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[We fade into the parking lot of the arena, where
Hostile Meltdown is to take place. Doors to the yellow
Lamborghini slam open and out steps both, Crow and
Discord. They slam there doors back as Crow grabs
his gym bag from the back seat and wraps his arm
around Discord’s waist, as they walk toward the
arena’s doors.]

Sabastian Crow: Tonight’s the night.

Discord: Yup. Evan won’t even know what hit him.

Sabastian Crow: =)

[They enter the arena’s doors as the scene fades.]

(Black. The IWO shield fades on and off the screen, heartbeat. One, two, three, four times, it fades out. Slowly, the words “Monday Night Meltdown” appear on the screen…only to have the “Monday Night” melt away. “Hostile Takeover” then explodes on the screen above the remaining “Meltdown”, and “Takeover” disintegrates, leaving “Hostile Meltdown”. This is the IWO, and you’re about to witness history.)

(The NEW Hostile Takeover theme, “Bottom” by Tool, kicks ridiculously loud as fireworks go CRAZY all over the obviously sold out MCI Center in Washington, D.C. Fireworks go off all over, working the crowd into an IWO…not an IWO White or IWO Black, but a single, solitary IWO frenzy. It’s a long time before the crowd dies down, but when they finally do, their attention turns to the IWO-tron…)

(We open up to the backstage of the arena where we see Kent Anthason standing by his dressing room, with a cell phone in hand. We can barely hear the voice on the other end, but not enough to decifer the words. Kent looks solemn, and mournful as he speaks crisply into the phone.)
Kent Anthason: So she's going to be all right? Severe, but not too severe. God, I shouldn't have let that happen. It's not my fault? You're right, it's not my fault she fell off a ten-foot drop onto her head. I mean. I'm not the one who BROUGHT here there or anything...
(Muttering from the other end starts back up as Kent puts his thumb and middle finger on his temples, slowly calming the pain in his head.)
Kent Anthason: I know. I know... Yeah... Uh huh... Right... No, I'm not wrestling professionally. Am I lying? Probably... Hey, it's my life... Alyssa? What about her? Same thing could happen to me?
(Click. Kent flips the cell phone to off as he looks to his right and left, Keri Lindum makes her way up to Kent and puts her hand on his arm. He looks away as she speaks sympathetically to him.)
Keri Lindum: Kent, it's not your fault. You're just trying to help...
Kent Anthason: It's time we put an end to this. We're taking the offensive.
Keri Lindum: ... The offensive?
Kent Anthason: Follow me.
(Kent and Keri make their way toward Joey Malone's dressing room as we switch back to the arena.)
Julie Malone-Carson: Two... Two thirty five... Two fifty... Two seventy... Three dollars. That should be enough to buy a bottle of soda in this god forsaken-- Hello, do I know you?
(Julie bumps into a man who's wearing a black hooded sweatshirt. We notice the dark cyan letters of "KA" over the huge pocket on the stomach of the sweatshirt.)
Julie Malone-Carson: Well, if you're not going to say any--
(The Hooded Man speaks in somewhat of a dull voice. As though there were something in his mouth to make it sound muffled.)
Hooded Man: Come with me, maim.
(The hooded man leads her over to a corner. He reaches into his pocket and grips something slightly damp, as he looks at her. His somewhat large sunglasses shine in the fluorescent light, as his grin widens. His hair is tucked behind his ears into the hood.)
Julie Malone-Carson: What are you smiling so much about? Is there something funny?
Hooded Man: I need to tell you a secret, a secret about Kent Anthason. You could pin him down. But you need to listen to me, and well.
Julie Malone-Carson: Alright, I'm game. What's the secret?
Hooded Man: Turn around, so it looks inconspicuous when I tell you.
Julie Malone-Carson: I don't know if I can tru--
Hooded Man: Trust me.
(Julie turns around, and the man leans over to Julies ear. He speaks very low, and very smooth. As we see him take out a football mouthpiece from his lips. He speaks in none other than Kent Anthason's voice.)
Kent Anthason: You lose, Julie.
(Julie's eyes get suddenly wide. She tries to turn around, but a cloth of rubbing alcohol covers her face. She soon faints, as Kent grabs her and hauls her back to his dressing room.)
*Commercial Break*
(The scene fades in to a very unhappy Johnny Shallow, JT, and Greg Parker (GP). The crowd starts to pop when they see the three of them on the IWO-tron.)
Shallow: What the f*ck was that.
JT: They went…a whole f’n segment of this show…
GP: …Without even letting us say a word.


GP: Sorry.

Shallow: Heads are gonna roll.

GP: Oh, we’re live!!

JT: We’re live?!
Shallow: We’re live!!

GP: Haha, hi to all you viewers in TV land who DIDN’T JUST HEAR THAT CONVERSATION. We’re here live in the….wait, where are we?


Shallow: Greg forgot to take his Prozac today and now he’s all discombobulated.

GP: ANYWAY, we have a GREAT show for you tonight. SO much is going on in the world of the IWO that its just utter craziness.

JT: We’ve got TWO IWOs being ONE tonight, now and forever!

Shallow: The action is seriously going to be intense folks. A huge rumble for a #1 contender shot at the reigning IWO Champion…er…champions…whatever…and so much more!

JT: Tons and tons of nudity!

GP: Well not really.


(JT grabs a random lady from the crowd and pulls her top off. She gasps, screams and runs off the camera. JT flashes a big smile.)

Shallow: …that was so random…


GP: Let’s get straight to the action. We've got our first match of the evening, a Wedgie On a Poll match.

A Very Special Bonus Match
RULES: Since we all made asses out of the IWO, here's your chance to make asses out of us!! First three people to reply get a guaranteed win!! WEDGIE ON A POLL MATCH!!
John, Jamie and Evan v. Suicide Kings & Nicholas Kain

Shallow : That's right, our three board members, John, Jamie, and Evan are going to have to face the Suicide Kings and Nicholas Kain.

JT : Isn't this a little ... unfair? The only one of the board members was ever a wrestler, and Evan's a little out of practice.

GP : Um ... I think it's perfectly fair. Tee hee!

JT : Are you laughing at the board?

GP : Yes. Yes, I am.

JT : Oh. OK.

Meygon : Introducing first ... hailing from somewhere up north ... Evan's from Delaware, I think ... and weighing in at a combined weight of the combined weight of the board ... the IWO BOOOOAAAAAARRRRDDDD!!!

("I Am Your Boogieman" by White Zombie plays - since I think Evan's the only one with music - as the three board members walk out. Evan Levine is dressed in his usual ring attire, whereas John and Jamie are dressed in black pants and muscle shirts. They have no muscles to show off, but that's beside the point. Evan, looking pissed, rolls into the ring and glares at his partners as they climb the steps and through the ropes.)

JT : This is so totally not fair to Evan.

Shallow : Yeah, it's really not. Heh heh.

JT : It's not funny!

GP : We never said it was, JT.

(GP begins giggling uncontrollably.)

Meygon : And their opponents ... first, the former two-time IWO World tag team champions ... hailing from a place I don't know, standing at a height I don't know, and weighing a weight I don't know, because the Kings refuse to tell the IWO their stats because they are too cool - I mean, gay ... the SUUUUIIIIICCCIIIIIDDDEEEEE KIIIINNNGGGSSSSS!!!

("Between Angels And Insects" by Papa Roach walk down to the ring and slide in. They stare down the board members, who have moved to the outside of the ring.)

Meygon : And their partner ... one half of the promising IWO tag team Convicts of Age ... standing at 6'1" and weighing in at 224 pounds ... hailing from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada ... NIIICHOOOLLAAASSSS KAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNN!!

("People of the Sun" by Rage Against the Machine plays as Nicholas Kain struts down to ringside. He hops up on the apron and steps through the middle rope, looking very cocky, as he should. I mean, he's fighting the board.)

GP : The rules of this match ... well, actually, I don't really know the rules of this match. Shallow, do you?

Shallow : No, not really, but at the end of the match, it'll have something to do with the board members being given wedgies and stuck up on that pole in one of the corners.

JT : What if the board members win?

Shallow : Yeah, I'm going to pretend you didn't talk.

JT : Awwww.

(The bell rings, and the three board members cautiously roll into the ring. The wrestlers stand there, waiting for them. Evan makes the first move, charging at Nicholas Kain. Kain waits for Evan to reach him, then casually ducks Evan's clothesline. Evan continues running right into a double superkick by the Kings. The Kings and Kain stomp the blue hell out of Evan for at least a minute, then turn to Jamie and John, who are cowering in the corner.)

Kain : Alright, which one of you wants it first?

(Both John and Jamie point at the other one.)

John and Jamie : Him.

Ryan King : Well then, you're just gonna have to fight it out to see who goes first.

(Jamie and John turn towards each other, shrug, and begin duking it out. Well, maybe duking it out isn't quite the word to be used here. It's really more like flailing their arms towards each other and turning their heads away. Actually, that's exactly what it is.)

Shallow : Haha! Oh man, this is pathetic!

JT : You guys are mean. Can't you see they're tearing each other apart?

(Shallow looks up at the board members, who are now pulling each other's hair and screaming.)

Shallow : No, not really. I think you mean tearing each other's hair apart.

(While the wrestlers are looking on laughing, Evan crawls up behind them and delivers a triple low blow.)

JT : Oh yeah! Evan with a triple low blow!

GP : Um ... where'd the third arm come from?

JT : It's the IWO! You don't need explanations!

GP : Good point.

(Evan bounces off the ropes and clotheslines down all three men. The Kings and Nic Kain fall down, and Evan begins kicking them in the ribs. John and Jamie come forward and begin doing the same.)

JT : Hell yeah! The board's kicking ass ... erm, side!

(No sooner than JT says this, all three wrestlers grab one of the board member's feet and pull them forwards, causing the board members' heads to collide.)

Shallow : Triple noggin knocker! How do you like that, JT?

JT : Blow me dry.

Shallow : I'd really rather not.

JT : It was an expression!

Shallow : Sure it was, JT. Sure it was.

(The wrestlers pick up the board members and whip all three into the turnbuckle, consecutively. The Suicide Kings then double whip Kain into the same turnbuckle, where he splashes the three men with considerable force.)

GP : Not surprisingly, the board members are getting their asses handed to them.

JT : Heh heh, you said 'members'.

GP : Shut up, JT.

(The Suicide Kings throw Evan out of the ring, and Nic Kain shoves Jamie to the ground. Ryan King then lifts John up onto his shoulders as Jeff climbs the turnbuckle.)

GP : Uh oh, it looks like the Kings are going for Flip the Switch (Electric Chair Drop/Tornado DDT)! If they hit this, it's all over! Even though that's pretty much how it's been from the beginning of the match.

JT : Shut up, shut up, shut up!

(Jeff grabs John by the head, and the Kings execute Flip the Switch, landing John right on Jamie's stomach.)

GP : It's over!

(Kain covers John.)

Ref : 1 ... 2 ... 3-

(Evan dives into the ring and breaks up the pinfall. The Kings go for a double clothesline, but Evan ducks and hits them with double inverted DDTs. Kain gets up and charges at Evan, but Evan scoops him up into Conceptual Perfection (Emerald Fusion). He nails the move and raises his hands in victory.)

[ Suddenly, Discord appears at ringside, as Evan looks
down and sees her. ]

GP: Wait a minute. Theres Discord !

JT: Whats that whore doing here !?

Evan Levine: Discord! Youre back again!? What are you
doing here!? Get the Hell out !?

Discord: =)

[ Discord flips Evan off as Evans eyes open up wide
with surprisement. ]

GP: Whoa! Enough said!, hehe...

Shallow: Dont think about that now. Look out In front
of us, Its Sabastian Crow!!! Hes got a steel chair,
he slides It into the ring, Jeff King picks It up,
Evan Levine turns around and...


JT: OH, NO !!!

Shallow: Evan has been cracked !!!

GP: Now, Jeff King goes for a pin on Evan...




**Ding Ding Ding**

JT: Oh, NO !!!!!!

[ Angels and Insects by Papa Roach blares over the
PA speakers as Crow and Discord join up with each
other, looking up at a fallen Evan, smiling. The fans
erupt In a huge pop reaction. ]

GP: Crow and Discord, the duo couple In the IWO, have
caused there damage on Evan Levine !!!

Shallow: Without even touching him !!!

JT: Noo... this Is horrible !!!

GP: What else Is going to happen, tonight !?

Shallow : Wait a second, Parker. Did you just say the "duo couple"?

GP : Um ... yeah.

Shallow : Ohhh, as opposed to the usual single couples, consisting of one person?

(GP flushes in embarrassment as everyone in the arena laughs at his stupidity. Meanwhile, the Kings and Nic Kain lift up the three board members, give them all wedgies, and hang them by their underwear from the pole.)

JT : Why in the world would you wear underwear to a Wedgie On a Poll match, knowing that your team will most likely lose?

GP : That's a question for the philosophers.

Shallow : Shut up, "duo couple" boy!

(The scene fades to backstage.)
Julie Malone-Carson: Two... Two thirty five... Two fifty... Two seventy... Three dollars. That should be enough to buy a bottle of soda in this god forsak-- Hello, do I know you?
(Julie bumps into a man who's wearing a black hooded sweatshirt. We notice the dark cyan letters of "KA" over the huge pocket on the stomach of the sweatshirt.)
Julie Malone-Carson: Well, if you're not going to say any--
(The Hooded Man speaks in somewhat of a dull voice. As though there were something in his mouth to make it sound muffled.)
Hooded Man: Come with me, maim.
(The hooded man leads her over to a corner. He reaches into his pocket and grips something slightly damp, as he looks at her. His somewhat large sunglasses shine in the flourecent light, as his grin widens. His hair is tucked behind his ears into the hood.)
Julie Malone-Carson: What are you smiling so much about? Is there something funny?
Hooded Man: I need to tell you a secret, a secret about Kent Anthason. You could pin him down. But you need to listen to me, and well.
Julie Malone-Carson: Alright, I'm game. What's the secret?
Hooded Man: Turn around, so it looks inconspicuous when I tell you.
Julie Malone-Carson: I don't know if I can tru--
Hooded Man: Trust me.
(Julie turns around, and the man leans over to Julies ear. He speaks very low, and very smooth. As we see him take out a football mouthpeice from his lips. He speaks in none other than Kent Anthason's voice.)
Kent Anthason: You lose, Julie.
(Julie's eyes get suddenly wide. She tries to turn around, but a cloth of rubbing alcohol covers her face. She soon faints, as Kent grabs her and hauls her back to his dressing room.)

*Commercial Break*

(The lights suddenly dim, as we hear the beginning riffs of "Your Disease" by Saliva play over the loudspeakers. No fireworks go off. No light is shown, as we hear the music fade the lights suddenly flash on as everyone's eyes that were almost USED to the dark suddenly are blinded. As we re-cooperate, we see Donnie Daze in ring with Matt Senate and Joey Leigon holding a chair... A chair with Julie Malone-Carson knocked out and ducktapped to. The two managers are holding her upside down.)
Donnie Daze: Joey Malone, please unglue your ass from the chair you're in, and proceed to make your way ringside.
JT: He's calling out Malone. This is getting mighty strange, GP.
Shallow: You said it.
(Daze pulls a lead pipe out from behind him, as he tells the two to keep holding. No music plays as Joey Malone comes out microphone in hand.)
Joey Malone: Dazey waz--
Donnie Daze: Cut the crap, Malone. I'm here for a purpose. And if you don't shut the hell up, and listen, then I'll make sure one less person talks to you. This IS a good swinging distance.
(Donnie does a play baseball swing as if he was to hit Julie in the neck with the led pipe.)
Donnie Daze: So unless you think Julie's voicebox is slighly less important than what I have to say, turn around and walk to the back.
Joey Malone: I'm listening, Daze.
Donnie Daze: There's a referee, holding something for you to sign. He'll show you where. You have FIVE SECONDS to sign that paper or it's sign language for little sister.
(Joey runs up, signs then backs up again.)
Donnie Daze: Good job, Malone. You just lost your life to save anothers.
(The lights go out to "Your Disease" again, this time when the lights come back on, Donnie, Senate, and Leigon are gone from sight, and Julie is lying in the middle of the ring. Joey goes and grabs her up, taking her to the back.)
GP: What'd he mean by that?
JT: I don’t understand any of this shit.
Shallow: All we can hope for is for this situation to unravel as the night goes on. Cuz right now…its pretty crazy.

GP: Well, I hate to split our focus with all these interesting developments, but we’ve got a match about to take place!

Two Guys Who Just Need Something To Do Match
Tom Lexian v. Chance Porter


Shallow: I doubt it.

JT: Shut up!

Shallow: [beep] you.

Meygon: The following match is scheduled for ONE FALL and is a normal rules
match up. Entering first, from San Fransisco, California, he is….TOM LEXIAN!

(Tom Lexian comes out to some boos from the crowd.)

Meygon: And his opponent, from Some place or another, he is…CHANCE PORTER!

(Chance Porter comes out to a mixed reaction)

(ding, ding, DONG)

GP: And this match is off!

JT: Lexian starts the match off with a clothesline to Porter!

Shallow: That's not good for Porter!

(Lexian lifts up Porter, and scoopslams him to the mat hard! The fans are
booing, as Lexian runs to the ropes, and when he returns, does a leg drop, but
hits the mat when Porter dodges! Lexian is in pain!)

Shallow: Ouch.

GP: Yeah, that's not good for Tom.

JT: He better get up quickly.

Shallow: Or else Porter will beat the [beep] out of him.

(Lexian is lifted by Porter, but suplexes him quickly!)

JT: Lexian is now being manhandled.

GP: This isn't good

Shallow: Not at all.

JT: Did you know I like chicken?

Shallow: …

GP: …

JT: What?

GP: Shallow…


JT: Sowwy :'(

Shallow: Good.

(Lexian is lifted again, only to low blow Porter! The fans boo! He grins)

Shallow: That was a cheap shot!

JT: Cheap or not, I liked it!

GP: You’re an idiot.

Shallow: Yeah.

JT: Your idiots!

(GP and Shallow BOTH punch JT and knock him out! Suddenly, Janitor Nine pops
out of nowhere, and takes a seat, pushing the unconcious JT off.)

Shallow: Hey, J9!

GP: Hey!

J9: Hi! :^)

GP: How you doing?

J9: Good :^P

GP: Thought you we're with Cheno?

J9: Yeah, well…I still am. I think… :^/

(Meanwhile, Lexian is bombarding Porter with blows! He goes for the pin!)

Ref: 1…

Ref: 2…

(Kick out!)

GP: Near fall!

Shallow: Lexian is mad.

J9: What a meaniehead! :^(

Shallow: Yes…he is.

GP: And Lexian lifts up Porter…

Shallow: Oh oh!

J9: That's not good :^(

(Lexian puts Porter's head between his legs…)

GP: Lexian does the LDD! LDD!

Shallow: It's over!

J9: Aww! :'^(

(Lexian goes for the pin!)

Ref: 1..

Ref: 2…


Ref: 1…

Ref: 2…


Ref: 1…

Ref: 2…

(Gasp from fans!)

Ref: 3!

(Bell Rings)

Meygon: Here is your winner by pinfall….TOM LEXIAN!

(The fans boo as Lexian gets up, and gets out of the ring, and walks up the

Shallow: Good match.

J9: Yes. Gotta jet :^)

Shallow: Bye.

GP: See ya later! :-)

J9: :^)

(J9 walks away as JT gets up.)

JT: What the…?

Shallow: Nevermind…

GP: Yeah…

JT: Ok.

[ We fade back into Sabastian Crow’s locker room,
where we see him, doing push-ups on the floor.
Discord sits on a bench with her legs crossed, doing
her nails. ]

Sabastian Crow:

[ Suddenly, the door bursts open and In storms Evan
Levine. Crow jumps up to his feet and confronts
Evan. Discord jumps up from the bench, startled by the
door. ]

Evan Levine: Crow ! What In the Hell do you think
you’re doing !?

Sabastian Crow: Causing trouble.

Evan Levine: I can see that. But, why !? What did I
ever do to you ? Crow, I almost made you a tag team
champion for crying out loud... like you’ve always
wanted... and, this Is how you repay me ?

Sabastian Crow: Shut your trap, Evan. Ok ? I got
better things to do... like, prepare for my Battle
match-up, tonight.

Evan Levine: Oh, right. Well, you can keep preparing
for It, If...

Sabastian Crow: ...If... ?

Evan Levine: ...If, you win against The Grim Reaper,
later tonight !!!

Sabastian Crow: WHAT !? You can’t do that !!! I was
all ready In this main event, you can’t just put It on
the line and...

Evan Levine: What’s the matter, Crow ? Scared you’ll
lose your shot ?

Sabastian Crow: ...No...

Evan Levine: Then, It’s settled... Sabastian Crow -vs-
The Grim Reaper... later on, If you lose, you lose
your spot In the Battle Royal later on tonight.

Sabastian Crow: Deal.

Discord: **Gasp**

Evan Levine: Hehe... I’ll be watching...

Sabastian Crow: **Sigh**

[ Evan exits. Discord approaches Crow and places her
hand on his back. ]

Discord: ...Crow... ?

Sabastian Crow: **Sigh** A guys got to do what a
guys got to do.

Discord: **Sigh**

[ The scene fades. ]

*Commercial Break*

(A recap is shown of Tom Lexian executing the LDD for the pinfall.)

JT: Wow, that was…

(The lights fade, cutting JT off as the arena turns black. The chants get louder and louder from the arena speakers as we hear the familiar guitar chords ring... After a short time the main chorus starts with a large boom, from which fireworks light up the arena, and the strobe lights come on at the entrance. "Aenema" by Tool keeps playing as we see the Structure and the Method of the IWO rise from the stage. The fans pop so loud at just the sight of the man. He makes his way down to the ring, with some papers in hand. He rolls in the ring, grabs a microphone, as the lights fade back on.)
GP: It's KENT ANTHASON. What IS going on here, tonight?
Shallow: I dunno, but it doesn't look good for Malone.
Kent Anthason: Why, hello there. It's a very special night, tonight. The sudden appearance of Donnie Daze... If that gives you questions, allow me to answer them. I have two papers here. Two, count them if you can... Two. These two papers hold the key to Gold and Glory, and the events thereof.
(A sudden... HUGE pop emits from the crowd, as Kent removes his sunglasses. He smirks as he leans over to the ropes.)
Kent Anthason: And before I start this, I would like my best friend in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD to make his entrance here tonight. Joey Malone, please make your presense known, since I know you're waiting for me behind that damn curtian, anyhow...
GP: Anthason calling out Malone. Hasn't Malone been called out enough, already?
JT: They just like seeing his face. He IS a very handsome guy...
Shallow: ...
(After a few seconds "Shame" by BT starts to play as the World Champion Joey Malone makes his way out ringside such a huge electricity fills the arena. Tension builds slowly, but surely as Malone makes his way halfway down the ramp.)
Kent Anthason: Now, wait, wait. Get a microphone, but don't come any closer. You know, since I'd have to kick your ass then.
Joey Malone: Like you could.
Kent Anthason: Don't place your soul on that bet, my friend. I've called you out here for a reason, and that reason is to share this paperwork with the only person who deserves to really hear it.
Joey Malone: Anthason, what the FUCK are you up to?
Kent Anthason: Yes, Joey. I know it's been a long hard ride for you. Let me share the first peice of documentation with you.
Joey Malone: Go ahead.
(Kent pulls out a peice of paper, and glances at it, he then stares for a second at Joey Malone questioningly.)
Kent Anthason: Are you SURE you want to hear this?
Joey Malone: Yes, Anthason, hurry up. I've got a hair appoin--
Kent Anthason: Tough shit, you'll have to wait. This first paper might startle you... Then again, it might not. See, where I live in New Orleans, the doctors are pretty desperate for a few bucks. So you give a little, you get a little. For a hefty sum, I'm now about to read you the papers directly from Dr. Leonard Shell...
(Kent puts the paper up to read from it, he pulls out a pair of small framed glasses, as Malone rolls his eyes.)
Joey Malone: My god, Kent. Get to the point.
Kent Anthason: Ahum. Insert happy shit about me here..... "I, Dr. Leonard Shell, do hearby declare that Kent Anthason, even though not at his total well-being, is fully able to wrestle without any major harm to his body, or mind. Kent Anthason is also hearby released of the restrictions on him about his mental and physical stability, even if they are restrictions from wrestling by IWO President Jamie Kosoy. Signed--" Well, you know.
(A HUGE pop emits once again as Joey Malone looks kinda confused, but yet cocky as he raises the mic to his lips.)
Joey Malone: Anthason, you know that you're not well enough to wrestle, even if a quacky doctor did release you. You're still a waste of flesh walking.
Kent Anthason: Yeah, you say that after Sunday, July 29th, my friend...
Joey Malone: What about Sunday, July 29th...
Kent Anthason: Paper, numero two... "Sunday, July 29th. Subject: Gold and Glory's Main Event proposal. I, Evan Levine, do hearby state that the Main Event shall go to two wrestlers, and two wrestlers only. These two wrestlers are in fact Joey Malone and Kent Anthason, a match as ordered by Kent Anthason himself. In order for this paperwork to go into affect, both participants MUST sign this legal document. Match, and match stipulations are requested to be known by Monday the 23rd of July. This match is also for the IWO World Heavyweight title. Thank you. Signed, President Evan Levine."
(Another HUGE POP blasts through the arena as Malone's face drops and Anthasons grin becomes even bigger.)
Kent Anthason: I knew you'd love it.
Kent Anthason: It all proves a point, Joey.
Joey Malone: The point is, you signed that paper as your death warrant. You signed it in pen. And after Gold and Glory... I'll make you sign it in blood.
Kent Anthason: God, it's so humid in here. Did someone turn on the HOT AIR?
Joey Malone: Really!? Holy crap. This arena needs to pay for air conditioning...
Kent Anthason: *cough* Moron *cough* Oh yeah... Joey? I WILL prove to you that I'm right about Julie... And if it means stripping you of your pride, you'll thank me four trips to the hospital later...
Joey Malone: Anty, you won't see the day.
(The pyros explode, as "Aenema" kicks in once again. It becomes a stare down between the two combatants before the show ends.)
GP: I can’t believe what I just saw!!

JT: Anthason versus Malone for the Title!! Unbelievable!

Shallow: And how does AWS Man feel about all of this?

JT: Well, if I were him I’d…

['Ironman" by Black Sabbath plays throughout the
arena, as Shawn Arrows slowly makes his way down to
the ring, recieving a chorus of boos, and you suck
chants from the crowd. He walks around the ring, and
picks a microphone up from the announcers table, and
then slides into the ring, and looks around at the

Shawn Arrows: To think, this crowd has the nerve, to
say I suck. See. I have no problem with being booed.
I said a long time ago, I could really give a crap
less what you fans think about me. But saying I suck,
just makes your heros look bad.

Lets take Tony Davis for example. I suck right?
Well, he's the one that got put into the hospital,
with a concussion, because he's easily manipulated. I
mean, come on guys, he dove head first into the
announcers table, just because I said one word.

[The crowd ones again gives Arrows a round of boos.]

Shawn Arrows: And then theres High Flyer. This guy
is supposed to be one of the best of all time here in
the IWO..right? He's the only Grandslam
champion..ever. Wow, great accomplishment. You held
the Worlds Title for all of..what..5 seconds Flyer?

If I suck, then I don't know what to say about this
guy. The IWO must have REALLY sucked back when he was
one of the top guys. I took on Flyer last week, and I
beat him one on one. Flyer thought he had me beat,
but once again, as usual, I was able to outsmart my

Why don't you guys stop being so damn gullible?
You're making this way too easy on me and Archer. You
guys may have the popularity, but in this war, thats
all you've got going for you.

("Loco[Snow Edit]" by Coal Chamber cuts Arrows off, as
out from the back walks none other than High Flyer.
The fans immediatly give out a large cheer, as Flyer
slowly walks down to the ring, talking as he goes.)

Flyer:Arrows, Arrows, Arrows... Are you actually there
in that ring? Do you actually know where you are
standing? You are standing in the ring that Phelen
Kell gave up his family for the IWO World Heavyweight
Championship. You are standing in the ring that KILLED
Ken War. And you are standing in the ring that Sam
Potright bleed in for well over an hour in numerous
Trick or Treat matches. Do you realize you are
SPITTING DOWN on the IWO banner with the words that
spew forth from your ignorant mouth?

(Flyer slowly walks into the ring, as him and Arrows
have a long stare down.)

Flyer:You don't have respect for this company. You
don't have any respect for where you are Arrows.

Arrows:Maybe I just don't have respect for you.

("Degenerate" by Blink 182 hits the pa system, as out
from the back walks out Tony Davis. He has a bandage
over his forehead, and slowly makes his way down.)

Flyer:What are you going to do now Arrows? You going
to run and hide?


(Davis slowly slides into the ring.)


(Davis immediatly reaches over, and grabs Flyer.
Arrows looks on eagerly, as Davis lifts Flyer up.)


(Davis now throws Flyer onto Arrows, knocking him down
to the mat. Flyer and Arrows both get to their feet,
as Davis begins to stare Arrows down.)


(Davis grabs Arrows by his shirt, and lifts him up,
dropping him in the Equalizer.)


(Davis throws off his bandages from his forehead, and
then picks up Arrows. Flyer climbs up top as well.)

JT:And Davis picks Arrows up, and they're climbin up


(Archer goes over to Arrows and helps him up, as Flyer
and Davis slowly make their way to the back.)

*Commercial Break*

(Recap of the last minute or so of Tony Davis and High Flyer each executing the Equalizer and Natural High on Arrows, then of the look on Joey Malone’s face regarding the IWO World Title situation just brought up to him.)

Shallow: Can you believe any of this?!

GP: I don’t know WHAT to think about everything goin on tonight…but I do know that we’ve got a match at hand now!! Its time for our Graveyard to Hell/Russian Roulette Match! First time in a while we've seen either of these contests!

Graveyard of Hell Russian Roulette Match
Victory achieved by knocking your opponent out for a 20 count
Capital Punishment vs. Tony Davis

JT: Two former IWO Champions are going to go to war here, and two men who don't especially like each other to boot.

Shallow: Let's go up to Meygon to start this thing!

Meygon: This is a Graveyard to Hell/Russian Roulette match! To win, you must knock your opponent out for a count of 20! Introducing first...

["What's My Age Again" by Blink-182 plays as Tony Davis walks down to the graveyard.]

Meygon: He is one half of Team V.I.A.G.R.A.......TONY DAVIS! And, his opponent...

["Americana" by the Offspring plays, as Capital Punishment steps into the graveyard.]

Meygon: The former six time IWO North American Champion....CAPITAL PUNISHMENT!


GP: The object of this match, as Meygon said, is knock your opponent out for a count of twenty, and there are lots of ways to it in this graveyard! Open graves that are mind, razorwire wrapped tombstones, and a new wrinkle in this thing, an electrified barbed wire cage surrounding the graveyard, perimeter mined with C4s to prevent escape! Punishment and Tony Davis circling each other, and Punishment charges, and here we go!

Shallow: Capital Punishment and Tony Davis are throwing wild blows at each other! Lefts and rights being rained down by both men, Punishment getting the upper hand, as he drops Davis with a big right hand! Davis up, and down again from a left! Punishment picks Davis up and locks Tony in a side headlock, but Tony Davis muscles Punishment up! Back suplex onto the cold earth! The referee in to count, but Davis waves him off, as he wants to continue the punishment on, well, Punishment.

JT: Punishment getting back to his feet, and Davis meets him with solid right hand to the temple! Punishment rocked, and Davis backs up to charge! Here he comes.....AND PUNISHMENT CATCHES HIM WITH A POWERSLAM ONTO THE GROUND! Davis' back bounced off the soil, and Capital Punishment bringing over a tombstone! He places the tombstone on the ground, and he climbs up..elbowdrop off of the tombstone! The referee comes in to make the count!

Referee: 1! 2! 3!...Davis is up!

GP: Tony Davis is up quick, and he lariats Capital Punishment to the ground! Davis picks Cappy up, and DDTs him right back down! Davis drops a leg on Punishment! He picks Cappy back up.......and he hotshots him on the tombstone! Punishment went face first into the stone! Davis now is looking around the graveyard for a weapon to use, and he spots a shovel! Tony Davis going to find the shovel!

Shallow: Davis has that shovel now, but Punishment has disappeared in the time it took for Davis to find it! Davis looking around for Capital Punishment......WAIT! PUNISHMENT'S ON TOP OF THE MAUSOLEUM! PUNISHMENT FLIES OFF WITH A SWANDIVE.........BUT TONY DAVIS HITS HIM IN THE HEAD WITH THE DAMN SHOVEL ON THE WAY DOWN! THE SICKENING CRACK OF METAL ON BONE! PUNISHMENT'S OUT! The referee coming over to administer the count!

Referee: 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10!.....

JT: And Punishment is barely back up! If this were a regular Texas Death Match, Davis would have won, but his Russian Roulette rules may have cost him here! Davis swings the shovel again, but Punishment ducks and snatches the shovel away! AND HE SWINGS IT LIKE A BALL BAT AND NAILS TONY DAVIS IN THE HEAD! Davis is down, and down hard! Punishment climbing back on top of that tombstone...AND HE NAILS A PRONE TONY DAVIS SQUARE IN THE HEAD WITH THAT SPADE SHOVEL! THE METAL HEAD HAS DISCONNECTED FROM THE WOODEN SHAFT WITH THAT BLOW!

GP: That psycho bastard Davis is back up! Punishment looks shocked! Punishment has that wooden portion, and he uses it to knock down Davis with a clothesline to the throat. Punishment gripping it now, and he ascends the tombstone one more time....he tries another elbow, but Davis escapes! The third time's the charm for Davis! Tony rises to his feet! He's calling for something, and he hooks up Capital Punishment!


JT: No you didn't!


JT: Okay, you did..

Shallow: I MEANT Davis' finisher!

JT: Hey didn't Nikki sleep with Tony once?

[Nikki comes in, and another slap is threatened, but Parker gives Nikki the evil eye and she calms down.]

JT: At any rate, Tony's pumphandle powerslam has put Capital Punishment down again! Davis not sending the referee in to count though, as he drags Punishment over to a casket! He sets Punishment up! It's power bomb time! Davis picks him up.....WHAT THE HELL!!! PUNISHMENT REVERSES TO A RANA ONTO THE CASKET LID! THE 317 POUND PUNISHMENT JUST EXECUTED A RANA!

GP: Punishment said he's gotten an all new arsenal! He grabs Davis, and hooks his right arm.....DEATH PENALTY ON THE CASKET! Punishment sending the referee into make the count!

Referee: 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7!...

Shallow: Davis back to his feet after a count of seven, and Punishment grabs him by the hair and rams him face first into the wooden casket! Punishment opens the lid, and he throws Davis inside the casket! Capital Punishment goes over to a nearby gravesite....AND HE'S GOT A PICKAXE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! HE WOULDN'T! NO!!! NOOO!!!!!! DON'T!

JT: YES! PUNISHMENT DRIVES THAT PICKAXE THROUGH THE LID OF THE CASKET! He pulls it out, and drives that spike right through it again! A THIRD TIME! Punishment turning around, But Davis throws the casket lid open! He gets out and sneaks up behind Cappy! Choke sleeper locked on!! Tony Davis has jumped on Cappy's back, and has his arm wrapped right around Punishment's throat! Punishment is fading fast, and he goes down to two knees!!

GP: Punishment is getting choked out here! Wait.....Punishment is getting back to his feet! He's staggering around with Davis on his back...he's near an open grave! He's going to fall! No! He's going to fall on purpose to break the hold! He turns and positions himself......AND HE FALLS BACKWARDS INTO THE GRAVE! BOOM!!! C2 EXPLOSIVE GOES OFF RIGHT AGAINST TONY DAVIS' BACK! But Punishment also felt some of the explosion, and both men are down! The referee is coming over to make his count!

Referee: 1! 2! 3! 4! 5!

GP: Capital Punishment is up, and the ref continues the count for Davis!

Referee: 6! 7! 8! 9! 10! 11! 12! 13!

Shallow: And Tony gets back up at the count of thirteen, but his back has been burned by that C2, but he gamely gets back up to continue this fight! Davis throws a weak right hand and Cappy, who grabs it, and picks up Davis in a fireman's carry...and spins him around into a DDT! Davis is in deep trouble here, as Punishment double underhooks him! He's looking for the Impeachment....But Davis backdrops him onto a razorwire tombstone! The wire is cutting into Capital Punishment as Davis brings over a tombstone and a casket! He's got a glass casket! Tony Davis sets up Capital Punishment on the Tombstone.......OH MY GOD!!

JT: THE EQUALIZER BY TONY DAVIS THROUGH THE GLASS CASKET! SHARDS OF GLASS ARE STICKING INTO CAPITAL PUNISHMENT'S HEAD! Davis standing in triumph! That's got to be all! The referee is going in to make his count!

Referee: 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10! 11! 12! 13! 14! 15! 16! 17! 18!.

GP: Capital Punishment is back up at eighteen! Davis looks to be in shock! Davis picking up Punishment on his shoulders.....looking for the Vengeance, his reverse Death Valley Driver, but Cappy slips behind! Davis is hooked up! Straitjacket Suplex! Tony Davis down, and Capital Punishment goes into a mausoleum again! HE HAS A BURNING TORCH! Punishment takes that torch to the ground near that glass! WE'VE GOT A PATCH OF FLAMING GLASS SPIKED GROUND NOW NEXT TO THE MAUSOLEUM!!!

Shallow: Tony Davis is trying to climb up that mausoleum to escape Capital Punishment! Punishment is climbing up after him! Both men are exchanging hard shots atop the mausoleum! Davis swings, but it gets ducked, And Punishment picks him up into a fireman's carry! What the hell is he going to do! He backs up........ AND CHARGES!!!


Referee: 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10! 11! 12! 13! 14! 15! 16! 17! 18! 19!...RING THE BELL! IT'S A DOUBLE DISQUALIFICATION!

[Davis jumps to his feet.]

Davis and Punishment: WHY?!

Referee: Uh, because I can.

Shallow: Well, that sucked.

GP: The cage is rising, to let the guys out of the structure....WAIT! THAT'S HIGH FLYER! FLYER CHARGING INTO THE GRAVEYARD! He nails Punishment in the gut! He's going for the Cold Snow! Wait!! The hell?! Here comes Cyanide with a steel chair! CYANIDE NAILS HIGH FLYER IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!

Shallow: Cyanide going over to Tony Davis...and he drags him over in position! Cyanide now climbing up on top of a casket...........LIFESAVER FROGSPLASH BY CYANIDE!!! High Flyer stumbling to his feet, but Punishment catches him! DEATH PENALTY ON HIGH FLYER! Punishment and Cyanide looking at each other! Cyanide nods! Punishment lifts High Flyer up on his shoulders! Electric Chair.....AND CYANIDE CATCHES HIM WITH A STUNNER ON THE WAY DOWN! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?!?!? Cyanide and Capital Punishment shake hands, and leave without saying a damn word!

[ The lights go out and some eerie music starts
blaring over the pa speakers. ]

Megyan: Introducing to the ring at this time, he Is a
IWO Hall of Famer, introducing... THE GRIM
REAPER !!!!!

[ The Grim Reaper walks out to a mixed reaction. Some
cheering. Some booing. ]

GP: A match signed by Evan Levine, earlier In the
night. If Sabastian Crow should lose this match, he’ll
lose his spot In the IWO Battle Royal, later on.

JT: Crow, lose, Crow, lose. Crow, lose.

Shallow: Ah. Shut up, JT.

JT: =(

[ “Fuck All” by Kid Rock blares over the pa speakers
as the fans immediately pop to there feet. ]

Megyan: Introducing next into this match, he Is a 3
Time Former Extreme Champion... weighing In at
300 pounds, all the way from Los Angeles,
California... SABASTIAN CROW !!!!!!!

[ Sabastian Crow walks out to the thousands of popping
fans. He makes his way up the steps and inside
the ring, raising his arm to the audience, they pop
even louder. The Grim Reaper stares him down. ]

GP: This match Is going to be interesting.

[ The music fades. ]

**Ding Ding Ding**

Shallow: Heh, here we go !

GP: The bell has rung, and the two are at It... they
lock up, Crow knees Reaper In the gut, Crow bounces
off the ropes, he comes back, and Reaper clotheslines
him hard to the mat. Man, I’m starting to think
even If Crow Is up for the IWO legend !?

JT: Punish him, Reaper. Punish him.

Shallow: How can such a huge fan, suddenly turn
against there most favorite superstar?

JT: I’m a heel.

Shallow: I rest my case.

JT: Now look at The Grim Reaper. He brings Crow back
up, he whips him to the ropes, wait, Crow
reverses It and sends The Grim Reaper to the ropes and
drills him with an incoming DDT. Don’t worry
though, The Grim Reaper will pick up the pace again

GP: He probably will, because here comes Evan
Levine... why’s Evan Levine coming down to the ring

Shallow: Crow goes over to the ropes, he’s cursing
down at Evan, Evan Is testing Crow to bring It on.
Crow doesn’t though, that’s a good thing for Crow...
Crow turns around, Grim Reaper Is back up, Crow
with a shot In, Crow slings The Grim Reaper over his
shoulder and hits a vertical suplex.

GP: Two very huge and powerful men facing off with
each other... does Evan honestly think he can defeat
Sabastian Crow with The Grim Reaper, though?

Shallow: Only time can tell, Greg. Only time can tell.

GP: Crow lifts up Reapers leg and delivers a hard
elbow. Crow brings The Grim Reaper back up, he
wraps The Grim Reapers head under his arm and... he
goes for a running bulldog... Sabastian Crow


GP: A kickout by The Grim Reaper.

JT: Thank, God.

Shallow: Crow goes for Reaper again, but The Grim
Reaper delivers a blow to Crow’s gut. Reaper gets
back up now, he has the advantage, Grim Reaper fights
his way back up, delivering a hard uppercut to
Crow’s jaw... The Grim Reaper now, he lifts up Crow
and he goes for a fireman’s carry, and he delivers.
The Grim Reaper for a cover now...


GP: Sabastian Crow kicked out of that one. Grim Reaper
holds onto Crow’s hair, he drags him back up
and tosses him into the corner... Grim Reaper charges
for Sabastian Crow, but Crow gets a boot up...
Crow jumps onto the turnbuckle pads, he’s going for a
high risk move... Grim Reaper turns around and
Crow strikes Reaper back down with a large, slamming

Shallow: The Grim Reaper sits back up and Crow, he
slams The Grim Reaper back down with a
slamming elbow.

GP: Sabastian Crow, he goes for another cover...


GP: God, dammit ! Another kick out by The Grim Reaper.

JT: Yes. I told you guys. The Grim Reaper can’t be
stopped against Sabastian Crow. Evan Levine has
Crow, exactly where he wants him...

GP: I wouldn’t completely think that !!! Sabastian
Crow, he grabs hold of The Grim Reaper’s legs, he’s
going for The Submission Deathlock... can he hook
It... HE DOES !!! Sabastian Crow, he hooks In The
Submission Deathlock, The Grim Reaper Is screeching In
pain... wait ! There’s Evan Levine, he comes
from behind Crow and...


GP: My, God !!! He just cracked Sabastian Crow over
the head with that steel chair !!! Crow Is out of It,
he’s busted open...

JT: Yes ! This Is great, haha...

Shallow: The Grim Reaper covers Sabastian Crow...

GP: No ! This can’t happen !!!


**Ding Ding Ding**

[ The Grim Reapers music starts blaring over the
speakers. ]

GP: No ! Sabastian Crow has just been screwed out of
the Main Event !!! This can’t happen...

JT: This’ll teach Crow to not mess with the boss,

GP: Sabastian Crow has been laid out from that
chairshot... The Grim Reaper has won this match... and
Evan Levine Is getting the Hell out of here !!! Folks,
we got to take a commercial break, oh my...

*Commercial Break*

[ We fade backstage to Crow's locker room. His
forehead Is busted open and Is getting medical
attention done by IWO's top surgeon. ]

Surgeon: Hang on, Crow. We'll get this fixed soon...

[ Discord sits beside him and rubs Crow's back. ]

Discord: **Sigh**

Sabastian Crow: Fucker screwed me.

Discord: Well, what did you expect !?

Sabastian Crow: **Sigh**

[ Crow pushes back the surgeon and gets up from his
seat. He starts walking towards the door. ]

Sabastian Crow: Excuse me.

[ Crow exits. IWO camera's focus In on Discord, as she
looks at the door. ]

Discord: **Sigh** Crow, where are you going ?

[ The scene fades off. ]

(Then it opens up back at the arena. The bell rings.)

*ding, ding, ding*

Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the following
contest is scheduled for ONE FALL! The first team to
score the pinfall will win the match. ...Oh yeah, it's

(The crowd pops, and as they do so, "Between Angels
and Insects" by Papa Roach begins playing as the crowd
pops for the Suicide Kings.)

Ring Announcer: Introducing first... from New York
City, New York... at a total combined weight of four
hundred and seventy-one pounds... they are former
two-time IWO World Tag Team champions and former
Intercontinental Tag Team champions... they are the
masters of the Flip The Switch... ladies and
gentlemen... Jeff King, Ryan King, they are the

(The Kings enter the ring and stand in the corner with
the purple balloon. Their theme stops playing, and
then "Wake Up" by Rage Against the Machine replaces
it, as the Prep Kids come out to a large chorus of
boos. A midget comes out and headbutts Randall McCloud
in the nuts, then runs away. McCloud recovers and
hobbles down to the ring.)

GP: Not a good start for TPK.

Ring Announcer: Their opponents... from California...
at a total combined weight of some number... they are
former three-time IWO World Tag Team champions and
former two-time IWO Intercontinental Tag Team
champions... they are the masters of the American
Dream... ladies and gentlemen... Jordan Howitt...
Randall McCloud... THE PREP KIDS!!!!

(The crowd continues to boo TPK as they enter the
ring. "Wake Up" stops playing, soon replaced by
another song by the same band... "People of the Sun"
by Rage Against The Machine. The fans immediately boo
the two people who come out... the Convicts of Age.
They both head to the ring.)

Ring Announcer: And THEIR opponents... one's from
Springfield, Illinois, the other is from Halifax, Nova
Scotia... they weigh in at a total combined weight of
four hundred and ninety-three pounds... they are the
masters of... respectfully, the Forbidden Sunset and
the Majestic Light... ladies and gentlemen...
"Angelic" Zachery Lions... "The Prince" Nicholas

GP: Okay, I thought the Forbidden Sunset was Kain's
move to begin with. And it looks awfully like Anthony
Coles's old finisher.

JT: Stuff it, Parker.

GP: Sorry.

(The Convicts of Age enter the ring, and then "People
of the Sun" fades out... only to be replaced by "Space
Suit" by They Might Be Giants. The fans immediately
pop for the IWO World/Intercontinental Tag Team
Champions... the Deadly Sins.)

Ring Announcer: Finally... from New Orleans,
Louisiana... at a total combined weight of four
hundred and ninety-three pounds... they are the
masters of the Wrath and the Degrees of Sin... ladies
and gentlemen... they are the REIGNING IWO World and
*Unoffical* Intercontinental Tag Team champions...
Jack Breaker... Jake Walker... they are the

(The Sins hold their four titles high into the air and
recieve a big pop. They drop their titles and
immediately go after the Suicide Kings as the bell

*ding, ding, ding*

GP: And here we go!

JT: All hell's breaking loose from the getgo!

Shallow: The Kings are brawling with the Sins, and the
Convicts are brawling with the Kids!

GP: Breaker throws Jeff King out of the ring, and now
the Sins are double-teaming Ryan King in the corner!
Double mudhole stomping action going on in that corner
by the Deadly Sins!

JT: Meanwhile, the Convicts have isolated Randall
McCloud in another corner! Kain Irish whips Lyons into
McCloud in the corner! Lyons grabs McCloud and whips

GP: Here comes Jordan Howitt, though! He catches Lyons
with a flying forearm! He gets to his feet and he runs
at Jack Breaker, but Breaker turned around and
hotshots Howitt into the balloon in the corner!



Shallow: Breaker hooks up a bloody Jordan Howitt!
Walker grabs him as well! THE
WRATH(Backbreaker-Neckbreaker combination)! THE WRATH!

JT: Lyons and Kain both catch the Sins with
clotheslines as soon as they get up, though!

GP: Lyons picks up Breaker! POWERBOMB! WAIT! DOUBLE



GP: ...Pink bunnies are dangerous, hardcore weapons?

Shallow: Why, yes! The most dangerous match in Japan
is the Barbed Wire Pink Bunny Death match!

JT: You've been stealing out of my stash again,
haven't you, Johnny?

Shallow: I refuse to answer that.

JT: Bastard.

GP: McCloud's back on his feet and he charges at Kain!
Twisting bulldog headlock! Kain is down!

Shallow: But Lyons picks up McCloud! YES! THERE IT IS!
THE FORBIDDEN SUNSET(Vertical Suplex into DDT)!

GP: The Suicide Kings are back in the match, though!
Both Kings have steel chairs!


JT: The old Conchairto to Zachery Lyons! Lyons is
down! Jeff King knocks Lyons out of the ring! Now Jeff
King picks up Lyons in the shoulder mount! Oh lord,
they're looking for the Flip The Switch!

GP: Walker's back up and he just clipped Jeff King
from behind! Breaker slams Ryan King off the top rope
and climbs up, himself!

THE HEARTBREAKER(450 Buff Blockbuster off top)! WHAT A

GP: The Sins are calling for the Degrees of Sin, while
Kain is calling for the Majestic Light!

Shallow: Breaker and Walker grab Jeff King from
behind! DEGREES OF SING(Double reverse implant DDT)!
referee is down, though! Wait, he counts, just as a
new referee comes down!



(The old one is a count ahead... two... three!)

*ding, ding, ding*

JT: Who won?!

GP: I don't know! The assigned referee is saying that
it's the Deadly Sins! What's the word?!

(We go to the Ring Announcer.)

Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of

JT: Oh, come on! The Convicts had this match won!

*Commercial Break*

[The Scene opens up to Erik Blake and Dave getting ready for Blake's
insult match.]

Dave- Are you ready dude?

Erik Blake- Oh yea. Now I can really call myself the Insult King.

Dave- Well guess what?

Erik blake- What?

Dave- Your going to lose.

Erik Blake- Thank you for having faith Dave.

Dave- heh heh heh heh heh

Erik Blake- Well look at it this way. People thought I would never defeat
Nuke or Donnie Daze but what happened? I kicked their ass and advanced in the Gold and Glory Tournement. And I thought I saw Donnie Daze crying somewhere.

Dave- Yea right...

[Scene Fades]

Insult King Match
These two schmucks are gonna waste our time sitting across from each other tossing insults! Whoever wins is dubbed the Insult King of the IWO!
Blake v. Colin Gear

GP: Well, this folks shall be most... unusual... yet very entertaining.

JT: Yeah, You can bet that if I were involved in this match I would win without a problem!

Shallow: Please you can't even keep up with Greg.


GP: The hell you can! You're so stupid you went to a rated R movie, it said under 17 not admitted so you went home and got 16 other people!

[JT gets a pissed look on his face.]

Shallow: GREG! That was pretty good!

JT: I... I dont' wanna make you feel bad!

Ring Announcer: The following contest is to see who the KING!!! OF INSULTS is in the IWO!!!

["Purple Pills" by D12 plays as Erik Blake walks out to the ring with Dave.]

Ring Announcer: Being accompanied to the ring by DAVE!!! Weighing in at 256 lbs... ERIK... BLAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!

GP: Blake looks extremely concentrated.

JT: Atleast as concentrated as you can get when you're thinking of insults... See, everyone knows in order to think of the best insults, you should free your miiiiiiiind... let yourself gooooooo... And if that doesn't work, think of every way to call them a fuckin fag possible.

Shallow: Well taken.

[Colin Gear then makes his way out to the ring with no music being accompanied by Victoria Ramdon-Gear.]


GP: This guy's goofier than a pet coon on Extacy.

Shallow: Greg you're on a roll!

[Colin Gear gets in the ring and gets face to face with Erik Blake, neither back down as the ref hands each a Mic.]

Erik Blake: Yo momma so ugly that on her birth certificate it was an apology letter from the condom company!!!

Shallow: OHH Nice start for Erik Blake!

Colin Gear: Yo momma so dumb it took her 1 hour to make minute rice!!!

JT: That one's a little old.

Erik Blake: Yo momma so dumb someone told her it was chilly outside she went and got a bowl!!!

Colin Gear: Yo momma so poor she was kicking a can down the street I asked her what she was doing and she said moving!!!

Erik Blake: Yo momma so poor i walked into her house and it was roaches on the couch screaming GO GO POWER RANGERS!

GP: ......

JT: .......

Shallow: .........

[The crowd wonders about that one.]

Colin Gear: You testicle-shitting rectal wart!!!!

Erik Blake: You...Jamie Kosoy. Naw I'm kidding. You sorry piece of homosexual kangaroo doo doo!!!!

GP: My god Erik Blake coulda won the match with that Jamie Kosey remark!

Shallow: He sure could have! I'm surprised he didn't go through with it!

Colin Gear: You molested Monkey!!!

Erik Blake: You prehistoric donkey rapist!

Colin Gear: Your that guy who is wanted in Vermont for raping horses aren't you?

Erik Blake: Ass raming Fucker!


Erik Blake: You boner-biting ass-licking dick-fart-fuck-face!!!!

JT: This is getting good!

[Erik Blake and Colin Gear both get inches from each other's face with intense looks on each other.]








(before Colin can react)


Colin Gear: Uhh... uhh... uhh... aww dammit!!!!!

*Ding Ding Ding*


JT: These guys still suck I could kill them.

Shallow: Me too!

GP: Erik Blake is celebrating in the ring with the Insult King trophy he’s just been given, but Colin Gear has a chair…look out!! COLIN NAILS ERIK WITH THAT CHAIR!! AGAIN!! THREE TIMES!! BLAKE WAS JUST WIPED OUT COLD BY COLIN GEAR!!

JT: Well that wasn’t very sportsmanlike.

Shallow: This is the IWO…

GP: Colin Gear has stolen the Insult King trophy!! He’s out of here!! We’ll be right back!!

*Commercial Break*

(Replay of Colin Gear giving Erik Blake a severe chair beatdown.)

JT: Ouch, that looks painful.

Shallow: But being called Joe Mielo must hurt much worse to Gear. Blake was asking for it.

Secret Object Match
RULES: There will be a "secret object" determined before the match. The first person to successfully break the "secret object" over the other one's head is the they'll just have to break things over each others heads to find out what it is!
El Bastardo Loco v. The Mysterious Birdman 0?0

GP: This next match up is not going to be for the weak at heart. It's the "Secret Object Match" for the Extreme title.

Shallow: No, it is not.

JT: It doesn't say either way so I guess we don't know. We will find out I guess at the end of this match then.

GP: Anyway look at the ring. Weapons everywhere I can't even see the mat. Not only are there weapons in the ring but also out of the ring. Anything and everything you can think of.

Shallow: Loco is going to win this match up. He is the craziest guy alive. Nobody is more extreme than this guy....NOBODY.

JT: Well, I don't know about that but I do know that the two craziest most psycho guys in the IWO are in the match.

GP: What about AWS man (Also Known As Bill) or well I could name a lot of guys.

JT: Well, still these two guys are nuts.

Ring Announcer: The following match up is the "Secret Weapons Match" the rules of the match are simple. A weapon has been picked and the first man to hit the other guy with the weapon wins but the catch is they do not know which weapon is the secret weapon. And it is for the Extreme title.

GP: What does everybody think the secret weapon is?

JT: It could be anything but my guess is that the secret weapon is the glass dildo.

Shallow: There isn't a glass dildo out there is there?

JT: Right there.

Shallow: Oh I see it now...Well, I think it is the Ron Jeremy blow up doll.

GP: Whey are you two just picking sex items it could be any one of those things in the ring.

JT: This is the IWO we wouldn't have it any other way now would we?

GP: I guess that is so but I think it is going to be like a baseball bat or something.

JT: A baseball bat? Now that would be lame.

Ring Announcer: Introducing first to the ring the challenger former IWO Black Xtreme champion.....ELLLL BBBAASSTARRRDOOOOO LLLOOOCCCOOOO!!!

(Loco's music blast over the PA system after a few seconds Loco walks out he raises his right hand in the air and looks out over the crowd. As his music continues to play he walks down to the ring. He rolls into the ring kicking a few of the weapons out to clear some room. By the time he is done there is a lot of room left. Loco then looks around and picks up the glass dildo.)

GP: Well, it looks like this match is for the Extreme title just raises the stakes a bit. But not only that but Loco has the glass dildo that we were talking about earlier.

Shallow: You know what I like about this match up is the fact that nobody but the bell guy knows what the secret weapon is. So this match could end at any time. Hell it could be the shortest match in IWO history and they find the right weapon fast enough.

JT: This reminds me of Super Market Sweep.

Shallow: Your gay shut up...nobody in there right mind ever watched that show and plus how does this match remind you of it?

JT: Just does plus that show rocked.

GP: I think that is something people in China use as a weapon to torture people.

Ring Announcer: Introducing next standing 7 feet and 1 inch and weighting 367 pounds the IWO Extreme Champion...THE MYYYYSSSTTTERRRRIIIOOOUSSS BBBIIIRRRDDDDDMMMAAANNNN 0¿0!!!

(Why do Birds Suddenly Appear blast over the PA system and fans start screaming as the IWO Extreme champion walks out. He holds the title in the air for a few seconds then the Birdman slowly walks down to the ring. He notices that Loco has the glass dildo so The Birdman looks around for a weapon. He grabs a Pee-Wee Herman doll and drops the Extreme title. The Birdman gets in the ring watching Loco to make sure he doesn't attack him.)

Ding Ding Ding...

GP: And this match up is under way and really we don't know when it will end. Hell it could go all night if neither one of these men finds the ring weapon.

Shallow: The Birdman just tossed the Pee-Wee Herman doll at Loco and it hits Loco in the head. That did a lot of damage.

JT: Well, it could have won him the match because it was a weapon and he did use it.

GP: That is true...Anyway Loco still has the glass dildo in his hand he charges at The Birdman and he just hit The Birdman on the head with the dildo. The Birdman is down after that shot. But the bell didn't ring so this match continues.

Shallow: Holy Geez! Look what Loco is doing now with that dildo to The Birdman that is just wrong. Finally Loco drops the glass dildo. But he is still pounding away on The Birdman.

JT: These two are morons you should be picking up every weapon you see and hitting each other with it.

Shallow: Well, that is a good idea but why not inflict some pain on the other guy first?

GP: The Birdman is back on his feet and so is Loco. The Birdman has a chair in his hands. He is swinging that chair wildly. He doesn't care who or what he hits. What the hell? Did you see what Loco just did?

JT: That has to be one of the craziest and weirdest things I have ever seen. Loco just ran and let The Birdman hit him in the head with the chair. It was like he wanted to be hit in the head with the chair.

Shallow: I told you this guy was nuts.

GP: The Birdman tosses the chair aside and he grabs...What the hell is he going to do with that CD player?

JT: Beats the hell out of me.

Shallow: He just put the headphones over the ears of Loco. He hits play...and look at Loco scream. Hell Loco is tapping out but that won't stop this match up.

JT: What could be so bad that would make Loco tap out like that?

GP: Loco knocks the headphones off of his head and there the CD player falls. Look it was the Backstreet Boys. Loco was forced to listen to the Backstreet Boys. Boy do I ever feel sorry for him.

Shallow: That was even low for The Birdman. But both men are giving it there all to walk out of here the Extreme champion.

GP: The Birdman just picked up a brick and he hits Loco over the head with it. That could have killed Loco. He could have some serious brain damage after that.

Shallow: I don't think either one of these two men can have any more brain damage. Because both of these men are beyond crazy.

JT: Look at that!

GP: IT'S DOOZER! HE CAME THROUGH THE CROWD and he is attacking The Birdman!

Shallow: He is more like pumbliing The Birdman. For those of you who do not know Doozer quit the IWO earlier this week because he lost to The Birdman. He must want some revenge on The Birdman before he leaves for good.

JT: Doozer is destroying The Birdman. This isn't pretty at all but what is even worse is what is going to happen to this match?

GP: Well, it will continue until one of these guys hits the other guy with the secret weapon. The Birdman is fighting back a little bit. What he hell is The Birdman yelling now. I think he is screaming the word Fred.

JT: Look at the entrance way its a hippo....Fred the Hippo!

Shallow: All three men are on the outside now. The Birdman is still screaming for Fred the Hippo. Fred the Hippo has made his way down to the ring and he just squashed the Ron Jeremy sex doll.

GP: The Birdman is telling Fred the Hippo something but what is it?

The Birdman: Eat Doozer!

Shallow: Fred the Hippo charges at Doozer and he just hit Loco in the head. Oh my listen to Doozer scream.

JT: I think that is because he landed on the glass dildo and it well probably didn't feel to good from where he landed on it. If you get what I'm saying.

GP: Well, Doozer doesn't have to worry about the glass dildo anymore as Fred the Hippo just ate Doozer.

Ding Ding Ding...

GP: What the hell? Why did the bell ring?

Shallow: Yeah why did the bell ring I didn't see anybody get hit with anything.

JT: Listen to the ring announcer they will tell us what is going on here.

Ring Announcer: The winner of this match due to Fred the Hippo kicking Loco in the head and still IWO Extreme champion...THHHHHEEEEEE MMMYYYYYSSSTTTTTEERRRRRIIIOOOUUUSSS BBBBIIIRRDDDMMMMMAAANNNNNN!!!!

(Why Do Birds suddenly appear blast over the PA system and The Birdman grabs the IWO Extreme title and makes his way to the backstage area.)

GP: I guess Fred the Hippo was the secret weapon and when Fred went to eat Doozer he kicked Loco in the head. What bad luck for Loco. Anyway folks we have to take a break and get this cleaned up out here and I guess we have seen the last of Doozer in the IWO or well any where for that matter because he is in Fred the Hippo's stomach.

*Commercial Break*

(Replay of Fred the Hippo kicking Loco in the head.)

JT: I’m sure, but that’s just a silly sight.

Shallow: Well at least Doozer got eaten.

GP: Nobody liked him anyway.

JT: Ain’t that a fact!

GP: And we're back.

JT: I noticed.

GP: Folks, what was originally going to be a tag team
match is now a handicap match. The co-IWO World
Champion, Joey Malone, is now set to face the team of
Ash Robinson and Kent Anthason.

Shallow: I never liked Hall anyway. And that Max Riot
idiot could never pronounce his name right. Hell, *I*
couldn't pronounce it right.

*ding, ding, ding*

Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is
a so-called "Random Friggen Tag Match". And while I
have absolutely no clue whatsoever what one of those
are... um... er... I guess I'll just bring out the

("No Way Out" by the Stone Temple Pilots plays as Kent
Anthason comes out with Joey Malone's own girlfriend,
Keri Lindum. Pyro goes off as usual, as the fans
immediately pop for Anthason, who seems to be taped

Meygon: Introducing first... from New Orleans,
Louisiana... he weighs in at two hundred and forty
pounds... he is being accompanied to the ring by Keri
Lindum... he is a former two-time IWO North American
champion, and he is the master of the Sweet
Serenity... ladies and gentlemen... he is

(The crowd pops huge, and Anthason enters the ring.
"No Way Out" is quickly replaced by "Now You're A Man,
the Theme to Orgazmo", as Ash Robinson comes out to a
mild face pop.)

Meygon: And his tag team partner... from Los Angeles,
California... weighing in at two hundred and
sixty-five pounds... he is being accompanied to the
ring by Whiskey Wayne. He is a former IWO United
States champion, and he is the master of the Shadow
Kick... ladies and gentlemen... he is ASH

(Robinson and Wayne enter the ring, and await their
opponents. "Clint Eastwood" by the Gorrilaz starts
playing as the fans start booing. Suddenly, eight
Xavier Halls appear.)

Xavier Hall 3: Damn copy and pasting... I think I
kinda went out of hand there...

Xavier Hall 5: Kinda?! THERE'S EIGHT OF ME, DAMMIT!

Xavier Hall 6: Yeah, and that's probably not a good
thing, you know?

Xavier Hall 2: Shut up, I'm trying to think.

Xavier Hall 1: That's a difficult task for us, you
know. Thinking?

Xavier Hall 4: This song's kinda catchy.

(Suddenly, Angry Johnson comes out of nowhere with a
chainsaw and begins to dismember and decapitate all of
the Xavier Halls. Since nobody cares about a
promo-stealer, nobody comes to arrest Angry Johnson.
He runs away, chainsaw in hand.)

GP: Ooookay.

(Then, "Shame" by BT begins playing as the fans give a
sortakinda mixed reaction to Joey Malone, who comes
out without his usual pyro entrance, because for some
reason, they're feeling really cheap about
pyrotechnics. Joey does not have the IWO World title,
but rather, an old rusted piece of tin that he found
in the garbage before he came into the arena. Julie
Malone-Carson follows him out, and immediately gets
booed out of the building.)

Meygon: And their opponent... I guess. He hails from
Phoenix, Arizona... and he weighs in at two hundred
and forty-nine pounds... he is accompanied to the ring
by Julie Malone-Carson... he is a former IWO North
American, Pacific, United States, World Tag, and
Intercontinental Tag Team Champion... he is the master
of the Everest Cataclysm... ladies and gentlemen... he
is the co-IWO World Champion... HE IS

(Malone climbs into the ring and immediately goes
after Kent Anthason.)

*ding, ding, ding*

GP: Malone is going after Kent Anthason from the
get-go! Oh, but Ash Robinson tosses Malone away! And
this is where the match starts! Robinson is the legal

JT: Robinson pounds on Malone in the corner! Irish
whip, Malone reverses! Malone charges in on Robinson
in the corner, but Robinson gets a boot up! Robinson
hops up to the second rope! Double axehandle? No!
Malone catches Robinson with an inverted atomic drop!

Shallow: Now Malone nails Robinson with a lariat!

GP: Malone turns around and he goes after Anthason

JT: But Anthason just avoids Malone by guillotining
him on the top rope!

GP: Robinson aims for that Shadow Kick, but Malone
ducks it at the last second!

Shallow: Malone kicks Robinson in the gut and
underhooks the arms! He's going for the Cataclysm, but
Anthason hits Malone with a springboard dropkick
before he could execute it!

GP: Face it, Malone doesn't really stand a chance
here. Not without any sort of partner.

JT: Malone's to his feet, though, and Anthason goes
after him! Right hands to Malone! Malone returns the
right hands! These two are slugging it out!

Shallow: Anthason with the irish whip! Malone
reverses! But Anthason catches Malone with a flying

JT: Malone gets to his feet again, and Anthason goes
for another clothesline! Malone ducks and catches
Anthason with a neckbreaker!

GP: Robinson's back up and he catches Malone with a
spinebuster! He goes for the cover! One... two... NO!

JT: I guess it's too early! Now Robinson goes out to
the outside and grabs a steel chair! I don't believe
there are any disqualifications, either!

Shallow: Robinson brings it into the ring! He throws
it at Malone and Malone catches it! Robinson unleashes
the Shadow Kick, but Malone ducks it and throws the
chair back to Robinson! Robinson catches it...



SERENITY(Blue Thunder into Sitout Facebuster) ON THE

GP: ONE... TWO... THREE... FOUR... FIVE... SIX...

*ding, ding, ding*

Meygon: Your winners... Kent Anthason and Ash

JT: ...Well, this match sucked.

GP: I agree.

*Commercial Break*

(We fade to the locker room of Donnie Daze, where he
is lying on a bench
sleeping. His manager, Joey Legion comes into the

Joey: Shit!

(He walks over to Donnie and begins to poke him in the

Joey: Wake up, moron. Wake up!

(He continues the poking. He looks around, and then
looks up. Then he shoves
Donnie right off the bench. Donnie quickly wakes up)

Donnie: What the... fuck man... ouch!

Joey: You were sleeping and you fell off the bench.

Donnie: Oh. Ok. Good night.

(Donnie attempts to sleep on the floor)

Joey: Wake up!

Donnie: What? Why?

Joey: You have a match tonight idiot.

Donnie: Wha?

Joey: Yeah. You remember. 20 man hell-in-a-cell.

Donnie: Eek.

Joey: Winner gets a shot at the World title.

Donnie: Yay!

Joey: So get ready.

Donnie: I don't really want to. I'm too lazy to kick
ass tonight.

Joey: Just get up and get dressed. Jackass...

Donnie: Fine.

(Donnie gets up and begins to get ready for the match.
Joey leaves the room.
Back to the announcers)

Hostile Meltdown - 15 Man Battle Royal Match

Contestants to be Involved:
Odd Ed -vs- Justin Lucas -vs- Ash Robinson -vs- Colin
Gear -vs- Scott Styles -vs- Jax Stone
-vs- Multi Colored MoFo -vs- Porn Julius -vs- Cyanide
-vs- AWS Man -vs- Donnie Daze -vs-
Nuke -vs- Schitzo Tod -vs- LiGiL -vs- High Flyer

Meygan: Ladies and Gentlemen, It Is now time for our
Main Event !!! Here are the rules: We will
start the match off with two competitors In the ring.
After 2 minutes Is up, another competitor
will enter the cell. The doors will be heavily guarded
by our security guards, hand picked by
Jamie Kosoy himself. Let’s start things off...
introducing first to the ring...

["Three Point One Four" by The Bloodhound Gang starts
blaring over the PA speakers as the
fans insert a mixed reaction. ]

JT: Yay. One half of our World Champion Is coming out.

GP: Yeah, I can see that. But, why?

JT: He’s IN this match, dumbass.

GP: Oh, right.

JT: **Sigh** Some people are so stupid...

[Both Greg and Shallow look over at JT.]

JT: What !?

GP: **Sigh**

[ AWS Man comes out from behind the curtain with a
microphone In hand as the music fades. He
smiles... ]

AWS Man: I don’t freakin’ need to be In this match.
I’m freakin’ world champion. Now, leave me
alone while I go play with my freakin’ G.I. Joe’s.

["Three Point One Four" by The Bloodhound Gang
starts blaring over the PA speakers again as
AWS Man exits. ]

Shallow: That was strange.

GP: So, let me get this straight. AWS Man isn’t In the
main event?

Shallow: I guess not. Since, he Is a co-champion
belonging to the World Heavyweight Title.

GP: Good point.

Shallow: Meygan, back to you.

Meygan: **Cough** Ok, then... introducing to the ring
at this time, ODD ED !!!!!!!!

[Odd Ed’s Music starts blaring over the PA speakers
as he walks out and enters the cell. ]

Meygan: Next up, the second man to enter this match,

Shallow: Justin Lucas? Any relation to George Lucas?

[Justin Lucas’s music starts blaring over the PA
speakers as he walks out and enters the cell. ]

JT: Damn IWO Black guys. I wish the IWO never merged.

GP: I agree, JT. I actually agree.



Shallow: Ok, thank you.

GP: Sheesh.

[ Justin Lucas comes from behind the curtains and
enters the cell. He stares down Odd Ed. ]

**Ding Ding Ding**

GP: This match has started.

Shallow: Hey, I have another question.

GP: Yes, Shallow?

Shallow: Why does It say on our new card format, that
we only have 15 contestants In this
thing? Aren’t we supposed to have 20?

GP: Well, let’s see... Canada’s Hero raped a dead
moose and was sent to the local hospital for
blood clots which were severally damaged all
through-out his dick, now we understand he might
have AIDS...

JT: Ew.

GP: AWS Man declared himself as a Co-Champion to the
World Heavyweight Title and decided he
didn’t feel like wrestling tonight... so now, he’s
backstage playing with his G.I. Joe action

JT: I prefer Transformers.

Shallow: I prefer Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

GP: Whatever. Next up, Sabastian Crow lost his shot
earlier on In the match, thanks to The Grim
Reaper defeating him, thanks to Evan Levine for
screwing him, and thanks to the chairshot he
received, which Is now giving him a splitting

Shallow: Gee, and I thought I was the investigative
reporter. Tell us more, Greg.

GP: Mad Max was released from the IWO earlier today
thanks to Evan Levine, not needing him
on the roster anymore.

JT: Yay ! Go, Evan !!!

GP: Well, at last, we have Doozer. The former IWO
Extreme Champion who made the Title
Division look bad and couldn’t carry on the reign,
unlike Sabastian Crow did... Doozer has now
pushed himself back into the DWF and shall never be
seen, nor heard from again.

Shallow: I was starting to like Doozer. =(

JT: I didn’t. That guy sucked.


JT: Ouch. Hey ! Only Nikki can do that.

Shallow: What are you talking about? You done that
yourself !

JT: Huh?

Shallow: **Sigh**

JT: Oh yeah ! Hehe, I forgot that for a second...


JT: Ah, yes, nice whack to start things off, I think,

Shallow: **Sigh** Talking about starting things off,
let’s start calling this match. All ready, Justin
Lucas now has Odd Ed In the corner, Odd Ed Is taking
numerous slap shots to the chest. Along
with a boot to the gut. Justin Lucas grabs hold of Odd
Ed now, he whips to the other corner,
Justin Lucas follows It up with a charge, but Odd Ed
flips over. Justin Lucas spins around and
gets kicked into the corner. Odd Ed rams his elbow,
straight into the jaw of Justin Lucas. Now,
Odd Ed climbs the turnbuckle pads... he’s going to the
second turnbuckle pad and he grabs hold
of Justin Lucas’s head... here we go, Odd Ed starts
punching away...

Audience: 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9...

Shallow: Odd Ed Is stalling for time and, WHOA! Wait a
minute... Justin Lucas lifts Odd Ed up
and slams him down to the mat with a powerbomb. Justin
Lucas brings Odd Ed back up, he sets
him up between his legs, looks like Justin Is going
for another powerbomb here... he takes him
up, but Odd Ed catches onto Justin’s neck, and he
slams Justin down with a hurricurana. Odd Ed
lifts Justin Lucas back up, he sends him to the ropes,
Odd Ed charges at Justin but Justin goes
down and he lifts Odd Ed up and over the top rope...
but wait a minute ! Odd Ed hangs on, he’s
still on the apron... Justin Lucas turns around, Odd
Ed jumps the top rope and he drop-kicks
Justin back down to the mat. We now got our buzzer
about ready to go off...

Audience: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

**Buzzer goes Off**

[ "The Theme from Orgazmo" starts blaring over the PA
speakers as Ash Robinson runs out and
enters the cell. He slides into the ring and jumps Odd
Ed. ]

GP: It’s Ash Robinson. And, he’s jumping Odd Ed. He
whips Odd Ed off the ropes, Ash Robinson
goes for a clothesline, Odd Ed dunks, Odd Ed comes
back off the ropes and Ash Robinson hits a
sidewalk slam. Ash Robinson Is sitting back up, but
he’s knocked back down as Justin hits him
with a low drop-kick, straight to the side of the
head. Justin bounces off the ropes now and, oh
my, he lands straight onto both competitors... both,
Ash Robinson and Odd Ed with an old
fashion ass splash. Justin Lucas grabs hold of Ash
Robinson now, and he tosses him over the
ropes... Ash Robinson has been eliminated !!!

Eliminated: Ash Robinson (1)

GP: Thanks to Justin Lucas now, It Is now down between
him and Odd Ed, once again... Justin
charges for Odd Ed, Odd Ed stands up, and he hits a
back bodydrop, sending Justin back down
to the mat. Justin stands back up, he charges at Odd
Ed, but gets struck down by a clothesline.
Justin’s back up, he charges at Odd Ed again, and gets
another clothesline. Odd Ed whips
himself off the ropes now, Justin stands back up, Odd
Ed charges for Justin Lucas but...


GP: Ouch ! Did you hear that shot? Justin Lucas just
chopped the Hell out of Odd Ed’s chest.
Odd Ed Is down now. Justin brings him back up and hits
a vertical suplex. Justin stands back up,
he grabs hold of Odd Ed’s legs, what’s going on
here... he goes for a submission, and It’s a
Figure Four Leglock !!! Justin Lucas has Odd Ed
hooked, Odd Ed grabs hold of the ropes, but
there’s no breaks In this match... Odd Ed Is screaming
In pain...

JT: Why’s Justin Lucas even using a submission on Odd
Ed, when he knows he can’t be defeated
that way?

GP: Because he’s trying to wear down Odd Ed’s legs,
that’s why. It’s a very simple procedure,
and Justin’s smart to think that up.

JT: Oh well, he better hurry up and pass Odd Ed out
soon, because we’re almost down to our
3rd contestant.

Audience: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

**Buzzer goes Off**

[Colin Gear’s music starts blaring over the PA
speakers as Colin Gear runs out from the back,
dives through the entry door of the cell, and slides
into the ring. He immediately lands a
drop-kick, straight to Justin Lucas’s face. ]

JT: Ouch. That was ruff.

Shallow: You’re telling me.

JT: Colin Gear goes down to check on Odd Ed, he seems
to be all right. Awww... now look at
this, Colin Gear Is helping Odd Ed up to his feet,
isn’t that touchy... OUCH ! Colin Gear with a
chop, straight to Odd Ed’s gut and, he runs him up and
over the top rope. Good bye, Odd Ed !!!

Eliminated: Odd Ed (2)

GP: Odd Ed has been eliminated. Now, It’s down to
Justin Lucas and Colin Gear. Justin Lucas Is
sitting back up but Colin Gear slams his boot,
straight into Justin’s face. Justin Is back down and
Colin lands an elbow, straight across Justin’s throat.

JT: Take no prisoners.

GP: Colin Gear now goes to the top turnbuckle, he’s
looking to fly... but, Justin Lucas gets back
up, he shakes the ropes and Colin Gear falls straight
down on his slimber jimber !!!

JT: AHHHH !!! The Slimber Jimber Is ruined !!!

Shallow: Good thing I’m not In this match.

JT: LoL. Good point. You’ll get killed In there,
Shallow. Better let some real pro’s do this stuff.

Shallow: Oh? Well then, let’s see you get In there and
fight with these guys.

JT: My doctor said I couldn’t compete till I’m 90. By
then, I’ll be dead anyways so no biggie.

Shallow: Yeah, whatever. Justin Lucas goes up the
ropes now, he grabs hold of Colin Gear, and
he hits a frankensteiner, slamming Colin Gear’s head
straight into the canvas.

GP: What a shot.

Shallow: Justin Lucas now goes for a cover... wait !
He goes for a cover? What the Hell?

JT: Hey, Justin ! There’s no pinfalls In this match,
you dumbass !!!

GP: Well, now that Justin finally realized there’s no
pinfalls, he’s been kicked off by Colin Gear.
Colin Gear climbs over him and starts slamming his
head into the mat, he grabs hold of his head
and slams his fist straight into his face with a hard
shot. He holds onto his hair, Colin Gear brings
him up, he sends him to the ropes but gets struck back
down with a body press. Colin Gear Is
now on the mat with Justin, he gets him In a sleeper
hold, Justin Is going to go out of It for a

JT: Or, as AWS Man would say, Justin Lucas Is about to
go nighty night.

Audience: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

Shallow: Oh, shit ! We lost track of time.

JT: =(

**Buzzer goes Off**

[ "Hells Bells" by AC/DC starts blaring over the PA
speakers as Scott Styles runs from the back,
dives through the doors, and slides into the ring. He
stands back and watches the action occur
between Justin and Colin. ]

JT: Oh, great. Another low-life scumbag Is In the
ring. When will the *face* torture end !?

GP: When you’re dead.

JT: Ugh. Well, I’m not dieing anytime soon, so forget
that !!!

GP: =(

Shallow: Back inside the ring, Justin Lucas Is
fighting his way back up, he’s ramming his elbow
into the gut of Colin Gear, Justin Lucas back up now,
and he snapmare takedowns Colin Gear,
slamming Colin straight to the mat. Justin leans down
some, he’s trying to catch his breath,
Scott Styles goes over to the corner and waits...

JT: Just like a gangbang !!!

Shallow: Uh, right, JT. But wait, Colin Gear Is back
up, and he jabs Justin Lucas straight into the
chin with an uppercut. Justin Is back up straight,
Colin Gear jumps up and he slams Justin Lucas
back down with a DDT.

GP: And now, Scott Styles gets a little piece of the
action. He clotheslines Colin Gear, straight
down onto the mat, hard... he stands Justin Lucas back
up and tosses him In between the



Shallow: No, he’s not, you idiot !!! He was tossed
through the ropes. Not, over the ropes.

JT: Oh, right. **Rubbing his Head**

GP: Scott Styles brings Colin Gear back up, but Colin
Gear nails Scott In the gut... Colin Gear
reaches up, he goes for Scott’s throat, he pushes him
up, and slams him back down to the mat
hard ! That’s got to hurt !!! Wait a minute ! We got
coverage of footage outside the building...
what’s going on...

**Parking Lot Footage**

[ The fired, Billy Larson, Is getting chased around by
chickens with machine gun firing chicken
poo. ]

Chicken Leader: YOU WILL FLOCK WITH US !!!

Billy Larson: NOOOOOOO !!!!

[ Suddenly, the chicken leader stops In front of the
cameras and sticks out his tongue. A website
appears at the bottom of the screen. ]

Chicken Leader: ! It’s the ultimate
surprise of chicken poo.

[ The chicken leader pays his attention back to Billy
Larson. ]

Chicken Leader: COME HERE, BITCH !!!!

Billy Larson: AHHHHHHHHH !!!

[ Billy Larson starts running as the chicken army
follows him. ]

**Fade back to Ringside**

GP: That was, uh, interesting.

Shallow: JT, what are you doing?

[ Camera shot of JT, who has a laptop set up In front
of him. ]

JT: Quiet. I’m looking up -- --.

GP: Right. Back to the match...

[ Camera spams back over to the match. ]

GP: ...Colin Gear has Scott Styles tied up In the
ropes now, he’s sending hard slapshot chops to
Styles chest. And, wait a minute ! There’s Justin
Lucas, he jumps onto the apron, and he’s
choking the Hell out of Scott Styles !!! Colin Gear Is
sending continuous kicks to the gut of
Styles... they’re ganging up on him.


GP: Shut up, JT.

JT: Sure thing.

Shallow: =)

GP: Now, look at Colin Gear, he’s kicking at Scott
Styles balls, and Scott’s just taking It... ouch !
That’s not good.

JT: Ew. Scott Styles Is a woman !?

GP: No. That’s Shawn Arrows.

JT: Oh, right.

GP: Heh. And, we’re down to our next contestant, who
will It be...

Audience: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

**Buzzer goes Off**

[ Jax Stone’s music starts blaring over the PA
speakers as he runs out from the back. He enters
through the doors and slides inside the ring. ]

GP: And, our next guy Is Jax Stone...

[ Colin Gear see’s him and tosses him up and over the
ropes, as he charges toward the action. ]

GP: ...and there goes our next guy.

JT: Check, please !

Eliminated: Jax Stone (3)

Shallow: I think Colin Gear should’ve been paying
attention to Scott Styles, cause Scott has
broken loose. He’s bit the hand of Justin Lucas now,
Justin goes down and tends to his hand...
Colin Gear turns around and Scott Styles nails him
with a spear. He climbs over him and starts
hammering away.

Audience: 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...

JT: Wow. They can see the shots that close?

GP: I guess so. Scott Styles Is back In the game, now.
But wait, here comes Justin Lucas back
inside the ring, he spins Scott around, kick to the
groin and he tosses him through the ropes as
Scott hits the cell wall.

Shallow: Justin Lucas Is kicking ass In this match,
he’s the only guy to survive this long. He goes
back to Colin Gear, he starts kicking Colin Gear’s
ass. He’s stomping away at his side, he lands
him with an elbow, he lands him with another elbow,
and follows It with another ass splash.

JT: Those ass splashes can be painful.

Shallow: I agree. Scott Styles Is back inside the ring
though, he gots a steel chair In hand, and
he cracks It over the head of Justin Lucas... Colin
Gear stands back up and...


Shallow: Scott Styles cracks the chair over Colin
Gear’s head, knocking him back down. Styles
drops the chair and falls to his knees, awarding
himself like he’s all ready won the match. Wow !
That’s commentating.

GP: Hehe. Thanks, Mr. Narrator.

Shallow: Don’t mention It.

GP: Scott Styles Is still celebrating and, wait a

[ The lights start flickering on and off, as the arena
goes pitch black. ]

GP: What’s going on here? The arena has gone pitch
black and...

[ A voice Is heard over the arena’s PA speakers. ]

Voice: It Is Coming. It Is Coming. It Is Coming.

JT: What?

Voice: It Is Coming. It Is Coming. It Is Coming.

JT: Oh, Ok.

[ The lights come back on and blood Is spilled all
over the ring. Scott Styles Is still sitting on his
knee’s stunned, with a creamy white face look. ]

JT: Look at Scott Styles face !!!

GP: Wow.

JT: It’s all white !!!

GP: I know. It looks as If Styles has just seen a

JT: No, not that. I’m talking about the white creamy
stuff all over his face... It looks like...

[ BEEP ! ]

JT: know what I mean?

GP: Ew. That’s nasty, JT.

JT: I’m always the first to notice.

GP: Sick, fucker. Anyways, Scott Styles was probably
sucking cock during the light flickering
break, so let’s go on over to Colin Gear and Justin
Lucas. Justin Lucas charges for Colin Gear,
but he slips on the blood and slides In between Colin
Gear’s legs. Justin Is right under Colin Gear
and... OUCH !!! Justin Lucas just boxed the boxes out
of Colin Gear’s boxers !!!

Shallow: Painful.

GP: Justin Lucas slides out and away from Colin Gear.
He gets behind him and delivers an atomic
drop. Justin Lucas climbs the top rope and lands an
urban assault moonsault. Meanwhile, Scott
Styles starts to cry... wait! Why the hell is he

JT: Maybe his cock toy got stolen.

GP: Good point. Anyways, back to our match. **Cough**

Shallow: Nooo... back to our next contestant...

Audience: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

**Buzzer goes Off**

["Open your Eyes" by Staind starts blaring over the
PA speakers as Multi Colored MoFo runs out
from the curtains, enters through the doors, and
slides into the ring. He stumbles over Scott
Styles and slams his fist to the mat.]

GP: ...

JT: ...

Shallow: ...


[Suddenly, Harry Henderson stands up In the crowd.]

Harry Henderson: I’m sorry.

Multi Colored MoFo: You better be !!!

Harry Henderson: =(

[ Harry Henderson sits back down In his seat and
enjoys his popcorn. ]

GP: MoFo grabs hold of Styles now and he tosses him up
and over the top rope !!! Styles lands
hard onto the concrete floor, God damn !!!

Eliminated: Scott Styles (4)

JT: Scott Styles = Fucking Idiot.

Shallow: I agree. But, I also agree on the fact of...
JT = Fucking Moron.

JT: =(

Shallow: What? That makes me happy.

JT: =(

Shallow: =)

JT: Stop that ! Only I can make faces. Not you !!!

Shallow: Sue me !

JT: Fine. I’ll go call my mommy right now !!!

Shallow: Your mommy?

JT: Yes.

Shallow: Okie Dokie, then. R-I-G-H-T !!!

GP: Damn, dudes. I think we just ran out over our time


*Commercial Break*

[ We fade back from commercials, and we see Multi
Colored MoFo teaming up with Colin Gear to
assault Justin Lucas, against the ropes. Scott Styles
Is crawling up from the toss he took earlier.

GP: Folks, we’re back. And, we’re still hitting It
hard with intense wrestling action !!!

Shallow: Whoa ! Check It out. We’re ready for our next
contestant !!!

JT: This early?

Shallow: We took a commercial break, remember?

JT: Oh, right.

Audience: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

**Buzzer goes Off**

["Cold" by Tool starts blaring over the PA speakers
as Porn Julius walks out from the curtains
and approaches the stage with a microphone. ]

GP: It’s Porn Julius !!! But, why does he have that
microphone In hand?

Shallow: Apparently, he’s got to say something.

JT: It’s officially true. I really do work for Idiots.

Shallow: TASTY!!!!

GP: Indeed.

JT: Hehe.

Porn Julius: The penguins have been commanded to
strike. Scott Styles, you are a dumbshit.
Thank you for being my contestant, tonight. Now, I

Scott Styles: AHHHHHHH !!!!


[ The roof of the arena gets blown off and a huge
storm blows In, wiping away some people
from the audience. Suddenly, the ninja midgets jump In
from the rooftop and carve there way
through the top of the cell, and over to Scott Styles.

Porn Julius: JUMP HIM, BOYS !!!!!!

Homosexual Ninja Midget Leader: It’s time to get ass
jacked !!!!

Scott Styles: AHHHHHHH !!! NOOOOOO !!!!!

[ Scott Styles begins to get anally ass jacked by 3
ninja midgets at the same time. ]

Scott Styles: AHHHHHHH !!!! AHHHHHH !!!!

JT: Uh, this Is sick.

Porn Julius: Take him to headquarters, boys. I’ll meet
you there, soon. As for the Main Event,
peace out my brotha’s... I have bigger dildo’s to fry.

Scott Styles: NOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!

[ Scott Styles Is carried away by the ninja midgets. ]

GP: Wait a minute !? Porn Julius Is leaving the main

[ Exit Porn Julius. ]

Shallow: Guess so.

GP: Ok then, he’s eliminated.

Eliminated: Porn Julius (5)

JT: Wait a minute. Check out the In ring action !!!
Colin Gear just tossed Justin Lucas out of the
ring, he’s eliminated !!!! Yay !!!!

Eliminated: Justin Lucas (5)

JT: Heh. I told you guys that Justin Lucas wouldn’t
survive too much longer.

GP: I guess you spoke right, JT.

JT: =)

GP: Folks, we got to take another commercial break.

*Commercial Break*

GP: And we’re back and we only have two men in the
ring. We have Multicolored MoFo and Colin Gear.

JT: Yeah these guys suck.

Shallow: I heard you still like to suck your mommy’s
breast JT.

JT: Dammit! Who told you that?!

GP: LoL.

Audience: 5..4..3..2..1

[*Current Of Love* by: David Hasselhoff begins to play
as Cyanide makes his way out.]

JT: Oh great it’s the lifeguard.

GP: I thought you liked lifeguards JT.

JT: Yeah the females with the big boobs.

Shallow: Yeah me too.

[Cyanide gets into the ring and begins to help MoFo
beat up Colin Gear.]

GP: Cyanide and MoFo are now double teaming Colin
Gear. Wait a minute! MoFo whips Gear into the ropes.
Gear now charging back and Cyanide tosses him over!

Eliminated: Colin Gear (6)

Shallow: Well damn. Can we at least get more guys in
here before they start getting eliminated?

JT: No, all of these guys suck they don’t deserve a
world title shot.

GP: Then who does?

JT: Me of course.


JT: Ow!

Shallow: =)

GP: We gotta take a break folks.


GP: And we’re back we should be having some great
rumble action but since only Cyanide and MoFo are in
the ring it’s not what we had hoped for.

Shallow: Well here comes the next guy.

Audience: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

[*Your Disease* by: Saliva plays as Donnie Daze makes
his way out slowly walking to the ring.]

Shallow: What the hell is Daze waiting for? He needs
to get his ass in their already!

JT: Maybe he’s waiting for them to turn around so they
don’t see him?

GP: You’re a moron JT. Cyanide and MoFo heard the
buzzer and his music they know he’s there.

JT: Oh yeah.

[Daze now gets in the ring and lays out both Cyanide
and MoFo. He hops out of the ring through the middle
rope and looks under the ring.]



Shallow: Damn it JT he has to go over the ropes! Not
under them.

JT: I keep forgetting sorry.

GP: *sigh*

[Daze pulls out a chair and tosses it into the ring.
He grabs a fire extinguisher and tosses that into the
ring. He even pulls out a stop sign and throws that

GP: Daze seems to be wanting to use some weapons on
these guys.

JT: Yeah but Cyanide is on his feet and he has that


Shallow: And down goes MoFo. Cyanide just leveled him
with that chair.

Audience: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

[*Till Hell Freezes Over* by: D12 plays as Nuke makes
his way to the ring. He stops midway and points at

GP: Cyanide is telling Nuke to bring it.

JT: Yeah but Daze is now back in the ring and he has
the fire extinguisher.

Shallow: Cyanide is about to be frozen.

[Cyanide finally turns around and is sprayed with the
fire extinguisher. Cyanide falls to the ground as Nuke
finally makes his way into the ring. He stares at Daze
and Daze stares back.]

Shallow: Well what was turning out to be a good match
has turned into a staring contest between Nuke and

JT: Yeah. Fuck this I’m going to the bathroom.

GP: But you can’t leave in the middle of a match!

JT: Watch me.

[JT gets up and walks to the back.]

Shallow: Well, that was interesting.

GP: I really hate that guy.

Shallow: Yeah but we can’t do anything about him.

GP: So true. Wait look at this. MoFo now back to his
feet and he has the stop sign. He charges and nails
Daze with it. He then nails Nuke! MoFo is cleaning
house! MoFo lays the stops sign on Cyanide’s chest and
climbs the top rope.

Shallow: This could be very effective...or very

[MoFo jumps off delivering a 450 splash on Cyanide
driving the stop sign right into his chest.]


Shallow: Cyanide could have a few broken ribs after
that one!

[JT walks back from the back]

JT: So who won the staring contest?

Shallow: Your mother.

JT: What? When did she get here?

GP: Damn you’re so gullible JT.

JT: Fuck you GP.

Shallow: LoL. Time for the next guy to come out.

Audience: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

[*Schitzo Tod’s Musisc starts up and he comes charging
to the ring. He climbs into the ring and begins to eye
each of the fallen people. He walks over to MoFo and
picks him up he throws him into the turnbuckle.]

JT: Tod appears to be ready to eliminate these four

GP: He has all four of them in one corner and he has
that stop sign.

Shallow: Tod charges at the four men and crashes the
sign into Daze’s chest sending him into Cyanide and
sending Cyanide into Nuke and sending Nuke into MoFo.
Good God what a match!

JT: You get too damn excited over these matches.

[Tod is now standing over the men taunting them. He
picks up Daze and tosses him over the ropes but Daze
hangs on and pulls himself back in.]

GP: Daze got lucky right there.

JT: Heh, how embarrassing would it have been if Daze
was eliminated by Schitzo Tod?

Shallow: Not as embarrassing as these pictures of you
breast feeding JT.


Shallow: From your mother last night.



Shallow: Shut up already.

GP: Folks, I’m sorry for the actions of these two.

Shallow: Well fuck you too. Next guy is coming out.

Audience: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

[*Suffocate* by: Finger Eleven starts up and LiGiL
walks out. He stands with his hands on his hips
watching as Tod continues to work on the already hurt

GP: LiGiL is taking his time right now.

JT: He’s plotting something right now.

Shallow: Damn JT. How old are you in these pictures?
It looks like you are 18.

JT: ...

Shallow: You were breast feeding when you were 18?!
Damn you’re a pussy!!

[LiGiL Now charges into the ring and grabs Cyanide. He
puts him on the top rope and delivers a devastating
top rope DVD.]


JT: Cyanide is hurt even worse!!

[Nuke finally recovers and attacks Daze who is lying
on the mat. He grabs the steel chair and hammers away
on Daze. MoFo gets back to his feet and charges at
Nuke with the fire extinguisher.]

GP: MoFo is about to crack some heads open with that
fire extinguisher.

JT: And look at LiGiL. He’s just standing in the
corner and Cyanide is still on the ground.

Shallow: We’ll be back folks.


GP: And we’re back as LiGiL has finally gotten
involved and is laying into Donnie Daze as MoFo and
Nuke wail away on the fallen Cyanide. Tod is waiting
for his moment to strike.

Shallow: And here comes our last guy.

Audience: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

[*'Loco[Snow Edit]'* by Coal Chamber starts up as
High Flyer comes rushing into the ring. He dives in
and spears Schitzo Tod who was waiting for MoFo.]

GP: High Flyer just delivered a devastating spear to
Schitzo Tod.

JT: Yeah and we have all the guys in here now.

Shallow: Yeah and these pictures are still very go ---



Shallow: JT, you dumbass. You think those are my only

JT: Ahhhh fuck.

[Cyanide finally gets an advantage and attacks Nuke
from behind. He delivers a devastating clothesline
sending him over the ropes.]

GP: There goes Nuke!

Eliminated: Nuke (7)

JT: well, now we’re down to Cyanide, Donnie Daze,
LiGiL, High Flyer, MoFo, and Schitzo Tod.

Shallow: I still think LiGiL will win. He’s been
strong thus far.

[High Flyer is now up on the top rope and is awaiting
a time to attack.]

JT: What the hell is High Flyer waiting on?

[LiGiL turns around and is met with a strong missle
dropkick from High Flyer.]

GP: Folks we’ll be back after this commercial break!


GP: We’re back fans, and look out!

[Cyanide suddenly powerbombs LiGiL to the mat, and the
crowd cheers wildly. Cyanide then jumps atop of him,
firing vicious shots to the head of LiGiL until his
hands tire and he stops. He then picks up LiGiL,
firing him into the ropes and firing a high knee into
his chest, dropping him to the mat.]

JT: Can you believe that? He actually got tired of
punching LiGiL! How can you get tired of beating the
crap out of someone?

Shallow: I don’t know, but Cyanide is weird that way,
you know? Bah. I like that high knee he just executed.
Reminded me of the good old days when guys like the
Booty Man used it.

JT: The Booty Man? What the hell kind of a name is

Shallow: Otherwise known as Brutus "The Barber"

JT: That explains it then.

GP: Would you guys pay attention to the match! We’ve
got some more hard hitting going on here. Looks like
MoFo and Donnie Daze are going at it now. Ouch!

[Daze whips Mofo into a corner, running with a full
head of steam and crashing into him with a body
splash, a la Sting. He follows that up with several
right hands to the face, but Mofo blocks one, getting
in a last ditch kick to the gut. That stuns Daze,
opening an opportunity. Mofo rushes out, executing a
reverse neck breaker. He then goes for the pin...]

GP: Dear lord. Has Mofo forgotten that this is a
battle royal match? Pins don’t count!

JT: Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids.

Shallow: Maybe Mofo is just dazed. Whoo. Get it?
Donnie Daze? Dazed? Whoo.

JT: Damn, bad jokes must run in your family, huh?

Shallow: Bad jokes and killer abs.

GP: Mofo has just realized the mistake he’s made and
is now getting Daze back onto his feet. He just
slapped on a sleeper hold! Daze looks like he’s going

JT: Daze is a veteran. He isn’t going out from some
stupid sleeper hold.

Shallow: I’ve seen more embarrassing moments. What
about that time Elmo got mugged by those two midgets
in a back alley?

JT: Those weren’t two midgets - that was The Corruption

Shallow: Same thing, right?

GP: Mofo has that sleeper locked in tight...NO! Daze
just rocked him back, ramming him into the corner.
ONCE! TWICE! THREE TIMES! Mofo’s grip of the hold was
just lost.

JT: What did I say? Huh? I knew it. Daze is really
leveling Mofo with those chops now. I can hear the
crack of skin on skin all the way over here!

Shallow: Admit it though - if Mofo had held on, he would
have been easy pickings to throw over the top. It’s
true, it’s true.

JT: But as I said, he’s a vet. Vet’s don’t fall to
submission holds.

GP: Mofo is on his back now, being viciously kicked to
death! Dear god! Daze just isn’t letting up!

JT: He wants that title bad! He wants it worse than
Xavier Hall wants it up the butt!

Shallow: That was harsh man, just plain harsh...BUT

GP: Wait a moment, Mofo is reaching for something in
his tights. It’s a small bag of some sort...

Shallow: How can he do anything? He was pummeled to
death by Daze!

JT: I guess Mofo wants it just as bad. He’s taking out
whatever’s in that bag!

[The bag flies open, revealing marbles of assorted
colors. The marbles make their way underneath Daze,
tripping him and causing him to fall straight on to
his back. Mofo uses this time to get to the top rope,
and execute an elbow drop, slamming it directly into
Daze’s chest!

GP: Devastating! That had to hurt, boys.

JT: I don’t doubt it. Actually, I think I could feel
that blow from where I’m sitting. Geesh!

Shallow: Daze is in a world of hurt, but he did some
damage to Mofo as well. This is getting closer and

GP: We have yet to see someone else get eliminated
just yet. I see Schitzo Tod and High Flyer locking up
on the far side of the ring though.

JT: Two more veterans.

Shallow: Damn, the fans are really marking out for
their favorite superstar here!

[Tod and High Flyer lock up, with Tod getting the
upperhand, slipping in an eye gouge, startling Flyer.
He uses that opportunity to club shots onto the back
of Flyer, knocking him down to his knees. Tod then
begins to jump up and down in the air as if he had won
the match.]

GP: What the hell? What’s Tod doing? He’s acting like
he has won the match or something.

JT: It’s the voice man, the voices. They’re screwing
him up!

Shallow: Well, they’d better start feeding him the
right information, or he’ll wind up beating himself
for this match.

[Suddenly, a fan tosses in a frying pan. Tod catches
it in his hands, and gets a devilish look on his

GP: Tod’s got a weapon! What’s he going to do with it?

JT: Don’t be an idiot. He’s going to use it on Flyer,
of course. C’mon, he’s not that schitzo.

Shallow: Slam it into his back! Take out his knees!

[Tod takes the pan and slams it into his own head, and
he falls to the mat.]

GP: ...

JT: Maybe he is that schitzo.

Shallow: Flyer is back on his feet. He has Tod’s leg
and he’s spinning it around - looks like a figure four
attempt! Yes! It’s locked on!

GP: Tod’s not really screaming out in pain or

JT: That’s because he nearly knocked his ass out by
slamming that frying pan into his skull.

GP: He’s really paying the price for that now, isn’t

JT: He’s still got access to that pan. It’s right at
his finger tips. There might be enough reach for him
to strike Flyer with it!

Shallow: I think you’re right. He’s clutching the pan
in his hand. He’s swinging it wildly at Flyer’s head!

[He finally strikes a blow at Flyer, which knocks
Flyer onto his back. Tod then reverses the hold, and
now Flyer is crying out in pain.]

GP: Looks like that pan is coming in handy after all.

JT: Flyer just escaped from the figure four. Smart
man. He’s using the ropes to get back to his feet. I
wonder how his knees are holding up?

Shallow: Probably well enough. He wasn’t stuck in the
hold for very long.

[The camera switches back over to Cyanide and LiGiL
struggling near the ropes. Cyanide is trying to force
LiGiL over, but LiGiL fires off a kick to the face of
Cyanide, who is rocked backwards. Blood spills from
the lip of Cyanide, who dabs at it woundedly. LiGiL
follows up the strike with a clothesline, knocking
Cyanide to the mat with a loud thud. He then proceeds
to choke Cyanide.]

GP: LiGiL seems to have gotten a rebirth of sorts
here. He’s really moving forward on the attack here!

JT: This could be a good opportunity. If he is able to
rid himself of Cyanide, he can go after the other guys
and catch them off guard.

Shallow: How odd... LiGiL going for the world? Could this
be possible?

GP: Anything goes here. LiGiL could just choke out
Cyanide and toss him out of the ring!

JT: Yeah, but that’s not bloody likely.

Shallow: Cyanide’s eyes look like they’re rotating
backwards. I think he’s going out.

[LiGiL lets up, bringing Cyanide back to his feet. He
picks him up on to his shoulders and begins spinning
him around in an airplane spin.]

GP: Cyanide’s going to be sick after this ride!

JT: Airplane spin! A classic that will never die!

Shallow: This is just plain embarrassing, but
surprisingly effective.

[Ligil ends the move with a backbody drop. Cyanide
grabs his ribs, while feeling dazed. Ligil appeals to
the crowd and goes for the win. He picks up Cyanide by
the head, peltering him with right hands to soften him
up. He goes to throw him over the top, but Cyanide
blocks the throw. He holds onto the top rope, while
low blowing Ligil with a kick to the groin. Ligil
falls to the mat, and Cyanide levels him with an elbow
to the back of the neck.]

GP: Huge elbow right there! And a low blow to boot!

JT: Cyanide’s coming back with a vengance. For a
second, I thought he would actually be thrown over the

Shallow: Show no fear, Cyanide’s here!

[Cyanide lifts Ligil in the air, slamming him back
down to the mat. Ligil clutches his back, writhing in
pain. He then takes him by the hair, and dropkicks him
out of the ring, much to the crowd’s chagrin. He
throws his hands in the air victoriously.]

Eliminated: LiGiL.


JT: Cyanide is still alive in this match, and
definitely a favorite to win it all.

Shallow: Yeah, but he looks tired. He just collapsed
to the mat exhausted.

GP: Anyone would be after the firefight he’s been in.

JT: I would recommend a long back rub for dear old
Cyanide. He, undoubtedly, deserves it.

Shallow: Great, your sensitive side is beginning to
show. That’s just great.

[The camera scene changes over to Mofo and Daze. Daze
is just whipped into the ropes, and is back body
dropped by Mofo. Daze crashes back into the mat, but
bounces up quickly to deliver a hip toss to Mofo. Mofo
gets back to his feet quickly, delivering a stunner
type maneuver on Daze. Daze crashes against the ropes,
and Mofo tries to lift him out of the ring using his
legs. Daze is holding on for dear life.]

GP: Incredible! Mofo has a chance to eliminate Daze
here! He’s getting closer...

JT: Using the legs is a great tactic.

Shallow: That’s overrated. Clotheslines or direct
shots is the best way.

GP: Is Daze dazed enough to be forced out of the ring?

JT: No way. He’s still holding on to those ropes
tightly. It’s going to take a sledge hammer to get him
out of there.

Shallow: Your wish was their command!

[Out of the side of the scene of the camera, you see
Tod coming out of nowhere with a sledgehammer. He
slams it into the back of Mofo, who crashes over the
top ropes from the blow. The crowd goes crazy from the
shot, and Mofo is out on the outside. Daze relieves
himself from his clutch on the top rope, and falls
back to the mat. Tod, however, looks at Daze
menacingly and brings the hammer above his head]

GP: Look out! Tod just took out Mofo! MOFO WAS JUST

JT: Why are you so concerned about Mofo? Daze is about
to be TERMINATED by Tod! He’s about to slam that
hammer into the skull of Daze!

Shallow: This could be ugly. Very ugly!

GP: There could be a lot of Donnie Daze brain laying
around here in a second.

JT: Tod wouldn’t...he couldn’t...he can’t! Could he?

Shallow: He’s a schitzo. He will do whatever he
pleases, and that could be the end of the career of
Donnie Daze!

[Just as Tod goes to finish off Daze, Flyer comes from
behind, grabbing the hammer. He takes it into his own
possession, slamming the handle of it into the gut of
Tod, and then swinging full force onto his back. Tod
falls to the mat face first.]


JT: It could have been worse. Hell, it could have been
to the face!


GP: Hold on to your shorts, boys. Cyanide has a new
toy he wants to play with as well!

JT: Oh my God! What is that?!

Shallow: Cyanide’s got a violin in his hands! Is he
going to play music with it?

JT: Dumbass, what do you think?

[Cyanide takes the violin and cracks it over the head
of Daze, who is now nearly passed out against the
ropes. The remaining part of the violin he uses to
choke Daze.]

GP: First of all, how the hell did he get his hands on
a violin? Hmmm? Can anyone answer that question?

JT: I know how! This crowd is way into the match!
They’re just throwing shit in!

Shallow: You guys are paying attention to them too
much. Look at Tod and Flyer. Flyer is whipping Tod
into the ropes... he just hit a flying forearm shot! Tod
is hurt!

GP: Flyer definitely has the advantage here! He’s
going to the top rope! What’s he going to do!?

JT: He’s High Flyer! What the hell do you think he’s
going to do!

Shallow: 5! 4! 3! 2! 1! LIFT OFF!

[Flyer leaps off the top, going for a body press, but
Tod moves out of the way. Flyer lands on his face,
unmoving on the mat. Tod gets back to his feet, taking
a handful of marbles that were dropped before, and is
throwing them one by one at Flyer.]


JT: Tod really is losing it. That sledge hammer shot
probably drove him over the edge.

Shallow: Over the edge? He’s always been crazy!

[The scene changes back to Cyanide and Daze. Cyanide
is lifting Daze to the top rope, and is setting him up
for a superplex.]

GP: Cyanide on the top rope?! Oh my god!

JT: He could just push Daze off the tope rope and
eliminate him! Why doesn’t he just do that?!

Shallow: He wants to hurt Daze. That’s it. He just
wants to break him in half!

[Cyanide goes for the superplex, but Daze blocks it.
The fans are beginning to cheer. Daze breaks out of
the hold, and shoves Cyanide over, who crashes to the
outside of the ringside. Cyanide lands with huge


JT: Isn’t that what I suggested Cyanide do to Daze?

Shallow: Yeah, but you’re never right.


[The scene changes back to Tod and High Flyer, who are
exchanging blows near the ropes. High Flyer goes for
an eye gouge, but Tod blocks it, landing a European
uppercut. Flyer is rocked back to the corner and Tod
takes advantage. He whips Flyer from one corner to the
other, where Daze is standing on the top rope. As
Flyer comes in, Daze hits a flying clothesline!]

GP: Simply amazing! Flyer has got to be out now!

JT: I don’t know about that one! He’s got a lot left
in that tank I think!

Shallow: Is it me or does Tod look like he’s going to
win this match!

[Daze grabs Flyer, trying to throw him out of the
ring. Flyer hangs on to the top rope, clutching it
desperately. Daze is trying to kick him off the apron,
but Tod comes from behind and clotheslines Daze from
behind! Daze goes over the top rope. He held on to
Flyer, and is using him to stay in the match.]

GP: Daze almost got eliminated! Flyer saved him!

JT: Well, inadvertently, anyways.

Shallow: Either way, we still have three men in this

[Tod reaches over the top rope, trying to push the two
men out of the apron. Flyer, however, grabs the
outstretched arm of Tod, and shoves him over. Tod goes
over, but uses Flyer as well to not hit the ring


JT: I told you! This is the best battle royal ever!
Well, kind of.

Shallow: More dancing penguins, and this could have
been the best ever.

[As Tod and Flyer are struggling, Daze gets back to
his feet, and back over into the ring. He sees Flyer
and Tod struggling on the apron, and quickly does a
baseball slide dropkick, knocking them both onto the
ground. Daze is the sole survivor!]



[High Flyer slides under the bottom rope and gets to his feet.
As he distracts Donnie, the other thirteen eliminated
participants slide in from behind.]

GP: My GOD, the carnage!


JT: Cyanide's got a lead pipe! Come to think of it,
everyone's got a weapon!

[Cyanide tests out his pipe on the ring post, while
Multi-colored MoFo and Porn Julius take Donnie down
with a double chairshot.]

GP: My God, my God! Donnie Daze is down! Someone's set up a
table in the ring... BAM! Colin Gear powerbombs Daze through
the table! Here comes High Flyer with a dropkick on Daze...
NO! HE turns on Colin Gear!

Shallow: Gear is DOWN for the count! High Flyer with a double-
arm DDT on Multi-Colored MoFo... and a neckbreaker to Scott
Styles! High Flyer is kicking ass!

JT: Flyer grabs Jax Stone and Ash Robinson by their heads and...
Bam! Collision!

[ Suddenly, the middle of the ring starts tearing
apart, as we see a steel chair tossed out. ]

GP: What the Hell !?

[ From under the ring, enters Sabastian Crow. He
climbs his way inside the ring and pushes back his
he takes a look around at the other competitors. ]


Shallow: Sabastian Crow !?!? How the Hell did he get
under that ring !?!?!?

JT: Trap doors ?

Shallow: What ?

JT: Nothing. Been watching too much WWF, hehe...

GP: Look at the other competitors, they've all laid
there eyes on Sabastian Crow... and, HERE WE GO !!!
Donnie Daze, KNOCKDOWN !!! Schitzo Tod, KNOCKDOWN !!!
Crow picks up the steel chair... High
Flyer charges, and...


Crow brings High Flyer back up now
and tosses him over the ropes !!!

Eliminated: High Flyer

GP: Nuke charges for Crow now and CROW SENDS HIM OVER
THE ROPES !!!!!!

GP: My, God... Crow Is cleaning house !!!

Shallow: Schitzo Tod now, he grabs hold of Donnie Daze
and tosses him over the ropes !!!

Eliminated: Donnie Daze

GP: But, watch out, Tod !!! Tod turns around, there's
CROW !!! Crow grabs hold of Tod and he
headbutts him over the top rope.

JT: Oh, no !!!

GP: Crow Is steamed up, tonight !!! It's down to Crow
and Scott Styles now... Scott Styles charges for
Crow, Scott goes for a clothesline, Crow ducks, Crow
kicks Scott In the gut, Crow charges for Styles and
hits a swinging neckbreaker !!!

JT: But, I don't think he's finished, Greg !!!

[ Crow grabs hold of Scott's legs and looks around at
the audience, as they deliver a huge pop reaction. ]

GP: Could this be...

[ Crow hooks on the Submission Deathlock. ]


GP: And, Scott Styles Is tapping out !!! He's crying
In pain !!!!!

Shallow: Crow finally releases the Deathlock and he
tosses Styles over the top rope... we have a #1
contender !!!

**Ding Ding Ding**

[ "Fuck All" by Kid Rock blares over the PA speakers
as the fans erupt In a loud pop reaction. The
referee's open up the doors allowing the superstars to
exit the ringside area, as Crow paces himself inside
the ring. ]

GP: Sabastian Crow has become the #1 Contender at the
World Heavyweight Title !!! Sabastian Crow -vs-
Joey Malone, next Monday ! Oh, my !!!

[ Suddenly, the music fades, and "I Am Your Boogie
Man" by White Zombie blares over the PA
speakers... the fans erupt In a large amount of boo's
as Crow pays his eyes to the stage. ]

GP: Oh, no...

JT: Heh, yes ! Crow's finally going to get what he

GP: Shit. One big screw-job, all over again.

JT: Hehe, this Is going to be great.

[ The music fades. ]

Evan Levine: Sabastian Crow, what the Hell do you
think you're doing !? First off, you lose to the Grim
Reaper... next up, you're In this match, and declaring
yourself the #1 Contender ?

[ Crow nods. ]

Evan Levine: Well, fuck that !!! You lost to The Grim
Reaper, Crow. You had your shot and you blew It.
Now, It's time to pay the piper. Thanks to Crow's
interference, and un-decided decision, this match Is a

GP: WHAT !?!??!

Shallow: Sabastian Crow was screwed !!!... and HE
GO !!!!

GP: Crow charges out of the cell and he's chasing Evan
Levine up the rampway... he's chasing him
behind the curtain, and now, we're out of time. Ladies
and Gentlemen, I'm Greg Parker, for JT, and Johnny
Shallow, goodinght, and be sure to tune in to Monday
night Meltdown next week!

[Fade to the IWO heartbeat logo, flatliner, and fade out.]