Hostile Takeover 4/20/01|
Live from Dallas, Tx
Airing on Channel X!
(We fade into highlights from Hostile Takeover.)
GP: He's lost it! Donnie lets go, goes for Potright... Potright tries to lariat Daze, Daze slips around, DAZED AND CONFUSED! HE GOT IT! DAZED AND CONFUSED ON POTRIGHT! HE CAN TOSS HIM IN THE DUMPSTER NOW! Donnie takes Potright... he's taking him towards the dumpster... BUT EXTREME GRABS DONNIE! DONNIE CAN'T GET OUT! POTRIGHT... DONNIE MOVES OUT OF THE WAY OF A POTRIGHT SUPERKICK! EXTREME GETS IT INSTEAD! DAZE GOES FOR POTRIGHT, POTRIGHT KICKS HIM IN THE STOMACH, WAR WITHIN A BREATH! WAR WITHIN A BREATH! Potright with War Within A Breath! Both men are down... and neither man is moving. Who'll take it from here?
JT:I don't know Parker, but this has been one of the best matches I've seen for the IWO World Heavyweight Championship in months, if not years. Potright and Daze are giving it their all!
(All of a sudden... the camera cuts to static... and everyone is in shock. No one has any idea what happened... We fade into the IWO logo, as we see it slowly flutter onto the screen two times. It doesn't fade on for a third time, like usual, when Jamie Kosoy, or a likeness thereof, walks out, and scratches his head. The IWO logo then falls from the sky, landing on Jamie, or in front of him, we can't tell, but we killed Jamie for all we know. We fade into the backstage office of IWO Vice President Thomas Ford, who's busy shuffling papers. We hear a rattling on an intercom system.)
Voice:Uh, Mr. Ford... Channel X is here to see you.
(Ford becomes immediatly changed from his usual jovial self. His arm tied in a sling, as he pushes the other button down.)
VP Ford:*Menacingly* Send them in...
(A door cracks open, as we see three suits walk into the room. They each have briefcases in their hands.)
VP Ford:Sit down gentlemen. Can I get you something to drink? Perhaps some coffee? Maybe English tea?
Man 1:No, we're fine.
VP Ford:I am Vice President Thomas Ford, I'll be representing the company tonight. And you are?
Man 1:My name is Kevin Service, and my friends are Bunny Smith and Spike Suotorina.
Bunny Smith:Don't mock my name.
VP Ford:Believe me gentlemen, I have nothing of yours to mock. I've simply asked for a few representatives from Channel X to kindly explain to me, exactly what happened last Friday night on Hostile Takeover. From my hospital bed, it seemed that you guys decided to cut us off.
Kevin Service:We here at Channel X like to keep all of our programing equal, and in your attempts to overrun your time, you were going against our agreement.
VP Ford:What do you mean, going against your time! All you do is show IWO Promos!
Kevin Service:Well, we had to get in the latest Jade O'Dell promo...
VP Ford:Listen, I don't care. You do NOT cut off LIVE IWO television, especially in the middle of what was going to be a legendary contest between Sam Potright and Donnie Daze! NEVER EVER! I don't care if the Pope has died and the four horsemen are running rampant around the world, you do NOT cut off a Main Event! Especially to air a simple promo which could have been easily been bumped to later in the night.
Bunny Smith:Mr. Ford, just because the IWO is the only thing Channel X shows does mean we have time spots. Actually, late at night, we have infomercials for alot of the items that you see on Television, and we NEED to get those spots in to survive.
VP Ford:Okay, guys, I don't ask for much, but what I do ask for, is for that time between eight o'clock eastern to ten thirty, to be free. Being that we pratically have our own channel, I don't think that should be that big of a deal. Just realize, that if you cut us off before ten o' clock again, you will be producing for another channel... capeesh?
Kevin Service:Everything but capeesh...
VP Ford:Then get out of here, and I hope we see each other in less of a context...
(Kevine Service, Bunny Smith, and Spike Suotorina leave from their seats, and exit Ford's office. The camera zooms in on Ford, as he just shakes his head. We slowly fade out into the backstage, inside the parking lot
where we see the yellow lamborgihni pulling in. The motor comes to a stop as the door opens, out steps
Sabastian Crow wearing his usual black KIK pants, white underneath shirt, and black IWO opened silk
shirt... oh !, and the shades cover his eyes, as he shuts the door behind him and grabs his gym bag from
behind the seat. He continues to chomp down heavily on his gum as he smirks a smile and walks toward the opening doors of the arena, as we slowly fade out to exactly where he's going. What a coincidence! We fade into the arena, as tons of fans are just going crazy. We hear "Four Horseman" by Metallica playing loudly over the pa system, as it fades all around the arena. We see such signs as "Joey Malone is my father," "I wish I was that guy," and "You're going to be sued." What?!?! The camera zooms into the audience to see one Lars Urlich, who is not too happy that the IWO is playing his music. He shakes his finger in a demending fashion, when a big hawk comes flying from the ceiling and clotheslines him down. The hawk stands on a fallen Urlich, as a fan counts the three. The bird begins to jump up and down, and then flies away. We fade into the announce booth ,as we see Greg Parker, JT, and Nikki standing, all holding microphones.)
GP:Fans, welcome to Hostile Takeover, mid-week here in the IWO!
JT:This is going to be a crazy night, I can just feel it in my bones.
GP:Crazy is an understatement. I mean, Channel X just pretty much smacked Vice President Ford in the face just minutes ago, and Sabastian Crow has made his way into the arena! There is BOUND to be HELL to pay!
Nikki:And finally, we will find out who the World Heavyweight champion is! Besides that, this night is ANYTHING GOES!
GP:I think that's what I'll title this Hostile Takeover, "ANYTHING GOES!"
JT:You don't have to have it all in caps.
JT:Also, wasn't that a movie?
GP:Excellent *Evil laugh*.
("I am your Boogieman" by White Zombie hits the pa system as the fans immediatly begin to boo.)
JT:I can't believe these people can live with themselves. They are booing the President of the United States!
GP:Uhhh... that would be the President of the IWO.
(Evan Levine walks out from the back, without Discord by his side. He slowly makes his way down, dressing in a nice armani suit, along with a microphone in his hand. He makes his way all the way to the ring, and climbs in, dusing off his suit. He gets himself ready, and begins to talk.)
President Evan Levine:Now, as most of you fans know, last Hostile Takeover, on FORDíS Show, the picture was cut, and the true champion was never revealed. *Crowd Boos* Yeah, you should boo Vice President Ford. Ever sinc e heís returned, heís been a thorn in my side, and Iím sick of it. Tonight, I shall crown the Heavyweight champion, because I am the president of this fine organization, not that son of a (Censored) Vice President.
(More boos are heard, as something comes flying in the ring, nearly catching Levine in the face.)
President Levine:... Get that man out of the arena! NOW!
(A couple security guards come over, and grab the man, dragging the man against his will away from the arena ring side area. The camera slowly cuts back to Levine.)
President Levine:The ingratefulness of these people. Iím attempting to be the calming force, attempting to bring right to a wrong, and you actually have the nerve to boo me, and throw inanimate objects at me? Well, I know for a fact, that you wonít be able to do that to the World Heavyweight Champion... the NEW Champion... DONNIE... DAZE!
(ďYour DiseaseĒ by Saliva begins to play over the pa system as the fans begin to give a mixed reaction.)
GP:President Levine just announced that Donnie Daze is the World Champion! Donnie Daze must have defeated Sam Potright on Friday!
(Out from the back walks Sam Potright, as the fans immediatly begin to cheer like crazy. He is without his World Heavyweight championship however, which is rather odd for Potright. He has a microphone in his hand.)
Potright:Righting a wrong, as you so would say, would not be crowning a new heavyweight champion, it would be giving back the championship that Iíve never lost.
President Evan Levine:You lost that championship square in the middle of the ring, and you know it! The new heavyweight champion is Donnie Daze, and thereís nothing you can do to change my mind!
(ďYour Disease ď by Saliva kicks in once again, as Donnie Daze walks out from the back, minus the heavyweight championship? Potright had walked his way down to the ring, as he surrounds, Daze is up on the ring entrance, and slowly walks down as well.)
Donnie Daze:Evan, being as that youíve crowned me the new, heavyweight champion, I would love to be given what is MINE, the World championship.
Potright:Yours Daze? How can you say that withouth facing the damnation of hell. The trials of tribulation. You havenít nearly went through as much hell as I have to earn that championship Daze. Youíve gone from one championship, right into another, being thrusted further up the ladder. Myself? I had to earn every bit that I had... and now Evan Levine has decided he wants to take it away.
President Levine:Take it away? Iím not taking anything away Potright, you, simply, purely lost your glory. Donít pin your failures on me...
Potright*Climbing into the ring*:You want to take away my world title? You want to do it? Do it legitamitly... Put the belt fifteen feet high in the sky, and force us to get it. Is that what you want to do Levine? You want me to make Potright bleed? You want me to simply and purely kill him, because I will do it, to prove you wrong...
(ĎIím gonna kick your AssĒ hits the pa system, as the fans immediatly turn over to the entrance way. Hardcore Isoceles Trapezoid walks out, wearing the World Heavyweight Championship around his waist. The fans are purely in shock, as Potright becomes damn near livit.)
Potright:You son of a... You stole whatís mine! Youíve tried to take everything thatís dear to me!
HIT:Calm down one Sam Potright, because, as President Levine clearly stated, YOU, my friend, are no longer the champion...
(HIT points up to the IWO-Tron, as we see Potright and Daze down. We hear the voices as well.)
JT:I don't know Parker, but this has been one of the best matches I've seen for the IWO World Heavyweight Championship in months, if not years. Potright and Daze are giving it their all!
GP:Dear god! Who in the hell is that! Itís... the Hardcore Isoceles Trapezoid! Dear god!
(HIT comes racing out of the back, as he heads into the ring with a barbed wire protractor. Potright is slowly getting to his feet, as HIT slams it into the forehead of Potright.)
GP:Dear god! Barbed wire Protractor to the face!
Nikki:Potright is down, and heís bleed profusly through the forehead! And Hardcore is picking up Potright, and heís dumping him into the dumpster! Dear god! He grabs Daze up off the canvas, as Daze seems Dazed!
JT:Haha, very funny Nikki...
GP:Daze... CLOSES THE LID! WE HAVE A NEW WORLD CHAMPION!
(All of a sudden, sixteen hundred Men in Black guys come out, and tell everyone to look their way. A flash of light is seen, as the memory is cleared. I mean, I have to explain it SOMEHOW. We fade back into the arena, as Hardcore Isoceles Trapezoid stands with a smile on his face.)
Daze:So, Hardcore, now that youíve taken the belt away from one Sam Potright, you can hand it over to me now...
(Daze looks towards the entrance ramp, as he waits for Hardcore to come down and hand it to him. Before he can get halfway down, ďHail to the ChiefĒ begins to play. JT stands to his feet.)
JT:Show some respect for George Bush Junior!
(Out from the back walks Vice President Thomas Ford, as he has a microphone in his hand. He looks out to the crowd, as he soaks in the aura around.)
Vice President Ford:Now, if thereís one thing I didnít want, was a huge problem like this, spawning off from Channel X. Well, with a problem like this, there damn sure better be a solution... and that solution is... none other than tonight, ON MY SHOW Evan... there will be a ladder match, between Sam Potright, and Donnie Daze.... FOR THE VACANT WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP... and should there be any interferance, WHATSOEVER... they will be fired on the damn spot! Oh, yeah, and Daze? for the title history, realize that youíre not going to have the chance to be the two time champion... you have to earn it tonight... in this freakiní ring. And that... IS FINAL.
(Vice President Ford tosses the microphone down to the ring entrance floor, as we slowly fade out to a commercial Break.)
(The scene opens up in the parking lot, where a light blue Ford Tempo pulls up at the arena. As it does, the driver's side door opens and out pops Joey Malone, which causes quite a positive response from the crowd, as the watch on the IWOTron. Joey's wearing his usual white Arizona Cardnials-Village Idiot On Back shirt with the usual jeans. Joey hops over the car hood and opens the passenger side door for his passenger, who happens to be Keri Lindum. Keri's wearing a blue blouse and a knee-length black skirt. The two start to head to the locker rooms, when IWO Reporter ChŤ Clikoob runs over to Joey.)
ChŤ Clikoob: Joey Malone! May I have a word with you?
Joey Malone: Well, if you had a word with me, it wouldn't be a word any more, it would be a word fragment.
Clikoob: Well, who cares?
Malone: I do. I mean, it wouldn't make sense if we had word fragments. You know?
Clikoob: Yes, yes, of course... now, I have a few questions to bombard you with, mercilessly.
Malone: Can I pass on that?
Clikoob: Joey Malone, how do you feel about being stripped of the North American title a few weeks ago?
Malone: How do you think I feel, chief? How would you feel if some chap with a hard-on for geometric shapes suddenly decided that jello dropping was banned from arenas?
Clikoob: Well, for one, I wouldn't dump jello, I'd dump a whole metric ton of cow shit. For two, I would feel pretty shitty. In a shittily shit sort of way.
(Malone starts to leave before Clikoob stops him.)
Clikoob: Hold on, idiot. I'm not done with you.
Clikoob: What are you doing here, tonight? Sources say that you're not booked for anything tonight.
Malone: Hey, if I told you ALL of my plans, that would spoil all of my fun. So poop.
(Malone leaves with Keri, as he leaves Clikoob standing there.)
Clikoob: God damned Malone...
(The scene fades to backstage where JT is seen sat in a recliner. He has Pen
in one hand and Spatula in the other and is bashing them together like you
would with action figures when you're 6 years old. This, in case you didn't
already know...is how inanimate objects brawl. Anyway, JT notices the
camera's and breaks up the hardcore skirmish.)
JT: Now folks, because Parker is a boring old faggot and Nikki is a stupid slut it is my duty to interview these 2........killing machine's and see what we can find out about their rivalry. I hope that for the sake of this interview they can keep their err, pointy ends off of each other. So Spatula, are you calm?
JT: And Pen.. are you willing to co-operate?
JT: All righty then. Spatula, I don't want you to get annoyed and blow your load...haha...err, go berserk over what Pen says but Pen, what is it you hate about Spatula sooooo much that you have taken the liberty to challenge him to this Inanimate Ladder Match for War Cry?
JT: I told you not to interrupt Spatula...and no one cares if it was you that actually challenged Pen.
JT: Yes I did do research for this interview..
JT: Why are you two on the same side all of a sudden? I'm the guy separating you two, I'm on both sides.
JT: Ok, maybe I do prefer Pen because he's a heel but that's not the point.
JT: AAGGHH! Leave me alone. Just answer my question Pen..
(2 minutes later.)
JT: So in conclusion it's not Spatula personally, you just hate all other inanimate objects as a whole.
JT: What are your thought's on Remote Control? He's said some harsh comments regarding you in some past Joey Malone promo's.
JT: Wow...ok, ok calm down. If it bothers you that much I won't mention Remote Control again...
JT: Sorry, sorry.
JT: So, Spatula...you claim that Pen is the unoriginal inanimate object between the 2 of you, but Pen was in the IWO first. Care to comment on that?
JT: A simple, 'no' would have much more polite. Sheesh. But back to Pen. Pen, would you say that your feud is so intense that it has brought hatred between your manager's AWS Man (also known as Bill) and Bob Job?
JT: Yes I agree. Bob Job and especially AWS Man (also known as Bill) have obtained themselves some recognition off of your hardworking ethic and self motivation.
JT: I'm not being buyist towards the greatest heel in IWO history!
JT: Oh my!
JT: Oh no!
JT: Crikey dick! I think this interview was a mistake...SECURITY!
(The camera's fade back to a backstage area, as we see Erik Blake standing with Mister Busta Hymen)
Busta Hymen- IWO Fans I am standing here with Erik "The Real Stuff" Blake as he prepares for his match. Now Mr. Blake...are you confident about your match?
Busta Hymen- You do not know who you will be facing....are you confident?
Busta Hymen- Mr. Blake....who are you looking for?
Erik Blake- Jade O'Dell
Busta Hymen- Oh yea...Mr. O'Dell does like to interferre in interviews.
Erik Blake- Will you please shut up?
[Just then Sebastian Crow Walks by slowly. Blake looks at him and Crow catches Blake's eye.]
Busta Hymen- What the?
[Sebastian Crow walks off]
Busta Hymen- What was that all about?
Erik Blake- None of your buisness nut-sucker. Just let my oppenent know that I will be ready. Now get out of my way.
(Erik Blake storms off, as we fade back into the arena to JT, Greg Parker, and Nikki.)
JT: Okay, we're back on this very special edition of Hostile Takeover and our next match for this evening is...well, let's find out.
Meygon: The following matchup is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring first, weighing in at 121 pounds...Bob JOB!
[Bob steps out onto the stage to a small pop. "Herojuana" by NOFX plays as he walks timidly to the ring and climbs in.]
Meygon: And the challenger, weighing in at 243 pounds...Erik Blake!
[Erik quickly runs down the ramp and into the ring while his entrance music plays.]
GP: Well, this is an interesting matchup. Both men are former IML superstars...Et cetera.
[Bob and Erik lock up. Erik immediatley takes Bob down with a snapmare. Bob quickly gets up, only to be knocked down by a clothesline from Erik. Bob falls to his knees. Erik runs at the ropes, bounces and hits a missle dropkick to Bob's face.]
JT: Erik Blake's putting on a strong offense. Bob Job is...well, jobbing, so far.
Nikki: Who would've thought?
[Erik takes Bob to the turnbuckle and starts to climb for a Samoan drop. Bob counters with a low blow and climbs to the top himself. Erik rolls into position, and Bob hits a weak leg drop. He hobbles over to the opposite turnbuckle, clutching his knee and moaning.]
GP: Looks like Bob hurt himself on that exchange...Erik Blake, taking advantage of the situation with a capture suplex...there's a cover!
JT: Kickout after two by Bob Job.
[The two lock up again. This time, Bob takes the advantage with a back rake. Erik bends over, and Bob delivers a strong boot to the face. With Erik on the ground, Bob begins stomping on his back. He eventually stops and goes for a chin lock. He gets it locked in, and Erik starts squirming.]
Nikki: I think Erik's gonna tap out!
GP: No! Erik gets to the ropes in time.
[Indeed he does. He catches Bob Job with a rising clothesline, whips him into the ropes, and hits a neck breaker. Bob slowly climbs to his feet. Erik
sneaks up behind him and hits a spinning back drop.]
JT: Erik Blake is clearly taking the advantage in this match. Look at how he can lift Bob over his head with incredible ease!
GP: Well, Bob Job does weigh in at a meager one-twenty-one. Hell, Nikki could probably take him out with a slap.
Nikki: Care if I practice on you?
GP: Ehm. Let's just call the match, shall we?
[Erik lifts Bob high above his head in a military press, intending to
toss him out of the ring. Bob starts squirming and manages to slide out of Erik's grasp, sneakily grab at his ankle, and bring him down. Erik gets back to his feet, and Bob takes him down with an eye gouge. With Erik momentaraly incompacitated, Bob backs him into the corner with some weak shoves. He starts making wild circular motions with his hands in the air..]
JT: Dear God, he's Jobbing Up! Do you have any idea what this means?
JT: Yeah, neither do I. I was just asking.
[Bob ends his Jobbing Up ritual and takes two steps back. He leans back and delivers a weak boot to the lower leg of Erik Blake.]
JT: Sweet Shin Music! What a blatant ripoff of some other federation which will remain nameless for legal purpouses!
[With Erik on the ground, Bob goes for a Mahistrol Cradle.]
GP: There's the Lucky Pinfall! This might be it!
Meygon: Here's your winner, Bob Job!
GP:Bob Job won! I can not believe it! I canít! Erik Blake is mad as all hell!
(Scene cut to President Levine's office, which is currently empty. As it sits in its emptiness, the noise of a toilet flushing is heard. Then, President Levine comes into the scene, to the chorus of boos to the people watching on the IWOTron. He sits down on his desk, when
suddenly, a noise sounding like a great big fart is heard. Evan jumps up.)
President Levine: What the F-U-C-K?
(Levine turns and looks at his seat. He picks up a whoopie cushion with a note attached.)
Levine: "Dear Evan, Thank you for suspending me for something as silly as dumping jello all over the IWO ring. Unfortunately, it didn't do much for my sanity. Meesa sowwy. Signed, Joey Malone."
(Levine calls somebody on the phone.)
Levine: Trapezoid. Do me a favor...
(Fade to black...)
GP: Uh oh.
(We fade back into the backstage area, as we see none other than the man in the trenchcoat, along with that women Tammy, slowly entering the arena.)
Tammy:So, youíve finally calmed down? It was probably just some sort of coincidence. Maybe it was just a fan, who liked your work...
(The man in the trenchcoat looks over to Tammy, as if to say ďfan?Ē She nods her head, as they are stopped by a local security guard.)
Guard:Excuse me Mister... trench-coat sir.
(The guard gets scared as the man in a trenchcoat stares him down.)
Guard:Uhhhh... hereís a key... itís a special dressing room... ordered by someone annoynomous!
(The guard hands him the key, as he runs away. The trenchcoat man just stares at it, as he slowly makes his way down the hall.)
Tammy:See, you DO have a fan! And you thought you were completely hated by all...
(They slowly walk down the corridor, as they eventually come to the dressing room. The door, however, is covered in black lotus petals, which immedialty infuriates the trenchcoat man. He begins to slam his fist against the wall, putting dent after dent into it. He slowly stops, as he stares at Tammy with a bloodthirsty raging eye.)
Tammy:I didnít do this! It wasnít me! Donít try to blame this on me! Iím here for you, I know what it means to you to have someone mock it like this! I canít believe someone would do it, and Iíve sworn to you that I havenít told a soul! Iím at too much of a risk to do something like that... with my husband and all...
GP:That women is married!?? And sheís with that trenchcoat man!
JT:Shows I have a chance as long as Iím evil. Maybe I can tear the head off a teddy bear and Nikki will go out with me...
Nikki:Pffff, hell no.
Tammy:Please, just calm down! Donít let this destroy your mind-set.
(The man in the trenchcoat slams his body up against the door, ripping and tearing at the Lotuses, bring them down off the door with rage and fury. He turns once again to Tammy.)
Tammy:Please... it wasnít me! Iíve done so much, risked so much! Iíve given up my entire family to be with you... I have nothing to gain with you going insane.
Trenchcoat Man:Have you told...
Tammy:I... Iíve only told one person... but it was in a state of rest. Heís currently incapcitated... it can't be him...
(The trenchcoat man slowly solemnly nods his head, as he turns towards the door, and slams his fist hard down onto it. Tammy grabs his arm, as they walk off, away from the dressing room, as we fade out from a picture of a black lotus.)
(We fade back in to Monday Night Takeover, as we see the Channel X guys from earlier in the night. They are standing around the water cooler, joking around, while one is on a cellphone.)
Kevin Service:Yeah... he bought it. It was perfect, hook line and sinker. To think that we actually cut off an IWO show for a Jade O'Dell promo... I don't think he's very pleased with us.. but then again, that could slowly come down to what we want.
Bunny:Uh... Kevin... what the hell is that camera behind you.
(Kevin Service turns around, as he sees the camera. He immediatly drops his jaw, and smacks the camera, causing it to fall to the ground. Instant static, as we fade back into the arena.)
GP:What the hell was that all about?
JT:You think Channel X is trying to get out of our deal?
GP:I'm not sure, but as of late, anything could be possible.
Nikki:Including what could be a huge matchup next...
("Enter Sandman" by Metallica hits, as Sabastian Crow steps on to the entrance platform. Several boos are heard as the Extreme Champion starts his way down the ramp toward the ring. He gets in, and immediately starts arguing with the ref.)
Sabastian Crow: What the hell? I'm the Champon here! Why did I enter first?!
GP: It looks like Crow is upset.
JT: Well wouldn't you be upset? If you were the Champion,a nd had to enter *first*?
Nikki; Crow shouldn't be an ass about it, JT.
GP: Well, we'll see who his opponent is in a second.
("Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear" by the Carpenders starts up, as the fans go nuts!)
JT: not this...
(Sabastian Crow starts laughing as The Mysterious Birdman, 0Ņ0, starts down the ramp. He runs in, and starts beating the hell out of Crow.)
GP: Birdman, with and Irish Whips to Crow, OH! But Crow counters with a spear!
Nikki: Crow going for the early cover, not even a one count.
(Sabastian punches 0Ņ0 a few times, then kicks him in the stomch and attempts to DDT him. But Birdman just raises up, and Crow falls behind him. Birdman then gets Crow in his- Kaw In Your General Direction (Sharpshooter.) Crow gets to the ropes, and Birdman lets off. Birdman then starts brutally beating on Crow.)
GP: Birdman is really taking it to Crow.
JT: Birdman is cheating.
Nikki: Now he's not.
(0Ņ0 hits the Double Underhook Piledriver on Crow.)
GP: OH MY! THE MATCH IS OVER! ONE! TWO! THRE- WHAT THE HELL?!
Nikki: Somone pulled the ref away!
(Two men step into the ring. One is wearing a pig mask, and the other- An elephant mask. They each have mics.)
Pig Mask: We are to save IWO form death and destruction.
Elephant Mask: We are the glue that holds this place together.
Pig mask: (Taking off his mask) I am Bejamin Dover, otherwise known as Cake.
Elephant Mask: (Taking off his mask) And I am Thomas Welsk, Sodomy.
Cake: Together, we form the greatest tag team since the facts of life. We are the original Brothers of Destruction.
Sodomy: Except we aren't really brothers. We're-
Together: CAKE AND SODOMY!
(Cake, Sodomy, and Crow all start beating on Birdman. They all have weapons, making this unfair. All of a sudden, Sober by Tool starts up as the crowd goes absolutely nuts. The arena darkes, and spotlights search all over the crowd.)
GP: YES HE'S BACK! PHELAN KELL IS BACK!
JT: WHERE IS HE?!
(Cake and Sodomy run away, and Sabastian Crow just looks around in shock.The spotlights still search for Kell. A dark figue appears in the entryway.)
GP: YES! YES!!!!
(The figure steps forward.)
JT: T'S HIM! IT's... OH maaaaaaan! It's just Tod!
JT: WHAT?! THAT BASTARD!
(A bunch of Mark's start to boo, but some of the other peopl out there just laugh. Tod waves tot he crowd, then turns to Sabastian Crow, who is just laughing. Tod steps into the ring, crow starts running at him, but is stopped.)
JT: What the?
GP: It looks like he has Crow in some sort of trance!
(Crow just stops, Tod then walks over to him. He makes Crow's right hand grab his nose, and his left hand cup over his left ear.)
Tod: Walk around.
(Crow starts walking around in this idiotic position.)
JT: THIS IS HUMILIATING!
(Tod then help Birdman to his feet, Birdman then grabs the pipe Crow was using on him earlier, but the referee rips it out of his hand. Birdman shooves the referee down.)
GP:Dear god! The Birdman is annoyed that the referee is stepping in! And Sabastian Crow waist lock takes down the Birdman! He's locking in that painfull Deathlock!
(We can see a face of angst on the Birdman's face, as he slowly begins to pound the mat three times. However, without a referee, it means absolutly nothing.)
GP:TOD! He just cold-clocked Sabastian Crow with the lead pipe! Dear god! Sabastian Crow is down and out, and the Mysterious Birdman is as well.
JT:And Tod is leaving... and I guess... I guess this match is a no-contest?
(We fade into the backstage area, as we see Vice President Ford walking down the hallway. He seems to have aged since the begining of the card, as he heads over to the water cooler. He grabs a discarded coffee mug, and puts his finger in the liquid.)
Vice President Ford:Getting warmer...
(Vice President Ford tosses the cup to the ground, as he slowly continues his slow walk down the backstage.We make another cut, as we stay in the backstage area, only to see Joey Malone siting in his locker room with Keri Lindum. He's eating a chicken sandwich.)
Joey Malone: Think about this, Keri...
Keri Lindum: I'm listening.
Malone: They don't kill their animals in Tibet. So things like this here chicken sandwich are about as rare to find as a missing contact lens in a desert.
Lindum: Ah, I see...
(A knock on the door...)
Malone: Stand back, this is probably for the whoopie cushion thing.
(Joey goes to the door, and opens it carefully. It's a pizza guy.)
Pizza Guy: Are you Mr. Daze?
Malone: Do I *look* like Donnie Daze to you?
Pizza Guy: Sir, I don't know. I don't watch the IWO.
Malone: Well, if you don't watch the IWO, then here's a hint. I'M NOT FRIGGING DONNIE DAZE.
Pizza Guy: Know where I can find him?
(As this conversation goes on, Keri suddenly turns around, sensing danger thanks to her psychic powers. She backs up, and bumps into Joey.)
Malone: What's wrong?
Keri: *whispering* Joey, there's somebody in that airvent.
(Joey pushes the pizza guy out of the doorway and picks up a chair. He calmly walks over, out of the view of the airvent.)
(Keri moves away, too, as the vent starts shaking.)
Voice: *whispering to himself* Ah, god dammit...
(The vent detatches and the guy, whoever it is, takes it with him as he climbs down out of the vent... and just then...)
(He falls over. It's some masked man.)
Malone: *sigh* Who the hell is this...
(Malone pulls off the mask and it's some guy with a triangle tattoo on his head.)
Malone: Fuck, it's someone from the Secret Trapezoid Cult of Doom and After-Dinner Mints.
Keri: Maybe we should go to Daze's locker room.
Malone: That would be a most excellent idea.
(Fade to black...)
(We fade back in, as we see and hear a knock on someone's door. The door answers, it's Donnie Daze.)
Donnie Daze: Joey, what the hell are you doing here?
Joey Malone: I have come to stay in your locker room, because the Secret Trapezoid Cult of Doom and After-Dinner Mints are after us.
Donnie Daze: No. It's bad enough that you didn't loan me seventy-five cents because I missed two cents on my last loan from you.
Malone: Yeah, and where ARE those cents, motherfucker?
(The door slams shut.)
Keri Lindum: That went smoothly.
Malone: Thanks, Keri. Your sarcasm is appreciated.
Keri: Welcome. =)
GP: We're gonna go backstage again. I don't know why, maybe something will
(The scene fades to backstage, nothing happens. They cut back to ring side.)
JT: That was a great backstage segment.
(The scene fades backstage again, this time Bob Job is seen walking down the hallway with Spatula in his right hand. The camera's spin around to show that AWS Man (also known as Bill) is walking up the hall in the opposite direction with Pen in his left hand. Bob raises Spatula in the air with his arm at a right-angle. AWS Man (also known as Bill) does exactly the same...but with Pen. They continue to walk towards one another when eventually they collide (Pen & Spatula). Both inanimate objects square up to each other, although really its just Bob and AWS Man (also known as Bill) holding the objects against each other. Bob is looking at his hand with Spatula inside of it as AWS Man (also known as Bill) stares at Pen in his own hand.)
(The two inanimate objects test each others strength a little, although Pen wins because quite frankly AWS Man (also known as Bill) is probably twice as powerful as Bob Job.)
Bob: Spatula is so gonna win the North Dakota Janitorweight championship at War Cry..
AWS Man (also known as Bill): Oh freakin' yeah?
AWS Man (also known as Bill): Oh freakin' yeah?
AWS Man (also known as Bill): Oh freakin' yeah?
AWS Man (also known as Bill): And why's that Jobbing Bob? If he's as pathetic as you was when I beat your a** a couple of weeks back then I don't think he's gonna be much of a freakin' challenge!
Bob: Well I was, umm...drunk that night. Yeah..I was friggin' drunk!
Bob: Yes I friggin' was.
Bob: Yes, I am old enough to drink..............(under his breath) I think.
AWS Man (also known as Bill): Well, at War Cry I'm gonna be in Pen's corner..
Bob: As will I...........be in Spatula's corner you unoriginal heavy-duty flob of petrified rubbish.
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) gasps at the foul mannered absurdities releasing themselves from Bob's mouth.)
AWS Man (also known as Bill): You, you, you...you dirty toilet-full of cheesy toad tumours.
(At the insulting feeling from those harsh words expressed by AWS Man (also known as Bill), Bob Job drops Spatula to the ground and runs off back to his locker room in tears. Pen then attacks Spatula with a little assistance from AWS Man (also known as Bill). Scene cut to President Levine's office. He's busy doing paperwork and possibly signing Joey Malone's death warrant. Suddenly, there's a knock on his door.)
President Levine: Come in...
(The door is heard opening. Suddenly, a Nerf ball pelts Levine right in the head.)
Levine: OW! What the hell?
(The camera turns to the door. Joey Malone is seen there, holding a Nerf Ballzooka.)
Joey Malone: Hi, Evankins!
Levine: MALONE! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
Levine: I'm gonna have to do something about him, myself...
(We fade back backstage, as we see none other than Vice President Ford, who is still hot on the trail of the Channel X sponsor people. We see him inside AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)'s locker room, holding the latest issue of Penthouse.)
Ford:Still wet... they must be near...
(Ford drops the magazine, and goes into a bathroom, washing his hands. He THEN continues on his trail, as we fade back into the arena.)
GP: It's Hostile Takeover and next up we have.........Pen versus Remote Control!?
JT: Yes. Pen, my hero!
Nikki: A spatula is your hero?
JT: No, Pen is my hero.. Spatula sucks. Is this for North Dakota Janitorweight championship?
Nikki: I beg your pardon?
GP: Ironically.......yes. It's Pen versus Remote Control for the North Dakota Janitorweight championship in a 'regular inanimate object match'!!
JT: Could this show get any better?
Nikki: Could this show get any stranger?
GP: Well, I have no idea how this match is going to take place or what the hell is going to happen but we're going to go to the ring anyway..
Meygon: The following match is a regular inanimate object match and is scheduled for one fall with the North Dakota Janitorweight championship on the line. Introducing first, being accompanied to ring by the reigning IWO Television champion, AWS Man (also known as Bill)...from Satan's Kingdom, Massachusetts. weighting in at 8 ounces it is THE SEMI-EVIL SPATULA;
AWS Man (also known as Bill): Freakin' mother freaker got the name of my Magic Box With Tiny Moving People In title wrong!
(Carmina Burama beings to play over the PA system as AWS Man (also known as Bill) walks out with Pen in his right hand. The crowd instantly jeer at them and commence a chant of, "Pen's an a**hole!". The television Title is wrapped around AWS Man (also known as Bill)'s waist, and the black leathery belt with
the words "North Dakota Janitorweight champion" scribbled across it is in his left hand. Pen and AWS Man (also known as Bill) walk to the ring and the evil
music fades out.)
JT: Pen is pumped up for this match, it's been a while since he competed here in the IWO.
GP and Nikki: Eh?
Meygon: And his opponent, being accompanied to the ring by an unknown IWO worker from the backstage area...from the living room of former IWO North American champion, Joey Malone.. weighing at an astonishing 11ľ ounces...REMOTE CONTROOOOOLLLLL!!!
JT: Remote Control set to make his IWO in-ring debut here with the stakes high. Remember the winner, the champion, will go on to face Spatula, the number one contender at Warcry.
("Shame" by BT blares over the PA system as the unknown IWO worker from the backstage area (Unknown worker), with Remote Control in his right hand, makes his way to the ring. A semi-pop for Remote Control is made simply because he is personified by Joey Malone, and Joey Malone is a BIG time face.)
JT: A tremendous young athlete here...Remote Control.
GP: Since when were you the play by play commentator around here?
Nikki: I'd like to play by you JT..
(The Unknown Worker, with Remote Control in his hand, charges at Pen who is held in the hand of AWS Man (also known as Bill). Both men hold their respective inanimate objects like action figures by the way and begin pushing them together as if they are locking up and testing each others strength.)
GP: This.. is an inanimate object match?
JT: Of course it is..
Nikki (whilst caressing JT's head): It really turns me on..
JT: Oh be quiet you stupid whore!
(Eventually, due to the force of AWS Man (also known as Bill)'s pushing, the Unknown Worker/Remote Control falls backwards to the canvas. Pen seizes the opportunity to start bashing Remote Control right where it hurts.. his volume buttons! Wait.. shouldn't that be commentary!?)
JT: Ooh! Right where it hurts, the volume buttons!
(AWS Man (also known as Bill)/Pen then flips over Remote Control and rips off his slidey thing that secures the batteries in place...)
JT: Oh my.. if he removes the batterys, we might never see Remote Control. This has got extremely serious folks. Pen is a killing machine, he is evil...somebody stop him!!! Oh wait, he's a heel.. go Pen you freakin', umm, freaker!
(The Unknown Worker drops Remote Control and runs off crying. Remote Control is now alone with Pen (and AWS Man (also known as Bill) of course, who scoops out the first battery with Pen; the semi evil spatula).
JT: AWS Man (also known as Bill) tramples on the battery purposely. he's so cold hearted.
GP: I'm lost for words.. for once JT can call a match and I can't.
Nikki: Maybe that's because he is insane like AWS Man (also known as Bill)!!!
Nikki: Oh come on, I wasn't even being horny that time!
JT: Pay backs are a bitch.
GP: I think Pen is going for second battery.. good god no, don't do it Pen!!!
Nikki: Must I pretend I'm into this match also?
Nikki: NO PEN...FOR THE LOVE OF BOB!
(Suddenly, "Herojuana" by NoFx begins to play as Bob Job with Spatula in his right comes out to a rather large pop.)
JT: Ah! It's that midget guy. Why are they cheering him?
Nikki: Spatula.. it's Spatula. That's who they're cheering!
GP: Bob and Spatula so to speak are heading towards the ring.. Bob rolls in Spatula and climbs in himself. He picks up Spatula and starts bashing Pen with it.
(As Bob bashes Pen; the semi evil spatula with his own pen; Spatula.. Pen flies out of AWS Man (also known as Bill)'s hands and onto the canvas. Spatula then hits AWS Man (also known as Bill) with a nib to the forehead
sending him flying over the ring ropes.)
Nikki: As if that would hurt.. he's wearing a god damn mask!
Nikki: For the last time, only hit me when I'm horny! And why are you smacking me anyway. I smack you!
GP: Spatula saved the day.
AWS Man (also known as Bill): Mother freaker!
JT: Pen and AWS Man (also known as Bill) are mad because Spatula and his midget of a friend ruined was about to be a clean title defence for the spatula!
Nikki: I thought you said Spatula made the interference?
GP: No Nikki, Pen is the spatula and Spatula is the pen! Have you no imagination, woman?
Nikki: Fuck me JT, that really hurt!
*SMACK SMACK SMACK*
GP: While JT continues to beat up Nikki, Bob Job and Spatula have each grabbed a microphone. Let's see what they have to say to Pen and AWS Man (also known as Bill), who also have microphones on the entrance ramp..
(Bob Job pulls out a piece of paper from his trouser pocket. He looks at the piece of paper and then folds it back up.)
Bob Job: Yo h..
(Confused, he pulls out a cell phone from his other pocket and dials a number. Seconds later he puts it back into his pocket and picks up the microphone again.)
Bob Job: Yo hey.
JT: Stupid unoriginal midget!
AWS Man (also known as Bill): You heard the object, at Warcry the North Dakota Janitorweight title will not be on the line.. and I'm in the freakin' right frame of mind to not put my Magic Box With Tiny Moving People In It title on the line either but because I'm all happy and shiny, you can still have your title shot..
Bob Job: Thanks a lot AWS Man but..
AWS Man (also known as Bill): It's AWS Man (also known as Bill) mother freaker!
Bob Job: Umm, Pen, I'm afraid your North Dakota Janitorweight title will be on the line at Warcry because you signed the contract!
AWS Man (also known as Bill): You signed a contract!?
AWS Man (also known as Bill): Nooooo!
Bob Job: NOW CAN YOU FRIG' THAT!?
(The crowd are on their feet at Spatula's great promo, with a little assistance from Bob Job.)
AWS Man (also known as Bill): Oh freak, let's go and watch some porn!
(Cur to commercial.)
(Scene cut to Joey Malone, who is wandering around with Keri. He
suddenly sees Cyanide, who is wearing his lifeguard gear and is playing
volleyball with his supermodels. A light bulb appears over Joey's head.
A production manager grabs it from above his head to fix the lighting.
Joey walks over to Cyanide.)
Joey Malone: Hey, Cyanide.
Malone: I'd like to complain to you about a potential hazard to the
local swimming pool.
(Cyanide is so shocked that he misses the volleyball by a mile. It
quickly bounces into the crotch of another production manager. The
manager falls over.)
Cyanide: WHAT!? WHERE?!?!
Malone: President Levine! He's so evil! He spits pool water in the face
of old people!
Cyanide: THE POOL WATER HAS CHLORINE IN IT! THAT'S EVIL!
Malone: He throws children into the deep end of the pool!
Cyanide: THOSE CHILDREN COULD DROWN! THAT'S EVIL!
Malone: He throws Baby Ruth bars into the swimming pool!
Cyanide: THOSE COULD BE MISTAKEN FOR TURDS THAT WOULD CAUSE WIDESPREAD
PANIC AND A CLEANING OF THE POOL! THAT'S GOING WAY TOO FAR!
(Cyanide runs off with his lifesaver.)
Keri Lindum: Joey, that's just mean.
Malone: I know... let's follow Cyanide.
(Fade to arena.)
JT: Umm, we have another match, no?
GP: Yes, we do.
GP: And this is a tag team match, pitting opposites against one another. Or something.
Nikki: No doubt, Kent Anthason is probably one of the best rookies we've had. I mean, he came in and won the North American title in less than a month after his debut. And all it took was a suspension to Joey Malone.
JT: Well, let's go to Meygon for the ringside announcements....
*ding, ding, ding*
Meygon: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall...
("śnema" by Tool plays as the fans start doing whatever in response for Kent Anthason, North American Champion and YOUR ROLE MODEL.)
Meygon: ...first, from New Orleans, Louisiana... weighing in at two hundred and forty-one pounds... he is the master of the Interlude and the Sweet Serenity... he is accompanied to the ring by Big D, and he is the CURRENT IWO North American champion... ladies and gentlemen... he is KEENNNNTTTTT ANTHASON!
(Anthason climbs into the ring, then "śnema" fades out... only to be replaced "Enjoy the Silence" by Failure. Simon Seaman comes out to a huge pop, wearing his IWO Unified Title around his waist.)
Meygon: His partner, from Burbank, California... weighing in at two hundred and thirty-eight pounds... he is the master of the Silencer, and he is the current IWO Unified champion... ladies and gentlemen... he is SIIIMMMMOOONNNN SEAMAN!
(Seaman climbs into the ring. Then, "Current of Love" by David Hasselhoff plays as Cyanide comes out to a huge pop. He's also carrying his lifesaver.)
Meygon: And their opponents... first, formerly from Canterbury, New Zealand, now residing in Hollywood, California... weighing in at two hundred, ninety-nine, and three quarters pounds... he's accompanied to the ring by Supermodels Callista and Stephanie... he is the master of the Lifesaver and the Montage... he is a former United States and Television champion... he is CYANIDE!
(Cyanide climbs into the ring, looking out into the crowd to find potential safety hazards. Finding none, his disappointingly drops down to the canvas.)
Meygon: And his tag team partner...
("Three Point One Four" by the Bloodhound Gang plays as AWS Man (also known as Bill) comes out to a half cheer, half pop. He comes out with the Nude and Pen.)
Meygon: ...from Freakville, North Carolina... weighing in at two hundred and thirty-five pounds... he's accompanied to the ring by the Nude and the World's Most Dangerous Inanimate Object, Pen... he is the master of the Win The Freakin' Matchifier among many other moves... he is a former IWO North American, United States, two-times Pacific, World Tag, and Intercontinental Tag Team champion... he is the CURRENT IWO Television
champion... he is AWS MAN (also known as Bill)!
(AWS Man (also known as Bill) slides into the ring and all four men start brawling.)
*ding, ding, ding*
GP: And we're off!
JT: Seaman is brawling with AWS Man (also known as Bill) and has him backed into the corner! Hard chops to AWS Man (also known as Bill), but AWS Man (also known as Bill) spins Seaman around and starts wailing
away with rights and lefts!
GP: Anthason is attacking Cyanide with dropkicks! But Cyanide brushes one of them off and catches Anthason with a clothesline!
JT: Well, finally, AWS Man (also known as bill) and Simon Seaman brawl to the outside, making the legal men Anthason and Cyanide. And Cyanide is in firm control here.
Nikki: Cyanide picks up Anthason and drops him with an Exploder suplex! He floats over into the cover... one... two... no!
JT: Anthason's in trouble, though. Cyanide picks him up and sends him off the ropes... but Seaman makes the blind tag and climbs to the top! Anthason ducks Cyanide's clothesline! SEAMAN LEAPS! AND CATCHES HIM
WITH THE SILENCER! Already?!
GP: Yes, already!
JT: Seaman goes for the cover! One... two... no! AWS Man (also known as Bill) with the save.
Nikki: AWS Man (also known as Bill) picks up Simon Seaman and sets up for the Drop You On Your Freakin' Face. But Anthason clips him from behind and Seaman falls down in a reverse DDT!
JT: Anthason now picks up Cyanide and goes for the Interlude! But Cyanide reverses! Cyanide with a bulldog to counter! Seaman tries to stop Cyanide's rampage, but Cyanide picks up Seaman and drops him with a flapjack!
GP: AWS Man (also known as Bill) recovers and he measures the recovering Anthason... KNOCK YOUR FREAKIN' HEAD OF- NO! Anthason ducks it! He catches AWS Man (also known as Bill) from behind... YES! THERE IT IS! THE SWEET SERENITY(Blue thunder into sitdown facebuster)! ANTHASON GOES INTO THE COVER! ONE... TWO... THR- NO! CYANIDE SAVES!
JT: Ah, but Seaman with a German suplex to Cyanide! What power it took for Seaman to take over Cyanide!
Nikki: Seaman with a clothesline to Cyanide! Both men go over the top to the outside! And now they are battling to the back! This leave AWS Man (also known as Bill) and Anthason in the ring! With both men still a bit out of it!
JT: Both men are to their feet! Anthason with a clothesline! AWS Man (also known as Bill) ducks! AWS Man (also known as Bill) goes for a clothesline of his own! And he hits it! Now AWS Man (also known as Bill)
is calling for the Win The Freakin' Matchifier! AWS Man (also known as Bill) climbs to the top! He goes for it!
GP: IT HITS NOTHING BUT KNEES!
Nikki:This is crazy! AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) hit hard, and now Kent has the advantage. The North American Champion is sizing up a stunned AWS Man(Also known as Bill). Kent picks him up from behind, and he nails Sweet Serenity! Dear god! The Blue Thunder into a face-buster! Anthason dives on for the cover.. ONE! TWO! THREE! DEAR GOD! ANTHASON PINNED AWS Man(Also Known as Bill)!
(Anthason's hand is raises, as the scene cuts to President Levine, who is holding a big shovel and looking for Malone.)
President Levine: ...if you can't get things done right, do it
yourself... I'm gonna kill you, Malone. KILL YOU!!!
(Levine opens a door. Almost immediately, he is tackled to the ground by a guy wearing a lifeguard's uniform.)
Cyanide: YOU BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU!?
(Levine flips Cyanide over, but Cyanide gets to his feet before Levine does.)
Levine: What the hell are you talking about?
(Cyanide spears the hell out of Cyanide, smashing him through the door. Cyanide gets up and pulls out a notepad and pencil.)
Cyanide: Now, I'm gonna have to put you on my list of potential hazards to swimming pools and beaches...
(Cyanide writes his memo, while Joey Malone stands over Evan.)
Joey Malone: Hey, Evankins... you okay?
Levine: Uhhhnnnn... kill you....
Malone: I'll take that as a yes. =)
Levine: Kill... you... uggghhhh.....
Malone: See you...
(Malone leaves, as Cyanide leaves his "LIFEGUARD PENALTY" ticket on Levine's forehead, and he leaves to. The scene fades to black.)
GP:And folks, barring any further interupts, our main event should be up next... Donnie Daze, and Sam Potright, will battle it out for the richest prize in the game...
(The camera fades out to the backstage, as we see the three men from Channel X. They are all standing around, waiting for a ride.)
Bunny:When the hell is he getting here?
Kevin:Should be rather soon. Then we can cut off tonight's card, and we can end our relationship with the IWO... finally!
Voice:Hey, that's not exactly the way to go... Mister Service...
Kevin:What the hell?
(Vice President Ford steps out from the shadows.)
VP Ford:Don't you think I know what you're trying to do? You're trying to break our contract, force us into a position we don't want. So, you're going to keep the show tonight on as long as need be... YOU GOT THAT?!?
(Ford walks away, as we fade back into the arena. We hear the tunes of "Hemmorage" by Fuel begin, as the fans immeidatly begin to cheer. The camera however focuses on the Heavyweight Championship, which is hanging from the rafters.)
GP:There it is... the richest prize in this game. The belt, the championship that everyone out there pushes their bodies for. It's what forces men to bleed, sweet, destroy themselves and everything they care about... it's the world...
JT:Jeez, if it was incinerated, you'd give it a freakin' funeral.
(We fade out to the entrance, as we see none other than Sam Potright. Along side him is none other than Beth Potright, his lovely wife.)
GP:And there is the true champion, the man that never should have lost the title in the first place, but due to Hardcore Isoceles Trapezoid, will have to put his body on the line like no other for the World Heavyweight Championship...
JT:Oh, bitch bitch bitch...
("Your Disease" by Saliva hits the pa system, as the fans begin to give a mixed reaction to Daze. Out from the back, he comes walking, as he has a ladder in his hand. He's not going to wait or use the ladder that's in the ring currently, as he races out. He tosses the ladder into the ring, as Potright comes flying off the ropes, and dropkicks the ladder into the midsection of Daze.)
*Ding, ding, ding*
GP:And Potright isn't waiting either, sending that ladder and Daze flying on the outside!
Nikki:And Daze hits the barricade hard, as Potright comes out as well. Potright hammers at Daze at the temple with a right hand, and immediatly tosses him onto the ladder with a hip toss.
(Daze screams in pain, as he clutches his back. Potright scowers under the ring, and pulls a steel chair out. Potright takes a wild swing, sandwiching Daze in between steel.)
JT:And Daze loses a rib...
GP:Dear god! That was vicious!
(Potright takes the steel chair, and slides into the ring. Potright begins to climb up to the top rope.)
GP:He's not going to...
(Potright leaps, going for an arabian facebuster with the chair, however Daze has the hindsight to roll out of the way, and underneath the ring. Potright lands with a thud, as he immediatly grabs at his tail bone.)
GP:Daze is sure lucky he moved out of the way of that.
(Daze rolls back out from under the ring, holding another ladder with him. Daze takes a wild side swing, sending Potright back first onto the ladder himself.)
JT:What velocity! Daze and Potright are taking it to one another for the gold right now!
Nikki:Daze is rolling Potright off of the ladder, and now opens it, and shooves Potright back in! This doesn't bold well for Potright!
(Daze is shown shutting the ladder, as he takes a steel chair, and whakes the top with as much authority as possible. The ladder crumples around Potright, who is definitly feeling the wear and tear of being champion.)
GP:Wicked. We've seen tag team specialists destroy each other in these types of matches, but the single ladder matches are still definitly some of the hottest action around.
(Daze picks Potright up, and tosses him back into the ring. Daze sets up a ladder on the outside, which seems to be rather larger, hitting the top of the ring, and even a little bit further up. Daze then grabs the other ladder, the crumbled and destroyed ladder, and throws it into the ring. Daze begins to slowly make his way up to the top of the outside ladder, as Potright is slowly getting up himself in the ring.)
GP:Daze is climbing up, he's going to go for some sort of high-risk move on Sam Potright...
(Daze reaches the pinnacle of his climb, as he takes a sturdy step, and leaps off, into the ring. Potright however, seeing Daze in mid-air, grabs the ladder, causing a cross body attempt on Potright, to turn into a cross body onto a ladder.Daze falls into a heap, as the shear distance and speed of Daze pushes Potright down onto the canvas.)
GP:DEAR GOD! I've never seen anything like that! A purely wicked counter by the TRUE World Heavyweight Champion!
JT:Why are you ragging on Daze so much?
GP:I'm not, I think Daze is one hell of a wrestler, but Hardcore screwed Potright, which is why I'm rooting for Potright.
Nikki:Ever hear of Impartiality?
(We see Potright staggering to his feet, as he grabs the crippled remnents of the ladder in his hands. He sets it up, underneath the World Heavyweight Championship, as we see a disshelved Daze roll out of the ring. Potright slowly climbs up to the top, due to the fact that he has been beaten to all hell. Daze however, slowly climbs onto the apron, and sees Potright near the world championship. The Ladder is tettering back and forth, due to it having a crippled fourth leg, as Daze sees this as well. Daze leaps up, with all his strength, and comes flying off with a middle dropkick, tettering the ladder even further, and sending Potright down onto the top rope, crotch first.)
(Beth Potright screams, as Sam Potright falls down onto the apron. Daze comes over, and pulls something out of his tights.)
GP:What does Daze have?
(Daze reveals it to be none other than handcuffs, as he grabs Daze's arm, and cuffs him to the bottom rope.)
JT:Daze is going to cheat to win! GO DAZE! I ALWAYS LIKED YOU!
GP:The, desire to be champion... Daze must want to pull out all the stops!
(Potright struggles to get himself free, but it seems like he just can't do it. Beth is screaming for help, but of course, due to the pre-match stipulation, no one can come out and help. Daze sets up the ladder in the middle of the ring, as he slowly begins his upward climb. Potright begins to frantically search for something, as does Beth. Potright looks underneath the ring, and pulls out, what seems to be a huge machine of some sorts.)
GP:Daze is almost there! Come on Potright!
(Daze is slowly trying to reach up for the World Title, as Potright lights the bottom rope on fire, as it burns through the rubber and through the nylon in the middle.)
GP:Potright's free, and the ring is ON FIRE!!
JT:Dear god! how many rings can be on fire in a year.
(Potright immediatly races up the ladder, as Daze begins to hammer him before he can get all the way up. Daze begins to smack at the belt as well, which causes the belt to swing. Potright catches Daze, as Daze catches Potright. Daze then leaps, and grabs a hold of the IWO title. He's swing back and forth in mid-air, pendulum style.)
GP:Daze is looking to grab that belt with his life! And Potright leaps as well!
JT:AGAIN! AMERICAN FREAKIN' GLADIATORS!
(Potright and Daze are kicking each other violently, when Daze catches Potright square in the jaw. Potright falls down to the canvas, as Daze begins to attempt to rip at the World title.)
JT:COME ON DAZE!
(Daze rips at it one last time, as it opens up, but also forces Daze to fall, flying out of the outside and through the announcers booth.)
*Ding, ding, ding*
Meygon:Your winner... AND NEW... IWO... WORLD... HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!! DONNIE... DAZE!
(The camera zooms in on a fallen Donnie Daze, who is clutching the title like a new-born. We slowly fade out to the Copyright.)