Hostile Takeover for 12/??/00|
Live From Cassie's farm arena in Southeast Bumblefuck, Iowa!
*This arena is usually used for cow crap contests and pig beauty pageants, but now it'll be the home of the IWO's Hostile Takeover.*
6 Man Tag Team Match
Psycho Jay/Suicide Kings vs. Evan Levine/The Prep Kids
*At Utter Obliteration, Psycho Jay met Evan Levine for the World Title and The Suicide Kings defended their belts against The Prep Kids. In many backstage talks and promos, it was obvious that the Prep Kids were pulling for Levine and The Kings were pulling for Jay. Now the participants in both matches will take sides and do battle to hopefully put an end to the bickering and fueding. Something tells me this won't work however.*
United States Title Match
I am Your Bitch Match
Ash Robinson defends against Donnie Daze
*Daze and Robinson have had quite a feud that has even crossed federations from the IML to the IWO. Now Robinson has already gained a title while Daze has yet to get a taste of gold in the IWO. Robinson has also never been able to defeat Daze, but now he must in order to retain his newly won US title belt. The match is a regular pinfall match with no DQ, but the loser will have "I am
TV Title Match
Spaz defends against Simon Seamen
*With the array of new talent now in the IWO, many of the younger and newer stars will be getting shots at the TV Title which will be defended at every Hostile Takeover. This week Simon Seamen will try and grab some gold after his loss at Utter Obliteration, while Spaz will attempt to hold on to his TV title and bring meaning to it like he proclaimed he would.*
Low Low Prices Match
Extreme Title Match
Samuel Potright defends against Mike Marchese and The Mysterious Birdman 0¿0
*Marchese wanted Potright, he gets Potright as well as an Extreme Title shot, but they will also have to contend with the Mysterious Birdman 0¿0. This match takes place inside of a local Wal Mart. Simular to the dredded Utter Obliteration match, the timer is set to 30 minutes. The automatic doors are sealed shut until the time expires. Whoever has the most pinfalls when the time is up wins the match!*
North American Title Shot Match
Mike Extreme vs. Aaron Kain
*The winner of this match will recieve a North American Title shot next week on HT. Mike Extreme has a chance to go after the second highest title in the IWO and this may be Aaron Kain's final chance at glory as his success has been very sporatic.*
Hardcore Match(aren't they all hardcore?)
Cyanide vs. The Id
*Cyanide blames the ID for losing the US title at Utter Obliteration because The Id was pinned for the belt. So the self-proclaimed richest man in the IWO Cyanide requested a hardcore rules match against the mysterious man that calls himself The Id. Will Cyanide exact his revenge, or will The Id get back on the winning track.*
Tag Team Match
The Empire(Kefka and Dalton) vs. Shawn Arrows/Eric Reed
*Both of these teams are new to the IWO and both are eager to get into the ring.
Return to Action Match
Ligil vs. Justin Shack
*Both of these men will make their in ring return to the IWO. Will Shack be as effective as he once was before he left for the WWR? Will Ligil show any ring rust? The only way to tell is to watch this match that promises to be a huge battle between two of the top IWO superstars trying to make a name for themselves once again.*
Return to Action Match #2
Joey Malone vs. Sparrow
*Malone wanted a tough match in his return.....instead he gets to face Sparrow. Malone has been heard saying backstage that sparrows suck and are the worst kind of bird. We'll see what goes down in this HUGE BATTLE!*
Magus vs. Carlos Lopez
*I honestly have no idea who Magus is or where he came from, so he'll get his chance to show us who he is in a match against Carlos Lopez, who hasn't done much of anything since returning to the IWO. As an added stipulation.....if Carlos Lopez fails to cut a promo for this match he is FIRED, and is Magus loses then we will continue not knowing who he is.*
(The cameras open up to Southeast Bumblefuck, Iowa where there are hicks, pigs, and farm animals alike lined along a make shift entrance way. The seats are made of bundles of hay, and there are many signs being held up but none of them are ledgible. The camera cuts to Greg Parker, JT, and Nikki sitting at their table which they had flown in from the IWO headquarters.)
GP:Well, there have been many questions ever since the main event at Utter Obliteration. A Pay Per View where Evan Levine won the world heavyweight championship, however he won it in a very different fasion...
JT:Hell, the god damn FWF interfered in our main event, and tried to screw over Jay...
(Cutting off JT, we hear some familar tones from "Loco" by Coal Chamber, but they seem to be really
low. The words "Pull" are shouted, as two chickens are sprayed with a stun gun. Flyer walks out from the
back, with the North American Championship rubbing against his "Lead by Example" t-shirt. He quickly
makes his way into the ring, being rather no-nonsense.)
Flyer:You all saw Utter Obliteration, am I right?
(There are a couple of cheers, and a few boos.)
Flyer:Yeah, Evan Levine is your world champion...
(People begin to throw things into the ring at the man who cost Jay his title.)
Flyer:Hold on, let me explain my entire situation before you boo me out of the ring. You don't believe
how long I've been wanting to do this...
(Flyer holds his head, as he shakes it, trying to get the words out correctly.)
Flyer:I only joined the Central Powers, because Tony wanted to become World Champion. Evan came along, and told Tony that if we joined, he would recieve the World Title Shot he's wanted since January. I, of course, being a good, if not best friend with Tony, went with him, supported him every way he went...
(Flyer leans back and uses the sledgehammer as a leaning post.)
Flyer:When Levine fired Tony, I have no clue to really go. I saw Coholic, and he was leaving as well, leaving
myself with Evan. Our little "elite" stable the Central Powers was falling apart, however Evan
promised me this, and he promised me that, and there's no way you can turn down the ability to get what you want, and that's that World Heavyweight Championship. Levine got me the shot with Jay, but what I didn't know is that Levine wanted to beat Jay, and not me. Levine screwed me out of the world heavyweight championship, and don't think I wasn't pissed as all hell!
(Flyer readjusts the North American Title, as he holds the microphone back to his face.)
Flyer:Guys, bare with me, I've got a little bit more of this story to tell, and it's not going to involve
little catch phrases or bite-offs of the WWF. Let's go a week before Utter Obliteration, when Evan Levine
called me into his office. He was discussing the whole I come down from the ceiling in a zip-line, and I was
fine with it. Levine and I had grown somewhat close, but in a spiteful way, and until I heard about
Goldman, I was all for it. Once Goldman came into play, and Levine began the idea of the whole FWF
taking over the IWO, I tried my best to stop it.... I tried so hard that I failed miserably, and knocked Jay
out cold... I couldn't believe it at first, I had failed at what I had done....
Voice:Just like all the other times Flyer... isn't that right?
(Flyer looks over to the entrance way as we see none other than LiGiL standing there with his new valet,
Flyer:You! You're the one who wouldn't let me fix my error! YOU! YOU PULLED ME UP INTO THE RAFTERS!
LiGiL:That's right Flyer. Of Course I did, because if you're not with us, you're AGAINST US!
Flyer:No LiGiL, I'm just ENTIRELY Against you! You don't get it, do you? You know what the FWF can do if they take over the IWO? They can just merge the two federations, and then they can fire you, and they can fire someone like Evan!
LiGiL:What about you you idiot! You'd be first to go!
Flyer:No, you see, I have talent, and charisma...
(Flyer smirks into the camera as LiGiL just gets an angry stare on his face.)
LiGiL:Listen Flyer, I've beaten you before, don't make me come down there right now and take you down again.
Flyer:Ha, I'd like to see you take anything down minus a thanksgiving turkey. Seems to me you put on a few
LiGiL:Actually, it seems to me that I'm in the best shape of my life, and if you want the match, we can
Flyer:You want a match against me?
(LiGiL of course, nods his head.)
Flyer:Well, we can work that out, but you know, I do have a busy schedule. Monday I get to take the World
title off the second worse World Champion of all time, the first being Gunnar Smith, and I shall be the World
Champion, where Evan likes it, or whether the FWF likes it!
LiGiL:You seem confident Flyer... let's see if you're that confident when I take you down and out....
(LiGiL drops the microphone as he heads to the back. Flyer scratches his head, and then does his customary
tomahawk chop to the audience, on all four sides of the ring. He then grabs his Sledgehammer, holds the NA
title above his head, as we see snow slowly fall down from the rafters.)
GP:Wait! Does this mean the Snow man is back?
Nikki:Just in time for the holidays, heh JT?
JT:I hate Christmas!
(The scene fades into My Dick's ofice. My Dick is in his spinning chair, as he turns around, he is shocked to find The Mysterious One standing in front of his desk.)
M Dick: (startled) What the hell do you want?!
?¿?: A Match, with Phelen Kell. And I want it tonight.
My DIck: (sigh) We've been through this before. Kell takes on who he wants to take on. Plus, I don't even know if he's going to be here tonight. I can't give you a match with a man that's not here... Can I?
?¿?: You are insignificant.
My Dick: Hey, no need for name calling. Keep that up and you'll be facing Eye Suk and Butt Thrilligan! Besides, If I can remember correctly, didn't you loose to High Flyer on Sunday?
?¿?: Yes, but I'm not asking you for a world title shot. I just want to fight Phelen Kell.
My Dick: Look, maybe I can grant you a match with him... next week.
?¿?: I want Kell now! I'M A LEGEND! I'M A HALL OF FAMER!
My Dick: Look, do you have an office with "?¿?" On the door?
?¿?: Well... No.
My Dick: Then you don't make the matches! And if you want Kell next week, you have to start sucking up... To My DIck! HAHAHAHA! (more laughter) I believe you know the way out.
(The scene fades as The Mysterious One exits My Dick's office.)
Return to Action Match #2
Joey Malone vs. Sparrow
*Malone wanted a tough match in his return.....instead he gets to face Sparrow. Malone has been heard saying backstage that sparrows suck and are the worst kind of bird. We'll see what goes down in this HUGE BATTLE!*
GP: Before we go to commercial.....
GP: Right now, I'm being informed that our up and coming star "K-Mart" Kevin Martin is getting prepared to go on his date with Arn Anderson,...
JT: WHY THE HELL WOULD HE DO THAT?
GP: Remember, JT, that was a stip of his second match with Billy Ray las,..
JT: Yeah, you'd remember that, Greg,......*cough*jobber fest 12*cough*,.....
Nikki: That's pretty rude, JT,...
JT: Shut yo' mouth, ho!
(Cut to scene of "K-Mart" Kevin Martin adjusting the bow tie on his tuxedo in an apartment,.....he's alone.)
Kevin Martin: Man, I'm so nervous. I haven't had a date in weeks,....and on top of that, it's a date with a legend! Why he's a legend, I don't know,...he's never been champ of a major federation,...just a TV Champ,...but still, he's ARN ANDERSON! He is redneck personified, and,....
(K-Mart gasps like a girl and starts to scream.)
Kevin Martin: ,...he's going out with me!!! Yessssss!!
(Kevin starts to hold his head in an attempt to calm himself.)
Kevin Martin: It's okay, it's okay, Kevin,.....get yourself together. Just talk to him about Rick Flair,...Terry Blanchard,....his brother Ole,.....the good ol' days of the Original Four Horsemen,...it's all good!!
(The door bell rings.)
Kevin Martin: OH MY GOSH, IT'S ARN ANDERSON!!!!!
(Kevin Martin runs to the door with a corsage,....he opens the door,.....cut to an over-the-shoulder shot of a man with brown hair and glasses. He has his hands on his hips.)
Kevin Martin: Hi,...
(Cut back to arena, where preparations are being made for the next match,...)
JT: That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard, seen, smelled,....you know.
GP: Well, my ornery colleague, we are not done yet, I have been told! We will keep track of Mr. K-Mart's date throughout the night.
Nikki: Poor Kevin,....he was so nervous.
GP: Well, I'm sure he'll overcome that, Nikki,..but the next match is of much more immediate importance,...
JT: Yeah,...and importance 10 years from now!
GP: Dick. We'll be right back!
(Cut to over-the-shoulder shot of Arn Anderson,....he has his corsage on his arm,...Kevin Martin is sitting down at a table eating with the legend at a fancy restaurant. Arn is eating a salad,......Kevin is eating a steak.)
Arn: So,..boy,...you say I'm your hero and wanted to eat dinner with me?
(Kevin realizes that he is staring at Anderson with a glassy look in his eye,...he catches himself and straightens up.)
Kevin Martin: Yes sir,...I've always been an Arn Anderson fan,...remember that time when you blew it for the Four Horsemen on Thunder when Eric Bischoff challenged you to an arm wrestling match with your bad arm?
(Arn's head is lowered now.)
Kevin Martin: And the stip was that Ric Flair would never wrestle again if you lost? MAN, YOU LOST PRETTY QUICK!!!
(Arn starts to cry,...K-Mart gets up and puts his hand on Arn's shoulder.)
Kevin Martin: Hey, man,...it's okay! Ric got back in the ring pretty quick,...I should've thought of a greater moment,...like when the nWo imitated you and the Horsemen from Pensacola,...and Curt Hennig betrayed you at War Games '98,...heh heh,...."It would be,....an honor,"...
(Arn starts crying even harder. Kevin Martin looks up, confused at why Arn got hurt more by what he just said.)
Kevin Martin: (looking off camera) Waiter,...check, please!!
(Fade back to arena)
Nikki: He's being mean to poor Arnie now!
GP: The man knows his WCW history,...
JT: He would.
GP: Well, whether K-Mart would or not,...we will capture the end of this "date" on tape, including,...
(Greg looks over at Nikki and starts getting excited like a school girl,...Nikki's excited too)
GP and Nikki: THE FIRST KISS!
JT: Am I the only one who is appalled by the blatant homosexuality going on during this date? I was starting to like K-Mart a little,.....
Nikki: Oh, shut up JT. You're just a homophobic, and on top of that, "K-Mart" Kevin Martin is not gay, he's just spending time with a wrestling legend. I think you're uncomfortable in your sexuality on top of that. You're always making sexist comments and horribly politically incorrect jokes. I can't stand you,...and plus, JT, anyone could make the assumption that you're gay just because you cheer on men who beat up other men in,...
JT: (ignoring Nikki's speech) QUEER!
GP: We've got another match to get to!
GP: Well, so far no sign of the FWF.
JT: Good, they suck.
Nikki: Oh you think anything that isn't IWO sucks.
GP: Next up we've got a tag team contest between a team newly formed in the IWO and a brand new tag team that is part of the newest stable in the IWO. Kefka and Dalton of The Empire will take on Shawn Arrows and his friend Eric Reed.
JT: Any relation to Butch Reed?
GP: I doubt it. Now The Empire has already made a name for themselves by interfering in the Mysterious One and High Flyer match at Utter Obliteration, while Arrows and Reed put Arrows' former partner Carlos Lopez out of action permanently.
Nikki: He is crippled, sad but true.
JT: Wait a second....if he's crippled then how is he wrestling later on tonight?
GP: I guess he's a true fighter....let's get to this match....
Meygon: Coming down to the ring first from who gives a fuck place in the universe cause no one give a fuck where they are from here is the team they call The Empire which features the combo of Kefka and Dalton.
(as One Winged Angel" by Yasunori Mitsuda plays over the amp in the arena as Kafka and Dalton come out of the back and begin to walk to the ring as Dalton smacks a little play full smack in the ass of Kefka as they get into the ring ready for their match)
Meygon: And their opponents for this match first from Greensboro North Carolina he weight in at 234 pounds and stands at 6 feet 3 inches tall he is a new force here in the IWO he is Shawn Arrows and coming along side him his partner for this match from who gives a fuck USA is Shawn Arrows partner
(as Eric Reed and Shawn Arrows come running down to the ring they get in and these two young guys look ready and willing to get this match under way)
GP: Well this is going to be a very exciting match showing some of the young blood the IWO has gotten in here right after our last PPV.
Nikki: And what a PPV it was…….we say Evan Levine win the IWO World Title and walk out with Goldman from the FWF so where is the IWO World Title is it in the IWO or is it in the FWF who knows maybe we will find out later tonight.
JT: Whose gives a shit about this match four fucking jobbers sitting in the ring wasting my time cause I got to sit here and talk about this match. If any of these four ever win a title here in the IWO I might just quit my
fucking job. I am calling it now GP al four of these men will be out of the IWO in under two months cause they wont be able to cut it!
GP: Come on JT you are such as ass this match is about to get under way and here we go baby!
GP: And we are under way and what is going to happen here who will start out in the ring first in both these teams first match of the season. And we got Kefka for The Empire taking on Shawn Arrows for the other team as the walk around the ring standing toe to toe they lock up and Arrows throws Kefka off of the ropes!
Nikki: Whoa and Kefka is crushed with a clothesline and he hits the mat hard but he is right back up and Arrows is right on top of Kefka taking him back down to the mat with an arm bar.
JT: And one scrub has the other scrub locked up bla bla bla who fucking cares.
JT: What the hell was that for bitch?
Nikki: Just do you job that we are paid for!
GP: Well…….back to the fighting action in the ring. As Arrows is still working on the arm bar he is moving Kefka around the mat and working him round and round. As Arrows takes in Eric Reed into the ring as Reed stomps onto Kefkas arm that is still locked up in the arm bar.
Nikki: As Reed picks Kefka up by the hair and throws Kefka off of the ropes and Kefka comes back with a kick in the ribs of Reed and Kefka goes quickly for the corner and tags in his partner Dalton the other half of the empire.
JT: And the white trash Dalton is in the ring and Reed and him are staring each other down as they lock up in a test of strength in the middle of the ring as they lock up Dalton kicks Reed in the balls dropping Reed to the mat like a sack of bricks. Ha ha I am starting to like that jobber Dalton he knows how to get the job done in there.
GP: Figures………and Dalton scoops up Reed and picks him up………POWER BOMB……right in the middle of the ring Dalton nailed Reed with a mother fucking power bomb what a move by the big man. And Reed is laying down on the mat and he is hurting and into the ring comes Arrows and he hits Dalton
with a clothesline knocking Dalton to the mat giving Reed enough time to get his head together.
Nikki: As Dalton walks over to pick Reed up by his hair again Reed nails Dalton with a low blow as Reed tags in Arrows and Arrows goes to the top rope and Dalton is still stunned from the low blow to his nuts. Arrows is going Extreme here………and he is off of the ropes and he nails Dalton with a flying cross body off of the ropes what a key move by Shawn Arrows man that guy is a real player here in the IWO what a good future that kid is going to have.
JT: Future my ass………this is his past present and future all here in one match.
(as JT laughs out loud at his joke but no one else laughs at him)
JT: And Arrows is up and he took some damage from that move also. As Arrows runs off of the ropes and he is going for a leg drop and he goes for it and Dalton moves out of the way and Arrows hits hard onto the mat. And Dalton is rolling towards the corner and tags in Kefka his partner and Kefka picks up Arrows on his shoulder and Dalton is on the top rope and Dalton his a missile kick off of the top rope knocking Arrows into the corner for the ring and the fans are going nuts here!
FANS: YOU GOT FUCKED UP!!!!!! YOU GOT FUCKED UP!!!!!! YOU GOT FUCKED UP!!!!!
JT: Boys are these fans pumped!
GP: And I think that Arrows maybe hurt from that fall man he got hit hard. And Kefka is on the prowl now and he picks up Arrows and he is calling for a finishing move of some sort almost like a piledriver he has Arrows up and Reed comes in from out side of the ring and hits Kefka with a baseball slide taking him out and stopping the finishing move.
Nikki: What a smart move by Reed right there. And both men are down and Kefka is grabbing his ankle I think he might be hurt as Arrows gets over to the corner and tags in Reed and Reed is in the ring and watch out here comes Dalton and down goes Dalton with a clothesline and Reed throws Dalton out side of the ring and man Dalton landed hard on his back.
JT: Thank god Reed is going to end this Reed picks up Kefka and hits a Neck Breaker on him and there is the cover by Eric Reed!
JT: And thank god for Eric Reed he has ended this match and we finally have a winner in the battle of the mother fucking jobbers!
GP: What a great start for Eric Reed and Shawn Arrows they are going to have some great careers here in the IWO as singles and as tag good luck to them and their opponents The Empire.
Nikki: Great match and lets go to Meygon for the official ring side announcement of the winner!
Meygon: And you winner of this match is Eric Reed and Shawn Arrows!!!!!!!
GP: Arrows and Reed pull off a maj.....what the hell. Kefka and Dalton had rolled out of the ring and their back in with chairs! NO! THEY LEVELED ARROWS AND REED FROM BEHIND!
JT: Now here come the other guys....whoever they are.
GP: Magus and Sephiros! They are decimating Arrows and Reed! This isn't right!
Nikki: It's never right when the odds aren't even, but who's gonna stop these guys?
JT: Apparently nobody....they're leaving Arrows and Reed laid out and bloodied in the ring. Blood rules.
GP: Well this situation does not, The Empire needs to be controlled. We'll be back after this.
(The fans are still screaming loudly in Cassie's barn in Bumblefuck, Iowa. Suddenly, "Break Stuff" by Limp
Bizkit hits on the PA system and blows out one of the cheap speakers in the upper deck of the barn. Mac D.
then comes walking to ringside with a microphone. He is wearing a black "Mac D." t-shirt, black nylon pants
with a red stripe down the side, and his hands and wrists are taped up with medical tape. Just as he's about to step into the ring, he steps into a huge, steaming pile of pig shit. He looks down in disgust, and pulls his boot out of the pig shit as flies circle around his now shit-covered boot. A farm boy runs over with a water hose and drenches his boots in water, washing off most of the shit.)
Mac- HEY! Billy Bob Joe!
((An ugly ass hillbilly turns and faces Mac D. The man is wearing overalls and has huge buck teeth, he
also isn't wearing any shoes.))
Mac- Clean this nasty shit up!
Billy Bob Joe- DER! Yes sther mistha Mac Dee sther, wight away!
((Billy Boe JOe then reaches down and picks up the entire pile of pig shit in his hands, and runs backstage with it.))
((Mac shakes his head in disgust and then climbs up the ring apron, and into the ring. The fans go silent, and Mac begins to speak.))
Mac- Alright Iowa, listen up. I frankly am not exactly thrilled to be here. Personally, coming to shitholes like this, is what makes me regret ever becoming a professional wrestler. But, I gotta do what I gotta do. Now, I'm sure most of you have no fucking clue who I am. That's fine, I don't expect you to. Hell, you're from Iowa...most of you don't even know who your fathers are. But, let me just tell you that I am the undisputed, greatest IML² Atlantic Champion and the one that kept the IML² on it's feet for as long as it was. But, that was then and this is now. Frankly, I'm not here to prove myself as "the best wrestler the IWO has ever seen" although in the coming monthes, you'll see that I clearly am. No, I'm not here for anything really, just the money. And like I said at the PPV, I'm here for the money and the fact that I get to hurt people.
JT: Oooo, this guy's real tough.
Nikki: Shut up and let him speak jerk.
GP: I've seen this young man in the IML², he has a lot of talent.
Mac- Yes, that's exactly what Mac D. does...hurt people. Sure, Mac D. can do the same old same ole, lock on an armbar and try to make your opponent tap out hell, that's pretty damn simple. But, Mac D. likes to take things to the next level, which is exactly what he plans to do here in the IWO. Mac D. plans to take things to the next level. Mac D. plans to, make quite a few people bleed. Mac D. plans to, slam quite a few people through burning tables. And Mac D. might even be planning on slamming quite a few people, into containers filled with glass. He'll more than likely do all that in one night though. Because you see, Mac D. is one extreme mother fucker. Mac D. is willing to do almost anything for a win, and that I can asure you. If it means that I have to get thrown into a barbed wire spidernet while lit on fire well, then I suppose I'll have to do that.
JT: Why is he referring to himself in the 3rd person?
GP: He sure is an arrogant son of a bitch that's for sure.
Mac- So let me asure all you hicks, I mean...fans, here in Iowa, and everyone watching around he globe...just a couple things. Mac D. has arrived. Things are going to change now. The way you watch a
wrestling match, will never be the same. Mac D.'s going to be taking that TV 14 label off the IWO shows,
and set it straight to NC 17. And that, you can bet your ass on. Now, play my music you sons of bitches!
("Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit hits on the PA, and Mac D. steps down from out of the ring and begins to make his way up the entrance ramp as the crowd begins to boo.)
GP: Well Mac D is looking to make an impact on the IWO during this trial contract period.
JT: I hope it stays a trial period, send his ass back to the minors!
Nikki: You've probably never even seen him wrestle JT.
JT: So what, I saw that just now.....it's enough.
GP: And we're back!
Nikki: Well, Cyanide's pissed off.
JT: Understatement of the year, Nikki.
GP: I'll say. Cyanide just came off a big loss to Ash Robinson in which Robinson didn't even pin Cyanide to become champion.
(Suddenly, "SUPER JANITOR RAP" by Janitor One and Janitor Four plays as The ID comes out.)
JT: Why is the ID coming out to THAT music?
GP: Because we forgot what his theme music was.
Ring Announcer: The following contest is a Pit of Wild Boars match. The rules are simple... YOU THROW YOUR OPPONENT INTO A PIT OF WILD BOARS! *crowd pops* First... from Northwest Bumblefuck, Iowa *crowd boos*, weighing in at some weight that we don't know... he is THE I.D.!
(The ID walks into the ring and waits for his opponent.)
("Terra Firma" by Tommy and Phil Emmanuel plays as Cyanide, accompanied by Callista and Stephanie, who are armed with tasers, presumedly for their own protection, comes out to a decent pop. Behind Cyanide, Callista, and Stephanie is Angry Johnson, who has with him a chainsaw and is revving it up as he walks down the aisle.)
Ring Announcer: And his opponent... being accompanied by the lovely Supermodels, Callista and Stephanie... as well as the IWO's Rouge Reporter and Cyanide's cameraguy, Angry Johnson... he comes here
tonight, originally from Canterbury, New Zealand... and weighing in at three hundred, fifteen, and three-fourths pounds... he is the big shot... the star of the Max Carnage series... he is the master of the Dark Side of the Moon among many other moves... he is... Mr. Bigtime... HE IS CYANIDE!
(Cyanide gets in the ring and starts kicking ass.)
GP: And here we go! Cyanide with some right hands to ID!
JT: And some more rights!
Nikki: Now Cyanide sends ID off the ropes and catches him with a belly to belly suplex!
GP: Now Cyanide's already bringing in various weaponry! The supermodels just brought in three tables and two chairs!
JT: And a partridge in a pear tree!
Nikki: That was a bad pun.
JT: No, SERIOUSLY! The supermodels just brought in a pear tree with a partridge in it!
Nikki: Well, I'll be damned.
GP: Cyanide sets up a table in the corner, and the ID tries a right hand, ducked by Cyanide... GERMAN SUPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE!
JT: The ID rolls out on the floor, but here's Angry Johnson with that chainsaw! But the ID rolls back in!
Nikki: Only to take a WICKED chairshot from Cyanide!
JT: Man, the ID is like a pinball right now!
GP: KICK WHAM STUNNER!
GP: Sorry. Cyanide just hit a stunner.
JT: Cyanide goes to pick up the ID but the ID catches him with a low blow!
GP: Double-arm DDT by the ID!
Nikki: Now the ID has the advan- nevermind.
GP: Angry Johnson just hit the ID over the head with a discarded beer bottle!
JT: Yeah, but what happened to the chainsaw!
Nikki: I think it jammed!
GP: Angry Johnson throws it in the ring, anyway!
JT: Cyanide has the broken chainsaw by the chain!
GP: DEAR GOD! CYANIDE JUST WASTED THE ID WITH THE CASING OF THAT CHAINSAW!
JT: THE ID ROLLS OUT TO AN AREA OF THE RING THAT ISN'T OCCUPIED BY ANY ANGRY JOHNSONS OR SUPRMODELS!
Nikki: THAT'S NEAR US!
GP: Cyanide rolls out to the floor as well, and ID tries to swing at him! Cyanide sucks the chairshot, grabs him from behind...
JT: T-BONE SUPLEX INTO AN AUDIENCE MEMBER!
Nikki: THAT AUDIENCE MEMBER GOT MORE THAN HE BARGAINED FOR THERE!
JT: Wait! That distraction has another male audience member chasing the Superm- wait, no! GROIN KICK OF DEATH BY CALLISTA!
GP: Ahahahahaha! Now they're tasering him in the nuts!
Nikki: Meanwhile, the ID has gotten back on his feet and he hits Cyanide with a knee lift!
GP: SUPERKICK! SUPERKICK BY THE ID!
JT: The ID with control... er, wait... what's Angry Johnson doing?
Nikki: Angry Johnson has a chair and he throws it at the ID, who catches it...
JT: AND TAKES A BIG BOOT FROM CYANIDE!
GP: Sort of a Van Daminator-like move!
JT: Now Cyanide picks the ID back up and sets him up...
Nikki: GROIN CLAW!
JT: THIS COULD BE...
GP: T2: TESTICULAR TERMINATION(Groin-claw into spinebuster-style powerbomb)! THAT'S IT! CYANIDE'S GOING TO PUT THE ID AWAY!
JT: THERE'S THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON(Camel clutch with Full nelson)!
Nikki: The ID is tapping, but the ref is telling him to throw him into the wild boar pit!
JT: DARK SIDE OF THE MOON PLEX(Release full nelson suplex)! RIGHT INTO THE BOAR PIT! THAT WINS THE MATCH FOR CYANIDE!
*ding, ding, ding*
Ring Announcer: The winner of the match... CYANIDE!
GP: Dear god you can hear The Id screaming as the boars tear into him!
JT: I love blood and gore but that is truly sickening.
Nikki: My stomach hurts.
JT: Too much protein will do that to ya.
GP: We'll be right back after this!
(As the camera pans in on Billy Ray standing in a Pig Pen with all of the pigs running around and shitting everywhere as Billy kicks one of the pigs the camera pans into him just standing there with a mic in his hand)
Billy Ray: I am here plain and simple to tell all of the fucking IWO I was fucking screwed at the IWO PPV. Why does a person just leave a title laying on someone’s chest he looses the fucking match and his title. But this little bitch AWS Man(also known as Bill) has been sucking so much cock in the back people give him breaks. Well no fucking more……..no fucking more from “The Drunken Bastard” plain and simple I am the IWO Pacific Champion so I am calling AWS Man(also known as Bill) out right now and telling him to
hand over his title to me right now!
GP: Is this guy actually serious?
Nikki: The Sad part is that I think he is!
JT: Got to love the drunken bastard he is sooooo right though. All hail the IWO Pacific Champion “The Drunken Bastard” Billy Ray. Go Billy!!
GP: Figures you would like this nut ball.
Billy Ray: I am giving you ten seconds to get your ass out here and give me my title or I am coming into the back to find your ass.
GP: Who is that at the top of the barn?
Nikki: I think it is AWS Man(also Known as Bill)!!!
JT: Noooooo watch out Billy!!!
(As the man on top of the barn jumps off of the barn from the very top and lands a double axe handle to the back of the drunken bastards back knocking him into the mud as Billy gets back up and the two men start going at it)
GP: It is AWS Man(also known as Bill) he aint backing down from this drunken idiot!
Nikki: Thank god the security is here cleaning out the ring.
JT: Fucking AWS Man(also known as Bill) what a fucking cock sucker!
GP: Watch your mouth, let's get to our next match....
GP: AWS Man(also known as Bill) and Billy Ray are not through with each other just yet!
Nikki: We have a great match coming up for you, a return match for two former IWO Superstars!
GP: LiGiL is gonna go up against Justin Shack, and right now it's just to damn close to call!!! Shack is an IWO Legend and Ligil could be a legend in the making.
JT: Well the only reason this match may be somewhat interesting is that it's taking place in this hick farm.
GP: The pessimist speaks again.
(We zoom into the barn where Justin Shack just bumped into Ligil. They start exchanging blows.)
GP: Oh boy! The match is going to start right out there in the barn! Shack and Ligil are just exchanging punch after punch. Shack blocks a punch and rams Ligil right into the barn door! Shack rears back and throws Ligil into the wall again. Shack now drags the dazed Ligil toward the ring and throws him in.
Nikki: Justin Shack rolls into the ring and starts stomping on Ligil. Shack picks Ligil up and sends him to the ropes ... back body drop is telegraphed and Ligil counters with a spinning neck breaker. Ligil now picks Shack up, scoop slam. Ligil off the ropes, leg drop on Shack!
GP: First cover of the night, one ... Shack easily kicks out.
JT: Well, it seems thta Ligil has taken the advantage to the match now. He takes Shack and hits a brainbuster. Shack rolls out of the ring dazed. Ligil comes right out for him. He lunges for Shack. Shack moves out of the way and Ligil rolls right into a cow. Now that's what a match is all about.
GP: Shack now with the element of surprise nails Ligil to the ground. Shack picks Ligil back up and rolls him into the ring. Shack picks Ligil up and knocks him down again with a drop kick. Shack now goes up to the top rope ... elbow drop on Ligil.
Nikki: Shack with a cover now. One ... two ... kickout by Ligil. Shack now whips Ligil into the corner. Shack now charges at Ligil but he moves out of the way. Shack goes face first into the turnbuckle. Ligil turns Shack around and starts stomping on him in the corner.
GP: Ligil now lifts Shack up onto the turnbuckle. Superplex by Ligil! What a move by Ligil! Ligil with a cover now, one ... two ... kickout by Shack.
JT: Shack ducks a punch and knees Ligil in the gut. DDT! Shack now runs off the ropes, leg drop! Shack picks Ligil up, overhead belly to belly suplex with a bridge! One ... two ... kickout by Shack!
GP: That was awfully close. Shack now stomps away on Ligil. Ligil grabs Shacks leg and rolls him over! Shack is taken by surprise, one ... two ... three we have a winner! Shack never expected that!
JT: Well that's Shack for ya, the midcard jobber reigns supreme!
Nikki: That was definitely a fluke, midcarder or not Shack would never lose that quickly.
GP: Agreed, but we've gotta take a word from our sponsors.....HOOKED ON PHONICS! I wonder who in the IWO could use that.....
(The scene opens up to a midget dressed as Evan Levine holding a plastic world title on one hand and Hooked on Phonics in the other. A midget dressed as Desiree Goldman is giving him head.)
Midget Evan: Haylow. Meye naem iz Aervn Laeckvarn, eye m dee eye double U Ow whirled hevywait champyun! Eye go wear eye m tudae becuz eye nevur uzed dis fing kalled huked un fonukes.
Desiree Goldman: FWF! FWF! cum! yes!
Midget Evan: Shee iz gud. ainyweigh, onlez U wunt tu tauwlk liek mee, U betur git huked on fonukes!
(The scene fades.)
Voice Over: The preceding was paid for by the coalition of IWO wrestlers against Evan Levine being the world champion, against the FWF having anything to do with the IWO, and against many other stupid angles being brought into ther federation by VP Evan.
(The scene fades to Donnie Daze is the locker room. He is getting ready for his match with Ash "Shadow" Robinson for the United States title, in an "I'm Your Bitch" match. His manager Joey Legion comes into the room with a branding iron)
Joey: I've got the branding iron.
Donnie: Great. I can't wait until I kick Ash's ass. So I can brand his ass.
Joey: You seem pretty confident for this match.
Donnie: Yep. If you ask me, it's all in the bag. I'm undefeated against Ash, and in these sorts of matches.
Joey: Streaks usually come to an end somewhere.
Donnie: Not this time. I plan on keeping this one going, and winning my first singles gold in the IWO.
Joey: Let's just hope that actually happens, and your career doesn't further disappoint your little flock of fans.
Donnie: Shut up. You should be encouraging me.
Joey: Alright Donnie. This is for the big time. If you lose, you'll more than likely never recieve another title shot in the IWO again. If you win, everything is good! So win! How's that for motivation.
Donnie: Works for me.
(Fade back to the announcers)
GP: Well fans we're back, and something tells me that commercial we saw wasn't real.
JT: NO SHIT! It wasn't funny either, Evan doesn't sound like that!
GP: Well whatever, here comes our Television Title Match, which seems to have gained just a tiny bit of respect thanks to current IWO Television Champion Spaz.
JT: Who gives a shit about Spaz? He sucks. He had his chance to prove himself at Utter Obliteration and he blew it. Spaz will always be king of the jobbers.
Nikki: Will you shut up JT? Spaz has been gaining a lot of respect from other wrestlers here in the IWO but his opponent tonight is looking for a reason to get some respect himself. And I think he is VERY "Supersexy!"
JT: You just like him because his last name is similar to "sperm", whore.
JT: COME ON! SLAP ME AGAIN DAMMIT! LET'S GO FOR THE RECORD!
GP Um, ok, I'm getting scared so let's get on down to Meygon for the match introductions and get this match underway.
Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is for the IWO TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP! Making his way to the arena, a former member of the IML, here is SIMOOOOOOON SEEEEEEEEEAMAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!!
Nikki: Damn, Simon is looking hot tonight. He could very well take that title away from Spaz tonight.
GP: That is very true. Anything could happen here in the IWO.
Meygon: And his opponent, he is the current IWO TELEVISION CHAMPION! Being accompanied by The Cactus, here is SPAAAAAAAAAAAZZZ!
GP: Spaz looks to be pretty pumped up tonight as well.
JT: Spaz is going to kick Simon's ugly ass. No doubt about it.
Nikki: SIMON IS NOT UGLY ASSHOLE!
GP: Somebody turn their mics off. We're ready to get underway!
GP: This should be an interesting match. Both men are pretty light in weight so this could turn out to be a thriller. Spaz and Simon lock up, Spaz gets Simon in a front arm lock, Simon, looking for a way out...he flips around and Flips Spaz Over! Nice move by Simon Seaman.
Nikki: Simon now, in control as he begins kicking Spaz into the ground. He's wasting no time trying to take the early advantage in this match. Simon picks up Spaz and nails a swift sabot kick! Simon goes for the cover...
NOO! Spaz kicks out. We just about had ourselves a new Television Champion. Spaz now staggering to his feet. Simon, grabs Spaz's head and Bulldog!
JT: Hey Nikki...which do you prefer, Bulldogs or Weinerdogs?
JT: Well I just figured you liked dogs since your a bitch yourself.
JT: YESSSS!! CMON!
GP: Anyway, back to the match. Spaz is in trouble as Simon as climbed to the top turnbuckle. The fans are chanting "S3" as he signals for a frog splash!
Nikki: S3! S3!
JT: Shut Up! Shut Up!
GP: Simon leaps...and NAILS IT! HE COVERS!!
THRENO!!!!!SPAZ KICKED OUT! SPAZ KICKED OUT! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! Spaz on his feet now as Simon signals for the turnbuckle. Simon Seaman sends Spaz over to the turnbuckle. He sets Spaz up on the top...what's Simon doing.
JT: Simon is signalling for a SUPERPLEX! This could be it! Simon locks Spaz up...WAIT A SECOND! SPAZ BLOCKS IT! REVERSE AND!! SPAZ-OUT! SPAZ-OUT! SPAZ HIT IT! SPAZ GOES FOR THE COVER!!
THRNO!! I CAN'T BELEIVE IT! SIMON KICKED OUT!
Nikki: Both of these men have taken a beating! Both men are down now as the struggle to get up goes on. Spaz and Simon now struggling to their feet. Simon sets up Spaz and hits a spinning neckbreaker! He lifts Spaz up and his signalling for the West Coast Revelation! And nails it!! This could be it! The cover!
THREEEEEEEEEENO! MY GOD! IT TOOK SPAZ EVERYTHING HE HAD TO KICK OUT OF THAT ONE!! SIMON LOOKS MAD!
JT: Yeah, well he's not the only one. At least he doesn't have your hand tattoed on him...
Nikki: Yeah...but I'd love to get my hands on him....
GP: Damn this is irritating. Why can't I have my own show? Anyway, Simon Seaman has once again sent Spaz to the ropes and is now signalling for The Silencer! He hooks Spaz up and..>WAIT A SECOND! SPAZ REVERSES IT! SPAZTIC COMBUSTION! SPAZTIC COMBUSTION! MY GOD! SPAZTIC COMBUSTION WAS THE REVERSE OF THE SILENCER! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
JT: Spaz now on his feet as he signals for the SPAZM(Sky High)! AND NAILS IT! THE COVER!!
THREEE!! SPAZ GOT IT! SPAZ WINS!
Meygon: The winner of this match and STILL IWO Television Champion...SPAAAAAAAZZZ!!
Nikki: Spaz is lucky to pull off the win tonight. Simon Seaman seemed to have had his number. But that's what happens when you perform rookie mistakes. I don't think we've seen the end of Simon Seaman's chance at the TV Title.
GP: Fans, we'll be right back after this commercial break with more IWO Hostile Takeover action!
GP: Folks I've just recieved word that the IWO World Tag Team Champion Suicide Kings have entered the building!
(The camera goes backstage where the Suicide Kings are making their arrival for their first Main Event. They walk around the corner and come to the locker room of Psycho Jay and take a breath as they enter and we head back to the commentators.)
JT: I wonder what that was all about?
Nikki: Duh, the Kings probably wanted to discuss a strategy and trust for tonight.
JT: Or maybe they wanna attack Jay and leave him for dead?
GP: Highly doubtful JT, but we can never rule anything out of the ordinary here in the IWO, I mean look at this! We at a farm for Christ's sake.
JT: Hey look at that old heffer!
Nikki: I don't see a cow?
JT: Then you need to get yourself a mirror.... HHAHAHAOWWWWWWW!
GP: Could someone please get this chicken off my lap?
JT: I think he like you.
(GP grabs one of it's eggs and hits JT in face with it.)
JT: AHHH! YOU FAT FUCKER!
Nikki: Now that's funny...HAAHAHAHAHAHA!
GP: Time for our Extreme Title Match!
GP: We got a unusual match on the way for you right now..
JT: We have the return of ?¿?!!!! THIS IS GREAT!!!
Nikki: Sorry to dissapoint you, but 0¿0 is actually the name of the wrestler in this match.
JT: 0¿0?!?! What the hell is a 0¿0?!?!
GP: Its a guy that dresses up as a bird.. yes.. a damn bird!
JT: What a Gobbily Gooker rip-off! That guy was f'n sweet!
GP: Anyway, I'm getting word over the headset that we're ready to start this match!
(The scene cuts LIVE to the Wal Mart in which this match will take place! We see Sam Potright enter the store.. people that are in the store shopping for various Christmas items cheer as he enters..)
GP: The Extreme champion has entered the Wal Mart! But where the hell is Mike Marchese and Birdman?!
JT: Hahahahaha! Marchese comes out of nowhere and rolls that Wal Mart shopping cart into the side of Potright! Ha!
Nikki: Now where the hell is the Birdman?!
GP: Who knows and who cares.
Nikki: I DO! I LIKE HIS FEATHERS! They look so... soft.
GP: QUIET! ALL OF YOU! Marchese grabs Sam Potright by the neck! And he flips him into the shopping cart!
JT: Marchese is running full speed with the shopping cart with Potright in it!! HE'S GONNA RUN IT INTO THAT RACK OF WOMENS CLOTHING! YES!
GP: YES! Mike slipped in a area with wet floors! The cart spins and slides to a stop!
Nikki: Potright is getting out of the cart! He grabs the cart! And is repeatedly rolling it over Mike Marcheses body!
JT: Potright has let off the attack to show boat a little bit.. I'm wondering where the hell the Birdman is.
GP: Yes, I'm even curious now. Where the hell could he be?
(Suddenly, the scene cuts to the Layaway section of the Wal Mart. 0¿0 is seen trying to put a Butterfinger bar on layaway. The Wal Mart employee is trying to explain why that would be stupid.)
Wal Mart Employee: Umm.. normally we do not run a shortage of candy bars during Christmas sir.. I GARENTEE they will be here when you come back sir..
0¿0: EGAD MAN! GET YOURSELF OUT FROM UNDER THAT ROCK! WHAT IF HOMER SIMPSON TRIED TO GET HIS HANDS ON THEESE?! HE WOULD BITE MY BUTTERFINGER, JUST LIKE IN THE COMMERCIAL! YOU SEE WHY I'M HIDING THIS MAGIC CANDY BAR FROM HIM?! HE'LL EAT IT!
(The scene cuts back to the fighting)
JT: 0¿0 isn't even trying to fight in this match! He's Christmas shopping!
GP: Thats because he's an idiot, JT. Anyway, the fight has worked its way to the Cafe in the Wal Mart! Sam Potright, the Extreme champion, is buying a Icee! He takes a drink out of it and throws it all over Marchese!
JT: WAIT A SECOND! POTRIGHT IS TRYING TO RIP THAT BIG PLASIC ICEE THING AT THE TOP OF THE ICEE MACHINE! HE'S CRAZY! THE HINDU MAN BEHIND THE COUNTER IS SPAZZING! HAHAHAHA!
Hindu Man: Let go of my Icee ordiment or Allah will kill you with her many deadly hands!
GP: Sam rips the big Icee machine ordiment off the top of the Icee machine! AND HITS IT OVER MARCHESES HEAD! Theres a big dent in that ordiment!
(The Wal Mart intercom blasts alloud)
Intercom: Attention Wal Mart shoppers, Attention Wal Mart shoppers.. here is your LAST chance to get the toy everybody has been wanting.. Furby! And its on a SPECIAL CHRISTMAS SALE of $60! Plus.. we are now 10 minutes into the Low Low Prices Match! And remember.. shop Wal Mart!
GP: Ten minutes into the match and as it stands, no pins made by anyone!
JT: Marchese is running away from Potright! Potright chases him!
GP: Marchese is trapped at Aisle 3.. the electrical aisle! Potright grabs one of those digital cameras and swings it at Mikes head! OH DAMN! POTRIGHT ACCIDENTLY TOOK OUT A FEMALE WORKING AT THE STORE WITH THAT DIGITAL CAMERAS!
JT: He doesn't seem to care either! HAHAHAHA!
GP: Sam is distracted by it! Mike Marchese lunges at him! SPEAR TO SAM POTRIGHT! Potright falls into a huge display of camcorders! Mike Marchese runs at full speed! OH MY GOD!! THIS IS TERRIBLE!! HE JUST RAMMED POTRIGHT AT FULL SPEED INTO A SHELF FULL OF FUCKING CAMERAS!! PARTS OF CAMERAS LIE ALL OVER THE STORE!! GOOD GOD!
Nikki: Both men are down!
(Suddenly, we cut back to the Birdman as he looks at the Tickle Me Evan doll..)
JT: Now this asshole hasn't did shit in this match!
0¿0: This guy doesn't seem like $60..
(0¿0 pushes Evans stomach)
Tickle Me Evan: T-HEHEHEHE!!!!! T-HEHEHEHEHE!!!!! T-HEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!! DAT TECKLES..... JAYME STOP IT.....!!!.... IT TECKLES!!!
(0¿0 throws doll at some kid.. it pokes his eye out.. the camera fades back to the destroyed Aisle 3)
GP: Marchese has gotten up and is dragging Potright to Aisle 6.. the toy section!!
JT: Look at all of those overweight women fighting over that one last Furby up there!
Nikki: Hey.. 0¿0 is hiding somewhere in the Toy section! He'll have to fight sooner or later!
(A message over the intercom is heard)
Intercom: Attention Wal Mart shoppers, attention Wal Mart shoppers.. only 10 MORE MINUTES AND THE EXTREME TITLE WILL BE DECIDED! That is all..
GP: Ten minutes left, and still no pins!
JT: One of the fat women finally got the Furby!
Nikki: Mike Marchese grabs a fake IWO Extreme title off the shelf of one of the toy aisles and begins whipping Sam Potright with it! Wait a minute! Potright kicks out Mike Marcheses leg! And Marchese falls back and hits his head on a Psycho Jay Head Humping kit! Whats that doing on the shelfs of the toy section?!
GP: Potright begins pushing those huge medal shelves!! HE'S GONNA TRY TO KNOCK THEM ALL DOWN!!
JP: POTRIGHT KICKS A SHELF WITH HIS FOOT!! AND THEY ALL START FALLINGDOWN LIKE DOMINO'S!!!!! PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING, THERE ARE PEOPLE TRAPPED UNDER THOSE SHELVES!!!!!! THIS IS LAW SUIT PENDING!!!!!!
GP: POTRIGHT PUTS HIS BOOT ON MIKE MARCHESES NECK... PIN!!
Nikki: WAIT A MINUTE!! WHO IS THAT?!
GP: THE BIRDMAN HAS FINALLY ENTERED THIS FIGHT!! HE'S GOT A PLUNGER!! HE HITS SAM POTRIGHT OVER THE HEAD WITH A PLUNGER!!
JT: 0¿0 pulls something out of a Wal Mart bag! And its a Furby! What the hell is he gonna do with that?!
0¿0: HEY!!! I GOT THE LAST FURBY!!!!
Nikki: What the hell is he doing?! Does he want to get killed?!
GP: Look at all of those women rushing towards him!!! He's gonna be crushed!!
0¿0: HEY POTWRONG! CATCH!
(0¿0 throws the Furby into Potrights hands just in time.. the women all hit him at once, and begin tearing him apart.. about 30 of them or so..)
GP: OH FUCK! I FEEL SORRY FOR POTRIGHT ABOUT NOW!
0¿0: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! FOOLISH MAN!
GP: 0¿0 PINS!! 0¿0 PINS!!
Intercom: Attention Wal Mart shoppers.. 5 minutes left in this match. Only 5 minutes left.
GP: Wait a minute now! Marchese has climbed out of the rubble that was the Toy section! 0¿0 runs away! Mike lifts up Sam Potright and sets him up in a powerbomb! WAIT A MINUTE! POTRIGHT REVERSES IT INTO WAR WITHIN A BREATH (Evenflow Implant DDT)!! INCREDIBLE!
Nikki: HE PINS!
2.. 0¿0 INTERUPTS THE COUNT!
GP: 0¿0 IS A LITTLE BASTARD! NOW HE'S GOT THAT CAN OF RAID! HE SPRAYS RAID DIRECTLY INTO THE EYES OF POTRIGHT! THAT COULD BLIND HIM!
JT: 0¿0 GRABS POTRIGHT!! RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP TO POTRIGHT ON THE CEMENT WAL MART FLOOR! 0¿0 MAKES THE PIN!
Intercom: 3 minutes and 40 seconds..
JT: 0¿0 IS GOING TO ICE AGE III GUYS! HAHAHAHA! YES!
GP: HE CAN'T BEAT POTWRO - POTRIGHT!!
JT: HE IS NOW! 3 MINUTES LEFT! IMPOSSIBLE FOR SAM TO WIN!
Nikki: POTRIGHT IS SCRAMBLING FOR PUNCHES ON 0¿0! HE PINS THE BIRDMAN!
Nikki: Potright lights the Raid can on fire!!!! ITS GONNA EXPLODE!!! HE THROWS IT AT 0¿0!!! IT EXLODES IN 0¿0 FACE IN A BURST OF FLAMES!!!! PART OF THE MASK HAS BLOWN OFF!!!! ITS.. ITS....
GP: YOU CAN'T TELL BECAUSE OF ALL THE BLOOD ON THAT SIDE OF HIS FACE!!! 0¿0 FAINTS!! NOW WHATS POTRIGHT DOING?!?!
JT: HE'S CLIMBING ONE OF THOSE STORE SHELVES!!!! HE'S STANDING ON THE VERY TOP!! HE'S GONNA GIVE 0¿0 THE CHRIST AIR FROM THE TOP OF THAT STORE SHELF!!! WAIT A MINUTE!! MARCHESE IS UP!!!! HE HITS THE REFF!!! THE REFF IS OUT!!! POTRIGHT DIVES!!!! AND HE HITS 0¿0 WITH THE CHRIST AIR!!! BUT THE REFF IS OUT!!! POTRIGHT CAN'T MOVE!! 0¿0 IS CRUSHED!!! THE REFF COUNTS SLOWLY!!! ONLY 10 SECONDS LEFT ON THE TIMER!!
GP: GOD DAMNIT, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?! I SWEAR THAT WAS A THREE!!
(An instant replay shows that the reff didn't drop his hand fast enough in order to make it official!)
JT: YES!! BIRDMAN HAS WON!! AND HE'S GOING TO ICE AGE III!!
Winner: And new IWO Extreme Champion, "The Mysterious Birdman" 0¿0
Nikki: The Birdman has done it!! He is going to Ice Age again!!!
GP: DAHHHH! HOW THE HELL IS A GUY IN A BIRD SUIT THE EXTREME CHAMPION!
(0¿0 escapes through the automatic doors with his title, but he is severely damaged on the left side of his face.. then we cut to inside the store where Sam Potright and Mike Marchese continue to fight.. security breaks them up)
GP: And now IWO, we have to pay the bills... excuse us...
(The scene opens in the what looks like the locker room area, but could easily be a compost heap. As The Mysterious One is about to leave, he gets bumped into by High Flyer.)
Flyer: Oh, sorry about that.
?¿?: Watch where you step, moron.
Flyer: Hey, I beat your ass this past Sunday, so I should be telling you to watch where I step.
?¿?: You got lucky. Next time the luck won't be on your side, and you will cower as I step into that ring, staring you down.
Flyer: Me, cower? At the site of you?
?¿?: Look, I'll show myslef when everyone is ready for me to show myself. Untill then I'll leave you speculating. Speculating as to the possible abnormalities or deformities I wish to hide. Speculating the fact that I might just even be your closest friend. And Speculating the appearance of the man that will put you to rest.
Flyer: Whatever. Don't get in my way anymore.
?¿?: I can get in anyone's way if I feel like it.
Flyer: Do you want a repeat of the pay per view?
?¿?: Yeah, I think I do...
(The scene fades as these two stare each other down.)
GP: It looks like High Flyer's and The Mysterious One's fued isn't over just yet! Well guys, let's get this match going...
Nikki: And girls...
GP: Sorry... and girls...
JT: Only because she sucked you off last night
(Kain charges at Extreme, but he ducks and comes off the ropes nailing Kain with a hard clothesline. Mike
quickly drops to his knees and begins choking the life out of Kain as the referee counts. 1... 2... 3... 4...
5... he breaks the choke. He picks Kain up by his hair and begins to toss him around like a ragdoll. He picks
Kain up over his head and tosses him to the outside of the ring as he begins to taunt the referee.)
JT: Look at the power of the massive Mike Extreme!!
GP: He's a cheater JT!!
JT: Shut up Greg!
(Mike Extreme is about ready to hit the referee, when Kain comes from behind and locks on a sleeper. Mike
leans forward and tosses Kain halfway across the ring. Mike seems to have an angered look on his face as he hits a massive running legdrop that knocks the wind out of Kain. Mike stares at Kain, and as the camera
zooms in on Mike's eyes, you see that the ice blue color is gone, and there is now a fire there. He picks
Kain up and tosses him into the far rope and plants him with a massive powerslam! Kain seems to be out as
Mike taunts the crowd.)
JT: Look at the power! LOOK AT THE MASSIVE POWER!!
Nikki: He is strong..
(As Mike taunts the crowd, Kain seems to hit him with a low blow out of desperation. Kain then plants Mike
with a nice DDT and makes a quick cover, only for the two count. Kain hooks on a rear chin lock in an
attempt to make Mike submit, but Mike rams his large elbows into the side of Kain's head, and Kain releases
JT: That was a choke! Disqualify him ref!!
GP: That was a legal rear chin lock.. damn people.
Nikki: It was legal JT!
JT: Do I lie?
Nikki and GP: Yes...
JT: SHUT UP!
(Kain holds his head as Mike gets back up to his feet. Mike grabs Kain and tosses him into the corner, and as the referee accidentally gets in the way, he gets knocked out. Mike grins as Kain staggers backwards, right into a massive shoulder claw from Mike Extreme. Mike applies full pressure as Kain screams in pain.
Mike grins as he releases the hold, allowing Kain to crawl out of the ring and try to regain something to
use against Extreme. Kain turns towards the announcer table, as the giant arms of Mike Extreme come crashing down on the back of Kain's neck. Mike picks Kain up and applies a vicious torture rack.)
GP: HE IS GOING TO KILL AARON KAIN!
JT: Sitdown and shutup, it's only fair, I mean Mike did promise Aaron Kain pain, and Mike is a man of his
(Mike drops Kain back on the floor, and releases the Torture Rack. Mike goes to the other side and starts
looking for a table under the ring. As Aaron starts to get up, pulling himself up with the announcing
table, JT stands up and nails Kain right in the head with the Chair he was sitting in.)
GP: HEY THAT ISN'T FAIR YOU CAN'T DO THAT JT! THIS ISN'T A HANDICAP MATCH!
JT: This is the IWO! Anything can happen during a match!!
GP: Does that give you the right to interfere in matches? NO!
JT: He spit on me! No one spits on JT!!
Nikki: He didn't spit on you!
JT: Don't call me a damn liar! After all, the ref didn't seem to mind, he hasn't called a disqualification yet!
GP: THE REF IS KNOCKED OUT!
JT: That's no Excuse...
(Mike has finally found and table and is bringing it back over to where the busted open Kain is. He sets
the table up and gets up onto the apron. He waits for Kain to get up onto the apron, and as he does, Mike
hits a running powerbomb off the apron and through the table. The referee is begining to wake up as Mike
slowy begins to get up, appearing that he hurt himself. He gets up favoring his lower back, as he
tosses Kain into the ring, and follows. He gets Kain into the corner and onto the top turnbuckle, as he
grabs him by the throat and nails the Screams of Pain!!! The referee counts the one, two, and three.)
Meygon: Here is your winner... MIKE EXTREMEEEE!!!
GP: Mike Extreme will recieve a North American Title shot next week! We'll be back!
(The scene opens to Psycho Jay's "locker room" which is a horse stable. The Suicide Kings and Jay are discussing strategy.)
Jeff King: Ok Jay, so we're gonna work together tonight right?
Psycho Jay: ;-)
Shawn King: What's that supposed to mean? Why are you smiling and winking?
Psycho Jay: :-)
Jeff King: Look, all we wanna know is if we can trust you or not, I mean after that head humping and penis beating incident and all....
Psycho Jay: :-D
Shawn King: It's not funny!
Psycho Jay: :-D
Jeff King: Forget it man, just show up tonight and be our partner, but if you cross us then we'll kick your ass.
Psycho Jay: :-(
Shawn King: Later.
(The screen fades back to the announcers.)
GP: Next we've got newcomer Magus vs. the paralyzed Carlos Lopez.
JT: Why is this an upper card match?
Nikki: Just because it's the 3rd to last match doesn't make it upper card JT.
JT: This match should be on the card period! Who the hell is Magus?
GP: He's a member of the Empire, he was out here earlier tonight attacking Shawn Arrows and Eric Reed.
JT: .........drawing a blank.
GP: Whatever, let's just get to the match....
(Scene fades into Alexander the Great as he is taking over Persia.)
Alexander The Great: I've done it all. I've plundered lands, taken riches, become one of the strongest men in the area which will be known as Europe. But I feel somewhat empty, like something is missing.
(Top page to Alexander the Great approaches.)
Page: Sir, news comes from the future that Magus and Carlos Lopez are going to face each other in a competition of fighting in an IWO Hostile Takeover.
ATG: That is what my existance lacks! Quiet loyal page, I need to pray to Allah.
(Alexander the Great gets on his knees.)
ATG: Great Allah, allow me to travel into the future and announce the match between the great competitors Carlos Lopez and Magus.
(Cuts to Allah.)
(Alexander the Great is instantly transported to Hostile Takeover while the Hostile Takeover announce team is left in charge of taking over Persia.)
ATG: Ah! My life is now complete! I'm here to announce a real fighting contest. Now men, carry out the contestants.
(Armed middle ages warriors carry out Magus and Carlos Lopez and throw them into the ring.)
ATG: Battle warriors of the new ages! Carlos Lopez starts out with getting kicked in the ass by Magus.
Some kind of DDT like maneuver by Magus. I already bore of this semi technical stuff. Do real battle warriors!
(Carlos Lopez bitch slaps Magus. Magus hits him with the limp wrist of death (arm bar submission).)
ATG: This pansy crap. I want real fighting! Give them swords!
(Lopez and Magus are given sword.)
ATG: Hey, isn't Carlos Lopez paralyzed?
(Suddenly the monkey that was holding Carlos Lopez up runs away and Lopez is laying on the ground motionless. Psycho Jay walks out.)
Psycho Jay: :-*
(Midget Evan Levine walks out.)
Evan Levine: :-%
Psycho Jay: >:o
(Psycho Jay runs away as Midget Evan runs after trying to grab his ass.)
ATG: Just end him Carlos Lopez!
(Carlos Lopez tries to decapitate Magus but can't since he can only move his jaw muscles. He tries hard to pary with his teeth but it doesn't work.)
ATG: Fine then, Magus. Eliminate him.
(Magus grabs his sword and moves to decapitate Carlos Lopez when an army of flying...quick....think of something creative....birds! The birds which are actually Zebras carry Carlos Lopez off to be fed to their young.)
ATG: Great! The winner by victory is Magus!
(The announcers come back and are all dirty from battling for Persia.)
GP: Why does something odd like that happen at every card?
JT: I dunno but we kicked major ass!
GP: We'll be right back!
GP: We're back and we've got one more installment in the Kevin Martin and Arn Anderson date!
JT: Oh god....
(Cut to above shot of K-Mart and Arn Anderson walking down a city street,...in New York City, of course. K-Mart has his arm around Arn Anderson, and Arn is crying on his shoulder, with his two arms wrapped around Kevin's waist. Kevin is saying, "It's okay, it's okay." One cannot make out Arn's features, as it has been throughout this series of vignettes. Arn breaks his um,..."hold" on Kevin and starts to talk,...cut to familiar over-the-shoulder-shot of Arn.)
Arn Anderson: ,...and now I do nothing but work backstage at those horrible shows!!
Kevin Martin: I'm so sorry,....they treat you horribly, man,...
Arn Anderson: What AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE!?
Kevin Martin: I don't know, but I've had fun.
Arn Anderson: Me too.
Kevin Martin: Want to do it again sometime?
Arn Anderson: Like when?
Kevin Martin: Um,...
("Endless Love" starts to play as Arn Anderson starts puckering his lips,..Kevin Martin starts to move in,..then stops, smiles,...and runs off camera,...apparently Arn has his eyes closed. Suddenly, Arn is taken down by a pick-up truck,......Kevin Martin comes back on camera as he starts stomping helpless Arn Anderson. "Endless Love" has stopped playing now. He looks to where the truck just drove,....and he moves out of the way, because it backs over the legend. The truck stops,....IT'S Horatio Johnson, the Garbagial Engineer! He honks his horn,...it plays "The Streetbeater" by Quincy Jones (THE SANFORD AND SON THEME MUSIC!))
Kevin Martin: Come on Horatio, let's finish this mug!!
(Horatio gets out of the truck with his stainless steel garbage can)
Horatio: TIME TO TAKE OUT THA TRASH!!!
(Arn Anderson starts to sit up,...Kevin uses the opportunity to apply a cobra clutch submission hold.)
Kevin Martin: Hey, this is hardcore, isn't it, Horatio?
(Horatio has murder in his eyes, and Kevin notices it,...K-Mart gets out of the way, and Horatio picks up the downed Arn Anderson, strangling him by his neck,.....we see his features,..he's a FAKE!!! But Kevin Martin will keep on insisting that it's the real deal, for sure. Horatio throws him on the ground, and we hear the man yelp. Horatio then picks up his downed body and stuffs it in his garbage can. Kevin puts the lid on it and starts to cover the lid with masking tape. Kevin is mumbling to himself, but it can be heard just fine.)
Kevin Martin: Time for the hardcore tape,...then I make my speech,...
(Stymie kicks the garbage can,...it now has a huge dent in it, and it rolls off camera. Kevin Martin looks at the camera, and it zooms in on him.)
Kevin Martin: Time for P.O.'d face number 3,....
(Kevin Martin makes a P.O.'d face akin to that of one experiencing extreme constipation. He starts to yell.)
Kevin Martin: IWO! I AM ONE P.O.'D EMPLOYEE! YOU PUT ME ON THE UNDERCARD,....YOU PUT ME IN A MATCH WITH BILLY RAY,.....SO I CHALLENGED HIM TO ANOTHER ONE TO GET HIM SOME HELP! But you planned all along to have AWS Man (also known as Bill) to interfere, didn't you? WELL, RATHER THAN HURT HIM,...BECAUSE HE SEEMS NICE,....I'm GOING HARDCORE!!! FROM NOW ON, I'M COMING OUT TO MY MATCHES DRINKING!! (points to himself) I'm going to be the one cheating! I'm going to be the one who's getting gold! Ain't that right, Horatio?
Horatio: SHO' NUFF!
(Cop sirens fill the background,...Kevin speeds up his "speech")
Kevin Martin: So, you punks think I have no idea who I am, eh? Well, you're right. But Kevin Martin's going to start winning a lot more matches in the IWO,...what do you think about that,...wait, since I'm hardcore, I don't give a WHOMP'S HEAD what you think! (K-Mart walks off camera as we hear him whisper these words to his comrade) Horatio,...let's get out of here!!
(Horatio follows K-Mart,...and the camera zooms out as Horatio's pick-'em-up truck drives off in the city,...cut back to the arena, where the announcers all have their jaws open.)
GP: I cannot believe what I just saw,....
JT: I think I like K-Mart now, but I'm having trouble understanding what went down just now as well,....
(Nikki is the first to get a grip,...the others follow after she speaks.)
Nikki: Guys, I am appalled by Kevin Martin's actions as of late in the IWO,....he says he's going to be everybody's hero,..but he keeps on doing things to keep himself from attaining that status,...
GP: Yes, I actually thought that was really Arn Anderson until,...
JT: Can it, Parker! You know that was the real "Double A," but you just want to ruin our future T.V. Champ's credibility,....
GP: Future T.V. Champ?
(JT looks at camera, smiling as he plugs metldown with GP)
JT: Yeah, you haven't heard? K-Mart's getting a title shot against our current champ Sapz, this Monday at Meltdown!!
GP: Oh dear,.....
(The announcers break the "plug-in pretense.")
JT: And I can't wait to see K-Mart actually come out drinking malt liquor!
Nikki: He didn't say what he'd be drinking, you,...
JT: Pimps up, ho's down, bee-otch!
GP: We've gotta take a short break!
GP: We are back and this amazing Hostile Takeover is almost at an end, but we've still got 2 huge matches for you tonight! Right now Ash Robinson will go for his first ever win against his nemesis Donnie Daze.
Nikki: And if Ash doesn't win then not only does he get another loss to Daze added to his record, but he'll also lose the US title AND get "I am Donnie Daze's bitch" tatooed on his butt!
JT: I don't care who wins this one I just wanna see an ass get branded!
GP: This is going to be a good one. These two men truly hate each other. United States title match Donnie Daze verses Ash Robinson plus to add more to this match it is a "I'm your Bitch match". Anything goes in this match and the loser gets the words I'm "the losers" bitch on there ass.
JT: Ash is going to win this match I just know it.
Nikki: Well, we will just have to see but I wouldn't mind seeing Ash beat Daze since what happened at Utter Obliteration.
JT: We agree that is a first.
GP: This is going to be Daze's first singles title match here in the IWO I wonder how far he will go to win this match? Ash recently won his United States title and I can almost guarantee he wants to keep it who wouldn't if they were in Ash 's shoes? Well, it looks like they are ready to get this match under way lets head to the ring.
Ring Announcer: The following match up is an I'm Your Bitch match for the United States title!
Ring Announcer: Introducing first the challenger. Standing 6 feet and 3 inches tall and weighting 225 pounds from Port St. Lucie, Florida 2 time IML World Champion DOOOOOOONNNNNNNIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DDDDDDDDAAAZZZEE!
('What's My Age Again?' by Blink 182 blast over the PA system and Donnie Daze walks out. He starts walking down to the ring and giving high five's to the fans. He gets into the ring and starts jumping around.)
GP: Daze looks ready to get his first ever IWO gold here tonight but he will have to beat Ash Robinson who has looked very good in these past couple of weeks.
JT: Daze can't beat Ash without help from somebody.
Nikki: Daze has a small penis.
GP: Nikki you don't know that and that's not nice to say about him just because he rejected you.
Ring Announcer: Introducing next standing at 6 feet 5 inches tall and weighting 265 pounds from Los Angles, California the IWO United States champion AAAAAASSSSSSSHHHHH "SHHHAAAADDDDDOOOOOOOOWWW" ROOOOBBBBBIIINNNNNNNSSSSOOOOONNNNN!!!
(Deeper Underground by Jamiroqai blast over the PA system and Ash walks out with the United States title around his waste. He starts walking down to the ring and the fans are booing he isn't watching where he is going and he steps into some horse poop. Ash wipes it off as he walks to the ring. He gets in and takes off his US title and hands it to the referee.)
GP: Ash looks very confident that he will retain his title here tonight. You know he has never beat Daze in any kind of match.
JT: Yes, but every time Daze beat him he had help of some kind.
Nikki: You two stop it.
GP: The referee is ready to get this started...
Ding Ding Ding...
GP: Daze and Ash lock up and Daze sends Ash to the ropes. Clothes line by Daze and Ash is down. Ash is rolling outside of the ring.
JT: Good move by Ash to slow this match down he can't let Daze get on a role or this match will be over fast.
Nikki: Well, Ash doesn't want this match to turn into a hard-core match because he simply doesn't like them.
GP: Daze is now outside with Ash and remember folks anything goes in this match up. Daze has Ash by the hair and where is he taking him?
JT: It looks like they are heading to that barn.
Nikki: Daze just slammed Ash's head into the side of that barn. Daze just opened the door to the bar and he tosses Ash in there.
GP: That is a horse barn looks at all those horses I just hope neither Daze or Ash are harmed by one of these huge animals. Daze now has a whip. He is whipping Ash again and again. Ash's back is now bleeding!
Nikki: Finally Daze dropped the whip. He has Ash's knee the same one he hurt in the IML and he slams it down on the ground.
JT: Ash is holding his knee he may be hurt real bad.
GP: Daze is now looking for some kind of weapon he just picked up some barb-wire. This is not going to be good... Daze is now walking back over to where Ash is and Ash is still on the ground. Ash counters by tossing some dirt into the eyes of Daze.
JT: Ash is back to his feet and he just dropped kick the barb-wire back into the Daze's face.
Nikki: What a move! Daze dropped the barb-wire and Ash is hitting Daze with a lot of rights and lefts.
GP: Daze is down to one knee. Ash is rubbing Daze's head into the BARB-WIRE! The pain Daze must be in. Ash lets go of Daze's face and he kicks him in the stomach. Ash is going for the early pin...
Two.....NOOO Daze kicks out after a two count. Daze still has a lot left in him and he isn't going to let Ash get away with a pin like that.
Nikki: Ash is saying something to the referee is sounds like its something about a slow count but that looked like a good count to me.
JT: Where is Ash going now? He is in an empty stall.
GP: Ash is looking for some kind of weapon is what I would say but he will not get to one because Daze is right behind him and he just hit him with a double ax handle over the back.
JT: Daze's is face is bleeding from the barb-wire and Ash's back is bleeding from the whip that Daze used on him.
Nikki: If your just joining us its United States title match Ash Robinson verses Donnie Daze and its turning out to be a bloody one.
GP: Daze just grabbed a board and he hits Ash over the back with the board. Ash goes down to one knee. He hits him again Daze is going for the pin and the win...
Thr..............NOOOOOOOOOOOOoo!!! Ash kicked out but it was a very close count.
JT: Daze just hit the ground in frustration. What is he going to do to Ash next?
Nikki: Where is Daze going now?
JT: He is going to the second level of the barn and he is climbing the ladder.
Nikki: What is he going to do up there? This could get very dangers.
GP: I think that is what Daze wanted when he requested this match. Ash is back on his feet and Daze yells at him. Ash sees Daze. Now Ash is climbing the ladder up to the second level.
JT: Daze is tossing things at Ash but he is missing him. I don't think he can see to well with all that blood in his face.
Nikki: Ash is at the top of the ladder but Daze isn't letting him get to the top he is kicking him. Daze just missed a kick and Ash sees his chance to get all the way up there and he is up there. Both Daze and Ash high up in that barn.
GP: Ash charges at Daze but Daze trips Ash up and Ash falls on his face. Daze runs over to Ash and picks him up. NO, he isn't going to piledrived him. Something bad could happen this isn't a wrestling ring. He is just holding Ash up in the air and down he goes.
JT: Ash's head went through the wood floor. That had some power behind it. Ash's head has to be in so much pain right now.
Nikki: They are both lucky the top of that didn't fall down and both of them fall. But Ash just pulled his head out from the broken wood.
JT: That took a lot out of Daze and I think Daze smells victory.
GP: Daze rolls over Ash and he is going for the pin.
Thre......NOOOOOOOOOOOO he was less than a half a second away from becoming the new United States champion. How did Ash kick out of that he must want this win real bad.
JT: Daze picks up Ash but Ash has something in his hand it is that broken wood chips he just tossed them in his eyes. Daze is blinded!
Nikki: That could cause some permeant eye damage.
GP: SHADOW KICK SHADOW KICK! My lord Daze just feel off the second level of that barn all the way down to the ground. That is about 20 feet. Daze is broken in half!
Nikki: What is Ash doing? He isn't climbing down the ladder to go for the pin. He is just looking down at Daze. He is smiling.
JT: I know what he is going to do. Ash jumps and he nails Daze with a huge splash but he can't stay on top of Daze.
GP: Ash roles over on top of Daze...
THREEEEEEEE..........YES, Ash has beaten Donnie Daze!!!
Nikki: What a great match.
JT: It isn't over yet because Ash is about to brand Daze. There it is listen to Daze scream in pain. Daze now has the words I'm Ash Robinson's bitch on his ass forever.
GP: Ash Robinson is still the United States champion but barely.
(The fans are at a mediocre attitude, as they await the next thing to happen...then all of a sudden, "HAIL TO THE CHIEF" blares throught out the arena and the crowd stands up instantly, not knowing who is about to come down the aisle....then all of a sudden, Desiree Goldman of the Fans Wrestling Federation walks out onto the platform...she has a microphone in hand and she walks down the IWO ramp...the fans throw things at her and the fans boo her out of the building....she carefully climbs the steps and gets into the ring....she brings the mic to her face...)
Desiree Goldman: Thank you for that lovely introduction into the Internet Wrestling Orgainization.
(The fans continue to boo her...)
JT: What's this skank whore doing out here?
GP: She thinks she owns the IWO now.
Nikki: I could take her.
Desiree Goldman: You know what was one of the greatest turn of events in the history of wrestling? I will tell you what it is...the night that Evan Levine, the greatest IWO Champion in history, defeating cleanly and efficently, that no name, ass-clown by the name of, Pyscho Jay.
(The fans go crazy...)
JT: Well she's right, Levine is the man and Jay is a joke.
Desiree Goldman: In one night, I had a plan that worked, then my plain was destroyed, and finally rebuilt, into what I will call the greatest IWO Heavyweight Title match in the history of history...I came down the ramp, stealthy, and was telling the ref about his "shoelaces" and then when I was making it clear to the referee, a man who I was "friends" with, by the name of High Flyer, swooped down from the rafters and was about to hit my Evan Levine. How dare him...but because of the way that he had sinned and gone against the great, Desiree Goldman, Evan wound up ducking and Psycho Jay, was hit with that object. By then the referee had been notified about the "shoelace" and was back on track. Evan hit his finisher and now Evan Levine and subsequently, the entire FWF in one form or another, is the IWO World Heavyweight Champion!
(Bottles full of water are starting to be chucked into the ring, one of them nails Desiree right in the face. She stumbles backwards as the fan who threw it is dragged out and beaten half to death by security....)
Desiree Goldman: Ouch. I want to tell that High Flyer something...sweetie...I don't think you ever need to set foot on IWO turf ever again, because you turned on Evan Levine, and myself. I am a connected woman and when a woman wants something, she damn well means it. And if I want to get some of my boys from the FWF to show you what all those handicapped people are raving about, then I damn will do it. It's all about power and since the FWF is the leading force in entertainment, I thought I would bring the leading force of talent into my direction. Well I should say leading force of ONE talent. Because there is only one man worthy enough of being and FWF'er. He is the IWO World Heavyweight Champion, Evan Levine...
(Desiree takes the mic from her face to rest a little.....she is vasking in the boo's...)
Desiree Goldman: When Evan Levine won the championship, right then, I knew. I knew that the IWO would be ours. I knew that soon the IWO would become an expansion of the FWF. Just another victim in the great clutches of Desiree Goldman. Soon the IWO will not only have Evan as it's champion, I might just change a few things around. Maybe I don't like that name this orgainization has. I think that maybe I might just change the name to GWO, to the Goldman Wrestling Orgainization or maybe the GCOAWF, the Goldman Corportation of America Wrestling Federation. The possibilites are endless. There is nothing that I can't do in this god forsaken dirtbag company. Or maybe I don't want it. I don't need you morons, all I need is my FWF and the IWO Champion, Evan Levine.
(With that said the fans let out a thunder of boos which can be heard in Italy....)
Desiree Goldman: I want to leave you with this statement...I want all of you IWO fans to remember this...mark my words, and mark them well. The IWO has been a runaway train, nobody driving....scarier now, look who's driving the train...
(Desiree points to herself...)
Desiree Goldman: The missing peice of the puzzle is complete, I have what I want, I have the IWO Championship...I have this orgainzation to it's knee's. I have the "Real Heel" Evan Levine...I have the money...I have the resources...and damn it just because I'm a woman, it doesn't mean that I don't have the grapefruits to do whatever the hell I want! Thank you very little, the pleasure has been all yours...
(Desiree throws down the mic and then the camera fades...the boo's are deafening...)
GP: Who the hell does she think she is?
JT: I take it back, she's not a skank whore, anybody on Evan's side is a friend of mine!
Nikki: Oh you suck up
GP: Folks we're gonna take a short break and we'll be right back with our main event!
GP: Folks we are back one last time to bring you our main event! Psycho Jay and The Suicide Kings taking on the new IWO World Champion Evan Levine and The Prep Kids.
JT: Didn't Jay get enough of Evan last Sunday? When will he learn?
Nikki: I hate to break it to you JT, but Jay didn't exactly lose fairly.
JT: All I saw was Evan hit Conceptual Perfection and get the win.
GP: Well however it went down, Jay gets another shot at Evan. Surpsingly, since winning the title, Evan has been dead silent all week, as well as his partners the Prep Kids who were VERY vocal just before and after the Pay-Per-View.
JT: They don't need to say anything, they're great. And Jay hasn't done anything all week but make faces.
Nikki: He's making a protest because he was accused of not trying for his match against Evan.
GP: Exactly. Jay cut 8 seperate promos for his match and trained all week and he figures if he can' get credit for that then why bother wasting his voice.
JT: He's just scared, he's gone too soft.
GP: Well enough chit chat, let's get down to the match.
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is a 6 Man Tag Team Match scheduled for one fall, introducing first, they are the IWO World Tag Team Champions.....THE SUICIDE KINGS!!!
("More Human Than Human" by White Zombie blasts as the Kings make their way to the ring.)
Ring Announcer: And their partner, the former 2 time IWO World Champion.....PSYCHO JAY!!!!
("Divine" by Korn blasts as Psycho Jay slowly walks to the ring.)
GP: Jay looks extremely pissed off.
Nikki: Rightfully so.
JT: He's just a sore loser.
GP: Jay has a mic!
Psycho Jay: >:o!!!
Ring Announcer: And their opponents, introducing first, the former IC Tag and World Tag Team Champions.....THE PREP KIDS!!!
(The Prep Kids music plays but nobody comes out.)
JT: Maybe they're waiting to walk out with the champ.
Ring Announcer: Now introducing, the IWO WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!! EVAN LEVINE!!!
(Evan Levine comes out with his title draped over his shoulder. He has a mic.)
Evan Levine: Hold on, where are my partners?
Psycho Jay: ;-)
Evan Levine: What the hell is that supposed to mean?!
(The Dick-a-Tron shows The Prep Kids knocked unconscious in the back with frozen bass laying all around them!)
Evan Levine: You mother fucker! Ya know what, fuck this, I'll take on all of you!
GP: OH MY GOD! LEVINE CHARGES THE RING! HE SLIDES IN AND NAILS RYAN KING WITH THE IWO WORLD TITLE! HE BLASTS JEFF! HE SWINGS AT JAY, BUT JAY KICKS LEVINE IN THE STOMACH AND DDTS HIM!
JT: No! Right onto the belt!
Nikki: Now Jeff and Ryan are up! They have electric pitchforks!
JT: NO FAIR!
GP: They're electrocuting Levine! THEY'RE ZAPPING THE WORLD CHAMPION!
JT: NOO! SOMEONE HELP EVAN!
GP: Here comes Ligil out from the back! he hits the ring and dropkicks Psycho Jay! Jay stumbles back into the ropes and comes flying back with a clothesline! Ligil is back up and he's nailing all three men with rights and lefts! WAIT A SECOND! HERE COMES THE CAVALRY!
(AWS Man(also known as Bill), Schitzo Tod, Kilroy, Pen, Rob Kestler, Seth Weiland, The Mysterious Birdman 0¿0, Spaz, Cactus, Mike Extreme, Syphon Fission, and a few other IWO wrestlers who are against Evan all come running out of the barn!)
JT: RUN EVAN! RUUUN!
GP: Now Ligil and Evan are completely out-numbered! Everyone has hit the ring and it's complete and total chaos! The IWO is taking their federation back! Evan Levine is a bloody mess!
Nikki: Jay picks up Levine......HUMPINATOR!!!
JT: This is not right!
GP: Jay has a mic!
Psycho Jay: This isn't promo time paid for out of my pocket, this is IWO time so I can speak my fucking mind. Levine.......you are an idiot. You think that you could completely fuck me over and then get away with it? Like I would just forget about it? Oh no you dyslexic piece of trash, you and your FWF wench are gonna wish you never screwed me over. Maybe for the first time in my career, the IWO is behind me. The IWO is united, everyone except for a fed dumb shits like Ligil and the Prep Kids know that your title reign is already the biggest joke in history. You couldn't shut up before our match, but as soon as it ended, your mouth shut. You fucking hypocrite. What you see before you is the IWO, not the FWF, FUCK THE FWF. They'll never amount to anything in our league....oh and as for your girlie Ms. Goldman.....ha.
(Vincent drags a struggling Desiree Goldman out of the barn and down to the ring.)
Psycho Jay: This is what I think about your alliance with the FWF and about your ridiculous F.U.C.K. gimmick.
GP: OH MY GOD! PSYCHO JAY IS HUMPING DESIREE GOLDMAN'S HEAD! THE CHAIRWOMAN OF THE FWF IS HAVING HER HEAD VICIOUSLY HUMPED BY PSYCHO JAY!
JT: Noo! That pervert!
Nikki: Yay Jay!
JT: No, Gay Jay.
Psycho Jay: Look at the odds Evan, it seems you didn't think out your little plan all the way. You've got a midcard prick and a gutter trash slut backing you up. Levine, after what you did, NOTHING IS SACRED. The IWO is the IWO and all of us will do whatever the fuck we want, like it or not, the FWF will NEVER take over the IWO. HAVE A GREAT DAY YOU STUPID BASTARD!
GP: My God! What a statement! The IWO has united and they're taking a stand against Evan Levine and the FWF!
JT: They're cheaters! Look! They're still stomping and attacking Evan and Ligil!
Nikki: Nobody could withstand those odds!
GP: We're out of time! THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE! THE IWO JUST TOOK THE UPPERHAND IN THIS FUED, TUNE INTO MELTDOWN TO FIND OUT WHAT REPRECUSSIONS COME OF THIS!