May Mayhem 2001|
Posted by Dallas Rockfield
The Walk Along Rant for May Mayhem 2001
- Live from the Arco Arena in Sacremento, California.
- President Evan makes a long winded speech about how the IWO White was going to take on the IWO Black. That whole thing was a fucking joke, as the IWO was essentially just splitting its fan base and giving an excuse to bring up some guys in the developmental roster. It was supposed to be like the Invasion angle that was going on in WWF at the time, but it lasted just two months before the entire joke ended, and by that time, Beach Party did a miserable .5 buyrate, while Blackout(IWO Black's) did .3, and thus, the plug was pulled and all of the IWO White champions remained, while essentially the entire IWO Black roster was buried not long afterwards, as the only member of the roster that went on to do anything truly important in the reformed IWO was the Mysterious Birdman, who immediately won the Extreme title upon his return.
- Opening match: Eddie Cheno, Pen, and Bob Job v. Erik Blake, Erik Flake, and Dave
Oh god. Is there some law that prevents the opening match of an IWO card to be any good? Basically, everyone in this match sucks. Cheno is a fighter, not a wrestler. Bob Job is still a jobber. Erik Blake is a joke. Everyone else are either nobodies or spatulas. Pen bitchslaps Flake to start, and a big splash gets two. That should've been the finish, if only because I didn't want to see any more of the match after that. But no, it gets worse. Flake DDTs the spatula and tags in Dave. Dave does something called the "Dave Attack", which I'm not even going to dignify with an insult. Pen comes back with a low blow, and then, in a very disturbing visual, and execute a move lovingly called by the announcers as the "Shove It Up Your Ass". I swear to God, this match is like an insult to me. Cheno shoots Pen into Blake for a spear. Cheno with a spinebuster, legdrop, and swinging neckbreaker on Blake. Cheno gets a Lionsault(!) and tags in Pen, but Pen takes a low blow?! WTFMF. Clothesline and chokeslam on Pen by Blake, but Pen comes back with a spear and hot(?) tag Bob Job. Bob Job is a house of jobber fire, and the house is cleaned. Pen distracts the ref, and the Bong Hit finishes Blake at 4:32 to end my pain. What a farce this was, when Blake has to sell for a *spatula*. No wonder nobody takes the guy seriously. -***
- Billy Ray incoherently talks to his manager, as I struggle to care.
- IWO Unified Title: Nuke v. Rob Kestler
Nuke won the Unified title from Simon Seaman about a week before the PPV. Match begins excitedly with a reverse chin lock. Oh, man, just START with the restholds, why don't you. Nuke tosses him into the ropes, but Kestler somehow uses a leverage move to toss him. Kestler with a front suplex from the outside to the inside, hanging Nuke on the ropes, in a neat move. Double arm DDT and snap German, and Kestler goes upstairs. Nuke comes back with a superplex and a cradle suplex, and somehow, Kestler's bleeding after that. What? Nuke goes for a katihajime, but Kestler blocks, but misses a spear. Nuke misses a moonsault, so Kestler doesn't feel alone. Swinging chokeslam by Kestler, but the ref is bumped by Kestler's poser. Amusing. Nuke grabs a chair, but Kestler DDTs him and hits him with the chair. Kestler gets the tables, and gets a belly-to-belly suplex and baseball slide when Nuke bails. Kestler gets an INSANE flip splash(Kestler is over three hundred pounds), and since Nuke, unlike Crow, is a manly man, he TAKES it. Kestler gets another table and stacks it on top, but both men end up back in the ring. Schoolboy by Nuke gets two, but Nuke blindly charges Kestler and gets suplexed, from inside the ring, to the outside, and through the tables! Cool! Kestler tosses him back into the ring, and the Collect Call From Beyond hits. However, the ref is still out. Man, what in the hell does Kestler do to pose? Throw a wild superkick in some direction? Sheesh. Nuke comes back by knocking down Kestler and hitting the Nazi Headbutt. Swinging DDT sets up the Fallout, but it only gets two. That should've been the finish, and for Kestler to kickout really kills the Fallout as a finisher. Kestler comes back with a top rope elbow for two. Second Collect Call From Beyond by Kestler, but Nuke no-sells and charges. Kestler stops it by picking up Nuke in an Electric Chair, but Nuke counters with a victory roll for two. Nuke gets the fallout for the pin to retain at 11:21. Too much exchanging of the finishers, and both the Fallout and the Call From Beyond were really devalued as finishers as a result of this matchup. There wasn't much in the way of transition, either, which made the match even weaker. **˝, mainly for Kestler's flip splash and Nuke's manliness to take it.
- IWO North American Title: Kent Anthason v. Cyanide
Anthason won the title back from Cyanide between Warcry and this PPV. Mat wrestling to start, but Cyanide is all "FUCK OFF" and punches Anthason in the face to break a hammerlock. Ouch. Cyanide kicks Anthason in the leg, and thusly, Cyanide works the leg. Cyanide misses the last kick and Kent leapfrogs him, ignoring the new injury. He puts on my FAVORITE submission, the sleeper. Cyanide fights out and obliterates Anthason with a clothesline, but Anthason still manages to use a leverage move to toss Cyanide out. Anthason with a plancha on Cyanide. Back in, Anthason gets a legdrop and hits Cyanide with a few clotheslines. Unfortunately, on the last one, Cyanide trips him and applies the Pink Floyd, but Alyssa throws her shoe at him to make Cyanide break. Whew. Good thing this isn't WCW, or Cyanide would've sold it like he was shot. Cyanide goes after Alyssa, and Anthason tries another plancha, but this one hits Alyssa instead. Damn, that girl's nuts. Cyanide pounds Anthason, and he looks for the Pink Floyd suplex, but Anthason kicks him low. Anthason with a facebuster, triggering a double KO spot. A pair of single arm DDTs get two for Anthason. Anthason charges into Cyanide, and Cyanide brings his feet up, but Anthason counters the counter with a powerbomb for two. Anthason checks on Alyssa, allowing Cyanide to come back with a headbutt to the crotch and a short arm clothesline for two. Iconoclasm is blocked, and Anthason dropkicks him in the head from the second rope for two. Wheel kick by Anthason misses, and Cyanide gets a vicious pumphandle facebuster for two. Alyssa distracts the referee, and AWS Man goes after Cyanide, but hits Anthason by mistake and gets taken out. Cyanide gets the Lifesaver, but Alyssa puts his foot on the ropes to stop the three. Cyanide's pissed, but that's the distraction Anthason needs to low blow him and smack Cyanide in the head with Pen for the pin to retain at 9:32. Way better than their Warcry match. ***
- A meeting of the retards, as Billy Ray talks to Evan Levine.
- "Technical Exhibition": High Flyer v. Gunnar Smith
This would be Smith's last match in IWO, but not his last appearance as he would referee the main event later on. Reversal sequence establishes equality, to start. Cross body by Smith, but Flyer ends up on top for one. Flyer has a kick reversed to a wheelbarrow suplex by Smith, and Smith takes control. Flyer gets whipped into the turnbuckles, and flies all the way to the outside like Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania XII. Flyer gets backdropped by Smith, but he lands on his feet and flips on Smith on the floor. Neat spot. Flyer goes for a Rocker Dropper, but Gunnar reverses to an inverted suplex. Gunnar grabs a headlock, and Flyer tries to counter, but Gunnar simply bulldogs him to counter the counter. German suplex, but Flyer flips to his feet and hits Gunnar with an inverted DDT for one. Flyer slams Gunnar and goes for the H.G. Wells Senton, but Gunnar moves out of the way, and Gunnar gets two. Gunnar tries a clothesline, but Flyer gets a released Dragon suplex for two. Hypothermia is reversed to the Perfect Edge, a move I haven't seen in aeons. Perfectionator, but Flyer's in the ropes. Perfection X-Press is reversed to the Cold Snow. Flying Moon Shot gets two, and Flyer yells at the ref. But Gunnar is up and the Perfection X-Press finishes Flyer at 10:21. Good match, and it's nice to see the Perfectionator being used for once. Still, I expected a better, longer match, but I guess with the Mayhem Match and Life, Death, and Endurance, they had to cut it short. Although they would give worse matches longer than this, as you'll soon see. ***˝ Gunnar announces his true retirement right after the match.
- IWO World Tag Title Match: The Suicide Kings v. The Insane Clowns v. The Deadly Sins
The Clowns are AWS Man and his brother, DPS Man. DPS Man "couldn't make it", so AWS Man goes into this match with Pen. Pen has more talent than DPS Man, so I'm all for it. Simon Seaman is the ref for whatever reason. This is under "one man from each team in the ring" rules. Jeff King gets an arm drag on Breaker, and Greg Parker totally oversells it. AWS Man comes in with a knee lift to King and a scoop slam to Breaker. Pen comes in and bitchslaps Breaker, but Breaker no-sells and tosses Pen into the crowd. Jeff with a DDT to Walker, but the Deadly Sins come back with a spike piledriver, but it only gets one. A spike piledriver. Gets one. My world is crumbling. Jeff comes back with a low blow, and tags in Ryan. Clothesline gets one. What's with the one counts in this match? And then, the bullshit starts. The light go out and here comes DPS Man in an ice cream truck. Double arm DDT by DPS Man to Jack, spear to Ryan. Ryan comes back with a reverse DDT, and a double piledriver by Ryan King and Jack Breaker, in what had to have been the only feasible time that a King worked with a Sin. And, indeed, both men resume fighting. DPS Man tags in his far superior brother, and AWS Man is a house of porn. Clothesline to Ryan, then AWS Man politely asks Jack Breaker not to move, and AWS Man is so polite that Breaker doesn't, and AWS Man knocks his freakin' head off. Cyanide runs in for whatever reason and hits Ryan King, allowing the Clowns to hit the Icing Wave for the pin and the titles at 6:32. What a stupid match. The Kings are awesome and had lasting power as champions, but instead, you give the belts to the TV champion and his quarter-witted brother. GJ, IWO. Match was going good until the run-ins started. This would form the short-lived Wild Boars stable. *
- Then, more stupidity comes in, as the Beverly Hills Bruisers come in and attack the Suicide Kings, setting up their Beach Party match. This is stupid because Michael Dudley turned on Brian Dudley, ended his career, and stole his wife from him about a year ago. And yet, they kiss and make up? What the FUCK? Then they give this long, boring speech that could make me care LESS.
- Grudge Match: Shawn Arrows v. Ben Archer
Archer attacked Arrows at Warcry to set this up. Mat wrestling to begin with. Arrows gets a DDT, but Archer comes back with one of his own. Short arm clothesline by Archer, but Arrows grabs a leg lock, and Archer makes the ropes. Arrows goes for the Jessica Shot DDT, but Archer reverses to an Aurora Borealis suplex for two. JT gets up from his broadcast position and tosses chairs into the ring to "make the match more interesting". Um, W/E. Archer and Arrows fight over the chair, and a chair shot fight begins. Arrows gets the advantage, but Archer avoids getting pasted long enough to hit a reverse DDT. Archer sets up a table against the guard rail, but he dives into it and it doesn't break. Arrows DDTs Archer off the table. Both men fight on top of the table, and Arrows gets a brutal powerbomb from the table and into first row. Check the back of your tickets, fans. Both men brawl through the building, and then they get ice cream. I am NOT making that up, they just stopped fighting, mugged a security guard, and got ice cream. What in the fuck? The match rapidly degenerates into a comedy scene, so I'll just skip ahead to the part where Arrows and Archer pound on each other again. Arrows tosses Archer into a hallway and lands the Jessica Shot DDT. He drags Archer to a T-shirt table and Russian legsweeps him through it. Both men recover and fight over a chair, and Arrows smacks Archer silly with it, busting him open. And then... stupidity occurs again. Okay, what the HELL? Why spoil a perfectly good match with comedy segments? God. When the stupidity ends, Archer ambushes Arrows with a chair. Both men are on a balcony with a table under it, and if you can't guess what happens here, you're dumb. Anyway, Archer sends Arrows off the balcony with a series of chairshots, and then hits some chick(Brittany) in the head with the chair, as well. It's safe to say that Archer is back in character again. Kaysey Arrows stops Archer from doing further harm to her, and heeeere's Chris Mezz! Mezz attacks Kaysey, and Shawn distracts Ben. The match ends up in the ladies' bathroom of all places, and the Village People show up. Oh my god, just kill me *now*. When the stupidity ends, Arrows gets clobbered by Archer, and Archer attacks Brittany again with a chair. So Arrows comes in and DDTs Archer on the chair. Mezz and Kaysey come in, and Brittany runs off to the ring, only to get caught by Mezz, but heel miscommunication leads to Kaysey handcuffing Mezz to the ring post. Archer powerbombs Brittany through a table. Man, is Archer a misogynist or something? Archer taunts Brittany, so Arrows tries a DDT, but he's distracted by the shivelled mass of jello that was Brittany, and Arrows hits a Northern Lights Suplex into that table that didn't break, and it still doesn't break. Elbow drop by Archer to Arrows gets two, as we suddenly realize that this is a match. Snap suplex on the table(it still doesn't break) gets two, but Arrows comes back with an overhead suplex onto the announcer's table. Arrows gets another chair and hits Archer with it, then gets out a big ladder. He climbs and and hits a moonsault legdrop through the announcer's table for two. Two? That should've been the FINISH right there. God. Archer comes back by crotching Arrows on the top rope, but Kaysey runs in again and spears him off the ladder. Kaysey takes out Archer and Mezz(who apparently got loose from the cuffing) with the ladder, and Arrows Lionsaults both men. Security takes out Kaysey and Mezz(THANK GOD), leaving Arrows, Archer, and Brittany. Samantha Arrows runs in, as if this match needs any more. Archer makes a weird design using tables and ladders, and both men climb up to the top of the pyramid-like structure. Arrows tosses Archer into the table that doth not break from the structure, and again, it doesn't break. I want to know who made that table, it could be useful for the in-laws. They kind of fight on the platform for a bit, as the girls both get ladders. They set up the ladders on the table/ladder platform, and Samantha Arrows tosses Brittany off. Oh, for the love of God, just leave her alone already. Rana by Archer on the steel steps is countered with a powerbomb and legdrop for two. Archer hits a piledriver on a ladder, then powerbombs him through the broken ladder. Okay, ouch? Samantha Arrows hits a DDT on Archer, and Arrows climbs to the top of the table/ladder platform, then gets pushed off it, crashing down on Archer, and the match is a double KO at 43:32(!) to end it. Okay, where do I begin? First of all, the comedy in between was definitely NOT needed. Arrows and Archer are capable wrestlers, let them do what they do best. Those segments just made it not believable that Arrows and Archer hated each other. Second of all, the run-ins were NOT needed for that long. Yeah, they're in the main, but at least they're brief. If you wanted Kaysey and Mezz in there, make it a tag match. Finally, the whole match was building to an incredibly dangerous spot. While the spot hit, you could've at least shaved off at least TWENTY MINUTES of the match, dumped the comedy, and you'd still have the same effect. All in all, it was too long to accomplish what it needed, and besides... Arrows and Archer would kiss and make up anyway, so it's all rendered pointless. By the way, I don't think that table broke. ***
- Ambulance match, Extreme Title: Sabastian Crow v. Schitzo Tod
I hate Crow. I hate him like I would hate my in-laws. Tod hadn't developed the Kick to the Shin of Death at this point. Tod legitimately won the belt from Crow, but Crow used his usual bullshit tactics to take it back from him, setting this match up. Tod with an inverted DDT, and Crow no-sells it, but hits President Levine by mistake. Crow quickly shrugs it off as if nothing happened and he tosses Tod into the ring with a hip toss. Crow does an alleged moonsault for one. Look, Crow, a moonsault requires you to have leaping ability, of which you have none of. Crow gets a sidewalk slam for one. Crow tosses Tod to the floor and Crow grabs a chair, but graciously allows Tod some chairshots, before Crow no-sells all of the punishment he's taken and spears him. Suplex on the floor, and Crow tosses Tod onto a table. Crow hits Tod with a TV monitor, and that busts him open. The announcers discuss the possibility of Crow winning May Mayhem, but that'd be impossible, because the winner of Mayhem usually doesn't suck. Unless their name is Fenix. Crow goes for a powerbomb, but Tod FINALLY gets some offense with a rana through the table. That only gets two, though. Crow figures that two seconds is long enough to sell, and he hits Tod with a lead pipe. Crow DDTs Tod on the pipe for two. Crow tosses Tod over the guardrail, and a running suplex follows. Um, Crow? Have you ever heard about letting your opponent have offense? Tod gets a DDT near the IWOTron, then Crow finally begins to understand the concept of "selling". Nikki says that he's just laying there for a breather, though, but WHAT breather? Crow has done jack and shit in this match! Tod stacks some tables, and gets a ladder. And, indeed, Crow's just laying there to make people believe he's selling, as he pops up with a low blow. A third vertical suplex follows. Crow dumps thumbtacks on the table stack. Tod fights back, but Crow's never gonna to let that last, and indeed, Crow DDTs Tod through the table stack. Right. The point of the big spot, if you're going to get in all of that offense, is to let your *opponent* get the good end of the bump, but Crow doesn't understand that concept(or very many other concepts), so of course, Crow's the one that does the offensive move. W/E. Levine wakes Crow up, and pins Tod for a pair of twos. Crow drags Tod back into the ring, but Tod gets a spear. Both men clothesline each other(god forbid Tod can have an advantage for very long). The Hell in a Cell(for the Arizona Firewater later on) lowers. Crow rolls over and gets two off the double clothesline. Tod gets up and tosses things into the ring. Tod hits Crow with a barbed wire 2x4, but Crow no-sells it(he bleeds, though) and low blows Tod AGAIN, before clothesling him to the floor. Crow hits Tod with a sledgehammer and then rams him into the cage. He does this a few times, and then hits Tod with an ARM DRAG. A fucking ARM DRAG, this late into an EXTREME TITLE MATCH. Crow is an idiot. Crow tosses Tod inside, but Tod dropkicks him into the cell. Tope by Tod connects for two. Levine distracts Tod, but really, Crow would've no-sold the offense ANYWAY, so there's no point. And, indeed, Crow hits Tod with a chair. Tod with a schoolboy for two. Tod gets a bulldog on Crow onto the steel chair, then cracks a steel chair into Evan's skull. Good riddance. Tod decides to climb the cage, and Crow follows. Ref also climbs up. Crow gets a gorilla press, but Tod RIGHTFULLY starts no-selling CROW'S offense, and gets a hurricanrana for one. Yes, I said one. Crow gets a powerslam and puts Tod in the Sharpshooter, but Tod doesn't tap, and Crow releases in frustration. But Crow's too close to the edge for comfort, and Tod pushes him off and Crow lands on the ambulance. Tod follows up with the Original Power Tod from the cage for a double KO spot, and guess who's up first? If your answer is Sabastian Crow, then send your resume to:
c/o IWO Entertainment
P.O. Box 3242
Mt. Laurel, NJ, 32149
Crow gets a chainsaw, but Tod comes in with about eighteen billion chairshots on Crow, and that's enough for the win at 34:58(!). At least Tod went over, it's just too bad that Crow didn't allow him to really get in consistant offense. Each time Tod got one bit of offense in, Crow has to bury it with about four or five moves of his own. Crow got EXPONENTIALLY more offense than Tod, and while Tod's smaller, even Sid sold more for Chris Benoit than Crow did for Tod... and it was an EXTREME match. Not to mention the fact that Crow CONSTANTLY no-sold and kept making Tod's offense look weak, and you've basically got thirty-five minutes of constant bullshit. Cyanide would win the title from Tod a week later, and Cyanide would get squashed by Crow at Beach Party to negate everything. *˝
- Some segments to lead into the next match.
- The Mayhem Match
As of the year 2001, the Mayhem match was no longer the main event, as the Malone/Daze iron man match was put in front of it. First four men are Black Phantom, Steve Sullivan, Jade O'Dell, and High Flyer. A little violence begins, and Flyer gets a brainbuster on Sullivan. O'Dell and Phantom hit a superkick and a Dragon suplex between each other on Sullivan. Blake steals Eye Suk's number while Flyer gets Hypothermia on Phantom. Flyer get an INSANE flip off the support cables and onto the other three participants. Eddie Cheno and Bob Job are #5 and #6. Cheno beats up Job, but walks into the Six Degrees of O'Dell. Then, in probably the move that would forever screw up the Phantom's career, Bob Job kicks him in the nuts and pushes him off the scaffold, eliminating him. Odd double chickenwing into an inverted DDT by Flyer on Sullivan, and then Sullivan gets the Needle Jab. Man, Sullivan's getting no love from anyone. Jade O'Dell goes for the Sixth Degree, but Alexander Korvics makes an appearance to hit O'Dell with the Six Degrees of Korvics and push him off, eliminating him. Impaler by Sullivan, but as soon as he lands, Flyer gets the Moon Shot and tosses Sullivan off. #7 and #8 are Jake Walker and Ryan King. Bob Job rakes Korvic's back and tosses him. So, Bob Job eliminates TWO people so far. This must be Bizarro Job again. Walker gets Breaker's Clockwork DDT on Cheno, and Cheno loses his stash. Uh oh. Walker gets Cheno's stash, and Cheno is all like "HEY MANG, DATS MY FUNKEN STASH", and indeed, Cheno unleashes holy vengeance on Walker, ending with an amazing super brainbuster from one scaffold to another! NEAT! #9 and #10 are Rob Kestler and AWS Man. AWS Man immediately knocks Ryan King's freakin' head off. Aurora Borealis suplex by AWS Man to Flyer. Kestler hangs from the scaffold via his mighty toes. I'm not making that up. Bob Job gets a microwave on his head. Kestler falls but grabs the next scaffold below him. Walker tosses Bob Job, but he grabs Kestler. #11 and #12 are Exiled Youth and Sephiyra Reign. I'm as excited as you. Reign gets tossed, but he grabs on to Bob Job. Well, I feel sorry for Kestler right now. Exiled Youth jumps off after Cheno unleashes a Janet Jackson doll, eliminating himself. Reign gets set on fire and dives off to eliminate himself. Beef is #13. Simon Seaman is #14, and he has a leaf blower. The leaf blower is turned on and Beef is immediately eliminated. AWS Man moonsaults Flyer off the Hell in a Cell. Botched running powerbomb sees Ryan King dropping High Flyer after he slips, and King falls off the scaffold. Eye Suk and Spaz are #15 and #16. Eye Suk, of course, falls off the ladder before he can reach the scaffold and eliminates himself. Spaz falls off the scaffold moments later, but hangs on to the ladder. Simon hits him with his shoe to knock him off, eliminating Spaz. AWS Man breaks High Flyer's freakin' neck, and pushes Seaman into the cage from the ladder. LiGiL and Eddie Scott Poser are #17 and #18. LiGiL climbs up after Seaman, but he ends up inside the cell and on the celing, and he falls, crashing THROUGH the top scaffold and into the ring, eliminating himself. AWS Man quickly goes to fix the hole like the good heel he is, as Cheno hangs Poser, and lets go of the noose, sending Poser off and eliminating him. X-TREEM YOUTH and Food are #19 and #20. In a cringe-worthy moment, AWS Man shoots X-TREEM with a nail gun... right in the crotch. And all the male people watching are all "OW". Another nail goes into X-TREEM's left ass cheek, and AWS Man is all "LET ME TIGHTEN THAT", and indeed, AWS Man literally kicks his ass right off the scaffold. May I never see anything as sick as that again. Simon smashes glass into Flyer's face and uses his trusty leaf blower to further annoy him. #21 and #22 are DPS Man and Drink. DPS Man covers Drink in pig's blood, so Drink tosses Food at him, but misses and Food goes flying off the scaffold. Drink gets tossed by the tag champions, and he latches on to Bob Job. Kestler releases his grip, but Bob Job HANGS ON TO THE CAGE and Kestler and Drink are gone. AWS Man pushes a remote control, and the cage starts to lower on the scaffold. Well, that kinda sucks. But Bob Job climbs up the cage and sticks a metal rod in the gears. Well, that never leads to anything good. Nuke and Billy Ray are #23 and #24. Simon sticks his leaf blower in Billy Ray's mouth, and Billy Ray is a balloon. Simon kicks him off to eliminate him. Simon is SUCH a badass with that leaf blower.
Intermission time. Jack Breaker(#25) wanders out during the intermission, and Ben Archer and El Janito are #26 and #27. Bob Job leaps down on Ben Archer from the top of the Hell in a Cell. High Flyer takes a freakin' double team move from the Brothers Also Known As. Bob Job climbs up after Ben Archer, but Archer knocks him off to FINALLY eliminate Bob Job after a respectable 23:02 of action. AWS Man and DPS Man double team Archer, and all three men are down. Five Tequila Frog Splash by El Janito on all three men, followed up with the Flying Moon Shot by Flyer on all four of them. Simon Seaman gets thrown, but he grabs on to the Offical Mayhem Match Life Preserver, the Hell in a Cell. Kent Anthason is #28, and he dives from the rafters and onto Simon Seaman. Adam Wars makes a special guest appearance as #29. Archer tosses El Janito. Flyer gets Hypothermia on AWS Man, but DPS Man counters a Cold Snow into an Aurora Borealis suplex. Wars turns the tides on Cheno, but the Sins toss him off the scaffold to end the Special Guest Appearance. Flyer jumps from the scaffold onto the cage, and Seaman follows him. Flyer and Seaman fall from the cell and down onto the Deadly Sins. #30 and #31 are Brian Blade and Gunnar Smith. Smith gets the Lord of the Rings of Perfection on Kent Anthason, but Flyer comes in with a FLYERBOARD on SMITH while he's still got Anthason! HOLY SHIT. Flyer gets a Burning Hammer on Walker. #32 and #33 are Tony Davis and Nicholas Kain. The scaffold breaks apart and leans to a side, and a wall of the Hell in a Cell falls on the American table. Davis beats the bloody hell out of Nick Kain and tosses him. #34 and #35 are Schitzo Tod and Cyanide. Flyer and Archer fight, but Flyer gets the advantage and tosses Archer. Davis spends some time hanging on a chain, as I hum Pete Yorn in his direction. Davis threatens Flyer and eliminates himself, which would subliminally make Flyer challenge Davis to Beach Party next month. The wrestlers try jumping back onto the scaffold, but DPS Man makes a tactical error and overshoots his jump, eliminating himself. What a dumbass. Seaman and Anthason brawl, and Anthason abandons Seaman's fate and tosses him. And... it's an intermission!
Flyer Cold Snows Breaker, then hits a 450 Splash on Tod. Samuel Potright is #36. Potright tosses Cheno, but Cheno grabs on. #37 is Syphon Fission, as the Deadly Sins fight each other. Stuff happens, and #38 is Shawn Arrows. Walker grabs a chair and tosses it at a hanging Cheno, eliminating him finally. #39 is Dane Matthews, and he and Potright get into it. Low blow and War Within A Breath eliminate Matthews almost as quickly as he got in. Well. Sucks to be Dane. #40 is Zombie. Zombie chokeslams Fission, while the Sins get a double chokeslam on Schitzo Tod off the scaffold, eliminating him. Erik Blake is #4- oh, wait, nevermind, as AWS Man tosses him really quickly. Arrows leaps off with a cross body on the Sins and Brian Blade, sending Blade and Breaker flying off. Sabastian Crow is #42, and I'm expecting a great insulting of my intelligence as a result. Cyanide gets the Abandon Fate from Anthason and gets tossed. The Mass Media Movement(Potright, Fission, and Anthason) beat the crap out of everyone, but AWS Man and Nuke toss Flyer into them, knocking everyone down. Jeff King is the last entrant at #43. Arrows catches King with the Arrow Shot and tosses him. Flyer and Potright jump onto the Hell in a Cell again. Zombie gets the Tazzmission on Fission, but Anthason cracks him over the skull with a steel chair and Zombie stumbles off the scaffolding. Fission tosses Nuke, and Nuke grabs on to the very bottom of the Hell in a Cell, but he doesn't hold on as Shawn Arrows tosses Jeff King off and Jeff flies into Nuke, eliminating both. Fission and Anthason double-team Crow and go to clock him with a steel chair, but Fission hits Anty by mistake and Anty falls. So Fission just shrugs, Death Plunges Crow, and tosses him. Thank God. Fission brawls with AWS Man and Shawn Arrows. Jawbreaker on Arrows, but AWS Man breaks his freakin' neck. Arrows gets his head freakin' knocked off, then AWS Man hits Fission with a pair of Decapitators to eliminate him. We have our final four.
Final Four: High Flyer, Samuel Potright, AWS Man (also known as Bill), and Shawn Arrows. Almost immediately, Potright hits Flyer from the Collect Call From Beyond off the top of the cell and into the scaffolding, and it knocks AWS Man and Arrows off the scaffolding, leaving Potright and Flyer. Inverted DDT by Flyer to Potright, but misses a chairshot and goes flying. Flyer grabs the support chain. Potright looks to finish him with the chair, but Flyer kicks the chair in his face. Missile dropkick from the middle scaffold to Potright. He goes for Hypothermia, but Potright gets the War Within A Breath. And, as usual, the idiot Potright decides to finish it with the Skateboard Splash instead of the more reliable WWAB, and the impact eliminates both men at the same time. Thusly, both men are YOUR number one contenders at 1:09:32 of Mayhem action. Better than last year's, I assure you. **** Of course, neither man chose to take the title shot, as Potright wanted Dane Matthews and Flyer wanted Tony Davis, so they chose to go with a much lamer main event that features two black holes of suck in Sabastian Crow and Evan Levine, instead of what could've been a five star encounter between Malone/Daze, Flyer, and Potright. W/E.
- Video package nicely sets up the main event of the evening.
- Life, Death, and Endurance: Donnie Daze v. Joey Malone
This is a variation of the iron man match, where there are intervals of fifteen minutes where the gimmick changes. The story behind this match: They hate each other with a passion. Works for me. Malone comes out to One Man Army for this match, and Syphon Fission is in his corner. Gunnar Smith is the special referee in what would be his final act as a member of the IWO roster.
First Fall: Staredown ends with a slap by Daze to Malone. Ooh, never a good idea to slap someone who hates you. Running elbow gets two. Macro Polo, but Joey runs to the ropes and both men fall out. The managerial war begins on the floor, and Daze tosses Joey back in. Inside cradle by Malone gets two. A series of quick pins by Joey all get two. Fisherman's suplex by Daze gets two. Rana gets two. Daze applies a dragon sleeper, but Joey reverses to an inverted suplex for two. Senate throws Keri down, so Malone hits a tope on him. Springboard dropkick by Malone, but Legion pulls him out. Asai moonsault and a DDT get two for Daze. Joey comes back with the Exorcism, and goes for the Cataclysm, but Daze reverses to a backdrop. Suplex is reversed to the DaC, and that gets the first fall at 9:20. 1-0 Daze.
Second Fall: Daze tries a second pin, but it only gets two. Malone comes back with a German for two, and a Samoan drop for two. Rana by Daze is reversed to a powerbomb, and Joey goes for the Creedence Headbutt. Legion crotches him, but Joey knocks Daze off the top and hits the Headbutt to tie it at 11:50. 1-1
Third Fall: Both men are down, but Malone recovers first and gives the crowd something to whoo about. Malone clotheslines himself and Daze to the outside, and the interval changes to street fighting rules while they're down on the floor. Brutal chairshot by Joey gets two. Spinebuster is reversed to a DDT by Daze, and Joey falls to the floor. Daze with a neat, RVD-ish baseball slide with a chair at the feet. It gets two out on the floor. Tiger driver is reversed to a BACKDROP DRIVER for two and three-quarters. Good god. Creedence Headbutt is stopped by a flying chair from Legion, and that triggers Syphon Fission to come in and obliterate everyone. Daze recovers, and takes a missile dropkick from Malone. Daze comes back with a low blow and a top rope rana for two. Another one is attempted, but Keri tosses a chair into his hands and Joey dropkicks it into his face for the pin at 16:50. 2-1 Malone.
Fourth Fall: Malone tries to put Daze through the Sign Language table, but misses. Ouch. Both men somehow end up at Sesame Street. Don't ask me how. Joey picks up Oscar's trash can and brings it down on Daze's forehead. A second shot puts him down, but it only gets two. Joey climbs up some steps and deals with Daze's managers again. Joey picks up Elmo and uses him as a nunchaku to hit Daze three times. Oh. My. God. That's silly. Joey grabs Big Bird's nest and stacks Oscar's garbage can on it, then goes for the Attention Defecit Disorder DDT, but Daze reverses into the Further Paralysis through all of those items! Whoa! Senate puts Daze on top for the pin at 21:50. 2-2.
Fifth Fall: Malone is up first, but gets Conchairtoed right back down by the managers, similarly to Warcry. Malone tries to fight back, but takes a stunner for two. Daze gets a cookie pan from the Cookie Monster and blasts Joey in the skull with it. More shots follow and Malone collapses. Joey stops the onslaught with a kick in the gut and a clothesline, and follows it up with a SWINGING NECKBREAKER FROM THE STAIRCASE. Oh my GOD. It gets two, only because Legion hits Joey with a chair to break the pin, inciting a riot in Sesame Street. Both men end up on the set of Barney, and Malone and Daze, for the benefit of the common good, attack Barney and resume brawling. That's different from Archer-Arrows, because they didn't civilize for quite so long. Aurora Borealis suplex gets two, and both men end up outside a house. Um, what? Malone gets a Franchiser and gets the tables, but Legion and Senate attack Joey, allowing the Daze Blaze to connect at 25:13. 3-2 Daze.
Sixth Fall: Everyone ends up back in the ring, finally. Fission comes in quickly with a Death Plunge to Matt Senate, and a German to Legion. Daze hits Joey with a trash can lid, and gets a neckbreaker. Legion gets a barbed wire 2x4, and Daze hotshots Joey at the exact time Legion connects with a blow to Joey's forehead, busting him open. Awesome spot. Rollup follows for two. Daze goes for a super DaC, but Joey blocks and turns it into an Iconoclasm for two. The table interval begins here. Joey gets some weapons into the ring and hits Daze with a chairshot and a double arm DDT. Another springboard dropkick, and Joey debuts the Negative Impulse. He goes for the tables, but Tom Taylor, a former stablemate of both men, stops Joey. Daze with a superkick, and he goes for a powerbomb through the table, but Joey reverses the powerbomb into the Jerkerolizer through the table to tie it back up at 31:13. 3-3.
Seventh Fall: Taylor powerbombs Joey to get him back, so Fission takes him out with the Death Plunge and security takes him away. Daze with a brainbuster, and goes for a dropkick with a chair in Joey's face, but Joey takes the chair and holds it out, and Daze lowblows himself. Ye gods. Joey beats the hell out of Daze with the chair, but Daze blocks the Creedence Headbutt with an object. Daze hits Joey with a monitor, then hits Joey with a FLORIDAN FACEBUSTER THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE, and that puts Daze in the lead at 35:15. 4-3 Daze.
Eighth Fall: Malone and Daze are both down. Keri tries to help Joey up, but Daze clips her knee. You DON'T do that when Joey Malone's even half conscious. And, indeed, Joey kicks his ass with a capture suplex and a Tomikaze that busts open Daze. Mad Cow Disease follows, and Joey gets five of them. Legion attacks Joey, but Joey's had enough and a double-team Death Plunge results. Malone gets a low blow, as does Fission, and Fission gets DaCed to finally take care of all of the managers. Fisherman's buster by Daze, but Joey comes back with a Falcon Arrow and gets a final table. Joey and Daze fight on top of the table before Daze gets the reverse DDT through the table to further his lead at 44:32. 5-3 Daze.
Ninth Fall: Daze tries to cut up Joey with a sharp piece of the previously broken table, but Joey stops him with a kick and a leg lariat, and the interval changes to C4 explosives, as IWO officals bring out the pallets of C4. Oh lord. Both men fight, and Joey wins with a rolling elbow. Powerslam by Joey, but he can't get the Aurora Borealis and gets Evenflowed as a result. Daze gets a table and a pallet and puts the pallet under the table, but Joey's up and tries the Cataclysm. Daze reverses just as Adam Wars comes out of the crowd. He hits Joey with a chair and Turns the Tides on him. That gets two, so Wars goes for the Breakdown, but Joey kicks low. Superkick to Daze, and Wars is blown up as he's thrown to the outside. DaC is countered with a jawbreaker, and Joey puts Daze through the table and the C4 with the Attention Defecit Disorder DDT at 49:19. 5-4 Daze.
Tenth Fall: Daze and Malone exchange right hands, but Daze gets a Dragon Suplex into another pallet to come back. Keri checks on him, so Daze vents out frustration by piledriving her, which PISSES OFF MALONE. Joey knocks down Daze, sets up a pallet, and chairshots the pallet INTO Daze, taking out both men. Malone gets an arm on Daze for two. Joey tries to legdrop Daze on a pallet, but Daze misses and Joey destroys his leg. Uh oh. Daze, being the GOD he is, immediately goes after the leg with a figure four! Joey manages the reversal, but Senate drops the flipping legdrop to break. Cradle piledriver by Daze gets two, but Joey comes back with the Exploder and the superplex for two. Joey goes for the Ocean Cyclone, but Daze simply drops down with a Tomikaze that gets two. Low blow and Electric Chair get two. Top rope rana into the pallet, but Keri moves the pallet to stop him. Daze goes after Keri like an idiot, allowing Joey to dropkick him and hit the Ocean Cyclone for two. Daze comes back with a sidewalk slam and the Floridan Facebuster for two, and here comes DANIEL PHILLIPS for the first time in seven months. Phillips absolutely beats the piss out of Daze, and Malone and Phillips get the Fated Hurricane for old-time's sake for two. Phillips bails, and Malone gets the Cataclysm for three to tie the thing up at 59:54. 5-5.
- But there MUST BE A WINNER. And Tom Ford makes that clear, and sets up the "Overtime" fall... Arizona Firewater.
- Arizona Firewater Death Match: Donnie Daze v. Joey Malone
Same rules as before, except now pinfalls and submissions count. Daze is still out. Malone drags his carcass next to the cage, puts his body between the ropes, and, in a brutal spot, Joey legdrops Daze's lower body, raking Daze's upper body along the cage. Ouch. Daze comes back with the Firewater's weaponry, and superkicks a twelve pack of Pepsi into Joey's face, hurting his own leg in the process. He rushes the corner, but Joey gets his feet up and bulldogs him for two. Joey grabs a steel chair and UNMERCIFULLY pounds the shit out of Daze while talking trash at the same time, which is fairly uncharacteristic of Joey Malone. Powerbomb follows for two. Joey pounds on Daze with, of all things, a salami, but Daze drop toe holds him into it. He goes for the reverse DDT into the DaC, but Joey flips over him and gets him with the Arizona Heatwave. Joey climbs up the cage, but misses the Creedence Headbutt from the top of the cage! Daze gets up and sets up one of the few leftover pallets of C4 into the corner, but ends up running into it himself. It gets two for Joey. Attention Deficit Disorder DDT is attempted, but Daze counters with a DDT for two. Daze attempts Further Paralysis, but Joey counters with an inside cradle for two. Both men exchange right hands, but Daze gets caught with a second Backdrop Driver that gets two. Daze recovers and hits Joey with a few weapons, but both men begin brawling, ended with Joey hitting Daze with another weird weapon and climbing out of the cage. Joey tries to blast Daze into an explosive, but it turns out to be a dud. So Joey hotshots him into the cage. Malone and Daze climb up the second cage, along with Keri and Syphon. Daze spears down Malone at the top while Keri cuts a hole in the wooden floor of the top of the cage. Fission prevents Daze from harming Keri, but gets Donnie Dropped as a result. My god, everyone's bumping like freaks in this match. Running elbow and Capture suplex, and Joey climbs for the belt, but Adam Wars somehow gets past security and up the cage, and he catches Joey with a stunner off of the ladder, but Keri lowblows him. Daze with a Tiger Suplex, and Gunnar makes it to the top of the cage to make a long two count. DVD by Daze is reversed to an Aurora Borealis with the leg hooked for two. Awesome. Wars goes for the Stunner on Joey, again, but Joey, in a brutal spot, actually CRACKS the wooden roof of the cage with a Cataclysm to Wars. Joey with a ladder shot to Daze, and he pins Daze using the ladder, but it only gets two. Joey climbs for the belt, but Daze gets a tornado DDT off the ladder for two. Day-um. Another Aurora Borealis is attempted, but Daze counters with a Rude Awakening. It looks to be the Bloody Showers finish, but Joey kicks out at two. It's cool that they're teasing finishes from other matches. Joey counters a side suplex and goes for another Heatwave, but Daze reverses to a rollup for two. BRUTAL clothesline by Daze, and Daze climbs. Joey stops him, so Daze leaps right off the cage, and both men crash THROUGH the hole in the cell, Joey managing to hold on to the top of the cell while Daze crashes in the ring. JESUS CHRIST, these two are nuts. Joey hangs on for an obscene amount of time, until Daze climbs up the first cage and catches Joey with an AMAZING corkscrew crossbody that sends both men crashing to the canvas. MY LORD AND SAVIOUR, JESUS CHRIST, these two need to be in an asylum. Keri drops the big ladder into the ring so that both men can climb to the Hell in a Cell, and both men climb. Joey weakly snapmares Daze off the top of the ladder, and Joey ends up hanging off of the roof of the cage. Daze makes it up there, and Legion and Senate pull him to the roof. Joey gets on the roof and both men brawl on their knees, obviously exhausted. I can't blame them. Katihajime by Daze, but Joey does the Austin/Hart climb-up-the-turnbuckles finish, only getting two. Holy crap. Joey gets his own Katihajime, but Daze blocks with another low blow. Daze slowly climbs the ladder, and reaches for the gold, but Joey shoves the ladder, and Daze goes THROUGH the roof of the cage, into the moat, and lands near a mine, causing the roof to blow off of the arena(crowd-wise, morons). HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST AND THE TWELVE APOSTILES. Joey could win the title off of the ladder, but he wants to PIN Daze, so he and Smith climb down the ladder, and Joey tosses Daze into the ring and pins him for two. That should've been the finish. Joey goes for the Cataclysm, but Daze reverses, grabs a pair of brass knucks, and brings back the Warcry finish by popping Joey in the jaw with them for the double KO spot. Northern Lights Suplex is attempted, but Daze reverses to the DaC! Daze weakly gets a pin, but it only gets two! Holy shit! Daze actually argues the count with Smith, allowing Joey to get a weak rollup for two. Daze picks up Joey and goes for another clothesline, but Joey reverses into the Cataclysm for two! TWO! Oh my holiest GOD, these two are fucking NUTS. Malone, clearly out of options, goes for the Creedence Headbutt, but he lands on a steel chair instead. Joey and Daze get up, and Daze holds Joey for a chairshot from Legion, but Legion gets lowblowed by Keri. Daze goes for a Tomikaze, but Joey shoves him into a corner, and gets a second Cataclysm to finish him at 1:37:21 to win the title and blow the roof off of the arena. Oh my God, these two were just nuts to do the stuff they did in this match, with an hour and a half of wear and tear. Joey was even more insane to even think about doing a second match like this two months later, when he wasn't even fully healed from this match. Neither Joey nor Daze would be the same after this match, Joey had to work with a large number of injuries suffered from this match that would eventually heal when Joey bailed from the business in late 2001, while Daze still has some injuries lingering to this day from this very match. Nonethless, these two tore the house down, especially in the overtime round of the match, where the crowd was literally hanging off of every movement these two made. What else am I going to give this? *****
- And, of course, Fission comes in to ruin Joey's big moment by forming We're Better Than You 2, which was essentially the Mass Media Movement with Joey Malone added on. It wouldn't last but a week, as Joey did not agree with the stable in the least, setting up the Beach Party main event.
IWO is eventually going to release a comp with Joey Malone's best matches on it, and I would definitely choose that over this PPV. The only other match worth seeing is the Mayhem Match, and everything else is just really weak or wasn't given enough time because of the Mayhem Match and LDE. LDE is REALLY worth your time and energy in seeing, though, so if you can't wait, get the tape. Just skip over the Crow match and the opener, and you're cool.
Thumbs in the middle.