Conspiracy Theory 2001|
Posted by Dallas Rockfield
The Walk Along Rant for Conspiracy Theory 2001
- Live from the MGM Grand at Las Vegas, home of sin and Clash of the Champions.
- Opening Contest: IWO World Title Match, inferno match, Phelen Kell vs. Samuel Potright vs. Syphon Fission vs. Mystery Man
The Mystery Man is, of course, Mike Extreme. There's your thirty bucks right there. ....that's sarcasm, by the way. Kell was in his fifth reign as World champion, Potright was still teaming with Gunnar Smith, and this whole PPV was just a formality for Fission's first title reign. Match is of course chaotic, and the first high spot comes when Kell DDTs Potright right out of a spear. That is, to say, quite insane. Fission tries to go after Extreme, and gets powerbombed right on his damn neck. I often wonder if it was intentional or if it was an accident. Knowing Extreme, not too likely. Extreme gets blown up by Potright, however, and Potright tries to go on the attack, only to eat a Sharpshooter from Kell. Unfortunately for Kell, he was a bit too silly from the explosion's blast to realize that you win by setting your opponent on fire, but I suppose that's just his senile elderly mindset. Kell is also too stupid to segue this into the Intent, and Potright fights out and kicks Kell in the Legends. Potright works over Kell with a kendo stick, while Fission gets the Death Plunge on Mike Extreme through the announce table. Extreme, OF COURSE, no sells this and puts Kell in a Dragon Sleeper. Potright and Fission play close to the fire, and Fission superkicks Potright into the fire at 6:31 to eliminate Potright. This was a totally idiotic match, with Extreme's constant no-selling and Kell's injuries dragging the match down. On top of that, you eliminate the most TALENTED guy in the whole fourway, and you KEEP fucking MIKE EXTREME? No wonder IWO was slumping at the time. ½*
- Somehow, Kell manages to get all the way to the backstage and confront Jamie Kosoy. Can you say "pre-taped"?
- Conspiracy Theory match, TV title, Last Man Standing Rules: Shawn Arrows, Toodie, Shawn Carter, and Grim Reaper v. Adam Wars, Scott Morris, Anthony Giorgetti, Eric Reed.
Oh my god, just kill me NOW NOW NOW. The only two guys that had any sort of talent in this match are Arrows and Wars, although Giorgetti got better until his death later that year. Crowd couldn't give a flying fuck about the match, though, as not even Arrows and Wars can carry the utter suck they were teamed up with. Toodie is eliminated immediately with a shitty implant DDT by Reed that looked more like a vertical suplex. Reaper gets his crappy tombstone on Reed to eliminate him. Thank god they fired Reaper, because I don't even think Donnie Daze or Sam Potright could've carried the guy to anything watchable. Thankfully, the fans agree with how I feel about Reaper, because he gets clocked in the head with a flying brick from a fan and eliminated. Scott Morris eats the Arrow Shot moments later and gets eliminated. At least all of the shitty wrestlers are getting eliminated. The Human Blunt and Shawn Carter hit a "Bongcerto" on Arrows(I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP), as the match is rapidly sucking even worse than I could possibly imagine. Wars gets Carter into the ring, and hits a beautiful tornado DDT(mark your calendars, that's the first move that hits right in this match) followed up by the Turning the Tides to eliminate Carter. Carter wasn't too happy, and he hits Wars with a fucking BABY CRIB to give Arrows the advantage. It only gets eight as Arrows foolishly picks up Wars, and then... lays down for the ten to give Wars the win at 5:52(though it felt thirty minutes longer). I guess Arrows didn't want to associate himself with any more stupidity. Match was a total clusterfuck, and it didn't help that most of the participants utterly sucked. Wars made some of it watchable, but Arrows was definitely off his game for this match, as if he wasn't trying. Hmm. -**
- Arrows refuses the rematch offer by Wars. I don't blame him, I'd be ashamed to show my face after being in that last match.
- Intercontinental Tag Title Match: Gunnar Smith and Samuel Potright v. Bastards Incorporated v. the Enemies of the State v. the Suicide Kings
The Suicide Kings were not quite yet our lords and saviours, the Enemies were not the original version, but a new one consisting of Nick Kain and some guy named Kory Flare. This match is essentially the last appearance of the IC tag titles before the Kings would retire the belts for good. By the way, the logic of this match is stupid. You're pitting four teams for the essentially useless IC tag titles, while you're letting Cappy and Matthews fight for the World tag titles? No wonder IWO was slumping at the time. Elbow and facebuster by Johnson gets two on Smith. Jeff King gets crotched on the top rope, while Cyanide gets a piledriver of Ryan King, but it only gets one as Ryan kicks out of it quickly. Potright superplexes Jeff, and Johnson pins for two. Ryan King quickly gets a 450 splash on Gunnar to put the champions out of their misery. Potright was just too injured from the last match to even be competing, anyway. Inside cradle by Jeff King gets two on Cyanide, and a German suplex on Angry Johnson by Ryan also gets two. Flare comes in, only to get DDTed for two by Angry Johnson, but Johnson doesn't last as he eats a top rope Tiger Driver for the three, leaving the Kings and the Enemies. The match completely breaks down and goes all over the arena. Botched powerbomb spot as Kain slips while holding one of the Kings up, leading to a double KO with both teams down. Ryan King beats the count to win the IC tag titles at 7:52. The titles were mercy killed soon thereafter, as the Kings temporarilly broke up before winning the titles at Desperate Measures just two months later. Match was good enough until the Enemies and the Kings went outside for no apparent reason, and they had the botched powerbomb. **
- Some figure tries to force Jamie Kosoy to sign a document. Right. W/E.
- IWO World Title: Phelen Kell v. Mike Extreme v. Syphon Fission
If you can't guess who gets eliminated here, you have no business reading this. Fission and Extreme go at it before Kell even gets down, as Fission gets a reverse DDT and a wicked spear on Extreme. Any pain and agony inflicted on Extreme is A-OK with me! Kell comes in and gets a reverse Russian sweep on Fission for two. Fission takes a Steel Rain for two, as Fission gets his foot under the rope. Kell tries it on Extreme, but alas, the elderly Kell just can't put a three hundred pound wankstain like Extreme up in the move, even if Fission is roughly the same size. W/E. Chair gets all smashy in Extreme's face, and Kell gets a tornado DDT through a table on Extreme. Kell then gets acquainted with Fission and Fission nearly rips his head off with a clothesline. And OF COURSE Extreme no-sells the tornado DDT and comes back with a sink. How the fuck can this man no-sell a DEATH PLUNGE through a table AND a TORNADO DDT through the table?! Fission gets a Kryptonite Krunch(called a reverse Michinoku Driver by the genius, Greg Parker) on Extreme for two, then goes to get a ladder. So, of course, Extreme no-sells AGAIN and dropkicks the ladder into Fission's face. Please, someone who loves me, KILL Mike Extreme. Right. Now. Kell gets a reverse DDT on Extreme and goes for a moonsault on both Fission and Extreme, but Extreme(as usual) no-sells THAT and nearly kills Kell with a super Burning Hammer that admittedly looked pretty devastating. So Kell kicks out of THAT. How in the fuck can anyone kick out of a move like that is BEYOND me. Extreme eats the Death Plunge by Fission, but Kell recovers and gets a Sky High for two. Kell locks in the Intent, so Extreme NO-SELLS THE FUCKING *DEATH PLUNGE*, comes in, and hits Kell with the ring bell to break this up. Chairs are brought in, and Extreme eats a Conchairto for the pin at 10:32, thank GOD. This match was just horrible, with all of these neat, devastating moves hitting, but nobody except maybe Fission was willing to sell ANY of it. The match was slow, and it just pissed me off that Extreme no-sold SO MUCH. Thank god he was fired not long after this match. DUD
- Angry Johnson is beaten up in the back.
- Flyer comes out to retire, but some drunkened idiot decides to interrupt. Eddie Cheno stops the misogynic, shitty wrestler named Billy Ray from powerbombing Kate Young afterwards. Personally, I prefer Cheno as a fighter. He's cool.
- Conspiracy Theory, US Title Match: Donnie Daze, Scott Stone, Justin Shack, and Simon Seaman v. Blair, "K-Mart" Kevin Martin, Ash Robinson, and Schitzo Tod.
Daze was a miracle worker at the time who was RIGHTFULLY pushed to the World title not long after Conspiracy Theory. Seaman wasn't yet God. Stone and Shack both suck. Blair also sucks. Martin was decent given the right opponent. Robinson was fired not long after this, and Tod hadn't yet developed the Kick to the Shin of Death as a finisher yet. Robinson is immediately eliminated by countout as a huge brawl begins. Shack is gone soon after with a spinebuster and the K-Mart Special from Martin. Seaman hits Blair in the face with a chair and follows up with the Silencer, goodbye Blair. It's not right, at all, that Blair wasn't the first gone, as Blair was a joke wrestler along the lines of Mega Job. Tod is in, and Seaman goes for another Silencer, only to get crotched. Collect Call From Beyond finishes Seaman, unfortunately. Martin and Stone are in, and Stone gets a german on Martin for two. Martin comes back with a powerbomb, and then tags Tod back in who gets a top rope splash on Stone for two. Blind tag sees Daze catching Tod with a beautiful slingshot clothesline, followed closely with the Dazed and Confused to eliminate Tod. And almost immediately, Martin small packages Stone, leaving him and Daze. Martin gets a powerslam, but Tod turns on Martin, pushes him off, and Martin is Dazed and Confused at 5:52. The match was just a bunch of quick eliminations, and Daze wasn't in long enough to really carry anyone. The match was carried by Martin, and he did reasonably well in making as many people as he could look decent. **
- Some incoherent idiot threatens Jamie's retarded son or something.
- Extreme Title Match: Jax Stone v. Marvin "the Birdman" Garvins
This is some time after the Citizen Kane period for the Birdman, and before the Second Coming of the Birdman. Stone would go on to essentially have his career ended by Joey Malone a month later. Suddenly, I am deposited to Bizzaro Land where all of the commentators are incoherent and the participants are drawn by crayon or something. Stone blades with a ring bell to the head, but comes back with a small package for the win. The less said, the better. DUD
- Conspiracy Theory, North American Title Match: Cyanide, Mac D., AWS Man (also known as Bill), and Ken War v. Spaz, Billy Ray, Tony Davis, and LiGiL
Spaz was the NA champion, but he was immediately buried after this match. Mac D is the guy who had a three day reign as Extreme champ. LiGiL would win the NA title for himself not long after this match, Davis was in the beginning stages of his awesome feud with Flyer, Cyanide would temporarilly leave, Ray sucks, War sucks, and AWS Man is... well. AWS Man. AWS Man gets a quick back elbow on Ray, before Cyanide beats the holy shit out of Ray. Any pain and suffering inflicted on any idiot that has the gall to copy a gimmick as bad as Al Coholic's is fine by me. Hotshot by Cyanide gets two, and he tags in Ken War. War quickly shows off his skill by eating a double DDT by Davis and Ray. LiGiL comes in and quickly lets War have the advantage briefly before LiGiL throws him off from a tornado DDT attempt. War counters the Palindromes, and tags in Mac D. Mac kills Davis and catches him with a BRUTAL spinning Tiger Driver `91 that could've ended any other match in the universe, but it only gets two when LiGiL stops the count. Matchifier from AWS Man finishes Davis. Ken War enters, but Cyanide turns on him, and LiGiL Palindromes him to eliminate War. Cyanide walks out and eliminates himself not long after. Mac gets a regular piledriver and a fujiwara armbar on Ray, but LiGiL breaks it up with a slingshot elbow. Billy Ray goes for the Poochiebomb on Mac, but Mac falls on top for two. AWS Man is in and the house gets spring cleaning about three months early. Mac gets the Needless Violence on Ray for the pin. AWS Man slaps the LiGiL around, and Spaz(who finally decides to wake up and get involved in the match) breaks. Mac goes after LiGil, but Spaz catches him with a Spazzer Splash and gets the Diamonddust for two. Spaz has issues with AWS Man, so AWS Man responds with the Decapitator, and Spaz with the GREATEST SELL JOB EVER, bounces from AWS Man's corner to his own, allowing LiGiL to be tagged back in. Awesome spot. Mac D comes back with a Rydeen Bomb off the top to counter the Palindrome. However, his offense doesn't last, as a brutal chairshot and an even more brutal brainbuster by LiGiL makes it two-on-one. AWS Man with a flapjack for two, followed up by a German for two. The Freakin' Hammer gets two. The Von Freakinator makes its first PPV appearance to eliminate LiGiL, leaving Spaz and AWS Man. Neat reversal sequence ends with Spaz having a backslide for two. AWS Man comes back with a Dragon suplex, and a tope con hilo. Back in, Spaz catches AWS Man with a Samoan drop for two, but AWS Man comes back again with a BRUTAL powerbomb for two. Man, who pissed in AWS Man's porn collection in this match? Thesz press by AWS Man is reversed to a Sky High from Spaz that gets two. Rolling Germans by Spaz, ended with a BRUTAL Tiger Suplex. Man, WHY did they let this guy go? Spaz goes for the Diamonddust again, and that's reversed to a super Emerald Fusion that kills Spaz for the pin at 16:10. Now THIS is a match. ****
- World Tag Title Match, ladder match: Capital Punishment v. Dane Matthews
Cappy and Matthews won the tag titles from Team CGI to set this match up, as neither man liked each other. This was comeback #3521 for Cappy, for those keeping track at home. This would mark the beginning of the Undeserved Matthews Title Fest, as Matthews would go on to win the Extreme and World titles before Matthews would disappear for good. Dane gets a quick Downtown Explosion through the midget's announce table, then Shawn Arrows comes down for some reason, and then Dane grabs the belts and hits a swanton on Cappy at 1:21 to win the titles for himself. Worst ladder match ever. -** Dane and Arrows formed "Team Xtreme" on this night, and they'd last about a week and a half before Arrows essentially handed the belts to the Super Martin-o Brothers. Cappy would disappear again after this and would come back some time later in the year. Nobody really gave a crap about the match, and nobody really wanted to see EITHER guy hold the tag titles.
- Conspiracy Theory Finals: Adam Wars v. Donnie Daze v. AWS Man (also known as Bill)
OH, BABY! Finally, a chance at a DECENT match! Wars quickly tries the Turning the Tides on Daze, but Daze escapes and goes for the DaC, only for War to kick him in the nuts. Daze comes back with a double clothesline to AWS Man and Wars, but knocks his freakin' head off to come back. Wars gets hit with a Thomas Hardy in Motion by Daze and AWS Man. Honestly, I wish Daze had sold that KYFHO as well as Spaz did earlier. Daze grabs a secret, but the Little Dazes get kicked. Okay, enough with the ballshots to Daze, already. Daze stupidly punches AWS Man in the paintball mask to try and come back. Wars DDTs AWS Man and then he DDTs Daze. Wars rips AWS Man's head off with a clothesline. Daze and Wars double team AWS Man, and a neat sequence sees AWS Man landing on his feet after a double arm drag, only to be reverse DDTed by both men. Then Daze shows off the devious heel in him that we know and love with a Dazed and Confused to Wars as he tries to pick up AWS Man. It gets two after AWS Man saves. Daze lowblows(ballshot #3) AWS Man, then goes after Wars. He goes for a superplex, but Wars counters with a gordbuster, only to get hit in the face with (I can't believe I'm typing this) a "hardcore flaming barbed wire funnoodle". Wars rightfully no-sells(take a note, Extreme, THAT'S when you no-sell) and pounds on both Daze and AWS Man, allowing Daze to inadvertantly headbutt AWS Man in the crotch(ballshot #4). The match goes to the outside and AWS Man gets a ladder, while Daze gets a table. Daze tries to powerbomb AWS Man through the table, but, in a neat spot, Wars pulls AWS Man down from Daze's back and DDTs him in one fluid motion. Wars goes for the Final Flight on Daze, but Daze pops up and armdrags Wars off the top rope, a la Kurt Angle. Daze tries the Daze Blaze on Wars, but AWS Man crotches him. He drops Wars on his freakin' face, and goes to win the freakin' match off the ladder, but Daze catches him up top. However, AWS Man knocks him up, and the Matchifier finishes at 14:21 to win Conspiracy Theory. I bow to the buddha nature of all three guys, as despite the previous matches they were in(especially AWS Man), they turned out a pretty awesome match despite its simplicity. ****¼ AWS Man would get his title shot a month later, but would not get his first title reign until July.
- The Incoherent One finally makes Jamie sign the document at gun point.
- IWO World Title Match, Hell in a Cell: Phelen Kell v. Syphon Fission
Again, if you don't know who's going over here, you're a moron. I also don't know why they just simply could've had Kell/Fission, and avoid subjecting us to Mike Extreme in the last two matches of the series. Or hell, you could've taken Kell out and put Potright in, and you'd have a much better match with HISTORY to it(see Ice Age). Headlockery to start, before Fission's all "FUCK WRESTLING" and DDTs Kell. Kell quickly bails, but Fission slides into home right on Kell's back. Fission tosses Kell into the cage, and works on Kell's back. Fission goes for a bulldog, and Kell finally wakes up and tosses him. Rana by Kell, and Kell has Malicious Intent in his mind, and Fission cries like the bitch he is. Fission doesn't tap, and Kell's back gives out. Then, in an admittedly awesome spot given the fact that Kell is pretty much a cripple, Kell crashes through the cage door and UNHINGES it. Fission Stinger Splashes Kell on the railing and climbs the cage, and Kell follows. This leads to Fission backdropping Kell RIGHT OFF THE DAMN CAGE. Kell is just INSANE to do that spot, because he's essentially a *cripple*. That should have been the finish, but the match continues. Fission climbs down and pummels Kell, until Kell comes back and dumps Fission head first on the floor. This gets two. Kell rips off Fission's head with a lariat, and ressurects, of all things, the FUCKING GARVIN STOMP. Listen, I'm all for bringing back old moves, but the ONLY person that should be doing the Garvin Stomp at this point is JEFF GARVIN. Sheesh. Kell chairshots Fission and then gets a Russian Neck Drop for two. Kell then gets a Samoan Drop for two. Okay, Kell's just getting way too much offense for a cripple that just took a sucide bump to the outside. Spinebuster, and an attempt at Malicious Intent, but Fission reverses to a small package for two. Fission finally begins the comeback with a German suplex for two, followed up with an elbow drop for two. Phelen gets a low blow, though, and a DVD for two. Both men recover and climb up the cage. Kell gets the advantage on Fission and like the crazy geezer he is, Kell jumps off of the rafters that are ten feet above the top of cage and drives himself and Fission through the cage. Thank god the ring was gimmicked, though! Unfortunately, this move ends up costing Kell, as Fission crawls out through the wreckage of the ring and pins Kell at 20:23 to win his first World title. Kell damn sure had one last good match in him, and he had a good opponent in Fission. It just would've been better if it had just been Kell v. Fission at the onset, instead of the fourway bullshit from earlier. ***½
- Kell retires for good after this match, speaking so slowly that it could almost be a PPV in of itself. It should've ended right there, but unfortunately, SOME people just have to go and ruin it.
- Evan Levine reveals himself to be the new President of the IWO, kicking off the Levine era of the IWO and pretty much finishing the promotion from there, as Levine would book himself everywhere, including a PPV main event.
Overall: The show really, really sucked at the beginning, but thank GOD that AWS Man was around to pick up the show's quality at the end, because his thirty minute performance that was essentially back to back(barring the bathroom break that was Cappy/Matthews). But Mike Extreme's involvement in this card nearly killed it, as he dragged down two matches. And was there really any need for the TV title Conspiracy Theory match?
Still, two four star matches is nothing to scoff at, so let's call it a thumbs in the middle.