[The scene opens with a heart beating sound as IWO banner fades in as words |
fly all around it. Pride, Honor pass the screen as the banner fades out. As
it fades in the words Phelen Kell and Zombie fly around the screen to another
heart beat. Then as a O fly's across the screen we see the words Hate and
Love fly around and fade in. With the last heart beat the O fly's in with the
names Mysterious One and Titan following it. Finally the IWO comes ablaze as
the IWO symbol fly's past it as it fades out.]
[The scene fades back in as "My Way" By Limp Bizkit starts to play as it
fades into scene from last Monday.]
Voice of JT: KILL HIM EVAN!!!!!!!
Voice of GP: NO MY GOD......OH!!!!!!!
[From one angle we see Evan and Dane double Spike Paldrive Syphon Fission on
a steel chair. The camera angle changes and we see it happen again...and
voice of GP: MY GOD SYPHON COULD BE DEAD!!!
[The scene cuts to Evan and Dane looking on and smiling as Syphon gets taken
away by the EMTS]
Voice of Evan: You will never be one of the Legends
[Scene fades to the face of the world champ Dane Matthew's]
Voice of Dane: I am the world champ...and there is no one that can beat
[The scene dies out as "My Way" Ends.]
[The scene fades in with a shot of the IWO symbol as it melts into the MNM
symbol and then explodes as "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N Roses starts to
play. Then all of a sudden the scene cuts to a live feed from the Bob
Carpenter Center and a sold out crowed of 28000 people. The camera pans all
around as we see people going nuts and all on there feet as the camera cuts
to GP, JT, and Shallow ready to announce the matches for this MNM]
GP: FANS WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE.....WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF THE INTERNET
WRESTLING FEDERATION.........THE I.......W......O!!!!!!!!
JT: You act like people care HA!
Shallow: I like to think they do.
JT: Poor man.
GP: Fans....tonight is not any normal night for the IWO....because tonight is
the first time in a long time that the IWO world title #1 contendership will
be decided by a tournament.
JT: its not the first time...and it wont be the last time.
Shallow: Sad but true.
GP: Fans...tonight the top stars in the IWO will go one on one in a 8 man
torny witch oddly will end here tonight as our mainevent. 1 out of the 8 men
will walk out the IWO #1 contender.
JT: And for the first time EVER!! The Mysterious One isn't in the tourney.
Shallow: There is a first for everything
GP: Fans...with that said and done...lets get right to things. Our first
match tonight is............
[All of a sudden "I am your Boogie Man" by White Zombie starts to play as the
fans start to boo. Fire works go off as IWO President Evan Levine makes his
way to the ring]
JT: YES....a day without Evan is like a day without sex!
Shallow: Then you should be used to this stuff.
JT: One would think.
GP: I wonder why are leader is making his way out here.
[Evan gets into the ring as fans toss things at him....and scream at him]
Evan: SHUT UP AND LISTEN!!!!
[The fans boo]
Evan: Tonight...is something I don't like...tonight is something that I would
have just rather not happen. But Dane being the world champ........I had to
let him have it. The reason I don't like it.....too many chances for people
to get the spot that the real #1 contender should have.
GP: Real Number one contender?
Evan: You know...I looked all over for the REAL number one contender...and
alas...I couldn't find one IN AMERICA!
GP: Oh no...he's not.
JT: HE IS!
Evan: So...I took a trip to JAPAN...and found the BEST THEY HAD....and
brought him back to the good old U...S...of A!........yes....thats right IM
talking about the one and only...John Maples boy Toy.........EYE SUK!!!!!!!!
[The fans give very little reaction as a Japanese man with cameras all over
him and a plad shirt on makes his way to the ring.]
Shallow: This is going to set wrestling back about 4 years.
[Eye Suk gets into the ring and starts to take photos of Evan as Evan just
stands there and smiles.]
Evan: Now....Eye Suk....welcome back to the IWO. It's been awhile.
Eye Suk: I......Yeas.......Macdonalds good to me....oh your looking
[The fans laugh as Evan just looks at him]
Evan: Ok...anyways, like I was saying there really isn't any need for this
tourney...because the true blue IWO number 1 contender is right here in the
Eye Suk: Oh...Thank you much.
Evan: don't mention it. OK....so everyone go home...and turn off these ring
lights because this card is over!
[The fans boo as all of a sudden "hail to the Chief" starts to play and the
fans go nuts.]
GP: VP FORD IS IN THE BUILDING!
[Tom Ford walks out with mic in hand laughing his ass off as Evan just looks
Ford: Evan....you are one crazy man.....you really think you were going to
get away with this?
Evan: The man that beat the shit out of Phelen Kell says so.
Ford: I don't see Dane Wilt here do you?
[The fans pop]
Evan: LOOK HERE FORD....I am the boss...you do what I say....when I say it.
SO SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND GO BACKSTAGE. THIS IS MY SHOW DAMN IT!
Ford: Oh...Evan you seem to forget something.....I have the right to over
rule you on things like this.
Evan: I'M THE BOSS DAMN IT, LIKE HELL YOU CAN.
Evan: I can just fire you....SO GET OUT OF MY BUILDING!
Ford: HAHAHAHAHA....fine.....I wont change your stuff....but these guys
[All of a sudden from the back come two US officers.]
JT: What the hell is this?
Ford: You see Evan....you brought Eye Suk over here without any papers....so
according to law he has to be shipped back to Japan....so...TAKE HIM AWAY
[The fans go nuts as the officers back there way to the ring.]
Evan: YOU CANT DO THIS!
Ford: I just did Evan...DUH....TONIGHTS TOURNEY STAYS.......and you cant do
anything to stop it Evan.
Evan: Well see Ford.....Well see.
GP: There taking Eye Suk away.
JT: NO...DAMN IT NO!!!!!
Shallow: About time they kicked him out of this place.
GP: Fans we need to take a break will be right back with more MNM.
[The scene fades out with a shot of Eye Suk being taken out of the building
and taking photos at the same time.]
(Scene cut to Donnie Daze's locker room, where Daze is getting ready to
face LiGiL. A knock on the door is heard.)
Donnie Daze: Come in.
(Joey Malone wanders in.)
Joey Malone: Oooohhhhh Daaaazzzzeeee!!
Daze: Joey, is this about the money?
Malone: No, it's the Easter Bunny and he's come to take your eggs. OF
COURSE IT'S ABOUT THE MONEY! You owe me twenty-three dollars and
fifty-five cents! Cough it up!
Daze: Okay, okay! Geez, you're a prick sometimes...
(Daze hands Joey the money and walks away.)
Malone: Thanks, Donnie.
(Joey counts it. He becomes enraged.)
Malone: Daze, you cheap bastard! ...this is only twenty-three dollars
and fifty-*four* cents!
(Malone chases Daze as the scene cuts to the announcers.)
GP: Sometimes, I wonder exactly why Joey Malone hasn't been committed to
a mental institution, yet.
JT: Maybe it's because if that happens, the IWO's fanbase would be
GP: Probably.......its time for our first match of the night...
JT: Yea...thats right...LiGiL vs Daze.......this should be...ok.
Shallow: Ah shut it...you know it will be great.
JT: What is it?
GP: It was a movie where this clown killed people...but it was really Tim
Shallow: I thought it was good.
GP: So did I...but thats not the point...the point is that we have a match
to get too. Isnt that right talking hand?
Hand: Thats right.
JT: What the hell.....Greg has lost it.
Shallow: He has never all been there.
JT: This is true.
GP: Wont you be my bitch?
JT: if that hand goes south...im out of here.
Shallow: That makes two of us.
DING DING DING.
JT: What was that?
Shallow: The Bell..
GP: SHIT...thats right we have a show to do.
JT: Oh good hes back and his hand isnt in his pants.
GP: Lets go to Meygon
Meygon: Fans welcome to WNM...its time to start the show....comming to the
ring first from someplace...its LIGIL!
[LiGiL's theme hits as the fans boo. He walks out and gets into the ring]
GP: That was nice of him.
JT: What was?
GP: That he came out.
Shallow: Right....ok then
Meygon: AND HES FACEN....DONNIE DAZE!
[Dazes theme hits as he runs to the ring and starts to beat the crap out of
JT: That was fun. Lets do it again.
Shallow: Do what again?
JT: I dont know...I just felt like saying that....odd
GP: WE ALL FLOAT DOWN HERE!
Shallow: Its a quote from the movie IT.
JT: Again with the movie IT?
GP: Come on over here and look into the light...so I may be the killer Clown
to kill you...HAHAHA!
JT: did he have some bad shrums or something?
Shallow: I would think.
JT: Dont you think we should be talken about whats going on in the ring?
Shallow: Oh who cares...LiGiL has been getting his ass kicked the whole
GP: THATS RIGHT....LiGiL goes into the ropes and comes off hard...he ducks
the left from Daze and..........................
JT: Hes dead Jim.
Shallow: LiGiL comes off the ropes again and Nails a flying
JT: What are we to do without a play by play man....im only out here for my
Shallow: Thats why they never see you right?
Shallow: Makes sence
[LiGiL and Daze fight for a while...its back and forth...you know the
match...(im really sick lol) LiGiL has the upper hand for awhile but loses
it when Daze comes back....this happens alot]
JT: This match is GREAT.
GP: I like my hand.
JT: Well now Daze has LiGiL and he sends him into the ropes. LiGiL comes
back and Daze catches him with a monkey flip! Daze makes a quick cover!
Shallow: So close, so close. Well now LiGiL gets back up and he clotheslines
Daze down real quick. LiGiL now goes to the head of Daze and starts to pound
away on his head. After several punches, he picks Daze up and vertical
suplexes him all the way across the ring!
JT: Hell yea LiGiL! Kick his ass!
GP: Well now LiGiL goes to pick Daze up, but Daze low blows LiGiL real quick
and follows up with a fireman's carry. Daze then locks a dragon sleeper on
LiGiL and LiGiL is beginning to fade.
Shallow: Daze is gonna be going to the next round!
JT: Bullshit, LiGiL will get out of this.
GP: We shall see. Daze has that dragon sleeper locked on very strongly. He
is starting to wear down LiGiL more and more and LiGiL doesn't seem to be
responding to the ref. The ref is now going to lift LiGiL's hand....it
GP: He lifts it a second time....it drops.
GP: He lifts it a final time, will it fall? Yes...NO!!! LiGiL kept the hand
up and now he's fighting to get free.
JT: LiGiL bridges himself out of the dragon sleeper and eventually turns the
sleeper into a northern lights suplex pin on Daze!
Shallow: Daze barely got the shoulder up there!
GP: Well now LiGiL is pissed and he proceeds to stomp away on Donnie Daze
very furiously. LiGiL then climbs up to the top turnbuckle and flies off
with a moonsault on Daze!!! LiGiL makes another pin!!
JT: Damnit Daze! Quit kicking out and just give up!!
Shallow: Well now LiGiL takes the fallen Daze and begins to pick him up but
Daze rolls up a small package!!!
JT: Yes! He got the shoulder up by god!
GP: Well now Daze is determined to win this thing!!! LiGiL sits up. Daze
runs to the ropes and gets a low dropkick to the chest of LiGiL. Now Daze
goes in and starts to pound away on LiGiL's head.
Shallow: Daze picks up LiGiL and sends him into the ropes and catches the
returning LiGiL with a huge powerslam! Pin by Daze!
Shallow: Daze just can't quite pull it off. But Daze is now going up top to
end this thing. He waits for LiGiL to stand up.
GP: LiGiL gets to his feet and Daze comes flying off with a flying cross
body block....but LiGiL catches him!!!! Now LiGiL shoves Daze on his
shoulders and carries him up to the top turnbuckle!!! Could it be??????
PALINDROME BY LIGIL!!!!!! HE JUST HIT DAZE WITH THE PALINDROME, IT'S
OVER!!!! COVER BY LIGIL!!!!!
*Ding Ding Ding*
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner and moving on to the
second round of the Real Deal tournament is LiGiL!!!!!
("Suffocate" by Finger Eleven starts up.)
JT: LiGiL has done it! LiGiL has done it!!
GP: I tell you what, Daze put up a hell of a fight in this first round match
and should not go unnoticed in this tourament. Daze put up a valiant effort
but LiGiL just managed to sneak the win tonight. Fans we'll be right back
with our next match in the Real Deal tournament!
[The scene cuts to the back were we see Evan sitting there]
Evan: Where the hell is Dane?
Discord: I dont know...but you need to chill before you lose it.
Evan: LOSE IT? I HAVE ALREADY LOST IT....Dane needs to get here. NOW!!!
[Cuts to a Nadas thingie]
(As the IWO returns from it's scheduled commercial break, highlights of the
previous match for the fans, are being wrapped up. Meanwhile the camera
slides over to the commentators table where GP, JT, and Shallow are lounging
GP: And fans, welcome back to this special Wendesday edition of Meltdown.
JT: Yeah... real special.
GP: Well tonight is of course the "Real Deal" tournament and so far we've one
match between Donnie Daze and LiGiL and boy... it was amazing.
JT: Oh sorry, I musta slept through that one.
Shallow: Hey guys... can I speak? I am part of this damn broadcast team ya
JT: By all means... -mummering- notalentsumbitch....
Shallow: Well GP, if you thought the match before the break was exciting...
you better grab your inhaler. Cause it's AWS Man (Also known as Bill) taking
on Joey Malone.
GP: Whew.. I'm sweating already!
JT: What's the matter GP? Find both of these MEN sexually attractive?
GP: I have half the mind to knock the hell outta you!
JT: Oh, that would only make my day.
(As those two continue to argue and Shallow takes a BC, Meygon enters the
ring as a few fans whistle and she pulls a mic up.)
Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the 2nd match of the 1st
round here at the Real Deal Invitational! Coming to the ring first....
(Suddenly she is interupted as "Shame" by BT cranks up and the fans hit their
feet as fellow Team CGI member, Joey Malone steps out onto the ramp and gazes
out oer the ring. He flashes a smile and slowly makes his way down into the
Meygon: Umm... he is...JOEY!!!! MALONE!!!!!!!
(He climbs in and heads up one of the corners and holds his arms up, getting
a huge pop.)
Meygon: And his opponent... the Insane One... he is... AWS MAN (Also known as
(The crowd hits their feet once more when "3.14" by BHG starts and once of
the craziest guys in the IWO steps out acting as only he can. He glares down
at Joey... points at him then charges the ring and slides in, but the ref
cuts them off as Joey taunts him and the music dies down.)
Shallow: Two of the most comedical men in the business today... toe-to-toe...
I like it.
JT: I will admit, I find humor in their interviews, but I could care less for
their in-ring ability.
GP: That's because you have the talent intelligence of a monkey on crack.
(DING! DING! DING!)
GP: There's the bell.. it's underway folks!
JT: Yay...note the sarcasim.
Shallow: Both men... looking ready to tear at it...
(Malone and AWS Man (Also known as Bill) start to circle each other in the
ring, both vying for the "First Striking" rights. Suddenly some strange music
fills the night air... Malone and AWS Man (Also known as Bill) both move to
the opposite corners? They look to be in some...deep trance? Well... the
music... it kinda resembles that from "The Matrix"!? Over in the corner where
Joey is... he begins to move his arms in circles and pushes the wrists
outwards as his right knee slightly raises from the mat.)
Joey Malone: Ahhhhhhh yahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JT: What......the...... hell?
(Over in the other corner... AWS Man (Also known as Bill) is already
mimmicking the hands movements of Joey, but crouches down to the left a
little, tilting his head)
AWS Man (Also known as Bill): Wahhhhhhh eeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JT: What... th--
GP: We know!
(At this point they both spring up and out, like as if they had previously
been running at a high rate of speed!? God lord they must be more than 10ft
in the air with incredible speed... both men with their fists clinched.......)
Shallow: Ahhhhh... not another one of these cheap rip-offs!
(Malone and AWS Man (Also known as Bill) are both frozen... suspended in mid
air, mearly inches away from each other as the fans are in a state of shock.
The camera rotates and switches to camera angles all the way around the ring,
and nothing changes. Both Malone and AWS Man (Also known as Bill) have defyed
gravity... and commen logic! Huh? The weird "Matrix" music starts once more
and the 2 become dislodged from their mid-air prison, and both connecting
with their respected blows!!! They land in the other's corner and with a
quick duck and roll, hit their feet and spin, facing each other once again.
The fans are going nuts over what they just displayed Joey and AWS Man (Also
known as Bill) seemed shocked and just look at the crowd and smile. Then they
nod at each other and start to bow --- WAIT! AWS Man (Also known as Bill)
flies outta nowhere with a body splash on Joey into the corner like a
sandwich! Malone slumps down as AWS Man (Also known as Bill) comes in with a
blazin' fury of kicks and punches that take Malone by storm!)
GP: And there's that "Heeliosity" that AWS Man (Also known as Bill) has been
trying to pertain for a while now, and it looks to be shining through pretty
JT: Ahhh, he's always been a heel... just not a very good one.
Shallow: Are we watching the match or not?
JT: Oh I forgot you were the serious commentator! Oh do please continue us
with this golden globe of matches oh great one.
Shallow: Keep pushin' it little man...
JT: Oh I will...
(Back in the ring Malone has fell down on his ass in the corner as AWS Man
(Also known as Bill) shows absolutely no mercy with these razor sharp,
lightning quick kicks! Malone takes one to the temple... and now another
right across the chest! He's caughing while slaumping to the left and AWS Man
(Also known as Bill) walks off and starts jawjacking... well with nobody...
strange man. He turns around though, just in the nick of time to see Malone
trying to shoot up to his feet for revenge, but instinctively goes low with a
dropkick to the right knee, taking it out and leaving Malone on just one. AWS
Man (Also known as Bill) leaps back up and instantly charges over with a
field goal like kick that sends Malone rolling under the ropes and crashing
to the outside! AWS Man (Also known as Bill) follows him through the ropes
and drops down to the outside. Malone on the meanhand is using the crowd
barricade to pull himself up on shaky knees. He turns around slowly and see's
AWS Man (Also known as Bill) charging once more, but this time Malone is able
to counter the attempted clothesline with a back body drop up and over into
the first row of the fans. Joey stands, braced on the barricade for a second,
re-collecting his thoughts...Ohh! AWS Man (Also known as Bill) jumps up from
out of camera view and from behind, slaps on a sleeper hold!!! Malone freaks
out and runs fowards, but AWS Man (Also known as Bill) holds on, wrapping his
legs around the waist, cinching the hold in much tighter!)
JT: Oh, I do hope it's over.
GP: I think hardly... though sleepers have helped pull out amazing wins.
Shallow: Yeah... but Malone... one of the most charasmatic IWO'ers... I'd
have to think not.
JT: God... I am surrounded by morons!
Shallow: I didn't know your family was visiting JT!
(Joey starts to wobble a little bit on his fet while AWS Man (Also known as
Bill) just yells for the SOB to go out! Suddenly Joey makes a snap spin and
puts it into reverse, right towards the ring's steel post! AWS Man (Also
known as Bill) never has time to react as he goes spinefirst into the
unforgiving steel! Malone trots off gagging as the ref finally starts the
manditory 10 count from inside the ring!)
JT: Yes... please...Lord...
GP: Oh shut up...
Shallow: Yeah for real... why don't you just quit?
JT: Why don't you admit your homosexuality!?
(Malone stops near the steel steps and AWS Man (Also known as Bill) is back
to his feet and shaking his head left and right.)
(AWS Man (Also known as Bill) starts over towards Joey again as the ref
counts to 6! He raises his fists, which are enclosed together for an
ax-handle, but Joey reaches out with his hands and lifts AWS Man (Also known
as Bill) up like a rag doll and drops him down face first onto the steel
(Joey quickly lifts up AWS Man (Also known as Bill) and rolls him in and
steps up onto the apron himself, ceasing the 10-count.)
JT: Wha...... -Weezing-
GP: Looks like Malone wants a fair, straight fight!
JT: But he............... -Weezing-
(Joey stands there and waits for AWS Man (Also Known as Bill) to get back
up... he does and slowly spins around to gaze out, when Malone springs up
onto the top rope and springboards off with a somersault clothesline that
beheads AWS Man (Also known as Bill) and Joey slides over the limp body and
presses the shoulder down.)
JT: DAMMIT TO ALL HELL!!!
(Malone doesn't seem to suprised... he knows AWS Man (Also known as Bill) all
too much to even think he's get the upset over that. He rises to his feet and
and pulls AWS Man (Also known as Bill) up by his hair and backs him into the
ropes with some ear-splitting chops! Now he rares back and puts some force
behind a whip and follows with quick stop using his knee and spinning,
executing a picture perfect swinging neckbreaker, AWS Man (Also known as
Bill) bounces off the mat and rolls near the ropes. The fans start to cheer
as Joey gets to his feet and starts to pump them up. He lifts AWS Man (Also
known as Bil) up once more and throws one arm over his shoulder and lifts him
straight up... vertically... like an arrow and then drives him head/neck
first with a ring shaking brainbuster! Malone hits his feet but drops back
down with a quick elbow to the heart! AWS Man (Also known as Bill) looks to
be favoring his neck, quite a bit. But this only provides visions of
opportunities for Joey as he stomps away at the ribs. AWS Man (Also known as
Bill) rolls away for safety to the ropes once more and the ref ceases the
kicking as Malone furiously tries to continue! AWS Man (Also known as Bill)
easily slides up, using the turnbuckles, but Malone see's this and breaks
past the ref and slams a knee into AWS Man (Also known as Bill) knocking the
wind out of him. He then lifts him up and sets him on the top turnbuckles
facing out towards the crowd. Joey starts up as well and hooks one arm...
he's going for a superplex... no... AWS Man (Also known as Bill) sends out a
few sharp elbows... wobbling Joey... OHHHH! AWS Man (Also known as Bill) with
a desperation top rope, high risk move! He turns the superplex into a top
rope side Russian legsweep all the way down and both men are sprawled out
over the canvas.)
GP: Both men... alot taken out of them after that amazing desperation mauever.
Shallow: Damn right!
(AWS Man (Also known as Bill) starts to slowly move around as does Joey
Malone. Now both men are using the ropes to pull themselves up to their feet.
They wobble over into the corners and look over at each other! Malone decides
to charge, but AWS Man (Also known as Bill) counters with an attempted "KNOCK
YOUR FREAKIN' HEAD OFF" , Nooo! Malone ducks and spins him around and scoops
him over the back and quickly nails the Everest Cataclysm!!! The fans hit
their feet as Malone nails the move like a bullet! He crawls up to his feet
instead of going for the pin and signals for the end. He starts up to the top
and AWS Man (Also known as Bill) isn't even moving. He tries to get
situated.. and... OH MY GOD! AWS Man (Also known as Bill)...he's up like
someone just stuck a new battery in him and he catches Malone from outter
nowhere with the "DROP YOU ON YOUR FREAKIN' FACE"... his redetion of the
Emerald Fusin...but this time it happened to occur from a higher distance and
Malone looks dead! Now AWS Man (Also known as Bill) is moving towards the
turnbuckles and starting to climb. He's made it all the way to the top and
looks down and Malone is motionless. ..."WIN THE FREAKIN'
MATCHIFIER...NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Malone lifts the knees, cradling
the tremendous force behind that shooting star press! His knees look damn
near broken as AWS Man (Also known as Bill) rolls over close to the corner!
Malone uses his last bit of energy left and stands up... shaking at the knees
he manages over near AWS Man (Also known as Bill)... that moron...he really
is a village idiot! He's trying to climb back up... he on the 2nd
turnbuckle... and he takes another step--No!!! He gives way and just falls
back on top of AWS Man (Also known as Bill) and looks finished! The ref
(DING! DING! DING!)
GP: Oh... you actually enjoyed the match!!!???
JT: Hell no! IT'S OVER! ONLY 2 MORE HOURS TO GO!
Meygon: And your winner and moving onto the 2nd round of the invitational....
(The fans go nuts as "Shame" by BT plays and Malone isn't even aware of what
the hell is going on. The ref is helping to his feet as AWS Man (Also known
as Bill) just lays there and the IWO logo flashes across the screen with a
few replays then snaps to another commercial break... stay tuned!)
Shallow: And we're back!
GP: My line! My line! I'm suing!
JT: Oh, shut up, Greg.
("Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear" by the Carpenters starts playing as the
entire crowd starts throwing trash at the entryway, long before the
Birdman can even get out the entryway. Before long, a proverbial WALL of
trash has blocked the entryway. But ah! The Birdman has outwitted us!
He's in the rafter and he suddenly starts flying toward the ring. Before
the crowd realizes this, the Birdman is in the ring and has a
0ż0: KAW KAW! FOOOLED YOU! MUWAKEKEKEKE!
(The crowd boos.)
Meygon: The following contest is a quarterfinal for the Real Deal
Tournament, scheduled for one fall! In the ring... from some random
place in Greenland, weighing in at some random amount of pounds that
some guy who wrote this card casually scratched out... he is a former
IWO World Tag Team and Extreme champion... he is... *psst* who are you,
0ż0: I AM THE MYSTERIOUS BIRDMAN AND I GO KAW IN YOUR DIRECTIONS. HOW
DARE YOU FORGET MY GREAT AND ALMIGHTY NAME, YOU SILLY RING ANNOUNCING
(With that, "Hemmorage(In My Hands)" by Fuel starts playing as the crowd
pops big. They pop not because of the fact that they like Potright, but
because it's someone other than the Mysterious Birdman. The pyro
explosion takes out the trash and leaves but one shadowy figure standing
there, getting a monster pop.)
Meygon: And his opponent... from Salem, Mass... weighing in at two
hundred and seven pounds. He is a former IWO Extreme and Pacific
champion... he is one half of the current IWO World Tag Team
Champions... he is SAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM POTRIGHT!
(Potright steps out of a shadows, flanked by Beth Potright. Sam Potright
climbs into the ring and continues to get monster pops, despite not
being a face.)
*ding, ding, ding*
GP: And here we go!
Shallow: Birdman is prancing around the ring like a prick! I mean, he's
flapping his wings and is actually trying to appeal to ALL the women!
And failing miserably! Look at the garbage that flew at him!
JT: Potright attacks the distracted Birdman to begin with! Right hands
from the smaller Potright to the Birdman!
GP: Potright with the irish whip, but the Birdman reverses... Potright
ducks the clothesline... Potright with a STIFF front dropkick to
Birdman's chest! And the Birdman bails!
Shallow: Man, look at all of the middle fingers that the Birdman is
getting from the front row!
GP: A bit shy of the number of middle fingers that Jax Stone has given
people in his entire career!
JT: Potright's... what's Potright doing!? SUICIDE DIVE TO THE BIRDMAN!
That knocks both guys down!
GP: Potright's back up, now, and he runs at the Birdman, who catapults
Potright right into the ringside post!
Shallow: Now Potright is thrown back in by the Birdman, and now...
what's the Birdman got?
JT: The Birdman has some feathers! And he rubs them in Potright's face!
GP: DISGUSTING! How long has it been since the Birdman effectively
washed his feathers?
Shallow: Umm... I dunno. Why ask a question like that?
GP: I dunno, it sounded like a good idea, to me.
JT: The Birdman picks up Potright again and shoves him into the corner
and he begins PECKING Potright with that beak mask of his! Come on, ref!
Shallow: The Birdman stops and sends Potright into the opposite corner,
he charges in, but Potright slings over the Birdman! Potright with the
waistlock! German suplex! With a bridge! One... two.. thre-NO!
(The crowd boos, think it was three.)
JT: Man, this crowd is giving it to IWO Referee Phil Phuckhead!
GP: Potright is getting to his feet, as is the Birdman! Right hand by
Potright that staggers the Birdman! Potright with the Asai moonsault,
with the Birdman still standing! This knocks him down!
JT: Potright with the cover! One... two... NO!
Shallow: Birdman fights off Potright! The Birdman and Potright are both
back up on their feet, as Potright runs into the ropes... tilt-a-whirl
backbreaker by the Birdman! Potright's down again!
JT: And the Birdman ruffles up his feathers... that's the signal for the
Mystery Bird Driver!
GP: The Birdman picks up Potright again... he hooks one arm! He hooks
Shallow: One problem! A lemon just FELL OUT OF THE SKY AND HIT THE
BIRDMAN IN THE HEAD! THE BIRDMAN IS DOWN!
GP: That was the STUPIDEST thing ever.
JT: Even stupider than the last incoherent Joey Malone rant?
GP: ...well, almost.
Shallow: Potright's to his feet and he picks up the Birdman again! He
measures the Birdman... superkick, no! Birdman was playing possum!
FLAPJACK BY THE BIRDMAN!
GP: Umm, how can the Birdman play possum? He's a bird. Not a possum.
Shallow: Shut the FUCK up, Greg.
JT: The Birdman picks up Potright and puts him up top! The Birdman
climbs up, but Potright gets a low blow! The referee didn't see it, he's
too busy eating the lemon!
Shallow: POTRIGHT HOOKS THE ARMS!
JT: Uh oh.
GP: Fall From Grace(Top rope Moneymaker)! Fall From Grace by Potright!
Potright PLANTED the Birdman with it! Potright rolls over into the
cover! One... two... CZECH REPUBLIC!
JT: Three, Greg.
*ding, ding, ding*
Meygon: The winner of this match, and moving on to the semi-finals of
the tournament... SAAAAAAAMMMMMM POTRIGHT!
GP: We'll be right back!
(suddenly the lights cut out and a rumbling is heard.)
Voice: Are you ready?!
(the crowd screams. Chants for the Mysterious One start up. The rumbling
Voice: Are you ready?!?!
(the rumbling stops.)
(fireworks go off as "Full Nelson" by Limp Bizkit plays.)
Voice of ?ż?: I-W-O!!! Death comes in Mysterious Ways!!!!
(more fireworks go off as the music fades to rumbling again...)
Voice of ?ż?: Are you ready??...
(fade to black)
GP: Well fans, we have determined who our wild card spots are. The men that
Evan felt were the most deserving were Sabastian Crow and Erik Blake. Truly,
I have to agree with him in that these two are some hard working rookies and
definitely deserve a chance at a shot at the World Title.
JT: I couldn't agree with you more. But I think Sabastian Crow might walk
away with the win here tonight. The man's got the talent.
Shallow: But you can't count out Erik Blake. He truly is a deserving
opponent and I think he has what it takes to make it to at least the second
JT: You always just have to disagree with my predictions don't you?
Shallow: I try.
GP: Anyway fans, it's time for a first round match up in the Real Deal
tournament. Let's go to the ring and this next match.
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, this next match is a first round
matchup in the Real Deal World Title Tournament! The winner of this match
will go on to the next round to face either Mysterious Birdman or Samuel
Potright. Coming to the ring first....
("Last Resort" by Papa Roach plays as Erik Blake makes his way out from the
Ring Announcer: He is one of the wildcard spots in tonight's tourney.
Weighing in at 246 lbs. and standing 6'4" tall, he is the man known as Erik
(Erik jumps into the ring and hops up on the top turnbuckle. The fans give
him a few cheers.)
Ring Announcer: And his opponent....
("Enter Sandman" by Metallica plays as the fans cheer the man about to enter
Ring Announcer: The man who holds the other wild card spot in tonight's
tournament. Weighing in at 300 lbs. and standing 6'7", he is Sabastian
(Sabastian stands halfway in between the entranceway and the ring. Erik
Blake is signaling Crow to come to the ring. Sabastian answers by jolting
for the ring and begins to exchange punches with Blake.)
*Ding Ding Ding*
GP: And this match is underway! Crow and Blake immediately exchanging
punches with each other, neither man getting the advantage. Well, now Crow
seems to be getting a momentum. He takes Blake and pushes him against the
rope. Crow sends Blake in and takes him down with a shoulder block. Crow
runs into the ropes and just hops over Blake, but Blake stops Crow short
with a tackle.
Shallow: And now Blake goes to the head of Crow and begins to pound away on
the man's head. Several punches followed by an eye rake is a good way to
take a man down.
JT: Now Blake locks a front face lock on Crow and holds it tight. Crow
straining to get out of the hold is unable to do so. But now Sabastian is
managing to get some advantage and is starting to stand up. Crow gets to his
feet and nails an elbow to the midsection of Blake. He nails another elbow,
but Blake will not release the face lock. Crow nails one more elbow and
Blake lets go of the hold.
GP: Now Crow runs to the ropes and comes back with a huge clothesline! Crow
makes a quick cover...
Shallow: Not quite yet. Crow takes Blake and takes him down with a snap
suplex. Crow gets up and drops a leg drop on Blake. Crow now picks up Blake
and sends him into the turnbuckle. He tries to follow in with a big splash
but Erik Blake lifts his foot and nails Crow right in the face.
JT: Now Blake runs and bulldogs Crow all the way across the ring. Blake
makes the cover!
GP: Blake stands up Crow. He goes in and climbs to the top turnbuckle
and.....dropkick from the top rope!!!!! Blake runs into the rope and goes
for a kneedrop but Crow moves out of the way. Now Blake is holding his knee
Shallow: This tournament is really starting to pick up I tell you. These men
really want to move on to the next round.
JT: Well now Crow, following up with Blakes mistake, climbs to the second
turnbuckle from the inside. He turns around and gets huge forearm smash on
Blake! Now he picks up Erik and sends him into the ropes. Blake comes back
and Crow slams him with a huge spinebuster slam! Crow makes a cover!
GP: So close, but not quite yet. Now Crow takes Blake and sends him through
the ropes to the floor. Crow climbs to the top turnbuckle and waits for
Blake to get back to his feet. Sabastian now takes Blake back down with a
double axehandle from the top to the floor! Crow takes Blake and lifts him
up above his head. He carries him to the guardrail and drops him right
across the metal guardrail! My god that had to of hurt!
JT: Most likely it did. Crow is showing some great in and out of ring
Shallow: Well now Crow takes Blake and sends him into the other end of the
guardrail. Crow runs in and tries to go for a big splash but Blake moves out
of the way and Crow gets a mouthful of metal! Now Blake takes advantage of
this by springing off the ring steps and DDTing Crow right onto the mat!
GP: Now Blake picks up Crow and rolls him back inside the ring. Blake
follows in and makes a quick cover...
JT: How the hell did he get his shoulder up?!
Shallow: Luck I guess.
GP: Well now Blake is pissed about all this and stomping away on Crow. He
now picks up Crow and sends him into the ropes. Crow comes back and is taken
down by a dropkick by Blake. Erik goes to the ropes, springboards off, and
connects with a moonsault on Crow! Pin by Blake!
GP: Too close, too close.
Shallow: Well now Blake picks up Crow, but Crow catches him with a low blow
followed up by a DDT. Crow goes to the feet of Blake and locks on a Boston
Crab! He turns it over and leans back as far as possible.
JT: Blake is screaming in pain! Crow is going to win it!
GP: Not quite, Blake is trying to get to the ropes. He's crawling with
everything he has trying to reach the ropes, but Crow is just holding him
Shallow: Blake is almost there though! He's reaching....
GP: He got there!
JT: No damnit!
GP: Now Crow releases the crab but proceeds to stomp the hell out of Blake.
He stomps Blake several time and makes the last one a foot choke against the
neck of Erik Blake!
Shallow: Now Crow lets up on the choke and picks up Blake. He sends him into
the ropes. Blake comes back and Crow catches him with a samoan drop!!! Crow
makes the pin!
GP: Woah! Blake just kicked out and kicked himself up facing Crow. He
dropkicks Crow down once! Crow gets back up but Blake dropkicks him down a
second time! Crow manages to get back up again but Blake takes him down with
another dropkick! Now Blake is wanting to finish this thing!
JT: Blake is going up to the top turnbuckle. He waits for Crow to stand.
Crow is up and Blake dives off going for a top rope head scissors takedown,
but Crow blocks it with a powerbomb!!!
GP: Now Crow, after the powerbomb, locks on the Deathlock Submission!!! He
twists the legs and turns Blake over!!! Crow has got the Deathlock
Submission on and there's nowhere for Blake to go......BLAKE GIVES UP, BLAKE
*Ding Ding Ding*
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner of the first round
wildcard match by submission....SABASTIAN CROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Crow hops up to the top turnbuckle and takes the cheers in from the fans.)
GP: This man is moving on to the second round of the Real Deal tournament!
He is going to the final four and is one step closer to becoming number one
contender for the World title! What a match fans!
[ â€śSuffocateâ€ť by Finger Eleven starts playing over the
speakers as the fans begin booing the tune... they
know who this man is... LiGiL as he walks out from
behind the curtain and is introduced by the
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, Introducing to
the ring now, he weighs In at 254 pounds
standing with 6â€™4 of a height....LiGiL !!!!!!!!!!!
[ He grabs hold of the ropes and steps between as he
enters the ring... he walks around thrusting back his
arms In and out as he awaits his opponent... ]
JT: Hehe, this match is going to be great !!!
GP: You can say that again !, so far this whole night
has been great... action this intense can only go so
[ â€śShameâ€ť by BT starts playing over the speakers as
the fans address themselves to stand up... they wave
their signs in the air and cheer as loud as they
can... as out walks funny man himself, Joey Malone...
Ring Announcer: And his opponent... Introducing to the
ring, he weighs In at 252 pounds standing with
also 6â€™4 of a weight.......JOEY MALONEEEEEEE !!!!!!!
JT: Heh, whatever !... LiGiL Is going to total Joey
Malones ass tonight !!!
Shallow: I honestly doubt that... even though, Iâ€™m not
taking nothing away from LiGiL because he is a
great skilled wrestler... but he doesnâ€™t have what it
takes to beat Joey here tonight.
JT: Whatever !!!, this village idiot is going to get
the lights scraped from him.
GP: Sure thing JT !, weâ€™ll see about that... much like
Shallow, Iâ€™m agreeing that Joey will indeed defeat
LiGiL here tonight !
[ The two get inside the ring and have a stare down...
the bell rings and this match is underway... ]
GP: And here we go between these two... LiGiL and Joey
lock horns... Joey traps LiGiL under his arm but
LiGiL escapes... LiGiL pushes Joey to the ropes...
Irish whip, LiGiL bounces Joey off the ropes but Joey
reverses it... LiGiL goes to the ropes and Joey hits
him with a knee. LiGiL flips over as Joey brings LiGiL
back up now... Joey bounces LiGiL off the ropes...
Joey runs toward LiGiL but LiGiL slides under the
bottom rope... Joey still charges at LiGiL but LiGiL
uppercuts Joey to the jaw... LiGiL going up and holy
shit !, that was a tight move... LiGiL just jumped the
top rope and hit Joey with a top rope hurricurana
sending Joey to the center of the ring... LiGiL goes
for a pin...
GP: And Joey Malone kicks out !!!... man this Is going
to be one exciting match... I can feel it.
Shallow: Yeah !... and LiGiL brings Malone back up now
and hits a vertical suplex... he once again
continues the punishment... he brings Malone up again
and ties him into the ropes and... OH A HARD
SLAP TO THE FACE... LiGiL is just insulting and
embarrassing Joey Malone here In this contest... now
listen to LiGiL... hes telling Joey to bring It on...
thats sick !!!... Joey Malone Is tied up In the ropes
LiGiL is telling him to come get some but canâ€™t
because... HEY WAIT A MINUTE !!!... Joey Malone
escapes the ropes and charges at LiGiL... he sends
LiGiL to the ground and hits him with hard shots to
the face... right hands !, right hands !, right hands
!!!... LiGiL is smart though... hes trying to cover up
Joey stops him from doing that... brings him up and
OUCH !!!, sends him back down with a headbutt...
LiGiL Is back up now but not for long !!!...
CLOTHESLINE !!!... LiGiL up again and CLOTHESLINE
!!!... Joey Malone Is taking care of some serious
business tonight... 2 Clotheslines takes LiGiL down
LiGiL is back up... he charges at Malone one more time
and Malone hits a powerslam !!!!
GP: Hehe !, oooh man !!!... this shit is tight... JT,
I told you that Joey Malone would win this thing...
Joey going up top... and he hits a beautiful moonsault
!!!... that could be over... Malone covers...
GP: My god !, LiGiL kicked out !!!
JT: Haha !, donâ€™t count youâ€™re money on Joey Malone
too soon GP... but Joey still has the advantage... he
brings LiGiL back up and is going for a shot to the
forehead... but LiGiL blocks it... throws down Malones
hand and hits him with a hard back hand to the face
followed by a DDT !!!... hehe, YES !, now this is
getting good... LiGiL makes the cover...
JT: But damn this shit !!!, LiGiL could not keep Joey
Malone down... LiGiL stands back up and bounces
off the ropes... this time he hits a legdrop straight
to Malones throat... LiGiL stands up now, he brings
Malone back up and goes for a powerslam of his own...
but wait a minute !, Malone gets a School Boy
Roll Up... this could be it...
JT: Oh thank god LiGiL kicked out... Malone brings
LiGiL back up now and hits a neckbreaker... he goes
for yet another cover and...
JT: And he couldnâ€™t keep LiGiL down... man !, I got to
admit guys... both men do NOT want to lose this
GP: Of course not !, the #1 Contendership to the World
Heavyweight Title Is on the line... Iâ€™m sure that
both guys will give It their all just to advance for
Shallow: Joey brings LiGiL back up now and rams his
face into the turnbuckle... he backs LiGiL into the
corner and knees him with a hard shot straight to the
gut... Joey climbs now and here we go... he punches
straight into LiGiLâ€™s face
!!!!!... Joey tries to get one
more shot in but wait... LiGiL executes and slams Joey
Malone straight to the mat with a powerbomb... he
covers as well and...
Shallow: And a kickout !!!!!!!... dammit !, at this
point in time... I honestly think that both men need
shot... theyâ€™re giving it their all in this match.
GP: I agree... what about you JT ?
JT: Iâ€™m still going with LiGiL !!!... hes my strongest
pick for the night.
GP: Well there has been a large amount of pins and
kickouts from both men... I canâ€™t really tell who my
money is placed on... Its either going to be Joey or
Its going to be LiGiL... or you never know... we might
not have a winner tonight.
Shallow: Thats another strong possibility !!!
GP: Yeah !, Joey has control now though... he backs
LiGiL against the ropes, bounces him off... but LiGiL
hangs on... he tugs at Joey... LiGiL goes for a
clothesline but Joey ducks... Joey pulls LiGiL closer
the ADD !!!!, JOEY HITS THE ADD !!!! ARIZONA DEATH
DROP !!! THIS HAS TO BE IT... Joey
goes for the cover...
Shallow: Haha !, we told you Joey was going to win
GP: Holy Shit !!!!... LiGiL kicked out of Joey Malones
â€śArizona Death Dropâ€ť and Joey canâ€™t believe his
own eyes... shit !, how badly do both of these men
want the #1 Contendership... my guess ?... they want
REALLY BAD !!!!!!
JT: Hehe !!!, I knew that LiGiL would kick out of
that... Joey brings LiGiL back up now... he slips
LiGiLâ€™s head under his arm... this could be another
ADD... but wait a minute !!!... LiGiL pushes Joey to
the ropes, goes under, and we have a School Boy Roll
Up... LiGiL could have it here...
JT: And dammit !!!, that Joey Malone still kicks
out... what a bastard !!!... LiGiL brings Joey back up
now... runs across the ring and hits a bulldog...
LiGiL pushes him over and covers...
Shallow: And Malone once again kicks out... LiGiL just
stood up and said this Is It... he brings Malone
back up and whips him to the corner... uh-oh, I think
I know whats coming guys... LiGiL climbs the
turnbuckle... he brings Malone up and THERE IT IS !!!,
LiGiL just hit his all famous Palindrome !!!!!!
GP: The Palindrome !!!, Joey Malone has just felt the
wrath of LiGiLâ€™s Top Rope DVD !!!!... this is all
over... nobody kicks out from this...
GP: WHAT !!!!??? OH MY GOD !!!!... Joey Malone just
kicked out of LiGiLâ€™s Palindrome... I thought
this thing was over...
JT: I did too !!!!!... LiGiL brings Joey Malone back
up now... he whips him to the ropes... Malone hangs
on and LiGiL isnâ€™t aware of it... LiGiL rises back
up... Malone charges for LiGiL but LiGiL ducks the
clothesline... Malone turns around and LiGiL knocks
him back down with a spinning heel kick... LiGiL
brings Malone back up again and rams his throat over
the top rope... Malone falls back and LiGiL goes
for a cover...
JT: Wait a minute !!!... that Joey Malone had his foot
on the ropes... out of desperation, Joey Malone got
his foot on the ropes and the referee had to break the
pin... LiGiL gets back up, grabs hold of Joeys foot
now and rams his arm into it with an elbow... Joey
rises up In pain and Iâ€™m loving this, hehe...
GP: This match is outstanding and LiGiL grabs hold of
Joeys leg again... he seems to be pulling him away
from the ropes but wait a minute !!!... Malone just
kicked LiGiL up and over the top rope as LiGiL lands
to the floor... the referee starts the 10 count now
and Malone is still out !!!!
JT: LiGiL has to get back into this thing or hes
lost... and that isnâ€™t good !!!!
GP: Joey Malone is trying to get up now but LiGiL from
the outside grabs hold of Malone and pulls him
back out... LiGiL sends a hard shot to Malones head
and they start exchanging rights and lefts... the
referee still continues with the 10 count...
[ LiGiL sends Malone to the steel steps now and hits
him with a knee to the face... ]
JT: Ouch !, thats got to be ruff on Malone, hehe...
GP: Why doesnâ€™t LiGiL just get back into the ring
!!!... if he does then he has this thing won !!!!!
[ LiGiL brings Joey back up and hits a vertical suplex
hard against the concrete as Joeys back lands... ]
DING DING DING !!!!
Shallow: Wait a minute !!!, the referee just called
for the bell and these two are both counted out
whats the deal here ? We donâ€™t got a winner !!!!!
JT: And LiGiL is still continuing the punishment at
kicking the sides of Joey but wait a minute...
[All of a sudden, "Hail to the cheif" starts to play as the fans go nuts. VP
Ford walks out to a huge pop]
GP: Good...lets get things right.
VP Ford: OK...so we have a problem here....both men didnt win....but you know
I think in the place of fairness Malone is the winner.
[The fans pop as LiGiL starts to go nuts....when all of a sudden "I am your
Boogies Man" Starts to play. The fans boo like nuts as Prez Evan walks out]
Evan: WHY THE HELL DOES LIGIL lose? If you ask me Malone should lose.
VP Ford: Why should Malone lise...LiGiL should lose.
Evan: Wait.....Wait...Wait...you know I can stand out here all night and just
fight with you over this...but I have more pressing things to do....so this
is what were going to do...we'll flip for it.
VP Ford: Ok...
Evan: Call it in the air.
VP Ford: HEADS!
[Evan tosses the coin up.......it lands on the stage and roles off.]
VP Ford: yep.
Evan: Ah to hell with it all..they both go to the mainevent.
VP Ford: OK.
Evan: Good....cut to a break.
GP: LIGIL AND MALONE BOTH GO TO THE FINALS
JT: Did you like the way they did that? I know I did. HA!
Shallow: Thats nuts.
GP: Fans we need to take a break..will be right back
GP: Fans, we're back, and ready for one of our second round match ups!!
JT: Yea, thats right, another crappy match.
Shallow: I don't think Crow and Sam Potright going at it can be considering
a crappy match.
GP: Thats whats what I was thinking. These are two top of the line
wrestlers, both ready to give it all they have to try and make their way to
the finals of this tournament.
Shallow: Lets just go down to Meygon, and get this match started.
'Hemmorage(In My Hands)' by Fuel begins to play throughout the arena, as
Meygon climbs in the ring with a microphone.
Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, making his way down to the ring first. He
weighs in at 207 pounds tonight, and stands 6'2. He is trying to make his
way to the finals, and he is..Sam..Potright and he is being accompanied to
the ring tonight, by Beth Potright!
Sam and Beth finally make their way to the ring, and Beth makes her way over
to Sam's corner, staying on the floor. Sam starts to climb up onto the ring
apron, as Sabastian Crow runs out from the back and grabs Potright, jerking
him down off the apron. Crow grabs Potright, and swings him around, running
him into one of the steel ring poles, and then following it up by dashing
towards Potright, and knocking him off his feet with a clothesline.
GP: Both of these men, have already had to go through grueling matches, to
get to where they are right now. Crow, has to go through Erik Blake, earlier
in the evening, while Sam Potright, had to take out the Mysterious Birdman.
Shallow: Thats right, and now, it looks as if Crow has more energy left over
than Potright does, but this is just the opening moment of the match. Lets
see how their last matches play out in their stamina here.
Crow picks up Potright, and rolls him in the ring, sliding in after him and
calling out to the fans. Crow grabs Potright, picking him back up and
swinging him to the ropes. Crow ducks gets in position to get Potright for a
spine buster, but Potright catches it in time, and DDTs Crow. Potright gets
up, slowly, as Crow gets to his knees, and Potright kicks Crow in the guts.
JT: Looks like this match has finally turned around. Sam Potright's got the
advantage, and theres no way this rookie is going to win.
Crow slowly gets back up onto his knees, and Potright gets over him. Potright
pulls him up, and sets him up for a piledriver, executing it perfectly.
Potright gets back to his feet, as Crow stays on the ground in pain. Potright
lifts him into a sitting position, and locks on a sleeper.
GP: This match could be over.
Shallow: I don't think the rookies out of it yet!!
Crow slowly begins to battle back, trying to raise up to his feet. He gets up
to his feet, finally, and swings an elbow at Potrights ribs, hitting him
twice, and then swinging at his head to break the hold. Potright lets go
with 1 arm, and catches Crow's arm, locking it behind Crow's head, and
dropping down into an inverted DDT type move with Crow. Potright gets up
quickly, and picks up Crow, swinging him into the corner, and going in after
him, clotheslining him, and then nailing another clothesline to the back of
the head, sending Crow down. Potright rolls him over, and goes for the pin.
Shallow: Crow got his foot on the rope before the three count!!!
Potright gets up, yelling at the ref, as Crow comes up from behing, spinning
Potright around, only to be met by a right hand.
GP: Wait..what the hell is Dane Matthews doing coming down to the ring?!?
Shallow: I have no clue, but lets find out.
Matthews jumps up on the ring apron, and gets the referees attention, pissing
Sam Potright off. Potright starts to make his way towards Matthews but
Discord runs through the crowd, hops over the rail, slides into the ring, and
sneaks up behind Potright, nailing a low blow. Potright goes down, as
Discord gets out of the ring, and Matthews hops off the ring apron.
JT: What the hell is this all about?
GP: I don't know, but Crow just laid Potright out and is going for the
GP: Sabastian Crow wins this second round match, and gets to go on to the
Meygon: Your winner, and advancing to the finals..SABASTIAN..CROW
GP: Crow will go on and will take on LiGiL and Malone for the IWO Number 1
-cuts to a nades thingie-
(the camera fades back in to a screaming IWO crowd.)
GP: Welcome back, Ladies and Gentlemen!!
JT: Did you know that 65% of the people watching wrestling are women?
JT: No it's true!
Shallow: Where'd you hear that?!
JT: I read it on the Internet.
JT: Hey!! What's wrong with reading things on the Internet?!
GP: It's all a bunch of hooey.
Shallow: Never believe ANYTHING you read on the Internet.
GP: I read the other day they're gonna start charging for e-mail.
JT: NO THATS TRUE!
Shallow: I heard that Napster will stay online if 3,000,000 send out a
chainletter and sign a petetion.
GP: Like they have a say in it.
JT: I SIGNED THAT!
GP: Did you hear the one about-
JT: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP TORTURING ME *weeps openly*
Shallow: Wow JT, we didn't know you took this so seriously.
GP: Yeah, if we'd have known, we would told you about how fake the AOL
charging for Instant Messages one is.
JT: YOU BASTARDS!!!
Shallow: How about-
GP: Ok, ok enough. People aren't watching this to hear us blabber about
JT: They aren't?
Shallow: We've got a great...
(Suddenly the lights go out.)
Voice: I have returned...I have returned!!!
(The lights go back on. In the middle of the ring sits half of a human bone.)
JT: Is that what I think it is?!
Shallow: It's not...
GP: Could it be?
JT, Shallow, and GP: DAN KORDIC?!?!!?
(A mic is propped up against the bone. A voice is heard through the
Obviously fake Kordic voice: Yes! It is me!! I have returned!! I will be the
GP: For those fans who have NO IDEA what's going on, Dan Kordic was the worst
jobber in the history of the IWO. He was killed and now all that remains is
that piece of bone.
JT: And it talks!
Shallow: Still as egotistical as ever though.
JT: I want a talking armbone!
Kordic: I have come to take over the IWO! I will rule! Because I am Dan
Shallow: Sounds a lot like Evan Levine.
JT: Watch it bub, he's the man in charge.
Kordic: I will-
(The bone randomly bursts into flame and disintegrates. The ashes are quickly
swept out of the ring by the only trustworthy people employed in the IWO, the
GP: Well that was random.
JT: Indeed it was.
Shallow: Well...I guess that means we can go on to our next match!
JT: Our last match!
GP: That's right folks...In the Second round, LiGiL and Malone pinned each
other and both moved on...
JT: ...Crow beat the shit out of everything he faced...
Shallow: And now we're here!!
(the bell rings)
Announcer: Ladies and Gentleman...this match is scheduled for one fall!!
(the crowd silences.)
Shallow: C'mon now...
GP: Did he forget?
JT: THE BASTARD FORGOT WHO HE'S INTRODUCING! AHAHAHA!!
Shallow: Isn't he paid to remember this sh*t?
GP: Doesn't he have cue cards?!
Announcer: Ummm...help me...
GP: INTRODUCE LIGIL YOU JACKASS!!!
JT: JOEY MALONE!
Shallow: ANYONE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! JUST INTRODUCE!
(Suddenly the announcer randomly bursts into flame. He runs around the ring
screaming for awhile before falling to the outside. He remains there,
twiching, til he's body ceases to move and he lays lifeless and he smolders
away to nothingness.)
Shallow: That was random.
JT: They really should get that ring checked out.
GP: Well, that's what happens when you don't remember who your announcing.
Shallow: Besides, Meygon is our real ring announcer.
(Meygon pops up out of nowhere and gets in the ring without a word. She waves
at the camera.)
JT: Awww isn't that cute?
Shallow: Stupid cunt.
Shallow: Taking a total random break while these other fake announcers
spontaneously burn to death. How rude.
JT: I suppose.
GP: WELCOME TO THE IWO, BRINGING YOU THE HIGHEST IN QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT.
(JT and Shallow look at each other.)
Shallow: Hey Greg...
JT: WHAT THE F*CK WAS THAT ABOUT?!
GP: Sorry. I hadn't said that in awhile. Needed to let it out.
Shallow: F*cking psycho...
JT: Someone get GP his pills!!
(The ever so reliable IWO janitorial staff brings GP some pills.)
GP: Thanks. How about a glass of water.
JT: They've already left.
Shallow: Oh just swallow them, its not that hard.
JT: Stop being a baby.
Shallow: Shut up JT.
GP: BUT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE RELIABLE!
(Suddenly the ever so reliable IWO janitorial staff comes back with a glass
JT: Are we all happy now?!
Shallow: I suppose.
JT: Then let's get to the f'n match already!!
GP: Good idea!
Meygon the Real Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is scheduled
for one fall!! Introducing first...
JT: NOT AGAIN!!!
Meygon: Just kidding.
Shallow: DAMN HER!
Meygon: Introducing first, the guest time keeper...DISCORD!!!!
(Discord stalks down to the ring.)
JT: Say, why is Discord the guest time keeper? Whats the point of a guest
Shallow: I don't know...for either question.
GP: Oh well.
Meygon: Now introducing the special guest referee...Dane Matthews!!!
(Dane Matthews theme plays for awhile but no one shows up. The crowd dies
down and the music fades out...then Evan Levine shows up wearing a guest ref
GP: Oh great.
JT: Evan's got a mic!
Shallow: As always.
Evan: Dane Matthews hasn't shown up yet, and I'm royally f'n pissed that he
hasn't shown...but what can you do? So, this match is gonna take place...but
I'M gonna ref it!!
GP: Well, there goes this match. Straight to the trash can.
Shallow: Eh, maybe it'll turn out ok.
Meygon: Introducing the guest bell person...ahh...Evan Levine?!?
Evan: That's right!! I will handle MULTIPLE jobs tonight!! I will Preside
over the IWO, ring the almighty bell, AND be the guest referee!! Hooray for
(Evan rings the bell like 80 times.)
Shallow: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!
Meygon: Thank you Evan.
Evan: You're welcome!!!
Meygon: *clears throat* Introducing now...Sabastian Crow!!!!
GP: Crow has cleared house thus far, now lets see if he's ready for LiGiL and
Shallow: He should be, Malone and LiGiL have already beaten the hell out of
each other. Crow just has to put the finishing touches on the two of them.
Meygon: Introducing next...Joey Malone!!!
JT: Malone actually looks really worn out. LiGiL took him the distance.
Shallow: I don't know if he'll be able to handle this next match.
Meygon: And their final opponent...LiGiL!!!
GP: LiGiL looks as ready as he's ever going to be, but I don't know if it's
(Evan rings the bell a lot more, then jumps in the ring to ref the action.)
GP: And we're off!! Finally.
Shallow: LiGiL and Malone are jabbering at each other. The two of those guys
have really been heated up against one another. CROW OUT OF NOWHERE JUST
LEVELS BOTH OF THEM WITH A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!! Crow stomps on each man
respectively...first LiGiL, then Malone, LiGiL again, Malone again...
JT: Evan is just standing by smiling and addressing the fans.
GP: Does anyone like Evan?
Shallow: I don't think so.
GP: Crow isn't wasting any time here...He sets LiGiL up on the top rope. Now
he's focusing on Malone, measuring him and dropping the elbow with authority!
Crow picks Malone up, whips him to the ropes, bearhug!!! He wraps Malone up
in a bearhug!! Evan is asking Malone if he wants to give up...
Shallow: LiGiL HITS THEM FROM THE TOP WITH A MiSSLE DROPKICK!! ALL THREE MEN
GP: Crow makes a big mistake by taking his focus off LiGiL and pays for it.
Now all three men are trying to make it to their feet. Malone is crawling up
slowly, LiGiL looks like he's the first to stand but Crow clips his leg from
under him and LiGiL hits the mat again!! Crow is back to his feet, he goes
after LiGiL but Malone lunges at him while on his knees and jabs him in the
stomach!! Again!! Again!! Crow lurches forward, Malone stands up quickly and
brings Crow down to the ground with a jawbreaker!! Great strategy by Malone!!
JT: Malone knows Crow is the freshest of everyone in that ring. He knows it's
gonna take a lot of surprising, a lot of aggression to bring Crow down.
Shallow: So far it seems almost like a handicapped match against Crow.
JT: You gotta do what it takes to even the odds.
GP: JT actually says something useful! LiGiL is back on his feet and after
Crow, clamping down on him with a standard headlock. Crow is trying to fight
to get out of it. Malone is jabbering to LiGiL some more...wait a minute...he
picks up Crow's legs...LiGiL still has Crow in that headlock...and the two of
them hoist him up and drop him down for a tremendous bulldog style
maneveuer!! Wow, thats a new one!! Crow is down!! LiGiL is holding on to that
Shallow: Malone kicks LiGiL in the head!! LiGiL looks pretty pissed at him
for that!! The two of them are talking trash some more...and there they go!!
These two are back at it again, exchanging blows!! Whose gonna back down
here!! Both of them fighting strong...LiGiL swings and misses, Malone spins
him around, ATOMIC DROP sends LiGiL to the canvas!! CROW OUT OF NOWHERE
NEARLY TEARS MALONE'S HEAD OFF WITH A CLOTHESLINE!!
GP: Crow got a little breather and that's all he needed to capitalize!!
COVER!! Evan takes his time...1....2....and there's LiGiL to make the save.
Crow looks pretty pissed at Evan. Evan just seems to shrug him off though.
Shallow: Crow isn't paying attention to LiGiL...who sets him up and nails a
powerful neck breaker!! LiGiL gets up, pulls Crow to his feet, suplex!!!
LiGiL gets up again, MALONE AT HIM WITH A CLOTHESLINE, LiGiL ducks it, Malone
turns around DDT!!!! LiGiL hits Malone with a DDT!!! Cover!! 1...2...foot on
the rope!! Malone got his foot on the rope!!!
GP: Always know where you are in the ring. Its the make or break point of a
JT: Yeah. Exactly.
Shallow: JT has nothing to talk about.
JT: Damn right.
GP: Oh well. LiGiL, pulling Malone to his feet as well. Crow is pulling
himself up...LiGiL whips Malone into Crow!! The two of them collide and but
heads!! Both men just slumped down, I think they're knocked out!!
Shallow: A great chance for LiGiL to capitalize!! LiGiL sees it, he's going
up to the top!! Crow and Malone are down one next to another!! LiGiL sets up,
FROG SPLASH ON BOTH MEN!!! 1.....2....CROW KICKS LiGiL OFF HIM!! HE HAD TO
DIG DEEP FOR THAT!!
JT: Wow!! Crow's still got a lot of fight left in him!!!
Shallow: That and Evan counts so f'n slow. We may never have a winner the way
GP: LiGiL gets up to his feet, obviously frustrated. He pulls Crow up and
slams him back down. Kneedrop as a follow up for good measure!! LiGiL turns
his attention to Malone, who obviously is phsyically drained...Malone is
pulling himself to his feet with help from the ropes...LiGiL runs at him,
Malone with a snake eyes in desperation!! Malone found the strength to grab
LiGiL and drape him over the top rope!! Now all three men are off their feet!!
Shallow: All three men trying to get back up here...Malone looks to be the
first to get to his feet...Crow is up right after him, he charges Joey, Joey
sidesteps and Crow rams into the turnbuckle! Malone follows up with a reverse
suplex!! Down goes Crow!! Malone with surprising speed gets back to his feet,
LiGiL is up, he goes after Malone, drop toe hold!! Malone grabs LiGiL...
JT: Wait a minute!! Someone is running to the ring!!...
Shallow: ...German Suplex!!! Its held!!...
JT: ...It's Dane Matthews!! Finally!!...
GP: Evan sees Matthews!! He stands up and takes the ref's shirt off!! What's
he saying to Dane??
Shallow: Can't tell, but Evan is walking out of the ring!! It looks like he's
given the ref job to Dane now that Dane's finally showed up!!! Evan has taken
his spot down at ringside...Dane sees Malone holding LiGiL...Crow is getting
to his feet, Dane grabs Crow, DOWNTOWN XPLOSION!!!
JT: CROW JUST GOT HIS ASS KICKED!!!
GP: Dane goes to the top, Malone STILL hasn't let go off the German Suplex
bridge!! He doesn't know Dane's there...oh no, LOOKOUT!! FATES DESTINATION ON
MALONE AND LIGIL!! DANE HAS TAKEN OUT EVERYONE!!!
Shallow: Dane just came out here and cleaned house!! Now look...HE'S PUTTING
LIGIL ON TOP OF MALONE!! 1-2-3!! THAT'S THE FASTEST F'N COUNT I'VE EVER
Meygon: Here is your winner...LiGiL!!!
(LiGiL's theme celebrates as all three men remain out cold. Dane is heading
back up the ramp. Evan is about to stand up when...)
GP: Wait a second...
JT: VP Ford has just come out!! He's telling Dane to get back in the ring!!
Dane is arguing with him!! Ford pulls LiGiL's hand off of Malone's...now he's
talking to Meygon...
Meygon: Ladies and Gentlemen, VP Ford has announced that this match will
(the crowd pops.)
Meygon: Furthermore, Dane will be FIRED if he interferes any further beyod
his referee duties!!
GP: WOW, Tom has laid down the law!!
JT: Evan is just laughing at the whole thing.
(Evan rings the bell several more times to signify the restart of the match.)
Shallow: Evan should never be allowed to touch the ring bell again.
GP: Dane has three knocked out men in the ring and no choice but to start the
ten count!! 1...2...3...4..5...6...7...8...9...LiGiL gets his hand on top of
Malone!!! 1-2-3KICKOUT BY MALONE!! JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME!!!
JT: I can't believe he kicked out!!
Shallow: No one can!! All three men struggle to get to their feet...LiGiL is
up first, he charges after Crow, who BACKDROPS HIM OVER THE TOP AND TO THE
OUTSIDE!! Malone charges Crow, CLOTHESLINE TAKES CROW AND HIMSELF OVER THE
TOP AS WELL!!!
GP: All three men on the ground again!! Dane is on the inside counting the 10
count!! The three men all get to their feet about the same time...and all
three ignore each other and go to the crowd for weapons!! All three grab
chairs...EVAN LEVINE OUT OF NOWHERE JUST SLUGGED LIGIL!! LIGIL SLUMPS DOWN!!
LEVINE GRABS THE CHAIR AND DECKS MALONE!! AND CROW!!! WHAT THE HELL FOR?!?!
Meygon: Ladies and Gentlemen, the special guest ref has ruled that this match
has been a triple countout!!!
GP: WAITAMINUTE!! SOME REALLY BIG GUY JUST GRABBED LEVINE FROM BEHIND!! HE'S
GOT THE PRESIDENT BY THE THROAT!!! HE PULLS HIM UP AND IS HOLDING HIM UP
THERE!! THERE'S A GUY NEXT TO THAT GORILLA YELLING FOR SOMETHING...HE GETS A
MIC...WHATS GOING ON?!!?
Man: Evan, you damn sure know who I am...now I want a few things done around
here. First off, I want this match to be declared that all three men are
WINNERS, not losers. They worked their f'n asses off, all three deserve it.
JT: EVAN HAS AGREED!!!
Meygon: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is declared a victory for all three
Shallow: That's a new one!!
Man: Second...I want these three men to face each other again, this time once
and for all. At the Pay Per View.
GP: Again Evan agrees!!? Waitaminute, who is this guy?!
JT: How much longer can Evan go without air?!
Man: And one last thing Evan...I want you to know that I'm here, watching
your ass. One slip up and I'll make this fed mine again, and then you'll have
HELL to pay!!
GP: THAT'S JAMIE KOSOY!! HE'S BACK!!! THE MAN THROWS DOWN EVAN AND HE AND
JT: Who is that guy though?!
Shallow: Probably a bodyguard. He's too f*cking gorillaish to be a wrestler.
GP: What a CRAZY f'n night this has been................
[All of a sudden, Papercut by Linkin Park blares over the speakers.]
[Dane still standing in the ring looks towards the stage as the fans are
JT: WHAT THEâ€¦NO!!!!!!!!!!
(When the guitars begin to whale, Syphon Fission, in a leather trench coat and
black baggy jeans, walks out from the back. An earth shattering pop goes off
as the fans go freaking wild!)
GP: ITâ€™S THE REAL WORLD CHAMPION! HE IS BACK! HE IS BACK GODDAMMIT!!!
(Syphon cracks a smile and points at Dane. He has a microphone in hand as
Dane begins to quiver.
Syphon: Seeing as how the IWO is in a giving mood right nowâ€¦and since Evan is
not stupid enough to keep his star off the burnerâ€¦I GET MY SHOT AT DESPERATE
MEASURES AS WELL! SO DANEâ€¦PREPARE TO BE DEATH PLUNGED TO HELL AND BACK!
(Dane turns and runs in the crowd. Syphon laughs and gives chase.)
Shallow: Syphon is in the match at Desperate Measures as well?
GP: THE MAIN EVENT FOR DESPERATE MEASURES IS ON THE BOOKS! SYPHON FISSION
RETURNS! WE SAW MEN DESTROY THEMSELVES! AND JAMIE KOSOY RETURN SEE YOU
ON HOSTILE TAKEOVER!
(The scene fades as we get shots of the Jamie and the Giant (should be a good
movie) around the ring and Syphon chasing
Dane Matthews through the crowd.)