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Hostile Takeover for 11/17/00
Live from the Alltel Arena in Little Rock, Arkansas

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(The camera pans around the arena and sees lots of signs and stuff that have words on them! Fireworks go off and the IWO symbol flashes all over the arena. The camera settles in on Greg Parker, JT and Nikki.)

GP: Folks welcome to HOSTILE TAKEOVER! We've got another jam-packed card for you tonight. ELEVEN HUGE MATCHES!

JT: You mean 11 matches, only about 4 of which are worth watching.

Nikki: Shut up you synical prick.

JT: I love it when you talk dirty to me.

*SMACK*

GP: Now for a change of pace tonight we're going to get right to the action!

JT: You mean no 15 minute in ring promo?!

GP: Nope, we need to take a quick commercial break and then we'll get right to our first match!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GP: Well folks, it's time for the triple-threat ladder match!

JT: Wow, this match would actually be a good opening match if it wasn't for the people in it and the prize being bologna.

{Shawn Arrows' music starts up. The crowd gives a small cheer as Arrows enters, ladder over his shoulder.}

Meygon: Ladies and Gentlemen, this next match is a Triple-Threat Ladder Match! Introducing first, from Greensboro, North Carolina, he weighs in at 237 pounds, he is SHAWN ARROWS!

{The crowd continues to cheer Arrows, as he throws the ladder into the ring, climbs in, and sets it up.}

GP: One of Arrows's opponents tonight is his ex-tag partner, Carlos Lopez!

JT: They were IML2 tag legends!

Nikki: So what? IML2 is a meaningless piece of shit!

JT: Yeah, so is the guy you did last night!

SMACK!

GP: You two shut up! This is a match, not an episode of Springer!

{Total silence meets Greg Parker's attempt at humor.}

Nikki: Was that supposed to be funny?

JT: Yeah, that sucked ass.

GP: Am I the only one that finds humor in that statement?

JT and Nikki: YES!

GP: Well…

{Just then, Simon Seaman's music picks up, as the crowd is dead silent.}

Meygon: And his opponent! He's from IML, he weighs in at some amount of pawns, not like anyone cares, he's Simon Seaman.

GP: Seaman isn't exactly having a good night.

JT: No shit, Sherlock! If you were supposed to get cheers, but got nothing, you'd be pissed-off too!

{Seaman just slides in. He immediately starts talking trash to Arrows. Arrows is about to respond when suddenly, Carlos Lopez's music picks up!}

Meygon: And their opponent! CARLOS LOPEZ!

{Arrows immediately goes after his ex-tag partner, striking him with punches and kicks!}

GP: And this match is on! Arrows with a flurry of kneelifts, he's got him in a fireman's carry, GUTBUSTER ON LOPEZ! Now Seaman from behind on Arrows, and a DDT on the ramp! Lopez is up now, and now the double team on Arrows!

{Seaman and Lopez smash Arrows's head into the turnbuckle, then roll their opponent into the ring as the bell rings.}

DING DING DING!

JT: The match is now officially underway! Lopez and Seaman alternate chops on Arrows, Lopez sets the ladder up in a corner, and they whip Arrows into the ladder! That had to hurt!

Nikki: Wait a minute, it looks like they're arguing!

GP: They can't agree on what to do to Arrows! AND ARROWS TAKES THEM OUT WITH A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! Arrows struggles to his feet, and he throws Seaman out of the ring! He wants to destroy Lopez without any distractions!

JT: And he's got Lopez! Lefts and rights to his ex-tag partner! Arrows whips him off the ropes, back body drop! Arrows off the ropes, and an elbow to the chest! He's setting up the ladder in the corner! Arrows to the top rope! He's looking for a leapfrog leg drop! But no! Seaman crotches him on the top! See, Nikki, this is why Seaman has the advantage!

Nikki: Will you shut up about Seaman having the advantage?

JT: No! Seaman is gonna win this match!

GP: Shut up! We have a match to call!

JT and Nikki: Sorry L

GP: Anyway…now Seaman is going after Lopez! Seaman with some boots to the fallen Lopez, now he's picking him up, short-arm clothesline! Seaman has Arrows still on the top rope! He knocks the ladder down! He's not going to try it! NO! SUPERPLEX INTO THE LADDER! HE JUST TOOK OUT ARROWS!

JT: I wouldn't be surprised if Arrows were paralyzed after that! Seaman is the easy winner here!

Nikki: The match isn't over…

JT: Dammit! Don't tell me when a match is over or not, you stupid whore!

SMACK!

GP: He'll never learn…anyhow, it looks like that superplex took out Seaman as well as Arrows! Lopez is recovering, and he's setting up the ladder! HE'S CLIMBING IT!

JT: He's grabbing for the salami… AND LOOK AT THIS! TDM FROM THE RAFTERS, IN A DIVEBOMB ATTACK ON LOPEZ! THEY TOOK HIM OFF THE LADDER! AND NOW EDGUARDO HAS HIM SET UP FOR A ROCK BOTTOM! DIABLO'S ON THE TOP ROPE! MDK (Rock Bottom/Blockbuster)! MDK ON LOPEZ!

Nikki: The refs are definitely blind here.

GP: Sucks to be Lopez. He's barely staggering up. Now, Arrows slowly gets to his feet, and he sees Lopez! He's going after Lopez! The crowd is going nuts! He whips Lopez off the ropes, AND A HUGE CLOTHESLINE TO LOPEZ! HE'S GOING AFTER SEAMAN NOW! LEFTS AND RIGHTS! INVERTED ATOMIC DROP! INVERTED ATOMIC DROP TO SEAMAN! SEAMAN GOT DROPPED ON HIS NUTS!

JT: Now, Arrows has Seaman again, and a snap suplex! Arrows now climbing the ladder! He could win it all right here!

{Just then, 'Detachable Penis' starts up. The crowd is confused, and then sees a gigantic penis floating through the entranceway and pop.}

JT: What the fuck is that?

Nikki: Looks fun!

JT: Well, obviously to you…

Nikki: I'd smack you if it weren't for the giant penis!

{Suddenly, the penis ejaculates upon Shawn Arrows! Arrows is drenched, but the penis doesn't seem to care. It continues to ejaculate upon Arrows until he is so wet, he falls off the ladder.}

JT: Now, Arrows is covered in sperm from that penile attack, and TDM is walking around the ring! What exactly are they doing? Wait! Edguardo is dashing in! He puts Lopez on his shoulder! TACO DROPPER (Over the shoulder crossed arms spinning DDT)! TACO DROPPER ON LOPEZ! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

Nikki: I thought you liked TDM!

GP: Me too.

JT: They were cool until they turned face!

GP: Whatever. Now, Lopez is laid out, and Arrows is drenched in semen. Simon Seaman is now climbing the ladder! He's grabbing for the salami…AND HE FALLS OFF THE LADDER! Arrows is struggling to his feet…and he's still drenched! He's taking off his shirt! You can hear the women scream!

JT: No! This can't be happening!

GP: IT IS! ARROWS IS CLIMBING UP THE LADDER! HE HAS THE BOLOGNA!! HE HAS THE BOLOGNA!! IT'S OVER! Arrows won it!

JT: NOOOO! SIMON! YOU SHOULD HAVE WON!

Nikki: Well he didn't.

GP: Time for word from our sponsors!

JT: We have sponsors?....



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(The scene fades to the locker room where Donnie Daze is getting ready for his match. Joey Legion is calmly waiting)

Donnie: So, do you think I'll beat Ash?

Joey: I hope so. He sucks.

Donnie: That seems to be the popular opinion.

Joey: Yep.

Donnie: I haven't recieved any bids for Mr. Colley's body yet. I'm rather disturbed. What is the usual rate for the dead body of an old fart?

Joey: Not many people sell dead bodies...

Donnie: Oh come on. You have to know. You're my manager.

Joey: Well... I... I just don't know.

Donnie: Well anyway, Ash "Shadow" Robinson. Man with the worst catchphrase and nickname in all of professional wrestling. Prepare to have your ass kicked tonight! Fear me, for I am the next TV Champion. Donnie Daze!

Joey: We gotta head to the grocery store now.

Donnie: Ok.

(Fade to the announcer's table.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GP: We're back, well what's next on our agenda? Hmmm...Kevin Martin vs. Sparrow....

JT: NEWBIE ALERT!! TIME FOR A NAP!!

Nikki: Would you wake up already. I'd hate to see how long you lasted in bed.

JT: Wanna find out tonight?

SLAP

GP: Onto our introduction with Meygon!

Meygon: The following contest is one-fall matchup. On his way to the ring, the master of the Big K...being accompanied by Horatio...he is..."K-Mart" KEVIN MARTIN!!!

Nikki: Although Martin doesn't have many wins on his IWO record...the man shows potential.

JT: What the hell are you talking about? This guy's a loser! Look at him. The fans love him...I HATE HIM!

Meygon: And his opponent...from Boston, Massachusettes...the master of the Syndicator...SPAAAAROOOOOW!!

GP: Let's get this match underway!

DING
DING
DING

Nikki: Both men circle the ring and they lock up. Sparrow shoves Martin to the mat and takes over with a wrist lock. It looks like Sparrow is trying to take Kevin Martin out of this one quick.

JT: GOOD! C'mon Sparrow! WAL-MART! WAL-MART!!

GP: Remember when the Wal-Mart Smiley Face Guy was the referee??

JT: Oh yeah...that was cool. I wonder if he will show up today?

GP: I doubt it, I think he was fired for rolling back his salary.

JT: DAMMIT!

Nikki: Martin now trying to fight the hold as he makes it to the ropes. The ref breaks up the hold and Sparrow releases.

GP: Sparrow now, with the advantage here as he sets up for a german suplex and nails it. He goes for a quick cover...

ONE!

NO! Just a one count. You'll have to do more to take Kevin Martin down.

JT: Both men on their feet now. Kevin Martin slides to the outside to catch a breath and talk with Horatio. Who the hell is this Horatio guy anyway?

Nikki: I think it's his manager JT, duh.

JT: Bitch, don't make me come over there and slap you.

SLAP!

JT: NO I AM THE ONE THAT'S GOING TO SLAP...

SLAP!!

JT: OK, THAT DOES IT! I'M NOT TALKING THE REST OF THIS MATCH!

GP: Good...now, back to the match, Horatio and K-Mart are talking on the outside as the ref continues his count. Martin slides back into the ring and ties up with Sparrow. Martin gets him in a headlock....Sparrow shoves him into the ropes and SWINGING NECKBREAKER BY SPARROW. HE COVERS....

ONE!!


TWO!!!

NO! KICKOUT BY MARTIN. So close this time. Sparrow lifts Martin back to his feet. Martin kicks Sparrow in the gut and comes up with a knee lift to take Sparrow off his feet. Good move by Martin, don't you think JT?

JT:............

Nikki: I could get to enjoy this! Martin lifts up Sparrow and hits him with a body press. C'mon JT...wouldn't you like to "Body Press" me?

JT: HELL YEAH!!

SLAP!!

JT:............

Nikki: Kevin Martin lifts Sparrow up. WAIT A SECOND!! HE IS GOING FOR THE BIG K!!! HE SETS UP....

GP: NO WAIT!! SPARROW REVERSES IT!! SYNDICATOR!! SYNDICATOR!! HE HIT IT! Sparrow now climbing the top rope...

JT: WAIT A SEC! HORATIO ON THE OUTSIDE HAS A CAN OF PAINT! HE JUST THREW IT
ONTO SPARROW! WHAT THE HELL?! SPARROW IS NOW A BRIGHT SHADE OF GREEN!!

SLAP!

JT: DAMMIT NIKKI I'M TRYING TO DO MY JOB!

SLAP!

JT: .............

GP: Sparrow is blinded by the paint! Kevin Martin grabs Sparrow and BIG K!! BIG K!! HE ROLLS HIM UP!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE!!! K-MART WINS! What a.....match.

Nikki: All this paint is making me want to do...crazy things.

GP:Nikki, where are you going??

[Nikki gets up and starts playing in the paint.]

JT: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

GP: What the hell! These two are rolling around in the pain, let's cut to a commercial and get this crap cleaned up!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GP: Welcome back IWO fans this next match up is going to be a great one. Ash Robinson has said he has wanted to fight Donnie Daze one on one since there IML days so now it is going to happen in a grocery store match.

JT: This is going to be a very messy match. All that food it could get pretty gross. I hear Ash hates cheese I wonder if Donnie knows this.

Nikki: Ash and Daze hate each other. These two don't like to be in the same state as each other let alone the same building. These two are going to give us one heck of a fight.

GP: Ash has said he is better than Daze but can he prove it or is he all talk? I think Ash will give Daze a good match but come out on the short end of the stick.

JT: Ash is going to make Daze his bitch.

Nikki: Well, you two don't have anymore time to argue about it because are cameras are ready, Daze is ready, Ash is ready, and the referee is ready. Lets go to the match.

GP: Look both Ash and Daze are just looking at each other. The referee doesn't know what to do. Daze is now charging at Ash he close lines him Ash is down.

JT: Daze caught Ash a little off guard there. Daze just picked Ash up off of the ground he rams Ash's head into a cash register and again. Daze is trying to disfigure Ash and we are what less than a minute into this match?

Nikki: Ash said he wanted this match in memory of his recently lost manager Whiskey Wayne. But there is a problem Ash isn't that good of a hard-core wrestler so some people might say he is at a disadvantage.

GP: Good point Nikki. Ash is now back on his feet but doesn't look to good early in this match. Daze is charging again at Ash but Ash ducks and a back body drop and Daze lands on a pile of Pepsi One cans.

JT: Nobody likes that Pepsi One stuff anyway.

Nikki: For one calorie its pretty good.

GP: Ash is climbing on top of a cash register. What is he doing? No, he jumps off and Daze moves out of the way. Ash landed hard onto the what is left of those Pepsi One Cans.

JT: Daze looks to be making his way back to his feet. Come on get up Ash.

Nikki: These two are giving it all tonight Ash normally wouldn't go for a high risk maneuver like that but he did tonight and it didn't pay off for him this could hurt him later in this match. Daze is back to his feet. He is picking Ash Robinson up there is a huge right hand from Daze.

GP: There is another right hand from Daze and Ash falls to the ground. Where is Daze going? He is walking away from Ash.

JT: He is running away from Ash because he is scared.

Nikki: No, I think he is looking for something to hit Ash with. Ash is back to his feet and he sees Daze he is going after him.

GP: Daze has turned a corner and are cameras are trying to catch up to him but Ash is following close behind. Ash is walking down aisle three no sight of Daze yet. He is now turning on aisle four oh my. Daze just hit Ash over the head with a ham! Ash is down and he looks to be out. Daze is going for the pin.
One.......
TWo.........
Th.....NOOOOOOOOOO, Ash kicks out. That was a close one.

JT: He hit him with a ham. That was crazy. Daze is now on top of Ash smashing that ham into his head. Look at the mess and this ham isn't cooked.

Nikki: Well, we thought that this match would be messy and it is.

GP: Ash looks to be hurt from that ham. Daze just tossed it to the side and ohhhh Ash just hit Daze with a low blow. Ash must have been acting because with that move Daze is now on the ground and Ash is now back to his feet.

JT: What a great move by Ash he acted like he was hurt and then he caught Daze off guard. It has turned this match around back in Ash's favor.

Nikki: Well, as much as I don't want to say it you do make a good point. It looks to me that they are on the hardware aisle. Ash is looking around and he just grabbed a hammer.

GP: What is Ash going to do with that? He swings and luckily Daze moved out of the way but look at the mark it made in the floor. Ash just dropped the hammer thank God but what is this he now has shovel. He just nailed Daze over the back with it and again.

JT: That just took a lot out of Daze I don't know if he will get up.

Nikki: Ash looks like he has snapped he just hit Daze over the head twice with a shovel and he dropped the shovel and he just picked Daze up and they are now out of the Hardware aisle.

GP: Ash just carried Daze over to the frozen food section. Ash opens a door to some frozen food but what is he going to do now? He just stuck Daze's head into the door. He just slammed it shut. The force of that just broke the glass in the door. Ash is going for the pin...

One.....

Two......

Thre........NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo Daze kicked out at the last second.

JT: That was close Ash almost walked out the victor with that move.

Nikki: Daze is somehow making his way back up. Ash is there to meet him but Daze just took his legs out from under him and Ash just feel on all that glass that was just broken.

GP: What a move to turn this thing around by Donnie Daze. Daze just picked up Ash but. Daze sends him to the other side of the aisle and Ash just went head first into the glass. There is some more glass broken but this glass was broken by Ash's head.

JT: Ash is down and he looks to be out after that.

Nikki: That may have been all she wrote for Ash Robinson. Ash just pushed his head out of that glass and he is bleeding.

GP: Daze is now slowly walking down to where Ash is. I think Daze thinks he has this match won. Daze just covered Ash.

One.....

Two...

Thre......NOOOO, Ash just hit Daze over the head with a non alcoholic beer bottle. That saved Ash. He got the beer bottle from the freezer he was thrown into.

JT: Why did they ever make non alcoholic beer anyway?

Nikki: Beats me but it just saved Ash. Ash is back to his feet now and he just picked up Daze. Ash is taking him what looks to be like an office at the front of the store.

GP: Ash is bleeding Daze is bleeding what a great match. Both men are giving it there all and both men are paying the price. Both men are now in that office and they are trading punches. Ash goes down! Daze has a computer screen and he slams it on Ash's stomach. Daze is going for the pin.

One....

Two....

Thr.......NOOOOOOOOOO Ash kicked out. That was as close as it comes without getting the victory.

JT: Ash is truly giving it everything he has. He wants this victory so bad and you can see it as he used all his strength to kick out of that pinning attempt by Daze.

Nikki: Daze is on his feet and there isn't much room to move around but Daze just grabbed a chair. Daze swings and hits Ash over the head. Daze swings again but no Ash kicks him in the stomach.

GP: That first chair shot had little to no effect on Ash. Some of that is due to the fact that Daze missed but still. Ash is on his feet. He slamps Daze's head into the money safe where they keep all the money.

JT: That safe is huge I wonder how much money is in there.

Nikki: Well, considering this store let us tear up the place they must be pretty desperate for money. So I would say not much and the money was probably taken out because of this match.

GP: Ash has Daze and he just tossed him out of the office onto the ground. Ash now has Daze in his hands and he is carring him to what looks to be a back area and there is a huge freezer where they keep food.

JT: Ash has opened the door look at all that ice.

Nikki: This could get very dangers because of all that ice I'm sure it is very slippery.

GP: Ash just hit Daze with a right hand and there is another. He sends Daze into the wall but Daze reverses and DDT from Daze and Ash is down.

One...

Two....

Thre.....NOOOOOOO yet another close fall but yet still no winner.

Nikki: That was a DDT onto a deal of ice that had to hurt and plus Ash's head is all ready busted wide open. Daze just picked up Ash off the ground.

GP: Daze swings with a right hand but no he misses Ash sends Daze to the wall and Daze hits hard but he is still on his feet. Daze turns around SHADOW KICK SHADOW KICK!!!

ONE.......

TWO.......

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENO! AWS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BILL) JUST CAME FLYING OFF THE TOP OF THE MEAT RACK WITH AN ELBOW TO THE BACK OF ASH'S HEAD!

JT: No! Ash had the match won!

GP: AWS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BILL) NAILS ASH WITH THE KNOCK YOUR FREAKIN' HEAD OFF(thrust kick)!! ASH IS DOWN AND AWS MAN(ALSO KNOWN AS BILL) SITS ON HIS CHEST AND BEGINS SLAPPING HIM IN THE FACE AND HEAD! IT'S THE SLAP THE FREAK AROUND! ASH IS ALREADY OUT FROM THE KNOCK YOUR FREAKIN HEAD OFF! NOW DAZE IS UP.....AWS MAN (ALSO KNOWN AS BILL) BLASTS DAZE WITH THE KNOCK YOUR FREAKIN' HEAD OFF!

Nikki: What the hell?

JT: Daze fell on top of Ash! The ref counts!

GP: ONE................TWO.................THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! DAZE WINS! DAZE WINS!

JT: With the help of AWS Man (also known as Bill)! Cheater!

Nikki: What help was he? he kicked Daze in the face and Daze fell on Ash for the pin.

AWS Man (also known as Bill): Freakin that's what happens when you steal my freakin great match idea and also call me freakin Billy instead of AWS Man (also known as Bill) freakin poopiepants.

JT: Poopiepants?

GP: We'll be back after this break! Don't go away!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(The scene fades into Evan Levine's locker room. Evan is making out with Discord when suddenly the door is kicked open. Evan jumps up and the guy who kicked the door open nails him in the face with a brick! It's Psycho Jay.)

Psycho Jay: Deja Vu huh Evan? I can't wait til Utter Obliteration you retarded prick.

Discord: get out of here! Somebody help Evan!

Psycho Jay: Hey, you just reminded me of something!

Discord: No! Stay away!

(Psycho Jay grabs Discord's head and begins humping it vigorously! Discord falls to the floor dizzy.)

Psycho Jay: When your sweetheart Evan wakes up pass that message on to him, and give him this...

(Jay pulls out a "Hooked On Phonics" set and drops it on Evan. Scene cuts back to the announcers.)

GP: Psycho Jay just took out Evan!

JT: That bastard!!!

Nikki: Those two are gonna end up killing each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GP: Well, we've got a big time match up for you next!

JT: Big time? I have on my sheet that the TV title match is next.

GP: Yes I know.

JT: Well how is the lowliest title in the IWO a big time match?

Nikki: Shut up JT, just watch the match.

GP: Something "cool" should happen tonight as Spaz has been hinting at it all week.

JT: Something "cool" for these two guys would be for them to have talent.

Meygon: And coming down the ring first the number one contender for the TV Title will get his shot finally tonight here on HT. Here he is Spaz!!!!

(Spaz comes running down to the ring he slides into the ring and is jumping up and down all hyped up for the match.)

Meygon: And his opponent he is the IWO TV Champion he is being escorted to the ring by Skip he stands at 6 feet 4 inches and weights in at 258 pounds he is from Darien IL here is our IWO TV Champion Mike Marchese.

(as Kernkraft 400 by Zombie Nation plays over the loud speakers as Mike Marchese comes walking down to the ring with the TV Title around his waste as he jumps into the ring ready to go for this match)

Nikki: Well guys this is going to be one hell of a match I think anyone going to take a guess on the winner?

GP: Ya I like Mike Marchese to retain his title I don't see him loosing his title right after he just won it.

JT: I don't like either of these two. These are two of the biggest jobbers here in the IWO as of right now and for them to be fighting for a title we should just rename this title the IWO Jobber Title!

Nikki: OH shush JT! I am going to have to agree with you GP Marchese is not going to lose his title just after he won it and Spaz has been in tag teams for the last couple of months and it is going to take a while for him to adjust to being in singles once again here in the IWO.

JT: Well if you two would shut up for a second I think this match is about to begin.

DING

DING

DING

GP: And this match is under way. With Spaz and Mike sizing each other up Mike has a definite size advantage here in this match. As they lock up in the center of the ring.

(Mike and Spaz lock up in the center of the ring as Spaz hits a one leg take down, taking Mike to the mat as Spaz is hitting Mike with punches rights and left right after each other)

Nikki: Well it looks like Spaz is trying to take an early advantage here. WHO CARES ABOUT JOBBER BOWL 2000 MIKE MARCHESE VS SPAZ…………….NO ONE!!

GP: Shut up JT you freaking idiot. You never know what you are talking about these are two of the IWO's best young and up and coming singles wrestlers.

Nikki: Ya JT…….GP knows what he is talking about.

JT: Oh well screw you both back to the action in the ring.

(as Spaz is still going right at Mike taking him into the corner and putting him in the corner as Spaz throws Mike from Turn buckle to turn buckle and when Mike bounces off of the Turn buckle Spaz hits him with a clothesline knocking him back down to the mat)

Nikki: Man Spaz is in total control of this match we could be watching an up set on hand here.

GP: Yes we could very well be seeing a new TV Champion again.

JT: One again as I said last time…………WHO CARES!

Nikki: Shut up JT!

JT: Man you are such a bitch Nikki!

Nikki: Go to hell JT!

(Nikki reaches back and swings and hits JT across the face!

SLAP

SLAP

SLAP

GP: Now that is funny as hell! Back to the action in the ring.

(Mike has just hit Spaz with a low blow I cant believe it Mike has changed the momentum of this hole entire match here tonight as Mike picks up Spaz with a scoop slam to the mat there it is Mike with a piledriver and Spaz is looking close to out here tonight)

GP: Man look at this change of momentum! Mike Marchese aint going to loose his title that easy!

Nikki: No he aint he is staying in this one till the end I think. But don't count out Spaz just yet. He had control once tonight and I believe he can get control once again!

JT: Once again I hate to say this again………WHO CARES!!

GP: JT why don't you just leave if you don't want to watch this match then?

JT: Cause I need the money my rent is due at the end of this month.

Nikki: Back to the action in the ring!

(as Mike Marchese picks Spaz in the Marchese Drop an Inverted Death Valley
Driver)

GP: This could be the end of Spaz if Mike hits this!

Nikki: Oh no………looks like Marchese is going to retain his title!

(Spaz slips out of the hold and kicks Mike in the stomach and hits him with a power bomb onto the mat and makes the cover on Mike)

1…………….

2………………

3…………….

DING

DING

DING

GP: Oh my god what the hell happened there. What a change of events for the match! Spaz has just won the TV title and as fast as he covered Mike there he is running back up the isle with the IWO TV Title and this crowd here is in complete shock!

Nikki: Not only the crowd but look at our former TV Champion Mike Marchese and his manager Skip they are all in shock.

JT: Well thank god this one is over lets go to Meygon for the official announcement and get to our next match!

Meygon: And the winner of this match and our Neeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww IWO World TV Champion Spppppppppaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!

JT: Well where the hell is this cool thing at?

GP: I have no idea, maybe it's him winning the title.

Nikki: Well that's nice for him but I don't see anything cool in it.

JT: Spaz is just an idiot like his crippled tag team partner, who cares if we didn't get to see his cool thing.

GP: Wait, there's someone coming out of the crowd. He has sunglasses on!

Spaz:I told you he was really cool!

JT:Spaz is dancing around the ring now! Look at Spaz's moves! How pathetic!!

Cool: Stop! Dude, that's pathetic. I didn't choose you as a partner because you're cool, I chose you because you're the phsycotic soonuvabitch that you are! [Faces the crowd.]You're probably wondering who I am. Yo, I'm Liquid Metal. Soon, just like this ex-tv champ, you will know how it feels to be bashed by Metal.

[Spaz starts dancing again.]

JT: There he goes again! SOMEONE GET THE HOOK!

Liquid Metal: Stop man. Just cool down.

Spaz: Wow! That sounds so COOL! I bet that's your catchphrase! *Wink Wink*

Liquid Metal: Ok, you just ruined it man. Soon, not only you, but the entire IWO will know what it will be like to Cool Down!

[Blue pyros come from the ring post as "Time to Cool Down" plays over the PA.]

GP: Spaz is jumping up and down all over Liquid Metal...a newcomer to the IWO has finally made his debut! Stay tuned for more Hostile Takeover action!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(We see Syphon Fission in his locker room, tapping his hands up for his match later tonight. Then, all of a sudden, Jack Night barges in to the locker room.)

Syphon: Jack…WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?

Jack: Man…I found something really cool!

(Syphon rolls his eyes.)

Syphon: I am on limited time here Jack…you know that!

Jack: Just follow me!

(The two leave the locker room. They go down the hallway and stop at a door saying "High Flyer".)

Jack: Dude…what this…
(Jack opens the door to High Flyer's dressing room.)

Syphon: YOU'RE BREAKING THE LAW DUDE! CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR!

Jack: Let's just take a peak.

(Jack and Syphon go into the locker room and look around. On a table is a note.)

Jack: It's a note…maybe it has some really important thing on it!

(Syphon picks it up and reads it.)

Syphon: Directions to the High Flyer TIME MACHINE!!! YES!!!

Jack: Yeah man! We got Flyer's time machine!

Syphon: After tonight, we are flying to…to…where the hell is it…

(Syphon reads further along.)

Syphon: San Francisco.

(Syphon and Jack Night high five as the scene fades to the announcer's table.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JT: Well what match is next?

GP: Scott Stone vs. The Id....

JT: Dammit...and this show was looking promising. Wake me when it's over.

( JT sets a pillow up against the breast of Nikki and lays on them, sticking his thumb in his mouth. )

Nikki: What the...

(Super Smack!)

JT: Ahhhhh! Is it over?

Nikki: You perv, never sleep on my breast unless you pay first!

( JT reaches into his wallet. )

JT: Dammit!

GP: Well let's get going.

("Rollin' The Urban Assault Version" plays as Scott Stone walks from the back, not being accompanied by Nicole. He calmly makes his entrance to the ring as some of the crowd pays attention and he tries to show off in the ring as well, but I think the crowd is more interested with this fight that has broken out over the last beer between Al Coholic and Bill Ray.)

JT: At least we have a little action.

GP: Yeah...but I think this match could be...cool?

JT: Cool...have you been watching MTV again GP?

GP:...no...

( GP gives a weak laugh. )

GP: Well enough pish posh, The Id is coming out as we speak.

( As a matter of fact he has already come to the ring and the match has been going on for 5 minutes, but so boring, they never noticed. )

Nikki: And the Id with a nice snapmare and he pulls the legs of Stone up, and drops a harsh knee to the inner thigh.

GP: Smart strategy by the guy who has yet to be handed a loss. He must have studied Scott's cruiserweight tactics very well.

JT: I wonder if his career will be the opposite of the Suicide Kings?

GP: Huh?

JT: Well all they did was lose, and now they're the tag champs...he always wins...maybe he'll be nothing.

Nikki: Your such a dumbass!

JT: Look, I appreciate the comment, but I am still not gonna get you off tonight, slut!

(...did you see that one coming? Smack)

Nikki: Now Id brings Stone to his feet and bounces back off the ropes with a dropkick to the knees. Stone falls, clutching them and Id gloats to the crowd while standing on the 2nd turnbuckle.

GP: But now Stone is up quickly behind him...Crucifix Powerbomb from the 2nd rope and Stone makes the pushing pin!

One...

Two...Kickout!

JT: Obviously this "newguy" doesn't know that Stone has the incredible ability to play..."opossum"

GP: Yeah, credited rookie mistake. Now Stone is stomping the very life out of Id, and drags him to his feet and lands a quick right, and then jumps up, wrapping his arm around Id's neck and spins with a standing, tornado DDT! The Id grabs his head and rolls out of the ring as Stone stands and mocks.

JT: Look...Stone is asking the crowd, is this even worth it. I am asking my self that very question about sleep and this match.

Nikkil: Funny...I ask that to, when I get here to announce and then you show up.

JT: Funny!

GP: Here comes Stone, be leaps over the top rope with a plancha...NO! Id moves leads Stone into the barricade! Stone looks hurt and Id rolls him back into the ring and quickly hooks the leg! This could be it!

One...

Two...

Thr....No! Kickout!

JT: Man, this is hellaboring.

Nikki: Live with it! Id pulls Stone to his feet and sends a knee into the shin, and follows with a quick vertical suplex! He is cooking on all cylinders.

JT: It just acurred to me, that we are starting to sound like the WWF...

All 3 of them: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

GP: Now this shaping up to be a real barnburn...errr...I mean an asswhooping!

JT: Id is showing Stone why he's undefeated and now he has Stone sitting on the top turnbuckle and he charges it and sends an elbow crashing to Stone's family jewels! Heheheh...I beat he doesn't have any.

Nikki: That would make 2 in the IWO.

JT: Shut up!

GP: Now he climbs up with Stone who is still hurting after the elbow and he hooks the head, Superplex! Stone hits hard and so does Id, who is crawling to his feet.

Nikki: Now Id bounces off the ropes and drops a leg drop across Stone's throat and pulls the left leg back.

One...

Two...

Thre...Kickout!

JT: Stone with another kick out! Now Id is seemingly mad and he argues with the ref and now turns around, but Stone sweeps his feet out!

Nikki: And Stone is on him like a rabid animal! Look at that fury of punches! The Id just takes them as the ref is now pulling Stone away. Stone now steps through the ropes and stands on apron and springs over with a splash and a pin!

One...

Two...

Thre...NOOOO! KICKOUT!

GP: Hey, this isn't so boring. Now Stone has Id up and sends him into the ropes and lifts his, knee, Id reverse and grabs the knee...Stone is hoping on one foot and he leaps up with an enzuguri, but Id ducks and spins Stone around...dropkick, no Stone evades and catches Id in a one armed powerbomb!

Nikki: That was cool.

JT: Eh...it was alright I suppose.

Nikki: Scott is now up, and he is signaling to the crowd like he wants to end this right now. He is going to the top rope...

GP: NO! Id jumps up and stumbles into the ropes and Scott falls...well he...well...

JT: Squashed his nuts! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

GP: Well...yes....

Nikki: And now Id is climbing up and trying to get Scott down..no! Scott pushes him back and climbs back up.

JT: He's going for a missle dropkick...he's of...

GP: MY GOD! ID DROPKICKED HIM IN MID DROPKICK SEQUENCE!

JT:...cool...

GP: COOL! MY GOD MAN THAT WAS AMAZING!

Nikki: Stone is doubled over and rising to his feet...here comes Id...

JT: Stone's up with a haymaker...no ID DUCKS! Stone turns around...KNEE PRESS NIGHTMARE!

GP: There's 1...there's 2.....3...and the final! Stone slams onto the mat and looks deceased! He isn't moving guys! And Id is telling the ref to check the hands.

Nikki: The ref is raising the hands...

1....


2...

JT: I think it's safe to say Stone is out cold. Good night, send the children to bed.

3...No! SCOTT GETS HIS SHOULDER UP!

GP: My God, Id is in shock and runs over picks up Stone, Scott breaks the arms free and kicks Id in the stomach and is gonna piledrive him...No, Id reverse into a back body drop and and sunset rollup!

1...No!

Nikki: Id rolls back and Scott is sitting up...MY GOD! ID JUST SHOT OUT WITH A KNEE-LIKE SPEAR TO THE HEAD OF STONE! HE LAYS ON HIM!

1...

2...

3...!!!!!!!!!! DING DING DING!

JT: Well I'll be...didn't see that coming!

GP: Well looks like Id adds another win...Stone adds another loss...let's hope he can win later tonight and save some face.

JT: Whatever...is it time to go home yet?

GP: Not yet, we've still got a few more great matches! We'll be back don't change that channel!!

JT: Unless you have free porn on another station!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Donnie Daze: Hmmm......what should I get that bitch Nikki....

GP: Wait! CAPITAL PUNISHMENT RUNS UP TO DAZE! DEATH PENALTY ON DONNIE DAZE!

Capital Punishment: I INVENTED the "fall for the female announcer" angle. I expect $300,000 in royalties sent to my house. Now if you excuse me, I have to go kick Phelen Kell's ass.

Donnie Daze: Cappy you idiot......I broke up with Nikki already....and I don't have 300,000 bucks.

(Capital Punishment skips down the hallway not paying attention to anything that goes on as usual.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GP: Capital Punishment attacked Donnie Daze for really no reason.

Nikki: Well I'm glad he did anyway, Daze is an immature little punk

JT: And here we go. Syphon Fission versus Billy Ray!

GP: Syphon Fission, the man who almost won the Pacific Title, versus Billy Ray, the man that cost him the Pacific Title.

JT: Billy has this in the damn bag GP. There’s no way Syphon comes out of Takeover with that top contender spot.

Ring Announcer: THIS CONTEST IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL..AND IT IS FOR A SHOT AT THE PACIFIC CHAMPIONSHIP!



Ring Announcer: From Seattle Washington....he stands 6'6 and weighs 55 lbs ..............SYPHON.........FISSION!!!



GP: Syphon has never won an IWO title.

Nikki: He’s my pick

JT: Shut up…nobody gives a goddamn…

*SMACK*

JT: SHIT!

GP: You asked for it…

JT: Shut the hell up…

<“Rock the Party - POD strikes up as Billy Ray comes down the ramp. >

Ring Announcer: From Oakland California....he stands 6'2 and weighs 272 lbs....BILLY.........RAY!!!

GP: The tension here is so thick you could use a knife to cut it. Both men are in the ring now, and stare down each other. the two men start hitting each other with lefts and rights. >

JT: They just started going at it, the bell hasn’t even rang.



Nikki: Match has officially started.

GP: The two go at it with lefts and rights.

JT: Hey, this could go on all night

GP: Billy goes right at Syphon Fissions ribs with some vicious punches. He tangles Syphon up, and goes for a suplex. Syphon just pushes Billy to the mat with authority. Billy is thriving in pain. The crowd is nuts.

Nikki: This thing barely started!

JT: Ha! He’s gonna fell that tomorrow.

GP: Fission now on the offensive. He starts stomping the hell out of Billy. He pulls him to his feet. Scoop slam.

JT: These two are going too damn easy. COME ON, GET TO HAMMERING EACH OTHER!

Nikki: All they have to do is go easy. The fans will love it just the same.

JT: That’s because they’re stupid. It does not take a lot to impress morons.

GP: Watch it. Syphon just picks him up again and grabs him by the throat. Billy brushes it away. Billy punches him right in the face. He goes for a chop block, which knocks Fission back.

JT: Basically an even match.

GP: Billy now goes into the ropes…comes back and meets Syphon with one helluva clothesline…Fission is down! THE FANS ARE CHEERING!

Nikki: WHAT A CLOTHESLINE!

GP: Billy picks up Syphon…HE SETS HIM UP FOR THE DOGGINATOR…HE HITS IT!!! COVER!!!

JT: HAHAHA!!! I KNEW SYPHON WAS OUT OF HIS LEAGUE!

ONE…

TWO…

THR…

GP: HE KICKED OUT!!!

JT: WHAT?!?!

GP: HE KICKED OUT, SOMEHOW…SOMEWAY…BILLY IS IN SHOCK!

JT: That’s one of the most dominating moves in history, how

Nikki: Its Syphon…what else do you expect?

GP: Billy is arguing with the referee. Fission gets up pretty gingerly.

Nikki: That had to take a chunk out of the tank of Syphon…

GP: Fission pushes Billy into the ref…the ref hit the turnbuckle…he is out!

JT: Damn ref!

GP: Fission hits Billy right in the temple, and kicks him in the gut. He picks him up in a military press. He pumps him three times and throws him to the outside. Jesus…the fans love it! Syphon on the top turnbuckle. HE POINTS TO THE CROWD…HE GOES FOR AN ELBOW DROP OF THE TOP…BILLY MOVES!!!
FISSION GOT THE CONCRETE WITH HIS ELBOW!!!

JT: This is going to be a long night!

GP: Now both men thrive in pain on the outside. Billy gets up, holding his left ankle.

JT: Stop the match, Billy is hurt! It is not fair.

Nikki: What about Fission…dumbass!

JT: NO ONE CARES!

*SMACK*

JT: STOP DOING THAT!!! IT HURTS!!!

Nikki: That’s the point!

GP: Billy looks do at Fission. He grabs Syphon’s elbow and throws it on the concrete! Syphon’s arm looks pretty bad…and Billy is coming toward us…

Billy: This is it! I am ending his career tonight!

JT: YES!

Nikki: Shut up!

GP: He grabs a folding chair. He is going toward Syphon, who is still in pain. Billy sets him arm up in the chair…don’t tell me…

JT: HE IS GONNA BREAK THE ARM!!! YES!!!

GP: HE STOMPS ON THE CHAIR…SYPHON’S ARM HAS GOT TO BE BROKEN!!! BILLY KEEPS
ON STOMPING..AND NOW HE IS JAW JACKING WITH THE FANS!

JT: The damage is done…

GP: Syphon is getting up…SOME HOW SYPHON FISSION IS GETTING UP!!! HE PICKS UP THE CHAIR…AND SLAMS BILLY IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH IT!!! THE FANS GO NUTS!

JT: NOOOOOOOO!

Nikki: YESSSSSSS!

GP: SYPHON KEEPS ON SLAMMING THAT CHAIR INTO BILLY!!! SYPHON TELLS BILLY TO
GET UP! BILLY GETS UP SLOWLY…AND IS MET WITH A CHAIR SHOT TO HIS FOREHEAD!
HE IS BUSTED OPEN!

JT: Great…Billy is bleeding…and the fans are enjoying it!

GP: Syphon Fission picks up Billy and slams his head into the guard rail. Syphon Fission punches Ray right in the jaw, and he falls. He picks himself up and hits a low blow on Fission…Billy now on the offensive…Billy picks up Fission and throws him into the guard rail, and then does a running drop kick
to gut…Fission spits up some blood…

JT: What a kick…he broke his ribs…ha!

GP: Billy goes and grabs the chair…and cracks it over his skull…SYPHON FISSION IS ON HIS KNEES AND IS BROKEN WIDE OPEN! BILLY GRABS SYPHON’S HEAD AND SHOWS IT TO THE CAMERAMAN!

Billy: This is what happens when you fuck with the best!

JT: AHEM!

Nikki: Your sick!

GP: Billy now grabs the ring steps…and is met by a chair…THE CHAIR COLLIDES WITH THE STEPS…HE IS HIT IN THE HEAD WITH THE STEPS…BILLY IS DOWN…AND SYPHON
HITS THE STAIRS WITH THE CHAIR! THE FANS GO NUTS!

JT: Come on ref…get up…

Nikki: He’s out for a long time…enjoy this!

GP: Fission throws the chair down, and holds his arm…

Nikki: That assault earlier has to have taken its toll…he has fought through that pain…

JT: WHAT ABOUT BILLY?

Nikki: NO ONE CARES!

GP: Billy is pushing the stairs aside…how can he…

JT: He is the World Champion, what else is there to explain.

GP: Billy is thriving in pain…and falls back down to one knee…but still comes…Fission is using his one good arm to set up a table…Billy comes charging toward him and hits him in the head. Billy finishes setting up that table in front of us…and grabs Syphon. They come toward the announce table. Billy and
Syphon are on it! Billy sets Fission up for a DDT, but FISSION WILL NOT BUDGE! SYPHON GRABS BILLY…BRAINBUSTER…THREW THE TABLE IN FRONT OF US! JESUS CHRIST…THIS IS CARNAGE!!!

JT: MY GOD!

GP: Fission up now…he picks up the limp body of Billy Ray…and gives him a DDT on the outside…

Nikki: Billy is dead!

GP: Syphon Fission goes back to the ring…he climbs the turnbuckle…HE GOES FOR A BODY SPLASH…AND MISCALCULATES HIS DROP…HE LANDS JUST SHORT OF BILLY RAY…THIS
COULD BE THE TURNING POINT OF THE MATCH!

JT: BILLY! BILLY!

GP: Billy gets up…some how…and puts Fission on our table…

JT: OH SHIT!

GP: Billy climbs into the ring…and signals to the crowd…HE DOES A FROGSPLASH! IT CONNECTS!!! OUR TABLE IS IN PIECES, FISSION IS OUT OF IT, AND BILLY HAS HAD THE WIND KNOCKED OUT OF HIM! HE STARTS TO COUGH BLOOD…JESUS GOD WHAT A MATCH!

JT: Billy has the tempo now…

Nikki: If he can get himself up…

GP: Billy leans on the guardrail, and looks at Fission…does he know that Syphon Fission is out of the game and can he capitalize!

JT: COME ON BILLY!!!

GP: Billy climbs to his feet, and picks up Syphon Fission…he throws him into the ring…he kicks the ref lightly to see if he is out…the ref gets up gingerly…

JT: FINALLY! I THINK HE WAS SLEEPING!

Nikki: No one cares!

GP: Billy then goes down by Fission…and locks him up in a Crippler Crossface!!! JESUS, HE IS RIPPING AT SYPHON!!! SYPHON IS OUT!!! THE REF LOOKS AT FISSION…HE OPENS HIS EYES!!! HE IS SCREAMING IN PAIN!!!

Fans: SYPHON…SYPHON…SYPHON…

GP: THE FANS ARE ON SYPHON FISSIONS SIDE…FISSION IS DRAGGING HIS BODY…HE IS
FIGHTING THE PAIN OF THE Crippler Crossface!

JT: HE IS GONNA GIVE UP! COME ON…TAP OUT!

GP: BILLY IS SHOCKED…FISSIONIS FIGHTING TOWARD THE ROPES! HE REACHES HIS LEG… HE GOT IT!!! HE GOT TO THE ROPE!

JT: NO!!!

GP: BILLY IS FIGHTING WITH THE REF AGAIN!!! SYPHON GETS UP…HE CATCHES BILLY,
SETS HIM UP FOR THE DEATH PLUNGE…

JT: NO!

GP: BILLY HITS SYPHON WITH SOME ELBOWS…FISSION LETS GO…Billy goes charging
toward Fission…AND IS MET WITH A SPINE-BUSTER…FISSION SIGNALS TO THE CROWD…HE
PICKS UP BILLY…DEATH PLUNGE!!! DEATH PLUNGE!!! WAIT!! BILLY RAY SQUIRMS FREE....HE BOOTS FISSION IN THE GUT! BEER BOMB(standing powerbomb)!!! BEER BOMB!!! BILLY RAY COVERS AND HOOKS THE LEG!

ONE!

TWO!!

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

GP: HE GOT HIM!

JT: Billy Ray, that drunken bastard is the number one contendor for the Pacific title!

Ring Announcer: YOUR WINNER…AND NEW…NUMBER ONE CONTENDER OF THE IWO PACIFIC TITLE…SYPHON FISSION!!!

JT: I just said that!

GP: We'll be back right after this!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GP : OK, folks, our North American title tournament is going to continue now as the two members of Team Tampax square off.

Nikki : That’s right, Greg. Due to the brackets in this tournament, AWS Man (also known as Bill) and Schitzo Tod, the Intercontinental Tag champions, will be going head to head. This promises to be a great match.

JT : Booooorrrrriiiii - wait, this match might actually be kinda good.

GP : You’re darn tooting, JT. AWS Man (also known as Bill), or the Insane One, is a former triple champion, and a current double champion. Schitzo Tod is a former double champion, and currently holds the IC straps along with the Insane One. These two are definitely very accomplished, and should provide a great athletic showing.

(‘Another Dick With No Balls’ by the extremely cool Bloodhound Gang plays as Schitzo Tod makes his way to the ring. He gets a big pop, since he’s part of Team Tampax.)

Nikki : You know, something I find interesting is that these two must know each other’s styles pretty well, being tag partners. This will make it harder to land their signature moves one each other.

JT : I have something you’d find interesting in my pants.

Nikki : Perv!

SLAP!

JT : Yeah, I guess I deserved that one.

(‘Three Point One Four’ by the even-cooler-than-they-were-a-few-seconds-ago Bloodhound Gang plays. AWS Man (also known as Bill) walks down to the ring, carrying his trusty manager Pen, and his trusty manager’s bit- I mean, girlfriend Pencil. He rolls into the ring and sets them down in the corner,
where they proceed to make hot spatula love by just lying there.)

GP : And there’s AWS Man (also known as Bill). He really went off on newbie Ash Robinson earlier tonight.

Nikki : Well, you can’t say he didn’t warn Ash. I mean, Robinson just wouldn’t drop the grocery store match or stop calling him ‘Billy Bob.’

GP : True. And there’s the bell. Team Tampax walk to the center of the ring and shake hands, before locking up in a collar and elbow tieup. AWS Man (also known as Bill) wins the tieup and shoves Tod backwards a little.

JT : Hey, will the winner of this match be the leader of Team Tampax, like Matt Hardy is the leader of the Hardy Boyz?

GP : Damn it JT, how many times do we have to tell you you’re not allowed to mention other federations?

JT : …Four.

Nikki : Just ignore him, he’s an idiot. Jeff is clearly the leader of the Hardys.

GP : Well, even though we shouldn’t even be having this conversation, you’re wrong, Nikki. Jeff would be nothing without Matt.

JT : Um … it feels weird for me to be saying this, but shouldn’t we be commenting on the match?

GP : Oh. Yeah, I guess we should. Um, Irish whip to the ropes by AWS Man (also known as Bill). As Tod bounces back, the Insane One charges with a clothesline, which is ducked by Tod. He waits for the Insane One to turn around, and when he does, he hits a dropkick to the knee.

Nikki : Kick up, and dropkick to the face! Doesn’t he normally do that combo later in the match?

JT : Shut up, bitch, he can do it whenever he wants.

SLAP!

GP : Now Tod picks AWS Man (also known as Bill) up, grabs him in a front face lock, and delivers a Twist of Fate!

Nikki : I believe it’s called a three quarters neckbreaker when Matt Hardy isn’t doing it.

GP : And I believe you should suck on my balls.

Nikki : Greg!

GP : Sorry, I don’t know what got into me.

JT : Hey, how come you didn’t smack him?

Nikki : Because he’s not normally a jerk!

SLAP!

JT : I didn’t even deserve it that time!

Nikki : You deserved it just for being JT.

GP : Now Tod is wearing down the Insane One early with a figure four leglock. AWS Man (also known as Bill) is thrashing around in pain, and is probably grimacing. We can’t tell, though, because of his mask.

JT : Astute observation, Greg.

GP : Shut up.

Nikki : AWS Man (also known as Bill) is really fighting it. He’s trying to turn it … trying … trying … he got it! He’s turned the figure four over!

GP : Tod now quickly breaks the hold, since he’s the one in pain, and both combatants get up at the same time. Tod goes for a punch, it’s blocked by AWS Man (also known as Bill). Now a kick from the Insane One, followed by a DDT!

JT : While Tod is down, AWS Man (also known as Bill) runs and leaps off of the ropes with a springboard moonsault! They’re doing pretty good moves.

GP : Well, when Team Tampax wrestles, they try to give the fans their money’s worth. Tod now staggers to his feet near the ropes. The Insane One charges, but Tod ducks down and back body drops his partner out of the ring!

Nikki : He bounces off the ropes on the opposite side, and as AWS Man (also known as Bill) stands up Tod dives over the ropes with a twisting plancha!

JT : Ooooh, neato.

GP : Tod picks up the Insane One here and takes him over to out announce table.

Tod : Sorry, AWS Man (also known as Bill). This will probably hurt. Just try to think of good things, like porn.

Nikki : And now Tod slams the Insane One’s head on our announce table. He lifts the head up for another slam, but AWS Man (also known as Bill) shoots his hands out and blocks! Now he punches Tod in the face and grabs him by the hair.

AWS Man (also known as Bill) : Freakin’ it’s cool. Now I have to do it to you though. Don’t worry, because as soon freakin’ as I win we can go backstage and play Candyland with Rob and Jay.

GP : And now AWS Man (also known as Bill) slams Tod’s head onto our table! These guys are tearing each other apart, but are still talking about going backstage and playing board games!

JT : Yeah, well what do you expect from a team named Team Tampax?

GP : Good point. Now AWS Man (also known as Bill) rolls Tod into the ring and climbs up onto the apron. From there he scales the turnbuckle and leaps off with a moonsault! He makes the cover on Tod. 1 … 2 … Kickout!

Nikki : As much as he’s already done to Tod, it’s gonna take a lot more to beat him. AWS Man (also known as Bill) starts to lift Tod up, but Tod starts hitting him with stomach shots. The Insane One backs up, and Tod levels him with a spear!

GP : Now Tod whips the Insane One into the turnbuckle, and stomps him down into a sitting position.

JT : Now he’s choking AWS Man (also known as Bill) with his boot. Where’s the friendship now?

Nikki : I think it’s temporarily on vacation. Now Tod lifts AWS Man (also known as Bill) up onto the turnbuckle, wth AWS Man (also known as Bill) in a sitting position facing the crowd. Tod climbs up behind him, and what the hell is he about to do?

GP : He’s grabbing the Insane One by the waist and - MY GOD! Tod just executed a German superplex! (OOC : This is an extremely cool new move in THQ’s No Mercy for the N64.)

JT: What the hell are you talking about OOC Greg? Are you smoking the pot?

GP: No. Tee hee.

Nikki : I’ve never seen a move like that before! Tod hung on with his legs, too, so now he’s hanging from the top of the turnbuckle. He’s starting to pull himself back up.

JT : Now he’s slowly turning around up there. He’s standing up and he goes for a shooting star press!

Nikki : He calls that the PowerTod 2000. But the Insane One rolled out of the way!

GP : Now AWS Man (also known as Bill) is standing up, and he’s scaling a turnbuckle. He signals for his own shooting star press, the Win the Freakin’ Matchifier! He goes for it, but Tod too rolls out of the way! Now both men are down!

JT : They’re both starting to stand up, and now they’re going at it tooth and nail! Tod finally gets the upper hand, and he swings for a big right, but AWS Man (also known as Bill) ducks it!

Nikki : Tod turns around, and is scooped right into position for a Drop You On Your Freakin’ Face (Emerald Fusion)! If he hits this the match could very well be over. But now Tod’s wiggling, and he slides down the Insane One’s back. Now he hooks him up, and - TOMIKAZE! (Impaler) He hit the Tomikaze!

GP : He goes for the cover, and I think he has this won. 1 … 2 … AWS Man (also known as Bill) gets the shoulder up!

JT : That’s pretty impressive.

Nikki : Indeed it is. Tod looks frustrated, and he’s waiting now for his friend to get up. AWS Man (also known as Bill) slowly gets to his feet. Now Tod comes from behind and hooks him for the Todmission (Tazzmission)!

GP : AWS Man (also known as Bill) is slowly starting to sink down … but now he catches Tod with a mule kick! Tod staggers back now, and AWS Man (also known as Bill) nails a Knock Your Freakin’ Head Off (thrust kick)!

JT : Now the Insane One drops down onto Tod’s chest, and he’s smacking him around. What the hell?

GP : This is AWS Man (also known as Bill)’s dreaded submission move, the Slap the Freak Around. He basically smacks the guy around until they either pass out or give up. He demonstrated it earlier on Ash Robinson if you would pay attention.

JT: Shut up fat ass.

Nikki : He’s hitting him really hard. I think Tod is fading. The referee is checking Tod’s hand. It drops once … it drops twice … it drops three times! He’s out! AWS Man (also known as Bill) wins it!

GP: AWS Man (also known as Bill) advances in the NA title tourney and will go for the North American gold at the Pay-Per-View!

JT: Great, that's all that guy needs is another title.

Nikki: AWS Man (also known as Bill) helps Tod up and now it looks like they're heading to the back for that game of candyland with the Children of the Porn.

JT: Man, I wish I could go play with them.

GP: Homo...

JT: WHAT!

GP: I said we'll be right back!!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GP: WELCOME BACK TO HT!

JT: This next match is between former Extreme Champion Jack Night and a former 2 time NA Champion Scott Stone. We STILL have no f*cking idea what the hell a Canadian Bacon match is.

*The scene cuts Scott Stones locker room. Jack Night and Syphon Fission beating on Scott Stone with random objects in Stones locker room...*

Nikki: Stone is getting his ass kicked, the match hasn't even started!

GP: AND HERE WE GO! Jack Night grabs that microwave from off a table in Stones locker room! AND HE SMASHES IT OVER STONES HEAD!

JT: Is this what a Canadian Bacon match is? Beating on Scott Stone?

Nikki: I... guess.

GP: Syphon grabs a 2 by 4 and thwacks it over Stone! Over and over!

JT: Look! Here comes Nicole! Shes got her shoe in her hand, and she hits the heel over the back of Jacks head! Jack just turns around, AND HITS HER IN THE FACE!

GP: NO!

Nikki: THAT MALE BASTARD!

JT: T-HEHEHEHEHE!

GP: SYPHON GRABS NICOLE STONE! DON'T DO IT SYPHON! SHES ALREADY OUT! HE'S PULLING SOMETHING OUT OF HIS POCKET! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!

Nikki: Its a package of Canadian Bacon!

GP: SYPHON IS SHOVING CANADIAN BACON IN NICOLES MOUTH!

Nicole: MMMH MMMH MMMH MMMMMMMH!

GP: SYPHON HITS NICOLE STONE WITH A DEATH PLUNGE! DAMN IT! YOU ASSHOLE, FISSION!

JT: Wait, Scott is climbing to his feet!

GP: Scott Stone is furious! Scott Stone slips Syphon a Eurpean Uppercut! Has this match even started yet?!?!

JT: Jack sucker punches Stone! Jack sucker punches Stone!

GP: The officials are trying beat down the door to stop this!

Nikki: Jack hits Scott Stone with a Cavity Search (Madible Claw)! CAVITY SEARCH TO STONE! STONE IS SLOWLY FADING... Stone is tapping out, but why? The match hasn't started!

GP: Jack hasn't released the claw... Stone looks pretty dazed...

Nikki: Jack pulls his glove out of Stones mouth... and whats that Jack is pulling out of his pocket?!

GP: Its a bottle of Malax! Jack pours the bottle of Malax in Stones mouth while he's out!

JT: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS GREAT! STONE IS GONNA SHIT HIMSELF!

Nikki: The officials have busted Stones locker room door down! And there breaking Jack and Stone up! Whats gonna happen when it comes to this match?

GP: I don't know.. but Stone is gonna blow! That was almost a whole bottle of Malax! And a cap full gives you 8 hour relief! I know because I am constipated all the time! We'll be right back with Jack Night vs. Scott Stone after this!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GP: AND WE'RE BACK! If you just started tuning in now, Jack Night had a few cheap shots Stone before the break.

JT: This is gonna be hilarious! Stone is full of Malax!

*Suddenly, "Closer to God" by Nine Inch Nails plays as Jack Night walks to the ring, being followed by Syphon Fission*

Nikki: This should be interesting to say the least... maybe we can finally find out the rules.

Jack Night: Alright, I suppose you've all been asking "What the hell is a Canadian Bacon match?". Well I'll tell you. The object is to make your opponent eat Canadian Bacon anyway possible. You know... Canadian Bacon... this shit right here *shows package of bacon*. Oh... where could my buddy Scotty Stone be? Possibly... the bathroom! BAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

*'Rollin(Urban Assault Vehicle)' by Limp Bizkit plays over the PA system as Scott Stone walks out. He looks like he's gonna blow.*

GP: Jacks attack before the break is an embaressment to the IWO. Look at Stone! He looks like he's gonna sh*t all over the place!

JT: Doesn't he always look like that?

Nikki: But this time, more so then ever!

*DING DING DING*

GP: AND HERE WE GO AGAIN! Scott Stone looks pissed off! And Jack just can't stop laughing!

JT: WAIT! Stone super kicks Jack to the jaw! Jack falls to the mat!

GP: Stone bounces off the ropes, leaps up on top of second rope! Shooting Star Press to Jack Night! Stone grabs Nights package of bacon and is trying to shove it in Nights mouth! Night won't open his mouth to let it in!

JT: Stone retires the attempt to make Jack eat bacon and continues beating on him. Scott picks Jack up by the head.. DOUBLE ARM DDT TO NIGHT! NIGHT HAS FALLEN!

GP: Stone hooks Jacks arms, AND DELIVERS A BEAUTIFUL FISHERMAN SUPLEX TO NIGHT!

Nikki: Jack is losing this match!

JT: Scott is strangling Jack with his bare hands! Stone clothlines Jack over the top rope! Jack crashes to the floor!

Nikki: Syphon isn't helping Jack out any, he's just standing there and watching Jack get beat!

GP: Stone grabs a tray of soft drinks from the audience that some vender was selling, AND SMASHES IT OVER JACKS HEAD! Stone again attepts to put the bacon in Jacks mouth! BUT WAIT A MINUTE! HERE COMES SYPHON!

Nikki: SYPHONS GOT A CHAIR! HE HITS STONE WITH A CHAIR TO THE HEAD! I THINK STONE HAS SHIT HIS PANTS!

GP: SYPHON DRAGS STONE OVER TO THE SPANISH ANNOUNCERS TABLE! OH MAN! DEATH PLUNGE THROUGH THE ANNOUNCERS TABLE!

JT: Jack is getting up now! He's got the bacon!

GP: AND HE'S SHOVING IT ALL THE WAY DOWN SCOTTS THROAT! THIS MATCH IS OVER!

*DING DING DING*

Winner: Jack Night

JT: Stone has gotten back up! He's running through the crowd at HT holding his stomach! I think he's gonna shit himself!

GP: Jack Night is laughing his ass off!

Nikki: Its time for a commercial break, we'll be right back..

GP: Hey, thats my gimmick bitch!

*SLAP*

JT: OW! I didn't do anything!

Nikki: Whoops.. sorry... force of habit.

GP: We'll be right back with more HT after this.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(The scene shows Psycho Jay laid out in the hallway. You can see Evan Levine walking away with a bat in his hands.)

GP: Levine returns the favor to Psycho Jay who got him earlier in the night!

JT: Good, Jay deserved it!

GP: Those two are on a collision course at Utter Obliteration!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{"Stayin' Alive," as performed by Ozzy Ozbourne, picks up. The crowd cheers wildly as Rob Kestler and Schitzo Tod, the Krazy Kow Klan, make their way to the ring. The second they slide in, "In Vein," by The Haunted, plays, and the crowd erupts in huge amounts of boos as Mike Extreme, with The Suicide Kings, dashes out. Tod slides out of the ring, and joins GP, JT, and Nikki at commentary.}

JT: Hey, Tod!

Tod: Moo. Hi Nikki and Greg!

GP: Hey Tod!

Nikki {flirtatious voice}: Hey, Tod…

GP: OK! Now, Kestler and Extreme exchanging punches! Kestler with an Irish whip, Extreme reverses, and Kestler with a flying elbow smash! Kestler now to his feet, off the ropes, and a leg drop! And he's picking him up now…CALL FROM BEYOND! CALL FROM BEYOND ON EXTREME! THE COVER! BUT NO! THE SUICIDE KINGS ARE DISTRACTING THE REF! THERE'S NO COUNT! KESTLER IS PISSED! MIKE EXTREME WITH A SCHOOLBOY! THE REF COUNTS!

1!

2!

Tod: And Rob kicks out! But wait a minute, who are those two people in penguin suits?

JT: Whoever they are, they're beating up on some fan! They're beating up on some strange fan! What's that sign that he was holding? The guys in penguin suits are holding it up! It says…

Nikki: I think I can make it out…

Tod: It says, "TDM! Do my yard work!" And the penguins are ditching their costumes! IT'S TDM! IT'S TDM! These guys kick ass! They're main-event material! I knew these guys in IML3! They were awesome!

JT: Dammit! I hate TDM!

GP: You weren't saying that two weeks ago…

JT: So what! I change opinions quickly!

Tod: Kestler and Extreme are just sorta laying there! And now look at this! TDM is dashing down to the ring! TDM ATTACKING THE SUICIDE KINGS! DOUBLE DROPKICK TO JEFF! MP3 (Double powerbomb)! MP3 ON RYAN! NOW EDGUARDO'S DISTRACTING THE REF! DIABLO'S GETTING A CHAIR! THE CROWD IS GOING NUTS! HE'S SET THE CHAIR ON FIRE! TOP-ROPE! FCD! FCD ON EXTREME! FCD ON EXTREME! DIABLO NOW PICKS EXTREME UP! UP IN SMOKE (Double underhook Fameasser) ONTO THE FLAMING CHAIR! DIABLO JUST DESTROYED MIKE EXTREME! DIABLO'S NOW DRAPING KESTLER OVER EXTREME! THE REF COUNTS!

1!

2!

3!

Tod: AND KESTLER HAS WON THE MATCH! HE WON THE MATCH!

JT: Dammit! Damn those spicks! Those Mexican assholes!

GP: Honestly, they just made the inevitable happen sooner.

JT: SHUT UP!

Tod: Sorry, Nikki, JT, and GP, I've got some work to do!

{Tod rolls both members of the Suicide Kings into the ring. He puts them to the sides of Mike Extreme.}

Tod: PIIIIIIIINEAPPLES!

{About 200 pineapples rain down from the rafters upon Mike Extreme and the Kings.}

GP: TDM is slapping hands with Tod! Kestler and Tod are leaving the Kings and Extreme lying in the ring! They're just walking off! And TDM leaving through the crowd!

JT: What the hell is up with Those Damn Mexicans getting involed in matches that they have no business being near?

Nikki: They're trying to make names for themselves.

GP: Well I have a bad feeling about the results of their little endeavors. We'll be right back after this commercial break.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GP - Ok folks, next up we have a match for the Extreme Title Belt...and talk about Extreme, this match was scheduled to be a standard No DQ match, but we've learned that as recently as five minutes ago this
match has been changed to a 'Texas-Chainsaw above a Ladder-with electrified barbed wire ropes-three man-elimination-after a set time a pack of Wild boars will be let loose around the outside of the ring-match'...Also known as the Mother Of All Extreme Matches version 3...

Nikki - Wow...what a mouthful...

JT - I know, it's pretty damn big isn't it.

Nikki - ...What the?

*slap*

JT - Ow!

Nikki - Put it away JT, I was talking about the match...

GP - And not forgetting that there's going to be the usual assortment of tables, chairs, tazers...the usual weapons of destruction in the ring as well.

JT - Oh, but of course...this match should be great.

Ring Announcer Meygon - Ladies and Gentlemen...This is a Mother Of All Extreme Matches match for the Extreme Title Belt...coming to the ring at this time...he stands 6' tall and weighs 215 lbs...Andrew!

**Andrew comes down to the ring as 'Hate Me Now' by Nas plays.**

Ring Announcer Meygon - The second challenger...standing 6'9" and weighing 325 lbs..."Tha Enforcer" Mike Extreme!

**'Unforgiven' by Metallica plays as Mike Extreme hits the ring and starts brawling with Andrew.**

GP - They're fighting already and there's only two men in the ring...

Ring Announcer Meygon - And coming to the ring at this time...the current IWO Extreme Champion...Sam Potright!

**Samuel Potright takes his time walking down to the ring as 'Fear' by Disturbed plays.**

DING! DING!! DING!!!

GP - All three men in the ring now...and if you look above the ring there is a Chainsaw hanging from the ceiling...and the only way to get that is via a ladder which is in the ring.

JT - BUT RIGHT INTO THE ACTION NOW FOLKS...MIKE EXTREME OVERPOWERS
ANDREW AND FORCES HIM BACK AGAINST THE BARBED WIRE ROPES...SPARKS ARE
FLYING EVERYWHERE AS ANDREW IS FRYING AGAINST THE ELECTRIFIED BARBED
WIRE!

Nikki - But Potright's got a Chair...AND HE BELTS MIKE EXTREME ACROSS THE BACK!

JT - AND ANOTHER SHOT TO THE HEAD OF ANDREW!...HE GOES RIGHT OVER THE
ROPES!

GP - No he isn't!...he manages to hold on to the barbed wire ropes...AND HE GETS FRIED AS HE PULLS HIMSELF BACK UP THE RING...HE SHOULD HAVE JUST LET GO...

Nikki - Meanwhile Sam Potright is belting the crap out Mike Extreme with a series of rights and lefts...HE PICKS HIM UP AND HITS A HARD SCOOP SLAM ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR!

GP - Great strength by Potright there...Andrew's staying away from the action right now after having been electrocuted twice...But Mike Extreme's back on his feet and he locks up with Sam Potright.

JT - AND THIS TIME IT'S MIKE EXTREME WHO OVERPOWERS SAM POTRIGHT AND HE
SLAMS HIM HARD TO THE MAT WITH A BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!

GP - He follows up with a series of punishing stomps before picking up a Kendo stick...AND HE BRINGS IT DOWN LIKE A CANE ACROSS THE CHEST OF SAM POTRIGHT!

Nikki - Mike Extreme going for the ladder now...He sets it up, but Andrew tackles him from behind and knocks him down...he brings him back to his feet...JUST SO THAT HE CAN NAIL HIM IN THE GROIN WITH A LOW KICK TO THE BALLS!

GP - AND SAM POTRIGHT IS RIGHT BEHIND ANDREW AND HE HAS A BROOM HANDLE!

**SMACK!!**

JT - HE JUST CRACKED IT ACROSS THE BACK OF THE HEAD OF ANDREW!!...ANDREW IS BUSTED OPEN! SAM THROWS ANDREW HEADFIRST OVER THE ROPES AND THROUGH A FLAMING TABLE!

Nikki - Oh yeah, did we forget to mention those?

GP - Yeah probably, Sam Potright now...he whips Mike Extreme into the ropes...AND THERE'S A BIG SPARK AS EXTREME'S BACK MAKES CONTACT WITH THE ELECTRIFIED BARBED-WIRE ROPES...

JT - AND SAM CLOTHESLINES MIKE RIGHT OVER THE ROPES...SAM JUMPS TO THE OUTSIDE TOO, AND ALL THREE MEN ARE ON THE OUTSIDE...

GP - It's probably safe to be there now...but as we said, after a certain amount of time, we don't know what that is, a pack of Wild boars will be let loose into the area around the ring...and use your
imagination for what will happen then...

Nikki - Sam whips Andrew into the guardrail with a bang...but Mike Extreme swings him around and CLOTHESLINES HIM OVER!

JT - BUT POTRIGHT DUCKS!...HE GRABS A GARBAGE CAN AND SLAMS IT DOWN
OVER MIKE EXTREME'S HEAD!

Nikki - Andrew back up and he's got a cookie tray from under the ring...He hits it over Sam Potright's head...but it doesn't phase him!!...Sam Potright reels Andrew back with a series of Elbow's to the
gut...

GP - And he plants Andrew face first into the ring apron!!

Nikki - But Andrew puts his hand down and slams Potright face first into the ring post...Andrew follows up with a clothesline from behind and Sam tumbles face first over the ring steps!!

GP - Meanwhile it's Mike Extreme...he's under the ring...WHAT'S HE GOT?

JT - HE'S GOT A FLAMETHROWER!!!

GP - No he hasn't, it's just a wooden chair!!

Nikki - And he *just* slams it over the head of Sam Potright who was just getting back to his feet...and Sam Potright is busted open!!!

JT - MIKE EXTREME AND ANDREW DOUBLE TEAMING THE CHAMP WITH A SERIES OF
HARD STOMPS...THEY BRING HIM BACK TO HIS FEET AND NAIL HIM WITH A
SPIKED PILEDRIVER ONTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR AND THE REMAINS OF THAT
WOODEN CHAIR!!!

Nikki - But Mike Extreme just clotheslined Andrew down!!

GP - Mike Extreme takes Andrew back to his feet and slides him back into the ring...Extreme follows and Potright is still down outside the ring...

Nikki - But back in the ring Extreme whips Andrew into the corner turnbuckle and follows up with a mean splash!

GP - Andrew slumps forward!

JT - MIKE EXTREME PICKS HIM BACK UP AGAIN AND PUTS HIM ON THE CORNER IN
A TREE OF WOE!!

NIKKI - LOOK AT THE SPARKS WHERE HIS BOOTS TOUCH THE ELECTRIFIED BARBED
WIRE ROPES!!

JT - ANDREW IS GETTING FRIED AS MIKE EXTREME IS JUST TAKING HIS TIME
DECIDING WHICH STEEL CHAIR HE WANTS...

Nikki - He's a sadistic bastard...

JT - HE'S GOT TO PICK THE RIGHT CHAIR...

GP - Extreme sets the chair up over Andrew's face...and he goes to the opposite corner!!!...Running baseball slide into the chair against the Face of Andrew!!!

NIKKI - BUT SAM POTRIGHT LEAPS FROM THE SAME TURNBUCKLE AND BRINGS
EXTREME DOWN WITH A CROSS BODY!!!

GP - Sam Potright grabs the ladder and HE rams it into the Chair and Andrew's face, as Andrew collapses and rolls out of the ring!!

JT - MIKE EXTREME'S BACK UP BEHIND SAM POTRIGHT AND HE NAILS HIM IN THE
HEAD WITH A KENDO STICK!!!

GP - MIKE EXTREME NOW...HE SETS UP SAM POTRIGHT AND CHOKESLAMS HIM OUT
OF THE RING AND THROUGH ANOTHER FLAMING TABLE!!!

JT - He jumps up to the top of the turnbuckle and hits a flying Elbow on Sam Potright...There's a cover outside of the ring!!

REFEREE - ONE...TWO...THREE...NO!!!

JT - NO!!

GP - Andrew inadvertedly makes a save by smacking a pair of flaming 2x4's across Mike Extreme's head.

Nikki - Andrew steals the cover!!

REFEREE - ONE! TWO!! THREE...NO!!

Nikki - Last second kick out by Mike Extreme!!!

GP - Andrew isn't phased though, AND HE GETS THE FLAMING 2X4 AND BRINGS IT DOWN AGAIN!!!

JT - BUT MIKE ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!!

GP - BUT SAM POTRIGHT HAS THE OTHER FLAMING 2X4! HE SETS MIKE EXTREME'S
HAIR ON FIRE FROM BEHIND!!

NIKKI - MIKE EXTREME'S RUNNING AROUND LIKE A LUNATIC WITH HIS HEAD ON
FIRE!!

GP - ANDREW NOW HAS A FIRE EXTINGUISHER AND HE BLASTS IT IN THE FACE OF
MIKE EXTREME!!!

JT - LOOK AT THAT MIKE EXTREME'S HAIR HAS BEEN BURNT OFF AND HE'S NOW
BALD!!...HAH!!

GP - He's also blinded with the frost of the Fire extinguisher, AND SAM AND ANDREW USE THAT TO THEIR ADVANTAGE AS THEY DITCH THE FLAMING 2X4'S AND GRAB A PAIR OF FLAMING STEEL CHAIRS!!!

**BANG!!**

JT - THEY SANDWICH MIKE EXTREME IN BETWEEN AND HE GOES DOWN QUICKER THAN A 2 DOLLAR HOOKER!!

*SMACK*

JT - BUT I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT YOU THAT TIME!!

GP - Andrew with a grin on his face as he watched Mike Extreme on the ground...but Sam Potright takes control...HE JABS ANDREW IN THE GUT WITH THE CHAIR BEFORE HITTING A FACE BUSTER ONTO THE FLAMING CHAIR!

JT - ANDREW'S HAIR IS ON FIRE NOW AND SAM POTRIGHT TAKES HIS TIME WITH THE EXTINGUISHER!!...HE BRINGS IT DOWN OVER ANDREW BACK BEFORE SPRAYING FROST ALL OVER HIS BACK!!!

NIKKI - ANDREW'S AS BALD AS MIKE EXTREME NOW!

JT - AND MIKE EXTREME'S BACK TO HIS FEET WITH A TAZER...AND THE TAZER'S ON FIRE AS WELL!!

GP - TAZER TO THE ASS!!!

JT - AND SAM POTRIGHT GRABS HIS ASS IN SPASMS AND HOPS FORWARD BEFORE
HITTING THE GUARDRAIL!!

Nikki - Mike Extreme's behind him again, and he grabs a 2x4 with barbed wire around it...AND BELTS SAM POTRIGHT ON THE BACK...SAM'S BLEEDING FROM THE BACK NOW AS WELL!!

GP - What violent match!! Everyone's busted open!!

JT - EXCEPT FOR MIKE EXTREME! BUT ANDREW CHANGES THAT AS HE SHATTERS A
GLASS TRAY OF SOME KIND OVER THE HEAD OF MIKE EXTREME AND MIKE STARTS
BLEEDING LIKE...A BLEEDING THING...

Nikki - Couldn't have said it better myself...

JT - ANDREW NOW WHIPS MIKE EXTREME INTO THE GUARD RAIL AND HE GOES
RIGHT OVER INTO THE CROWD!!

GP - But Sam Potright's behind Andrew...AND HE SPINS HIM AROUND AND SUPLEXES HIM ONTO THE RING STEPS!!

Nikki - Sam back to his feet and looking to follow up with a Steel
Chair!!

GP - BUT MIKE EXTREME LEAPS FROM THE GUARDRAIL WITH A FAN'S CHAIR!!!...AND CLOTHESLINES SAM RIGHT OVER THE RING STEPS HIMSELF!!!

Nikki - There's blood everywhere!!!

JT - THERE'S NOT ENOUGH!!!

GP - All three men down now!

JT - IT'S ANDREW WHO'S BACK TO HIS FEET FIRST...HE BRINGS SAM POTRIGHT BACK TO HIS FEET AND SLIDES HIM INTO THE RING.

GP - Mike Extreme is up too...and he low blows Andrew and slide him into the ring!

JT - MIKE GRABS A BAG OF TACKS BEFORE HE GETS BACK INTO THE RING!!

Nikki - Andrew and Potright lock up in the center.

JT - BUT MIKE EXTREME DROPS THE TACKS ALL OVER THE RING!!

GP - AND SAM POTRIGHT SENDS ANDREW FACE FIRST INTO THE TACKS WITH A DROP TOE HOLD!!

JT - BUT MIKE EXTREME NAILS SAM POTRIGHT INTO THE TACKS WITH A FULL NELSON SLAM!!!

Nikki - Mike Extreme with a chair now!!

JT - THAT'S NO ORDINARY CHAIR, BITCH...

*smack*

JT - ...THAT'S A FLAMING CHAIR COVERED IN RADIOACTIVE BARBED WIRE!!!

GP - HE BRINGS IT DOWN ACROSS THE BACK OF ANDREW!! ANDREW GRABS HIS BACK IN PAIN AND ROLLS OVER BUT MIKE EXTREME JABS IT DOWN INTO HIS CHEST!!

Nikki - And Sam Potright's back up to his feet.

GP - AND HE NAILS MIKE EXTREME WITH A SINGAPORE CANE SHOT TO THE BACK!!

JT - AND AS MIKE TURNS AROUND HE NAILS HIM AGAIN WITH A CANE SHOT TO THE NUTS!! MIKE EXTREME IS DOWN!! COVER BY SAM POTRIGHT!!

REFEREE - ONE...TWO...NO!!!

GP - NEARLY A THREE COUNT, BUT MIKE EXTREME WEASELS OUT OF THE PIN!

JT - WEASELING OUT OF THINGS IS WHAT SEPARATES US FROM THE ANIMALS...except the weasel.

Nikki - Mike Extreme's back in the ring now and he sets up the ladder...IS HE SERIOUSLY GOING TO GO FOR THE CHAINSAW?

JT - WELL I CERTAINLY HOPE SO, SINCE THAT'S WHY IT'S THERE.

GP - It's there to be used...

JT - JUST LIKE NIKKI!

*SMACK*

GP - Sam and Andrew begin to brawl on the outside of the ring.

Nikki - Andrew takes Potright down with a front Russian leg sweep onto the concrete...What's Andrew got now?

JT - THAT'S A TABLE MADE OUT OF GLASS!!!

GP - What on Earth?

JT - IT'S A TABLE MADE OUT OF GLASS!!!

Nikki - Why is that?

JT - IT'S A FUCKING TABLE MADE OUT OF GLASS...NOW SHUT UP AND WATCH PEOPLE DIE!!!

GP - Andrew brings Sam up to his feet!!

JT - BUT SAM POTRIGHT HAS AN IRON GAUNTLET AND HE NAILS ANDREW IN THE NUTS WITH THE IRON GAUNTLET!!!

GP - AND SAM POTRIGHT POWERBOMBS ANDREW THROUGH THE GLASS TABLE!!!

JT - IT SHATTERS AND ANDREW BLEEDS!!!...HE'S GOTTA BE DEAD BY NOW!!!

GP - Sam slides back into the ring where Mike Extreme is up the top of the ladder!

JT - MIKE EXTREME HAS THE CHAINSAW!! HE'S GOT THE FUCKING CHAINSAW!!

GP - HE REVS IT UP!...BUT SAM POTRIGHT DROPKICKS THE LADDER AND MIKE TUMBLES RIGHT OUT OF THE RING WITH THE LADDER!

JT - ANDREW'S ON THE OUTSIDE WAITING FOR HIM WITH A FLAMING BASEBALL BAT WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE...HE SWINGS IT UPWARDS AND CATCHES MIKE EXTREME IN THE NUTS!!

Nikki - Oh that's gotta hurt!

GP - Sam Potright's on the Turnbuckle! HE'S GOT A FLAMING TAZER!...HE JUMPS AND CONNECTS WITH A FLYING FLAMING TAZER CLOTHESLINE ON ANDREW!!!

JT - ANDREW FALLS TO THE GROUND IN SPASMS!! I THINK POTRIGHT TOOK SOME
DAMAGE ON THAT ONE TOO.

Nikki - Amazingly Mike Extreme is getting slowly back to his feet!...CAN YOU BELIEVE THE STAMINA OF THIS MAN?

GP - EITHER MIKE EXTREME IS ONE TOUGH SON OF A BITCH...or he just hasn't got any nuts and that shot didn't hurt.

JT - WELL, NIKKI'S SLEPT WITH HALF THE IWO ROSTER SO SHE SHOULD KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT ONE.

*SLAP*

JT - OW.

Nikki - Mike Extreme looking under the ring for something...BUT ANDREW ATTACKS HIM FROM BEHIND WITH THE FLAMING TAZER!...HE TAZERS HIM IN THE SIDE OF HIS CHEST AND MIKE EXTREME COLLAPSES!

GP - Sam Potright grabs the Chainsaw and slides back into the ring...I guess he's just waiting for these two to annihilate each other then he'll clean up the remains...

JT - ANDREW NOW WITH MIKE EXTREME...HE SLAMS HIM HEADFIRST INTO THE RING STEPS...AND WE SHOULD POINT OUT TO YOU THAT OUR RING STEPS ARE MADE OF PURE GOLD...AS OPPOSED TO OTHER FEDERATIONS THAT USE ALUMINIUM ONES AND CLAIM THAT THEY'RE MADE OF STEEL.

GP - Andrew reaches under the ring and slides out a table...he sets it up right beside the ring...WHAT'S HE DOING NOW?

JT - HE'S GOT A 6-PACK OF FAYGO ROOT BEER...AND HE BREAKS THE GLASS BOTTLES OVER THE TABLE!...HE ADDS SOME GASOLINE AND SETS THE BASTARD ALIGHT!

GP - Andrew now...a series of kicks to the down Extreme...and he brings Mike Extreme back to his feet...ANDREW WITH A GORILLA PRESS SLAM ON MIKE EXTREME!

Nikki - But he can't hold him up there! Andrew's struggling with Mike Extreme...MIKE'S OVER 300 LBS...

GP - AND OH GOD!!! OH JESUS CHRIST!!

JT - WHAT THE?...HOLY SHIT...LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...AS ANDREW HAS TRIED TO LIFT MIKE EXTREME...HIS BODY HASN'T BEEN ABLE TO COPE WITH THE WEIGHT...AND HIS GUTS HAVE COME FLYING OUT OF HIS ASSHOLE!

GP - MIKE EXTREME PICKS HIM UP AND DELIVERS A FATE OF THE DAMNED THROUGH THE FLAMING TABLE COVERED IN BROKEN FAYGO GLASS BOTTLES!

**'Welcome To the Jungle' by Guns N Roses begins to play.**

JT - WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

**THE WILD BOARS ARE RELEASED, AND THEY CHARGE DOWN TO THE RING!**

JT - AND THE WILD BOARS HAVE BEEN RELEASED!!!

Nikki - Mike Extreme quickly jumps back into the ring...ANDREW'S LEFT OUTSIDE THE RING!

GP - ANDREW'S SITS UP...HE HASN'T SEEN THEM...HE'S JUST SITTING ON THE GROUND IN A PILE OF BROKEN WOOD, GLASS, AND A PILE OF HIS OWN GUTS!

JT - AND THE BOARS CHARGE HIM AND HE GETS GORED! LOOK AT THAT, THAT ONE
JUST GORED HIM IN THE BALLS!

GP - THAT'S GOTTA HURT WORSE THAN WHEN HE HIT MIKE EXTREME WITH THAT
FLAMING BAT!

Nikki - THAT'S THE END OF ANDREW THEN, WE PRESUME...The Wild Boars have spread out a bit around the ring, but they look pretty pissed off...Medics are taking Andrew out of the arena on aa Stretcher...he's still alive, but this is the end of his IWO wrestling career!

GP - But as Mike Extreme is just watching the Boars, IT'S SAM POTRIGHT BEHIND HIM WITH A STEEL CHAIR!

JT - HE SMACKS EXTREME IN THE BACK BEFORE THROWING THE CHAIR TO THE
GROUND...AND A DDT ON THE CHAIR!

GP - Potright with a cover!

REFEREE - ONE...TWO...NO!

JT - ONLY A TWO COUNT FOR POTRIGHT THERE...HE BRINGS MIKE BACK UP AND HANGS HIM NECK FIRST OVER THE BARBED WIRE ROPES! MIKE EXTREME IS GETTING ELECTROCUTED AS WE SPEAK!

GP - But he shakes off Potright and gets back to his feet...He's still stunned though...AND POTRIGHT TAKES ADVANTAGE WITH A VICIOUS CHAIR SHOT!

JT - MIKE EXTREME IS NOW WEARING THAT CHAIR...AND SAM POTRIGHT DROPKICKS HIM OVER THE ROPES!!!

NIKKI - THE WILD BOARS ARE GOING RIGHT FOR EXTREME!

GP - BUT HE MANAGES TO SLIDE BACK INTO THE RING...just in time!

Nikki - Potright's right back into the attack now...but Mike Extreme brings him down...HE'S GOT THE TAZER FROM OUTSIDE AND HE TAZERS POTRIGHT IN THE LEG!!

GP - HE MUST HAVE GRABBED IT FROM OUTSIDE THE RING JUST BEFORE THE BOARS GOT TO HIM!

JT - EXTREME WITH THE COVER NOW!

REFEREE - ONE TWO THREE!!!...NO!

GP - Sam Potright just managed to get the shoulder up! HOW DO THESE ATHLETES DO THIS?

JT - IT'S INCREDIBLE!...BUT WHAT'S MORE INCREDIBLE IS THE FACT THAT MIKE EXTREME NOW HAS THE CHAINSAW!!!...SAM POTRIGHT WILL DIE TONIGHT!!

GP - MIKE EXTREME WITH A SWING OF THE CHAINSAW BUT SAM POTRIGHT JUMPS BACK AGAINST THE BARBED WIRE ROPES...THEN LUNGES FORWARD AND SPEARS MIKE EXTREME!...HE DROPS THE CHAINSAW!!

NIKKI - THAT NEARLY HIT SAM AS HE DROPPED IT!

GP - Sam back to his feet and he grabs the Chainsaw!....What's he doing with it?...He's cutting a hole in the ring!

JT - WHY THE FUCK IS HE CUTTING A HOLE IN THE RING? HE SHOULD BE CARVING MIKE'S GUTS OUT!!

GP - But Mike Extreme's back up too...AND SWINGS THE CHAIR AT SAM POTRIGHT!!!

Nikki - But Sam saw him swing it and he ducks!!! Now it's Sam Potright with a Chainsaw and Mike Extreme with a chair!!...I CAN'T WATCH THIS!!!

JT - BUT WAIT!!! WHAT'S THAT?...ANOTHER CHAINSAW JUST DROPPED INTO THE
RING!!!...MIKE EXTREME HAS ONE TOO!!!...OH THE CARNAGE!!!

GP - MIKE EXTREME!!!...AND SAM POTRIGHT!!!...WITH DUELING CHAINSAWS!!!...THEY BOTH SWING AND CONNECT IN THE MIDDLE WITH A FLURRY OF SPARKS!!!

JT - AND ANOTHER SWING!!!...THERE'S MORE SPARKS IN THE MIDDLE!!!...AND THE CHAIN FROM MIKE EXTREME'S CHAINSAW BREAKS OFF AND FLIES OFF INTO THE CROWD KILLING MANY PEOPLE!!!...THIS IS GREAT!!!

GP - JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!

NIKKI - SAM WITH A SWING OF HIS CHAINSAW AND MIKE EXTREME DUCKS AT THE LAST SECOND...SAVING HIMSELF FROM BEING DECAPITATED!!!

JT - MIKE GRABS HIS CHAINSAW BY THE METAL SUPPORT AND SMACKS IT DOWN, ENGINE FIRST, OVER THE HEAD OF SAM POTRIGHT!!!...THE CASING SHATTERS AND SAM DROPS HIS CHAINSAW OUT OF THE RING!!!

GP - Mike Extreme's now got a...He has a...What the?...HE'S GOT A BULL WHIP!!

Nikki - WHERE DID HE GET A BULL WHIP FROM?

GP - Mike Extreme walks right back to the opposite corner...Sam Potright slowly gets back up to his feet across the other side of the ring...I DON'T LIKE THE LOOKS OF THIS!

**Crack!!**

NIKKI - OH JESUS CHRIST!!!

GP - HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!...I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!...CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!

JT - YEEHAR!!!...HE JUST CRACKED THAT BULL WHIP IN THE NUTS OF SAM POTRIGHT!!!

GP - LISTEN TO SAM POTRIGHT SCREAMING IN PAIN AS HE JUMPS UP AND DOWN ON THE GROUND!!!

JT - MIKE EXTREME BRINGS SAM POTRIGHT OVER AND SETS UP THE LAST TABLE IN THE RING...RIGHT IN THE CORNER!!...HE COVERS IT IN TACKS!!!

GP - Mike brings Sam to the turnbuckle...AND UH OH!...HE'S GOING FOR THE FATEFUL CRY!!...THE SECOND ROPE TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER!!

NIKKI - HE HITS IT!

JT - NO HE DOESN'T!!! SAM POTRIGHT HOOKS HIS FOOT AND PUSHES MIKE EXTREME BACK THROUGH THE LAST TABLE...RIGHT ONTO THE TACKS AND THROUGH THE TABLE!!!

NIKKI - SAM POTRIGHT JUMPS DOWN...WHAT'S HE GOT?

JT - HE'S GOT A VICE!!! HE CLAMPS THE VICE AROUND MIKE EXTREME'S GROIN!!!

GP - HE'S GOT TO GIVE UP!!!...CAN YOU IMAGINE THE PAIN!!!

**THE REFEREE CALLS FOR THE BELL!...DING DING!!!**

JT - HE GIVES UP!! SAM POTRIGHT WINS!!!

GP - BUT WAIT...HE ISN'T FINISHED!!

JT - SAM BRINGS MIKE EXTREME BACK TO HIS FEET AND THROWS HIM OUT OF THE RING!!...HE GETS GORED BY THE WILD BOARS!!!...MIKE EXTREME RUNS BACK UP
THE RAMP WITH A VICE CLAMPED AROUND HIS NUTS BEING CHASED BY A PACK OF
WILD BOARS!!

GP - ONLY ON IWO!!

Ring Announcer Meygon - Your winner...and STILL IWO Extreme Champion...SAMUEL POTRIGHT!!!

GP: Potright is holding the belt up in victory. The ring crew has one helluva mess to clean up, we'll be back and hopefully it'll be ready to go!



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(The scene opens up backstage in the "Sucking up to My Dick" room. Inside, various IWO wrestler are recieving head from porn stars. Ash Robinson, Syphon Fission, AWS Man (also known as Bill), Capital Punishment, Those Damn Mexicans, Cyanide, Schitzo Tod, Spaz, Jack Knight and the Suicide Kings are all there.)

Ash Robinson: I lost due to Billy Bob interfering, but this makes it all better.

AWS Man (also known as Bill): Shut the freak up you deserved it freakin match stealer.

Capital Punishment: I don't know why I'm recieving head now because I never pay attention to anything and don't give a crap about the IWO.....I have to go fight my match now.

Spaz: This sure is COOL.

Edguardo: This rocks meng...

(Suddenly the porn stars giving TDM head become rabid and bite their penises off. The whores then run off with them as TDM squirm in pain. My Dick's voice is heard.)

My Dick's voice: MEXICANS! DON'T EVER INTERFERE IN MATCHES IN MY EVENTS WITHOUT GOOD REASON. NOW YOU HAVE LEARNED....AND YOU WILL NEVER RECIEVE HEAD FROM PORN STARS AGAIN NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU SUCK UP TO MY DICK! NOW GO TO THE HOSPITAL WHERE THEY WILL RE-ATTACH YOUR PENISES....I'M NOT THAT CRUEL.

(The scene cuts back to the ring.)

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JT: Ouch! Remind me never to cross My Dick.

Nikki: I've heard of crossing fingers, but how do you cross your dick?

JT: Stupid joke. Let's get serious now.

GP: Ladies and gentlemen, the ring is cleaned up......it's time for the swan song of a legend. Capital Punishment v. Phelen Kell.

Nikki: Punishment has done it all in his great career......now all that's left is to defeat Phelen Kell.

JT: Come on! You guys make this sound like Punishment's gonna mop the floor with Kell! Kell's a former three time IWO World Champion plus he's got a cool new bad attitude! I'm going with Kell today.

GP: The cage is lowering......let's go up to Meygon.

Meygon: THIS CONTEST IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL! AND IT IS A STEEL CAGE MATCH! Introducing first.......

<"Sober" by TOOL plays as the fans go ballistic.>

Meygon: He is one of the greatest ever to set foot in the wrestling ring! He has taken on and defeated every great in the IWO! From Chicago, Illinois......he stands 6'2".......and weighs 270 lbs.....the master of the Steel Rain and Malicious Intent....."THE LEGEND" PHELLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEENNNNN KELLLLL!!!!!



Meygon: AND...........HIS OPPONENT....

<"Sugar" by System of a Down strikes up as the fans give Capital Punishment a similar response.>

Meygon: From Washington D.C.......he stands 6'9", and weighs in at 321 lbs. He's a former six time IWO North American Champion.....he's held the world title twice.....one of the legends of the IWO........CAAAAAPPPPPPITAL PPUNNNNNNNNISHMENT!



Capital Punishment: I went to Commissioner Jay in the back. To ensure no interference....





GP: Both men immediately charge each other! That dome adds a whole new dimension to this match! It prevents interference, so technically these guys can leave the cage and brawl around ringside without fear of being jumped. This is pinfall or submission rules, keep that in mind! Kell starts out with a right hand, another one, third right blocked, Punishment with a big right to knock down The Legend.

Nikki: Phelen Kell bounces right back up, Punishment grabs him by the arm, Irish whips him into the ropes, Kell ducks the clothesline, but Cappy catches him with a Samoan drop! Kell gets back up again, he ducks a Punishment left, and grabs Cappy by the head.......bulldogs him down into the mat! Kell drags Cappy back up to a vertical base, dropkicks the big man down!

JT: Phelen back off the ropes, he tries an elbowdrop, Cappy evades the contact! He grabs Kell by the legs, SLINGSHOT! Kell went face first into the steel Phelen tottering around....Punishment throws Kell's arm over his shoulder! He's looking for the Death Penalty early! No! Kell elbows Cappy in the head and drives him down by the arm! Fujiwara armbar locked in!

GP: The referee in checking on Punishment, who gets up on all fours, which breaks the pressure of the move... Punishment breaks the grip on his arm and stands up, hip throw by Punishment drops Kell to the mat! Punishment backs up....he charges Phelen Kell..Kell sidesteps! HE THROWS CAPPY INTO THE CAGE! MY GOD THE WALL OF THE CAGE GAVE WAY! IT JUST FELL WITH CAPPY ON IT! A GIANT WALL OF FENCING IS NOW JUST LYING ON THE ARENA FLOOR!

Nikki: Phelen walking over to Punishment now, he picks him up...low blow by Cappy! Double Arm DDTs The Legend on the fencing! He rolls Phelen over to cover! The referee won't count! He's saying the fall must take place in the ring! Cappy doesn't even bother to roll Kell in, he just continues to lay in some hard shots to Phelen's head. Capital Punishment now going to go for a piledriver on that fencing.......

JT: Countered by Kell into a back body drop! Punishment's back bounced off the steel! Kell now rolling off of that grating.....and he has a steel chair! Kell swings! Punishment got a boot up to knock the chair back in Kell's face! Punishment now takes the chair! MY GOD! YOU COULD HEAR THE CRACK OF THAT CHAIRSHOT AGAINST THE LEGEND'S SKULL!

GP: Phelen Kell is busted open bad from that chairshot....but he still manages to crawl to his feet, Punishment delivers a right hand, another, another.....three rights from Punishment stagger Kell against the timeskeeper's table! Kell just grabbed a glass pitcher! Punishment turns around.....JESUS! PHELEN JUST SHATTERED THAT GLASS PITCHER OVER CAPITAL PUNISHMENT'S HEAD! AND HE GIVES THE HIGH SIGN!

Nikki: Phelen Kell picks up Capital Punishment....he lifts him up into a Torture Rack...HE FLIPS HIM FORWARD! STEEL RAIN ON THE PIECES OF BROKEN GLASS! KELL DROVE PUNISHMENT'S HEAD INTO THE SHARDS OF GLASS WITH THAT IMPLANT DDT OUT OF THE RACK! Kell drags Capital Punishment back into the ring! He makes a cover....

JT: 1..........................2..............................No! Punishment gets the right shoulder up at two! Kell is livid! Both men now climbing the cage......exchanging blows on the top...oh shit......DOUBLE RIGHT HAND! BOTH MEN FALL 15 FEET TO THE MAT! MY GOD! Wait! Here comes My Dick!!

My Dick: WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THIS?! Both guys could have won this thing already, but the lame referee won't count falls outside the ring? THIS MATCH IS NOW PINFALLS COUNT ANYWHERE!

GP: Punishment screaming at VP Evan! He doesn't like that ruling one damn bit! WAIT! PHELEN FROM BEHIND! KELL TAKES DOWN CAPITAL PUNISHMENT! THE MALICIOUS INTENT LOCKED ON! PUNISHENT'S TRAPPED IN THE INTENT! Cappy trying to fight it off! Kell yanking and pulling with everything he has! Punishment fighting.....he's out! I don't believe it!!

JT: I WAS RIGHT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!



Meygon: YOUR WINNER.....THE LEGEND, PHELEN KELL!

GP: My God...Punishment loses his final matchup...he's slowly starting to regain consiousness. He's asking for a mic...he can't be happy with what went on...

Capital Punishment: He beat me....plain and simple. Well, I'm a man of my word. Goodbye IWO...



::Phelen Kell stands up and whipes the sweat from his brow. He looks over toward the announcer and signals for a microphone. He walks to the announcer, picks it up and looks at Capital Punishment.::

Phelen: Cappy...we've never been on good terms....not a day throughout either of our illustrious careers. But I've always respected you as an athelete...and...I don't know if you remember this....but when I retired before....I said in my speech that you deserved the IWO World Heavyweight title more than anyone. And I said I'd be first in line to shake your hand when you finally won it. Well I was a little late....but if I still can, I'd like to shake your hand now.

::Phelen puts his hand out, and is met my Capital Punishments as the crowd goes wild.::

Phelen: Have a good retirement...

Capital Punishment: Thank you, I will...



Evan Levine: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT! YOU CAN'T EVEN BEAT FUCKING KELL! GO RETIRE YOU FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE....



GP: I can't believe we've seen the last of Capital Punishment!

JT: Me neither, he'll be back in a month a usual!

Nikki: I think this is it, it's for real this time.

GP: Well Cappy will be greatly missed.....we're out of time, tune in to Meltdown next week.



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