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Hostile Takeover for 11/3/00
Live from the Gaylord Entertainment Center in Memphis, Tennessee

World Title Match
Psycho Jay defends against Andrew
*For some reason Andrew, who is in the Children of the Porn stable with Psycho Jay, asked for this match. And as the rule goes, "ask for it and you get it". What Andrew's status in the CoTP will be after this match is not known however. Will Andrew pull the upset off over his leader, or will Psycho Jay defeat the CoTP's lacky and humiliate him?*

North American Title Tournament 1st Round
High Flyer vs. Chris Davidson

Rob Kestler vs. Cyanide

Mike Extreme vs. Joey Malone

Wild Turkey Match
Evan Levine vs. Jack Knight
*The match takes place in a cage, filled with bunches of live turkeys from "Big Billy Bobs Turkey Farm" in White Meat, Iowa. A timer is set to 20 minutes. If nobody climbs out from the cage before the timer is up, all the turkeys explode into pieces. If Evan wins, then Jack has to leave the IWO forever and work as a male prostitute in the alley behind Arby's. If Jack wins, then he gets a Extreme title shot next HT!*

Grudge Match
Donnie Daze vs. Wesley Sanders
*These two were tag team partners for a short time until Daze turned his back on Sanders and joined the Misunderstood Family. Now Sanders has a chance at revenge, although it was Donnie Daze's manager Joey that requested this match. This match could prove exactly which one of these men were holding back their tag team.*

Singles Match
Phelen Kell vs. Syphon Fission
*Syphon took advantage of the request and recieve rule and will take this oppurtunity to try and make a name for himself by defeated the true legend of the IWO Phelen Kell.*

World Tag Team Title Match
Team Tampax defend against the Suicide Kings
*With the new "ask and ye shall recieve" rule in place for the next two weeks. The Suicide Kings, who have not had much success as of yet in the IWO will get a chance to show what they're made of simply because they asked nicely for it.*

London Street Fight
Rob Riot vs. Aaron Kain
*Rob requested it, now he'll get it.*

Pacific Title Match
AWS Man(Also Known as Bill) defends against Capital Punishment
*Cappy asked for this match because he is a greedy asshole, which he actually called himself. We'll see if AWS Man (also known as Bill) is able to overcome this IWO legend.

Newbie Match
"K-Mart" Kevin Martin vs. Id
*Both of these men have recently been signed to the IWO, now they'll battle to see who can get the first win in both of their debut.*

Newbie Tag Team Match
Sharp Swords vs. Those Damned Mexicans
*Once again, two new comers, this time tag teams, will go head to head to see who has the better potential for greatness in the IWO.*
-------------------------------------
(The scene opens up to the IWO logo which bursts into flames anf then turns into the Hostile Takeover logo which also bursts into flames and then Fire Marshall Bill runs in and puts it out....)

Fire Marshall Bill: What the hell is the IWO a bunch of pyromaniacs? Why must everything always go up in flames! Aheheheheheh.

(Fire Marshall Bill goes up in flames as a result of not being funny in transcript. The camera opens up to the crowd which is going insane and holding up signs like "Zoey vs. CGI God= Match of the Century", Donnie Daze is a circus midget", "Andrew is the new champion, I read it on wrestlecrap.com!", "Central Powers kick butt", "Peter North is God", "We want cows", "Beware of the killer toilets", "Bela Legosi is DEAD", "We want Vagrond", "Misunderstood Family commit incest", "God is God", and many other signs. The camera cuts to Greg Parker, JT, and Nikki sitting at the announcers table. There are various other announce tables such as the German, Tibetan, Pig Latin, skank whore, and others as well.)

GP: WELCOME, TO HOSTILE TAKEOVER!

JT: And hostile it will be!

Nikki: Tonight with VP Evan and Commish Tom BOTH out of power, it's up to Creative Team leader MY DICK to try and handle things.

JT: Nikki, you do realize you just admitted to hav...

*SMACK*

Nikki: My Dick is the guy's name!

JT: Suuuuure.

GP: Wait....what's that?!

("Dick's way"by Dickie Thon blasts as My Dick makes his way down to the ring.)

GP: My Dick has a mic!

JT: I didn't know your dick could hold a....

GP: STOP WITH THE CORNY JOKES AND LISTEN!

My Dick: Thank you, thank you, thank you. I appreciate the warm response. Now many people believe that I am not going to have control tonight, people think that I can't handle this show all alone. Well the truth of the matter is I can handle both MNM AND HT better than those two jokers Evan and Tom. And speaking of Evan and a joke, his Pay-Per-View SUCKED. And I didn't like how The Hardcore Isosceles Trapezoid won the Extreme Title belt but is now injured. So.....SAMUEL POTRIGHT IS THE NEW EXTREME CHAMPION!!!

(Samuel Potright comes to the ring and accepts the belt back from My Dick.)

My Dick: You see, it's that simple....I'M IN CHARGE. Goodbye.

(My Dick leaves the ring.)

GP: Well, MY Dick has spoken!

JT: Parker, your penis can spe....

*SMACK*

Nikki: Stop it, do we have to hear this crap all damn night!

JT: Yes.

*SMACK*

JT: Damnit!

GP: Folks the World Champ is entering the building!

(The scene opens up to Psycho Jay entering the arena along with Rob Kestler, Vincent, Famed Porn Star Peter North, and a midget Andrew who is bloody from Vincent beating him with his penis. A split screen shot shows Evan Levine entering the arena through another entrance along with Discord, Syphon Fission, and the rest of the Central Powers.)

GP: THAT REMINDS ME! IN THE AFTERMATH OF FEAR THE DARKNESS, WE HAVE A NEW NUMBER ONE CONTENDER FOR THE IWO WORLD TITLE IN EVAN LEVINE!

JT: Evan is off to Utter Obliteration to face the IWO World Champion, but will he face Psycho Jay or Andrew? That will be answered tonight.

Nikki: We also have Jack Night’s career on the line as he takes Evan Levine on in the first ever Wild Turkey Match.

JT: And the first round of the North American Title Tournament…

GP: This is the biggest and best card he have had in awhile.

(Suddenly “I Am Your Boogie Man” by White Zombie plays as Evan Levine comes out of the back. The fans are booing horrendously. )

GP: There is the leader of the Central Powers, the luckiest man in the IWO…Evan Levine, the bastard.

JT: He won fair and square GP…

Nikki: So what, he is the man who poured salt into the wound on Sunday Night, on Tony Davis.

(Evan has a microphone and starts talking as the fans boo the hell out of him.)

Evan: Go on all you losers want! Because you are looking at the man....WHO RUNS THE IWO!!! IN one night...I saw Tony Davis leave the IWO....I won the Number One Contendership...And made sure Nick Kostos...WILL NEVER!!! Get in CP's face again! All in all it was a good night for me....AND CP!

[Fans boo]

Evan: With that said and done, lets have the lucky streak go on!!! With Jack N.........

(Suddenly “Take Them Out” by Vision Of Disorder plays over the speakers. Then, Syphon Fission comes out of the back. He storms to the ring and grabs the microphone right out of Evan’s hands. )

Syphon: Evan Levine…the Game of the IWO…the Real Heel…the only thing I see in you is the fact that you are an asshole!

(The fans cheer. )

Syphon: Evan…you promised me the sky. You promised me titles. You promised me publicity. You even went as far as to promising me that you were going to pull all the strings necessary for getting Syphon Fission matches against the best in the business. What did I get…I'll tell you…bullshit! Evan…all your
empty promises only have fueled a decision I should have made a long time ago…I want out of the Central Powers!!!

(The fans semi cheer. Evan grabs the microphone right out of Syphon's hands.)

Evan: Who in the hell do you think you are…coming out here…talking your shit to me! I am not your bitch…I am the best damn wrestler this place has! Your just some no name ass! I can make and break your ass!

(Fission rips the microphone right back. )

Syphon: Gee Evan…just keep talking your bullshit…it doesn’t change the fact that you’re a pain in my ass! Your empty promises and all have driven me off the edge!

(Evan rips the microphone back. )

Evan: Your not a high priority. Right now…the Central Powers are worrying about the most important thing…which is my World Title!

(The fans boo. )

Evan: So…Syphon…after I kick Jay’s ass at Utter Obliteration…you will get your attention. You just have to wait your damn turn!

(Syphon calls for another microphone. Some ring technician throws him one and he begins to talk. )

Syphon: Evan…you don’t understand…do you? I am sick of waiting! I am sick of being told I am not good enough! I am sick of being called a “low priority”. Levine…you just don’t get it! I will not lay back anymore! I will not do your dirt work anymore! Hell…I don’t even care about you! I could care less about the Central Powers! What I care about is getting my shot at the top of the mountain!

Evan: You’re shot at the top of the mountain…son…you have to pay your damn dues!

Syphon: I have paid dues for seven damn months! Evan…its my time for a push! It’s my time for a title! It’s my time to face the best in the company week after week! ALL YOU ARE DOING IS HOLDING ME BACK!

Evan: I KNOW WHATS IN YOUR BEST DAMN INTEREST!!! NOW GO TO THE BACK AND HELP
ME PLOT FOR JACK NIGHT!!!

Syphon: Evan…GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!

(The fans go into a frenzy! Evan just sits there with his mouth open. )

Syphon: See…you filled my head with empty promises…now its my time to return the favor. Evan…with god as my damn witness…I WILL PERSONALLY MAKE SURE YOUR LIFE IS A LIVING HELL UNTIL JAY ENDS YOUR DAMN CAREER AT UTTER OBLITERATION!

Evan: Syphon…you seem to not understand…you can not beat me! I have the Central Powers on my side! YOU CAN’T STOP ME!

Syphon: You have a point…

Evan: Glad you can see it from my point of view…lets get to the back and plot for Night with the rest of the Central Powers…

(The fans boo the hell out of Evan and Syphon. )

GP: Damn Syphon Fission…he was making a damn stand…then he just steps down…

JT: He knows he can’t beat Evan…so he might as well stick as a member of the team…

Nikki: Something is fishy about this…

GP: Syphon is leaving the ring…Evan is taunting the fans…that son of a bitch…

JT: HAHAHA!

Nikki: Wait a second…Fission kicks Evan in the gut…DEATH PLUNGE!!! SYPHON HIT A DEATH PLUNGE ON EVAN LEVINE!!!

(The fans go nuts! Then, “I Am Your Boogie Man” by White Zombie plays as Scott Stone and High Flyer come out of the back. )

GP: High Flyer in the ring…Fission clotheslines him…Scott Stone charges Fission and is met with a superkick! Flyer is up…he kicks Fission…now Scott Stone. Double team! High Flyer leaves the ring. He grabs a sledgehammer!

JT: Flyer hits Fission with the sledgehammer! Evan is rolling to the outside…he gets a chair…he gets in the ring…Flyer and Stone hold Syphon up…

Nikki: EVAN CRUSHES SYPHON’S HEAD WITH THAT CHAIR…FISSION IS ON THE GROUND…IN A HEAP! HIS HEAD IS BUSTED OPEN!

GP: EVAN WITH THE MIC!

Evan: Syphon Fission…you can’t leave the Central Powers…I KICK YOUR ASS OUT!!!

(Evan throws the microphone down as the Central Powers leave the ring. Flyer just stands in the ring as the rest of the Central Powers leave, then he does. )

GP: DAMMIT! WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK!



(The scene opens up and in the back the cameras show the IWO Tag Champs, Team Tampax entering the arena, looking ready. WHAT THE HELL! The Suicide Kings busted through a bunch of milk cartons in a golf cart and took out AWS Man (Also known as Bill)!!! He jumps to the right and lands on the concrete as Schitzo Tod never seen them coming and Ryan swings his sand wedge knocking him completely out. They put on the brakes and Jeff and AWS Man (Also known as Bill) start fighting and Ryan reaches behind the seat and pulls out a bag...he walks over to AWS Man (Also known as Bill) and nails him over the head with it one good time and he crumples over. He then empties the contents of the bag on AWS Man (Also known as Bill)...IT'S GLASS! HOW CRUEL! They pick up the titles and try them on and laugh as they leave Team Tampax in a bloody mess! The scene cuts back to the announcers.)

GP: What the hell, the Suicide Kings are trying to get the upper hand already, attacking Team Tampax before they even got settled.

JT: Hell, they were barely through the door!

Nikki: If you ask me that's a cheap tactic to help win.

JT: It may be cheap but it's smart! Tampax has been unstoppable lately.

GP: That is true, but now with them laying in a pool of their own blood, anything can happen.

(Scene cuts back to Team Tampax who are just starting to come around.)

AWS Man (Also known as Bill): Freakin what the freak happened?

Schitzo Tod: I have no clue, my head hurts. And there's ketchup all over.

AWS Man (Also Known as Bill): That's not freakin ketchup freakin Tod! That's blood! Pen? Freakin pen? Where are you?

Schitzo Tod: He was here when we walked in.

AWS Man (Also known as Bill): Nooooo! Those freakin bastards stole pen!

(Cuts back to the announcer's table.)

JT: I didn't see the Suicide Kings steal Pen.

GP: Me neither, but who could have them?! We'll be right back after this!



(Scene opens to the announcers.)

GP: That is a strange, strange man......oh........We're back folks and I cannot believe what we just saw!

JT: That was just plain wrong! How dare that no good Syphon Fission turn on the Central Powers like that. He got what he deserved.

Nikki: But he was right JT, all Evan cares about is getting himself ahead, and he uses the cronies behind him to get it done.

JT: Whatever, Evan is great.

GP: And what about Team Tampax being taken out and softened up by the Suicide Kings!

JT: Evan is great!

GP: OK, anyway, let's see, up next we have our newbie match featuring Id and "K-Mart" Kevin Martin.

JT: K-Mart? Everyone knows that Wal-mart is the best place to get things done at! K-marts suck and so will this guy probably.

Nikki: Not neccessarily. We'll find out here in a bit.

GP: Fans I have just been informed that there will be a special guest referee for this match announced after the two wrestlers have made their entrances so let's get down to Meygon and find out who is going to be this special guest referee!

Meygon: Making his way to the arena at this time, a newcomer to the IWO, THE ID!!!

[Id slowly comes down to the ring and sits in the corner.]

Meygon: And his opponent, another newcomer to the IWO, "K-Mart" Kevin Martin!!

JT: Yeah yeah, that's great...but who is the special guest referee!

["Rollin Rollin Rollin" blasts over the speakers as the Wal-Mart Smiley Face Guy appears at the ring entrance.]

GP: IT'S THE BIG YELLOW WAL-MART SMILEY FACE GUY! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

Nikki: Ah geez....

JT: WAL-MART RULES! WAL-MART RULES!

DING DING DING

GP: And this match if officially underway. Let's see what kind of officiated job the Wal-Mart Smiley Face Guy can do! Id now approaching Kevin Martin as he extends his hand out. Looks like Id is trying to be respectful to Kevin Martin since this is both of their debut matches.

Nikki: I wouldn't trust him...But it looks like Martin is going to.

JT: WAIT A SECOND! YES!! ID JUST BLEW ORANGE POWDER INTO THE EYES OF KEVIN MARTIN! AND THE WAL-MART SMILEY FACE GUY DIDN'T DO A THING ABOUT IT!

GP: This is wrong. This is no way to start out your debut. Id now giving strong blows to the knees of Kevin Martin. It looks like Id is relying on martial arts to win this one.

Nikki: SABOT KICK! Martin goes down. Id came prepared for this match so it seems. Id now mounting Kevin Martin from the behind...

JT: I know someone I'd like to mount from behind....

*SLAP*

JT: BUT I DIDN'T SAY NIKKI! AW SHIT!

*SLAP SLAP*

GP: Anyway, Id now has Kevin Martin on the ground and is applying his own version of the crossed-face chicken on Kevin Martin. The Wal-Mart Smiley Face Guy is checking to see if K-Mart is giving up.

JT: Id is ROLLING BACK PRICES on K-Mart. Sam Walton would be proud!

Nikki: I bet...anyway...K-mart is stretching for the ropes...AAAAND! HE MAKES IT! The Wal-Mart Smiley Face Guy is making the count for Id to release the hold.

Wal-Mart Smiley Face Guy: 1 dollar....2 dollar....3 dollar....CLEARANCE!

GP: And finally, Id breaks the hold. That was close.

JT: Let's see what Id does now! So far, he has manhandled Kevin Martin. Id now setting K-Mart up for what looks to be a neckbreaker. AAAAAND....WAIT A SECOND, K-Mart REVERSES AND PUSHES HIM INTO THE ROPES!

Nikki: CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN! THE WAL-MART SMILEY FACE
GUY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I guess that's what happens when we pay cheap, imitated styles to referee our matches!

GP: Both men staggering to their feet. Id is up first. He goes over to K-Mart, HE'S SETTING UP FOR ANOTHER SABOT KICK! NO WAIT! K-MART CAUGHT HIS LEG AND HIT A LOW-BLOW! Id is hurt!

JT: Look at this! The Wal-Mart Smiley Face Guy is getting in K-Mart's face! AAAAH!! K-Mart just knocked the Wal-Mart Smiley Face Guy out to the outside! K-Mart grabs ID and YES! IT'S THE BIG K CLEARANCE!

Nikki: K-Mart makes the cover...1.....2.....3! NO! WAIT! THERE IS NO REFEREE!! THE WAL-MART SMILEY FACE GUY IS KNOCKED OUT!

GP: WE NEED A REFEREE OUT HERE! Kevin Martin is pissed! He pulls Id up to his feet and hits a body slam. Now where is he going? He's pointing to the Wal-Mart Smiley Face Guy! They are sayin a few choice words!

JT: And here comes another referee into the ring!

Nikki: WAIT A SECOND! ID FROM BEHIND GRABS KEVIN MARTIN AND ROLLS HIM UP IN A SMALL CRADLE!

ONE!

TWOOOO!

THREE!! IT'S OVER THE ID HAS WON IT!!

GP: Fans, what a wild night we are having. The Id wins the newcomers battle. A strong showing from both of these young men. They each have serious potential here in the IWO.

JT: Maybe the Id does, but K-Mart needs to realize that Wallgreens is the best.

GP: But I though you said Wal-Mart was.....oh nevermind, I do feel bad that these two rookies couldn't have a normal match, but hell, this is the IWO...they had better get used to it! We'll be right back....wait a second, I've just heard we've got something going down in the back!

(The camera shows Evan Levine and Discord in their locker room.)

Evan Levine - Man, it feels GREAT to be the number one contendor. And soon, I'm gonna be WORLD CHAMPION BABY...

(Former IML President Nick Kostos shows up near the doorway. The fans are going fucking crazy! Former IML President Nick Kostos puts a finger to his mouth and sneaks up behind Evan. Discord screams as Former IML President Nick Kostos clocks Evan over the head with the DVD copy of Peter North of Psycho Jay's new Epic Porn. Evan goes down. Former IML President Nick Kostos picks Evan up, KICK, WHAM INVESTMENT (Stunner)!!! THE FANS ARE LOSING IT!)

Former IML President Nick Kostos - See, that's what your fucking idiotic ass gets for being so damn stupid.

(Former IML President Nick Kostos scoops Evan up, and hits the CLIMAX (Bodyslam into Reverse DDT)!!!!! Evan looks to be dead. Discord is screaming. She slaps Former IML President Nick Kostos in the face. Former IML President Nick Kostos doesn't stand for that kind of shit, so he whips out his massive dick and ejaculates on her face. Not satisfied, he busts 20 more loads all over her, leaving her drenched in milky goodness. Former IML President Nick Kostos leaves the room and goes down a few doors, opening one. Resident fag Zoey is there. Former IML President Nick Kostos grabs Zoey, forces him down, and takes a dump on his face.)

Zoey - DOIGHOILGHOIEGH! *muffled*

(Former IML President Nick Kostos finishes the dump, then picks Zoey up and throws him out the window. Tanja the Austrian Whore then gives Former IML President Nick Kostos head.)

GP: WHAT THE HELL! THAT MAN IS DISGUSTING!

JT: I like Nick Kostos, but how could he do that to Evan!

Nikki: How can he do that to women, it's disgusting and sexist.

GP: Well the footage seemed to be doctored up a bit, so it may not have actually been Discord....but that definitely was the IWO newcomer Zoey having his face pooed upon!

JT: Now that idiot deserves it, going around demanding World Title shots within his first week of the IWO.

Nikki: Yeah that wasn't the brightest thing to do, but it got him some good heat.

JT: If you ask me good heat doesn't end in getting shit on your face!

GP: I agree with that.....we'll be right back!



(The camera switches to the back where we see a man dressed as an ice cream cone??? He is walking through the back and bumps into the Suicide Kings)

"TKOH" Jeff King: What the hell?

Ice Cream Cone Man: Hey...are you the Kings? Hey I have something to tell you!

"TKOD" Ryan King: Hey...what is it?

Ice Cream Cone Man: Well...I was walking through the back while ago and came past a room that reeked of Tequila. Anyways TDM was there and I overheard them saying that this Tequila was from the Kings and it sucked and that they were gonna fuck you over in the Tag match.

"TKOD" Ryan King: They did huh? Well we thank you.

Ice Cream Cone Man: No problem.

(He walks off)

"TKOH" Jeff King: What are we gonna do now?

"TKOD" Ryan King: I think I might have an idea...let's go.

(The camera cuts to the announcer's table.)

GP: Our next match pits two new tag teams against each other!

JT: Why are excited about this? This is just some newbie piece of crap match.

Nikki: It's not crap JT. These first few matches in the IWO are important to new talent.

GP: Tonight it's going to be the Sharp Swords against Those Damned Mexicans!

JT: TDM? I LOVE that name!

Nikki: Yeah, a lot of people do.

JT: And I'm one of em!

{The Sharp Sword's music hits as Salem and Sword both step out of the back. The crowd gives no reaction. The Swords proceed to the ring.}

GP: I haven't seen one promo from these guys. Not one...

{Awake by Godsmack starts up as the crowd gives a mild cheer. Those Damned Mexicans, Diablo and Edguardo, make thier way down the ramp and into the ring. The crowd then pops when Edguardo begins to play with a ocondom.}

GP: It looks like Diablo and Salem will be starting. Diablo starts of with several punches to the mid section of Salem. Salem trys to get a punch in, but Diablo blocks. Diablo runs into the ropes, and OH! A nice running drop kick by Diablo!

JT: Nice? That was perfect!

Nikki: That it was JT. It looks like, Sword is distracting the ref, and Salem with a cheap low blow to Diablo!

JT: C'mon ref! Turn back to the action.

GP: Kick to the face of Diablo, and Salem is now locking in the Sharp Shooter!

Nikki: Wait a second! Diablo isn't going to tap, it looks like... Like he enjoy's the pain!

JT: That makes Diablo a masochist!

GP: Salem is in shock! He lets go of the Sharpshooter, and stands back, watching in horror as Diablo gets to his feet!

Nikki: Diablo with the tag to Edguardo, and Edguardo coming in strong with a clothsline to Salem.

JT: What's Diablo doing?

GP: Huh? OH MY! Diablo's attacking Sword! H's making sword bleed with just his bare hands!

Nikki: Edguardo with a powerbomb to Salem!

JT: The ref's attending to sword, and Diablo's got a chair! He's... He's pouring gasoline on the chair! The groud is going insane!

GP: He set the chair on fire! Diablo, climbing the turnbuckle, Firestarter! Firestarter!

Nikki: The ref's back in the ring! Edguardo's got the cover!

1

2

3!!

GP: TDM wins! TDM wins!

JT: Wait, Diablo and Edguardo are still attacking Salem!

Nikki: Sword is ditching his partner, he's leaving!

Edguardo: BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCHOOOS!

GP: What the hell? Edguardo has found some barbed wire! He's rapping his arm in barbed wire!

JT: Now Edguardo is scraping his arm on Salem! Blood is everywhere!

Nikki: Diablo is setting up a table...

GP: MP3! MP3 onto the table by Diablo and Edguardo!

JT: Wait a second, it's Mike Extreme! Mike Extreme is running down into the ring.

GP: He's in the ring! But Diablo with a kick to the mid section and a DDT! Diablo DDT'ed the TV champion!

Nikki: What a match!

("Awake" by Godsmack hits and the crowd go's wild. Diablo, and his crazy brother exit up the rampway.)

GP: A very impressive debut for Those Damn Mexicans. The Sharp Swords didn't know what hit them.

JT: All I know is those Mexican's rule....any bloodshed for no apparent reason is cool with me.

(The scene switches to the back. We see Schitzo Tod talking to Kilroy, who is busy eating a midget variation of VP William. Then Joey Malone shows up.)

Joey Malone: Hey, Tod!

Schitzo Tod: Moo?

Joey Malone: Have you ever been to, like, Tibet and stuff?

Schitzo Tod: No...

Kilroy: I AM KILROY!

(Thunder booms, lightning crashes.)

Joey Malone: ...yes, you are. And I am JOEY MALONE!

(Thunder whispers, lightning makes a soft touch.)

Kilroy: I AM KILROY!

(Thunder booms, lightning crashes.)

Joey Malone: I AM JOEY MALONE!

(Thunder whines, lightning makes a dent in a fender.)

Kilroy: I AM KILROY!

(Thunder booms, lightning crashes.)

Joey Malone: I AM... giving up.

Kilroy: GOOD!

(Kilroy goes back to eating the Midget VP William.)

Joey Malone: Well, Tod, uh, what do you think of me going to Tibet for a while?

Schitzo Tod: Sounds good.

Joey Malone: Great!

(Joey walks off.)



(The camera fades to the locker room where Donnie Daze is in his locker room with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. His manager, Joey Legion is sitting on a chair near him.)

Joey: Tell me you're going to have balls and give her the flowers.

Donnie: Don't worry about it. I will! I'm brave! I'm going to march down to ringside and hand these to Nikki personally! She has to know how I feel about her!

Joey: You've never even had a conversation.

Donnie: That doesn't mean anything. She thinks I'm cute. That's enough for me.

Joey: Man, girls don't really talk to you much do they?

(Donnie lowers his head)

Donnie: Nope. Not really. But I don't need them! Nikki is the one for me! Here I go!!!

(The camera watches Donnie leave the locker room with flowers in hand. Then, from the back, a member of the IWO ring crew runs down with the flowers in his hand)

NikkI: What's this about?

GP: It looks like someone has a secret admirer.

(The man hands them to Nikki. She looks at the card)

JT: It's probably from one of your clients from last night.

Nikki: It's got a card in it.

(She looks at the card)

Nikki: It's from Donnie Daze.

JT: That loser! Hahaha!! That jobber has the hots for you! Hahahahahahah!!!!

Nikki: He's actually cute.

JT: So why don't you go back and fuck him?

Nikki: At least he has a shot with me.

JT: Him and every other guy in this arena!

*SMACK*

GP: Let's calm down. We do have some matches left to call.

JT: Yeah, so what's next?

GP: It's a London Street Fight in which Rob Riot will battle Aaron Kain. Let's head to the live satellite feed right now.

(The feed comes up, but it's in London and it's all foggy and nobody can see anything. My Dick appears on the dick-a-tron.)

My Dick: This match is cancelled due to bad fog and neither of these two schmucks cutting one damn promo all week! It's being rescheduled until next week, and if those two don't put together one interview then they are BOTH FIRED! Thank you!

***Side note: The match was done for this....but since neither rped I didn't want to waste a good written match, so I'm saving it til next week. DO NOT request a match and then not rp for it.***

GP: Well unfortunately due to weather and excessive slacking, this match has been postponed.

JT: Much like the Pantera tour because that crazy bastard Phil broke two ribs!

Nikki: Pantera sucks.

JT: WHAT!

Nikki: Nothing. Well, we'll be back after this.

GP: Hey!....



North American Title Tournament Round 1 Match
Mike Extreme vs. Joey Malone

GP: And we're back!

JT: Yay.

Nikki: How come you always do that?

JT: I dunno.

("In Vein" by some band I don't feel like looking up plays as Mike
Extreme comes out to boos.)

JT: Mike Extreme isn't waiting.

GP: I know.

Ring Announcer: From Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at 323 pounds, he is
MIKE EXTREME!

(Mike Extreme rolls into the ring and waits for his opponent.)

Ring Announcer: And his opponent...

("Whipping Post" by the Allman Brothers Band plays as Joey Malone comes
out to a huge pop. He's accompanied by Daniel Phillips, Janitor Seven,
and Janitor Eleven.)

Ring Announcer: From Phoenix, Arizona, weighing in at 258 pounds, he is
one half of the Winds of Change, he is JOEY MALONE!

(Joey Malone rolls into the ring and blindsides Mike Extreme with a
double axehandle.)

GP: Joey Malone with a quick start on Mike Extreme, and...

JT: Uh oh, don't look now, but here comes trouble.

Nikki: It's Daniel Phillips!

(Daniel Phillips takes a seat with Parker, JT, and Nikki.)

GP: Hey, uh, Daniel, what's up?

Daniel Phillips: Gas prices.

JT: Mike Extreme is getting pummeled in the corner! Come on, Mike! Don't
let this Joey guy beat you!

GP: Joey with a chop!

(Woo!)

JT: And another!

(Woo!)

Nikki: Mike Extreme is sent into the ropes, reversal! Joey catches
Extreme with a flying clothesline!

Daniel: Did I mention just how many times I've kicked Joey's ass in
bowling?

Nikki: No.

Daniel: Well, it's a lot!

GP: Great, but what does that have to do with this match?

Daniel: Nothing.

GP: Joey goes up to the second rope, cross-body! Nope! Fallaway slam by
Mike Extreme!

JT: Ow.

Daniel: Arizona kicks ass.

JT: Dammit, Phillips, let me put it in layman's terms. Your baseball
team, your football team, your basketball team, THEY ALL SUCK!

Daniel: You're just jealous because Arizona is cooler than your puny,
pathetic state of... um... where in the fuck are you from, anyway?

JT: Umm, Arkansas...

(Suddenly, the match grinds to a halt. Joey Malone hops over the top
rope, along with Mike Extreme.)

Joey Malone: Dude, you're from Arkansas?

Mike Extreme: Man, I knew you were a bastard, but an INBRED bastard?

JT: Umm... umm...

GP: Uh...

Nikki: ...shouldn't you two be fighting?

Joey Malone: ...ummm.... oh yeah...

GP: Joey caught Mike Extreme with a knee lift!

JT: Extreme's back into the ring, now, and Joey catches him coming in
with a springboard dropkick!

GP: Impressive for someone who isn't even a cruiserweight!

Daniel: Yeah, that's my job!

GP: Right... Joey's using quite a few hit-and-run tactics on Mike
Extreme...

JT: Smart man.

Nikki: Joey is sneaking behind Extreme whose getting up... wait! He's
going for Negative Impulse already!

GP: NO! Extreme shoves him off!

JT: Right into the turnbuckle... and an Extreme German suplex! Cover...
one... two... no! Extreme couldn't get him!

Nikki: Now Extreme picks up Joey and presses him over his head!

JT: Wait! Joey slips out! RELASED DRAGON SUPLEX! MY GOD! How did Joey
get that guy up in a move like that!?!

GP: Mike Extreme literally bounced off the canvas that time!

Daniel: Yeah! Finish him, Joey!

GP: Now Joey bounces off the ropes and... AAAHHHH! SAM POTRIGHT OUT OF
NOWHERE JUST PULLED DOWN THE TOP ROPES!

JT: Now Extreme's out there and they're both beating up on Joey and...
hey!

(Daniel has left the broadcast position.)

GP: DANIEL PHILLIPS HITS THE RING! TOPE CON HILO ON POTRIGHT!

JT: PHILLIPS JUST TOOK POTRIGHT OUT OF THE PICTURE!

Nikki: Now Joey takes Extreme into the ring, but Extreme catches him!
Fate of the Dam- no! Joey with a go behind... NEGATIVE IMPULSE(Spinning
Tomikaze)! NEGATIVE IMPULSE! JOEY HITS HIS NEW MOVE ON EXTREME!

GP: No ref! Joey's got the cover, but no ref!

JT: Wait! It's Donnie Daze!

GP: Daze just pulled Joey off of Extreme!

Nikki: Joey is up and he's in shock!

GP: Remember the IML! These guys are best friends!

Nikki: Oh no! Daze and Malone are face to face!

JT: Mike Extreme's back up! He catches Malone with a rollup! ONE...
TWO... THREE!

Nikki: Mike Extreme steals one from Joey, thanks to Daze!

JT: Joey's back up and he shoves Daze!

GP: But Extreme clotheslines Joey out of the ring!

Nikki: Phillips climbs into the ring and he has a toaster! But Potright
grabs his foot! DAZE WITH A KNEEDROP TO PHILLIPS'S HEAD!

GP: Daze has turned his back on his friends, the Winds of Change!

JT: Daze grabs the toaster and positions it! He grabs Phillips from
behind... OH MY GOD! DAZED AND CONFUSED ON THE TOASTER! DAZE PICKS
PHILLIPS UP AGAIN! AND HE DOES IT ONE MORE TIME!

Nikki: My god! Phillips is bleeding!

JT: The Misunderstood Family just took out Daniel Phillips!

GP: And they leave the ring!

*COMMERCIAL BREAK*

GP: Folks, if you're just tuning in, we've just gotten word that Daniel
Phillips has sustained a severe concussion based on Donnie Daze's
betrayal... and...

("Smartbomb" by BT plays as Joey Malone, fresh off of his loss to Mike
Extreme, comes out with a microphone.)

Joey Malone: Well, folks... my partner's injured thanks to a man I
thought was my friend. But oh well, I'm not going to hold a grudge over
it. I won't complain. I'm not a complainer. So instead of complaining,
I'm just going to take a small vacation... to Tibet!

GP: TIBET?!

JT: TIBET?!

Joey Malone: Yes, Tibet. I figure I could add to my already-powerful
Arizonan Monk Training by including some Tibetian Monk Training! Wah hah
hah!

(And Joey leaves, to the confusion of the crowd.)

Nikki: ...that is one fucked up man...

JT: Yeah.

GP: We'll be right back!



GP:Well, we've got another North American Tournament matchup, as former World Champion High Flyer fights former North American champion Chris Davidson.

Nikki:It's also the battle of the stables, the Central Powers and the Children of the Porn!

GP:Flyer seems to be going through a major transition period lately. He just doesn't seem to be the same
Flyer.

JT:Well, what the hell do you expect Greg. His best friend is forced to retire, he hasn't wrestled
actively singles wise in some seven months! He was a tag team wrestler since Mayhem, and that's
dramatically hindered his career in the long run.

GP:Well, he does have a chance to turn that all around. This tournament could be the spark he needs to
regain singles glory.

Nikki:Well, look at Davidson, he is on top of his game recently, defeating Aaron Kain two weeks ago FOR the title. Too bad he lost it to Stone on Sunday, or else this could have just been a one on one title matchup.

GP:Well, Davidson had everything going for him, and it was taken away by Scott Stone. Now he's going to have to go and get it back once more. It's going to be a tough road to climb up once more for Davidson, this
field is stacked with IWO superstars.

JT:And he draws Flyer in round one... this is going to be one hell of a match...

GP:Let's get to Meygon... who's in the ring.

Meygon:This next match, is in the first round of the North American Title Tournament, and is scheduled for
one fall... Introducing first, he is a former North American Champion in his own right, hailing from
Houston, Texas, and accompanied to the ring by Frankie... from the Children of the Porn, Chris
Davidson!

("Love Gravey" by Rick James and Ike Turner plays as out from the back walks Davidson, carrying Frankie on his arms. The fans go nuts for Davidson, as he makes his way down to the ring.)

Meygon:And his opponent, a former World Heavyweight Champion in his own right... hailing from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, and weighing in at 204 pounds... here is High Flyer!

(The familar sounds of "Loco" by Coal Chamber begins to plays, as Flyer walks out before the pyro even
erupts. Erupting off beside him, it doesn't even seem to bother him, as he makes his way to the ring. Boos
continue to fall down onto his actions as of late, as Flyer slides into the ring. Flyer goes over to the
corner and hangs his head as the bell is rung.)

*Ding, ding, ding*

GP:Well, oddly enough, Flyer hasn't moved out of the corner, as Davidson doesn't know what to do. He knows the bell's rung, and he's put Frankie on the outside, but Flyer hasn't turned around.

JT:Davidson is going to capitalize, and hooks Flyer from behind. He takes him over in a german suplex...
but Flyer lands on his feet.

GP:Davidson in shock, gets to his feet. he turns around as Flyer smacks him across the face. Flyer
rides Davidson into the ropes and tosses him off. Flyer goes for a knee to the midsection, but Davidson
catches it, and clotheslines him down to the mat.

JT:Viscious I must say! Flyer's head must have bounced off the canvas! GO FLYER!

Nikki:Let me guess, only because he's with Evan Levine....

JT:Damn straight.

Nikki:For that reason alone, I'm going for Davidson here.

GP:Who cares!

(JT and Nikki turn to Greg, as Greg appologizes.)

GP:Davidson grabs Flyer off the canvas, Flyer nursing his head. Davidson with a vicious right sends him into
the corner, as Davidson now sends Flyer's chest bleeding right with heart threatening chops.

JT:Wait! Flyer ducks under it and sends Davidson into the corner! Flyer with some wild rights himself, as he
goes back.. running start!

Nikki:...Davidson reverses it into a drop toe hold into the corner! Flyer bounces off and grabs his face,
as Davidson grabs Flyer, and nails him with a huge face buster!

GP:Davidson with the first cover of the match, 1-2-NO! Flyer gets a shoulder up at the count of two!

JT:Hence one two...

Nikki:Davidson grabs Flyer up off the canvas, as Flyer begins throwing right hands to Davidson's midsection. He gets to his feet, and sends him reeling with a huge right hand. Davidson twiddling on the ropes, and Flyer clotheslines him up and over!

GP:Davidson lands on the outside, hard on the concrete pads!

(Inside the ring, Flyer is shown bending over, tears almost encircling his eyes.)

JT:What the hell is going on with Flyer nowadays?

GP:I don't know Greg, I couldn't tell you... but HE'S ON TOP OF HIS GAME! Suicide plancha onto Chris
Davidson sends him back down to the mats on the ground!

Nikki:Come on Chris! Get Up!

JT:That's not the only type of coming Nikki wants...

*Smack*

JT:Well worth it that time... See, I try to pick my shots...

*Smack*

JT:Now that was TOTALLY uncalled for!

GP:Flyer grabs Davidson and tosses him back into the ring. Davidson is holding his jaw, Flyer must have
caught him with his foot when he fell. Davidson is getting to his feet now, as Flyer is climbing up to
the apron... Davidson goes for a shoulder block, but Flyer catches him in a side headlock. Flyer climbs up
to the top, Davidson still hooked....

(Flyer does a front flip, trying to nail Davidson with a front flip rick rude neckbreaker, but Davidson
fights off of it, and holds Flyer up on his back like a back pack. Eventually he drops him down like a
neckbreaker for himself.)

Nikki:Woah!

GP:Davidson just reversed a front flip neckbreaker into a neckbreaker of his own! And Flyer just caved in
on the canvas! Cover by Davidson, 1-2-NO! Flyer got the bottom rope!

JT:Nice job official... doing your job, for once.

Nikki:Davidson however is in firm control! Go Chris! Come on! Take out that reject!

GP:Flyer is still an accomplished athlete... Davidson with a huge double arm ddt! Flyer is laid out once
more, Davidson with the cover, 1-2-NO! Flyer barely gets a should up!

JT:Davidson, I think he's setting Flyer up! He's going for the Yellow Kick(Super Kick), the perfect
destruction of the Snow Seller!

GP:Flyer is wobbly getting to his feet, Davidson goes for his super kick, but Flyer catches it! Flyer spins
Davidson around, kicks him in the gut... COLD SNOW! COLD SNOW(Side Embrace DDT)! Oh my god! That just took both men out of their game!

JT:COME ON FLYER! ROLL OVER AND COVER DAVIDSON!

GP:He listens to ya! 1-2-NO! DAVIDSON GRABS THE BOTTOM ROPE! DEAR GOD!

Nikki:Chris is my baby! He's going to get out of Cold Snow!

JT:Flyer gets to his feet, he's woozy, I don't think he knows where he is...

(The camera shows Flyer, who seems to be spaced out. Davidson gets to his feet and unspaces him out with a shot to the gut.)

GP:Davidson grabs Flyer and tosses him off the ropes, no, reversed by Flyer. Flyer kicks Davidson in the
gut.... HYPOTHERMIA(Morning Star Suplex)! HYPOTHERMIA TO CHRIS DAVIDSON! DEAR GOD! TWO HUGE MOVES IN A ROW FROM FLYER! He must really want this win! Flyer rolls over for the cover... 1-2-NO!!!! NO!

JT:HOW IN GOD'S NAME DOES HE DO THAT!?!? He must be like, god or something!

Nikki:He's Chris Davidson!

GP:Flyer is getting to his feet, he doesn't know what to think. He's climbing up to the top, He's going to
put Davidson away with the Flying Moon Shot!

JT:Come on Flyer!

Nikki:Come on Chris! Get up!

GP:Davidson is climbing to his feet, Flyer leaps off the top...

(What happens next is rather odd... kinda like the twilight zone. Remember that music? Wait... Davidson
catches Flyer in mid-air and nails him with the tombstone piledriver, right out of the Flying Moon
Shot. Flyer bounces off the mat and falls down to the outside.)

JT:HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!

(All of a sudden God walks out of nowhere and bitchslaps JT.)

God:STOP USING MY NAME!

(God Leaves.)

GP:How many times does God have to bitchsmack you to stop using his name?

JT:God's a pussy compared to Nikki...

(All of a sudden, JT is engulfed under the announce position into hell.)

Nikki:Wow, what a relief...

GP:Davidson with a cross body on the outside on High Flyer! Flyer is down, Davidson is on his feet!
Nikki:Well, after that huge piledriver out of the moonsault, Flyer's lucky to be standing.

GP:Davidson grabs Flyer by the head and rambs him into the steel ring post. Flyer falls down, clutching his
forehead.

Nikki:I guess the referee wants to see a winner, we don't have a count or anything going on here.

GP:Wait! Davidson has a steel chair, but out official rips it out of Davidson's hands!

Nikki:Look at Frankie! He's charging at the referee, but the referee luckily dodges the flying bird!
Davidson goes over to Frankie and calms him down, inside the ring, telling him to calm down.

(All of a sudden, JT flies out from underneath the arena, and back into his seat.)

Nikki:DAMN JT, not even hell wants you...

JT:GO FLYER!

GP:Flyer grabs Davidson from behind, rollup! 1-2-NO! Damn! Davidson got a shoulder up! How is he doing this?

Nikki:Davidson and Flyer back up to their feet, Flyer goes for a clothesline but Davidson ducks, Flyer
stands face to face with Frankie!

JT:NO! FRANKIE JUST PECKED OUT FLYER'S EYES! FLYER TURNS AROUND BLINDED, YELLOW KICK! YELLOW KICK! DEAR GOD! DEAR GOD!

GP:WAIT! It's Evan Levine! Levine's racing down to the ring! Levine is grabing the referee! Davidson has a
five count on Flyer!

JT:No he doesn't! What are you watching!

Nikki:He DOES have Flyer beat! Wait! Davidson's up, he's going to hit Evan! HIT HIM! HIT HIM!

GP:Wait... Davidson turns around... FLYING MOON SHOT(Moonsault)! DEAR GOD! ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE RING! I can't believe he hit it from that distance!

JT:Flyer is skilled!

Nikki:1-NO!-2-3!!!! NOOOO!!!

GP:And High Flyer just beat Chris Davidson! Dear god! What a Moonsault! And Davidson took Flyer's head off with Yellow Snow! They just broke each other in half, Flyer rolls out of the ring, trying to snap out of it.

(Levine is trying to talk to Flyer as they both walk up the ramp. Flyer just has his head hung down low,
not really listening to Levine much.)

JT:I TOLD YOU NIKKI! Flyer is DA MAN! He beat "Chrissy" Davidson, and he's going to WIN this
tournament! And he's going to win Monday too!

GP:Davidson is getting up in the ring, holding the back of his head. That impact may have really hurt
Davidson... He picks up Frankie......

(The scene opens up in the locker room where we see Jack Night talking to Inbred Jed. Then Joey Malone walks in.)

Joey Malone: Hey, Jack!

Jack Night: Not now, I am busy contemplating the speed and velocity of a turkey being flung at Evan Levine's eye socket!

Joey Malone: But I need to ask for your all-knowing advice!

Jack Night: But Joey, you have an IQ of 176, a degree from the University of Arizona, you defy physics at your whim, and you're an Arizonan Monk, why do you need my advice?

Joey Malone: Because, uhm, I want to know if you think it's a good idea to go to Tibet!

Inbred Jed: Terbit?

Joey Malone: No, Tibet!

Inbred Jed: D'I nefer hard af Terbit.

(Joey ponders this.)

Joey Malone: Oh well, it doesn't matter...

Jack Night: Uh, well, if it strengthens your ability to be an Arizonan Monk, then go for it.

Joey Malone: But what will my fans think?

Jack Night: How am I supposed to know? All I appeal to is the old women in the crowd. So I don't have very many fans.

Joey Malone: Oh. Well, okay.

(Joey leaves, Inbred Jed moos, and Jack Night conducts his physics test.)



GP: Next we've got the MUCH ANTICIPATED WILD TURKEY MATCH BETWEEN JACK KNIGHT AND EVAN LEVINE!

JT: Evan Levine is gonna job this loser. I can't believe Jack wants to humiliate himself like this.

GP: This is the most wild of gimmick matches. A Wild Turkey match. Jack has been known for beating people under these type of scenario's. Jack MIGHT be able to beat the Central Powers member in this one.

JT: Jack Night?!?! Beat a #1 Contender for the World title?!?!

Nikki: Hey, it could happen. We saw Ronald McDonald beat the f*ck out of Aaron Kain earlier tonight. If a clown can job a former NA champion, if a actor can be a president, if Raulf Nader can let the dogs out, if Hillary Clinton can have a penis, then Jack Night can beat Evan Levine.

JT: *grunts*

GP: Look, there lowering that cage!

*The cage lowers from the ceiling as we see about 1000 flash bulbs go off.. chicken wire surrounds the rim of the cage, a timer is on the outside wall of the cage that is set to 20 minutes. The cage lands in place, and then hay (that's right, hay) falls from the ceiling and scatters all over the ring floor.*

GP: This thing is gonna be brutal!

*Suddenly, "Last Resort" by Papa Roach plays as Jack Night walks out wearing a "Gayme Tyme" t-shirt. He has a pitch fork in one hand*

Jack Night: Its GAYME TYME! YEEHAW! *does a fairy dance*

JT: Oh gawd..

GP: I change my mind. Jack Night is gay.

*Jack Night walks through the cage doors and sticks his pitch fork into a bale of hay.*

Nikki: At least he brought a good weapon to fight Levine with.. speaking of Levine, where is he?

*"I Am Your Boogie Man" by White Zombie plays as your The Real Heel, Evan Levine, walks out and rolls his eyes at Jack as he does a hillbilly dance in the ring..*

GP: It looks like Evan Levine is ready to take an easy win, here.

Nikki: Go Jack! You can do it!

JT: Wait a gull darn cotton picking minute. Where are the turkeys? I thought there was gonna be f*cking turkeys!

GP: Take your Clariton, JT. My Dick said he would be the one to officially put the turkeys into this cage...

*My Dick appears on the Tit-ron*

My Dick: As your HT card manager, I will be the official to put these turkeys into the cage. I will release them from the top of the arena, and let them fly into the ring. Now... turkeys... FLY! BE FREE!

GP: Wait a minute... TURKEYS CAN'T FLY!

*Suddenly, a swarm of about 100 live turkeys, all weighing about 10-20 lbs. fall from the ceiling and land onto the audience members!*

Nikki: OH MY GOD! TURKEYS ARE ALL OVER! THE TURKEYS AREN'T EVEN HITTING THE RING! THERE FALLING ALL OVER THE PLACE!

GP: NO! EVAN LEVINE WAS HIT BY ONE OF THE TURKEYS! OH MAH ROOTY TOOTY!

JT: AAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! ONE OF THE TURKEYS JUST CLOBBERED JAMIE KOSOY IN THE AUDIENCE! HAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS GRE - *THWAK!*

GP: OH MAH LAWDY! JT HAS JUST BEEN KNOCKED COLD BY A TURKEY!

*My Dick looks shocked*

My Dick: Uh oh. It looks like its back to Canada for me! RUN LIKE HELL!

*My Dick frantically runs away*

Nikki: Oh! Poor JT! He just got hit by a Butterball!

GP: *trys to hold back from laughing*

Nikki: You think its funny that this POOR ANNOUNCER *embraces JT's lifeless head into her breast* was VICIOUSLY took out by a turkey?!

GP: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

JT: *waking up* Help! I'm sufficating in breast!

Nikki: BASTARD!

*Nikki picks up the dead turkey by its neck and clubs JT with it, which knocks him cold again...*

Nikki: BITCH HEAD!

GP: Nikki.. never hit anyone with white meat again. You got me?

Nikki: I'll be good. Sowwy. :-(

GP: Back to the match. Levine has jumped back to his feet, which tells me that turkey hit didn't hold a lasting effect on him. Levine walks up the stairs and into the cage - but Jack slams the cage door into Evans head! OUCH!

Nikki: Levine falls, but stands right back up! He kicks the cage door open and charges at Jack! Spear to Jack Night!

GP: Evan grabs a bail of hay and smacks it into Jacks head! Jack falls into the cage wall!
Nikki: Evan is beating Jack down with his fists. Evan lifts Jack up by his head and bounces it off the steel cage! Ouchies!

GP: Evan grabs one of the turkeys to hit Jack with (since some of them actually did land into the ring) AND THE TURKEY BITES EVAN IN THE HAND! HAHAHA

Nikki: The turkey is not dead?!

GP: It must be some kind of super turkey. Evan is ringing the turkeys scrawny neck! HAHA!

Nikki: The turkey is fighting back! The turkey viciously claws Evan with his feet and beats him with his wings! HAHAHAHA!

GP: Evan lets go of the turkeys neck and tries to run away from it, AND THE TURKEY GIVES EVAN A HIRRICANNA?!?! WHAT THE HELL!

Nikki: Meanwhile, Jack climbs to his feet! Jack lifts Evan off the mat floor! Spinning Neck Breaker to Evan Levine! WAIT A SECOND!? The turkey and Jack are setting Evan up for a Double Powerbomb?! This makes no sense!

GP: Ya, wasn't that turkey only about 2 feet tall about 5 minutes ago?! Now it's about 5 feet! It almost looks inhuman!

Nikki: Evan's little world is coming to an end! DOUBLE POWERBOMB TO THE REAL HEEL! Wait a minute?! The turkey is turning on Jack!

GP: The turkey leaps at Jacks head and is pecking his eyes out! Jack rams his head into the cage to pry it off! And both Jack and the turkey fall!!

Nikki: Evan is climbing to his feet slowly. Evan grabs that pitch fork! NO EVAN! DON'T DO THAT!

GP: Evan holds the pitch fork over Jacks body! HE'S GONNA RUN JACK THROUGH WITH THAT PITCH FORK! NO!

Nikki: EVAN THROWS IT DOWN, BUT JACK MOVES! THANK GOD!

GP: Evans trying to pull it from the ring, meanwhile, that inhuman turkey is climbing to his feet! Evan whips around and runs the turkey through with the pitch fork! Turkey blood is all over that pitch fork! Evan has killed an innocent turkey, what a bastard!

Nikki: That turkey was innocent?!?! It won't f'n die! Look at it! Its still moving!

GP: Evan picks up another dead turkey that was laying in the ring and waits for Jack to get up. Evan Levine is challenging Jack to get up by waving his hands in the air.. Jack gets onto his feet! AND EVAN SMACKS THAT 20 LBS. TURKEY INTO JACKS SKULL! THAT THUD IT MADE WAS SICKENING!

Nikki: Jack falls to his feet again, and Evan Levine begins swinging that turkey by its neck over his head! Jack gets up again, OH MY LORD! JACK TAKES ANOTHER TURKEY TO THE HEAD!

GP: Evan Levine tries to pull that pitch fork from the canvass, but I think he wedged it in there a little too far when he ran through that turkey.

Nikki: Look at this! Jack Night is indestructible! He's getting up!

GP: He sneaks up behind Levine! Russian Leg Sweep! He hits Levine with a Russian Leg Sweep!

Nikki: Jack Night pulls the pitch fork out of the canvass! And he's strangling Evan with the handle of it on the ground!

GP: Evan is coughing up some blood now! By the way, there is only 5 minutes left on the timer, and there are turkeys with bombs on them all over the arena! If the timer goes off, turkey guts will be scattered everywhere!

Nikki: Jack Night keeps strangling Evan Levine with that pitch fork handle! WAIT A MINUTE?! Look at the turkey! It moves!

GP: Damnit turkey, DIE DIE DIE! The turkey tries to climb to its feet, but it falls down again. Jack keeps strangling Evan!

Nikki: HERE COMES THE TURKEY! ITS EATING JACKS HAIR! JACK MOVES HIS HEAD VIOLENTLY TO GET IT OFF AS HE CONTINUES TO STRANGLE EVAN! JACK STOPS STRANGLING EVAN AND CLIMBS TO HIS FEET! JACK GRABS THE TURKEY AND THROWS IT INTO THE CAGE WALL! BUT THE TURKEY IS STILL COMING AT JACK! IT LEAPS! AND IT BITES JACK IN THE GROIN! OWWWWW!

GP: Evan looks pissed at Jack! Evan, with a rage, jumps to his feet! Evan Levine leaps and gives Jack a Roundhouse to the jaw! Jack falls down clutching his jaw!

Nikki: Evan Levine lifts Jack up.. GAME TIME TO JACK NIGHT! Evan Levine is now gonna make an attempt to climb the cage, but Jack jolts back up from that Game Time! Jack, a little dazed, walks awkwardly towards Evan as he climbs the wall and grabs his back and yanks him off! Evan lands on his feet and Jack and Evan have a exchange of fists! Evan kicks Jack, AND DELIVERS HIS SECOND GAME TIME TO NIGHT!

GP: Evan heads back up the cage.. he's about midway, which is farther then where he got before. Jack looks out of it.

Nikki: Yes! Jack is slowly climbing back to his feet! He jumps up and grabs Evans foot and Levine stumbles off the cage and lands HARD on the matt below!

GP: Jack stomps on Levine! Jack is stomping on that mudhole! But Evan bites Jacks foot! And Jack falls and hits the pitch forks handle with his forehead. Evan lifts Jack up again!!! GAME TIME FOR THE THIRD TIME TO JACK NIGHT!!!!! This was simular to what happened to Jack the last time him and Levine fought! I think Evan will hold his second victory over Jack!

Nikki: Levine begins climbing the cage! He's climbed about midway, now! Jacks arm is twitching, and he's trying to scramble to his feet! He's bleeding like hell!

GP: WAIT A MINUTE?!?! WHO THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?

*"Who Let The Pat Out" by The Reform Men plays as Pat Buchanon and The Black Lady VP (have NO idea what her name is) walk out from the curtains! The crowd cheers******* *

The Black Lady VP: WOOF WOOF WOOF!!

Pat Buchanon: GRRRRRRR!

GP: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT FAT ASS DOING?!??!

Nikki: He's turning green! HIS SHIRT RIPS! PAT BUCHANON'S TURNED INTO THE INCREDIBLE HULK!

Pat Buchanon: GO PAT GO! *grabs a chair* GOOO PAT GO!

Nikki: Jack is climbing to his feet! HOW THE HELL! BOTH JACK AND EVAN ARE CLIMBING THE CAGE! JACK CLIMBS UP TO EVANS LEVEL! AND SLAMS EVANS HEAD INTO THE CAGE! EVAN IS HANGING OFF THE CAGE DAZED BY ONE ARM! ITS A BIG DROP DOWN! PAT BUCHANON RUNS UP AND SLAMS EVANS FINGERS WITH THE CHAIR! EVAN FALLS OFF THE CAGE AND LANDS IN THE RING BELOW ABOUT 30 FT!

GP: PAT BUCHANON CHEWS THROUGH THE CHAINS THAT ARE LOCKING THE CAGE DOOR! MY GOD! HE RUNS INTO THE RING WITH EVAN! HE LIFTS EVAN UP.... 1-800-GO-PAT-GO (Rock Bottom) TO EVAN LEVINE! THAT FANS IN THE ARENA ARE CHEERING "GO PAT GO, GO PAT GO"! INCREDIBLE!

Nikki: JACK IS CLIMBING OVER THE CAGE RIM AT THE TOP! HIS PANT LEG GETS CAUGHT ON THE CHICKEN WIRE!

GP: THERES ONLY 1 MINUTE LEFT ON THE CLOCK AND JACKS PANT LEG IS CAUGHT ON THE CHICKEN WIRING! EVAN IS BEING BEAT DOWN BY PAT BUCHANON, AND THE REST OF THE CENTRAL POWERS ARE RUNNING TO THE RING! HIGH FLYER ENTERS, BUT PAT BITES HIM IN THE FACE!

Pat Buchanon: DOWN WITH PEROT! GRRRRRRR! I'M GRRRRREAT!

Nikki: WHO THE HELL IS PAT?!?!? IT CAN'T REALLY BE HIM, BECAUSE THE REAL PAT HAS 5 CHINS, NOT 4!

GP: Here comes Scott Stone now! And Flyer and Stone are ganging up on the fake Pat Buchanon! Pat manages to run off and he shuts the cage door! Why is this?

Nikki: Theres only 12 seconds left on the timer! THAT'S WHY!
12..
11..
10..
9..
8..
GP: Jack is still struggling to get free from the chicken wire!
7..
6..
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!!!

GP: JACK FALLS 30 FT TO THE FLOOR AND LANDS DIRECTLY ONTO HIS HEAD! AND THE CLOCK HAS STOPPED WITH LESS THEN A SECOND LEFT ON IT! JACK HAS BEAT EVAN IN THIS WILD TURKEY MATCH!

JT: *just waking up* Owwwww... whad I miss?

Nikki: The match, dumb sh*t.

Winner: And to receive a Extreme title shot, Jack Night

Nikki: WAIT A MINUTE! HOLY SH*T!

*Suddenly, dead turkeys all around the arena begin exploding! Turkey guts are all over the arena! One explodes at the commentators table and flies all over Nikki, JT and GP!!*

GP: OHHH GOD DAMN IT! THIS WAS MY GOOD SUIT! AND EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU CAN'T GET TURKEY BLOOD OUT OF CLOTHES! ITS JUST FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE!

JT: Uhhhhhhh.. *faints*

Nikki: BLOOD! ALL OVER! EEEEEEEEEEK!

*Blood and guts of turkeys are flying all over, still! A turkeys liver flies into Scott Stone! High Flyer has got feathers and turkey blood all over him! Evan has that turkeys small intestine rapped around him!! SICK!! Suddenly, the Pat Buchanon impersonator takes off his mask!!! And itssssssss.........*

GP and Nikki: ..... SYPHON FISSION! SYPHON FISSION HAS LOCKED THE CENTRAL POWERS IN THAT CAGE! HAHAHAHHAHA!

GP: SYPHON IS THE MAN!!!

Nikki: SYPHON IS MY HERO!

*Syphon throws a passed out Jack up over his soldier and walks off through the curtains with him and leaves...*

GP: TURKEY ALL OVER! I THINK I HAVE A TURKEYS CLITORIS IN MY MOUTH! EWWWW!

Nikki: Well, stay tuned! We have to pay the bills, but we'll be right back with more HT action after we get this mess cleaned up!!

(The scene opens up in AWS Man (also known as Bill)'s locker room. AWS Man (also known as Bill) and Schitzo Tod are both heading for the ring, so Joey is left talking to Pen.)

Joey Malone: Pen, I need your advice.

Pen: ...

Joey Malone: What do you mean that I have to pay you twenty dollars? I'm not made of money...

Pen: ...

Joey Malone: But...

Pen: ...

Joey Malone: Oh, alright...

(Joey leaves twenty bucks on the handle of Pen.)

Pen: ...

Joey Malone: You're welcome. Now, about the advice...

Pen: ...

Joey Malone: But, I just PAID you, Pen!

Pen: ...!!!

Joey Malone: Aaaahhhh! Quit it! You have such a dirty mind, you silly inanimate object!

Pen: ...

Joey Malone: Fine, fine...

(Joey leaves another twenty with Pen.)

Joey Malone: Pen, I need to know if going to Tibet is a good idea.

Pen: ...

Joey Malone: I see, so going to Tibet will heighten my senses, strengthen my patience, and make me like a more dangerous Chris Davidson? Sounds good to me. Thanks, Pen.

Pen: ...

Joey Malone: What? The janitors? Don't worry about them. They can take care of themselves. Just don't hurt them too bad.

(Joey leaves. The scene switches to the announcers.

GP: We're back folks and we've finally gotten all of the turkeys cleaned up. It's time for our WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH!

JT: This early in the card?

Nikki: Since when is the order of matches on HT set in stone?

GP : Hey, this match should be amazing. Team Tampax has seemed to be unstoppable recently, but the Suicide Kings are a young tag team determined to take the gold tonight.

JT : Aw, you say that about every match.

GP : The Suicide Kings will be taking on Team Tampax for the World tag team titles! IT WILL BE AMAZING YOU FOOL!

JT : Hey, this match actually should be good then!

Nikki : Yeah. Both teams really want this win. But I'd have to say that the Suicide Kings want it a little more. They've really been cutting a lot of promo lately.

GP : Uhhh … why should that matter? (Whispering) Ix-nay, Nikki!

Nikki : Huh? I don't speak Latin.

JT : My God, what an ignorant slut!

SMACK!

JT : You know, after all these years, I think those are starting to feel a little good.

SMACK!
SMACK!
SMACK!

JT : OK, that didn't.

GP : Quiet, you two, let's get to the match!

(The SK's music plays as they run down to the ring. The Kings slide in and climb separate turnbuckles, gesturing to their waists in that little "I'm gonna have me a belt soon" motion. The Suicide Kings have a mic.)

Ryan: You know something, tonight I smell victory on the verge of us. I mean because not only did we take care of them earlier tonight, ...but we have something very...very special planned.

Jeff: You mean about the misu......

(Ryan slaps him)

Ryan: Shutup stupid you wanna ruin are beautiful plan we've had since day 1!

Jeff: No...hey JT! WHASSSSSSSSSUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPP

JT: WHASSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPP

Ryan: WHASSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPP

GP: WHASSSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Fan: WHASSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Pilsbury Doughboy: WHASSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP

JT : Team Tampax is about to come out now. I don't even know whether to cheer or boo these guys … Well, since they're face - BOO!

('The Theme to Ranma ½' plays as Team Tampax comes out to a lot of cheers. What else would you expect from the two guys managed by Pen? AWS Man (also known as Bill) is wearing his three belts, and Schitzo Tod is wearing his two, which are kinda weighing down their pants. They stop at the top of the ramp, holding their pants up. Tod has a mic.)

Tod : Guys, you haven't won a match in the IWO. Well, you did beat the Carters by DQ, but that doesn't count. So.. You loose, but ask My Dick for a World Tag matchup? No.. Before you fight us... You must fight... THE AMISH!

(Suddenly, two Amish midgets come out from under the ring behind the Suicide Kings. They slide in and run up to the Kings from behind, proceeding to try to gnaw on the Kings' ankles.)

JT : Whoa, they're hungry little critters!

(The Kings quickly turn around and shake the midgets off. One of the midgets jumps back towards Jeff, but he nails the little Amish bugger in the face with his boot, sending the midget sprawling out of the ring. The Kings quickly grab the other one before it can run and easily lift it up in a double press slam. While this has been going on, Team Tampax has been watching from the apron. The tag team champions took off their belts and started running to the ring about the time that the one midget was kicked out. The Kings see this, and throw the midget they're holding in the air at Tod, nailing him on the outside. AWS Man (also known as Bill) continues and slides into the ring, only to be met by a double pump kick from Ryan King. Tod gets back up and jumps onto the apron, but Jeff runs and does the Jericho springboard dropkick that he does while people are on the apron. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you should.)

GP : The Kings are kicking ass!

JT : Yeah, they're wiping the floor with the tag team champions!

Nikki : They're now picking up the AWS Man (also known as Bill) and sending him into the ropes. As he comes back Ryan performs a beautiful monkey flip and - OW! While the Insane One was in the air, Jeff leaped and dropkicked him right in the back! That's gotta hurt!

(The cameras show a close-up of AWS Man (also known as Bill), who is laying down saying 'freak, freak, freak,' over and over.)

GP : The ref is now restoring order, and we've got AWS Man (also known as Bill) and Ryan King in the ring together. Ryan lifts up AWS Man (also known as Bill) and backs him into the corner with knife-edge chops.)

Fans : WHOOOO! WHOOOOO! WHOOOO!

JT : Damn, that's annoying. Why do the fans have to do that every time someone does a knife-edge chop?

GP : I don't know, but it is pretty annoying. Ryan goes for a fourth, but the Insane One ducks under this one and starts ramming King's head into the turnbuckle!

(Look...TDM are on their way out here...they are gonna screw the Kings! EWWWWW! What is that...DING DING DING! What's that chime?)

JT: That's the famous throughout Mexico...one and only...Burrito Wagon! Woooooo!

GP:........

(The luring sound leads TDM off course into this room and suddenly men in black jackets hop out and tackle them, and placing them in handcuffs...what's that on the back of their jackets...*OOC:Whatever the deporting thing is...I forgot*)

Diablo: This is bullshit!

Agent #1: We'll just see about that! Come on boys were taking a ride!

Edguardo: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!

(The scene goes back to the match)

JT : The Insane One is going a little Insane. He won't stop ramming Ryan's head!

Nikki : Maybe one of them didn't call him by his full name in a promo of theirs. That makes him really mad.

GP : Who knows, this guy is just weird. He finally stops ramming the head and walks over to his corner to tag in Tod. Team Tampax double whips Ryan to the ropes. As he comes back, Tod sends him up in the air in a back body drop and AWS Man (also known as Bill) sends him crashing back down with a
powerbomb!

Nikki : That move was pretty cool. I think I remember them doing that in their match against VIAGRA here on HT. The match they won the belts in.

JT : Nikki, we all know you don't remember anything back that far except who you slept with that night … which was me!

SMACK!

GP : Oh, you had to see that one coming.

JT : Yeah, I did.

GP : Now AWS Man (also known as Bill) has gone out onto the apron while Tod stays in the ring. Tod is down on top of King pounding away at his face. Now he lifts Ryan up and sends him into the ropes again. He tries for a clothesline, but King ducks and stops. Tod keeps running, and as he comes back King springboards off the ropes and performs a nicely done cross body block!

Nikki : These Suicide Kings are pretty impressive. They're strong, fast, and agile. Plus, they're a whole lot cuter than Team Tampax!

JT : Do you ever stop thinking of men?

Nikki : Um … does while I'm having sex count?

JT : No, it doesn't.

GP : Ryan tags in to his brother Jeff, who walks in and immediately does a painful looking martial arts kick to Tod's head. This fells Tod like a rock.

JT : Oooh, nice metaphor, GP.

Nikki : It's a simile, you dumbass.

JT : If I want your grammar advice, I'll get it while I'm pounding you in the ass!

SMACK!

GP : Hmm, five slaps already. You just might break your record tonight.

JT : I doubt that. I've been slapped more than this by Shallow!

(Nikki starts to slap, but decides not to bother with it.)

GP : Jeff is still controlling Tod in the ring, keeping him in the Suicide Kings' corner. He tags his brother back in, and they perform a big double clothesline.

JT : This match is getting boring. Where's the nudity?!

Nikki : I thought you were obsessed with blood.

JT: They both make me feel all warm inside.

GP : That's sick. The Kings are continuing their dominance over Tod. He really needs to make a tag, but it doesn't look like he'll be able to do that anytime soon, since Ryan just threw Tod to the outside. He bounces off the opposite ropes, comes back, and performs a plancha type maneuver … but no one home!

Nikki : I didn't think Tod even knew where he was … but apparently he did since he was able to roll out of the way. Now both Ryan and Tod are lying on the outside, gasping for breath. Even though King missed, he still is able to get up and roll Tod back into the ring. He tags in to his fresh brother Jeff, who whips Tod into another corner.

JT : Man, this guy's never going to tag out.

GP : Jeff lifts Tod up onto the turnbuckle and performs a top-rope hurricanrana … or if we were in WCW, a frankensteiner.

Nikki : That is correct. He now goes for the cover, assuming he has Tod beat.

1 … 2 … KICKOUT!

JT : Jeff looks pissed. He tags in his brother one more time, again using the quick tag strategy. Ryan whips Tod into another corner, and charges with a splash, but Tod slides under his legs!

GP : Ryan bounces back, right into a German suplex by Tod! Now King is down, and Tod is trying to stagger to his feet. Wait, it looks like he's saying something.

Tod : Sai … sai … kai!

GP : Whoa! Tod suddenly springs to his feet and makes the tag in to AWS Man (also known as Bill). The Insane One, fresh as a red-headed stepchild, springs into the ring!

JT : …That made no sense.

GP : Sure it did. By now Ryan is on his feet, and he runs at AWS Man (also known as Bill). He tries for a double pump kick, but AWS Man (also known as Bill) ducks under it. Ryan turns around and gets nailed with a Knock Your Freakin' Head Off (thrust kick)!

JT : What the hell's he doing now?

GP : He's climbing on top of Ryan's chest and is proceeding to smack him around like a red-headed stepchild!

JT : What is your obsession with that?

GP : It's just a good phrase, that's all.

Nikki : I believe the Insane One calls that move the Slap the Freak Around. He slaps his opponent around until they submit.

GP : Well, that's not happening this time, because Ryan's brother just performed a springboard clothesline to knock AWS Man (also known as Bill) off.

JT : Now Jeff's hitting the Team Tampax member with rights and left. But Tod just came from behind and slapped on the Todmission (Tazmission).

Nikki : And now HE's knocked off by Ryan King. Ryan starts performing martial arts kicks to the staggering Tod while AWS Man (also known as Bill) slowly gets up behind him. He spins King around and scoops him up into the Drop You On Your Freakin' Face (Emerald Fusion).

JT : Now Tod performs his dropkick to the knee, kip up, dropkick to the face combo on Jeff, sending him to the outside of the ring.

GP : And now Team Tampax is climbing opposite turnbuckles. You know what this means! They're signaling for it! And there it is - the Menstrual Flow (double shooting star presses) on Ryan!

Nikki : AWS Man (also known as Bill) keeps Jeff out of the ring while Tod covers. 1 … 2 … THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENO!!!! Jeff broke past AWS Man (also known as Bill) and stopped the pin! He dropkicked the ref in the back of the head!

GP: I can't believe it!

("First time" by Finger Eleven hits and the fans explode! The Prep Kids, armed and ready with steel chairs and a chain, charge the ring.)

GP - THE PREP KIDS HAVE ARRIVED AND LISTEN TO THIS OVATION! THEY TAKE OUT THE SUICIDE KINGS WITH THOSE WEAPONS AND NOW THEY'RE FACE TO FACE WITH TEAM TAMPAX!

JT - COME ON TAMPAX! SHOW THEM WHO THE CHAMPS ARE!

GP - Randal McCloud and AWS Man (also known as Bill) are trading rights and lefts while Jordan Howitt battles with Schitzo Tod! McCloud just floored AWS man (also known as Bill) with a dropkick and rolls him out of the ring! It's two on one against Schitzo Tod! Jordan Howitt hits a Prep Drop! (Reverse DVD) McCloud is up top.. 9021elb0! THE AMERICAN DREAM! Howitt rolls on top of Tod, McCloud with a fast three count! TPK has just laid out the tag team champions!

JT - They'll be sorry! TAMPAX won't stand for that......The Prep Kids are leaving now.

GP: The Suicide Kings don't know what to make of this. The referee is coming to. Jeff King crawls over and covers Schitzo Tod........Ryan is shaking the ref......he slowly counts, 1.......................................2...................................................THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! OH MY GOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THE SUICIDE KINGS ARE THE NEW IWO WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!

JT: No way! They haven't even been here for a month!

Nikki: Maybe a little more than that, but this is still unheard of in the IWO!

GP: This has to be some kind of a record for the shortest time in the federation before winning the World Tag Titles!

(The lights dim out...)

GP: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

JT: Calm down, Greg! It's just gotten a little dim in here...

GP: Oh... whew.... well, what the hell's going on? The Suicide Kings are still out here?

(The sounds of machinery, meat slicers and such, running and pumping, resonates throughout the arena. In fades "Closing Time" by Semisonic...)

"Closing time, open all the doors and let you out into the world... closing time, turn off all of the lights over every boy and every girl.... closing time, one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer... closing time, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here..."

(A shadowed figure appears on the IWO's Dick-a-tron.)

Shadowed Figure: Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... the Suicide Kings, your new beginning comes tonight. From your first beginning's end...

(A faint, blue light illuminates Sam Potright's face.)

Potright: You wished to be Misunderstood... now discover the way to it.

(The lights go out completely... and "Fear" by Disturbed overcomes everyone's eardums.)

GP: What the hell is going on!

Nikki: Who's feeling my breast!

JT: Who's sucking my cock!

*SMACK*

(The lights come back on and the Suicide Kings are gone.)

GP: What on earth just happened?

Nikki: The new Tag Team Champions dissappeared!

GP: I don't know what to make of this, let's take a break and we'll be right back!



GP: We're back and it's time for a grudge match between two former tag team partners!

Nikki: As you all know this is Wesley Sanders' last match in the IWO

JT: Yes, he's gonna die!

GP: He has been a successful IWO superstar, he may not die.

JT: Yeah well, you know Daze deserves to get his ass beat here tonight...he turned his back on the inventor of the Hoe Detector!

(JT Holds his up and points it at Nikki...BEEP BEEP BEEP)

(SMACK!)

GP: I told you that thing was gonna get you in trouble!

Nikki: And anyways, it must be defective cause I'm no hoe!

JT: Sure you aren't!

Nikki: See I'll prove it...hey sir...do you want this...

Male Fan: Yeah!

Nikki: I don't think so...I'm a lady!

(Nikki turns around to face JT but he has a corndog held out and it enters her mouth and for a split second she seems to like it.)

JT: I told you! I fucking told you!

Nikki: Bastard!

GP: Well I think it's time for the match if you two don't mind.

("Dumpweed" by Blink 182 starts up over the PA system and Donnie Daze comes out to a fairly well pop. Maybe because he is part of the Misunderstood family. Anyways he comes to the ring as mini pyros go off down the ramp and Daze rolls into the ring and does nothing but walk to the corner. And slumps down in the corner.)

JT: Who does this guy think he is? Raven?

GP: No...he's misunderstood.

JT: He belongs to a nuthouse.

Nikki: I think he's cute. He gave me flowers earlier.

JT: You would...

Nikki: What's that mean?

JT: Oh nothing. Daze is getting head tonight.

*SMACK*

Nikki: I heard that!

("Murder" by UGK starts and out comes Wesley Sanders! He doesn't look to good...kinda like he has been drinking all week or something. Anyways he stumbles down to the ring and trips over the ropes and falls flat on his face as the ref shakes his head and calls for the bell. DING DING DING! And this match is officially underway!)

JT: This reminds me of some classic Al Coholic matches.

GP: Hehehe! But seriously Al was a good wrestler.

JT: "Was!" Look, here comes Donnie!

Nikki: Yay!

(Donnie pulls himself up using the ropes and he charges Sanders, beheading him with a clothesline as Sanders folds up into a heap of pathetic human! Donnie stomps away furiously on Sanders and works on his ribs with a few fist drops. He pulls Wesley to his feet and lands a few hard rights and pushes him into the ropes and sticks his foot up stopping and folding Sanders over and Donnie steps back and bounces off his side of the ropes and runs into a swinging neckbreaker. Sanders hits hard and grasps his neck as Donnie winds up on his knees and he looks out into the crowd. He stands to his feet and takes one big step towards Sanders and kicks him right in the ribs again. This time he gets a sweet reward as Sanders coughs up some blood.)

Nikki: Ewwwww...sick!

JT: Sweet! Blood rules!

GP: Yeah!

(GP and JT high-five)

Nikki: I really need to talk to Jamie about a new staff.

(Donnie pulls Wesley to his feet and hooks his arm around the neck for a ddt, but Wesley holds on and lifts Daze up and over for a Northern Lights suplex pin..)

1..No!

(Donnie quickly rises the bridge pin and both guys are holding onto each other and arched back. Suddenly Donnie spins to the left bringing Wesley right into the position for a quick knee lift to the stomach and a butterfly suplex! Wesley rolls over near the ropes for a second and then drops off the apron to the floor and shakes his head, trying to regain his composure. Daze takes a few breaths and bounces off the ropes? He leaps over the ropes and Sanders doesn't see him..Suicide Plancha! Both men are down and Daze is holding his chest.)

JT: That's what he gets for trying that lucha lipservice stuff.

GP: That's Lucha Libre'

Nikki: Lipservice was a cool column.

JT: Quiet hoe, no one asked your opinion!

(She tries to smack him, but he raises his note pade and she breaks a nail on the wood surface.)

JT: Ha-Ha!

(She looks evil and stomps his toe and he yalls out and drops then pad and she nails him with a closed fist and he looks shocked...keeping his mouth shut. Back to the action Daze gets to his feet and makes his way over to Sanders and he evades to the left and Sanders sticks his leg out and trips Daze up and his nails the steel steps face first! The front row fans ohhhhh and ahhhhhh! Donnie grabs his face and curses as Wesley stumbles to his feet and lifts one side of the steel steps and places Daze's hand in on top of the first part and he slams the top part down over the wrist and there is a sickening crack! Daze lets out an opera singers yell and yanks his hand out and it goes from red, blue, black! Wesley laughs and points his finger, but Donnie gets furious and lifts his left leg, and nails Wesley in the balls! Wesley folds over and wobbles away and Daze comes up, favoring his wrist. He charges from behind and forearms Sanders in the back and he stumbles into the barricade. Daze grabs him by the top of his head and repeatedly rams it into the steel bariicade until he looks dead!)

JT: Dammit!

GP: Man, Daze is kicking ass!

Nikki: I knew he would.

JT: Shut up! The both of you...Sanders will come back...

Nikki: Your delusional!

JT: And your...

(She raises her fist and he stops in mid sentence.)

JT: Errr...

GP: I love it when you two flirt!

(They both smack GP!)

GP: Hey! Don't hate me cause I speak the truth!

(Donnie rams his head one more time into the barricade and then tosses him over into the crowd and Wesley starts to get to his feet. Daze starts over the barricade, but Sanders hops up and slaps Donnie's feet out and he straddles himself over the steel.)

JT: Ohhhh...still wanna be with him now Nikki?

Nikki: .................

(Daze's eyes get big around and Wesley nails a few punches to the side of the head and then he springs up and dropkicks Daze over, back to ringside area. Wesley climbs over the barricade and Daze is crawling away as Sanders gets a few stomps in. He then crawls up onto the side apron and clasps his fist together and awaits for Daze to get to his feet and he comes off, No! Daze side steps the ax-handle and drives a fist into his abdomen and Wesley gets the breat knocked out of him and slowly turns around...SUPERKICK! Daze connects with that snap kick and Sanders hits the mat like a bag of bricks!)

GP: Popped that jaw...hehe

Nikki: Yep.

JT: Let's go Wesley...let's go!

Nikki: Your gay.

GP: Quit bickering...it's like George and Weezy every week with you two.

(Donnie brings him to his feet and rolls Wesley into the ring.)

JT: Isn't there suppose to be a 10 count? They were outside the ring for a hour!

GP: Well...look.

(The ref is playing UNO with the time keeper, but loses and decides to do his job.)

JT: There isn't a decent ref in IWO...hell even the world! I need to get me a stripped shirt.

Nikki: Yeah, so someone can bend you over behind a cell.

JT: Go to hell!

GP: Heheh...good one.

(Daze rolls in and Sanders is to his feet and Daze shoves him all the way back into the corner and follows and spits in his hand and starts to chop his chest...Pop!)

Fans: Woooooooooooo

(Pop)

Fans: Woooooooooooo

(Daze then climbs up over him on the 2nd turnbuckle and starts sending quick fist to his forehead.)

Fans: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...

(Daze stops and looks around and then places his feet on Sanders chest and puts his hands around the back of his neck and Monkey Flips him out of the corner, but Sanders lands on his feet and spins around and it flatened with a running fist!!!)

Fans: 10!!!

(Donnie stomps some more and then brings Wesley to his feet and is looking for Dazed and Confused.)

GP: It's over.

JT: No..come on!...Ewww...what's that smell! *sniff...sniff*

(Nikki seems to be keeping her distance...JT looks at her.)

JT:...SICK! YOU FARTED WHORE!

Nikki: It was an accident! I swear!

GP: Seriousl Nikki...that is rank!

(In the ring the smeel catches up to Daze and he releases Wesley and the ref pulls his short over his nose. A few fans behind Nikki pass out. Wesley shakes it off and gets up and pays it no mind. He must have a very bad sense of smell. He walks over and grabs Daze from behind and he's gonna hit and reverse falling ddt and he does. Daze is down and Wesley hops over the to the ropes and with a springboard moonsault nails the bulldog on Daze who never saw it coming! THE FINISHING TOUCH!)

JT: Wooooooooo!!!!! It's the Finishing Touch! It's over!

GP: You may be right!

Nikki: It was an accident.

JT: Oh put a sock in it!

Nikki: Ohhh...your a freak!!

JT: I meant your mouth...hoe!

(Wesley rolls Daze over and slumps over him!)

1...

2...

3...NOOOOOO! THE REF STOPS THE COUNT!

JT: What the hell!

(The ref points and Daze's foot is on the ropes...Wesley almost smacks him and pulls Daze away and pins again!)

1...

2...

3..Kickout! Oh my God...not really...


GP: Looks like it's gonna take a tad bit more..say JT.

(JT is banging his head on the desk.)

GP:.......?

(Wesley brings Daze back to his feet and he puts a few boots to the sternum and pulls him in for a ddt, no he spins him around to a reverse DDT and lifts him up..he's gonna hit Donnie with his own move! Dazed and Confused...WHAT THE HELL! Daze just spit blood into his face...wait that's not blood it's red mist! Wesley is blinded and scrathching at his eyeballs! He drops Daze and backs away and Daze gets to his feet and spins him around...DAZED AND CONFUSED! DAZED AND CONFUSED! DAZED AND CONFUSED...I love saying that! Donnie hooks both legs and rolls up in a pin.)

1...

2...

3...DING DING DING!

Winner: Donnie Dazeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (Donnie Daze)

JT: No...damn you God...it's not fair!

GP: I will agree, Daze did get lucky on that one.

Nikki: Who got lucky?

GP: Jeesh! Anyways Daze escapes with the victory and...what the hell?

JT: They're wheeling out a guillatine!

Nikki: Oh no, poor Wesley.

JT: Maybe it's for your boy Donnie.

GP: Two men in hoods are locking Wesley Sanders into the guillatine! Oh my god! They just shoved a Hoe Detector up his ass! The guillatine drops.......SANDERS HEAD ROLLS OUT OF THE RING!

JT: YES! BLOOOOD!

Nikki: Oh god....that's sick.

GP: Wesley Sanders is dead! We'll be back!



{Hostile Takeover comes back from a "Fuehrer Buchanon for President" campaign ad. Bela Legosi is in the back with Professor IQ and Jesus Christ...}

Jesus Christ "Whoa dude, you're like not totally going to wrestle tonight are you?"

Bela Legosi (dressed like Rob Kestler) "Rob Kestler back down from nothing!"

Professor IQ "I have to agree with Jesus Christ on this one Rob, you haven't been yourself lately."

Bela Kestler "What are you talkin' about?"

Professor "Well, you're kinda thin and pale."

Jesus Christ "And you totally smell like an old person."

Professor "And you're kind of dead."

Bela Kestler "Dead? What are you talking about?"

Professor "As in no longer alive."

Bela Kestler "I don't understand."

Professor "You're as dead as Michael Jackson's career."

{Bela Kestler drops to his knees very slowly and then raises his arms in the air and yells...}

Bela KEstler "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

Professor "You could just not wrestle tonight."

Bela Kestler "No! I must win this North African Title Tournament!"

{Bela Kestler slowly crawls out of the room...}

Jesus Christ "North African title? He like totally must have gotten into my stash."

Professor "Something is definitely wrong with our pal Robert. We're going to have to look out for him."

Jesus Christ "But how Professor IQ?"

Professor "I happen to have just invented this new device which will phase out the announce team on the molecular level and move them into this room while we are similarly phased out and transported out to the announce stand."

{Professor IQ grabs his invention and presses the giant on button. The fade out as Jesus gives the sign of the devil with his right hand. Screen switches to ring side where Professor IQ and Jesus fade in taking the places of the announce team who had just been phased into the dressing room of Rob Kestler...}

Professor "Alright, it's time for this little match thing."

Jesus "I like totally hope that this doesn't take long. I've got the munchies...big time."

{Suddenly "Terra Firma" by Tommy & Phil Emmanuel blasts through the arena and Cyanide makes his way to the ring...}

Jesus "Like where has the ring announcer gone?"

Professor "Probably giving someone head. You kids and getting head during IWO cards."

{Cyanide gets into the ring and waits as "The Entertainer" plays over the PA and Bela Legosi dressed as Rob Kestler slowly walks down to the ring. Cyanide catches a glimpse of Legosi and begins to laugh loudly...}

Cyanide "Oh, this can't be any easier..."

{Bela Kestler gets into the ring with some difficulty but he does make it in. The bell rings and the match starts...}

Professor "Poor Rob, he's getting the tar beaten into him early..."

Jesus Christ "Whoa! I like didn't know that a dead person could bend like that!"

Professor "That is indeed amazing! Running power bomb by Cyanide on Kestler! Follow up with a series of punches and kicks."

Jesus "He is being mad brutal on poor Rob. I still think that he hasn't been himself lately."

Professor "Sorry to break this you ya Jesus but that's actually Bela Legosi, star of the original Dracula. He's old and dead."

Jesus "NO F-IN WAY!"

Professor "F-in way."

Jesus "This is like totally more surprising than that time I found out that 'it' doesn't make you blind."

Professor "'It?'"

Jesus "You know, that manly duty."

{Cyanide is still beating the living hell out of the bloody dead man...}

Professor "Taking out the garbage?"

Jesus "I've never heard that metaphor for it."

Professor "I'm actually talking about taking out the garbage, what are you talking about?"

Jesus "Ummm...ahhh...you know, taking over the Polish border hand over fist?"

Professor "Are you referencing World War II? Because that would be just stupid to do in the IWO."

Jesus "No, no, no. I'm talking about boxing the bald champion."

Professor "By Jay is a wrestler, in your stable, and is gay because of obvious reasons and I'm pretty sure he has hair."

{Cyanide has the Dark Side of the Moon latched onto the old coot but he's too unconscious and dead to give up...}

Jesus "No. I'm talking about slaying the one eyed monster."

Professor "Cyclopes?"

Jesus "No. playing the skin flute."

Professor "I didn't know that you played a musical instrument Jesus."

Jesus "No Professor. Not like that. I'm talking about tugging the taffy."

Professor "Enough of your silly child of God games."

Jesus "Dude, I still have the munchies."

Professor "Enough with your metaphors!"

Jesus "No dude, I just really have the munchies."

Professor "Oh, sorry about that."

Jesus "It's alright, I'm jive."

Professor "I believe Cyanide has torn Bela Legosi Kestler's arm off and is beating te rhythm to 'Let it Be' on his skull."

Jesus "This is just weird."

Professor "What, we have a life camera feed to the back of the IWO building?"

{Scene cuts to outside the arena where Rob Kestler is wandering around like a lost puppy. He yulps and scratches at the door but nothing happens. Psycho Jay walks up to Kestler...}

Psycho Jay "Hey wej hole!"

Rob Kestler "Hey dork head."

Psycho Jay "Aren't you supposed to be in the ring beating someone in a old school wrestling match?"

Rob Kestler "Evan was a meanie poo so I'm not going to appear on IWO TV."

Psycho Jay "Evan is always a meanie poo."

Rob Kestler "That's right!"

Psycho Jay "Besides, you're already on IWO TV."

Rob Kestler "Derp?"

{Kestler looks at the camera and slaps his forehead...}

Rob Kestler "Every time."

Psycho Jay "Now go and beat up that guy!"

Rob Kestler "Oh Kay!"

{Rob struts over to the door and begins to scratch and yulp again...}

Psycho Jay "What are you doing?"

Rob Kestler "Getting in there to kick ass."

Psycho Jay "Try the door knob."

Rob Kestler "Fine, talk all the fun out of opening a door."

{Kestler opens the door and walks in. The screen cuts back to inside the arena...}

Professor "This could be interesting..."

{Suddenly "Stayin' Alive" as played by Ozzie Osbourne blasts through the arena and the crowd cheers loudly since they didn't get the priviledge of hearing the awe-inspiring announcing. Kestler runs into the ring and takes out the surprised Cyanide with a clothesline...}

Jesus "Sweet! Real match action!"

Professor "Kestler is taking advantage of the surprised Cyanide!"

Jesus "Dude, like Bela Legosi is dead again. We need to have a righteous moment of silence while these men wrestle."

Professor "Fine."

{Jesus and Professor IQ go completely silent while Rob Kestler and Cyanide wrestle the match of the year and it takes about 2 hours and 32 minutes of back and forth hard core wrestling. Jesus used most of the time to get muchies and to try to convey his message from earlier telepathically but it didn't work. Not that the telepathy didn't work just that Jesus was vague and the Professor is nieve on such matters. Kestler now has Bela Legosi's right leg and is hitting Cyanide in the lower back with it...}

Jesus "Alright, silent time over."

Professor "This match has been well wrestled all around. Indeed an excellent wrestling display which now features one man beating another with the leg of a dead man."

{Cyanide rolls over and grabs the leg and uses it to trip Kestler...}

Jesus "He's got Kestler down. Wait! He's putting on his funky finishing hold thing."
Professor "Dark Side of the Moon on Rob Kestler! This could be it! Wait dude, Kestler re-positions his leg and low blows Cyanide! Heinous!"

Prefessor " Robert locks Cyanide in for the Call From Beyond! HE CONNECTS! The referee slaps the mat thrice and this one is over!"

(The real announcers phase back in as their molecules regenerate.)

GP: That was odd.

JT: Yeah.

Nikki: It looks like Kestler won, he's celebrating in the ring.

JT: How interesting.

GP: We'll be back!

("Man Overboard" by Blink 182 blasts as two guys come running to the ring.. They have signs.. The one guy has a sign that says.. "Were The Centers Of Attention".. The other guy has a sign that reads.. "I'm Trip Fox.." the first guy holds up a sign.. "Dodge McDougal here!".. Then they get a sign out each and put it together and that reads.. "But why the fuck are we out here?".. They turn around and go to the back.)

GP: O..........K.

JT: That was really funny! NOT!

Nikki: Shhh, it's time for Phelen Kell vs. Syphon Fission!

JT: Syphon Fission is in the ring already, bloody bandage and all from that assault by the Central Powers, awaiting the Legend, Phelen Kell...

<"Sober" by TOOL plays as Phelen Kell just charges down the aisle and begins to go eye to eye with Fission.>



GP: Fission charges Kell! Takedown! Malicious Intent! Kell has the Intent on! Fission is screaming in pain! Fission is gonna have to give this one up! Wait!!

<"Sugar" by System of a Down strikes up as Capital Punishment runs down the aisle.>

Nikki: Punishment hits the ring! And he........pulls Kell off of Fission? What the hell? The ref calling for the DQ. Punishment nails Phelen with a right hand! Another! He Irish whips, no Kell reverses, Clothesline by Kell! Kell picks the big man up and boosts him up top! Kell looking for the Steel Rain! He has him set...no! Cappy with a low blow! He throws Kell's arm over his shoulder.....no.....no...

JT: YES! DEATH PENALTY! THE DEATH PENALTY OFF THE TOP TURNBUCKLE TO THE CONCRETE! KELL'S HEAD AND BACK BOUNCED OFF THE PROTECTIVE MATS AND DIDN'T GIVE AN INCH! Punishment rolls back in the ring.....wait! Syphon Fission comes up behind Cappy and spins him around! DEATH PLUNGE ON PUNISHMENT BY FISSION!

GP: Fission's pissed about Cappy interfering! He goes to the outside to help Kell up and grabs a mic.

Syphon Fission: Dude, what the FUCK is your problem? You don't come out here in my damn match!

Capital Punishment: You would have tapped like a little girl if I didn't come out, and you know it!

Syphon Fission: Fuck you, why attack Kell man? You a part of the Central Powers?

Capital Punishment: Hell no man....this isn't business like it is for them. This is fucking personal. Back in September and October of 99, Phelen Kell denied me my one on one title shot. He always hid behind fatal fourway matches. Behind qualifying matches. Because he never had the stones to take me on one on one. Well now I got my shot. So shut up. Oh, and for that Death Plunge, somewhere soon, your ass is mine.

(Cappy leaves and gets booed for sucking abd never cutting promos but trying to get himself involved with big names when he's washed up.)

GP: Cappy is treading on thin ice now with Phelen Kell!

JT: He isn't the same as he used to be. Syphon could have kicked his ass.

GP: Well well hear more from Capital Punishment as his Pacific Title Match is up next!



("Man Overboard" by Blink 182 blasts as two guys come running to the ring..
They have signs.. The one guy has a sign that says.. "Were The Centers Of
Attention".. The other guy has a sign that reads.. "I'm Trip Fox.." the first
guy holds up a sign.. "Dodge McDougal here!".. Then they get a sign out each
and put it together and that reads.. "But why the fuck are we out here?"..
They turn around and go to the back.)

GP: O..........K.

JT: That was really funny! NOT!

Nikki: Shhh, it's time for Phelen Kell vs. Syphon Fission!

JT: Syphon Fission is in the ring already, bloody bandage and all from that
assault by the Central Powers, awaiting the Legend, Phelen Kell...

<"Sober" by TOOL plays as Phelen Kell just charges down the aisle and begins
to go eye to eye with Fission.>



GP: Fission charges Kell! Takedown! Malicious Intent! Kell has the Intent on!
Fission is screaming in pain! Fission is gonna have to give this one up!
Wait!!

<"Sugar" by System of a Down strikes up as Capital Punishment runs down the
aisle.>

Nikki: Punishment hits the ring! And he........pulls Kell off of Fission?
What the hell? The ref calling for the DQ. Punishment nails Phelen with a
right hand! Another! He Irish whips, no Kell reverses, Clothesline by Kell!
Kell picks the big man up and boosts him up top! Kell looking for the Steel
Rain! He has him set...no! Cappy with a low blow! He throws Kell's arm over
his shoulder.....no.....no...

JT: YES! DEATH PENALTY! THE DEATH PENALTY OFF THE TOP TURNBUCKLE TO THE
CONCRETE! KELL'S HEAD AND BACK BOUNCED OFF THE PROTECTIVE MATS AND DIDN'T
GIVE AN INCH! Punishment rolls back in the ring.....wait! Syphon Fission
comes up behind Cappy and spins him around! DEATH PLUNGE ON PUNISHMENT BY
FISSION!

GP: Fission's pissed about Cappy interfering! He goes to the outside to help
Kell up and grabs a mic.

Syphon Fission: Dude, what the FUCK is your problem? You don't come out here
in my damn match!

Capital Punishment: You would have tapped like a little girl if I didn't come
out, and you know it!

Syphon Fission: Fuck you, why attack Kell man? You a part of the Central
Powers?

Capital Punishment: Hell no man....this isn't business like it is for them.
This is fucking personal. Back in September and October of 99, Phelen Kell
denied me my one on one title shot. He always hid behind fatal fourway
matches. Behind qualifying matches. Because he never had the stones to take
me on one on one. Well now I got my shot. So shut up. Oh, and for that Death
Plunge, somewhere soon, your ass is mine.

(Cappy leaves and gets booed for sucking abd never cutting promos but trying
to get himself involved with big names when he's washed up.)

GP: Cappy is treading on thin ice now with Phelen Kell!

JT: He isn't the same as he used to be. Syphon could have kicked his ass.

GP: Well well hear more from Capital Punishment as his Pacific Title Match
is up next!



GP: Welcome back to Hostile Takeover!!! We have a Pacific Title match coming
up for you and it should be a dandy. An IWO legend faces IWO star AWS Man
also known as Bill.

Nikki: This is a close call, I mean AWS Man has been proving he's a great
wrestler here in the IWO but Capital Punishment, I mean Cappy is a legend.

JT: You had sex with him didn't you?

*SMACK*

Nikki: Shut up, Jesus Christ.

JT: I think he's in the back with God. Why do you need him? Are you having
sex with him too?

*SMACK*

Nikki: SHUT UP!

(Suddenly My Dick appears on the Dick-a-tron.)

My Dick: You know how much I hate people asking for a specific match and
then not caring enough about it to even cut one lousy promo right? Well
Cappy, legend or not, you play by my rules, or none at all. So this match is
now a "Cappy gets tied in a bolted down chair and can't fight back match"!
HAHAHA!

(My Dick is gone.)

GP: Uh, I have just received news that the match has already started out in
the back!!! Let's go there now!

(We see Capital Punishment tied to a chair. One of his hands are handcuffed
to the leg of the chair, but AWS Man has his other and is smacking Cappy with
it.)

AWS Man: Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself.
Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop
hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting
yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting
yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting
yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting
yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting
yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting
yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself.

GP: Oh come on! Somebody has to stop this!

JT: WHY? It's hilarious!!

AWS Man: Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself.
Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop
hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting
yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting
yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting
yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting
yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting
yourself. Stop hitting yourself.

GP: Shitzo Tod is stopping AWS Man though. I thought Tod liked this kind of
humor.

JT: Yeah! What the hell is this!!!!

Nikki: Wait Tod is whispering something into his ear. They're laughing now,
what kind of sick demented plan have they thought of now?

JT: Maybe they took one of your dildos and they'll beat him with it.

(Shitzo Tod pulls out a dildo.)

JT: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Nikki: Shut up bitch!

*SMACK*

JT: Ow.

Shitzo Tod: Moo.

GP: Oh great. AWS Man is now smacking Capital Punishment around with a dildo.
The crowd here thinks it's pretty damn funny. Capital Punishment's reputation
is being destroyed here! He's a legend damn it!

JT: Oh shut up.

AWS Man: Ok Cappy, if you can recite itsy bitsy spider I'll untie you.

Capital Punishment: Fuck you!

(AWS Man smacks him with the dildo.)

AWS Man: I'm sorry but the song doesn't start with Fuck you. Please try again.

Capital Punishment: I swear! Let me the fuck out!

(Smack with dildo.)

AWS Man: Come on Cappy, I know you know it. Just say it and I'll let you go.

Capital Punishment: (without enthusiasm) Itsy bitsy spider--

(Smack with dildo.)

AWS Man: I'm sorry Cappy, put some feeling into it.

(Capital Punishment spits at AWS Man.)

AWS Man: Oh you son of a bitch.

JT: KNOCK YOUR FREAKIN HEAD OFF!!!! The chair tumbles and now Cappy is tied
to a chair sitting upsdie down!

Nikki: Poor Cappy.

JT: Ha, that's what he deserves! That greedy bastard.

AWS Man: Come on Cappy, what's the big deal. All you have to do is sing itsy
bitsy spider!

Shitzo Tod: While wearing a cow suit.

AWS Man: While wearing a cow suit. Do you have the cow suit?

Shitzo Tod: Yeah

AWS Man: OK, let's knock him out and put the cow suit on him.

GP: AWS Man gets on Cappy and puts on the slap the freak around!!! Oh geez!
Stop it!!!!

(10 Minutes Later.)

JT: Now this is entertainment! AWS Man has put Cappy in a cow suit and has
brought him out here.

AWS Man: OK Cappy, sing Itsy Bitsy Spider!

Capital Punishment: Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the water spout. Down came the
rain and washed the spider out. Then the sun ...

AWS Man: What, you don't know the rest of the song? Oh you idiot!

GP: AWS Man with Knock Your Freakin Head Off! He goes to the top rope, WIN
THE FREAKIN MATCHIFIER!!! Cover, one ... two ... three! AWS Man wins as he
disgraces Capital Punishment! We'll be right back with our main event!




(The scene opens up with Vincent getting ready to bust some heads at
ringside. Joey Malone comes up to Vincent.)

Joey Malone: Hey, Vincent!

Vincent: FUCKING HELLO MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING JOEY FUCKING MALONE.

Joey Malone: I need your advice.

Vincent: FUCKING WHAT IN THE FUCKING SHIT ASS BITCH TWAT DO YOU FUCKING
WANT BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER?

Joey Malone: I want to know if going to Tibet is a good idea...

Vincent: FUCKING WHERE IN THE FUCKING HELL IS MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING
TIBET?

Joey Malone: Oh, it's some silly willy place where I can strengthen Arizonan
Monk powers and maybe it's a place where they sell happy drugs, too.

Vincent: O-FUCKING-KAY, BUT YOU MOTHERFUCKING BETTER GET FUCKING VINCENT
SOME MOTHERFUCKING SHIT ASS HAPPY FUCKING DRUGS OR FUCKING VINCENT WILL
MOTHERFUCKING BEAT YOU WITH HIS MOTHERFUCKING HUGE ASS IMMEASURABLE
FUCKING PENIS.

Joey Malone: Okay.

(Joey leaves as Vincent prepares to beat Andrew and Superballs with his giant
penis.)

GP: Fans, it's main event time! Psycho Jay is going to defend against
Children of the Porn's lackey Andrew. Could we see a major upste hear tonight
on Hostile Takeover?

Nikki: I don't know, you never know what's going to happen in the IWO.

JT: No, although Andrew gains instant credibility by being in the Children of
the Porn, he's only the lackey for chirst sakes! And Jay ... Jay is Jay. End
of story.

('Hate Me Now' by Nas starts to play as Andrew and Super Balls starts to walk
out.)

Ring Announcer: The following contest is for the IWO WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT
TITLE!!! First coming down to the ring, being accompanied to the ring by
Super Balls, the challenger, weighing 215 pounds .... ANDREW!!!!

GP: Andrew looks pumped up for this match. He better be, Psycho Jay is not
going to be an easy challenge. Love him or hate him, Jay is one hell of a
wrestler.

JT: Damn straight he is.

('Divine' by Korn starts to play as Psycho Jay and Vincet start walking out.)

Ring Announcer: And his opponent. The IWO World Heavyweight Champion ... he
is being accompanied to the ring by Vincent and weighs 320 pounds. He is,
Psycho Jay!!!

[Ding Ding Ding]

GP: Here we go, Jay turns his back to talk to Vincent. Andrew from behind
hits Psycho Jay in the back with a forearm sending him to the ropes. Jay
should not take Andrew lightly. Jay stumbles into the turnbuckle and now
Andrew now drives his shoulder into Jay's gut. Andrew now whips Jay to the
opposite turnbuckle. Andrew charges and splashes Jay in the corner.

Nikki: Andrew trying to mount and early offensive here. Andrew now with a
couple of jabs here and there. He goes for a right hook, blocked by Jay. Jay
counters with a punch of his own that sends Andrew sprawling to the floor!

JT: That's pure strength over there. Andrew bounces back up and Jay sends him
right back down with another punch. Andrew gets back up slowly. Jay waits for
him and knocks him down with a clothesline.

Nikki: Jay does have the size advantage and is just slowly trying to pick
Andrew apart.

JT: My penis has a size advantage over your pussy.

*Smack*

Nikki: That doesn't even make sense you idiot.

GP: Jay now chokes Andrew with his boot. The ref tries to make Jay stop but
he won't listen. The ref is giving him till five. One, two, three, Jay takes
his boot off. But now he delivers a big leg drop to Andrew! That's three
hundred pounds falling on Andrew there. Cover, one ... kickout by Andrew.

Nikki: Andrew has more fight then that.

JT: Why do you always have to be so difficult. Can't you just agree with my
theories and shut the hell up?

*Smack*

JT: Ow! Hey I'm sick and tired of being slapped by you Nikki! Sure I may be a
horny dumb fuck, but if you cut me, do I not bleed?

*Smack*

Nikki: Just shut up!

GP: Jay puts Andrew in a head lock ... Andrew pushes Jay to the ropes,
spinning heel kick catches Jay right in the chin. Andrew now goes off the
ropes and drop kicks Jay down. Andrew now with a knee drop on Jay. Andrew
rolls Jay over on his stomach. He climbs over and applies a camel clutch!!

Nikki: A submission move will easily drain some of Jay's energy. Jay is
kicking his legs on the mat trying to fight off the pain.

JT: Come on Jay.

Nikki: Jay slowly tries to crawl toward the ropes ... and he makes it! The
ref makes Andrew break the hold. Andrew now lays Jay's neck on the second
rope. He bounces off the ropes and flies ... Jay moves! Jay moved causing
Andrew to land crotch first on the second rope and now Andrew is hanging
upside down caught by the turnbuckle!

JT: Yeah come on Jay!

GP: Jay goes to ringside and starts punching away at a defenseless Andrew.
Andrew is getting a beating here. The ref finally is able to untangle the
ropes and Andrew is finally free from the ropes. Jay now has Andrew at his
mercy at ringside. He picks Andrew up, sidewalk slam!

JT: Yeah you go Jay! Jay picks Andrew up and sends him into the ropes. Jay
looks under the ring and grabs a chair and throws that into the ring also.
Jay gets up and picks Andrew up ... and delivers a big headbutt to Andrew.
Andrew stumbles back but catches himself on the ropes. Jay now charges
Andrew, but Andrew ducks and back body drops Jay right out of the ring. Oh
come on Jay!

Nikki: I told you that Andrew wouldn't be that easy for Jay.

JT: Oh please, Jay is still in control.

GP: Andrew now rolls to the outside and starts stomping away at Jay. He picks
him up and whips Jay right into the steel turnbuckle! Ouch that had to hurt!
Andrew is trying to gain some momentum. He picks Jay up ... DDT ... no
reversed by Jay into a northern lights suplex!

JT: Jay showing his vertran experience there.

Nikki: Wait from behind Super Balls low blows Jay! Oh my!

JT: No fair!!!

Vincent: FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING BIG ASS BALL HAVING COCKSUCKER FUCKING WITH
JAY? FUCKING VINCENT WILL TEACH THAT MOTHER FUCKING WANNABE FAG FUCKING BITCH
TO FUCKING HAVE BIG GENITALS! FUCKING DIE!!!

JT: OH NO! The crowd is on their feet! We all know what's coming up next!!!
Vincent is giving super balls an beating like Super Balls has never had
before!!!! Super Balls will be all black and blue and bloddy before Vincent
stops this schlong beating!

GP: Meanwhile Andrew has taken Jay back into the ring. Andrew with a couple
of punches here and there. Jay and Andrew are starting to exchange blows. We
all know Jay will win this match if the match continues to go on like this.

Nikki: Jay rears back for a big punch, but Andrew ducks it and knees Jay in
the stomach. DDT on a steel chair inside the ring! Andrew really is pulling a
number on Jay. He covers ... one ... two ... three ... NO! Jay kicked out!

JT: Whoo, I almost got scared there.

GP: Jay is working for this title defense. Andrew with a few forearms to the
face of Jay. Andrew whips Jay to the ropes, Jay comes back and knocks Andrew
down with a shoulder block. Jay now picks Andrew up, gorilla press slam!
Cover by Jay, one ... two ... kickout by Andrew!!

Nikki: Oh my God. Vincent is stil beating the bloddy hell out of Super Balls!
A small pool of blood has formed. Somebody has to stop him.

JT: That's great.

GP: Jay now has gotten control of the match once again. Jay with a belly to
belly suplex. He goes for the cover, one ... two ... kickout by Andrew!
Andrew is not going to die!

JT: He will sooner or later. Just like Super Balls over there.

GP: Jay is starting to get a bit irritated. He gets a steel chair and places
it in the middle of the ring ... he picks Andrew up, Brainbuster onto the
steel chair!!! Could that be it? Jay picks Andrew up and has him set up ...
piledriver on that chair!! Andrew has to be out. Jay with the cover. One ...
two ... three--

Nikki: NO! The ref said Andrew kicked out! Jay can't believe it.

GP: Andrew is putting up one hell of a fight. Jay picks Andrew up and sends
him to the turnbuckle. He might be setting him up for the superbomb! Jay
climbs to the top rope and sets Andrew up ... wait Andrew is trying to fight
back. He is punching Jay in the head. Jay is trying to execute the move ...
Andrew reverses it into a top rope hurricarana!!! Andrew and Jay are both
out! This has been one hell of a match!

JT: Both Jay and Andrew are down, and you know who else? Super Ball!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Vincent is finally
stopping the massive beating on Super Ball.

Vincent: FUCKING VINCENT TAUGHT THAT MOTHER FUCKING WANNABE FAG FUCKING
BITCH!!!

Nikki: It's about time.

JT: Aww man, I wanted a little bit more.

*Smack*

JT: OW! What was that for?

Nikki: For having a sick sense of humor.

GP: Andrew has managed to roll over to Jay and make the cover. One ... two
... three ... NO! Jay kicked out! Jay does not want to lose that belt!!

JT: Jay is almighty!

GP: Jay slowly gets up to. Andrew pushes Jay to the turnbuckle. He lifts Jay
to the turnbuckle. He is calling for the Drew-Plex. HE HIT IT! ANDREW HIT THE
DREW PLEX!!! ANDREW IS GOING TO BE THE NEXT IWO WORLD CHAMPION! THIS IS
INCREDIBLE!!!!! ANDREW CAN'T BELIEVE IT! HE KNOWS HE WON! HE JUMPS ON THE
TURNBUCKLE AND STARTS TAUNTING THE FANS!!!

Nikki: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ASSHOLE! COVER HIM AND WIN THE MATCH! UGH
YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT YOU STUPID BITCH! COVER HIM!!!!

GP: Andrew finally slowly covers Jay ... one ... two ... three

JT: NO! KICKOUT BY JAY!

Nikki: Andrew should've covered Jay earlier! What the hell was he thinking?

GP: Andrew is going to think about that for quite a while if he loses this
match. Jay now slowly gets up and ducks a punch by Andrew and nails him with
a clothesline. Jay now picks Andrew up, arm drag. Jay now starts stomping
away on Andrew!

Nikki: Jay now trying to take advantage of Andrew's obvious mistake. Snap
suplex by Jay, he makes a quick cover, one ... two ... thre, no kickout!

GP: Jay picks Andrew back up by the hair ... he sends him to the ropes, back
body drop by Jay. Andrew flew up into the air there!

JT: Come on Jay. Finish him off!

GP: Jay picks Andrew up, kick, stunner by Jay! He's just trying to make sure
he completely drains Andrew's energy here. He's going to do anything he can.

JT: Come on Jay, this is going to be easy now. Vincent is ringside now
cheering Jay on. Jay now with a big boot to the face of Andrew. Psycho Jay is
calling for the end now. Oh yeah baby! Just like I called it. HUMPINATOR!!!
PSYCHO JAY WITH THE HUMPINATOR! HE COVERS AND HOOKS THE LEG! ONE .... TWO
.... THREE!!!! It's over!! Jay retains the IWO heavyweight belt!!!

[Ding Ding Ding]

Ring Announcer: The winner of this match, and stiiiiiiiiiiil IWO WORLD HEAVY
WEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOOOOORLD, PSYCHO JAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

GP: Andrew had a great chance to win that match but he blew it, and Jay with
a bit of luck and experience was able to hold out and win the match. That was
one hell of a match though, and Andrew should be commended for a great match.
That's all the time we have for Hostile Takeover this week, see you at
Meltdown!

(The screen fades away.)