Hostile Takeover 6/8/01|
Live from Chicago, Ill. The World Amph., from Ozzfest 2001
Billy Ray overcame Rob Kestler when Kestler tried to hit Ray with a midget. Ray ducked however, and beer bombed the midget onto Kestler, knocking him down for the three count.
LiGiL overcame Dane Matthews when Matthews had a heart failure. He passed out in the ring, and then LiGil picked him up and Palindroned him. It was an act to try to get LiGiL's guard down, but it failed. LiGiL wins via pinfall.
(Slowly, the IWO symbol fades in, once, twice, and then a final third time, and then is cracked to pieces by the old IWO flaming logo. Slowly, that fades out, as we head into the arena.
We hear the tunes of "Papercut" by Linkin Park play in the background, as we scan around the Ozzfest crowd to see Linkin Park on stage, preforming. A mosh pit has erupted in front of the stage, as we slowly pan across to the other side of the arena, to a secluded attachment. We see a huge room, the looks of what seems to be a normal IWO event. There are some IWO fans, holding up signs for their favorite wrestler, as well as the fans from Ozzfest, who have filtered they're way into the building this way, and are jamming out to Linkin Park by starting their own mosh pit. We slowly focus the camera down to Greg Parker, JT, and Nikki, all of which are just kind of overwhelmed with everything.)
GP:FANS! WELCOME... TO HOSTILE TAKEOVER! WHAT A BLOCKBUSTER LINE UP WE HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU TONIGHT!
Nikki:We are LIVE from Ozzfest! You can hear the wonderful tunes of Slipknot in the background. What memories of Titan we have when we hear that song Purity!
JT:Dumb bitch... that's not Slipknot there, it's Linkin Park...
JT:Ow, what the hell was that for.
Nikki:Hopefully we'll be able to check back to Ozzfest on occassion, because we are LIVE from Chicago! We are pratically INSIDE Ozzfest!
GP:Practically? You know what, I hate this. Where's Billy Joel, Elton John, all the talented singers?
JT:Parker, get out of the 80's! You have Slipknot, Union Underground, Taproot, Linkin Park, and Disturbed all within shouting distance!
Nikki:If you COULD shout!
GP:Fans, live from Ozzfest, things are a little different. We have cleared out a far part of the arena for our ring, as we are here in the OPEN field! ANYTHING can and WILL happen tonight. Fans from Ozzfest not only get to see bands that I've never heard of, but their favorite IWO wrestlers as well!
JT:I wonder if Sham is here...
GP:it's Shame JT... not Sham... like the Kings like to do... And the band is BT, not Shame... It's Shame by BT...
(JT gets up from his announce table booth, and kicks Parker in the nuts. Parker slumps over and groans, as the headset falls off of his head.)
GP:This is more painful than you can imagine...
JT:Yes! I win! I take on all challengers!
(Nikki stands up and kicks JT in the balls, not once, but twice. JT slumps over and almost passes out.)
Nikki:I guess I'm the winner!
JT:No... Fair.... You're a girl... and you hit twice...
(Nikki kicks JT in his head. JT falls over.)
Nikki:I really love my job...
(ďFuck AllĒ by Kid Rock starts blaring over the pa speakers as the words (- CROW -) come onto the IWO Tron Screen, followed by fire blazing over the text. Then we see the cameras speeding through a large hotel parking lot, through the city of Los Angeles, California.)
(Through the arena, the lights are dimmed as stroll lights from above start flickering on and off. From green to red to yellow to blue to many other different colors.)
GP: And here comes the #1 Contender to both, the Extreme Title & Tag Team Titles.
(Sabastian Crow walks out from behind the curtains followed by Evan Levine, from which, they are basically wearing the same attire as they were on Meltdown.)
JT: And the president of the IWO, Evan Levine!!!
Meygon: Ladies and Gentlemen, at this time, weíre going to introduce out to the ring... the president of the IWO, Evan Levine... and, SABASTIAN CROW!!!!!
(As the thousands of Ozzy fans, continue to boo. Crow steps over the ropes and enters the ring, as Evan climbs the stairs. Camera zooms In on a sign that says ď- Los Angeles Sucks -Ē. Followed by another that reads ď- Corporate Dick Sucking for a Nickle -Ē. Meghan hands Evan the microphone as the music fades. Evan, brings the microphone up to his mouth and begins to speak, but is interrupted by an Ozzy chant.)
Audience: OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY!
GP: The crowd chanting for Ozzy.
Nikki: Good idea. OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! OZZY!
JT: EVAN! EVAN! EVAN! EVAN! EVAN! EVAN! EVAN! EVAN! EVAN! EVAN! EVAN!
Evan Levine: SHUT UP YOU INCAPABLE OZZY MORONS!!!!!
Evan Levine: You heard me, now shut up!!! Because you see, tonight, tonight is not Monday Night Meltdown. Oh no! Tonight, is Hostile Takeover. But, do I give a fuck? Hell no!!! I run this show! You see, and we can do whatever the Hell we want. Now, recapping back to Monday Night Meltdown, hehe, a perfect win it was. Crow and I done exactly what we said we were going to do, and that is, go into that Tag Team Turnoil, kick everybodyís asses, and win our shot to compete for the #1 Tag Team Contendership.
GP: Lousy #1 Contenders.
JT: Shut up, Greg!!!
Evan Levine: Insane Clowns, you thought you were so confident about that match.HAHAHAHA!!! Donít make me laugh. Youíre nothing but a couple of retarded, weasle sibling idiots that need to be locked away In a jailcell, where, hehe, real authority can come your way. Hehe.
(Evan hands Crow the microphone.)
Sabastian Crow: And, thatís right. You see, the Tag Team Gold is now just inches away from Evan and I. Last Monday, we shown the world, exactly why we are the most powerful force In the IWO today. We use strategy. We use charisma. And, indeed, we use brains. Un-like, a couple of no life, porn loving freaks like The Insane Clowns, we put a new meaning to the team named WBTY2. Why? Because Insane Clowns, we *ARE* better than you too, except, we havenít shown it completely yet. Though, that will all change when we arrive to the IWOís Own island, June 24th. Sabastian Crow and Evan Levine -vs- The Insane Clowns, for the Tag Team Gold. The outcome, Crow and Levine walking out the winners. Plain and Simple. Insane Clowns, we *ARE* better than you will ever be, and that, my friends, haha... that, is a fact.
(Sabastian Crow prowls around the ring and echoes something else through his mind.)
Sabastian Crow: Other than the Tag Team Gold, Iím concerned about the Extreme Title. Since, our dear friend, Schitzo Tod lost it recently, grrr... Cyanide has become the new champion. But! From there, I have become the #1 Contender for the Gold, and it, I say, it is coming back to daddy. Cyanide, nobody gives a hoot who you are. Nobody gives a crap who you face. All they want, is to see your ass lose. So! I got a solution to the whole problem. Why not, just give it up to me, eh ? Heh.
GP: I doubt Cyanide is going to give up the Extreme Title, just like that.
JT: Yes, he will! Just to survive a beating from Sabastian Crow.
(Suddenly, "Three Point One Four" by the Bloodhound Gang begins playing. The crowd pops as the tag team champs, the Insane Clowns (also known as the Also Knowns), walk out, each holding a mic. AWS Man (also known as Bill) holds his mic to his mask.)
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Hey hey. We were backstage and we noticed that that unfunny Cow was out here boring everybody with his freakin' boringness, so we thought we'd come out here and say stuff, or something.
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : Yeah, and Evan was also making everybody funkin' stupider just by talking, and nobody wants to sit and listen to somebody who has trouble funkin' counting to six anyway.
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : We noticed that you guys said some not-so-nice things about the Pack of Wild Boars, despite the freakin' fact that Cyanide says we saved your life last week. And you actually think that you two can take our belts. Heh heh heh, that one actually is kinda freakin' funny. You should use more of that kind of
Sabastian Crow: Heh! Bullshit, AWS Man. Those Tag Team Titles are coming home with us at Beach Party 2001, and when they do. Heh. Yeah, we will find it a joke. But not the sheer fact that we beat you, but the sheer fact that you guys totally suck.
(Evan and Crow share a chuckle.)
(The Insane Clowns (also known as the Also Knowns) burst out laughing at Crowís comments.)
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : (Wiping the eye holes of his mask, despite the fact that they're dry) Hahaha, that's what we're funkin' talking about. Keep up the comedy, Crawfish. But seriously, now, you don't REALLY think you're going to win, do you? I mean, besides the fact that we're so obviously funkin' better than you ... well, that's pretty much it. We're so obviously funkin' better than you.
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Yeah, I mean, did it just kinda slip your freakin' minds how you screwed us over on Meltdown? We had the match won, and then BAM, you screwed us, right in the bass. But when you fight us for titles, we'll make sure that our freakin' basses are well-protected from screwing.
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : Oh yes, well protected in-funkin'-deed.
(Evan is tossed another microphone.)
Evan Levine: What In the Hell are you two idiots talking about ?
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Oh, I think you know what we're freakin' talking about... At least, I hope you do, because we sure as freak don't.
Evan Levine: Look here, quite frankly, you couple of idiots donít know what youíre talking about. And, another thing...
Cyanide:Another thing? Levine, I'm sick of hearing you talk, and quite frankly, I'm not going to save either of you two from drowning anymore. And neither will my lifeguard squad! You've just made my "No Save" Wall!
Sabastian Crow: Well Cyanide, it seems like youíre all mumbo jumbo... and you, Insane
Clowns, youíre all jumbo kumbo, so really... nah! I donít even want to talk about it.
You see fellaís, sooner or later, all your Gold, hehe, itís coming to us. Itís coming back
home to Evan and I. Cyanide, yes, Iím talking about your precious Extreme Gold.
Insane Clowns, Iím talking about your duo congest of Tag Team Gold. But, frankly,
thatís not going to happen tonight. For Evan and I, we got to wait until Beach Party
(Crow and Evan lower there heads In sorrow.)
GP: Who cares.
Sabastian Crow: But, heh, that isnít too far away right ?
(Crow and Evan take a look back at Cyanide & The Insane Clowns.)
Sabastian Crow: But for right now, Iím more concentrated on getting revenge on you
life saving jackasses. Tonight Wild Boars, the games continue. The mind echoes
through the words. And tonight, hehe, there will be another member added to my bitch
list. Good Day!!!
(ďFuck AllĒ by Kid Rock blares over the PA speakers as Crow and Evan stare eye to
eye with The Wild Boars.)
GP: Crow has proclaimed another member of The Wild Boars will be taken out, tonight!!!
JT: Oh my God! Who will it be!?!?
(We cut to the backstage area, as weak sounds of a car pulling up are heard. Within the next few seconds, a small car comes up, designed, and painted, much like a clown car in a circus would be.)
GP: What the heck is that?
JT: it..looks like a clown car.
GP: Why, is a clown car pulling into our parking lot?
JT: I really have no clue. We've got to get somewhere else, theres something more important going on.
GP: We'll check back on this later.
(The camera cuts backstage to the locker room of the Pack of Wild Boars. All the Boars are sitting around, discussing what just happened.)
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : That Cow's a real freakin' poopiepants, huh?
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : Yeah. It'll be fun to beat him and Evan, though. And then we funkin' can have Sno-Cones.
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Yes! Sno-Cones freakin' rock!
Cyanide : Yeah, and I'll destroy him when he comes after my Extreme title. He's not going to be going near an ocean any time soon when I'm done with him, so I'll have prevented him from drowning for quite a while.
Bob Job : You're so feckin' nice, Lifeguard Cyanide.
Cyanide : I know.
Seaman : I think he might be trying to take us out tonight, though.
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : What makes you freakin' say that?
Seaman : Oh, I dunno, I guess the fact that he said he'd take one of us out tonight.
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Hmmmm, you may just freakin' have a point there. OK, well, I guess we should stay together and freakin' stuff, so Cow can't jump us from behind.
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : Hey, I have a funkin' match next, though.
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Oh, well, just try to be freakin' careful. And wash your back.
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : I thought it was watch my funkin' back.
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : No, I don't freakin' think so. it's hard to twist your neck around that far, I've tried. Wash your back is much
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : Oh, O-funkin'-K.
(DPS Man (also known as Bob) leaves the locker room.)
GP:And Sabastian Crow, not Cow, has put his targets on DPS Man(also Known as Bob), and now, we'll see if he follows through with his plan...
Nikki: This should be a good one
JT: And just how do you know that Nikki?
Nikki: it says so on the cue card. See
( Nikki then points to the guy holding up cue cards. )
JT: Oh. I see. But what does it say now? *squints his eyes to see it better* S...M...A...C...
JT: Owww...what was that for?
Nikki: I donít know ask the cue card guy
GP: No time for that now. We have a match to call. Here comes Meygon now.
(Meygon comes down to the ring, and the ref holds down the ring ropes for him, and she steps into the ring. She brings the mic up to here lips,
Meygon: Now coming to the ring, weighing in at 235 pounds...one half of the Insane Clowns(also known as the Also Knowns)...master of the Neck Cutta...itís...DDDDDDPPPPPSSSS MAAAAAAN(also known as Bob)!!!
(ď12Ē by Insane Clown Posse blares over the PA system, as DPS Man(also known as Bob) comes down to the ring. He rolls into the ring, and lays back in the corner waiting for Brain Blade to come out.)
JT: YEAH!!! Heís gonna kick Blades ass!!
GP: it doesnít look like heís too concerned with this match.
JT: Why does DPS Man(also known as Bob) have to be concerned? He basically already won!!
GP: Well...what ever you say.
Meygon: Second coming down to the ring...weighing in at 235 pounds...BRRRRRIAAAAAN BLLLLLLAAAAADDDDEEE!!
(ďUltra MegaĒ by Powerman 5000 hits, as Brain Blade runs down to the ring. He slides under the ring, and assumes a wrestling stance...while DPS Man(also known as Bob) is still in laying in the corner. )
GP: DPS Man(also known as Bob) really doesnít look like heís taking Blade seriously.
Nikki: Ready or not, Blade rushes DPS Man(also known as Bob) and hits him with a knee lift to the gut.
JT: Heíll still pull through.
GP: I dunno. Brian Blade is hammering away at DPS Man(also known as Bob) like a madman. Brian Blade lays down some chops to the chest of DPS Man(also known as Bob). Brian Blade then hooks DPS Man(also known as Bob) head under his arm, and climbs to the top rope...BLADE COMES OFF WITH A TORNADO DDT!! HE GOES FOR THE COVER!!
DPS Man(also known as Bob) kicks out!
JT: I knew he would kick out.
GP: Sure you did. Blade know lifts DPS Man(also known as Bob) to his feet. Blade grapples and goes for a suplex...no! DPS Man(also known as Bob) shoves him off! DPS Man(also known as Bob) nails Brain Blade with a stiff right hand to the jaw. DPS Man(also known as Bob) then grabs Brain Blade, and Irish whips him into the ropes...Blade bounces back... DPS Man(also known as Bob) rocks him with a Pulling walk slam!!
JT: I told you he beat the crap out of him. DPS Man( also known as Bob) pulls Brain Blade to his feet...he lifts him up vertically...and slams
him down with a nasty Brainbuster!!
GP: DPS Man(also known as Bob) now mounts Brain Bladeís chest and...what the heck is he doing?
JT: Heís slapping Brain Blade silly!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
JT: Oww. Again, what was that for?
Nikki: Iím sorry, I saw DPS Man(also known as Bob) doing it, and I just felt the urge.
JT: The *urge*!!!
( ... )
JT: I said...the *URGE*!!!
( ... )
JT: What the hellís going on?
GP: This isnít a herbal shampoo commercial, Nikkiís not gonna get naked, and start washing her hair.
JT: TV lied to me!! I hate TV.
GP: Youíre so...oh forget it. Back to the match. DPS Man(also known as Bob) is still smacking Brain Blade around...but Blade grabs the ropes,
the ref is telling DPS Man(also known as Bob) to lay off. Blade gets to his feet, and decks DPS Man(also known as Bob) in the face! DPS Man(also known as Bob) reels back in pain. Blade bounces off the ropes, and takes DPS Man(also known as Bob) down with a jumping lariat.
JT: Oh comíon DPS Man(also known as Bob)!! Get up!!
GP: Brain Blade brings DPS Man(also known as Bob) to his feet, and dumps him over with a belly-to-belly Suplex. Brain Blade then grabs DPS
Man(also known as Bob) by the legs, and locks in a figure 4 leg lock!!
JT: This doesnít look good.
GP: Brain Blade is applying pressure to the hold. The ref is checking to see if DPS Man(also known as Bob) is going to tap out. Brain Blade is
trying to wrench the hold...NO! DPS Man(also known as Bob) gets a leg free and kicks Brain Blade in the face!
JT: Yeah!! Brain Blade falls back on his ass!! DPS Man(also known as Bob) is up...Brain Blade is about to get up, but DPS Man(also known as Bob) lands on him with a splash! DPS Man(also known as Bob) just crushed him!
Nikki: Well...not real. Heís just on top of him.
JT: You sure know a lot about men bring on top, eh Nikki?
Nikki: You pig.
GP: Can we get back to the match please? Geez. DPS Man(also known as Bob) pulls Blade to his feet. He goes to Irish whip Brain Blade into the ropes...NO! Brain Blade reverses the whip, and sends DPS Man(also known as Bob) crashing into the corner. He then runs in with a clothesline into the corner.
JT: Brain Blade then mounts DPS Man(also known as Bob), by climbing up to the top rope. Heís signaling for the ten punches!
( the audience starts to countdown. )
Crowd = 1!...2!...3!...4!...
GP: NO! DPS Man(also known as Bob) grabs him by his tights and slams him down with a top rope powerbomb!!
JT: HAHAHAHA!! He didnít even get half way through.
GP: DPS Man(also known as Bob) is...sitting on Brain Bladeís chest? Well...does that count as a pin?
Ref: Ah...sure! Why the heck not.
JT: Damn that Brian Blade. He squirmed out somehow. DPS Man(also known as Bob) grabs Brain Blade...no! Blade knocks his hands away. Blade elbowsDPS Man(also known as Bob) in the face! Blade then grapples DPS Man(also known as Bob)...he lifts him up...AND SLAMS HIM DOWN IN A MICHINOKU DRIVER!!! HE JUST SLAMED DPS MAN(also known as Bob) RIGHT ON HIS (Censored) HEAD!!
GP: Blade with a cover.
GP: DPS Man( also known as Bob) kicks out! Man and he looks a bit pissed!
JT: How can you tell?
GP: Well, it lookís like heís saying the f word over and over again!!
JT: Who mean...funkiní?
Nikki: He says that over and over again all the time. He was saying funkiní while he was coming down to the ring before the match started.
GP: Oh...I see.
JT: Yeah GP. Great job of lip reading there. DPS Man( also known as Bob) charges in on Blade...he slams him with the Hoe Train attack!
Nikki: isnít that a move only used in Smackdown for PlayStation?
GP: And how would you know that?
JT: Youíre pimp is in Junior High isnít he.
GP: Uhmm...anyway. DPS Man( also known as Bob ) stomps the hell out of Brain Blade. DPS Man( also known as Bob) is still stomping...and heís still...stomping. Dammit isnít he gonna stop stomping?
Nikki: Doesnít his foot get tired?
JT: Like YOURíS do Nikki uh.
( ... )
GP: Was that supposed to have some sort of sexual innuendo
JT: Well...kinda. I forget.
Nikki: You idiot.
JT: Hey, comíon stop it Nikki. Weíre missing the match.
GP: Weíre not missing much. DPS Man ( also known as Bob ) is *still*...stomping on Brain Blade. And right in front of us too.
JT: Hey! Stomp away! DPS Man ( also known as Bob ) is stomping on Brain Blade, and he kicks him right under the ring ropes.
GP: DPS Man ( also known as Bob ) then rips up the padding on the outside of the ring, exposing the concrete below. He then picks up Brain
Blade... DPS MAN ( also known as Bob ) THEN GIVES BRAIN BLADE A PILEDRIVER ONTO THE EXPOSED CONCRETE!! BRAIN BLADE IS BUSTED OPEN!!
JT: YEAH!!! GO DPS MAN!!
( GP, Nikki, and the rest of the crowd gasp in shock. )
GP: Do you know what you just called him?
JT: Yeah. DPS Man, whatís wrong with that?
DPS Man ( also known as Bob ): itís funkiní DPS Man ( also known as Bob) you funkiní retard!!
( DPS Man ( also known as Bob ) then nails JT in the face, and JT is knocked out cold. DPS Man ( also known as Bob ) goes back to the match. )
GP: DPS Man ( also known as Bob ) pulls Brain Blade to his feet, and throws him back into the ring. DPS Man ( also known as Bob ) climbs to the top rope and... DPS MAN ( also known as Bob ) COMES OFF THE TOP WITH A NECK CUTTA(450 leg drop off the top rope)!!!
JT: Heís gonna...
(ďFuck AllĒ by Kid Rock starts to blast in the arena and the lights begin to flicker.)
JT: Hey thatís Crows entrance song isnít it?
GP: But whereís Crow?
JT: I donít know, but DPS Man( also known as Bob ) seems worried.
Nikki: Here comes the rest of the Wild Boars
( AWS Man( also known as Bill ), Bob Job, Cyanide, and Simon Seaman work their way through the moshing crowd, and surround the ring, waiting for Crow to out. But nothing happens. )
JT: Where the fuck is Sabastian Crow?
GP: I dunno. Maybe it was just one of the songs being played at Ozzfest.
Nikki: But Linkin Park should be on right now?
JT: Youíre right...but whereís Crow?
GP: I dunno, but DPS Man ( also known as Bob ) has dropped everything and his looking into the crowd for him. Crow could be anywhere. Youíd hadly be able to see him though all this dancing people...wait!
JT: You see Sabastian Crow?
GP: No! Brain Blade with a school boy from behind on DPS Man ( also known as Bob )!!
GP: Brain Blade took advantage of the distraction and got the 3 count!
Meygon: Winner and number one contender for the IWO TV Title...BRRRIAAANNN BLLLLAAAADDEE!!!
GP: DPS Man ( also known as Bob ) was so concerned with looking out to see if Crow was coming down to the ring, he totally forgot about the match.
JT: What type of fucked up mind games is Sabastian Crow playing?
GP: I donít know. But I think he just succeeded in a small psychological victory.
(We cut to the parking lot on the outside of the arena, as we see Sam Potright arrives in his Firebird. A valet runs up to him.)
Valet: Shall I take your car, sir?
(He hands the valet the keys, and walks off. As he does so, we flip into the dressing room of one Dane Matthews. He's laughing at Potright.)
Matthews: He doesn't even see what's coming to him... or his precious car.
(Beth laughs and rests her head on his shoulder.)
GP:What the hell was that all about?
JT:Who fre... knows?
(Returning to Hostile Takeover, the camera again cuts to the Wild Boars' locker room. DPS Man (also known as Bob) is out of breath and bent over.)
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : That funkin' ... wasn't very ... nice.
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : I know! He could at least have had the freakin' common courtesy to come out and hit you with a chair or
something. I mean, his music was all playing and stuff.
Bob Job : Don't worry, DPS Man (also known as Bob), we'll make him hit you with the chair next feckin' time.
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : Really? Funkin' thanks.
(We cut back, and into the locker room of Ben Archer. He seems to be shuffling a deck of cards, as a knock is heard at the door.)
Ben Archer: Who is it?
(Silence. The knock is heard again.)
Ben Archer: Who is it?!?
(Still..Silence. But yet again, a knock is heard at the door.)
Ben Archer: Damnit..I'm coming!!
(Archer gets up, knocking the chair over as he does so, and walks to the door. He grabs the doorknob, and jerks the door open, only to find no one there.)
(Archer scratches his head, and then closes the door, and closes the door, as we cut back to the ringside area..)
GP: What the hell is up with that?
JT: I think Ben Archer's hearing things.
GP: We heard it too JT, and I'm sure all the fans did, so how can you say he is?
JT: Well, he heard it, didn't he?
GP: Ugh..nevermind. Let's just go on with this show. IWO's weird enough as it is... *Sigh* This upcoming match is a dark match turned regular match, because, uh, we needed to fill up some more time in this show.
Nikki : Uh, Greg, are you supposed to say that?
GP : Probably not, but I've had just about enough of those bastards in upper management! They can't hold me back any longer! Do you hear me?!
JT : Parker ... what the HELL are you babbling about?
GP : I don't even know any more...
Meygon : The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for absolutely jack BLEEP. Introducing first, a former World champion, just making his return to the IWO ... the IWO's ORIGINAL pathetic drunk ... standing at 6'7" and weighing 269 pounds ... hailing from Myrtle Beach,
South Carolina ... ALLLLL COHOLLLLIIIICCC!
("Hellbound" by Eminem featuring D-12 plays as Al Coholic staggers down to ringside, beer in hand, to a pretty decent pop. Al manages to roll into the ring and sets his beer down in the corner.)
Meygon : And his opponent, who recently went to hell and back with Shawn Arrows at the IWO's latest PPV, May Mayhem ... a former TV champion, and maybe another title that I don't recall ... standing at 6'1" and weighing 243 pounds ... coming all the way from Belper, England ... hmm, I didn't know he was a bloody Brit ... um, here is the "Icon" BEEEEENNNNNN ARRRRRRRCHEEEERRRRR!
("Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple begins playing as Archer walks down to ringside. He glares at Al the whole way and slides into the ring, going right after Coholic.)
DING DING DING!
GP : And here we go! These two are starting right off the bat with a fist figh- whoa, never mind! Al just ran over the smaller "Icon" with a
JT : Hellacious? Using JR's vocabulary now, I see.
GP : (Hiding "JR's Dictionary of Slobberknockers" under his desk) Uh, no. I just thought it was a good word to use there.
(Al, who has already demolished Ben with the aforementioned clothesline, stomps a few times on Archer and then lifts him to his feet, only to
fell him with a big right hand. Ben makes it to his feet again, only to again be punched down.)
Nikki : Hey, I thought that was illegal, to punch him with the fingers all... tight together and stuff.
JT : A closed fist?
Nikki : Yeah, that's it!
JT : (Under his breath) God, what a dumb slut.
GP : Well, you're right, Nikki, it is illegal, but the referee right now doesn't seem to notice, possibly because he's walking around with a
needle in his arm saying, "HEROIN, YEAH!"
Referee : HEROIN, YEAH!
GP : See?
Nikki : Ahhh.
(Ben has by now mounted an offense. Archer unleashes a few jabs to Al's face, then backs into the ropes and dropkicks Al down. Al quickly gets back to his feet and Archer runs at him with a lariat, but Al ducks under it and shoves Ben down. He drops down and tries to lock on a Crippler Crossface.)
GP : He's going for the Bitter Beerface! The Bitter Beerface!
(Archer quickly gets to the ropes. Both men get to their feet, and Al grabs Archer first. He slings him into the turnbuckle and follows up with a
splash. He backs up and goes for another splash, but Ben dives out of the way. Al staggers back into a schoolboy roll-up. The ref yanks the needle out of his arm and dives for the cover.)
Ref : 1 ... 2 ... Kickout!
(Al angrily gets to his feet and yanks Archer up. He picks him up and drops him on his face on the turnbuckle with a snake eyes. Archer stumbles around into a boot from Al. Al puts Ben's heads between his legs and starts to go for a powerbomb, but Ben manages to punch Al right in the you-know-where. As Al bends over in pain, Archer backs up and delivers a FameAsser leg drop. He turns Al over for the cover.)
Ref : 1 ... 2 ... Kickout!
GP : Al escaped that one pretty easily. Both men are now getting to their feet. Archer's up first.
(Archer waits for Al to stand up, then goes for a superkick, but Al ducks. He spins Archer around and hooks him in a front chancery. Al lifts Ben up into the Happy Hour (delayed brainbuster) and holds him for several seconds, but Ben begins wiggling and drops down behind Al. He grabs him from behind in a reverse DDT position, but instead lifts him up with the ArC (stalling reverse suplex). Even though unable to hold the big Coholic for the usual several seconds, Archer still manages to get him over with the ArC. He rolls Al over and pins him.)
Ref : 1 ... 2 ... HEROIN, YEAH! ... 3!
GP : The "Icon" wins! The "Icon" wins!
Meygon : Your winner, and still ... alive, BENNNNN ARRRRCHEEEERRRRRR!
Kent Anthason: HEY, SAM!
(We're inside one of the many hallways that this "arena" has. Kent Anthason walks around the corner... and walks up to his stablemate, who has a drink of water in his hands.)
Anthason: You heard about the valet parking?
Potright: Yeah... he took my car when I got to the arena earlier tonight.
Anthason: I meant at the hotel.
Potright: At the hotel?
Anthason: Yeah. The valet's a girl... and since Beth is off with that Dane guy, I figured... "why not ask her out for Sam"?
Potright: At the hotel... oh shit, no.
(Potright drops his bottle of water and rushes outside.)
Anthason: Hmmm... must be shy.
(He picks up the water bottle.)
Anthason: Well well... Dasani water.
(He takes a sip.)
Anthason: UGH! This tastes like crap! Definitely isn't up to Alyssa's juices... heh.
(Anthason turns over to his left, as he sees Chester Bennington, standing there talking to Rob Bourdon. They are the guys from Linkin Park.)
Anthason: Hey you... You want this?
(Anthason hands Chester the water bottle, and walks off, as Chester just looks down and shakes his head.)
(We fade again, once a freakin' gain into the Wild Boars locker room. Cyanide is busy preparing for his match, while AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), DPS Man(Also Known as Bob), Bob Job, and Simon Seaman look on. Then, the door swings open, as we can see Stephen Richards, Mike DeWolf, Phil Lipscomb, and Jarrod Montague standing there. They are the guys from Taproot.)
Stephen Richards:Oh shit, wrong room.
AWS Man(Also Known as Bill): Freakin' ya wrong room...
Mike DeWolf:Sorry about that... IWOers?
AWS Man(Also Known as Bill):Yeah.... Bandos? No freakin' matter. Wanna watch some freakin' porn?
Stephen Richards:I'm game!
(Taproot joints the Wild Pack of Boars, as Cyanide shrugs and grabs his life preserver. He walks out of the dressing room. We fade out into a small cubicle type office, as we see Vice President Thomas Ford, arm in sling, trying to do whatever he can in the position he's in.)
VP Ford:Damn paperclips. So far out of reach...
(VP Ford desperately begins to try to stretch his arms out to grab a paper clip, but comes up short. He sighs, as the door to his cubicle pops open. Standing there is David Draiman, vocalist for the band Disturbed.)
David Draiman:What the hell... the sign outside says bathroom?
VP Ford:Yeah, well, I got the short end of the preverbial stick when we did this Ozzfest deal... wait, you're David Draiman from Disturbed!
David Draiman:In the flesh... YAAAARRRRRHHHH!
VP Ford:Nice... Think you could hand me those paper clips there before you go?
(Ford goes in a reaching motion, but comes up short once again. David Draiman walks over, and puts them closer, as Ford grabs one.)
VP Ford:Thanks alot.... stupid We're better than you...
(We fade back to the arena.)
GP:Looks like the bands and the wrestlers are catching up with one another...
( ďCurrent of LoveĒ by David Hasselhoff begins blaring over the PA speakers as the fans rise to their feet.)
Meygon: Introducing to the ring at this time, weighing In at 315 3/4 pounds, he is from a beach unknown, CYANIDE!!!!
( Cyanide walks down the rampway and enters the ring.)
( ďTill Hell Freezes OverĒ by D12 starts blaring over the PA speakers as the fans approach a medium reaction.)
Meygon: Introducing next, he weighs In at 240 pounds and stands tall at 6í4, all the way from somewhere... NUKE!!!!
( Nuke makes his way down to the ring and enters. )
GP: And moving right along, Cyanide versus Nuke. What a match, this will be.
Nikki: Youíre telling me. I mean, both of these guys are up-rising superstars here in the IWO. Cyanide, one of the many.
(ďFuck AllĒ by Kid Rock starts blaring over the pa speakers as the words (- CROW -) come onto the IWO Tron Screen, followed by fire blazing over the text. Then we see the cameras speeding through a large hotel parking lot, through the city of Los Angeles, California.)
(Through the arena, the lights are dimmed as stroll lights from above start flickering on and off. From green to red to yellow to blue to many other different colors.)
GP: Oh, not again.
JT: Hehe. This is great.
Nikki: Meygon, take your place again!
Meygon: Introducing to the ring at this time, weighing in at 300 pounds, standing straight at 6í7, and all the way from Los Angeles, California... SABASTIAN CROW!
(The fans erupt in a heat reaction as Sabastian Crow wonders out. He wears his usual black KIK pants,white plain shirt, and black leather jacket. His long hair hangs to his shoulders, as he makes his way around to the commentators table. )
GP: This is the second time, Crow has joined us for a Cyanide match.
**Ding - Ding - Ding**
GP: And, it looks like weíre ready to start this match off.
(Crow grabs a chair, turns it around, and sits next to Nikki. He places on the extra headset and turns it on. )
JT: Hey! Crow is here.
Sabastian Crow: Sup, JT?
JT: Nada, Crow. Just kickiní it with my calling.
( Both Nikki and Greg look over at JT. )
Sabastian Crow: Heh. Thatís cool, JT.
GP: Ok, anyways. Letís get this match started. Nuke starts it off now. He goes to work on the current Extreme champion...
Sabastian Crow: Errrg, donít remind me.
GP: Kicking him down. Nuke is kicking Cyanide down into the corner. Nuke brings Cyanide back up, irish whip, but Cyanide reverses the whip. Cyanide sends Nuke to the corner. Nuke slams hard, and Cyanide follows it up with a running clothesline. Crow, what are your thoughts on the outcome of this match-up?
Sabastian Crow: I donít know, Greg. Both guys are all 100% wrestling material. Although, Cyanide is the biggest jerkoff in this thing, so I guess Iíll have to go with Nuke.
JT: Haha! Exactly my thoughts, Crow.
Sabastian Crow: Great.
GP:You know, that Cyanide is very well recieved with the fans here...
Nikki: Cyanide takes Nuke up now. He hooks his head, and dives Nuke down to the mat with a DDT. Nice move, Cyanide. Cyanide goes for a cover now...
Sabastian Crow: Oh! That was so close. You know what I see in Cyanide, Greg ?
GP: Whatís that, Crow ?
Sabastian Crow: Sack of Shit.
Sabastian Crow: Exactly. With Cyanide, I donít see the beach dude from Baywatch 90ís, In fact, all I see is, a Sack of Shit.
Sabastian Crow: You know, that game where you light a bag of shit on somebodys door step?
GP: I don't think it's a game...
JT: You just don't know what a game is since you haven't had fun since 1986 when you took acid...
GP:I thought I told you NEVER to say anything about that!
Sabastian Crow: I guess not. Anyways, that sack of shit is Cyanide. Cyanide, meet yourself, you sack of shit!
JT: Haha. Cyanide is a Sack of Shit.
Sabastian Crow: Exactly my point.
Some fan behind Sabastian Crow:HEY CROW! EAT MY SHIT!
(Crow immediatly turns around and pushes the fan down. He then sits back down.)
GP: Oh, brother.
Nikki: Ok, well I hate to get off the shit topic, but we have to continue calling the match...
Sabastian Crow: Of course. By all means...
Nikki: Thank you. Cyanide pushes Nuke against the ropes now, he goes for an Irish whip, Nuke reverses, Nuke drops to the mat, Cyanide jumps over, Nuke goes for an arm drag takedown, but no, Nuke reverses that too... theyíre both trying to get in an armdrag, itís not working for either two. But wait! Cyanide, he knees Nuke in the gut, Cyanide releases the armdrag, he hooks Nuke under his arm... but, Nuke counters. Nuke sends Cyanide to the ropes and hits him down with an elbow. Nuke bounces off the back ropes, he charges toward Cyanide again, he goes for a legdrop... but he misses! Cyanide rolls out of the way, Cyanides back up, he bounces off the front ropes, and he strikes Nuke down with a low dropkick. Cyanide with another cover...
Nikki: Cyanide is trying so hard to put Nuke away.
GP: But, heís failed to realize. Itís too early in the match. He canít make a pin this early, I doubt.
JT: We need Onslaught back with us, here.
Nikki: Why!? That guy totally sucked, JT.
JT: True. Thatís the point. We just need him back for a night, just so he could job to Bob Job or somebody. Thatís all.
Sabastian Crow: Good idea. And while youíre at it, letís have donkeys rape his ass analy till his asshole starts to bleed.
GP: Uh, ew.
Sabastian Crow: Onslaught -vs- Tom Ford. Donkey Rape Match. The loser getís raped by donkeys. The winner, getís to have oral sex with pigs.
JT: Haha. So, either way you look at it, the winner is still going to get some action, huh.
Sabastian Crow: Exactly.
GP: Back in the ring now. Nuke just hit a powerslam on Cyanide. Followed by a legdrop, thereís a cover...
GP: Not even close. Nuke hits a slamming elbow to the throat of Cyanide. Nuke brings Cyanide back up, he hooks him under, but wait, Cyanide counters and knees Nuke in the gut, Cyanide hooks Nuke under his arm, and hits a DDT!!! Nice counter, Cyanide.
Sabastian Crow: No it wasnít. Thatís pathetic.
GP: Shut up, Crow.
Sabastian Crow: WHAT!?
Sabastian Crow: Thatís right. You said *nothing*, Iíll remember that next time.
Nikki: Cyanide is standing tall now, but wait, Greg, look at whoís coming down to the ring...
( Camera shot is shown and itís Evan Levine. )
JT: ITíS EVAN!
GP: Hey Crow, your buddy is here.
Sabastian Crow: Yay. Evan Levine to the rescue, now maybe this match will stop being so damn boring.
Nikki: Evan, he just jumped on the apron now. Heís arguing with the referee about something. Cyanide, heís arguing with Evan too. Whatís going on, here?
Sabastian Crow: Who gives a fuck. But, excuse me gentlemen, though, I have to go take care of some nightly business.
Nikki: Oh, Crow. Donít do it! Not again!
JT: Heh. Go get him, Crow.
( Sabastian Crow takes off his headset and slides into the ring. )
GP: Once again, Sabastian Crow...
( Sabastian Crow takes off the turnbuckle padding without anybody seeing him yet. He approaches behind Cyanide and signals for him to turn around. )
GP: Oh no! Crow has just revealed that turnbuckle padding. Crow behind Cyanide, Cyanide finally turns around and... CROW! CROW LIFTS UP CYANIDE HIGH ABOVE HIS HEAD! HE SPINS CYANIDE AROUND, AND HITS A GORILLA PRESS SLAM, RIGHT ONTO THE TURNBUCKLE PADDING! My God!
Nikki: Holy! Cyanides mouth has to be busted open now!
( Sabastian Crow tosses Nuke ontop of Cyanide and slides out of the ring. Evan jumps down from the apron and watches on. )
GP: it was a huge set up!
JT: YES! YES! YES!
GP: And now, the referee seeís Nuke covering Cyanide. The referee goes for the count...
GP: And itís over!!!
( ďTill Hell Freezes OverĒ by D12 starts blaring over the speakers. )
JT: Haha! This is great!
Meygon: The winner of this match...
( Sabastian Crow and Evan Levine slide back into the ring and start jumping Cyanide. Kicking at his sides. )
GP: And now, look at Crow and Evan. Theyíre jumping all over a fallen Cyanide.
JT: This is great!
( Nuke slides out of the ring and shakes off his head. He takes a glance back at the action inside the ring before leaving. )
Nikki: Evan and Crow are just sending a message to Cyanide, announcing, just who is the better men of this game.
GP: Crow just slid out of the ring now, he grabs a steel chair from our announce table. No! Donít do it, Crow. We beg of you, donít do it!
JT: Do it, Crow. Do it! Hehe.
GP: Crow slides back into the ring now... Evan has got Cyanide standing back up and...
GP: OOOH! Cyanide is back down. Crow just cracked that steel chair over the forehead of Cyanide. And now, Cyanide is busted open. When will this carnage stop!?!?!?
( Sabastian Crow throws down the steel chair and laughs. ďFuck AllĒ by Kid Rock starts blaring over the PA speakers as the fans erupt in a serious *heat* reaction. )
GP: Sabastian Crow has just, once again, busted open Cyanide with a steel chair.
JT: The Evan/Crow carnage continues, hehe.
GP: This is terrible. Folks, we got to go to a commercial break.
(The camera AGAIN cuts to the Wild Boars' locker room. Geez, I feel like Crow or something. Taproot has left, as Cyanide seems very, how you say, pissed off. He picks up a trash can and throws it across the room.)
Cyanide : That stupid Crow! After all I've done for him, saving his life and all last week, this is how he repays me?!
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : I know, that Cow really isn't a very nice person. I mean, this is the freakin' - (Starts to count on fingers, but gets confused) - um, fifth time or something that he's interfered tonight! I'm beginning to think that freakin' Cow doesn't like us too much.
Cyanide : Well, if that's how he wants to show his gratitude for my life-saving duties, then fine! I'll show him!
(Cyanide opens the door to the locker room and storms out.)
Bob Job : He sure isn't in a very good feckin' mood, is he?
(We fade into Vice President Ford's office. We can see him at his desk, attempting to file papers, however his arm is caught up in a sling, due to the beating at May Mayhem from We're Better Than You. His broken arm from Davis has healed however, as he is shown, attempting to work around it in his small cubicle type area. All of a sudden, the door in front of his office opens, and in storms Tony Davis.)
Davis:Listen, Ford, you're running Beach Party this year, right?
VP Ford:Yeah, what can I do for you Davis.
Davis:You mean what can I do for YOU Ford.
VP Ford:Are you giving me something? If it's another beating, I really don't want it.
Davis:Ford, come on, the past is the past, the future, is what I'm looking at. And my future has High Flyer written all over it.
(The crowd pops at the meantion of Flyer's name. Ford has a look of curiosity on his face.)
VP Ford:So, what does that have to do with me?
Davis:Listen, Flyer's been a little (Censored) ever since Mayhem, I mean, he won't show himself on television, he won't give an interview, it's like he's dropped off the planet. He's avoiding me. The fans know it, I know it, and most of all, you know it.
VP Ford:You think I know where the hell Flyer is? If I did, he would have been scheduled here tonight. No one's been able to contact him since Mayhem, not even his wife.
Davis:I'm not asking you to contact him for me. We aren't friends you two dimensional simpleton. And in fact, I'm not asking for anything. I'm demanding, Beach Party,June 24th, me and him in a match, of MY choosing.
VP Ford:You want Flyer in a match?
Davis:Yes. I want to rub that smart aleck smug off of his face.
VP Ford:Listen Davis, I'm not one hundred percent it will go down how you like it... but... June 24th?
(Ford opens up his day planner, very slowly because of his sling. He eventually stops at June 24th.)
VP Ford:Hmmm, what do you know, Beach Party is the twenty fourth. Davis, you get a cookie.
Davis:Ford, I'm not playing games here.
VP Ford:Fine, Fine. You want Flyer in a match on the 24th? Your stipulation?
Davis:Yes, I want to make his child feel the pain...
VP Ford:Well, since Flyer isn't here, I can't really expect him to actually go ALONG with this idea, now can I?
Davis:Who the hell cares Ford? You're the board, you make and break this federation, now BOOK THE MATCH!
VP Ford:Silly taunts and loud noises are getting you nowhere Davis... but you know what, I think the fans want to see it, so, you know what, June 24th, it will be Davis and Flyer in a match of your choosing... but with another special stipulation...
(Davis seems to be envigorated, and then gets a worried look on his face.)
Davis:... And what is that el Vice Presidente?
VP Ford:Number one Contendership to the World Title. You and Flyer, a shot at the prize of all prizes, just to give Flyer the motivation.
Davis:Oh believe me, he already has the motivation...
(Davis leaves, slamming the door behind him, causing Ford's Day Calander of the Simpsons to fall over.)
VP Ford:Inconsiderate prick...
GP: WE'RE BACK! YEAAAHHHH!!!!
JT: I think Greg's getting into Ozzfest!
GP: YES! ROCK ON! WOO!!!
JT: I've always wanted to slap somebody...
Nikki: Nevermind that!
*ding, ding, ding*
Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest IS scheduled for one fall... making his way down to the ring...
("Your Disease" by Saliva kicks up, as the fans immediately boo the holy blue hell out of Donnie Daze, as he comes out of wherever we're coming out of.)
Meygon: .......He is from Port St. Lucie, Florida. He stands at six feet, three inches tall, and he weighs in at two hundred and twenty-five pounds... he is a former IWO World Heavyweight champion, as well as a former IWO Extreme, Pacific, and United States champion... he is the master of the Dazed and Confused... ladies and gentlemen... he is DOOOONNNNNNNIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE DAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZEEEEEEEE!!!!
JT: The REAL World Champion has arrived!
GP: Oh, stop it. Malone pinned him clean at Mayhem.
JT: FUCK you, Parker!
(Daze climbs in the ring and raises his arms.)
GP: Of course, Daze is making his return to the IWO ring, he was pretty banged up during Life, Death, and Endurance with Joey Malone.
Nikki: No shit. I heard he had a concussion.
JT: I heard he had broken ribs!
GP: I HEARD HE HAD RABIES!
JT: Parker, shut up.
("Your Disease" fades out.)
GP: Uh oh.
("Papercut" by Linkin Park starts blaring out, as the fans... well, they boo Syphon Fission, too. Fission comes out with Quinn Morgan.)
Meygon: And HIS OPPONENT! From Seattle, Washington... he stands at six feet, six inches, and weighs in at two hundred and sixty-five pounds... he is a former TWO-TIME IWO WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION and a former IWO World Tag Team Champion... he is the master of the Death Plunge, and he is accompanied to the ring by Quinn Morgan... ladies and gentlemen... he is SYYYYYYPPPPHHHHHOOOOOONNNNNN FIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIOOOOOONNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GP: Syphon Fission looks pissed off.
JT: Yeah, he does.
Nikki: No shit.
*ding, ding, ding*
GP: And we're off!
JT: Daze and Fission circle each other...
GP: Collar-and-elbow tieup in the center, and Fission forces Daze back into a corner easily... WAIT! Daze kicks Fission away!?
Nikki: HE'S BREAKING FROM NORMAL! STOP HIM!
JT: Uh, I doubt that.
GP: Daze charges out of the corner, but Fission just obliterated him with a clothesline!
(And Daze does the Marty Jannetty 360-degree oversell of the clothesline.)
GP: Fission picks up Daze and goes for a scoop slam, but Daze slips out from behind and shoves Fission into the corner! Daze bounces of the ropes and nails Fission with a jumping clothesline! What a shot on Syphon Fission by Donnie Daze!
(A flying saucer has somehow ended up in the arena. It floats above the ring. Suddenly, two aliens zap themselves into the ring, just as Donnie Daze gets to his feet.)
Nikki: What the HELL is that!?
GP: Ahhhh! it's Xaheid and Xelian, AGAIN!
Xaheid: Greetings, Earth people! We are here to possibly probe some IWO wrestlers while they are in action and conduct experiments...
Xelian: Yes, yes!
Donnie Daze: What... the hell?
(Xaheid goes for the probe, but Daze moves away and kicks Xaheid away, right out of the ring, leaving the probe in the ring.)
(Syphon Fission gets back up! He kicks Xelian in the gut and goes for the Death Plunge, but the spaceship uses its weird tractor beam thing to take Xelian away from Fission. It then proceeds to take away Xaheid and all is shiny.)
Donnie Daze: What was THAT about?
Syphon Fission: If I knew, I would be telling you with DETAIL! Oh yes.
GP: Daze takes a kick in the gut! Fission looks for the Death Plunge! But Daze backdrops Fission up and over!
JT: Daze picks Fission back up, but Fission shoves Daze into the referee! The referee is down!
JT: Oh well. Lousy referees.
Nikki: Wait! Daze picks up that probe! He takes a swing at Fission with it, but Fission ducks! Fission with a SUPERKICK to Daze, sending the probe into the crowd!
JT: Ahahahaha! The probe is stuck in some fat guy's ass, now!
GP: Fission picks up Daze again! He sets up for a powerbomb, but Daze counters with a hurracanrana! Now Daze is calling for Further Paralysis! Daze picks Fission up again and sets it up, but Fission is fighting out of it! INTO THE SMALL PACKAGE! REFEREE'S UP! ONE... TWO... NO!
Nikki: That was close!
JT: Daze is up again with a dropkick to send Fission down! Now Daze is going up to the top rope for the Daze Blaze! This'll finish Syphon Fission off for good! Yeaaahhhh!!
GP: DAZE LEAPS, BUT FISSION GETS THE KNEES UP! Fission picks up Daze again! He's got him hooked up for the Death Plunge... AND HE HITS IT! HE HITS IT! DEATH PLUNGE RIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THE RING! FISSION WITH THE COVER! ONE.... TWO.... THREEE!!!!
*ding, ding, ding*
Meygon: The winner of this match, SYPHON FISSION!
GP: Hah hah! JT loses another!
JT: Shut up, Parker. :-(
(We fade backstage, as we see Vice President Ford in his cubicle. He whips the sweat off his forhead, as the door slams open, and Cyanide stands there, booey in hand.)
Vice President Ford:Uhhhh... I'm not drowning Cyanide...
Cyanide:Ford, I want Crow in a match, tonight, right here, right now...
VP Ford:I don't know Cy... I'm not sure I can really do that on such short notice.
Cyanide:You can't? Point me to who can! I saved his life and now he tries this!
VP Ford:Listen, you want Crow, you got him next Takeover, in a stip match. Does that sound good?
Cyanide:...*Mumbling*See if I save your life*...
(Cyanide leaves and slams the door behind him, as Ford just sort of sweats some more. We fade out to black.)
GP:Welcome back to Takeover, and we are headed right into Potright and Arrows, These two have a personally rivalry that is really unknown to the fans, but we'll see what happens tonight in this match....
Meygon: The following match is scheduled for one fall. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 225 pounds, from Greensboro, North Carolina, Shawn Arrows!
(Shawn Arrows steps out onto the stage as "Ironman" by Black Sabbath hits. He walks down the ramp and heads to the ring.)
Nikki: And his opponent, weighing in at 207 pounds, from Salem, Massachusets, Sam Potright!
('The Space Between' by the Dave Matthews Band hits as Potright steps out and heads to the ring, where Shawn Arrows is pacing back and forth.)
*DING DING DING*
GP: This match is underway!
(Shawn Arrows drops Sam Potright to the mat with a Gorilla Press Slam. Arrows places Potright on the turnbuckle and executes a front-layout suplerplex. Shawn Arrows grabs Sam Potright's head and hooks him in the face.
Arrows tries for a headlock, but Potright counters, throws him into the corner and hits a body block. Potright hits Arrows with a headbutt to the mid-section and a DDT.)
GP: Potright's comming in from behind and taking a strong offense here.
JT: I'd sure like to come in from behind with you, Nikki.
(Arrows gets back to his feet and gets caught with a cobra clutch suplex by Potright. Shawn Arrows gets up again. Potright then hits an Aztecan suplex on Arrows. Sam Potright rolls onto Arrows and connects with a knee.
Potright then goes to the top rope and hits an Asai moonsault.)
GP: Nice maneuver by Sam Potright!
(Arrows and Potright get back to their feet. Potright hooks Arrows in an abdominal stretch. The referee is checking the situation... Potright tightens the hold... Arrows is squirming, and reaches the bottom rope.)
GP: Arrows wisely gets to the bottom rope.
(Sam Potright lifts Arrows up and delivers a gut-wrench power bomb. Shawn Arrows hits a low blow in Potright.)
GP: Desperation maneuver by Shawn Arrows.
JT: Ha! Yes! The only way to win!
(Shawn Arrows climbs to his feet and fist drops Sam Potright. Arrows gets back to his feet and dropkicks Sam Potright. Shawn moves back to his feet and hits an electrifying flying sommersault headbutt on Sam Potright.
Shawn Arrows stands up, but Potright takes him down with a back elbow smash. Sam Potright hits a shooting star press from Shawn Arrows. The ref counts the pin.)
(Potright lifts Arrows to his feet and whips him into the ropes. Arrows rebounds and Potright hits a monkey flip. Arrows gets to his feet, and Potright catches him with an Evenflow Implant DDT.)
JT: War Within a Breath! This match has got to be over!
(Potright gets up and goes for another cover.)
GP: Shawn Arrows kicked out! Arrows kicked out of the War Within a Breath!
(Potright retreats to a corner. Arrows gets up and nails a charging axhandle bodyblock on Potright. potright bounces back up and tackles Arrows.)
GP and JT: Football tackle!!
(Potright stands up and applies a clawhold on Arrows. Arrows breaks the hold. Potright hits a jumping elbow thrust, followed by a koppo kick on Arrows. Potright pauses for a moment to catch his breath, then executes a
corkscrew legdrop on Arrows.)
GP: Nice corkscrew legdrop by Sam Potright!
(Potright is back on his feet, as is Arrows. Potright piledrives Arrows. Potright moves back to his feet, but Arrows beats him up and drags him to the floor. The ref starts the count.)
GP: This match is starting to heat up!
(Potright charges Arrows, but he reverses and hits a backdrop as the ref gets to two. Arrows executes a corkscrew legdrop on Potright. They both get up as the ref calls out three. Arrows hits a belly-to-belly suplex on arrows. The ref gets to four. They head back into the ring. Potright fist drops Arrows on the mat. Arrows gets back to his feet and hits a spinning neck-breaker on Potright. arrows stands up. Potright puts a knee to Arrows's back and pulls his arms back. The ref is checking for a tap out... Potright tightens the hold. Arrows breaks free. Potright drags Arrows back to the floor.)
GP: Both men are much safer at ringside. Neither can get a pin there.
(The ref starts the count. Potright gets back into the match with a jumping neck snap on Shawn Arrows as the ref gets to two. Potright tackles Arrows and pummels his head. Arrows gets up and side slams Potright. Arrows
climbs to his feet as the ref gets to four. Potright gets back to his feet and they head back into the ring. Potright nails Arrows with a belly-to-back suplex. Potright stands up and gets hooked in a full nelson slam. Arrows hits
potright with a rolling elbow smash to the face. Arrows climbs to the top turnbuckle and executes a diving headbutt on Potright. Arrows moves back to his feet. Potright gets up off the ground and Arrows hits him with a
flying dropkick. Arrows gets back to his feet and chokeslams Potright.)
GP: Potright looks to be out cold!
(Arrows lifts Potright up and hits the Arrow Shot DDT, however, Potright reverses it into a War Within a Breath as well. Both men fall down to the mat, as the referee begins his ten count.)
GP:Dear God! Both men somehow hit their patented moves, at least Potright hit ONE of his huge moves!
Referee:Eight.... Nine... TEN!!!
*Ding, ding, ding*
GP:Double Count out? Both men down for a ten count?
JT:That's a jip! I came here for BLOOD!
(JT gets up from his announce position and throws his chair into the ring. It hits the referee, which drops him to the ground.We fade to the parking lot where we see the back trunk of the yellow lamborgihni popped up. A gym bag is thrown in as the trunk is slammed shut. IWO Cameras fade up as we see Sabastian Crow, walking around his yellow lamborgihni, to the drivers seat. )
JT: Hey! Whereís he going?
Nikki: Back to the hotel, I guess.
GP: Sabastian Crow is leaving, Hostile Takeover ? But, I thought he was going to take out another member tonight.
Nikki: I donít know, Greg. But oh well, heís leaving...
( Crow gets in the car, slams the door, starts the motor and drives off. The camera cuts to the Wild Boars' locker room yet again. The Boars are watching the monitor.)
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : Hey, didn't he funkin' say he was gonna take us all out tonight?
Seaman : Yes, that he did.
DPS Man (also known as Bob) : Um, then why's he funkin' leaving?
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Haha, we must have scared him off with all of our ... uh, scariness. Besides, he doesn't want any of freakin' me. I'm like Grandma, making the extra lumpy gravy! WHOOOOOOO!
Bob Job : Yes, you are. Hey, do you want us to feckin' help us with your World title match next?
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : No, I can handle freakin' Malone by myself. Just like I did last time...
(The cameras somehow show the Insane One's memory. AWS Man (also known as Bill) and Malone are playing a game of War, the card game. They both lay down twos. Both of them do that little "I - de - clare - war" thing, which I don't remember exactly how it works, because I haven't played War in years. AWS Man(also known as Bill) lays down a nine, and Malone lays down a six.)
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : I freakin' win!
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) suddenly grabs a feather and strikes Malone in the face with it. Malone's head goes flying off and lands in a basketball hoop. A bunch of basketball players come up and lift the Insane One onto their shoulders and carry him into a room filled with porn as AWS Man(also known as Bill)'s memory becomes blurry and fades back into the locker room.)
AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Yeah, exactly like freakin' that...
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) wanders out of the room as the cameras cut away.)
(We cut back, and into Shawn Arrows locker room. He's seated in a corner, leaning back with his head down. Covering his head, is a neon green towel. A knock is heard on the door.)
(Silence. Another knock.)
GP: Fans, this is getting old, quick.
(Shawn gets up, and walks over to the door. Before he can open the door, a note slides under it. Shawn steps back, and leans down, picking up the note, as we cut back to ringside. We go to the busy parking lot, as we see Potright rushing out into the parking lot. The headlights of his Firebird turn on... they're glaring right at him. There's the sound of tires squealing... Potright runs to the side. The car pushes forward, but doesn't follow... instead veering the other way. It heads down towards a wall... Potright turns around.)
(The valet jumps out of the car, rolls on the ground. He gets up and runs away as the car crashes roughly into the parking lot wall. The hood crumples up like an accordion, and you can hear the windshield crack and crinkle over everything else. The valet tears off his valet suit... to reveal packages of stuffing, hidden under a Dane Matthews shirt.)
Potright: DAMMIT! GOD DAMMIT!
(We now cut to the hallway where we see Evan Levine walking through the hallway. Heís pretty cheerful and excited about something.)
Evan Levine: Hehe. Just wait till they see what I got in store for the Main Event. Tonight, is going to be madness.
GP: Wait a minute ! Whatís Evan Levine talking about?
Nikki: Hehe, I think business is about to pick up.
GP: Hey! Thatís my line !!!
World Heavyweight Championship Match
Joey Malone -c- vs. AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)
GP:Fans, welcome back to Hostile Takeover, and we are ready for our Main Event! Slipknot has hit the Ozzfest stage, and Joey Malone defends his World Heavyweight Championship again AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)!
Nikki:AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), a man so close to the title months ago, goes up against Joey Malone, one of the most talented World Champions in history.
JT:Haha, that dream sequence was rather amusing I must say...
GP:You would laugh at a man losing his head, wouldn't you?
(The camera fades into the center of the ring, as we see Meygon holding a microphone.)
Meygon:This next match, is scheduled for one fall, and is for the World Heavyweight Cham...
("I am Your Boogieman" by White Zombie hits the pa system, as the fans in the arena gasp.)
Nikki:What the hell is Evna Levine doing out here!
(Evan Levine walks out from the back, right on time. He has a small plastic bag in his hand, as he makes his way out from the back. A fan holds up a "Gayme Time" sign, as Levine rips it out of his hand and rips it to shreds. Levine slides into the ring, and grabs the microphone from Meygon, and ushers her out.)
President Levine:Now fans, I'm not sure if you heard it or not, but earlier tonight, I declared that I had a special surprise for this matchup, but, before I get to that...
(All of a sudden, a man walks into the ring. He seems to be very well known...)
GP:Who the hell is that?
JT:it's... IT'S OZZY FREAKIN' OSBOURNE! HE'S STANDING BEHIND EVAN LEVINE WITH A RABBIT IN HIS HAND! DEAR GOD!
GP:What's he doing here? And what's with the rabbit?
JT:The fans are going nuts! Levine turns around... DEAR GOD! He's SEEN A GHOST! OSBOURNE! OSBOURNE JUST BIT THE HEAD OFF OF THAT RABBIT, AND SPAT IT BACK AT EVAN LEVINE! LEVINE BACKS UP! DEAR GOD!
GP:OH MY GOD! ARREST THAT MAN!
JT:IT'S A SHOW PARKER! Levine backs up, and Osbourne leaves the ring...
President Levine:... Uh.... alri...alright.... let's... let's just get.... on with this....
GP:Levine is pale white! Pale white!
Nikki:That poor bunny rabbit? :-(
President Levine:Fans... tonight... in this...
("Shame" by Bt hits the pa system, as the fans pop. They also start booing, because it's freakin' Shame at Ozzfest. Wouldn't you boo? Out from the back walks Joey Malone, carrying the World Championship over his shoulder.)
Joey Malone:Hey Evan Weh-van! How's it going?
President Levine:You're an idiot Malone. Tonight... In your match with AWS Man(Also Known as Bill), you will have a special guest Ring Announcer... MYSELF!
Joey Malone:And you're point is?
President Levine:That isn't it Malone. You see, in this ring... in this bag....
(Levine reaches into the bag...)
GP:Levine... That's a Referee's shirt! A ref's shirt!
President Levine:I will be the special guest referee!
JT:YES! This is great!
(Malone gets into the ring, as Evan Levine puts on his referee's shirt. Malone stares him down, as "3.14" by the Bloodhound Gang hits the pa system. Out from the back walks AWS Man(Also known as Bill), as he races down and slides in.)
*Ding, ding, ding*
GP:AWS Man(Also known as Bill) and Joey Malone go right at each other with right hands! Malone takes one, and hammers AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) back. These two have had a long on-going rivalry.
JT:Malone and AWS Man(Also known as Bill) are sending each other realing, as Malone catches AWS Man(Also known as Bill) with a final blow, sending him into the corner. Malone charges, as AWS Man(Also known as Bill) ducks out of the way, and Malone eats the foamy turnbuckle!
Nikki:AWS Man(Also known as Bill) hooks Malone in a full nelson, and is going to nail a full nelson slam, but Malone rights out of it, hooking AWS Man(Also known as Bill)'s one arm, and slamming him into the mat with a huge vicious single arm ddt.
GP:Malone and AWS Man(Also known as Bill) are two very skilled athletes, two of the best in the league...
JT:Malone was just caught in the gut with a vicious shoulderblock, and then taken down to the mat with an inverted neckbreaker!(aka a Stunner)
GP:Dear God! Malone's neck snapped! And AWS Man(Also known as Bill) on top! Evan with the count... 1............ Kickout!
JT:Good count by the fair Evan Levine!
GP:That was slower than your mother in bed...
(We hear a drum roll, much like Parker just told a joke. Parker and Nikki slap five.)
JT:.... What did you just say?
GP:Shut up JT... AWS Man(Also known as Bill) is confering with Levine now, and they are having one hell of a shouting match... What the?
(Ozzy Osbourne all of a sudden joins the Commentary team for... what else? Commentary!)
Ozzy Osbourne:Ya yanks must be fun ta be here at Ozzfest...
JT:OZZY! YOU ARE A GOD!
GP:I'm still confused... Look! School boy by Malone! 1.....Kickout! I think it was going to be a slow count, but AWS Man(Also known as Bill) is too fresh to be taken down by a school boy!
Ozzy Osbourne:What da bloody hell is this? Looks like a regular bloody cock fight...
Nikki:Malone and AWS Man(Also known as Bill) up to their feet, as AWS Man(Also known as Bill) goes for a clothesline. Malone ducks behind with a waist lock, and he's trying to lift AWS Man(Also known as Bill) over for a german suplex, but AWS Man(Also known as Bill) holds onto the top rope. Malone backs off, and then dropkicks AWS Man(Also known as Bill) up and over the top!
Ozzy Osbourne:Bloody hell, that masked fellow is in the bloody moshpit.
GP:That he is. The fans seemed to have just overwhelmed around ringside to a Slipknot mosh pit. Those things are damn brutal!
JT:Look! Malone! He leaps through the ropes with a suicide missle dive! He catches AWS Man(Also known as Bill), and the both go flying into the pit!
Ozzy Osbourne:They'll be lucky to come out of the bloody pit alive!
GP:No offense "Ozzy," but these are two of the toughest wrestlers alive. I think they can handle a small mosh pit.
JT:I don't know Parker. Malone's got the old school music going on, and AWS Man(Also known as Bill)'s music taste includes the Bloodhound Gang... and that's about it.
(Eventually, after a couple of minutes, AWS Man(Also known as Bill) and Joey Malone fight out of the mosh pit, as Malone is thrown into the ring. Both men have small cuts on their upper body.)
Ozzy Osbourne:So ya like blood?
(Osbourne bites the head off of a small bat. Blood begins to squirt everywhere.)
JT:HEY! Ozzy, think you can teach me that?
GP:AWS Man(Also known as Bill) is the first to his feet, as Malone is slowly trying to get up as well. AWS Man(Also known as Bill) begins to kick Malone back down, on each attempt to regain his stability.
JT:Malone now, trips up AWS Man(Also known as Bill), sending him down to the mat. Now Malone gets to his feet, as does AWS Man(Also known as Bill)...
Ozzy Osbourne:That little mistress over there is bloody beautiful...
JT:Oh, that's Meygon, the ring announcer. She gives WONDERFUL head...
GP:Mister Osbourne, you have a wife and two kids...
Ozzy Osbourne:I can bloody look...
GP:AWS Man(Also known as Bill) goes for Knock Your Freakin' Head off(Superkick), but Malone ducks, behind him, He's got AWS Man(Also known as Bill) hooked, and he's going for Mad Cow Disease(Rolling Straightjacket Suplexes)! Malone hits AWS Man(Also known as Bill) with one, and then another... and RELEASES THE LAST! BUT AWS Man(Also known as Bill) lands on his feet?!?
JT:AWS Man(Also known as Bill) grabs Joey Malone from behind, and lifts him up onto his shoudlers! He's going to hit Break Your Freakin' Neck(Inverted DVD)! NO! Malone ducks down behind AWS Man(Also known as Bill), and AWS Man(Also known as Bill) turns around, as Malone picks him up for the Arizona Death Drop(Sky High into a DDT)...
Ozzy Osbourne:What in bloody hell is going on?
Nikki:Evan Levine doesn't even know what's going on! Malone grabs AWS Man(Also known as Bill) and places him on his shoudlers, he's going for the Jerkolizer!(Fireman Carry DDT Twist of Fate) He spins AWS Man(Also known as Bill), but he stops himself, and picks Malone in a northern lights! AWS Man(Also known as Bill) holds Malone up, and then turns it into AN EMERALD FUSION! He's going to drop Malone with Drop on your Freakin' Neck.
Ozzy Osbourne:You bloody americans are weird. I'm going to watch some bloody porn...
(Ozzy gets up and leaves.)
GP:What was his problem...
JT:AWS Man(Also known as Bill) has Malone holding! He's showing beautiful strength here!
Nikki:Wait! Levine just pushed Malone to his feet! It's Sabastian Crow! He hits the ring! Crow SPEARS THE HELL OUT OF AWS Man(Also known as Bill)!
GP:And Levine just stares on! Dear God! Why?!?
JT:Crow is celebrating, and him and Levine are slapping high fives. Malone hasn't seen this, as AWS Man(Also known as Bill) climbs to his feet. He turns Crow around, and KNOCK YER FREAKIN' HEAD OFF! DEAR GOD! CROW GOES FLYING TO THE OUTSIDE! AND AWS Man(Also known as Bill) follows him! Dear god!
Nikki:What does this mean for the match now? Levine is standing in the ring, he's not sure what to do... Malone is back up to his feet, he's not sure what's going on....
JT:Wait! Look! The Wild Boars! They are racing out here, and Evan Levine bails out here like a mofo! The Boars are chasing him, and Malone is left in the ring alone!!!
GP:Not for long! Syphon Fission hits the ring! He's got his pattented shovel, and he's standing right behind a recooperating Malone! Remember, Fission was plotting to gain his shot at the World Title at this Hostile Takeover!
Nikki:MALONE! TURN AROUND!
JT:HIT HIM FISSION! HIT THE SON OF A BITCH!
GP:LOOK! FROM THE CROWD! WHO IN SAM HELL?
Nikki:Whoever it is, he's got one massive sledgehammer with him!
GP:This man dressed in shreded denim and a luchador mask, what in blazes, could that be Potright?
JT:I'd believe so Parker... Potright slides into the ring, and Fission turns around, SLEDGEHAMMER TO THE TEMPLE! FISSION GOES DOWN LIKE A TON OF BRICKS!
GP:Fission is down! Fission is down! And this man is standing overtop of him, and... he's unmasking! it's... IT'S!
(The camera quickly pans around, to see the face of Flyer, standing over a fallen Syphon Fission. Malone gets up, as him and Flyer hug in the ring.)
GP:HIGH FLYER! Has... Has Flyer joined We're Better Than You?
JT:Are you illiterate or just stupid Parker?
(Potright and Anthason come out from the back, as they race out. Anthason immediatly goes on top of Fission and begins to hammer the fallen, bloody Fission with left and rights.)
GP:Look! Flyer has the world title in his hands! The title he gave up the shot for some reason that we have NO idea for! The title he longs for! Has he really joined We're better than You?
(Flyer hands Malone the title, as he raises it in the ring. Fission slides out, away from Anthason, as he holds his head, which is hurting from the sledgehammer. He has the whole "I'm going to get you look" on his face, and Malone holds the title up. Anthason looks on with somewhat bloodthirsty eyes, as we slowly fade out.)