That‚Äôs sick.
JT: Yeah whatever, where‚Äôs Meygon so we can get this match started.
GP: This isn‚Äôt a ring match JT. We‚Äôre on the roof.
JT: Oh...I see.
Shallow = Idiot.
[ We then cut to the rooftop, where the fans and 3 announcers are watching
the action from the IWO-Tron. Evan Levine is already on the roof top
awaiting his opponent Billy Ray. ]
GP: Where the hell is Billy Ray?
[ I few seconds later, Billy Ray staggers onto the roof from the roof top
elevator. The wobbles around, and seems to be holding a beer bottle.
Obviously he‚Äôs wasted off his ass. ]
Shallow: How can he fight like that?
JT: Practice I assume.
[ We cut back to the rooftop where Evan Levine is arguing with the referee.
Evan Levine: Hey! The rules clearly state NO BEER!
Ref: Well what do you want me to do about it?
Evan Levine: Uhm, maybe you should...DO YOU‚ÄôRE JOB AND TELL HIM
TO THROW IT
[ The ref begins talking to Billy Ray. ]
Ref: Alright man, ya gotta put the beer bottle away.
Billy Ray: Fine!
[ Billy Ray chugs it once more time, finishing off the rest of his beer,
while some dribbles off his chin and shirt. ]
Billy Ray: Alright! Let‚Äôs fight!
[ Billy Ray then chucks the empty beer bottle at Evan Levine, hitting him
square in the head, busting his forehead open as pieces of glass fly
everywhere. Evan Levine goes down. ]
JT: YES!! BLOOD!!
GP: Well...I guess the match has begun. Billy Ray takes down Evan Levine
early with a cheap bottle shot to the head. Billy Ray now lifts Evan to his
feet, and gives him a Manhattan Drop. Evan goes down again clutching his
Shallow: Stop being such a girl JT. Grow up! Billy Ray goes to lift Evan
again...no! Billy Ray spins around and grabs his face. What just happened?
JT: Evan just slashed him with a piece of the broken beer bottle! MORE
Shallow: Billy Ray is staggering away with his back turned to Evan Levine,
while covering his face. Evan is back to his feet! Evan rushes Billy Ray
from behind...bulldog on Billy Ray! Evan just smashed his face into the roof
GP: Evan then goes for a standing leg drop...no one home! Billy Ray rolled
out of the way. Billy Ray wipes off some of the glass still stuck in his
face, and goes after Evan. Evan is about to get up...but Billy Ray slams
him back down with a Double Axe-handle to the back. Billy Ray then stands
over Evans body. He grapples Evan by the waist, and pulls him
up...Wheelbarrow Powerbomb on Evan Levine!
Shallow: Billy Ray rips Evan to his feet, and hoist him over his shoulder.
He‚Äôs gonna toss Evan Levine right off the roof!! Billy Ray is almost at the
edge of the roof...but wait!! Evan slides down his back! Evan is behind him
now! Evan goes to shove Billy Ray off of the roof!!
JT: YEAH!! BILLY RAY IS GOING OVER...aww.
GP: Luckily for Billy Ray, he stopped himself from going over the top at
the last possible second.
JT: Gee. For a drunk, he sure has a lot of balance.
Shallow: Not for long! Evan is getting set to superkick him off the roof!
Billy Ray turns around, and...Evan with a superkick!!...NO! Billy Ray caught
his foot! Billy Ray shoves Evan down to the ground, or the roof top to be
more precise. Billy Ray then lifts Evan‚Äôs two legs, and spreads them apart
a little...oh man he isn‚Äôt gonna do this is he?
JT: I think so. Billy Ray then stomps on Evan‚Äôs balls!!
[ All the men in the crowd, as well as our three announcers wince in
GP: I think ever male in this building felt that one.
JT: Fuck that. Look at Evan.
[ Evan Levine is shown grabbing his groin, and rolling in pain. ]
Shallow: I see your point. Billy Ray now goes to follow up on his attack.
He goes to lift up Evan Levine, and...he grabs his groin and doubles over in
pain! What the hell just happened?
JT: Evan has a kendo stick!! Billy Ray just took a kendo stick to the
GP: Who keeps putting all these weapons on the roof top?
JT: I don‚Äôt know. But thanks to them this match just got interesting.
Evan is now standing over Billy Ray, with the kendo stick. Evan Levine
rains down blow after blow to Billy Ray with the kendo stick!! He‚Äôs beating
him to death!
GP: Evan continues his vicious assault on the ‚ÄúDrunken Bastard‚ÄĚ. Billy
is pretty hurt...wait! Billy Ray just tripped up Evan!! Billy Ray has an
iron chain in his hands!! Evan holds up the kendo stick, in a vain attempt
to protect himself, but Billy Ray breaks it with a swing of the chain!
JT: YES!! THE DRUNKEN BASTARD IS ON A DRUNKEN RAGE!! HE WHIPS
EVAN WITH THE
IRON CHAIN!! BILLY RAY IS PUNISHING EVAN WITH THAT IRON CHAIN!!
Shallow: How can you say that JT. He could kill him. Finally Billy Ray
tosses the chain away. Billy Ray then rips a beaten Evan Levine to his
feet, and grapples him. Billy Ray lifts Evan high over his head and...slams
him down on with a Falcon Arrow!! Right on the chain too.
JT: Billy Ray now has a...boom box? Yeah a boom box!! He lifts it high
over his head...HE SLAMS THE BOOM BOX DOWN ON EVAN‚ÄôS
ABDOMEN! EVAN IS
WRITHING IN PAIN.
GP: Billy Ray is dominating right now. Wait...Billy Ray‚Äôs signaling for
the BEER BOMB!!
JT: Yes!! He‚Äôs gonna throw him off!! Billy Ray rips Evan Levine to his
feet, and drags him over to the edge of the roof. Billy Ray places Evan in
a standing head scissors position. He‚Äôs about to lift him up...
[ Abruptly, ‚ÄúTill Hell Freezes Over‚ÄĚ by D-12 begins to blare in the arena,
as Nuke, dressed in a cut off black shirt, black windbreakers, and a silver
Jason mask covering his face, makes his way to the rooftop!! ]
GP: IT‚ÄôS NUKE!! WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING OUT HERE!!
JT: I don‚Äôt know, but this should be good!
Shallow: I don‚Äôt think Billy Ray knows anything is happening. And...is
Nuke hiding something behind his back?
JT: Woo Yoo!! This is gonna get interesting. Nuke sneaks up behind Billy
Ray...NUKE TAPS HIM ON THE SHOULDER!! BILLY RAY DROPS EVAN AND
AROUND!! NUKE PULLS OUT A...NAIL GUN!! HE POPS BILLY RAY IN THE
WITH A NAILGUN IMPALING HIM IN THE LEFT SHOULDER!! HE SHOT HIM
BLANK RANGE!! BILLY RAY GOES FLYING OFF THE ROOF TO THE NET
GP: MY GOD!! NUKE JUST SHOT HIM WITH A NAIL GUN!
JT: Where‚Äôd he get one of those? Ya think they sell it at Home depot?
GP: I guess, but that‚Äôs not the point. Nuke just impaled Billy Ray in the
shoulder with a nail, and cost him this match. But...why?
Shallow: Well, if you remember Nuke was pushed off the roof top in his
match against Tony Davis. There has been a rumor going around that Billy
Ray was the person who did it, I guess Nuke just got his revenge.
JT: And did he ever.
Meygon: HERE IS YOUR WINNER, AS A RESULT OF A DISQUALIFICATION,
JT: Damn.......but even I have to say, what Nuke did to Ray is over doing it.
GP: Fans we need to take a break.
[The show comes back on the air with a shot of King Sting standing next to
Nikki who still looks shocked about what happened with her in the room.]
Nikki: King Sting, first off welcome back to the IWO....and I think the
question on everyone's mind is, why did you attack Evan Levine?
King Sting: Nikki, How dumb can you be? Last time I did a show in the IWO,
was 8 months ago on MNM....and in that match, I said it would be my last
match and the match I want to be rememberd by.....and in the end of that
match, I LOST becuase Evan Levine had the balls to come down and hit me in
the back of the head with a chair!
Nikki: We have a clip of that. Lets go to it.
::goes to clip.::
MR: King Sting has Mike Extreme where he wants him. The fans are going
nuts..there on there feet!
JS: Yea...and that great.
AK: King Sting says its all over as he picks up Mike Extreme.
[As King Sting picks up Mike Extreme, Evan Levine runs out from the back with
a chair in his hand. The ref is still down as Evan jumps on to the side of
the ring and NAILS King Sting in the back of the head with the chair]
MR: MY GOD!!!! WHAT THE HELL!! WHY DID EVAN DO THAT?
AK: Mike crawls over to King Sting and covers.
1...............2...............3!!! ITS ALL OVER!
[Clip cuts back to King Sting standing there with Nikki]
King Sting: Nikki, I don't care what the reason was, Evan did something he
will wish he never did.....tonight Ill get my revenge.
[King Sting walks off camera as Nikki just looks dazed.]
GP: Well, fans at least we have a little light shedded on why King Sting did
what he did.
(the IWO camera zoom in on Meygon the announcer who is standing in the
middle of the ring with the mic in hand)
Meygon: This next match is scheduled for one fall. It is a non title match
up. In a bathroom brawl standing in the back right now are two of the
toughest wrestlers in the IWO. Former IWO World Champion Syphon Fission
up and coming rookie sensation and IWO Unified Champion Nuke!!
GP: As the IWO camera men are rolling in the bathroom in the back as all
the fans here in the arena will get to watch this one from the Jamie-Tron on
the big screen since the action is in the back.
JT: These are seriously two of the best in the IWO today. Nuke still has
to be wondering though. Who was the masked man who pushed him off of that
Shallow: Ya as I believe the action is about to get under way. There is
the bell and this match is off!
GP: There is Syphon Fission but where is Nuke at?
JT: I have no idea. I had reports no one saw him in the back area or
dressing rooms tonight.
Shallow: There he is!!
(as Nuke kicks open the bathroom stall hitting Fission with the door Nuke
has surprised Fission as Nuke begins to stop on Fission who is crippled on
the floor from the blow by the door)
GP: I guess Nuke needed to take a dump before his match?
JT: Either that or he just pulled one hell of a surprise onto Fission as he
has knocked the former IWO World Champion down onto the floor of that
Shallow: Where is Nuke going now?
GP: I have no idea. Looks like he is going into that little janitors room
here in the bathroom or as the English call it. The Pub.
JT: Hell ya Nuke is taking this match to the extreme now!
(as Nuke comes out of the closet carrying a mop and some pine sol cleaner)
Shallow: I can understand what the mop is for? But what the hell is the
pine sol for?
GP: I guess we will find out as Nuke is beating the living hell out of
Syphon Fission with that mop.
JT: Fission is out it seems like as Nuke is pouring Pine Sol all over
Fission as Nuke goes for the cover!
Shallow: Fission with the kick out and he is not going to let this rookie
get the best of him this early in the match.
GP: Hell no. But Nuke looks really pissed off that Fission kicked out
(as Nuke turns around to pick up the mop again Syphon Fission gets enough
power to hit Nuke with a low blow knocking him down to the ground and giving
Fission the upper hand)
JT: Wow what a move by Fission. That will give him some time here to get
back into this match with Nuke. Fission is back onto his feet and Nuke is
still holding his balls.
Shallow: Yes it was a great come back move there JT. As Fission is up and
he slams Nukes head off of the sink busting him wide open.
GP: Oh my god look at all the blood on the sink and on Nukes head! Fission
is trying to kill him.
JT: What the hell is Syphon doing now?
(Syphon kicks open the bathroom door and picks up Nuke in a tombstone
piledriver move and takes Nuke into a toilet bowl where someone forgot to
flush and tombstone piledriver right into the toilet bowl!!!
Shallow: THAT IS FUCKING SICK!!!!
GP: Ya it is Shallow! Nuke has pulled his head out wow he got a tird on
JT: Syphon Fission is my idol I would have never had thought of doing that.
Shallow: Fission is dragging Nuke by his hair again pulling him along like
a dog on a leash. Wow Syphon hits a European Upper Cut onto Nuke knocking
him back wards a couple of steps as Nuke ends up sitting in the sink ass
GP: Nuke is looking a little bit dazed right now. And Syphon see‚Äôs that
and he is going in for the kill. Syphon walks closer to Nuke and Nuke kicks
him right in the nuts getting revenge for before.
JT: And Nuke has a second life here he is right up. Nuke nails a
clothesline on Fission knocking him down. Nuke is on fire here!!
Shallow: Nuke with a body slam right into the stall and Fissions is
hurting. There goes Nuke with a frog splash off of the sink onto Fission.
GP: There is a cover!!
GP: This match is over lets go to Meygon for the official announcement.
Meygon: And the winner of this match. Your IWO Unified Champion NUKE!!
Shallow: What a great match! What is Nuke doing now? The Match is over.
JT: Nuke is throwing his lit lighter onto Fission! Oh my god and Fission
completely catches fire!
GP: That is what the pine sol was for!
Shallow: He need to take a break will be back in a few!
GP: And we have the Battle of Alcatraz match, next!
JT: YES! YES! BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!
Nikki: Okay, so we're going to Alcatraz to watch LiGiL and Tony Davis
beat each other!
(Scene cut to outside Alcatraz's building, where Tony Davis and LiGiL
are standing, having tea.)
LiGiL: I say, Tony. This is rather fine tea you've made.
Tony Davis: Thank you, LiGiL. My girlfriend taught me the recipe.
LiGiL: And a rather fine recipe it is!
*ding, ding, ding*
LiGiL: Oh dear, it looks like we're gonna have to beat the hell out of
each other now.
Tony Davis: Aww. Okay.
(They both get up, throw their cups of tea down, and exchange punches.)
GP: And the fight is on!
JT: Davis and LiGiL are exchanging punches and they're brawling down the
Shallow: Davis knocks LiGiL down with an elbow and now he's got... um...
whatever that is.
GP: That's a life preserver. You know, that thing that Cyanide uses in
his matches and for the Lifesaver?
Shallow: Shut up, Greg.
GP: Hey, I'm only trying to help you.
JT: Davis tries to take a swing at LiGiL, and he connects! And LiGiL
trapped in the life preserver!
GP: Wouldn't that make that a life ender, then?
JT: SHUT UP, GREG. NOBODY THINKS YOU'RE FUNNY.
Shallow: Davis throws LiGiL into the building!
JT: What a plot twist.
Shallow: LiGiL breaks loose from the life preserver and now he starts
pounding away at Davis's forehead with right hands! Davis ducks one,
though! BACKDROP SUPLEX BY DAVIS! ON THE CONCRETE FLOOR!
GP: And now Davis gets on top of LiGiL and pounds away on him with right
hands! Now Davis picks up LiGiL and slams him into the concrete wall!
And LiGiL bounces back and falls onto the concrete floor!
JT: Davis picks LiGiL up and he goes for the Equalizer, but LiGiL stops
him with a double leg pickup... INTO THE SLINGSHOT, RIGHT INTO THE
Shallow: Davis gets his face rearranged right there!
GP: Now LiGiL's up on his feet, while Davis recovers! LiGiL grabs Davis!
Snap suplex! Right to Davis! Now LiGiL goes over to Davis and he starts
stomping away at the former IWO World Champion!
JT: Now LiGiL grabs a leftover prop from the Rock movie! It's one of
those green marbles!
Shallow: I hope it's not really filled with the VX Gas.
JT: Neither do I. I like LiGiL!
GP: AND LIGIL BRINGS IT DOWN HARD ON DAVIS'S HEAD!
Shallow: It wasn't a marble! It was a damn rock!
GP: Where do you think they are? Mississippi? NO! THIS IS THE ROCK!
Shallow: Greg, stop referencing to your 1001 Bad Jokes During Alcatraz
Death Matches book.
JT: Now LiGiL drags Davis into the bathroom!
GP: Oh, joy. Another romp in the bathroom.
JT: LiGiL tries to give Davis a swirly in the urinal, but Davis is
blocking! He slams LiGiL into the stall wall! Now Davis grabs the urinal
cake and rubs it in LiGiL's face!
GP: Ewwwww!!! Gross!
Shallow: Now Davis throws the cake away and he slams LiGiL into the
stall again! Now he drags LiGiL into the bathroom itself!
JT: Davis tries to shove LiGiL's face into the toilet, but LiGiL's
having none of it! OH! OH! LIGIL'S TRICK KNEE ACTS UP AND HE
GP: Now LiGiL grabs Davis, and....
Shallow: SWIRLY! YES! YES! SWIRRRRLLLLYYYYY!!!! WOOHOO!
JT: LiGiL just gave Tony Davis a swirly, and now he pulls Davis back out
of the stall! But Davis fires back with right hands to LiGiL! He throws
him right back out the bathroom!
GP: Tony Davis runs at LiGiL and catches him with a clothesline, to
knock down the so-called "Veteran Killer"!
Shallow: Now Davis slams LiGiL into the wall, again! LiGiL's on Dream
JT: If that's so, he's wandering toward Unconscious Lane.
GP: And you call MY jokes horrible?
JT: Shut up, Greg.
Shallow: LiGiL is trying to punch at Davis, but his shots are missing
worse than the Boston Red Sox in practice!
JT: Don't say that, Doozer would SO kick your ass.
Shallow: Eek, I forgot.
GP: Davis ducks another stray LiGiL shot and hooks LiGiL for another
backdrop suplex, but LiGiL flips out of it! Davis turns and takes a BIG
clothesline by LiGiL!
Shallow: THAT... did not miss!
GP: LiGiL picks up Davis again! He goes for a backbreaker, and he gets
JT: Now LiGiL drags Davis to the cell room!
Shallow: But Davis fights back! Low blow to LiGiL! LiGiL clutches his
manhood like... well, like a man who gets hit in the balls! Now Davis
grabs LiGiL and takes him down with a scoop slam!
GP: Davis picks LiGiL up again and he slams him into a nearby cell's
bars! And again! And again! You know, JT, you might be right about that
Unconscious Lane comment.
Shallow: Now Davis turns around and opens up a cell door! He's going to
throw LiGiL in there at any moment! But LiGiL lowblows Davis AGAIN!
LiGiL takes a moment to recover, and now he picks Davis up and looks to
hit a standing Palindrome! But Davis slips out! He slams LiGiL into the
cell door, and now he throws LiGiL into the cell!
GP: Davis is going to close the cell, and... WAIT! WAIT A DAMN SECOND!
MAD MAX IS IN THERE AND HE'S WEARING A WEDDING DRESS! I
THOUGHT HE WAS
IN THE IWO BLACK!?
Shallow: AHHHH!!!!! MY EYES!!!
JT: MAD MAX GRABS DAVIS AND HE THROWS HIM IN THE CELL! MAD
MAX PULLS OUT
A FISH AND HE'S BEATING UP ON DAVIS WITH THAT FISH!
GP: DAVIS IS GETTING HELL BEATEN OUT OF HIM AND NOW HE'S
DOWN ON THAT BED!
(Mad Max stands in front of the camera, back turned, while facing Tony
Davis's rectum area.)
JT: Wait a second... WAIT A GOD DAMN SECOND! NOOOO!!!!
Shallow: THE DRESS GOES FLYING UP! MY GOD, IS MAX DOING WHAT I
GP: This is NOT a good night to be Tony Davis. But what is Mad Max, an
IWO Black wrestler, DOING HERE?!
Shallow: LiGiL is crawling out of the cell.. AND HE SHUTS IT!
*ding, ding, ding*
GP: LIGIL WINS IT! But, um... Tony Davis must not be having a good day,
considering the fact that he's getting, um, anally raped by Mad Max.
JT: AUUGHHHH.... DON'T *SAY* IT...
(The scene cuts backstage in Cyanide's locker room...where Cyanide,
Callista, Lydia, and Murdoch Hitler are all talking backstage. Russell Crowe
has evidently left since he was not needed for the match tips now that
Cyanide has found out the match isn't the kind he thought it was.)
Cyanide: Clearly I need a new match strategy now.
Murdoch Hitler: Yes...I suggest that you take a Tazer in each hand, strap a
couple more to your knees...
(Cyanide interrupts him.)
Murdoch Hitler: Yes?
Murdoch Hitler: Well, why not?
Cyanide: Since then I'll get disqualified...And I'm not a cheat anyway. This
is a major match as far as my role as a lifeguard goes. The importance of
this match can't be measured. Joey Malone is a ticking time bomb with the
IWO Heavyweight Belt. Can you imagine if he was to go swimming while
Callista: That's be bad.
Cyanide: That would be very bad. The IWO Heavyweight Belt is the heaviest
belt the IWO has...And therefore it's the most dangerous belt in the IWO.
Joey malone's a good wrestler, and we can't afford to let his drown just for
the sake of him holding the IWO Heavyweight Belt. That may seem a little
unfair to him, but by beating him and taking the belt, I'll be saving his
life...and he'll thank Me for it in the future.
Callista: They all will.
Cyanide: Now, here's my plan...
(The camera leaves them as Cyanide talks about the match plan.)
[The show comes back on the air as we see Gunnar Smith getting looked at by
Trainer: You look ok to me Gunnar!
Gunnar: Good...now im going to go make Zombie a real dead man walking!
[As Gunnar gets up, Evan Levine walks into the room and smiles at Gunnar]
Evan: Gunner, lol I just heard what happened...and I have to say YOU GOT
ASS KICKED HAHAHAHA!!
Gunner: IM not looking to mess with you tonight...I want Zombie here tonight!
[The fans go nuts]
Evan: Yea....well we have 10 matches on tonight's card...and according to the
webpage MNM is only a 1 hour show, SO ill tell you what we can do. Why don't
you be one of the 5 Gladiators tonight?
[The fans pop at the idea]
Gunnar: Hmmmmmm how does this have to do with Zombie?
Evan: Well, Zombie like Mad Max think they don't need an invitation to come
to MNM. This isnt IWO Black and if they show up here they will be used.
Because here tonight in that very ring, Zombie will be the 4th Gladiator!!
[The fans go nuts]
GP: MY GOD!!
Gunnar: Hmmm.....in that case....YOU GOT A DEAL!!
[Evan turns around and starts to walk out. When Gunnar talks]
Gunnar: Wait, who is going to be the 5th?
[Evan looks at Gunnar and smiles. He then walks out of the room as the scene
cuts to the ring]
Shallow: WOW, GUNNAR AND ZOMBIE ARE IN TONIGHT MAINEVENT!
JT: Why was Evan smiling about the 5th person?
Shallow: Who knows.
GP : OK, now we've got a bit of an odd match. Kent Anthason will be facing
Shawn Arrows in a Coffee Talk match, which will take place in a nearby
Starbucks. The combatants must find a glass coffee pot, and the winner is the
one who breaks it over the head of the other guy. Oh, it'll be crazy with the
JT : Shut up, Parker. This is just another of those stupid "crazy" matches
they do to hope to attract ratings. It's stupid, and really stupid, and, uh,
Shallow : But JT, the match ends when glass gets broken over someone's
JT : And your point?
Shallow : That's sure to provide blood.
JT : ...Wait, you're right. BLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOODDDDD! Blood!
GP : That's great, JT.
Meygon : The following match is set for one ... coffeepot over the head, and
is taking place in a nearby Starbucks, where the combatants are already
located. So let's get right to the introductions. First, from Greensboro,
North Carolina ... weighing in at 225 pounds ... challenging for the North
American title tonight ... SHAAAAWWWWNNNNN
("Ironman" by Black Sabbath plays as Shawn Arrows is shown on the
thingy. He is standing in a Starbucks, looking fairly focused.)
Meygon : And next, the current North American champion ... hailing from, uh,
that place, with all the people ‚Ä¶ and weighing a lot of pounds ...
("Aenema" by Tool plays as Kent is shown on the Titan-Tron, sitting at one of
the tables, sipping a espresso latte. He smiles at the camera as the bell rings.)
DING DING DING!
Shallow : There's a bell for this match?
GP : Apparently, yes.
(The two wrestlers, who are on separate sides of the Starbucks, make their
way towards each other, slowed down a bit by all the people in the
restaurant. Did I mention that the Starbucks was very crowded? Well, it is,
so DEAL WITH IT. The two finally reach each other and begin brawling. After
exchanging several punches, Kent blocks one and knees Arrows in the guy. He
then grabs Shawn by the hair with one hand and by the tights/pants/whatever
the hell covers Shawn's ass and throws him across the top of one of the
nearby tables. Arrows' body spills the coffee on the table, which is occupied
by a couple. The couple jumps up, enraged.)
Man : What the hell? You just spilled our coffee!
Kent : Very good, sir. You win a cookie.
Man : Really?
Kent : No.
(Anthason picks up Arrows, who is holding his elbow, which appears to have
been burnt by some coffee spilt on it.)
GP : It looks like Arrows got some coffee spilt on his elbow, there. You
know, their coffee's pretty hot.
JT : Very observant, Parker.
GP : Why, thank you.
(Kent now picks Arrows back up and slings him into the wall. Shawn falls
down, clutching his back. Kent goes over to pick Arrows back up, but as he
does Shawn hits him with an uppercut, but not to the chin. That's right, the
Ric Flair uppercut! Actually, the low blow is over-used, so it is to the chin
after all. Shawn now fights back with a few left jabs, and then rams Kent's
head into the cash register. Kent stumbles back before he's thrown over the
counter by Shawn. Shawn hops over the counter as well, as the workers
continue to ignore them.)
JT : How come none of the workers are, like, saying anything about their
place being crashed?
Shallow : Come on, JT, we're the IWO. We can pay off a few pissant Starbucks
employees not to complain.
JT : Oh yeah...
(Shallow picks up Kent and shoves him back into the wall, but Kent leaps
right back with an elbow to Shawn's head. The two begin brawling once more.
Kent ducks one of Shawn's wild right hands, and Shawn's hand hits the wall.
As Arrows clutches his hurtin' knuckles, Kent grabs him from behind for a
German suplex, but Arrows elbows him a couple times and then mule kicks
Anthason. Kent doubles over in pain, and Arrows picks him up in a powerbomb
and throws him down onto the corner of the counter.)
Shallow : Ah! That's gotta hurt!
JT : Not if you're Superman.
Shallow : ...Shut up, dumbass.
(Arrows now leaves Shawn lying and walks through a door into the back room.
He begins turning over pots and stuff - don't ask me why they're in a
Starbucks, they just are, so once again, DEAL WITH IT - in search for the
glass coffeepot. Shawn, not having much luck, goes back out into the main
area to check on Anthason ... who isn't there.)
Arrows : Now where could he have gone?...
(Suddenly, Kent, who was hiding behind a pretty fat employee, shoves the
worker at Arrows, knocking him over. As Arrows struggles to get to his feet,
Kent runs over and begins stomping on the fallen Arrows.)
GP : Ah, a little trickery by Kent Anthason.
JT : Heh heh heh, fat people are funny.
(Kent now goes to some shelves behind the counters and begins throwing stuff
off, searching for the pot. A manager walks up.)
Manager : Em, excuse me, sir, but when we agreed to host your little match,
we didn't say that you could just start throwing our-
(The manager is cut off by Kent's fist to his mouth, knocking the much
smaller, nerdier man out. Kent then goes back to searching. All of a sudden
Arrows runs up behind Kent and begins hammering him on the back. He then
pulls Anthason towards him and gives him a double-armed DDT. Shawn then
over to where the coffee and whatnot is being boiled. He begins looking at
all the pots to see if one is glass. Finally, he sees a glass pot full of
Arrows : Oooh, this'll do.
(Arrows grabs the pot and dumps the boiling hot coffee out on the floor,
where it spills onto someone's leg.)
Person : AAHHHHHH, MY LEG!
Arrows : Quiet!
(Shawn pushes the worker down and makes his way back to Kent, who is
up, holding his head. Arrows runs and swings the pot, but Kent ducks and
grabs Arrows in a cobra clutch. Arrows drops the pot onto the counter as he
tries to escape the move. After several moments of struggling, Kent performs
a Russian leg sweep, with the cobra clutch still locked on. Both men lie on
the floor for a few moments, catching their breaths.)
GP : This is anyone's match right now.
JT : Not Tina Turner's.
Shallow : JT, what have we said about the talking?!
JT : Oh yeah, sorry.
(Both men begin to make it to their feet. Arrows rushes at Kent with a double
ax-handle, but Anthason boots him in the stomach. In one swift motion, Kent
grabs the pot and swings it horizontally at Shawn's head, but Shawn pulls his
head back so that the pot narrowly misses him. Shawn grabs Kent's hands and
begins to struggle with him over the pot. After a few moments of this, Kent
swiftly kicks Shawn right between the legs. This, of course, causes Shawn to
lose his grip, and Shawn takes this moment to break the pot over the top of
Shawn's head. Shawn collapses to the ground, holding his head, and the bell
Meygon : Your winner, and STILL IWO White North American champion ...
(The camera cut back to ringside.)
JT : That match sucked. It didn't even show the blood!
Shallow : Yeah, that match was pretty crappy. Oh well, what are you gonna do?
JT : KILL PEOPLE!
(The camera cuts to a backstage hallway, where we see AWS Man (also
Bill) stretching for his match. He continues this for about seven-tenths of a
second before pulling out a porn magazine and beginning to peruse it.
Suddenly, a door a little ways down the hall opens up and DPS Man (also
as Bob) sticks his head out the door.)
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : Hey, funkin' Insane One, something has, uh ...
happened in our dressing room.
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : OH MY FREAKIN' GOD! OUR PORN HAS
DEVELOPED AN INTELLIGENCE AND MERGED TOGETHER TO BECOME
ONE SENTIENT FREAKIN'
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : Ermmm ... close.
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Oooh, freakin' goody.
(The Insane One walks down the hall and enters the room. The cameras follow
them. Inside, we see that the locker room's torn up something bad-like. There
are lockers thrown on the floor, a few dents in the wall, and a pile of
benches and a couple tables in the middle of the room. Underneath the pile is
Simon Seaman, holding his head, which is bleeding rather profusely.)
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Ewww, what's all that freakin' red stuff on
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : That's what one would think, but I checked
closer, and it seems to actually funkin' be some kind of liquid coming from
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Hmmmmm, interesting freakin'.
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : Oh yeah, there's also this note here.
(DPS Man (also known as Bob) bends over and picks up a note lying next to
Seaman. On the note is written "Gotcha.")
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : What could this possibly funkin' mean?
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Only one thing, my brother ... Paul Reiser has
freakin' caught up with me at last!
Dramatic Musical Chords : DUH DUH DUH DUH!
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Or possibly freakin' Seamonkey Cow, I dunno.
guess that's a lot more freakin' logical.
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : So what are you gonna funkin' do?
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : The only think I can do : make that son of a
freak pay! Preferably in tens, because those are more easily freakin' broken
than twenties, you know.
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : Yeah, of course.
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Well, I'd better go do some freakin'
wrastlin'. Later, DPS Man (also known as Bob). Later, Seaman.
Seaman : Uuuunnnnngghhhhhhhh...
(The camera cuts away.)
[The scene now cuts to the back were we see Zombie once again on his
looking for Kell. But this time its different. Zombie is looking all around
and then he walks into a room and sees Kell standing there. The two stair
each other down as the scene dies out]
[The show comes back on the air as we see Zombie and Kell standing there
looking at each other. Zombie walks up to Kell and looks at him. Kell stands
there not moving.]
Kell: What do you want?
Zombie: You can brag all you want about your victories over me, but let the
entire world know that each and every one of them was tainted by
interference. Look at you, you are a sniveling excuse for a human being, a
pussy who had to run behind Joey Rappoport or Dane Wilt or your butt buddy
Prez Jamie. I never needed ANYONE to help me. You had everyone all the time
in your favor, and you play it off like you were the better man. Fuck you
Kell. You know deep down who was better. And it's Zombie. And you're lucky I
don't tear off your head right now and take a nice, nasty shit that looks
about as good as your slut wife Sue-Anne right down your faggot neck. Go fuck
yourself, you pansy ass piece of shit. Don't get in my way tonight, unless
you want ANOTHER trip to the hospital. Or maybe I'll even send you to see
Victor... if you're lucky.
Kell: Is that so Zombie? Well....if you think your so great, you wouldn't
have a problem me beating you here and now!
[The fans pop as the two stair each other down. Then all of a sudden, the
refs run in and pull the two apart before they could do anything. The fans
boo as Evan Levine walks in]
Evan: You two need to understand something.....im not going to use good air
time on you two fighting in the back, when I can have it in the ring. You two
will be separated until the mainevent...so get used to it. And as for you
Kell, I wont let Zombie hurt you much, that's my Job!
[The scene cuts to the ring as Evan and the refs walk out with Zombie.]
GP: WOW....how intense was that?
Shallow: IT was interesting that's for sure.
JT: Ok ladies and gentlemen, and the rest of you neutered inbred wrestling
fans...It's time for my favorite match of the evening! Someone *will* DIE
GP: What are you talking about JT? This is our Highway Hell match.
JT: And to win the match you throw your opponent into the oncoming traffic,
Shallow: That's just something that could happen, you win the match by
pinfall or submission, moron.
JT: Son of a bitch!
GP: Well in any case, it's time to take you to our secret highway location,
where Nikki's ready to announce the beginning of this match.
(The scene cuts away from the arena to the IWO's secret highway location, an
island in the middle of a busy highway...No cars on this highway folks, just
big Mack juggernaut trucks speeding past at ninety miles and hour.)
Nikki: This match is a Highway Hell match!...Introducing first...Sebastian
(The camera shows both men on the island, and focuses on Crow. There are
several weapons placed on the island for them to use.)
Nikki: And his opponent, AWS Man (also known as Bill)!
(The camera focuses on AWS Man (also known as Bill)...and he's wearing a
mask like always. A truck honks it's horn three times to start the match.)
GP: And the match is underway folks.
(Both men go to tie up in the middle...But AWS Man (also known as Bill)
picks up a steel chair and plants it over Crow's head!)
JT: Now that's how you start a match!
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) with a kick to the guts of Crow, and he
doubles over. AWS Man (also known as Bill) brings the chair up and slams it
down!...But before he can Crow swings upwards and nails an uppercut with a
Stop sign into the face of AWS Man (also known as Bill)!)
GP: This is going to be possibly the most violent match of the night if it
continues this way!
(And it does so, as Crow slams the stop sign down over the head of AWS Man
(also known as Bill) twice more. He raises it for a third time...but AWS Man
(also known as Bill) brings the chair up and both weapons clash together in
the air with a bang!...They both drop their weapons and cradle their hands
in pain...AWS Man (also known as Bill)s the first back into the match as he
nails Crow in the chest with a knee uppercut.)
Shallow: The first wrestling move of the match thus far...
(He follow it up with a flurry of punches to the face of Crow, and then a
rake to Crow's eyes...AWS Man (also known as Bill) picks up the Stop sign
and brings it down...But Sebastian Crow moves out of the way and drops AWS
Man (also known as Bill) to the ground with a big boot to the face!)
GP: A Powerful boot by Sebastian crow sends AWS Man (also known as Bill)
down to the ground!
Shallow: He's going for the Deathlock!
(Sebastian Crow attempts to put AWS Man (also known as Bill) in his
Deathlock finisher...But AWS Man (also known as Bill) kicks Crow in the
groin!...He gets back to his feet.)
JT: And DDT by AWS Man (also known as Bill) on the island!...He drilled
Sebastian Crow's head right into the ground!
GP: AWS Man (also known as Bill) with a quick cover now!
GP: Only a two count for AWS Man (also known as Bill) there.
(Crow gets back to his feet, but AWS Man (also known as Bill) nails him in
the back with a chair!...And then another chair shot right into Sebastian
GP: Crow is busted open!
JT: Hey Sebastian Crow, Got Chair?!
GP: You're so sadistic!
JT: Hey, I'm just a connoisseur of violence!...
Shallow: A what of violence?
JT: When you see a chair shot, you see some guy getting hit over the
head...When *I* see a chair shot, I see art.
(Back on the island Sebastian Crow is back on his feet with a crimson mask.
Both men exchange brawling punches...But Crow overpowers AWS Man (also
as Bill), and nails him with a front face Gorilla Press slam down on the
concrete edge of the island!)
GP: They're getting awfully close to the edge here folks. This is dangerous
and risky stuff!
JT: This is an art work in progress.
Shallow: Oh would you SHUT UP about this *art* baloney!
(Crow with a choke on the edge of the island. He brings AWS Man (also known
as Bill) back to his feet and sends him back down to the ground with a side
GP: Nice power moves there by Sebastian Crow.
(Crow locks in a Camel clutch on AWS Man (also known as Bill).)
Shallow: AWS Man (also known as Bill) isn't going to give up!
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) reaches to the ground in front of him and
picks up a brown object.)
GP: He's picked something up, what is that?
Shallow: That looks like a...
JT: He's got a Chipmunk!
GP: By god, that is too!
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) throws the chipmunk back at Crow's face and it
bites him on the nose. AWS Man (also known as Bill) gets back to his
feet...And he nails Sebastian Crow with the Von Freakinator!)
GP: He just hit the Von Freakinator on Sebastian Crow with that Chipmunk!
JT: This match is insane!...I love it!
(Crow grabs the Chipmunk and throws it onto the road where it gets mashed by
the traffic...Aw...But AWS Man's waiting for the stunned Crow with a road
(He nails Crow in the chest with the shovel and then grabs him by his head,
motioning to something on the ground.)
GP: What is that?
Shallow: That's a mound of earth.
JT: That's a damn ant hill!
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) kicks Crow in the gut and then hits a split
legged face buster on Sebastian Crow right onto the top of the ant hill!)
GP: AWS Man (also known as Bill) just hit a face buster on the ant hill!
JT: Steve walks wearily down the street with the brim pulled way down low!
JT: Never mind.
(Crow stands slowly up, enraged. AWS Man grabs him again and hits a series
of punches, but Crow shrugs them off and yells at AWS Man (also known as
Bill) before clotheslining him down to the ground!.)
GP: Sebastian Crow is furious!
JT: This guy is Hogan, 2001!
(Crow brings AWS Man (also known as Bill) back to his feet...AWS Man (also
known as Bill) with a forearm smash, but Crow blocks it and nails AWS Man
(also known as Bill) with a double arm axehandle...He picks him up and then
slams him down with a short Powerbomb!)
GP: Cover by Crow!
JT: Kickout by AWS Man (also known as Bill)!
(Crow quickly back to his feet looking to keep control. He picks up a hub
cap and slams it down on AWS Man (also known as Bill) as he slowly gets
up. But someone grabs it out of his hand!)
GP: Wait a moment!
Shallow: Don't tell me...It *is* them!...Jamie's favorite band, N'Sync, are
on the island...
JT: You've got to be fucking kidding me!...What are they doing here?
Justin Timberlake: Hey man, don't be violent.
(Suddenly, Rammstein jump off the back of a logging truck that drives past.
They attack N'Sync and throw them into the traffic where they get mashed by
the speeding trucks and other traffic. Rammstein leave by helicopter.)
GP: Wow, how many times have N'Sync died on IWO television now?
Shallow: Must be nearly ten times by now. This time they got annihilated by
Rammstein of all people.
JT: Hey!...I like Rammstein, it's good music to march into Poland to.
(Back in the match AWS Man (also known as Bill) is back up and exchanging
punches with Sebastian Crow. Once again Crow overpowers him...And hits a sit
down scoop slam onto the edge of the concrete.)
GP: Oh you know that had to hurt, right on the edge of the concrete!
(Crow gets back up and picks up the hub cap he planned to use earlier, and
finds another one...AWS Man (also known as Bill) sits back up, but Sebastian
Crow used the hubcaps like cymbals and smashes them together over the head
of AWS Man (also known as Bill).)
JT: That brings back memories!
GP: I can't believe the violence these men are subjecting each other to!
(Crow looking to take advantage with a set of traffic lights...AWS Man (also
known as Bill) is slowly back up and Sebastian slams the traffic lights
down!...But AWS Man (also known as Bill) side steps the blow!...AWS Man
(also known as Bill) with Knock Your Freakin' Head Off!)
Shallow: AWS Man (also known as Bill) with the Super kick!
(AWS Man makes a cover!)
JT: Oh so close!!
GP: AWS Man (also known as Bill) nearly surprised Sebastian Crow with a
three count there!
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) is back up first, but followed shortly after
by Crow. AWS Man (also known as Bill) punches Crow...But Crow blocks
it...Crow with a series of thumps to the back of AWS Man (also known as
Bill). He grabs him around the waist...Powerbomb!...But AWS Man (also known
as Bill) grabs Crow around the legs...Catapult!)
GP: AWS Man (also known as Bill) nearly catapulted Sebastian Crow right off
JT: Damn that was *so* close!
(Crow is back up...But AWS Man (also known as Bill) is waiting for him!...He
picks him up and hits the Drop You On Your Freakin' Face!...But Sebastian
Crow's too heavy and escapes the move...And reverses it into a Reverse DDT!)
GP: AWS Man (also known as Bill) just tried to his version of the Emerald
Fusion, but Sebastian Crow reversed it into the inverted DDT!
Shallow: A DDT's bad enough in the ring, but on the concrete of the island
is just vicious!
JT: That's the way, *uh-huh uh-huh*, I like it, *uh-huh uh-huh*!...Bring it
Shallow: So you like it against a cold hard surface with a three hundred
Shallow: Ow!...What the heck? *You're* the only one who gets smacked on this
JT: Ow! Ow!...OW!!...What? Nikki? How the hell did you slap me, you're meant
to be on that island announcing that match?
Nikki: Concentrate on the match and quit being immature, JT.
(Crow goes for a cover, but AWS Man (also known as Bill) had his foot on the
edge of the concrete island, so the ref breaks the cover. Sebastian Crow
brings AWS Man (also known as Bill) back up and hits a hanging vertical
Suplex back into the middle of the island.)
GP: Power suplex by Sebastian Crow.
Shallow: Crow with another quick cover!
GP: Just a two count as AWS Man (also known as Bill) kicks out.
(Crow back to his feet...But AWS Man (also known as Bill) grabs his leg and
hits a rollup!)
JT: Quick rollup by AWS Man (also known as Bill)!
GP: Crow kicks out just in time!
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) is back to his feet quickly...And he grabs the
Stop sign and frisbees it at Crow...Crow goes to block it and as he does,
AWS Man (also known as Bill) hits a running dropkick and sends Sebastian
Crow tumbling backwards.)
GP: Look out Sebastian Crow! I wonder if he realises how close he is to the
edge of the island there?
(Crow back to his feet near the edge of the island...And AWS Man (also known
as Bill) picks up the chair and jabs it into Sebastian Crow's gut and then
uppercuts it into Crow's face!)
JT: Crow is teetering on the edge of the island!...He's gonna fall off and
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) takes a couple of steps back...And he nails
Crow with Knock Your Freakin' Head Off!)
GP: He connects with the Superkick again!
(Crow blocks the kick and grabs AWS Man (also known as Bill) by the throat!)
(Sebastian Crow Chokeslams AWS Man (also known as Bill) onto the
takes no time in putting him into the Deathlock!)
GP: That's Sebastian Crow's Deathlock, his version of the Sharpshooter!
Shallow: AWS Man isnt tapping...he is holding out as long as possable!! HES
POWERING OUT OF IT!
JT: NO!! HE CANT!
GP: HE TURNS IT AROUND INTO HIS OWN SHARPSHOOTER!!!
Shallow: He let go. Now what the hell is he doing...hes putting his head
between Crows legs!
JT: NOT ANOTHER RAPE!!! HAVENT WE HAD ENOUGH OF THAT?!?!
GP: I know what hes doing. He calls this The Buzz Freakin' Saw!
Shallow: CROW IS SCREAMING IN PAIN!!
JT: DONT TAP DONT TAP!!!!!!!!
GP: HE TAPPED!!! ITS OVER!!! HES TAPPED!
*Honk! Honk! Honk!*
(As Crow taps out, the referee calls the match and a
truck honks it's horn three times to signal the win.)
Nikki: Ladies and gentlemen...The winner of this match...AWS MAN (Also
GP: What a win for AWS Man
Shallow: Nikki is getting a lot of work done today...shes been all over the
JT: Crow lost...how can he lose?
(The scene cuts to the outside of Joey Malone's dressing room. It is a
very white door. The door opens. Out walks Joey Malone, wearing a suit
of armor made of cardboard and a tin hat. The fans pop huge, mostly
because A) he's Joey Malone and B) he's wearing cardboard armor. He also
has the IWO World Title around his waist. He has a silly look on his
face, as some interviewing person comes in.)
Interviewing Person: Joey Malone, might I ask why you're dressed like
(Joey calls for somebody to come in. A bald fellow wearing almost
nothing except a Roman robe walks in.)
Joey Malone: Well, Cyanide said he had prepared with an expert tonight.
I was actually planning on stealing High Flyer's time machine, but then
my Janitor friends decided to take a joy ride and they lost it in North
Carolina. So AWS Man (also known as Bill), please return the time
machine. Thank you.
(Joey pauses, as the fans are just having a ball with his random
Joey Malone: So I just decided to ask one of the extras from Gladiator.
His name is Bob Smith.
Bob Smith: Um, hi?
Joey Malone: He's the fellow that was stabbed in the stomach and killed
by Russell Crow.
Bob Smith: That was very uncomfortable, too. Can I go, now?
Joey Malone: Yes.
(He does so.)
Joey Malone: So you see, Cyanide! You are not the only one with an
expert on the situation! Albeit, mine was KILLED by his expert, BUT
NONETHLESS! You will go down, Cyanide! Um, that is all!
(Joey turns to leave, but Kent Anthason stops him.)
Kent Anthason: Uh, Joey?
Joey Malone: Yo, Kenty. What's up?
Kent Anthason: Has it occured to you that this Gladiator match doesn't
require you to be wearing armor?
(There is an awkward pause.)
Joey Malone: ...BUT I SPENT ALL DAY GETTING THIS CARDBOARD ARMOR
Kent Anthason: Sorry, man. Rules are rules.
Joey Malone: Curses. Foiled again.
(They leaves, cut to black.)
[ The show comes back with a shot of the backstage, being Joey Malone's
locker room and all. Malone is sitting on a stool,
wearing cardboard armor. Keri Lindum is also here,
standing behind Malone and rubbing his shoulders,
trying to get him ready for tonight. She finally stops
doing so, and walks in view of the camera. ]
Joey Malone: *sigh* So, besides the fact that I fight
Cyanide, there's also the problem of the shop... at
least we got the ban on Anty lifted.
Keri Lindum: Yeah. So we've got all of the hands we
need to build it?
Joey Malone: Yup... now let's see what we can do about
the architecture of the building...
[ Joey pulls out a blueprint. ]
Joey Malone: Now, from what I gathered from my
phonecall with the Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid, we
just use this angle, and...
*knock, knock, knock*
Joey Malone: Aww... who the Hell could that be?
[ Joey Malone gets up and walks over to the door. He
opens It up and there stands a pizza delivery boy. He
holds out boxes In his hand. ]
Joey Malone: Yes ?
Pizza Guy: That one dude gave me five bucks to bring
these over here.
Joey Malone: Wha-- ?
Pizza Guy: Check the inside of the first box, for the
[ The pizza guy hands Joey the boxes and walks off.
Joey stares down at the boxes. ]
Keri Lindum: What Is It ?
Joey Malone: Hmmm...
[ Joey shuts the door and sets the pizza boxes on the
table, inside the locker room. He opens It as Keri
approaches him from behind. She looks down at the
opened pizza box. Inside the box, we see a folded up
piece of paper. Joey grabs It, un-folds It, and starts
Joey Malone: Hey Joey !, thanks for the pizzas, man.
They were delicious. Anywho, here‚Äôs the bill. Chow
! =) -- Signed...
[ Joey Malone glares up... ]
Joey Malone: ...Sabastian Crow...
Keri Lindum: Wha-- ?
[ Joey Malone lays the piece of paper back In the box
and grabs hold of a ticket. It‚Äôs the bill, which costs
great deal of $ 30.00 dollars. ]
Joey Malone: Son of a Bitch, hehe.
Keri Lindum: Ok. One quick question, wasn‚Äôt Sabastian
Crow supposed to pay the pizza boy ?
Joey Malone: He did. He payed $ 5.00 dollars, which I
guess, was the tip, hehe. Now, I got to pay the rest.
Keri Lindum: See ! I knew this wasn‚Äôt a wise
Joey Malone: =(
Keri Lindum: Heh. Trust me, babe. Crow Is a lot
smarter than you think.
Joey Malone: I found that out. Now, I got to pay a $
30.00 dollar pizza bill, that I didn‚Äôt even get a
Keri Lindum: =(
[ We now fade to Sabastian Crow‚Äôs locker room as he Is
sitting, watching this on the TV monitor with
Randy Long. ]
Sabastian Crow: Haha ! Poor Joey. The food was
delicious. I hope he knows that.
Randy Long: =)
[ Suddenly, the door swings open and In walks Evan
Levine. Evan shuts the door behind him. ]
Evan Levine: ...Crow...
[ Crow does the hand thing. ]
Sabastian Crow: Not now, Evan. I‚Äôm watching Joey
Malone get upset over pizza.
Evan Levine: =)
Sabastian Crow: It‚Äôs really cool.
Evan Levine: Well, we‚Äôre ready for the Main Event.
Aren‚Äôt you going to do something ?
Sabastian Crow: Oh yeah ! Well...
[ Suddenly, there Is a few knocks on the door. ]
Sabastian Crow: Dammit ! That better not be more
pizzas... damn that, Malone !!!
[ Crow opens the door and there stands Tom Ford. ]
Sabastian Crow: Tommy !, what‚Äôs up, dick brains ?
Tom Ford: Crow ! I‚Äôm just here to warn you, that If
you have any kind of interference with this Main
Event tonight, then...
Sabastian Crow: Then, what ?
Tom Ford: Well...
[ Tom looks to his left and holds out his arm. ]
Tom Ford: Let‚Äôs just see If these gentlemen can help
you understand that.
Sabastian Crow: Wha-- ?
[ Suddenly, a couple of cops show up at Crow‚Äôs
Tom Ford: =)
Cop #1: Mr Crow, In orders given by IWO Vice
President, Tom Ford... you are, In fact, suspended
being at ringside, during this match-up, here tonight.
Sabastian Crow: Who says ?
Cop #2: By the power invested In both of us, and Tom
Ford, we give you the word taken from Judge
Sampton‚Äôs mouth, that you will be arrested on the
spot, and held In jail for a limitation of 30-40 days,
until you‚Äôve reached bail... *If* you interfere with
the main event, consisting of Cyanide -vs- Joey Malone
for the World Heavyweight Title.
[ Huge Audience Pop. ]
Sabastian Crow: What the Hell !?!?
Tom Ford: You heard It, right, Crow. So, I‚Äôll tell you
what. Why don‚Äôt you go to Evan Levine‚Äôs Office,
lay on the couch for a while, make yourself
comfortable, and enjoy the rest of the show. You‚Äôre
like It, I think. Haha !!!
Sabastian Crow: Grrr...
[ Crow pushes past the cops and heads into the hallway
as the scene fades off. ]
GP: Fans the MAINEVENT IS NEXT!!! WILL BE RIGHT BACK!
[ ‚ÄúCurrent of Love‚ÄĚ by David Hasselhoff begins playing
over the PA speakers as the fans rise to their feet
In cheers. ]
GP: And, we‚Äôre finally ready for our Gladiator Match.
JT: This match Is going to be fucking tight !!!
Shallow: I agree. Cyanide -vs- Joey Malone, Gladiators
surrounding the ring. Gladiators meant to be,
IWO legends & Hall of Famers.
JT: Is Titan on the list ?
Shallow: Uhh... no ! I don‚Äôt think Titan Is on the
JT: Awh !
Shallow: Sorry, pal.
[ Cyanide comes to the ring with his two valets,
Callista and Lyndia. Up on the IWO Titan Tron, we see
the Baywatch promo playing. Great ! Now, we‚Äôre
watching old cable. ]
Meygan: Introducing to the ring first, In this
Gladiator Match for the World Heavyweight Title...
IWO Instructor: Get your ass out there !!!
Murdoch Hitler: NO ! I want my own entrance.
IWO Instructor: Whatever.
Murdoch Hitler: =)
GP: Ok. Well, It looks like Murdoch Hitler, wants to
come out all alone.
Shallow: That‚Äôs weird.
GP: For sure, dude !!!
[ The music of Baywatch fades... as, we hear ‚ÄúShock to
the System‚ÄĚ by Billy Idol, play over the pa
speakers. Murdoch Hitler walks out to a medium, yet, a
slight *pop* reaction. Something about his
attitude tonight hasn‚Äôt really gotten the fans over
with him, being a goodguy. ]
JT: And there‚Äôs Murdoch Hitler, now.
GP: Can‚Äôt believe somebody can make, such a big fuss
about having his own theme music.
JT: Why not ? Eddie Gurerro done It.
GP: JT. We‚Äôre here to discuss IWO. Not, WWF !!!
Shallow: **Mumbles** Idiot.
GP: I agree.
JT: What ?
JT: Am I missing something, here ?
JT: What ?
JT: Are you guys, just not going to tell me ?
JT: FINE ! Be that way...
[ ‚ÄúShame‚ÄĚ by BT starts playing over the speakers as
the fans rise to their feet, In cheer for there cool
champion, Joey Malone. Joey Malone walks out from the
back with the World Title held over his
Meygan: Introducing next, the IWO World Heavyweight
Champion... JOEY MALONE !!!!!!!!
JT: Hehe. Did you see what happened before the match ?
GP: What ?
JT: You know, the pizza boxes.
GP: Oh, hehe. Sabastian Crow sent Joey Malone the bill
for pizza, Joey sent him last week on Meltdown.
Shallow: I noticed that. That was funny.
JT: Hehe. But, Crow really got Malone back tonight.
Malone has to pay the bill !!!
[ Sabastian Crow Is sitting on the black leather couch
of Evan Levines Office, chomping down on some
pepperoni pizza and cooling off from his hard fault
battle with AWS Man (- Also known as Bill -), earlier
on In the night. His eyes are closely glued to the
television monitor, as the match continues to begin. ]
GP: Crow Is watching on back there. Considering the
fact, that If he interfered, In any way during the
Malone/Cyanide bout, here tonight, that he would be
arrested and held over for a limitation of 30-40 days.
JT: That‚Äôs not fair !!! Cyanide Is a loser ! Sabastian
Crow Is God !
GP: Whatever, JT.
[ Music from the motion picture, ‚ÄúGladiator‚ÄĚ, starts
playing over the PA speakers. ]
GP: And here comes our Gladiators.
Shallow: The IWO Legends.
JT: Where‚Äôs Zombie ?
GP: In IWO Black.
[ The gladiators walk out from behind the curtain,
following each other, one by one. ]
Meygan: Introducing out to the ring now... the
Gladiators of the Fight... led by Evan Levine, we
‚ÄúThe Real Heel‚ÄĚ Evan Levine, ‚ÄúThe Legendary‚ÄĚ Phelen
Kell, ‚ÄúHall of Famer‚ÄĚ King Sting, ‚ÄúDead Man
Walking‚ÄĚ Zombie, and last... GUNNAR SMITH !!!!!!!!
[ The fans erupt In a high *pop* reaction. Some boo,
because, we also got Evan and Zombie coming out. ]
JT: Dude....EVAN IS THE 5th!!!
GP: Didnt you know that?
GP: Well I mean he hinted all night
Shallow: As far as I know, Zombie Is not under
contract In IWO White. But oh well, I could be wrong.
JT: Your investigating reporting Is wrong !!!
Shallow: Screw you !!!
[ Half of the Gladiators... King Sting, Gunnar Smith,
and Zombie slide into the ring... the others circle
ring. Suddenly, ‚ÄúSurvivor‚ÄĚ by Destinys Child blasts
over the pa speakers. ]
GP: Well folks, we are finally ready for this !!!
**SPLIT IMAGE OF CYANIDE -VS- JOEY MALONE IS SHOWN**
GP: Cyanide -vs- (c) Joey Malone In a Gladiator Match.
And what, and I do mean what a bout, this will
JT: This match Is going to kick ass !!!
[ King Sting charges for Joey Malone. ]
GP: And here we go !!!
**Ding Ding Ding**
GP: Joey Malone, he catches King Sting with an arm
drag takedown. Evan Levine charges for Joey, but
Joey catches him with a back body drop. Gunnar Smith
now, he comes behind Joey, and hits him with a
dropkick. King Sting and Evan Levine, they‚Äôre back up
now, and they‚Äôre stomping away at Joey Malone.
Gunnar Smith, he‚Äôs back up... Cyanide though, he grabs
hold of Gunnar Smith and hits an inverted DDT.
Shallow: Man. This match Is going to be complicated.
Before Cyanide and Joey Malone can fight off
against each other, they‚Äôve got to survive everybody
GP: I know. I‚Äôd hate to be In a match, such as this.
Zombie, he‚Äôs In the ring now... he goes straight for
Cyanide. He charges Cyanide into the corner, Zombie,
he‚Äôs pounding away at Cyanide...
[ A split screen at the top right hand corner Is shown
of Sabastian Crow... he‚Äôs loving the action. ]
GP: And, well It appears Crow Is loving this so far.
JT: Hehe. Of course, Cyanide Is getting his ass
kicked. Gunnar Smith, he brings Joey Malone back up,
bounces him off the ropes, but Joey reverses the whip
and hits an ADD !!! Arizona Death Drop. King
Sting approaches Joey now, he charges at him with a
running clothesline, but Joey ducks, King Sting
turns around, and Joey catches him with an ADD, too
!!! Man !, the champ Is taking people out with
Arizona Death Drops, everywhere !!!
Shallow: Cyanide Is still being stomped down by
Zombie. But wait !, Joey Malone behind Zombie, he
spins Zombie around and... ADD !!! Another Arizona
JT: Joey Malone just helped Cyanide, out.
GP: That‚Äôs the whole logic of this match, JT. You‚Äôve
got to work together to survive !!!!
Shallow: Joey Malone just helped Cyanide back to his
feet... but wait, here comes Phelen Kell, he charges
behind Joey with a clothesline, but wait, Joey ducks,
he lands under Phelen, and lifts him up above his
head... and, HE SLAMS HIM BACK DOWN WITH A
NECKBREAKER, FROM MID AIR !!!!
JT: Oh shit ! That move was awesome. Considering Joey
Malone sucks. I can still get into this match.
GP: It‚Äôs all good.
JT: Hey ! That‚Äôs Crow‚Äôs word.
GP: So ?
JT: So ! Don‚Äôt use It. And, don‚Äôt talk bad about him.
Remember, he‚Äôs watching.
JT: Hehe. This match Is defintantly, fun, hehe.
GP: Everybodys In this match, now. Joey Malone turns
around, and he‚Äôs taken down by a double
clothesline from Evan and Zombie.
JT: Wait a minute ! Evan and Zombie working together ?
GP: They got to, JT. It‚Äôs part of the matches idea,
you know !?
JT: Oh yeah. Forgot.
GP: Cyanide jumps to the turnbuckle now... Joey Malone
Is still down, Evan Levine and Zombie, they
look up, and Cyanide jumps on them with a missile
dropkick. Evan and Zombie, they fall to the mat.
Cyanide Is back up... King Sting and Phelen Kell
charge for Cyanide, but Cyanide ducks, King Sting and
Phelen Kell miss there double clothesline... they turn
around, and Cyanide strikes them down with a
Shallow: They‚Äôre all down ! But check out Gunnar Smith
!!... he‚Äôs on the turnbuckle behind Cyanide...
Cyanide turns around, and Gunnar Smith flys, but wait
! Cyanide catches him... and... SUPLEX !!!
Suplex from mid-air !!!
JT: That was tight.
GP: Cyanide Is back up, and there‚Äôs Zombie again.
Zombie, he sends hard slaps to the chest of Cyanide.
He backs Cyanide into the corner and rams his shoulder
into Cyanides chin. Zombie climbs Cyanide to
the top of the turnbuckle... he places him at top...
and, VERTICAL SUPLEX !!! Everybody Is down In the
ring... but wait ! Joey Malone stands back up. He‚Äôs
stumbling around... but, there‚Äôs Evan Levine again, he
grabs hold of Joey and tosses him through the ropes.
JT: Evan Levine ! He‚Äôs the man !!!
Shallow: On the outside though, Evan Levine Is rising
up... but, there‚Äôs Murdoch Hitler, he‚Äôs teasing
Evan with his tazer. Evan climbs up though, he takes a
swing for Murdoch Hitler, but misses... Murdoch
Hitler, he takes off running !!! Hehe... what a
JT: LOL ! Check out Evan, though. He just flipped
Murdoch Hitler off.
Shallow: Funny. But look to the top, here comes
Cyanide. He just flipped himself over the top rope,
straight onto Evan Levine !!!! Cyandie grabs hold of
Evan and he‚Äôs pounding away !!! He‚Äôs knocking the
shit out of Evan Levine...
GP: In the ring though, Joey Malone Is back up, Zombie
and King Sting charge at him from both ends..
but wait, Joey ducks and they both collide with fists
to one another. That‚Äôs got to hurt !!! Joey grabs hold
of Zombie now, and he throws him into the IWO Legend.
They both fall over... Phelen Kell Is up now, he
charges for Joey Malone, but Joey, BACK BODY DROP !!!
Joey Malone just back body dropped Phelen
Kell to the outside, straight onto Cyanide. Cyanide
falls over, thanks to Phelen Kell‚Äôs impact fall !!!
JT: Gunnar Smith comes behind Joey Malone, now. He
attacks him and hits a suplex !!! Gunnar brings
Malone back up, and he hits another suplex !!! Gunnar
Smith, he finally lets go of Joey Malone. Joey
Malone gets back up, but only halfway, he‚Äôs struck
back down by King Sting, with a low dropkick. King
Sting hits a elbow drop and goes for a cover...
GP: The first cover of the night...
GP: And luckily, Joey Malone kicked out from King
Sting‚Äôs cover. King Sting brings Joey Malone back
up, but Joey, he reverses and starts knocking shots at
King Sting. 1... 2.... 3.... 4..... 5.... 6.... 7.....
and wait !, there‚Äôs Zombie, but Joey Malone knocks him
down !!!... and... 10 !!!! He‚Äôs taken out both
Zombie and King Sting.
Shallow: And *NEW* Boxing Champion, JOEY MALONE !!!!
JT: Hehe. Lucky shots. I could do better.
Shallow: Oh yeah ? Well, how about you get In there
and wrestle, JT ?
JT: Nah. That‚Äôs not a good idea. I‚Äôd rather not,
anyways, you know. My doctor told me not to fight
get my disease settled.
GP: What‚Äôs that ? Being a dumbass ?
JT: No ! Being a jerkoff to Al Coholics Fat Ass Mom.
Shallow: ANYWAYS !!!
JT: I‚Äôm just kidding, guys.
Shallow: Yeah, sure JT.
JT: No, really. I am.
Shallow: Yeah, whatever.
GP: Anyways, back to the match. Zombie Is back up now,
he has Joey Malone In the corner. He‚Äôs sending
shots to his face, now, he‚Äôs backing him up the
turnbuckle... I wonder what Zombie has In store for
IWO World Champion !?
JT: Probably just looking for a corner, 15 minute,
date. Remember that one closet game ?
Shallow: Oh yeah. You‚Äôre talking about the one where a
couple must go In the closet for 10-20 minutes
and make out ?
Shallow: Yeah, so, what about It ?
JT: Well, that‚Äôs probably what Zombie and Joey are
about to do. Except, they‚Äôre inventing the corner
GP: Yeah, whatever. You‚Äôre sick, JT.
Shallow: On the outside now, Evan and Phelen Kell are
ganging up on Cyanide. Evan, there‚Äôs a punch..
Cyanide turns around... there‚Äôs a shot by Phelen
Kell... Cyanide turns around again, Evan gets a shot
hehe... this appears to be a game between the two.
Wait ! Now Evan and Phelen, they hook Cyanide In
place and slam a vertical suplex.
JT: Ouch. Right on concrete, too !!!
GP: That‚Äôs going to leave a mark, later tonight.
Exactly. But, all these shots will leave really big
Anyways, on the inside, because the outside Is so
boring, Zombie just slammed Joey Malone from the
turnbuckle into the mat with a frankensteiner. Zombie
with a cover now...
GP: Joey Malone kicked out !!!
Shallow: Speaking of covers, check on the outside...
Phelen Kell, he covers Cyanide...
Shallow: And, nothing happens. Cyanide kicks out from
Phelen Kell‚Äôs cover, and, Evan Levine doesn‚Äôt
look too happy.
GP: Evan Levine brings Cyanide back up, he goes for an
Irish whip, but wait, Cyanide reverses the whip,
and sends Evan out... Evan crashes right into Murdoch
JT: Haha ! That‚Äôs what that idiot gets for standing In
GP: Exactly. Evan, he doesn‚Äôt look too happy about
this, hehe... he grabs hold of Murdoch Hitler, he
brings him up, and he smacks him back down with a hard
shot to the face !!!
JT: That‚Äôs Evan Levine ! He‚Äôs the man !!!
Shallow: Phelen Kell, he‚Äôs sliding back inside the
ring now... Evan Levine, he gets turned around by
Cyanide... Cyanide grabs hold of Evan and tosses him
into the steel steps. Evan goes elbow first, God
dammit. Cyanide walks over In front of Evan, though,
he lifts up the apron, he brings out a trash can lid
and smacks It over Cyanide‚Äôs head !!!
GP: Cyanide Is down...
[ ‚ÄúFuck All‚ÄĚ by Kid Rock starts blaring over the pa
speakers as the words (- CROW -) come onto the IWO
Tron Screen, followed by fire blazing over the text.
Then we see the cameras speeding through a large
hotel parking lot, through the city of Los Angeles,
JT: IT‚ÄôS SABASTIAN CROW !!!!!!!!!!
Shallow: Oh no !!! I thought he was told not to come
out here !!!!
GP: He‚Äôs going to get arrested yet. Cyanide, he pays
his full attention to the curtain, and out walks
Sabastian Crow. He stops at the stage ramp and... he‚Äôs
taunting Cyanide to come up there !!!
JT: But, isn‚Äôt It true that If Crow gets involved with
this match, then he gets arrested ?
GP: Yup. That‚Äôs the way I heard It.
JT: Then, why‚Äôs he doing this !?!?
GP: I have no clue. Nobody can really understand
Shallow: Cyanide and Crow, they‚Äôre staring eye to eye,
they‚Äôre talking trash to each other... but
meanwhile, Joey Malone, he has King Sting on the
turnbuckle, and he slams him down with a Top Rope
ADD !!!! Malone, he goes for the cover...
**Ding Ding Ding**
Eliminated: King Sting
Shallow: ...and King Sing has been eliminated...
GP: Back to the outside, Evan takes the trash can lid
from Cyanide, Cyanide turns around, and Evan
smashes It over Cyanides head.
JT: Was that a set-up by Crow & Evan ?
GP: I don‚Äôt know. But Crow, Crow Is laughing... Evan
smiles at Crow, Evan just told Crow ‚ÄúGood Job‚ÄĚ,
Crow Is pleased at what he done...
JT: He didn‚Äôt get involved ! I didn‚Äôt see anything,
GP: I wouldn‚Äôt be too sure of that... but, WAIT A
MINUTE !!! THERE‚ÄôS AWS MAN, AWS MAN SPINS
CROW AROUND AND HITS A DDT !!!! AWS MAN JUST STRUCK
CROW DOWN WITH A DDT,
STRAIGHT ON THE STEEL STAGE !!!!!
JT: Ouchies !!!
GP: That‚Äôs Crow‚Äôs line, JT.
JT: Who cares. Crow and I are buddies. I can say
whatever the Hell I want. You can‚Äôt !!!
GP: Oh, whatever. Back to the action, AWS Man, he
brings Crow back to his feet, and he leads him back
to the backstage area !!!
Shallow: AWS Man has taken Crow out of site... but,
back at ringside, Cyanide has Evan down again...
but wait, Gunnar Smith grabs hold of Cyanide from
inside the ring, but no !!! Cyanide jumps up and he
plants Gunnar‚Äôs throat against the rope !!! Gunnar
falls back onto the mat...
GP: Cyanide goes under the ring, he pulls out a table
JT: IT‚ÄôS TABLE TIME !!!!!!!!!!
GP: Cyanide slides It into the ring, now... he pushes
himself into the ring, Joey Malone Is trying to take
on Zombie and Phelen Kell... Cyanide sets the table
up, Gunnar Smith Is back up, Gunnar Smith charges
for Cyanide, Cyanide with a martial arts kick, Gunnar
Smith ducks, Cyanide turns around, and Gunnar
Smith hooks Cyanide up for a DDT. But wait ! Cyanide
backs himself into the corner, he low blows
Gunnar Smith, he sends Gunnar Smith down and... HE
LIFTS HIM UP FOR A POWERBOMB AND...
GP: STRAIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE !!!! GUNNAR SMITH WAS
JUST SLAMMED, STRAIGHT
THROUGH THE TABLE, THANKS TO CYANIDE !!!!
Shallow: Cyanide goes for a cover now...
**Ding Ding Ding**
Eliminated: Gunnar Smith
[ The fans erupt In a decent pop. ]
Gp: Fans with that note we need to take a break will be right back
GP: Fans were back with MNM and a lot has happened over the break
JT: Just call the match
Shallow: YEA CALL IT!
GP: Kell grabs Malone from behind! He's trying to set him up for the
Steel Rain, but Malone is having none of it! Malone slips out from
behind, but Zombie clotheslines him back down before he can mount any
offense from it!
JT: Cyanide is fighting off Evan Levine, meanwhile! COME ON, EVAN! FIGHT
BACK! GOD DAMMIT!
Shallow: Zombie hooks up Malone! ZOMBIEPLEX(Fisherman's suplex)!
ZOMBIEPLEX TO MALONE! THE IWO WORLD CHAMPION IS DOWN!
GP: Cyanide shoves Evan out of the corner, but Zombie shoves him back
into Cyanide, and Cyanide catches Levine in the face with a big boot!
Levine's stunned, and Cyanide charges right out of the damn corner with
a flying double clothesline!
JT: Kell's meanwhile trying to lock in the Malicious Intent on Malone!
But Malone fights it! Malone just pulled the Legend's leg out from under
him before he could lock it in! Cyanide is meanwhile beating the hell
out of Evan Levine! But Zombie stops him! Zombie grabs Cyanide! YES!
CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM TO THAT DAMN LIFEGUARD!
GP: Levine picks Malone up! GAME TIME(Double arm impaler)! GAME TIME
Shallow: Man, Malone is getting the hell beaten out of him.
JT: Now Levine picks up Cyanide and tries to do the same thing to
Cyanide, but Cyanide's having none of it! Cyanide turns it into a
backdrop suplex! Nice move by the challenger!
GP: Zombie's there to stop him from getting anything else in! Zombie
backs Cyanide into the corner and starts stomping away at his
Shallow: Levine is once again attacking Malone! Malone is almost out of
it, but Levine's got him up! He's going for the Conceptual Perfection,
but Malone slips out from behind Levine! Malone goes for a Tomikaze from
that position, but Kell right there with a VICIOUS lariat to stop him!
JT: Kell picks up Malone again and goes for a vertical suplex, but
Malone slips out AGAIN!
GP: Slippery guy, yeah?
JT: Malone grabs Kell from behind! German suplex! German suplex to the
former five-time IWO World Champion!
Shallow: Levine is helping Zombie beat down Cyanide in the corner, but
Malone grabs Levine from behind! STRAIGHTJACKET SUPLEX! MALONE
HE'S ZEROING IN FOR THAT MAD COW DISEASE OF HIS! ANOTHER
SUPLEX! LEVINE IS GETTING THE CRAP SUPLEXED OUT OF HIM! A THIRD
RELEASE STRAIGHTJACKET SUPLEX TO LEVINE! LEVINE'S DOWN!
GP: Oh, but Zombie legdrops Malone to puts him back down!
JT: CYANIDE'S UP! Cyanide grabs Zombie! EXPLODER SUPLEX! Zombie's
But Kell's back up! CYANIDE WITH AN EXPLODER SUPLEX ON KELL!
wobbily as he gets up! Cyanide goes for an Exploder on him, but Levine
gets an elbow in to break it up!
Nikki: WAIT! MALONE GRABS LEVINE! THERE'S AN EXPLODER ON LEVINE
GP: Oh, but Zombie recovered quickly enough to clothesline both Malone
and Cyanide back down again!
Shallow: Zombie picks up Malone again and he shoves him into the corner
for more stompage! Kell takes a running start and drives his knee into
the cornered Malone's face!
JT: Levine's to his feet and he DDTs Cyanide right back down to the mat!
GP: Malone is getting the crap kicked out of him in the corner by Phelen
Kell and Zombie!
Shallow: Now Kell pulls Malone up again! He sends him off the ropes for
a double backdrop between him and Zombie, but Malone kicks Zombie in the
face! Malone gets a rollup on Kell! One... two... Evan gets in there
before the three count!
JT: Almost had him! Now Levine is pounding away at Malone's forehead!
GP: And now he rolls out to the floor! He grabs a steel chair and he
climbs back up on the apron! He's going to take a shot at Malone! But
Keri Lindum grabs the chair away from Levine! MALONE WITH A SUPERKICK
LEVINE TO SEND HIM OFF THE APRON AND INTO THE RAILING!
Shallow: Cyanide's back up and he's pounding away at Phelen Kell! And a
clothesline sends him up and over the top rope! Zombie is pounding away
at Cyanide's back, though! Malone is up on the second rope for some odd
reason! Zombie with the irish whip into the ropes! Cyanide ducks the
clothesline, and Keri... TOSSES THE CHAIR INTO CYANIDE'S HANDS?!
JT: Wait! Cyanide tosses it into Zombie's hands! MALONE LEAPS OFF THE
SECOND TURNBUCKLE WITH A DROPKICK RIGHT INTO ZOMBIE AND THE
ZOMBIE IS DOWN!
GP: Malone is getting to his feet, and Cyanide is going to his corner!
He has his lifesaver! What's he telling Malone?!
JT: I don't know, BUT I DON'T LIKE IT!
Shallow: Malone is heading to the top rope! Cyanide is heading to the
top rope! Things are not looking good for the former two-time IWO World
JT: CYANIDE WITH THE LIFESAVER(Frog Splash) OFF ONE CORNER, AND
WITH THE BAD MOON RISING(swandive headbutt) OFF THE OTHER
WAS JUST OBLITERATED IN THE CENTER OF THE RING! CYANIDE STAYS
ON FOR THE
COVER! ONE... TWO... THREE!!!!
*ding, ding, ding*
Eliminated - Zombie
GP: ZOMBIE IS GONE! HE'S HISTORY!
(Zombie rolls out of the ring, just as Kell and Levine both blindside
Malone and Cyanide as they are getting to their feet.)
JT: And once again, the legends jump the contestants!
Shallow: Kell is beating Malone down, while Levine is just stomping away
GP: Kell picks up Malone and puts him up on the top rope! He's climbing
up there for the superplex! YES! SUPERPLEX! SUPERPLEX BY THE LEGEND
THE WORLD CHAMPION! MALONE IS DOWN!
JT: Yes! Yes! PAY HIM BACK FOR WHAT HE DID TO DAZE!
GP: Malone's back might be destroyed, and meanwhile, Levine has picked
up that chair and he's got evil intentions for Cyanide!
JT: YES! GLORY!
Shallow: OUCH! I wouldn't want to be Cyanide right now.
GP: And another chairshot!
JT: SOLD TO THE AMERICANS!
(Shallow bitchslaps JT.)
Shallow: Cyanide just had the shit beaten out of him with that chair!
Levine BENT the fucking chair over Cyanide's forehead!
GP: Now Levine throws Cyanide over the top and to the floor, and Kell's
doing the same with Malone! They're brawling out on the floor!
JT: Kell throws Malone into the crowd, while Cyanide is battling out
with Levine! Cyanide gets a low blow in on Levine! Levine turns around,
JT: OWWWW!!! FUCK! THAT HURT *ME*! MURDOCH HITLER JUST TAZERED
LEVINE IN THE NUTS!
GP: Nope! There won't be any chance of little Evan Levines any time
(Levine collapses as Kell and Cyanide continue fighting down the aisle.)
Shallow: Kell and Levine are fighting, but Malone's finally getting out
of the crowd! Levine's down, and Malone is standing on the rail! MALONE
WITH A LEGDROP TO THE BACK OF LEVINE'S HEAD!
JT: Nooooo! Not Evan! Anyone but Evan!
GP: Malone is getting to his feet, while Kell and Cyanide are brawling
near a spotlight! Kell tries to hook Cyanide in for Steel Rain, but
Cyanide isn't having any of it and he slips out from behind! Cyanide
kicks Kell in the gut... he has him up in a powerbomb! He's going to
powerbomb Kell... OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! CYANIDE JUST POWERBOMB
THAT SPOTLIGHT! DAMN!
Shallow: The tide has turned in favor of Malone and Cyanide! Malone has
thrown Evan back into the ring! Malone is going up to the top rope so he
can hit the Bad Moon Rising! Malone leaps... BUT EVAN MOVES OUT OF
WAY! EVAN NARROWLY AVOIDS THE SWANDIVE HEADBUTT!
JT: Cyanide is making his way back to the ring, and you know he's pissed
GP: After that powerbomb? YES.
Shallow: Levine is picking Malone up again and he's trying to hook him
in for another Game Time, but Malone is having none of it! He fights out
of it! Malone hooks Levine... INTO THE BACKDROP DRIVER! LEVINE IS
JT: But Malone is too dazed from the missed Bad Moon Rising to make a
GP: Cyanide slides into the ring and he covers Evan! One... two...
thr-NO! LEVINE KICKED OUT! SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY! HE KICKED OUT
VICIOUS BACKDROP DRIVER!
Shallow: Phelen Kell's back up!
GP: He's a legend!
GP: Malone is up again and he picks up Levine, but Kell's almost to the
ring! Malone hooks Levine up for the Cataclysm, but Kell's in and he
clips Malone's knee before he can pick Levine up in it!
Shallow: Cyanide picks up Kell, though, and he goes for a DVD, but Kell
slips out! INTO THE REVERSE DDT! REVERSE DDT TO CYANIDE BY
JT: Now Malone's back up, and Kell tries to spear Malone, but Malone
dives over Kell... AND KELL ENDS UP SPEARING LEVINE INSTEAD!
GP: Kell doesn't seem to care, either! Malone spins Kell around! He goes
for ADD! But Kell won't go up! DOUBLE ARM BELLY-TO-BELLY BY KELL!
counter to the ADD by Kell!
Shallow: Kell is to his feet, and so is Cyanide! Cyanide charges in on
Kell, but Kell ducks the clothesline... AND SMASHES DOWN CYANIDE WITH
JT: Kell is looking to apply the Malicious Intent! He's got Kell in the
Sharpshooter, and... YES! MALICIOUS INTENT ON CYANIDE! CYANIDE IS
VERY HAPPY PERSON RIGHT NOW!
GP: He's screaming in pain, and you're saying he's not happy?
Shallow: Malone catches Kell with a spinning wheel kick to break the
hold! Where'd he come from!?
GP: I don't know!
JT: Malone stopped Kell, but Levine is back up again! Levine grabs
Malone from behind, but Malone reverses the grapple! He picks up
Levine! INTO THE JERKEROLIZER(Fireman's Carry DDT to Twist of Fate)!
LEVINE IS DOWN! MALONE IS DOWN! EVERYONE IS DOWN!
GP: Fans we have to take another break will be right back!
GP: Fans, were back and it was a slow break. Everyone just got back up and
there is action going on in the ring
JT: THEN CALL THE DAMN MATCH!!
GP: Levine and Kell take down Cyanide! Levine picks up Cyanide, tosses him
into the corner... takes Levine, and LEVINE BARRELS INTO CYANIDE! Down
the leader of the Wild Pack of Boars!
JT: Malone from behind! He's going for Mad Cow Disease, but Levine gives him
an elbow to the head! Kell on top of Malone immediately... the two of them
are taking out Malone!
Shallow: This is what happens when you put the two guys that hate each other
more than anything else on the same side... pure, unadulterated pain for the
combatants going against them.
GP: Well, Phelen Kell is one of the best in wrestling history...
JT: Cyanide... he hops on Kell! Sleeperhold! Kell stumbling around, throwing
his arms around... he has Cyanide... but Malone! LOW BLOW BY MALONE!
pulls Levine off of him... Cyanide gets pushed off by Malone... Kell goes for
Malone, Levine goes for Malone -- MALONE PHASED OUT! HE'S BEHIND
Shallow: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! WHAT THE... DAH... GAH!
GP: Malone used his powers over nature and physics! Kell and Levine
collide... they stare at each other. AND THERE THOSE TWO GO! PHELEN
EVAN LEVINE! ALL IT TOOK WAS ONE MISTAKE, ONE
MIS-CALCULATION... AND IT ALL
GOES FALLING DOWN! KELL WITH A SERIES OF HOOKS TO LEVINE'S
SKULL! LEVINE INTO
THE CORNER, KELL PUTS HIM ON THE SECOND ROPE... PICKS HIM UP,
AND A FRIGGIN'
FALL-BACK POWERBOMB SENDS LEVINE FACE-FIRST INTO THE MAT!
Levine springs up,
though, grabs Kell... goes for a standing armbar, he goes and picks Kell
up... SUPLEX DDT WITH AN ARMBAR! Officials pulling Levine and Kell out of
ring... I think it's just Malone and Cyanide now!
JT: Malone goes over to Cyanide... but Cyanide with a boot to the face!
Malone stumbles back... Cyanide rises up, picks up Malone, POWERSLAM!
One....... two....... no! Malone kicked out! Cyanide grabs Malone, picks him
up... LIFESAVER! Cyanide picks up Malone again... takes Malone...
AGAIN! Cyanide has nearly destroyed Malone... but he's leaving Malone be!
Shallow: Well, for whatever reason... Cyanide is grabbing a table! He's going
to lay out Malone, and make sure there's no chance of him rising again!
Cyanide puts it in... sets it up. I've got a bad feeling about Malone's
career now. Cyanide takes the table, puts it in the center of the ring! Grabs
Malone, puts him on, and climbs on himself!
GP: He's signalling for it... it's time for a third and final Lifesaver!
Cyanide takes Malone... brings him up, Malone over! Malone has Cyanide!
EVEREST CATACYLSM! EVEREST CATACLYSM! CYANIDE IS NO LONGER
IN CONTROL OF HIS
BODILY FUNCTIONS! AND NEITHER IS MALONE, I'M SURE! IT'S CHAOS IN
OF THE RING!
Shallow: Double ouchies. Hell, triple ouchies, since that was Malone's
most-recognized finisher THROUGH A TABLE!
JT: Malone is trying to get out of the table mess... he does! Cyanide still
down and out... Malone pulls him out, cover.... ONE.... TWO... this is it,
dammit... NO! NO NO! CYANIDE FOUND THE STRENGTH, DEEP DOWN,
AND HE KICKED THE
HELL OUT! HE'S STILL IN THIS!
JT: I knew he had it in him. :-)
Shallow: Malone is in disbelief! He gets up, and he's going to the corner! HE
LAUNCHES HIMSELF WITH THE BAD MOON RISING! MALONE HIT THE
TABLE! MALONE HIT A
PIECE OF THE TABLE! But he's still go Cyanide covered, and he managed to
a good part of himself on his opponent anyway! The ref... he counts! One....
TWO..... HELL NO! CYANIDE WITH A KICKOUT! JUST BARELY!
GP: I don't think Cyanide would've kicked out had Malone managed to hit the
Bad Moon Rising correctly...
GP: Well... Malone trying to shake the effects of his misguided headbutt, as
Cyanide is trying to get out of the table. Malone working his way to his
feet... Cyanide up to his feet, but he's got one foot stuck in the table
still... Malone charges, CYANIDE RAISES HIS FOOT, AND MALONE GETS
THE FACE WITH A TABLE PIECE! MALONE'S HEAD DAMN NEAR
JT: Cyanide with a cover! ONE... TWO... NO, DAMMIT! MALONE KICKED OUT!
Cyanide takes Malone, brings him to his feet, and throws him in the corner!
GP: JESUS CHRIST! Malone's chest in a crimson red! Cyanide broke the skin!
Malone is bleeding from the chest thanks to the Lifeguard! Ten chops, each
one painful! Malone pulled out of the corner, Cyanide grabs him, jumps onto
the second rope, TORNADO DDT! Cover! One... two... MALONE WITH A
Shallow: Malone slides out of the ring the first chance he gets... Cyanide
stands inside. Malone checking his chest out... he's looking at the blood
JT: Here comes Cyanide!
Shallow: Cyanide jumps off the apron onto Malone -- AND GETS DROPPED
GUARDRAIL! CYANIDE GRABBING AT HIS THROAT! CYANIDE MAY HAVE
LARYNX! Malone gets back up, grabs the steps! Picks them up... Cyanide rolls
out of the way of them! This match is insane! We have no gladiators in a
friggin' GLADIATOR match, and these two are going hardcore on one another for
GP: It's the IWO. That's basically EVERY title match, Johnny.
GP: Oh, of course! Let me talk about ?Ņ? vs. Titan at Utter Obliteration 1998
for a moment.
GP: Oh, c'mon, it isn't that bad!
JT: Tell him backstage! Not now! Hell, CALL THE MATCH!
GP: Oh, fine. Malone has the steel steps, throws them in the ring! He's
chasing after a crawling Cyanide... wait, Cyanide has grabbed something from
under the ring, it's a crowbar! HE HITS HIM WITH THE CROWBAR! Cyanide
it again! Down goes Malone! Cyanide rolls into the ring. He goes into the
ropes... Malone has been handed a chair by a fan! Cyanide jumps up for a
slingshot... HE'S GOING FOR A SHOOTING STAR PRESS! MALONE
THROWS THE CHAIR AT
HIM, GOOD GOD! Cyanide falls back onto the ropes! The chair...
JT: DAMMIT, MALONE'S USING HIS POWER OVER PHYSICS AGAIN! He's
got the chair
floating! Cyanide waking up...
Shallow: OW! MALONE DROPPED THE CHAIR RIGHT ON TOP OF
JT: CHEATER! CHEATER! HE SHOULD BE DISQUALIFIED FOR DEFYING
THE RULES OF THE
Shallow: There are no rules! Malone gets onto the apron, pushes Cyanide off
and onto the mat... springboard off the rope, FROG SPLASH! COVER! ONE...
TWO... CYANIDE! KICKOUT!
GP: Malone rolls off, grabs Cyanide, and takes the chair! He sets it on the
mat...inverted DDT on the chair! Rollover... one... two... NO! Another
kickout by Cyanide! He's proving his worth tonight, that's for sure! Malone
takes him, throws him in the corner... Keri on the apron! She holds the chair
in front of Cyanide! Joey... OFF THE TOP ROPE, SECOND-ROPE
DROPKICK! Cyanide falls into the corner... Malone takes him, sits him on the
Shallow: Malone... OFF THE TOP ROPE, SKY HIGH -- NO! ARIZONA DEATH
ARIZONA DEATH DROP! ADD! ADD! HE GOT ADD ON CYANIDE FROM THE
TOP! HE HURT
HIMSELF ON THE WAY DOWN, THOUGH!
JT: Malone... cover! COVER! ONE........
NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO!
GP: Cyanide... MY GOD! HE KICKED OUT! WHAT WILL PUT HIM AWAY?
up... damn! What a war! What punishment! Malone... he takes Cyanide... picks
him up by his hair and tosses him into the ropes, lariat! He picks up
Cyanide... DEATH PENALTY! COVERS CYANIDE!
JT: GEEZ! Malone... Cyanide! HE HAS MALONE'S NUTS! HE PICKS UP
TESTICULAR TERMINATION! T2! HE JUST TOOK OUT THE WORLD CHAMP
WITH T2! HE
COULD COVER HIM... BUT THE FINISHERS AND TRADEMARK MOVES
HAVE LEFT HIM OUT OF
IT! CYANIDE IS DAMN NEAR GONE, AND HE KNOCKED THE WIND OUT OF
GP: Cyanide... he's crawling towards the chair! Keri Lindum goes to pull it
out of his hands! But NO! Cyanide has it! Cyanide... using it to get to his
feet... he sets it in sitting position on the mat! He takes Malone... Malone
goes into the ropes, Keri tosses a chair in! Cyanide has it, Malone off the
sitting chair, off the ropes... FRONT DROPKICK VANDAMINATOR! FROM THE
ROPE, NOT THE SECOND ROPE! Cyanide back down! Malone folds the sitting
up... he gets up...
(Malone walks over and gets ready to hit Cyanide's chair, still in his hands.)
JT: Malone raises the chair up... Cyanide throws the chair up, lands it on
his feet, AND LAUNCHES THE CHAIR INTO MALONE'S FACE! MALONE
DROPS HIS OWN
CHAIR BEHIND HIM AND FALLS BACK! HITS HIS OWN CHAIR WITH THE
BACK OF HIS
HEAD! CYANIDE CATCHES HIS CHAIR AND THROWS IT AWAY! ROLLS
OVER, CRAWLS, AND
THERE'S A COVER! COUNT COUNT COUNT!
Ref: ONE! ............... TWO!.................. (swish)
GP: NO NO NO NO NO NO! MALONE! MALONE! HE MADE IT! HE'S STILL
GOING! THE MAN
IS STILL ALIVE! Cyanide... in disbelief! He's got Malone... LIFESAVER! Malone
goes out of the ring! Cyanide... Malone... both in desperate need of a rest.
Malone falls down on the apron... Cyanide goes into a corner and falls back
into it. These two men are waging a complete and total war on one another!
Chair shots, table explosions... name something that hasn't happened!
JT: Malone hasn't defied... DAMMIT! He has!
Shallow: Keri helping Malone catch his breath... Cyanide... MURDOCH HITLER
JUST HANDED HIM THE TASER! Dammit!
JT: He's the Extreme champ, Shallow! He'll do WHATEVER HE NEEDS to be a
GP: Malone getting back into the ring... CYANIDE CHARGES WITH THE
MALONE DODGES! CYANIDE TURNS AROUND, GOES FOR ANOTHER
SHOCK! MALONE DIVES OUT
OF THE WAY, AND CYANIDE GETS HIM AS HE'S GETTING TO HIS FEET!
OUR WORLD CHAMP, IS BEING TASERED DAMN NEAR TO DEATH!
JT: Hey, he's not MY world champ. Cyanide rolls the taser out of the ring...
pulls Malone towards the center of the ring... ONE......... TWO..... HOW HOW
HOW? HE GOT SHOCKED NEARLY TO DEATH, AND SOMEHOW,
SOMEWAY, IN SOME DISTANT
LONGSHOT CHANCE... JOEY MALONE HAS JUST KICKED OUT!
GP: Cyanide... seething. He picks up Malone, goes for a front-arm suplex,
Malone flips in mid-air, Cyanide pushes him forward, Malone comes back, they
charge -- DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! BOTH MEN DOWN! BOTH MEN DOWN!
1........... 2.......... 3.......... 4............ 5............
Shallow: Wait, im getting word from the back that Levine and Kell are still
fighting and they took out all the of refs!! THAT'S NUTS!!
JT: GET A CAMERA OUT THERE!
GP: Cyanide is moving...he's going for a cover on Joey!
Shallow: CYANIDE COVERS!!!
..........3..........NO!!!!!!!!! JOEY KICKS OUT!
JT: Cyanide cant believe it....and either can I. How the hell did he do that?
GP: Cyanide gets to his feet and picks Joey up with him. He sends him into
the corner.....and he takes aim and runs right at Joey.......NO JOEY
MOVES........JOEY GOES FOR THE BULL DOG!!
JT: NO!!! Cyanide pushes Joey off and into the ropes.....OH KNEE SMASH!!!
Shallow: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!
[The cameras cut to see Evan Levine and Phelen Kell fighting in the crowed.]
GP: Are you kidding me? The two have fought all the way around to the stands?
Shallow: Cyanide says its all over!!! He's going to the top!
GP: He's going for The Lifesaver!!
JT: Hey look, Evan and Kell just went over the ramp and there around the
Shallow: That's not good the ref is looking at them....
GP: Cyanide goes off...HE NAILED THE LIFESAVER!!! THE COVER!!!
JT: HA NO REF, He's trying to break up Evan and Kell!
Shallow: Cyanide gets up and yells for the ref, but Evan jumps into the ring
trying to get away from Kell.....but Kell gets in too...the ref behind them!
JT: Kell and Evan are now back in the middle of the ring switching left and
rights......HAHAHAHAHA CYANIDE IS GOING TO LOSE IT!
Shallow: Joey is getting up!
GP: Cyanide is just standing there with the ref watching these two hit each
[Cyanide about t explode yells out]
Cyanide: WILL YOU TWO STOP!!!
[Evan and Kell stop hitting each other and turn to Cyanide and both at the
same time punch him right in the middle of the face.]
GP: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!
Shallow: JOEY IS RIGHT THERE......HE KICKS CYANIDE IN THE MID
SECTION......AND.......THE EVEREST CATACLYSM!!!! HE NAILED IT!!!! HE
GP: The ref is down for the
DING DING DING!
Meygon: HERE IS YOUR WINNER!!! AND STILL IWO WORLD CHAMP, JOEY
GP: WITH THE UNEXPECTED HELP OF LEVINE AND KELL.......JOEY
Shallow: God, is Cyanide going to be pissed when he wakes up!
JT: HAHAHAHA And look at this, Levine and Kell are back to fighting!! And
here comes the refs that they beat up earlier again....THIS TIME ZOMBIE AND
KING STING IS WITH THEM!!!
GP: Fans were out of time.......I wish we could show you this....BUT WE GOT
Shallow: WE CANT GUNNAR IS RUNNING DOWN NOW!!!
JT: AND CYANIDE IS GETTING BACK UP!!! WE CANT GO!!!
GP: WE GOT TO GO!!! JOIN US THIS FRIDAY FOR HT!!!
[The scene dies out with a huge rumble going on in the ring.]